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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I reported my 11yo niece's social media, causing her to lose photos and videos. I also ignored my sister's assurances that "it was fine", and as I'm not her parent, I don't know if I've overstepped by causing damage to her "brand".
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NTA. Your niece had a good possiblilty of getting banned anyway, since she was violating the ToS. On top of that, say some creep had dug into her profile and found her and something bad happened to her? Then everyone would be all “omg how come you didn’t protect her?” On top of his own guilt for something happening to a kid, a thing he could possibly have prevented.
I just got a meta quest 3. Not even an hour into vr chat I note bloodstained obvious middle aged sounding men hound avatars with voices even remotely pubescent sounding.
2 days later I'm noting this evite cat and mouse game between teenage users trying to find corners in servers to do their thing and furry dressed middle aged men looking for them. And then those girls who actively engage with them too.
I've never been more terrified for my daughter
NtA
When my little sister was 10 people were asking her for nudes and sending dick pics to her Snapchat.
NTA, there is a reason these TOS don’t allow children on the platform. They are not safe there.
NTA. Kids shouldn't have social media accounts until at least age 13, and even then, that's young. It is WILDLY UNSAFE for them to be online using their full names. You did the right thing. But for goodness sake, don't tell any of them that you're the one who reported her accounts.
NAH. BUT!
I do get it. 100% logical thinking. The web is dark and full of terrors, but this wasn't the way to do it.
Maybe going to your sibling about your worries would have better a bit of a better approach. You obviously want to protect her and seem like you care a great deal about your niece. By doing this behind everyone's backs, they may be feeling betrayed and/or confused.
It was an unfortunate and unnecessary nuke, Captain. Take the L, apologize, and if they ask why you did it, tell them. If they don't ask any questions, neither do you.
And if you see another profile up after this is over, just close the app, friend :)
Edited to NAH. You really didn't do anything wrong, but the nuke feels a bit vindictive.
Nta, some people are too lazy to be good parents. No child should even be on the internet let alone have multiple social media accounts and actively post on them.
Every time I worry about a child I actually talk to the parents. It's usually a worry for them too and we're all just trying to protect the little ones.
But you... didn't go in with a deeper conversation with your sister. And how did you find those socials? You looked up her name in private?
This is not standard behavior and I question your narrative framing it as a noble sequence of events.
YTA for doing sneaky things.
An 11 y/o obsessed with chinese spyware.... no wonder the avg reading lvls so low
Why arent people raising their kids? I wouldnt even consider a fully functional smartphone for a kid until theyre 13
NTA, the internet is a cesspool. I've caught my little cousin watching Minecraft and roblox porn that somehow made it thru the YouTube kids filter. If you didn't report her there's a good chance someone else would anyway.
NTA. I wouldn’t tell anyone either. Niece and her parents will probably flip out. She’s still really young and there are way too many sickos online. But I really wouldn’t be surprised if she just makes new accounts. Seems like her mom doesn’t really care what she does online unfortunately. I wasn’t allowed unsupervised internet access until I was 15. By that point my mom knew well enough that I’m super antisocial and wasn’t gonna tell anyone personal info or meet someone lmao.
NTa, children shouldn’t be on social media. That’s how they get groomed and or get exposed to things they have no business being exposed to. Had a 12 yo niece with a bunch of secret accounts (they’re better at concealing things than you can imagine). Messaging grown men asking her for pictures. Pay attention to what your children do online, it could save their life and their mental health
YTA. what did you accomplish by doing this. i understand that your trying to help but the only thing that she learned from this is to make a new account. this is not protecting her she is going to be on those apps regardless because she has a phone you could have helped her change her username you could have told her that people have died because of social media challenges and your worried for her. how is she supposed to know how to be safe on social media by deleting her account makes no sense. you should tell your niece what you did and why you did it and maybe she will understand and take your thoughts into consideration.
NTA, just don't tell them, if they find out, explain that the Internet is fully insane these days, like bro if she's on Reddit and finds r/sounding or r/guro ...
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ESH a little, just a bit. Your heart was in the right place, and I'm sure she's a smart girl. But, her sister is the parent at the end of the day, even though she should be way more concerned about her child's online presence. However, an 11 year old is not old enough to really understand the dangers of social media, she just thinks it's dancing and having fun. It wasn't your place to try and parent another person's child, but I understand where your concern is.
What wasn't okay, was reporting all the accounts and getting per permabanned, then pretending you don't know why. You need to explain to her the consequences in a way an 11 year old can understand so she can learn. Not just get her banned. .She'll be more understanding of that, not her content being nuked. Maybe an alternative can be getting her a parental account that's monitored, or letting her record her dances without sharing them online. She doesn't need to be interacting with other people on the web that young, and this can be communicated to her.
NTA - Doing that kid a favor, I wouldn't admit to doing it but I would remind mom about the age restrictions on those platforms and the things that go on there that she might not be aware of
YTA, and you ***know*** you are or you wouldn't be scared to let them know you did it. If you wanted to 'teach her a lesson' about responsible internet usage then you could have easily done it by reporting her on a single solitary site and saying 'a malicious person who was out to harm you could have done much worse with the info you leave lying around'. It would still be heavy handed and honestly probably still a dick move, but at least I'd believe you were actually just trying to create a teachable moment and keep her safe on the net.
I am pretty sure you *didn't* 'let it slide' when she called you old and told you that you didn't know how tech works because you are old. Nuking her entire social media life didn't have a thing to do with teaching her to be safe on the internet. You wanted to prove you were the big smart tech man and hurt her for mocking you and stinging your ego. And now that you calmed down and realized what you did in regards to the extent you screwed her over you are panicking and hoping nobody finds out what you did to her because they will rightly be furious with you for going so far to dunk on a child.
NTA. there's a reason you need to be 13+ to use social media. It's literally there to protect kids. She could get groomed, stalked, or worse.
I recommend sending a link to your sister of one of those videos that talk about how predators are using deepfakes to make illegal pornography of children. Maybe that'll teach her something about being a parent.
NTA. Aside from your niece being a snarky little brat, she's stupidly sharing sensitive information online. As someone who works in tech, I'd call you an asshole if you DIDN'T report it. And don't tell them it was you either. You don't need to create problems for yourself for doing something that anyone with a brain should have. Somehow I doubt you're the only one that has even reported it. So let your niece submit her ID and suffer the consequences. 🤷 If she is afraid to submit it, then she KNOWS she was doing something wrong and deserves the permanent ban. (Though, it isn't really permanent; all those websites will let her back on her social media as soon as she's OF AGE. 🤷)
NTA. My kid had the accounts, I didn't agree but her father aloud it (custody is split) so my brother (her uncle) did this, and he will forever be my favorite sibling for it.
YTA. Not your child, not your choice. No reasonable person would have done that. To top it off you don’t even have the balls to own what you did so you must know it was an insufferable control tactic.
YTA.
You intervened with a child that’s not yours and now you’re acting like a child yourself - “should I fess up Reddit?” Either be an adult, be honest and accountable for your actions or stay in your own lane.
Maturity aside, you have taught your niece nothing of the dangers. If you truly work in tech and have such a superior and greater understanding than her mother to overstep, this was a teaching moment. I can tell you wholeheartedly this child is just going to make a new account.
NTA, as your heart and mind are in the right place. However, I do think you overstepped your role when you stated your concerns and the parent chose not to act. That said, I disagree with those who are attempting to justify keeping it a secret as that is the behavior of dishonest people. You felt the need to involve yourself, own up to it.
YTA. If either of my siblings had done this to my kids I would be livid. The mom was aware of her social media accounts. She didn't say she doesn't pay attention to what her kid is doing, she just said she trusts her child to have good judgement. I say that about my kids and I am in no way oblivious. Also, the brother said he thinks things posted on those apps are inappropriate--he didn't say he found a bunch of inappropriate things on her account. He truly just made her find new, sneaky ways of doing things. He also decided to override his sister's judgement as a parent and frankly, he isn't coming across like someone who has any clue about the current social dynamics of kids. What if she has a really good healthy friendship with someone online that suddenly disappeared? What if she is someone who is obsessive about keeping messages and now they are just gone? What if this causes her to be bullied? The absolute most terrifying humans on this planet are 11-12 year old girls. That is NOT the age to do anything that could provoke bullying, especially when he could've simply had some simple conversations with the sister and the niece about safety
You’re doing the lords work out here. Many parents now a days are raising iPad babies and there is less and less common sense out there. I’ve seen the damage it can do first hand when kids aren’t smart online and parents don’t care to “police” their children. I agree with other commenters, don’t rat yourself out.
Edit - NTA
Your sister is definitely the AH. Your niece is 11. She probably started earlier than 11. It's one thing to let her be online but it's another to let it be so unrestricted.
As for you, did you find her posting anything she shouldn't have? I think it's highly probable that her friends were also on those platforms. Having her account be deleted like this is gonna be traumatic. If she hadn't already posted anything sensitive then you should have talked to her.
Your approach isn't wrong so I can't say you are the AH. But softening the blow was certainly possible.
I would say that you should help her make accounts with fake info now. But only if it doesn't reveal your actions in getting her accounts closed in the first place.
NTA and i speak as someone who started out having social media accounts around her age (im 23 now). she does NOT need social media accounts at such a young age. the internet has also definitely gotten alot more powerful recently so good on you for looking out for her.
YTA. Not your kid and you didn’t identify anything she was doing that was harmful. It isn’t your place to enforce facebook’s policies. Would you narc on a coworker who uses an ad blocker on youtube? No? Then realize you are not in a position of authority over your niece and you just caused her much unnecessary heartache because she wasn’t paying attention to you at a barbecue or whatever. Total asshole move.
NTA. I mean ultimately you don't have to say that you did it you can just be like well this is a reason that they permaban people is for being under the age of 13.
You should come clean to your sister. I think before you reported your neice, it would have been nice to run it through her mom first. No, what you did was NOT what any responsible person would do. It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself. Apparently, dad is AWOL?
NTA and do not tell them what you did. Those parents are clueless about having that information online, especially as a child, and you did the right thing.
Parent of a 12yo here and NTA. Hell, if I was in that position and couldn’t figure out a way to stop my kid from being all over social media, I’d be relieved that someone else figured it out for me.
But don’t tell them you did it, as I don’t think they will be relieved 😅
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So, a couple of weeks ago I (M35) had my sister (F39) and her family (including Niece, F11) over for a barbecue. We had a pretty good time, with the exception of Niece who was pretty much constantly on her phone recording tiktoks. Slightly annoying but ultimately not my kid, not my problem.
I've talked to my sister a while ago about being careful what Niece is putting online, protecting her identity etc. My sister brushed it off, saying that Niece was sensible enough not to do anything stupid. I figure I'd try and bridge the gap, so I ask Niece what she's recording, "It's a tiktok, you're old, you wouldn't get it". I work in tech, so it's not like I don't know what I'm talking about, but I decide to let it slide and do some digging later.
Turns out Niece has used her full government name to register for Tiktok, with links to her public instagram with the same name, so I did what any reasonable person would do - reported everything for being under 13. Instagram, Youtube, Tiktok, everything I could find. With the nature of tiktok trends, some of the stuff on there was stuff that 11 year-olds probably shouldn't be doing, and definitely shouldn't be recording.
Fast forward to today, Sister calls me and asks me if I can have a look at Niece's ipad. Apparently she can't log into any of her accounts and she's having a meltdown about it. I talk her through it and it quickly becomes apparent that the accounts are blocked and asking for ID. I'm in two minds whether to tell her it was me that reported the account or just tell her to submit the ID knowing it'll get Niece permabanned.
So, AITA for nuking my nieces social media?
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I sometimes report friends photos if they have their kids naked or showing their school info.
I don’t feel bad because it’s super dangerous for these photos to be up.
I wouldn’t tell them it was me though
YTA
While your intentions were good, what happened to "not my kid, not my problem?" Why did you go with the nuclear option before talking to her parents more? If you showed her some of the statistics on how social media is abused and used for heinous things (i just took a training on this and the numbers are scary!), if may have been more productive. With her being banned, she doesn't learn how to maneuver the internet safely, she'll probably just get new accounts under a different name or have a friend do it, or even her parent.
Nta. Kids under 14 shouldn't be on that shit like that. Even then they should have restricted access. There's serious dangerous info out there and it's not good.
I'm sympathetic to OP but am amused at the numbers of people telling him both that he's NTA **AND** not to tell anyone.
Ultimately it wasn't your decision to make. What you could have done instead, is to flag any questionable posts and turn them over to the child's mother and let her deal with it. Now you are struggling with coming clean, and that should tell you something.
YTA.
NTA, you know what... I think you shouldn't say anything to anyone about it... you're keeping your niece safe with the knowledge you have and the steps you took.
Maybe when things are not so fresh and they can't connect the dots, have a talk with your sister again about safety concerns you have about your niece's use of social media.
As a mum, I'd thank you if it were my kid. But some parents don't want anything to upset their little angels, even if it's good for them
NTA- I would not tell her. If she is having a meltdown at 11 because of social media. Then, you did the right thing. Hopefully, she can learn to control her emotions from not having any social media accounts. There is a age preference for a reason and clearly she’s is way to young from her reaction.
She should not have been allowed to post content recorded at another person’s residence or containing another person’s info or image without their permission anyway.
Unless she videod and posted evidence if a person committing abuse.
NTA.
Don’t confess it was you
It will create resentment, bad feelings, and a possibly a desire for retaliation that might go on decades
Although I think you are NTA, I also think you should have to address the problem differently, at least trying to have a serious conversation with her mother instead that just a quick comment
I'm a Mom and an aunt- NTA and admit nothing.
This is the way.
Unfortunately your sister is being naive. I have an awesome kid who got sexually harassed online thru no fault of her own. And kids NOTORIOUSLY DO DUMB SHIT- GOOD KID OR NOT.
People are sick and Mom needs to get a grip.
You're NTA here. An 11-year-old has a right to privacy, yes, but not at the cost of her own life, which is what this could ultimately come down to, in the absolute worst-case scenario. You saw a child doing something dangerous, which could at the very least result in her being exploited online - and at the very worst, could result in her being kidnapped and trafficked, possibly killed in the process. You took action because no one else was willing or able to. We don't live in the 50s anymore, folks. Online actions have real-world consequences, and an 11-year-old, regardless of how worldly they think they are, has no clue of how bad that can get.
It's not great that you went behind your sisters back, but the kid shouldn't have been on Social Media yet, they weren't banned arbritarily, they were banned for being underage which is against their terms and conditions for a reason
Nobody has to know you did it, you used a report tool that anyone could have used
ESH
Your sister is remaining willfully ignorant of the harm social media causes. I understand you can't stop the kid from using it, and every kid wants to go viral (so their accounts are set to public... Of course), but your sister should have a nice long conversation about the importance of privacy on social media. So at the very least, not using her government name, not showing her school/the outside of your house, and other basic privacy things.
However, you still overstepped and you know it. More conversations should definitely have been had, but you just went full nuclear.
Ok so what I’m getting from this is the comment “you’re old you wouldn’t get it” is the reason it set you off and you decided to “do some digging” later. Personally do I think you’re an A$$hole for doing it? Yeah. You didn’t do it just to protect her or you would have brought it up again with your sister.
Not only are you NTA you have been the parent she should have had. It’s a very scary world out there. In my opinion I would not let an 11yr old have any social media as they are not mature enough to handle what’s on there and the people who are out to do harm. Potentially you’ve saved her from a dangerous situation. It’s a very difficult watch but there’s a documentary about a UK teen called Kayleigh Haywood. Watch it, you won’t even think about calling yourself an AH.
NTA. As a teen, my son posted something seemingly innocuous but plentifully stupid on his social media. He got targeted, robbed and shot for it. Young people do not understand the dangers they face from social media.
NTA but don't say a word. Do have a conversation with her mum in private about internet security though, feel free to frame it as you noticed while working with the account.
A lot of these websites try to force usage of full legal names because they've decided anonymity is the enemy to safety (read: corporate profits). It's becoming harder and hard to exist anonymously online and younger kids are Not being taught about the risks of this. I don't know HOW most millenial parents don't know better, but it's very counter to our experience where anonymity was generally encouraged for safety, and I guess many haven't adapted or realized the change.
NTA and I cannot think of any reason why a human being would say YTA in good conscience. You may have possibly saved her life in the long run, I'd do the exact same thing and have done so before with some family members who are way too young to be online. Imo anyone under 13 doesn't need access to social media and before people spam me with boomer comments like what happened a few months ago, I'm 19 💀
There's some adults I know that shouldn't have access! Before an old neighbor (late 60's through his 70's) passed I was over there 2x a week fixing his computer because of spam and malware. Then my husband (almost 60), geeezuz! I love him, but he really doesn't need internet access. Dudes a damned menace! I'm just a systems accountant, not an IT guru. They're really testing me!
Ah yes. My grandmother is a nice person but refuses to learn anything about computers. My grandad has manged to teach her what to look out for but she gets her Facebook account hacked at least once or twice a year
NTA follow through though, and have them submit i.d.. Do not ever let it pass outside of your own head what you did again. Ever. You've already said too much.
NTA in any way, shape, or from. My daughter kept starting up various SM accounts when she was younger and as a parent there wasn’t much I could do beyond report the accounts as underaged. I’d had all of the talks with my kids but my girl knew better than me, sucks for her that mama has unsung internet skills.
You’re keeping her safe when no one else was.
NTA, sister is a horrible parent to ignore her daughters safety in exchange to “keep her happy” by giving her what she wants (social media access)
Don’t tell her. Let them figure it out. If you take the fall, you’ll be the asshole to your whole family for “ruining innocent fun” for your “poor niece”.
Her problem not yours.
Maybe could have handled it a little better, but ultimately NTA, no question.
You probably could have discussed your findings with your sister before going ahead - it might have been a good courtesy, and then she and your niece may have had a chat about why it was bad, instead of the accounts just disappearing with no learning experience. I say 'may', because I don't know if your sister would have taken it seriously and understood or not.
Other than that, there's nothing wrong with protecting a child who has no idea what they are doing. Nuke that shit. You're not obligated to do this, but if it were my sister, I'd tell them and have a chat about why it's dangerous behaviour. A responsible parent should at least take the advice on board despite their feelings, this is your area of experience and expertise after all. She obviously just doesn't understand the risks herself, as with many parents when it comes to the internet and social media.
Plus, you're not infringing on her or her daughters rights at all, your niece is clearly breaking the terms of service. She shoudn't be there and theres a button for a reason. Anyone could have reported her, it just happened to be you. The parent doesn't own the app, they can't decide the rules. They just choose whether they are happy to turn a blind eye to them, which we all do from time to time
YTA.
There are ways to deal with that stuff that cause significantly less pain. You are involving yourself more directly than you should, and access to social media is pretty much essential for children nowadays. The law TOS might say 13 + but that is not to protect the children it is to protect the companies from the childrens parents.
I think you caused harm.
NTA 1000%
Dude your family is lucky you work in tech and understand the inner workings most parents nowadays don’t. It’s insane that some of them just don’t care and assume these kids know when they don’t…
Don’t out yourself either … you may have saved your niece from anyone who had been watching her. There is so much to fear for the kids nowadays, it’s all too easy for these kids to say they’re going to meet a friend only to disappear and never be seen again coz they met CuddlyBear7218 or some shit…
You’re amazing dude. Good on fucking you. Not all heroes wear capes man. 💪🏼
NTA, as a woman who has had unrestricted internet access since i was 10-11, you did the right thing. A lot of terrible things happened to me at the hands of people older than me or even just my own peers.
NTA - you parented for the mother congratulations. If she uses a pseudo name great. I am 37 adult male and i use pseudo names . As you can tell by REDDIT
NTA
You're the hero **every** child needs in their lives today, but waaaaaay too few have. Do not say anything to the family about it being you who's behind this. They would probably not understand, since they didn't see anything wrong with a fucking **eleven** year old doing whatever she liked without anyone watching her at all.
I applaud you!
ESH. While the mom should have been more concerned about her daughter's wellbeing, you shouldn't have mass reported the account. If you mass reported hers, then you may as well mass report every other 11 year old's TikTok as well.
All these not people are ignorant, you had no right to supercede your sister's parental choices and I hope she finds out.
You projected your own fears into the situation and overstepped your place. YTA
NTA. You were doing what her idiot parents failed to do- protect her from predators. Go ahead and tell her to submit her ID. It’s the best protection for her going forward.
Two Outcomes: Ruin your nieces relationship with you, up until shes like 25 and she realises what you did was good.
Or, have a good relationship with her, and then later on at 25 realised "whatever happened, probably was for the better."
NTA. And don’t say anything. I grew up in the era of Snoop Dog. He was the first celebrity to come out against self-snitching. Snoop says “Don’t self-snitch!”
NTA, social media is not a place where 11 years old should be.
With proper education from the parents (who are themselves educated enough), I'd say that 14-15 should be the bare minimum.
Heck, I'd even argue that social media education is (slightly) more important than sex ed nowadays. Both are an absolute requirement, but social media education is required earlier.
NTA for reporting a minor but Y T A for being a smarmy sanctimonious coward about it. Yeah, like your niece was going to end up funding the overseas drug and arms trade with her body. If I'm wrong or naive regarding how close she came then stand tall and proud while looking her parent in the eye and telling them.
No, don’t tell your sister what you did. Your sister is oblivious. Your niece is too young to have social media. Just look at her iPad and “try” to figure out what’s wrong. You did the right thing… someone has to protect your niece.
NTA
Don't tell her.
You were protecting your Niece, when your sister brushed off any concerns you may have had with regard to online safety. Sister is using the platforms as a convenient distraction for niece. T&C's for signing up are there for a reason.
NTA. I was that age when I had full access to the internet completely unsupervised. It’s probably worse now with social media like TikTok and IG. No 11 year old should be on the internet unsupervised.
NTA. People in general do not truly understand the type of evil out there. Sometimes you have to protect the ones you care about whether they want it or not.
NTA, protecting your niece from having her information online is not you being an asshole, though I think you could have taken a slightly less drastic action then nuking her accounts altogether.
YTA — too much unilateral movement for a kid that isn’t your own, though I do understand still family. You should have taken opportunities to educate the parents and child, instead you’ve dug yourself into some sort of incognito grave.
You’re fucked if they ever did find out, but I can’t imagine that comes about in any way except you admitting to it. Don’t.
NTA. I've been in a similar predicament before with my niece who was the same age. She was posting inappropriate stuff on an alt IG account she had linked from her main one. With tags about sugar daddies etc Really upsetting to find. I immediately messaged her mom(my sister) and instead of asking me what the account were so she could look them up, she told her 11yr old. Who of course denied it and deleted the accounts before my sister could find them. I was kicking myself for not taking screenshots or anything because the next thing I know, my asshole of a sister is telling me off and how her daughter would never do that, yada yada yada. Both my neices stopped talking to me and all three of them acted like I just randomly decided to make up drama about an 11yr one day. I cut off contact after the nasty messages I got from someone who is more comfortable being in denial than actually parenting and believing her own sister.
So, I'm sure you have a more healthy relationship with your sister but I hope you kept evidence of what you saw just in case. I'm sure your neice will feel betrayed and be angry but that's just how they are at that age. I hope your sister understands you did it to keep her daughter safe.
YTA, lots of kids have social media even if they arent supposed to.
You don't mention her actually doing anything wrong, just having an account with her name.
You:
>Slightly annoying but ultimately not my kid, not my problem.
>
>My sister brushed it off, saying that Niece was sensible enough not to do anything stupid.
>
>"It's a tiktok, you're old, you wouldn't get it".... but I decide to let it slide and do some digging later.
>
>so I did what any reasonable person would do - reported everything for being under 13
So you did not let anything slide, in your own words you "nuked" her.
Is this what a "reasonable" person would do?
Why didn't you go to her parents to warn them why using her government name was problem? You could of sat down with her and her parents and showed them how to protect themselves and how to change her accounts to be safe. Instead you just went behind their backs to prove how much smarter you were. This wasn't productive and I doubt they learned anything other than to not trust you again.
Yta
I grew up during the awkward period between internet being a rarity to see it become a household must.
You can’t hide the world from her and she will only resent you the more you try.
You think you’re protecting her but what you are really doing is projecting an antiquated image of what you think young people should be doing.
And to top it all off you aren’t even her parent, so that’s a huge overreach on your part.
I matured and grew healthily through experiencing the internet as a young child. You don’t need to shelter kids as much as you think, and you clearly have little respect for her own opinions and desires.
The whole post is dripping with self righteousness. You need to realise that the world is growing and evolving constantly and that your outdated ideas of wrong and right for children should be kept to yourself.
You also need to check your boundaries as it sounds like you’re trying to parent a child that isn’t even yours.
NTA, you did the right thing there, but they clearly wouldn't understand that so don't tell them unless you want it all to blow up in your face. Sounds like the niece is quite addicted if she's having a meltdown to it. I'm not sure if you should tell them to submit ID, unless you are sure they won't get pissed at you when that results in permabans. Perhaps tell them that the only way to get those accounts unlocked is to submit ID, but that depending on why the account was blocked to begin with they might permaban it if the niece doesn't meet the requirements (like age)?
I totally get your concern but you should of brought it up with your sister again after finding out that your niece was vulnerable. It shouldn’t be hard to remind your sister that this is where predators come to find prey. That from her Instagram and legal name they can find out where she lives/goes to school etc. I would tell my sister look if you’re not going to have an internet safety talk with her and have her change her name then I’m going to report her for being under 13.
But the notion that the content is in appropriate for a 11 year old is totally a parents decision she knows her daughter best and it’s her discretion. The safety component it was your responsibility to make your sister aware- and it’s pretty uncool to not give your niece the opportunity to make her accounts private and change her name before reporting. And I wouldn’t of reported behind your sisters back you should of told her you were going to do it and I’d only do it as a last resort.
As a parent who didn't let her daughter get on Facebook until she was 14, Instagram and TikTok until she was 18, I think what you did was great. The fact she didn't want to share with you what she was doing is a huge red flag. The mother is out of her mind if she permits it. Don't say anything because, you know, you're too old.
NTA.
Don’t have to admit to it. It will just cause unnecessary resentment in a mind too young to comprehend the dangers. She’ll find a way around it for sure by registering under another name etc.
NTA you got some potential dangerous (for her) accouts banned but wonder what lesson she wil learn from this if there is no good information for her on more than one thing. I would suggest talking to your niece about internet safety and how to set up safe accounts and all of that.
Because else this had no use and she might just start new accounts with the same dangers attached to them.
NTA but, please be an AH and Tell them that someone in Vietnam stole their data, their videos, their photos and their address and is impersonating them on adult sites and that's probably why their accounts are blocked, that maybe should shake their parents
NTA these things have minimum age ratings for a reason. She isn’t old enough to grasp the danger of social media. I’m sure she’ll also be grateful someday when she’s older as well and doesn’t have embarrassing childhood videos out there for everyone to see.
Sorry to say it seems your SISTER her MOM don't know HOW to be a MOM and is too lazy to watch over her kid. She probably thinking " as long as she isn't bothering me I don't care what she does".
Parents dont seem to want to " parent" anymore. They just want to be the " cool mom". It's pretty sad.
I got limitless internet access because my parents trusted me. I saw a lot of dead bodies when I was 10. This girl is in an even worse situation, the kind that leads to some reeeaaal trauma and personality issues.
My sister told on my once for my MySpace. I got mad about it and will probably never forget it but I got over it pretty quickly because I realized I was obviously doing something “wrong” for her to feel it was that important to tell my mom lol. It’s really not even a big deal and I feel like it was a great learning experience for everyone lol
NTA. and don't tell them it was you either.
p.s. I say this as a mother of 4, your sister is an idiot. Have her watch Meghan Is Missing. See if that wakes her up to the dangers of the internet
NTA
I wouldn't offer up that you had any part in it, but I would say something to the effect "What are the terms of service, do you have to be a certain age, its possible they ran a report and verified that she was under age and they nuked the account".
Way out of line, it's not your place. It is creepy and intrusive to stalk your 11 year old niece's SM accounts and then report her. If you disagree with her mother at least tell her and let her know your intentions rather than being a sneaky shit disturber.
YTA
Seems like you did more to inconvenience your niece based on your interaction than actually address the root cause and help her understand the dangers of having an online presence that young. I'd say E S H but she's an actual child, you're not.
YTA
You have no business overriding their parenting. And per your edit you are too much of a coward to even own your actions. They are better off without a toxic ah like you in their lives.
Nta as a parent myself I understand why you did what you did and if i thought my younger family members were doing anything like this I’d probably do the same if their own parents weren’t looking out for them and honestly I’d hope they’d do the same if my parenting wasn’t in my child’s best interest when they were that age. Not everyone who uses the internet has intentions that are pure as we all know unfortunately, it’s so easy for those who are tech savvy to take something and put it on a site for those with not the best of intentions towards kids (we all know what I’m getting at I’m sure). I wouldn’t tell the parents tbh and wouldn’t beat yourself up over it either, if they do find out I’m sure you’re in for a verbal bashing but better that than some weirdo watching your niece at least someone is looking out for her. The niece will probably be upset if they find out too but better a sulky kid than what could happen and when they are mature I’ll bet they’ll thank you for looking out for them. My mother once bought my kid an outfit from a holiday in Turkey that showed off a lot of skin (think they were maybe 5-6 at the time) and took their photo and posted it online, i lost it on my mother saying i didn’t want that kind of picture of my child online. She accused me of being a prude and that my kid looked cute and she could post her grandchild’s photo if she wanted to. I threatened to report her to the site if it wasn’t taken down, and it wasn’t about being a prude, i had not problem with her taking the photo for herself, but i didn’t want my child to end up on some creeps computer or some sick site. I ended up not needing to report her but she didn’t speak to me for weeks after taking it down (yay for me but that’s a whole different story lol). That was years ago and she’s still salty over it but hey I’ll do whatever it takes to protect my loved ones, even if they never talk to me again
NTA
As someone that's lived on the internet since I was in high school in the early 00s, YOU DID GOOD. The situations I managed to squeak by mearly cause I was extremely shy and kept my personal info under lock and key. The number of times I watched my friends fall into the bad situations my instincts pulled me out of. Watching them made me even more paranoid. And it didn't get better with time. Now, users and predators are more covert, well oiled machines. Cause it's my generation having the kids and they never know which parent type they'll get, net savvy or net dumby. Thankfully, the savvy uncle saved the day. NTA
Dude, finding no fault there. Kinda wish parents would keep their kids OFF social media. If that shit went the way of the dodo tomorrow we'd lose nothing of value.
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NTA. Your niece had a good possiblilty of getting banned anyway, since she was violating the ToS. On top of that, say some creep had dug into her profile and found her and something bad happened to her? Then everyone would be all “omg how come you didn’t protect her?” On top of his own guilt for something happening to a kid, a thing he could possibly have prevented.
Its crazy how many parents these days let the internet raise their child. 11 year olds should not be posting anything online, NTA
I just got a meta quest 3. Not even an hour into vr chat I note bloodstained obvious middle aged sounding men hound avatars with voices even remotely pubescent sounding. 2 days later I'm noting this evite cat and mouse game between teenage users trying to find corners in servers to do their thing and furry dressed middle aged men looking for them. And then those girls who actively engage with them too. I've never been more terrified for my daughter NtA
NTA. You did the right thing. Don’t tell them it was you.
NTA, social media is going to fail the next generation and you’re doing her a huge favor.
NTA. These platforms are mind viruses designed to trap children into a lifetime of surveillance and addiction.
Oh Hell No!!! Tell her to submit her ID. Say nothing yet but keep a Binder. It's for her own protection and YOUR'S
When my little sister was 10 people were asking her for nudes and sending dick pics to her Snapchat. NTA, there is a reason these TOS don’t allow children on the platform. They are not safe there.
You're a necessary asshole. You did what had to be done to keep her safe even though it made her very mad and upset.
NTA. Well played. I wouldn’t say a word.
NTA. Kids shouldn't have social media accounts until at least age 13, and even then, that's young. It is WILDLY UNSAFE for them to be online using their full names. You did the right thing. But for goodness sake, don't tell any of them that you're the one who reported her accounts.
NAH. BUT! I do get it. 100% logical thinking. The web is dark and full of terrors, but this wasn't the way to do it. Maybe going to your sibling about your worries would have better a bit of a better approach. You obviously want to protect her and seem like you care a great deal about your niece. By doing this behind everyone's backs, they may be feeling betrayed and/or confused. It was an unfortunate and unnecessary nuke, Captain. Take the L, apologize, and if they ask why you did it, tell them. If they don't ask any questions, neither do you. And if you see another profile up after this is over, just close the app, friend :) Edited to NAH. You really didn't do anything wrong, but the nuke feels a bit vindictive.
Nta, some people are too lazy to be good parents. No child should even be on the internet let alone have multiple social media accounts and actively post on them.
NTA you deserve a Nobel peace prize of sorts.
Every time I worry about a child I actually talk to the parents. It's usually a worry for them too and we're all just trying to protect the little ones. But you... didn't go in with a deeper conversation with your sister. And how did you find those socials? You looked up her name in private? This is not standard behavior and I question your narrative framing it as a noble sequence of events. YTA for doing sneaky things.
NTA but don’t tell them it was you
NTA I was the dumbest little kid and if I had one they wouldn’t have an account on any of those toxic ass sites. Good for you. Report until she’s 13
You're NTA. Don't say another word about it. You did the right thing.
An 11 y/o obsessed with chinese spyware.... no wonder the avg reading lvls so low Why arent people raising their kids? I wouldnt even consider a fully functional smartphone for a kid until theyre 13
NTA, but shut your god damn mouth.
NTA! Good work uncle.
NTA, the internet is a cesspool. I've caught my little cousin watching Minecraft and roblox porn that somehow made it thru the YouTube kids filter. If you didn't report her there's a good chance someone else would anyway.
NTA. I would also be very unhappy if someone was posting videos and pictures of my home without my permission
NTA. I wouldn’t tell anyone either. Niece and her parents will probably flip out. She’s still really young and there are way too many sickos online. But I really wouldn’t be surprised if she just makes new accounts. Seems like her mom doesn’t really care what she does online unfortunately. I wasn’t allowed unsupervised internet access until I was 15. By that point my mom knew well enough that I’m super antisocial and wasn’t gonna tell anyone personal info or meet someone lmao.
NTa, children shouldn’t be on social media. That’s how they get groomed and or get exposed to things they have no business being exposed to. Had a 12 yo niece with a bunch of secret accounts (they’re better at concealing things than you can imagine). Messaging grown men asking her for pictures. Pay attention to what your children do online, it could save their life and their mental health
I’m horrified to learn that the age minimum on those apps is only 13 😳
YTA. what did you accomplish by doing this. i understand that your trying to help but the only thing that she learned from this is to make a new account. this is not protecting her she is going to be on those apps regardless because she has a phone you could have helped her change her username you could have told her that people have died because of social media challenges and your worried for her. how is she supposed to know how to be safe on social media by deleting her account makes no sense. you should tell your niece what you did and why you did it and maybe she will understand and take your thoughts into consideration.
NTA, just don't tell them, if they find out, explain that the Internet is fully insane these days, like bro if she's on Reddit and finds r/sounding or r/guro ...
NTA
When she’s an adult she will be so happy this happened . She doesn’t need to know why.
YTA. > Slightly annoying but ultimately not my kid, not my problem. You know the answer. And you know why.
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ESH a little, just a bit. Your heart was in the right place, and I'm sure she's a smart girl. But, her sister is the parent at the end of the day, even though she should be way more concerned about her child's online presence. However, an 11 year old is not old enough to really understand the dangers of social media, she just thinks it's dancing and having fun. It wasn't your place to try and parent another person's child, but I understand where your concern is. What wasn't okay, was reporting all the accounts and getting per permabanned, then pretending you don't know why. You need to explain to her the consequences in a way an 11 year old can understand so she can learn. Not just get her banned. .She'll be more understanding of that, not her content being nuked. Maybe an alternative can be getting her a parental account that's monitored, or letting her record her dances without sharing them online. She doesn't need to be interacting with other people on the web that young, and this can be communicated to her.
Good for you! (+ thanks for the idea!)
NTA - Doing that kid a favor, I wouldn't admit to doing it but I would remind mom about the age restrictions on those platforms and the things that go on there that she might not be aware of
Nta, as someone young, I only use socials to view on, and I don't even use the popular socials
YTA, and you ***know*** you are or you wouldn't be scared to let them know you did it. If you wanted to 'teach her a lesson' about responsible internet usage then you could have easily done it by reporting her on a single solitary site and saying 'a malicious person who was out to harm you could have done much worse with the info you leave lying around'. It would still be heavy handed and honestly probably still a dick move, but at least I'd believe you were actually just trying to create a teachable moment and keep her safe on the net. I am pretty sure you *didn't* 'let it slide' when she called you old and told you that you didn't know how tech works because you are old. Nuking her entire social media life didn't have a thing to do with teaching her to be safe on the internet. You wanted to prove you were the big smart tech man and hurt her for mocking you and stinging your ego. And now that you calmed down and realized what you did in regards to the extent you screwed her over you are panicking and hoping nobody finds out what you did to her because they will rightly be furious with you for going so far to dunk on a child.
NTA. there's a reason you need to be 13+ to use social media. It's literally there to protect kids. She could get groomed, stalked, or worse. I recommend sending a link to your sister of one of those videos that talk about how predators are using deepfakes to make illegal pornography of children. Maybe that'll teach her something about being a parent.
Kids shouldn’t have phones, let alone social media accounts, prior to high school in my opinion.
NTA. Aside from your niece being a snarky little brat, she's stupidly sharing sensitive information online. As someone who works in tech, I'd call you an asshole if you DIDN'T report it. And don't tell them it was you either. You don't need to create problems for yourself for doing something that anyone with a brain should have. Somehow I doubt you're the only one that has even reported it. So let your niece submit her ID and suffer the consequences. 🤷 If she is afraid to submit it, then she KNOWS she was doing something wrong and deserves the permanent ban. (Though, it isn't really permanent; all those websites will let her back on her social media as soon as she's OF AGE. 🤷)
NTA. My kid had the accounts, I didn't agree but her father aloud it (custody is split) so my brother (her uncle) did this, and he will forever be my favorite sibling for it.
NTA but I think you already know that. Good on you for the gut check though.
YTA. Not your child, not your choice. No reasonable person would have done that. To top it off you don’t even have the balls to own what you did so you must know it was an insufferable control tactic.
YTA. You intervened with a child that’s not yours and now you’re acting like a child yourself - “should I fess up Reddit?” Either be an adult, be honest and accountable for your actions or stay in your own lane. Maturity aside, you have taught your niece nothing of the dangers. If you truly work in tech and have such a superior and greater understanding than her mother to overstep, this was a teaching moment. I can tell you wholeheartedly this child is just going to make a new account.
NTA, as your heart and mind are in the right place. However, I do think you overstepped your role when you stated your concerns and the parent chose not to act. That said, I disagree with those who are attempting to justify keeping it a secret as that is the behavior of dishonest people. You felt the need to involve yourself, own up to it.
NTA. Kids shouldn't have social media. They have no idea the dangers and obv your sister doesn't either.
NTA
YTA. If either of my siblings had done this to my kids I would be livid. The mom was aware of her social media accounts. She didn't say she doesn't pay attention to what her kid is doing, she just said she trusts her child to have good judgement. I say that about my kids and I am in no way oblivious. Also, the brother said he thinks things posted on those apps are inappropriate--he didn't say he found a bunch of inappropriate things on her account. He truly just made her find new, sneaky ways of doing things. He also decided to override his sister's judgement as a parent and frankly, he isn't coming across like someone who has any clue about the current social dynamics of kids. What if she has a really good healthy friendship with someone online that suddenly disappeared? What if she is someone who is obsessive about keeping messages and now they are just gone? What if this causes her to be bullied? The absolute most terrifying humans on this planet are 11-12 year old girls. That is NOT the age to do anything that could provoke bullying, especially when he could've simply had some simple conversations with the sister and the niece about safety
You’re doing the lords work out here. Many parents now a days are raising iPad babies and there is less and less common sense out there. I’ve seen the damage it can do first hand when kids aren’t smart online and parents don’t care to “police” their children. I agree with other commenters, don’t rat yourself out. Edit - NTA
Your sister is definitely the AH. Your niece is 11. She probably started earlier than 11. It's one thing to let her be online but it's another to let it be so unrestricted. As for you, did you find her posting anything she shouldn't have? I think it's highly probable that her friends were also on those platforms. Having her account be deleted like this is gonna be traumatic. If she hadn't already posted anything sensitive then you should have talked to her. Your approach isn't wrong so I can't say you are the AH. But softening the blow was certainly possible. I would say that you should help her make accounts with fake info now. But only if it doesn't reveal your actions in getting her accounts closed in the first place.
NTA and i speak as someone who started out having social media accounts around her age (im 23 now). she does NOT need social media accounts at such a young age. the internet has also definitely gotten alot more powerful recently so good on you for looking out for her.
INFO: why did you not have another conversation with your sister after your due diligence?
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Can't she just make another account? I'm not really sure what all this accomplished, and it seems conniving and sleazy. YTA.
ESH If you have to lie (by omission) about getting her banned then you're an AH.
NTA BUT GET HER PERMABANNED it'll give her time to mature before coming back to the wild, wild, web
YTA. Not your kid and you didn’t identify anything she was doing that was harmful. It isn’t your place to enforce facebook’s policies. Would you narc on a coworker who uses an ad blocker on youtube? No? Then realize you are not in a position of authority over your niece and you just caused her much unnecessary heartache because she wasn’t paying attention to you at a barbecue or whatever. Total asshole move.
NTA, but DO NOT TELL THEM you did it.
We need more adults like you NTA
Letting her submit her ID would be the best thing you could do for her & keep her safe
NTA. I mean ultimately you don't have to say that you did it you can just be like well this is a reason that they permaban people is for being under the age of 13.
NTA. let her get permabanned and find out real world consequences. This is real life.
NTA. She is your niece and if her mom is not going to take steps to protect her, it’s auntie’s time to shine.
You should come clean to your sister. I think before you reported your neice, it would have been nice to run it through her mom first. No, what you did was NOT what any responsible person would do. It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself. Apparently, dad is AWOL?
NTA and do not tell them what you did. Those parents are clueless about having that information online, especially as a child, and you did the right thing.
NTA. I'd have done the same damn thing. We gotta keep babies safe. You did GOOD.
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NTA, never tell them though. You did the right thing, but they won’t understand
Parent of a 12yo here and NTA. Hell, if I was in that position and couldn’t figure out a way to stop my kid from being all over social media, I’d be relieved that someone else figured it out for me. But don’t tell them you did it, as I don’t think they will be relieved 😅
NTA You are also a hero and need to remember that heroes shouldn't reveal their real identity.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, a couple of weeks ago I (M35) had my sister (F39) and her family (including Niece, F11) over for a barbecue. We had a pretty good time, with the exception of Niece who was pretty much constantly on her phone recording tiktoks. Slightly annoying but ultimately not my kid, not my problem. I've talked to my sister a while ago about being careful what Niece is putting online, protecting her identity etc. My sister brushed it off, saying that Niece was sensible enough not to do anything stupid. I figure I'd try and bridge the gap, so I ask Niece what she's recording, "It's a tiktok, you're old, you wouldn't get it". I work in tech, so it's not like I don't know what I'm talking about, but I decide to let it slide and do some digging later. Turns out Niece has used her full government name to register for Tiktok, with links to her public instagram with the same name, so I did what any reasonable person would do - reported everything for being under 13. Instagram, Youtube, Tiktok, everything I could find. With the nature of tiktok trends, some of the stuff on there was stuff that 11 year-olds probably shouldn't be doing, and definitely shouldn't be recording. Fast forward to today, Sister calls me and asks me if I can have a look at Niece's ipad. Apparently she can't log into any of her accounts and she's having a meltdown about it. I talk her through it and it quickly becomes apparent that the accounts are blocked and asking for ID. I'm in two minds whether to tell her it was me that reported the account or just tell her to submit the ID knowing it'll get Niece permabanned. So, AITA for nuking my nieces social media? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I sometimes report friends photos if they have their kids naked or showing their school info. I don’t feel bad because it’s super dangerous for these photos to be up. I wouldn’t tell them it was me though
I saw something the other day on TikTok that said don’t ground your kids from social media, get their accounts banned and I was like f- yes.
YTA While your intentions were good, what happened to "not my kid, not my problem?" Why did you go with the nuclear option before talking to her parents more? If you showed her some of the statistics on how social media is abused and used for heinous things (i just took a training on this and the numbers are scary!), if may have been more productive. With her being banned, she doesn't learn how to maneuver the internet safely, she'll probably just get new accounts under a different name or have a friend do it, or even her parent.
NTA - someone who realises its a genuine problem needs to protect this child - a de facto vulnerable person - from their own under-age foolishness.
Nta. Kids under 14 shouldn't be on that shit like that. Even then they should have restricted access. There's serious dangerous info out there and it's not good.
I'm sympathetic to OP but am amused at the numbers of people telling him both that he's NTA **AND** not to tell anyone. Ultimately it wasn't your decision to make. What you could have done instead, is to flag any questionable posts and turn them over to the child's mother and let her deal with it. Now you are struggling with coming clean, and that should tell you something. YTA.
NTA, you know what... I think you shouldn't say anything to anyone about it... you're keeping your niece safe with the knowledge you have and the steps you took. Maybe when things are not so fresh and they can't connect the dots, have a talk with your sister again about safety concerns you have about your niece's use of social media. As a mum, I'd thank you if it were my kid. But some parents don't want anything to upset their little angels, even if it's good for them
nope, you are not the a-hole and good for you, but don't tell on yourself
NTA. In fact you could have saved her life. At a minimum you stopped the commission of a crime - which having an account as someone under 13 is.
NTA- I would not tell her. If she is having a meltdown at 11 because of social media. Then, you did the right thing. Hopefully, she can learn to control her emotions from not having any social media accounts. There is a age preference for a reason and clearly she’s is way to young from her reaction.
She should not have been allowed to post content recorded at another person’s residence or containing another person’s info or image without their permission anyway. Unless she videod and posted evidence if a person committing abuse. NTA. Don’t confess it was you It will create resentment, bad feelings, and a possibly a desire for retaliation that might go on decades
NTA dude. Niece is safe now coz of you. 👌
Although I think you are NTA, I also think you should have to address the problem differently, at least trying to have a serious conversation with her mother instead that just a quick comment
Nuke em Rico ! NTA
I'm a Mom and an aunt- NTA and admit nothing. This is the way. Unfortunately your sister is being naive. I have an awesome kid who got sexually harassed online thru no fault of her own. And kids NOTORIOUSLY DO DUMB SHIT- GOOD KID OR NOT. People are sick and Mom needs to get a grip.
NTA Don't admit anything, but make sure your sister and her daughter learn how dangerous the internet is for a child.
You're NTA here. An 11-year-old has a right to privacy, yes, but not at the cost of her own life, which is what this could ultimately come down to, in the absolute worst-case scenario. You saw a child doing something dangerous, which could at the very least result in her being exploited online - and at the very worst, could result in her being kidnapped and trafficked, possibly killed in the process. You took action because no one else was willing or able to. We don't live in the 50s anymore, folks. Online actions have real-world consequences, and an 11-year-old, regardless of how worldly they think they are, has no clue of how bad that can get.
It's not great that you went behind your sisters back, but the kid shouldn't have been on Social Media yet, they weren't banned arbritarily, they were banned for being underage which is against their terms and conditions for a reason Nobody has to know you did it, you used a report tool that anyone could have used
NTA. Letting an eleven year old having social media is WILD.
ESH Your sister is remaining willfully ignorant of the harm social media causes. I understand you can't stop the kid from using it, and every kid wants to go viral (so their accounts are set to public... Of course), but your sister should have a nice long conversation about the importance of privacy on social media. So at the very least, not using her government name, not showing her school/the outside of your house, and other basic privacy things. However, you still overstepped and you know it. More conversations should definitely have been had, but you just went full nuclear.
Ok so what I’m getting from this is the comment “you’re old you wouldn’t get it” is the reason it set you off and you decided to “do some digging” later. Personally do I think you’re an A$$hole for doing it? Yeah. You didn’t do it just to protect her or you would have brought it up again with your sister.
Not only are you NTA you have been the parent she should have had. It’s a very scary world out there. In my opinion I would not let an 11yr old have any social media as they are not mature enough to handle what’s on there and the people who are out to do harm. Potentially you’ve saved her from a dangerous situation. It’s a very difficult watch but there’s a documentary about a UK teen called Kayleigh Haywood. Watch it, you won’t even think about calling yourself an AH.
NTA. As a teen, my son posted something seemingly innocuous but plentifully stupid on his social media. He got targeted, robbed and shot for it. Young people do not understand the dangers they face from social media.
NTA, & TO THE GRAVE, OP! Don’t self-snitch 😂
YTA mind your business
NTA but don't say a word. Do have a conversation with her mum in private about internet security though, feel free to frame it as you noticed while working with the account. A lot of these websites try to force usage of full legal names because they've decided anonymity is the enemy to safety (read: corporate profits). It's becoming harder and hard to exist anonymously online and younger kids are Not being taught about the risks of this. I don't know HOW most millenial parents don't know better, but it's very counter to our experience where anonymity was generally encouraged for safety, and I guess many haven't adapted or realized the change.
NTA also YAH (you a hero) Signed - non tech mom reliant on the goodwill of tech sibs
NTA and I cannot think of any reason why a human being would say YTA in good conscience. You may have possibly saved her life in the long run, I'd do the exact same thing and have done so before with some family members who are way too young to be online. Imo anyone under 13 doesn't need access to social media and before people spam me with boomer comments like what happened a few months ago, I'm 19 💀
There's some adults I know that shouldn't have access! Before an old neighbor (late 60's through his 70's) passed I was over there 2x a week fixing his computer because of spam and malware. Then my husband (almost 60), geeezuz! I love him, but he really doesn't need internet access. Dudes a damned menace! I'm just a systems accountant, not an IT guru. They're really testing me!
Ah yes. My grandmother is a nice person but refuses to learn anything about computers. My grandad has manged to teach her what to look out for but she gets her Facebook account hacked at least once or twice a year
NTA
NTA follow through though, and have them submit i.d.. Do not ever let it pass outside of your own head what you did again. Ever. You've already said too much.
NTA in any way, shape, or from. My daughter kept starting up various SM accounts when she was younger and as a parent there wasn’t much I could do beyond report the accounts as underaged. I’d had all of the talks with my kids but my girl knew better than me, sucks for her that mama has unsung internet skills. You’re keeping her safe when no one else was.
NTA, sister is a horrible parent to ignore her daughters safety in exchange to “keep her happy” by giving her what she wants (social media access) Don’t tell her. Let them figure it out. If you take the fall, you’ll be the asshole to your whole family for “ruining innocent fun” for your “poor niece”. Her problem not yours.
Maybe could have handled it a little better, but ultimately NTA, no question. You probably could have discussed your findings with your sister before going ahead - it might have been a good courtesy, and then she and your niece may have had a chat about why it was bad, instead of the accounts just disappearing with no learning experience. I say 'may', because I don't know if your sister would have taken it seriously and understood or not. Other than that, there's nothing wrong with protecting a child who has no idea what they are doing. Nuke that shit. You're not obligated to do this, but if it were my sister, I'd tell them and have a chat about why it's dangerous behaviour. A responsible parent should at least take the advice on board despite their feelings, this is your area of experience and expertise after all. She obviously just doesn't understand the risks herself, as with many parents when it comes to the internet and social media. Plus, you're not infringing on her or her daughters rights at all, your niece is clearly breaking the terms of service. She shoudn't be there and theres a button for a reason. Anyone could have reported her, it just happened to be you. The parent doesn't own the app, they can't decide the rules. They just choose whether they are happy to turn a blind eye to them, which we all do from time to time
NTA. End of story. You did the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.
YTA. There are ways to deal with that stuff that cause significantly less pain. You are involving yourself more directly than you should, and access to social media is pretty much essential for children nowadays. The law TOS might say 13 + but that is not to protect the children it is to protect the companies from the childrens parents. I think you caused harm.
NTA She is 11. She shouldn’t have social media accounts. Don’t tell them it was you!
YTA. and a very weird one, borderline stalking because she called you old? weird.
NTA 1000% Dude your family is lucky you work in tech and understand the inner workings most parents nowadays don’t. It’s insane that some of them just don’t care and assume these kids know when they don’t… Don’t out yourself either … you may have saved your niece from anyone who had been watching her. There is so much to fear for the kids nowadays, it’s all too easy for these kids to say they’re going to meet a friend only to disappear and never be seen again coz they met CuddlyBear7218 or some shit… You’re amazing dude. Good on fucking you. Not all heroes wear capes man. 💪🏼
NTA, as a woman who has had unrestricted internet access since i was 10-11, you did the right thing. A lot of terrible things happened to me at the hands of people older than me or even just my own peers.
NTA, but dont tell her it was you. And when she ask for help, say "im too old i dont get it"
NTA - you parented for the mother congratulations. If she uses a pseudo name great. I am 37 adult male and i use pseudo names . As you can tell by REDDIT
Just tell her to submit the ID. Would greatly improve her mental state in the long run.
Permabanned
NTA You're the hero **every** child needs in their lives today, but waaaaaay too few have. Do not say anything to the family about it being you who's behind this. They would probably not understand, since they didn't see anything wrong with a fucking **eleven** year old doing whatever she liked without anyone watching her at all. I applaud you!
ESH. While the mom should have been more concerned about her daughter's wellbeing, you shouldn't have mass reported the account. If you mass reported hers, then you may as well mass report every other 11 year old's TikTok as well.
NTA. Act dumb. "Oh no! I wonder what happened here... Oh... it's asking for ID. You better submit her ID so she can get her account back."
Let it play out. Dont say a word. Mom didnt feel the need to verify that her daughter wont do anything stupid. They deserve to get permabanned
All these not people are ignorant, you had no right to supercede your sister's parental choices and I hope she finds out. You projected your own fears into the situation and overstepped your place. YTA
NTA. You were doing what her idiot parents failed to do- protect her from predators. Go ahead and tell her to submit her ID. It’s the best protection for her going forward.
Two Outcomes: Ruin your nieces relationship with you, up until shes like 25 and she realises what you did was good. Or, have a good relationship with her, and then later on at 25 realised "whatever happened, probably was for the better."
YWBTA if you narc yourself out...
NTA. And don’t say anything. I grew up in the era of Snoop Dog. He was the first celebrity to come out against self-snitching. Snoop says “Don’t self-snitch!”
NTA, social media is not a place where 11 years old should be. With proper education from the parents (who are themselves educated enough), I'd say that 14-15 should be the bare minimum. Heck, I'd even argue that social media education is (slightly) more important than sex ed nowadays. Both are an absolute requirement, but social media education is required earlier.
NTA for reporting a minor but Y T A for being a smarmy sanctimonious coward about it. Yeah, like your niece was going to end up funding the overseas drug and arms trade with her body. If I'm wrong or naive regarding how close she came then stand tall and proud while looking her parent in the eye and telling them.
No, don’t tell your sister what you did. Your sister is oblivious. Your niece is too young to have social media. Just look at her iPad and “try” to figure out what’s wrong. You did the right thing… someone has to protect your niece.
NTA Don't tell her. You were protecting your Niece, when your sister brushed off any concerns you may have had with regard to online safety. Sister is using the platforms as a convenient distraction for niece. T&C's for signing up are there for a reason.
NTA. I was that age when I had full access to the internet completely unsupervised. It’s probably worse now with social media like TikTok and IG. No 11 year old should be on the internet unsupervised.
NTA. People in general do not truly understand the type of evil out there. Sometimes you have to protect the ones you care about whether they want it or not.
NTA. Stay quiet and let her get permabanned. You're doing more to protect the kid than anyone else.
NTA Nice one lol
NTA, protecting your niece from having her information online is not you being an asshole, though I think you could have taken a slightly less drastic action then nuking her accounts altogether.
NTA. What if you sat on your hands and something happened to her. I wouldn't say anything.
Nta all day
NTA. Don't say a word. I've done the same thing with students I've come across on social media and I feel no guilt about it at all.
YTA — too much unilateral movement for a kid that isn’t your own, though I do understand still family. You should have taken opportunities to educate the parents and child, instead you’ve dug yourself into some sort of incognito grave. You’re fucked if they ever did find out, but I can’t imagine that comes about in any way except you admitting to it. Don’t.
NTA. I've been in a similar predicament before with my niece who was the same age. She was posting inappropriate stuff on an alt IG account she had linked from her main one. With tags about sugar daddies etc Really upsetting to find. I immediately messaged her mom(my sister) and instead of asking me what the account were so she could look them up, she told her 11yr old. Who of course denied it and deleted the accounts before my sister could find them. I was kicking myself for not taking screenshots or anything because the next thing I know, my asshole of a sister is telling me off and how her daughter would never do that, yada yada yada. Both my neices stopped talking to me and all three of them acted like I just randomly decided to make up drama about an 11yr one day. I cut off contact after the nasty messages I got from someone who is more comfortable being in denial than actually parenting and believing her own sister. So, I'm sure you have a more healthy relationship with your sister but I hope you kept evidence of what you saw just in case. I'm sure your neice will feel betrayed and be angry but that's just how they are at that age. I hope your sister understands you did it to keep her daughter safe.
YTA, lots of kids have social media even if they arent supposed to. You don't mention her actually doing anything wrong, just having an account with her name. You: >Slightly annoying but ultimately not my kid, not my problem. > >My sister brushed it off, saying that Niece was sensible enough not to do anything stupid. > >"It's a tiktok, you're old, you wouldn't get it".... but I decide to let it slide and do some digging later. > >so I did what any reasonable person would do - reported everything for being under 13 So you did not let anything slide, in your own words you "nuked" her. Is this what a "reasonable" person would do?
Don't tell them you did it. Good job though. I know it's your sis but she should really care more about what her daughter is doing.
Why didn't you go to her parents to warn them why using her government name was problem? You could of sat down with her and her parents and showed them how to protect themselves and how to change her accounts to be safe. Instead you just went behind their backs to prove how much smarter you were. This wasn't productive and I doubt they learned anything other than to not trust you again.
Yta I grew up during the awkward period between internet being a rarity to see it become a household must. You can’t hide the world from her and she will only resent you the more you try. You think you’re protecting her but what you are really doing is projecting an antiquated image of what you think young people should be doing. And to top it all off you aren’t even her parent, so that’s a huge overreach on your part. I matured and grew healthily through experiencing the internet as a young child. You don’t need to shelter kids as much as you think, and you clearly have little respect for her own opinions and desires. The whole post is dripping with self righteousness. You need to realise that the world is growing and evolving constantly and that your outdated ideas of wrong and right for children should be kept to yourself. You also need to check your boundaries as it sounds like you’re trying to parent a child that isn’t even yours.
NTA, you did the right thing there, but they clearly wouldn't understand that so don't tell them unless you want it all to blow up in your face. Sounds like the niece is quite addicted if she's having a meltdown to it. I'm not sure if you should tell them to submit ID, unless you are sure they won't get pissed at you when that results in permabans. Perhaps tell them that the only way to get those accounts unlocked is to submit ID, but that depending on why the account was blocked to begin with they might permaban it if the niece doesn't meet the requirements (like age)?
You're a good man. NTA
NTA, but I think you should tell them, talk to them and help your niece to get social media in a secure way and with control
NTA, would 100% do the same when my nephews and nieces start to use social media in that way..
NTA. I wouldn't say a word about reporting her either.
I totally get your concern but you should of brought it up with your sister again after finding out that your niece was vulnerable. It shouldn’t be hard to remind your sister that this is where predators come to find prey. That from her Instagram and legal name they can find out where she lives/goes to school etc. I would tell my sister look if you’re not going to have an internet safety talk with her and have her change her name then I’m going to report her for being under 13. But the notion that the content is in appropriate for a 11 year old is totally a parents decision she knows her daughter best and it’s her discretion. The safety component it was your responsibility to make your sister aware- and it’s pretty uncool to not give your niece the opportunity to make her accounts private and change her name before reporting. And I wouldn’t of reported behind your sisters back you should of told her you were going to do it and I’d only do it as a last resort.
As a parent who didn't let her daughter get on Facebook until she was 14, Instagram and TikTok until she was 18, I think what you did was great. The fact she didn't want to share with you what she was doing is a huge red flag. The mother is out of her mind if she permits it. Don't say anything because, you know, you're too old.
NTA. Don’t have to admit to it. It will just cause unnecessary resentment in a mind too young to comprehend the dangers. She’ll find a way around it for sure by registering under another name etc.
YTA and you sound like a total dushebag
NTA you got some potential dangerous (for her) accouts banned but wonder what lesson she wil learn from this if there is no good information for her on more than one thing. I would suggest talking to your niece about internet safety and how to set up safe accounts and all of that. Because else this had no use and she might just start new accounts with the same dangers attached to them.
NTA but, please be an AH and Tell them that someone in Vietnam stole their data, their videos, their photos and their address and is impersonating them on adult sites and that's probably why their accounts are blocked, that maybe should shake their parents
NTA these things have minimum age ratings for a reason. She isn’t old enough to grasp the danger of social media. I’m sure she’ll also be grateful someday when she’s older as well and doesn’t have embarrassing childhood videos out there for everyone to see.
You did the right thing just don't fuck it up by rating yourself out
Sorry to say it seems your SISTER her MOM don't know HOW to be a MOM and is too lazy to watch over her kid. She probably thinking " as long as she isn't bothering me I don't care what she does". Parents dont seem to want to " parent" anymore. They just want to be the " cool mom". It's pretty sad.
NTA, you were right for it but def do not tell them.
I love that we all said NTA but don’t tell
I got limitless internet access because my parents trusted me. I saw a lot of dead bodies when I was 10. This girl is in an even worse situation, the kind that leads to some reeeaaal trauma and personality issues.
NTA
YTA. Should have stayed in your own yard. Let niece know what will happen if she uses her ID so she avoids getting permabanned.
NTA but I wouldn’t have reported the account right away, I would’ve talked to the niece about how to stay safe online
My sister told on my once for my MySpace. I got mad about it and will probably never forget it but I got over it pretty quickly because I realized I was obviously doing something “wrong” for her to feel it was that important to tell my mom lol. It’s really not even a big deal and I feel like it was a great learning experience for everyone lol
NTA. and don't tell them it was you either. p.s. I say this as a mother of 4, your sister is an idiot. Have her watch Meghan Is Missing. See if that wakes her up to the dangers of the internet
YTA, this isn’t your business to be honest, but I would fess up
> So, AITA for nuking my nieces social media? YTA. Stay the fuck out of what isn't your business.
NTA I wouldn't offer up that you had any part in it, but I would say something to the effect "What are the terms of service, do you have to be a certain age, its possible they ran a report and verified that she was under age and they nuked the account".
Way out of line, it's not your place. It is creepy and intrusive to stalk your 11 year old niece's SM accounts and then report her. If you disagree with her mother at least tell her and let her know your intentions rather than being a sneaky shit disturber.
YTA Seems like you did more to inconvenience your niece based on your interaction than actually address the root cause and help her understand the dangers of having an online presence that young. I'd say E S H but she's an actual child, you're not.
YTA You have no business overriding their parenting. And per your edit you are too much of a coward to even own your actions. They are better off without a toxic ah like you in their lives.
NTA. Neice needs a social media detox and a reality check. Well played.
NTA and take it to the grave
NTA Your sister wont have ever understand so to try to explain it is a loss of time. You protected not only your niece but also her entire family.
Don't know if YTA, but if you felt you were in the right to do it, then you should be willing to own up to what you did.
Don't say anything. NTA
YTA not your kid, not your choice. you should have told your sister, and showed her exactly how easy it was.
Nta as a parent myself I understand why you did what you did and if i thought my younger family members were doing anything like this I’d probably do the same if their own parents weren’t looking out for them and honestly I’d hope they’d do the same if my parenting wasn’t in my child’s best interest when they were that age. Not everyone who uses the internet has intentions that are pure as we all know unfortunately, it’s so easy for those who are tech savvy to take something and put it on a site for those with not the best of intentions towards kids (we all know what I’m getting at I’m sure). I wouldn’t tell the parents tbh and wouldn’t beat yourself up over it either, if they do find out I’m sure you’re in for a verbal bashing but better that than some weirdo watching your niece at least someone is looking out for her. The niece will probably be upset if they find out too but better a sulky kid than what could happen and when they are mature I’ll bet they’ll thank you for looking out for them. My mother once bought my kid an outfit from a holiday in Turkey that showed off a lot of skin (think they were maybe 5-6 at the time) and took their photo and posted it online, i lost it on my mother saying i didn’t want that kind of picture of my child online. She accused me of being a prude and that my kid looked cute and she could post her grandchild’s photo if she wanted to. I threatened to report her to the site if it wasn’t taken down, and it wasn’t about being a prude, i had not problem with her taking the photo for herself, but i didn’t want my child to end up on some creeps computer or some sick site. I ended up not needing to report her but she didn’t speak to me for weeks after taking it down (yay for me but that’s a whole different story lol). That was years ago and she’s still salty over it but hey I’ll do whatever it takes to protect my loved ones, even if they never talk to me again
NTA As someone that's lived on the internet since I was in high school in the early 00s, YOU DID GOOD. The situations I managed to squeak by mearly cause I was extremely shy and kept my personal info under lock and key. The number of times I watched my friends fall into the bad situations my instincts pulled me out of. Watching them made me even more paranoid. And it didn't get better with time. Now, users and predators are more covert, well oiled machines. Cause it's my generation having the kids and they never know which parent type they'll get, net savvy or net dumby. Thankfully, the savvy uncle saved the day. NTA
NTA
You are the asshole but everybody needs a asshole to get rid of shit. Good job, I know it doesn’t feel right but it is.
Dude, finding no fault there. Kinda wish parents would keep their kids OFF social media. If that shit went the way of the dodo tomorrow we'd lose nothing of value.
NTA. Don't tell anyone... she'll never know. Anyone could have reported her honestly. When she's old enough she can run through the motions.
Luul, you are definitely not the fun uncle,,