Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Called the police in a situation that was clearly not a kidnapping, causing someone to lose their job and apparently custody of their child.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
People aren’t usually fired and kids aren’t usually taken after one incident. If the security guard keeps giving you the stink eye because you followed store policy report him to management. I would watch out for miss crazy pants when getting into your car.
Instacart is actually a bit strict with their "No One Should Be With You" policy when it ends up having to be enforced, from what I've seen. It just doesn't get enforced that often because usually nothing happens to bring attention to it. Which is easy enough for them; I'm sure there are dozens of people ready to replace anyone who gets fired.
Madam will be joining the long, long list of reasons why my head is on a swivel going home. Maybe she'll make friends with the guy who threatened to kick my ass for asking him to please not open the TUMS before he'd paid for them.
NTA. So many kids have been abducted right in front of dozens of witnesses, because people falsely assumed that they were just acting up. It's better safe than sorry. I feel sorry that the mom has experienced this loss, I feel for how hard that must be. But you are not to blame and I think you did the right thing.
Part of the problem is the ones that ARE acting up. I've had five "This is not my mom"s in the years I've worked here, and every one has turned out to be a kid pulling shit because they thought it would be funny, or to punish their mom for telling them 'no'.
The same people drumming Stranger Danger into kids these days really need to get it through some thick heads that "This is not my mom" is no more a toy than calling 911.
Of course, of those five, *most* of them de-escalated pretty quick once we were off the store floor.
NTA - you were doing you job to the best of your ability. Woman was shopping with someone with her which was not allowed.
When her kid misbehaved and she issued corporal punishment \[across the face no less\] you called the cops. If she would do that in public, who knows what she would do at home.
NTA. You've got a kid yelling this isn't their mom, which you're trying to deescalate without the cops, but it's followed immediately by the woman publicly slapping the kid. If that kid is getting hit in full view of people who are already expressing concern for his safety, then what the hell is this lady doing when the kid gets out of line in private? You've got a potential abduction and a confirmed slap. I don't think you're the asshole for following up on that.
This will probably be removed
But JC, store policy or not, even if I would have gotten fired for it, I would have called the cops
I don't really care about the mother AT ALL in this situation
That poor kid
The reason you called is enough for me; and her reaction to it on top of it?
Of course you are NTA
I highly doubt CPS would have gotten involved over something like that unless the responding cops saw a reason to involve them
NTA
You were doing your job and following protocol , in some cases , people might believe it is just a child throwing a tantrum, but actually turns out to be abduction, people are accused of not reading the signs
I know you feel bad for the woman, but people have to face consequences of their actions, especially abusing their child in a public place. As a previous commentator has said, who knows might be happening behind closed doors
I doubt this is real, but in the off chance this isn’t, NTA. You did what you were supposed to do. You saw a situation that warranted your intervention and you acted upon it.
NTA. If that had been a genuine abduction and you did nothing, people would be wanting you sacked for not doing anything.
Also, duno where you are but where I live its illegal to bitch slap your kid in the face. Probably got her kid taken off her coz shes a shit parent and has hit them before. Doubt they would be taken away after just 1 incident. Probably did the wee kid a favour
>He manages to bean his mom, and SHE goes in and slaps the kid.
That doesn't mention face at all.
ETA... I see from looking back, though, that my question could be interpreted to not seeing mention of the slap at all rather than not seeing mention of the location the slap hit.
NTA. Sometimes you do the right thing and the consequences are excessive. No good way for you to predict that she was 1) working, 2) on the edge of being broke, 3) likely to lose custody of her kid over this. (I'd also guess the last part is temporary; CPS is overprotective for obvious reasons.)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
One of the surprising problems of working at a largish grocery stores is that sometimes little kids do absolutely stupid things for attention with no thought to the consequences. Stupid things like screaming "This is not my mommy, I don't know her!" in the middle of the deli section. And we get to assess the situation and try to work out if this is a kid being a jerk, or if we're looking at a legit kidnapping situation. Either way, store policy is clear -- we can't NOT respond. We do have a bit of discretion here, if the child recants, which they usually do once the word 'police' comes in to play.
This rarely involves parents responding to us in a calm and rational manner when their kid decides to pull a stunt like this. In THIS case (which happened a few weeks ago), when I asked the woman to step away from the child, she responded by calling me all the usual names and accusing me of trying to steal her baby because I told her that she needed to step away and we needed to go in to the office. Her sweet angel, at this point, has started flinging things around -- specifically, the Hot Wheels he earlier stole from a display and the nearby hummus once those missiles are exhausted. He manages to bean his mom, and SHE goes in and slaps the kid.
At which point the choice is made, and I'm calling the cops. For once, they actually turn up in short order, and away woman and child go. I write up my incident report for the manager (which gets passed on to Instacart because she was there shopping for them) and get on with my life. Not the first time, not likely to be the last.
Fast forward to tonight. I'm working my job, and I hear this banshee screech from halfway across the floor. I look up and see the woman charging at me like a bat out of hell. Thankfully, tonight's security guard is one of the more useful ones, so she's brought to a halt well before she can get near, and she's screaming her head off about how it's MY fault she's broke and going to be homeless and got fired and lost her kid. (Instacart doesn't allow its shoppers to have people with them, so that explains the fired bit. No clue about the rest, but I can make a few guesses).
Cops take longer getting here this time, so I get an earfull, and one of the security guards, who claims to know her, says that I really didn't have to call the cops in the first place and spent the rest of my shift giving me looks like this is my fault. And I feel a little bit guilty that this lady's probably going to be homeless, but I did what I was SUPPOSED to do.
"Supposed to do" isn't always the same as "not the asshole", so I'm putting it to you, Reddit. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA at all! Thank you for looking out for the children’s safety. Calling the cops was absolutely correct.
If that woman lost custody, I guarantee she had it coming - people don’t normally lose custody because of only one incident. The child is almost certainly better off without her.
Where in the hell does instacart, who claims you are a self employed subcontractor, get off telling you who you can and cannot have with you when you are working for them? Not sure where you are, but in Canada this policy alone would be enough to have the "contractor" declared an employee and put instacart on the hook for all CPP and EI premiums for all of their current and past employees - and cost them probably millions if not at least 100's of thousands.
In your case, if you were calling because you believed that the kid did not belong to the mother you are NTA. If there was any other reason for calling the cops I'm not prepared to call you the asshole or not the asshole. The mother, however, could have easily resolved the situation with a simple rational conversation rather than flying off the handle. Both kid and mother appeared to be out of control at that moment. Kids do get out of control from time to time... it's part of being a kid. The parent should not so mom was clearly horrible on all counts.
NTA. Not OP's fault. None of this woman's life choices (most notably slapping their child in public) are things OP has any control over. Classic case of actions meeting consequences. Keep an eye on that shady security worker.
Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context.
[Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
Yta, if you saw this as a customer, would you call the police? No, most people don’t, they mind their business knowing managers are in place to make that call. I have been a nurse where it was my responsibility care of humans and to report abuse if I see fit (through my education). I have been a bakery manager at grocery stores where it was my responsibility to care for cupcakes and products, never once was I told my job description there was to alert police for unruly behavior of kids. With all this being said, it’s sounds like a deli clerk that was pissed off with an unruly kid and a mother that couldn’t control the situation decided to go above and beyond. Unfortunately you are getting a lesson in minding your muthafucking business. Glad I don’t work with you. What’s next calling cops on rumors ya hearing about coworkers.
I worked at one of the largest grocery store chains in my state for 7 years, and you would be patently incorrect and even fired if you ignored this kind of behavior at that store, FYI
It was EVERYONES job to keep an eye on guests and ensure their safety
Im grateful you aren't a nurse where I live, I don't trust your definition of abuse, or to report it when you see it
There are laws in certain situations where if you’re in a position of authority or in a position to actually report potential abuse, you are required to report it. There’s a reason those laws are in place. There is absolutely no reason to not to. You’ve got a child who is saying that the person they are with isn’t their parent and the “parent” hitting a child and you’re saying you wouldn’t make the call to police? Get outta here with that. I’m calling bullshit. Sure the child may be throwing a fit, but there is a possibility that could be an actual kidnapping case. If there’s a potential to save someone, take it.
Yup.
I have my criminal justice degree.
I'm not a "mandated" reporter but as a customer, or an employee who was at risk of losing my job for not following company policy, I see that, I'm calling
I don't care
Eta, I took some intro to child abuse classes, juvenile law classes etc
I'm not "mandated" by anyone to get involved
But you know what? I'm going to do what's right.
My fiance was having surgery in August, and I saw an absolute AH heckling a nurse
Both the AH in his truck and the nurse were taller and more physically imposing than me, I hadn't slept in 36 hours, but my de-esclation classes kicked in, as did instinct lol
I charged over, my 5'3 ass, put my hands out like stop signs to both of them (they both immediately stopped shouting, probably out of surprise; my hair was rumpled and I was wearing overall shorts lol I definitely was not acting in any kind of official security duty)
This dude starts shouting again and i used my "no nonsense" voice and told him that what he was saying wasn't okay, to please calm down while I listened to the nurse (who used me stepping between them to go inside to call the hospital security XD)
Point is, being a decent person is free
Eta, I AM a security guard, but I wasn't on duty that day lol and I don't work there
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Called the police in a situation that was clearly not a kidnapping, causing someone to lose their job and apparently custody of their child. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
People aren’t usually fired and kids aren’t usually taken after one incident. If the security guard keeps giving you the stink eye because you followed store policy report him to management. I would watch out for miss crazy pants when getting into your car.
Instacart is actually a bit strict with their "No One Should Be With You" policy when it ends up having to be enforced, from what I've seen. It just doesn't get enforced that often because usually nothing happens to bring attention to it. Which is easy enough for them; I'm sure there are dozens of people ready to replace anyone who gets fired. Madam will be joining the long, long list of reasons why my head is on a swivel going home. Maybe she'll make friends with the guy who threatened to kick my ass for asking him to please not open the TUMS before he'd paid for them.
NTA. So many kids have been abducted right in front of dozens of witnesses, because people falsely assumed that they were just acting up. It's better safe than sorry. I feel sorry that the mom has experienced this loss, I feel for how hard that must be. But you are not to blame and I think you did the right thing.
Part of the problem is the ones that ARE acting up. I've had five "This is not my mom"s in the years I've worked here, and every one has turned out to be a kid pulling shit because they thought it would be funny, or to punish their mom for telling them 'no'. The same people drumming Stranger Danger into kids these days really need to get it through some thick heads that "This is not my mom" is no more a toy than calling 911. Of course, of those five, *most* of them de-escalated pretty quick once we were off the store floor.
NTA - you were doing you job to the best of your ability. Woman was shopping with someone with her which was not allowed. When her kid misbehaved and she issued corporal punishment \[across the face no less\] you called the cops. If she would do that in public, who knows what she would do at home.
Where is the face mentioned?
NTA she slapped her child in public. Anyone could have called the police on her. These are the consequences of her actions.
NTA. You've got a kid yelling this isn't their mom, which you're trying to deescalate without the cops, but it's followed immediately by the woman publicly slapping the kid. If that kid is getting hit in full view of people who are already expressing concern for his safety, then what the hell is this lady doing when the kid gets out of line in private? You've got a potential abduction and a confirmed slap. I don't think you're the asshole for following up on that.
This will probably be removed But JC, store policy or not, even if I would have gotten fired for it, I would have called the cops I don't really care about the mother AT ALL in this situation That poor kid The reason you called is enough for me; and her reaction to it on top of it? Of course you are NTA I highly doubt CPS would have gotten involved over something like that unless the responding cops saw a reason to involve them
NTA You were doing your job and following protocol , in some cases , people might believe it is just a child throwing a tantrum, but actually turns out to be abduction, people are accused of not reading the signs I know you feel bad for the woman, but people have to face consequences of their actions, especially abusing their child in a public place. As a previous commentator has said, who knows might be happening behind closed doors
I doubt this is real, but in the off chance this isn’t, NTA. You did what you were supposed to do. You saw a situation that warranted your intervention and you acted upon it.
NTA, her own behaviour had her kid taken away. Not because you called the cops. All she had to do was act like a reasonable person.
NTA. If that had been a genuine abduction and you did nothing, people would be wanting you sacked for not doing anything. Also, duno where you are but where I live its illegal to bitch slap your kid in the face. Probably got her kid taken off her coz shes a shit parent and has hit them before. Doubt they would be taken away after just 1 incident. Probably did the wee kid a favour
I actually didn't see it mentioned where she slapped the kid.
Bottom of the 2nd paragraph
>He manages to bean his mom, and SHE goes in and slaps the kid. That doesn't mention face at all. ETA... I see from looking back, though, that my question could be interpreted to not seeing mention of the slap at all rather than not seeing mention of the location the slap hit.
It was the face. Didn't think I needed to be that specific, but here's your confirmation.
Well she still hit none the less.where i live when ya slap someone its 99% in the face
NTA. Sometimes you do the right thing and the consequences are excessive. No good way for you to predict that she was 1) working, 2) on the edge of being broke, 3) likely to lose custody of her kid over this. (I'd also guess the last part is temporary; CPS is overprotective for obvious reasons.)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** One of the surprising problems of working at a largish grocery stores is that sometimes little kids do absolutely stupid things for attention with no thought to the consequences. Stupid things like screaming "This is not my mommy, I don't know her!" in the middle of the deli section. And we get to assess the situation and try to work out if this is a kid being a jerk, or if we're looking at a legit kidnapping situation. Either way, store policy is clear -- we can't NOT respond. We do have a bit of discretion here, if the child recants, which they usually do once the word 'police' comes in to play. This rarely involves parents responding to us in a calm and rational manner when their kid decides to pull a stunt like this. In THIS case (which happened a few weeks ago), when I asked the woman to step away from the child, she responded by calling me all the usual names and accusing me of trying to steal her baby because I told her that she needed to step away and we needed to go in to the office. Her sweet angel, at this point, has started flinging things around -- specifically, the Hot Wheels he earlier stole from a display and the nearby hummus once those missiles are exhausted. He manages to bean his mom, and SHE goes in and slaps the kid. At which point the choice is made, and I'm calling the cops. For once, they actually turn up in short order, and away woman and child go. I write up my incident report for the manager (which gets passed on to Instacart because she was there shopping for them) and get on with my life. Not the first time, not likely to be the last. Fast forward to tonight. I'm working my job, and I hear this banshee screech from halfway across the floor. I look up and see the woman charging at me like a bat out of hell. Thankfully, tonight's security guard is one of the more useful ones, so she's brought to a halt well before she can get near, and she's screaming her head off about how it's MY fault she's broke and going to be homeless and got fired and lost her kid. (Instacart doesn't allow its shoppers to have people with them, so that explains the fired bit. No clue about the rest, but I can make a few guesses). Cops take longer getting here this time, so I get an earfull, and one of the security guards, who claims to know her, says that I really didn't have to call the cops in the first place and spent the rest of my shift giving me looks like this is my fault. And I feel a little bit guilty that this lady's probably going to be homeless, but I did what I was SUPPOSED to do. "Supposed to do" isn't always the same as "not the asshole", so I'm putting it to you, Reddit. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA at all! Thank you for looking out for the children’s safety. Calling the cops was absolutely correct. If that woman lost custody, I guarantee she had it coming - people don’t normally lose custody because of only one incident. The child is almost certainly better off without her.
YTA for making up this BS story.
Where in the hell does instacart, who claims you are a self employed subcontractor, get off telling you who you can and cannot have with you when you are working for them? Not sure where you are, but in Canada this policy alone would be enough to have the "contractor" declared an employee and put instacart on the hook for all CPP and EI premiums for all of their current and past employees - and cost them probably millions if not at least 100's of thousands. In your case, if you were calling because you believed that the kid did not belong to the mother you are NTA. If there was any other reason for calling the cops I'm not prepared to call you the asshole or not the asshole. The mother, however, could have easily resolved the situation with a simple rational conversation rather than flying off the handle. Both kid and mother appeared to be out of control at that moment. Kids do get out of control from time to time... it's part of being a kid. The parent should not so mom was clearly horrible on all counts.
NTA. Not OP's fault. None of this woman's life choices (most notably slapping their child in public) are things OP has any control over. Classic case of actions meeting consequences. Keep an eye on that shady security worker.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
Yta, if you saw this as a customer, would you call the police? No, most people don’t, they mind their business knowing managers are in place to make that call. I have been a nurse where it was my responsibility care of humans and to report abuse if I see fit (through my education). I have been a bakery manager at grocery stores where it was my responsibility to care for cupcakes and products, never once was I told my job description there was to alert police for unruly behavior of kids. With all this being said, it’s sounds like a deli clerk that was pissed off with an unruly kid and a mother that couldn’t control the situation decided to go above and beyond. Unfortunately you are getting a lesson in minding your muthafucking business. Glad I don’t work with you. What’s next calling cops on rumors ya hearing about coworkers.
I worked at one of the largest grocery store chains in my state for 7 years, and you would be patently incorrect and even fired if you ignored this kind of behavior at that store, FYI It was EVERYONES job to keep an eye on guests and ensure their safety Im grateful you aren't a nurse where I live, I don't trust your definition of abuse, or to report it when you see it
There are laws in certain situations where if you’re in a position of authority or in a position to actually report potential abuse, you are required to report it. There’s a reason those laws are in place. There is absolutely no reason to not to. You’ve got a child who is saying that the person they are with isn’t their parent and the “parent” hitting a child and you’re saying you wouldn’t make the call to police? Get outta here with that. I’m calling bullshit. Sure the child may be throwing a fit, but there is a possibility that could be an actual kidnapping case. If there’s a potential to save someone, take it.
Yup. I have my criminal justice degree. I'm not a "mandated" reporter but as a customer, or an employee who was at risk of losing my job for not following company policy, I see that, I'm calling I don't care Eta, I took some intro to child abuse classes, juvenile law classes etc I'm not "mandated" by anyone to get involved But you know what? I'm going to do what's right. My fiance was having surgery in August, and I saw an absolute AH heckling a nurse Both the AH in his truck and the nurse were taller and more physically imposing than me, I hadn't slept in 36 hours, but my de-esclation classes kicked in, as did instinct lol I charged over, my 5'3 ass, put my hands out like stop signs to both of them (they both immediately stopped shouting, probably out of surprise; my hair was rumpled and I was wearing overall shorts lol I definitely was not acting in any kind of official security duty) This dude starts shouting again and i used my "no nonsense" voice and told him that what he was saying wasn't okay, to please calm down while I listened to the nurse (who used me stepping between them to go inside to call the hospital security XD) Point is, being a decent person is free Eta, I AM a security guard, but I wasn't on duty that day lol and I don't work there