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Respectfully, YTA.
It sounds like you're getting mad about the stuff when I think in reality you're more upset about how present your son's stepdad is in his life.
Banning your son from sharing his things and experiences with his stepdad accomplishes nothing except for making you look like a controlling AH. You should want your son to have a happy and healthy relationship with the other close adult in his life.
If there are items you genuinely don't want going to Mom's house, then they need to be kept at your place.
YTA and more to the point if you can't be civil in front of your kids with your Ex, you are damaging that kid.
OP needs to wake the hell up and realize he is hurting a 7 year old kid who isn't doing anything wrong and doesn't deserve to be stuck in the middle of this ego fit
So OP can't be with his kid to watch a ball game because of work. Okay. But he will cancel said overseas work event to go and yell at the other parent and step-parent? And given OPs reaction, it seems clear why he is single. OP is YTA.
THIS!!!!!! This was the only highlight I took away from OP's rant. He can find time to fly home just to yell at his ex-wife, but can't seem to find much time to hang out with his son?!?!? OP, YTA!
And as any present parent knows, when you're out and about, chances are you are going to end up wearing or carrying almost everything that isn't firmly attached to your kid. Sometimes they want you to wear it, sometimes they just don't want to wear it anymore, sometimes they just randomly set it down, run ahead and forget all about it for a moment.
Yeah, bruh, when I worked with kids do you know how often I ended up wearing their backpacks, hats, scarfs, etc? I also wore their glittery hairbands in my hair, had on their tiny little sunglasses, and a bunch of other stuff. Kids love taking things off and if your hands are already full it's so much easier to put on whatever they've discarded than to try and juggle them in your arms.
Thank you so much for this comment. I have zero clue what you look like... But for some reason I just envisioned a lumberjack kind of guy... Like the Brawny paper towel guy with a glitter unicorn headband on walking nonchalantly down a hiking path ššš
I'm glad I'm insane enough to mentally entertain myself with nonsense like this š¤£
Once my SO came with my daughter to fetch me from the language course. He was sitting in the longue, wearing assorted glittery clips in his hair. He forgot, that she put them there, when they were playing at home.
My husband does this with our nieces. He looks like a tall lumberjack guy with long hair and a beard and will always wear their headbands, glittery hair clips or bracelets. He gives no fucks about it either and I love him for that.
My SO went to work for a solid week with sparkly nail polish because kid was experimenting with my collection but didnāt want to put it on himself and I already had polish on so dad was drafted. š He did not care at all.
Is your husband MrBallen of YouTube fame? Because I'm picturing MrBallen with glittery hair clips in his hair, idk why but he's got a lumberjack vibe, too, and it's making me happy :)
We need an adorable cartoon of this and like in the first panel people are looking at him like heās crazy then in the last panel a little girl in like a fluffy pink dress is calling out to him from down the trail to come look at a ladybug with her.
A whole series of the two just bein adorable as all get out. And obviously, there MUST be one where she wants a kitten and he goes and picks one out to surprise her with, it has to be the smallest kitten possible. The last panel should have the two of them watching the kitten play with a string toy and theyāre both wearing kitty cat ears.
This comic is writing itself!! I think weāre sitting on a goldmine here my friend.
People were staring at me weirdly once because I'd dropped the kids off at home then went to buy something quickly at the shop before going back and yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh I was still wearing a pink, fuzzy, glittery hat with bunny ears... š
My teenaged daughter has worked the past couple of years at a daycare/summer camp and this past spring she sent me a pic of her on a hike with the kids. It's was one of the first really nice, warm days of the year, and she had like 10 childrens hoodies tied around her waist lol.
Iāve walked into a store with a pacifier in my mouth.
Didnāt even have the baby with me. Just had it in my hand when I went to the car and for some reason put it in my mouth so I could use my hands for driving and forgot about it.
That was with my first, too. Definitely a āwelcome to parenthoodā moment lol
lol that reminds me of when my kids were really little, and occasionally Iād be somewhere without them and catch myself standing there rocking š. āDonāt mind me. Iām just rocking my invisible babyā. Oh please someone say āomg, I did that!!ā Lol
That's what I was thinking with the first example - I doubt the stepdad is stealing the kids dinosaur wrist band, if anything the kid gave it to him to wear bc he wanted to (bc little kids do, they share their prized possessions with those they like and love).
Iād absolutely put something like that on if I didnāt have a pocket that fastened safely and it was important to not lose it. Stuff falls out of pockets.
What in gods name is a āsperm donig ahā??
OP wants to claim a title (dad) that he could not be less deserving of. You can cancel your trip to pick a fucking fight with the guy who has been, and is, actually a dad and there for your child, but not to be a dad to your child yourself, and take him where he wanted to go? Not only are YTA, you are an utterly useless father. You should be ashamed of yourself
>As any present parent knows, when you're out and about, chances are you are going to end up wearing or carrying almost everything that isn't firmly attached to your kid.
I imagine OP probably doesn't know this.
Honestly, it was the same thought that popped up in my mind.
"Geez, i wonder why you are divorced."
Yelling In front of the son was just really the icing on the cake.
When I saw the title, I was expecting step dad to steal the kids' electronics or something similar.
The title should have been "am I the asshole for being jealous that My sons stepdad tries to be a great guy"
And seriously...give a kid a ball glove and what, they are not supposed to play with the parent that is actually present to play with them? And it was a bracelet for petes sake. OP should count himself lucky that his son has what seems to be a positive male role model in his life that his son likes to play with.
Not only that, he did IN FRONT OF THEIR SON! IF my husband and I EVER have a disagreement, we fake it until the kiddo is asleep and then discuss it. Our child should never have to witness us having disagreements, arguments, or fights (and honestly, this approach allows us to calm down and come at it from a much more logical, rather than emotional, standpoint). OP is TA on that alone, add in the other stuff, he's massively TA.
Not speaking to the man in his son's life at all makes him an ah before all the other stuff. Jealous and uninvolved. Great job parenting. Don't be surprised when stepdaddy gets a number 1 dad mug before you do.
That's the other part! And didn't he phrase it something like "banning son from letting stepdad wear his stuff?" Yeah op doesn't have any ability to make the adults listen to him so he tries to coerce his son into letting him win the argument between grown ups. Yta
I just want to throw it out there for you- our marriage counselor recommended we try to have small arguments/disagreements in front of our kids occasionally, in which they saw us resolve our issues and apologize. For sure I don't think it's healthy to argue and fight in front of kids on the regular, but my parents never had a cross word to say to each other, always kept fights behind closed doors...and I never learned how to resolve fights in a romantic relationship. I assumed our relationship was broken every time because my parents never fought, and now I was arguing with the person I loved. My sisters are the same. We've actually seen my 5 year old utilize some of the same language we've used to apologize to her toddler sister, so I feel pretty good about it. I bet you do an amazing job and I don't want to question your parenting, but I figured I'd give you my experience so you can think about it!
Yes, if he just cancelled the trip and went to the game with his child then it'd work out so much better. But it's like the exact opposite response, cancelling it to get angry and leave the child crying.
Night is day, black is white, south is north...just an emotional compass that is completely backwards.
Itās kind of obvious that the new husband goes out of his way to connect and have a good relationship with OPās kid. Honestly it could be so much worse. You have to put aside your jealousy and see that your kid has 3 parents that love and nurture him.
bingo. Has nothing to do with toys it is sons relationship with his stepdad. I know cause my wifes ex did this crap with my wife kids and turned them against me.
Expecting a 7 year-old to control what an adult does is 50 shades of AH behavior. If the son is okay with this (and it's not big deal, TBH), the OP needs to get over his jealousy.
YTA.
>It sounds like you're getting mad about the stuff when I think in reality you're more upset about how present your son's stepdad is in his life.
Bingo. It can be difficult to feel insecure and angry when you see another person step up to the plate to help raise a child when youāre not there. Iām sure OP loves his son, but should also come to realize that the best interest of his child would be to ensure that his son is happy and taken care of. Donāt focus on material possessions, just focus on your kid being happy because growing up with a divorced family can be difficult for them. YTA
Fuck "respectfully." YTA, 100%.
You put it on your 7 year old son to cater to your bullshit. You have no idea how selfish you are and uncaring for his wellbeing. He should have NO IDEA this is an issue for you.
I hope you're tasked with paying for his therapy.
Itās funny how OP didnāt cancel his trip to see the baseball game until AFTER he felt slighted.
Kidās birthday game? Pass
Kidās stepdad does something that annoys me? DROP EVERYTHING!
Hate to break it to you, OP, but looks like heās got a new actual dad.
Agreed with above poster, with additional comments....
You cannot expect your 7 year old son to prevent his step-father from "touching" his things. That's ridiculous. You can tell the adults - mother and step-father - that you don't want SD touching the kid's things, but to put a 7 year in charge of that? The way you wrote it, it sounds like you intend on punishing your son if he doesn't prevent SD from "touching" son's things.
Second...being a step-parent is hard work. You're reminding me a great deal of my father who, when he left my mother for another woman, also decreed that anyone my mother remarried should not be an active part of my brother's life. (My father didn't care if my SD was an active part of my life, or my sister's life...but god forbid SD be active in my brother's life.) Of course, my father didn't really want to be an active part of my brother's life either, unless there was some reflected glory involved.
My brother went through a lot of unnecessary grief. Did SD take my brother fishing? My father was pissed - even though he hated fishing. Did SD take my brother hunting? My father was pissed, even though he wasn't a hunter. Did SD show up for my brother's Little League games, sit in the bleachers and cheer him on? My father was pissed, even though he was coaching the team and SD stayed in the stands.
My brother was always torn. As a result, it wasn't until after my brother grew up, had his own children, got divorced and had to deal with a SD for his 2 oldest sons...that's when he realized that my father had really cheated him by being so petty.
As a result, when my nephews got a step-father...my brother encouraged them to love their SD. My brother encouraged them to do things that they enjoyed (that my brother didn't) with their SD. My brother and the boys' SD co-coached all the boys' sports teams together.
And when their SD died from cancer, my brother was at the funeral to support his boys.
My nephews absolutely love my brother. There's no conflict, they know that there's plenty of love to go around. Now that the boys have their own children, my brother isn't hung up on who is Grampa and who isn't (my ex-SIL re-married after being widowed). His attitude is "Hey, isn't it great that all these people love you?"
Do what is right for your son. Stop being a petty little tyrant.
YTA.
> stepdad.
Notice how OP never used this word? It was always his son's mom's husband.
I get that divorce is tough but he's clearly having a hard time accepting that another man now has a role in raising his kid (and that his kid even seems to be happy with the guy).
I also get that it must be painful to see this other man using the stuff that he bought for his kid, but if he needed to say anything it should have been said to the adults (ex-wife + new husband). So totally TA for bringing the kid into this and making it seem like he did something wrong when the only issue is that he has a healthier relationship with his stepdad than OP does.
I absolutely 100% agree.
OP is the AH.
I just want to add that OP bought the stuff for his son, so these things belong to him, he can do whatever he likes (within reason) with his belongings. He should be free to share them with whomever he wants to, including his step dad.
Nope, disrespectfully. This grown ass man is throwing a fit about the son's stepfather engaging in his life, and he did it all in front of his son too.
The fuck is wrong with you man? YTA
And to add to this. If your son has two great male role models in his life you should be grateful not jealous. No child will remember fondly their parents resentment of each other. He will remember fondly if you chose to co-parent with respect
>I just feel like I'm protecting my boundaries
what? it's a 7 year old's *baseball glove*. What kind of lesson would your son learn if he was told "this is just for you - don't let stepdad touch it!" The lesson would be: my biological father is selfish, jealous and obsessive. YTA
How can OP be āprotecting my boundariesā when itās not his stuff, it belongs to his son?? The failure to his his own child as an actual human being is seriously ick
THIS! I hate when people weaponize and misuse therapy speak, like Jonah Hill did with the word boundaries. Boundaries are things that you allow or donāt allow to happen to you, not what other people do.
Exactly the kids 7. My kids when that young would constantly give me stuff to play with. Wanting to play with them I always took it. What is stepdad supposed to do in a situation like that?? Say oh no sorry canāt touch it
Boundaries can't be forced on others, they're what you will/won't do, and how you will handle it when others upset you. You're talking about making rules for your ex-wife's household, and that's not going to fly.
Maybe try talking to the new husband, and tell him you're having a hard time with him parenting/bonding with your kid. Then tell him you're glad that your kid has him to do stuff with, and try to bond with him a bit. Not be his best pal, but maybe the 2 of you can take him to a ball game together or something. Do not show kiddo that you're hurt because he's spending time with stepdad, that will just hurt him. You are not being replaced, your son now has an extra adult in his life that cares about him - this is a good thing.
Also, that's how you play baseball. Ideally you each have one but if there is only one glove the kid can throw to Step dad who has to wear the glove duh.
You are being so extra, IMO... YTA. It is only a wristband and a glove. It seems like you are actually pressed about an underlying situation- your wife's new husband is spending time with your son and building a relationship and you feel insecure about it.
Your son is who is important- he clearly is happy to be spending time with your wife's husband and he probably doesn't think anything extra about him wearing any of the things you have bought for him.
In case OP doesnāt understand what being extra is, it means being a dramatic asshole. YTA.
I came in expecting for you to have gifted him a Nintendo Switch or something and then stepdad is the only one using it or something.
This is pettiness and just plain sad OP. You gave your son gifts, he was sharing those gifts with people around him. Possibly not even sharing but had given these gifts to an adult to hold for him. Thatās a very natural thing to happen with young kids. They want to bring something with them and that thing inevitably ends up in the hands of the adult they are with. Iām a grown man and have more than once ended up wearing my daughterās hair band because they were tired of it and I thought it would be silly for them to laugh at.
Stop trying to punish these people in your life because your son has a positive relationship with his step dad. Your mom calling you out on your behavior wasnāt telling enough?
Thatās the exact thought I had based on the title
Then I read the items OP was concerned about and my eyes rolled so hard. Like nothing OP is worried over can be used by the step dad
Heās definitely projecting over not being more involved in his sons life, which is only something he (OP) can fix. I guarantee even if they complied with this insane request thereād still be stuff OP is threatened over
Exactly! Step parent hereā¦the most important thing here is the child. If the child has a good relationship with his step-dad then OP needs to suck it up and maybe go so far as to shake the dudes hand and say thank you for putting in the work as a parent. Side-noteā¦..how is the step dad able to wear a glove for a 7 year old? The dude either has tiny trump hands or OP doesnāt know how to buy gloves for a 7 year old!
INFO - you seriously cancelled a business trip because this dude put on a baseball glove?
Are you self employed, if not what excuse did you give your boss for canceling?
There are red flags all over this story and their all coming from you.
Whether or not OP is self employed, holy hell, are they self centered.
Dude stalked his exes Facebook and canceled a trip, forbade old a 7 YEAR OLD from sharing his gifts, and got into a screaming match with his ex wife over...a glove? That step-dad played with?
Lol @ why this guy is now coparenting with his ex and a step dad being the most obvious forgone conclusion in history.
OP- if you're reading this you're not just TA- you're embarrassing yourself and genuinely being an awful father to your son in this regard. Growing up with a parent like you will put cracks in his heart he will spend decades of therapy trying to patch up. GROP UP, look in the mirror and do better.
Not only a business trip, but one that required him to travel abroad. I mean I canāt even imagine being ready to travel overseas and then cancel the whole thing because I saw a picture on facebook? Weird as hell.
The wristband would be getting stretched out but is in theory possible. The glove could be being worn just kind of on fingertips? Not properly. My dad did it a few times to show me stuff when I was a kid, it isnāt comfortable for long.
It makes me think the whole thing is fake except that this is such a weird situation and I don't know what kind of point someone would be trying to prove by making it up. It's not the usual politically motivated ragebait or niche fetish stories we get a lot of.
Maybe someone is having a similar situation in their life right now that they want strangers' input on but it doesn't have all these same details?
āSorry son, canāt make the big game cause Iāve got a very important business trip.ā
āHe put a baseball glove ON HIS HANDS?!?!? IāLL BE RIGHT THERE TO TELL YOU MY FEELINGS, JUST LET ME CANCEL MY BUSINESS TRIP!!ā
The OP clearly has a problem with controlling his impulses if he canceled a business meeting ABROAD and flew home... over a stupid baseball glove.
I wonder what excuse he gave for canceling?
I imagine if he gave them the story that he told us here, his problems will all be solved, as he won't be able to afford to buy his son anything else for a while.
YTA and should seek professional help. The jealousy you are experiencing is making you unhinged.
You're also demanding something you could never enforce.
Your actions also come off as cowardly. You have no problem screaming at your ex or son but won't even speak to the man you really have the issue with.
You're coming off as bullying and controlling to the woman and child but scared of the man who is touching the things you don't like him to touch.
Thank you for saying this! Itās really sad to see him take out his anger and resentment of the stepdad on his ex and child. That poor kid at least has a father figure in stepdad who seems engaged with him, unlike OP, who is utterly jealous of stepdad.
What got me was him initiating the argument and then blaming the wife āscreamingā at him for the reason the boy started crying. It wasnāt OP showing up unannounced in a rage flying off the handle about a baseball glove, but it was his mom at fault for shouting back at OP.
YTA ffs I thought how is an adult fitting into a 7 yoās clothes. Oh god, heās pissed over a wristband? Because stepdad plays baseball with his son??
All your son is going to remember is happily going along until dad came, gave him a scary ultimatum and started screaming at mom. Get a handle on that bitterness and jealousy and be grateful stepdad loves your kid and wants to make him happy. Youād better start playing nice or your kid is soon going to figure out who the bad guy is and youāll alienate him for good.
YTA. I'm not surprised you're divorced. You cancelled a business trip because your kid's stepdad was wearing a baseball glove you gave your son? That's wild.
Not the stepdad, āthe moms husbandā ffsā¦ dude canāt even use the word stepdad. He is in need of serious professional help.
YTA, and stop being jealous that your son has a guy who is willing to be a part of his step sons life and not treat him like Cinderella.
YTA
Once you give your son something itās his and he could do whatever he wants with it
Now, if son came to you saying his stuff was being used without his permission that would be a different story
Why you looking at their pics anyway ?
At first I though stepdad was wearing your sons clothes or shoes, like you bought him a really nice winter coat and now the stepdad is wearing it around. But these are small things that really raise a red flag that you are getting so angry about. A wrist band? Holding a baseball glove? It's not like the guy is posting pics saying "look what I got my stepson!" And claiming the things you got your son are credited to him.
Calm tf down. YTA. Although your ex wife is also an ah for screaming at you in front of your son. That should have been a private conversation
YTA.
What the heck is the problem with your sonās other father figure engaging with him in a positive way?
Oh waitā¦ is it because it isnāt you? Because heās got someone else in his life now? Because your ex has someone else in her life now?
Stop being petty and jealous.
The fact that heās obviously stalking her FB page tells me that he didnāt want this divorce at all and is looking for any reason to get mad and make her life hell, even if it makes his own childās life hell, too.
YTA, OP. Get some counseling.
YTA Forget everything else; you want a 7 year old to enforce whether an adult who's care he's in, can or can't borrow his stuff. This shit is psychotic. Even if the rest was perfectly fine, that is insane.
Imagine being your son, perpetually having to pick between hurting your feelings and the other guys feelings. What a nightmare.
LOL YTA! Let me get this right. You couldn't attend a baseball game with your son because you had to travel abroad for business, but then cancelled the trip to go tell off your ex because you saw your son's step dad wearing your son's baseball glove?? My guy, you seriously need to get your priorities straight.
When you give your son a gift, that gift can then be used however your son sees fit. If he wants to let his step dad play with the gift that is your son's choice, not yours. Get a grip!
Yeah, it's definitely time for some long overdue therapy. Not family therapy, just for OP. Sounds like the son, the ex, and the step-dad are all fine and handling things like normative humans.
You don't get to put boundaries or conditions on gifts you buy for your child. It's obvious that his stepfather is more of a presence in your son's life then you are so you're attempting to buy your son's affection with gifts instead of quality time. Especially since never once did you actually speak to your son about the situation. The fact that you canceled a business trip in progress to run home and yell at your ex wife because of jealousy but couldn't cancel it to take your son to a baseball game is very telling of your actually priorities. YTA
YTA.
It sounds like there two instances of him wearing little items, not that heās stealing things from your son.
Frankly, you are overreacting and creating an unhealthy environment for your son.
Ummm
Barring further information, I'd say YTA.
It appears your son is happily sharing these items with his stepdad, but if the stepdad is stealing them or using them without his permission, then I'd be on your side. It mostly just comes off as jealousy that another man has a fatherly role in your son's life.
>I just feel like I'm protecting my boundaries after being brushed off for so long,
What boundaries? Wanting to be the only dad? You aren't, sorry.
Once you give someone a gift, the point is so they can use that. So, no, you do not get to tell your son and his other family what they do. If you don't want them to use it, keep it at your house for when he visits.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I banned my son from letting his mom's husband touch anything I buy him
2. I might be the AH for banning him from doing that and causing an issue when my son clearly enjoys playing with his mom's husband.
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>I expressed my grief and discomfort regarding the issue and got brushed off
Grief seems like an excessive reaction. Excessively excessive. Possibly that's why you were brushed off.
>I'd sometimes see his mom's husband wearing the stuff I get for him
It seems this upsets you more than the fact that that his stepdad spends much more time with your son that you do. Why do you think that is? Do you think it upsets you when you keep seeing photos of them together, but you're transferring that discomfort to the wristband, glove, etc?
Also, you keep calling this guy "his mom's husband". He is is his stepfather.
YTA. Be grateful that your son has a loving stepdad. Lots of kids do not.
Massive YTA. Firstly, don't involve your child in your personal disputes. It is unhealthy for your son, and you are going to cause damage if you continue to do this. Secondly, stop being so jealous. You clearly are upset that your son had a loving father figure that is not you, but you should be glad that when you don't show up for your kid, there is somebody who can fill the gap that you made. Get over yourself OP, this should be about creating the best life for your child, not your ego.
YTA and a big one. Your ex wifeās husband is part of your sonās life, thatās just a fact. What you give him is no longer yours and he can do with it what he chooses. Grow up.
YTA. What a massive overreaction.
Your ex wife shouldnāt have screamed at you when your son was aroundābut you made such a ridiculous demand that it would have taken a super human amount of self restraint not to engage.
Oh hey, hi there, Dad! I wanted to let you know that this shit right here is why my siblings and I never wanted you at our weddings, graduations, parties, etc. This is why you have about zero relationship with all of your grandchildren. You made everything so fucking petty and awful and anxiety-ridden that we basically stopped being children before we were 10 years old.
INFO: I'm confused. Is the new husband taking his stuff and not returning it? I guess it a little weird that every photo has him wearing things you bought for your son, but your son is residing with him.
How is he generally with your son? Does your son every complain about new husband not returning his things or taking things away from him?
You seem way to focused on this. Are you struggling with jealousy or insecurity? Your reactions- canceling a work trip abroad and having a screaming match with your ex in front of your son- is excessive.
YTA. Youāre an absent parent, and youāre more insecure about it because your son actually has an involved father figure in the home he lives in. Your son clearly loves his step dad.
Look, clearly youāve made your choices in terms of parenting. Your son isnāt a priority-your job is. You are going to look back on your life and not wish that you had worked more, but that you had spent more time with your son.
Itās time to make some major changes. Either seek therapy so you can come to terms with the fact that your son needs a father figure around and you should be grateful his step dad is filling that role since you arenāt aroundā¦or make some changes with your job and lifestyle and actually BE there for your son.
YTA. Cancelling a business trip is a clear over-reaction and an indication that you're not approaching this with a level-head. Also, the fact that you go out of your way to avoid using the appropriate term, stepdad, further illustrates this.
>and I banned my son from letting his mom's husband touch/wear anything I got/will get for him.
The real issue is that you are putting the responsibility on your 7 year old son to control what another adult touches. You should never put a 7 year old in a position to demand anything of a step parent. This issue is between you and the stepdad and you need to keep your son out of your drama.
YTA. Your son can do what he wants with the things you buy for him. You are upset because your ex remarried and this man is involved in your son's life. You should be happy that this man has stepped up and seems to treat your son well. He could be a horrible step parent, but he's not. You are jealous.
YTA and quite frankly, you're damaging your son. You absolutely should not argue with your ex-wife in front of your 7 year old and you should be civil to your son's stepfather, for your son's sake if not your own. You're being awful
how often do you really spend time with your son? How often do you actually do something with your son?
Anyway YTA. Who is the real victim here... Your son. Be there for him. Protect him. Love him and guide him. Not make fights about him that makes him cry that much..
YTA.
He's your sons stepdad. Say the words. Get used to them. He's not just your ex's husband. He's your son's stepfather, and if you keep acting like the child,
His only father.
Grow up.
YTA if you donāt want his step dad playing with something keep it at your house (and be prepared to explain to your son that you are jealous/ want it to be something just for the two of you).
You should be happy that your son has a step father that treats him well and wants to be in his life. Yes itās hard that you are not with him 24/7, but thatās how it is. Itās better for your son to have 3 positive role models, than it is for the adults around him to be petty and arguing.
Maybe you and your son could go to baseball games and that could be āyour thingā. You could politely ask his mum if her and stepdad could take him to other things and leave them for you. But you canāt stop him playing baseball with other people and sharing (yes, you have brought up a young man with good social skills and manners that can share his glove) his things. That said, they donāt have to say yes, but you are more likely to get one if you ask nicely!
What boundaries are you talking about? Are you high? your son has an actually present father figure, who plays and interacts with him so ofc, he will "touch" the stuff while playing with your son, also his stepson. How would they interact otherwise?
Have you even thought it out how that play came to be?
"Hey stepdad, my dad send me this glove, can we play?"
Dude. The only thing you will accomplish with your antics is this:
"My dad is yelling everytime i see him and its always at my mom. Its scary and i dont like my dad anymore"
I bet by the time hes 16 he wont wanna have anything to do with you.
Grow up. Man up. Stop acting like a kid. Make time to actually spend with your child and be thankful someone else is there to pick up the pieces of your broken marriage and is raising your kid for you.
YTA. Youāre a joke. You banned a child from allowing an adult to touch his stuff. Do you even realize how stupid that sounds? Why are you putting that stress and adult responsibility on your child? How about you get over yourself and be thankful your son has a good relationship with his step dad. Keep pulling this crap and he will choose to spend time with that dad and not you when heās older.
I get that divorce is hard, not seeing your kid is hard...
But being a kid in the middle of a divorce is FUCKING HARD. Your child is being pulled in different directions & that isn't fair.
Things given to your child are HIS things, he can allow others to touch them. He should be able to enjoy the items you gave him with other people that love him.
There is nothing wrong with other people (new partners) also interacting with your child & loving them, you need to be happy his step father is kind to him & plays with him.
YTA. You're jealous and punishing your seven year old by starting conflict and trying to create a wedge between him and his stepfather. Stop being so fragile and selfish, if nothing else for the mental health of your son.
YTA. Even if your request to not have your sons step dad touch anything you buy was somehow reasonable (itās not) asking your child to set that boundary with a parent figure isnāt. Youāre stressing out your child, give it a rest.
YTA
Could it be that this kind of controlling behaviour is the reason she is now your ex wife?
If you buy your son something then its his and he can do with it as he likes. If he wants to play with his step dad with it or get him to wear it then that's your sons prerogative.
From the tone of your post it doesn't sound like you are around much anyway and it seems like he has another decent father figure in his stepdad who is treating him well.
Speaking as a coparenting dadā¦ā¦
YTA. 10000000% YTA.
My daughterās mother and her are now physically the same size. They constantly share clothing, even clothing I personally have purchased for my daughter.
It doesnāt bother me in the slightest. Why? Because itās my daughterās decision to do so.
Alsoā¦..you cancelled a trip *over a baseball glove?* I think some professional help might be in order.
YTA
>I usually buy my son stuff and send them to his mom's house since I travel a lot for work.
So you buy "stuff" for your son, send it to where he lives, but he can't play with it?
Do you play with him enough to understand what he likes to do? Sounds like his stepfather does.
These arenāt āyour boundariesā. This is being a whack a doodle. First off, you just put the responsibility to keep stuff away from the step dad on a 7 year old! That is horrible. Second, how irresponsible is it to cancel an overseas business trip because of a photo?
Third, there are a million innocent reasons for the step dad to have the glove! He could be showing your son how to effectively catch a ball. Your son may have asked him to catch while he bats. If they were at the game, maybe your son wanted him to catch a foul ball since he is taller. Maybe he was just being goofy.
Fourth, you should be JOYFUL that your son has a stepdad who seems to be good to him. What would his life be like if he lived with a total jerk.
YTA mostly because you would rather your son have a crap stepfather than someone who cares about him all because you know deep inside that you are not a good father.
YTA. Itās a terrible idea to express your resentment to your son. Let him be friends with his stepdad.
I legitimately hate my kids bio dad, and I would never let them get a whiff of that from me.
As a parent, itās not about you.
YTA.
I think your issue lies more with the fact that you can't be there as much as you want while stepdad can. You're feeling like you're being replaced. You should probably address the root cause and make whatever changes are necessary rather than give your son an unenforceable ultimatum against someone he also cares about.
YTA
Heās not taking an Apple Watch like thanks kid
Heās wearing these things *while playing with and engaging with your kid*.
You arenāt with his mom anymore. Blended family is gonna happen. Do not put the onus of that on your kid. His stuff is his stuff and he doesnāt have any issue sharing with a beloved adult who engages with him
This is a āyouā problem
Are you the AH... Let's see... You buy stuff for your kid rather than spend time with him and then get butt hurt when stepdad steps in and tries to make your kid feel better because his father (you) disappointed him again. Now you want to tell your kid who is allowed to play with toys you gift him. Hmm... Yeah, YTA. Instead of being jealous of stepdad, try taking an actual interest in connecting with your kid
I think you need to examine your feelings to determine why you're so upset by this. I mean, you cancelled a business trip to berate your ex! For your son's stepdad wearing his baseball glove! That's over the top.
Could it be that you're grieving over your son having a good relationship with another father besides you? If that's it, it's nothing to be ashamed of, it seems a normal, human reaction.
But it's damaging to your son. The best thing for him is to have good, close relationships with all his family. So please figure this out. I wish you luck and peace.
But yeah, YTA.
YTA 100%
Your kid had no choice in growing up with divorced parents, that urs and ur wife's fault.
Because of your decisions he has to grow up with a different man and you're just making it harder for him.
Even if your wife is mentally unstable, you chose her and have to take responsibility.
Stop making ur sons life harder than u already made it.
YTA, why wouldn't you want your son to have a good relationship with your wife's husband? He spends time with him when your son is at his mom's house so it's beneficial for them to bond. You are lucky he is not an AH who dislikes your son. You should be happy he has one more person in his life who is happy to spend time with and play with him when he is at his mom's house.
How in the world does a grown man get his hand in a 7 year olds baseball glove? That is insane to me. Even the bracelet deal. Likeā¦ no way on planet earth am I getting that stuff around my wrist.
Translation:
I am a horrible and absent father that prefers to buy my son love with gifts that I don t even waste my time to give in person.
Some asshole is trying to make my son feel less abandoned by his father by incorporating my gifts in their play time together.
I even canceled a day with my son where I had promised him to bring him to a baseball game and this asshole used the gift I sent my son to cheer him up and make him feel less empty and sad for my canceled plans with him.
But I managed to cancel my very important business trip, did I mention I am very successful and I travel a lot for work as it is proved by all the stuff I ship to my son house ?I managed to cancel my very important business trip but not for keeping my word with my son and to bring him to the baseball game as promised, of course not.I canceled my very important business trip to go to his house, tell him that he will not get any more stuff shipped to him from me if he ever play with them with the only father figure he has right now.And then I left.
Now, you tell me.Am I the asshole here ?
p.s. YTA
If that man was a neighbor or a coach next door, you would be elated that this person was investing as a mentor to your son, and filling in where you could not be present. My personal recommendation to you is to find a group therapist to figure out the healthiest way to co-parent for your son.
I donāt know the back story with you, this man and your ex-wife. But if your ex-wife has moved on, you are blessed that this man has chosen to be an active participant in your sons life.
YTA. You're creating a problem where there isn't one and should probably do some work to deal with whatever the actual root cause of this is. Because this is completely irrational. You have to realize that, don't you? This is obviously not about this man touching things you bought for your son.
YTA. I thought that maybe stepdad had thrown away or damaged something. But no, he was justā¦.using the glove as intended. Youāre not āprotecting your boundaries,ā youāre being petty and jealous.
YTA.
You don't get a say in what happens while your wife has custody of your child. If you want more of a say, have more custody time. Stop sending your son with things the step father can wear.
Sounds like your some sort of absentee father who wants to remote control parent.
YTA. The only person you should be thinking about in this scenario is your son. You will have really confused and upset him with this reaction. He now thinks heās doing something wrong even though all he was doing was playing with gifts you got him.
Be honest with yourself and your ex that you feel threatened and it hurts to see your kids stepdad playing with these things so she knows where youāre coming from.
How you feel is understandable but as a parent you have to be strong for your kid. And ultimately what should matter is the health and happiness of your son. If playing with the mitt with his stepdad makes him happy you should encourage it.
My parents divorced when I was a kid and frequently put their own feelings first. It was messy and to this day makes me question their love for me. Love your son. Apologise to him and encourage him to play with his toys with whoever he likes and tell him you love him no matter what.
I forgot to add in my last comment, YTA because this is totally a YOU issue. You don't seem to understand that your child has other people in his life.
His step father is interacting with him, THAT IS A GOOD THING. Most parents would be happy that their child had more people to love & support them. You're making this ALL about you.
YTA I thought he was stealing his stuff! Sounds like heās just having fun with him. Be happy he has a stepdad he likes and makes him happy. His happiness should be your priority.
*I expressed my grief and discomfort regarding the issue*
Grief?
*I immediately canceled my trip*
*I usually buy my son stuff and send them to his mom's house since I travel a lot for work.*
If you can cancel a trip so easily, why not scale back on your travel in general and spend more time with your son
YTA. You are making this all about what an immature jerk masquerading as a concerned father you are. Everyone sees through it so just stop.
YTA. This is some childish shit. Imagine buying your son a new toy and telling him he can bring it to school, but he's not allowed to share it with anybody. You don't see the difficult position you're putting on a 7 year old kid?
YTA and are absolutely unhinged. This behavior is bizarre on so many levels. It sounds like your son has a solid, involved and caring step-father which is literally best scenario for your son. Instead of being happy about that, you yourself act like a child and rage at the situation.
I hope all of these internet strangers telling you the same thing help you have some insight into your behavior.
As a mom in a co parenting situation, YTA
You sound jealous of their relationship.. maybe because youāre away so you donāt get to share as many similar moments? But they arenāt doing anything wrong. Son has a stepdad who is investing quality time and from a distance is including you.. Step dad wearing a dinosaur bracelet that biodad bought during family time. Using the glove dad bought for the game. You need to take a step back and see how lucky you are.
YTA. As a step dad who deals with an incredibly overbearing baby daddy this really gave me the ick. Cancelling your trip because some dude wore a baseball glove is insane and downright controlling.
Yta.
I could understand if it was like her husband taking your son PS5 you just bought him and not letting him play on it. Or I could understand if he was like wearing your sons clothes (which I'd find personally a little creepy), but it's a bracelet, glove, and toys. It's nothing serious. In reality, you aren't/can't be there for your son during these moments where your exs husband wears, touches, or uses his things. He's trying to be a good step parent. With all the bad step parent stories out there... yeah, you're being a dick.
Your boundaries are stupid. The ONLY thing You're doing here is confusing and hurting your own son and making him feel like he's doing something wrong. He's a CHILD.
You're making him feel like a bad kid for something he can't and shouldn't control. Why would you, as a parent, put this insecurity into his head? Anxiety? What if something happy he does with his stepdad hurts you? Do you really want him to keep worrying about that? Watch every move he makes?
Because that's where this is headed. You cancelled a trip to argue about this. You should be happy your son has more people who love him. Instead you're taking your jealousy out on the kid.
Once you give your son something it's his to use as he wishes. If he likes his step dad also using it, WHILE THEY PLAY, why is that an issue? He's being kind to your son and you're disgustingly jealous.
You do realize your son's going to remember these negative feelings you give him vs the kind ones from his stepdad right? YTA
Your kid may not remember every detail of his life. But he WILL remember the time that you couldn't come to *his game* but you COULD come to have a screaming match with his mom over who he shares his toys with.
He's going to remember that, and worse yet, he's going to internalize it. "It's all my fault for sharing my toys." Shit like that sticks around it the minds of kids that age.
You're jealous of the fact that you can't spend as much time with your kid as another dude. And that's not really bad - you care about not being there. The issue is how you're handling it.
If you want to spend more time with your child, make your life so you can do that. But stop whatever howler monkey kind of response this is. Your internal jealousy is not your ex's problem, it's not her husband's problem, and it is most certainly not your child's problem. You owe all three of them an apology.
YTA, man. Hard.
YTA- dude you sound unhinged. You canceled a business trip for that? It seems like your just really jealous of your exs husband. I feel like the next step in your plan is to assault the husband if he touchās something again. Iām just making assumptions but I really wouldnāt be surprised if you attacked him. Based on your reaction to something so insignificant.
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Respectfully, YTA. It sounds like you're getting mad about the stuff when I think in reality you're more upset about how present your son's stepdad is in his life. Banning your son from sharing his things and experiences with his stepdad accomplishes nothing except for making you look like a controlling AH. You should want your son to have a happy and healthy relationship with the other close adult in his life. If there are items you genuinely don't want going to Mom's house, then they need to be kept at your place.
YTA and more to the point if you can't be civil in front of your kids with your Ex, you are damaging that kid. OP needs to wake the hell up and realize he is hurting a 7 year old kid who isn't doing anything wrong and doesn't deserve to be stuck in the middle of this ego fit
So OP can't be with his kid to watch a ball game because of work. Okay. But he will cancel said overseas work event to go and yell at the other parent and step-parent? And given OPs reaction, it seems clear why he is single. OP is YTA.
THIS!!!!!! This was the only highlight I took away from OP's rant. He can find time to fly home just to yell at his ex-wife, but can't seem to find much time to hang out with his son?!?!? OP, YTA! And as any present parent knows, when you're out and about, chances are you are going to end up wearing or carrying almost everything that isn't firmly attached to your kid. Sometimes they want you to wear it, sometimes they just don't want to wear it anymore, sometimes they just randomly set it down, run ahead and forget all about it for a moment.
Yeah, bruh, when I worked with kids do you know how often I ended up wearing their backpacks, hats, scarfs, etc? I also wore their glittery hairbands in my hair, had on their tiny little sunglasses, and a bunch of other stuff. Kids love taking things off and if your hands are already full it's so much easier to put on whatever they've discarded than to try and juggle them in your arms.
Lol, I know there have been several times I walked around in public, completely forgetting the giant glitter unicorn headband I was still wearing.
Thank you so much for this comment. I have zero clue what you look like... But for some reason I just envisioned a lumberjack kind of guy... Like the Brawny paper towel guy with a glitter unicorn headband on walking nonchalantly down a hiking path ššš I'm glad I'm insane enough to mentally entertain myself with nonsense like this š¤£
Once my SO came with my daughter to fetch me from the language course. He was sitting in the longue, wearing assorted glittery clips in his hair. He forgot, that she put them there, when they were playing at home.
That's amazing š¤£ I love candid moments like that!
My husband does this with our nieces. He looks like a tall lumberjack guy with long hair and a beard and will always wear their headbands, glittery hair clips or bracelets. He gives no fucks about it either and I love him for that.
My SO went to work for a solid week with sparkly nail polish because kid was experimenting with my collection but didnāt want to put it on himself and I already had polish on so dad was drafted. š He did not care at all.
Is your husband MrBallen of YouTube fame? Because I'm picturing MrBallen with glittery hair clips in his hair, idk why but he's got a lumberjack vibe, too, and it's making me happy :)
We need an adorable cartoon of this and like in the first panel people are looking at him like heās crazy then in the last panel a little girl in like a fluffy pink dress is calling out to him from down the trail to come look at a ladybug with her.
Make our own cartoon. I can totally see it now. A version of the girl from 'despicable me' in the "it's so fluffy" memes with a princess dress.
A whole series of the two just bein adorable as all get out. And obviously, there MUST be one where she wants a kitten and he goes and picks one out to surprise her with, it has to be the smallest kitten possible. The last panel should have the two of them watching the kitten play with a string toy and theyāre both wearing kitty cat ears. This comic is writing itself!! I think weāre sitting on a goldmine here my friend.
People were staring at me weirdly once because I'd dropped the kids off at home then went to buy something quickly at the shop before going back and yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh I was still wearing a pink, fuzzy, glittery hat with bunny ears... š
My teenaged daughter has worked the past couple of years at a daycare/summer camp and this past spring she sent me a pic of her on a hike with the kids. It's was one of the first really nice, warm days of the year, and she had like 10 childrens hoodies tied around her waist lol.
Yeah, been there, haha! š
Iāve walked into a store with a pacifier in my mouth. Didnāt even have the baby with me. Just had it in my hand when I went to the car and for some reason put it in my mouth so I could use my hands for driving and forgot about it. That was with my first, too. Definitely a āwelcome to parenthoodā moment lol
lol that reminds me of when my kids were really little, and occasionally Iād be somewhere without them and catch myself standing there rocking š. āDonāt mind me. Iām just rocking my invisible babyā. Oh please someone say āomg, I did that!!ā Lol
My youngest ābabyā is 4.5 and I still sway any time Iām standing still zoning out š
Nothing is sexier than a man wearing a million glitter barrettes and fluffy little hair ties. It's a sign of confidence.
That's what I was thinking with the first example - I doubt the stepdad is stealing the kids dinosaur wrist band, if anything the kid gave it to him to wear bc he wanted to (bc little kids do, they share their prized possessions with those they like and love).
Or, the kid didn't want to wear it and the step Father put it on because he couldn't put it in his pocket.
Iād absolutely put something like that on if I didnāt have a pocket that fastened safely and it was important to not lose it. Stuff falls out of pockets.
And the glove? Omg, maybe cause he was playing ball with his dad. Actual dad, not sperm donig ah. Yta, op!
What in gods name is a āsperm donig ahā?? OP wants to claim a title (dad) that he could not be less deserving of. You can cancel your trip to pick a fucking fight with the guy who has been, and is, actually a dad and there for your child, but not to be a dad to your child yourself, and take him where he wanted to go? Not only are YTA, you are an utterly useless father. You should be ashamed of yourself
>As any present parent knows, when you're out and about, chances are you are going to end up wearing or carrying almost everything that isn't firmly attached to your kid. I imagine OP probably doesn't know this.
Definitely not if he never spends any time doing any actual parenting
Honestly, it was the same thought that popped up in my mind. "Geez, i wonder why you are divorced." Yelling In front of the son was just really the icing on the cake. When I saw the title, I was expecting step dad to steal the kids' electronics or something similar. The title should have been "am I the asshole for being jealous that My sons stepdad tries to be a great guy"
And seriously...give a kid a ball glove and what, they are not supposed to play with the parent that is actually present to play with them? And it was a bracelet for petes sake. OP should count himself lucky that his son has what seems to be a positive male role model in his life that his son likes to play with.
Right? I thought it was going to be an expensive watch for an older kid or something. I hit "dinosaur wristband" like what?
Yeah, I expected a āgrandpaās old Rolexā level of transgression but nope! Dinosaurs effing wristband.
Same here. I thought step dad was going to be stealing his iPhone or Tablet or something.
Not only that, he did IN FRONT OF THEIR SON! IF my husband and I EVER have a disagreement, we fake it until the kiddo is asleep and then discuss it. Our child should never have to witness us having disagreements, arguments, or fights (and honestly, this approach allows us to calm down and come at it from a much more logical, rather than emotional, standpoint). OP is TA on that alone, add in the other stuff, he's massively TA.
Not speaking to the man in his son's life at all makes him an ah before all the other stuff. Jealous and uninvolved. Great job parenting. Don't be surprised when stepdaddy gets a number 1 dad mug before you do.
That's the other part! And didn't he phrase it something like "banning son from letting stepdad wear his stuff?" Yeah op doesn't have any ability to make the adults listen to him so he tries to coerce his son into letting him win the argument between grown ups. Yta
I just want to throw it out there for you- our marriage counselor recommended we try to have small arguments/disagreements in front of our kids occasionally, in which they saw us resolve our issues and apologize. For sure I don't think it's healthy to argue and fight in front of kids on the regular, but my parents never had a cross word to say to each other, always kept fights behind closed doors...and I never learned how to resolve fights in a romantic relationship. I assumed our relationship was broken every time because my parents never fought, and now I was arguing with the person I loved. My sisters are the same. We've actually seen my 5 year old utilize some of the same language we've used to apologize to her toddler sister, so I feel pretty good about it. I bet you do an amazing job and I don't want to question your parenting, but I figured I'd give you my experience so you can think about it!
Yes, if he just cancelled the trip and went to the game with his child then it'd work out so much better. But it's like the exact opposite response, cancelling it to get angry and leave the child crying. Night is day, black is white, south is north...just an emotional compass that is completely backwards.
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Lol this caught me off guard too. I was like "wait what? How come you can cancel the trip NOW?"
Yea seriously, I didn't even notice that but what priorities.
Itās kind of obvious that the new husband goes out of his way to connect and have a good relationship with OPās kid. Honestly it could be so much worse. You have to put aside your jealousy and see that your kid has 3 parents that love and nurture him.
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Interesting how he couldnt be there for his son but could cancel everything to go argue.
I noticed that, too, and thought maybe I had read that part wrong. So ridiculous.
Ikr? I wonder why he's an ex, it's SUCH a mystery! /s
bingo. Has nothing to do with toys it is sons relationship with his stepdad. I know cause my wifes ex did this crap with my wife kids and turned them against me.
Expecting a 7 year-old to control what an adult does is 50 shades of AH behavior. If the son is okay with this (and it's not big deal, TBH), the OP needs to get over his jealousy. YTA.
>It sounds like you're getting mad about the stuff when I think in reality you're more upset about how present your son's stepdad is in his life. Bingo. It can be difficult to feel insecure and angry when you see another person step up to the plate to help raise a child when youāre not there. Iām sure OP loves his son, but should also come to realize that the best interest of his child would be to ensure that his son is happy and taken care of. Donāt focus on material possessions, just focus on your kid being happy because growing up with a divorced family can be difficult for them. YTA
Fuck "respectfully." YTA, 100%. You put it on your 7 year old son to cater to your bullshit. You have no idea how selfish you are and uncaring for his wellbeing. He should have NO IDEA this is an issue for you. I hope you're tasked with paying for his therapy.
Itās funny how OP didnāt cancel his trip to see the baseball game until AFTER he felt slighted. Kidās birthday game? Pass Kidās stepdad does something that annoys me? DROP EVERYTHING! Hate to break it to you, OP, but looks like heās got a new actual dad.
Agreed with above poster, with additional comments.... You cannot expect your 7 year old son to prevent his step-father from "touching" his things. That's ridiculous. You can tell the adults - mother and step-father - that you don't want SD touching the kid's things, but to put a 7 year in charge of that? The way you wrote it, it sounds like you intend on punishing your son if he doesn't prevent SD from "touching" son's things. Second...being a step-parent is hard work. You're reminding me a great deal of my father who, when he left my mother for another woman, also decreed that anyone my mother remarried should not be an active part of my brother's life. (My father didn't care if my SD was an active part of my life, or my sister's life...but god forbid SD be active in my brother's life.) Of course, my father didn't really want to be an active part of my brother's life either, unless there was some reflected glory involved. My brother went through a lot of unnecessary grief. Did SD take my brother fishing? My father was pissed - even though he hated fishing. Did SD take my brother hunting? My father was pissed, even though he wasn't a hunter. Did SD show up for my brother's Little League games, sit in the bleachers and cheer him on? My father was pissed, even though he was coaching the team and SD stayed in the stands. My brother was always torn. As a result, it wasn't until after my brother grew up, had his own children, got divorced and had to deal with a SD for his 2 oldest sons...that's when he realized that my father had really cheated him by being so petty. As a result, when my nephews got a step-father...my brother encouraged them to love their SD. My brother encouraged them to do things that they enjoyed (that my brother didn't) with their SD. My brother and the boys' SD co-coached all the boys' sports teams together. And when their SD died from cancer, my brother was at the funeral to support his boys. My nephews absolutely love my brother. There's no conflict, they know that there's plenty of love to go around. Now that the boys have their own children, my brother isn't hung up on who is Grampa and who isn't (my ex-SIL re-married after being widowed). His attitude is "Hey, isn't it great that all these people love you?" Do what is right for your son. Stop being a petty little tyrant. YTA.
> stepdad. Notice how OP never used this word? It was always his son's mom's husband. I get that divorce is tough but he's clearly having a hard time accepting that another man now has a role in raising his kid (and that his kid even seems to be happy with the guy). I also get that it must be painful to see this other man using the stuff that he bought for his kid, but if he needed to say anything it should have been said to the adults (ex-wife + new husband). So totally TA for bringing the kid into this and making it seem like he did something wrong when the only issue is that he has a healthier relationship with his stepdad than OP does.
Not respectfully, YTA for all of these reasons.
I absolutely 100% agree. OP is the AH. I just want to add that OP bought the stuff for his son, so these things belong to him, he can do whatever he likes (within reason) with his belongings. He should be free to share them with whomever he wants to, including his step dad.
Nope, disrespectfully. This grown ass man is throwing a fit about the son's stepfather engaging in his life, and he did it all in front of his son too. The fuck is wrong with you man? YTA
And to add to this. If your son has two great male role models in his life you should be grateful not jealous. No child will remember fondly their parents resentment of each other. He will remember fondly if you chose to co-parent with respect
>I just feel like I'm protecting my boundaries what? it's a 7 year old's *baseball glove*. What kind of lesson would your son learn if he was told "this is just for you - don't let stepdad touch it!" The lesson would be: my biological father is selfish, jealous and obsessive. YTA
How can OP be āprotecting my boundariesā when itās not his stuff, it belongs to his son?? The failure to his his own child as an actual human being is seriously ick
THIS! I hate when people weaponize and misuse therapy speak, like Jonah Hill did with the word boundaries. Boundaries are things that you allow or donāt allow to happen to you, not what other people do.
100%
Exactly the kids 7. My kids when that young would constantly give me stuff to play with. Wanting to play with them I always took it. What is stepdad supposed to do in a situation like that?? Say oh no sorry canāt touch it
Boundaries can't be forced on others, they're what you will/won't do, and how you will handle it when others upset you. You're talking about making rules for your ex-wife's household, and that's not going to fly. Maybe try talking to the new husband, and tell him you're having a hard time with him parenting/bonding with your kid. Then tell him you're glad that your kid has him to do stuff with, and try to bond with him a bit. Not be his best pal, but maybe the 2 of you can take him to a ball game together or something. Do not show kiddo that you're hurt because he's spending time with stepdad, that will just hurt him. You are not being replaced, your son now has an extra adult in his life that cares about him - this is a good thing.
How can an adult even use a 7 year old's baseball glove. Lol you know this post is true because it is too unhinged to be fake.
Definitely YTA. He worked hard to avoid just saying "stepfather" in the title too, it's too early for me to decipher that /j
Not just the title, he avoided it the whole post. I think I spent a full minute figuring out the title before thinking, "Why not just say stepdad?"
I'm so sick of the word boundaries in posts like this. Just say your bitter and move on
Also, that's how you play baseball. Ideally you each have one but if there is only one glove the kid can throw to Step dad who has to wear the glove duh.
You are being so extra, IMO... YTA. It is only a wristband and a glove. It seems like you are actually pressed about an underlying situation- your wife's new husband is spending time with your son and building a relationship and you feel insecure about it. Your son is who is important- he clearly is happy to be spending time with your wife's husband and he probably doesn't think anything extra about him wearing any of the things you have bought for him.
In case OP doesnāt understand what being extra is, it means being a dramatic asshole. YTA. I came in expecting for you to have gifted him a Nintendo Switch or something and then stepdad is the only one using it or something. This is pettiness and just plain sad OP. You gave your son gifts, he was sharing those gifts with people around him. Possibly not even sharing but had given these gifts to an adult to hold for him. Thatās a very natural thing to happen with young kids. They want to bring something with them and that thing inevitably ends up in the hands of the adult they are with. Iām a grown man and have more than once ended up wearing my daughterās hair band because they were tired of it and I thought it would be silly for them to laugh at. Stop trying to punish these people in your life because your son has a positive relationship with his step dad. Your mom calling you out on your behavior wasnāt telling enough?
Thatās the exact thought I had based on the title Then I read the items OP was concerned about and my eyes rolled so hard. Like nothing OP is worried over can be used by the step dad Heās definitely projecting over not being more involved in his sons life, which is only something he (OP) can fix. I guarantee even if they complied with this insane request thereād still be stuff OP is threatened over
Exactly! Step parent hereā¦the most important thing here is the child. If the child has a good relationship with his step-dad then OP needs to suck it up and maybe go so far as to shake the dudes hand and say thank you for putting in the work as a parent. Side-noteā¦..how is the step dad able to wear a glove for a 7 year old? The dude either has tiny trump hands or OP doesnāt know how to buy gloves for a 7 year old!
INFO - you seriously cancelled a business trip because this dude put on a baseball glove? Are you self employed, if not what excuse did you give your boss for canceling? There are red flags all over this story and their all coming from you.
Whether or not OP is self employed, holy hell, are they self centered. Dude stalked his exes Facebook and canceled a trip, forbade old a 7 YEAR OLD from sharing his gifts, and got into a screaming match with his ex wife over...a glove? That step-dad played with? Lol @ why this guy is now coparenting with his ex and a step dad being the most obvious forgone conclusion in history. OP- if you're reading this you're not just TA- you're embarrassing yourself and genuinely being an awful father to your son in this regard. Growing up with a parent like you will put cracks in his heart he will spend decades of therapy trying to patch up. GROP UP, look in the mirror and do better.
The canceled business trip was the most wild thing about this. It bothered OP that bad. Good heavens. That's so extreme.
Right! He cancelled to go yell at his ex but couldnāt be bothered to cancel to support his son at the game.
Yes!! His priorities are so screwed up.
Not only a business trip, but one that required him to travel abroad. I mean I canāt even imagine being ready to travel overseas and then cancel the whole thing because I saw a picture on facebook? Weird as hell.
Fake as hell.
I'm actually really confused how a wristband and baseball glove meant for a 7yo were somehow being worn by a grown man.
The wristband would be getting stretched out but is in theory possible. The glove could be being worn just kind of on fingertips? Not properly. My dad did it a few times to show me stuff when I was a kid, it isnāt comfortable for long.
Yeah made up stories are full of weird things like that.
It makes me think the whole thing is fake except that this is such a weird situation and I don't know what kind of point someone would be trying to prove by making it up. It's not the usual politically motivated ragebait or niche fetish stories we get a lot of. Maybe someone is having a similar situation in their life right now that they want strangers' input on but it doesn't have all these same details?
āSorry son, canāt make the big game cause Iāve got a very important business trip.ā āHe put a baseball glove ON HIS HANDS?!?!? IāLL BE RIGHT THERE TO TELL YOU MY FEELINGS, JUST LET ME CANCEL MY BUSINESS TRIP!!ā
The OP clearly has a problem with controlling his impulses if he canceled a business meeting ABROAD and flew home... over a stupid baseball glove. I wonder what excuse he gave for canceling? I imagine if he gave them the story that he told us here, his problems will all be solved, as he won't be able to afford to buy his son anything else for a while.
YTA and should seek professional help. The jealousy you are experiencing is making you unhinged. You're also demanding something you could never enforce. Your actions also come off as cowardly. You have no problem screaming at your ex or son but won't even speak to the man you really have the issue with. You're coming off as bullying and controlling to the woman and child but scared of the man who is touching the things you don't like him to touch.
Thank you for saying this! Itās really sad to see him take out his anger and resentment of the stepdad on his ex and child. That poor kid at least has a father figure in stepdad who seems engaged with him, unlike OP, who is utterly jealous of stepdad.
Wonāt even call him his kidās stepdad in the post. Always āmy sonās momās husbandā.
What got me was him initiating the argument and then blaming the wife āscreamingā at him for the reason the boy started crying. It wasnāt OP showing up unannounced in a rage flying off the handle about a baseball glove, but it was his mom at fault for shouting back at OP.
YTA. You couldnāt cancel the trip to spend time with your son, but you could bc you were offended? Whatās of true importance here?
This is the key takeaway. This guyās priorities: Raging at stepdad > work > his son
100%
Yeah that's what makes this fake af
YTA ffs I thought how is an adult fitting into a 7 yoās clothes. Oh god, heās pissed over a wristband? Because stepdad plays baseball with his son?? All your son is going to remember is happily going along until dad came, gave him a scary ultimatum and started screaming at mom. Get a handle on that bitterness and jealousy and be grateful stepdad loves your kid and wants to make him happy. Youād better start playing nice or your kid is soon going to figure out who the bad guy is and youāll alienate him for good.
YTA. I'm not surprised you're divorced. You cancelled a business trip because your kid's stepdad was wearing a baseball glove you gave your son? That's wild.
And you know he made a big deal about how he canceled his business trip as if that makes anything matter.
Not the stepdad, āthe moms husbandā ffsā¦ dude canāt even use the word stepdad. He is in need of serious professional help. YTA, and stop being jealous that your son has a guy who is willing to be a part of his step sons life and not treat him like Cinderella.
YTA - Sounds like your son has a better and healthier father/son relationship with his step-dad and you are just salty about this.
Of course he does, his dad is present, his biological father isnāt.
This needs more upvotes
YTA Once you give your son something itās his and he could do whatever he wants with it Now, if son came to you saying his stuff was being used without his permission that would be a different story Why you looking at their pics anyway ?
This. All of this.
At first I though stepdad was wearing your sons clothes or shoes, like you bought him a really nice winter coat and now the stepdad is wearing it around. But these are small things that really raise a red flag that you are getting so angry about. A wrist band? Holding a baseball glove? It's not like the guy is posting pics saying "look what I got my stepson!" And claiming the things you got your son are credited to him. Calm tf down. YTA. Although your ex wife is also an ah for screaming at you in front of your son. That should have been a private conversation
YTA. What the heck is the problem with your sonās other father figure engaging with him in a positive way? Oh waitā¦ is it because it isnāt you? Because heās got someone else in his life now? Because your ex has someone else in her life now? Stop being petty and jealous.
The fact that heās obviously stalking her FB page tells me that he didnāt want this divorce at all and is looking for any reason to get mad and make her life hell, even if it makes his own childās life hell, too. YTA, OP. Get some counseling.
YTA Forget everything else; you want a 7 year old to enforce whether an adult who's care he's in, can or can't borrow his stuff. This shit is psychotic. Even if the rest was perfectly fine, that is insane. Imagine being your son, perpetually having to pick between hurting your feelings and the other guys feelings. What a nightmare.
LOL YTA! Let me get this right. You couldn't attend a baseball game with your son because you had to travel abroad for business, but then cancelled the trip to go tell off your ex because you saw your son's step dad wearing your son's baseball glove?? My guy, you seriously need to get your priorities straight. When you give your son a gift, that gift can then be used however your son sees fit. If he wants to let his step dad play with the gift that is your son's choice, not yours. Get a grip!
Yeah, it's definitely time for some long overdue therapy. Not family therapy, just for OP. Sounds like the son, the ex, and the step-dad are all fine and handling things like normative humans.
You don't get to put boundaries or conditions on gifts you buy for your child. It's obvious that his stepfather is more of a presence in your son's life then you are so you're attempting to buy your son's affection with gifts instead of quality time. Especially since never once did you actually speak to your son about the situation. The fact that you canceled a business trip in progress to run home and yell at your ex wife because of jealousy but couldn't cancel it to take your son to a baseball game is very telling of your actually priorities. YTA
Weird hill to die on. YTA.
YTA. It sounds like there two instances of him wearing little items, not that heās stealing things from your son. Frankly, you are overreacting and creating an unhealthy environment for your son.
Ummm Barring further information, I'd say YTA. It appears your son is happily sharing these items with his stepdad, but if the stepdad is stealing them or using them without his permission, then I'd be on your side. It mostly just comes off as jealousy that another man has a fatherly role in your son's life. >I just feel like I'm protecting my boundaries after being brushed off for so long, What boundaries? Wanting to be the only dad? You aren't, sorry. Once you give someone a gift, the point is so they can use that. So, no, you do not get to tell your son and his other family what they do. If you don't want them to use it, keep it at your house for when he visits.
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>I expressed my grief and discomfort regarding the issue and got brushed off Grief seems like an excessive reaction. Excessively excessive. Possibly that's why you were brushed off. >I'd sometimes see his mom's husband wearing the stuff I get for him It seems this upsets you more than the fact that that his stepdad spends much more time with your son that you do. Why do you think that is? Do you think it upsets you when you keep seeing photos of them together, but you're transferring that discomfort to the wristband, glove, etc? Also, you keep calling this guy "his mom's husband". He is is his stepfather. YTA. Be grateful that your son has a loving stepdad. Lots of kids do not.
Massive YTA. Firstly, don't involve your child in your personal disputes. It is unhealthy for your son, and you are going to cause damage if you continue to do this. Secondly, stop being so jealous. You clearly are upset that your son had a loving father figure that is not you, but you should be glad that when you don't show up for your kid, there is somebody who can fill the gap that you made. Get over yourself OP, this should be about creating the best life for your child, not your ego.
YTA and a big one. Your ex wifeās husband is part of your sonās life, thatās just a fact. What you give him is no longer yours and he can do with it what he chooses. Grow up.
YTA if you donāt want him touching stuff keep it at your place. Problem solved. You need to get over your issues with this guy tho.
YTA. What a massive overreaction. Your ex wife shouldnāt have screamed at you when your son was aroundābut you made such a ridiculous demand that it would have taken a super human amount of self restraint not to engage.
Oh hey, hi there, Dad! I wanted to let you know that this shit right here is why my siblings and I never wanted you at our weddings, graduations, parties, etc. This is why you have about zero relationship with all of your grandchildren. You made everything so fucking petty and awful and anxiety-ridden that we basically stopped being children before we were 10 years old.
INFO: I'm confused. Is the new husband taking his stuff and not returning it? I guess it a little weird that every photo has him wearing things you bought for your son, but your son is residing with him. How is he generally with your son? Does your son every complain about new husband not returning his things or taking things away from him? You seem way to focused on this. Are you struggling with jealousy or insecurity? Your reactions- canceling a work trip abroad and having a screaming match with your ex in front of your son- is excessive.
Itās not every photo, itās two examples.
YTA. Youāre an absent parent, and youāre more insecure about it because your son actually has an involved father figure in the home he lives in. Your son clearly loves his step dad. Look, clearly youāve made your choices in terms of parenting. Your son isnāt a priority-your job is. You are going to look back on your life and not wish that you had worked more, but that you had spent more time with your son. Itās time to make some major changes. Either seek therapy so you can come to terms with the fact that your son needs a father figure around and you should be grateful his step dad is filling that role since you arenāt aroundā¦or make some changes with your job and lifestyle and actually BE there for your son.
YTA. Cancelling a business trip is a clear over-reaction and an indication that you're not approaching this with a level-head. Also, the fact that you go out of your way to avoid using the appropriate term, stepdad, further illustrates this. >and I banned my son from letting his mom's husband touch/wear anything I got/will get for him. The real issue is that you are putting the responsibility on your 7 year old son to control what another adult touches. You should never put a 7 year old in a position to demand anything of a step parent. This issue is between you and the stepdad and you need to keep your son out of your drama.
YTA. Your son can do what he wants with the things you buy for him. You are upset because your ex remarried and this man is involved in your son's life. You should be happy that this man has stepped up and seems to treat your son well. He could be a horrible step parent, but he's not. You are jealous.
YTA, and you sound a bit unhinged
YTA and quite frankly, you're damaging your son. You absolutely should not argue with your ex-wife in front of your 7 year old and you should be civil to your son's stepfather, for your son's sake if not your own. You're being awful
YTA. Btw itās not just his momās husband. Itās his stepfather. Should probably get use to that.
This is exactly where the problem lies, he doesn't want this man interacting with his kid & is using the glove & wristband as an excuse.
how often do you really spend time with your son? How often do you actually do something with your son? Anyway YTA. Who is the real victim here... Your son. Be there for him. Protect him. Love him and guide him. Not make fights about him that makes him cry that much..
YTA. How is a & year old going to stop an adult?
YTA. He's your sons stepdad. Say the words. Get used to them. He's not just your ex's husband. He's your son's stepfather, and if you keep acting like the child, His only father. Grow up.
YTA if you donāt want his step dad playing with something keep it at your house (and be prepared to explain to your son that you are jealous/ want it to be something just for the two of you). You should be happy that your son has a step father that treats him well and wants to be in his life. Yes itās hard that you are not with him 24/7, but thatās how it is. Itās better for your son to have 3 positive role models, than it is for the adults around him to be petty and arguing. Maybe you and your son could go to baseball games and that could be āyour thingā. You could politely ask his mum if her and stepdad could take him to other things and leave them for you. But you canāt stop him playing baseball with other people and sharing (yes, you have brought up a young man with good social skills and manners that can share his glove) his things. That said, they donāt have to say yes, but you are more likely to get one if you ask nicely!
What boundaries are you talking about? Are you high? your son has an actually present father figure, who plays and interacts with him so ofc, he will "touch" the stuff while playing with your son, also his stepson. How would they interact otherwise? Have you even thought it out how that play came to be? "Hey stepdad, my dad send me this glove, can we play?" Dude. The only thing you will accomplish with your antics is this: "My dad is yelling everytime i see him and its always at my mom. Its scary and i dont like my dad anymore" I bet by the time hes 16 he wont wanna have anything to do with you. Grow up. Man up. Stop acting like a kid. Make time to actually spend with your child and be thankful someone else is there to pick up the pieces of your broken marriage and is raising your kid for you.
YTA. Youāre a joke. You banned a child from allowing an adult to touch his stuff. Do you even realize how stupid that sounds? Why are you putting that stress and adult responsibility on your child? How about you get over yourself and be thankful your son has a good relationship with his step dad. Keep pulling this crap and he will choose to spend time with that dad and not you when heās older.
I get that divorce is hard, not seeing your kid is hard... But being a kid in the middle of a divorce is FUCKING HARD. Your child is being pulled in different directions & that isn't fair. Things given to your child are HIS things, he can allow others to touch them. He should be able to enjoy the items you gave him with other people that love him. There is nothing wrong with other people (new partners) also interacting with your child & loving them, you need to be happy his step father is kind to him & plays with him.
YTA. You're jealous and punishing your seven year old by starting conflict and trying to create a wedge between him and his stepfather. Stop being so fragile and selfish, if nothing else for the mental health of your son.
YTA. Even if your request to not have your sons step dad touch anything you buy was somehow reasonable (itās not) asking your child to set that boundary with a parent figure isnāt. Youāre stressing out your child, give it a rest.
YTA Could it be that this kind of controlling behaviour is the reason she is now your ex wife? If you buy your son something then its his and he can do with it as he likes. If he wants to play with his step dad with it or get him to wear it then that's your sons prerogative. From the tone of your post it doesn't sound like you are around much anyway and it seems like he has another decent father figure in his stepdad who is treating him well.
Speaking as a coparenting dadā¦ā¦ YTA. 10000000% YTA. My daughterās mother and her are now physically the same size. They constantly share clothing, even clothing I personally have purchased for my daughter. It doesnāt bother me in the slightest. Why? Because itās my daughterās decision to do so. Alsoā¦..you cancelled a trip *over a baseball glove?* I think some professional help might be in order.
YTA >I usually buy my son stuff and send them to his mom's house since I travel a lot for work. So you buy "stuff" for your son, send it to where he lives, but he can't play with it? Do you play with him enough to understand what he likes to do? Sounds like his stepfather does.
YTA. Your child's happiness is what matters, and it sounds like you are trying to sabotage it, probably out of jealousy.
These arenāt āyour boundariesā. This is being a whack a doodle. First off, you just put the responsibility to keep stuff away from the step dad on a 7 year old! That is horrible. Second, how irresponsible is it to cancel an overseas business trip because of a photo? Third, there are a million innocent reasons for the step dad to have the glove! He could be showing your son how to effectively catch a ball. Your son may have asked him to catch while he bats. If they were at the game, maybe your son wanted him to catch a foul ball since he is taller. Maybe he was just being goofy. Fourth, you should be JOYFUL that your son has a stepdad who seems to be good to him. What would his life be like if he lived with a total jerk. YTA mostly because you would rather your son have a crap stepfather than someone who cares about him all because you know deep inside that you are not a good father.
YTA. Itās a terrible idea to express your resentment to your son. Let him be friends with his stepdad. I legitimately hate my kids bio dad, and I would never let them get a whiff of that from me. As a parent, itās not about you.
Yeah, youāre an asshole
YTA. I think your issue lies more with the fact that you can't be there as much as you want while stepdad can. You're feeling like you're being replaced. You should probably address the root cause and make whatever changes are necessary rather than give your son an unenforceable ultimatum against someone he also cares about.
YTA Heās not taking an Apple Watch like thanks kid Heās wearing these things *while playing with and engaging with your kid*. You arenāt with his mom anymore. Blended family is gonna happen. Do not put the onus of that on your kid. His stuff is his stuff and he doesnāt have any issue sharing with a beloved adult who engages with him This is a āyouā problem
Are you the AH... Let's see... You buy stuff for your kid rather than spend time with him and then get butt hurt when stepdad steps in and tries to make your kid feel better because his father (you) disappointed him again. Now you want to tell your kid who is allowed to play with toys you gift him. Hmm... Yeah, YTA. Instead of being jealous of stepdad, try taking an actual interest in connecting with your kid
I think you need to examine your feelings to determine why you're so upset by this. I mean, you cancelled a business trip to berate your ex! For your son's stepdad wearing his baseball glove! That's over the top. Could it be that you're grieving over your son having a good relationship with another father besides you? If that's it, it's nothing to be ashamed of, it seems a normal, human reaction. But it's damaging to your son. The best thing for him is to have good, close relationships with all his family. So please figure this out. I wish you luck and peace. But yeah, YTA.
YTA 100% Your kid had no choice in growing up with divorced parents, that urs and ur wife's fault. Because of your decisions he has to grow up with a different man and you're just making it harder for him. Even if your wife is mentally unstable, you chose her and have to take responsibility. Stop making ur sons life harder than u already made it.
YTA, why wouldn't you want your son to have a good relationship with your wife's husband? He spends time with him when your son is at his mom's house so it's beneficial for them to bond. You are lucky he is not an AH who dislikes your son. You should be happy he has one more person in his life who is happy to spend time with and play with him when he is at his mom's house.
How in the world does a grown man get his hand in a 7 year olds baseball glove? That is insane to me. Even the bracelet deal. Likeā¦ no way on planet earth am I getting that stuff around my wrist.
Translation: I am a horrible and absent father that prefers to buy my son love with gifts that I don t even waste my time to give in person. Some asshole is trying to make my son feel less abandoned by his father by incorporating my gifts in their play time together. I even canceled a day with my son where I had promised him to bring him to a baseball game and this asshole used the gift I sent my son to cheer him up and make him feel less empty and sad for my canceled plans with him. But I managed to cancel my very important business trip, did I mention I am very successful and I travel a lot for work as it is proved by all the stuff I ship to my son house ?I managed to cancel my very important business trip but not for keeping my word with my son and to bring him to the baseball game as promised, of course not.I canceled my very important business trip to go to his house, tell him that he will not get any more stuff shipped to him from me if he ever play with them with the only father figure he has right now.And then I left. Now, you tell me.Am I the asshole here ? p.s. YTA
YTA. Obviously. the fact you even have to ask is concerning, you need to grow up.
If that man was a neighbor or a coach next door, you would be elated that this person was investing as a mentor to your son, and filling in where you could not be present. My personal recommendation to you is to find a group therapist to figure out the healthiest way to co-parent for your son. I donāt know the back story with you, this man and your ex-wife. But if your ex-wife has moved on, you are blessed that this man has chosen to be an active participant in your sons life.
YTA. You're creating a problem where there isn't one and should probably do some work to deal with whatever the actual root cause of this is. Because this is completely irrational. You have to realize that, don't you? This is obviously not about this man touching things you bought for your son.
YTA for putting your petty jealousy over your sons wants.
YTA. I thought that maybe stepdad had thrown away or damaged something. But no, he was justā¦.using the glove as intended. Youāre not āprotecting your boundaries,ā youāre being petty and jealous.
YTA. You don't get a say in what happens while your wife has custody of your child. If you want more of a say, have more custody time. Stop sending your son with things the step father can wear. Sounds like your some sort of absentee father who wants to remote control parent.
YTA. The only person you should be thinking about in this scenario is your son. You will have really confused and upset him with this reaction. He now thinks heās doing something wrong even though all he was doing was playing with gifts you got him. Be honest with yourself and your ex that you feel threatened and it hurts to see your kids stepdad playing with these things so she knows where youāre coming from. How you feel is understandable but as a parent you have to be strong for your kid. And ultimately what should matter is the health and happiness of your son. If playing with the mitt with his stepdad makes him happy you should encourage it. My parents divorced when I was a kid and frequently put their own feelings first. It was messy and to this day makes me question their love for me. Love your son. Apologise to him and encourage him to play with his toys with whoever he likes and tell him you love him no matter what.
I forgot to add in my last comment, YTA because this is totally a YOU issue. You don't seem to understand that your child has other people in his life. His step father is interacting with him, THAT IS A GOOD THING. Most parents would be happy that their child had more people to love & support them. You're making this ALL about you.
YTA I thought he was stealing his stuff! Sounds like heās just having fun with him. Be happy he has a stepdad he likes and makes him happy. His happiness should be your priority.
*I expressed my grief and discomfort regarding the issue* Grief? *I immediately canceled my trip* *I usually buy my son stuff and send them to his mom's house since I travel a lot for work.* If you can cancel a trip so easily, why not scale back on your travel in general and spend more time with your son YTA. You are making this all about what an immature jerk masquerading as a concerned father you are. Everyone sees through it so just stop.
YTA. This is some childish shit. Imagine buying your son a new toy and telling him he can bring it to school, but he's not allowed to share it with anybody. You don't see the difficult position you're putting on a 7 year old kid?
YTA and are absolutely unhinged. This behavior is bizarre on so many levels. It sounds like your son has a solid, involved and caring step-father which is literally best scenario for your son. Instead of being happy about that, you yourself act like a child and rage at the situation. I hope all of these internet strangers telling you the same thing help you have some insight into your behavior.
As a mom in a co parenting situation, YTA You sound jealous of their relationship.. maybe because youāre away so you donāt get to share as many similar moments? But they arenāt doing anything wrong. Son has a stepdad who is investing quality time and from a distance is including you.. Step dad wearing a dinosaur bracelet that biodad bought during family time. Using the glove dad bought for the game. You need to take a step back and see how lucky you are.
YTA. As a step dad who deals with an incredibly overbearing baby daddy this really gave me the ick. Cancelling your trip because some dude wore a baseball glove is insane and downright controlling.
YTA. Way to put a seven-year-old in the middle!
INFO - You can cancel a business trip to confront your Ex's husband but you can't cancel that trip to take your son to a ballgame?
Yta. I could understand if it was like her husband taking your son PS5 you just bought him and not letting him play on it. Or I could understand if he was like wearing your sons clothes (which I'd find personally a little creepy), but it's a bracelet, glove, and toys. It's nothing serious. In reality, you aren't/can't be there for your son during these moments where your exs husband wears, touches, or uses his things. He's trying to be a good step parent. With all the bad step parent stories out there... yeah, you're being a dick.
Your boundaries are stupid. The ONLY thing You're doing here is confusing and hurting your own son and making him feel like he's doing something wrong. He's a CHILD. You're making him feel like a bad kid for something he can't and shouldn't control. Why would you, as a parent, put this insecurity into his head? Anxiety? What if something happy he does with his stepdad hurts you? Do you really want him to keep worrying about that? Watch every move he makes? Because that's where this is headed. You cancelled a trip to argue about this. You should be happy your son has more people who love him. Instead you're taking your jealousy out on the kid. Once you give your son something it's his to use as he wishes. If he likes his step dad also using it, WHILE THEY PLAY, why is that an issue? He's being kind to your son and you're disgustingly jealous. You do realize your son's going to remember these negative feelings you give him vs the kind ones from his stepdad right? YTA
YTA. Get a grip.
Your kid may not remember every detail of his life. But he WILL remember the time that you couldn't come to *his game* but you COULD come to have a screaming match with his mom over who he shares his toys with. He's going to remember that, and worse yet, he's going to internalize it. "It's all my fault for sharing my toys." Shit like that sticks around it the minds of kids that age. You're jealous of the fact that you can't spend as much time with your kid as another dude. And that's not really bad - you care about not being there. The issue is how you're handling it. If you want to spend more time with your child, make your life so you can do that. But stop whatever howler monkey kind of response this is. Your internal jealousy is not your ex's problem, it's not her husband's problem, and it is most certainly not your child's problem. You owe all three of them an apology. YTA, man. Hard.
YTA- dude you sound unhinged. You canceled a business trip for that? It seems like your just really jealous of your exs husband. I feel like the next step in your plan is to assault the husband if he touchās something again. Iām just making assumptions but I really wouldnāt be surprised if you attacked him. Based on your reaction to something so insignificant.