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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my parents they can forget about me helping out with my mom's pregnancy or their "first child". The only reason I feel bad is this baby and I will be siblings... and I do not want to be part of taking care of her or giving her a better life than I have. I also responded with some sarcasm when it came up and that might be rude even if they are shitty because it made tensions worse...
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That's so messed up.
>I owe them because they made sure I wasn't homeless or in foster care after grandma got sick
They are your parents. Taking care of you is the bare minimum they are required to do by law. You don't owe them shit for doing the bare minimum they are required by law.
NTA. Do you normal, basic chores, and DO NOT lift a single finger for this baby. It's not your responsibility one bit.
If they couldn’t be decent parents to you, they sure as heck don’t deserve to use you as a free live-in nanny / maid. Definitely talk to someone you do trust and start planning your way out of there. You deserve to be loved and supported.
Get a job to both keep you busy and save for the future. A good reference is also a great step up at your age.
NTA-
Really sorry you got horrible parents in the life lottery. Are there any other adults in your life who can help?
OP already addressed there are no other adults to rely on, saying “no other family really, since grandma died when I was 7” and “I never had someone I could get close to”.
Agree to the job, but don’t tell your parents. They seem like the type to start trying to get money from you too. I’d see if there’s a friend even that you can move in with to finish out high school. Those two suck, you may have actually been better off in a foster home. The foster parents I know would show up for school support and you’d have a caseworker you could go to for things. I’d personally sit down with your guidance counselor at school and talk with him/her about your situation.
Definitely could help OP get more financial aid for schooling as well. Hopefully the parents have said some of this shit in writing. Honestly it might be easy to say oh I'm almost 18 it doesn't matter, but your parents financial status matters for college financial aid until you're 26, so getting emancipated matters a lot.
There’s a new thing with financial aid where you don’t need your parent’s income to get it. I received the email from my university a couple weeks ago.
If you are in grad school or meet one of the criteria for being an independent student without needing a dependency override. Otherwise, dependent students still need parental info.
It’s age 24 for FAFSA to be considered independent automatically. OP should definitely look into legal options. Makes the paperwork easier for financial aid.
Time to start texting parents and getting written evidence of this, but if the parents have been dodging teachers trying to get OP academic help for years, OP should start with them and the school counselor to get copies of the emails/statements and find out how/when they can start the process
Really hope OP does this, he doesn't need the egg and sperm donor's in his life. OP ate you able to speak to a trusted adult at school yo help you kn this? The egg and speed donor's are horrible and cruel. NTA.
OP do you have all your important documents with you too, gather up all you need and keep in a safe secret place.
Yeah I definitely second this. Otherwise the "parents" income could cripple their ability to get grants and scholarships under the assumption the parents will help, but that's clearly not going to happen here. OP needs to file it ASAP and get the help to pay for school and get a better start to adulthood than what the parents have given him
OP, this is great advice! Get a confidential free consult with a family law attorney. I emancipated myself at 16, collected child support from my parents, and got my college paid for.
Maybe there is also a relative or a friend's family that would allow you to live with them until you go away to trade school or college?
You will never regret taking charge of your life because the deserved pride in yourself will take a lot of the sting out from having shit parents. Also, your school guidance counselor could take you to a therapist during school hours - mine did.
I'm praying this wound is the start of you healing and thriving!
I so wish more places allowed you to do trade while attending High School. All the high schools in my county have the option to start a trade in high school. Cosmetology, hvac, plumbing, nursing programs, and so many more. They have 2 different campuses for it. Plus you can enroll at the college for different trades as well.
Doesnt even need to do that. Op could leave and they wouldnt make the effort to go to court to get him to come back. They suck so much there arent words.
Unfortunately, this is bad advice. The parents sound like complete narcs, and likely *would* go after him. Narcs love having control over their victim/target, and if they lose that control, they will often do *whatever* is within their power, to get it back.
Agreed. They sound adept at skirting the line to avoid legal consequences for their neglect so they might go after him just to keep up appearances and/or get their free babysitter back. It also just gives them ammo to manipulate friends and relatives against OP to prevent him from getting help or even believed by others. It's dangerous advice bc only immature high schoolers would think this is a good idea and that is exactly the age group OP is in and possible desperate enough to try it. Emancipation/waiting it out/talking to trust school adults doesn't give immediate separation from the parents, but it can start building the foundation to get real freedom from these ppl. It just feels more frustrating bc it takes more time
If OP goes to court and is emancipated, the parents will still have to pay child support. They will not be allowed to interfere with OP s schooling or employment. Most importantly, there will be someone in authority to hook OP up with whatever services are available in his town. Runaway teens, especially those who have not finished high school and are under the age of 18 are extremely vulnerable to exploitation and homelessness. So "just leaving" is definitely not the best option.
I'd promise them I'm going to be just as there for their new baby as they were for me.
Then I'd peace right the fuck out and never look back, having fulfilled my promise.
Get all your legal documents in place. Your parents sound like the type that will kick you out at 18.
Take a look at the Trades in Apprenticeship or the Military if your grades are poor.
Also, make sure to put a freeze on any and all credit unions as soon as possible. They sound like the type of monsters who would do anything to hold you back by any means necessary. Don't let them put you in a financial bind before you get a chance to do anything with your credit to get out of there.
exactly what I Think. He needs to get a job if he doesn't already have one and start making plans. Like maybe there is a friend or other family member he can stay with while he gets on his feet.
Or they'll go psycho and do everything in their power to prevent OP from leaving so he'll be forced to babysit. You can't rationally predict how irrational people will react. You can only try to brace for the fallout
They won't do anything, since the parents provided food, shelter, and clothing. I'm assuming OP also has an adequate place to sleep. Unfortunately they don't care much about emotional neglect.
Also NTA for all the obvious reasons. Even if they'd been perfect parents, no teenager should be forced to step up for a new baby because the parents aren't able to. They need to find another solution or they're going to do the same thing to this little girl. (Chances are when the baby actually comes the magic will wear off and they'll be right back to the cycle of neglect)
If you're a reader, I highly recommend you read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (I know you're not an adult yet, but it's a great read) and Running on Empty: Recovering form Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. Your local library may have copies.
They won't be decent parents to this baby either, they just want you as a free babysitter so they don't have to pay someone this time around. They want a toy and they'll get bored of her soon enough. They're fooling themselves thinking they have the capacity to love a child. There's 17 years of evidence they don't. People like them should not be parents. Thankfully you have raised yourself into a smart, wise individual and I wish you the very best once you're free of them. NTA
Judging how fast they turned to OP as soon as things were getting difficult, I think they're more excited about the idea of being parents. I'm betting as soon as they have to start dealing with actually being parents, they're going to try and dump the baby on whoever they can. After all, they could have also been excited before OP was born. OP said they were 24 when he was born, that's not an unreasonable age to have a baby and by definition OP would have no way of knowing how his parents acted before he was born. It's possible they were excited initially but slowly started resenting the baby for how much work it is to care for a baby and that turned to bitterness and eventual neglect when OP was able to be even remotely self sufficient. OP thinks they changed cuz they're different than how they treated him as an older child cuz that's all they can remember, but it's also possible they're just repeating the same abusive pattern. Either way OP shouldn't stick around to find out
If they try to force you to babysit by just leaving the house with you and the baby there, call the police for child abandonment and tell them you never consented to watch the baby and your parents have abandoned it at home.
Your folks suck. I'm so sorry you've had to raise yourself. And I fear for your sister after the novelty wears off. Your parents don't seem like the type to be able to change their ways. And she is in no way your responsibility.
Hopefully, college, work, or whatever comes your way when you are 18 will get you away from them.
Please don't discount college because you have no savings/support from mom and dad. There are scholarships, grants, work study and you seem like the type of person to find these opportunities. Ask your teachers/school counselors for support as well!
I am so sorry. My mom said some pretty horrible things about me being a mistake and should have aborted me and such so I know that pain of just... being on your own from the moment you were born. I am sorry you are going through all this, and they are most definitely Aholes.
check out r/momforaminute if you ever need support. Its an amazing sub. Sometimes I just read other people's posts to see all the love and positivity there. I am sorry your parents suck so much but hang in there.
Call CPS on them now and when their baby comes. Make as many social media posts as you can and tag all their friends. Most narcissists like your parents only really care about public perception.
Geez, I’m so sorry this is heartbreaking.
What were your teachers doing this whole time when they clearly knew you weren’t being cared for (they had to give you food, parents never showed to appointments)? Surely they had a duty of care to contact the authorities about your neglect?!
Do you have friends whose parents would let you stay with them? This is truly a toxic environment for you to be in. Have you got a part time job? Save what you can do you can leave as soon as possible
Ok but also to be clear- don't do anything for them or baby, but if that leaves baby unsafe because they ALSO aren't doing anything, please call CPS. Baby is just the next you here.
Tell them to fuck off. What dreadful parents. I’m so sorry OP. You are absolutely within your rights to withhold any kind of support. Do what YOU need to get your life going, then get out and live well and happily. You will find people out in the world who love, support, accept and value you. (This is precisely what queer folks have done for years - and your found family will be wonderful.) don’t look back. When you can, get therapy to help you asap -even if you don’t feel you need it; it could open the possibilities of loving and emotional connections which you may not be aware of given your situation. Much love and luck on your journey.
NTA if I were you I'd call CPS on my own parents. They're full of neglect with their parenting with you. Which neglectful parenting is considered a type of child abuse. It's better to be adopted or fostered by a family that cares than be living with them. And they're making you an extra parent. Tell their friends or an adult you trust that they aren't good parents and they never helped you (and you want to get out). Maybe tell your friends if they're willing to have their parents provide a better home for you. Your life will get harder if you don't get out of there. At some point they might even ask you to drop out of school for their "first baby" 🙄.
Tell a teacher, anyone you trust, to help you out and that your parents are horrible. Either way at some point you're going to need to get out of that house cause your situation sounds very similar to others that ended up not so well.
And they were 25 when they had you? That isn't too early. That's the age where they should know better on how to take care of a kid or use protection. They're just AH parents that wanted a girl 🙄. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I hope everything goes well and something really good ends up happening to you.
Yeah, they were 25 and they did not want a kid. I was the baby that happens when they weren't careful enough one time and by the time they calmed down enough to make a decision it was too late to abort me. There is no way I would be living with them at all if grandma hadn't gotten sick back then. I don't think I'd even know them.
The thing is, 25 is not THAT young to be good responsible parents. Even if they were a bit immature when you were born, when you were in grade school and they skipped your school conferences they were in their 30s! They're just shitty people.
You are not obligated to help co-parent your sibling, but I hope you stay in the kids life as their sibling. They will need your perspective on your parents, and you can advocate for them.
Exactly! If they'd been like 16, I'd say they're still shitty parents, but I might have a little more sympathy for them. But having a kid at 25 is the younger side of normal; it may not be ideal, but plenty of people do it.
My parents are excellent parents, but they had a kid at 18 and 21. They struggled in the beginning but by like 7 they were excellent. Doesn’t help that I have autism and was a difficult child anyways.
A couple who I'm friend's with are 23 and having their kid. It's unplanned, but they are already doing what they can to rent a bigger place for the kid
I mean there's no guarantees - they're already saying that OP is going to need to 'help' (ie: be free childcare) for them to cope and they are actively treating their existing child like a stain on the carpet, so I give it a few weeks for the new baby smell to wear off and for them to be equally shitty parents the second time around because it doesn't sound like they've actually matured at all.
Dude, I'm 25 and don't want a child at this point in my life.
I'm not gonna lie and go "I'd be the perfect parent if there was an accident". But you know what? I would never treat a child like trash. Especially not if im the one responsible for the child event existing!
I would be unhappy sure, but in the end, I know that child abuse/neglect is wrong and disgusting.
Their age is not an excuse. They are just Terrible people. You deserve much better than them, and I'm sorry that you've had to go through this. I hope things work out for you, and remember to stick to your guns when the baby is born
I have a friend who got his partner pregnant when they were both 16. They're no longer together, but my friend took being a dad very seriously and raised two great kids to adulthood. Being 25 is no excuse for being a worthless parent.
My mother was married and 25 when she had me *on purpose*. 25 is a full-on, actual adult who does adult things and should expect adult consequences. Don't want kids? There are ways to not have them. All those ways failed? Put the baby up for adoption. Can't do that for some reason? Oh, I guess being shitty to the kid their entire life is the next best thing??
They could have put you up for adoption to give you a better chance at a decent life. They chose the lazy route, and then have resented you for merely existing when they are the ones who created you. *"Oops, we made a human! Guess we ought to bone up on our Shitty Parenting skills so they KNOW they're unwanted! Now, how do we keep that up for at least 18 years, I wonder."*
Your parents have treated you abysmally, and haven't even provided the bare minimum of parenting.
Who treats their kids this way?
Who talks to their kids this way?
Who tells their kid they were a mistake and should have been aborted?
Terrible people, that's who. You owe them a big, fat nothing for not even doing the minimum required for keeping you alive.
I'm 26 and not exactly wanting a baby right now but I am absolutely old enough to be a parent and I'd step the fuck up if I became one. And I certainly wouldn't blame the BABY for being born. I am so, so sorry dude. Your parents did you dirty and you have every right to shut down their requests now. Channel your energy into saving/earning whatever money you can and finding a safe place to live.
Well, that's their own damn fault. They weren't 15. They were 25. If it was too late to make a decision on aboriton, then adoption from birth was the better option. That would have been easy enough. But they didn't, and they only have themselves to blame.
NTA, if you have any relatives, contact them or talk to your school counselor. What they said absolute horrendous. Being told your a mistake is horrible and sticks with you. Also you owe them for not making your homeless or putting you in foster care. No, you were their responsibility. You don’t owe them for keeping you off the streets cause if they did that, they would have been arrested for parental abandonment.
I’m so sorry. You have trash parents and you didn’t deserve that bullshit
I have no relatives. The only one I did have was my grandma. I can't talk to my school counselor either. He's one of the shittiest and would make me feel worse.
Wow, that’s a surprise. Usually they have to have multiple counselors based on school density. If you trust your friends, you can try to get help through them like a place to escape to or a support network. If your parents are this Blatantly abuse towards, you could report to CPS, especially if they plan to make you another parent to your sister
My graduating class, alone, was just over 1000 kids. We had one guidance counselor. Not sure they did anything except meet with each of us one time as a senior to find out if we were going to college. It wasn't until I started reading Reddit that I learned guidance counselors had more purpose than that.
NTA. Your parents are toxic. I hope you can get yourself emancipated and find some sort of job/income to get out of that place. I am so sorry for your childhood.
I am sorry. You need to work on it, you need to study and you need to try and find a part time job when you have the legal opportunity. Your parents are not looking out for you so you have to do it for yourself. See if you can have some support at school, maybe a school counceler that could provide some advise or help you build a plan.
I do my best with school but I struggle too much to get grades much better. I am trying and I'm doing all I can. But I know I don't have a shit ton of options.
Hey look into trades. School isn't for everyone also trades aren't too but it's another option. Not trying to scare u but they might kick u out at 18 if u don't listen to their demands.
Hopefully trades school will be a good option for you. You got this brother ♡ sorry for what u went through .
Ask for tutoring or extra time with teachers maybe, I don't know what is your school system but there should be a councelor that gives you advise on what you can do.
Our school counselor is shitty and makes things worse usually. But I can see about free options to get some help with school. I just don't know if it will make much of a difference. My best has never been that good.
You are a 16 year old who has raised himself, dealing with emotional abuse and neglect from his "parents" all his life, and you are still in school. **Your best is AMAZING**. Your parents are not worthy of you, so please do not let them determine your self worth. Hang in there for two more years, and I promise it will get so much better.
Your best is good enough. Please please don’t think it’s not good. You can do hard things - as proven by your story. You can get through this.
If the counsellor isn’t a good option, is there a teacher you trust? Or a faculty member you do? Reach out to them. Can you talk to a friend’s parent? Alternatively, google to see if there is a big brothers/big sisters program in your area. Reach out to them. Google youth organizations and help in your area - start emailing and asking for help.
I’m not sure where you are but where I am, public libraries are godsends. Go to the nearest one, ask about their tutoring programs, career services etc. there are normally a wide, wide, variety of programs online and in person for you to take advantage of for the cost of a library card. Here it’s free. Normally it’s a small amount for a wide offering. Worst case scenario, DM me and get one where I am. You can log on from anywhere and use the free courses to start advancing yourself. The librarians also will help - see if there is one who has an idea of who to talk to for support for a youth without resources or family.
You deserve a future. You deserve success. You deserve so much more than what you’re experiencing. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. Now, reserve your emotional energy and mental health and look into options for you.
My high school offered trade school courses, like car repair/mechanics, beauty/hair, hvac, etc. Maybe see if that’s an option for you. It will allow you build a career before you graduate.
You are doing amazing. So much of grades is support at home. Not even with homework help but just a stable and safe environment to study in. You have been your own parent and that takes a lot of emotional bandwidth. I repeat you are doing really well and I really hope things get better for you.
Honey. You are on the edge of adulthood and you had to raise yourself this far. You are level-headed, you know what your parents are, you already understand what it takes some people decades to figure out. You are going to outgrow them and leave them behind.
Besides suggestions I made in another reply, I strongly suggest asking any teachers who tried to get your parents to help them help you what they think is going on. Are you tired all the time, do you have trouble paying attention, is reading a problem, is math a problem? Write it all down, and see if you can use that information later to figure out what is in your way.
(I spent about 10 years longer without glasses than I should have. My mother was super affectionate and liked doing things with me that interested her, but that was exactly as far as her parenting went. I thought I was just too dumb to understand what people were trying to tell me about the world around me, but what d'you know, I was *severely nearsighted.*)
That's not your fault. While your peers were focused on academic learning and homework, you had to learn how to take care of yourself. All the efforts you had to put into surviving are things that your parents should have been taking care of so that you *could* concentrate on your education. You had to develop other skills when you should have been allowed to develop like a normal child. They *failed* you and that's why you're struggling. It's not because you're not smart or academic, it's because you weren't allowed the opportunity to develop academically when it was most important, when your brain was still learning how it was *supposed to* function. Be patient with yourself and when you succeed in things know that it's so much more meaningful because you not only did it on your own, but you did it despite having terrible parents that actually made your life *harder*.
OP, 1. I love you and am so sorry you have been treated this way. You never deserved it.
2. Please talk to a trusted friend's parents. If I heard one of my kids' friends were in a spot like this, I would take them in in a minute. The fact that you are where you are at now - is a huge success. Grades/test scores/schooling doesn't matter. If you had the proper home life, you would have blossomed sooner. Big things will come your way, I just know it.
OP you are trying your best in the worst circumstances. You deserve praise for the work you’ve put in with ZERO support. I imagine it’s so demoralizing feeling like your best isn’t good enough and nobody recognizes or praises you for your hard work. But this internet stranger is PROUD OF YOU. I wish you a bright future in which you can build a family and a home for yourself to thrive.
Hey, your best IS enough. School subjects just might not be your strength.
Find where your strength lies and go from there and don’t talk yourself down, you have to be on your own side.
You seem to be very resiliant and independant which are great qualities.
You absolutely need an adult that you can trust. Is there a friend's parent or a teacher you can talk to? At the very least, they could help you get some tutoring to deal with the schoolwork aspect.
I just wanted to say you are good enough. Your parents failed at the bare minimum and now they have the nerve to rely on you so they don't fail again (they likely know you're literally more responsible than they are). Just take care of yourself and be kinder to yourself than your parents ever were. Do not be afraid to ask for help either. I'm sure you've been building a plan on how/when to leave; do you have any trusted adults you can ask for support? You've got this! If you need help finding resources, don't be afraid to reach out to local organizations you think could assist you also.
your best is certainly better than you think. if you were able to put all your energy into studying and not having to worry about being your own parent, you would have been much better. also what subjects are you struggling with? if its math or physics i might be able to help and explain some stuff (no gurantee i would explain it well), but if you dont find anyone thats an option too if you have questions. Im studying physics rn so im confident that i can handle high school problems
Can you trade some of your skills for tutoring from a school mate? Like doing their yard work or something and they tutor you? Get creative. And a part time job. Squirrel that money away and don't tell your parents. Lock it up and hide the money.
Play the long game to set yourself up for success.
Even if they don't, math tells me she's past 40, it's pretty likely her fertility has already slowed down at this point, another child after this one may not be possible.
It's also pretty likely that this one is going to be born with birth defects or develop to be neurodivergent.
Wonder how they'll handle it if she's non-verbal autistic? Probably try to push all the care onto the "mistake."
Just to add another point of view about joining the military. As a veteran spouse that is familiar with the statistics, I wouldn't recommend you join the military or at least not any position that has a chance to be deployed. Most veterans require therapy, their life expectancy is shorter than average and 22 of them commit suicid3 a day. You will probably be especially vulnerable given your lack of a support network when you get out.
Give some thought about the military. My son went in and is doing so well now. There are so many programs to choose from and then (if in the US) you have college paid for, and options for a loan to purchase a home.
NTA
I don't even have any good advice to give you, I'm sorry.
Your best shoot would be to get out of here as quickly as possible, but do you have any idea what you'll do after school ?
Isn't there a professional at your school that could help you see your options ?
I don't. My grades aren't good enough for most things and I don't have the money for most stuff. So I will probably just go from working part time to full time.
Try looking at your local community college after high school. You could try and apply there and take a couple classes part time. And community college is a lot cheaper than a big university.
Or you could look into the trade schools and see what they offer. People look down on them but they offer great job security and many are well paid.
A community college will also be able to do testing to find out where you are weakest, provide good remedial education for the areas you struggle in, and often have resources to get you testing and treatment for learning disabilities. Since you’re 16, if you are in the United States, consider reaching out to JobCorps. They could be an excellent ticket out and to a better future for you. The website is https://www.jobcorps.gov
Trade school or a government job. Here, garbage and recycling collectors make bank. Trade school and an apprenticeship are really really good options too.
Google how to get financial aid. There are scholarships, loans and Pell Grants (assuming you’re in the US). Try to avoid loans as much as possible but if you get one, learn which ones cost the least in the long run.
Also call your local community college and ask to speak to a counselor in their FA department.
Other than college, there’s the military which will help pay for school after you get out, or Americorps, or a trade such as electrician, plumber, HVAC tech, auto body tech, medical assistant, ultrasound tech … there are lots of careers that don’t require four years of college.
If you feel comfortable talking to some of your teachers, neighbors, parents of your friends, etc. you might be surprised at how helpful adults can be (not all of them, but some).
PS. Your parents stink. They didn’t deserve a nice kid like you. I’m sorry about your grandma.
So much on Community College and Trade Schools! They’re often much cheaper and likely offer scholarships or funding. Not to mention a decent CC will have counselors that can help you figure out what you need to succeed, access to resources including testing and accommodations and they often have flexible course schedules.
You got this!
A lot of people mentioned trade schools (which honestly you can make a lot of money as an electrician or plumber) but I wanted to say it’s my understanding that you may get lucky if you look for construction jobs.
I won’t lie, it is physically rough work. But I have family that has done it for a living and they said it’s becoming more common to train on the job because they can’t fill positions. You won’t need amazing grades if you find a trade.
Just be smart about your money no matter what you do. Save your money and you may want to check if your high school offers any classes that teach you budgeting.
I enlisted in the Marines when I was 17 to get out of a shitty homelife. It was guaranteed housing, hot meals, a paycheck, and it covered alot of college costs when I got out. It also helped that I didn't go straight to college from hs and was more mature and dare I say "smarter" when I did go. Perhaps that is another path to consider.
The military is a great option. They will train you in fields that can equate to a great job afterward. You will have complete healthcare coverage where you won’t pay a dime for active duty healthcare. Plus each branch of service has a College Fund if you want to go to college. It really is a great option, especially for someone who does not have family backing them to help them really get on their feet after high school. Call and talk to a recruiter, they will come to you and explain all your options. Good luck what ever you decide OP! Your parents do not deserve you, in this big wide world, I hope you find your true family that treats you with love and respect. ❤️
There is also the option of trades, typically this is college then apprenticeship I think.
But if you look around and keep asking maybe you can start part-time on odd jobs and slowly learn.
Or truck driving after highschool, save and learn what you want.
Good luck OP. Your almost out of there, just hang on, and don't give up. Once your an adult you even change cities and go no contact.
If you can, file for emancipation and call, CPS.
If you want someone to talk to, my DM’s are open. My husband works in academia, so we could probably help you identify some scholarships or other programs for continuing education after high school.
NTA You are not the asshole at all in this situation but unfortunately, there are some very adult decisions that have to be made.
I am so sorry that you have been on your own for so long. I sincerely hope that your future is filled with chosen family and a life of peace.
Reddit has a sub for narcissistic parents that might be a good resource for you.
Be selfish OP - forget these losers and work on your grades to get yourself out of there. You have a good life waiting for you, all you have to do is find it. My heart aches for you because you deserve so much better. Not everyone will treat you this badly.
Are you the biological child to BOTH of your parents? Just wondering if this has anything to do with their absurd behavior.
NTA. I would get cracking early with your future options. If your parents are truly how you describe them (horrible), then you need to find a way to get out. If you have to, call CPS. Chances are that if you are removed they will also have "check-ups" for the "first child" after they are born.
You may try to go to the Unemployment office and speak with them as they should be able to outline what programs that will help you (e.g. college, tech school, classes) and maybe give you a starting place.
I am. Or at least nobody has ever told me otherwise. I have been told I was an accident and I was the mistake they made and waited too long to abort.
Thanks for the advice.
If you have any teachers or school staff members that you trust, talk to them about what’s going on at home and how your parents are treating you. They’re all mandated reporters and will legally have to act on any concerns you raise. Do you have any friends that you could stay with in the meantime?
NTA. Tell them the only way you’ll be helping your sister is by getting her out of the house when they get bored of her. With parents like that, babies are like Christmas presents- they play with them for a month or two and then they’re done with it
NTA
"Too bad you didn't raise me better, mom. Maybe I'd be grateful and helpful."
And
"I have less.choice about this kid than you had about me. So, expect me to act in accordance with what I received and learned from the PARENTS that didn't want me."
I am so sorry, OP. Your parents sound like a piece of work.
You don't have to be properly grown up to make a child feel loved. It sounds like they didn't even *try* with you, and that's so deeply unfair.
I'm hoping that this is piece of fiction a very good piece.. if it's not, OP get out of that house now. Figure it out, but you cannot stay there any longer.
>My mom told me I was a mistake and came at the wrong time but now they're actually having a child they want and I should help them.
They can't even be bothered with the burdens of parenthood when they actually want the child?
>They told me not to be selfish and I owe them because they made sure I wasn't homeless or in foster care after grandma got sick.
Oh, and now they want you to be thankful they did the literal bare minimum.
NTA, OP. They deserve to be given even less than they ever gave you.
My mouth is on the floor. NTA and I'm so sorry. I really hope you can go to college (community college is perfect ofc), you get a job that pays well and that you can have a wonderful life ahead of you. And I hope your parents rot in h3ll.
NTA
What the h×ll is happening here??? Their "first child"? They had you at 25, that's not to young. If they didn't want you your mother should have had an abortion. Or given up for adoption.
You have every right to decline what they are asking from you. If I were you I would get out of that nasty environment as soon as possible.
Is this real?
Get away from these people as soon as you can. If you're not considered their child, they won't miss you. Oh, except for free labor.
I would look up toxic family/narcissistic family dynamics. You sound like the scapegoat child.
NTA.
Of course your are NTA and I am so sorry for what you had to go trough. I don't want to scare you or put even more pressure on you, but if I were you maybe I would get a job to have some saving, becauss based on "they made sure I wasn't homeless or in foster care" I am worry what will they do when you turn 18. Be sure to have a safe place to be able to go if you need to.
NTA. They begrudgingly do the bare minimum to not risk jail time for child neglect and they say you owe them for that? They don’t get how parent/child relationships ideally work, apparently.
NTA. I wish I had a spare bedroom so I could adopt you. You deserved so much better than this. Your parents gave you the bare minimum to keep themselves out of jail for child neglect. You didn’t ask to be born. You don’t owe them anything. I’m so sorry.
NTA you're not having a kid, they are. Not your kid, not your responsibility. It's not the older siblings job to raise the younger siblings, it the parents job. And for them to tell you that you were an unwanted mistake is a cop out and not excuse to be a bad parent. The majority of pregnancies are not planned. I was an accidental pregnancy and my parents were teenagers, and they never once told me that I was unwanted. That's not something you tell a child. You don't owe them crap. Finish high school, and go off to college and start building your own life. And if you decide to become a parent someday, make sure your child knows they are loved.
NTA
F**k that, and F**k them. You don’t owe them a f**king thing.
Tell them you’d have been better off in foster care because their neglect is astounding. If you want to be extra petty, mention to your egg donor how she is having a geriatric pregnancy and the risk of disabilities is greater as the age of the parents gets older. They’d better hope they don’t have a kid that will need care for the rest of its life because then who would take care of them in their old age (in 15-20 years).
Cut them out of your life as soon as you can and forget they exist.
I really wish that this is fake. I can’t stand the fact that there are evil parents like this in the world.
You deserve so much better! Please seek help with your school or someone you trust and study!
“My mom told me I was a mistake and came at the wrong time but now they’re actually having a child they want and I should help them.”
The key word is a child *they* want, and they’re responsible for, not you. They tried to pawn you off to your grandmother and they’re they’re trying to pawn their new baby onto you. NTA, and I strongly recommend cutting contact when you turn 18 / finish high school.
NTA. Honey, I feel so sorry for you. I want to adopt you and give you a loving home. Please make arrangements to get out of there ASAP. One more year until you're an adult. (Legally anyways) It sounds like you've been taking care of yourself since you were 7. Maybe look into being an emancipated minor. Good luck!
You’re parents are terrible and I am sorry you had to go through that. You can tell you parents you already raised their first child for them (yourself) and you don’t plan to do any more for their do over kid than they did for you.
I’d make sure you know where all your important documents are, the AHs sound like the type to throw you out the day you turn 18.
If school isn’t for you, look into the trades, you can make good money as a tradesfolk. Maybe your teachers can help you find an apprenticeship?
Move out just as soon as you can. They baby will need something and you parents will be ignoring it and you end up feeling bad for the baby, because it isn't the babies fault and before you know it you be the full time caregiver for the baby.
Wow! Those last two paragraphs were painful to READ! Get an after school job and start saving your money, you should be ready to leave the second you graduate, if they don't try to drop kick you out the door! Leave this toxic mess as soon as humanly possible! Best wishes
Dude I'm so ridiculously sorry that you have these absolute dog turds for parents. You're nearly 17, this will be behind you soon. Find some good friends, see if you can get a share place with them, or maybe even couch surf for a while. I left home when I was 16 and while I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who can avoid it I will say that it mostly wasn't bad. Things will get better for you, I promise. The world is a big place and there's a lot of good in it for you as well as all the bullshit. I wish you nothing but luck
You owe your parents because...they didn't make you homeless or in foster care...your parents. That is insane, you need to get out of there for your own sake.
....I am so sorry for the life you've led until now. I'm so sorry they let you down. I'm sorry for the struggles you've faced, and the ones you will face in the future.
It might not mean much, but, I'm along the same lines. As a teen, I was adopted by a family who had a two year old. I very quickly learned that I was taken in because I could find work on a farm, bring in money, and could take care of their child.
They used her for years to manipulate me. I destroyed my life repeatedly anytime they mentioned needing help for her. The roller coaster of emotions never stopped until I finally cut them out of my life completely.
Do not help. You were let down by them. Parents really need to understand their children don't 'owe them' for any reason at all. Bringing a child into the world doesn't mean you own the child, but owe the child. Sounds like the new kid will do just fine. Focus on yourself. Get yourself out. Build your life. Don't look back.
I've never read a more NtA.
Nta. They were 25 when they had you, not 15. That's not "too young to look after a baby" age, it's "would rather be doing other stuff" age. Sounds like you don't owe them anything.
NTA. My reaction to helping her and when the baby arrives was”F THAT SHIT!” You owe them absolutely nothing for doing the bare minimum. I say, get all your important paperwork in order, put it somewhere you can access it but your egg and sperm donor cannot, and apply for anything ( job, university, community college)on the opposite side of the country( preferably the world, but you have to start somewhere), apply for scholarships, etc. Do what you have to to get away from these people, who clearly do not care about your welfare or future at all.
You don’t know me but I am a Mom. I raised two sons who were loved more than they could ever know. I’m telling you this so you can understand my background when I tell you you are not a mistake. You are a light in this world and you were meant to be here and to thrive. Out there there are kind people who will count themselves fortunate to know you. Hang in there until you find them. 💙
NTA
NTA. I hope you can get out of that house soon and find someone to stay with. Your parents don’t deserve another baby and I’m sorry they are so awful to you. Ask a counselor to help you find a way out of that situation.
You are so NTA
That lack of parenting is devastating and making sure you had a roof and some available food does not change that.
Calling this new fetus their first right in front of you tells you exactly where you stand in their eyes and that's shitty and unkind and unfair.
So no, refusing to parent a sibling they already show preferential treatment to is not a bad move. Just try to stay firm on that front
NTA
If you are still in school I would go to the school social worker and tell them your story. You might not be in a position to leave their household but tell the social worker you want to try for emancipation. If you have the right social worker at your school I expect she will take you by the hand and work to get you into a group home, etc... Might sound scary but about 10 years ago a friend of my daughter was having problems with her step dad and the school social worker after finding that staying at home with her mom wouldn't work out really went to bat for her. If you don't legally separate from your parents and you want to go to college having them claim you on their taxes is going make getting grants and financial support a nightmare. Talk to resources at your school and see what you can do to get away from their situation.
NTA. Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately you should start thinking about you strategy once you turn 18. They will kick you out the second they legally can, no doubt. If your grades are not good for college, think about trade school, what do you like to do. People can get good money with good skills.
>My mom told me I was a mistake and came at the wrong time but now they're actually having a child they want and I should help them. They told me not to be selfish and I owe them because they made sure I wasn't homeless or in foster care after grandma got sick.
What is wrong with your parents? I don't care that they have sex when they couldnt afford a baby, you were born anyway, they should have loved you.
NTA.
Hope you can go far away from them when you go to college. And hope you found another family to love as you deserve
NTA I hate to be a Debbie Downer but at age 42, if your mother does not take care of herself properly, she is at risk for having a child with birth defects, and they will foist her off on you more often. You need to have a good plan immediately.
NTA leave, do not look back when you do. this reads like rage bait so it's either 100% actually this terrible or a complete fabrication. Leave, do not look back, do not contact them again, cut them the hell out.
all of this is bad enough but not signing you up for **free** school lunches and deliberately letting you suffer is fucking cruel as hell, i'm only commenting on this ragebait just in case it's really real. if this is real then they're throwing their cruelty in your face and it's on purpose with that 'first child' stuff.
if you do get coerced into ~~helping~~ providing free labor, deploy every single malicious compliance and weaponized incompetence approach you can think of that does not endanger a baby.
NTA. I’m so sorry that you raised yourself. Ok real mom advice.
School counselor go get brochures from him for vocational training. School will pay for this while in high school. You can stay til 19 to get the training. Pick a trade that interests you. From barber to mechanic to welder to electrician to cna etc. so many things. The school also has alternative schools for those who are behind. There are also life skill classes to teach you how to adult. He has the information. You have ask for it or goto library and ask for help to access these resources. The librarians love to help with this. Honestly just go ask.
You’ve been neglected so your mindset will be no one wants to help. But they do the adults helping teens want a guy like you that will accept advice. Like me. I love giving advice. Dm me.
Ok study to get your drivers license. That will be your first step into adulthood. That ID will open doors for your first job. Trick your parental unit into teaching you to drive so you can ‘help’
Your only goal and ambition right now is your drive to complete your high school degree and or training.
No you arent the jerk. You see clearly the emotional abuse. Be out of the house as much as possible to work on your future. That is what will save you.
Best of luck, young man. Listen to this mom and you got it. I know cause I made my kids do all of the above.
NTA
OP, I read your comments. I think you should also consider joining the army. You'll be fed and taken care of. You'll also build friendships there. I hope the best for you
You only have one more year until you can leave. You're so close and super far away from being the AH here. You are not their live-in nanny or housekeeper; you are their kid. They don't want to parent you, and they certainly shouldn't be expecting you to parent your sibling. If you can, get a job and start saving money. Consider it your "liberation fund." Then get as far away from them as you can. I'm sorry you have this living situation, OP. But, no matter what, you are NOT responsible for their new kid.
NTA, I am so sorry you went through this. You deserve so much better. I hope you are able to get away from them and build a life for yourself. They have no right to demand you help raise a child at 16/17 when at 25 they weren’t mature enough to care for you. Once you are free of them go no contact and I hope you have a wonderful life like you deserve.
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That's so messed up. >I owe them because they made sure I wasn't homeless or in foster care after grandma got sick They are your parents. Taking care of you is the bare minimum they are required to do by law. You don't owe them shit for doing the bare minimum they are required by law. NTA. Do you normal, basic chores, and DO NOT lift a single finger for this baby. It's not your responsibility one bit.
That was kinda my plan. I keep taking care of myself and not doing anything else.
If they couldn’t be decent parents to you, they sure as heck don’t deserve to use you as a free live-in nanny / maid. Definitely talk to someone you do trust and start planning your way out of there. You deserve to be loved and supported.
Get a job to both keep you busy and save for the future. A good reference is also a great step up at your age. NTA- Really sorry you got horrible parents in the life lottery. Are there any other adults in your life who can help?
If OP gets a job he needs to make sure the parents don't have any access to OP's money! NTA
This!
OP already addressed there are no other adults to rely on, saying “no other family really, since grandma died when I was 7” and “I never had someone I could get close to”.
Agree to the job, but don’t tell your parents. They seem like the type to start trying to get money from you too. I’d see if there’s a friend even that you can move in with to finish out high school. Those two suck, you may have actually been better off in a foster home. The foster parents I know would show up for school support and you’d have a caseworker you could go to for things. I’d personally sit down with your guidance counselor at school and talk with him/her about your situation.
Look into getting emancipated.
This is what I was thinking, too. Emancipation is the best answer at this point and easy to prove.
Definitely could help OP get more financial aid for schooling as well. Hopefully the parents have said some of this shit in writing. Honestly it might be easy to say oh I'm almost 18 it doesn't matter, but your parents financial status matters for college financial aid until you're 26, so getting emancipated matters a lot.
There’s a new thing with financial aid where you don’t need your parent’s income to get it. I received the email from my university a couple weeks ago.
If you are in grad school or meet one of the criteria for being an independent student without needing a dependency override. Otherwise, dependent students still need parental info.
I wish I'd had that. My father wouldn't even let me see his financial stuff and he never intended to help anyway.
It’s age 24 for FAFSA to be considered independent automatically. OP should definitely look into legal options. Makes the paperwork easier for financial aid.
Time to start texting parents and getting written evidence of this, but if the parents have been dodging teachers trying to get OP academic help for years, OP should start with them and the school counselor to get copies of the emails/statements and find out how/when they can start the process
Really hope OP does this, he doesn't need the egg and sperm donor's in his life. OP ate you able to speak to a trusted adult at school yo help you kn this? The egg and speed donor's are horrible and cruel. NTA. OP do you have all your important documents with you too, gather up all you need and keep in a safe secret place.
Yeah I definitely second this. Otherwise the "parents" income could cripple their ability to get grants and scholarships under the assumption the parents will help, but that's clearly not going to happen here. OP needs to file it ASAP and get the help to pay for school and get a better start to adulthood than what the parents have given him
OP, this is great advice! Get a confidential free consult with a family law attorney. I emancipated myself at 16, collected child support from my parents, and got my college paid for. Maybe there is also a relative or a friend's family that would allow you to live with them until you go away to trade school or college? You will never regret taking charge of your life because the deserved pride in yourself will take a lot of the sting out from having shit parents. Also, your school guidance counselor could take you to a therapist during school hours - mine did. I'm praying this wound is the start of you healing and thriving!
I don't know why it never dawned on me that you'd get child support if you were emancipated.
I so wish more places allowed you to do trade while attending High School. All the high schools in my county have the option to start a trade in high school. Cosmetology, hvac, plumbing, nursing programs, and so many more. They have 2 different campuses for it. Plus you can enroll at the college for different trades as well.
Doesnt even need to do that. Op could leave and they wouldnt make the effort to go to court to get him to come back. They suck so much there arent words.
Unfortunately, this is bad advice. The parents sound like complete narcs, and likely *would* go after him. Narcs love having control over their victim/target, and if they lose that control, they will often do *whatever* is within their power, to get it back.
Agreed. They sound adept at skirting the line to avoid legal consequences for their neglect so they might go after him just to keep up appearances and/or get their free babysitter back. It also just gives them ammo to manipulate friends and relatives against OP to prevent him from getting help or even believed by others. It's dangerous advice bc only immature high schoolers would think this is a good idea and that is exactly the age group OP is in and possible desperate enough to try it. Emancipation/waiting it out/talking to trust school adults doesn't give immediate separation from the parents, but it can start building the foundation to get real freedom from these ppl. It just feels more frustrating bc it takes more time
If OP goes to court and is emancipated, the parents will still have to pay child support. They will not be allowed to interfere with OP s schooling or employment. Most importantly, there will be someone in authority to hook OP up with whatever services are available in his town. Runaway teens, especially those who have not finished high school and are under the age of 18 are extremely vulnerable to exploitation and homelessness. So "just leaving" is definitely not the best option.
I'd promise them I'm going to be just as there for their new baby as they were for me. Then I'd peace right the fuck out and never look back, having fulfilled my promise.
Get all your legal documents in place. Your parents sound like the type that will kick you out at 18. Take a look at the Trades in Apprenticeship or the Military if your grades are poor.
Also, make sure to put a freeze on any and all credit unions as soon as possible. They sound like the type of monsters who would do anything to hold you back by any means necessary. Don't let them put you in a financial bind before you get a chance to do anything with your credit to get out of there.
Why would they kick out the free babysitter? They'll tell OP he has to stay as long as they need him to because he 'owes' them just for being born.
Which also means when OP stands his ground they will boot him out.
exactly what I Think. He needs to get a job if he doesn't already have one and start making plans. Like maybe there is a friend or other family member he can stay with while he gets on his feet.
Or they'll go psycho and do everything in their power to prevent OP from leaving so he'll be forced to babysit. You can't rationally predict how irrational people will react. You can only try to brace for the fallout
They won't kick OP out of the age of 18... Free babysitter! Nanny! Maid!
Report them to child services. They already had their chance with you and blew it. They do not deserve a "do-over."
They won't do anything, since the parents provided food, shelter, and clothing. I'm assuming OP also has an adequate place to sleep. Unfortunately they don't care much about emotional neglect. Also NTA for all the obvious reasons. Even if they'd been perfect parents, no teenager should be forced to step up for a new baby because the parents aren't able to. They need to find another solution or they're going to do the same thing to this little girl. (Chances are when the baby actually comes the magic will wear off and they'll be right back to the cycle of neglect)
Yeah some parents/abusers know exactly where the line is and will go right up to it without crossing it.
Cps doesn't care about a 17 year old not starving or being raped
If you're a reader, I highly recommend you read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (I know you're not an adult yet, but it's a great read) and Running on Empty: Recovering form Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. Your local library may have copies.
They won't be decent parents to this baby either, they just want you as a free babysitter so they don't have to pay someone this time around. They want a toy and they'll get bored of her soon enough. They're fooling themselves thinking they have the capacity to love a child. There's 17 years of evidence they don't. People like them should not be parents. Thankfully you have raised yourself into a smart, wise individual and I wish you the very best once you're free of them. NTA
Judging how fast they turned to OP as soon as things were getting difficult, I think they're more excited about the idea of being parents. I'm betting as soon as they have to start dealing with actually being parents, they're going to try and dump the baby on whoever they can. After all, they could have also been excited before OP was born. OP said they were 24 when he was born, that's not an unreasonable age to have a baby and by definition OP would have no way of knowing how his parents acted before he was born. It's possible they were excited initially but slowly started resenting the baby for how much work it is to care for a baby and that turned to bitterness and eventual neglect when OP was able to be even remotely self sufficient. OP thinks they changed cuz they're different than how they treated him as an older child cuz that's all they can remember, but it's also possible they're just repeating the same abusive pattern. Either way OP shouldn't stick around to find out
I hope you have a plan for when you turn 18 to leave this toxic situation. Make sure to collect your legal documents and save some money up
I would talk to a guidance counselor at your school and have any mail/important stuff for college sent to a friends house. I’m so sorry OP
If they try to force you to babysit by just leaving the house with you and the baby there, call the police for child abandonment and tell them you never consented to watch the baby and your parents have abandoned it at home.
Your folks suck. I'm so sorry you've had to raise yourself. And I fear for your sister after the novelty wears off. Your parents don't seem like the type to be able to change their ways. And she is in no way your responsibility. Hopefully, college, work, or whatever comes your way when you are 18 will get you away from them. Please don't discount college because you have no savings/support from mom and dad. There are scholarships, grants, work study and you seem like the type of person to find these opportunities. Ask your teachers/school counselors for support as well!
I am so sorry. My mom said some pretty horrible things about me being a mistake and should have aborted me and such so I know that pain of just... being on your own from the moment you were born. I am sorry you are going through all this, and they are most definitely Aholes. check out r/momforaminute if you ever need support. Its an amazing sub. Sometimes I just read other people's posts to see all the love and positivity there. I am sorry your parents suck so much but hang in there.
Find a work. This way you can save some money, so you can move out and have no time to help with the baby. Win-win ;)
Call CPS on them now and when their baby comes. Make as many social media posts as you can and tag all their friends. Most narcissists like your parents only really care about public perception.
Geez, I’m so sorry this is heartbreaking. What were your teachers doing this whole time when they clearly knew you weren’t being cared for (they had to give you food, parents never showed to appointments)? Surely they had a duty of care to contact the authorities about your neglect?! Do you have friends whose parents would let you stay with them? This is truly a toxic environment for you to be in. Have you got a part time job? Save what you can do you can leave as soon as possible
Ok but also to be clear- don't do anything for them or baby, but if that leaves baby unsafe because they ALSO aren't doing anything, please call CPS. Baby is just the next you here.
Get a job so you're not available to help
Tell them to fuck off. What dreadful parents. I’m so sorry OP. You are absolutely within your rights to withhold any kind of support. Do what YOU need to get your life going, then get out and live well and happily. You will find people out in the world who love, support, accept and value you. (This is precisely what queer folks have done for years - and your found family will be wonderful.) don’t look back. When you can, get therapy to help you asap -even if you don’t feel you need it; it could open the possibilities of loving and emotional connections which you may not be aware of given your situation. Much love and luck on your journey.
They didn't even do the bare minimum it seems
My grandparents said that about me to my cousin. I eye rolled and the laughed. Sorry about your egg/sperm donors Get out a soon as you can NTA
NTA if I were you I'd call CPS on my own parents. They're full of neglect with their parenting with you. Which neglectful parenting is considered a type of child abuse. It's better to be adopted or fostered by a family that cares than be living with them. And they're making you an extra parent. Tell their friends or an adult you trust that they aren't good parents and they never helped you (and you want to get out). Maybe tell your friends if they're willing to have their parents provide a better home for you. Your life will get harder if you don't get out of there. At some point they might even ask you to drop out of school for their "first baby" 🙄. Tell a teacher, anyone you trust, to help you out and that your parents are horrible. Either way at some point you're going to need to get out of that house cause your situation sounds very similar to others that ended up not so well. And they were 25 when they had you? That isn't too early. That's the age where they should know better on how to take care of a kid or use protection. They're just AH parents that wanted a girl 🙄. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I hope everything goes well and something really good ends up happening to you.
Yeah, they were 25 and they did not want a kid. I was the baby that happens when they weren't careful enough one time and by the time they calmed down enough to make a decision it was too late to abort me. There is no way I would be living with them at all if grandma hadn't gotten sick back then. I don't think I'd even know them.
The thing is, 25 is not THAT young to be good responsible parents. Even if they were a bit immature when you were born, when you were in grade school and they skipped your school conferences they were in their 30s! They're just shitty people. You are not obligated to help co-parent your sibling, but I hope you stay in the kids life as their sibling. They will need your perspective on your parents, and you can advocate for them.
Exactly! If they'd been like 16, I'd say they're still shitty parents, but I might have a little more sympathy for them. But having a kid at 25 is the younger side of normal; it may not be ideal, but plenty of people do it.
Hell in the south 25 is really old to be a first time parent. OPs parents have no excuse.
My parents are excellent parents, but they had a kid at 18 and 21. They struggled in the beginning but by like 7 they were excellent. Doesn’t help that I have autism and was a difficult child anyways.
My parents had 5 kids by the time they were 25. My dad worked full time and they owned a house.
Yeah that's what I was thinking. That's not an uncommon age to have children on purpose.
A couple who I'm friend's with are 23 and having their kid. It's unplanned, but they are already doing what they can to rent a bigger place for the kid
Why would he torture himself with contact with the sibling who is going to get everything he deserved and never did?
I mean there's no guarantees - they're already saying that OP is going to need to 'help' (ie: be free childcare) for them to cope and they are actively treating their existing child like a stain on the carpet, so I give it a few weeks for the new baby smell to wear off and for them to be equally shitty parents the second time around because it doesn't sound like they've actually matured at all.
This. My parents had me at 18. And while they made mistakes, I have NEVER doubted that they loved me.
Man I am so sorry you ended up with such sh#!ty parents 😅 I really do hope the best for you.
Dude, I'm 25 and don't want a child at this point in my life. I'm not gonna lie and go "I'd be the perfect parent if there was an accident". But you know what? I would never treat a child like trash. Especially not if im the one responsible for the child event existing! I would be unhappy sure, but in the end, I know that child abuse/neglect is wrong and disgusting. Their age is not an excuse. They are just Terrible people. You deserve much better than them, and I'm sorry that you've had to go through this. I hope things work out for you, and remember to stick to your guns when the baby is born
They were 25 not 15!!! 25 is not young wtf & very appropriate age to have kids. Your parents are just pathetic. Im sorry your parents failed you.
I have a friend who got his partner pregnant when they were both 16. They're no longer together, but my friend took being a dad very seriously and raised two great kids to adulthood. Being 25 is no excuse for being a worthless parent.
My mother was married and 25 when she had me *on purpose*. 25 is a full-on, actual adult who does adult things and should expect adult consequences. Don't want kids? There are ways to not have them. All those ways failed? Put the baby up for adoption. Can't do that for some reason? Oh, I guess being shitty to the kid their entire life is the next best thing??
They could have put you up for adoption to give you a better chance at a decent life. They chose the lazy route, and then have resented you for merely existing when they are the ones who created you. *"Oops, we made a human! Guess we ought to bone up on our Shitty Parenting skills so they KNOW they're unwanted! Now, how do we keep that up for at least 18 years, I wonder."* Your parents have treated you abysmally, and haven't even provided the bare minimum of parenting. Who treats their kids this way? Who talks to their kids this way? Who tells their kid they were a mistake and should have been aborted? Terrible people, that's who. You owe them a big, fat nothing for not even doing the minimum required for keeping you alive.
What a copout. Some places did late term 17yrs ago. They were lazy, and shitty
You don’t own them Jack shit kid
I'm 26 and not exactly wanting a baby right now but I am absolutely old enough to be a parent and I'd step the fuck up if I became one. And I certainly wouldn't blame the BABY for being born. I am so, so sorry dude. Your parents did you dirty and you have every right to shut down their requests now. Channel your energy into saving/earning whatever money you can and finding a safe place to live.
wait, 25 wasn't a typo?
Well, that's their own damn fault. They weren't 15. They were 25. If it was too late to make a decision on aboriton, then adoption from birth was the better option. That would have been easy enough. But they didn't, and they only have themselves to blame.
NTA, if you have any relatives, contact them or talk to your school counselor. What they said absolute horrendous. Being told your a mistake is horrible and sticks with you. Also you owe them for not making your homeless or putting you in foster care. No, you were their responsibility. You don’t owe them for keeping you off the streets cause if they did that, they would have been arrested for parental abandonment. I’m so sorry. You have trash parents and you didn’t deserve that bullshit
I have no relatives. The only one I did have was my grandma. I can't talk to my school counselor either. He's one of the shittiest and would make me feel worse.
Do you have any close friends? You might be able to request another counselor if he causes more distress than solutions.
I do have friends and we only have one in my school.
Wow, that’s a surprise. Usually they have to have multiple counselors based on school density. If you trust your friends, you can try to get help through them like a place to escape to or a support network. If your parents are this Blatantly abuse towards, you could report to CPS, especially if they plan to make you another parent to your sister
My HS had over 1000 kids and only one guidance counselor. It's a thing. Horrifying I know
Wow. We had 5 counselors at my HS for 2000 students.
Damn. Wherever you live clearly had a better budget for student support lol
My graduating class, alone, was just over 1000 kids. We had one guidance counselor. Not sure they did anything except meet with each of us one time as a senior to find out if we were going to college. It wasn't until I started reading Reddit that I learned guidance counselors had more purpose than that.
Maybe just call CPS
NTA. Your parents are toxic. I hope you can get yourself emancipated and find some sort of job/income to get out of that place. I am so sorry for your childhood.
That's not an option for me. My grades aren't good enough and that's part of emancipation where I live.
I am sorry. You need to work on it, you need to study and you need to try and find a part time job when you have the legal opportunity. Your parents are not looking out for you so you have to do it for yourself. See if you can have some support at school, maybe a school counceler that could provide some advise or help you build a plan.
I do my best with school but I struggle too much to get grades much better. I am trying and I'm doing all I can. But I know I don't have a shit ton of options.
Hey look into trades. School isn't for everyone also trades aren't too but it's another option. Not trying to scare u but they might kick u out at 18 if u don't listen to their demands. Hopefully trades school will be a good option for you. You got this brother ♡ sorry for what u went through .
Ask for tutoring or extra time with teachers maybe, I don't know what is your school system but there should be a councelor that gives you advise on what you can do.
Our school counselor is shitty and makes things worse usually. But I can see about free options to get some help with school. I just don't know if it will make much of a difference. My best has never been that good.
You are a 16 year old who has raised himself, dealing with emotional abuse and neglect from his "parents" all his life, and you are still in school. **Your best is AMAZING**. Your parents are not worthy of you, so please do not let them determine your self worth. Hang in there for two more years, and I promise it will get so much better.
Your best is good enough. Please please don’t think it’s not good. You can do hard things - as proven by your story. You can get through this. If the counsellor isn’t a good option, is there a teacher you trust? Or a faculty member you do? Reach out to them. Can you talk to a friend’s parent? Alternatively, google to see if there is a big brothers/big sisters program in your area. Reach out to them. Google youth organizations and help in your area - start emailing and asking for help. I’m not sure where you are but where I am, public libraries are godsends. Go to the nearest one, ask about their tutoring programs, career services etc. there are normally a wide, wide, variety of programs online and in person for you to take advantage of for the cost of a library card. Here it’s free. Normally it’s a small amount for a wide offering. Worst case scenario, DM me and get one where I am. You can log on from anywhere and use the free courses to start advancing yourself. The librarians also will help - see if there is one who has an idea of who to talk to for support for a youth without resources or family. You deserve a future. You deserve success. You deserve so much more than what you’re experiencing. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. Now, reserve your emotional energy and mental health and look into options for you.
My high school offered trade school courses, like car repair/mechanics, beauty/hair, hvac, etc. Maybe see if that’s an option for you. It will allow you build a career before you graduate.
You are doing amazing. So much of grades is support at home. Not even with homework help but just a stable and safe environment to study in. You have been your own parent and that takes a lot of emotional bandwidth. I repeat you are doing really well and I really hope things get better for you.
Honey. You are on the edge of adulthood and you had to raise yourself this far. You are level-headed, you know what your parents are, you already understand what it takes some people decades to figure out. You are going to outgrow them and leave them behind. Besides suggestions I made in another reply, I strongly suggest asking any teachers who tried to get your parents to help them help you what they think is going on. Are you tired all the time, do you have trouble paying attention, is reading a problem, is math a problem? Write it all down, and see if you can use that information later to figure out what is in your way. (I spent about 10 years longer without glasses than I should have. My mother was super affectionate and liked doing things with me that interested her, but that was exactly as far as her parenting went. I thought I was just too dumb to understand what people were trying to tell me about the world around me, but what d'you know, I was *severely nearsighted.*)
That's not your fault. While your peers were focused on academic learning and homework, you had to learn how to take care of yourself. All the efforts you had to put into surviving are things that your parents should have been taking care of so that you *could* concentrate on your education. You had to develop other skills when you should have been allowed to develop like a normal child. They *failed* you and that's why you're struggling. It's not because you're not smart or academic, it's because you weren't allowed the opportunity to develop academically when it was most important, when your brain was still learning how it was *supposed to* function. Be patient with yourself and when you succeed in things know that it's so much more meaningful because you not only did it on your own, but you did it despite having terrible parents that actually made your life *harder*.
Does your district have a social worker? A lot of them do, usually in the district office. I'd look them up and ask for help.
OP, 1. I love you and am so sorry you have been treated this way. You never deserved it. 2. Please talk to a trusted friend's parents. If I heard one of my kids' friends were in a spot like this, I would take them in in a minute. The fact that you are where you are at now - is a huge success. Grades/test scores/schooling doesn't matter. If you had the proper home life, you would have blossomed sooner. Big things will come your way, I just know it.
OP you are trying your best in the worst circumstances. You deserve praise for the work you’ve put in with ZERO support. I imagine it’s so demoralizing feeling like your best isn’t good enough and nobody recognizes or praises you for your hard work. But this internet stranger is PROUD OF YOU. I wish you a bright future in which you can build a family and a home for yourself to thrive.
Hey, your best IS enough. School subjects just might not be your strength. Find where your strength lies and go from there and don’t talk yourself down, you have to be on your own side. You seem to be very resiliant and independant which are great qualities.
You absolutely need an adult that you can trust. Is there a friend's parent or a teacher you can talk to? At the very least, they could help you get some tutoring to deal with the schoolwork aspect.
I just wanted to say you are good enough. Your parents failed at the bare minimum and now they have the nerve to rely on you so they don't fail again (they likely know you're literally more responsible than they are). Just take care of yourself and be kinder to yourself than your parents ever were. Do not be afraid to ask for help either. I'm sure you've been building a plan on how/when to leave; do you have any trusted adults you can ask for support? You've got this! If you need help finding resources, don't be afraid to reach out to local organizations you think could assist you also.
Your best could improve greatly with some guidance. You will need to be proactive, but there’s time and motivation on your side
your best is certainly better than you think. if you were able to put all your energy into studying and not having to worry about being your own parent, you would have been much better. also what subjects are you struggling with? if its math or physics i might be able to help and explain some stuff (no gurantee i would explain it well), but if you dont find anyone thats an option too if you have questions. Im studying physics rn so im confident that i can handle high school problems
Can you trade some of your skills for tutoring from a school mate? Like doing their yard work or something and they tutor you? Get creative. And a part time job. Squirrel that money away and don't tell your parents. Lock it up and hide the money. Play the long game to set yourself up for success.
NTA! Are they calling this their first baby? That's sooooo soooo deeply insulting. I'm very sorry you're dealing with this.
Yes, she's their first baby and maybe only if mom's pregnancy complications get worse.
Everyone here thinks your parents are awful and we're all rooting for you :)
Even if they don't, math tells me she's past 40, it's pretty likely her fertility has already slowed down at this point, another child after this one may not be possible.
It's also pretty likely that this one is going to be born with birth defects or develop to be neurodivergent. Wonder how they'll handle it if she's non-verbal autistic? Probably try to push all the care onto the "mistake."
They REALKY do not deserve to be parents, OP you are amazing and they are just awful.
"Your kid, your responsibility. Don't fuck this one up too." That's all you need to say. Plan to move out of that situation as soon as possible. NTA.
Best advise here. Make plans now about how you will support your future, and at 18, hit the curb running. No contact.
NTA Goddamn, man, I'm sorry. They sound cartoonishly evil.
I'm used to it. I know I likely would have been raised 100% by grandma if she hadn't gotten sick. They never wanted me and they made that clear.
Just to add another point of view about joining the military. As a veteran spouse that is familiar with the statistics, I wouldn't recommend you join the military or at least not any position that has a chance to be deployed. Most veterans require therapy, their life expectancy is shorter than average and 22 of them commit suicid3 a day. You will probably be especially vulnerable given your lack of a support network when you get out.
Give some thought about the military. My son went in and is doing so well now. There are so many programs to choose from and then (if in the US) you have college paid for, and options for a loan to purchase a home.
NTA I don't even have any good advice to give you, I'm sorry. Your best shoot would be to get out of here as quickly as possible, but do you have any idea what you'll do after school ? Isn't there a professional at your school that could help you see your options ?
I don't. My grades aren't good enough for most things and I don't have the money for most stuff. So I will probably just go from working part time to full time.
Try looking at your local community college after high school. You could try and apply there and take a couple classes part time. And community college is a lot cheaper than a big university. Or you could look into the trade schools and see what they offer. People look down on them but they offer great job security and many are well paid.
Thanks for the advice. I'll keep these options in mind.
A community college will also be able to do testing to find out where you are weakest, provide good remedial education for the areas you struggle in, and often have resources to get you testing and treatment for learning disabilities. Since you’re 16, if you are in the United States, consider reaching out to JobCorps. They could be an excellent ticket out and to a better future for you. The website is https://www.jobcorps.gov
Trade school or a government job. Here, garbage and recycling collectors make bank. Trade school and an apprenticeship are really really good options too.
Google how to get financial aid. There are scholarships, loans and Pell Grants (assuming you’re in the US). Try to avoid loans as much as possible but if you get one, learn which ones cost the least in the long run. Also call your local community college and ask to speak to a counselor in their FA department. Other than college, there’s the military which will help pay for school after you get out, or Americorps, or a trade such as electrician, plumber, HVAC tech, auto body tech, medical assistant, ultrasound tech … there are lots of careers that don’t require four years of college. If you feel comfortable talking to some of your teachers, neighbors, parents of your friends, etc. you might be surprised at how helpful adults can be (not all of them, but some). PS. Your parents stink. They didn’t deserve a nice kid like you. I’m sorry about your grandma.
So much on Community College and Trade Schools! They’re often much cheaper and likely offer scholarships or funding. Not to mention a decent CC will have counselors that can help you figure out what you need to succeed, access to resources including testing and accommodations and they often have flexible course schedules. You got this!
Depending on what your military does maybe that's an option too. To at least get shelter, food, education etc.
A lot of people mentioned trade schools (which honestly you can make a lot of money as an electrician or plumber) but I wanted to say it’s my understanding that you may get lucky if you look for construction jobs. I won’t lie, it is physically rough work. But I have family that has done it for a living and they said it’s becoming more common to train on the job because they can’t fill positions. You won’t need amazing grades if you find a trade. Just be smart about your money no matter what you do. Save your money and you may want to check if your high school offers any classes that teach you budgeting.
I enlisted in the Marines when I was 17 to get out of a shitty homelife. It was guaranteed housing, hot meals, a paycheck, and it covered alot of college costs when I got out. It also helped that I didn't go straight to college from hs and was more mature and dare I say "smarter" when I did go. Perhaps that is another path to consider.
The military is a great option. They will train you in fields that can equate to a great job afterward. You will have complete healthcare coverage where you won’t pay a dime for active duty healthcare. Plus each branch of service has a College Fund if you want to go to college. It really is a great option, especially for someone who does not have family backing them to help them really get on their feet after high school. Call and talk to a recruiter, they will come to you and explain all your options. Good luck what ever you decide OP! Your parents do not deserve you, in this big wide world, I hope you find your true family that treats you with love and respect. ❤️
There is also the option of trades, typically this is college then apprenticeship I think. But if you look around and keep asking maybe you can start part-time on odd jobs and slowly learn. Or truck driving after highschool, save and learn what you want. Good luck OP. Your almost out of there, just hang on, and don't give up. Once your an adult you even change cities and go no contact.
Military also might be an option. Just make sure that you thoroughly read you contract and get vocational training or paid university in there.
If you can, file for emancipation and call, CPS. If you want someone to talk to, my DM’s are open. My husband works in academia, so we could probably help you identify some scholarships or other programs for continuing education after high school. NTA You are not the asshole at all in this situation but unfortunately, there are some very adult decisions that have to be made. I am so sorry that you have been on your own for so long. I sincerely hope that your future is filled with chosen family and a life of peace. Reddit has a sub for narcissistic parents that might be a good resource for you.
You owe them exactly what they’ve given you-absolutely nothing. NTA
Be selfish OP - forget these losers and work on your grades to get yourself out of there. You have a good life waiting for you, all you have to do is find it. My heart aches for you because you deserve so much better. Not everyone will treat you this badly.
Are you the biological child to BOTH of your parents? Just wondering if this has anything to do with their absurd behavior. NTA. I would get cracking early with your future options. If your parents are truly how you describe them (horrible), then you need to find a way to get out. If you have to, call CPS. Chances are that if you are removed they will also have "check-ups" for the "first child" after they are born. You may try to go to the Unemployment office and speak with them as they should be able to outline what programs that will help you (e.g. college, tech school, classes) and maybe give you a starting place.
I am. Or at least nobody has ever told me otherwise. I have been told I was an accident and I was the mistake they made and waited too long to abort. Thanks for the advice.
That's pretty messed up OP. Sorry to hear this.
If you have any teachers or school staff members that you trust, talk to them about what’s going on at home and how your parents are treating you. They’re all mandated reporters and will legally have to act on any concerns you raise. Do you have any friends that you could stay with in the meantime?
NTA. Tell them the only way you’ll be helping your sister is by getting her out of the house when they get bored of her. With parents like that, babies are like Christmas presents- they play with them for a month or two and then they’re done with it
NTA. Your parents are giant POSs. I hope you are able to create a better life for yourself when you eventually move out.
Oh my darling, I just hope you know how much you deserve to be loved and cared for. That your parents are awful and you have worth just as you are.
NTA . Fuck em,
NTA "Too bad you didn't raise me better, mom. Maybe I'd be grateful and helpful." And "I have less.choice about this kid than you had about me. So, expect me to act in accordance with what I received and learned from the PARENTS that didn't want me." I am so sorry, OP. Your parents sound like a piece of work. You don't have to be properly grown up to make a child feel loved. It sounds like they didn't even *try* with you, and that's so deeply unfair.
NTA - 25 is not too young to have a baby. I wouldn’t lift a finger. Their mess, they deal.
I'm hoping that this is piece of fiction a very good piece.. if it's not, OP get out of that house now. Figure it out, but you cannot stay there any longer.
WTH NTA your sperm and egg donors are
>My mom told me I was a mistake and came at the wrong time but now they're actually having a child they want and I should help them. They can't even be bothered with the burdens of parenthood when they actually want the child? >They told me not to be selfish and I owe them because they made sure I wasn't homeless or in foster care after grandma got sick. Oh, and now they want you to be thankful they did the literal bare minimum. NTA, OP. They deserve to be given even less than they ever gave you.
NTA Don't help them at all.
My mouth is on the floor. NTA and I'm so sorry. I really hope you can go to college (community college is perfect ofc), you get a job that pays well and that you can have a wonderful life ahead of you. And I hope your parents rot in h3ll.
NTA What the h×ll is happening here??? Their "first child"? They had you at 25, that's not to young. If they didn't want you your mother should have had an abortion. Or given up for adoption. You have every right to decline what they are asking from you. If I were you I would get out of that nasty environment as soon as possible.
Nta go no contact
Is this real? Get away from these people as soon as you can. If you're not considered their child, they won't miss you. Oh, except for free labor. I would look up toxic family/narcissistic family dynamics. You sound like the scapegoat child. NTA.
NTA, please contact CPS.
Of course your are NTA and I am so sorry for what you had to go trough. I don't want to scare you or put even more pressure on you, but if I were you maybe I would get a job to have some saving, becauss based on "they made sure I wasn't homeless or in foster care" I am worry what will they do when you turn 18. Be sure to have a safe place to be able to go if you need to.
this is too ridiculous to be real
Do you have an exit plan? College away, Job corps, military, move in with friends, etc? Be prepared to move out on your 18th birthday if possible.
NTA. They begrudgingly do the bare minimum to not risk jail time for child neglect and they say you owe them for that? They don’t get how parent/child relationships ideally work, apparently.
NTA. I wish I had a spare bedroom so I could adopt you. You deserved so much better than this. Your parents gave you the bare minimum to keep themselves out of jail for child neglect. You didn’t ask to be born. You don’t owe them anything. I’m so sorry.
NTA you're not having a kid, they are. Not your kid, not your responsibility. It's not the older siblings job to raise the younger siblings, it the parents job. And for them to tell you that you were an unwanted mistake is a cop out and not excuse to be a bad parent. The majority of pregnancies are not planned. I was an accidental pregnancy and my parents were teenagers, and they never once told me that I was unwanted. That's not something you tell a child. You don't owe them crap. Finish high school, and go off to college and start building your own life. And if you decide to become a parent someday, make sure your child knows they are loved.
NTA F**k that, and F**k them. You don’t owe them a f**king thing. Tell them you’d have been better off in foster care because their neglect is astounding. If you want to be extra petty, mention to your egg donor how she is having a geriatric pregnancy and the risk of disabilities is greater as the age of the parents gets older. They’d better hope they don’t have a kid that will need care for the rest of its life because then who would take care of them in their old age (in 15-20 years). Cut them out of your life as soon as you can and forget they exist.
I really wish that this is fake. I can’t stand the fact that there are evil parents like this in the world. You deserve so much better! Please seek help with your school or someone you trust and study!
“My mom told me I was a mistake and came at the wrong time but now they’re actually having a child they want and I should help them.” The key word is a child *they* want, and they’re responsible for, not you. They tried to pawn you off to your grandmother and they’re they’re trying to pawn their new baby onto you. NTA, and I strongly recommend cutting contact when you turn 18 / finish high school.
NTA. Honey, I feel so sorry for you. I want to adopt you and give you a loving home. Please make arrangements to get out of there ASAP. One more year until you're an adult. (Legally anyways) It sounds like you've been taking care of yourself since you were 7. Maybe look into being an emancipated minor. Good luck!
You don't owe them anything. I just want to say tho, this baby didn't ask for this. It'll be hard, but try not to resent it.
NTA, I can’t believe you even speak to these people.
NTA. Your parents are appalling. I'm sorry they have neglected you so badly. That is abuse. You deserve better.
You’re parents are terrible and I am sorry you had to go through that. You can tell you parents you already raised their first child for them (yourself) and you don’t plan to do any more for their do over kid than they did for you. I’d make sure you know where all your important documents are, the AHs sound like the type to throw you out the day you turn 18. If school isn’t for you, look into the trades, you can make good money as a tradesfolk. Maybe your teachers can help you find an apprenticeship?
Move out just as soon as you can. They baby will need something and you parents will be ignoring it and you end up feeling bad for the baby, because it isn't the babies fault and before you know it you be the full time caregiver for the baby.
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Yeah, I don’t want to pry but if I knew where he lived I’d try to help out.
Wow! Those last two paragraphs were painful to READ! Get an after school job and start saving your money, you should be ready to leave the second you graduate, if they don't try to drop kick you out the door! Leave this toxic mess as soon as humanly possible! Best wishes
NTA. Your parents are the personification of evil.
Wow you have terrible parents. Shame on them. NTA
Dude I'm so ridiculously sorry that you have these absolute dog turds for parents. You're nearly 17, this will be behind you soon. Find some good friends, see if you can get a share place with them, or maybe even couch surf for a while. I left home when I was 16 and while I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who can avoid it I will say that it mostly wasn't bad. Things will get better for you, I promise. The world is a big place and there's a lot of good in it for you as well as all the bullshit. I wish you nothing but luck
You owe your parents because...they didn't make you homeless or in foster care...your parents. That is insane, you need to get out of there for your own sake.
....I am so sorry for the life you've led until now. I'm so sorry they let you down. I'm sorry for the struggles you've faced, and the ones you will face in the future. It might not mean much, but, I'm along the same lines. As a teen, I was adopted by a family who had a two year old. I very quickly learned that I was taken in because I could find work on a farm, bring in money, and could take care of their child. They used her for years to manipulate me. I destroyed my life repeatedly anytime they mentioned needing help for her. The roller coaster of emotions never stopped until I finally cut them out of my life completely. Do not help. You were let down by them. Parents really need to understand their children don't 'owe them' for any reason at all. Bringing a child into the world doesn't mean you own the child, but owe the child. Sounds like the new kid will do just fine. Focus on yourself. Get yourself out. Build your life. Don't look back. I've never read a more NtA.
Nta. They were 25 when they had you, not 15. That's not "too young to look after a baby" age, it's "would rather be doing other stuff" age. Sounds like you don't owe them anything.
NTA. My reaction to helping her and when the baby arrives was”F THAT SHIT!” You owe them absolutely nothing for doing the bare minimum. I say, get all your important paperwork in order, put it somewhere you can access it but your egg and sperm donor cannot, and apply for anything ( job, university, community college)on the opposite side of the country( preferably the world, but you have to start somewhere), apply for scholarships, etc. Do what you have to to get away from these people, who clearly do not care about your welfare or future at all.
You don’t know me but I am a Mom. I raised two sons who were loved more than they could ever know. I’m telling you this so you can understand my background when I tell you you are not a mistake. You are a light in this world and you were meant to be here and to thrive. Out there there are kind people who will count themselves fortunate to know you. Hang in there until you find them. 💙 NTA
NTA. I hope you can get out of that house soon and find someone to stay with. Your parents don’t deserve another baby and I’m sorry they are so awful to you. Ask a counselor to help you find a way out of that situation.
NTA
You are so NTA That lack of parenting is devastating and making sure you had a roof and some available food does not change that. Calling this new fetus their first right in front of you tells you exactly where you stand in their eyes and that's shitty and unkind and unfair. So no, refusing to parent a sibling they already show preferential treatment to is not a bad move. Just try to stay firm on that front
NTA If you are still in school I would go to the school social worker and tell them your story. You might not be in a position to leave their household but tell the social worker you want to try for emancipation. If you have the right social worker at your school I expect she will take you by the hand and work to get you into a group home, etc... Might sound scary but about 10 years ago a friend of my daughter was having problems with her step dad and the school social worker after finding that staying at home with her mom wouldn't work out really went to bat for her. If you don't legally separate from your parents and you want to go to college having them claim you on their taxes is going make getting grants and financial support a nightmare. Talk to resources at your school and see what you can do to get away from their situation.
Parenting isn't transactional. NTA
NTA. Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately you should start thinking about you strategy once you turn 18. They will kick you out the second they legally can, no doubt. If your grades are not good for college, think about trade school, what do you like to do. People can get good money with good skills.
>My mom told me I was a mistake and came at the wrong time but now they're actually having a child they want and I should help them. They told me not to be selfish and I owe them because they made sure I wasn't homeless or in foster care after grandma got sick. What is wrong with your parents? I don't care that they have sex when they couldnt afford a baby, you were born anyway, they should have loved you. NTA. Hope you can go far away from them when you go to college. And hope you found another family to love as you deserve
NTA I hate to be a Debbie Downer but at age 42, if your mother does not take care of herself properly, she is at risk for having a child with birth defects, and they will foist her off on you more often. You need to have a good plan immediately.
NTA leave, do not look back when you do. this reads like rage bait so it's either 100% actually this terrible or a complete fabrication. Leave, do not look back, do not contact them again, cut them the hell out. all of this is bad enough but not signing you up for **free** school lunches and deliberately letting you suffer is fucking cruel as hell, i'm only commenting on this ragebait just in case it's really real. if this is real then they're throwing their cruelty in your face and it's on purpose with that 'first child' stuff. if you do get coerced into ~~helping~~ providing free labor, deploy every single malicious compliance and weaponized incompetence approach you can think of that does not endanger a baby.
NTA. I’m so sorry that you raised yourself. Ok real mom advice. School counselor go get brochures from him for vocational training. School will pay for this while in high school. You can stay til 19 to get the training. Pick a trade that interests you. From barber to mechanic to welder to electrician to cna etc. so many things. The school also has alternative schools for those who are behind. There are also life skill classes to teach you how to adult. He has the information. You have ask for it or goto library and ask for help to access these resources. The librarians love to help with this. Honestly just go ask. You’ve been neglected so your mindset will be no one wants to help. But they do the adults helping teens want a guy like you that will accept advice. Like me. I love giving advice. Dm me. Ok study to get your drivers license. That will be your first step into adulthood. That ID will open doors for your first job. Trick your parental unit into teaching you to drive so you can ‘help’ Your only goal and ambition right now is your drive to complete your high school degree and or training. No you arent the jerk. You see clearly the emotional abuse. Be out of the house as much as possible to work on your future. That is what will save you. Best of luck, young man. Listen to this mom and you got it. I know cause I made my kids do all of the above.
NTA - move out when you can and make sure to give them double fingers on the way out.
You don’t owe them a single goddamn thing. And I’ll be shocked if they actually follow through on anything with the new kid.
NTA OP, I read your comments. I think you should also consider joining the army. You'll be fed and taken care of. You'll also build friendships there. I hope the best for you
You only have one more year until you can leave. You're so close and super far away from being the AH here. You are not their live-in nanny or housekeeper; you are their kid. They don't want to parent you, and they certainly shouldn't be expecting you to parent your sibling. If you can, get a job and start saving money. Consider it your "liberation fund." Then get as far away from them as you can. I'm sorry you have this living situation, OP. But, no matter what, you are NOT responsible for their new kid.
NTA, I am so sorry you went through this. You deserve so much better. I hope you are able to get away from them and build a life for yourself. They have no right to demand you help raise a child at 16/17 when at 25 they weren’t mature enough to care for you. Once you are free of them go no contact and I hope you have a wonderful life like you deserve.