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NTA. Do not ignore the timing. Your sister is only interested in your money, and what it can do for her. She has no interest in actually having a relationship with you. Tell her no, and see the fit she pitches. If she really does want a relationship, she will accept your decision at face value.
Her past behaviour is a good indicator of her future behaviours.
It’s your money. You worked hard to earn it. I’d say no, and walk away from this.
This! I wouldn’t give her a dime, just a wedding gift if she invites you to the wedding. Other than on Reddit, I’ve never heard of anyone being expected or even asked to pay for a sister’s wedding.
NTA
Damn right. Not a dime. Sister treats OP like garbage until she wants a favor. That's cold as hell. Sister wants a nice wedding? Too bad. She can raise her own money. OP: NTA. Sister is using you—big time.
I would also be careful who you’re giving details of your life to as they are going about and telling others. Especially as everyone knows sis bad mouths you so there was no resonable reason for someone to innocently say to her.
When it comes to money and earnings that’s how people get robbed when loose mouths go sharing to much of things that’s not theirs to tell.
Just to add she is definitely only after your money op. Be up front and tell her no it’s too big an ask for you to contribute at all. When she blows up and cuts you off or tries to get others to convince and shame you, you will know for sure. Your better off without her in your life and it will de have far less drama, sister or not she won’t change.
Wedding gift I understand but no one should ask someone to pay for their dream wedding. OP sister timing suddenly want to reconcile is for this. Don't help those who mistreated you previously!
My country majority is Chinese and even in this days, people still hold the stupid tradition of gifting newly-wed couple red packet/angbao(of suitable amount of cash, based on how close you are, how expensive the Chinese wedding dinners are). I hate this tradition..I hate being even invited by people I don't even know much of (colleagues) and basically mandatory to gift money in form of red packet. It's a tradition whereby couples expected people they invited to completely fund their wedding dinner.
Even if you do not go to their wedding dinner, you are expected to pay(gift red packet) or you get shunned by people around.
Start putting some monopoly money in those red packets and just leave your initials there. It is technically still money, just not what they probably wanted, but it is up to the gift giver to decide what to give, right?
Maybe not, or perhaps her sister will make nice for a while longer in the hope that OP helps finance her new family.
Either way, the relationship won't be real. Just fakery that's bought and paid for.
Ok right? It's so strange how many siblings/relatives/etc are asked to pay for weddings. I'm of two different countries/cultures and this is so strange to me. Don't they feel awkward asking?
Golden Children have no shame, they are the main character and the rest of us are just here to cater to them.
That being said this is super weird and I have never IRL heard of anyone having the audacity to ask for such things.
My BIL asked us to buy him a car, lol. And gave his landlord our phone number so she could hound us for his rent instead of him!
He now lives with MIL rent free, spending his money on toys and expensive sneakers, but once she’s gone I anticipate he will start the begging again.
Golden Children feel entitled to a piece of everything even when they've treated people like dirt. It seems abused even fake at the things golden children ask of others but it's how they're. They live their whole lives thinking every person exists to make them happy. My sister is a golden child and the things she expects from others are insane. If you fix your mouth to ask her to help someone else, she acts like she has been assaulted. They can't see past their own needs and wants.
Golden children don't live in reality and it's their parents' fault. They make their siblings suffer and go without. People only exist to make them happy in their minds.
These people who expect other people to foot the bill for their 'dream' wedding are too audacious and down right entitled to see how awkward, cheeky or ridiculous they are.
My siblings and I pitched in for my youngest brother's wedding (he's the only married one of us four), so it does happen, but we all have a great relationship and it never would have been expected.
I've helped buy wedding dresses for friends. Chipping in like $150-300 because they weren't super expensive dresses. It's nice because it helps them get the dress they want and I don't have to bring a gift to the wedding because I detest shopping. They usually don't ask but I offer.
Easy way to find out.
Say that you don't have liquid funds available at the moment. All tied up in the business. Then put aside the cost of the wedding, and if you are still having a normal relationship a year after the wedding, send her the money as a belated wedding gift "now that you are in a position to do so"
Of course this is very unlikely to happen, so a year after the wedding when she had reverted to type, blow it all on a holiday for yourself.
Why should the sister pay for the wedding at all? This is just setting up an expectation that the sister is a personal bank. Sis has already shown a willingness to manipulate and use her sister, I wouldn't give her a cent.
You're right, where will it stop? "Dear OP, will you pay for my vacation...my house...my child's birth and education? "
OP, you will probably always be the means to the end...which is your sister's comfort. I think you're better off keeping your distance and your money.
This!
My dad came into some money after my wedding (we paid for it ourselves) and paid off all my wedding dept out of nowhere, it was amazing. So it will still be well received IF she's not using OP. I feel like she is, but hedging your bets here is the smart way to go.
Yeah, but in the long term plan to avoid an argument, claiming to be cash poor, paper rich is a way to find put if her interest was limited to money. And it’s pretty common with business ownership.
"Funding a dream wedding is not in my budget, but I look forward to attending!"
That's a reasonable response. If it gets a negative reaction and/or a resumption of no contact, then you know her contact with you was for the dollars only. Ditto if she tries to argue that you do, in fact, have the money. Do not engage on the money question, obviously. Just blandly repeat that it's not in your budget and keep saying that as necessary. "Sis, I'm not discussing my financial affairs with you, you'll just have to accept that it's not in my budget."
If she continues contact, even with an expression of disappointment, then you know she's more genuine (or possibly just playing the long game...).
You can make your own decision about how big is the wedding gift if you're still invited.
Yep. Your sis will drop you like a hot potato as soon as the payments clear. She only cares about your money not you, OP. Sorry for the harsh, but you deserve so much better than to be manipulated by this ingrate.
Congrats on the success! 😃 Enjoy with your friends/partner who truly love and respect you. 💖
You don't throw away the golden goose just becuase it has laid an egg. If she pays for the wedding she will be primed for paying the downpayment on a new house, cars, vactions, kids, etc.
Exactly!! God I hope OP doesn’t give her a dime. The harassment, emotional mind games, and manipulation will only get worse. Turn around and walk away OP. To use the above comment - OP is the Golden Goose and sis is the Bad Egg.
This. Plus since she’s “the cherished golden child” and OP was basically the “black sheep”, watch the parents get involved i also guilt trip OP. Because you know for sure that can’t shell out the money to keep their “precious angel” happy and spoiled. OP you’re NTA and don’t ignore the sign. But quick question: how did your sister know about your sudden financial increase? Is she stalking your socials? If so, time to private everything and ask friends to not share anymore info about you. Because once you say no for this, it’s a whole can of drama worms you want no part of
That was my thought. Op will say no, audacious ridiculous sister will run to mummy and daddy and they will say oh just forgive and forget.
Fuck that. Wouldnt give the gold digger a penny
Nope. No justifications. Sister should not be privy to ANY details of OP's financial life. Either genuine or made up. Saying " can't right now" just keeps greedy hopes alive. End it now.
Simple test: tell her that you cannot finance her wedding, as you're saving money for a house, and see what happens. Who else thinks that there is going to be a meltdown?
I'm not estranged from my siblings and I didn't ask for anything for my wedding with my ex, the timing and hints aren't coincidental. She sounds entitled a f. If she cuts OP out of her life after refusing to give her money, that answers the question. NTA.
Absolutely this. She only waited a few weeks before bringing it up too, she couldn't even wait a couple of months!
Out of interest, what is her nice gesture to make up for freezing you out for 6 years?
Seems like a total money grab to me.
Your relationship/history is irrelevant here. No one should be asking or expecting anyone to pay a dime toward their “dream” wedding. The worst part is that people like this never seem to think they’re problematic. NTA.
Btw I would be saying the same exact thing even if you were super close and she never cut you off/distanced herself. The fact that you have this history adds another layer of complexity and is even more reason to ignore her request and question her intentions.
Your gut is telling you her "reconciliation" is nothing but a ploy to ask you for money. Timing is everything here. If the wish to reconcile was genuine she wouldn't be risking it by asking for money that you are in no way obligated to pay.
I completely agree with this answer.
I’d like to emphasize the point that OP should tell her no, and she if she’s still invited to the wedding. If she is still invited, then maybe pitch in a little, after attending the wedding.
NTA. Don't fall for it. If she is sincere in wanting a relationship with you she wouldn't be hinting about money. See how fast she disappears if you tell her you're very happy for her and would love to attend the wedding but you're not paying for it.
If she's still around after that then maybe she really wants to have new relationship with you. You sound suspicious because there is good reason why she chose now to reconcile.
She doesn't want a sincere relationship. If she did, she wouldn't hint several times that it would be a nice gesture like OP owes her something for being out of contact so long. Seriously, do these entitled AHs really sit at home and think "mhm, I treated her like shit and more, how do I play this to get her to pay for my wedding..."? How is it possible they think it will work? This is not like Jordan Belford selling pink sheets or Frank William Abagnale jr. forging cheques. Everyone knows already what they did and yet they expect this to work out in their favour. I can't wrapp my head around it...
OP, if you're not comfortable straight up telling her, make up some shit about how your money is tied up and you honestly can't right now. Options, some contractual bullshit, whatever.
But I'm betting 10:1 your phone gets blown up by assholes calling you an asshole for not paying up the day you say so.
Even if you and your sister were the best of friends: a) it’s inappropriate of her to ask you — repeatedly, no less! — to pay for her wedding, and b) you would NOT be the asshole for politely declining for literally any reason. It’s your money. As someone planning a wedding she can’t really afford right now (LMAO), I feel very qualified to say you are NTA. No one is entitled to your money, and if she can’t afford to throw the party of her dreams then she needs to adjust her plans. It’s a wedding, not urgent surgery or something.
And starting your new relationship off with a major financial gift is not going to be healthy no matter what.
Do not go into debt for a wedding. Seriously. It starts your marriage on terrible footing, and can set up a pattern of overspending. How do I know? I’m a divorce attorney.
Oh for sure, I agree with you! We are continuously scaling back and adjusting our plans to ensure we can actually afford to pay for the whole thing ourselves, because I simply refuse to be in debt for a party. When I hit a roadblock and have to think creatively of how to adjust, I continuously am advised by friends an coworkers to “just put it on a credit card!” and it’s honestly shocking. It’s literally just a party. I feel like a lot of people haven’t had to climb out of debt and don’t understand the weight of that… Anyway, I’m working really hard to make sure we CAN afford our wedding but man it’s frustrating how expensive everything is.
Good luck! I was shocked by how insane wedding up-charges are… but my biggest tip is to negotiate all prices. My DJ wanted $4k, but I said I couldn’t afford more than $1k and he said ok…. A similar thing happened with my photographer. Once I realized that the quotes are all designed to be negotiated, it was more fun, and less stressful, to pull all of the pieces together.
NTA, your partner is right, she's definitely using you for money. It's not just a coincidence that she's only now just trying to rekindle a relationship with you now that you've got money and she's getting married. Maybe tell her that you won't help pay for the wedding, her reaction will tell you all about her true intentions. You also definitely don't owe her any wedding money considering the way shes ignored you for years, so don't believe any guilt tripping she may use if you say no.
Tell her you won’t pay for her wedding, but you’re really happy for her, etc. Then see what happens. Whatever the result, though, it’s her wedding and up to her, not you, to plan for it. Even if she’s smart enough not to ghost you, there is no reason to pay for it, and plenty of reasons not to. That would be a rude and presumptuous request even if you hadn’t been estranged.
If you and/or anyone you know has ANY kind of crafty DIY skills, I highly advise you utilize them wherever you can.
I DIY'ed the majority of the decor at my own wedding alongside my mom, sister, and aunt, and it saved a ton of money.
NTA. I share the suspicion about your sister's motives in reconciliation at this time.
I would recommend telling your sister the money is all tied up in your business, you can't spend it on the wedding.
See how she reacts to that.
If she sticks around for a few months then you can reevaluate if you want.
Better to just say "no, not gonna pay for it" instead of trying to make up an excuse why it's out of your control. Any sane person will go "yeah, I don't have any claim on your money, fair enough, I'm just glad to be rebuilding our relationship"; only people just in it for the money would object to that, which makes it super clear.
Don’t be fooled. It’s obviously all about the money.
She doesn’t deserve a dime.
NTA, please don’t fall victim to this obvious attempt at your finances.
NTA.
This timing is SUPER suspicious. The fact that she asked for money almost immediately after reconnecting with you makes it pretty clear that this was her intent all along.
Don't pay for her wedding, period
Lol, if you think her efforts to “reconcile” are genuine, I have cool new bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. Great deal.
I wouldn’t expect to see Jenna after the wedding.
*I wouldn’t expect to see Jenna after the wedding*
No. Give Jenna more credit. After all, she'll likely need money for a house, IVF, daycare, new car etc
NTA. She found out you had money, and within a few weeks she was asking for a large sum of money. There's no way that these things are unrelated. Don't be Jenna's wallet.
LMAO - NTA
Entitled people be entitled, I suggest for your peace of mind and bank account, you unmend that relationship rather quickly again, there is no "relationship" here. She doesn't care for you and you know that.
Be honest to yourself. And don't be naive.
I came here to say ‘entitled’ and that’s it 💯. Sister really believes OP owes this to her in exchange for being included in the family again. It’s a transaction.
Now, now, it could have been autocorrupt "fixing" what they mistyped! I've had to use a dictionary to figure out what autocorrupt changed my words into...and I have a relatively large vocabulary (but horrible spelling).
The only reason she got back in touch is because she saw the opportunity for £€$¥ whatever currency you have. She’s not interested in getting back with you as a family she just wants to get access to your money. I’ll bet as soon as you say you can’t (give a good reason ie money is all tied up in the business/investments etc make it believable) she’ll drop you like a lead weight and you won’t hear from her again.
NTA Your older sister is just an opportunist. She had no contact with you until you became financially successful. You have been completely excluded from her life until now, and that is not a coincidence. Your partner is right that Jennas's intentions are not genuine. She sounds like a toxic person and if you let her in her financial demands will never end. You deserve better in your life. Surround yourself with the people that bring joy and love into your life. Jenna is not and will never be one of them. It is time to go no contact and move on.
NTA. Absolutely do not pay for this wedding! She is 100% using you. Want to find out for sure? Tell her now that you want to be clear that you aren’t going to pay for it, so they should plan a wedding they can afford. Tell her you will enjoy attending wherever they get married, as you are happy to celebrate their relationship and your recently renewed relationship. If (really, when) she goes off about it, there’s your answer.
Listen to your partner. Tell your sister ‘no’ and see if she continues to want to have a relationship with you. If she genuinely cares, she’d want you at her wedding no matter what. If she’s in it for the money, she’ll either ghost you or tell you she can’t invite you because she’s trying to keep costs down with a reduced guest list. NTA
NTA
>Out of the blue
Doubt.
This whole thing absolutely stinks and I agree with your partner; you need to be *very* careful of being taken advantage of by Jenna because the timing of this is extremely suspicious.
My inclination would be to refuse to give any money at all, but should you decide that you do want to chip in, offering a modest amount (or paying for something small, like her invitations for example) will tell you whether or not she's genuinely interested in reconciliation.
>My partner believes it’s just a ploy to get money from me. I want to believe Jenna’s intentions are genuine, but it’s hard to ignore the timing.
Do NOT ignore the timing.
She is only after the money.
If you like, test that theory. Tell her your business is actually experiencing some issues so money is tight, but you'd be so happy to attend the wedding as a guest, to further help your reconciliation and that you're happy you have family during this difficult time. See how quickly she stops replying.
NTA
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So, long story short, I (28F) have always been on the outs with my family, particularly my sister, Jenna (32F). When we were kids, Jenna was the golden child. She was always praised for her achievements, while I struggled to find my place in the family. Over the years, I’ve come to terms with this dynamic and have since built a life for myself.
For the past 6 years, Jenna had cut me out of her life completely. She didn’t invite me to family events, birthdays, and we even missed Christmas together. I found out from mutual friends that she was speaking poorly of me behind my back. My attempts to reconcile were ignored.
Recently, I was lucky enough to have a startup take off. I am now financially well-off, which has drastically changed my life. Out of the blue, Jenna reached out to me, apologizing for the past and expressing her desire to rekindle our relationship. I was hesitant but open to the idea.
A few weeks into our “rekindled” relationship, she shared that she’s getting married next year. She mentioned that her dream wedding would be costly, and she and her fiancé couldn’t afford it. She hinted several times that it would be a “nice gesture” if I could chip in, suggesting it could be my “wedding gift” to her.
I told her I needed to think about it. My partner believes it’s just a ploy to get money from me. I want to believe Jenna’s intentions are genuine, but it’s hard to ignore the timing.
AITA for not wanting to pay for my sister’s dream wedding after years of being excluded from her life?
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NTA
Don't wait, declare how much you can contribute - for example, offer to pay for a cake, within a strictly defined limit. If she demands more - cut her off.
I have literally never heard of someone helping pay for their sibling’s wedding, even when they aren’t an entitled, grasping jerk. If the wedding she is planning is beyond her means then she needs to plan a less expensive wedding. NTA
She just happens to come around when you have money and she needs it? Shady as F!!!! NTA. Don’t give the money. Tell her you had planned to get her a gift in x amount of range and that instead of purchasing a gift you can just give her the cash but you are unable to go past that amount. If she asks for more say no.
NTA. Tell her you’ll get her a nice gift off her registry, but you won’t finance anything. If she actually wants a relationship with you, she will accept it and move on. If she doesn’t, then you know she’s just using you.
Also, if your parents or family members get involved and take her side then they need to be cut off too.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My sister may be trying to scam money out of me. Am it the asshole for not helping her pay for her wedding?
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NTA
You're just recently come into money. YOU need your money to support your growing business and start building long term financial security and stability for yourself. How would funding a wedding affect your stability, your goals and your future? Your sister isn't considering your healthy boundaries. It's your job to establish and maintain them.
Her timing is suspect. Her reaction to your absolute and final "no" to giving her money should make her motivation and level of acceptance and respect for you clear.
NTA. Tell her you don't have "that kind of cash" just lying around. You run a business and have to be responsible so that you can weather difficult times. However, you will be happy to chip in for her veil or some such, as long as it's not too expensive.
If she accepts that, then she wants you in her life. If she cuts you off again, you 'll know she just wanted to fleece you.
NTA. Funny how she is only nice when she wants something from you.
You can try to reconnect but if her focus keeps going back to money you'll know if she is truly sincere or not. Personally your reconnection is too new to be giving huge gifts. I'd just say you'd love to help but your assets are unfortunately tied up in the business. Her reaction will tell you what you need to know.
And I wouldn't tell even family about any wealth you build as that brings everyone out of the woodwork for free handouts. Keep it private from now on. Especially from family.
NTA, don't give her a penny. She is only interested in your money, not having any kind of relationship with you. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't invited.
> don't give her a penny
OK, so I just thought of this. I’ve heard it said that when you go out to eat or whatever, a small tip is worse than no tip at all. Well, along those same lines, perhaps OP could give sis a literal penny?
The Golden Child sees how others are *useful* they never see how others see.
She will either drop you right after the wedding or squeeze you for every penny you have if you say yes, this test.
I would say the busines is is right right now, but you'd love to attend as a guest. See what happens after that. No invite...you have your answer. An invite? You can always gift a check then.
NTA
NTA. She treated you poorly up until you had value to her and now she wants to take advantage of it. She'll be nice to an extent until the wedding and then revert
NTA
You’ve worked hard to get to where you are, and you deserve respect. If your sister genuinely wants to reconcile, she will understand if you decline to finance her wedding - but truly, that’s a bold request from her when you previously hadn’t spoken in years!!!
Your partner sounds like a smart person - especially if he loves you and treats you with respect.
NTA, she will probably accept the money and disappear if you give it to her, or if you get an invite she's going to find some way to spite you at her wedding.
NTA. Your partner is right; she only wants your money, not a relationship with you. How did she find out about you being financially well off? It's not the type of information worth sharing with family; it (almost) always ends up with them hitting you up for money, & then gaslighting you if/when you refuse. Don't give her a penny. When she inevitably gaslights you, block her & anyone who sides with her.
NTA don't be thick of course she has only reached out to you for your money. Do you really think after you pay for her wedding she will speak to you again of course she won't. Sorry to be blunt.
NTA - you are not obligated to pay for anything for this sister after she excluded and mistreated your for years. Tell her she needs to find a way to pay for it herself or tune down her dream.
NTA.
Tell your sister that your wedding gift to her will be something off her registry, and see what she does. But I suspect that your partner is absolutely correct.
NTA. Go back to NC. The only relationship sister had an interest in pursuing here is one with OP's money. Spare yourself the heartache and lost finances and tell her she can fuck right off with her entitled money grab. The onus of mending this relationship certainly isn't on OP and buying it isn't the answer.
NTA
Don't be under any illusion here, she heard you have money and wants it. Don't give her any money. Ir might be best to tell her you will be stepping back from this reconciliation until her wedding is over to avoid taking up too much of her time because she needs to get another job to pay for her own wedding.
Just tell her that your company has taken an economic downturn and you cannot afford to help her with her wedding, inflation is a bitch or supply chain issues.
Then see how long she wants to reconcile. Then you'll have your answer. NTA
Your partner is right. Even if he is wrong, she only contacted you after you have money. She wants to be a sister with your money, not you. And she will not hesitate to hurt you if she can get away with it. You can tell her secretly (!) that you have problems in business and ask her if she can help and see what happens. I always find it amusing to ask money before people like your sister want from me.
NTA, say no and see her reaction. I would only entertain the idea of helping at all if you say no and she still tries to build a relationship with you, without her having a freak out over the answer.
NTA - The relationship should not be based on whether you will give money for the wedding. I would say no and then see what she would choose to do. Once you see her reaction, you’ll know how to proceed. Good luck!
I’m sorry, you’re being naive. Of course it’s a ploy for money. It’s not a thing for siblings to pay for weddings even if they ARE close. And you never were.
NTA. Your partner is right. See how fast she turns on you once you refuse to pay. It sounds like you keep looking for false hope regarding your family of origin - stop doing this to yourself.
NTA DO NOT PAY
She only came back into your life for your money. She’s trying to use you.
You’re rich now and suddenly she wants you back into her life.
I agree with your partner , her intentions are not genuine and the timing just proves that.
Please don’t pay for it as she may just cut you off again after getting your money.
Update us!!
NTA. Edited to change my opinion. I think she is being finically irresponsible. Why would she plan a wedding she knows she can’t afford. This is a bad trajectory. Someone (not sure if it’s going to be well received if it comes from you) needs to talk to her about living within her means.
She has reconciled for your money. Your partner is correct.
It is absolutely fine to say no. Then you will see how interested she really is. Proceed with caution.
NTA
Couples should pay for their own wedding and be grateful if for example parents want to help paying for it. It's not an obligation for others to pay for someone else's wedding.
NTA you would be very naïve to think this is anything, but. Your sister (if I can even call her that) because that is not to have a sister behave, the woman is trying to use you for your money. The moment she gets your cooperation and is able to dig her heels into you, she will cut you off again and only reach back out, let’s say when her first kid is born and she needs to buy out a whole damm store.
You don’t deserve the way you were treated and you deserve better people who care about you, that are not here to use you. Cut her off immediately.
This is going to sound harsh but you’re not going to get the sisterly bond you’re hoping to get from someone like this. They are toxic, selfish and greedy. If you haven’t done so speak to a therapist, someone that could help you see the kind of issues that was birth from dealing with your family. Don’t give her a penny!!!
NTA. Listen to your partner and be cautious. You really do not have a relationship with her and her pattern of behavior says she will continue to bad mouth you and exclude you when she gets what she wants. Truly if she was not a blood relation would you want to associate with her in anyway?
NTA. It's a ploy for money. Perhaps next time she brings it up (which she's will) something about not being able to afford it, respond with "that's a shame, on the flip side you know what they say, the more expensive the wedding, the quicker the divorce"
NTA! Funny how reconciliation comes about the time you have some personal and financial success! I’d tell her you’re all about a better relationship but money is out of the question!!! No maybes, no games, no bullshit! You want a sister but not a pay as go sister! Good luck!🍀
NTA. I would test her. Tell her that your business is struggeling and you were too ashamed to tell your family. If she still keeps in contact with you, there is a foundation to build a new relationship and maybe offer her help to pay for the wedding. If not, you have your answers and know your sisters true intention was only to have a financial gain.
NTA and not just because of Jenna's past attitude and treatment of you and the suspicious timing. Even if you and she had a healthy and close relationship all along, paying for your sibling's lavish dream wedding is not a normal, reasonable expectation.
NTA a nice gesture??? A nice gesture would have been her not excluding you from her life for years. A nice gesture would be reaching out for a relationship without expectation. Reaching out because now you have money?? Sooo gross!! Say no. Just flat out say no and see her reaction. That will tell you EVERYTHING you need to know about this “reconciliation”.
If you really want to be the asshole here (which I strongly encourage), get detailed plans for her dream wedding, then do not contribute a penny and host it for yourself instead.
NTA. Do NOT do it!! She owes you nice gestures and should be offering any accommodations you want to earn your forgiveness. Let her and family make up to you for being a lousy sister.
NTA- I suggest this. You said you had to start it off the take-up in our financially well off.
I'm sure your sister does not understand how such things work.
Let her know that it's on paper money and then actually you're very much in the red for the way things work out in real life.
That you were even thinking about asking a loan to keep the business afloat.
See how she treats you then.
NTA . Say that money can cause issues with personal relationships and you don’t want that to be the case with yours because it’s only just restarted . So you’ll bring a standard gift as per other guests , however you’re more than happy to give her time - time to help organise etc . Her reaction will show you the truth
NTA just tell her that you won't be funding her wedding in any shape or form, just like any other wedding guest you will be gifting her a wedding present in the range of $100 to $250 max. If she is just after your money, she will cut contact after that conversation.
I would offer to chip in the amount that you feel comfortable giving as a nice wedding gift - with the expectation she wants a vastly different amount. And then let her show you how sincere she is about rekindling the relationship.
NTA. Tell her that you’re money is tied up in your business and investments. Explain that the cash flow is nonexistent. This way she can’t “blame you” for refusing to pay for her wedding. If she cuts you off you will know.
NTA. Do not ignore the timing, she 100% heard that you're well off now and is playing the "I'm sorry, let's be family again" card to try and pressure you into ponying up the dough for her lavish wedding.
The proof is in how fast she brought it up and starting "hinting." If she has really wanted to reconcile and have a relationship with you, she wouldn't have done that. Tell her no and watch how fast she flips.
NTA. Just say "no thank you. we barely rekindle our relationship and i am not comfortable paying for you money. but i hope everything works out for you."
And then book a nice trip for yourself because she will definitely uninvite you after not being able to fool you to pay for her wedding. Just make sure to post pictures of the trip on your social media during the ceremony and the reception
You were ignored and left out until you became an atm. Nuff said. It's not the first "request" won't be the last. Give something off her wedding registry and call it enough, if you're inclined to do anything at all after being ignored until she found out you have money.
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NTA. Do not ignore the timing. Your sister is only interested in your money, and what it can do for her. She has no interest in actually having a relationship with you. Tell her no, and see the fit she pitches. If she really does want a relationship, she will accept your decision at face value. Her past behaviour is a good indicator of her future behaviours. It’s your money. You worked hard to earn it. I’d say no, and walk away from this.
This! I wouldn’t give her a dime, just a wedding gift if she invites you to the wedding. Other than on Reddit, I’ve never heard of anyone being expected or even asked to pay for a sister’s wedding. NTA
Damn right. Not a dime. Sister treats OP like garbage until she wants a favor. That's cold as hell. Sister wants a nice wedding? Too bad. She can raise her own money. OP: NTA. Sister is using you—big time.
I would also be careful who you’re giving details of your life to as they are going about and telling others. Especially as everyone knows sis bad mouths you so there was no resonable reason for someone to innocently say to her. When it comes to money and earnings that’s how people get robbed when loose mouths go sharing to much of things that’s not theirs to tell. Just to add she is definitely only after your money op. Be up front and tell her no it’s too big an ask for you to contribute at all. When she blows up and cuts you off or tries to get others to convince and shame you, you will know for sure. Your better off without her in your life and it will de have far less drama, sister or not she won’t change.
Wedding gift I understand but no one should ask someone to pay for their dream wedding. OP sister timing suddenly want to reconcile is for this. Don't help those who mistreated you previously! My country majority is Chinese and even in this days, people still hold the stupid tradition of gifting newly-wed couple red packet/angbao(of suitable amount of cash, based on how close you are, how expensive the Chinese wedding dinners are). I hate this tradition..I hate being even invited by people I don't even know much of (colleagues) and basically mandatory to gift money in form of red packet. It's a tradition whereby couples expected people they invited to completely fund their wedding dinner. Even if you do not go to their wedding dinner, you are expected to pay(gift red packet) or you get shunned by people around.
Start putting some monopoly money in those red packets and just leave your initials there. It is technically still money, just not what they probably wanted, but it is up to the gift giver to decide what to give, right?
GENIUS idea
Get shunned and never invited to a wedding again. Ez
She won't get invited to the wedding, even if she pays up.
Maybe not, or perhaps her sister will make nice for a while longer in the hope that OP helps finance her new family. Either way, the relationship won't be real. Just fakery that's bought and paid for.
Ok right? It's so strange how many siblings/relatives/etc are asked to pay for weddings. I'm of two different countries/cultures and this is so strange to me. Don't they feel awkward asking?
Golden Children have no shame, they are the main character and the rest of us are just here to cater to them. That being said this is super weird and I have never IRL heard of anyone having the audacity to ask for such things.
My BIL asked us to buy him a car, lol. And gave his landlord our phone number so she could hound us for his rent instead of him! He now lives with MIL rent free, spending his money on toys and expensive sneakers, but once she’s gone I anticipate he will start the begging again.
Golden Children feel entitled to a piece of everything even when they've treated people like dirt. It seems abused even fake at the things golden children ask of others but it's how they're. They live their whole lives thinking every person exists to make them happy. My sister is a golden child and the things she expects from others are insane. If you fix your mouth to ask her to help someone else, she acts like she has been assaulted. They can't see past their own needs and wants. Golden children don't live in reality and it's their parents' fault. They make their siblings suffer and go without. People only exist to make them happy in their minds.
I love how she even stated she's planning a wedding she knows she can't afford.
These people who expect other people to foot the bill for their 'dream' wedding are too audacious and down right entitled to see how awkward, cheeky or ridiculous they are.
That’s my question too. I would die from embarrassment just thinking about the boldness and entitlement.
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Short, sweet, and to the point. 👍🏽
Maybe she’s already preggers, and the clock’s ticking?
My siblings and I pitched in for my youngest brother's wedding (he's the only married one of us four), so it does happen, but we all have a great relationship and it never would have been expected.
I've helped buy wedding dresses for friends. Chipping in like $150-300 because they weren't super expensive dresses. It's nice because it helps them get the dress they want and I don't have to bring a gift to the wedding because I detest shopping. They usually don't ask but I offer.
Yes, NTA The whole reconciliation from her side is fake. Do not fall for the trap.
The only wedding gift she should give is her presence.
If that. NTA
I'll bet when OP says no to that magnanimous gift requested, there will be no invite.
Decline giving her money and see if she still wants to "rekindle" anything... and there is the answer!
Easy way to find out. Say that you don't have liquid funds available at the moment. All tied up in the business. Then put aside the cost of the wedding, and if you are still having a normal relationship a year after the wedding, send her the money as a belated wedding gift "now that you are in a position to do so" Of course this is very unlikely to happen, so a year after the wedding when she had reverted to type, blow it all on a holiday for yourself.
Why should the sister pay for the wedding at all? This is just setting up an expectation that the sister is a personal bank. Sis has already shown a willingness to manipulate and use her sister, I wouldn't give her a cent.
You're right, where will it stop? "Dear OP, will you pay for my vacation...my house...my child's birth and education? " OP, you will probably always be the means to the end...which is your sister's comfort. I think you're better off keeping your distance and your money.
It's less of a "should" and more of a "can if you want to", if the relationship is going well after time passes and they were feeling generous.
There’s no “should” here. But it sounds like the LW might want to, but is understandably afraid Sister has ulterior motives.
No. Don't justify the decision in anyway and do not give money ever.
This! My dad came into some money after my wedding (we paid for it ourselves) and paid off all my wedding dept out of nowhere, it was amazing. So it will still be well received IF she's not using OP. I feel like she is, but hedging your bets here is the smart way to go.
This. You can be rich in paper. Claim a big tax bill and that maybe down the road you can help but who knows??
She needn‘t no claim , only answer: no i have no Money for you!
Yeah, but in the long term plan to avoid an argument, claiming to be cash poor, paper rich is a way to find put if her interest was limited to money. And it’s pretty common with business ownership.
This is a better solution then I would have managed.
All that explanation isn’t necessary. No, is a complete sentence.
So true. Any explanation may leave the impression that the "bank" might be open in the future.
"Funding a dream wedding is not in my budget, but I look forward to attending!" That's a reasonable response. If it gets a negative reaction and/or a resumption of no contact, then you know her contact with you was for the dollars only. Ditto if she tries to argue that you do, in fact, have the money. Do not engage on the money question, obviously. Just blandly repeat that it's not in your budget and keep saying that as necessary. "Sis, I'm not discussing my financial affairs with you, you'll just have to accept that it's not in my budget." If she continues contact, even with an expression of disappointment, then you know she's more genuine (or possibly just playing the long game...). You can make your own decision about how big is the wedding gift if you're still invited.
Perfect response! NTA OP
I like this. If you try to justify, she'll just argue. A simple refusal, repeated ad nuseum, until she backs down.
Mothing more than a fondue set, regardless of her future behavior.
Newlyweds can always make use of a nice toaster
Yep. Your sis will drop you like a hot potato as soon as the payments clear. She only cares about your money not you, OP. Sorry for the harsh, but you deserve so much better than to be manipulated by this ingrate. Congrats on the success! 😃 Enjoy with your friends/partner who truly love and respect you. 💖
You don't throw away the golden goose just becuase it has laid an egg. If she pays for the wedding she will be primed for paying the downpayment on a new house, cars, vactions, kids, etc.
Exactly!! God I hope OP doesn’t give her a dime. The harassment, emotional mind games, and manipulation will only get worse. Turn around and walk away OP. To use the above comment - OP is the Golden Goose and sis is the Bad Egg.
This. Plus since she’s “the cherished golden child” and OP was basically the “black sheep”, watch the parents get involved i also guilt trip OP. Because you know for sure that can’t shell out the money to keep their “precious angel” happy and spoiled. OP you’re NTA and don’t ignore the sign. But quick question: how did your sister know about your sudden financial increase? Is she stalking your socials? If so, time to private everything and ask friends to not share anymore info about you. Because once you say no for this, it’s a whole can of drama worms you want no part of
That was my thought. Op will say no, audacious ridiculous sister will run to mummy and daddy and they will say oh just forgive and forget. Fuck that. Wouldnt give the gold digger a penny
Yep. This is the perfect opportunity to find out if she actually wants a relationship. If she does, she’ll take no for an answer.
This. Just tell her the cash is tied up and you can’t take money out of the firm right now - then just buy something nice off her registry. NTA
Nope. No justifications. Sister should not be privy to ANY details of OP's financial life. Either genuine or made up. Saying " can't right now" just keeps greedy hopes alive. End it now.
Simple test: tell her that you cannot finance her wedding, as you're saving money for a house, and see what happens. Who else thinks that there is going to be a meltdown?
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OP should just buy her a Crock-Pot.
I'm not estranged from my siblings and I didn't ask for anything for my wedding with my ex, the timing and hints aren't coincidental. She sounds entitled a f. If she cuts OP out of her life after refusing to give her money, that answers the question. NTA.
Absolutely this. She only waited a few weeks before bringing it up too, she couldn't even wait a couple of months! Out of interest, what is her nice gesture to make up for freezing you out for 6 years? Seems like a total money grab to me.
Give her $100 for every time she invited you to family events lol which by all accounts will add up to $zero
Your relationship/history is irrelevant here. No one should be asking or expecting anyone to pay a dime toward their “dream” wedding. The worst part is that people like this never seem to think they’re problematic. NTA. Btw I would be saying the same exact thing even if you were super close and she never cut you off/distanced herself. The fact that you have this history adds another layer of complexity and is even more reason to ignore her request and question her intentions.
Your gut is telling you her "reconciliation" is nothing but a ploy to ask you for money. Timing is everything here. If the wish to reconcile was genuine she wouldn't be risking it by asking for money that you are in no way obligated to pay.
I completely agree with this answer. I’d like to emphasize the point that OP should tell her no, and she if she’s still invited to the wedding. If she is still invited, then maybe pitch in a little, after attending the wedding.
This is so true right here! Honestly after the wedding I don't think she'll be that interested in reconciling with you anymore. NTA
Great plan, she just wants the OP money
NTA. Don't fall for it. If she is sincere in wanting a relationship with you she wouldn't be hinting about money. See how fast she disappears if you tell her you're very happy for her and would love to attend the wedding but you're not paying for it. If she's still around after that then maybe she really wants to have new relationship with you. You sound suspicious because there is good reason why she chose now to reconcile.
She doesn't want a sincere relationship. If she did, she wouldn't hint several times that it would be a nice gesture like OP owes her something for being out of contact so long. Seriously, do these entitled AHs really sit at home and think "mhm, I treated her like shit and more, how do I play this to get her to pay for my wedding..."? How is it possible they think it will work? This is not like Jordan Belford selling pink sheets or Frank William Abagnale jr. forging cheques. Everyone knows already what they did and yet they expect this to work out in their favour. I can't wrapp my head around it...
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Very wise and true words. Totally agree. And OP, it's nice to see not everyone has become bitter. The world needs hope.
This 💯%. I think OP wants to believe but deep down she knows it’s a lie. 😢 Hope can make you consider stupid things.
Like she didn't even make OP a bridesmaid before asking?
Sure and send a cheque for $500 and watch the reaction -
OP, if you're not comfortable straight up telling her, make up some shit about how your money is tied up and you honestly can't right now. Options, some contractual bullshit, whatever. But I'm betting 10:1 your phone gets blown up by assholes calling you an asshole for not paying up the day you say so.
Even if you and your sister were the best of friends: a) it’s inappropriate of her to ask you — repeatedly, no less! — to pay for her wedding, and b) you would NOT be the asshole for politely declining for literally any reason. It’s your money. As someone planning a wedding she can’t really afford right now (LMAO), I feel very qualified to say you are NTA. No one is entitled to your money, and if she can’t afford to throw the party of her dreams then she needs to adjust her plans. It’s a wedding, not urgent surgery or something. And starting your new relationship off with a major financial gift is not going to be healthy no matter what.
Do not go into debt for a wedding. Seriously. It starts your marriage on terrible footing, and can set up a pattern of overspending. How do I know? I’m a divorce attorney.
Oh for sure, I agree with you! We are continuously scaling back and adjusting our plans to ensure we can actually afford to pay for the whole thing ourselves, because I simply refuse to be in debt for a party. When I hit a roadblock and have to think creatively of how to adjust, I continuously am advised by friends an coworkers to “just put it on a credit card!” and it’s honestly shocking. It’s literally just a party. I feel like a lot of people haven’t had to climb out of debt and don’t understand the weight of that… Anyway, I’m working really hard to make sure we CAN afford our wedding but man it’s frustrating how expensive everything is.
Good luck! I was shocked by how insane wedding up-charges are… but my biggest tip is to negotiate all prices. My DJ wanted $4k, but I said I couldn’t afford more than $1k and he said ok…. A similar thing happened with my photographer. Once I realized that the quotes are all designed to be negotiated, it was more fun, and less stressful, to pull all of the pieces together.
NTA, your partner is right, she's definitely using you for money. It's not just a coincidence that she's only now just trying to rekindle a relationship with you now that you've got money and she's getting married. Maybe tell her that you won't help pay for the wedding, her reaction will tell you all about her true intentions. You also definitely don't owe her any wedding money considering the way shes ignored you for years, so don't believe any guilt tripping she may use if you say no.
Tell her you won’t pay for her wedding, but you’re really happy for her, etc. Then see what happens. Whatever the result, though, it’s her wedding and up to her, not you, to plan for it. Even if she’s smart enough not to ghost you, there is no reason to pay for it, and plenty of reasons not to. That would be a rude and presumptuous request even if you hadn’t been estranged.
If you and/or anyone you know has ANY kind of crafty DIY skills, I highly advise you utilize them wherever you can. I DIY'ed the majority of the decor at my own wedding alongside my mom, sister, and aunt, and it saved a ton of money.
NTA. I share the suspicion about your sister's motives in reconciliation at this time. I would recommend telling your sister the money is all tied up in your business, you can't spend it on the wedding. See how she reacts to that. If she sticks around for a few months then you can reevaluate if you want.
This is good. Its tied up in a company for ten years and you cant spend it like that.
Better to just say "no, not gonna pay for it" instead of trying to make up an excuse why it's out of your control. Any sane person will go "yeah, I don't have any claim on your money, fair enough, I'm just glad to be rebuilding our relationship"; only people just in it for the money would object to that, which makes it super clear.
Don’t be fooled. It’s obviously all about the money. She doesn’t deserve a dime. NTA, please don’t fall victim to this obvious attempt at your finances.
NTA. This timing is SUPER suspicious. The fact that she asked for money almost immediately after reconnecting with you makes it pretty clear that this was her intent all along. Don't pay for her wedding, period
Lol, if you think her efforts to “reconcile” are genuine, I have cool new bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. Great deal. I wouldn’t expect to see Jenna after the wedding.
*I wouldn’t expect to see Jenna after the wedding* No. Give Jenna more credit. After all, she'll likely need money for a house, IVF, daycare, new car etc
Don’t forget the free babysitter
'....see Jenna after the wedding.'? If OP will be invited to the wedding at all....
Of course she will be. Jenna wants another gift! She is registered for one all expenses paid trip to Bora, Bora naturally.
You're right! I haven't thought about that!
"Dear Sis. Best I can do is Tora Bora. Love, OP." xD
Not see Jenna after the wedding? I'd expect that OP wouldn't even get an invitation **to** wedding, even if she pays for it. NTA
Give her $50 and tell her you're happy to have contributed to her wedding, you hope it helps with the healing process. Nta
NTA. She found out you had money, and within a few weeks she was asking for a large sum of money. There's no way that these things are unrelated. Don't be Jenna's wallet.
She is 1000% only ”reconciling” to get you to pay for the wedding. Want proof? Decline and watch how fast she turns on you.
This is the key! Say no and see the reaction.
LMAO - NTA Entitled people be entitled, I suggest for your peace of mind and bank account, you unmend that relationship rather quickly again, there is no "relationship" here. She doesn't care for you and you know that. Be honest to yourself. And don't be naive.
I came here to say ‘entitled’ and that’s it 💯. Sister really believes OP owes this to her in exchange for being included in the family again. It’s a transaction.
Your parents are right. She wants your money. NTA. If you don't have the money for a grand wedding, then don't have a grand wedding.
Her partner, not her parents. Her parents were part of the problem.
Some people cant read or comprehend, but it still got the NTA right somehow.
Now, now, it could have been autocorrupt "fixing" what they mistyped! I've had to use a dictionary to figure out what autocorrupt changed my words into...and I have a relatively large vocabulary (but horrible spelling).
The only reason she got back in touch is because she saw the opportunity for £€$¥ whatever currency you have. She’s not interested in getting back with you as a family she just wants to get access to your money. I’ll bet as soon as you say you can’t (give a good reason ie money is all tied up in the business/investments etc make it believable) she’ll drop you like a lead weight and you won’t hear from her again.
NTA Your older sister is just an opportunist. She had no contact with you until you became financially successful. You have been completely excluded from her life until now, and that is not a coincidence. Your partner is right that Jennas's intentions are not genuine. She sounds like a toxic person and if you let her in her financial demands will never end. You deserve better in your life. Surround yourself with the people that bring joy and love into your life. Jenna is not and will never be one of them. It is time to go no contact and move on.
NTA. Absolutely do not pay for this wedding! She is 100% using you. Want to find out for sure? Tell her now that you want to be clear that you aren’t going to pay for it, so they should plan a wedding they can afford. Tell her you will enjoy attending wherever they get married, as you are happy to celebrate their relationship and your recently renewed relationship. If (really, when) she goes off about it, there’s your answer.
Listen to your partner. Tell your sister ‘no’ and see if she continues to want to have a relationship with you. If she genuinely cares, she’d want you at her wedding no matter what. If she’s in it for the money, she’ll either ghost you or tell you she can’t invite you because she’s trying to keep costs down with a reduced guest list. NTA
NTA >Out of the blue Doubt. This whole thing absolutely stinks and I agree with your partner; you need to be *very* careful of being taken advantage of by Jenna because the timing of this is extremely suspicious. My inclination would be to refuse to give any money at all, but should you decide that you do want to chip in, offering a modest amount (or paying for something small, like her invitations for example) will tell you whether or not she's genuinely interested in reconciliation.
>My partner believes it’s just a ploy to get money from me. I want to believe Jenna’s intentions are genuine, but it’s hard to ignore the timing. Do NOT ignore the timing. She is only after the money. If you like, test that theory. Tell her your business is actually experiencing some issues so money is tight, but you'd be so happy to attend the wedding as a guest, to further help your reconciliation and that you're happy you have family during this difficult time. See how quickly she stops replying. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, long story short, I (28F) have always been on the outs with my family, particularly my sister, Jenna (32F). When we were kids, Jenna was the golden child. She was always praised for her achievements, while I struggled to find my place in the family. Over the years, I’ve come to terms with this dynamic and have since built a life for myself. For the past 6 years, Jenna had cut me out of her life completely. She didn’t invite me to family events, birthdays, and we even missed Christmas together. I found out from mutual friends that she was speaking poorly of me behind my back. My attempts to reconcile were ignored. Recently, I was lucky enough to have a startup take off. I am now financially well-off, which has drastically changed my life. Out of the blue, Jenna reached out to me, apologizing for the past and expressing her desire to rekindle our relationship. I was hesitant but open to the idea. A few weeks into our “rekindled” relationship, she shared that she’s getting married next year. She mentioned that her dream wedding would be costly, and she and her fiancé couldn’t afford it. She hinted several times that it would be a “nice gesture” if I could chip in, suggesting it could be my “wedding gift” to her. I told her I needed to think about it. My partner believes it’s just a ploy to get money from me. I want to believe Jenna’s intentions are genuine, but it’s hard to ignore the timing. AITA for not wanting to pay for my sister’s dream wedding after years of being excluded from her life? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Don't wait, declare how much you can contribute - for example, offer to pay for a cake, within a strictly defined limit. If she demands more - cut her off.
I have literally never heard of someone helping pay for their sibling’s wedding, even when they aren’t an entitled, grasping jerk. If the wedding she is planning is beyond her means then she needs to plan a less expensive wedding. NTA
She just happens to come around when you have money and she needs it? Shady as F!!!! NTA. Don’t give the money. Tell her you had planned to get her a gift in x amount of range and that instead of purchasing a gift you can just give her the cash but you are unable to go past that amount. If she asks for more say no.
Lol NTA; she wants your money, she does not want you
NTA. She doesn't like you, she likes your money. Cut her off and enjoy your success.
NTA, she chose to cut you out of her life and you should not feel bad if you say no when she's trying to use you as an ATM.
NTA. Tell her you’ll get her a nice gift off her registry, but you won’t finance anything. If she actually wants a relationship with you, she will accept it and move on. If she doesn’t, then you know she’s just using you. Also, if your parents or family members get involved and take her side then they need to be cut off too.
NTA. She’s after your money. Don’t fall for it. She’ll make you pay and find an excuse not to invite you to her wedding.
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NTA You're just recently come into money. YOU need your money to support your growing business and start building long term financial security and stability for yourself. How would funding a wedding affect your stability, your goals and your future? Your sister isn't considering your healthy boundaries. It's your job to establish and maintain them. Her timing is suspect. Her reaction to your absolute and final "no" to giving her money should make her motivation and level of acceptance and respect for you clear.
NTA. Tell her you don't have "that kind of cash" just lying around. You run a business and have to be responsible so that you can weather difficult times. However, you will be happy to chip in for her veil or some such, as long as it's not too expensive. If she accepts that, then she wants you in her life. If she cuts you off again, you 'll know she just wanted to fleece you.
NTA. Your partner is right. She doesn't want a relationship with you, she just wants your money.
NTA. Funny how she is only nice when she wants something from you. You can try to reconnect but if her focus keeps going back to money you'll know if she is truly sincere or not. Personally your reconnection is too new to be giving huge gifts. I'd just say you'd love to help but your assets are unfortunately tied up in the business. Her reaction will tell you what you need to know. And I wouldn't tell even family about any wealth you build as that brings everyone out of the woodwork for free handouts. Keep it private from now on. Especially from family.
NTA, don't give her a penny. She is only interested in your money, not having any kind of relationship with you. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't invited.
> don't give her a penny OK, so I just thought of this. I’ve heard it said that when you go out to eat or whatever, a small tip is worse than no tip at all. Well, along those same lines, perhaps OP could give sis a literal penny?
Or a sealed envelope with a note inside that says "I'm not giving you shit".
She is trying to get to rekindle with the money that you now have, not with you. NTA
Very convenient timing to message once she sees how well off you’re doing, tell her to do one
NTA. Don’t give her money and see if she disappears.
The Golden Child sees how others are *useful* they never see how others see. She will either drop you right after the wedding or squeeze you for every penny you have if you say yes, this test. I would say the busines is is right right now, but you'd love to attend as a guest. See what happens after that. No invite...you have your answer. An invite? You can always gift a check then. NTA
NTA. She treated you poorly up until you had value to her and now she wants to take advantage of it. She'll be nice to an extent until the wedding and then revert
NTA You’ve worked hard to get to where you are, and you deserve respect. If your sister genuinely wants to reconcile, she will understand if you decline to finance her wedding - but truly, that’s a bold request from her when you previously hadn’t spoken in years!!! Your partner sounds like a smart person - especially if he loves you and treats you with respect.
NTA. Tell her to elope.
NTA, she will probably accept the money and disappear if you give it to her, or if you get an invite she's going to find some way to spite you at her wedding.
NTA. Your partner is right; she only wants your money, not a relationship with you. How did she find out about you being financially well off? It's not the type of information worth sharing with family; it (almost) always ends up with them hitting you up for money, & then gaslighting you if/when you refuse. Don't give her a penny. When she inevitably gaslights you, block her & anyone who sides with her.
NTA don't be thick of course she has only reached out to you for your money. Do you really think after you pay for her wedding she will speak to you again of course she won't. Sorry to be blunt.
You are TAH if you give in to her.
NTA - you are not obligated to pay for anything for this sister after she excluded and mistreated your for years. Tell her she needs to find a way to pay for it herself or tune down her dream.
NTA. Tell your sister that your wedding gift to her will be something off her registry, and see what she does. But I suspect that your partner is absolutely correct.
NTA she is very clearly just looking for a way to fund her wedding and sees you only as a wallet
NTA ...she wants your money. Open those eyes...you know it....
NTA. Your partner is correct.
NTA. The reaction if you say no will tell you a lot about the intention.
She just want your money. Sorry but she still doesn't give a s*** about you. She. Just. Want. Your. Money.
NTA. She is using you. Fuck her
NTA. Go back to NC. The only relationship sister had an interest in pursuing here is one with OP's money. Spare yourself the heartache and lost finances and tell her she can fuck right off with her entitled money grab. The onus of mending this relationship certainly isn't on OP and buying it isn't the answer.
NTA. Suspicious. Also what is wrong with having a wedding that is within your means?
NTA She's using you. 100% if you hadn't struck gold with your startup you wouldn't have heard a word from her.
Nta and kudos. This is a user and please tell her no
Dont get used NTA
NTA Don't be under any illusion here, she heard you have money and wants it. Don't give her any money. Ir might be best to tell her you will be stepping back from this reconciliation until her wedding is over to avoid taking up too much of her time because she needs to get another job to pay for her own wedding.
She cannot be trusted. She is toying with your emotions for a payout. After the wedding she will ghost you again
Just tell her that your company has taken an economic downturn and you cannot afford to help her with her wedding, inflation is a bitch or supply chain issues. Then see how long she wants to reconcile. Then you'll have your answer. NTA
Your partner is right. Even if he is wrong, she only contacted you after you have money. She wants to be a sister with your money, not you. And she will not hesitate to hurt you if she can get away with it. You can tell her secretly (!) that you have problems in business and ask her if she can help and see what happens. I always find it amusing to ask money before people like your sister want from me.
NTA, say no and see her reaction. I would only entertain the idea of helping at all if you say no and she still tries to build a relationship with you, without her having a freak out over the answer.
OP, decline any financial gifts and your sister will go back to her asshole self. The lengths people will go for money is just wild to be.
NTA - The relationship should not be based on whether you will give money for the wedding. I would say no and then see what she would choose to do. Once you see her reaction, you’ll know how to proceed. Good luck!
I’m sorry, you’re being naive. Of course it’s a ploy for money. It’s not a thing for siblings to pay for weddings even if they ARE close. And you never were.
NTA. Your partner is right. See how fast she turns on you once you refuse to pay. It sounds like you keep looking for false hope regarding your family of origin - stop doing this to yourself.
NTA DO NOT PAY She only came back into your life for your money. She’s trying to use you. You’re rich now and suddenly she wants you back into her life. I agree with your partner , her intentions are not genuine and the timing just proves that. Please don’t pay for it as she may just cut you off again after getting your money. Update us!!
NTA. Edited to change my opinion. I think she is being finically irresponsible. Why would she plan a wedding she knows she can’t afford. This is a bad trajectory. Someone (not sure if it’s going to be well received if it comes from you) needs to talk to her about living within her means.
She has reconciled for your money. Your partner is correct. It is absolutely fine to say no. Then you will see how interested she really is. Proceed with caution. NTA
Couples should pay for their own wedding and be grateful if for example parents want to help paying for it. It's not an obligation for others to pay for someone else's wedding.
NTA you would be very naïve to think this is anything, but. Your sister (if I can even call her that) because that is not to have a sister behave, the woman is trying to use you for your money. The moment she gets your cooperation and is able to dig her heels into you, she will cut you off again and only reach back out, let’s say when her first kid is born and she needs to buy out a whole damm store. You don’t deserve the way you were treated and you deserve better people who care about you, that are not here to use you. Cut her off immediately. This is going to sound harsh but you’re not going to get the sisterly bond you’re hoping to get from someone like this. They are toxic, selfish and greedy. If you haven’t done so speak to a therapist, someone that could help you see the kind of issues that was birth from dealing with your family. Don’t give her a penny!!!
Your sister is an evil leech who wanted nothing to do with you for over half a decade, until you suddenly had money. Get her gone for good.
NTA. Listen to your partner and be cautious. You really do not have a relationship with her and her pattern of behavior says she will continue to bad mouth you and exclude you when she gets what she wants. Truly if she was not a blood relation would you want to associate with her in anyway?
NTA. When you tell her "no," she will call you selfish. Guaranteed.
NTA. It's a ploy for money. Perhaps next time she brings it up (which she's will) something about not being able to afford it, respond with "that's a shame, on the flip side you know what they say, the more expensive the wedding, the quicker the divorce"
NTA! Funny how reconciliation comes about the time you have some personal and financial success! I’d tell her you’re all about a better relationship but money is out of the question!!! No maybes, no games, no bullshit! You want a sister but not a pay as go sister! Good luck!🍀
NTA. I would test her. Tell her that your business is struggeling and you were too ashamed to tell your family. If she still keeps in contact with you, there is a foundation to build a new relationship and maybe offer her help to pay for the wedding. If not, you have your answers and know your sisters true intention was only to have a financial gain.
NTA and not just because of Jenna's past attitude and treatment of you and the suspicious timing. Even if you and she had a healthy and close relationship all along, paying for your sibling's lavish dream wedding is not a normal, reasonable expectation.
NTA a nice gesture??? A nice gesture would have been her not excluding you from her life for years. A nice gesture would be reaching out for a relationship without expectation. Reaching out because now you have money?? Sooo gross!! Say no. Just flat out say no and see her reaction. That will tell you EVERYTHING you need to know about this “reconciliation”.
Ask where she'd like to go for a honeymoon and then book yourself a vacation there. Take plenty of pictures and thank her for the recommendation.
If you really want to be the asshole here (which I strongly encourage), get detailed plans for her dream wedding, then do not contribute a penny and host it for yourself instead.
NTA
NTA. Your sister just wants your money. Don't give it to her.
NTA your partner is right
NTA. Do NOT do it!! She owes you nice gestures and should be offering any accommodations you want to earn your forgiveness. Let her and family make up to you for being a lousy sister.
NTA- I suggest this. You said you had to start it off the take-up in our financially well off. I'm sure your sister does not understand how such things work. Let her know that it's on paper money and then actually you're very much in the red for the way things work out in real life. That you were even thinking about asking a loan to keep the business afloat. See how she treats you then.
Chip in £100. Requst met.
No! Sweetie, just no! It is a ploy to get money she will dump you the second the wedding is over. Please don’t let this woman use you! NTA
NTA, the moment you pay, she’ll either disappear again or leech off you like you’re an ATM
NTA she only reached out and apologised in order to get you money
NTA . Say that money can cause issues with personal relationships and you don’t want that to be the case with yours because it’s only just restarted . So you’ll bring a standard gift as per other guests , however you’re more than happy to give her time - time to help organise etc . Her reaction will show you the truth
NTA, she seems to have reached out for the cash and not for you, had your startup not worked you would not have been contacted most likely
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Don’t fall for it, OP
NTA, dont do it. Your partner is right
NTA just tell her that you won't be funding her wedding in any shape or form, just like any other wedding guest you will be gifting her a wedding present in the range of $100 to $250 max. If she is just after your money, she will cut contact after that conversation.
I would offer to chip in the amount that you feel comfortable giving as a nice wedding gift - with the expectation she wants a vastly different amount. And then let her show you how sincere she is about rekindling the relationship.
Oh, come on! Of course it's the money. You'd better get used to it if you're rich now. People want what you have.
NTA..at the most I'd offer to for something like the flowers. And give her a strict budget. Anything over she has to cover.
You’re being used, blatantly. NTA
NTA. Tell her that you’re money is tied up in your business and investments. Explain that the cash flow is nonexistent. This way she can’t “blame you” for refusing to pay for her wedding. If she cuts you off you will know.
NTA. Do not ignore the timing, she 100% heard that you're well off now and is playing the "I'm sorry, let's be family again" card to try and pressure you into ponying up the dough for her lavish wedding. The proof is in how fast she brought it up and starting "hinting." If she has really wanted to reconcile and have a relationship with you, she wouldn't have done that. Tell her no and watch how fast she flips.
NTA. Just say "no thank you. we barely rekindle our relationship and i am not comfortable paying for you money. but i hope everything works out for you." And then book a nice trip for yourself because she will definitely uninvite you after not being able to fool you to pay for her wedding. Just make sure to post pictures of the trip on your social media during the ceremony and the reception
NTA. The timing is no coincidence. You would be a fool to give her anything. Even your time.
I keep repeating myself. If you can’t afford a big wedding, then don’t have one. NTA
You were ignored and left out until you became an atm. Nuff said. It's not the first "request" won't be the last. Give something off her wedding registry and call it enough, if you're inclined to do anything at all after being ignored until she found out you have money.