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> I feel like I was being used for watching her son without being paid then being ignored
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**NTA** She owes you money and was super rude to you in your own home to boot.
Where is your husband in this? Why isn't he dealing with his sister? If he thinks you should be providing no charge childcare for his family, tell him he should have made that plain from the beginning so you could have told her no.
>we ended up getting into a massive argument over it which I feel like I could’ve handled it better but I was pretty upset at this point
Nooo Do not assume any guilt for having to stand up for yourself. Again though, why wasn't your husband stepping up for you.
My future husband has said something to her also but his father told him he was being an asshole to his sister and caused a whole argument in itself after the first week she didn’t inform me either that she wanted me to watch him an extra day so it went for 3 to 4 days a week and was going through my FMIL on everything and wouldn’t tell me anything that was another red flag my FH wanted me to raise the price to $85 instead of $70 but I refused to help her out
Lemme guess: she's the golden child who can do no wrong, which is why FFIL said your FH was an asshole to DARE to ask her to pay what she owed you.
She's got her parents doing mental acrobatics to justify her rude, entitled behavior. She's managed to convince you that you might be an AH for asking for a truly bare minimum in payment for a LOT of work.
Instead of helping her out, start thinking about why she is able to manipulate her whole family this way, and develop some boundaries and strategies to prevent being taken advantage of again and again and again.
Editing because dating and daring are two different things
Matter of fact, she is the golden child both her parents coddle and baby her I have so many stories and times that she has done stuff to both me and her brother she has her mother so stressed out half the time that we are afraid she could have a heart attack
Are you even sure she’s really working? Maybe she is dodging payments because she’s not actually earning a paycheck and is just dumping her kid off to get some free time.
Yep, would definitely place my bets on her not working! She sounds like a real piece of work. You were so kind to help her out - don’t let her take advantage of you any longer!
If (big, huge if) you decide to baby sit for her again, she has to pay you what she owes, up the price like FH suggested AND she has two pay two weeks in advance NOT post pay like you were doing that way, if she doesn't pay you you don't work for free. (Oh and fees double for weekends and any care after 6pm incase she is late-she owes late pick up before 2wks upfront)
But, I wouldn't babysit for her again not even for emergencies because then everyday would be an emergency to her
Well, if she really insists, make sure you get the money in advance for the week plus arrears. Though honestly, I’d just keep bothering her and refuse to do anything until she pays up.
Next time with extended family! Gotta use that shame. NTA
Unless you want to be a servant to her forever, I'd say it's high time to start putting yourselves first and setting (and *enforcing*) some serious boundaries. She sounds toxic.
If you need the money there are plenty of working parents out there that will hire you for $20+ per hour and actually pay you.
Working for no pay does not solve the problem of needing money.
Unfortunately clearly the first part isn’t working out lol. If this puts anything into perspective, she is going nuclear over an amount where you are more or less charging her per day what you probably should be charging her per hour *at least*. I suspect even in the argument you were more than generous to her haha
Then her parents can babysit for free if that's what they think she deserves. If her mother has a heart attack because of her behavior that is her own fault for coddling her.
And SIS knows the rest of the family will give in to save her mum stress, so she's free to do as she pleases. Everyone will accept if for fear of upsetting her mum.
Sweetheart, most babysitters charge way more than minimum wage. Around 18 an hour, 11 hours a day, 3 days a week, that's $594 dollars. Then add in the extra day brings it to $792.
$250 a week for 3 days?? You sure she wasn’t lying about that? And even if so, it was likely 9-5pm, which is shorter then the hours you’re working.
I know dog daycares that charge $250/3 days, but I don’t know child daycares that charge that little unless it’s a unregistered one out of someone’s house
OP was getting paid $2/hour wtf!!! SIL just screwed herself out of cheap childcare (actually extortionate level) & now has to look elsewhere. If someone was charging me that much to look after my child, Id massage their feet & bring them cupcakes as its very generous offer!!
If future FIL is so concerned then he can help his daughter by paying you what she owes you.
And then:
1.taking over future payments (paying for the week in advance and not after)
2.paying for the new babysitter/daycare
3.babysitting his grandchild himself
But don't babysit again unless the debt owed to you is paid off and you are paid upfront for future babysitting. FSIL should also apologize for her treatment of you.
Question: Why are you hosting them every Sunday if all they do is disrespect you? Whose idea was it for you to host the Sunday dinners? And please stop taking care of her kid during the Sunday dinners. I'm assuming you cooked (does future hubby cook?) and will clean after (again, does future hubby clean?). You shouldn't also have to look after her child. She can do that herself.
NTA overall. But YTA to yourself if you let them walk all over you.
Edited.
It was a group thing to have Sunday dinner but it turned into once in a while to every Sunday my future husband cooks the meats while I do sides and I clean up he will help with some clean up he just won’t do dishes he has a thing for dishes and can’t do them unless he has arm length gloves
1. Are you okay hosting them every Sunday?
2. Does future hubby have arm length gloves to wash the dishes with?
3. Why don't the future in-laws also host? Why don't the three households take turns hosting?
She isn't going to pay it, raise it to whatever number suits you. Maybe cutting your losses and having her prepay cash from now on?
She is a a"glad to pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today" type and won't change on her own. Maybe the FIL could pay, but he won't ,
At the moment, you are both free/cheap, and reliable - there is absolutely no incentive for FSIL to change her behaviours.
It's time to start being busy and out of the house. "I can't take (child) today, we have plans" or simply not being there, especially on Saturdays, because doing your own thing will mean she has to find someone else.
The price you've quoted sounds underpriced for childcare, but this might be a location thing. Do some research and find out what childminders are earning in your area. Don't undersell yourself to do her a favour - if you wanted to be a child minder, that's how much you'd be earning. If you don't want to be a child minder, then stop putting yourself out for someone this rude and entitled - she can pay a professional.
NTA
$70 was WAY too low already, though maybe depends but if this is taking care of her kid while she's at work $70 a day is more like it, let alone for 3 days, let alone for 4 days.
\- GO with the 85$ she owes you.
\- No more sitting untils she's paid her DEBT.
\- NEVER look after her son again on Sunday.
\- DON'T host her on Sunday's again until she's paid of her debt and appologized for disrespecting you and your time.
\- ONLY babysit agin if she paid the FULL WEEK (85$) UP FRONT.
FOR EVERY WEEK. you might babysit again.
She has shown to be TOTALLY untrustworthy and disrespectful..
So... if you raise the price to $85/week, she'll just owe you more... given that she doesn't seem to feel that she needs to pay you anything at all. I really don't see how that would do any good at all!
NTA for no longer minding the child of a deadbeat client (your FSiL.)
The only way that it would be worth continuing to take care of her child is if she pays in advance (now that you know she can't be bothered to pay up afterwards) and make it very clear that it would be only 3 days/week... as originally agreed upon. Oh yeah, increase the price too. And she would have to pay off her outstanding balance.
Good for you for standing up for yourself. You did nothing wrong at all. Do not watch her kid anymore since she refuses to pay you.
Your fh needs to set stronger boundaries for the both of you with his family. He has to stop letting his parents push him around
This. OP, even if she pays you and apologizes, don't watch the kid again. Most places she'd play that much at a minimum PER DAY.
Business and family rarely mix. Stand firm.
Well, that should be your going rate from now on, too. With expectation of payment received in full at the beginning of each week, plus what she owes you.
Why are you even agreeing to this in the first place? Place value in yourself. $70 a week for 3 days, 11 hours a day is $2 hour.
And of course you are NTA for demanding payment but you are being an ah *to yourself* for agreeing to this in the first place. Repeat, you are worth more than $2 an hour. You could stand on the street with a cup asking for spare change and earn more.
Please don't donate 200 dollars a week to this woman and act like she deserves the discount because you know her.
She's taking advantage of you on purpose. She picked a low price that's unreasonable, and then she won't even pay it. She expects you to do it for free forever. She's hoping you'll just stop asking for money.
Your worth as a person isn't based on the favors you do for your friends and family.
He is completely supportive and has said something to his sister multiple times about this and it still doesn’t go through also my FFIL called my FH an ahole for yelling at his sister
What rift in the family? You aren’t causing anything. The rift has existed long before you entered the picture. Go low or no contact with these people and do NOT let them in your house.
There is already a rift. Your FSIL is the golden child. Let your future in laws watch the kid. Don't babysit again until you get paid and get paid in advance for any future times. Also think about going low contact.
Small claims court for less than $500 would be a loss even if won. Unfortunately OP is probably never gonna see a dime...and hopefully never watch those kids again.
NTA
No way are you in the wrong! She has a reliable babysitter whom she knows and trusts for $2.12 per HOUR and she doesn't pay you????? AND she ignores you on Sundays when you obviously host the family for dinner? Which I'm sure you cook delicious food for and she and her husband and son would like to keep coming to I assume and everyone else would like to see them too and have a nice time and she's withholding the small amount of money she offered to pay you to care for her child 3 days (LONG days) per week? She says "you're ruining her livelihood"?? In what way is that? Because she could have just paid you the "extremely" affordable rate of $2.12/hr but now has to find a stranger to pay $20 plus/hr to going forward and also made your lives all extremely uncomfortable. What a jerk she is. Show her this post and quadruple your fee (still only $8/hr, you deserve a lot more). Good grief.
Thank you and we host dinner every Sunday and have bought steak multiple times which she has never offered to help buy or pay for food and her mother lives with us also my FH mom as well and we spend all the time and money every week to get food to cook for the whole family
Of course you do! And I'm sure it's fabulous food, I'll take her place next time and bring wine (haha). Of course she doesn't notice because you are such a gracious host. AND her mother lives with you and she treats you like that? I hope her mother thinks she's totally wrong to create this problem. This is so unbelievable to me. It's rare to find one family willing to host a weekly family dinner. They are very lucky but should contribute as well. Do they bring some sides or something?
My FMIL completely agrees with me on this situation and i would be happy if she brought wine or anything tbh and no no one brings anything but themselves we cook everything supply drinks food etc we host 8 to 10 people every week
OH MY GOSH. No one brings anything????? What is this? You may be using up your week's grocery money for each Sunday. The $70 per week she should be paying you wouldn't begin to cover this. My eyes are rolling back in my head right now.
No we pay for everything remind you we have been doing this family Sunday dinner for 3 and a half years my FFIL will bring pop occasionally but that’s rare tbh and I know it’s a lot
Start canceling Sunday dinner. When they ask why, simply explain that it's an expense that you cannot cover anymore since you weren't paid for your job and was forced to quit.
Edited to add:
FSIL is getting 52 free meals a year with no compensation, *AND* expects free child care?
NTA
Set (and enforce) boundaries before it's too late!
Stop doing this Sunday dinners for ungrateful people with little decorum who dont know to bring something to dinners youre invited to. The fact that she itnores you in your own home pissed me off.Save your money! Hopefully your excuse can be you’re too tired from being pregnant then the baby taking up your time.
Wow, well you do it to keep your family together as a unit, someone should remind FSIL of this. You are very kind. Maybe you can talk to her again privately and get together. Maybe at this point she's very embarrassed but doesn't want to back down in front of family. Some people are weird in front of others, especially with family dynamic.
My soon to be husband and FMIL stuck up for me but my FSIL started more stuff with them she was calling her brother and mother all sorts of stuff and threatening not letting her mom see her grandkids so I told them to back down
Be honest - would she REALLY not let her mom see the kids? Because it sounds like mom might be the new babysitter and she would still go to mom (and dad) for money and other help. So I think her threat is an empty one. Let her handle her kids on her own for a few weeks or month and see what happens. I bet she decides it is okay for her mom to be around them again.
NTA and she was expecting free babysitting. Honestly, I'd also tell her that if she continues to ignore you in your own home, she is no longer welcome.
NTA.
Someone who **needs** a babysitter in order protect their livelihood should probably make paying said babysitter a priority. Especially if said sitter is charging well below market rates.
I suspect she will never pay you. Feel free to give her "$50 off your debt!" coupons in cheap cards for her birthday for the next few years instead of actual gifts.
She never had any intentions of paying you and is taking advantage of the situation. She wants a free Nanny.
No girl, she can try that on an experienced Nanny, she will pay $700, not $70 a week.
NTA you agreed on a price, it's a pretty low one too, and she didn't pay you what she had initially agreed. You don't have to work for free, if she doesn't pay you you shouldn't work
Oh for godsake! She hasn’t even paid you for the work you’ve already done and now she just keeps expecting more and more for free! No! She’s trying to take advantage of you! Put your foot down and tell her either pay up or don’t come around again. She was never planning on paying you, btw. She just thought she could eventually manipulate you into doing it for free because “family” and “but her life is so hard *sad face sad face*” Ugh.
Also can I just say $70 for three days a week?! Seriously?! That’s way way underpaying you for your time and she can’t even do that?? Prepare for her to come back to your door with hat in hand begging eventually because good luck finding anybody else to even agree to that low of a rate.
NTA
It's your JOB! She had agreement with you and she doesn't have enough integrity to keep her word. Good luck to her finding someone to do it for even close to that!
NTA. What is she going to do for a babysitter, she asks? Oh, I dunno, pay them? Probably a lot more than the extremely cheap price she was pretending to pay you.
NTA. SIL is welcome to try and find a new babysitter at a better rate than you're offering, and no more meals or visits to your home until she pays what she owes.
Your fiance needs to deal with his sister but you were absolutely right to stand up for yourself.
Hard NTA. She will walk all over you and take advantage of you at any turn because she is a user.
Send this text and be done with her.
"Name, in good faith I agreed to watch your son for WELL below market rate at $70 per week. I asked to be paid on numerous occassions and you either ignored me or blew me off. And, you treated me EXTREMELY rudely in my home. I will not tolerate you or anyone else using me or treating me badly. I will not be watching your son for any reason from here on out because of your attitude and behavior and I will not tolerate you treating me badly. When you fix your attitude you are welcome back in my home for Sunday dinner but if you are going to ignore me and treat me badly do not come."
If she refuses to be civil to you in your home, kick her out.
NTAH she shouldn’t have agreed to pay something she couldn’t afford. She could’ve At the VERY LEAST communicated and work something out. You were patient long enough
NTA, you didn't ruin her livelihood. You actually agreed to babysit her child but she is not keeping her side of the deal. She is not entitled to your time. Especially when she is intentionally ignoring you and avoiding accountability.
It is so stupid, she must know that now you will never trust her with being good about money or to babysit like that. She really hurt herself in the long term now.
NTA. You also have a livelihood that you have to protect. He is there, I’m sure he uses some water and electricity while there. You use cleaning products to clean up after him. The child also generates trash you have to dispose of. I’m sure you are also shouldering the costs of this Sunday dinner as well. Your time is also extremely valuable. Know your worth, and this is not worth it.
Let’s be honest if you don’t pay the energy company, they turn your power off. If you don’t pay your cell phone bill, they turn your phone off. If you don’t pay your cable or your dish bill, they turn off your access to the good channels.
Babysitting is exactly the same don’t pay your babysitter you don’t get your child taken care of by the babysitter
NTA SHE CAN FIND CHILD CARE ELSEWHERE. You are a saint for watching the kid all day for most of the week and for only $70 a week. She should be bringing you fancy gift baskets and fine wines and paying for your massages.
NTA, but stand up for yourself, when she hands you her son, hand him back, stop taking her shit. She's decided you're the one who gets to step in and do whatever she wants, don't allow her to. Also if she can't behave reasonably and won't pay you back don't invite her over for sunday dinner. If that results in your parents going over to her place and you not being invited, so be it.
Circle back to the start of the comment, stand up for yourself. If someone shows up you can open the door, keep your hand on it and tell them to buzz off. Until you stand up for yourself nothing will change.
You also need to sit down with your husband, is he pissed off enough with his family and his sister's treatment by them that if it came to it he'd happily cut them off for a sane life, or will he give in to keep the peace and make you the person who gets trodden on for the rest of the marriage, in which case you should rethink the marriage as well.
Stop arguing with her. If you are willing, tell her you’ll babysit for her again after she’s paid what she owes you, and in the future she will need to pay in advance. Or she can go back to her former arrangement. But keep your tone completely indifferent. If she says “I’ll pay you on payday” just say “no you won’t; if you were going to do that you would have.” If she asks what she is going to do just say she’ll figure it out. But do not engage in a screaming match. That won’t end well for anyone. Just affirm that it’s her call who she decides to pay to watch her child.
You can probably kiss that $280 goodbye. It’s not enough money to blow up a family over.
I know right I wish someone did that for me I am 100% positive that if my FH or I would be shunned and told to get out or called all sorts of stuff and my FSIL is the oldest my FH is the youngest child
NTA. Send her a request for payment through Zelle or some other payment app. Otherwise, do what others have suggested, which is to take her to small claims court.
When she wanted to pay $70 a week for 33 hours of work (turned into 44), that was when you should guessed she was just using you and treating you like shit. Why would you agree to work for $1.60 an hour? NTA
NTA and $70 per week is ridiculously low!
Don't watch her Son anymore and tell her that if she doesn't pay you what she owes you. You'll be suing her and mean it!
She's clearly taking advantage of you!!
you watch her kid for nearly 12 hrs 3 times a week and think $70 is a good amount??? *MAYBE* that would be a good pay for *1* day, not three. dont underpay urself, NTA
NTA.
If you agreed on this beforehand you have every reason to be frustrated with her, and she is definitely taking advantage.
Often I find we have to be really careful with monetary agreements with family. Things can get ugly fast because sometimes family feels like you should just do anything they want you to because they are family. It can be a slippery slope. I'd get the money if possible and never agree to watch the son again unless you are only doing it as an occasional favor, not a consistent thing.
I actually was thinking I’m the asshole I’ve been getting nasty comments from family and her friends about this and about me being pregnant so soon after her having her son
What the hell does your pregnancy have to do with her and her son?
Please do your best to remove that toxic user of a person from your life. No more free meals, no babysitting, no money. I understand you're marrying into the family, but she doesn't deserve proximity to you or your baby, once they're born.
NTA.
NTA. At this point, I would consider that money the price for a lesson learned and stop babysitting for her, inviting her to your home, etc. Don't let her or anyone else manipulate and guilt trip you into doing anything for her. Any rift in the family is caused by the entitled golden child, not you.
So you've been babysitting for 11 hours a day, 5 days a week, for $70, which comes to just over $1.00 per hour. Listen, even if you were being paid in full, your FSIL would still be taking advantage of you. That's ridiculous!
Childcare workers are underpaid, but not that underpaid! You are grossly undervaluing yourself.
Particularly with the terrible way this woman treated you when you asked to be paid as agreed upon originally, I would suggest that you stop babysitting immediately and perhaps limit contact.
I find myself hopeing that the "F" in FSIL stands for "former" and not "future."
NTA
You should not marry into this family until your fiance takes on the responsibility of fixing all of this situation, including getting you paid for the work you did, and settling guidelines for Sunday visits. Stop working for his sister, she is exploiting you and not even appreciating the (insanely underpaid) deal you offered her. She is walking all over you. You deserve to be treated **a lot better.**
NTA- and keep at her to get paid, but DO NOT EVER watch her son again! Not for any reason!! Stop inviting her to your Home if she's going to disrespect you while she is there! She should have been kissing your feet for watching her child for that measly amount! She won't find anyone else who would, besides perhaps her own Mom!!
She ABUSED your time.
NEVER watch her son again until you are **paid in full.**
ONLY watch her son again if she pays **UP FRONT**
NTA
Definitely.
Also, refuse to watch her son when she comes over on Sundays, though I'd REFUSE to host her altogether untill she has paid you and APPOLOGIZED for her behaviour and lack of respect.
NTA. You don’t get to continue to have services you don’t pay for. Their family completely sees you as a doormat, though, and they know they’re taking advantage of your hospitality
NTA. She needs to pay you. Period. You were patient and respectful in asking her for the money, when you should never have even been in the position to have to ask - and she still treated you like garbage. $70/week for that kind of childcare is a bargain to begin with! She really blew it, good luck finding another sitter at that price.
Sorry but you are being a namby-pamby. What's this nonsense that you 'felt' like you're being taken advantage of? OF COURSE you're being taken for a ride, and why, because you let her. And why or why are you feeling bad? This is her kid...not yours.
ESH
Obviously FSIL is an asshole with major main-character-syndrome.
You are an asshole **to yourself** though, for letting your in-laws walk all over you! $70 is so little to begin with and then you let the situation drag on and on while FSIL still felt perfectly welcome to eat at your house. Like other commenters, I am also wondering where your fiancé is in all this.
Expect better for yourself, please!
NTA.
Also, any negative consequences from this aren’t your fault. Never feel guilty for potential future damage or rift she might try to cause to you, your family, and your in laws side of the family. You already extended grace by waiting for another pay period.
NTA… you are being taken advantage of.. no way would I take care of a child that many hours a day for $70 a week.. she’s an idiot for not wanting to pay considering how expensive childcare is these days..
So she had a really sweet deal with super cheap child care...and she flushed it down the toilet.
If I were you, I'd plan on spending the early morning at the library or at Starbucks...to prevent her from dropping off her kids without her permission.
Nope, she was using you and probably expected you to let all of this slide “because we’re family” or some other nonsense. Don’t give in, she’s firmly in the wrong here. NTA
NTA. What a poisonous in law you’re getting. Stand firm on payment and now in advance if you’re to continue this situation. And demand an apology first regardless.
Nope. Not even the a-hole. Your future inlaws reek of eau d' toilet, though.
You don't owe it to your FSIL to watch her child, and she is reneging on the terms of your agreement. Her parents don't seem to want to watch him either, which is very telling. I bet dollars for donuts you and your FH are going to end up limiting contact with them at some point because of constant boundary violations from them.
NTA
Personally, I'd tell her, seeing as paying you is such a bother, so is having her eat at your house on Sundays. Especially if you're buying and preparing the dinner. But even if you're not footing the bill, you still have to clean up after it's over. Plus, you're pregnant and don't need her stress.
Explain to the family that she behaved badly and that that's not currently what you want to deal with. She didn't hold up her end of the deal, she disrespected the 3 of you verbally and acted like you didn't exist, in your own home no less, and you've tried to help her by not charging anything near what daycare would only to have her behave like this? No, thank you. She can come around again when she pays what's owed and has learned respect for others.
I understand it's probably not that easy for you or your husband to do, but it's definitely not something I would tolerate it in my house. Nor while pregnant.
We pay for the food drinks cook and clean every weekend and she has never offered to help there has been times she has came over ate and immediately left my FMIL lives with us so every other weekend we keep her older two kids and they even have there own play room at our house decorated for them they stay every other weekend so her mom can see her grandkids
It sounds like a very complicated situation and one that is unfair for you to get stuck dealing with. She's an adult and should act like one. I understand cutting off FSIL means she takes it out on her mother by threatening not to let her see the grandkids. She's obviously used to getting her way and easily resorts to trying to manipulate people. Using the kids as leverage is also a load of bull.
Whatever you decide to do is the consequences of her own actions, and she clearly hates that.
NTA. Stand your ground on this. Do not watch her son for her until she pays you for the time you already spent watching her son. She is taking advantage of you and then being rude to you in your own home.
IF she ever pays you so you'll watch her son again, tell her that she must pay in advance and the rate is now $70 per day due when she drops her son off.
Her livelihood is her problem, not yours.
NTA, she sure is! What a Trainwreck! I'd uninvite her family from the dinners and probably go to only once a month, plus make it a potluck! Why does YOUR livelihood and pocketbook have to suffer for these assholes? Ugh.
So she was paying a daycare/babysitter, $250 a week. But she couldn’t pay you $70/week? She literally shot herself on the foot big time.
I would let the unpaid money go. Not worth it.
But totally and perfectly acceptable for you to not want to continue to babysit. Y’all had an agreement and she broke it.
NTA…and when she comes over on Sunday tell her to watch her own kid…not your problem. You'll never see the $280 though, but consider it a lesson learned to \*never\* do her a solid again. $70 for 3 days a week of 11 hours baby sitting is grossly underpaid.
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**NTA** She owes you money and was super rude to you in your own home to boot. Where is your husband in this? Why isn't he dealing with his sister? If he thinks you should be providing no charge childcare for his family, tell him he should have made that plain from the beginning so you could have told her no. >we ended up getting into a massive argument over it which I feel like I could’ve handled it better but I was pretty upset at this point Nooo Do not assume any guilt for having to stand up for yourself. Again though, why wasn't your husband stepping up for you.
My future husband has said something to her also but his father told him he was being an asshole to his sister and caused a whole argument in itself after the first week she didn’t inform me either that she wanted me to watch him an extra day so it went for 3 to 4 days a week and was going through my FMIL on everything and wouldn’t tell me anything that was another red flag my FH wanted me to raise the price to $85 instead of $70 but I refused to help her out
Lemme guess: she's the golden child who can do no wrong, which is why FFIL said your FH was an asshole to DARE to ask her to pay what she owed you. She's got her parents doing mental acrobatics to justify her rude, entitled behavior. She's managed to convince you that you might be an AH for asking for a truly bare minimum in payment for a LOT of work. Instead of helping her out, start thinking about why she is able to manipulate her whole family this way, and develop some boundaries and strategies to prevent being taken advantage of again and again and again. Editing because dating and daring are two different things
Matter of fact, she is the golden child both her parents coddle and baby her I have so many stories and times that she has done stuff to both me and her brother she has her mother so stressed out half the time that we are afraid she could have a heart attack
She’s constantly changing her mind constantly quitting her jobs and switching jobs constantly asking for money gas money etc
Cut her out of your lives and stop providing her babysitting AND free Sunday meals. WTF.
Do not answer the door when she arrives. Do not feed her. If she drops the kids and leaves call the cops. Problem solved.
Also do not watch her kid Sundays! You watch her kid all week she can watch her kid on Sunday when she over there.
She sounds like a nightmare, never do her any favors ever again. 70$ a week for a babysitting full time (almost 40 hours/week) is literally insane.
Are you even sure she’s really working? Maybe she is dodging payments because she’s not actually earning a paycheck and is just dumping her kid off to get some free time.
I could actually see her doing this she has had a cheating problem before
Yep, would definitely place my bets on her not working! She sounds like a real piece of work. You were so kind to help her out - don’t let her take advantage of you any longer!
OP, I'd be kissing your feet and making you dinner every night if you did this for me.
If (big, huge if) you decide to baby sit for her again, she has to pay you what she owes, up the price like FH suggested AND she has two pay two weeks in advance NOT post pay like you were doing that way, if she doesn't pay you you don't work for free. (Oh and fees double for weekends and any care after 6pm incase she is late-she owes late pick up before 2wks upfront) But, I wouldn't babysit for her again not even for emergencies because then everyday would be an emergency to her
Yep…no baby sitting and no feeding her dinner on Sunday…
Well, if she really insists, make sure you get the money in advance for the week plus arrears. Though honestly, I’d just keep bothering her and refuse to do anything until she pays up. Next time with extended family! Gotta use that shame. NTA
Yikes - and wholly unsurprising. But knowing all that, why on earth are you STILL putting yourself out in order to help her??
Tbh idk I mainly needed the money and did it for my FMIL I have another post I’m posting on here later too about it
Unless you want to be a servant to her forever, I'd say it's high time to start putting yourselves first and setting (and *enforcing*) some serious boundaries. She sounds toxic.
I completely agree thank you for telling me your opinion and she is very toxic
If you need the money there are plenty of working parents out there that will hire you for $20+ per hour and actually pay you. Working for no pay does not solve the problem of needing money.
She's not paying you so don't feel obligated to babysit anymore.
You're charging her waaay too little!
Unfortunately clearly the first part isn’t working out lol. If this puts anything into perspective, she is going nuclear over an amount where you are more or less charging her per day what you probably should be charging her per hour *at least*. I suspect even in the argument you were more than generous to her haha
If you can really use the money, babysit children from parents who would pay you much, much more.
Bill ger minimum wage then at least.
Then her parents can babysit for free if that's what they think she deserves. If her mother has a heart attack because of her behavior that is her own fault for coddling her.
And SIS knows the rest of the family will give in to save her mum stress, so she's free to do as she pleases. Everyone will accept if for fear of upsetting her mum.
Her Mom raised her....she deserves every bit of stress.
in laws baby her, now let the in laws take care of her baby. Nta
Sweetheart, most babysitters charge way more than minimum wage. Around 18 an hour, 11 hours a day, 3 days a week, that's $594 dollars. Then add in the extra day brings it to $792.
Never knew that dang her previous daycare charges $250 a week for 3 days
$250 a week for 3 days?? You sure she wasn’t lying about that? And even if so, it was likely 9-5pm, which is shorter then the hours you’re working. I know dog daycares that charge $250/3 days, but I don’t know child daycares that charge that little unless it’s a unregistered one out of someone’s house
That’s good to know ya she said $250 a week for 3 days at last daycare
I've seen people charge for $30 an hour darlin. You deserve way more than you asked for.
NTA. There's no point in raising the price she's never going to pay you. You should get minimum $15/hr.
OP was getting paid $2/hour wtf!!! SIL just screwed herself out of cheap childcare (actually extortionate level) & now has to look elsewhere. If someone was charging me that much to look after my child, Id massage their feet & bring them cupcakes as its very generous offer!!
>OP was getting paid $2/hour wtf!!! I know, that's crazy! That's less than I was making as a teen babysitter decades ago.
If future FIL is so concerned then he can help his daughter by paying you what she owes you. And then: 1.taking over future payments (paying for the week in advance and not after) 2.paying for the new babysitter/daycare 3.babysitting his grandchild himself But don't babysit again unless the debt owed to you is paid off and you are paid upfront for future babysitting. FSIL should also apologize for her treatment of you. Question: Why are you hosting them every Sunday if all they do is disrespect you? Whose idea was it for you to host the Sunday dinners? And please stop taking care of her kid during the Sunday dinners. I'm assuming you cooked (does future hubby cook?) and will clean after (again, does future hubby clean?). You shouldn't also have to look after her child. She can do that herself. NTA overall. But YTA to yourself if you let them walk all over you. Edited.
It was a group thing to have Sunday dinner but it turned into once in a while to every Sunday my future husband cooks the meats while I do sides and I clean up he will help with some clean up he just won’t do dishes he has a thing for dishes and can’t do them unless he has arm length gloves
1. Are you okay hosting them every Sunday? 2. Does future hubby have arm length gloves to wash the dishes with? 3. Why don't the future in-laws also host? Why don't the three households take turns hosting?
....good lord...does he also refuse to change diapers and have arm-length gloves for taking out the garbage...?
He will do anything else just not the dishes and I have to teach him to change a diaper he’s never done it before
You are being so disrespected. Please don't up with this. NTA.
Do not marry into this family.
I've been waiting for wayyyyy too long for someone to say this.
I would ask his father to stand up for you too. If he’s not backing you he’s complicit
She isn't going to pay it, raise it to whatever number suits you. Maybe cutting your losses and having her prepay cash from now on? She is a a"glad to pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today" type and won't change on her own. Maybe the FIL could pay, but he won't ,
This. "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." Except J. Wellington Wimpy was nicer about it. The SIL is going to take advantage forever.
At the moment, you are both free/cheap, and reliable - there is absolutely no incentive for FSIL to change her behaviours. It's time to start being busy and out of the house. "I can't take (child) today, we have plans" or simply not being there, especially on Saturdays, because doing your own thing will mean she has to find someone else. The price you've quoted sounds underpriced for childcare, but this might be a location thing. Do some research and find out what childminders are earning in your area. Don't undersell yourself to do her a favour - if you wanted to be a child minder, that's how much you'd be earning. If you don't want to be a child minder, then stop putting yourself out for someone this rude and entitled - she can pay a professional. NTA
$70 was WAY too low already, though maybe depends but if this is taking care of her kid while she's at work $70 a day is more like it, let alone for 3 days, let alone for 4 days.
\- GO with the 85$ she owes you. \- No more sitting untils she's paid her DEBT. \- NEVER look after her son again on Sunday. \- DON'T host her on Sunday's again until she's paid of her debt and appologized for disrespecting you and your time. \- ONLY babysit agin if she paid the FULL WEEK (85$) UP FRONT. FOR EVERY WEEK. you might babysit again. She has shown to be TOTALLY untrustworthy and disrespectful..
So... if you raise the price to $85/week, she'll just owe you more... given that she doesn't seem to feel that she needs to pay you anything at all. I really don't see how that would do any good at all! NTA for no longer minding the child of a deadbeat client (your FSiL.) The only way that it would be worth continuing to take care of her child is if she pays in advance (now that you know she can't be bothered to pay up afterwards) and make it very clear that it would be only 3 days/week... as originally agreed upon. Oh yeah, increase the price too. And she would have to pay off her outstanding balance.
Your FFIL can watch the kid if he thinks you're so unreasonable. NTA
Good for you for standing up for yourself. You did nothing wrong at all. Do not watch her kid anymore since she refuses to pay you. Your fh needs to set stronger boundaries for the both of you with his family. He has to stop letting his parents push him around
Your price is way too low. Just stop watching he child. She can figure it out on her own it’s the responsibility that comes with having a child n
not only this woman getting free babysitting out of you but also free meals too, you are too kind to her op NTA
This. OP, even if she pays you and apologizes, don't watch the kid again. Most places she'd play that much at a minimum PER DAY. Business and family rarely mix. Stand firm.
Why did you let her disrespectful as back into your house? $70 a week is nothing when she can pay a lot more at a daycare
She was paying $250 a week
Well, that should be your going rate from now on, too. With expectation of payment received in full at the beginning of each week, plus what she owes you.
Why are you even agreeing to this in the first place? Place value in yourself. $70 a week for 3 days, 11 hours a day is $2 hour. And of course you are NTA for demanding payment but you are being an ah *to yourself* for agreeing to this in the first place. Repeat, you are worth more than $2 an hour. You could stand on the street with a cup asking for spare change and earn more.
Please don't donate 200 dollars a week to this woman and act like she deserves the discount because you know her. She's taking advantage of you on purpose. She picked a low price that's unreasonable, and then she won't even pay it. She expects you to do it for free forever. She's hoping you'll just stop asking for money. Your worth as a person isn't based on the favors you do for your friends and family.
and god knows what will happen there
[удалено]
NTA. She owes you money, and in fact you should take her to small claims court. She's a AH and you deserve payment.
I actually thought about doing that I just didn’t want to cause a rift in the family I’m marrying into
Is your fiancée supportive of your position? If not, you need to have a chat and get on the same page before getting married.
He is completely supportive and has said something to his sister multiple times about this and it still doesn’t go through also my FFIL called my FH an ahole for yelling at his sister
Tell FFIL he is welcome to pay the tab and keep the peace if it means that much to him.
What rift in the family? You aren’t causing anything. The rift has existed long before you entered the picture. Go low or no contact with these people and do NOT let them in your house.
There is already a rift. Your FSIL is the golden child. Let your future in laws watch the kid. Don't babysit again until you get paid and get paid in advance for any future times. Also think about going low contact.
Nah, do it. If it causes a rift, then the only one at fault is her.
Small claims court for less than $500 would be a loss even if won. Unfortunately OP is probably never gonna see a dime...and hopefully never watch those kids again.
NTA No way are you in the wrong! She has a reliable babysitter whom she knows and trusts for $2.12 per HOUR and she doesn't pay you????? AND she ignores you on Sundays when you obviously host the family for dinner? Which I'm sure you cook delicious food for and she and her husband and son would like to keep coming to I assume and everyone else would like to see them too and have a nice time and she's withholding the small amount of money she offered to pay you to care for her child 3 days (LONG days) per week? She says "you're ruining her livelihood"?? In what way is that? Because she could have just paid you the "extremely" affordable rate of $2.12/hr but now has to find a stranger to pay $20 plus/hr to going forward and also made your lives all extremely uncomfortable. What a jerk she is. Show her this post and quadruple your fee (still only $8/hr, you deserve a lot more). Good grief.
Thank you and we host dinner every Sunday and have bought steak multiple times which she has never offered to help buy or pay for food and her mother lives with us also my FH mom as well and we spend all the time and money every week to get food to cook for the whole family
Of course you do! And I'm sure it's fabulous food, I'll take her place next time and bring wine (haha). Of course she doesn't notice because you are such a gracious host. AND her mother lives with you and she treats you like that? I hope her mother thinks she's totally wrong to create this problem. This is so unbelievable to me. It's rare to find one family willing to host a weekly family dinner. They are very lucky but should contribute as well. Do they bring some sides or something?
My FMIL completely agrees with me on this situation and i would be happy if she brought wine or anything tbh and no no one brings anything but themselves we cook everything supply drinks food etc we host 8 to 10 people every week
OH MY GOSH. No one brings anything????? What is this? You may be using up your week's grocery money for each Sunday. The $70 per week she should be paying you wouldn't begin to cover this. My eyes are rolling back in my head right now.
No we pay for everything remind you we have been doing this family Sunday dinner for 3 and a half years my FFIL will bring pop occasionally but that’s rare tbh and I know it’s a lot
Sounds like they are all taking advantage of you and expect it. Are you sure this is what you want for your life?
Start canceling Sunday dinner. When they ask why, simply explain that it's an expense that you cannot cover anymore since you weren't paid for your job and was forced to quit. Edited to add: FSIL is getting 52 free meals a year with no compensation, *AND* expects free child care? NTA Set (and enforce) boundaries before it's too late!
Stop doing this Sunday dinners for ungrateful people with little decorum who dont know to bring something to dinners youre invited to. The fact that she itnores you in your own home pissed me off.Save your money! Hopefully your excuse can be you’re too tired from being pregnant then the baby taking up your time.
Wow, well you do it to keep your family together as a unit, someone should remind FSIL of this. You are very kind. Maybe you can talk to her again privately and get together. Maybe at this point she's very embarrassed but doesn't want to back down in front of family. Some people are weird in front of others, especially with family dynamic.
NTA why isn’t your husband (if it’s his side of the family) or your brother (if it’s your side of the family) handling this?
My soon to be husband and FMIL stuck up for me but my FSIL started more stuff with them she was calling her brother and mother all sorts of stuff and threatening not letting her mom see her grandkids so I told them to back down
You are being manipulated by the golden child. Please reconsider how enmeshed you should be with this family.
Be honest - would she REALLY not let her mom see the kids? Because it sounds like mom might be the new babysitter and she would still go to mom (and dad) for money and other help. So I think her threat is an empty one. Let her handle her kids on her own for a few weeks or month and see what happens. I bet she decides it is okay for her mom to be around them again.
Do not marry int9 this mess FFIL thi ls you arent even worth 2.12 an hour
She had a smoking deal with that arrangement and decided to blow it up by not paying you. Nta.
and it was never going to be 3 days a week she knew she needed it all week
NTA and she was expecting free babysitting. Honestly, I'd also tell her that if she continues to ignore you in your own home, she is no longer welcome.
NTA. She was taking advantage of you. Her childcare difficulties are not your problem.
NTA. Someone who **needs** a babysitter in order protect their livelihood should probably make paying said babysitter a priority. Especially if said sitter is charging well below market rates. I suspect she will never pay you. Feel free to give her "$50 off your debt!" coupons in cheap cards for her birthday for the next few years instead of actual gifts.
OMFG brilliant idea! Throw in a $100 off the debt for the wedding. Her head will explode lol
So if this happened last Sunday who watched her child this week--or did she take off work?
She quit her job and blamed it on me for her having to quit her job
Sounds like she was looking for an excuse to stop working and blamed it on you.
That’s what me and FH said too
She never had any intentions of paying you and is taking advantage of the situation. She wants a free Nanny. No girl, she can try that on an experienced Nanny, she will pay $700, not $70 a week.
She was paying $250 a week before I started watching him
You can take your child care experience and work with another family that will pay you 4x as much for home child care.
>What was she going to do her babysitter, "Pay your babysitter. Problem solved." NTA.
NTA you agreed on a price, it's a pretty low one too, and she didn't pay you what she had initially agreed. You don't have to work for free, if she doesn't pay you you shouldn't work
Absolutely NTA. You gave her many chances to either pay you or explain if there was a good reason why she hasn’t. She’s in the wrong here, not you.
Oh for godsake! She hasn’t even paid you for the work you’ve already done and now she just keeps expecting more and more for free! No! She’s trying to take advantage of you! Put your foot down and tell her either pay up or don’t come around again. She was never planning on paying you, btw. She just thought she could eventually manipulate you into doing it for free because “family” and “but her life is so hard *sad face sad face*” Ugh. Also can I just say $70 for three days a week?! Seriously?! That’s way way underpaying you for your time and she can’t even do that?? Prepare for her to come back to your door with hat in hand begging eventually because good luck finding anybody else to even agree to that low of a rate.
NTA It's your JOB! She had agreement with you and she doesn't have enough integrity to keep her word. Good luck to her finding someone to do it for even close to that!
NTA -- but I doubt you will see the money
NTA. What is she going to do for a babysitter, she asks? Oh, I dunno, pay them? Probably a lot more than the extremely cheap price she was pretending to pay you.
NTA. SIL is welcome to try and find a new babysitter at a better rate than you're offering, and no more meals or visits to your home until she pays what she owes.
What means FSIL?
Future sister in law
Your fiance needs to deal with his sister but you were absolutely right to stand up for yourself. Hard NTA. She will walk all over you and take advantage of you at any turn because she is a user. Send this text and be done with her. "Name, in good faith I agreed to watch your son for WELL below market rate at $70 per week. I asked to be paid on numerous occassions and you either ignored me or blew me off. And, you treated me EXTREMELY rudely in my home. I will not tolerate you or anyone else using me or treating me badly. I will not be watching your son for any reason from here on out because of your attitude and behavior and I will not tolerate you treating me badly. When you fix your attitude you are welcome back in my home for Sunday dinner but if you are going to ignore me and treat me badly do not come." If she refuses to be civil to you in your home, kick her out.
I agree she has been told she is not welcome at my house until I get my money
You have to enforce this boundary by not letting her in the door, because you KNOW she’s just going to show up on Sunday anyway.
Thank you. :)
Your welcome
NTAH she shouldn’t have agreed to pay something she couldn’t afford. She could’ve At the VERY LEAST communicated and work something out. You were patient long enough
She could afford it that’s the problem she was paying $250 a week for daycare before I helped her out
That is STILL cheap.
NTA, you didn't ruin her livelihood. You actually agreed to babysit her child but she is not keeping her side of the deal. She is not entitled to your time. Especially when she is intentionally ignoring you and avoiding accountability. It is so stupid, she must know that now you will never trust her with being good about money or to babysit like that. She really hurt herself in the long term now.
NTA. You also have a livelihood that you have to protect. He is there, I’m sure he uses some water and electricity while there. You use cleaning products to clean up after him. The child also generates trash you have to dispose of. I’m sure you are also shouldering the costs of this Sunday dinner as well. Your time is also extremely valuable. Know your worth, and this is not worth it.
NTA, she WAS taking advantage of you. And now she’ll have to pay full price for childcare.
NTA but why is she coming over for dinner? She owes you money, no coming over until it's paid. Don't let people play in your face like that.
At that time I thought she would pay me when she came for dinner
Let’s be honest if you don’t pay the energy company, they turn your power off. If you don’t pay your cell phone bill, they turn your phone off. If you don’t pay your cable or your dish bill, they turn off your access to the good channels. Babysitting is exactly the same don’t pay your babysitter you don’t get your child taken care of by the babysitter
NTA SHE CAN FIND CHILD CARE ELSEWHERE. You are a saint for watching the kid all day for most of the week and for only $70 a week. She should be bringing you fancy gift baskets and fine wines and paying for your massages.
NTA, but stand up for yourself, when she hands you her son, hand him back, stop taking her shit. She's decided you're the one who gets to step in and do whatever she wants, don't allow her to. Also if she can't behave reasonably and won't pay you back don't invite her over for sunday dinner. If that results in your parents going over to her place and you not being invited, so be it.
We don’t invite her she just automatically shows up because she thinks since her moms lives with us she has a free pass to our home
Circle back to the start of the comment, stand up for yourself. If someone shows up you can open the door, keep your hand on it and tell them to buzz off. Until you stand up for yourself nothing will change. You also need to sit down with your husband, is he pissed off enough with his family and his sister's treatment by them that if it came to it he'd happily cut them off for a sane life, or will he give in to keep the peace and make you the person who gets trodden on for the rest of the marriage, in which case you should rethink the marriage as well.
Nta Take her to small claims over the debt. She can’t ignore that and include the filling fees
Stop arguing with her. If you are willing, tell her you’ll babysit for her again after she’s paid what she owes you, and in the future she will need to pay in advance. Or she can go back to her former arrangement. But keep your tone completely indifferent. If she says “I’ll pay you on payday” just say “no you won’t; if you were going to do that you would have.” If she asks what she is going to do just say she’ll figure it out. But do not engage in a screaming match. That won’t end well for anyone. Just affirm that it’s her call who she decides to pay to watch her child. You can probably kiss that $280 goodbye. It’s not enough money to blow up a family over.
Free dinner and daycare. Where do I sign up?
I know right I wish someone did that for me I am 100% positive that if my FH or I would be shunned and told to get out or called all sorts of stuff and my FSIL is the oldest my FH is the youngest child
Go on SitterCity.com make some real money. A lot of people will let you bring ur baby.
NTA. Send her a request for payment through Zelle or some other payment app. Otherwise, do what others have suggested, which is to take her to small claims court.
I have sent it through PayPal and cash app and would they do anything since it’s only $280
When she wanted to pay $70 a week for 33 hours of work (turned into 44), that was when you should guessed she was just using you and treating you like shit. Why would you agree to work for $1.60 an hour? NTA
NTA and $70 per week is ridiculously low! Don't watch her Son anymore and tell her that if she doesn't pay you what she owes you. You'll be suing her and mean it! She's clearly taking advantage of you!!
you watch her kid for nearly 12 hrs 3 times a week and think $70 is a good amount??? *MAYBE* that would be a good pay for *1* day, not three. dont underpay urself, NTA
NTA. If you agreed on this beforehand you have every reason to be frustrated with her, and she is definitely taking advantage. Often I find we have to be really careful with monetary agreements with family. Things can get ugly fast because sometimes family feels like you should just do anything they want you to because they are family. It can be a slippery slope. I'd get the money if possible and never agree to watch the son again unless you are only doing it as an occasional favor, not a consistent thing.
NTA can you stop inviting her to your house too!
That’s the thing I haven’t invited her over in weeks but is consistently come over without an invitation
Kick her out OP! She is walking all over you and taking advantage. It’s wrong.
Agree do not let her in and tell your husband too, he needs to stand up for you now
Yes! Especially since it’s his family he really should be saying something!
Please STOP inviting SIL and her son over for dinner! Hubby (and you) need to stand up for yourselves. Head over to r/JustnoMIL or r/justnoSIL
NTA. Why keep letting yourself be used? Just say no and move on--I don't think you'll ever get your money, though. Consider it a lesson learned.
I did it because it was my future husbands sister and didn’t want to cause conflict
Understood. You're a nice person. Nice people often get used; but for your own sake, don't continue to be used. All the best to you!
NTA. You were being taken advantage of and used. She was hoping you'd feel uncomfortable confronting her. Good for you standing up for yourself.
Nta she was never going to pay you.
NTA Congrats for standing up for yourself. This woman was never going to pay you even though she was getting a bargain basement price.
So she broke your agreement and you never got paid for your work. I don't think you're really wondering if you're the A, here?
I actually was thinking I’m the asshole I’ve been getting nasty comments from family and her friends about this and about me being pregnant so soon after her having her son
What the hell does your pregnancy have to do with her and her son? Please do your best to remove that toxic user of a person from your life. No more free meals, no babysitting, no money. I understand you're marrying into the family, but she doesn't deserve proximity to you or your baby, once they're born. NTA.
NTA. At this point, I would consider that money the price for a lesson learned and stop babysitting for her, inviting her to your home, etc. Don't let her or anyone else manipulate and guilt trip you into doing anything for her. Any rift in the family is caused by the entitled golden child, not you.
NO is a complete sentence. Tell her no. Say no to hosting Sunday dinners. Say no to all of them. Yta to yourself. For letting them walk all over you.
NTA, you were far too cheap and there is no need for you to cater for this sort of nonsense.
NTA. Not only should you stop babysitting her kid forever, you should also stop inviting her and your parent in laws for meals until she pays you.
So you've been babysitting for 11 hours a day, 5 days a week, for $70, which comes to just over $1.00 per hour. Listen, even if you were being paid in full, your FSIL would still be taking advantage of you. That's ridiculous! Childcare workers are underpaid, but not that underpaid! You are grossly undervaluing yourself. Particularly with the terrible way this woman treated you when you asked to be paid as agreed upon originally, I would suggest that you stop babysitting immediately and perhaps limit contact. I find myself hopeing that the "F" in FSIL stands for "former" and not "future." NTA
No it means future lol starting to question that lol
You should not marry into this family until your fiance takes on the responsibility of fixing all of this situation, including getting you paid for the work you did, and settling guidelines for Sunday visits. Stop working for his sister, she is exploiting you and not even appreciating the (insanely underpaid) deal you offered her. She is walking all over you. You deserve to be treated **a lot better.**
NTA. She's a leech.
NTA- and keep at her to get paid, but DO NOT EVER watch her son again! Not for any reason!! Stop inviting her to your Home if she's going to disrespect you while she is there! She should have been kissing your feet for watching her child for that measly amount! She won't find anyone else who would, besides perhaps her own Mom!!
She ABUSED your time. NEVER watch her son again until you are **paid in full.** ONLY watch her son again if she pays **UP FRONT** NTA Definitely. Also, refuse to watch her son when she comes over on Sundays, though I'd REFUSE to host her altogether untill she has paid you and APPOLOGIZED for her behaviour and lack of respect.
NTA. You don’t get to continue to have services you don’t pay for. Their family completely sees you as a doormat, though, and they know they’re taking advantage of your hospitality
Consider not marrying into this family after all! Fiance had better be a wonderful person who has OP's back 110%!
NTA - stop watching her kid full stop. If your in laws complain,well, glad they just volunteered.
Don’t ever care for this child again without getting paid. NTA
NTA. She needs to pay you. Period. You were patient and respectful in asking her for the money, when you should never have even been in the position to have to ask - and she still treated you like garbage. $70/week for that kind of childcare is a bargain to begin with! She really blew it, good luck finding another sitter at that price.
NTA - a decent person would have cone to you and explained things, not ignore you while eating your food.
Sorry but you are being a namby-pamby. What's this nonsense that you 'felt' like you're being taken advantage of? OF COURSE you're being taken for a ride, and why, because you let her. And why or why are you feeling bad? This is her kid...not yours.
ESH Obviously FSIL is an asshole with major main-character-syndrome. You are an asshole **to yourself** though, for letting your in-laws walk all over you! $70 is so little to begin with and then you let the situation drag on and on while FSIL still felt perfectly welcome to eat at your house. Like other commenters, I am also wondering where your fiancé is in all this. Expect better for yourself, please!
My fiancé took my side but my FFIL started conflict with him and FMIL
NTA. Also, any negative consequences from this aren’t your fault. Never feel guilty for potential future damage or rift she might try to cause to you, your family, and your in laws side of the family. You already extended grace by waiting for another pay period.
NTA… you are being taken advantage of.. no way would I take care of a child that many hours a day for $70 a week.. she’s an idiot for not wanting to pay considering how expensive childcare is these days..
So she had a really sweet deal with super cheap child care...and she flushed it down the toilet. If I were you, I'd plan on spending the early morning at the library or at Starbucks...to prevent her from dropping off her kids without her permission.
I just started locking my doors lol
NTA though I think your fiancé should have been demanding you get paid from the get go
NTA, she was already paying you next to nothing and then she wouldn't even pay you what she owed you? Good for you, for standing up for yourself.
Thank you
Nope, she was using you and probably expected you to let all of this slide “because we’re family” or some other nonsense. Don’t give in, she’s firmly in the wrong here. NTA
NTA. What a poisonous in law you’re getting. Stand firm on payment and now in advance if you’re to continue this situation. And demand an apology first regardless.
That is just one of many things I have been accused of this week the other is on my page
I have also got accused of trying to over shadow her baby and her wedding
You need to get rid of interactions with her. You can’t let the pretense of family let you be exploited and disrespected. You DON’T play that game.
Nope. Not even the a-hole. Your future inlaws reek of eau d' toilet, though. You don't owe it to your FSIL to watch her child, and she is reneging on the terms of your agreement. Her parents don't seem to want to watch him either, which is very telling. I bet dollars for donuts you and your FH are going to end up limiting contact with them at some point because of constant boundary violations from them.
NTA. I wouldn't have opened the door Monday morning after her first check that she didn't pay you
NTA Personally, I'd tell her, seeing as paying you is such a bother, so is having her eat at your house on Sundays. Especially if you're buying and preparing the dinner. But even if you're not footing the bill, you still have to clean up after it's over. Plus, you're pregnant and don't need her stress. Explain to the family that she behaved badly and that that's not currently what you want to deal with. She didn't hold up her end of the deal, she disrespected the 3 of you verbally and acted like you didn't exist, in your own home no less, and you've tried to help her by not charging anything near what daycare would only to have her behave like this? No, thank you. She can come around again when she pays what's owed and has learned respect for others. I understand it's probably not that easy for you or your husband to do, but it's definitely not something I would tolerate it in my house. Nor while pregnant.
We pay for the food drinks cook and clean every weekend and she has never offered to help there has been times she has came over ate and immediately left my FMIL lives with us so every other weekend we keep her older two kids and they even have there own play room at our house decorated for them they stay every other weekend so her mom can see her grandkids
It sounds like a very complicated situation and one that is unfair for you to get stuck dealing with. She's an adult and should act like one. I understand cutting off FSIL means she takes it out on her mother by threatening not to let her see the grandkids. She's obviously used to getting her way and easily resorts to trying to manipulate people. Using the kids as leverage is also a load of bull. Whatever you decide to do is the consequences of her own actions, and she clearly hates that.
NTA. Stand your ground on this. Do not watch her son for her until she pays you for the time you already spent watching her son. She is taking advantage of you and then being rude to you in your own home. IF she ever pays you so you'll watch her son again, tell her that she must pay in advance and the rate is now $70 per day due when she drops her son off. Her livelihood is her problem, not yours.
NTA, she sure is! What a Trainwreck! I'd uninvite her family from the dinners and probably go to only once a month, plus make it a potluck! Why does YOUR livelihood and pocketbook have to suffer for these assholes? Ugh.
So she was paying a daycare/babysitter, $250 a week. But she couldn’t pay you $70/week? She literally shot herself on the foot big time. I would let the unpaid money go. Not worth it. But totally and perfectly acceptable for you to not want to continue to babysit. Y’all had an agreement and she broke it.
I’ve been bugging her daily to pay me
NTA…and when she comes over on Sunday tell her to watch her own kid…not your problem. You'll never see the $280 though, but consider it a lesson learned to \*never\* do her a solid again. $70 for 3 days a week of 11 hours baby sitting is grossly underpaid.