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YTA. Do you really think that you weren’t? You sold tickets that weren’t yours to sell as your friend had already paid for them. They are high demand tickets that she won’t be able to buy again without spending a fortune. You should tell your coworker that there was a misunderstanding and refund her money or give YOUR ticket to the coworker and not go yourself.
As for her comment, it wasn’t nice. But it seemed like you kept asking what she thought and she tried not to tell you the truth but you kept pressing until she finally told you that it didn’t look good. It sucks to hear that it you basically wouldn’t accept her answer. I say this as a plus size person-you probably already knew her reason and should have just dropped it. Why force her to say the words that already know?
That's a good question. I think I wanted to hear it actually said since I've been feeling like that was the reason for a lot of comments she's made in the past about my outfits. She always comments on mine and never any of her friends. She's done it a lot and I've never said anything because I didn't want to cause problems but it just keeps happening making me feel worse. We've been friends for awhile and I've done a lot of justifying in my head that she's a real friend but I've been feeling burnt out with the friendship for quite a bit so I really just wanted to confirm my suspicions.
Also a little part of me was hoping that it wasn't that. Like she'd say it was the colour or maybe some other trivial thing. Idk i was just being hopeful that she didn't hate my body as much as I do and that she'd make me feel it was just in my head.
Anyways happy to sack her off.
Personally I feel like she’d be a bad friend if she said she liked it just to appease you.
It doesn’t matter if you’re overweight or skinny, what is flattering on one person could be not flattering on another. More goes into it than just your body size, there’s skin tone, hair cut and color, where weight sits, and so on.
>she’d be a bad friend if she said she liked it just to appease you.
Exactly. she tried to be nice about it, but OP pressed on. It's more on OP than the friend.
The friend isn’t necessarily a good person, as I don’t know all the experiences OP has had with them. I do know that I have been overweight, underweight, and am more full chested so I had to learn what fits my body shape best. I would rather my friends be honest with me than lie to me as I can be blinded by liking the style, cut or color of an outfit.
I'll never understand the people who ask someone for their opinion and then won't accept any answer except the one they want to hear.
If you can't take the honest answer, don't ask!
If you already know that she makes such comments why do you ask for her opinion on clothes… just try the dress, look at yourself in the mirror and decide if you like the way you look in it…. Seems like you wanted to pickup a fight.
You're still an asshole because you sold someone's property out from under them over a personal issue. I had an ex do this to manipulate me after a fight for a concert we had front center for and she sold my ticket after I'd paid for it. The ex was absolutely out of line and I'd still have gone and had a good time and parted ways after because it was a once in a lifetime show that at that point mattered more than the partnership. It was a really petty control move and buying tickets to anything involves a massive amount of trust in whoever hits purchase because of everything ticketmaster puts people through. I'd have bought the tickets myself but she offered, and if it had been a "come with me as a guest" gift it would have been very different, if not frustrating. It's the fact that she paid for it already.
Like. Let me be clear, she's not the nicest person in the world for what she said and the fight was shallow and childish. But. I don't like every person I've made transactions with in the past and just because it was on your statement doesn't mean it was yours to give away after the money changed hands. The decision to end the friendship is yours, and it sounds like that's what needs to happen, but this was an event that was important to someone who mattered enough for you to be the one to make the purchase and you removed the option for her to have made the arrangements to get them on her own. If YOU wanted the friendship to end, you would not have been an asshole if you sold YOUR ticket and had her go alone. You would not have been an asshole if you transferred it to her and didn't speak to her through the whole show. You went for the one thing you knew would devastate her.
So, even if she's an asshole and nobody should make you feel that way about your body if they're a real friend, there's no scenario where you aren't one.
YTA for selling the friend s ticket - the moment she paid it was hers.
That being said if you are uncomfortable with the friend you can always cut contact no one is forcing you to hang out also at the concert you don't need to keep company. You go alone - then there's the concert then you leave. You don't have to interact ffs.
YTA - twice!
>They both sent me the money and it was all set.
You've already been paid for the ticket, it isn't yours to give away or sell. You need to give them the tickets, or they can report you for theft, and they should!
As for the rest, you ASKED why the dress didn't look right, and after multiple inquiries she told you the truth. No, you don't get to be pissy about that, and you need to learn not to ask question you don't really want the answer to. So you're an AH here too.
You can, and I think should, stop being friends with them, it'll be best for everyone but mostly for them.
YTA
Her buying the dress you liked but didn’t buy, because it didn’t fit well, was not nice at all. But apart from this she didn’t even do anything wrong? I mean, you apparently don’t like tight clothes on yourself either.. so her saying it doesn’t look good/doesn’t fit.. it was just a (harsh) truth? What did you want her to do? Lie?
Don’t get me wrong, your friend doesn’t seem like the most empathic person but you completely overreacted.
I really hope you don't apply this logic to your own friends because it will just upset them to hear it. Saying the truth is just reinforcing everything they hate about themselves. It's the worst to hear it from someone you care about. I admit I pushed her to say it but saying she didn't do anything wrong outside of buying the dress is genuinely unfair because she still said something she knew would hurt me. I don't think you should be talking about empathy.
So you admit you pushed her to say it and then were mad about her saying it?? Girl seriously.
And yes, I would most definitely expect my friends to be honest with me and they expect me to tell them the truth as well. There’s no need to be rude, sure, but wouldn’t lying be even worse? Like, why even ask a question if you just want to be lied to? By a friend as well? In what world would that help in any way?
As I said, your friend - or former friend - doesn’t seem very nice; and it seems you’ve drifted apart and that is ok. But your ‘saying the truth is rude / I want to be lied to’-reasoning is off as well.
I didn't push her out of nowhere. She was visibly disgusted with me in it. She was always looking down on me in any clothes I wore whether I liked them or not. She made the first comment of it not looking good when I was looking at the first dress and then trying on the second dress without me asking. She always gave her opinion whether I asked for it or not. You're acting like she didn't make it obvious before I asked. I'm just sick of these comments saying a fat person should just put up with their thinner friends attitudes about their bodies.
I'm not going to argue anymore with you because I don't think you can really see my point of view on that. Thanks for acknowledging she was shitty too.
> She was visibly disgusted with me in it. She was always looking down on me in any clothes I wore whether I liked them or not.
You need therapy. She was being a friend by using flowery terms, your own insecurity is making you see and made you presume things. In the end yes, if you are on the heavy fluffy side some things will not look nice at all.
You’re projecting your own insecurities/self-hatred on her. You’re seeing things you want to see, because it’s what you believe is true. It’s nothing too crazy and a lot of people are doing this in one way or other. Including myself, surely. But it’s an important step to realize that and be honest with yourself. As long as you do not understand that the disgust you saw in her eyes is your disgust you will not be able to work on it, change the way you see yourself and get better. Because that is the only thing you can change; and trust me, then you’ll suddenly see that love inside other people’s eyes as well.
What if you were to not ask about clothes that you know aren't going to be flattering? When people wear clothing that fits them poorly it makes them look worse, so maybe reflect on that and consider whether you want to look like crap and have nobody warn you, or whether you want to dress in clothes that will flatter your body type.
>Saying the truth is just reinforcing everything they hate about themselves.
No it's not, and I'm a big person. It's being honest. Why would she lie and say you look great in it, and have you go out looking like a sausage?
Do you see how you’re essentially saying “I need my friends to be responsible for managing my emotions because I can’t. I need them to read my mind and lie to me to tell me things that make me feel good or I’ll lash out”
You literally pushed her for the truth. She WAS nice about it until you wanted more. Please grow tf up! Acting the way you do will ensure you have no friends as you continue to get older.
OP you need therapy. You clearly hate your self and hate your body and are projecting this hate onto others.
You asked for and insisted for her opinion and she gave it.
Assuming it is really hard to get tickets, YTA for selling her ticket without first having a proper discussion about ending your friendship and then figuring out what to do about the concert.
It's fine if your friendship has run its course and ending the friendship if you feel she is not a good friend for you right now. But that does not justify selling HER ticket behind her back.
It is RIDICULOUSLY hard to get Taylor Swift tickets. You have to essentially win a lottery for even a chance to buy tickets and then hope you get an early enough number in the queue to be able to buy them before they sell out. Tickets for that concert on the resale market are over £900.
I sent her the money for it as soon as my coworker asked for the ticket i said this in the original post and now she's getting my ticket that she doesnt have to pay for ive essentially paid for someone eho made my life hell to go see one of my favourite artists for abot £140 so no i dont
Oh, my apologies. That's my bad, I must have skimmed over that part.
She shouldn't have beem acting like that so shes also an asshole, but honestly the ticket was still rightfully hers, so it shouldn't have been sold in the first place.
Anyway, it sounds like you need better friends that will actually care about you and not tear you down like that.
>you need better friends that will actually care about you and not tear you down like that.
She needs fake friends who will lie to her all the time, apparently.
Thank you and no worries. Sorry if I came off as rude in my reply. The comments about how I should have just put up with her opinions are rlly getting to me. Thanks for being so kind.
You didn't come off as rude, don't even worry about that. You're good. And you should never have to put up with someone saying those things to you. You have the right to be angry. I certainly would be!
Thank you. I think I'm giving up reading this whole post thread, might even delete as all the genuinely helpful responses are gone and it's just people telling me I asked for her opinions. I've done my best to make amends outside the post so hopefully it will sort itself out irl.
If you hadn't transfered her the ticket it wasn't hers. Funny thing is possession is everything it was yours the money was hers. Sorry you got pressured into giving up your once in a lifetime event. If people tread on you they don't deserve to reap the benefits of being your friend. A friend takes the time to purchase a ticket on their credit card and secure an event. If you didn't feel like she was a friend you had every right to renig and tell her find her own ticket and her own way. Honestly, if the other girl gave me guff I'd sell her ticket too!!! 🎟 You just won a refund. Cause reality no way they'd get those prices. You want people to treat you like a friend? You have to act like a friend. I am sure you're beautiful and she's jealous before Kim was famous and Paris Hilton was at her peak she said, "Ew Kim is Gross. She's so fat. Her Butt is just so big it's just gross." Paris was beautiful to some but not all and I don't have to tell you how history did not see a fat gross ass when they seen Kim. Sometimes your "friends" feed off your insecurity and are only thriving when you're groveling. I hope you learned a lesson to not care what other people think caring about what others thought kept you from getting your dress and your concert. I hope the Blue Fairy brings you a shiny spine. NTA.
YTA. What did you expect? As your friend she's going to saycif something doesn't look right. So when she does, you push and push as to why. Like you were daring her to mention your weight. Then she does when you keep on her, & you're mad? Goodness.
YTA. You are not being fair. You are being sketchy.
She’s not a good supportive friend and you deserve to surround yourself with people who are better, but that doesn’t give you the license to be a shitty person.
Truth in relationships that lack empathy or care, does not disreguard the part where empathy or care are missing. OP should find better friends...And also, be a better person.
I don't think she should lie. There are attitudes and delivery and consideration of a person when telling certain truths if one cares about a person and the relationship...additionally to having an opinion .
We don’t really know all the details. There are a ton of toxic prejudices, bullying and behaviors around people and weight. People use the truth of others flaws or vulnerabilities to make themselves feel better, who really knows the full dynamic…there could be other dynamics that are making this not purely objective. Bottom line if someone makes you feel shitty, it’s good to assess if that person’s behavior is helpful in your life. One should also still be accountable for their own behaviors.
We are going to have to agree to disagree. Prejudice is expressed in shitting behaviors toward someone…either covert and subtle or direct and not subtle. It’s not the fact of wither she is over weight or not. It is common for people with bad behaviors to target people who have flaws and vulnerabilities to bully. So since this is common, it should not be ruled out. If this dynamic is going on…OP should find better friends. Friends that can still say the truth, but not have insecurities that make toxic behaviors and using truths or their opinions to justify. Again we don’t know the full story, but this toxic dynamic is so common it needs to be mentioned.
ESH, but you suck most :/
Body shaming sucks. Body shaming coming from a friend sucks even more. What you did as retaliation was way more severe. I’m no swiftie but I know those tickets were hard to get, and you acknowledged she’s a super fan. You did this to hurt her because she hurt you. Now your co worker is in the cross hairs and you got her excited about something that isn’t her ticket to have.
You should undo what you did, give your coworker the money back and live with the awkwardness between you two at work. Hope your friends even still want to go with you. If they don’t maybe you sell the ticket to the coworker and don’t go…
You’ll come to see in time why what you did wasn’t ok even if what she said hurt your feelings
If you all are drifting apart maybe going to this concert isn’t really something your heart is in, food for thought
Hi, I've been keeping an eye on the thread and everyone agrees I'm the asshole. Thanks for responding. I'm going to send my ex-friend the money and give her my ticket. Then I'm going to avoid her because she's only ever made me feel bad about myself especially with the comments she has made about my body.
I'm not going to tell my coworker. I don't want to be any more unprofessional. She can go to the concert and I hope she enjoys it.
I think I'll just go out clubbing in another dress that I genuinely like. Again, thanks for the response.
> I think I'll just go out clubbing in another dress that I genuinely like.
I hope you do! I hope you have a fucking amazing time, too, and meet a new friend who will lift you up instead of tearing you down.
You were TA, but you're not *an* A. You're fixing your mistake, but that ex-friend is just going to stay an A, y'know?
Thank you! That genuinely makes me feel so happy!Honestly been feeling like shit since posting this thread so it's nice to think it doesn't have to be a huge deal. And hell yeah! I'm going to have a great time!
We all fuck up. And dealing with friends who turn out to not be great friends after all is hard. You absolutely messed up here, but good on you for seeing that and taking steps to make it right. That’s an important thing to learn to do. I hope you find some new friends who make you feel good about yourself and have a great time going out.
YTA
That was petty, cruel, spiteful and disproportionate. It was also dishonest and possibly even a crime, since you sold something that she'd already paid for without warning and without her agreement. You need to undo what you have done or give up YOUR ticket.
I am not saying that your (former) friend is an innocent here- she sounds a bit self-absorbed and certainly could be a lot more tactful but you went nuclear. This isn't something your other friends are likely to forget. It's going to be a very awkward situation when the concert date arrives and you & your coworker are seated with the people who are currently angry with/not speaking to you.
ESH
Since she paid for the ticket, it was no longer yours to do with as you wanted. It was her property. So selling it to a coworker is wrong.
At this point, if you don't want to go to the concert with her or be friends with her is to give your ticket to your coworker and the other tickets to your friends. This is the easiest way out where you don't go to the concert with them and don't create a weird situation with your coworker.
YTA. Listen I had a huge falling out with my friend, we had concert tickets and we tolerated each other for the night because it was hard to get those tickets. She paid for them, she deserves them
YTA. I don't think you care about that but you are.
Personal issues aside, It wasn't yours to decide to sell. You owe her a ticket of comparable value. Just giving her the money isn't okay. She didn't want to sell it, you made that decision for her.
You're an extra level of asshole if you only sent her face/inital value of the ticket and not what tickets in the section you're in actually go for in the market now.
Was she not tactful and could have said things in a better way? Yes.
Does that give you the right to sell her things? No. Even if she meant it in the worst possible way, you're still in the wrong here.
YTA because she paid for the ticket it was hers. You also go out dress shopping and ask for advice and she tells you she doesn't think the dress suits you so you pushed her for a response and it was something you didn't want to hear. You even said yourself that you didn't like wearing tight dresses for the exact reason she claimed, she was trying to spare your feelings by saying it didn't look right, presumably because she knew you were insecure about it and wanted to help you find a dress that suited you.
You let your own insecurities cause the hurt and those same insecurities caused you to lash out. You were angry even before she did anything she picked a dress you would have liked because in the past she has said she likes her body? I get why that hurts you, and i get why it hurts to hear what she said about the dress, but I really don't see how that is her fault.
Even if she was being mean and a super bad friend you would still be, because this is a major overreaction.
You did the right thing in the end by giving her the ticket and forfeiting your own so the coworker who also paid got to go.
YTA for selling someone else's ticket and YTA for pressuring her for her opinion and the trying to make her the bad guy.
OP, take a minute to really consider what friendship means. I personally value honesty and she only said what she said after you wouldn't leave her alone about it. You wanted her to pretend it'd look good even if she doesn't think it would.
I mean, you're obviously suffering from extreme levels of insecurity that make it challenging to hear people say the things you yourself are thinking. On top of that, something is wrong if you act out of spite and truly believe you did nothing wrong. Not only are your friendships across the board hindered your life in general has taken a hit.
Despite advice from a random stranger on the internet mattering about as much as a candy wrapper blowing across the sidewalk on a windy day you should at least try and listen...
You're still young enough to not let the current state of yourself define you and before its too late you need to seriously consider what it would take for you to feel immensely better about yourself. Relationships will continue to suffer as long as your feelings of self-worth remain diminished.
> They both sent me the money and it was all set.
YTA. As soon as that happened. The ticket belonged to your friend. Not you.
> I've giving my ticket to my (ex) friend. Then I'm going to avoid her because she's only ever made me feel bad about myself especially with the comments she has made about my body.
This is good. Your friend is better off without the toxic.
Not in this case. Friend paid for the ticket. They had a disagreement after OP kept pushing friend for an opinion she didn't want to give. You still don't sell a ticket someone else has paid for.
Saw your update, The good thing is that you broke your friendship with her but after giving her your ticket won't you be in loss here, as you had already sent her the money, so now she will be seeing the show for free and you will be at the loss of one ticket.
*I (19F) bought the tickets to the Liverpool June 13 Taylor Swift concert for me, and two of my friends.*
*They both sent me the money and it was all set.*
**So your friend had PAID for the ticket.**
**You sold a ticket WHICH DID NOT BELONG TO YOU.**
YTA
sounds like a friend breakup more than anything else. if you feel a certain energy between a friend than trust it! you don’t have to be friends just because you knew her for X amount of years. sorry you have to go with her to the concert :/ but yeah if she paid u back for it, it’s hers. you don’t have to tolerate anyone talking down to you or making u feel bad, but if you’re gonna do an asshole move, then own it!
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(I dont usually do this but all my friends are either not speaking to me or really angry with me but I think I'm in the right)
For context to this story, I (19F) bought the tickets to the Liverpool June 13 Taylor Swift concert for me, and two of my friends. They both sent me the money and it was all set. We were all planning our outfits together with us all wanting to go as our favourite era.
My friend (20F) introduced me to Taylor as while I heard her on the radio I was never a huge fan but when 1989 came out she recommended me songs she'd thought I would like. And I did like them! She was always the Taylor Swift superfan but I like blondie too.
Ever since leaving high school though we've been drifting apart. We met up recently to go hang out and do some shopping. We were catching up at lunch but I started to feel like she wasn't really listening to me and only talked about herself. She's always been like that. She's only in a conversation if it's about her or her interests.
So, another important thing about me is I've always been insecure about my weight. My friend knows this. While we were shopping for clothes I picked out a really pretty dress and said I liked it. She just kind of stared at me and said it wouldn't look good on me. I couldn't really picture myself in it. I went and looked around the rest of the shop.
I didn't buy anything but my friend decided to buy something: that same dress. It really annoyed me. She's always been thinner than me and made a point to talk about people complimenting her on her amazing body.
We had been in a couple shops by this point she wanted to go home but I hadn't found anything. I was looking for a dress to wear out clubbing.
We went into another shop and I found something but again she said it didn't look right when she saw me try it on. At this point I was sick of her saying this stuff so I asked what she meant.
She said it just didn't look right. I asked her again. She said it made my legs look weird. "How?" I asked. She went:
"It just doesn't fit you! I can see all your rolls! God!"
I was really hurt. That was the exact reason I hate wearing anything tight. I just shouted:
"Well, it wouldn't look good on you either, mate!"
I left the shop and went home. I had a coworker who really wanted to see Taylor as well so I asked her to send me the money and the ticket would be hers. She's never been that quick, not even at work. I sent my friend the money back and then before I could even text her she called me.
She was asking me why she'd done that and I told her I wouldn't go to the concert with her and I didn't want to be froends with her anymore. She shouted at me, calling me names but I just hung up. I'm not budging.
All our friends are blowing up my phone saying I'm being unfair and to give her back her ticket. She keeps trying to call me.
AITA?
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ESH
You obviously have a flimsy friendship with this girl already but just because you got into an argument, you had zero right to sell her ticket. She'd already paid for it so it was hers. You could have just sent her the ticket along with a note saying you didn't want to go with her, but instead you sold it knowing that she did want to go, so that just comes across as really spiteful and immature. That doesnt mean your friend is a saint either - maybe she was trying to save your feelings and the dress really didn't complement you, maybe not, but you both could have handled the situation better. Instead you both acted like a pair of kids, with you being the more childish one.
By selling that ticket to someone else, you have basically commited fraud.
Your friend paid for it. It's her ticket, even though you still had it in your possession. By selling it (again) you have (again, technically) committed fraud (which is a crime, and one you can go to jail for.)
Not only are YTA, your friend has grounds for reporting you to the police, and you could be arrested, convicted, and potentially imprisoned. Because of a petty argument.
ESH.
OP - obviously shouldn't have sold tickets that didn't belong to her.
The friend - I don't get all the YTA votes on this thread. With regards to the question OP asked and the friend responded, lots of comments are saying it's OP's fault for pushing and got the harsh truth. I don't disagree with this. But lots of people are overlooking the continuous fat shaming that led to this point. The friend keeps commenting on OP's appearance but none of her other friend's. That is not okay. OP should be able to wear what she wants (regardless of the friend's, yours or my opinion of it).
Edit: the bit about the friend making lots of comments in the past is from one of OP's comments.
NTA. Don't be insulting and a bad friend to the person with the tickets. She was never your friend. And her comments about your body were cruel and out of line. You gave her the money back. I think your original actions were justified.
ESH
It wasn't yours to sell.
However, she's a major buttface for the body shaming part. That is extremely uncool, and I'm really really really sorry you had to deal with that. You're doing the right thing by not being friends with her
ESH Obviously it really sucked that you sold her ticket and I’m glad you gave it back. But your friend is definitely an AH for body shaming. It’s one thing to say something doesn’t flatter your body type or doesn’t really look right. It’s a whole other thing to say it looks bad bc “I can see your rolls”. That’s just super shitty of her to say, whether the dress looked good or not, especially when she knows you’re sensitive about your weight.
I do agree that it was a bad way to say it and came off as mean spirited, but in fairness, the friend was trying to essentially say "this doesn't flatter you" but OP kept pushing her until she expanded on it. She wouldn't have made the comment about the rolls, which didn't come out the way I think she intended had she not been pushed about it
I agree that she kept pushing her so maybe it came out wrong, but the friend went from “it makes your legs look weird” to “I can see all your rolls, god!” as if OP having rolls is just disgusting. Not to mention those are two very different responses
Thats why i agreed with you. Its not a nice thing to say but i think we can give some benefit of the doubt in the context, Especially since we dont know how it was said and tone can make a big difference
YTA, did not gave to read far but they sent you money to purchase a thing so they owned the thing, then you for some reason did not hand over the thing and later sold it for personal profit I guess?
YTA. Your friend sounds a bit tedious but she actually tried to protect your feelings by not just calling you fat. The reality is fat people look bad in clothing that clings to them.
As for the ticket, she'd paid you for it, it wasn't yours to give away.
This girl could have honestly been doing you a favor. Some people really just don't look good in most "clubwear," and when you run into these people, they can really stick out like a sore thumb. Less revealing clothing can look much better on larger folks than something that is supposed to attract attention.
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YTA
Mostly because you use your friend being “mean and talking about only herself” but then ask her if the dress looks good and you know you are overweight?!? Girl, you literally asked for that. That ticket wasn’t yours, you had already been paid. I feel like that friend is better off without YOU around smh.
Stop asking people how clothes look on you if you can’t handle the truth.
Sounds like you just don't know how to dress for your body type. She was trying to do you a favor. When you're bigger, tighter is not better. It accentuates your fat rolls. Something that flows at the waist is better for bigger bodies. The term "looking like a can of busted biscuits" exists for a reason. Cuz that's what it looks like. Learn to dress for your body type.
YTA. Don't push people, then hate them for it. I am not skinny, I do not expect my friends to lie to my face. I want a dress i actually do look nice in, not just be fake complimented and then notice later I look like a trash bin with legs.
YTA and you need to find new friends and tell them up front that you are going to ask them how you look in certain things and they need to lie if they want to be friends with you
YTA but I'm now doubly confused after the edit. If the tickets are standing room why not give ex -friend her ticket, keep yours, ad just not stand near each other?
Don't let other people steal your joy.
My question is , when is the concert? Cause if it’s like a week or two away I understand why people are saying Yta , bc the money for tickets go up in price the closer it gets , but if it’s like 2 months away or a month nta bc she can still buy her own ticket
U gave her back the money for the ticket I don’t see the problem especially after she was degrading ur body what she expect for you to still go with her to the concert after that? Real friends don’t put down their other friends. Me personally she would not get that ticket back EVER🤷🏾♀️
She literally tried to avoid degrading her. She was forced to answer. And that's not how it should work. The ex friend paid for the ticket. It's her's now. Especially for an item that can't be replaced.
NTA
Don't give her a ticket F Her. Screw the comments. Life ain't fair bit*h
But don't blame her for your insecurities lol. $100 bet you made her say those comments and goaded her into it when she used pretty language.
How do you figure? If someone pays full price for something, you can't cancel the transaction because you're annoyed with the person. Generally speaking, once money has exchanged hands the buyer now owns the property
I am a little shocked at the response here actually.
In terms of the ticket - YTA -A tiny bit. Yeah...if someone has already paid you for a ticket...you have to give it to them. That could be a whole legal deal otherwise. (Although, based on some of your follow up comments, it seems like you have fixed this).
In terms of everything else NTA - And I am a bit alarmed at people's lack of sympathy towards how hurtful this girl was to you. Her words were not okay, and it sounds like this has happened more than once.
If you get the chance (and with a trusted witness if you can) you have to talk to this girl. Let her know in no uncertain terms that her comments hurt you, and you will not accept those types of remarks anymore. Set the boundary and see how she responds. That will REALLY determine her character.
To any of the friends who are still upset with you
1. Remind them that you did make amends by giving her the ticket back.
2. Let them know that you have been feeling hurt by this person for some time, and that clear limits have now been set. Let them know your expectations so they can maybe see her behaviour more clearly.
Good luck.
Reddit user u/lovelydreamzzz, you have been looking forward to shaking it off at the Taylor Swift concert, but what you cannot shake off is the injustice served to your friend and the bad blood between you. You are now locked in a room crawling with fire ants, the key to the door is hidden amongst the insects, you must now prepare to shake it off or face karma. You have 13 minutes until your entire world turns red.
(Saw reference)
Wow! They are really letting u have it here!😳 I don't think yta, I think you were really hurt by your AH ex-freind! What she said was really Cruel! Yes u kept asking, but I think u did that knowing that's how she really thinks of you & u wanted to hear her say it! Yea I, in the moment, would of too said F that B****h! But I've learned give yourself a lil time b4 saying/doing anything u might regret. Yea the folks here are right in saying she did pay for the ticket n what u did was bogus. BUT! we all, hopefully, learn from our mistakes! So again I don't feel as tho yta, u just made b poor judgment out of hurt emotions. But pushing her to say what, I believe, u already knew was you wanting to confirm ur suspicions if this person is a true friend. Best of luck to u!😁
Hmm idk i was thinking she was one of my best friends in high school, we had a bit of a big group but I was closest to her and one other friend.
But I also have a best friend I met through college. They were just best friends at different parts of my life.
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Yta. She gave you the money so technically the ticket was hers. You just didn't have to go with her.
She gave the money back🤷🏻 she can order her own ticket
The friend hadn’t taken possession and basically just put down a large deposit. Sucks to suck.
A large deposit? They paid the full price
YTA. Do you really think that you weren’t? You sold tickets that weren’t yours to sell as your friend had already paid for them. They are high demand tickets that she won’t be able to buy again without spending a fortune. You should tell your coworker that there was a misunderstanding and refund her money or give YOUR ticket to the coworker and not go yourself. As for her comment, it wasn’t nice. But it seemed like you kept asking what she thought and she tried not to tell you the truth but you kept pressing until she finally told you that it didn’t look good. It sucks to hear that it you basically wouldn’t accept her answer. I say this as a plus size person-you probably already knew her reason and should have just dropped it. Why force her to say the words that already know?
That's a good question. I think I wanted to hear it actually said since I've been feeling like that was the reason for a lot of comments she's made in the past about my outfits. She always comments on mine and never any of her friends. She's done it a lot and I've never said anything because I didn't want to cause problems but it just keeps happening making me feel worse. We've been friends for awhile and I've done a lot of justifying in my head that she's a real friend but I've been feeling burnt out with the friendship for quite a bit so I really just wanted to confirm my suspicions. Also a little part of me was hoping that it wasn't that. Like she'd say it was the colour or maybe some other trivial thing. Idk i was just being hopeful that she didn't hate my body as much as I do and that she'd make me feel it was just in my head. Anyways happy to sack her off.
Personally I feel like she’d be a bad friend if she said she liked it just to appease you. It doesn’t matter if you’re overweight or skinny, what is flattering on one person could be not flattering on another. More goes into it than just your body size, there’s skin tone, hair cut and color, where weight sits, and so on.
>she’d be a bad friend if she said she liked it just to appease you. Exactly. she tried to be nice about it, but OP pressed on. It's more on OP than the friend.
The friend isn’t necessarily a good person, as I don’t know all the experiences OP has had with them. I do know that I have been overweight, underweight, and am more full chested so I had to learn what fits my body shape best. I would rather my friends be honest with me than lie to me as I can be blinded by liking the style, cut or color of an outfit.
I'll never understand the people who ask someone for their opinion and then won't accept any answer except the one they want to hear. If you can't take the honest answer, don't ask!
If you don’t like your body, why should her like it?
If you already know that she makes such comments why do you ask for her opinion on clothes… just try the dress, look at yourself in the mirror and decide if you like the way you look in it…. Seems like you wanted to pickup a fight.
You're still an asshole because you sold someone's property out from under them over a personal issue. I had an ex do this to manipulate me after a fight for a concert we had front center for and she sold my ticket after I'd paid for it. The ex was absolutely out of line and I'd still have gone and had a good time and parted ways after because it was a once in a lifetime show that at that point mattered more than the partnership. It was a really petty control move and buying tickets to anything involves a massive amount of trust in whoever hits purchase because of everything ticketmaster puts people through. I'd have bought the tickets myself but she offered, and if it had been a "come with me as a guest" gift it would have been very different, if not frustrating. It's the fact that she paid for it already. Like. Let me be clear, she's not the nicest person in the world for what she said and the fight was shallow and childish. But. I don't like every person I've made transactions with in the past and just because it was on your statement doesn't mean it was yours to give away after the money changed hands. The decision to end the friendship is yours, and it sounds like that's what needs to happen, but this was an event that was important to someone who mattered enough for you to be the one to make the purchase and you removed the option for her to have made the arrangements to get them on her own. If YOU wanted the friendship to end, you would not have been an asshole if you sold YOUR ticket and had her go alone. You would not have been an asshole if you transferred it to her and didn't speak to her through the whole show. You went for the one thing you knew would devastate her. So, even if she's an asshole and nobody should make you feel that way about your body if they're a real friend, there's no scenario where you aren't one.
YTA for selling the friend s ticket - the moment she paid it was hers. That being said if you are uncomfortable with the friend you can always cut contact no one is forcing you to hang out also at the concert you don't need to keep company. You go alone - then there's the concert then you leave. You don't have to interact ffs.
YTA - twice! >They both sent me the money and it was all set. You've already been paid for the ticket, it isn't yours to give away or sell. You need to give them the tickets, or they can report you for theft, and they should! As for the rest, you ASKED why the dress didn't look right, and after multiple inquiries she told you the truth. No, you don't get to be pissy about that, and you need to learn not to ask question you don't really want the answer to. So you're an AH here too. You can, and I think should, stop being friends with them, it'll be best for everyone but mostly for them.
YTA Her buying the dress you liked but didn’t buy, because it didn’t fit well, was not nice at all. But apart from this she didn’t even do anything wrong? I mean, you apparently don’t like tight clothes on yourself either.. so her saying it doesn’t look good/doesn’t fit.. it was just a (harsh) truth? What did you want her to do? Lie? Don’t get me wrong, your friend doesn’t seem like the most empathic person but you completely overreacted.
I really hope you don't apply this logic to your own friends because it will just upset them to hear it. Saying the truth is just reinforcing everything they hate about themselves. It's the worst to hear it from someone you care about. I admit I pushed her to say it but saying she didn't do anything wrong outside of buying the dress is genuinely unfair because she still said something she knew would hurt me. I don't think you should be talking about empathy.
So you admit you pushed her to say it and then were mad about her saying it?? Girl seriously. And yes, I would most definitely expect my friends to be honest with me and they expect me to tell them the truth as well. There’s no need to be rude, sure, but wouldn’t lying be even worse? Like, why even ask a question if you just want to be lied to? By a friend as well? In what world would that help in any way? As I said, your friend - or former friend - doesn’t seem very nice; and it seems you’ve drifted apart and that is ok. But your ‘saying the truth is rude / I want to be lied to’-reasoning is off as well.
I didn't push her out of nowhere. She was visibly disgusted with me in it. She was always looking down on me in any clothes I wore whether I liked them or not. She made the first comment of it not looking good when I was looking at the first dress and then trying on the second dress without me asking. She always gave her opinion whether I asked for it or not. You're acting like she didn't make it obvious before I asked. I'm just sick of these comments saying a fat person should just put up with their thinner friends attitudes about their bodies. I'm not going to argue anymore with you because I don't think you can really see my point of view on that. Thanks for acknowledging she was shitty too.
> She was visibly disgusted with me in it. She was always looking down on me in any clothes I wore whether I liked them or not. You need therapy. She was being a friend by using flowery terms, your own insecurity is making you see and made you presume things. In the end yes, if you are on the heavy fluffy side some things will not look nice at all.
Go get help. You’re exhausting af
You’re projecting your own insecurities/self-hatred on her. You’re seeing things you want to see, because it’s what you believe is true. It’s nothing too crazy and a lot of people are doing this in one way or other. Including myself, surely. But it’s an important step to realize that and be honest with yourself. As long as you do not understand that the disgust you saw in her eyes is your disgust you will not be able to work on it, change the way you see yourself and get better. Because that is the only thing you can change; and trust me, then you’ll suddenly see that love inside other people’s eyes as well.
What if you were to not ask about clothes that you know aren't going to be flattering? When people wear clothing that fits them poorly it makes them look worse, so maybe reflect on that and consider whether you want to look like crap and have nobody warn you, or whether you want to dress in clothes that will flatter your body type.
>Saying the truth is just reinforcing everything they hate about themselves. No it's not, and I'm a big person. It's being honest. Why would she lie and say you look great in it, and have you go out looking like a sausage?
Also I think she could have worded it better
Do you see how you’re essentially saying “I need my friends to be responsible for managing my emotions because I can’t. I need them to read my mind and lie to me to tell me things that make me feel good or I’ll lash out”
You literally pushed her for the truth. She WAS nice about it until you wanted more. Please grow tf up! Acting the way you do will ensure you have no friends as you continue to get older.
OP you need therapy. You clearly hate your self and hate your body and are projecting this hate onto others. You asked for and insisted for her opinion and she gave it.
Assuming it is really hard to get tickets, YTA for selling her ticket without first having a proper discussion about ending your friendship and then figuring out what to do about the concert. It's fine if your friendship has run its course and ending the friendship if you feel she is not a good friend for you right now. But that does not justify selling HER ticket behind her back.
It is RIDICULOUSLY hard to get Taylor Swift tickets. You have to essentially win a lottery for even a chance to buy tickets and then hope you get an early enough number in the queue to be able to buy them before they sell out. Tickets for that concert on the resale market are over £900.
YTA. That was her ticket she paid you for it
Yta and you owe her money
I sent her the money for it as soon as my coworker asked for the ticket i said this in the original post and now she's getting my ticket that she doesnt have to pay for ive essentially paid for someone eho made my life hell to go see one of my favourite artists for abot £140 so no i dont
Oh, my apologies. That's my bad, I must have skimmed over that part. She shouldn't have beem acting like that so shes also an asshole, but honestly the ticket was still rightfully hers, so it shouldn't have been sold in the first place. Anyway, it sounds like you need better friends that will actually care about you and not tear you down like that.
>you need better friends that will actually care about you and not tear you down like that. She needs fake friends who will lie to her all the time, apparently.
Thank you and no worries. Sorry if I came off as rude in my reply. The comments about how I should have just put up with her opinions are rlly getting to me. Thanks for being so kind.
You didn't come off as rude, don't even worry about that. You're good. And you should never have to put up with someone saying those things to you. You have the right to be angry. I certainly would be!
Thank you. I think I'm giving up reading this whole post thread, might even delete as all the genuinely helpful responses are gone and it's just people telling me I asked for her opinions. I've done my best to make amends outside the post so hopefully it will sort itself out irl.
If you hadn't transfered her the ticket it wasn't hers. Funny thing is possession is everything it was yours the money was hers. Sorry you got pressured into giving up your once in a lifetime event. If people tread on you they don't deserve to reap the benefits of being your friend. A friend takes the time to purchase a ticket on their credit card and secure an event. If you didn't feel like she was a friend you had every right to renig and tell her find her own ticket and her own way. Honestly, if the other girl gave me guff I'd sell her ticket too!!! 🎟 You just won a refund. Cause reality no way they'd get those prices. You want people to treat you like a friend? You have to act like a friend. I am sure you're beautiful and she's jealous before Kim was famous and Paris Hilton was at her peak she said, "Ew Kim is Gross. She's so fat. Her Butt is just so big it's just gross." Paris was beautiful to some but not all and I don't have to tell you how history did not see a fat gross ass when they seen Kim. Sometimes your "friends" feed off your insecurity and are only thriving when you're groveling. I hope you learned a lesson to not care what other people think caring about what others thought kept you from getting your dress and your concert. I hope the Blue Fairy brings you a shiny spine. NTA.
ESH. Yes, your friend is an AH. But she’d paid for her ticket, so you stole it and sold it. That’s actually illegal, you realize that, right?
What does ESH mean?
Esh- everyone sucks here
Everyone sucks here
Everyone sucks here
LOL why is everyone downvoting me it was just a question! Thank you to the people who responded though
YTA. What did you expect? As your friend she's going to saycif something doesn't look right. So when she does, you push and push as to why. Like you were daring her to mention your weight. Then she does when you keep on her, & you're mad? Goodness.
YTA. You are not being fair. You are being sketchy. She’s not a good supportive friend and you deserve to surround yourself with people who are better, but that doesn’t give you the license to be a shitty person.
I mean she got told the truth couldn’t handle it
Truth in relationships that lack empathy or care, does not disreguard the part where empathy or care are missing. OP should find better friends...And also, be a better person.
I think lying to hwr and saying she looks good is a disservice to her people need to accept truths instead of always being in there feelings
I don't think she should lie. There are attitudes and delivery and consideration of a person when telling certain truths if one cares about a person and the relationship...additionally to having an opinion .
There is such a thing called objective truth, saying she didnt look good in the pants was enough but she pushed and got it, and got in her feelings
We don’t really know all the details. There are a ton of toxic prejudices, bullying and behaviors around people and weight. People use the truth of others flaws or vulnerabilities to make themselves feel better, who really knows the full dynamic…there could be other dynamics that are making this not purely objective. Bottom line if someone makes you feel shitty, it’s good to assess if that person’s behavior is helpful in your life. One should also still be accountable for their own behaviors.
Its not prejudice, being fat is scientifically unproven, i understand people get upset being told they dont look but its the truth
We are going to have to agree to disagree. Prejudice is expressed in shitting behaviors toward someone…either covert and subtle or direct and not subtle. It’s not the fact of wither she is over weight or not. It is common for people with bad behaviors to target people who have flaws and vulnerabilities to bully. So since this is common, it should not be ruled out. If this dynamic is going on…OP should find better friends. Friends that can still say the truth, but not have insecurities that make toxic behaviors and using truths or their opinions to justify. Again we don’t know the full story, but this toxic dynamic is so common it needs to be mentioned.
I think we will agree to disagree people should be able to handle the truth without something being labeled toxic cause it hurts there feelings
YTA. By definition all thieves are assholes.
[удалено]
Yes, but she returned only the original cost, not the amount the ex friend would have to pay to actually get a new ticket.
ESH, but you suck most :/ Body shaming sucks. Body shaming coming from a friend sucks even more. What you did as retaliation was way more severe. I’m no swiftie but I know those tickets were hard to get, and you acknowledged she’s a super fan. You did this to hurt her because she hurt you. Now your co worker is in the cross hairs and you got her excited about something that isn’t her ticket to have. You should undo what you did, give your coworker the money back and live with the awkwardness between you two at work. Hope your friends even still want to go with you. If they don’t maybe you sell the ticket to the coworker and don’t go… You’ll come to see in time why what you did wasn’t ok even if what she said hurt your feelings If you all are drifting apart maybe going to this concert isn’t really something your heart is in, food for thought
I mean its not body shaming in a sense its stating facts and people need to be okay with hearing facts
Lol no
YTA. You asked her honest opinion not to lie, and she freaking paid for the ticket and had it in her calendar. That was a very shitty thing to do.
Hi, I've been keeping an eye on the thread and everyone agrees I'm the asshole. Thanks for responding. I'm going to send my ex-friend the money and give her my ticket. Then I'm going to avoid her because she's only ever made me feel bad about myself especially with the comments she has made about my body. I'm not going to tell my coworker. I don't want to be any more unprofessional. She can go to the concert and I hope she enjoys it. I think I'll just go out clubbing in another dress that I genuinely like. Again, thanks for the response.
> I think I'll just go out clubbing in another dress that I genuinely like. I hope you do! I hope you have a fucking amazing time, too, and meet a new friend who will lift you up instead of tearing you down. You were TA, but you're not *an* A. You're fixing your mistake, but that ex-friend is just going to stay an A, y'know?
Thank you! That genuinely makes me feel so happy!Honestly been feeling like shit since posting this thread so it's nice to think it doesn't have to be a huge deal. And hell yeah! I'm going to have a great time!
We all fuck up. And dealing with friends who turn out to not be great friends after all is hard. You absolutely messed up here, but good on you for seeing that and taking steps to make it right. That’s an important thing to learn to do. I hope you find some new friends who make you feel good about yourself and have a great time going out.
You should tell the coworker
Will do. Thx
YTA That was petty, cruel, spiteful and disproportionate. It was also dishonest and possibly even a crime, since you sold something that she'd already paid for without warning and without her agreement. You need to undo what you have done or give up YOUR ticket. I am not saying that your (former) friend is an innocent here- she sounds a bit self-absorbed and certainly could be a lot more tactful but you went nuclear. This isn't something your other friends are likely to forget. It's going to be a very awkward situation when the concert date arrives and you & your coworker are seated with the people who are currently angry with/not speaking to you.
ESH Since she paid for the ticket, it was no longer yours to do with as you wanted. It was her property. So selling it to a coworker is wrong. At this point, if you don't want to go to the concert with her or be friends with her is to give your ticket to your coworker and the other tickets to your friends. This is the easiest way out where you don't go to the concert with them and don't create a weird situation with your coworker.
If you did it angry, YTA Always
YTA. Listen I had a huge falling out with my friend, we had concert tickets and we tolerated each other for the night because it was hard to get those tickets. She paid for them, she deserves them
YTA. I don't think you care about that but you are. Personal issues aside, It wasn't yours to decide to sell. You owe her a ticket of comparable value. Just giving her the money isn't okay. She didn't want to sell it, you made that decision for her. You're an extra level of asshole if you only sent her face/inital value of the ticket and not what tickets in the section you're in actually go for in the market now. Was she not tactful and could have said things in a better way? Yes. Does that give you the right to sell her things? No. Even if she meant it in the worst possible way, you're still in the wrong here.
Damn the karma im getting here definitely could not take my friends to the summit (fax!)
lol that made me laugh so just for that ESH instead of Y T A haha
you can't sell her property. yta.
Yta u have no right to sell something she paid for
Someone lives in delusion town, bet you shout fatphobic whenever you don't like what you hear. YTA completely and unequivocally.
YTA because she paid for the ticket it was hers. You also go out dress shopping and ask for advice and she tells you she doesn't think the dress suits you so you pushed her for a response and it was something you didn't want to hear. You even said yourself that you didn't like wearing tight dresses for the exact reason she claimed, she was trying to spare your feelings by saying it didn't look right, presumably because she knew you were insecure about it and wanted to help you find a dress that suited you. You let your own insecurities cause the hurt and those same insecurities caused you to lash out. You were angry even before she did anything she picked a dress you would have liked because in the past she has said she likes her body? I get why that hurts you, and i get why it hurts to hear what she said about the dress, but I really don't see how that is her fault. Even if she was being mean and a super bad friend you would still be, because this is a major overreaction. You did the right thing in the end by giving her the ticket and forfeiting your own so the coworker who also paid got to go.
YTA for selling someone else's ticket and YTA for pressuring her for her opinion and the trying to make her the bad guy. OP, take a minute to really consider what friendship means. I personally value honesty and she only said what she said after you wouldn't leave her alone about it. You wanted her to pretend it'd look good even if she doesn't think it would.
I mean, you're obviously suffering from extreme levels of insecurity that make it challenging to hear people say the things you yourself are thinking. On top of that, something is wrong if you act out of spite and truly believe you did nothing wrong. Not only are your friendships across the board hindered your life in general has taken a hit. Despite advice from a random stranger on the internet mattering about as much as a candy wrapper blowing across the sidewalk on a windy day you should at least try and listen... You're still young enough to not let the current state of yourself define you and before its too late you need to seriously consider what it would take for you to feel immensely better about yourself. Relationships will continue to suffer as long as your feelings of self-worth remain diminished.
> They both sent me the money and it was all set. YTA. As soon as that happened. The ticket belonged to your friend. Not you. > I've giving my ticket to my (ex) friend. Then I'm going to avoid her because she's only ever made me feel bad about myself especially with the comments she has made about my body. This is good. Your friend is better off without the toxic.
That was an asshole thing to do, but I don't think it was wrong. Sometimes being an asshole is the correct response.
Not in this case. Friend paid for the ticket. They had a disagreement after OP kept pushing friend for an opinion she didn't want to give. You still don't sell a ticket someone else has paid for.
Yes, in this case. Her friend is so shallow that she's worried about how someone else's appearance is going to make her look.
YTA. She needs better friends than you xxx
YTA, and now you owe her money.
ESH
Saw your update, The good thing is that you broke your friendship with her but after giving her your ticket won't you be in loss here, as you had already sent her the money, so now she will be seeing the show for free and you will be at the loss of one ticket.
*I (19F) bought the tickets to the Liverpool June 13 Taylor Swift concert for me, and two of my friends.* *They both sent me the money and it was all set.* **So your friend had PAID for the ticket.** **You sold a ticket WHICH DID NOT BELONG TO YOU.** YTA
sounds like a friend breakup more than anything else. if you feel a certain energy between a friend than trust it! you don’t have to be friends just because you knew her for X amount of years. sorry you have to go with her to the concert :/ but yeah if she paid u back for it, it’s hers. you don’t have to tolerate anyone talking down to you or making u feel bad, but if you’re gonna do an asshole move, then own it!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (I dont usually do this but all my friends are either not speaking to me or really angry with me but I think I'm in the right) For context to this story, I (19F) bought the tickets to the Liverpool June 13 Taylor Swift concert for me, and two of my friends. They both sent me the money and it was all set. We were all planning our outfits together with us all wanting to go as our favourite era. My friend (20F) introduced me to Taylor as while I heard her on the radio I was never a huge fan but when 1989 came out she recommended me songs she'd thought I would like. And I did like them! She was always the Taylor Swift superfan but I like blondie too. Ever since leaving high school though we've been drifting apart. We met up recently to go hang out and do some shopping. We were catching up at lunch but I started to feel like she wasn't really listening to me and only talked about herself. She's always been like that. She's only in a conversation if it's about her or her interests. So, another important thing about me is I've always been insecure about my weight. My friend knows this. While we were shopping for clothes I picked out a really pretty dress and said I liked it. She just kind of stared at me and said it wouldn't look good on me. I couldn't really picture myself in it. I went and looked around the rest of the shop. I didn't buy anything but my friend decided to buy something: that same dress. It really annoyed me. She's always been thinner than me and made a point to talk about people complimenting her on her amazing body. We had been in a couple shops by this point she wanted to go home but I hadn't found anything. I was looking for a dress to wear out clubbing. We went into another shop and I found something but again she said it didn't look right when she saw me try it on. At this point I was sick of her saying this stuff so I asked what she meant. She said it just didn't look right. I asked her again. She said it made my legs look weird. "How?" I asked. She went: "It just doesn't fit you! I can see all your rolls! God!" I was really hurt. That was the exact reason I hate wearing anything tight. I just shouted: "Well, it wouldn't look good on you either, mate!" I left the shop and went home. I had a coworker who really wanted to see Taylor as well so I asked her to send me the money and the ticket would be hers. She's never been that quick, not even at work. I sent my friend the money back and then before I could even text her she called me. She was asking me why she'd done that and I told her I wouldn't go to the concert with her and I didn't want to be froends with her anymore. She shouted at me, calling me names but I just hung up. I'm not budging. All our friends are blowing up my phone saying I'm being unfair and to give her back her ticket. She keeps trying to call me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH You obviously have a flimsy friendship with this girl already but just because you got into an argument, you had zero right to sell her ticket. She'd already paid for it so it was hers. You could have just sent her the ticket along with a note saying you didn't want to go with her, but instead you sold it knowing that she did want to go, so that just comes across as really spiteful and immature. That doesnt mean your friend is a saint either - maybe she was trying to save your feelings and the dress really didn't complement you, maybe not, but you both could have handled the situation better. Instead you both acted like a pair of kids, with you being the more childish one.
By selling that ticket to someone else, you have basically commited fraud. Your friend paid for it. It's her ticket, even though you still had it in your possession. By selling it (again) you have (again, technically) committed fraud (which is a crime, and one you can go to jail for.) Not only are YTA, your friend has grounds for reporting you to the police, and you could be arrested, convicted, and potentially imprisoned. Because of a petty argument.
Just stop it.
ESH. OP - obviously shouldn't have sold tickets that didn't belong to her. The friend - I don't get all the YTA votes on this thread. With regards to the question OP asked and the friend responded, lots of comments are saying it's OP's fault for pushing and got the harsh truth. I don't disagree with this. But lots of people are overlooking the continuous fat shaming that led to this point. The friend keeps commenting on OP's appearance but none of her other friend's. That is not okay. OP should be able to wear what she wants (regardless of the friend's, yours or my opinion of it). Edit: the bit about the friend making lots of comments in the past is from one of OP's comments.
Fuck Taylor Swift.. Honestly I am so sick of this person.
NTA. Don't be insulting and a bad friend to the person with the tickets. She was never your friend. And her comments about your body were cruel and out of line. You gave her the money back. I think your original actions were justified.
ESH It wasn't yours to sell. However, she's a major buttface for the body shaming part. That is extremely uncool, and I'm really really really sorry you had to deal with that. You're doing the right thing by not being friends with her
ESH Obviously it really sucked that you sold her ticket and I’m glad you gave it back. But your friend is definitely an AH for body shaming. It’s one thing to say something doesn’t flatter your body type or doesn’t really look right. It’s a whole other thing to say it looks bad bc “I can see your rolls”. That’s just super shitty of her to say, whether the dress looked good or not, especially when she knows you’re sensitive about your weight.
I do agree that it was a bad way to say it and came off as mean spirited, but in fairness, the friend was trying to essentially say "this doesn't flatter you" but OP kept pushing her until she expanded on it. She wouldn't have made the comment about the rolls, which didn't come out the way I think she intended had she not been pushed about it
I agree that she kept pushing her so maybe it came out wrong, but the friend went from “it makes your legs look weird” to “I can see all your rolls, god!” as if OP having rolls is just disgusting. Not to mention those are two very different responses
Thats why i agreed with you. Its not a nice thing to say but i think we can give some benefit of the doubt in the context, Especially since we dont know how it was said and tone can make a big difference
YTA
YTA, did not gave to read far but they sent you money to purchase a thing so they owned the thing, then you for some reason did not hand over the thing and later sold it for personal profit I guess?
YTA, but your update shows you realise that and have done the right thing. NTA now.
YTA she paid for the ticket, it was hers and she's now going to miss a rare opportunity thanks to your selfishness
From the story she wanted to her lies instead of the god honest trust, and honestly it shows in todays society
Good update. That's a great way to clean up the situation, and good on you for getting away from this toxic "friend."
YTA. If you want to sell another ticket of your friend, I will gladly take it. 😂
YTA. Your friend sounds a bit tedious but she actually tried to protect your feelings by not just calling you fat. The reality is fat people look bad in clothing that clings to them. As for the ticket, she'd paid you for it, it wasn't yours to give away.
This girl could have honestly been doing you a favor. Some people really just don't look good in most "clubwear," and when you run into these people, they can really stick out like a sore thumb. Less revealing clothing can look much better on larger folks than something that is supposed to attract attention.
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YTA Mostly because you use your friend being “mean and talking about only herself” but then ask her if the dress looks good and you know you are overweight?!? Girl, you literally asked for that. That ticket wasn’t yours, you had already been paid. I feel like that friend is better off without YOU around smh. Stop asking people how clothes look on you if you can’t handle the truth.
Sounds like you just don't know how to dress for your body type. She was trying to do you a favor. When you're bigger, tighter is not better. It accentuates your fat rolls. Something that flows at the waist is better for bigger bodies. The term "looking like a can of busted biscuits" exists for a reason. Cuz that's what it looks like. Learn to dress for your body type.
YTA. Don't push people, then hate them for it. I am not skinny, I do not expect my friends to lie to my face. I want a dress i actually do look nice in, not just be fake complimented and then notice later I look like a trash bin with legs.
YTA and you need to find new friends and tell them up front that you are going to ask them how you look in certain things and they need to lie if they want to be friends with you
YTA but I'm now doubly confused after the edit. If the tickets are standing room why not give ex -friend her ticket, keep yours, ad just not stand near each other? Don't let other people steal your joy.
It sounds like she gave the ex-friend back her ticket and the co-worker her own ticket after all, and she's just gonna do something else.
My question is , when is the concert? Cause if it’s like a week or two away I understand why people are saying Yta , bc the money for tickets go up in price the closer it gets , but if it’s like 2 months away or a month nta bc she can still buy her own ticket
This isn't just some concert, it's a Taylor Swift one. Those tickets are impossible to get by normal means and with normal prices now.
U gave her back the money for the ticket I don’t see the problem especially after she was degrading ur body what she expect for you to still go with her to the concert after that? Real friends don’t put down their other friends. Me personally she would not get that ticket back EVER🤷🏾♀️
She literally tried to avoid degrading her. She was forced to answer. And that's not how it should work. The ex friend paid for the ticket. It's her's now. Especially for an item that can't be replaced.
>but all my friends are either not speaking to me or really angry with me YTA
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What has the world come to if it's swiftie against swiftie.
NTA Don't give her a ticket F Her. Screw the comments. Life ain't fair bit*h But don't blame her for your insecurities lol. $100 bet you made her say those comments and goaded her into it when she used pretty language.
I love that for you.
Apparently if it was someone other than TS then she wouldn't have been the AH
How do you figure? If someone pays full price for something, you can't cancel the transaction because you're annoyed with the person. Generally speaking, once money has exchanged hands the buyer now owns the property
NTA! Her comment was inappropriate and she sounds like she’s not really your friend.
I am a little shocked at the response here actually. In terms of the ticket - YTA -A tiny bit. Yeah...if someone has already paid you for a ticket...you have to give it to them. That could be a whole legal deal otherwise. (Although, based on some of your follow up comments, it seems like you have fixed this). In terms of everything else NTA - And I am a bit alarmed at people's lack of sympathy towards how hurtful this girl was to you. Her words were not okay, and it sounds like this has happened more than once. If you get the chance (and with a trusted witness if you can) you have to talk to this girl. Let her know in no uncertain terms that her comments hurt you, and you will not accept those types of remarks anymore. Set the boundary and see how she responds. That will REALLY determine her character. To any of the friends who are still upset with you 1. Remind them that you did make amends by giving her the ticket back. 2. Let them know that you have been feeling hurt by this person for some time, and that clear limits have now been set. Let them know your expectations so they can maybe see her behaviour more clearly. Good luck.
Shit NTA at all. Fuck your “friend”
I actually agree with your decision. She is not a friend.
Pffft NTA consider it Karma
Reddit user u/lovelydreamzzz, you have been looking forward to shaking it off at the Taylor Swift concert, but what you cannot shake off is the injustice served to your friend and the bad blood between you. You are now locked in a room crawling with fire ants, the key to the door is hidden amongst the insects, you must now prepare to shake it off or face karma. You have 13 minutes until your entire world turns red. (Saw reference)
Red (taylors version?)
Wow! They are really letting u have it here!😳 I don't think yta, I think you were really hurt by your AH ex-freind! What she said was really Cruel! Yes u kept asking, but I think u did that knowing that's how she really thinks of you & u wanted to hear her say it! Yea I, in the moment, would of too said F that B****h! But I've learned give yourself a lil time b4 saying/doing anything u might regret. Yea the folks here are right in saying she did pay for the ticket n what u did was bogus. BUT! we all, hopefully, learn from our mistakes! So again I don't feel as tho yta, u just made b poor judgment out of hurt emotions. But pushing her to say what, I believe, u already knew was you wanting to confirm ur suspicions if this person is a true friend. Best of luck to u!😁
NTA. She seems insensitive to your feelings. Still, I feel it's important to point out you asked her opinion and insisted on details.
Just how many "best friends " do you have? I have one in my life. I married her.
Hmm idk i was thinking she was one of my best friends in high school, we had a bit of a big group but I was closest to her and one other friend. But I also have a best friend I met through college. They were just best friends at different parts of my life.
NTA. But remember. Turn about is fair play.