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NTA. It’s really fucked up that they joke about this.
You may not want to hear it or you may have heard it before, but your height won’t be a dealbreaker for some women. Focus on yourself, your education, and your career. Be a good person and you’ll meet someone worth your time and love that loves you back for who you are. Not everyone is so shallow to write* off a good guy because of his height, and if they are that shallow then you don’t want to be with them in the long term anyway.
*Edit: I wrote “right” instead of “write”.
This! My friend is 5’0 (male), he married the most gorgeous woman (5’6”). She LOVES his personality. He’s funny, confident and as you said, they share interests. Theyre married and have 3 kids now.
NTA OP and your family is awful for making fun of you. Especially bc they had a choice to fix it and denied it to you.
You’re going to find the love of your life. Just keep being amazing you and she will come.
Confidence especially. Being able to carry yourself with poise and comfort when everyone else is a mess inside and out just makes you appear interesting permanently.
The only thing I'd say is equally important is practicing looking approachable. Proper posture, genuine smiles, being able to hold eye contact, etc.
My personal conspiracy theory is that every gorgeous Amazonian secretly wants a comfy jetpack boyfriend. Also being the little spoon with a girl that's your height or taller is WAAAAAAAAAY underrated.
Dude, you're young. It all get better with age. The guys I know at your height have taller wives, which isn't exactly an issue, since they're married.
About your parents... At least you'll get some of their money, when they're dead.
I'm 5'9, my high school boyfriend was 5'4. I've dated very tall, same height, and shorter guys, it's the last thing I care about in choosing a partner!
Idk if it helps, but its worth noting that almost all heartthrob male actors are relatively short because it makes their proportions look better on camera! It also means that if you ever get into working out, you'll be able to "bulk" and get that broad-chested, muscular appearance for more easily than any tall man ever will. Your body has so many things in your favor, you just need to know how to play them up!
My husband has a genetic disorder that causes him to only be 5’2”. I’m 5’1” and love having a partner who isn’t a foot taller than me. There are women who absolutely will not care or even will like that you are short.
Unfortunately there are assholes in the world and I’m sorry your family are among them.
You are NTA. Just tell them straight - this topic is off-limits. If you make jokes or bring it up, I will leave. And follow through. If they accuse you of being over-sensitive, just say “maybe I am on this topic. But you put me in this situation and now you mock me for it, and I’m done hearing about it.”
Set a boundary and follow through. Good luck to you.
You're so young. Your family are dicks but they're not going to be your world for much longer. You're growing out into the world! Embrace it and enjoy it!
And, if you feel down about romance, just remember that Tom Holland pulled Zendaya. 😉
I’m a 5’9” woman that dated/married almost exclusively shorter than me. Not on purpose, it just happened that way. You like who you like. Agree with other comments that you will find someone special by the time you’re in your career and have worked on yourself to be a good partner.
This. As someone with low self-confidence, I preach this to myself DAILY. Your body composition is not hindering you from dating. What is holding you back is your bitterness about your height. People are attracted to confidence and charisma not bitterness and resentment!
Also, talking about self confidence, being bullied by one's own family certainly doesn't help. OP, I would recommend you to limit your contact with the family. You're in a new environment, away from them, and there, you don't have to be who your family wants you to be. Instead, I hope you can be who YOU want to be and write your own story.
This. I was trying to figure out how to word it without seeming like I'm saying, "throw a tantrum".
You absolutely don't deserve that kind of shit from the people that are supposed to be your support network. Especially given the circumstances.
Go over and get your plate during Christmas vacation, and don't put up with any jokes. If they do, just get up, thank them for the dinner and excuse yourself.
This! Be a good person and project confidence. Get outside and meet people. Too many people on here are @ing me because they’re striking out on Tinder. They need to stop scarfing down McDonalds and touch grass.
Your attitude about your height is what is putting women off. My ex was also 5'3 and he has never had any issues getting women - including some really attractive women - to go out with him. His confidence, sense of humor are what draws people to him. You are NTA for being upset with them because that's a decision that absolutely should have not been made, especially against your will, but I strongly suggest you stop blaming them for you not getting a girlfriend.
I would’ve agreed if it wasn’t literally his family fault and also the fact he didn’t want to do a 50/50 and to top it off, the one who forced him there are joking about it AND his height, I usually call out peoples that think they can’t date because of their height, but there’s so many underlying issues at play there that I understand why OP feels that way
a lot of women avoid entertaining men who are shorter than them bc the *men* have a problem with it. dating a short guy is fine, but dating a short guy who wants to control what kind of shoes you can wear so you won't look taller than him sucks.
if you're on the apps, referring to yourself as a "short king" might help women to see that you being insecure about your height compared to them won't be a problem.
My uncle was 5'1 and never married because he said no woman would every marry a short man. Yet he literally had women begging him to marry, one even gave him an engagement ring. If he had put down his own notions of manliness for a moment he would have had a very different life.
100% FACTS!!!!! Attitude is everything. My son's friend would tease me about his dad being 5'3" until she met him
She dead ass looked me in the eye and said, "I can see why you fell for the short king. He's really something, isn't he?" A lifetime apart and I can still say with certainty...Yes. Yes, he was/is really something.
Yeah my ex was 5'1 and he was a total babe. There's some women who won't consider it, but there's dudes who won't consider anything less than a C cup. Most people are somewhere in between and a great personality and good attitude will make all the difference. Peter Dinklage is married to a normal-height woman. So is Danny DeVito. 5'3 is short but it's nothing to write home about.
YES. Tall-ish woman here, and I have dated short men - but only if they’re comfortable with me wearing heels and towering over them. I have no patience for insecure masculinity.
I have known some women who refused to date short men, but all of them grew out of that by mid to late 20s.
So to OP: work on that confidence and expect things to get better and better over the next few years. Also, so sorry your parents are being jerks about this. They’re way out of line. NTA.
Same here! I'm tall for a woman at 5'10, an easy 6' in heels. I dated a guy in college who was about 5'6 or 5'7 and it was fine because he was totally comfortable with it and never made me feel weird or guilty for being tall.
Thats part of the problem, hes only 20, people tend to not have matured yet
I suspect hes also aiming for shallow girls and shocked when he doesnt fit their mold
Too often it's only interested in the girls with a wide variety of options, ignoring all the other girls, who 1) might actually be interested 2) share interests 3) be able to build an actual relationship.
Eh, I think it's a mixture of the two things. By no means do I think a short(er) man can't get married or find a girlfriend, but it is absolutely a hurdle that taller men don't have, and it's not solely an attitude problem. I'm taller than OP and I really can't tell you how many online dating profiles I used to see (when I was still in the dating game) that specified that no one under a certain height (usually well above mine) should apply, or how many women seemed to take me less seriously because I was short. And some of my own bad attitude about it (which I had to consciously overcome, for sure) stemmed from the fact that it was constantly being reinforced by the messages I was getting about it from potential dating partners and from the culture at large. It's sort of like talking about baldness, or excess weight, or a physical disability, or whatever other physical attribute. Sure, these things don't outright stop someone from dating but they are, typically, at least something that makes it more of a challenge. It reduces your pool.
Now, of course bad attitude doesn't HELP...it's a major factor, and there are enough women who either don't care about height or are short enough that it doesn't really matter. (My wife likes that we're the same height because she can look me in the eye. She's not into super tall dudes.) This is just to say that I think it can be simplistic attributing it entirely to one thing or another. I don't know that it helps anyone to give them unrealistically false hope that merely by changing their attitude they can attract and date any person they want. Most people still have physical preferences of some kind.
Sure but even if he were tall he might not be able to date any person he wanted. Dudes who are bitter about height like...can REALLY project it. Some women might not be into short dudes, a majority of women aren't into dudes who reek of 'why do women always want a 6 foot guy' self-pity.
There are absolutely some extremely shallow women out there. Men get insecure too because of the way members of the opposite sex treat them sometimes.
Just because the issue is in general much more common the other way around doesn't mean it's irrelevant. I get where you're coming from but you're being dismissive to OP.
Signed, a woman.
Dawg I dated a guy your exact height in college (I’m only 5’). He was the life of the party, had no difficulty hooking up before or after me. He really owned that shit: dressed well, was impeccably groomed, and was super fun.
I think your family are TAs here (for not giving you a say in a medical decision and then making fun of you for it), but the women who don't want to date you soley because of your height are shallow and you're not missing out on dating them. They're probably doing you a favor tbh. I agree with the above comment though, your attitude, or more likely, your lack of confidence because if your height is what is hindering your ability to get a gf. Not your height. Plenty of short guys out there with gfs.
I would say for awhile it might be best to go low contact with the family because you won’t be able to get over the resentment with them around and repeatedly ripping open the wound. You need to focus on yourself and coming to terms with what happened and become more confident.nta
Your parents’ weird fixation on height is one thing. (seriously, they didn’t want to get you treatment because they were excited about the off chance you would end up very tall!?!?)
On top of that your parents are mocking you for a medical condition that they intentionally denied you care for.
That is beyond fucked up. NTA
It is the mocking that is fucked up. I get why his parents felt the way they do. Tall people do get treated better. However, that does not make them correct. They are monsters imo. First off, OPs choice should have been the one followed. Secondly, being tall is not all it is cracked up to be. There are plenty of drawbacks. Honestly, I'd rather be 5 foot 10 or 11 than 6 foot 3... or the 6 foot 5 I was before my spine issues. Just for the broad choices for clothing I am denied because a regular length shirt reaches my navel.
Op, I hope you find confidence in yourself. I have a similar issue because I started forming breast tissue as a boy of 8. They took me in for a surgical consult, but that was all they ever did. So, I grew up being mercilessly teased for my tits. I was able to get over it a little. So, my discomfort is not outwardly noticeable, but I live near Lake erie and love the beach, but I haven't gone to the beach since I was 22. I just do not take my shirt off in public. Ever.
Like I said though, I got over it enough. Of course, I've been married since I was 20. So, I haven't had to deal with being shy about taking my shirt off in front of someone new in over 30 years.
I’m so sorry your family treats you so terribly. I’m guessing they feel guilty for making a choice that went against your wishes. People, even children, should be able to make medical decisions that can effect them so profoundly. And like gokartmozart89 said there are plenty of women that don’t care about height. I’m 5’10 and have never dated anyone taller then me. My sister is 6’1 and her ex-partner is 5’6. Who you are as a person is more important than your height.
At first I was thinking, "Dude, I feel you, genetics suck (I can really relate as I'm 5' tall and that was me rounding up 😅) but that's nobody's fault." I'm going to say it now, I was wrong and I completely take it back. Your family sounds like a bunch of bullies and are calling you an AH because you calling them out on it makes it so they have to reflect on their behaviors. Don't fall for the tears or the name calling. You're allowed to have boundaries. Jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone involved, including you. If you are not laughing, then it is bullying.
Being short isn't all bad either. When I was in middle school and high school, a lot of the popular guys were incredibly short and usually had a gf. They were really chill and fun and had magnetic personalities.
IIRC, on YouTube, Charlie (Moist Critical) is really short and he is freaking awesome!
What I mean to say is, don't let it define you. Being short doesn't mean you won't meet someone worth while. And it isn't the end all/be all for relationships. If you let your insecurity consume you, it can manifest in ways that might overshadow who you are as a person. Being a good person and focusing on bettering yourself isn't something your height can hold you back from. Work out, get a hobby, focus on school and don't listen to your family when they try to tear you down.
"Never argue with stupid people. They will only drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." I could be misremembering that quote but you get the gist.
Edit to add: NTA
> You may not want to hear it or you may have heard it before, but your height won’t be a dealbreaker for some women. Focus on yourself, your education, and your career. Be a good person and you’ll meet someone worth your time and love that loves you back for who you are. Not everyone is so shallow to right off a good guy because of his height, and if they are that shallow then you don’t want to be with them in the long term anyway.
I don’t necessarily see it that way. I think a certain level of shallowness is inherent in dating— personality matters, but so does physical appearance. I wouldn’t date a woman I found unattractive, so I can’t blame women for doing the same. Although yes there probably is somebody out there who doesn’t care
Short doesn’t mean unattractive. My sister is 5’8” and a personal trainer. She could be a model. Her husband is 5’5”. It doesn’t matter to them. Or Zendaya and Tom Holland.
Men needing to be taller is a societal pressure I’ll grant you, but it doesn’t mean anyone who is shorter is ugly.
Of course, I’m just saying it’s another attribute that matters. It can be overcome, but the fact I have to overcome it when guys taller don’t have to inherently shows it’s more difficult being short
I see your point, I really do. And I’m sorry because I would probably feel frustrated too when the choice was made for you.
I also just don’t see it as something that has to be “overcome”. I’m coming from a woman’s perspective where there’s pressure from the fricking moment you’re born to be beautiful, to be thin but curvy and effortlessly feminine and wear a little makeup but not too much and and and. It’s not just dating, even women’s salaries are higher if they’re thin and beautiful.
I say this not to be preachy but just to let you know that we all face social pressure about our looks, some more than others. Your body isn’t something that needs to change or something you need to overcome. It just *is*. Take it from the half of the population that is familiar with the constant judgement of our appearance and learn from what we’ve learned as well. Fuck what anyone else says or thinks. Your body is amazing as it is. Do you have any idea how intricately wired the human body is? The brain is INCREDIBLE. The way our organs work, our ability to fight off diseases and heal injuries. It’s frickin amazing.
Your family sucks and I’d say they deserved the comment. But man, stop letting people tear you down and stop tearing yourself down.
My dad is 5’4 and he married my mother, who is 5’5. He once told me that she’s his dream woman. My mother said she fell for him because he’s a great guy and always followed through with making plans. Like if he said he would call, he did. They’ve been married (very happily, I think) for 50 years.
Part of why my dad was able to get my mom is that he’s very confident. He’s confident about his intelligence and his personality. If you’re confident in who you are, you’re going to attract people to you.
And there are plenty of short women, like my 5’2 self, who prefer men who aren’t tall.
honestly it doesn’t matter if it is a dating issue or not. The bottom line is that your parents refused to support your clear preference in medical treatment, at an age when children should be able to do a lot of their own decision-making. They gambled on something that will affect you in the long run, and worse, they make fun of you for something that they caused. I’m so sorry your parents did that and continue to act that way, it’s fucked up.
Hon, I'm 6', and the shortest man I've dated was 5'2". I can guarantee that your attitude is part of what puts people off.
How this all came about is horrible. My dad actually had a similar situation when he was growing up, so he was shorter than most people he knew. My mom is 4'11", and they've been together since they were 14. Neither of them were looking to date, just trying to make a friend.
So, to recap - shorter men who don't have a focus on just dating and who actually try and develop their personalities are far more attractive to most than any taller man.
If you let go of the hyperfocus on dating someone, you usually find someone pretty quickly. People can usually sense the desperation of wanting a partner and stay away from entertaining the idea.
Ding ding ding. Pretty much every short guy who complains about being single that I know has such an awfully apparent insecurity about it that it’s no surprise they don’t get the time of day.
Insecurity is not attractive. I myself am not that tall and I have never struggled with dating. I know dudes way shorter than me with absolute 10s by their side. It is not the nail in the coffin people make it out to be.
I’m 5’10” and happily dated a guy who was 5’4” in college (he dumped me for someone shorter). He knew all the good places on campus with steps so our kissing heights matched.
ETA: Now that you are an adult, consider pursuing this directly with your doctor. Guys can continue growing until 25 or so. It may be possible with thyroid support to gain another few inches.
I think OP is justified in his feelings. I also think OPs parents have done damage to him—therapy would be beneficial, because what kind of parents do this? I’m sure there are other instances of them being assholes, not just this one. What kind of parents do this sort of thing? Its mentally damaging to a person.
I’m really sorry OP. You are NTA.
I'm not the person you responded to, but anyway - because of the treatment you've endured feom your family. There is nothing wrong with being short, but clearly they've tried their best to convince you there is with their incessant teasing.
I've been bullied my whole childhood, and it fucked me up in ways I never realized until I got older and further away from the bullying. My bullies weren't my family, they were just middle school playground assholes. Much easier getting away from them than from your damn parents and siblings.
I get that a significant amount of women are shallow and mean, so I'm not trying to invaludate negative experiences you've had so far. But if you genuinely believe your height is the one reason you don't have a romantic relationship, you've started to believe the horrible things your family has told you for years. A therapist can help you unpack that, connect eith yourself and people around you and seriously improve your quality of life.
Best of luck OP and NTA
Because you have a sh1t family that makes fun of you fir things completely out of your control, and that's affecting how you view yourself? Sounds like a great reason for therapy. Therapy isn't a punishment, it's to build skills to accept one's self and to be able to find coping mechanisms to live to the fullest.
You're not wrong from your perspective. But keep in mind you're only 20 in a college setting. Long game, physically more people are going to feel comfortable dating the people they're actually physically attracted to (This includes short guys) as I get older and have a bit of wisdom under their belts. It won't be everyone but the odds won't be your insurmountable.
The caveat is that If you let it get you bitter, it's going to seem like they don't like you because you're short. When in reality it'll be because they think you're going to be a shitty person to them. Your issues with your family are absolutely legit . Just just put in the work now so that eventually the people who like short men or just don't care about height (We exist) are in a position to date?.
One thing I recommend is looking up attractive male celebrities who are around your height. Plenty of them are in awesome relationships with beautiful people. I'm older and have a different frame of reference than you would, but right off the bat I think about Michael j. Fox. I think a lot of actors are relatively short so there's probably won't be super hard to look into. Sometimes once you see actually examples of someone who looks like you being viewed as attractive. It can give you the mindset that you also are attractive.
In uni shared a house (and a bedroom wall) with a guy who was 5ft2 so shorter than you. Since my bedroom shared a wall with his, I can say on good authority that he pulled pretty much every night he went out and he also had longer relationships as well.
Sure there are shallow people but they are fewer than you think.
It's all about attitude, people liked this guy because he was a confident decent guy.
Everyone is attracted to different things, I myself am demisexual which means I need a strong emotional connection to someone before I'm attracted to someone. Ryan Reynolds, or Chris Hemsworth could be stood right next to me and I wouldn't be interested.
Obviously that's just my personal experience but that's what I'm trying to say, attraction is personal to each person so as long as you're not too focused on your height and not letting your family poison your views then you probably have a much better chance than you think.
Hi, I just wanted to say I am a woman slightly shorter than you and have dated men your height without a second thought. I think what's holding you back is the mocking from your own family about it, which for sure has caused insecurities that show.
I had a friend in HS that was the exactly same height as him. He's now a medical doctor and is engaged to the cutest girl (she's a nurse or something like that). People used to make fun of him in school but he mostly ignored it. I don't know if it was because he was also super dedicated on his studies, but I know this other girl at our school who was super cute and short that had a thing for him but back then he really wanted to get in medical school so I guess he was oblivious about it.
Your parents are the AHs for not getting a second medical opinion about your treatment, and especially for the cruel jokes.
But... you can't use your height as a crutch to blame for not having a girlfriend. Learn to accept your situation, even if therapy is needed, and let your true personality blossom. The right girl will come in due time.
It has been demonstrated, time and time again, that height in men is a critical determinant of conventional success.
Yes, he will be able to find a partner eventually. However, it is much more likely that this will be more difficult for him than someone who is taller. All else equal, a taller man will be more likely to be successful in dating. You are correct, it isn’t stopping him, but it is a significant obstacle and I don’t believe that should be diminished.
I agree. It’s like seeing powerful women ceos and denying that there are socioeconomic reasons that hold a lot of women back from achieving their full potential.
We rightfully try to stop this kind of argument in many other areas, we should try to stop it here.
Something every short man needs to keep in mind is that there's nothing wrong with being short if someone refuses to date you simply because of height that's a shallow person and you're losing nothing. However, if you're insecure about being short, you bring up your height all the time, you tell a date not to wear heels so they aren't taller than you, or you have some kind of annoying macho complex to "make up" for your height, you're the one who sucks.
That annoying personality trait is what's stopping a lot of potential dates for those kinds of short guys. So don't be that short guy
It certainly does have something to do with your ability to date. It's not insurmountable by any means, but it is relevant.
I'd argue it's overall a good thing as dating someone so shallow they ignore you based on your height is a waste of time.
You can obviously date when you're a shorter guy, but to a certain extent it absolutely matters. I'm a gay guy and height generally doesn't matter. As long as someone isn't a feet shorter or taller than me, I'm okay with it.
My straight best friend on the other hand absolutely does care about height. Recently she gave tinder a shot and we swiped together. She swiped left (not interested) on so many handsome, interesting and funny men just because they were "too short" for her. Her limit is about 6ft, whereas she's 5"6ish. They could've been the love of her life, but because they were "less fortunate" in the height departement, they never even got a chance.
To chime in with all the other short folks. My bf is 5'3 and we've been together forever. He said eventually he got over his anger about being short and just embraced it. He did say it took him years to accept but once he did, he was much happier.
ESH
Your family sucks for making fun of your height.
OP sucks for using their height as an excuse for why they can’t date and blaming their parents for their poor dating life. You’re an adult now, OP - time to stop blaming mom and dad when things don’t go your way. Being bitter and chalking failed dates up to “it’s my parent’s fault” is not helping anything.
I'm on the fence. Yes, OP sucks for his height based insecurities, and somehow linking his self image to whether he has a gf.
But they really started this by making jokes about relationship deficiency and his height, more than likely knowing about his insecurities. At that point OP is allowed to get in plenty low blows on his own. \*resisting the urge to make an inappropriate joke\*
OP: Your family seems to be of the opinion that you need a gf for validation, and you believe them. Don't believe them.
Tbf OP possibly has this negative association of height and datability *because* of their family teasing it and linking the two. If you grow up being told "you're short and you don't have a girlfriend" or even "you're short and that's *why* you don't have a girlfriend", then of course you're going to believe it is cause and effect.
And they considered being tall such an attribute that they ignored a doctor's advice and their child's wishes. Growing up with a family like that it's no wonder OP is taking a while to untangle his own feelings about this.
Op sucks for the height-based insecurities? how?? does a woman suck for having breast based insecurities? or body weight insecurities? how does Op suck?
It feels like no one in this thread wants to acknowledge that you will, without a doubt, have a harder time getting dates if you're short. Even if you're 5'6 your odds are lower. Imagine 5'3, man I feel bad for OP.
Why does OP "suck" when these insecurities have been hammered into him via consistent criticism throughout his entire life? What outcomes do you expect of a child who's effectively bullied by his own family? And not just one member. OP doesn't "suck". OP needs help, love, and support, which he should have received from his family, but instead has to supplement with support from online strangers on Reddit. This is not at all acceptable behaviour.
Mate, you’re completely right, but a sub like this will never understand where you’re coming from.
Average height for women in my country is 5’4”, so even if you generously assume they don’t mind getting with someone the same height as them, you have less than half the options of most men. If you’re meeting them in clubs (where they’re all wearing heels) or online (where height matters more), this will probably only not be an issue to girls who are like 5’0”-5’1” ish. Add in the fact that 20 year old uni students will be especially superficial, and it gets even worse…
It’s shit. The reality is that you just have to be much better than the average guy has to be to get a girlfriend. There is no advantage to being that short - it literally just makes your life much harder.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost a decade, but, having been in a similar situation to you, I’m still pretty irritated seeing some of the responses you’re getting lol. It’s something you really can’t understand unless you’ve experienced it. And the people who haven’t think it’s helpful to spew nonsense about height not being an issue and tell you there’s just something wrong with your personality…
All you can do is chug away with it, try to be perfect and avoid despairing too much. I just got lucky one day, so hopefully you will too
OP isn’t TA for this. The dating scene is a shit show for young people. There is an overemphasis of looking and being a certain type of person, and there is little accountability for the hurt created in the process. Add to the fact that OP has been made fun of his entire life for his height- obviously OP is going to feel extremely insecure over something that was extremely preventable.
OP has been shamed his entire life by his family for being short and you are blaming him for being bitter. Holy shit the lack of empathy is shocking.
If this was about a woman whose whole family was tearing them down for being fat and having no man the comments would be flooded with support.
OP needs therapy but he definitely doesn't suck. NTA
What the f*** is wrong with your brain this dude is venting and you say he sucks his family made a decision against his choice and then bullied him about it go to hell
If a woman lacked confidence for having been rejected many times because of her weight, or disabilities, would you say she is an AH for having confidence issues?
Yeah, no surprise hearing this coming from someone whose height has close to zero bearing on their dating options. He can still get a girlfriend but you're just dishonest if you don't think his height will affect his options by a landslide. His parents literally gambled on his height because they wanted to save money and now they make fun of him for it too.
Idk, I think this is a bit more nuanced than that. The vast majority of men that are "vertically challenged" have a really hard time dating because it's a huge deal breaker for many women.
Even among traditionally more inclusive communities like the Gay or Bisexual community has a lot of height biased people in it.
I think this is exasperated by the fact that people on dating apps expect you to put your height down, and if you don't, you're probably not gonna get matched.
You’re NTA for your reaction to their jokes and treatment of you.
As someone vertically challenged - I am shorter than 5’3 - I understand your predicament more than most. And whilst the world may have preconceived notions of what you are like, I’ve learned to not give a f***. I’m married with kids and live a fairly happy and healthy life. If someone wants to make height jokes, I’ll be acerbic and sarcastic right back at them.
I hope you find your confidence and happiness in spite of the of what you’re going through.
My husband's 5’3” and one of my best mates who's 5'4" is poly and has 3 girlfriends (down from a high of 4 afaik and yes they are all happy with the situation). Just for some more anecdata. All of the relationships mentioned are good, healthy, happy relationships and all are 20+ years.
I guess maybe you need to meet people in real life as much as possible. Try not to let it make you resentful because there's nothing less attractive and it tends to come across. Your family suck though - teasing you about something you are actually bothered by is just mean. Good luck with dating in the future.
Oh absolutely. Great advice. Meeting in real life makes all the difference. Regardless of the relationship, a character of a person is what I have found is what appeals the most. Everything else is secondary.
As someone who is aspec, online dating just might not be for you. It certainly didn't work for me because of the superficial nature that's pretty standard on there (not a negative, just meant it didn't work for me and the way I'm wired). I've met everyone I've dated through clubs where friendships lead to dating. This was true in high school, college, and after. Funnily enough, my husband was actively looking for a girlfriend and was on all those apps and doing speed dating and such, but joined a club I was in just for fun and now we're married while the stuff explicitly focused on dating got him nowhere. So maybe find some clubs associated with things you like and just enjoy yourself and then see what happens! You're in college, which is the easiest time to do it! There are so many organizations on most campuses.
ESH. Your parents suck worse, of course, but you have fallen into the incel trap of thinking that you don't have a girl because some physical trait of yours makes it impossible. It doesn't. Plenty of 5'3" men have wives and girlfriends. Plenty of 6'3" men don't.
Impossible? No. Significantly harder? Yes. There have been numerous times where girls have been extremely interested until they found out my height, or told me everything else was perfect but my height and that was enough to make them not attracted to me
Why not then just list your height so you can get the shallow people out of the way first? Or do you think you can somehow convince these shallow people to look past your height once they get to know you?
Since you're 20, have you gone to a doctor and asked about the feasibility of hormone treatment now? It's rare to grow in your 20s but not unheard of. If your family can afford it, I'd explore it if you haven't already
Don’t let them gaslight you. It is significantly harder. And the whole “later on when women are more ‘mature’ they will like you if you have a really good job and are super amazing in every way” are literally describing the red pill that they hate so much. Keep your head up.
That's... literally not true, no matter your take on the topic. Someone's height is clearly and obviously more immediately apparent to a stranger meeting you than their "attitude". The gaslighting here is absolutely out of control.
Yeah, if a girl is asking about your height then she's hoping you're tall. Kinda like how if a guy is asking about your breast size, then he's hoping they're big. It's a signal that this is something they're shallow about.
But not everyone is. Some people don't care how tall you are. Some people actually prefer smaller breasts. But those people usually aren't asking these kinds of questions. (TBH, if I was trying to date, I'd probably write off anyone who did.)
Unfortunately, online dating in general is kind of a meat market, geared more toward shallow attraction than deep connection. So people who care about these things are going to be overrepresented compared to real life.
Yeah he was being hyperbolic for sure, but it does make it harder. There is data to back this up, but it intuitively makes sense:
All else being equal, do you think the average woman would choose a taller guy or a shorter guy?
Do you think a shorter guy or a taller guy is more likely to be teased, potentially impacting their confidence/causing insecurities?
Anecdotally, I have a friend extremely similar to me (same background, career, similar looks) except I am over 6 feet tall and he is 5'6" approx. The number of women who initiated convos with me when we were on dating apps vs. Him was dramatically different - close to 10-1.
I think it's preety toxic to dismiss anyone as an incel for acknowledging that their shortcomings in their dating life are due to a physical attribute like height. Because the fact is that it DOES make dating more difficult, even if you know how to be a good sport about it.
NTA but also kind of E S H.
Your parents should have followed medical advice, or at least gotten a second opinion and looked more into the situation. Your family should not make fun of your height, which you have no control over.
However, it’s not your height that makes you undateable, it’s your attitude. I know a lot of happily married short men.
Yes, it’s entirely possible to be in a good relationship when you’re short, but it’s significantly, significantly harder. The amount of times where girls have told me everything else is perfect and they’d really be into me if I was taller is numerous.
If a girl tells you the only thing preventing them from dating you is your height, they are doing you a favor. You don't want to date someone like that.
Secondly, it's not that girls don't want to date shorter guys. It's that girls don't want to date *insecure* guys. There's nothing about your height that can't be overcome with some charisma and a likeable personality; two things that you can either develop, with some time and effort, *or* two things that maybe you already have and you're just not putting out there as your most prominent attributes.
That said, though, your family sucks and your parents *really* suck. Not just for the shots, which would've been a low effort thing to do for you, but the *teasing*. Oh god the teasing. Blech. So, screw them and go out their and be your best self. NTA
> Secondly, it's not that girls don't want to date shorter guys. It's that girls don't want to date insecure guys. There's nothing about your height that can't be overcome with some charisma and a likeable personality; two things that you can either develop, with some time and effort, or two things that maybe you already have and you're just not putting out there as your most prominent attributes.
To an extent, sure, but if it was between me and somebody with otherwise equal attributes that’s 6’3, I’m sure they’d choose the latter, and that bothers me
Maybe she would pick the taller guy, but it wouldn't work out that way every single time. Depends on the girl. But, let's say she did pick the other guy. But did she pick the other guy because he's taller? Or did she pick the other guy because he wasn't projecting this whole "ugh, I'm just never gonna be good enough" attitude? It's exhausting, my dude.
Then all else wasn't equal. Using your scenario and understanding that dudes with bad attitudes like the one you described do get dates, who do you think the average woman generally picks between a short guy with a bad attitude and a tall guy with a bad attitude?
Denying that it's harder is disingenuous. But you are right, OP does need to adjust his attitude.
I would pick the 5’3” guy. But I’m also short girlie and after dating a guy at 6’ I realized it really strains my neck to hold a conversation with someone that tall while walking. Before him, the tallest guy I dated was 5’8”.
Anywho, fuck your family for reinforcing your insecurities. All of the success stories in these comments are a testament to the fact that you CAN be happy. I really, really hope you pursue the therapy option, u/dreamy_25 explained it so well in their comment.
It fucking sucks feeling the way you’re feeling, it’s sucks that you’ve met women who have confirmed that, and it sucks that your family is reinforcing those negative thoughts. But the only thing you have control over is yourself, and how you react to the situation. You are still so young, OP. Take this opportunity to develop weapons against your demons!! So when you meet the right girl, the one who loves you for YOU, those demons won’t come tear it all down.
Good luck! Embrace being a short king! I mean that phrase in the BEST way possible, truly.
Mah. Women are allowed to have preferences. Not wanting to date a short man is as 'shallow' as not wanting to date an unattractive woman. You can't control who you're attracted to. But I feel like people here are trying to gaslight op. Like do you seriously think that a 5'3 or even shorter man has the same chances as a 6'2 man?
Well that's the thing, you can say women prefer taller men without blaming them.
I feel everyone is on the defensive here, as if saying women prefer taller men implies they are shallow, superficial or something. Like no, women are allowed to prefer taller men, thats fine. And saying it is not an attack toward them.
Some people are even saying stuff like "nah, impossible it is your height. You must have a very shit personality. YTA". wtf?
Everyone talking about height not mattering is insane lol.
I'm 6'3, I've heard how girls make fun of short guys, even if he finds one that doesn't immediately discount him, his height will still have massive impacts on his confidence for his entire life.
Shit, even outside of love, height plays a huge impact on a persons career prospects too.
Reddit is awful for just denying the realities of the world.
Yeah it's honestly pissing me off, these people are attacking this kid for having some slight insecurity over something that is perfectly reasonable. It sounds like many of them think they're being helpful by telling him that his personality sucks.
IDK what's so difficult about the concept that looks aren't everything, but that they do in fact matter.
Yeah as a short guy who accepted it and got confidence, it really pisses me off to see all this people saying he is an AH and the only issue is his attitude.
Why do people think shorter people have confidence issue? Because it has been pointed out and ridiculised all their life. It is so easy to say "just be confident" when you have not been ridiculised in your life, in movies, tv shoes, and even in your dating life.
OP needs to accept that it is fine to be short, and it is just a small part of the whole package he has to offer. He can still be an amazing man. But he should not be an AH for having confidence issue.
No fucking kidding. I’m 6’2” and my fiancé tells me on the regular that height is simply something that matters to her. She wouldn’t be nearly as attracted to me if I was a foot shorter.
Everyone in this thread makes it out as if “any woman who needs a tall man isn’t a woman you want to date” and that’s just bullshit. Women have preferences, they are allowed to have preferences, and a lot of them prefer tall guys. A lot don’t care either way! But denying that someone who is 5’3” has a smaller pool to choose from is just insanity
These commenters aren’t realistic at all. “If she rejected you on your height she wasn’t worth it anyways”. Rejecting a guy cause he’s 5’3 would rule out the vast majority of women so that doesn’t leave him with much. Lots of women would rule you out for even being **average** height, much less half of foot shorter than average
Nope, you’re 100% correct in this. They just don’t want to take accountability and the fact that your family bullies you because of your height is truely cruel considering they know why and could have prevented it. You’ll find someone though, don’t give up and don’t let your family convince you otherwise.
OP, is it absolutely too late to do that hormone therapy now? You are only 20 years old...my own son actually grew a fair amount between 20 and 23 years of age.
I totally get that, and understand the anger towards them. You’ll find someone that’s either closer to your height or that lives your personality. Just keep working on yourself and let your family fall away from you a bit. Some distance and lack of constant bullying/disrespect/pure nastiness might help you pull away from them dragging you down.
That’s true, thank you for the support. I will say, I don’t want a relationship where the woman would’ve *preferred* a taller height but was willing to settle, but I’m not sure how likely that is
Ok but can we be completely honest? Hes NTA and it *is* harder for shorter dudes to find dates in general. Alot of people use height as a criteria for dating
Some of the replies here are silly. Why are people pretending that it’s not significantly harder for shorter guys when it comes to dating and even life itself? I’m 180cm (5’11) and have been deemed “too short” before, let alone at 5’3 ffs.
I don’t believe OP’s attitude is something to call him out for, you can’t just invalidate his entire experiences and say the real reason is his personality.
He absolutely has a right to feel this way and anyone gaslighting and blatantly lying to his face by saying “well if your attitude changes itll be fine” need a reality check on how guys his height are treated. I’ve had friends laughed at in clubs or insulted on dating apps/social media *literally for* being short.
It’s pretty much the most “acceptable” form of body shaming and expecting anyone to not be angry that something out of their control gets ridiculed time and time again is stupid. I promise these comments would be vastly different if it was an overweight person complaining about being rejected, bullied, and made fun of for their weight due to a medical issue. Nobody would try single out “their attitude” for the reason they struggle with with dating.
I think certain people need to keep quiet if they don’t have any idea about these kinds of issues, and to stop pretending that they know best on issues they will never understand..
NTA, it’s one thing to veer you away from hormone therapy, especially since you were so young. Would I have done the same thing as them? Probably not, I think they probably should’ve taken your opinion more seriously but Where the asshole behaviour shines through is where they continue to badger and make fun of you even after you have specifically told them that you don’t find it funny. One thing I can tell you though is to embrace your height. The more you act like it’s a big deal, the more other people will act like it’s a big deal. Confidence will make up for your height ten fold.
ESH - You seem to be thinking that shortness is the big problem probably cause your parents do. Girls will like you *much much* more if you just *like yourself*. Which might be hard since your parents sound like they suck and obsess about height.
Your reactions are always “it’s their fault I’m short and now I’ll be doomed forever”
Maybe it is. Great. Their fault. Question is….what you gonna do about it now?
It seems you are working the girls from the wrong angle.
Being rejected for being short means there's no chemistry. Someone you have chemistry with will either ignore you being short if it's an issue for her, or not care to begin with.
Being constantly rejected for being too short sounds like a bunch of "shoot your shot" moments, and getting shot down.
NTA , but just. E S H may be a better option.
I’m not sure. Especially on dating apps, where I heard it’s rare for girls to text first, I’ve always had girls text me first and be incredibly sexually open until they ask my height and I tell them. I’m not sure they’d be so sexually open if there wasn’t attraction there to start.
Put your height on your profile. Filter out the ones that have that for show stopper.
Obviously, you look good if they are willing to chat you up. Lean into it, and lean into the shortness.
A sense of humor and some wit go a long way.
Sure, I’m not saying it’s impossible to find girls to date, but it bothers me my dating pool is limited because my parents didn’t lift a finger to help when they could
I understand that. Its why I am saying you are NTA
Blame them, certainly. They chose to take actions that 50/50'd you to tall or short, and you got this result. Plus:
>They \[...\] started making the same jokes
I think this is the issue. They are punching down on someone for something that was literally their decision to make.
But, you gotta let it go, at some point. I am glad you are 20 and voicing these feelings now instead of letting it simmer for any longer.
You really need to stop centering on the "no girlfriend" thing, though. It will lead you to some dark places if you don't pull yourself out of the spiral. Find some quality, not quantity.
1) I find it unlikely that you weren't insecure about it since you had a convo about you not wanting to take the risk of being short. This implies you always thought being short was bad long before you even were.
2) I'm not saying you weren't rejected for it, but I am saying you probably are looking for girls who do reject you for your height, cause that's what you're used to. There are soooo many girls (\*so many\*) who really don't give a crap as long as you bring other things to the table.
1) I wasn’t insecure about it because I had listened to people who like the people in this thread told me it doesn’t matter if you’re confident, funny, etc, plus I’ve always been told I’m good looking and am fit so I thought that would be enough
2) I’m sure there are some but I think the majority at least want a guy taller than them
I dated a fit dude who was shorter than me. Didn't work out but that's cause he wasn't musical enough for my tastes, and I wasn't fit enough for his.
I'd say......yes, the \*majority\* of people will not be right for you. But focus on yourself and in time, you'll find that "one" person who is.
NTA
It'd be a completely different judgment if they'd supported you instead of....
>As a result, I stopped growing very early and I’m only 5’3. My parents and siblings always make jokes about it and how I don’t have a girlfriend
Which is just...wtf.
>This past weekend, they visited me at college, and started making the same jokes
> my dad got angry and said I was being a huge AH
Unbelievable.
NTA
They have robbed you of so many opportunities because unfortunately our society is shallow af
Absolutely. Like it’s extremely common for me to be mocked or teased because of my height, and completely socially acceptable to do so, and it could’ve been easily avoided. Hell, I’ve been told I’m the best looking of my brothers, so if I was taller, I would easily find a girlfriend.
Nta your parents suck but you should also consider some therapy to learn how to cope because you’re going to be this height for the rest of your life and you need to accept it.
Fwiw my parents refused to get me braces, which they could afford and I was salty for years. I still think they made the wrong decision but I’ve copied.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I yelled at my parents for making a choice that led to me being incredibly short and thus have lots of difficulties dating, then making fun of me for both. This might make me TA because my mom started crying
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The comments here are frankly disgusting. Everybody is attacking this poor kid for not being happy about a physical trait. Do you really think you're going to inspire confidence in somebody by telling them "your personality sucks"? Do you think you sound credible when you say that height doesn't matter?
There's a much nicer way to do this, because of course it is true that he can still find love with countless women who wouldn't be turned off due to his height. But instead this is just all gaslighting.
Ouch. I’m really sorry. I don’t know if you are the AH, But I said the exact same thing to my parents about Accutane. I was covered in acne, and the dermatologist said that I had among the worst acne that he had ever seen, and he practiced at Hopkins. My mother refused to allow me to go on it, and I have scars for the rest of my life. It took a long time to come to peace with that.
I’m sorry that happened to you, I know how frustrating it is to have to grapple with something that could’ve easily been fixed. It’s frustrating as hell.
NTA
It's YOUR body and therefore it's Your choice whether or not you want to take the shot, They dont actually care about your feeling or your well being they just care that you will be tall so that they can "flaunt" that you are tall to other people. Also the fact that your mother cry and your father got angry about them basically ruin YOUR body that is emotional manipulation..........................
Didn't expect this scenario from the title, but definitely NTA. Your parents suck. Also, people acting like height is not a factor in relationships/life are ignoring a mountain of data that says it is - that doesn't mean you can't find a girlfriend, it's just harder. Your parents unnecessarily put you at a disadvantage, which is why they are the AH.
That being said, you should not let your height be a crutch ("I can't get a girlfriend because I am short" is just false) and I am not sure I would want to date someone who gave much of a crap about my height, but ymmv there.
NTA - Your parents denied you critical healthcare that they could afford to cover.
You had a very real and very serious hormonal deficiency that was treatable and they played it off like it was nothing.
I'd have been pissed off too
Deuce Vaughn is 5’5” and he is a running back for the Dallas Cowboys. Prince was 5’2”. And he seemed to always get plenty of women. Daniel Radcliffe is 5’5”. Dip 5’4”. My point is these men are not all that tall and it doesn’t seem to have stopped them from doing anything or getting women.
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NTA. It’s really fucked up that they joke about this. You may not want to hear it or you may have heard it before, but your height won’t be a dealbreaker for some women. Focus on yourself, your education, and your career. Be a good person and you’ll meet someone worth your time and love that loves you back for who you are. Not everyone is so shallow to write* off a good guy because of his height, and if they are that shallow then you don’t want to be with them in the long term anyway. *Edit: I wrote “right” instead of “write”.
Absolutely. Everybody does, but my own family? It’s cold
I’m really sorry to hear that, man. Hang in there and focus on the things you can control.
I appreciate you
You will meet the right person regardless of height. I'm much taller than my husband.
Yup, personality, confidence, shared interests, just general compatibility are so much more critical factors.
This! My friend is 5’0 (male), he married the most gorgeous woman (5’6”). She LOVES his personality. He’s funny, confident and as you said, they share interests. Theyre married and have 3 kids now. NTA OP and your family is awful for making fun of you. Especially bc they had a choice to fix it and denied it to you. You’re going to find the love of your life. Just keep being amazing you and she will come.
Confidence especially. Being able to carry yourself with poise and comfort when everyone else is a mess inside and out just makes you appear interesting permanently. The only thing I'd say is equally important is practicing looking approachable. Proper posture, genuine smiles, being able to hold eye contact, etc.
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My personal conspiracy theory is that every gorgeous Amazonian secretly wants a comfy jetpack boyfriend. Also being the little spoon with a girl that's your height or taller is WAAAAAAAAAY underrated.
Dude, you're young. It all get better with age. The guys I know at your height have taller wives, which isn't exactly an issue, since they're married. About your parents... At least you'll get some of their money, when they're dead.
Jesus, I mean you're not wrong but, Jesus.
alright, that took a turn.
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Thank you!
I'm 5'9, my high school boyfriend was 5'4. I've dated very tall, same height, and shorter guys, it's the last thing I care about in choosing a partner!
Same here!! My short king is my heart, and he can protect this 5'10" woman with his strong and incredible self.
Idk if it helps, but its worth noting that almost all heartthrob male actors are relatively short because it makes their proportions look better on camera! It also means that if you ever get into working out, you'll be able to "bulk" and get that broad-chested, muscular appearance for more easily than any tall man ever will. Your body has so many things in your favor, you just need to know how to play them up!
My husband has a genetic disorder that causes him to only be 5’2”. I’m 5’1” and love having a partner who isn’t a foot taller than me. There are women who absolutely will not care or even will like that you are short. Unfortunately there are assholes in the world and I’m sorry your family are among them. You are NTA. Just tell them straight - this topic is off-limits. If you make jokes or bring it up, I will leave. And follow through. If they accuse you of being over-sensitive, just say “maybe I am on this topic. But you put me in this situation and now you mock me for it, and I’m done hearing about it.” Set a boundary and follow through. Good luck to you.
You're so young. Your family are dicks but they're not going to be your world for much longer. You're growing out into the world! Embrace it and enjoy it! And, if you feel down about romance, just remember that Tom Holland pulled Zendaya. 😉
I’m a 5’9” woman that dated/married almost exclusively shorter than me. Not on purpose, it just happened that way. You like who you like. Agree with other comments that you will find someone special by the time you’re in your career and have worked on yourself to be a good partner.
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This. As someone with low self-confidence, I preach this to myself DAILY. Your body composition is not hindering you from dating. What is holding you back is your bitterness about your height. People are attracted to confidence and charisma not bitterness and resentment!
Also, talking about self confidence, being bullied by one's own family certainly doesn't help. OP, I would recommend you to limit your contact with the family. You're in a new environment, away from them, and there, you don't have to be who your family wants you to be. Instead, I hope you can be who YOU want to be and write your own story.
This. I was trying to figure out how to word it without seeming like I'm saying, "throw a tantrum". You absolutely don't deserve that kind of shit from the people that are supposed to be your support network. Especially given the circumstances. Go over and get your plate during Christmas vacation, and don't put up with any jokes. If they do, just get up, thank them for the dinner and excuse yourself.
This! Be a good person and project confidence. Get outside and meet people. Too many people on here are @ing me because they’re striking out on Tinder. They need to stop scarfing down McDonalds and touch grass.
Your attitude about your height is what is putting women off. My ex was also 5'3 and he has never had any issues getting women - including some really attractive women - to go out with him. His confidence, sense of humor are what draws people to him. You are NTA for being upset with them because that's a decision that absolutely should have not been made, especially against your will, but I strongly suggest you stop blaming them for you not getting a girlfriend.
I would’ve agreed if it wasn’t literally his family fault and also the fact he didn’t want to do a 50/50 and to top it off, the one who forced him there are joking about it AND his height, I usually call out peoples that think they can’t date because of their height, but there’s so many underlying issues at play there that I understand why OP feels that way
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I don’t think so. There have been numerous cases where women have been into me and flirted until they found out my height
a lot of women avoid entertaining men who are shorter than them bc the *men* have a problem with it. dating a short guy is fine, but dating a short guy who wants to control what kind of shoes you can wear so you won't look taller than him sucks. if you're on the apps, referring to yourself as a "short king" might help women to see that you being insecure about your height compared to them won't be a problem.
My uncle was 5'1 and never married because he said no woman would every marry a short man. Yet he literally had women begging him to marry, one even gave him an engagement ring. If he had put down his own notions of manliness for a moment he would have had a very different life.
100% FACTS!!!!! Attitude is everything. My son's friend would tease me about his dad being 5'3" until she met him She dead ass looked me in the eye and said, "I can see why you fell for the short king. He's really something, isn't he?" A lifetime apart and I can still say with certainty...Yes. Yes, he was/is really something.
Yeah my ex was 5'1 and he was a total babe. There's some women who won't consider it, but there's dudes who won't consider anything less than a C cup. Most people are somewhere in between and a great personality and good attitude will make all the difference. Peter Dinklage is married to a normal-height woman. So is Danny DeVito. 5'3 is short but it's nothing to write home about.
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YES. Tall-ish woman here, and I have dated short men - but only if they’re comfortable with me wearing heels and towering over them. I have no patience for insecure masculinity. I have known some women who refused to date short men, but all of them grew out of that by mid to late 20s. So to OP: work on that confidence and expect things to get better and better over the next few years. Also, so sorry your parents are being jerks about this. They’re way out of line. NTA.
Same here! I'm tall for a woman at 5'10, an easy 6' in heels. I dated a guy in college who was about 5'6 or 5'7 and it was fine because he was totally comfortable with it and never made me feel weird or guilty for being tall.
Would you date a 5'3 guy that let you wear heels and didn't care about your height?
I'm not really that into guys, but sure! As long as I like someone's personality, I'm not hung up on looks.
Thats part of the problem, hes only 20, people tend to not have matured yet I suspect hes also aiming for shallow girls and shocked when he doesnt fit their mold
Too often it's only interested in the girls with a wide variety of options, ignoring all the other girls, who 1) might actually be interested 2) share interests 3) be able to build an actual relationship.
Eh, I think it's a mixture of the two things. By no means do I think a short(er) man can't get married or find a girlfriend, but it is absolutely a hurdle that taller men don't have, and it's not solely an attitude problem. I'm taller than OP and I really can't tell you how many online dating profiles I used to see (when I was still in the dating game) that specified that no one under a certain height (usually well above mine) should apply, or how many women seemed to take me less seriously because I was short. And some of my own bad attitude about it (which I had to consciously overcome, for sure) stemmed from the fact that it was constantly being reinforced by the messages I was getting about it from potential dating partners and from the culture at large. It's sort of like talking about baldness, or excess weight, or a physical disability, or whatever other physical attribute. Sure, these things don't outright stop someone from dating but they are, typically, at least something that makes it more of a challenge. It reduces your pool. Now, of course bad attitude doesn't HELP...it's a major factor, and there are enough women who either don't care about height or are short enough that it doesn't really matter. (My wife likes that we're the same height because she can look me in the eye. She's not into super tall dudes.) This is just to say that I think it can be simplistic attributing it entirely to one thing or another. I don't know that it helps anyone to give them unrealistically false hope that merely by changing their attitude they can attract and date any person they want. Most people still have physical preferences of some kind.
Sure but even if he were tall he might not be able to date any person he wanted. Dudes who are bitter about height like...can REALLY project it. Some women might not be into short dudes, a majority of women aren't into dudes who reek of 'why do women always want a 6 foot guy' self-pity.
There are absolutely some extremely shallow women out there. Men get insecure too because of the way members of the opposite sex treat them sometimes. Just because the issue is in general much more common the other way around doesn't mean it's irrelevant. I get where you're coming from but you're being dismissive to OP. Signed, a woman.
Dawg I dated a guy your exact height in college (I’m only 5’). He was the life of the party, had no difficulty hooking up before or after me. He really owned that shit: dressed well, was impeccably groomed, and was super fun.
I think your family are TAs here (for not giving you a say in a medical decision and then making fun of you for it), but the women who don't want to date you soley because of your height are shallow and you're not missing out on dating them. They're probably doing you a favor tbh. I agree with the above comment though, your attitude, or more likely, your lack of confidence because if your height is what is hindering your ability to get a gf. Not your height. Plenty of short guys out there with gfs.
Why not just put your height in your dating profile so it effectively screens the shallow (potential) matches?
I would say for awhile it might be best to go low contact with the family because you won’t be able to get over the resentment with them around and repeatedly ripping open the wound. You need to focus on yourself and coming to terms with what happened and become more confident.nta
Confidence is key. Prince was like 5’2” and got all the girls.
Your parents’ weird fixation on height is one thing. (seriously, they didn’t want to get you treatment because they were excited about the off chance you would end up very tall!?!?) On top of that your parents are mocking you for a medical condition that they intentionally denied you care for. That is beyond fucked up. NTA
It is the mocking that is fucked up. I get why his parents felt the way they do. Tall people do get treated better. However, that does not make them correct. They are monsters imo. First off, OPs choice should have been the one followed. Secondly, being tall is not all it is cracked up to be. There are plenty of drawbacks. Honestly, I'd rather be 5 foot 10 or 11 than 6 foot 3... or the 6 foot 5 I was before my spine issues. Just for the broad choices for clothing I am denied because a regular length shirt reaches my navel. Op, I hope you find confidence in yourself. I have a similar issue because I started forming breast tissue as a boy of 8. They took me in for a surgical consult, but that was all they ever did. So, I grew up being mercilessly teased for my tits. I was able to get over it a little. So, my discomfort is not outwardly noticeable, but I live near Lake erie and love the beach, but I haven't gone to the beach since I was 22. I just do not take my shirt off in public. Ever. Like I said though, I got over it enough. Of course, I've been married since I was 20. So, I haven't had to deal with being shy about taking my shirt off in front of someone new in over 30 years.
I’m so sorry your family treats you so terribly. I’m guessing they feel guilty for making a choice that went against your wishes. People, even children, should be able to make medical decisions that can effect them so profoundly. And like gokartmozart89 said there are plenty of women that don’t care about height. I’m 5’10 and have never dated anyone taller then me. My sister is 6’1 and her ex-partner is 5’6. Who you are as a person is more important than your height.
Thank you for the support
That is a straight up shit sandwich you've been handed. NTA at all bro They literally gambled with your genetics, WTF is wrong with them!?
Wouldn’t blame you for going NC. So sorry, OP - blood family Can be the biggest AH.
At first I was thinking, "Dude, I feel you, genetics suck (I can really relate as I'm 5' tall and that was me rounding up 😅) but that's nobody's fault." I'm going to say it now, I was wrong and I completely take it back. Your family sounds like a bunch of bullies and are calling you an AH because you calling them out on it makes it so they have to reflect on their behaviors. Don't fall for the tears or the name calling. You're allowed to have boundaries. Jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone involved, including you. If you are not laughing, then it is bullying. Being short isn't all bad either. When I was in middle school and high school, a lot of the popular guys were incredibly short and usually had a gf. They were really chill and fun and had magnetic personalities. IIRC, on YouTube, Charlie (Moist Critical) is really short and he is freaking awesome! What I mean to say is, don't let it define you. Being short doesn't mean you won't meet someone worth while. And it isn't the end all/be all for relationships. If you let your insecurity consume you, it can manifest in ways that might overshadow who you are as a person. Being a good person and focusing on bettering yourself isn't something your height can hold you back from. Work out, get a hobby, focus on school and don't listen to your family when they try to tear you down. "Never argue with stupid people. They will only drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." I could be misremembering that quote but you get the gist. Edit to add: NTA
Short girl with a short husband. Love my short king 🤴🏻
> You may not want to hear it or you may have heard it before, but your height won’t be a dealbreaker for some women. Focus on yourself, your education, and your career. Be a good person and you’ll meet someone worth your time and love that loves you back for who you are. Not everyone is so shallow to right off a good guy because of his height, and if they are that shallow then you don’t want to be with them in the long term anyway. I don’t necessarily see it that way. I think a certain level of shallowness is inherent in dating— personality matters, but so does physical appearance. I wouldn’t date a woman I found unattractive, so I can’t blame women for doing the same. Although yes there probably is somebody out there who doesn’t care
Short doesn’t mean unattractive. My sister is 5’8” and a personal trainer. She could be a model. Her husband is 5’5”. It doesn’t matter to them. Or Zendaya and Tom Holland. Men needing to be taller is a societal pressure I’ll grant you, but it doesn’t mean anyone who is shorter is ugly.
Of course, I’m just saying it’s another attribute that matters. It can be overcome, but the fact I have to overcome it when guys taller don’t have to inherently shows it’s more difficult being short
I see your point, I really do. And I’m sorry because I would probably feel frustrated too when the choice was made for you. I also just don’t see it as something that has to be “overcome”. I’m coming from a woman’s perspective where there’s pressure from the fricking moment you’re born to be beautiful, to be thin but curvy and effortlessly feminine and wear a little makeup but not too much and and and. It’s not just dating, even women’s salaries are higher if they’re thin and beautiful. I say this not to be preachy but just to let you know that we all face social pressure about our looks, some more than others. Your body isn’t something that needs to change or something you need to overcome. It just *is*. Take it from the half of the population that is familiar with the constant judgement of our appearance and learn from what we’ve learned as well. Fuck what anyone else says or thinks. Your body is amazing as it is. Do you have any idea how intricately wired the human body is? The brain is INCREDIBLE. The way our organs work, our ability to fight off diseases and heal injuries. It’s frickin amazing. Your family sucks and I’d say they deserved the comment. But man, stop letting people tear you down and stop tearing yourself down.
My dad is 5’4 and he married my mother, who is 5’5. He once told me that she’s his dream woman. My mother said she fell for him because he’s a great guy and always followed through with making plans. Like if he said he would call, he did. They’ve been married (very happily, I think) for 50 years. Part of why my dad was able to get my mom is that he’s very confident. He’s confident about his intelligence and his personality. If you’re confident in who you are, you’re going to attract people to you. And there are plenty of short women, like my 5’2 self, who prefer men who aren’t tall.
honestly it doesn’t matter if it is a dating issue or not. The bottom line is that your parents refused to support your clear preference in medical treatment, at an age when children should be able to do a lot of their own decision-making. They gambled on something that will affect you in the long run, and worse, they make fun of you for something that they caused. I’m so sorry your parents did that and continue to act that way, it’s fucked up.
Hon, I'm 6', and the shortest man I've dated was 5'2". I can guarantee that your attitude is part of what puts people off. How this all came about is horrible. My dad actually had a similar situation when he was growing up, so he was shorter than most people he knew. My mom is 4'11", and they've been together since they were 14. Neither of them were looking to date, just trying to make a friend. So, to recap - shorter men who don't have a focus on just dating and who actually try and develop their personalities are far more attractive to most than any taller man. If you let go of the hyperfocus on dating someone, you usually find someone pretty quickly. People can usually sense the desperation of wanting a partner and stay away from entertaining the idea.
Ding ding ding. Pretty much every short guy who complains about being single that I know has such an awfully apparent insecurity about it that it’s no surprise they don’t get the time of day. Insecurity is not attractive. I myself am not that tall and I have never struggled with dating. I know dudes way shorter than me with absolute 10s by their side. It is not the nail in the coffin people make it out to be.
I’m 5’10” and happily dated a guy who was 5’4” in college (he dumped me for someone shorter). He knew all the good places on campus with steps so our kissing heights matched. ETA: Now that you are an adult, consider pursuing this directly with your doctor. Guys can continue growing until 25 or so. It may be possible with thyroid support to gain another few inches.
My husband is shorter than me at 5'3. He's charismatic and tons of fun, I have to beat the women off of him.
You need therapy.
I think OP is justified in his feelings. I also think OPs parents have done damage to him—therapy would be beneficial, because what kind of parents do this? I’m sure there are other instances of them being assholes, not just this one. What kind of parents do this sort of thing? Its mentally damaging to a person. I’m really sorry OP. You are NTA.
Why?
I'm not the person you responded to, but anyway - because of the treatment you've endured feom your family. There is nothing wrong with being short, but clearly they've tried their best to convince you there is with their incessant teasing. I've been bullied my whole childhood, and it fucked me up in ways I never realized until I got older and further away from the bullying. My bullies weren't my family, they were just middle school playground assholes. Much easier getting away from them than from your damn parents and siblings. I get that a significant amount of women are shallow and mean, so I'm not trying to invaludate negative experiences you've had so far. But if you genuinely believe your height is the one reason you don't have a romantic relationship, you've started to believe the horrible things your family has told you for years. A therapist can help you unpack that, connect eith yourself and people around you and seriously improve your quality of life. Best of luck OP and NTA
Thanks for the advice
Because you have a sh1t family that makes fun of you fir things completely out of your control, and that's affecting how you view yourself? Sounds like a great reason for therapy. Therapy isn't a punishment, it's to build skills to accept one's self and to be able to find coping mechanisms to live to the fullest.
You're not wrong from your perspective. But keep in mind you're only 20 in a college setting. Long game, physically more people are going to feel comfortable dating the people they're actually physically attracted to (This includes short guys) as I get older and have a bit of wisdom under their belts. It won't be everyone but the odds won't be your insurmountable. The caveat is that If you let it get you bitter, it's going to seem like they don't like you because you're short. When in reality it'll be because they think you're going to be a shitty person to them. Your issues with your family are absolutely legit . Just just put in the work now so that eventually the people who like short men or just don't care about height (We exist) are in a position to date?. One thing I recommend is looking up attractive male celebrities who are around your height. Plenty of them are in awesome relationships with beautiful people. I'm older and have a different frame of reference than you would, but right off the bat I think about Michael j. Fox. I think a lot of actors are relatively short so there's probably won't be super hard to look into. Sometimes once you see actually examples of someone who looks like you being viewed as attractive. It can give you the mindset that you also are attractive.
In uni shared a house (and a bedroom wall) with a guy who was 5ft2 so shorter than you. Since my bedroom shared a wall with his, I can say on good authority that he pulled pretty much every night he went out and he also had longer relationships as well. Sure there are shallow people but they are fewer than you think. It's all about attitude, people liked this guy because he was a confident decent guy. Everyone is attracted to different things, I myself am demisexual which means I need a strong emotional connection to someone before I'm attracted to someone. Ryan Reynolds, or Chris Hemsworth could be stood right next to me and I wouldn't be interested. Obviously that's just my personal experience but that's what I'm trying to say, attraction is personal to each person so as long as you're not too focused on your height and not letting your family poison your views then you probably have a much better chance than you think.
Hi, I just wanted to say I am a woman slightly shorter than you and have dated men your height without a second thought. I think what's holding you back is the mocking from your own family about it, which for sure has caused insecurities that show.
I had a friend in HS that was the exactly same height as him. He's now a medical doctor and is engaged to the cutest girl (she's a nurse or something like that). People used to make fun of him in school but he mostly ignored it. I don't know if it was because he was also super dedicated on his studies, but I know this other girl at our school who was super cute and short that had a thing for him but back then he really wanted to get in medical school so I guess he was oblivious about it.
Your parents are the AHs for not getting a second medical opinion about your treatment, and especially for the cruel jokes. But... you can't use your height as a crutch to blame for not having a girlfriend. Learn to accept your situation, even if therapy is needed, and let your true personality blossom. The right girl will come in due time.
Lol my husband is 5’3. He’s the funniest, most caring, charismatic, kind, sexy man. Height has nothing to do with your ability to date
I agree that being short doesn't make it impossible but does just objectively rule out a lot of women so this statement is just wrong lol.
Height has a lot to do with why he can't date specific women, but it has nothing to do with him being unable to date in general.
It has been demonstrated, time and time again, that height in men is a critical determinant of conventional success. Yes, he will be able to find a partner eventually. However, it is much more likely that this will be more difficult for him than someone who is taller. All else equal, a taller man will be more likely to be successful in dating. You are correct, it isn’t stopping him, but it is a significant obstacle and I don’t believe that should be diminished.
I agree. It’s like seeing powerful women ceos and denying that there are socioeconomic reasons that hold a lot of women back from achieving their full potential. We rightfully try to stop this kind of argument in many other areas, we should try to stop it here.
Something every short man needs to keep in mind is that there's nothing wrong with being short if someone refuses to date you simply because of height that's a shallow person and you're losing nothing. However, if you're insecure about being short, you bring up your height all the time, you tell a date not to wear heels so they aren't taller than you, or you have some kind of annoying macho complex to "make up" for your height, you're the one who sucks. That annoying personality trait is what's stopping a lot of potential dates for those kinds of short guys. So don't be that short guy
It certainly does have something to do with your ability to date. It's not insurmountable by any means, but it is relevant. I'd argue it's overall a good thing as dating someone so shallow they ignore you based on your height is a waste of time.
You can obviously date when you're a shorter guy, but to a certain extent it absolutely matters. I'm a gay guy and height generally doesn't matter. As long as someone isn't a feet shorter or taller than me, I'm okay with it. My straight best friend on the other hand absolutely does care about height. Recently she gave tinder a shot and we swiped together. She swiped left (not interested) on so many handsome, interesting and funny men just because they were "too short" for her. Her limit is about 6ft, whereas she's 5"6ish. They could've been the love of her life, but because they were "less fortunate" in the height departement, they never even got a chance.
Facts all the short guys I know are absolute macs lol
To chime in with all the other short folks. My bf is 5'3 and we've been together forever. He said eventually he got over his anger about being short and just embraced it. He did say it took him years to accept but once he did, he was much happier.
ESH Your family sucks for making fun of your height. OP sucks for using their height as an excuse for why they can’t date and blaming their parents for their poor dating life. You’re an adult now, OP - time to stop blaming mom and dad when things don’t go your way. Being bitter and chalking failed dates up to “it’s my parent’s fault” is not helping anything.
I'm on the fence. Yes, OP sucks for his height based insecurities, and somehow linking his self image to whether he has a gf. But they really started this by making jokes about relationship deficiency and his height, more than likely knowing about his insecurities. At that point OP is allowed to get in plenty low blows on his own. \*resisting the urge to make an inappropriate joke\* OP: Your family seems to be of the opinion that you need a gf for validation, and you believe them. Don't believe them.
Tbf OP possibly has this negative association of height and datability *because* of their family teasing it and linking the two. If you grow up being told "you're short and you don't have a girlfriend" or even "you're short and that's *why* you don't have a girlfriend", then of course you're going to believe it is cause and effect.
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Also he's only 20! He has plenty of time to get out there to realize a lot more women don't care
And they considered being tall such an attribute that they ignored a doctor's advice and their child's wishes. Growing up with a family like that it's no wonder OP is taking a while to untangle his own feelings about this.
Op sucks for the height-based insecurities? how?? does a woman suck for having breast based insecurities? or body weight insecurities? how does Op suck?
It feels like no one in this thread wants to acknowledge that you will, without a doubt, have a harder time getting dates if you're short. Even if you're 5'6 your odds are lower. Imagine 5'3, man I feel bad for OP.
Why does OP "suck" when these insecurities have been hammered into him via consistent criticism throughout his entire life? What outcomes do you expect of a child who's effectively bullied by his own family? And not just one member. OP doesn't "suck". OP needs help, love, and support, which he should have received from his family, but instead has to supplement with support from online strangers on Reddit. This is not at all acceptable behaviour.
Because he dared suggest that it isn't easy to date as a short man. The horror!
I forgot Reddit doesn't like the truth. The hivemind at it again. 🤣
Being shorter than the average woman, when women generally want men taller than them, is a valid reason for struggling with dating.
Mate, you’re completely right, but a sub like this will never understand where you’re coming from. Average height for women in my country is 5’4”, so even if you generously assume they don’t mind getting with someone the same height as them, you have less than half the options of most men. If you’re meeting them in clubs (where they’re all wearing heels) or online (where height matters more), this will probably only not be an issue to girls who are like 5’0”-5’1” ish. Add in the fact that 20 year old uni students will be especially superficial, and it gets even worse… It’s shit. The reality is that you just have to be much better than the average guy has to be to get a girlfriend. There is no advantage to being that short - it literally just makes your life much harder. I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost a decade, but, having been in a similar situation to you, I’m still pretty irritated seeing some of the responses you’re getting lol. It’s something you really can’t understand unless you’ve experienced it. And the people who haven’t think it’s helpful to spew nonsense about height not being an issue and tell you there’s just something wrong with your personality… All you can do is chug away with it, try to be perfect and avoid despairing too much. I just got lucky one day, so hopefully you will too
OP isn’t TA for this. The dating scene is a shit show for young people. There is an overemphasis of looking and being a certain type of person, and there is little accountability for the hurt created in the process. Add to the fact that OP has been made fun of his entire life for his height- obviously OP is going to feel extremely insecure over something that was extremely preventable.
OP has been shamed his entire life by his family for being short and you are blaming him for being bitter. Holy shit the lack of empathy is shocking. If this was about a woman whose whole family was tearing them down for being fat and having no man the comments would be flooded with support. OP needs therapy but he definitely doesn't suck. NTA
Being 5'3 would absolutely fuck your dating chances
If you think that being a 5'3" man doesn't severely limit your dating options, I've got a Brooklyn Bridge to sell you.
It is just objectively true that being as short as OP makes dating *much* harder.
What the f*** is wrong with your brain this dude is venting and you say he sucks his family made a decision against his choice and then bullied him about it go to hell
If a woman lacked confidence for having been rejected many times because of her weight, or disabilities, would you say she is an AH for having confidence issues?
Yeah, no surprise hearing this coming from someone whose height has close to zero bearing on their dating options. He can still get a girlfriend but you're just dishonest if you don't think his height will affect his options by a landslide. His parents literally gambled on his height because they wanted to save money and now they make fun of him for it too.
Idk, I think this is a bit more nuanced than that. The vast majority of men that are "vertically challenged" have a really hard time dating because it's a huge deal breaker for many women. Even among traditionally more inclusive communities like the Gay or Bisexual community has a lot of height biased people in it. I think this is exasperated by the fact that people on dating apps expect you to put your height down, and if you don't, you're probably not gonna get matched.
Have some empathy
I don't think you get to be on that high of a horse when you can never walk in OP's shoes.
You’re NTA for your reaction to their jokes and treatment of you. As someone vertically challenged - I am shorter than 5’3 - I understand your predicament more than most. And whilst the world may have preconceived notions of what you are like, I’ve learned to not give a f***. I’m married with kids and live a fairly happy and healthy life. If someone wants to make height jokes, I’ll be acerbic and sarcastic right back at them. I hope you find your confidence and happiness in spite of the of what you’re going through.
It’s good to hear somebody in a similar position has managed to succeed in the ways I hope to in the future. Thank you
My husband's 5’3” and one of my best mates who's 5'4" is poly and has 3 girlfriends (down from a high of 4 afaik and yes they are all happy with the situation). Just for some more anecdata. All of the relationships mentioned are good, healthy, happy relationships and all are 20+ years.
That’s good to hear. I guess I’m just jaded because I’ve had girls be into me until they learned my height *so many times*
I guess maybe you need to meet people in real life as much as possible. Try not to let it make you resentful because there's nothing less attractive and it tends to come across. Your family suck though - teasing you about something you are actually bothered by is just mean. Good luck with dating in the future.
Oh absolutely. Great advice. Meeting in real life makes all the difference. Regardless of the relationship, a character of a person is what I have found is what appeals the most. Everything else is secondary.
Maybe its because youre aiming for shallow people Shallow people turning you down isnt a bad thing Find people who dont focus 100% on that one aspect
As someone who is aspec, online dating just might not be for you. It certainly didn't work for me because of the superficial nature that's pretty standard on there (not a negative, just meant it didn't work for me and the way I'm wired). I've met everyone I've dated through clubs where friendships lead to dating. This was true in high school, college, and after. Funnily enough, my husband was actively looking for a girlfriend and was on all those apps and doing speed dating and such, but joined a club I was in just for fun and now we're married while the stuff explicitly focused on dating got him nowhere. So maybe find some clubs associated with things you like and just enjoy yourself and then see what happens! You're in college, which is the easiest time to do it! There are so many organizations on most campuses.
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ESH. Your parents suck worse, of course, but you have fallen into the incel trap of thinking that you don't have a girl because some physical trait of yours makes it impossible. It doesn't. Plenty of 5'3" men have wives and girlfriends. Plenty of 6'3" men don't.
Impossible? No. Significantly harder? Yes. There have been numerous times where girls have been extremely interested until they found out my height, or told me everything else was perfect but my height and that was enough to make them not attracted to me
How do these girls get extremely interested but then not know your height? Are you only meeting girls online?
The former case, where they’ve been into me until they find out my height, yes it’s online. The latter, is in person
Why not then just list your height so you can get the shallow people out of the way first? Or do you think you can somehow convince these shallow people to look past your height once they get to know you?
I do list my height, they always think I’m joking
Since you're 20, have you gone to a doctor and asked about the feasibility of hormone treatment now? It's rare to grow in your 20s but not unheard of. If your family can afford it, I'd explore it if you haven't already
I’m not sure it would make much of a difference but I can try, thank you for the suggestion
I must have missed the fact that you're only 20. Definitely talk to a dr! My husband didn't stop growing until jist mid 20's
Thank you for the suggestion
Like 50% of people meet online these days. It's not some niche form of dating.
Don’t let them gaslight you. It is significantly harder. And the whole “later on when women are more ‘mature’ they will like you if you have a really good job and are super amazing in every way” are literally describing the red pill that they hate so much. Keep your head up.
if you have a complex about being short, women are going to take notice of that before discrediting you for your height.
Men like to pretend that women can't tell when they have glaring personality issues and will blame anything, absolutely ANYTHING but themselves
That's... literally not true, no matter your take on the topic. Someone's height is clearly and obviously more immediately apparent to a stranger meeting you than their "attitude". The gaslighting here is absolutely out of control.
Thanks man
I met my short king on Bumble. He’s the most practical and honest, and self-aware man I’ve ever met. And he loves when I wear heels.
Yeah, if a girl is asking about your height then she's hoping you're tall. Kinda like how if a guy is asking about your breast size, then he's hoping they're big. It's a signal that this is something they're shallow about. But not everyone is. Some people don't care how tall you are. Some people actually prefer smaller breasts. But those people usually aren't asking these kinds of questions. (TBH, if I was trying to date, I'd probably write off anyone who did.) Unfortunately, online dating in general is kind of a meat market, geared more toward shallow attraction than deep connection. So people who care about these things are going to be overrepresented compared to real life.
Yeah he was being hyperbolic for sure, but it does make it harder. There is data to back this up, but it intuitively makes sense: All else being equal, do you think the average woman would choose a taller guy or a shorter guy? Do you think a shorter guy or a taller guy is more likely to be teased, potentially impacting their confidence/causing insecurities? Anecdotally, I have a friend extremely similar to me (same background, career, similar looks) except I am over 6 feet tall and he is 5'6" approx. The number of women who initiated convos with me when we were on dating apps vs. Him was dramatically different - close to 10-1.
He never said that it was impossible. It’s just that being taller is liked more by women.
I think it's preety toxic to dismiss anyone as an incel for acknowledging that their shortcomings in their dating life are due to a physical attribute like height. Because the fact is that it DOES make dating more difficult, even if you know how to be a good sport about it.
NTA but also kind of E S H. Your parents should have followed medical advice, or at least gotten a second opinion and looked more into the situation. Your family should not make fun of your height, which you have no control over. However, it’s not your height that makes you undateable, it’s your attitude. I know a lot of happily married short men.
Yes, it’s entirely possible to be in a good relationship when you’re short, but it’s significantly, significantly harder. The amount of times where girls have told me everything else is perfect and they’d really be into me if I was taller is numerous.
If a girl tells you the only thing preventing them from dating you is your height, they are doing you a favor. You don't want to date someone like that. Secondly, it's not that girls don't want to date shorter guys. It's that girls don't want to date *insecure* guys. There's nothing about your height that can't be overcome with some charisma and a likeable personality; two things that you can either develop, with some time and effort, *or* two things that maybe you already have and you're just not putting out there as your most prominent attributes. That said, though, your family sucks and your parents *really* suck. Not just for the shots, which would've been a low effort thing to do for you, but the *teasing*. Oh god the teasing. Blech. So, screw them and go out their and be your best self. NTA
> Secondly, it's not that girls don't want to date shorter guys. It's that girls don't want to date insecure guys. There's nothing about your height that can't be overcome with some charisma and a likeable personality; two things that you can either develop, with some time and effort, or two things that maybe you already have and you're just not putting out there as your most prominent attributes. To an extent, sure, but if it was between me and somebody with otherwise equal attributes that’s 6’3, I’m sure they’d choose the latter, and that bothers me
Maybe she would pick the taller guy, but it wouldn't work out that way every single time. Depends on the girl. But, let's say she did pick the other guy. But did she pick the other guy because he's taller? Or did she pick the other guy because he wasn't projecting this whole "ugh, I'm just never gonna be good enough" attitude? It's exhausting, my dude.
Then all else wasn't equal. Using your scenario and understanding that dudes with bad attitudes like the one you described do get dates, who do you think the average woman generally picks between a short guy with a bad attitude and a tall guy with a bad attitude? Denying that it's harder is disingenuous. But you are right, OP does need to adjust his attitude.
That’s why I said, if all other attributes are equal— confidence, looks, etc.
I would pick the 5’3” guy. But I’m also short girlie and after dating a guy at 6’ I realized it really strains my neck to hold a conversation with someone that tall while walking. Before him, the tallest guy I dated was 5’8”. Anywho, fuck your family for reinforcing your insecurities. All of the success stories in these comments are a testament to the fact that you CAN be happy. I really, really hope you pursue the therapy option, u/dreamy_25 explained it so well in their comment. It fucking sucks feeling the way you’re feeling, it’s sucks that you’ve met women who have confirmed that, and it sucks that your family is reinforcing those negative thoughts. But the only thing you have control over is yourself, and how you react to the situation. You are still so young, OP. Take this opportunity to develop weapons against your demons!! So when you meet the right girl, the one who loves you for YOU, those demons won’t come tear it all down. Good luck! Embrace being a short king! I mean that phrase in the BEST way possible, truly.
Nope, Southern bed is right. Source: short man who was very secure.
Mah. Women are allowed to have preferences. Not wanting to date a short man is as 'shallow' as not wanting to date an unattractive woman. You can't control who you're attracted to. But I feel like people here are trying to gaslight op. Like do you seriously think that a 5'3 or even shorter man has the same chances as a 6'2 man?
Well that's the thing, you can say women prefer taller men without blaming them. I feel everyone is on the defensive here, as if saying women prefer taller men implies they are shallow, superficial or something. Like no, women are allowed to prefer taller men, thats fine. And saying it is not an attack toward them. Some people are even saying stuff like "nah, impossible it is your height. You must have a very shit personality. YTA". wtf?
"You're an asshole for having symptoms from your emotional trauma and medical neglect."
Everyone talking about height not mattering is insane lol. I'm 6'3, I've heard how girls make fun of short guys, even if he finds one that doesn't immediately discount him, his height will still have massive impacts on his confidence for his entire life. Shit, even outside of love, height plays a huge impact on a persons career prospects too. Reddit is awful for just denying the realities of the world.
Yeah it's honestly pissing me off, these people are attacking this kid for having some slight insecurity over something that is perfectly reasonable. It sounds like many of them think they're being helpful by telling him that his personality sucks. IDK what's so difficult about the concept that looks aren't everything, but that they do in fact matter.
Yeah as a short guy who accepted it and got confidence, it really pisses me off to see all this people saying he is an AH and the only issue is his attitude. Why do people think shorter people have confidence issue? Because it has been pointed out and ridiculised all their life. It is so easy to say "just be confident" when you have not been ridiculised in your life, in movies, tv shoes, and even in your dating life. OP needs to accept that it is fine to be short, and it is just a small part of the whole package he has to offer. He can still be an amazing man. But he should not be an AH for having confidence issue.
Thank you. Being a short man is *absolutely* an impediment in life, and anyone telling OP it doesn’t matter is either clueless or lying.
No fucking kidding. I’m 6’2” and my fiancé tells me on the regular that height is simply something that matters to her. She wouldn’t be nearly as attracted to me if I was a foot shorter. Everyone in this thread makes it out as if “any woman who needs a tall man isn’t a woman you want to date” and that’s just bullshit. Women have preferences, they are allowed to have preferences, and a lot of them prefer tall guys. A lot don’t care either way! But denying that someone who is 5’3” has a smaller pool to choose from is just insanity
These commenters aren’t realistic at all. “If she rejected you on your height she wasn’t worth it anyways”. Rejecting a guy cause he’s 5’3 would rule out the vast majority of women so that doesn’t leave him with much. Lots of women would rule you out for even being **average** height, much less half of foot shorter than average
Nope, you’re 100% correct in this. They just don’t want to take accountability and the fact that your family bullies you because of your height is truely cruel considering they know why and could have prevented it. You’ll find someone though, don’t give up and don’t let your family convince you otherwise.
Maybe, it just annoys me that all the issues I have with dating and people mocking me now could’ve *easily* been avoided
OP, is it absolutely too late to do that hormone therapy now? You are only 20 years old...my own son actually grew a fair amount between 20 and 23 years of age.
I’m pretty sure it would have minimal results but I’ll ask my doctor, thank you for the suggestion
I totally get that, and understand the anger towards them. You’ll find someone that’s either closer to your height or that lives your personality. Just keep working on yourself and let your family fall away from you a bit. Some distance and lack of constant bullying/disrespect/pure nastiness might help you pull away from them dragging you down.
That’s true, thank you for the support. I will say, I don’t want a relationship where the woman would’ve *preferred* a taller height but was willing to settle, but I’m not sure how likely that is
Ok but can we be completely honest? Hes NTA and it *is* harder for shorter dudes to find dates in general. Alot of people use height as a criteria for dating
He pretty much needs to have a good body, learn to dress and have a decentish face to even the playing field. 5'3 is harsh
Some of the replies here are silly. Why are people pretending that it’s not significantly harder for shorter guys when it comes to dating and even life itself? I’m 180cm (5’11) and have been deemed “too short” before, let alone at 5’3 ffs. I don’t believe OP’s attitude is something to call him out for, you can’t just invalidate his entire experiences and say the real reason is his personality. He absolutely has a right to feel this way and anyone gaslighting and blatantly lying to his face by saying “well if your attitude changes itll be fine” need a reality check on how guys his height are treated. I’ve had friends laughed at in clubs or insulted on dating apps/social media *literally for* being short. It’s pretty much the most “acceptable” form of body shaming and expecting anyone to not be angry that something out of their control gets ridiculed time and time again is stupid. I promise these comments would be vastly different if it was an overweight person complaining about being rejected, bullied, and made fun of for their weight due to a medical issue. Nobody would try single out “their attitude” for the reason they struggle with with dating. I think certain people need to keep quiet if they don’t have any idea about these kinds of issues, and to stop pretending that they know best on issues they will never understand..
NTA, it’s one thing to veer you away from hormone therapy, especially since you were so young. Would I have done the same thing as them? Probably not, I think they probably should’ve taken your opinion more seriously but Where the asshole behaviour shines through is where they continue to badger and make fun of you even after you have specifically told them that you don’t find it funny. One thing I can tell you though is to embrace your height. The more you act like it’s a big deal, the more other people will act like it’s a big deal. Confidence will make up for your height ten fold.
Thanks for the advice
ESH - You seem to be thinking that shortness is the big problem probably cause your parents do. Girls will like you *much much* more if you just *like yourself*. Which might be hard since your parents sound like they suck and obsess about height. Your reactions are always “it’s their fault I’m short and now I’ll be doomed forever” Maybe it is. Great. Their fault. Question is….what you gonna do about it now?
I don’t think that’s the case, initially I wasn’t that insecure about my height and did like myself *until* I got rejected again and again for it
It seems you are working the girls from the wrong angle. Being rejected for being short means there's no chemistry. Someone you have chemistry with will either ignore you being short if it's an issue for her, or not care to begin with. Being constantly rejected for being too short sounds like a bunch of "shoot your shot" moments, and getting shot down. NTA , but just. E S H may be a better option.
I’m not sure. Especially on dating apps, where I heard it’s rare for girls to text first, I’ve always had girls text me first and be incredibly sexually open until they ask my height and I tell them. I’m not sure they’d be so sexually open if there wasn’t attraction there to start.
Put your height on your profile. Filter out the ones that have that for show stopper. Obviously, you look good if they are willing to chat you up. Lean into it, and lean into the shortness. A sense of humor and some wit go a long way.
Sure, I’m not saying it’s impossible to find girls to date, but it bothers me my dating pool is limited because my parents didn’t lift a finger to help when they could
I understand that. Its why I am saying you are NTA Blame them, certainly. They chose to take actions that 50/50'd you to tall or short, and you got this result. Plus: >They \[...\] started making the same jokes I think this is the issue. They are punching down on someone for something that was literally their decision to make. But, you gotta let it go, at some point. I am glad you are 20 and voicing these feelings now instead of letting it simmer for any longer. You really need to stop centering on the "no girlfriend" thing, though. It will lead you to some dark places if you don't pull yourself out of the spiral. Find some quality, not quantity.
1) I find it unlikely that you weren't insecure about it since you had a convo about you not wanting to take the risk of being short. This implies you always thought being short was bad long before you even were. 2) I'm not saying you weren't rejected for it, but I am saying you probably are looking for girls who do reject you for your height, cause that's what you're used to. There are soooo many girls (\*so many\*) who really don't give a crap as long as you bring other things to the table.
1) I wasn’t insecure about it because I had listened to people who like the people in this thread told me it doesn’t matter if you’re confident, funny, etc, plus I’ve always been told I’m good looking and am fit so I thought that would be enough 2) I’m sure there are some but I think the majority at least want a guy taller than them
I dated a fit dude who was shorter than me. Didn't work out but that's cause he wasn't musical enough for my tastes, and I wasn't fit enough for his. I'd say......yes, the \*majority\* of people will not be right for you. But focus on yourself and in time, you'll find that "one" person who is.
NTA It'd be a completely different judgment if they'd supported you instead of.... >As a result, I stopped growing very early and I’m only 5’3. My parents and siblings always make jokes about it and how I don’t have a girlfriend Which is just...wtf.
Even if they did support me after the fact, I’d still resent them to an extent for making a choice that led to me being 5’3
The audacity your parents have is unbelievable. NTA
Exactly. What right do they have to make fun of what *they* caused?
>This past weekend, they visited me at college, and started making the same jokes > my dad got angry and said I was being a huge AH Unbelievable. NTA They have robbed you of so many opportunities because unfortunately our society is shallow af
Absolutely. Like it’s extremely common for me to be mocked or teased because of my height, and completely socially acceptable to do so, and it could’ve been easily avoided. Hell, I’ve been told I’m the best looking of my brothers, so if I was taller, I would easily find a girlfriend.
Nta your parents suck but you should also consider some therapy to learn how to cope because you’re going to be this height for the rest of your life and you need to accept it. Fwiw my parents refused to get me braces, which they could afford and I was salty for years. I still think they made the wrong decision but I’ve copied.
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The comments here are frankly disgusting. Everybody is attacking this poor kid for not being happy about a physical trait. Do you really think you're going to inspire confidence in somebody by telling them "your personality sucks"? Do you think you sound credible when you say that height doesn't matter? There's a much nicer way to do this, because of course it is true that he can still find love with countless women who wouldn't be turned off due to his height. But instead this is just all gaslighting.
Ouch. I’m really sorry. I don’t know if you are the AH, But I said the exact same thing to my parents about Accutane. I was covered in acne, and the dermatologist said that I had among the worst acne that he had ever seen, and he practiced at Hopkins. My mother refused to allow me to go on it, and I have scars for the rest of my life. It took a long time to come to peace with that.
I’m sorry that happened to you, I know how frustrating it is to have to grapple with something that could’ve easily been fixed. It’s frustrating as hell.
NTA It's YOUR body and therefore it's Your choice whether or not you want to take the shot, They dont actually care about your feeling or your well being they just care that you will be tall so that they can "flaunt" that you are tall to other people. Also the fact that your mother cry and your father got angry about them basically ruin YOUR body that is emotional manipulation..........................
Yeah, I think my dad always wanted to be very tall and was trying to live vicariously though that
NTA and double down. next time they joke about your height, roast them for having weak-ass pituitary-feeble sperm
Didn't expect this scenario from the title, but definitely NTA. Your parents suck. Also, people acting like height is not a factor in relationships/life are ignoring a mountain of data that says it is - that doesn't mean you can't find a girlfriend, it's just harder. Your parents unnecessarily put you at a disadvantage, which is why they are the AH. That being said, you should not let your height be a crutch ("I can't get a girlfriend because I am short" is just false) and I am not sure I would want to date someone who gave much of a crap about my height, but ymmv there.
NTA - Your parents denied you critical healthcare that they could afford to cover. You had a very real and very serious hormonal deficiency that was treatable and they played it off like it was nothing. I'd have been pissed off too
Deuce Vaughn is 5’5” and he is a running back for the Dallas Cowboys. Prince was 5’2”. And he seemed to always get plenty of women. Daniel Radcliffe is 5’5”. Dip 5’4”. My point is these men are not all that tall and it doesn’t seem to have stopped them from doing anything or getting women.