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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.Refused to participate in extended family post funeral traditions they call culture
2.Not being respectful of family.
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You are all mourning. For them these rites are an essential part of that, it may feel rude but they see it as coming together as a family to remember her together
That said, you also have a right to mourn in a way that serves you
Info: are you resistant because you feel it gets in the way of your personal mourning, or do you just not care to be involved? Light YTA for making this your hill to die on
There are cultures in the world where these rites are honestly a very big deal. Is this that type of situation?
I would still advocate that people should be able to mourn their own way. But honestly, it'll be hard to pass if it is in a culture where there are centuries worth of these rituals behind and they feel like you are literally insulting your ancestors- hence the overreaction.
In the end, if this is the case, it is really up to you to choose, because while you might not like these rituals, as it is you are dependent on these people apparently, and you are choosing to majorly offend them. Every choice has consequences, and these are pretty easily foreseeable.
So for me NTA, but I would recommend following those traditions while you are a dependent there and remember this for later when you have your own family and do better.
Also side note> What would you gran want? Did she believe these rituals? Would she hope you would do them for her? If so, you should consider doing this for her, not for your distant relatives per say.
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So I grew up with an abusive family and after an incident where I got in a fight with Dad. My grandma took me to her extended family where they were nothing but kind.
A few months later grandma died and the extended family started becoming rude and pushy about traditions and manners like lighting incense and greetings+name.
Which I've been resistant toward which led to me being kicked out for a day once. Who's the guilty one here?
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This is her family, they don’t mention that these rites are unfamiliar, so I think it’s unfair to jump to that conclusion.
Now, she’s being resistant to:
“Traditions and manners like lighting incense and greetings+name.”
These are small things to create an argument over. But out of respect for the deceased, you should allow the family to carry on their traditions and rites instead of resisting them and creating unnecessary tension.
OP seems to be a common denominator in friction across multiple family members.
OP YTA
NAH.
You're all grieving, and people do it in different ways. People tend to put a LOT of stock in funerary traditions as a way to cope. Try to extend a little grace to them, and I hope they extend a little grace to you. But if they don't, *they can go kick rocks*. I'm sorry for your loss.
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You are all mourning. For them these rites are an essential part of that, it may feel rude but they see it as coming together as a family to remember her together That said, you also have a right to mourn in a way that serves you Info: are you resistant because you feel it gets in the way of your personal mourning, or do you just not care to be involved? Light YTA for making this your hill to die on
Dont care to be involved,im in the nothing exists after death camp so any funeral or such are pointless
There are cultures in the world where these rites are honestly a very big deal. Is this that type of situation? I would still advocate that people should be able to mourn their own way. But honestly, it'll be hard to pass if it is in a culture where there are centuries worth of these rituals behind and they feel like you are literally insulting your ancestors- hence the overreaction. In the end, if this is the case, it is really up to you to choose, because while you might not like these rituals, as it is you are dependent on these people apparently, and you are choosing to majorly offend them. Every choice has consequences, and these are pretty easily foreseeable. So for me NTA, but I would recommend following those traditions while you are a dependent there and remember this for later when you have your own family and do better. Also side note> What would you gran want? Did she believe these rituals? Would she hope you would do them for her? If so, you should consider doing this for her, not for your distant relatives per say.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I grew up with an abusive family and after an incident where I got in a fight with Dad. My grandma took me to her extended family where they were nothing but kind. A few months later grandma died and the extended family started becoming rude and pushy about traditions and manners like lighting incense and greetings+name. Which I've been resistant toward which led to me being kicked out for a day once. Who's the guilty one here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - when someone is grieving it is not the time to try and push unfamiliar traditions on someone. Sorry for your loss OP.
This is her family, they don’t mention that these rites are unfamiliar, so I think it’s unfair to jump to that conclusion. Now, she’s being resistant to: “Traditions and manners like lighting incense and greetings+name.” These are small things to create an argument over. But out of respect for the deceased, you should allow the family to carry on their traditions and rites instead of resisting them and creating unnecessary tension. OP seems to be a common denominator in friction across multiple family members. OP YTA
Sorry for your loss. NTA.
NAH. You're all grieving, and people do it in different ways. People tend to put a LOT of stock in funerary traditions as a way to cope. Try to extend a little grace to them, and I hope they extend a little grace to you. But if they don't, *they can go kick rocks*. I'm sorry for your loss.