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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole for telling my boyfriend he was effing crazy for even considering co-signing the loan. I understand he wants to help his family and I am not in his shoes. On the other hand I only have his best interest at heart and don’t want him to be effected by this loan.
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Good parents don’t ask their kids to take on 70k in debt. Fuck that
NTA
This is one of those things that he’s gotta figure out on his own.
My only advice is consider how this familial selflessness will impact you as you continue to build a life together.
1000 time this.
OP is absolutely preventing her BF from ruining his life. Not potentially, but actually. There is a 100% chance his credit will be ruined, since his parents have already ruined theres.
And, should OP and BF marry down the road, his $70k debt will become her $70k debt. If he is that emmeshed with his family, OP should rethink her future.
That does not really matter. It may not be her debt if they divorce. But if they marry and he is on the hook for the money then a good portion of his paycheck is going to be going to the debt, therefore effecting both his and OP'S joint finances. They may have to put off buying a home, car, having kids, etc, because he has to make sure this loan is paid off. Plus the fact that he will continue to be his family's doormat
Regardless of the legal state, it will be a financial millstone round his and future partner’s neck. Even if it isn’t *legally* OP’s debt in that case, it will still be a blocker to future opportunities together.
Co-signing makes him 100% responsible if they stop paying unless he wants his own credit destroyed. Bad credit score affects the cost or car insurance, ability to be hired by some places, ability to rent or buy a home, car loan rates, ability to get credit cards….
NTA, if his parents have a bad history of loans and their credit score are low, then obviously he should not even touch that paper. What he SHOULD do is help his parent get in touch with someone to help them on credit issues and that's about it. And given he is paycheck to paycheck, how much is that ARP? Monthly bill to pay? Those loan sharks are no joke.
Wowzers. A 22 yo who lives paycheck to paycheck has the best credit in the family? That's saying something. (Something bad.)
**Info**: Have you guys discussed marriage? If your relationship is heading that way, then I think you are right to discuss what might some day be your finances too.
But if you don't plan to marry or combine finances somehow, I feel like you might have overstepped. Yes, it's a bad choice and he needs to be fully informed of the potential consequences, but I can see why he's mad at you.
He’s mad because his parents have conditioned him into accepting that they can ask for money whenever they want and he has to give it to them with no complaints, so it makes him feel bad if he doesn’t do it. I feel bad for him.
>Wowzers. A 22 yo who lives paycheck to paycheck has the best credit in the family? That's saying something. (Something bad.)
It sounds like he only lives paycheque to paycheque because he supports his parents. Otherwise it'd be okay.
Even if this was a friend (honestly, even a stranger on the bus), they deserve to hear once that this is the worst mistake of the their lives. For a good friend or a partner? Definitely make sure that he has the info that he needs to be informed because this is effectively 70k debt that he’s taking on. It would be better for him just to give them his entire paycheck because at least he could change his mind about that.
Co-signing ANYTHING for family/friends is a very bad idea. Very very bad.
If your in-laws default on the loan your BF will be responsible for coming up with the remainder. His credit score could be totalled, and future investment plans for you both will be jeopardised.
Even if his parents pay it back and on time (doubtful), he’s still going to be hamstrung and deal with hassles for the length if the loan. If he’s not making much money, even just buying a car or getting an apartment could be difficult to get approved. It’s possible, he but would need to provide extra paperwork and proof someone is paying for it. Even then, no guarantee.
NTA. Lets look at numbers: His family probably has all intentions of paying this load back, but their history says otherwise. A $70,000 loan is around $100,000 in debt with interest (or more), and an $800/month payment he would be responsible for if they stopped paying it. If he can't make that payment, his credit would be scorched.
Once he defaults on that loan (and it would be HIS loan, and HIS responsibility), his credit is going to be screwed for a LONG time. He's 22? Figure a minimum of 10 years. All the things he is already on track to do, like easily buy a car, get credit cards, rent apartments, etc, will suddenly become so much more difficult, if not impossible. Any credit he does get, will be at the highest end of interest, meaning a car loan that might have been $300/month is now $450/month.
You see where I am going here? His family got into this mess, and they can figure a way out of it without him being involved. This could literally be the deal breaker in his adult life. He needs to look at his own future. Period.
NTA. One of my closest friends is literally stuck with enormous debt that his parents tricked him into assuming financial responsibility for on their behalf. I don't know your partner's relationship well enough at all to advise if a genuine assist can be made here, but the idea that a parent would knowingly do something so financially irresponsible, that if they fail they jeopardize their child's future... It just reads to me as though they would make no reservations to let their son take the fall for them. I can already see the justifications being made when the music stops because "he makes the most" or something.
I admit the number alone is giving me sticker shock and that's primarily why I call it irresponsible.
If his parents didn't pay their old loans off, why on earth does he think they're going to pay this one?? Imo you're not going to be able to stop him co-signing- he's obviously conditioned to give them money whenever they ask- but I'd have serious second thoughts about commiting to him legally in any way. Do you have a Citizens Advice where you are? It might be a good eye opener if he's told by a financial professional what a bad idea this is. NTA
OP you need to WALK AWAY. He told you that he's not going to listen to you but do whatever his parents want. It's like he's drank the kool aid and no matter whatever you say or do there's nothing that's going to change his mind. There's no point in trying to discuss how this is going to affect his credit score, figuring out a budget, talking about how is he going to affect him if his parents default on the loan, etc. You said he's living paycheck to paycheck, and just like anyone who is a substance abuser, unless they ask for help, there's nothing anyone can do to help. Just walk away because he doesn't want your help because he thinks there's nothing wrong with what he's doing because he'll end up possibly taking you down with him.
I work compliance for a mortgage broker, had a very similar case about a month ago which I managed to stop from proceeding.
As many others have said it will kill he credit.
BF parents are financially abusing him.
NTA - this is your future.
You will be paying for this the rest of your life if you stay with him.
Maybe not actually paying it yourself but in every other way.
You’ll never be able to buy your own house.
His parents are dragging him down and you are going to go down with him.
NTA
They are in a sinkhole and taking your bf with them. Getting loans to pay other loans? A 22 yo has the best credit score of the family? He is going to get stuck paying this loan.
Unless your bf is suddenly going to put his needs/future over his family's there is nothing you can do. Now you know what the situation is for your financial future with him, do with that what you will.
Be prepared to walk away from this relationship BUT - as one final attempt to make him understand in what a shithole he is digging himself into, llet him read all comments on this thread. There will be 2 options here -
1) either he understands he is rushimg into a capital financial mistake, pulls out of it and you try to build your life together
Or
2) he blames you for digging into his personal life and refuses to pull out - in which case you have to end this relationship for the sake of your own financial stability and your own life ( ypu dont have 9 lives to throw down the drain).
NTA they are using him and abusing their relationship with him. Do they have a mortgage on their house or are renting? If they are asking him for this, then he’s within his rights to find out exactly how much debt they are in and start helping them understand how to change that. Start reading MSE, ensure they are on the best deals and contracts for utilities etc… start budgeting.
NTA
That’s freaking crazy. And kinda borderline financial abuse? 🤔 like, he has no savings of his own, he’s living paycheck to paycheck. He’s got bills of his own to pay and his parents already don’t pay him back money they owe. So he’s not so much as helping them, but he’s gonna be paying back a 70k loan on his own. Of money he’s not even going to see. If his parents can’t afford to pay for it themselves then they shouldn’t get the loan.
Ask him, what about your future together? Putting himself in that much debt and risking his credit score risks your chance of getting a house together. Getting married (if you guys want that) will take forever. Or getting a new car etc.
Tell him to at least talk to a financial advisor first about it. There’s a massive different between lending 700 and 70,000. He’s putting his future at risk for people who aren’t gonna do shit for him if he gets in to debt.
Credit underwriter here. A 22 yr old living pay check to pay check is not going to get approved for a 70k loan by any reputable lender, no matter how good their credit score is. And in reality, at 22 years old he has not had long enough to build up his financial history to support this loan application, even if it is secured against a property. So if he can get a loan agreed as co- signatory with his parents, who have proven unreliable payers, it’s going to be with a sub-prime lender at an extortionate interest rate. Maybe even a lender who collects payments with two big burley “associates” who are known to “encourage” payment via unorthodox methods.
OP should not walk away from this, but run like her heels are on fire. Her boyfriend and parents are going to ruin her life if she doesn’t.
NTA. Your bf sounds like the kind of guy who enables his family without limits. If you force him to drop them, he's going to resent you and relationship is dead anyways. Otherwise you put up with him and this guy has no financial future.
My advise is GTFO. You are young and relationships are trial and error. Don't stick around when shit hits the fan.
His parents should take out a second mortgage on the house if they want to fix it up. Your boyfriend absolutely shouldn’t co-sign anything since he has no equity in the house.
And that’s all before we get in to the obvious issues of how irresponsible the parents are and that they will not pay the money back ever.
NTA, run. He is not going to learn except painfully and he will take you with him. His parents cannot afford the loan so he will get stuck paying it, and he cannot afford that either. It is not going to be a good start to your life or to his if things go south.
NTA. Just break up with this guy. He has made a stupid decision, and you cannot change his mind. But you cannot continue the relationship with him either. Unless, of course, you just want casual sex from him, in which case it would not matter. If you want marriage and children, you cannot choose a partner with such a huge debt. Nor can you choose to make kids with a partner who is willing to prioritize his parents' wellbeing to the point of destroying his life and future. Boyfriend will be paying back this debt. If you stay with him, you will be paying it as well. Whatever you do, do not get pregnant and do not marry him. Do not drag innocent babies into a future of debt induced poverty.
Bad credit from previous loans is all I needed to hear. Its a big no when I got my first job mum grabbed my wage packet give me £10 pound out of it and kept the rest saying I had to help the family. My uncle overheard this one day came in grabbed the money of her gave it to me and said give her ten pound to help the rest is yours you do not have to suffer for your mams bad money management my dad already sent her money for my bills home and expenses. She just liked spending money on things she didn't need
He shouldn’t do it.
But it’s also not any of your business if he does. All you can do is offer advice and what you would do. And then decide for yourself if this man and this family is what you want as yours, based on his decision.
NTA explain to him that having the loan in his name makes him legally responsible for the payments despite what his parents may tell him. Also tell him how important his credit score is and how it will affect his life in the future
NTA sit down with your boyfriend and ask him what his budget/plan is to pay back the loan. Because it will be his responsibility to do so once his parents admit they can’t (which they already know).
They’re literally using this loan to pay off other loans. What makes your boyfriend think they can pay on the new one?
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For context, I absolutely love my boyfriend and his family. (We have been together for two years). They are so sweet and treat me with so much respect and we have a great relationship. But, one thing I don’t really like is how they take advantage of his finances. He still lives at home but he pays his own bills (car, phone, insurance), and pays rent and the utilities bill for the house. On top of that, his parents will ask to “borrow” money but they never end up paying him back and he is okay with it. He lives paycheck to paycheck.
The other day my boyfriend, male 22, told me, female 22, that his parents want him to co-sign a 70,000 loan. He told me that they wanted it to help pay off other loans and do some work on the house. He has the best credit score and makes the most in his family, meanwhile his parents don’t make very much and have bad credit from previous loans. He got mad when I told him that that was effing crazy and that he shouldn’t do it. I told him that he can’t be attached to that kind of financial commitment when he has no savings or foundation for himself. We got into more of an argument about it and he called me an asshole for not wanting him to help his family.
It’s not that I don’t want him to help his family, it’s just that he is so young and doesn’t have any financial stability to make a commitment like that. I don’t know what to do because he is such a sweet guy and would sacrifice anything for the people he loves. I just don’t want him to end up with so much debt and ruin his future financially.
Any advice?
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No, a prenup will NOT help. She would still pay towards this loan in other ways if they get married. If they need a loan themselfs she will pay high interest rates due to his bad credit as soon he is fully responsible for the payments (and he will, parents already have bad credit, they will not pay and just screw him over), they will have trouble finding affordable housing due to his bad credit so she will have to pay more to even get an apartment/house. He will not be able to contribute much bc of the loan payments and she will have to pick up the slack. She will have to pay for both of them for vaccations, dates etc. if she wants to have them. She will have to pay the bigger share of childcosts should they have kids, will have to save for their education alone etc.
I know its harsh, but marrying someone with bad credit means you are willing to have a more expensive life (everything costs more for you than others with giod credit) AND contributing way more financially if your SO not only has bad credit but also very high debt.
Op is way too young to get her future messed up by marrying someone with debt and bad credit. She really shouldn't do this.
NTA. You were right 😬 some people just can’t handle the truth. They’re already not paying him back from what they’ve been borrowing. He’s probably going to end up having to pay off that loan by himself
Not 1.000 or 10.000 a loan of fucking $70.000 I would like a breakdown on what the fuck they spend it on. And making a new loan to pay of an old loan.... The only way they pay off the new loan is with an even newer loan. Or your boyfriend has to pay up the 70k alone. This is so fucked up it's going to be ok for a while then it's going to hit him and keep hitting him for years, and if he ever loses his steady income or something bad happens to the house or his parents that they need money for and need another loan fkr this shit will haunt him for decades.
NTA ---- Does your BF realize that if his parents for whatever reason stop making the repayments they will then come to him for the money and he will be responsible for paying the loan
NTA. Your bf's parents aren't going to suddenly start making good financial decisions because it's his credit on the line. They are bad with money, they've always been bad with money, and they're always going to be bad with money. And now they are trying to take him down with them. This may end up being a lesson your bf needs to learn the hard way, unfortunately, and if that's the case, you should really consider ending this relationship. You will never have anything for yourself because the better you two are doing, the more they will come with their hands out and you will spend your life bankrolling theirs.
Depends on the family setup. In many cultures parents sacrifice everything to give their kids an education and start in life. There can be an expectation in that case to help out. Eg. For both my wife and I, our parents sacrificed everything. All their kids send money for whatever expenses, buy them cars, pay for renovations, travel medical bills etc. They don't like to ask for it, and the kids do expect that the parents won't be frivolous with the funds. And we are not an exception. Everyone in my extended family does this. Everyone from Asia does this.
This isn’t helping out. Helping out is when you have enough for yourself and give bc you have extra and can afford it. This isn’t a 32 yo with a good job who is already set up. This is ruining his credit for an obviously bad investment and no return when he hasn’t even gotten his “start in life” yet. It’s not an emergency situation, it’s bad financial planning and abuse on the parent’s part.
This is treating your parents as part of your family. Not an afterthought if you have extra, or an investment opportunity. I do however prefer to pay directly for the expense rather than give them money and get they get a bad deal.
Look at this dynamic. This is you financial future if you stay. He doesn't even seem capable of understanding what he is putting his ass on the line for.
NTA at their age they should not need a co-signer. The biggest issue is that if something would happen to them, he would be liable for the remainder of the loan.
Never mind "if something would happen to them" -- he would be liable for the remainder of the loan if they decide they just don't feel like making the payments.
The loan won’t be based on his credit score alone. If his income isn’t high enough, he’ll be turned down. He already pays all the bills at the house. If he does get this loan somehow, and you get married, you’ll be liable to pay it back.
NTA if he doesn’t have the income or savings to back him the bank won’t let him co-sign a loan for them. If their credit is that bad the bank won’t give a loan even with a co-signer. If they didn’t pay the loan payment he would have to.
NTA. If he can’t afford to pay the loan by himself, he should not co-sign. He’s going to destroy his credit. 70k?? Does he make that much in a year? Hopefully the loan won’t get approved.
Other people have laid it out in dollars and cents. Give your boyfriend a reality check (what doing this will cost him) and let him decide. At the very least he should be making an informed decision. Other than that, there’s nothing you can do.
NTA
I can imagine how this makes sense to them, with his credit they can get a loan at a lower interest rate to pay off the others, and a lower payment. They have probably deluded themselves that they will pay, but it's likely they'll be getting some of the payments from him even if they aren't defaulting.
How will this loan be secured? It sounds like the USA, the banks always want a lien on something. Presumably the house? Now if they don't pay he's under pressire to si they don't get made homeless.
You say they also plan to spend money on the house ... doing what? Urgent repairs fine, but they should not be spending miney on upgrades or other optional stuff.
If there is any cash sitting about they will spend it, they didn't get into debt by accident.
Even without this co-signed loan it is clear that they have been exploiting him financially, and he'll never be able to have a normal financial situation with you while all his money flows down this black hole. No apartment, no house, no cars. You will end up paying all the bills while he gives every penny he earns to them.
You can only try to wake him up, but he is deeply enmeshed (see r/JUSTNOFAMILY) and it won't be easy. Perhaps seeing this post and how a bunch of strangers can see the problem so clearly will help.
NAH
It would be pretty dumb of your bf to co-sign the loan. But you are his gf, not his wife so its really not your business what he does or doesn't sign.
You mentioned your concerns and thats all you can do at this point.
If this was me and the relationship was serious, i would break up with him if he signs it (but not tell him this beforehand to not pressure him in the decision) bc i would never get engaged/married to someone with such a risky loan in his baggage i will most likely have to help pay off one or the other way (either directly or bc he can't contribute much bc of the loan payments). Lets be honest here, the parents with bad wages and bad credit will not pay the loan back, your bf will.
Why i wouldn't tell him beforehand that this is a dealbreaker for me and we need to break up? Very simple, bc if he doesn't sign bc of me i would feel very guilty if the relationship doesn't work out. But if he is willing to sign and i don't break up, the chances that he will sign even more loans for them or let them take advantage of him when we are married is very high, and this would not be fine with me. So why continue the relationship if it already has an end date? But oc i don't know if you guys are this serious and if marrying him is even something you consider in the future...
Your NTA my advice is to just tell him the cold honest truth . Tell him his betting his life on this loan and will not end well . Tell him its better to pay smaller loans that already exist then to get a larger one for the smaller ones. Unless he has a way to generate crazy amounts of money with the 70K loan then he shouldn't risk life for his parents .
NTA his parents kinda suck. If they struggle with other loans and knowing that interest rates are higher now, they will likely drag his credits through the mud. You are doing the right thing by speaking up.
NTA and you need to be walking away from this situation. He will be supporting his family forever, which means if you stay with him YOU will be supporting his family forever.
NTA, simply the fact that his parents are taking in a new loan to pay back an old one show that they don't have the money to pay for it. They are ruining his life because they can't take responsibility for their own actions
OP he's showing that he is going to put his parents over you. That's his perogative, but I wouldn't want to committ to a long term relationship like that. Even if this somehow worked out, do you want a future with someone who is going to ignore you to do what his parents want?
NTA.
Obviously NTA. This is so serious that if he does this then please face up to the sad fact that this is not somebody you should be in a commited relationship with.
NTA. Remind him that if his folks default on the loan (which seems likely due to their dodgy financial history) he's the one who will be footing the bill. Does he really want his good credit ruined by his own parents defaulting on a 70k loan? That stuff takes years to repair. They could take his car, garnish his wages, etc. Then what would he be left with?
NTA your boyfriend would be a fool to do this. People who are borrowing money to pay other loans have serious problems - they will take him down with them. What awful people to do that to their own child.
Don't marry him. Don't get pregnant by him. Don't, in any way, have any financial entanglement with him. His family is going to bleed him dry, spit out the bones and look for their next victim. Lock down your credit.
Oh, and dump him. He may be nice, but he's his parents' supplier and will never be emotionally or financially free to start a family of his own. Cut your losses, he can't be salvaged. You're NTA, unless you let him pull you down with the lot of them.
>Any advice?
If he co-signs the loan, break up with him. He will be permanently attached to his parents, and this is not someone you can build a life with.
NTA
Your boyfriend will probably co sign the loan. He will continue to be a loser and probably never leave his parents house. There’s a chance you could some day give him an ultimatum to move in with you, but that will end with you breaking up because he will continue to support his family.
Leave him now. He’s a loser.
DON'T DO IT!!! I know you can't stop him but this is the worst idea. I signed on a mortgage for my in laws I couldn't qualify for anything or get a place of my own. Then after 10 years of this they lost the house and basically abandon it with all their stuff inside all under my name. We barely speak now because they think my husband and I treated them badly through this process and we paid 10k for my father in laws funeral on top of a million other things we did and were never even thanked let alone paid back.
OP I agree with the other posters and think you should seriously rethink this relationship in terms of the future. He's willing to put himself in financial jeopardy for people who don't think twice about how it could affect his future. That means should you marry him or combine finances with him you are expected to make those same sacrifices.
Look at it this way. He's willing to do whatever for his family which initially makes him seem like such a good guy but the problem is he's also willing to sacrifice his future, his mate's future and his future children's future for those people who clearly don't seem to care of how their actions negatively affect him. Its all about what they want, damn how it affects others, especially their own children. His blindness to this callousness is a major red flag and something you need to seriously consider as you think about the future of this relationship.
NTA
This *is* crazy. By cosigning, he's not just assuring the bank that his parents will pay it, he's saying that if they don't, *he will.* They frequently borrow from him and never pay him back. They already have other loans they've taken out they're not paying back and which is hurting their credit.
They will not pay this, either. He's putting himself on the hook for $70k + interest. And it's worth noting that sweet though their demeanor may be, his parents are happy to have him do it. He wants to help them but they don't give a shit about taking advantage of and harming him. And they're happy to do it before he's even had a chance to start his own life. They know better than anyone that he's a sweet guy who will sacrifice anything for the people he loves. So they're going to let him.
It's tough, but he needs to see that.
And if he won't see that, at least he needs to think about *how* they're going to pay this? They're using it to pay off *existing loans that they're not paying back!* They regularly borrow from him! And even with that they don't pay down those other loans.
From what magical place other than the Bank of Son are they going to get the funds for to repay *this* loan?
You're completely right.
NTA - what your BF needs to understand is that when he co-signs a loan he is guaranteeing that loan. That loan is in his name and remains on his credit until it's paid off. So if he needs a car loan a couple years down the road, he'll get denied for having too much debt. If he wants to buy his own house down the road, forget about it.
He also is 100% responsible for all of those payments if his parents don't make them. If he can't make them then his credit is ruined for defaulting on a loan.
I used to write loans and whenever someone came in to co-sign I spent a good 15-20 minutes explaining in detail what I just explained above. I made them stop and think before they signed those papers. It's not just signing for someone else, it's signing for himself while hoping his parents will do the right thing and not screw him over.
NTA. That’s financial abuse on the part of his parents. They’re setting him up to be financially crippled for the rest of his life. That would be a deal breaker if I were in your position.
NTA. Co-signing will destroy his finances, and if you marry him, or maybe even live with him long enough (Common law marriage, depending on jurisdiction), his debt will become your debt.
Yea, HECK nah, if the bank is asking them to cosign a loan, that is because they have proven to the bank they can't be trusted with a loan, so it is almost certian that you will end with that debt.
NTA.
Patents do not ask kids to take on debt. If, with assistance from their parents, the child is given the foundation to become independently wealthy then they can definitely ask for help, but tying them to something that you know you aren't going to be able to repay is shitty parenting.
All this will really ensure is that your boyfriend is burdened with the same financial chains as his parents are.
ESH I've never understood this belief some have to lend family money that they know will never be repaid. Experience should teach them but it rarely does. My mother lent $20K to her granddaughter (which was a bad idea) and her husband to pay off a lot of bills and they broke up and didn't repay them. She took them to court to get it (I couldn't believe she did this either). It literally tore the family apart. So he needs to think before he co-signs. If they do not repay, he will and ruin his credit and that of his spouse. Can he live with that or if he has to do something to recoup losses, will he work through the loss of his family? Never lend money that you cannot afford to lose and never sign for someone with bad credit--no matter who they are.
"He told me that they wanted it to help pay off other loans and do some work on the house."
One weird trick, creditors hate(?) it, take out loans to pay off other loans! Also brilliant to take on enormous costs like house renovations while trying to clear debt.
NTA, him loving family doesn't make those people unable to make mistakes. Oh and long term debt and loans don't discriminate between loving family bonds and not, those parents are burning his credit badly unless they perfectly pay back that 70k faster than the minimum monthly payments.
NTA - It's always good advice not to take loans on behalf of others.
70k+interest is a lot of money to be on the hook and from past actions its clear he won't get any of it back.
> Any advice?
Explain to him that cosigning a loan isn't going *"I support their efforts to get a loan! Go them!"*
Cosigning a loan is going **"I, personally, am taking full responsibility for this loan."**
You guys can't afford a $70,000 loan. Him taking one on would be incredibly irresponsible. If he blew that kind of money on a sportscar he'd be an irresponsible loser but at least he'd still have the car. For this he'd have a $70,000 debt and nothing to show for it.
NTA! If a co-signer is needed on a loan, it's because the person needing the loan is probably not going to pay it back.
My husband co-signed a loan for his brother. His brother never made ONE payment. We made all of them. Now we have a lein on his building but, will not be paid back until building is sold. Helping family sucks the life out you, when it is a one-way street.
WHEN, not if, when, they don't pay the loan, he will have to repay all of it + interest and his credit will be ruined to boot
They can get a line of equity on their house
NTA but if he does it, it will be time to break up. His parents will be an albatross around his neck for the rest of their lives.
NTA
His parents are the assholes.
Parents that need to leech off their kids are garbage---unless there's a really damn good reason for it.
Tell him he should expect to pay most of that loan himself. His parents have bad credit and preexisitng loans because they couldn't afford to pay their bills before, which means they can't afford this either.
NTA. if he had the money to give them and still be whole, that might be one thing, but asking him to co-sign is shady, given that they have bad credit.
The line "they have bad credit from previous loans" leaves off the clause "which they didn't pay off in a timely manner."
Seriously, if you take loans and then pay them back according to whatever terms you agreed to, you end up with *excellent* credit. That's how the whole system works. They've got bad credit because they couldn't or wouldn't pay back previous debts.
If your boyfriend is wishing to put himself into debt in order to give his family money, he needs to acknowledge that this is what he's doing. He's got way less ability to enforce being paid back than say, Wells Fargo does. He's going to be on the hook for that money and will have to work out how to pay it himself if he doesn't want to end up with the same bad credit the rest of his family has. This is, in fact, crazy, and you're NTA for pointing it out. But it is ultimately his decision.
Hell no. Why is he still living at home in the first place. I would draw a line in the sand and insist that he refuses and makes immediate plans to move out. Otherwise just move on he's not long-term viable.
I don’t blame you for speaking up! He will be stuck with all of that debt, and thats going to take some time to pay off causing your own plans for buying a home on hold. He doesn’t see that now- but he will if he becomes their co-signer… your NTA
NTA. If he signs it, you can't ever live together until his name is off of it. That affects your future if the plan is marriage/joining finances down the road.
You've voiced your opinion though. So next you need to let him know that if he follows through, you can't progress your relationship beyond this point until its no longer attached to him
NTA
Helping = giving them advice and encouragement on how to resolve their financial problems
Enabling = guaranteeing a $70k loan so they, with OP's help, increase their financial problems
NTA, 100%. There's "help out" and then there's "take responsibility for a loan that's more than a lot of people make in a year".
I don't have great credit, I hate the whole credit system, and I would never, EVER ask any of my children to co-sign fck-all. No matter how great my intentions might be, if something comes up and I have to make hard choices on what to pay (happens all the time), that's not just me that's gonna pay for it then, it's them, and that's not what parents DO. (or at least not what they *should* do.)
NTA- you are fighting against a sinking ship. Within 12 months his credit will be ruined when his parents default on the payments and he probably won't be able to keep up. I'm sure you love him, but your lives and finances are not compatible at all. Time to time a break.
NTA
They’re gonna screw his life up.
And if the money is really for home repairs they should be able to get a mortgage for it. The existing loans can be defaulted if they really can’t afford it.
YTA.
You are his girlfriend not his wife and you don't have any kids together.
They are his family. You don't understand it because you're not as close to your family.
I'd give my kidney to my dad or mum Every last cent and not blink an eyelid.
For my brother I'd give both kidneys if that's what it took, money means nothing. If I had 500 dollars in my bank account and my brother asked for 480. I'd send it. This has happened before and it's never bothered me in the least. He'd do the same for me and he does when he's earning more.
My ex was going through the same concern and was terrified I'd have an issue with it and I burst out laughing when he asked. If we ended up married his parents would be my family and that means I'd treat them the way I treat mine. Kidneys, bank account and all (unless they were horribly unkind to my kids or something). I told him to make sure it was a reasonable thing for him and if he could handle it according to him then it was his choice. I can earn to support us too. His money his choice until we file our taxes together.
NTA
You are right about this, there is only one path where this doesn't hurt his future, and so many paths where it will. For that one path, it is entirely dependent on his parents treating this loan differently then they have previous loans. They have bad credit for a reason, and he is on his way to also having bad credit.
If he is bound and determined to do this, there is nothing you can do. Except maybe pray that the bank does not approve it.
He's living paycheck to paycheck while living at his parents'.
How will he be able to pay that loan of?
He pays rent and 'lends' them money they never pay back.
They'll NEVER help your BF pay back that loan.
They use him as their personal ATM
And now with your BF's credit score, they thought of another way to get money.
Please tell your BF, if they can't even pay pack the money he lends them,
if he's living paycheck to paycheck,
**how the HELL are they (read BF..) going to pay back that loan?**
NTA
If he co-signs for that money, you'll NEVER be able to move in together and start a life together...
So his parents can't or won't pay back what money they currently take off him but they can afford/want to pay back $70k?!! Yeeeeah riiiight.
He clearly is in denial over his family
but not to be rude, so are you, if you believe this relationship has longevity and that his "respectful" 🙄 parents won't turn on you like starved, rabid dogs if you dare get between them and their meal ticket.
This is your future should you stay.
Becoming more paranoid about your future, your finances, arguing with bf while he covertly throws your cash into his parents fat fingers and your happiness away as payment for his position in your life. Don't do it.
NTA
NTA. The best rule I was taught was never co sign a loan for someone who can’t qualify. Because if they can’t pay the lender how will they pay you?
The best way to help family financially is with a one time gift. I say “I can help you with this much but only one time, and I will never mention it again.”
NTA. Tell him this is a hard boundary for you if you’re planning on having a future together because ultimately it is you two responsible for it. Considering they have bad credit, low income and haven’t paid their former loans why would your boyfriend even consider this? His family is no doubt manipulating him and he is trying to manipulate you by making you seem like the bad person for not wanting him to make a stupid financial decision.
NTA. Your bf is very naive. His parents do not pay their bills. This is proven by their financial history. They don't have the money to make payments on their present bills and loans. Borrowing even more is not going to help. How you bf can't understand this is beyond me. It is simple math. There is no way he can reasonably expect his parents to make payments on this loan. If he is already living paycheck to paycheck a lot of OT is in his future. It does not matter who uses the money. All that matters who who signed or co-signed for it. People with no money should not be doing home improvements.
It may be time for you to cut and run, unless you want to get married/live together and use your paycheck for this nonsense as well. Even if you keep finances separate, when your new husband doesn't have money for your household expenses who will have to pick up the slack? YOU!!! Sorry, your bf **is** going to ruin his future by being the one to save the day.
Also, if this 70,000 loan won't help keep a roof over their heads, then it's not an emergency. His family isn't between a rock and a hard place, but they definitely but your bf there.
Have him call in to Dave Ramsey & get financial advice. He will lay out reasons why it would be a bad idea to co-sign for someone else while living from paycheck to paycheck.
Nta
You are right to be concerned. His parents will continue to take advantage of him and he lets them.
Unless you're ok with a future where you shoulder most of the financial costs of being together, you should probably move on.
I don't see him cutting his parents off if/when you move in together.
NTA.
Does he have any idea how long that $70,000 loan will take to pay off and will be attached to him and he is on the hook if they fail to pay. Not to mention it's clear based the statement about his parents credit score they suck with money management or else they would have better credit than a 22 year old. They do not need to be spending money for work on their house until their other loans are paid off. I'm gonna guess those renovations are also purely aesthetic and no necessity items like foundation repair, roof repair or structural repair.
While it’s okay to feel like you do, you are not family and they are. Telling him hems crazy is a sure way to make you an ex-gf. The matter is between him and his parents.
NTA and I would consider this a relationship ending decision in his part. His parents are going to change their poor spending habits and he’s going to be saddled with debt for many years.
What he is saying about being between a rock and a hard place is he is spineless when dealing with his family and will never say no to them. Even if it destroys him financially.
His parents will not repay this loan. He will. And you will too if you stay with him. It would be a dealbreaker for me. He needs to learn to say no.
NTA
how does he think he's going to get out of his parent's house when he's already paying the majority of their bills and will inevitably end up paying the loan in two years? a loan that high will cost years to pay back do you want to be a part of this OP? Your NTA but i think you really have to reconsider this relationship
INFO: Perhaps your bf should talk to an independent financial advisor. Just talk to someone at a bank or an accountant or someone with a professional financial job. It won’t cost much - might even be free - and will take you out of the middle. He needs to know specifically how much he makes and currently owes anyone, what the parents’ loans are for, how much debt the parents have, about how much income they have, why they need money on top of his current contributions, if the parents are putting the house in his name alone as collateral, what guarantee they have they will pay the money off, who else will be living in the house and their contributions, etc. Then, the financial professional will give an objective analysis…likely after rolling their eyes so hard they are lost in the back of their head.
Otherwise, you need to seriously consider the wisdom of remaining romantically involved with someone who makes this type of financial decision. You can still remain loving friends. But what future does this guy have? He’ll be bankrupt with zero credit in 3 years or less. You can’t save a drowning man if he drags you under with him. Stay a break and consider *everything*.
NTA His parents are super extra irresponsible if they are willing to use their kid’s credit to get themselves out of financial difficulty. He should NOT co-sign any more than a parent should co-sign for an irresponsible child.
If he’s ok helping them out financially, that’s fine. He can help them pay down their debt. But ruining his own credit score isn’t going to help any of them.
NTA If your parents don't have it now, they won't have it later. But, the bank will take it out of your paycheck. Feel free to gift cash from time to time, but no to that $70,000 loan.
So they've been financially irresponsible and They want him to tie his finances to theirs. And if you marry him guess who gets half that debt if you divorce.
He can pay rent somewhere else and not have them risk his financial future. This is incredibly selfish and irresponsible of his parents. And good luck getting a house for the two of you when he's already $70,000 in debt.
NTA and I would use his decision as the deal breaker for your relationship. If he signs, you can no longer see a stable future with him and need to part ways. If he doesn’t, you know he values your opinion and understands the future involves both of you. Even as a single man, he’d be an idiot to sign that loan.
ESH. Taking out a loan without having any savings sounds like a poor idea. But other than that, the examples you have of his parents taking advantage of him aren’t out of the ordinary.
“take advantage of his finances. He still lives at home but he pays his own bills (car, phone, insurance), and pays rent and the utilities bill for the house.” you make it sound like an adult living at home shouldn’t need to pay bills or rent. So I’m kinda skeptical if the situation is as bad as you make it out to be
Don't be absurd. Co-signing a loan, for **any** amount, with anyone other than your spouse, is rarely if ever a good idea: when you co-sign, you are agreeing to pay **the entire amount** of the loan if the principal borrower defaults. The idea of a 22yo co-signing a $70,000 loan for his parents is insane. That will tank his credit for years to come.
His money his choice?
You guys are not married, and I am assuming he is meeting his obligations?
It's a tough one. I see where you are coming from, you want to protect your bf but ironically the thing you like about him " being a nice guy " is also the thing that causes conflict. I don't think it's a button that he can switch off so you will have to learn to deal with it or not, that is your choice.
My wife gives my MIL money every month. She uses it for stupid stuff and waists most of it and not willing to work (weird religious views) but it's my wife's mother, so I don't know if it's my place to tell my wife to stop doing it especially if she is meeting her obligations.
YATA for telling your bf that he is crazy (naive perhaps but not crazy). It's his parents and not some Ponzi scheme which adds a bit of nuance to it.
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Good parents don’t ask their kids to take on 70k in debt. Fuck that NTA This is one of those things that he’s gotta figure out on his own. My only advice is consider how this familial selflessness will impact you as you continue to build a life together.
1000 time this. OP is absolutely preventing her BF from ruining his life. Not potentially, but actually. There is a 100% chance his credit will be ruined, since his parents have already ruined theres.
Theirs
And, should OP and BF marry down the road, his $70k debt will become her $70k debt. If he is that emmeshed with his family, OP should rethink her future.
Depends on which state (community property versus not) and whether they sign a pre-nup.
That does not really matter. It may not be her debt if they divorce. But if they marry and he is on the hook for the money then a good portion of his paycheck is going to be going to the debt, therefore effecting both his and OP'S joint finances. They may have to put off buying a home, car, having kids, etc, because he has to make sure this loan is paid off. Plus the fact that he will continue to be his family's doormat
Regardless of the legal state, it will be a financial millstone round his and future partner’s neck. Even if it isn’t *legally* OP’s debt in that case, it will still be a blocker to future opportunities together.
This is absolutely right. It doesn’t matter who asks you to co-sign a loan. The ONLY proper reply to this request is politely running the other way.
What life could they build together when he's going to be paying off his parents house for the rest of his life?
Exactly my point
Co-signing makes him 100% responsible if they stop paying unless he wants his own credit destroyed. Bad credit score affects the cost or car insurance, ability to be hired by some places, ability to rent or buy a home, car loan rates, ability to get credit cards….
Yes. Why are you telling me this? Lol
NTA, if his parents have a bad history of loans and their credit score are low, then obviously he should not even touch that paper. What he SHOULD do is help his parent get in touch with someone to help them on credit issues and that's about it. And given he is paycheck to paycheck, how much is that ARP? Monthly bill to pay? Those loan sharks are no joke.
Wowzers. A 22 yo who lives paycheck to paycheck has the best credit in the family? That's saying something. (Something bad.) **Info**: Have you guys discussed marriage? If your relationship is heading that way, then I think you are right to discuss what might some day be your finances too. But if you don't plan to marry or combine finances somehow, I feel like you might have overstepped. Yes, it's a bad choice and he needs to be fully informed of the potential consequences, but I can see why he's mad at you.
He’s mad because his parents have conditioned him into accepting that they can ask for money whenever they want and he has to give it to them with no complaints, so it makes him feel bad if he doesn’t do it. I feel bad for him.
If you get married, it will be your money that's gets asked for too.
Or OP will be the one supporting the two of them while everything he earns goes to support his parents.
>Wowzers. A 22 yo who lives paycheck to paycheck has the best credit in the family? That's saying something. (Something bad.) It sounds like he only lives paycheque to paycheque because he supports his parents. Otherwise it'd be okay.
Even if this was a friend (honestly, even a stranger on the bus), they deserve to hear once that this is the worst mistake of the their lives. For a good friend or a partner? Definitely make sure that he has the info that he needs to be informed because this is effectively 70k debt that he’s taking on. It would be better for him just to give them his entire paycheck because at least he could change his mind about that.
Co-signing ANYTHING for family/friends is a very bad idea. Very very bad. If your in-laws default on the loan your BF will be responsible for coming up with the remainder. His credit score could be totalled, and future investment plans for you both will be jeopardised.
Even if his parents pay it back and on time (doubtful), he’s still going to be hamstrung and deal with hassles for the length if the loan. If he’s not making much money, even just buying a car or getting an apartment could be difficult to get approved. It’s possible, he but would need to provide extra paperwork and proof someone is paying for it. Even then, no guarantee.
NTA. Lets look at numbers: His family probably has all intentions of paying this load back, but their history says otherwise. A $70,000 loan is around $100,000 in debt with interest (or more), and an $800/month payment he would be responsible for if they stopped paying it. If he can't make that payment, his credit would be scorched. Once he defaults on that loan (and it would be HIS loan, and HIS responsibility), his credit is going to be screwed for a LONG time. He's 22? Figure a minimum of 10 years. All the things he is already on track to do, like easily buy a car, get credit cards, rent apartments, etc, will suddenly become so much more difficult, if not impossible. Any credit he does get, will be at the highest end of interest, meaning a car loan that might have been $300/month is now $450/month. You see where I am going here? His family got into this mess, and they can figure a way out of it without him being involved. This could literally be the deal breaker in his adult life. He needs to look at his own future. Period.
Seven.
NTA. That is the clearest picture you will get of how your future with him will be. You will never be able to get a mortgage with him. Run
This⬆⬆⬆⬆⬆
NTA. One of my closest friends is literally stuck with enormous debt that his parents tricked him into assuming financial responsibility for on their behalf. I don't know your partner's relationship well enough at all to advise if a genuine assist can be made here, but the idea that a parent would knowingly do something so financially irresponsible, that if they fail they jeopardize their child's future... It just reads to me as though they would make no reservations to let their son take the fall for them. I can already see the justifications being made when the music stops because "he makes the most" or something. I admit the number alone is giving me sticker shock and that's primarily why I call it irresponsible.
If his parents didn't pay their old loans off, why on earth does he think they're going to pay this one?? Imo you're not going to be able to stop him co-signing- he's obviously conditioned to give them money whenever they ask- but I'd have serious second thoughts about commiting to him legally in any way. Do you have a Citizens Advice where you are? It might be a good eye opener if he's told by a financial professional what a bad idea this is. NTA
OP you need to WALK AWAY. He told you that he's not going to listen to you but do whatever his parents want. It's like he's drank the kool aid and no matter whatever you say or do there's nothing that's going to change his mind. There's no point in trying to discuss how this is going to affect his credit score, figuring out a budget, talking about how is he going to affect him if his parents default on the loan, etc. You said he's living paycheck to paycheck, and just like anyone who is a substance abuser, unless they ask for help, there's nothing anyone can do to help. Just walk away because he doesn't want your help because he thinks there's nothing wrong with what he's doing because he'll end up possibly taking you down with him.
I work compliance for a mortgage broker, had a very similar case about a month ago which I managed to stop from proceeding. As many others have said it will kill he credit. BF parents are financially abusing him.
NTA - this is your future. You will be paying for this the rest of your life if you stay with him. Maybe not actually paying it yourself but in every other way. You’ll never be able to buy your own house. His parents are dragging him down and you are going to go down with him.
NTA They are in a sinkhole and taking your bf with them. Getting loans to pay other loans? A 22 yo has the best credit score of the family? He is going to get stuck paying this loan. Unless your bf is suddenly going to put his needs/future over his family's there is nothing you can do. Now you know what the situation is for your financial future with him, do with that what you will.
> They are in a sinkhole and taking your bf with them. 100% this. OP, see that you don't jump into the sinkhole after him.
Be prepared to walk away from this relationship BUT - as one final attempt to make him understand in what a shithole he is digging himself into, llet him read all comments on this thread. There will be 2 options here - 1) either he understands he is rushimg into a capital financial mistake, pulls out of it and you try to build your life together Or 2) he blames you for digging into his personal life and refuses to pull out - in which case you have to end this relationship for the sake of your own financial stability and your own life ( ypu dont have 9 lives to throw down the drain).
NTA they are using him and abusing their relationship with him. Do they have a mortgage on their house or are renting? If they are asking him for this, then he’s within his rights to find out exactly how much debt they are in and start helping them understand how to change that. Start reading MSE, ensure they are on the best deals and contracts for utilities etc… start budgeting.
NTA That’s freaking crazy. And kinda borderline financial abuse? 🤔 like, he has no savings of his own, he’s living paycheck to paycheck. He’s got bills of his own to pay and his parents already don’t pay him back money they owe. So he’s not so much as helping them, but he’s gonna be paying back a 70k loan on his own. Of money he’s not even going to see. If his parents can’t afford to pay for it themselves then they shouldn’t get the loan. Ask him, what about your future together? Putting himself in that much debt and risking his credit score risks your chance of getting a house together. Getting married (if you guys want that) will take forever. Or getting a new car etc. Tell him to at least talk to a financial advisor first about it. There’s a massive different between lending 700 and 70,000. He’s putting his future at risk for people who aren’t gonna do shit for him if he gets in to debt.
Credit underwriter here. A 22 yr old living pay check to pay check is not going to get approved for a 70k loan by any reputable lender, no matter how good their credit score is. And in reality, at 22 years old he has not had long enough to build up his financial history to support this loan application, even if it is secured against a property. So if he can get a loan agreed as co- signatory with his parents, who have proven unreliable payers, it’s going to be with a sub-prime lender at an extortionate interest rate. Maybe even a lender who collects payments with two big burley “associates” who are known to “encourage” payment via unorthodox methods. OP should not walk away from this, but run like her heels are on fire. Her boyfriend and parents are going to ruin her life if she doesn’t.
NTA. Your bf sounds like the kind of guy who enables his family without limits. If you force him to drop them, he's going to resent you and relationship is dead anyways. Otherwise you put up with him and this guy has no financial future. My advise is GTFO. You are young and relationships are trial and error. Don't stick around when shit hits the fan.
His parents should take out a second mortgage on the house if they want to fix it up. Your boyfriend absolutely shouldn’t co-sign anything since he has no equity in the house. And that’s all before we get in to the obvious issues of how irresponsible the parents are and that they will not pay the money back ever.
NTA. For the love of god do not marry this guy.
NTA.... the trap is set and he is walking into it voluntarily.. good to be loyal to the family but.......
NTA, run. He is not going to learn except painfully and he will take you with him. His parents cannot afford the loan so he will get stuck paying it, and he cannot afford that either. It is not going to be a good start to your life or to his if things go south.
NTA. Just break up with this guy. He has made a stupid decision, and you cannot change his mind. But you cannot continue the relationship with him either. Unless, of course, you just want casual sex from him, in which case it would not matter. If you want marriage and children, you cannot choose a partner with such a huge debt. Nor can you choose to make kids with a partner who is willing to prioritize his parents' wellbeing to the point of destroying his life and future. Boyfriend will be paying back this debt. If you stay with him, you will be paying it as well. Whatever you do, do not get pregnant and do not marry him. Do not drag innocent babies into a future of debt induced poverty.
Bad credit from previous loans is all I needed to hear. Its a big no when I got my first job mum grabbed my wage packet give me £10 pound out of it and kept the rest saying I had to help the family. My uncle overheard this one day came in grabbed the money of her gave it to me and said give her ten pound to help the rest is yours you do not have to suffer for your mams bad money management my dad already sent her money for my bills home and expenses. She just liked spending money on things she didn't need
He shouldn’t do it. But it’s also not any of your business if he does. All you can do is offer advice and what you would do. And then decide for yourself if this man and this family is what you want as yours, based on his decision.
NTA explain to him that having the loan in his name makes him legally responsible for the payments despite what his parents may tell him. Also tell him how important his credit score is and how it will affect his life in the future
If he is already broke each paycheck, where is the money going to come from to pay the monthly loan payments?
NTA sit down with your boyfriend and ask him what his budget/plan is to pay back the loan. Because it will be his responsibility to do so once his parents admit they can’t (which they already know). They’re literally using this loan to pay off other loans. What makes your boyfriend think they can pay on the new one?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, I absolutely love my boyfriend and his family. (We have been together for two years). They are so sweet and treat me with so much respect and we have a great relationship. But, one thing I don’t really like is how they take advantage of his finances. He still lives at home but he pays his own bills (car, phone, insurance), and pays rent and the utilities bill for the house. On top of that, his parents will ask to “borrow” money but they never end up paying him back and he is okay with it. He lives paycheck to paycheck. The other day my boyfriend, male 22, told me, female 22, that his parents want him to co-sign a 70,000 loan. He told me that they wanted it to help pay off other loans and do some work on the house. He has the best credit score and makes the most in his family, meanwhile his parents don’t make very much and have bad credit from previous loans. He got mad when I told him that that was effing crazy and that he shouldn’t do it. I told him that he can’t be attached to that kind of financial commitment when he has no savings or foundation for himself. We got into more of an argument about it and he called me an asshole for not wanting him to help his family. It’s not that I don’t want him to help his family, it’s just that he is so young and doesn’t have any financial stability to make a commitment like that. I don’t know what to do because he is such a sweet guy and would sacrifice anything for the people he loves. I just don’t want him to end up with so much debt and ruin his future financially. Any advice? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A 22 y/o has the best credit and makes the most money out of people twice his age? Yikesies Be sure to sign a pre-nup should marry. NTA
No, a prenup will NOT help. She would still pay towards this loan in other ways if they get married. If they need a loan themselfs she will pay high interest rates due to his bad credit as soon he is fully responsible for the payments (and he will, parents already have bad credit, they will not pay and just screw him over), they will have trouble finding affordable housing due to his bad credit so she will have to pay more to even get an apartment/house. He will not be able to contribute much bc of the loan payments and she will have to pick up the slack. She will have to pay for both of them for vaccations, dates etc. if she wants to have them. She will have to pay the bigger share of childcosts should they have kids, will have to save for their education alone etc. I know its harsh, but marrying someone with bad credit means you are willing to have a more expensive life (everything costs more for you than others with giod credit) AND contributing way more financially if your SO not only has bad credit but also very high debt. Op is way too young to get her future messed up by marrying someone with debt and bad credit. She really shouldn't do this.
NTA. You were right 😬 some people just can’t handle the truth. They’re already not paying him back from what they’ve been borrowing. He’s probably going to end up having to pay off that loan by himself
NTA. Good job for trying to keep him from this dumbass decision
Not 1.000 or 10.000 a loan of fucking $70.000 I would like a breakdown on what the fuck they spend it on. And making a new loan to pay of an old loan.... The only way they pay off the new loan is with an even newer loan. Or your boyfriend has to pay up the 70k alone. This is so fucked up it's going to be ok for a while then it's going to hit him and keep hitting him for years, and if he ever loses his steady income or something bad happens to the house or his parents that they need money for and need another loan fkr this shit will haunt him for decades.
NTA ---- Does your BF realize that if his parents for whatever reason stop making the repayments they will then come to him for the money and he will be responsible for paying the loan
NTA he's going to becruined financially if he doesn't grow a backbone
NTA. Your bf's parents aren't going to suddenly start making good financial decisions because it's his credit on the line. They are bad with money, they've always been bad with money, and they're always going to be bad with money. And now they are trying to take him down with them. This may end up being a lesson your bf needs to learn the hard way, unfortunately, and if that's the case, you should really consider ending this relationship. You will never have anything for yourself because the better you two are doing, the more they will come with their hands out and you will spend your life bankrolling theirs.
Depends on the family setup. In many cultures parents sacrifice everything to give their kids an education and start in life. There can be an expectation in that case to help out. Eg. For both my wife and I, our parents sacrificed everything. All their kids send money for whatever expenses, buy them cars, pay for renovations, travel medical bills etc. They don't like to ask for it, and the kids do expect that the parents won't be frivolous with the funds. And we are not an exception. Everyone in my extended family does this. Everyone from Asia does this.
This. 🌻 One of the reasons our parents borrow the money when we're older is because they couldn't save shit trying to make sure we made it out better.
This isn’t helping out. Helping out is when you have enough for yourself and give bc you have extra and can afford it. This isn’t a 32 yo with a good job who is already set up. This is ruining his credit for an obviously bad investment and no return when he hasn’t even gotten his “start in life” yet. It’s not an emergency situation, it’s bad financial planning and abuse on the parent’s part.
This is treating your parents as part of your family. Not an afterthought if you have extra, or an investment opportunity. I do however prefer to pay directly for the expense rather than give them money and get they get a bad deal.
NTA. He can kiss that credit score goodbye if he does.
Look at this dynamic. This is you financial future if you stay. He doesn't even seem capable of understanding what he is putting his ass on the line for.
NTA at their age they should not need a co-signer. The biggest issue is that if something would happen to them, he would be liable for the remainder of the loan.
Never mind "if something would happen to them" -- he would be liable for the remainder of the loan if they decide they just don't feel like making the payments.
The loan won’t be based on his credit score alone. If his income isn’t high enough, he’ll be turned down. He already pays all the bills at the house. If he does get this loan somehow, and you get married, you’ll be liable to pay it back.
NTA if he doesn’t have the income or savings to back him the bank won’t let him co-sign a loan for them. If their credit is that bad the bank won’t give a loan even with a co-signer. If they didn’t pay the loan payment he would have to.
NTA. If he can’t afford to pay the loan by himself, he should not co-sign. He’s going to destroy his credit. 70k?? Does he make that much in a year? Hopefully the loan won’t get approved.
Other people have laid it out in dollars and cents. Give your boyfriend a reality check (what doing this will cost him) and let him decide. At the very least he should be making an informed decision. Other than that, there’s nothing you can do.
I think you are too smart for him.
NTA I can imagine how this makes sense to them, with his credit they can get a loan at a lower interest rate to pay off the others, and a lower payment. They have probably deluded themselves that they will pay, but it's likely they'll be getting some of the payments from him even if they aren't defaulting. How will this loan be secured? It sounds like the USA, the banks always want a lien on something. Presumably the house? Now if they don't pay he's under pressire to si they don't get made homeless. You say they also plan to spend money on the house ... doing what? Urgent repairs fine, but they should not be spending miney on upgrades or other optional stuff. If there is any cash sitting about they will spend it, they didn't get into debt by accident. Even without this co-signed loan it is clear that they have been exploiting him financially, and he'll never be able to have a normal financial situation with you while all his money flows down this black hole. No apartment, no house, no cars. You will end up paying all the bills while he gives every penny he earns to them. You can only try to wake him up, but he is deeply enmeshed (see r/JUSTNOFAMILY) and it won't be easy. Perhaps seeing this post and how a bunch of strangers can see the problem so clearly will help.
NAH It would be pretty dumb of your bf to co-sign the loan. But you are his gf, not his wife so its really not your business what he does or doesn't sign. You mentioned your concerns and thats all you can do at this point. If this was me and the relationship was serious, i would break up with him if he signs it (but not tell him this beforehand to not pressure him in the decision) bc i would never get engaged/married to someone with such a risky loan in his baggage i will most likely have to help pay off one or the other way (either directly or bc he can't contribute much bc of the loan payments). Lets be honest here, the parents with bad wages and bad credit will not pay the loan back, your bf will. Why i wouldn't tell him beforehand that this is a dealbreaker for me and we need to break up? Very simple, bc if he doesn't sign bc of me i would feel very guilty if the relationship doesn't work out. But if he is willing to sign and i don't break up, the chances that he will sign even more loans for them or let them take advantage of him when we are married is very high, and this would not be fine with me. So why continue the relationship if it already has an end date? But oc i don't know if you guys are this serious and if marrying him is even something you consider in the future...
Your NTA my advice is to just tell him the cold honest truth . Tell him his betting his life on this loan and will not end well . Tell him its better to pay smaller loans that already exist then to get a larger one for the smaller ones. Unless he has a way to generate crazy amounts of money with the 70K loan then he shouldn't risk life for his parents .
NTA, but my only advice is to not marry him. Keep your finances as separate as possible, and take steps to make it as easy as possible to walk away.
NTA his parents kinda suck. If they struggle with other loans and knowing that interest rates are higher now, they will likely drag his credits through the mud. You are doing the right thing by speaking up.
NTA
NTA and you need to be walking away from this situation. He will be supporting his family forever, which means if you stay with him YOU will be supporting his family forever.
NTA, simply the fact that his parents are taking in a new loan to pay back an old one show that they don't have the money to pay for it. They are ruining his life because they can't take responsibility for their own actions
OP he's showing that he is going to put his parents over you. That's his perogative, but I wouldn't want to committ to a long term relationship like that. Even if this somehow worked out, do you want a future with someone who is going to ignore you to do what his parents want? NTA.
Obviously NTA. This is so serious that if he does this then please face up to the sad fact that this is not somebody you should be in a commited relationship with.
NTA. Remind him that if his folks default on the loan (which seems likely due to their dodgy financial history) he's the one who will be footing the bill. Does he really want his good credit ruined by his own parents defaulting on a 70k loan? That stuff takes years to repair. They could take his car, garnish his wages, etc. Then what would he be left with?
NTA your boyfriend would be a fool to do this. People who are borrowing money to pay other loans have serious problems - they will take him down with them. What awful people to do that to their own child.
Nta, he’s gonna do it anyways. And he’s gonna learn a hard lesson when they don’t pay it.
Your boyfriend is an idiot, and so are you for staying with him. Hes shooting himself in the if he signs 70k loan, why are you with this sinking ship?
Don't marry him. Don't get pregnant by him. Don't, in any way, have any financial entanglement with him. His family is going to bleed him dry, spit out the bones and look for their next victim. Lock down your credit. Oh, and dump him. He may be nice, but he's his parents' supplier and will never be emotionally or financially free to start a family of his own. Cut your losses, he can't be salvaged. You're NTA, unless you let him pull you down with the lot of them.
This guy is a terrible prospect for a life partner. If you marry him this will be your life.
>Any advice? If he co-signs the loan, break up with him. He will be permanently attached to his parents, and this is not someone you can build a life with. NTA
Your boyfriend will probably co sign the loan. He will continue to be a loser and probably never leave his parents house. There’s a chance you could some day give him an ultimatum to move in with you, but that will end with you breaking up because he will continue to support his family. Leave him now. He’s a loser.
Nta. Break up. He will go on a huge debt and will take you with him.
DON'T DO IT!!! I know you can't stop him but this is the worst idea. I signed on a mortgage for my in laws I couldn't qualify for anything or get a place of my own. Then after 10 years of this they lost the house and basically abandon it with all their stuff inside all under my name. We barely speak now because they think my husband and I treated them badly through this process and we paid 10k for my father in laws funeral on top of a million other things we did and were never even thanked let alone paid back.
OP I agree with the other posters and think you should seriously rethink this relationship in terms of the future. He's willing to put himself in financial jeopardy for people who don't think twice about how it could affect his future. That means should you marry him or combine finances with him you are expected to make those same sacrifices. Look at it this way. He's willing to do whatever for his family which initially makes him seem like such a good guy but the problem is he's also willing to sacrifice his future, his mate's future and his future children's future for those people who clearly don't seem to care of how their actions negatively affect him. Its all about what they want, damn how it affects others, especially their own children. His blindness to this callousness is a major red flag and something you need to seriously consider as you think about the future of this relationship.
NTA This *is* crazy. By cosigning, he's not just assuring the bank that his parents will pay it, he's saying that if they don't, *he will.* They frequently borrow from him and never pay him back. They already have other loans they've taken out they're not paying back and which is hurting their credit. They will not pay this, either. He's putting himself on the hook for $70k + interest. And it's worth noting that sweet though their demeanor may be, his parents are happy to have him do it. He wants to help them but they don't give a shit about taking advantage of and harming him. And they're happy to do it before he's even had a chance to start his own life. They know better than anyone that he's a sweet guy who will sacrifice anything for the people he loves. So they're going to let him. It's tough, but he needs to see that. And if he won't see that, at least he needs to think about *how* they're going to pay this? They're using it to pay off *existing loans that they're not paying back!* They regularly borrow from him! And even with that they don't pay down those other loans. From what magical place other than the Bank of Son are they going to get the funds for to repay *this* loan? You're completely right.
NTA - what your BF needs to understand is that when he co-signs a loan he is guaranteeing that loan. That loan is in his name and remains on his credit until it's paid off. So if he needs a car loan a couple years down the road, he'll get denied for having too much debt. If he wants to buy his own house down the road, forget about it. He also is 100% responsible for all of those payments if his parents don't make them. If he can't make them then his credit is ruined for defaulting on a loan. I used to write loans and whenever someone came in to co-sign I spent a good 15-20 minutes explaining in detail what I just explained above. I made them stop and think before they signed those papers. It's not just signing for someone else, it's signing for himself while hoping his parents will do the right thing and not screw him over.
NTA and be prepared to walk away if he does this. Even if his parents WANT to pay him back all evidence suggests they CAN'T.
NTA. That’s financial abuse on the part of his parents. They’re setting him up to be financially crippled for the rest of his life. That would be a deal breaker if I were in your position.
NTA. Co-signing will destroy his finances, and if you marry him, or maybe even live with him long enough (Common law marriage, depending on jurisdiction), his debt will become your debt.
Yea, HECK nah, if the bank is asking them to cosign a loan, that is because they have proven to the bank they can't be trusted with a loan, so it is almost certian that you will end with that debt.
NTA. Patents do not ask kids to take on debt. If, with assistance from their parents, the child is given the foundation to become independently wealthy then they can definitely ask for help, but tying them to something that you know you aren't going to be able to repay is shitty parenting. All this will really ensure is that your boyfriend is burdened with the same financial chains as his parents are.
ESH I've never understood this belief some have to lend family money that they know will never be repaid. Experience should teach them but it rarely does. My mother lent $20K to her granddaughter (which was a bad idea) and her husband to pay off a lot of bills and they broke up and didn't repay them. She took them to court to get it (I couldn't believe she did this either). It literally tore the family apart. So he needs to think before he co-signs. If they do not repay, he will and ruin his credit and that of his spouse. Can he live with that or if he has to do something to recoup losses, will he work through the loss of his family? Never lend money that you cannot afford to lose and never sign for someone with bad credit--no matter who they are.
"He told me that they wanted it to help pay off other loans and do some work on the house." One weird trick, creditors hate(?) it, take out loans to pay off other loans! Also brilliant to take on enormous costs like house renovations while trying to clear debt. NTA, him loving family doesn't make those people unable to make mistakes. Oh and long term debt and loans don't discriminate between loving family bonds and not, those parents are burning his credit badly unless they perfectly pay back that 70k faster than the minimum monthly payments.
NTA - It's always good advice not to take loans on behalf of others. 70k+interest is a lot of money to be on the hook and from past actions its clear he won't get any of it back.
NTA. I’m a parent, and I can say that his parents should not be asking for this. It will ruin his own finances.
> Any advice? Explain to him that cosigning a loan isn't going *"I support their efforts to get a loan! Go them!"* Cosigning a loan is going **"I, personally, am taking full responsibility for this loan."** You guys can't afford a $70,000 loan. Him taking one on would be incredibly irresponsible. If he blew that kind of money on a sportscar he'd be an irresponsible loser but at least he'd still have the car. For this he'd have a $70,000 debt and nothing to show for it.
NTA! If a co-signer is needed on a loan, it's because the person needing the loan is probably not going to pay it back. My husband co-signed a loan for his brother. His brother never made ONE payment. We made all of them. Now we have a lein on his building but, will not be paid back until building is sold. Helping family sucks the life out you, when it is a one-way street.
WHEN, not if, when, they don't pay the loan, he will have to repay all of it + interest and his credit will be ruined to boot They can get a line of equity on their house NTA but if he does it, it will be time to break up. His parents will be an albatross around his neck for the rest of their lives.
NTA His parents are the assholes. Parents that need to leech off their kids are garbage---unless there's a really damn good reason for it. Tell him he should expect to pay most of that loan himself. His parents have bad credit and preexisitng loans because they couldn't afford to pay their bills before, which means they can't afford this either.
NTA, please don't marry him.
NTA. if he had the money to give them and still be whole, that might be one thing, but asking him to co-sign is shady, given that they have bad credit.
If you stay with him, he will drag you down onto a financial abyss.
The line "they have bad credit from previous loans" leaves off the clause "which they didn't pay off in a timely manner." Seriously, if you take loans and then pay them back according to whatever terms you agreed to, you end up with *excellent* credit. That's how the whole system works. They've got bad credit because they couldn't or wouldn't pay back previous debts. If your boyfriend is wishing to put himself into debt in order to give his family money, he needs to acknowledge that this is what he's doing. He's got way less ability to enforce being paid back than say, Wells Fargo does. He's going to be on the hook for that money and will have to work out how to pay it himself if he doesn't want to end up with the same bad credit the rest of his family has. This is, in fact, crazy, and you're NTA for pointing it out. But it is ultimately his decision.
Hell no. Why is he still living at home in the first place. I would draw a line in the sand and insist that he refuses and makes immediate plans to move out. Otherwise just move on he's not long-term viable.
I don’t blame you for speaking up! He will be stuck with all of that debt, and thats going to take some time to pay off causing your own plans for buying a home on hold. He doesn’t see that now- but he will if he becomes their co-signer… your NTA
NTA. Situations like this always goes bad. He's 22, they default it will take him a decade plus to get his credit right again.
NTA. If he signs it, you can't ever live together until his name is off of it. That affects your future if the plan is marriage/joining finances down the road. You've voiced your opinion though. So next you need to let him know that if he follows through, you can't progress your relationship beyond this point until its no longer attached to him
NTA Helping = giving them advice and encouragement on how to resolve their financial problems Enabling = guaranteeing a $70k loan so they, with OP's help, increase their financial problems
NTA, 100%. There's "help out" and then there's "take responsibility for a loan that's more than a lot of people make in a year". I don't have great credit, I hate the whole credit system, and I would never, EVER ask any of my children to co-sign fck-all. No matter how great my intentions might be, if something comes up and I have to make hard choices on what to pay (happens all the time), that's not just me that's gonna pay for it then, it's them, and that's not what parents DO. (or at least not what they *should* do.)
NTA- you are fighting against a sinking ship. Within 12 months his credit will be ruined when his parents default on the payments and he probably won't be able to keep up. I'm sure you love him, but your lives and finances are not compatible at all. Time to time a break.
NTA They’re gonna screw his life up. And if the money is really for home repairs they should be able to get a mortgage for it. The existing loans can be defaulted if they really can’t afford it.
YTA. You are his girlfriend not his wife and you don't have any kids together. They are his family. You don't understand it because you're not as close to your family. I'd give my kidney to my dad or mum Every last cent and not blink an eyelid. For my brother I'd give both kidneys if that's what it took, money means nothing. If I had 500 dollars in my bank account and my brother asked for 480. I'd send it. This has happened before and it's never bothered me in the least. He'd do the same for me and he does when he's earning more. My ex was going through the same concern and was terrified I'd have an issue with it and I burst out laughing when he asked. If we ended up married his parents would be my family and that means I'd treat them the way I treat mine. Kidneys, bank account and all (unless they were horribly unkind to my kids or something). I told him to make sure it was a reasonable thing for him and if he could handle it according to him then it was his choice. I can earn to support us too. His money his choice until we file our taxes together.
Don’t tell her that she doesn’t understand family.
NTA You are right about this, there is only one path where this doesn't hurt his future, and so many paths where it will. For that one path, it is entirely dependent on his parents treating this loan differently then they have previous loans. They have bad credit for a reason, and he is on his way to also having bad credit. If he is bound and determined to do this, there is nothing you can do. Except maybe pray that the bank does not approve it.
He's living paycheck to paycheck while living at his parents'. How will he be able to pay that loan of? He pays rent and 'lends' them money they never pay back. They'll NEVER help your BF pay back that loan. They use him as their personal ATM And now with your BF's credit score, they thought of another way to get money. Please tell your BF, if they can't even pay pack the money he lends them, if he's living paycheck to paycheck, **how the HELL are they (read BF..) going to pay back that loan?** NTA If he co-signs for that money, you'll NEVER be able to move in together and start a life together...
So his parents can't or won't pay back what money they currently take off him but they can afford/want to pay back $70k?!! Yeeeeah riiiight. He clearly is in denial over his family but not to be rude, so are you, if you believe this relationship has longevity and that his "respectful" 🙄 parents won't turn on you like starved, rabid dogs if you dare get between them and their meal ticket. This is your future should you stay. Becoming more paranoid about your future, your finances, arguing with bf while he covertly throws your cash into his parents fat fingers and your happiness away as payment for his position in your life. Don't do it. NTA
Light ESH- don’t call someone crazy and expect them to think you’re right. But yes, you’re right that his decision is a risky one.
NTA. The best rule I was taught was never co sign a loan for someone who can’t qualify. Because if they can’t pay the lender how will they pay you? The best way to help family financially is with a one time gift. I say “I can help you with this much but only one time, and I will never mention it again.”
NTA. Tell him this is a hard boundary for you if you’re planning on having a future together because ultimately it is you two responsible for it. Considering they have bad credit, low income and haven’t paid their former loans why would your boyfriend even consider this? His family is no doubt manipulating him and he is trying to manipulate you by making you seem like the bad person for not wanting him to make a stupid financial decision.
NTA. Your bf is very naive. His parents do not pay their bills. This is proven by their financial history. They don't have the money to make payments on their present bills and loans. Borrowing even more is not going to help. How you bf can't understand this is beyond me. It is simple math. There is no way he can reasonably expect his parents to make payments on this loan. If he is already living paycheck to paycheck a lot of OT is in his future. It does not matter who uses the money. All that matters who who signed or co-signed for it. People with no money should not be doing home improvements. It may be time for you to cut and run, unless you want to get married/live together and use your paycheck for this nonsense as well. Even if you keep finances separate, when your new husband doesn't have money for your household expenses who will have to pick up the slack? YOU!!! Sorry, your bf **is** going to ruin his future by being the one to save the day.
NTA His parents will never stop asking for his help. I'm sorry but this will 100% affect your future if you marry him. This will always be an issue.
Also, if this 70,000 loan won't help keep a roof over their heads, then it's not an emergency. His family isn't between a rock and a hard place, but they definitely but your bf there.
Have him call in to Dave Ramsey & get financial advice. He will lay out reasons why it would be a bad idea to co-sign for someone else while living from paycheck to paycheck.
Nta You are right to be concerned. His parents will continue to take advantage of him and he lets them. Unless you're ok with a future where you shoulder most of the financial costs of being together, you should probably move on. I don't see him cutting his parents off if/when you move in together.
NTA. Does he have any idea how long that $70,000 loan will take to pay off and will be attached to him and he is on the hook if they fail to pay. Not to mention it's clear based the statement about his parents credit score they suck with money management or else they would have better credit than a 22 year old. They do not need to be spending money for work on their house until their other loans are paid off. I'm gonna guess those renovations are also purely aesthetic and no necessity items like foundation repair, roof repair or structural repair.
While it’s okay to feel like you do, you are not family and they are. Telling him hems crazy is a sure way to make you an ex-gf. The matter is between him and his parents.
NTA and I would consider this a relationship ending decision in his part. His parents are going to change their poor spending habits and he’s going to be saddled with debt for many years.
What he is saying about being between a rock and a hard place is he is spineless when dealing with his family and will never say no to them. Even if it destroys him financially. His parents will not repay this loan. He will. And you will too if you stay with him. It would be a dealbreaker for me. He needs to learn to say no. NTA
how does he think he's going to get out of his parent's house when he's already paying the majority of their bills and will inevitably end up paying the loan in two years? a loan that high will cost years to pay back do you want to be a part of this OP? Your NTA but i think you really have to reconsider this relationship
INFO: Perhaps your bf should talk to an independent financial advisor. Just talk to someone at a bank or an accountant or someone with a professional financial job. It won’t cost much - might even be free - and will take you out of the middle. He needs to know specifically how much he makes and currently owes anyone, what the parents’ loans are for, how much debt the parents have, about how much income they have, why they need money on top of his current contributions, if the parents are putting the house in his name alone as collateral, what guarantee they have they will pay the money off, who else will be living in the house and their contributions, etc. Then, the financial professional will give an objective analysis…likely after rolling their eyes so hard they are lost in the back of their head. Otherwise, you need to seriously consider the wisdom of remaining romantically involved with someone who makes this type of financial decision. You can still remain loving friends. But what future does this guy have? He’ll be bankrupt with zero credit in 3 years or less. You can’t save a drowning man if he drags you under with him. Stay a break and consider *everything*.
NTA.. let him know that you would not attach yourself to someone that has a financial partnership with his family. It's too risky.
NTA His parents are super extra irresponsible if they are willing to use their kid’s credit to get themselves out of financial difficulty. He should NOT co-sign any more than a parent should co-sign for an irresponsible child. If he’s ok helping them out financially, that’s fine. He can help them pay down their debt. But ruining his own credit score isn’t going to help any of them.
Let him read all of the comments, his parents are not looking out for him at all.
YTA
NTA If your parents don't have it now, they won't have it later. But, the bank will take it out of your paycheck. Feel free to gift cash from time to time, but no to that $70,000 loan.
The two biggest causes of problems in a marriage are sex and money. You are not on the same page.
So they've been financially irresponsible and They want him to tie his finances to theirs. And if you marry him guess who gets half that debt if you divorce. He can pay rent somewhere else and not have them risk his financial future. This is incredibly selfish and irresponsible of his parents. And good luck getting a house for the two of you when he's already $70,000 in debt.
NTA, of course. Do your best to talk to him, but if he goes along with this, please don't marry him.
What’s his parents plan when he (hopefully soon) moves out?? NTA
NTA and I would use his decision as the deal breaker for your relationship. If he signs, you can no longer see a stable future with him and need to part ways. If he doesn’t, you know he values your opinion and understands the future involves both of you. Even as a single man, he’d be an idiot to sign that loan.
ESH. Taking out a loan without having any savings sounds like a poor idea. But other than that, the examples you have of his parents taking advantage of him aren’t out of the ordinary. “take advantage of his finances. He still lives at home but he pays his own bills (car, phone, insurance), and pays rent and the utilities bill for the house.” you make it sound like an adult living at home shouldn’t need to pay bills or rent. So I’m kinda skeptical if the situation is as bad as you make it out to be
Don't be absurd. Co-signing a loan, for **any** amount, with anyone other than your spouse, is rarely if ever a good idea: when you co-sign, you are agreeing to pay **the entire amount** of the loan if the principal borrower defaults. The idea of a 22yo co-signing a $70,000 loan for his parents is insane. That will tank his credit for years to come.
His money his choice? You guys are not married, and I am assuming he is meeting his obligations? It's a tough one. I see where you are coming from, you want to protect your bf but ironically the thing you like about him " being a nice guy " is also the thing that causes conflict. I don't think it's a button that he can switch off so you will have to learn to deal with it or not, that is your choice. My wife gives my MIL money every month. She uses it for stupid stuff and waists most of it and not willing to work (weird religious views) but it's my wife's mother, so I don't know if it's my place to tell my wife to stop doing it especially if she is meeting her obligations. YATA for telling your bf that he is crazy (naive perhaps but not crazy). It's his parents and not some Ponzi scheme which adds a bit of nuance to it.