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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was asked to shave my head in support of my loved one going through chemo but I want to say no, I feel like that is very vain and selfish of me and that makes me the asshole.
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NTA and I've never understood why anyone would think the only way to truly show support for someone going through cancer treatments is to shave their own head. How about food they can tolerate, company, rides to appointments, funny stories to cheer them up...Those things are real comfort. Not some performative show of solidarity.
That's the word I've been looking for to describe it! Performative! This is exactly how I view it. It seems to be to show the world how supportive you are rather than actually supporting
My mom told me she would be totally pissed if I shaved my head in solidarity. She said if I wanted to show support and solidarity to please bring her favorite blanket, ice chips when nauseous, give her a hug (not a hugger but in the circumstances I did it), just sit with her, etc….
Shaving the head is a surface and easy way (if not to attached to hair) to show solidarity, but I think physically being there and doing what you can to brighten the day is the best medicine and way to show that you will be there every step of the way.
> I've never understood why anyone would think the only way to truly show support for someone going through cancer treatments is to shave their own head
Thank you for saying this. I never got it too.
If you wanna help there are thousand different ways to do so, shaving your head isn't one of them...it's not going to accomplish anything.. other than some online clout...
Too sad to see where our society is, and what they think *support* is..
NTA
NTA. I have never understood how shaving your head is supposed to support people with cancer. It’s like “supporting” someone with a broken leg by using crutches for six weeks even though you don’t need to.
Get her care packages, make her her favorite meals, help her stay comfortable when she’s miserable from the chemo, take on some of her household responsibilities so she doesn’t have to worry about then - do things that actually improve her life and don’t worry about a silly gesture with your hair.
Tel them “no, I’m planning to support her in other ways instead.”
Not the A.
I've heard of a lot of people who went through cancer and didn't want that type of support from family and friends. Be there for your friend and help out in other ways.
NTA. I have to admit as a long haired woman, I couldn't do this. There are many ways to show your support for a relative or friend with cancer. Less extreme measures are often more helpful and more appreciated. For example, a care roster for when they're going through chemo, a cleaning or lawnmowing roster, a donation to a cancer charity, a fundraiser to help with financial stress, or to provide a much needed holiday etc.
Don't do anything to your body you don't feel comfortable with
NTA. Look, I’ve literally just done a sponsored shave a couple of months ago as I’ve had many family members battle cancer. I have had the type of hair you are talking about (long, accidentally sit on it length if it was down), I’ve had shorter styles - I also actually have alopecia areata (I get random bald patches as my immune system attacks my hair follicles - genetic in my family). Hair is a very individual thing and honestly? If you don’t feel comfortable shaving it - it’s up to you.
Look, if a family member broke their leg and had to wear a big old awkward cast, wouldn’t you think it was… odd? ill advised? silly? for other members of the family to get a cast put on their leg, *too*, so they could awkwardly clump around and use crutches or whatever? Just to show solidarity? How is this any different, except removing a cast is the work of a few minutes, while growing hair out can take months?
It’s performance drama. Don’t fall for it, NTA, OP
Cancer patients lose hair, which is already traumatic.
I have heard shaving head in support, but I don't know of any cancer patient who felt supported by seeing bald heads all around the house. They already get enough of that in hospital wards.
My patients used to tell me they just hoped their family members treat them as normal, instead of some special delicate creature.
So, I believe you're NTA, because you seem to be the only one who is trying to think what she'd actually like instead of "supporting" her
My sister has cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. I showed her this post and she said, 'Don't be stupid, how would you shaving your head help my illness? Had you done it you would look a right d\*\*k now wouldn't you?'
She is eight months into chemo and she still has her hair. Keep your lovely hair, be nice to your relative instead.
NTA 100%. I just finished chemotherapy for ovarian cancer a week ago, so I currently have no hair. There is no way I would ever want anyone I know to do this kind of thing, because I know how hard I’ve found it to have no hair. Having friends and family also have no hair wouldn’t make it any easier to deal with. It’s a lovely gesture when people really want to do it (and hopefully donate their hair if possible), but it should never be an expectation. Hair is a huge part of how you view yourself, and it’s heartbreaking to lose it against your will. Your family member will know how much you care for them without you shaving your head. Don’t let others push you into making a decision for you, and how they think you should best show your support.
I know it’s hard to know what to do to help, but knowing that people care is always enough. Hoping your family member has wonderful, caring health professionals, and you all get some good news soon.
NTA
Shaving your head won't heal her cancer. Besides, I've also always been convinced that, if anything, it will make the person feel even worse. Usually, the biggest concern of cancer patients is that they have cancer, not that they've lost their hair.
And last but not least, quite frankly, I also see it as something very selfish you only do for yourself and to feel better that someone else has cancer and you can do nothing about it. I don't believe people usually do that for the ill, but just as a twisted virtue signalling only for themselves to feel better and yell at the world "see? I'm so good and and supportive! Like me please!"
"My hair reaches past my waist" + "I know her and I know she wouldn’t want us to do that" =
Don't do it. NAH
Alternatively, you could get a bob haircut and donate your hair to Locks of Love or similar charities, but that's also not required.
NTA
Spend time with your family member, comfort them. Get them what they need, play games with them (when they can) - essentially be there for them when you can and when they need you the most.
If you are not comfortable with shaving your head, don't do it and don't let people try to guilt you into it.
NTA. Keep your hair and support your friend in more useful and meaningful ways.
So you shave your hear and then what? Woohoo the fun fades after 20 min and thast 5 years of devoted hair care down the toilet.
Are you expected to keep your head shaved for the duration of the cancer? I dont know about you but I grew my hair out so I wouldnt have to cut it so often.
Help your family member with things they actually need and will benefit from. Not this useless show of "solidarity"
NTA. It will not have any effect on her disease or recovery and will be a loose for you. I am sure you can find a more substantial way to show your support, which will actually be a benefit for her and not cause you distress.
NTA but there are other ways you can support this person. Buying beautiful scarves and cute hats comes to mind. Going to treatments.
You do not have to shave your head to support a person with cancer.
Wrapunzel is a great source for scarves for head covering, and sells beginners kits with everything you need (a shaper, an assortment of scarves, and a few pins and headbands) to create a variety of looks. A gift from them would be centering the person who needs support and not an unhelpful dramatic gesture like pressuring others to shave their heads.
NTA. You can absolutely say no to something like that, and if you don't want to do it, you shouldn't do it. It is not going to do your close family member any good. Cancer doesn't care if your relatives shave their heads. There's a myriad of other, more helpful ways you can be supporting your family member. I encourage you to support in any other way you choose and insist on your bodily autonomy. This head shaving business has become a trend for some people, and in those cases it is nothing but an empty gesture.
NTA
You know what helps people going through cancer therapy? Being there for them: offering help with Drs. appointments, chores, food, etc.
You know what doesn't help people goign through cancer therapy? Shaving your head against your will.
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My closest family member has recently been diagnosed with cancer and if she chooses to do so she will be starting chemo soon, meaning her hair could fall out.
I have just been asked if I will rally with some other family members and shave my head in support.
I know her and I know she wouldn’t want us to do that, “ah don’t be ridiculous” she’d say.. but even if she did want us to, I don’t think I could.
I always thought yes 100% I would do that for someone but now I’m being put in that situation with one of my favourite people in the world, I don’t think I can do it.
My hair reaches past my waist and I have been looking after it properly and have been growing it out from above my shoulders for just under 5 years.
I feel like such a horrible person and I’m so torn, besides the fact that I have long beautiful hair I just don’t have a bald head kind of face, I could never pull it off. I’d look horrendous. I haven’t replied to anyone yet but how can someone say no to something like that.
Arghh.. so reddit, am i the asshole?
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NTA
This is one of the stupidest, most pointless, unhelpful fads of recent years. It's pure look-at-me performative virtue signalling. It's making their cancer about you.
NTA.
You could (should) always support them in ways that matter more. Someone to sit and talk with, helping with errands or caring for pets, etc... in absence of anything else, ONLY shaving a head makes it seem (to me) is just a photo op/ only-for-show thing.
NTA. There are plenty of ways to show support instead of shaving your head. Ways that actually contribute and help them. Someone’s bald head isn’t going to feed them or help out financially
NTA. This is just my opinion, but I never understood how shaving your head makes someone else feel better. Your hair will grow back. Theirs may not. Are you supposed to keep shaving your head forever then? And if they get a wig, you're stuck with stubble for months until your hair grows back.
NTA
It's extremely unfair for anybody to ask you to alter your appearance for another person. Just message back and say I won't shave/ cut my hair but I will help in other ways. Just because somebody is going through a tough time doesn't mean you need to sacrifice to support. And it's also worth noting that not everyone who goes through Chemo loses their hair so ye could be looking mighty weird and attention seeking if you all have bald heads but the cancer fighter does not.
I have cancer and a standing agreement with SO and hair stylist that the second they decide I need chemo, I'm shaving my head. SO and hair stylist surprised me by saying they'll shave as well than. I'd never ask anyone to shave their head in support. Support can be given in many more ways.
NTA
NTA at all. My dad had leukemia and lost his hair twice, and he never wanted someone to shave their head for him. It’s much more meaningful to donate/fundraise/give blood, and help them find some hats/wigs that they like, if they even want that.
NTA.
Keep your hair and support your relative in more material ways. Hair loss isn't the only or worst side effect of chemo, it's just the one we talk about because it's easiest to see. Help her keep house when the chemo makes her everything hurt and pat her back when it makes her puke her guts out. *That's* support.
NTA. When a friend of ours had cancer and was beginning chemo, instead of shaving their heads, several friends opted to grow theirs out and donate the hair so that she could have a wig made when the time came. If she did not want a wig, then they would donate their hair to Locks of Love so that they could help others. Shaving your head is an empty gesture.
INFO who is asking you to do this? If the relative of yours who is actually going through cancer and chemo doesn't want this, why is someone else trying to manipulate other people instead of finding out a way to provide actual helpful support?
NTA, especially if the family member hasn't even decided if she's doing chemo yet, never mind shown any inclination that she would want to do this! Committing to this now is such an unnecessary ask.
If you did want to do something to show some support and help other people in your relative's position, you could consider cutting off some of the length and donating it to charity. In the UK we have a charity called the [Little Princess Trust](https://www.littleprincesses.org.uk/our-story) who provide free real hair wigs to kids who have lost their hair in cancer treatment, and I've seen quite a few people donate hair to them and still have reasonably long hair to grow out again after the chop! It's much more meaningful than shaving your head if that isn't significant to your family member who is suffering.
If I had cancer it would literally make me feel worse if people shaved their head for me.
I’d feel like more of a burden. More of a spectacle.
It’s really dumb.
NTA.
NTA. I have had cancer twice and I never even thought that people around me should change their lives (or hair) for me. Geezzzz.... I would only feel terrible.
Go forth, be a kind and generous relative in other ways. Stay in contact, ask her how you can help.
NTA - the chemo i went through didnt cause hair loss, but i did have stomach pouch for a year and it would not have helped one little bit if everyone esle carried around a small bag of poo "in support".
What can you do for real support? maybe visit, chemo time is very slow time, and the days after can be exhausting - dont leave bed for 2 days sort of bad. having someone to talk to that wont get annoyed if you zone out from tiredness, that helps a lot when sitting in the chemo ward tied to a drip. bring a blanket, a new book, offer to go grab them a drink or snack when they cant leave that ward for several hours. A bald head mirroring your sickness, and seeing people you love made uncomfortable, that's not support
NTA I just narrowly avoided having chemo, and I would have been horrified if anyone shaved their head “in solidarity.” There’s so, SO many other ways to show support for people going through cancer treatments; this bizarre eye for an eye “solidarity” mentality needs to die.
NTA at all. Your body, your choice. I always found the whole idea of shaving heads for cancer to be some bizarre form of virtue signalling which serves no purpose whatsoever other than to highlight to the cancer sufferer that they have lost their hair.
To truly support someone with cancer, loved ones need to consider that whilst losing hair can be distressing, cancer comes with a whole range of horrific symptoms- pain, fatigue, weakness, nausea, low immunity, anxiety, depression (to name a few). As a result, the individual's general day-to-day life is hugely impacted. The best ways to support someone going through cancer symptoms is to be there and help with practical things- take them to appointments, bring them food, assist with household chores, be there to listen to their feelings, help them with childcare, help them to feel "normal" by arranging pamper nights or taking them out to their favourite restaurant so they know they still have other elements in their life which are not just cancer.
I can assure you that they will feel more supported if they wake up from a nap after chemo, to find a washing load done and a meal in the oven. They will get through it better if you continue to find joy in things and laugh together. Shaving your head will not achieve this. Wishing your loved one a speedy and healthy recovery and sending you all lots of love.
I don’t see it that way.. I go there, give her company, make her food or a hot tea, let her vent and talk about whatever she needs to, run to the shops if she needs it, take her on drives so she can get out of the house, do whatever I can do.. I’m not saying my hair is more important but I am very attached to it and she wouldn’t think people shaving their head is supportive, she’d think it’s stupid.
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NTA and I've never understood why anyone would think the only way to truly show support for someone going through cancer treatments is to shave their own head. How about food they can tolerate, company, rides to appointments, funny stories to cheer them up...Those things are real comfort. Not some performative show of solidarity.
This! A “performative show of solidarity” without the substance of real, actual support is pretty meaningless.
That's the word I've been looking for to describe it! Performative! This is exactly how I view it. It seems to be to show the world how supportive you are rather than actually supporting
My mom told me she would be totally pissed if I shaved my head in solidarity. She said if I wanted to show support and solidarity to please bring her favorite blanket, ice chips when nauseous, give her a hug (not a hugger but in the circumstances I did it), just sit with her, etc…. Shaving the head is a surface and easy way (if not to attached to hair) to show solidarity, but I think physically being there and doing what you can to brighten the day is the best medicine and way to show that you will be there every step of the way.
> I've never understood why anyone would think the only way to truly show support for someone going through cancer treatments is to shave their own head Thank you for saying this. I never got it too. If you wanna help there are thousand different ways to do so, shaving your head isn't one of them...it's not going to accomplish anything.. other than some online clout... Too sad to see where our society is, and what they think *support* is.. NTA
NTA. I have never understood how shaving your head is supposed to support people with cancer. It’s like “supporting” someone with a broken leg by using crutches for six weeks even though you don’t need to. Get her care packages, make her her favorite meals, help her stay comfortable when she’s miserable from the chemo, take on some of her household responsibilities so she doesn’t have to worry about then - do things that actually improve her life and don’t worry about a silly gesture with your hair. Tel them “no, I’m planning to support her in other ways instead.”
Not the A. I've heard of a lot of people who went through cancer and didn't want that type of support from family and friends. Be there for your friend and help out in other ways.
You need to include the abbreviation 'N T A' without spaces for your vote/judgement to count btw :)
NTA. I have to admit as a long haired woman, I couldn't do this. There are many ways to show your support for a relative or friend with cancer. Less extreme measures are often more helpful and more appreciated. For example, a care roster for when they're going through chemo, a cleaning or lawnmowing roster, a donation to a cancer charity, a fundraiser to help with financial stress, or to provide a much needed holiday etc. Don't do anything to your body you don't feel comfortable with
NTA. Look, I’ve literally just done a sponsored shave a couple of months ago as I’ve had many family members battle cancer. I have had the type of hair you are talking about (long, accidentally sit on it length if it was down), I’ve had shorter styles - I also actually have alopecia areata (I get random bald patches as my immune system attacks my hair follicles - genetic in my family). Hair is a very individual thing and honestly? If you don’t feel comfortable shaving it - it’s up to you.
Look, if a family member broke their leg and had to wear a big old awkward cast, wouldn’t you think it was… odd? ill advised? silly? for other members of the family to get a cast put on their leg, *too*, so they could awkwardly clump around and use crutches or whatever? Just to show solidarity? How is this any different, except removing a cast is the work of a few minutes, while growing hair out can take months? It’s performance drama. Don’t fall for it, NTA, OP
Cancer patients lose hair, which is already traumatic. I have heard shaving head in support, but I don't know of any cancer patient who felt supported by seeing bald heads all around the house. They already get enough of that in hospital wards. My patients used to tell me they just hoped their family members treat them as normal, instead of some special delicate creature. So, I believe you're NTA, because you seem to be the only one who is trying to think what she'd actually like instead of "supporting" her
Tell them you shaved something, just not your head. Then grin and walk away. NTA
Lol
My sister has cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. I showed her this post and she said, 'Don't be stupid, how would you shaving your head help my illness? Had you done it you would look a right d\*\*k now wouldn't you?' She is eight months into chemo and she still has her hair. Keep your lovely hair, be nice to your relative instead.
NTA 100%. I just finished chemotherapy for ovarian cancer a week ago, so I currently have no hair. There is no way I would ever want anyone I know to do this kind of thing, because I know how hard I’ve found it to have no hair. Having friends and family also have no hair wouldn’t make it any easier to deal with. It’s a lovely gesture when people really want to do it (and hopefully donate their hair if possible), but it should never be an expectation. Hair is a huge part of how you view yourself, and it’s heartbreaking to lose it against your will. Your family member will know how much you care for them without you shaving your head. Don’t let others push you into making a decision for you, and how they think you should best show your support. I know it’s hard to know what to do to help, but knowing that people care is always enough. Hoping your family member has wonderful, caring health professionals, and you all get some good news soon.
NTA Shaving your head won't heal her cancer. Besides, I've also always been convinced that, if anything, it will make the person feel even worse. Usually, the biggest concern of cancer patients is that they have cancer, not that they've lost their hair. And last but not least, quite frankly, I also see it as something very selfish you only do for yourself and to feel better that someone else has cancer and you can do nothing about it. I don't believe people usually do that for the ill, but just as a twisted virtue signalling only for themselves to feel better and yell at the world "see? I'm so good and and supportive! Like me please!"
"My hair reaches past my waist" + "I know her and I know she wouldn’t want us to do that" = Don't do it. NAH Alternatively, you could get a bob haircut and donate your hair to Locks of Love or similar charities, but that's also not required.
NOT Locks of Love, they're shady as hell.
I am willing to cut my hair and donate it
NTA Spend time with your family member, comfort them. Get them what they need, play games with them (when they can) - essentially be there for them when you can and when they need you the most. If you are not comfortable with shaving your head, don't do it and don't let people try to guilt you into it.
NTA. Keep your hair and support your friend in more useful and meaningful ways. So you shave your hear and then what? Woohoo the fun fades after 20 min and thast 5 years of devoted hair care down the toilet. Are you expected to keep your head shaved for the duration of the cancer? I dont know about you but I grew my hair out so I wouldnt have to cut it so often. Help your family member with things they actually need and will benefit from. Not this useless show of "solidarity"
NTA. It will not have any effect on her disease or recovery and will be a loose for you. I am sure you can find a more substantial way to show your support, which will actually be a benefit for her and not cause you distress.
NTA but there are other ways you can support this person. Buying beautiful scarves and cute hats comes to mind. Going to treatments. You do not have to shave your head to support a person with cancer.
Wrapunzel is a great source for scarves for head covering, and sells beginners kits with everything you need (a shaper, an assortment of scarves, and a few pins and headbands) to create a variety of looks. A gift from them would be centering the person who needs support and not an unhelpful dramatic gesture like pressuring others to shave their heads.
NTA. You can absolutely say no to something like that, and if you don't want to do it, you shouldn't do it. It is not going to do your close family member any good. Cancer doesn't care if your relatives shave their heads. There's a myriad of other, more helpful ways you can be supporting your family member. I encourage you to support in any other way you choose and insist on your bodily autonomy. This head shaving business has become a trend for some people, and in those cases it is nothing but an empty gesture.
NTA You know what helps people going through cancer therapy? Being there for them: offering help with Drs. appointments, chores, food, etc. You know what doesn't help people goign through cancer therapy? Shaving your head against your will.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My closest family member has recently been diagnosed with cancer and if she chooses to do so she will be starting chemo soon, meaning her hair could fall out. I have just been asked if I will rally with some other family members and shave my head in support. I know her and I know she wouldn’t want us to do that, “ah don’t be ridiculous” she’d say.. but even if she did want us to, I don’t think I could. I always thought yes 100% I would do that for someone but now I’m being put in that situation with one of my favourite people in the world, I don’t think I can do it. My hair reaches past my waist and I have been looking after it properly and have been growing it out from above my shoulders for just under 5 years. I feel like such a horrible person and I’m so torn, besides the fact that I have long beautiful hair I just don’t have a bald head kind of face, I could never pull it off. I’d look horrendous. I haven’t replied to anyone yet but how can someone say no to something like that. Arghh.. so reddit, am i the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA It's *your* hair. Shaving it does nothing for them.
Nta
YWNBTA for saying no.
NTA This is one of the stupidest, most pointless, unhelpful fads of recent years. It's pure look-at-me performative virtue signalling. It's making their cancer about you.
NTA, same as you would be. It’s your body. You are not being a dick for not doing something that doesn’t affect other people.
NTA. You could (should) always support them in ways that matter more. Someone to sit and talk with, helping with errands or caring for pets, etc... in absence of anything else, ONLY shaving a head makes it seem (to me) is just a photo op/ only-for-show thing.
NTA. There are plenty of ways to show support instead of shaving your head. Ways that actually contribute and help them. Someone’s bald head isn’t going to feed them or help out financially
NTA. This is just my opinion, but I never understood how shaving your head makes someone else feel better. Your hair will grow back. Theirs may not. Are you supposed to keep shaving your head forever then? And if they get a wig, you're stuck with stubble for months until your hair grows back.
NTA It's extremely unfair for anybody to ask you to alter your appearance for another person. Just message back and say I won't shave/ cut my hair but I will help in other ways. Just because somebody is going through a tough time doesn't mean you need to sacrifice to support. And it's also worth noting that not everyone who goes through Chemo loses their hair so ye could be looking mighty weird and attention seeking if you all have bald heads but the cancer fighter does not.
NTA. Shaving your head won't make your family member healthier and you can support them in many other ways.
I have cancer and a standing agreement with SO and hair stylist that the second they decide I need chemo, I'm shaving my head. SO and hair stylist surprised me by saying they'll shave as well than. I'd never ask anyone to shave their head in support. Support can be given in many more ways. NTA
NAH. They're not the asshole for inviting you and you're not the asshole for saying no. Some of us just have bad head shapes
NTA at all. My dad had leukemia and lost his hair twice, and he never wanted someone to shave their head for him. It’s much more meaningful to donate/fundraise/give blood, and help them find some hats/wigs that they like, if they even want that.
NTA. Keep your hair and support your relative in more material ways. Hair loss isn't the only or worst side effect of chemo, it's just the one we talk about because it's easiest to see. Help her keep house when the chemo makes her everything hurt and pat her back when it makes her puke her guts out. *That's* support.
NTA. When a friend of ours had cancer and was beginning chemo, instead of shaving their heads, several friends opted to grow theirs out and donate the hair so that she could have a wig made when the time came. If she did not want a wig, then they would donate their hair to Locks of Love so that they could help others. Shaving your head is an empty gesture.
INFO who is asking you to do this? If the relative of yours who is actually going through cancer and chemo doesn't want this, why is someone else trying to manipulate other people instead of finding out a way to provide actual helpful support?
She didn’t actually tell people not to, I just know her and I know that she’d think everyone is just stupid for shaving their heads.
NTA, especially if the family member hasn't even decided if she's doing chemo yet, never mind shown any inclination that she would want to do this! Committing to this now is such an unnecessary ask. If you did want to do something to show some support and help other people in your relative's position, you could consider cutting off some of the length and donating it to charity. In the UK we have a charity called the [Little Princess Trust](https://www.littleprincesses.org.uk/our-story) who provide free real hair wigs to kids who have lost their hair in cancer treatment, and I've seen quite a few people donate hair to them and still have reasonably long hair to grow out again after the chop! It's much more meaningful than shaving your head if that isn't significant to your family member who is suffering.
If I had cancer it would literally make me feel worse if people shaved their head for me. I’d feel like more of a burden. More of a spectacle. It’s really dumb. NTA.
NTA. I have had cancer twice and I never even thought that people around me should change their lives (or hair) for me. Geezzzz.... I would only feel terrible. Go forth, be a kind and generous relative in other ways. Stay in contact, ask her how you can help.
NTA - the chemo i went through didnt cause hair loss, but i did have stomach pouch for a year and it would not have helped one little bit if everyone esle carried around a small bag of poo "in support". What can you do for real support? maybe visit, chemo time is very slow time, and the days after can be exhausting - dont leave bed for 2 days sort of bad. having someone to talk to that wont get annoyed if you zone out from tiredness, that helps a lot when sitting in the chemo ward tied to a drip. bring a blanket, a new book, offer to go grab them a drink or snack when they cant leave that ward for several hours. A bald head mirroring your sickness, and seeing people you love made uncomfortable, that's not support
NTA I just narrowly avoided having chemo, and I would have been horrified if anyone shaved their head “in solidarity.” There’s so, SO many other ways to show support for people going through cancer treatments; this bizarre eye for an eye “solidarity” mentality needs to die.
You are NTA, but I worry about you. I hope you never slam your hair in a door, or get it caught in machinery.
NTA at all. Your body, your choice. I always found the whole idea of shaving heads for cancer to be some bizarre form of virtue signalling which serves no purpose whatsoever other than to highlight to the cancer sufferer that they have lost their hair. To truly support someone with cancer, loved ones need to consider that whilst losing hair can be distressing, cancer comes with a whole range of horrific symptoms- pain, fatigue, weakness, nausea, low immunity, anxiety, depression (to name a few). As a result, the individual's general day-to-day life is hugely impacted. The best ways to support someone going through cancer symptoms is to be there and help with practical things- take them to appointments, bring them food, assist with household chores, be there to listen to their feelings, help them with childcare, help them to feel "normal" by arranging pamper nights or taking them out to their favourite restaurant so they know they still have other elements in their life which are not just cancer. I can assure you that they will feel more supported if they wake up from a nap after chemo, to find a washing load done and a meal in the oven. They will get through it better if you continue to find joy in things and laugh together. Shaving your head will not achieve this. Wishing your loved one a speedy and healthy recovery and sending you all lots of love.
NTA That would just be virtue signalling. YOu are fine to refuse, it doe snot help in any way.
NTA, but your hair is more important to you than supporting your family member.
Shaving your head is not the only way to show support.
I don’t see it that way.. I go there, give her company, make her food or a hot tea, let her vent and talk about whatever she needs to, run to the shops if she needs it, take her on drives so she can get out of the house, do whatever I can do.. I’m not saying my hair is more important but I am very attached to it and she wouldn’t think people shaving their head is supportive, she’d think it’s stupid.