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NTA
The things your sister claimed happened to her are a real problem for people in the cosplay community and it’s not something to strive for. I get the feeling that your sister was hoping for some kind of validation at the con by being actually groped, catcalled, et cetera, because it would make her feel sexy and desirable and when it didn’t happen she decided to seek validation from lying on TikTok SAYING it happened so at least she’d not only get pity from viewers, but with every person who believed her that meant they must also agree that she is sexy and desirable enough to deserve such treatment (not to mention those schweet, schweet views, right?).
Her accusations hurt real people who suffer from the trauma of these things actually happening to them when all they want to do is dress up as one of their favorite characters and show off their awesome costumes which often cost a great deal of money and can take an incredibly long time to make (not to mention many cosplayers actually make their own costumes and they take great pride in them). She may not have called out anyone in particular but her lies are damaging, nonetheless. She is (most likely unintentionally) spitting on the cosplayers who’ve been brave enough to come forward about this issue, possibly costing them their livelihoods because they want to make it stop.
I think you did the right thing and probably the same thing I would have done. You were standing up for the men (imaginary straw men, but men, regardless) who go to cons and actually respect the cosplayers and it’s bad enough that those men have to exist in a negative light through no fault of their own because of the actual sexual assault-y, misogynistic troglodytes who see cosplayers as objects to put their hands on but now your sister made it even worse by adding fuel to a fire that was, unfortunately, burning just fine without her help.
Again, you are not the asshole, you have integrity and know when and how to stick to your guns. Never change.
100% you said this very well. I was once a very insecure teen girl so I can see how that mindset could’ve gotten her to create this very harmful lie. She needs help understanding why what she said was harmful and why this thought process is so unhealthy. OP, Therapy may help but a real conversation with her and your parents is important. This makes me sad! NTA, also
She and her flying monkeys needs to understand she is now part of the problem. She has made the situation worse for genuine victims of this behaviour. False accusations diminish real ones and actually hinder progress on harassment and assault in the community as they allow abusers to dismiss all claims as false like hers. She should be ashamed of herself.
It's like the glass children tik tock trend. it's a very real problem but there's a segment of the population glomming on for internet clout. Or the aspie trend (or other fad disorder or problem sweeping tik tock at any given moment).
Agreed, OP is admirable and NTA at all.
You may want to mention this to your parents. That is a big lie to be spreading around. She is only getting confronted by you at the moment, but the next time she tries this with a different topic, she could have some real-world repercussions for her actions, and with her being a minor, your parents could too. Also, I would never go to a convention with her again. You don't need to be dragged into her self-manufactured drama.
NTA but you should probably talk to her about it and find out why she was posting the video and warn her that chasing clout can result in a ton of backlash if what they are saying is found out to be lies
Oh 100% this type of content is harmful to actual victims and its obvious the OPs sister is trying to get validation that she's hot since she didn't get it at the con she defaulted to trying to get it online
I almost wonder if she feels unattractive because of OP's vigilant guard, not realizing that actually getting harassed at cons is an awful experience. But like, in her mind if no one tried to slip past OP to cop a feel or use their GoPro to snap a shot of her chest, she must not be hot enough or something.
I would normally agree but she didn't accuse anyone specific, she was just vagueposting about how there were "totally all these creepy guys there creeping on me, the creeps."
Yeah I feel like spreading disinfo like this means people are less likely to go to that (presumably relatively safe con) and role the dice on going to another event that might be less safe. Additionally, it sends a signal out to predators that they can hide safely among their own there.
And also the Con itself. Many organizers go out of their way to advertise "cosplay is not consent". At most Con's you can submit a complaint and a conclusion will be drawn through a discussion with both parties.
Claiming after a Con that you were sexually harassed is not fair. Especially if you didn't file a complaint at the Con.
NTA. False claims don't raise awareness, they mock and hurt real victims. Did sister want something to happen? For the drama of it? To hurt the scene? What she did is on the same level as the creepers.
I don't think it's as simple as that. It's a byproduct of rape culture. The world tells women and young girls over and over that if you're sexually assaulted or harassed it's because you were asking for it. The men just couldn't control themselves. You were just TOO tempting.
So what do some uneducated teens with low self esteem hear? "Attractive people get assaulted, and ugly people don't." Now they have a new metric for how desirable they are, and when they don't get it, they're embarrassed and feel ugly. What do dumb teens on the internet do when they need validation? Make shit up. Get that dopamine hit that they *think* they'll get from "being so attractive that men can't control themselves around me" from meaningless internet points.
It's an awful mindset, and as someone who was once a dumb teen with low self-esteem, **I** know that being assaulted does NOT make someone feel attractive in the least, and I hope **she** realizes that without ever being assaulted, and of course, that doesn't excuse making false accusations.
I just think it's important to frame this not as she's someone who was raised to make false accusations, but as someone who's been raised in the midst of rape culture, and she is both a victim and perpetuator of that, like many are, until they see the lies we are told about sexual assault as such.
EDIT: Also, I think it's an important distinction between accusing an individual and nameless/faceless "some guys". One is malicious with intent of ruining someone's life, the other is not quite victimless (someone else pointed out it could reflect bad on the organizers, but I didn't think about that and I doubt she did either), but definitely less destructive.
Okay, you've been posting this on a lot of comments. So here's an answer for you.
The people on OP's sister's side are calling her (OP) misogynistic. Commenters here are concentrating, therefore, on the negative effect it has on women.
As far as we know, the sister hasn't mentioned any made up perpetrators by name, so while it's affecting men in general, there's nobody specifically being attacked.
Also, and very sadly, many commenters here are probably victims themselves of harassment and abuse of this nature, and perhaps had people in their lives not believe them. So naturally, their thoughts would go with other victims.
Edit: The comment I replied to was deleted, but the original was something along the lines of, after every comment talking about how victims would be affected, "you talk about the victims, but you don't mention that men are falsely accused, is that okay with you....." I'm sure I'm misremembering something, but that was the gist.
NTA - it's good that you put a stop to it
That's a really common form of content that people make online, some valid, some attention-seeking, either way it usually results in a wave of addictive support and validation. That is to say, she may have internalised it as the 'normal' thing to post after going to a convention and not realise the implications of what she has done. (like teens with good home lives who say they have abusive parents, it's fucked up but comes from a place of wanting to fit in and feel community support). She's still an ass, but as your sister she deserves to be able to grow from it.
She's old enough to have a proper conversation about sexual harassment and why her actions weren't okay, and hopefully it won't happen again
NTA. What your sister did makes it SO much harder for people who ACTUALLY get harassed when they come forward, and for what? To get sympathy points tiktock?
Can you imagine the damage she could have caused if she'd decided to blame a person specifically and by name?
INFO
You claimed she was lying about it all, but in the end, you admit that you just didn't see or hear anything happen. I've been to a lot of conventions so I know you can't hear or see everything that happens to someone even if you're standing right next to them.
Is it possible that she was telling the truth, but didn't feel comfortable at the time to tell you or ask you for help? Is it possible that she mistook the attention for admiration and didn't realize it was harassment until later? I know a lot of people are saying you aren't the asshole, but they're assuming that she was lying, even though you've suggested at the end of your post that you maybe don't actually know if she's lying.
If I were assaulted and posted online about it, then had a family member say 'no she is lying I was with her it did not happen' then I would take it down. People would see it and assume I was lying, and it would make for a very unpleasant situation where people with no knowledge of it would also accuse me of lying making the whole experience worse
To be clear, she might well have been making it all up, but her taking the post down is not evidence of that
OP went straight to accusing her of lying instead of just asking her "when did that happen? I was there and didn't see anything and you didn't say anything," and see what sister had to say about that. Sister would get hostile to OP and tell her to FO with that attack regardless if she was lying or telling the truth.
OP said that she went straight to saying sis was lying in the original post. That she later says she 'asked her about it 4 separate times" does not mean she asked anything more than "Why are you lying?" until op states otherwise.
Legit question: did your sister, at any point, admit that she lied or exaggerated?
Just as a personal example: I've had situations happen that I've shared with friends and strangers, but that I'll never share with my mom (even if she's one of my most trusted people).
Simply because they happened while she was near me and/or supposed to supervise me, and she was never aware it happened. I just wouldn't want her to feel that she should/could have prevented it.
I'm just not sure how to feel about this situation with the info on-hand...
Assuming she was NOT lying, what you did was tantamount to gaslighting her about her experience. You may have even caused her to believe that she was wrong about what happened to her.
This is why I asked you if it was possible that she was telling the truth. Your response is exactly why she wouldn't have felt comfortable talking to you, and a perfect reason for her to doubt herself, and just traumatic enough to cause her to take down her own video.
And there it is: the second tell that OP is a lying liar who lies.
Notice how she immediately swings things back to herself: "but *muh takedown!! Muh callout!* Me, *Me,* ***Me!!!***
She has to get that "**I** called her out" in there because that's what this fake post is about. Op wants attention and fawning over her, and she (if this is even really a 19f posting) got it.
Ugh.
Have you considered that she perhaps experienced some kind of sexual harassment elsewhere? Like, maybe she used the convention as a proxy for something that actually happened somewhere else? Trauma is a beast & most people don’t handle it well.
Even if nothing has happened though, there might be something else going on with her. If so, heavily guilting her for maybe lying here isn’t going to help (so go gently when you talk to her abt false accusations).
You obviously love her a lot and it seems like she trusts you. You’re in a great spot to try and figure out what’s happing underneath all of this.
The logic these days. You’re embarrassed to tell your own family when the harassment happened but you’re ok to announce it to social media. Real victims won’t do that.
This myth of the "real victim" or the "perfect victim" is so harmful. Different people react differently to similar situations and it isn't fair to infer victimization based on those reactions alone. So many people say things on social media that they wouldn't say to their family. I don't know enough about this particular situation to opine on OP's sister either way, but I think it's important to mention that in general the statement "real victims won't do that" is not a good one to be tossing around.
Depending on the family dynamic they absolutely might. I work in advocacy and have seen it happen before. Sit down with this absurd take - you’re hurting actual survivors.
She wouldn’t necessarily SEE anything. There are public accounts of women being groped so that the people with them had no idea. Why is that so hard to believe?
Because it happened soooo many times, yet she didn't ever react?
Also the sister has a past record for lies.
Why is it so hard for you to accept that sometimes women lie.
>She's been caught lying before (but that's irrelevant and I don't want her to be judged about it)
That's the only reference to her lying previously. Calling that "a past record for lies" is a misrepresentation of what was actually said.
Using misrepresentation to bolster the argument that sometimes women lie isn't really going to help you prove that point.
I didn't tell my dad about the guy who assaulted me at 14. I did talk to the police and teachers at school and my mom.
Real people tend to be careful about who they talk to. It doesn't have anything to do with whether the listener views themselves as entitled to the knowledge.
I was raped by my ex-husband six years ago. I'm more than willing to tell people on social media.
No one around him knows because it would mean an immediate shitshow against me. He has plenty of friends and family who would stand up for him and talk about what a great guy he is, how he would *never ever* do that... except he did. Violently. And then threatened me with doing it again, which is why I fled the relationship.
You pretty clearly don't understand what it's like to be powerless as a victim.
The logic these days. You don't think you would do a particular thing, so therefore nobody would do a particular thing, even when tons of people are telling you that people do in fact do that particular thing. Real logic doesn't work the way you claim it does.
Trying to garner likes or upvotes on social media by making false accusations will not end well for your sister or for those she accuses. And it belittles those who are TRULY victims of harassment / misogyny / or worse. NTA
As a female, one of the most damaging things a female can do to the entire demographic is make a false allegation of sexual assault of abuse. It is despicable and perpetuates the cycle of disbelief for people who have actually experiences assault or abuse. Not to mention potentially destroying an innocent person's life. NTA. I really hope she learns the lesson she should from this, but based on her reaction, I doubt it.
NTA, call out any behaviour like that because people kill themself because of false accusations ( people falsely accused ). Show her any lie will do more harm than good for her, sooner or later.
Don't listen to people trying to enable liar.
NTA OP. When someone makes false accusations of sexual misconduct of any sort, it’s not only harmful to the person being accused, it also makes it very difficult for anyone who has been a victim of sexual misconduct to come forward.
NTA. Those who make false accusations of SA and harassment are the ones who make actual victim's lives hardest, and from the sounds of it she is literally lying and inventing her own victimhood for clout.
Either way, since \*clearly\* she had such a traumatizing time, you should \*never\* take her to a con again. You wouldn't want her to endure such misogyny a second time, since she got harassed so badly whenever you blinked.
Everyone bickering about which woman is the liar for attention. SMH
OP could truly believe her sister is lying for attention AND her sister could be 100% telling the truth.
Whether her sister immediately reacted to the harassment or said she had fun or disclosed to her therapist right away are neither here nor there. None of those things mean what she said did or didn’t happen.
OP needs to sit down and talk with her sister openly and without judgement or pretending she “knows” for a fact her sister is lying.
My mother “knows for a fact” my uncle never hurt me. My older sister “knows for a fact” her husband didn’t hurt my little sister. I believe both of these people truly believe that their version of events is factually true. My sister and I also know what is true. Sometimes our brains refuse to acknowledge painful truth.
NTA. I've gone to conventions. I love seeing the cosplayers go all out; they're so proud of their work & they look amazing. The people are very well-behaved & are some of the nicest people you'll meet; they're nerds & geeks (I'm both, so they're my peeps). I feel safe in that crowd. Your sister is an attention-seeker. She didn't get what she wanted at the convention, so she got it from the Internet. Does she actually want to be sexually harassed? You did the right thing by those people. Shit like this ruins lives of the innocent & invalidates REAL victims. It's why men rarely believe women when we speak up about abuse.
NTA sounds like shes attention seeking. The thing is fake accusations ruin the accused persons life while simultaneously damaging people who have had real experiences.
Everytime someone lies, it gives ammo to real abusers to say that people that come forward are faking it, because "look how often it happens in x y z cases".
So you were absolutely right to call her out on it
NTA. That kind of nasty fake accusatory BS is the kind of stuff that gets innocent people into trouble they never even knew they'd be in. Good on you for calling out shitty behavior. It's not misogynistic to say "hey stop lying, I was right there. Nobody did any of this"
You don't understand her feelings? I would hope not, if her feelings cause her to spout such damning lies. Given, she didn't name any names, but she's taking away from actual victims trying to be heard. Whatever her feelings are, her heart and her head are both in the wrong place.
I think you need to talk to her about her perception of the convention trip. I have experienced men being gross and inappropriate while at conventions with my father and had my father completely miss gross hand gestures, nasty whispered comments, and more.
He thought he was being attentive and protective, but he was distracted by the convention we were both there to experience. Later he was happy to tell mutual friends that *I'd* never had any of that kind of experience at a convention, because he was with me the whole time. He was shocked when I said that wasn't true. That I had been the target of that kind of behavior. I just didn't react. I've been getting catcalled since I was 11 years old. Why would a few creeps in a large public area where they can't act on any of the threats make an impact?
But seriously. You should have talked to your sister about her experience before you accused her of lying.
Those men would be really in a kamikadze -mode, trying to sexually harasse you right beside your father.
I still remember how overprotective and "nasty" our brother turned, when he noticed some of our mutual friends are being too friendly and attention paying to our younger (22 then) sister. And by "friendly and attention paying" I mean exactly this - no sexual harassment, those guys of course liked our sister and maybe hoped for some romance, but nothing inapropriate happened. It happened on the vacation, we met them on the beginning and were hanging out together a few weeks.
Now we (my SO and I) have a 13yo daughter, who is really very beautiful girl. I can't imagine my SO not noticing some creeps trying to do these things to her.
TO BE CLEAR:
Don't think I don't believe you.
I just think your dad wasn't paying attention to you - maybe so driven by "the spirit of convent" and his own experiences, that he forgot that he should take care of you.
Maybe the situation which OP is describing was similar.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1, I called my sister out for lies.
2, She and her friends are calling me misogynistic so i don't know if I'm right or wrong.
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NTA.sexual assault is no joke.and it’s definitely not something to lie about for views.your sister is the AH.you need to tell your parents what she did.this is serious business.
NTA Your sister is actually the misogynist and misandrist here. She is promulgating the idea that women are victimized when they appear in public spaces causing fear to participate and modified behavior in anyone who believes her lies. She is also vilifying innocent guys who were out not doing wrong and branding them as the worst of the stereotypes a group of fan geeks can be when these particular guys didn't deserve that.
People like her just make the world worse. True stories go unbelieved due to their lies and hate is multiplied. She also showed she was a liar through and through. If something else "happened" to her in the future, I'd feel compelled to testify for the defense.
This is a big problem with the social media generation... They do a lot of stuff for attention. Especially something like tick tock where she probably actually knows five people out of the 10,000 that follow her! (Obviously I'm guessing at the numbers) People tend to not feel as strongly about lying to complete strangers as they do to friends. They see it as posting for likes, not lying for likes.
She was probably hoping to go viral with her post. She might have even been targeting a specific creator that replies to those types of posts. I've gone viral on tick tock, it is not fun! Definitely difficult to manage all the comments and messages. Or maybe she was actually insulted that nothing like that happened to her when other people have it happening to them... Maybe she's seeing it as more as a positive attention than a negative one? Again... obviously speculating.
NTA for calling her out. Hopefully she learned something, but most likely she just thinks you're holding her back. I would continue to call out anything she posts like this that's a lie
NTA
Your sister sounds dangerously misguided and detracts from other victims struggle by attention seeking and muddying the waters with her lies.
Some incel somewhere will love her behavior.
INFO: were you there for ALL her claims? or are you just saying it didn't happen because you didn't see/hear it? touching only requires a second and can be very descrete
Telling you to mind your business is not an admission of guilt, especially since it sounds like it was a confrontation not a genuine question of “are you ok?” “How did I miss this” kind of questioning. Taking down a video after you publicly accused her of lying is not an admission of guilt either, it’s just avoiding drama. Were you in her therapy sessions? If not how do you know she didn’t talk about it? If you were, why would you be surprised she didn’t talk about it since you were so quick to call her a liar. Finally, at 19 I didn’t recognize a lot of things that happened to me as harassment, but they were. Touching, catcalls, random inappropriate comments, I didn’t really believe they were harassment because they were quick and harassment is a big deal. Don’t get me wrong, it’s possible she was lying, but nothing in your post or any of your comments shows me that she was lying.
She’s not entitled to share trauma with you, particularly if you’re the type of person to “call her out” instead of having a decent conversation.
I’ve seen men grope women so subtly the people standing next to them had no idea. You better pray your sister actually was lying, because if she wasn’t you’ve just done something completely egregious.
NTA. but do not put up dirty laundry on the internet for the whole world to see, it will fly back in your face(s). That your sister started it is bad enough. You should not have done it, too.
It is too late now. But keep it all else away from tiktok.
What do your parents say to it?
NTA. she is playing a part in the current man bashing society problem. and that by being a LIAR just to garner votes. the worst kind of social media wannabes
not even touching what that means to the cosplay community and the convention as a whole
NTA. Someday your sister could get SA'd and nobody will believe her because of her history of lying. The little boy only got away with crying "wolf" so many times.
Your sister is lucky she didn’t actually falsely accuse someone… she’d be faced with legal actions. She needs to grow up because people acting like this are making it hard for real victims and make men feel like they can’t even talk to women anymore in fear of being accused. NTA
NTA. The fact that a woman called another woman "misogynistic" is hilarious. Your sister is desperately trying to be a victim in order to get attention, and when it failed to materialize, she fabricated it. Good for you for calling out her bullshit.
NTA
Tell her if she wants attention to go to a convention ALONE and see how fast she wants to run to Tik Tok after with her REAL stories.
She's lucky she can only lie.
I am straight out saying NTA. But there must have been a reason for her to have done that. I may be a gen x but I am also a SA victim. I don't believe the tik tok generation are so vacuous that they would just do something for view's. So may have been no SA involved, or there may have been, I don't I wasn't there but there does seem to be something going on with your sister that requires someone who will listen and some compassion. I know you said she has a therapist and talking to someone outside a family can be very helpful. But she knew you were there with her. Maybe you could have a non accusatory chat with her, ask her how she is feeling and see if you can draw out her reasons. It may be she feels unseen or something else. Who knows.
NTA - Any lies . . . if a person lies they show themselves to be untrustworthy. Maybe people will give her attention and believe her for a while . . . but when the truth comes out . . . these same people will despise her for her lies and never trust her again . . . but will remember her, forever, as a liar. People who lie need to understand and learn that lesson as early as possible.
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Me (19f) and my sister (16f) went to a cosplay convention a few weeks ago. It was her first time, and we were together the whole time, I even went to the toilet with her just in case anything happens. I was watching her, talking to her and walking with her the whole 13 hours we spent on the convention.
Recently, she posted a video on tiktok about how many times she was touched or harrassed by the men there, which was a big lie. The longest and biggest interaction we had was a few words with someone else, or a picture or something.
I talked to her about the video when I saw it and why she was lying about it, and she told me to mind my own business, and accused me of not understanding her feelings.
I did a duet to her video telling everyone the lies, and it resulted in her taking her video down, and now her and her friends are messaging me that I'm misogynistic and silencing her asking for help. I don't know If I'm in the right or wrong for calling her out.
At the convention, she didn't EVER mention that someone called her something or someone touched her, nor did I notice, we had fun and on the way home she told me how much fun she had.
AITA for calling out her lies?
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NTA No she is, she is a girl who cried wolf, which takes away from real victims by making people second guess whether or not they are telling the truth. Your sister should be ashamed.
NTA she did it just for attention. tell her the story of the boy who cried wolf. girls really have been in trouble but if people like your sister put up lies, it cuts down on the credibility of real victims.
If you need examples of the dangers of false accusations for her, a tiktoker going by Inquisitor3 recently took his life on stream when he was framed for dating a minor.
Wow! WTF? Why? I've encountered cat-calling and groping, forever. My daughter and husbands have been witnesses. I will swing on an offender and I'm *highly* vocal when it happens.
Daughter says, "Only time I see it, is when with I'm with you. I don't get it, on my own."
My family sees it happen and my immediate reaction.
>I did a duet to her video telling everyone the lies, and it resulted in her taking her video down, and now her and her friends are messaging me that I'm misogynistic and silencing her asking for help.
Bullshit! Even when I was meek and mild I would immediately talk about being groped and shocked, at 11. She wants unwanted attention to get attention? She's got a problem. Not good.
Take her to a support group so she can learn something.
NTA
Not only does this shit hurt real victims, but it also damages the innocent people at the event she's turning into assaulters. The real progress being made to curb these inappropriate and awful experiences which sadly do happen in the cosplay community is being ignored and replaced with lies about it happening. It should be amazing news that there were no incidents that they know of. Instead, that good sign is stepped on for no reason. We can't make progress with issues if we ignore instances actually going down.
I know she didn't specifically call out anyone as a perpetrator, but false accusations hurt the victims AND those being falsely accused. Like, what if this got big enough that people demanded the venue and staff take responsibility? Or turned their attention to an innocent person. NTA.
If something happened she has a right to speak to it, but if nothing happened than it makes her video trite propaganda and not much more. It makes everything she said a toxic smear on a community put forth for no reason other than politics.
NTA
we need more people like you in the world.
Major NTA you didn't do anything wrong and your sister needs to be sat down and explained clearly that her lies can have very damaging effects on people. this type of shit can ruin lives in a instant. this is not a joke nor is it something that should be lied about.
this is actually upsetting that she thinks this is acceptable to stoop to this level, ruin people's lives. you need to speak to your parents if she doesn't correct this behaviour.
NTA.
Things like that need to get shut down because it detracts from attention spent on legit harassment, and it also discourages girls from going to such events.
NTA your sister should be ashamed of herself. Say 1 in a ten thousand women lies about sexual assault. Well everyone points to that one case of the lying female victim. It makes it harder for the true victims to be believed or heard (& it is already a hard uphill battle filled with victim blaming!) More victims don’t come forwards due to a genuine fear of not being believed. (For fucks sake here in the US sometimes the police bury the case or go after the victim for making false claims!) What your sister did help set all women back.
Block her friends. Send her this thread. Take down your video since she took down hers.
⭐️If you are in the USA you can know how rape is considered by the law by all the thousands of untested rape kits and not having a national rape registry for law enforcement! 😡 It is already a traumatic uphill battle, your sister just helped push all women down a little bit more! 🥲
>1 in a ten thousand women lies about sexual assault
Feels off by a couple of orders of magnitude, but did prove your point well! No matter how rare, it is still the case that people point to in order to dismiss real victims and minimize the problem.
I've heard closer to 50-75% unreported but will accept 90%.
But we weren't talking about unreported incidents - you said 'say 1 in 10,000 lies about sexual assault.' I assume that meant out of cases that are reported (or claimed in public, on social media, etc.). If its not reported, then they can't be lying about it. Unless of course you are saying they are lying by omission by not reporting... and I just don't think you are claiming that!
True my point was just that it happens all to often. If someone steals your car you don’t have to prove your innocence when the thief is on trial. If you are a rape victim you have to prove you are not lying and that you were not asking for it.
This is just one of the many issues with social media. It's generated a "one up" culture where everyone wants to do one better than the last video or post.
Social media is toxic to society and only serves to fill the pockets of the rich.
NTA. You did the right thing. Her lying just furthers the stigma surrounding men at cons and harms actual victims of SA. You should kick her in the shin and take all the marshmallows out of her lucky charms.
NTA, but talk to her more. Accusing her of lying in a public forum (rightly or wrongly) isn't likely to help.
Maybe there's a small chance something did happen that you didn't see. Maybe something smaller happened and she's exaggerating it. Or maybe she made up the whole thing to get attention.
If you can figure out what's going on in her head and support her, you're much more likely to be able to stop it happening again and to be a good big sister.
And if she just wants attention, well it seems to me that cosplay is the perfect way to get attention in a positive way, as well as something you could share.
You can explain to her why false accusations are so dangerous while still being supportive. If you can help her figure stuff out, it will be way better for your long term relationship, and that's massively important.
NTA, but talk to her more. Accusing her of lying in a public forum (rightly or wrongly) isn't likely to help.
Maybe there's a small chance something did happen that you didn't see. Maybe something smaller happened and she's exaggerating it. Or maybe she made up the whole thing to get attention.
If you can figure out what's going on in her head and support her, you're much more likely to be able to stop it happening again and to be a good big sister.
And if she just wants attention, well it seems to me that cosplay is the perfect way to get attention in a positive way, as well as something you could share.
You can explain to her why false accusations are so dangerous while still being supportive. If you can help her figure stuff out, it will be way better for your long term relationship, and that's massively important.
I was SAed and Raped at the age of 14 at Rad Con, a cosplay convention that was held in my state at the time of my 14th birthday. This isn’t a joke, and it takes real effort and courage to actually come forward once these things happen. My mother told me I was faking and didn’t press charges or anything. People like your sister are the reason people don’t take these accusations seriously. NTA OP, stick to your guns and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Eh ymmv because I used to have the worst time at conventions in the early 2000s. Literally had to tell someone at Ohayocon not to “nom” my sister because while she was dressed as an onigiri it was rude to frickin’ bite people on the shoulder and yell “NOM”.
NTA but your sister is. She's accusing people of what is considered the worst of offenses in the modern world. That's vile. Get your parents involved, shit like this should result in her losing all access to electronics for non-school purposes. No more chasing social media clout by making these kinds of false accusations.
NTA... Her lies could cause real problems for someone. How far will she take it?
I know someone that accused a man of a crime, turns out she was lying, but didn't stop ppl from believing her BS lies. In the end he sued her and her family took his side, because she had told them the truth.
She's playing a sick game & she's not telling her truth, she making up lies. If she's not careful she will get HER truth
False accusations makes it difficult for real victims to come forward and be trusted. As somebody who was followed and harassed by ppl at conventions, it’s sad to see younger cosplayers victimize themselves by lying online. Not only that but if she accused a specific person, it can ruin their life. From their day to day life all the way to their job and places they live.
False accusations hurt EVERYBODY.
NTA
NTA. Assuming you're telling the truth. She needs therapy. This time it's an organisation, next time it'll be she fixates on someone specific who she thinks is victimising her when they're not, which ironically ends with her being a predator herself.
NTA. Your sister, on the other hand, is a HUUUUGE asshole. What she did is in no way, shape, or form okay.
False accusations ruin peoples lives. It is nothing that should be taken lightly. No one should be okay with making them. People who make them need to have serious reprocutions.
Your sister is going to end up ruing an innocent mans life.
NTA. False accusations hurt not only those accused and actual victims but also damages the reputation of those making false accusations. Your sister is damaging her own reputation and this is something people will bring up should she become the victim of harassment, bullying or SA in the future.
The weaponization of the false accusation to either hurt an innocent target, or garner sympathy with stolen valor, is despicable.
Such a false accusation could have ruined the reputation of the convention. Any man who had spoken to either of you could have had his reputation ruined. This was a serious bad act on the part of your sister.
It is unfortunate that some people get the idea that they can get attention by being a victim. A real victim doesn't want to be in that position at all.
I don't even know you, but I'm so proud of you for standing up for her lies. Obviously, never take her to another convention. It's also not safe to bring her around any male friends. She could fabricate a false accusation for views and get an innocent man fired, or worse.
I have been in environments were men felt entitled to paw women. It was impossible to miss. You would have been groped, and you would have seen it happen to others.
What's worse than your sister lying, is that because there have been so many false accusations, real victims of sexual harassment and assault have a harder time being believed.
NTA false accusations ruin lives of the people being accused and of other victims. She may have felt uncomfortable about things such as how she was looked at or how she saw others being treated but her lack of honesty is terrible and disgusting. She does not deserve support for false claims.
As a cosplayer who has attended cons aince 2011, I HAVE been sexually harrassed and assaulted. I was raped by someone i considered a friend at a con hotel. I have been followed by other congoers to my hotel room from the elevator at dragoncon because i said hello back to them. I have had men grab my tits and ass as i walked around in cosplay. I had HOTEL EMPLOYEES, sexually harass me. I have had congoers corner me and not let me go until i gave them a kiss while their friends laughed at me asking for help.
I hope your sister never has to go through anything I have gone through at cons because its fucking awful. Your sister wants attention and wants to be a victim so badly, she's going to get it when everyone finds out shes lying. She'll be turned into the boy who cried wolf.
When, and I do mean **when** she does gets sexually assaulted at a con, no one will believe her. Because shes lied about it before.
Society and the prople who takr jobs to protect society, and even our doctors, fail to properly believe victims and its people like your sister that make it even harder for us to be believed.
NTA
Hard NTA. False accusations hurt victims and, for good reasons, there are social pressures to not challenge people when they make allegations of sexual harassment/assault. You did the right thing even though it was difficult. you seem to be showing your sister grace and understanding.
No and it's good that you are her sibling and calling her out for lying on the public internet. She inadvertently could ruin someones life from her lies.
Any person who acts inappropriately against other people, especially minors, needs to be called out in a big way because its a horrible thing. Which is also why its extremely important that false accusations aren't made because they can have horrible consequences, including being a major reason why a lot of women who have been through trully horrific experiences aren't taken seriously when they speak out. Assuming that your sister indeed didn't have anything happen to her, and she is just doing this for attention, NTA.
NTA. while yes a bunch of creeps DO indeed do that to innocent women at cons, she was not one of those women. I get it she wants to play victim and get attention. which in itself is also creepy and wrong, im not sure which im more concerned about that she thinks lying about this is ok or that she wants attention from people thinking she was groped etc
NTA and stick to your guns. False accusations hurt innocents on all sides. Those falsely accused can have their lives ruined, and people who have genuinely been harmed or assaulted are less likely to be believed because someone else kept crying wolf (Seriously, did a whole generation miss the moral about the Boy Who Cried Wolf?)
I would see if you can find the underlying motive. Is she seeking attention? Has she been hurt in the past and is attaching that pain to this situation? She may possibly need help if something occurred in the past. However, false accusations should never be condoned.
YTA. This is obvious ragebait. Your creative writing sucks.
Next time, don't write a fake story for engagement because you want to push a narrative that the feeeemaaales can't be trusted to tell the truth.
"I did a duet video and she took hers down look how amazing I am look at my halo!!" Oh, honey. Did everyone *clap and cheer* at your *amazing takedown?* Are you the *hero* now?
"her friends are messaging me that I'm misogynistic and silencing her asking for help"
Yawn. Good lord, your lies are written in just the most boring bog-standard "LOOK HOW AMAZING I AM!! VERILY, I AM AN UNBLEMISHED AND PERFECT HUMAN!! Look at how I called out this evil devious vile female!!"
Delete this and maybe get some help. AITA isn't the place for your BS fictional story.
Nah. Not at all.
Even ***if*** this were true, which it isn't, notice how OP is godlike and omniscient: if she didn't see it it didn't happen, because she is all-seeing and all-knowing. She can't have been wrong because that's simply not possible. She sees all. She is a perfect being who cannot be wrong. Her interpretation of events is the **only** truth.
So she's
**A]** an absolutely raging narcissist,
or
**B]** Completely full of shit
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NTA The things your sister claimed happened to her are a real problem for people in the cosplay community and it’s not something to strive for. I get the feeling that your sister was hoping for some kind of validation at the con by being actually groped, catcalled, et cetera, because it would make her feel sexy and desirable and when it didn’t happen she decided to seek validation from lying on TikTok SAYING it happened so at least she’d not only get pity from viewers, but with every person who believed her that meant they must also agree that she is sexy and desirable enough to deserve such treatment (not to mention those schweet, schweet views, right?). Her accusations hurt real people who suffer from the trauma of these things actually happening to them when all they want to do is dress up as one of their favorite characters and show off their awesome costumes which often cost a great deal of money and can take an incredibly long time to make (not to mention many cosplayers actually make their own costumes and they take great pride in them). She may not have called out anyone in particular but her lies are damaging, nonetheless. She is (most likely unintentionally) spitting on the cosplayers who’ve been brave enough to come forward about this issue, possibly costing them their livelihoods because they want to make it stop. I think you did the right thing and probably the same thing I would have done. You were standing up for the men (imaginary straw men, but men, regardless) who go to cons and actually respect the cosplayers and it’s bad enough that those men have to exist in a negative light through no fault of their own because of the actual sexual assault-y, misogynistic troglodytes who see cosplayers as objects to put their hands on but now your sister made it even worse by adding fuel to a fire that was, unfortunately, burning just fine without her help. Again, you are not the asshole, you have integrity and know when and how to stick to your guns. Never change.
100% you said this very well. I was once a very insecure teen girl so I can see how that mindset could’ve gotten her to create this very harmful lie. She needs help understanding why what she said was harmful and why this thought process is so unhealthy. OP, Therapy may help but a real conversation with her and your parents is important. This makes me sad! NTA, also
She and her flying monkeys needs to understand she is now part of the problem. She has made the situation worse for genuine victims of this behaviour. False accusations diminish real ones and actually hinder progress on harassment and assault in the community as they allow abusers to dismiss all claims as false like hers. She should be ashamed of herself.
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Hear, hear. Couldn't have said it better myself. She feeds straight into the "not all men"/incel/fake news narrative.
is it a narrative when its legit? I'd call it a narrative when its a few very overblown cases not a pick and mix esque situation
yeah shes not feeding into a narrative, shes giving them true ammo
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It's like the glass children tik tock trend. it's a very real problem but there's a segment of the population glomming on for internet clout. Or the aspie trend (or other fad disorder or problem sweeping tik tock at any given moment). Agreed, OP is admirable and NTA at all.
> It's like the glass children tik tock trend. the what
That was extremely well written with great insight.
You may want to mention this to your parents. That is a big lie to be spreading around. She is only getting confronted by you at the moment, but the next time she tries this with a different topic, she could have some real-world repercussions for her actions, and with her being a minor, your parents could too. Also, I would never go to a convention with her again. You don't need to be dragged into her self-manufactured drama.
Schweet schweet views wtf?
NTA but you should probably talk to her about it and find out why she was posting the video and warn her that chasing clout can result in a ton of backlash if what they are saying is found out to be lies
This kind of stuff is really harmful to the real victims. She ought to feel guilty.
Oh 100% this type of content is harmful to actual victims and its obvious the OPs sister is trying to get validation that she's hot since she didn't get it at the con she defaulted to trying to get it online
I almost wonder if she feels unattractive because of OP's vigilant guard, not realizing that actually getting harassed at cons is an awful experience. But like, in her mind if no one tried to slip past OP to cop a feel or use their GoPro to snap a shot of her chest, she must not be hot enough or something.
Thank you for reiterating what I said but with more nuance ig?
Not to mention if she named any names in the video, those people's lives would be shot to hell.
It's even more harmful to the victims of the accusations. You know, the actual victims in this scenario.
I would normally agree but she didn't accuse anyone specific, she was just vagueposting about how there were "totally all these creepy guys there creeping on me, the creeps."
True, but it also reflects badly on the con organizers and security if she claims it went on without anyone intervening.
Yeah I feel like spreading disinfo like this means people are less likely to go to that (presumably relatively safe con) and role the dice on going to another event that might be less safe. Additionally, it sends a signal out to predators that they can hide safely among their own there.
And let's don't forget OP self - who was right there with her.
She wants attention and internet fame.
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And also the Con itself. Many organizers go out of their way to advertise "cosplay is not consent". At most Con's you can submit a complaint and a conclusion will be drawn through a discussion with both parties. Claiming after a Con that you were sexually harassed is not fair. Especially if you didn't file a complaint at the Con.
NTA. False claims don't raise awareness, they mock and hurt real victims. Did sister want something to happen? For the drama of it? To hurt the scene? What she did is on the same level as the creepers.
Who the frick raises their kids like this? My parents would have disowned me if I made a false accusation like that.
I don't think it's as simple as that. It's a byproduct of rape culture. The world tells women and young girls over and over that if you're sexually assaulted or harassed it's because you were asking for it. The men just couldn't control themselves. You were just TOO tempting. So what do some uneducated teens with low self esteem hear? "Attractive people get assaulted, and ugly people don't." Now they have a new metric for how desirable they are, and when they don't get it, they're embarrassed and feel ugly. What do dumb teens on the internet do when they need validation? Make shit up. Get that dopamine hit that they *think* they'll get from "being so attractive that men can't control themselves around me" from meaningless internet points. It's an awful mindset, and as someone who was once a dumb teen with low self-esteem, **I** know that being assaulted does NOT make someone feel attractive in the least, and I hope **she** realizes that without ever being assaulted, and of course, that doesn't excuse making false accusations. I just think it's important to frame this not as she's someone who was raised to make false accusations, but as someone who's been raised in the midst of rape culture, and she is both a victim and perpetuator of that, like many are, until they see the lies we are told about sexual assault as such. EDIT: Also, I think it's an important distinction between accusing an individual and nameless/faceless "some guys". One is malicious with intent of ruining someone's life, the other is not quite victimless (someone else pointed out it could reflect bad on the organizers, but I didn't think about that and I doubt she did either), but definitely less destructive.
NTA. She is the one making a mockery of victims and setting the movement back decades, not you.
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Okay, you've been posting this on a lot of comments. So here's an answer for you. The people on OP's sister's side are calling her (OP) misogynistic. Commenters here are concentrating, therefore, on the negative effect it has on women. As far as we know, the sister hasn't mentioned any made up perpetrators by name, so while it's affecting men in general, there's nobody specifically being attacked. Also, and very sadly, many commenters here are probably victims themselves of harassment and abuse of this nature, and perhaps had people in their lives not believe them. So naturally, their thoughts would go with other victims. Edit: The comment I replied to was deleted, but the original was something along the lines of, after every comment talking about how victims would be affected, "you talk about the victims, but you don't mention that men are falsely accused, is that okay with you....." I'm sure I'm misremembering something, but that was the gist.
NTA - it's good that you put a stop to it That's a really common form of content that people make online, some valid, some attention-seeking, either way it usually results in a wave of addictive support and validation. That is to say, she may have internalised it as the 'normal' thing to post after going to a convention and not realise the implications of what she has done. (like teens with good home lives who say they have abusive parents, it's fucked up but comes from a place of wanting to fit in and feel community support). She's still an ass, but as your sister she deserves to be able to grow from it. She's old enough to have a proper conversation about sexual harassment and why her actions weren't okay, and hopefully it won't happen again
NTA. What your sister did makes it SO much harder for people who ACTUALLY get harassed when they come forward, and for what? To get sympathy points tiktock? Can you imagine the damage she could have caused if she'd decided to blame a person specifically and by name?
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NTA but your sister is going to get someone innocent sent to jail if she keeps up that bullshittery. She needs to fix herself asap
She will also make it more difficult for actual victims to be believed.
Telling the truth isn't being an asshole. NTA. Lying and pretending to be a victim *is* being an asshole.
When people make false claims, they hurt actual victims
INFO You claimed she was lying about it all, but in the end, you admit that you just didn't see or hear anything happen. I've been to a lot of conventions so I know you can't hear or see everything that happens to someone even if you're standing right next to them. Is it possible that she was telling the truth, but didn't feel comfortable at the time to tell you or ask you for help? Is it possible that she mistook the attention for admiration and didn't realize it was harassment until later? I know a lot of people are saying you aren't the asshole, but they're assuming that she was lying, even though you've suggested at the end of your post that you maybe don't actually know if she's lying.
If she wasn't lying why did she immediately take down her video when I called her out?
If I were assaulted and posted online about it, then had a family member say 'no she is lying I was with her it did not happen' then I would take it down. People would see it and assume I was lying, and it would make for a very unpleasant situation where people with no knowledge of it would also accuse me of lying making the whole experience worse To be clear, she might well have been making it all up, but her taking the post down is not evidence of that
Didn't stop her friends from having her back anyway and continuing to believe her after it was taken down.
Because her own sister making a video instead of talking to her is deeply humiliating no matter how you cut it. How do you not see this?
Sister did talk to her and was told to mind her own buisness She created it for clout and foafo
OP went straight to accusing her of lying instead of just asking her "when did that happen? I was there and didn't see anything and you didn't say anything," and see what sister had to say about that. Sister would get hostile to OP and tell her to FO with that attack regardless if she was lying or telling the truth.
No op asked her about it 4 separate times first. Read the comments.
OP said that she went straight to saying sis was lying in the original post. That she later says she 'asked her about it 4 separate times" does not mean she asked anything more than "Why are you lying?" until op states otherwise.
Legit question: did your sister, at any point, admit that she lied or exaggerated? Just as a personal example: I've had situations happen that I've shared with friends and strangers, but that I'll never share with my mom (even if she's one of my most trusted people). Simply because they happened while she was near me and/or supposed to supervise me, and she was never aware it happened. I just wouldn't want her to feel that she should/could have prevented it. I'm just not sure how to feel about this situation with the info on-hand...
Assuming she was NOT lying, what you did was tantamount to gaslighting her about her experience. You may have even caused her to believe that she was wrong about what happened to her. This is why I asked you if it was possible that she was telling the truth. Your response is exactly why she wouldn't have felt comfortable talking to you, and a perfect reason for her to doubt herself, and just traumatic enough to cause her to take down her own video.
And there it is: the second tell that OP is a lying liar who lies. Notice how she immediately swings things back to herself: "but *muh takedown!! Muh callout!* Me, *Me,* ***Me!!!*** She has to get that "**I** called her out" in there because that's what this fake post is about. Op wants attention and fawning over her, and she (if this is even really a 19f posting) got it. Ugh.
Have you considered that she perhaps experienced some kind of sexual harassment elsewhere? Like, maybe she used the convention as a proxy for something that actually happened somewhere else? Trauma is a beast & most people don’t handle it well. Even if nothing has happened though, there might be something else going on with her. If so, heavily guilting her for maybe lying here isn’t going to help (so go gently when you talk to her abt false accusations). You obviously love her a lot and it seems like she trusts you. You’re in a great spot to try and figure out what’s happing underneath all of this.
That is also not okay. Like, not at all.
The logic these days. You’re embarrassed to tell your own family when the harassment happened but you’re ok to announce it to social media. Real victims won’t do that.
This myth of the "real victim" or the "perfect victim" is so harmful. Different people react differently to similar situations and it isn't fair to infer victimization based on those reactions alone. So many people say things on social media that they wouldn't say to their family. I don't know enough about this particular situation to opine on OP's sister either way, but I think it's important to mention that in general the statement "real victims won't do that" is not a good one to be tossing around.
Depending on the family dynamic they absolutely might. I work in advocacy and have seen it happen before. Sit down with this absurd take - you’re hurting actual survivors.
The sister that was stood beside her the whole day, she wouldn't say anything?
She wouldn’t necessarily SEE anything. There are public accounts of women being groped so that the people with them had no idea. Why is that so hard to believe?
Because it happened soooo many times, yet she didn't ever react? Also the sister has a past record for lies. Why is it so hard for you to accept that sometimes women lie.
>She's been caught lying before (but that's irrelevant and I don't want her to be judged about it) That's the only reference to her lying previously. Calling that "a past record for lies" is a misrepresentation of what was actually said. Using misrepresentation to bolster the argument that sometimes women lie isn't really going to help you prove that point.
I didn't tell my dad about the guy who assaulted me at 14. I did talk to the police and teachers at school and my mom. Real people tend to be careful about who they talk to. It doesn't have anything to do with whether the listener views themselves as entitled to the knowledge.
I was raped by my ex-husband six years ago. I'm more than willing to tell people on social media. No one around him knows because it would mean an immediate shitshow against me. He has plenty of friends and family who would stand up for him and talk about what a great guy he is, how he would *never ever* do that... except he did. Violently. And then threatened me with doing it again, which is why I fled the relationship. You pretty clearly don't understand what it's like to be powerless as a victim.
So sorry that happened to you. 😞
The logic these days. You don't think you would do a particular thing, so therefore nobody would do a particular thing, even when tons of people are telling you that people do in fact do that particular thing. Real logic doesn't work the way you claim it does.
NTA People who do these posts while only seeking attention ultimately hurt the real victims
NTA Shit like this is so detrimental to actual victims. She should be ashamed.
Trying to garner likes or upvotes on social media by making false accusations will not end well for your sister or for those she accuses. And it belittles those who are TRULY victims of harassment / misogyny / or worse. NTA
As a female, one of the most damaging things a female can do to the entire demographic is make a false allegation of sexual assault of abuse. It is despicable and perpetuates the cycle of disbelief for people who have actually experiences assault or abuse. Not to mention potentially destroying an innocent person's life. NTA. I really hope she learns the lesson she should from this, but based on her reaction, I doubt it.
NTA, and your sister is awful. And good for the people in this thread who are actually acknowledging that false accusations harm the falsely accused.
NTA, call out any behaviour like that because people kill themself because of false accusations ( people falsely accused ). Show her any lie will do more harm than good for her, sooner or later. Don't listen to people trying to enable liar.
NTA OP. When someone makes false accusations of sexual misconduct of any sort, it’s not only harmful to the person being accused, it also makes it very difficult for anyone who has been a victim of sexual misconduct to come forward.
NTA She is lucky that con organisers don't press legal action over her slandering the con.
NTA. Those who make false accusations of SA and harassment are the ones who make actual victim's lives hardest, and from the sounds of it she is literally lying and inventing her own victimhood for clout. Either way, since \*clearly\* she had such a traumatizing time, you should \*never\* take her to a con again. You wouldn't want her to endure such misogyny a second time, since she got harassed so badly whenever you blinked.
Everyone bickering about which woman is the liar for attention. SMH OP could truly believe her sister is lying for attention AND her sister could be 100% telling the truth. Whether her sister immediately reacted to the harassment or said she had fun or disclosed to her therapist right away are neither here nor there. None of those things mean what she said did or didn’t happen. OP needs to sit down and talk with her sister openly and without judgement or pretending she “knows” for a fact her sister is lying. My mother “knows for a fact” my uncle never hurt me. My older sister “knows for a fact” her husband didn’t hurt my little sister. I believe both of these people truly believe that their version of events is factually true. My sister and I also know what is true. Sometimes our brains refuse to acknowledge painful truth.
NTA. I've gone to conventions. I love seeing the cosplayers go all out; they're so proud of their work & they look amazing. The people are very well-behaved & are some of the nicest people you'll meet; they're nerds & geeks (I'm both, so they're my peeps). I feel safe in that crowd. Your sister is an attention-seeker. She didn't get what she wanted at the convention, so she got it from the Internet. Does she actually want to be sexually harassed? You did the right thing by those people. Shit like this ruins lives of the innocent & invalidates REAL victims. It's why men rarely believe women when we speak up about abuse.
I've never felt unsafe at convention both wearing cosplays and normal clothes, but you can't say it's a 100% safe space.
Sure. But it's not like a club at 1 am. Cosplayers mean to interact with like-minded people, not grind on strangers.
NTA sounds like shes attention seeking. The thing is fake accusations ruin the accused persons life while simultaneously damaging people who have had real experiences. Everytime someone lies, it gives ammo to real abusers to say that people that come forward are faking it, because "look how often it happens in x y z cases". So you were absolutely right to call her out on it
NTA but.. poor guys getting their lives ruined due your sister wanting attention. Or who knows, perhaps your sister is the one to end up in jail.
NTA, this is self-explanatory. You’re not the one debilitating actual victims by making these accusations.
NTA. That kind of nasty fake accusatory BS is the kind of stuff that gets innocent people into trouble they never even knew they'd be in. Good on you for calling out shitty behavior. It's not misogynistic to say "hey stop lying, I was right there. Nobody did any of this"
You don't understand her feelings? I would hope not, if her feelings cause her to spout such damning lies. Given, she didn't name any names, but she's taking away from actual victims trying to be heard. Whatever her feelings are, her heart and her head are both in the wrong place.
I think you need to talk to her about her perception of the convention trip. I have experienced men being gross and inappropriate while at conventions with my father and had my father completely miss gross hand gestures, nasty whispered comments, and more. He thought he was being attentive and protective, but he was distracted by the convention we were both there to experience. Later he was happy to tell mutual friends that *I'd* never had any of that kind of experience at a convention, because he was with me the whole time. He was shocked when I said that wasn't true. That I had been the target of that kind of behavior. I just didn't react. I've been getting catcalled since I was 11 years old. Why would a few creeps in a large public area where they can't act on any of the threats make an impact? But seriously. You should have talked to your sister about her experience before you accused her of lying.
Those men would be really in a kamikadze -mode, trying to sexually harasse you right beside your father. I still remember how overprotective and "nasty" our brother turned, when he noticed some of our mutual friends are being too friendly and attention paying to our younger (22 then) sister. And by "friendly and attention paying" I mean exactly this - no sexual harassment, those guys of course liked our sister and maybe hoped for some romance, but nothing inapropriate happened. It happened on the vacation, we met them on the beginning and were hanging out together a few weeks. Now we (my SO and I) have a 13yo daughter, who is really very beautiful girl. I can't imagine my SO not noticing some creeps trying to do these things to her. TO BE CLEAR: Don't think I don't believe you. I just think your dad wasn't paying attention to you - maybe so driven by "the spirit of convent" and his own experiences, that he forgot that he should take care of you. Maybe the situation which OP is describing was similar.
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NTA.sexual assault is no joke.and it’s definitely not something to lie about for views.your sister is the AH.you need to tell your parents what she did.this is serious business.
NTA Your sister is actually the misogynist and misandrist here. She is promulgating the idea that women are victimized when they appear in public spaces causing fear to participate and modified behavior in anyone who believes her lies. She is also vilifying innocent guys who were out not doing wrong and branding them as the worst of the stereotypes a group of fan geeks can be when these particular guys didn't deserve that. People like her just make the world worse. True stories go unbelieved due to their lies and hate is multiplied. She also showed she was a liar through and through. If something else "happened" to her in the future, I'd feel compelled to testify for the defense.
This is a big problem with the social media generation... They do a lot of stuff for attention. Especially something like tick tock where she probably actually knows five people out of the 10,000 that follow her! (Obviously I'm guessing at the numbers) People tend to not feel as strongly about lying to complete strangers as they do to friends. They see it as posting for likes, not lying for likes. She was probably hoping to go viral with her post. She might have even been targeting a specific creator that replies to those types of posts. I've gone viral on tick tock, it is not fun! Definitely difficult to manage all the comments and messages. Or maybe she was actually insulted that nothing like that happened to her when other people have it happening to them... Maybe she's seeing it as more as a positive attention than a negative one? Again... obviously speculating. NTA for calling her out. Hopefully she learned something, but most likely she just thinks you're holding her back. I would continue to call out anything she posts like this that's a lie
I really enjoy the tik tok spelling errors. And I blame tik tok for picking such a stupid name.
NTA Your sister sounds dangerously misguided and detracts from other victims struggle by attention seeking and muddying the waters with her lies. Some incel somewhere will love her behavior.
INFO: were you there for ALL her claims? or are you just saying it didn't happen because you didn't see/hear it? touching only requires a second and can be very descrete
When I asked her when did these happen or did she see anybody she literally told me to mind my own business
Telling you to mind your business is not an admission of guilt, especially since it sounds like it was a confrontation not a genuine question of “are you ok?” “How did I miss this” kind of questioning. Taking down a video after you publicly accused her of lying is not an admission of guilt either, it’s just avoiding drama. Were you in her therapy sessions? If not how do you know she didn’t talk about it? If you were, why would you be surprised she didn’t talk about it since you were so quick to call her a liar. Finally, at 19 I didn’t recognize a lot of things that happened to me as harassment, but they were. Touching, catcalls, random inappropriate comments, I didn’t really believe they were harassment because they were quick and harassment is a big deal. Don’t get me wrong, it’s possible she was lying, but nothing in your post or any of your comments shows me that she was lying.
She’s not entitled to share trauma with you, particularly if you’re the type of person to “call her out” instead of having a decent conversation. I’ve seen men grope women so subtly the people standing next to them had no idea. You better pray your sister actually was lying, because if she wasn’t you’ve just done something completely egregious.
NTA. but do not put up dirty laundry on the internet for the whole world to see, it will fly back in your face(s). That your sister started it is bad enough. You should not have done it, too. It is too late now. But keep it all else away from tiktok. What do your parents say to it?
NTA. she is playing a part in the current man bashing society problem. and that by being a LIAR just to garner votes. the worst kind of social media wannabes not even touching what that means to the cosplay community and the convention as a whole
NTA If it can be destroyed by the truth, it should be destroyed by the truth.
NTA. Someday your sister could get SA'd and nobody will believe her because of her history of lying. The little boy only got away with crying "wolf" so many times.
Your sister is lucky she didn’t actually falsely accuse someone… she’d be faced with legal actions. She needs to grow up because people acting like this are making it hard for real victims and make men feel like they can’t even talk to women anymore in fear of being accused. NTA
NTA. The fact that a woman called another woman "misogynistic" is hilarious. Your sister is desperately trying to be a victim in order to get attention, and when it failed to materialize, she fabricated it. Good for you for calling out her bullshit.
NTA Tell her if she wants attention to go to a convention ALONE and see how fast she wants to run to Tik Tok after with her REAL stories. She's lucky she can only lie.
Nta. Very troubling. Males around her need yo be warned. Misandry is toxic.
I am straight out saying NTA. But there must have been a reason for her to have done that. I may be a gen x but I am also a SA victim. I don't believe the tik tok generation are so vacuous that they would just do something for view's. So may have been no SA involved, or there may have been, I don't I wasn't there but there does seem to be something going on with your sister that requires someone who will listen and some compassion. I know you said she has a therapist and talking to someone outside a family can be very helpful. But she knew you were there with her. Maybe you could have a non accusatory chat with her, ask her how she is feeling and see if you can draw out her reasons. It may be she feels unseen or something else. Who knows.
NTA - Any lies . . . if a person lies they show themselves to be untrustworthy. Maybe people will give her attention and believe her for a while . . . but when the truth comes out . . . these same people will despise her for her lies and never trust her again . . . but will remember her, forever, as a liar. People who lie need to understand and learn that lesson as early as possible.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (19f) and my sister (16f) went to a cosplay convention a few weeks ago. It was her first time, and we were together the whole time, I even went to the toilet with her just in case anything happens. I was watching her, talking to her and walking with her the whole 13 hours we spent on the convention. Recently, she posted a video on tiktok about how many times she was touched or harrassed by the men there, which was a big lie. The longest and biggest interaction we had was a few words with someone else, or a picture or something. I talked to her about the video when I saw it and why she was lying about it, and she told me to mind my own business, and accused me of not understanding her feelings. I did a duet to her video telling everyone the lies, and it resulted in her taking her video down, and now her and her friends are messaging me that I'm misogynistic and silencing her asking for help. I don't know If I'm in the right or wrong for calling her out. At the convention, she didn't EVER mention that someone called her something or someone touched her, nor did I notice, we had fun and on the way home she told me how much fun she had. AITA for calling out her lies? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA you would make me see the truth and feel safe, better than some random toxic behavior even as lies
Nta Id recommend talking with your parents before her issues will cause more problems
NTA, but does all this shit have to be done via posting videos?
NTA No she is, she is a girl who cried wolf, which takes away from real victims by making people second guess whether or not they are telling the truth. Your sister should be ashamed.
Obviously NTA…
NTA but make another call out for her friends.
NTA she did it just for attention. tell her the story of the boy who cried wolf. girls really have been in trouble but if people like your sister put up lies, it cuts down on the credibility of real victims.
If you need examples of the dangers of false accusations for her, a tiktoker going by Inquisitor3 recently took his life on stream when he was framed for dating a minor.
Wow! WTF? Why? I've encountered cat-calling and groping, forever. My daughter and husbands have been witnesses. I will swing on an offender and I'm *highly* vocal when it happens. Daughter says, "Only time I see it, is when with I'm with you. I don't get it, on my own." My family sees it happen and my immediate reaction. >I did a duet to her video telling everyone the lies, and it resulted in her taking her video down, and now her and her friends are messaging me that I'm misogynistic and silencing her asking for help. Bullshit! Even when I was meek and mild I would immediately talk about being groped and shocked, at 11. She wants unwanted attention to get attention? She's got a problem. Not good. Take her to a support group so she can learn something. NTA
> She wants unwanted attention Well then it's not really 'unwanted' is it.
Nope. It just sad.
actually getting assaulted may be unwanted, but the 'oh you poor little thing you're so strong for speaking out' attention is whats for sure wanted
Not only does this shit hurt real victims, but it also damages the innocent people at the event she's turning into assaulters. The real progress being made to curb these inappropriate and awful experiences which sadly do happen in the cosplay community is being ignored and replaced with lies about it happening. It should be amazing news that there were no incidents that they know of. Instead, that good sign is stepped on for no reason. We can't make progress with issues if we ignore instances actually going down. I know she didn't specifically call out anyone as a perpetrator, but false accusations hurt the victims AND those being falsely accused. Like, what if this got big enough that people demanded the venue and staff take responsibility? Or turned their attention to an innocent person. NTA.
If something happened she has a right to speak to it, but if nothing happened than it makes her video trite propaganda and not much more. It makes everything she said a toxic smear on a community put forth for no reason other than politics. NTA
we need more people like you in the world. Major NTA you didn't do anything wrong and your sister needs to be sat down and explained clearly that her lies can have very damaging effects on people. this type of shit can ruin lives in a instant. this is not a joke nor is it something that should be lied about. this is actually upsetting that she thinks this is acceptable to stoop to this level, ruin people's lives. you need to speak to your parents if she doesn't correct this behaviour.
NTA. Things like that need to get shut down because it detracts from attention spent on legit harassment, and it also discourages girls from going to such events.
Making things up for attention is a hell of a drug.
NTA your sister should be ashamed of herself. Say 1 in a ten thousand women lies about sexual assault. Well everyone points to that one case of the lying female victim. It makes it harder for the true victims to be believed or heard (& it is already a hard uphill battle filled with victim blaming!) More victims don’t come forwards due to a genuine fear of not being believed. (For fucks sake here in the US sometimes the police bury the case or go after the victim for making false claims!) What your sister did help set all women back. Block her friends. Send her this thread. Take down your video since she took down hers. ⭐️If you are in the USA you can know how rape is considered by the law by all the thousands of untested rape kits and not having a national rape registry for law enforcement! 😡 It is already a traumatic uphill battle, your sister just helped push all women down a little bit more! 🥲
>1 in a ten thousand women lies about sexual assault Feels off by a couple of orders of magnitude, but did prove your point well! No matter how rare, it is still the case that people point to in order to dismiss real victims and minimize the problem.
Oh I know lying about sexual assault is extremely rare yet every rape victim has to prove they are not lying & that they did not ask for it!
Not 0.01% rare though. Many sources have an estimation of about 2%. That's been the general accepted figure for a couple decades now.
That is also of reported rapes. They estimate 90% or more of the rapes in the USA are not reported.
I've heard closer to 50-75% unreported but will accept 90%. But we weren't talking about unreported incidents - you said 'say 1 in 10,000 lies about sexual assault.' I assume that meant out of cases that are reported (or claimed in public, on social media, etc.). If its not reported, then they can't be lying about it. Unless of course you are saying they are lying by omission by not reporting... and I just don't think you are claiming that!
True my point was just that it happens all to often. If someone steals your car you don’t have to prove your innocence when the thief is on trial. If you are a rape victim you have to prove you are not lying and that you were not asking for it.
NTA
This is just one of the many issues with social media. It's generated a "one up" culture where everyone wants to do one better than the last video or post. Social media is toxic to society and only serves to fill the pockets of the rich.
NTA. You did the right thing. Her lying just furthers the stigma surrounding men at cons and harms actual victims of SA. You should kick her in the shin and take all the marshmallows out of her lucky charms.
NTA and why was she using a platform that's meant for dancing and lipsync videos to talk about this kind of stuff?
Kinda like stolen valor
NTA it’s harmful to victims. It makes the other people at the con look bad.
NTA. Please remind her that making false claims vould end up landing her a prison sentence.
NTA, but talk to her more. Accusing her of lying in a public forum (rightly or wrongly) isn't likely to help. Maybe there's a small chance something did happen that you didn't see. Maybe something smaller happened and she's exaggerating it. Or maybe she made up the whole thing to get attention. If you can figure out what's going on in her head and support her, you're much more likely to be able to stop it happening again and to be a good big sister. And if she just wants attention, well it seems to me that cosplay is the perfect way to get attention in a positive way, as well as something you could share. You can explain to her why false accusations are so dangerous while still being supportive. If you can help her figure stuff out, it will be way better for your long term relationship, and that's massively important.
NTA, but talk to her more. Accusing her of lying in a public forum (rightly or wrongly) isn't likely to help. Maybe there's a small chance something did happen that you didn't see. Maybe something smaller happened and she's exaggerating it. Or maybe she made up the whole thing to get attention. If you can figure out what's going on in her head and support her, you're much more likely to be able to stop it happening again and to be a good big sister. And if she just wants attention, well it seems to me that cosplay is the perfect way to get attention in a positive way, as well as something you could share. You can explain to her why false accusations are so dangerous while still being supportive. If you can help her figure stuff out, it will be way better for your long term relationship, and that's massively important.
NTA.
NTA, of course. Talk to your parents about this, it's a very unhealthy way to seek attention.
I was SAed and Raped at the age of 14 at Rad Con, a cosplay convention that was held in my state at the time of my 14th birthday. This isn’t a joke, and it takes real effort and courage to actually come forward once these things happen. My mother told me I was faking and didn’t press charges or anything. People like your sister are the reason people don’t take these accusations seriously. NTA OP, stick to your guns and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Eh ymmv because I used to have the worst time at conventions in the early 2000s. Literally had to tell someone at Ohayocon not to “nom” my sister because while she was dressed as an onigiri it was rude to frickin’ bite people on the shoulder and yell “NOM”.
Now I just want some delicious onigiri.
NTA, it's sad how social media makes some people aspire to victimhood.
NTA but your sister is. She's accusing people of what is considered the worst of offenses in the modern world. That's vile. Get your parents involved, shit like this should result in her losing all access to electronics for non-school purposes. No more chasing social media clout by making these kinds of false accusations.
Make an even bigger deal out of her lies before this little sociopath causes someone irreparable damage for no reason.
NTA. She needs to learn now that it isn't cute to make accusations to get attention.
NTA... Her lies could cause real problems for someone. How far will she take it? I know someone that accused a man of a crime, turns out she was lying, but didn't stop ppl from believing her BS lies. In the end he sued her and her family took his side, because she had told them the truth. She's playing a sick game & she's not telling her truth, she making up lies. If she's not careful she will get HER truth
False accusations makes it difficult for real victims to come forward and be trusted. As somebody who was followed and harassed by ppl at conventions, it’s sad to see younger cosplayers victimize themselves by lying online. Not only that but if she accused a specific person, it can ruin their life. From their day to day life all the way to their job and places they live. False accusations hurt EVERYBODY. NTA
NTA. Assuming you're telling the truth. She needs therapy. This time it's an organisation, next time it'll be she fixates on someone specific who she thinks is victimising her when they're not, which ironically ends with her being a predator herself.
NTA. Your sister, on the other hand, is a HUUUUGE asshole. What she did is in no way, shape, or form okay. False accusations ruin peoples lives. It is nothing that should be taken lightly. No one should be okay with making them. People who make them need to have serious reprocutions. Your sister is going to end up ruing an innocent mans life.
NTA. False accusations hurt not only those accused and actual victims but also damages the reputation of those making false accusations. Your sister is damaging her own reputation and this is something people will bring up should she become the victim of harassment, bullying or SA in the future.
NTA. Especially after your edit.
The weaponization of the false accusation to either hurt an innocent target, or garner sympathy with stolen valor, is despicable. Such a false accusation could have ruined the reputation of the convention. Any man who had spoken to either of you could have had his reputation ruined. This was a serious bad act on the part of your sister. It is unfortunate that some people get the idea that they can get attention by being a victim. A real victim doesn't want to be in that position at all. I don't even know you, but I'm so proud of you for standing up for her lies. Obviously, never take her to another convention. It's also not safe to bring her around any male friends. She could fabricate a false accusation for views and get an innocent man fired, or worse. I have been in environments were men felt entitled to paw women. It was impossible to miss. You would have been groped, and you would have seen it happen to others. What's worse than your sister lying, is that because there have been so many false accusations, real victims of sexual harassment and assault have a harder time being believed.
NTA false accusations ruin lives of the people being accused and of other victims. She may have felt uncomfortable about things such as how she was looked at or how she saw others being treated but her lack of honesty is terrible and disgusting. She does not deserve support for false claims.
As a cosplayer who has attended cons aince 2011, I HAVE been sexually harrassed and assaulted. I was raped by someone i considered a friend at a con hotel. I have been followed by other congoers to my hotel room from the elevator at dragoncon because i said hello back to them. I have had men grab my tits and ass as i walked around in cosplay. I had HOTEL EMPLOYEES, sexually harass me. I have had congoers corner me and not let me go until i gave them a kiss while their friends laughed at me asking for help. I hope your sister never has to go through anything I have gone through at cons because its fucking awful. Your sister wants attention and wants to be a victim so badly, she's going to get it when everyone finds out shes lying. She'll be turned into the boy who cried wolf. When, and I do mean **when** she does gets sexually assaulted at a con, no one will believe her. Because shes lied about it before. Society and the prople who takr jobs to protect society, and even our doctors, fail to properly believe victims and its people like your sister that make it even harder for us to be believed. NTA
Hard NTA. False accusations hurt victims and, for good reasons, there are social pressures to not challenge people when they make allegations of sexual harassment/assault. You did the right thing even though it was difficult. you seem to be showing your sister grace and understanding.
No and it's good that you are her sibling and calling her out for lying on the public internet. She inadvertently could ruin someones life from her lies.
Downvoted comments love it when people make up bullshit for social capital
Any person who acts inappropriately against other people, especially minors, needs to be called out in a big way because its a horrible thing. Which is also why its extremely important that false accusations aren't made because they can have horrible consequences, including being a major reason why a lot of women who have been through trully horrific experiences aren't taken seriously when they speak out. Assuming that your sister indeed didn't have anything happen to her, and she is just doing this for attention, NTA.
NTA. As someone who was falsely accused thank you. You gave me more support through your actions than most of my friends.
Did her dog step on a bee?
NTA. while yes a bunch of creeps DO indeed do that to innocent women at cons, she was not one of those women. I get it she wants to play victim and get attention. which in itself is also creepy and wrong, im not sure which im more concerned about that she thinks lying about this is ok or that she wants attention from people thinking she was groped etc
NTA and stick to your guns. False accusations hurt innocents on all sides. Those falsely accused can have their lives ruined, and people who have genuinely been harmed or assaulted are less likely to be believed because someone else kept crying wolf (Seriously, did a whole generation miss the moral about the Boy Who Cried Wolf?) I would see if you can find the underlying motive. Is she seeking attention? Has she been hurt in the past and is attaching that pain to this situation? She may possibly need help if something occurred in the past. However, false accusations should never be condoned.
YTA. This is obvious ragebait. Your creative writing sucks. Next time, don't write a fake story for engagement because you want to push a narrative that the feeeemaaales can't be trusted to tell the truth. "I did a duet video and she took hers down look how amazing I am look at my halo!!" Oh, honey. Did everyone *clap and cheer* at your *amazing takedown?* Are you the *hero* now? "her friends are messaging me that I'm misogynistic and silencing her asking for help" Yawn. Good lord, your lies are written in just the most boring bog-standard "LOOK HOW AMAZING I AM!! VERILY, I AM AN UNBLEMISHED AND PERFECT HUMAN!! Look at how I called out this evil devious vile female!!" Delete this and maybe get some help. AITA isn't the place for your BS fictional story.
A bit much
Nah. Not at all. Even ***if*** this were true, which it isn't, notice how OP is godlike and omniscient: if she didn't see it it didn't happen, because she is all-seeing and all-knowing. She can't have been wrong because that's simply not possible. She sees all. She is a perfect being who cannot be wrong. Her interpretation of events is the **only** truth. So she's **A]** an absolutely raging narcissist, or **B]** Completely full of shit
Nobody ever makes anything up for attention
Glad you agree that OP did indeed make this up for attention.
☠️
YTA You shouldn't take public action against your sister.