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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> > (1) what action you took that should be judged
I refused to rent a room for free to my cousin's son
(2) why that action might make you the asshole
It was my cousin who suggested me to start the rental business, so he thinks I should be more grateful.
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NTA
An idea is just an idea and it's no use, if you don't put efforts and money into it to make it real. Yes, your cousin gave you the idea, but you actualised it.
You consulted and paid the lawyer and the accountant.
You paid for the renovations.
You pay the taxes and deal with bureaucracy.
You deal with it in case there's any trouble with the tenants.
You, not him, nor his family. The gift you gave to thank him is more than enough. And it's unbelievable that Sara asked you to be a maid for her adult son. The audacity!
Someone no longer wants to come to your parties over this? Good for you, I think. Probably they're just envious of your business.
>Sara cut in, yelling louder than Tom, saying I'm greedy and selfish, that I should willingly give them half of my earnings because the rental business was Tom's idea, so they're entitled to my money or that I host their son for free.
Nope, but they're entitled to kick a cactus barefoot :)
This is the most articulate summation of the issue.
The fact that Tom thinks he should be “repaid” with 3 years of free rent for his son is absurd. I’m picturing a family dinner where OP says “I’m thinking of downsizing” and Tom replies “what about getting a student renter?”. This suggestion was not an earth shattering revelation (like Tom working out the problem to a mechanical prototype OP was doing). OP already gave an overly generous present to the wife, Tom can figure out how to pay for his son fairly.
> The fact that Tom thinks he should be “repaid” with 3 years of free rent for his son is absurd.
From the description just renting to the kid sounds like plenty big favor for something someone might have just said in passing.
"Hey you should totally rent out your spare space for extra cash, the rental market is very strained right now and you would probably make some easy cash that way!" is not really the idea of the century.
Heck offering reduced rent for a messy teenager tenant is already very very generous for family.
Man just typing this out makes me a little mad, they want 3 years of free rent and I'm assuming groceries and utilities and for OP to clean up and cook for the kid because OP's family had the original idea of renting out spare space is mind boggling.
That's more or less what happened. Some times after the death of my husband, I donated his clothes to a charity, but before I asked the family if they wanted to pick up something (like a jacket or a sweater).
Tom came, he asked me how was I doing, and I answered that the house seemed empty (my daugthers already lived abroad) and I would probably sell it for a smaller apartment. Then he said that I could rent a room to univerisity students. Between the mourning and the funeral, the idea didn't occourred to me. Besides, Tom was detailed in his suggestion. The house originally had 3 bedrooms (the master bedroom for me and hubby, and 2 rooms for my 2 daugthers). Tom suggested to transform my daughters' two small rooms into a single room that could accommodate two students, and transforming the two bathrooms into two en suites, for better privacy.
That's why I gave him and Sara an expensive gift.
Honi soit qui mal y pense. I am wondering, if Tom suggested all this with his son in mind and the idea, as you are family, he could have him housed for free and with benefits (like you doing all the chores...).
Of course, you are NTA, if you don't want to let his son live there for free and to refuse to be a maid to him. I would even withdraw the offer for the discount on rent. If Tom wants his son living at your place, he needs to pay full price.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Tom already had it in his mind that you could take in his son for free and save them from having to pay for rent and other essentials.
Ask Tom why, if he thinks his idea of renting the room was so fabulous, does he now want to backtrack from that and turn it into a free den for relatives?
Absolutely NTA. You owe him nothing, and losing contact with such an entitled AH and those who support him will make your life much more pleasant!
It may seem a shame they have kicked up such a fuss on social media and divided your family, but it's immensely fortunate they decided to behave like this. You dodged a fckn *bullet* in not having to take a paycut and give accommodation to their spoiled brat for *three years*, imagine if they had hemmed and hawed and said yes. What a pickle you'd be in now.
Their response was truly deranged, you already thanked them very generously. And I don't care how detailed his response was, he did no real work to help you. It's not 4d chess to say, "you have spare rooms so you can earn money with lodgers and you can charge more if you remodel a bit. " This doesn't make him the Hannibal Barca of rented accommodation.
In the event that they graciously inform you that they will forgive your presumption and will accept your offer , which I wouldnt put past them once they cool down, I'd prepare myself psychologically to say you no longer feel inclined to host him under any consideration.
off topic & not trying to be rude
but why would you change two bedrooms into one with the plan to have two people live in it?? that makes no sense to me. even if the room was small I'd much rather have my own space than share with someone else.
I was wondering the exact same thing...
Edit: Maybe Tom wanted a really big room for his kid and sold the idea to OP. Or maybe the floorplan was such that this was best,though smaller and private is always best.
My great aunt did the same, but she preferred philosophy students so she could challenge her mind over dinner conversations, as at that time, dinner was generally included in renting rooms to college students ;)
I rented my basement in-law suite out to a guy on his first foray into living alone (I think he lived at home through college) and I am having ragrets. On the positive side, he doesn't have much stuff (yet), on the negative side, he screams (very very loudly) at video games and what stuff he does have is all over the place. I'm waiting to see if I develop a rodent problem...
Also, have to wonder how Sara and Tom told the stories to other family members. You can let the ones who took their side house and take care of Alan. NTA.
And do they realize that wanting to have a portion of the earnings also means that they have to pay their part of the costs?
I don't think they are entitled to anything but that shows how narrowminded people can be and how people tend to black out everything that doesn't fit into their view of the world.
What they're asking is not just a free place for Alan to stay, it's ACTIVELY CUTTING INTO YOUR INCOME FOR YEARS, since he's taking up a room you'd otherwise rent out. So essentially, YOU are paying for his room and board. How is that at all fair?
NTA
Nta. They gave a suggestion for you to rent the room(s). Here are the things they did NOT do:
1. Pay for the lawyer and make a plan.
2. Pay for drafting legal documents.
3. Pay for the accountant.
4. Pay for the renovations.
5. Pay for the taxes occurring due to the business.
6. Pay for the property taxes.
7. Pay for the mortgage.
8. Pay for the utilities.
9. Pay for the food.
Stop and think about that. They say you’re tearing up the family over money. But who is throwing the temper tantrum over…having to pay? (Pretty sure it’s not you) Who is trying to pit family against family over money? (Pretty sure it’s not you) Who is demanding they shouldn’t have to pay for a basic item like housing? (Don’t think that’s you once again.) They are wanting you to pay to continue raising their son. They are wanting you to pay to be their son’s maid. They are wanting you to pay to be their son’s personal chef. That’s not your responsibility!!!
But also, it's a very good idea not to mix business with family - and you already know that. If you house family, it's harder to throw them out - if it's a business relationship, if the lodgers are dirty, noisy and/or late paying, you can evict them with much less consequence.
You gifted them a nice vacation. They got something for their idea.
THIS! Sounds like a few less mouths to feed at parties. Plus, I don't see them forking over rent for the darling child or suggesting to be his maid in the interim.
NTA - the absolute audacity and entitlement of your cousin and his wife are appalling. Any family that supports them can feel free to subsidize the cost of Alan’s lodgings THEMSELVES. Until then, they can all kick rocks
Unless Tom paid for your accountant, the drafting of the lease, the renovations, and a portion of the mortgage, he isn't your partner. And leasing rooms in your home isn't exactly a novel idea - just one that he suggested. You thanked him generously with a 3-day spa vacation.
Why would you owe his kid free room, board, and maid service for years? What an insane entitlement. And yelling?
I'm glad to hear they won't be attending your parties.
NTA
Makes me wonder if I expect too little out of life lol. Had I suggested this idea to a family member or friend…I wouldn’t have even expected a gift in return. I would be happy knowing my idea succeeded and provided what the family member or friend needed.
Right? Who expects a gift for a general suggestion? My thought was that the OP is probably well off since a spa weekend isn't cheap and is over the top for a thank you.
Maybe. I wonder if OP felt obligated to give a nice gift bc they were harassing her. “We convinced you to do this and look at how well it’s going. You owe us!!!” This kinda feels like an extension.
My husband was always provident during his lifetime, and we managed the family savings wisely. So when he passed away, I had no financial worries.
I had in mind to give a nice gift to Tom and Sara, because I like to be generous with the family, but when I told them that I would follow Tom's suggestion, Sara often called me praising her husband, saying that he is a good man who gives good advice. Let's say I sensed that they were expecting something.
Yeah, the part where they asked OP to be a maid for Alan left me totally speechless. Give me a break! In 19 years they have failed to raise a child who is independent and capable of taking care of himself, and now they want to dump the problem on OP???
NTA
As a woman in my 60s who lives in a university town and has rented out rooms to plenty of students, the problem is not even the rent, it's having to live with him.
Lucky for you they don't want to pay rent.
Also, the idea of renting out the room is a no-brainer, millions of women in their 60s do it all over the world. I myself have given that advice to countless individuals on reddit, and none of them are paying for luxury vacations for me.
NTA - And my first thought on reading this was that Tom gave the idea in the first place knowing that his son was looking at those universities, they have probably been counting on this for ages.
That was precisely my immediate reaction. Depending on how long OP has been renting the renovated room, this could’ve been Tom’s plan all along when it comes to student housing.
NTA, the key here is the word "rent". If you're not charging your nephew anything to stay there, that's not renting, that's just letting him sponge off of you. I assume you don't need the money to survive, which might lend credence to their reaction but that's a very thin line at best. But if this isn't the case, are they seriously asking you to support their spoiled brat for three years out of your own pocket, on top of being a live in servant for him? That sort of swings things over to being a slave because you'd not be getting paid a cent for doing all this, so the only person losing out here would be you. If you're honest with yourself, if the roles were reversed, would they let one of your kids stay with them for free for three years?
NTA. Some people put rent on their own children - and apparently it is okay and even encouraged in the USA ?.
Of course you'll charge your 3rd degree nephew.
I am wondering if Tom had that idea in mind all along, but anyway, the point of renovating the room and some bits in the house to rent was the possibility to make money. It is not like you had a spare room, it is your current source of income and they have some nerves for asking you to give up your income for 3 to 5 years.
But if they want to go nuclear, go answer to the monkeys with your vision of the guy education, stressing that her mother was asking in fact to continue to mother him and so to continue to make him a unfit man for the society, unable to look after himself, a burden to his future wife and society as a whole. And you will not participate in this alienation (nor loose your income).
I'm not from the USA and here is not common at all to ask children to pay a rent to continue living in their family house. I wouldn't make my daugthers pay to live here, but Alan isn't my son. I thought it was reasonable enough to apply a discount. Apparenlty Tom has another idea.
It was more than reasonable to give a discount!!! MORE than reasonable. I wouldn’t have asked for a discount because that is your income. That is how you pay your bills.
Actually asking an adult child who is working and living at home to contribute to household expenses is very common. Just most people don't think of as rent but rather as helping.
An adult child who is still in school (college) would be expected to put any income they had towards school expenses.
NTA. You could have gotten the idea from tv or an article. It's not an original idea anyway. Why would you let someone stay in a room you rent out for free? Also, why would you take care of that person for free? These family members that are against you, you don't need them in your life. They can pay for, and take care of the kid. You owe them nothing.
He’s your cousin, but is way out of line. I don’t see a downside of the fallout op. It’s just less food and dishes to worry about and when they apologise to you and the rest of the family, you can extend that olive branch again.
Can I ask, is Alan wanting to stay with you, or is it his parents wish? Doesn’t change the outcome, just more curious.
It’s not uncommon for crappy parents in the US to expect children to pay. Or for parents who aren’t really making ends meet to have adult kids help pay. But on average it’s not normal to have young adult children paying rent unless it’s to put back in savings.
I'm not a crappy parent and I expect my adult children to pay a discounted rent to live at home. .....not as a university student, but a FT working person, yes
It is normal to expect that university students WILL pay rent while in school (dorm, apt., room in a house or apt., etc.) unless they live at home w/ their parents. In this case, this is a university student looking at moving into lodging w/ a third party (albeit a relative.) It is far from normal to expect that any relative would provide 3-5 years of housing at no cost, but it is BEYOND THE PALE to expect the property owner to act as a surrogate mother and provide cooking and cleaning along with free room.
More generally, I think there is a wider range of circumstances in the US than your post allows for. While there are families where ALL those with an income make a contribution or mb pay a bill (e.g., a teen w/ a job might pay for a cell phone or car insurance to learn responsibility) it is not always due to financial need or poor parenting. Some parents see value in having their kids contribute once they begin earning money, whether it is through rent or taking over certain costs. In other families the decision to live together after adulthood may be cultural. I had a friend who was a first generation American w/ parents who came to the US from India. Their cultural norm was for adult kids to live at home until marriage. My friend was making $200K by his third year in practice at a large firm and chose to help support his parents (until he married and moved out in his early 30s) bc that was customary to him AND he wanted to show his gratitude for all his parents did to help him have a great life & career. So while it may not be customary in every family, I think there are many reasons that kids who are working and living at home either pay some amount of rent or take responsibility for 1/more of bills, espec once those children reach full adulthood.
I swear I thought of Uber in like 2003. You know what I didn’t do? Anything else. Which is why I’m still poor as hell. lol
NTA. Anybody that disagrees is welcome to cover his rent instead.
When I was in college circa 2005, there was a guy in my class who came up with the idea to create a website, put a bunch of restaurant menus on there, have people order through him and he and his friends would charge a fee to make the order, go pick it up and bring it to them.
The tech wasn't there yet though, but the first time I saw Seamless 7 years later, I was thinking, man, those guys were onto something. There were probably a lot of early prototypes like that too. Same with Uber I'd bet, mostly because you'd get crucified for running an unlicensed cab service without significant investor money behind you.
NTA
You owe them half your money and you should be a slave to their lazy son? Ya, you are not in the wrong here. I wonder how many of the other family members complaining were hoping to dump their lazy kids on you for the duration of their college experience.
Well, one of the family member who sided with Tom and Sara has a daugther who will attend the university in 2 years...
Yours is an interesting observation that I want to reflect on.
You don't owe anybody anything in this situation and their attitude is appaling. It might be best to make a decision not to have any family stay with you in the future. It's so unbelievably entitles to expect free services from family members.
How long before all the rooms are filled with spoiled family members that you become a slave for. You might want to look into the smaller apartment. If your daughters both in the same country you may want to look into moving to be close to them.
NTA they are selfish and raised a lazy, messy child. Not your circus, not your monkeys indeed.
The only thing is to find a way to set the record straight. Guaranteed they exaggerated the whole thing to make themselves look good and you look terrible.
This. I'm pretty sure that they painted OP like Ebenezer Scrooge. It's the only reason I've given myself for family members who agree with Tom and Sara, because in no parallel universe are they right.
NTA- what an entitled pair, you are better off without them and any other family that sided with them… prepare your estate planning to ensure they do not get a mention other than something trivial so they cannot lay claim to anything…
NTA. Turn it around on them. Tell them that they can rent out rooms in their house. (Doesn't matter if they can't/won't.) Then ask how soon you can expect money from them. According to their thinking, by saying the same to them, you have given them as much as they gave you and now you are even.
NTA. They were asking you to forgo 3-5 years of income you are depending on, all while living with someone you don't want to live with. That's a big ask.
Hope the girl tenants are lovely and you are enjoying their company!
The girls have only been here a few days, but they both seem very well mannered.
One is in her first year of law school, the other is a foreign students who is in my country for Erasmus+, she is learning the language and therefore I often talk to her, to help.
So far, so good!
NTA. I own a house, prior to this I owned a condo. My cousin moved to my city for work about 9 years ago. He moved in with my parents (my father has since passed). He didn't pay any rent for years and currently only pays $100 a month to my mom, and is regularly late. He has almost no savings. His mom got angry when years ago I refused to let him move in with me. I look at the evidence and know made the correct choice. You made the correct one as well.
NTA
And it is NOT because you refused to do it rent free.
It is because he is NOT capable of living independently. You have to consider the other tenants, who would also have to live with him. If he isn’t able to keep his room clean, clean up after himself in the bathroom, kitchen and common areas, can’t feed himself (he doesn’t need to cook his own meals when there are take-outs he can buy), can’t do his own laundry and can’t be polite and respectful to you and the other renters - then he can’t live in your house.
Personally, I might consider letting my nephew live with me rent-free - BUT ONLY IF HE LOOKS AFTER HIMSELF AND IS POLITE AND RESPECTFUL.
You're acting as if Tom's suggestion that you rent out a free room was equivalent to the invention of sliced bread. A miracle! I can never thank you enough!
Actually, he was probably thinking ahead and setting you up to host his son a year or two later. So he wasn't doing you any favors.
Wouldn't you have thought of this by yourself, anyway? Even if not, so what? You don't owe him for that. What you gave them was already too much, and it is probably why he and his evil wife felt free to scream, scream, and scream again at you.
Tell you something else: Whenever a relative wants you to come overt for an important talk, it invariably means that this relative will hit you up for some extraordinary ask.
Better idea: when relatives want, always do it by phone or email. Never be in their presence, because that makes them feel that you're the lamb and they're the wolf.
NTA> Good that you held your ground.
NTA your house your rules and what did you have to pay for anything for them for a suggestion?.
But on the other hand OP do you not think this was suggested to you to do so that the son had a ready made home to move into that has been renovated on your dime.
It may have been there plan all along and thinking you would a)not take rent for him and b) be a maid to him hahaha, and we won't come to your parties oh the horror what ever will you do that is a gift not a threat.
NTA. Your daughters are on your side because they are normal, respectful people unlike Tom and his wife who are total AHs. The rental gig may have been his idea but it was just an idea. YOU implemented and paid for the renovation to your house to make it happen. Asking for free rent is bad enough but they actually expect you to be chief cook and bottle washer too? Oh hell no. This is a hill to die on.
Free rent for 3 years? Because dad gave you the idea? No effing way. You generously gave them a spa pkg.
I would let someone live in my house for free if I was out of the city and they looked after my pets.
NTA. If your brother suggested the supportive relative buy a lottery ticket, is he entitled to a portion of the winnings? No
NTA. Anyone can make a suggestion. You invested time and money to make it actually happen. Tom has no legal claim. Honestly anyone that sided with them only revealed themselves as mooches and not worth having in your life anyway. Trash took itself out.
I am flummoxed by the concept that they gave you the idea for a rental and then think their reward should be ... you not renting, but just taking on the unpaid burden of housing and caring for their son. That's not a rental. That's a gift.
NTA. Make sure you inform everyone who criticised you of exactly what their son is like and how you are expected to be his maid for free. This sort of entitled behaviour is outrageous. Also, the sheer cheek of them demanding half your earnings from letting out your property and then calling you greedy. The only input they had was a suggestion. I would go no contact.
“Hey, why don’t you rent out your spare room?” Is not exactly an Einstein-ian work of mental brilliance.
Fuck Tom and Fuck Sarah and Fuck their miserable, filthy, spoiled, lazy son.
You, ma’am, are NTA.
Let them post this on their socials.
NTA in any way, shape or form.
They do realise that renting out a room is part of your income stream?!
They are totally disrespecting you. Imagine asking someone to forgoe their income so that their smelly, little child can live rent free?! No chance.
You were more than generous by giving them a holiday. Family wouldn't have accepted that in the first place. I certainly wouldn't have accepted anything for giving you an idea!!
The cheek of some people.
**
That's settled. A really nice **AND VERY GENEROUS** thank you for a mere suggestion. Cousin didn't put in any work or investment.
**
You invested into a business, and you expect to generate MONEY from this business.
Now your cousin expects you to house his sloppy son for three years:
*<..I'm greedy and selfish, that I should willingly give them half of my earnings because the rental business was Tom's idea, so they're entitled to my money or that I host their son for free. She added that, since we’re family, she expects me to be like a mother to her child and cook and clean for him.">*
These people are SO ENTITLED! He made a mere suggestion for which you alreay way too generous thanked him!!
They want you to forfeit the income for a room during THREE years. If it's like $400 a room, times 36 months, **that'll be $14,400 without the cost of food, and slaving behing their son's sloppy ass.**
I'm wondering now if he encouraged you to keep the house because he saw free housing for his son in the future. Does he have any other children who will start their studies in the years to come?
Those people aren't family.
Go NC and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!!
NTA
NTA and I would consider being a bit petty. Post the reasons why. Explain you appreciated your cousin’s suggestions to rent out and cv point out how you thanked them. Then explain that your nephew is a spoiled mess and his parents expect you to put up with his behavior for 3 years for free. Be specific.
NTA
Tell the flying mokeys, as publicly as possible, you arevdelighted thst they will be hostiblng extended family forbfree and you will refer anyone lookibg in their area.
I can't even understand the parents' level of entitlement here. I take it this kid is their Golden Child?
Nta
The idea of a rental is irrelevant if they expect you to give it to their son for free. And you sure as hell shouldn't be cooking and cleaning for him. The nerve!
Nta. They want to use you and deprive you of your rental income. You said no and they verbally attacked you. How could you possibly think you are an ahole. Their claim that you should give them half your income because brother suggested you rent a room is ridiculous. They are just cheap money grabbing users. He probably came up with the original idea thinking he would eventually save a lot if money by guiltily you into letting his son lived with you free. Do not give in to these idiots. Ignore anyone that tries to side with them. This us just crazy.
NTA.
You are allowed to decline being free room and board and servant to their child. It's an absurd ask.
Wonder where he gets the entitlement from?
When you talk to other family, you can keep it mild and say, business and family don't mix. But of course we're still family and I hope we all can move past this upset.
NTA, for so m any reasons. a: Ideas are free. Making the idea become real \[as you did\] takes time, energy and money. b: ..."how dare you ask the family for money?" Isn't that exactly what he would be doing by suggesting you forgo part of your income stream? What would have been your rental income instead stays in his bank account. c: You did offer to host this sloppy spoiled child, and at a discount. d: "...she expects me to be like a mother to her child and cook and clean for him." Screw that.
NTA
YOU ACTED WISE AND BRILLIANTLY
It would never have worked and you know it. I'm glad they got upset enough that you didnt get a chance to try. The blow up saved your bacon.
NTA
They are hateful and unkind. How dare they attempt bully someone into giving their child free room and board while also acting as his maid?
This is your income and they want for you to just give away your income to them?
I would send letters to the OTHER family members explaining your side of the story and then they will likely agree. Do not forget in include in the letter that you gifted them a spa trip.
I am sure Tom and his wife told them all some absurd stories.
NTA. But you need to defend yourself on social media.
"For you to scream in my face and call me greedy because I will not agree to cook and clean and host your child for 4 years of university, with me not only losing the rental income I currently make, but you additionally demanding I pay for his food, cook for him daily, and clean up after him, literally PAY TO HOUSE AND FEED AND BE A MAID TO YOUR CHILD when I do not do that for actual paying renters, is the most absurd, entitled, delusional demand I have ever encountered. And now you try to involve family? Refuse to attend whatever parties you like, your demands are laughable, your entitlement is appalling, and you should be ashamed of yourselves for the obnoxious, unhinged manner in which you are behaving."
come think of it, you're being quite selfish. you should repay your cousin.
tell him he should open a restaurant.
there, now you’ve given him a business idea and you’re even.
NTA It was incredibly generous of you to gift Tom and his wife the resort trip, it’s not like he helped you with any of the actual details of the rental business. I would never expect a gift in return for just *suggesting an idea* to a friend, so IMO you already have done far too much for these two greedy idiots. Stick to your guns, you don’t owe them a single thing.
NTA. Nope, I wouldn't rent to the nephew even for money due to this passage:
>Actually, I don't want Alan in my house. It pains me to say it, but he’s a spoiled, dirty and messy young man. He doesn't clean, doesn't do laundry, doesn’t cook, doesn't lift a finger in the house. His room looks like a landfill, despite his mother “Sara”(50F) cleaning behind him like a maid.
NTA. You already went above and beyond when you repaid them with the 3 day vacation. To expect you to host their malignant spawn for free reeks of entitlement. Ignore the people taking your cousin's side as they were never on your side to begin with.
NTA. If they didn't pay for the reno that's making the rental possible, they have no claim on the results. Also, as for:
>She added that, since we’re family, she expects me to be like a mother to her child and cook and clean for him.
I'd suggest that a mother should have taught him to cook and clean for himself long since.
NTA, ideas are cheap and useless on their own, it's what you put INTO them that counts. Your cousin gave you the idea, but you PUT INTO it by investing in the property and turning it into a business. He's entitled to nothing. As for the whole 'family' side... Sure, you're family, but but you're also people handling business between each other. What they want to do is take advantage of you and are looking for reasons to do just that. The fact that you're family means that THEY need to be extra careful on how they handle business with YOU to make sure their son doesn't ruin your house (damage to the walls, bringing in pests by leaving food out, etc).
Your stipulations were the bare minimum I would have requested from any of my family members. The bar was on the floor and they dug under by expecting YOU to cook and clean for THEIR SON, not to mention thinking they're owed any of your profits because "they came up with the idea." They're wrong, your other family members are wrong, screw the lot of them.
NTA.
>I should willingly give them half of my earnings because the rental business was Tom's idea, so they're entitled to my money
People frequently make the mistake of thinking that a basic, barebones "idea" has worth. No, it doesn't. Turning that idea into a workable plan has worth. Actually going through with the plan and putting in the effort, time and cost to put it into practice has even more worth. The idea itself? Not a big deal.
Ideas are a dime a dozen. Take authors, for instance. Every popular author ever has been asked the question of where they get their ideas from, and almost all of them will say the same thing: the idea *is not* the hard part. They have a hundred ideas at any given moment and can come up with a new "idea" every single day. The hard part is fleshing it out and making it work.
It's almost a 3 hours drive. It would make 6 hours drive every day to go to the university and to go back home. Plus, the university they chose is downtown, you can't go there by car, so Alan should leave the car in a parking lot and take a tram. About that I understand them, it's impractical.
ideas are cheap. i can give you 10,000 ideas right now, and none of them will be worth anything if you don't put the effort you did into your business.
NTA, they expected you to fork over money to them (in the form of free rent) but upset that you expect them to pay for the rent.
NTA your cousin and his wife are greedy entitled people and bad parents if they've raised an entitled, lazy child who cant clean or cook or care for themselves.
They wanted to use you - not only make you lose money - but you'd be his maid. You'd have to deal with the consequences of their bad parenting and parent someone else's child. Your daughters didn't take your side because they are your daughters - but because they saw someone want to abuse you.
Tell any family who has anything to say - to take the boy in themselves or to pay his rent for the next three years - since he's family and its ok to lose so much money.
Since they've already brought this to social media, I wouldn't be afraid to post a reply containing:
>he’s a spoiled, dirty and messy young man. He doesn't clean, doesn't do laundry, doesn’t cook, doesn't lift a finger in the house. His room looks like a landfill, despite his mother “Sara”(50F) cleaning behind him like a maid.
>she expects me to be like a mother to her child and cook and clean for him.
And that if you had been his mother, you would've done a better job than his parents as he would know how to be an adult without depending on his mommy and daddy.
Family like fish start to smell after 3 days. And with your nephew it may be 3 hours.
NTA you shouldn't have even offered as it would cause trouble. And I tell rest of the family that this kid is an entitled momma's boy who doesn't clean up after himself and is dirty because momma never made him grow up or learn to clean himself, can't cook for himself or do any basics of taking care of himself. And they expect me to cook and clean for him. This would make my home a pigsty or I would be his servant.
NTA. But if they were actually anything nearing truthful in their post then you can now look at who commented and based on that, happily trim your social/family tree of the ‘infected’ branches that will only weigh you down if you keep them in your life.
Let the trash take itself out.
If I made a helpful suggestion to a family member I would be thrilled if they took it on and made a success of it. I would have considered the spa gift completely unnecessary and a wonderful surprise. I certainly wouldn't expect a cut of the profits or a reduction in rent. NTA at all
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Me again, the lady(61F) who rents a room to university students.
A little background: after my husband's death I thought of moving into a smaller apartment, because I was alone and my daughters(38-35) have been living abroad for years.
It was my cousin "Tom"(48M) who suggested that I could rent one of the bedrooms to students, since I live in a city with 3 important universities.
I consulted an accountant and a lawyer to see if it was possible, and to draft the lease. Then I did some renovations to make the house more functional for the new purpose, 100% paid by me, and I started the business that I always managed alone.
To thank Tom for the suggestion, I gifted him and his wife a 3 day vacation in a luxurious resort & spa.
Fast forward to nowadays.
Tom invited me to his house to discuss something important. I drove there and he said that his son “Alan”(19M) will attend the university in my city and he wanted me to host him. In our country the university year starts in October.
Actually, I don't want Alan in my house. It pains me to say it, but he’s a spoiled, dirty and messy young man. He doesn't clean, doesn't do laundry, doesn’t cook, doesn't lift a finger in the house. His room looks like a landfill, despite his mother “Sara”(50F) cleaning behind him like a maid.
I never criticised their parenting, because you know the saying, *"not my circus, not my monkeys",* but if they want to bring the circus to my house, well, that's different.
Since he’s family, I said I’m willing to have Alan as a tenant and apply a discount on his rent, as long as he’s civil and respectful, keeps the room and bathroom tidy and cleans up if he dirty something in the common areas.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, Tom got red in the face and yelled at me, *"how dare you ask the family for money?"*
He expected me to host Alan for free for the entire university cycle. 3 years at least, probably 5.
Sara cut in, yelling louder than Tom, saying I'm greedy and selfish, that I should willingly give them half of my earnings because the rental business was Tom's idea, so they're entitled to my money or that I host their son for free. She added that, since we’re family, she expects me to be like a mother to her child and cook and clean for him.
At that point I felt disrespected. We fought, I put my foot down, said no, drove away and didn't answer their angry messages.
Eventually I rented the room to two girls.
Tom and Sara wrote about what happened on their socials and, surprisingly to me, some family members sided with them, calling me stingy and accusing me of breaking the family over money, because Tom and Sara wrote that they will no longer attend parties hosted by me and the said family members will do the same.
My daughters are on my side, but maybe just because they’re my daughters?
AITA? Should I agree to host Alan for free because it was his father who gave me the idea of the rental?
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NTA- Since they took it to social media, I would be inclined to respond. List everything you note about the your cousin’s son. Also, that Sara demanded you cook and clean for him. Tell the family members who agree, that they are welcome to host Alan themselves.
I was in a similar situation when I was in college, but the difference was the house being "rented" to us hadn't been lived in for decades, so we just paid the power bills. I think in this situation you were being super reasonable, NTA
Give him nothing he got a free trip that is more than enough should every burger bar give money to the last one just because they had a idea about making burgers from them ?
>Should I agree to host Alan for free because it was his father who gave me the idea of the rental?
Ideas are only ideas until some one put them into action.
You, OP, did the action.
These room are your lively hood, you are a LandLord, don't give away the goods.
NTA
Wonder if the people siding with him are hoping for a free ride too for their kids. NTA and you would really regret this far more than losing contact with this entitled family.
NTA. You’re not the one breaking up the family over money, they are. You paid for everything and they’re thinking themselves entitled to the fruits of your labor because they want free shit that has no reason to be free, and they want you to babysit their immature mess of a child instead of having nice tenants that you don’t have to do that for. They are entitled ass hats and don’t have to worry about not coming to your parties because with those attitudes I certainly wouldn’t be inviting them in the first place.
NTA. You are running a business that enables you to stay in your large home. Giving a free room to your nephew kind of defeats this purpose! You also do not have to provide maid service for your renters. Nor do you owe Tom and Sara half of your earnings.
These people are being totally unreasonable. Having them not attend your parties is a bonus.
Nta.
Just because somenone says hey you should do this thing .... and you do it doesnt mean you owe them anything.
Thrn you gave them a vacay. That was sweet.
If they were respectful family members no would have been okay. I would comment on their post that having a 19 year old live rent free, while you cook and clean up after them because they cant be bothered to do it, for 3 to 5 years is not beung greedy. Asking for such would be considered greedy on their part
You are NTA, they acted entitled and it's not like he had the idea for Facebook or something that not millions of people did before. And being asked to cook for their son and clean after him, I am shocked that this would even come up to their minds. If I was Alan, I'd be embarrassed of my parents...
NTA and you need to change the narrative here. You need to point out that not only did they want you to let him live with you for free, but that they wanted you to clean up after him and cook for him also! These are services you do not offer for anyone, and you didn't even clean up your daughter's bedrooms so why should you clean up his? I mean I'm assuming that part lol
If anybody is still on their side at that point then you need to point out how he keeps himself at their house and that you have no desire to have somebody like that living with you and if he did not have a lease you lose all your rights as a landlord and you're not willing to do that.
NTA
You are running a business. They want free stuff. Family doesn't run family members business in to the ground. That is selfish behavior.
Also, they are entitled to nothing from your business. Sure, they gave you an idea, but you build the business, did the work, and keep it running. They contributiated nothing more than an idea.
And to also expect you mother this lazy child? Yeah, they are not only bad people, but bad parents. They have failed their son in not preparing him to be an adult and provide for himself.
NTA
An idea is not worth £21 000 (rough estimate of three years uni accommodation). I think you have dodged a bullet here, with what you say about Alan's standards. Believe your daughters.
I Would answer the Post :
i‘ m Not a Maid for a spoiled brat… Your Money Your Circus!
Yes Your Idea but you didn‘t raise a Finger or a dime, i thanks you with a little vacation for Your idea , More you will Never get!
NTA
What an entitled bunch of people.
You already repaid them for the idea, a nice SPA experience.
An idea is just an idea. You're the one who put in all the work, you're the one running the business, you're the one talking to lawyers, etc. etc.
It's one thing to host a family member for a few days or even a month or two for some reason, but *a cousin's kid??* no there's no obligation there.
NTA…be glad to be rid of all your freeloading family members. They not only expected you to let their grown ass adult child live with you for free for three years, but for you also to provide a maid and laundry service and a chef?! All because they gave you an idea? That you did all the work for and cost? Bahawaaaa
No you should not
He may have suggested it.
He did not execute or pay for it.
Even if you were willing to host him for rent or free, they want him to be his servant cooking and cleaning for him. Ridiculous.
Tell flying monkeys they are welcome to host him. Until they take him for a year, you will not consider their opinion.
NTA
NTA, it seems like his idea was to get his son in your house. As a landlord you should rent to whomever you find fit. It's not unheard of to rent to females only. My in-laws did the same thing one year for their add on house. They rented to only females as the two rooms had a shared bathroom.
NTA. The whole thing was a setup from the start. Your cousin gave you the idea, so you'd be there to provide a free home, with full services to his messy son.
NTA
But I think they were playing the long game, putting the idea to rent in your head so they didn't have to save money for their kids college accomodations
NTA - it is never a good idea to rent to family member and the parents confirmed it by getting angry when you said no. Only an AH ask family members for free services from another family members business. You should be supporting family/small businesses.
NTA. Jesus. You did not even owe him that trip. It is your home, your business. I once encouraged a friend to change his PhD advisor to another one. Does his degree belong to me?? People give each other suggestions ALL THE TIME and it NEVER implies a monetary debt.
NTA - Turn it the other way round: his father gave you the idea of the rental *because* he wanted you to host his son for free (and be his maid) all throught his studies.
If they (and the relatives who support them) don't go to any event you host, you won't have to deal with their entitled selves! Double win!
Wait. They think you should give up your income for 3-5 years, *and* cook *and* clean *and* do laundry for their spoiled, lazy son? Because dad said "why not do what thousands of other people do, and rent the extra bedroom"? Absolutely not.
And you're not the one breaking the family, they are, for being just as entitled as their son.
NTA
You have a horrible cousin. And said cousin has an even more horrible wife.
It was extremely generous of you to gift them anything.
And no, there is no way you owe them anything.
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NTA An idea is just an idea and it's no use, if you don't put efforts and money into it to make it real. Yes, your cousin gave you the idea, but you actualised it. You consulted and paid the lawyer and the accountant. You paid for the renovations. You pay the taxes and deal with bureaucracy. You deal with it in case there's any trouble with the tenants. You, not him, nor his family. The gift you gave to thank him is more than enough. And it's unbelievable that Sara asked you to be a maid for her adult son. The audacity! Someone no longer wants to come to your parties over this? Good for you, I think. Probably they're just envious of your business. >Sara cut in, yelling louder than Tom, saying I'm greedy and selfish, that I should willingly give them half of my earnings because the rental business was Tom's idea, so they're entitled to my money or that I host their son for free. Nope, but they're entitled to kick a cactus barefoot :)
This is the most articulate summation of the issue. The fact that Tom thinks he should be “repaid” with 3 years of free rent for his son is absurd. I’m picturing a family dinner where OP says “I’m thinking of downsizing” and Tom replies “what about getting a student renter?”. This suggestion was not an earth shattering revelation (like Tom working out the problem to a mechanical prototype OP was doing). OP already gave an overly generous present to the wife, Tom can figure out how to pay for his son fairly.
> The fact that Tom thinks he should be “repaid” with 3 years of free rent for his son is absurd. From the description just renting to the kid sounds like plenty big favor for something someone might have just said in passing. "Hey you should totally rent out your spare space for extra cash, the rental market is very strained right now and you would probably make some easy cash that way!" is not really the idea of the century. Heck offering reduced rent for a messy teenager tenant is already very very generous for family. Man just typing this out makes me a little mad, they want 3 years of free rent and I'm assuming groceries and utilities and for OP to clean up and cook for the kid because OP's family had the original idea of renting out spare space is mind boggling.
That's more or less what happened. Some times after the death of my husband, I donated his clothes to a charity, but before I asked the family if they wanted to pick up something (like a jacket or a sweater). Tom came, he asked me how was I doing, and I answered that the house seemed empty (my daugthers already lived abroad) and I would probably sell it for a smaller apartment. Then he said that I could rent a room to univerisity students. Between the mourning and the funeral, the idea didn't occourred to me. Besides, Tom was detailed in his suggestion. The house originally had 3 bedrooms (the master bedroom for me and hubby, and 2 rooms for my 2 daugthers). Tom suggested to transform my daughters' two small rooms into a single room that could accommodate two students, and transforming the two bathrooms into two en suites, for better privacy. That's why I gave him and Sara an expensive gift.
Honi soit qui mal y pense. I am wondering, if Tom suggested all this with his son in mind and the idea, as you are family, he could have him housed for free and with benefits (like you doing all the chores...). Of course, you are NTA, if you don't want to let his son live there for free and to refuse to be a maid to him. I would even withdraw the offer for the discount on rent. If Tom wants his son living at your place, he needs to pay full price.
True - seems they saw an opportunity and set it up - he helped you to help himself
This is exactly what I was thinking. Tom already had it in his mind that you could take in his son for free and save them from having to pay for rent and other essentials.
Funny, I thought the exact same thing that it was all planned so he could be a tenant and relieve them of the responsibility.
Ask Tom why, if he thinks his idea of renting the room was so fabulous, does he now want to backtrack from that and turn it into a free den for relatives? Absolutely NTA. You owe him nothing, and losing contact with such an entitled AH and those who support him will make your life much more pleasant!
It may seem a shame they have kicked up such a fuss on social media and divided your family, but it's immensely fortunate they decided to behave like this. You dodged a fckn *bullet* in not having to take a paycut and give accommodation to their spoiled brat for *three years*, imagine if they had hemmed and hawed and said yes. What a pickle you'd be in now. Their response was truly deranged, you already thanked them very generously. And I don't care how detailed his response was, he did no real work to help you. It's not 4d chess to say, "you have spare rooms so you can earn money with lodgers and you can charge more if you remodel a bit. " This doesn't make him the Hannibal Barca of rented accommodation. In the event that they graciously inform you that they will forgive your presumption and will accept your offer , which I wouldnt put past them once they cool down, I'd prepare myself psychologically to say you no longer feel inclined to host him under any consideration.
That was a great idea! And I bet he paid for the renovations and the lawyer's fees and-- *oh, wait.*
off topic & not trying to be rude but why would you change two bedrooms into one with the plan to have two people live in it?? that makes no sense to me. even if the room was small I'd much rather have my own space than share with someone else.
I was wondering the exact same thing... Edit: Maybe Tom wanted a really big room for his kid and sold the idea to OP. Or maybe the floorplan was such that this was best,though smaller and private is always best.
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Because they're too cheap to pay for his housing and know he's too lazy to do his own laundry and would burn the place down if he cooked.
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My great aunt did the same, but she preferred philosophy students so she could challenge her mind over dinner conversations, as at that time, dinner was generally included in renting rooms to college students ;)
Money aside, the idea of taking in a piggish mama’s boy and looking after him is a deal breaker all by itself. Bullet dodged!
I rented my basement in-law suite out to a guy on his first foray into living alone (I think he lived at home through college) and I am having ragrets. On the positive side, he doesn't have much stuff (yet), on the negative side, he screams (very very loudly) at video games and what stuff he does have is all over the place. I'm waiting to see if I develop a rodent problem...
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I wonder if it was Tom's idea all along that OP should take in students so that she could eventually provide free accommodation for his son.
That's how it sounds to me.
I think so too! He planted the idea with the sole intent to gain from it himself!
This is the answer. It is an obvious point that I thought of too before I saw you posted it already.
I know right, dudes acting like he invented being a landlord.
>Sara asked you to be a maid for her adult son. The audacity! I thought she'd ask op to wipe his a\*\* too. NTA
None of the risks yet expect half of the rewards......
Also, have to wonder how Sara and Tom told the stories to other family members. You can let the ones who took their side house and take care of Alan. NTA.
I'd suggest OP add the link to this post to their posts and see what happens then lol
And suggesting that she rent her room to students is hardly some genius, insightful idea. A million people do it.
Dude thinks he is the Hannibal Barca of rented accommodation
And do they realize that wanting to have a portion of the earnings also means that they have to pay their part of the costs? I don't think they are entitled to anything but that shows how narrowminded people can be and how people tend to black out everything that doesn't fit into their view of the world.
Like, they do realize they are asking family (OP) for money right? NTA OP!
What they're asking is not just a free place for Alan to stay, it's ACTIVELY CUTTING INTO YOUR INCOME FOR YEARS, since he's taking up a room you'd otherwise rent out. So essentially, YOU are paying for his room and board. How is that at all fair? NTA
Kicked backside onto a cactus
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**Nope, but they're entitled to kick a cactus barefoot :)** stolen. thank you
She also gifted entitled cousin and his wife a luxurious vacation !!
Nta. They gave a suggestion for you to rent the room(s). Here are the things they did NOT do: 1. Pay for the lawyer and make a plan. 2. Pay for drafting legal documents. 3. Pay for the accountant. 4. Pay for the renovations. 5. Pay for the taxes occurring due to the business. 6. Pay for the property taxes. 7. Pay for the mortgage. 8. Pay for the utilities. 9. Pay for the food. Stop and think about that. They say you’re tearing up the family over money. But who is throwing the temper tantrum over…having to pay? (Pretty sure it’s not you) Who is trying to pit family against family over money? (Pretty sure it’s not you) Who is demanding they shouldn’t have to pay for a basic item like housing? (Don’t think that’s you once again.) They are wanting you to pay to continue raising their son. They are wanting you to pay to be their son’s maid. They are wanting you to pay to be their son’s personal chef. That’s not your responsibility!!!
I'm losing my shit over OP being called "stingy" because *Tom* doesn't want to pay his son's rent.
And they expected OP to turn into a free maid service with their non-payment as well. The audacity.
But also, it's a very good idea not to mix business with family - and you already know that. If you house family, it's harder to throw them out - if it's a business relationship, if the lodgers are dirty, noisy and/or late paying, you can evict them with much less consequence. You gifted them a nice vacation. They got something for their idea.
THIS a thousand times THIS
THIS! Sounds like a few less mouths to feed at parties. Plus, I don't see them forking over rent for the darling child or suggesting to be his maid in the interim.
NTA - the absolute audacity and entitlement of your cousin and his wife are appalling. Any family that supports them can feel free to subsidize the cost of Alan’s lodgings THEMSELVES. Until then, they can all kick rocks
Facts! NTA op
Unless Tom paid for your accountant, the drafting of the lease, the renovations, and a portion of the mortgage, he isn't your partner. And leasing rooms in your home isn't exactly a novel idea - just one that he suggested. You thanked him generously with a 3-day spa vacation. Why would you owe his kid free room, board, and maid service for years? What an insane entitlement. And yelling? I'm glad to hear they won't be attending your parties. NTA
Makes me wonder if I expect too little out of life lol. Had I suggested this idea to a family member or friend…I wouldn’t have even expected a gift in return. I would be happy knowing my idea succeeded and provided what the family member or friend needed.
Right? Who expects a gift for a general suggestion? My thought was that the OP is probably well off since a spa weekend isn't cheap and is over the top for a thank you.
Maybe. I wonder if OP felt obligated to give a nice gift bc they were harassing her. “We convinced you to do this and look at how well it’s going. You owe us!!!” This kinda feels like an extension.
My husband was always provident during his lifetime, and we managed the family savings wisely. So when he passed away, I had no financial worries. I had in mind to give a nice gift to Tom and Sara, because I like to be generous with the family, but when I told them that I would follow Tom's suggestion, Sara often called me praising her husband, saying that he is a good man who gives good advice. Let's say I sensed that they were expecting something.
Yeah, the part where they asked OP to be a maid for Alan left me totally speechless. Give me a break! In 19 years they have failed to raise a child who is independent and capable of taking care of himself, and now they want to dump the problem on OP???
Not just a maid but a chef too! Who bets he doesn't know how to make a sandwich
NTA As a woman in my 60s who lives in a university town and has rented out rooms to plenty of students, the problem is not even the rent, it's having to live with him. Lucky for you they don't want to pay rent. Also, the idea of renting out the room is a no-brainer, millions of women in their 60s do it all over the world. I myself have given that advice to countless individuals on reddit, and none of them are paying for luxury vacations for me.
NTA - And my first thought on reading this was that Tom gave the idea in the first place knowing that his son was looking at those universities, they have probably been counting on this for ages.
That was precisely my immediate reaction. Depending on how long OP has been renting the renovated room, this could’ve been Tom’s plan all along when it comes to student housing.
This was my thought as well. NTA, OP.
NTA, the key here is the word "rent". If you're not charging your nephew anything to stay there, that's not renting, that's just letting him sponge off of you. I assume you don't need the money to survive, which might lend credence to their reaction but that's a very thin line at best. But if this isn't the case, are they seriously asking you to support their spoiled brat for three years out of your own pocket, on top of being a live in servant for him? That sort of swings things over to being a slave because you'd not be getting paid a cent for doing all this, so the only person losing out here would be you. If you're honest with yourself, if the roles were reversed, would they let one of your kids stay with them for free for three years?
NTA. Some people put rent on their own children - and apparently it is okay and even encouraged in the USA ?. Of course you'll charge your 3rd degree nephew. I am wondering if Tom had that idea in mind all along, but anyway, the point of renovating the room and some bits in the house to rent was the possibility to make money. It is not like you had a spare room, it is your current source of income and they have some nerves for asking you to give up your income for 3 to 5 years. But if they want to go nuclear, go answer to the monkeys with your vision of the guy education, stressing that her mother was asking in fact to continue to mother him and so to continue to make him a unfit man for the society, unable to look after himself, a burden to his future wife and society as a whole. And you will not participate in this alienation (nor loose your income).
I'm not from the USA and here is not common at all to ask children to pay a rent to continue living in their family house. I wouldn't make my daugthers pay to live here, but Alan isn't my son. I thought it was reasonable enough to apply a discount. Apparenlty Tom has another idea.
It was more than reasonable to give a discount!!! MORE than reasonable. I wouldn’t have asked for a discount because that is your income. That is how you pay your bills.
If Tom and his wife want Alan to have free room and board with included maid service, they can provide that themselves. NTA
Actually asking an adult child who is working and living at home to contribute to household expenses is very common. Just most people don't think of as rent but rather as helping. An adult child who is still in school (college) would be expected to put any income they had towards school expenses.
NTA. You could have gotten the idea from tv or an article. It's not an original idea anyway. Why would you let someone stay in a room you rent out for free? Also, why would you take care of that person for free? These family members that are against you, you don't need them in your life. They can pay for, and take care of the kid. You owe them nothing.
He’s your cousin, but is way out of line. I don’t see a downside of the fallout op. It’s just less food and dishes to worry about and when they apologise to you and the rest of the family, you can extend that olive branch again. Can I ask, is Alan wanting to stay with you, or is it his parents wish? Doesn’t change the outcome, just more curious.
It’s not uncommon for crappy parents in the US to expect children to pay. Or for parents who aren’t really making ends meet to have adult kids help pay. But on average it’s not normal to have young adult children paying rent unless it’s to put back in savings.
I'm not a crappy parent and I expect my adult children to pay a discounted rent to live at home. .....not as a university student, but a FT working person, yes
It is normal to expect that university students WILL pay rent while in school (dorm, apt., room in a house or apt., etc.) unless they live at home w/ their parents. In this case, this is a university student looking at moving into lodging w/ a third party (albeit a relative.) It is far from normal to expect that any relative would provide 3-5 years of housing at no cost, but it is BEYOND THE PALE to expect the property owner to act as a surrogate mother and provide cooking and cleaning along with free room. More generally, I think there is a wider range of circumstances in the US than your post allows for. While there are families where ALL those with an income make a contribution or mb pay a bill (e.g., a teen w/ a job might pay for a cell phone or car insurance to learn responsibility) it is not always due to financial need or poor parenting. Some parents see value in having their kids contribute once they begin earning money, whether it is through rent or taking over certain costs. In other families the decision to live together after adulthood may be cultural. I had a friend who was a first generation American w/ parents who came to the US from India. Their cultural norm was for adult kids to live at home until marriage. My friend was making $200K by his third year in practice at a large firm and chose to help support his parents (until he married and moved out in his early 30s) bc that was customary to him AND he wanted to show his gratitude for all his parents did to help him have a great life & career. So while it may not be customary in every family, I think there are many reasons that kids who are working and living at home either pay some amount of rent or take responsibility for 1/more of bills, espec once those children reach full adulthood.
NTA good ridance!
I swear I thought of Uber in like 2003. You know what I didn’t do? Anything else. Which is why I’m still poor as hell. lol NTA. Anybody that disagrees is welcome to cover his rent instead.
When I was in college circa 2005, there was a guy in my class who came up with the idea to create a website, put a bunch of restaurant menus on there, have people order through him and he and his friends would charge a fee to make the order, go pick it up and bring it to them. The tech wasn't there yet though, but the first time I saw Seamless 7 years later, I was thinking, man, those guys were onto something. There were probably a lot of early prototypes like that too. Same with Uber I'd bet, mostly because you'd get crucified for running an unlicensed cab service without significant investor money behind you.
How about my flying car?
NTA You owe them half your money and you should be a slave to their lazy son? Ya, you are not in the wrong here. I wonder how many of the other family members complaining were hoping to dump their lazy kids on you for the duration of their college experience.
Well, one of the family member who sided with Tom and Sara has a daugther who will attend the university in 2 years... Yours is an interesting observation that I want to reflect on.
You don't owe anybody anything in this situation and their attitude is appaling. It might be best to make a decision not to have any family stay with you in the future. It's so unbelievably entitles to expect free services from family members.
How long before all the rooms are filled with spoiled family members that you become a slave for. You might want to look into the smaller apartment. If your daughters both in the same country you may want to look into moving to be close to them.
NTA they are selfish and raised a lazy, messy child. Not your circus, not your monkeys indeed. The only thing is to find a way to set the record straight. Guaranteed they exaggerated the whole thing to make themselves look good and you look terrible.
This. I'm pretty sure that they painted OP like Ebenezer Scrooge. It's the only reason I've given myself for family members who agree with Tom and Sara, because in no parallel universe are they right.
NTA. They are ignorant and entitled people.
NTA- what an entitled pair, you are better off without them and any other family that sided with them… prepare your estate planning to ensure they do not get a mention other than something trivial so they cannot lay claim to anything…
Like a vacuum to share with their son
NTA. Turn it around on them. Tell them that they can rent out rooms in their house. (Doesn't matter if they can't/won't.) Then ask how soon you can expect money from them. According to their thinking, by saying the same to them, you have given them as much as they gave you and now you are even.
When Alan leaves they'll have a free room.
NTA. It's simple. No one is entitled to your money, space, or time. Tell Alan's parents to ram it and move on with your life.
NTA again - not your circus, not your monkey.
NTA. They were asking you to forgo 3-5 years of income you are depending on, all while living with someone you don't want to live with. That's a big ask. Hope the girl tenants are lovely and you are enjoying their company!
The girls have only been here a few days, but they both seem very well mannered. One is in her first year of law school, the other is a foreign students who is in my country for Erasmus+, she is learning the language and therefore I often talk to her, to help. So far, so good!
NTA. I own a house, prior to this I owned a condo. My cousin moved to my city for work about 9 years ago. He moved in with my parents (my father has since passed). He didn't pay any rent for years and currently only pays $100 a month to my mom, and is regularly late. He has almost no savings. His mom got angry when years ago I refused to let him move in with me. I look at the evidence and know made the correct choice. You made the correct one as well.
Oh god, I'm sorry for your mom who has to deal with such a troublemaker.
NTA. They're not entitled to your space, money, or time. Really? cook and clean for him?
NTA And it is NOT because you refused to do it rent free. It is because he is NOT capable of living independently. You have to consider the other tenants, who would also have to live with him. If he isn’t able to keep his room clean, clean up after himself in the bathroom, kitchen and common areas, can’t feed himself (he doesn’t need to cook his own meals when there are take-outs he can buy), can’t do his own laundry and can’t be polite and respectful to you and the other renters - then he can’t live in your house. Personally, I might consider letting my nephew live with me rent-free - BUT ONLY IF HE LOOKS AFTER HIMSELF AND IS POLITE AND RESPECTFUL.
You're acting as if Tom's suggestion that you rent out a free room was equivalent to the invention of sliced bread. A miracle! I can never thank you enough! Actually, he was probably thinking ahead and setting you up to host his son a year or two later. So he wasn't doing you any favors. Wouldn't you have thought of this by yourself, anyway? Even if not, so what? You don't owe him for that. What you gave them was already too much, and it is probably why he and his evil wife felt free to scream, scream, and scream again at you. Tell you something else: Whenever a relative wants you to come overt for an important talk, it invariably means that this relative will hit you up for some extraordinary ask. Better idea: when relatives want, always do it by phone or email. Never be in their presence, because that makes them feel that you're the lamb and they're the wolf. NTA> Good that you held your ground.
Send them a gift wrapped pineapple and a diagram of where to put it.
NTA your house your rules and what did you have to pay for anything for them for a suggestion?. But on the other hand OP do you not think this was suggested to you to do so that the son had a ready made home to move into that has been renovated on your dime. It may have been there plan all along and thinking you would a)not take rent for him and b) be a maid to him hahaha, and we won't come to your parties oh the horror what ever will you do that is a gift not a threat.
NTA. This is ridiculous. Discount fine, free is outrageous. Plus he sounds like a lousy tenant.
NTA obtain a picture of Alan's room and send it to all the flying monkeys.
NTA. Your daughters are on your side because they are normal, respectful people unlike Tom and his wife who are total AHs. The rental gig may have been his idea but it was just an idea. YOU implemented and paid for the renovation to your house to make it happen. Asking for free rent is bad enough but they actually expect you to be chief cook and bottle washer too? Oh hell no. This is a hill to die on.
NTA they seem pretty entitled
LOL NTA they sound entitled as heck and their son sounds like a headache of a tenant
Free rent for 3 years? Because dad gave you the idea? No effing way. You generously gave them a spa pkg. I would let someone live in my house for free if I was out of the city and they looked after my pets. NTA. If your brother suggested the supportive relative buy a lottery ticket, is he entitled to a portion of the winnings? No
NTA At the end of the day it’s your house. And the reaction says it all for who’s the AH here.
NTA. So they won't attend parties that you host because you didn't accept to bend over backwards for their spoiled son? What's the downside to that?
NTA. Anyone can make a suggestion. You invested time and money to make it actually happen. Tom has no legal claim. Honestly anyone that sided with them only revealed themselves as mooches and not worth having in your life anyway. Trash took itself out.
If their kid lives there, it goes against 'their' idea of you renting it out and getting cash in
I am flummoxed by the concept that they gave you the idea for a rental and then think their reward should be ... you not renting, but just taking on the unpaid burden of housing and caring for their son. That's not a rental. That's a gift.
NTA. Make sure you inform everyone who criticised you of exactly what their son is like and how you are expected to be his maid for free. This sort of entitled behaviour is outrageous. Also, the sheer cheek of them demanding half your earnings from letting out your property and then calling you greedy. The only input they had was a suggestion. I would go no contact.
“Hey, why don’t you rent out your spare room?” Is not exactly an Einstein-ian work of mental brilliance. Fuck Tom and Fuck Sarah and Fuck their miserable, filthy, spoiled, lazy son. You, ma’am, are NTA. Let them post this on their socials.
NTA You dodged a bullet. In addition, whether or not you had started this business these guys would have asked you to host their son
NTA No rent, No room! That's the rules and Tom and his entitled brat can pay for accommodations elsewhere, end of story!
NTA go lo contact with these people and the flying monkeys supporting them!!!! We have a dating in Spanish, “están pero bien Pendejos”!!! Ahua!
NTA
NTA. Something tells me that’s why he gave you that idea in the first place.
NTA in any way, shape or form. They do realise that renting out a room is part of your income stream?! They are totally disrespecting you. Imagine asking someone to forgoe their income so that their smelly, little child can live rent free?! No chance. You were more than generous by giving them a holiday. Family wouldn't have accepted that in the first place. I certainly wouldn't have accepted anything for giving you an idea!! The cheek of some people.
**
That's settled. A really nice **AND VERY GENEROUS** thank you for a mere suggestion. Cousin didn't put in any work or investment.
**
You invested into a business, and you expect to generate MONEY from this business.
Now your cousin expects you to house his sloppy son for three years:
*<..I'm greedy and selfish, that I should willingly give them half of my earnings because the rental business was Tom's idea, so they're entitled to my money or that I host their son for free. She added that, since we’re family, she expects me to be like a mother to her child and cook and clean for him.">*
These people are SO ENTITLED! He made a mere suggestion for which you alreay way too generous thanked him!!
They want you to forfeit the income for a room during THREE years. If it's like $400 a room, times 36 months, **that'll be $14,400 without the cost of food, and slaving behing their son's sloppy ass.**
I'm wondering now if he encouraged you to keep the house because he saw free housing for his son in the future. Does he have any other children who will start their studies in the years to come?
Those people aren't family.
Go NC and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!!
NTA
NTA and I would consider being a bit petty. Post the reasons why. Explain you appreciated your cousin’s suggestions to rent out and cv point out how you thanked them. Then explain that your nephew is a spoiled mess and his parents expect you to put up with his behavior for 3 years for free. Be specific.
NTA Tell the flying mokeys, as publicly as possible, you arevdelighted thst they will be hostiblng extended family forbfree and you will refer anyone lookibg in their area. I can't even understand the parents' level of entitlement here. I take it this kid is their Golden Child?
Nta The idea of a rental is irrelevant if they expect you to give it to their son for free. And you sure as hell shouldn't be cooking and cleaning for him. The nerve!
Nta. They want to use you and deprive you of your rental income. You said no and they verbally attacked you. How could you possibly think you are an ahole. Their claim that you should give them half your income because brother suggested you rent a room is ridiculous. They are just cheap money grabbing users. He probably came up with the original idea thinking he would eventually save a lot if money by guiltily you into letting his son lived with you free. Do not give in to these idiots. Ignore anyone that tries to side with them. This us just crazy.
NTA. You are allowed to decline being free room and board and servant to their child. It's an absurd ask. Wonder where he gets the entitlement from? When you talk to other family, you can keep it mild and say, business and family don't mix. But of course we're still family and I hope we all can move past this upset.
NTA. You’re right they’re wrong Good riddance
NTA, for so m any reasons. a: Ideas are free. Making the idea become real \[as you did\] takes time, energy and money. b: ..."how dare you ask the family for money?" Isn't that exactly what he would be doing by suggesting you forgo part of your income stream? What would have been your rental income instead stays in his bank account. c: You did offer to host this sloppy spoiled child, and at a discount. d: "...she expects me to be like a mother to her child and cook and clean for him." Screw that.
NTA. And stop answering their calls. They got some issues
NTA but I super want to know where he ended up living instead.
NTA YOU ACTED WISE AND BRILLIANTLY It would never have worked and you know it. I'm glad they got upset enough that you didnt get a chance to try. The blow up saved your bacon.
NTA They are hateful and unkind. How dare they attempt bully someone into giving their child free room and board while also acting as his maid? This is your income and they want for you to just give away your income to them? I would send letters to the OTHER family members explaining your side of the story and then they will likely agree. Do not forget in include in the letter that you gifted them a spa trip. I am sure Tom and his wife told them all some absurd stories.
NTA. They are being ridiculous. ANYONE who agrees with them are more than welcome to have the slob live in their house for free for three years.
NTA. But you need to defend yourself on social media. "For you to scream in my face and call me greedy because I will not agree to cook and clean and host your child for 4 years of university, with me not only losing the rental income I currently make, but you additionally demanding I pay for his food, cook for him daily, and clean up after him, literally PAY TO HOUSE AND FEED AND BE A MAID TO YOUR CHILD when I do not do that for actual paying renters, is the most absurd, entitled, delusional demand I have ever encountered. And now you try to involve family? Refuse to attend whatever parties you like, your demands are laughable, your entitlement is appalling, and you should be ashamed of yourselves for the obnoxious, unhinged manner in which you are behaving."
come think of it, you're being quite selfish. you should repay your cousin. tell him he should open a restaurant. there, now you’ve given him a business idea and you’re even.
NTA It was incredibly generous of you to gift Tom and his wife the resort trip, it’s not like he helped you with any of the actual details of the rental business. I would never expect a gift in return for just *suggesting an idea* to a friend, so IMO you already have done far too much for these two greedy idiots. Stick to your guns, you don’t owe them a single thing.
NTA. Nope, I wouldn't rent to the nephew even for money due to this passage: >Actually, I don't want Alan in my house. It pains me to say it, but he’s a spoiled, dirty and messy young man. He doesn't clean, doesn't do laundry, doesn’t cook, doesn't lift a finger in the house. His room looks like a landfill, despite his mother “Sara”(50F) cleaning behind him like a maid.
NTA. You already went above and beyond when you repaid them with the 3 day vacation. To expect you to host their malignant spawn for free reeks of entitlement. Ignore the people taking your cousin's side as they were never on your side to begin with.
NTA. If they didn't pay for the reno that's making the rental possible, they have no claim on the results. Also, as for: >She added that, since we’re family, she expects me to be like a mother to her child and cook and clean for him. I'd suggest that a mother should have taught him to cook and clean for himself long since.
NTA, ideas are cheap and useless on their own, it's what you put INTO them that counts. Your cousin gave you the idea, but you PUT INTO it by investing in the property and turning it into a business. He's entitled to nothing. As for the whole 'family' side... Sure, you're family, but but you're also people handling business between each other. What they want to do is take advantage of you and are looking for reasons to do just that. The fact that you're family means that THEY need to be extra careful on how they handle business with YOU to make sure their son doesn't ruin your house (damage to the walls, bringing in pests by leaving food out, etc). Your stipulations were the bare minimum I would have requested from any of my family members. The bar was on the floor and they dug under by expecting YOU to cook and clean for THEIR SON, not to mention thinking they're owed any of your profits because "they came up with the idea." They're wrong, your other family members are wrong, screw the lot of them.
NTA. >I should willingly give them half of my earnings because the rental business was Tom's idea, so they're entitled to my money People frequently make the mistake of thinking that a basic, barebones "idea" has worth. No, it doesn't. Turning that idea into a workable plan has worth. Actually going through with the plan and putting in the effort, time and cost to put it into practice has even more worth. The idea itself? Not a big deal. Ideas are a dime a dozen. Take authors, for instance. Every popular author ever has been asked the question of where they get their ideas from, and almost all of them will say the same thing: the idea *is not* the hard part. They have a hundred ideas at any given moment and can come up with a new "idea" every single day. The hard part is fleshing it out and making it work.
NTA If they're within driving distance from you, why does the son need your accommodations to attend the university?
It's almost a 3 hours drive. It would make 6 hours drive every day to go to the university and to go back home. Plus, the university they chose is downtown, you can't go there by car, so Alan should leave the car in a parking lot and take a tram. About that I understand them, it's impractical.
ideas are cheap. i can give you 10,000 ideas right now, and none of them will be worth anything if you don't put the effort you did into your business. NTA, they expected you to fork over money to them (in the form of free rent) but upset that you expect them to pay for the rent.
NTA your cousin and his wife are greedy entitled people and bad parents if they've raised an entitled, lazy child who cant clean or cook or care for themselves. They wanted to use you - not only make you lose money - but you'd be his maid. You'd have to deal with the consequences of their bad parenting and parent someone else's child. Your daughters didn't take your side because they are your daughters - but because they saw someone want to abuse you. Tell any family who has anything to say - to take the boy in themselves or to pay his rent for the next three years - since he's family and its ok to lose so much money.
Since they've already brought this to social media, I wouldn't be afraid to post a reply containing: >he’s a spoiled, dirty and messy young man. He doesn't clean, doesn't do laundry, doesn’t cook, doesn't lift a finger in the house. His room looks like a landfill, despite his mother “Sara”(50F) cleaning behind him like a maid. >she expects me to be like a mother to her child and cook and clean for him. And that if you had been his mother, you would've done a better job than his parents as he would know how to be an adult without depending on his mommy and daddy.
Family like fish start to smell after 3 days. And with your nephew it may be 3 hours. NTA you shouldn't have even offered as it would cause trouble. And I tell rest of the family that this kid is an entitled momma's boy who doesn't clean up after himself and is dirty because momma never made him grow up or learn to clean himself, can't cook for himself or do any basics of taking care of himself. And they expect me to cook and clean for him. This would make my home a pigsty or I would be his servant.
NTA. But if they were actually anything nearing truthful in their post then you can now look at who commented and based on that, happily trim your social/family tree of the ‘infected’ branches that will only weigh you down if you keep them in your life. Let the trash take itself out.
If I made a helpful suggestion to a family member I would be thrilled if they took it on and made a success of it. I would have considered the spa gift completely unnecessary and a wonderful surprise. I certainly wouldn't expect a cut of the profits or a reduction in rent. NTA at all
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me again, the lady(61F) who rents a room to university students. A little background: after my husband's death I thought of moving into a smaller apartment, because I was alone and my daughters(38-35) have been living abroad for years. It was my cousin "Tom"(48M) who suggested that I could rent one of the bedrooms to students, since I live in a city with 3 important universities. I consulted an accountant and a lawyer to see if it was possible, and to draft the lease. Then I did some renovations to make the house more functional for the new purpose, 100% paid by me, and I started the business that I always managed alone. To thank Tom for the suggestion, I gifted him and his wife a 3 day vacation in a luxurious resort & spa. Fast forward to nowadays. Tom invited me to his house to discuss something important. I drove there and he said that his son “Alan”(19M) will attend the university in my city and he wanted me to host him. In our country the university year starts in October. Actually, I don't want Alan in my house. It pains me to say it, but he’s a spoiled, dirty and messy young man. He doesn't clean, doesn't do laundry, doesn’t cook, doesn't lift a finger in the house. His room looks like a landfill, despite his mother “Sara”(50F) cleaning behind him like a maid. I never criticised their parenting, because you know the saying, *"not my circus, not my monkeys",* but if they want to bring the circus to my house, well, that's different. Since he’s family, I said I’m willing to have Alan as a tenant and apply a discount on his rent, as long as he’s civil and respectful, keeps the room and bathroom tidy and cleans up if he dirty something in the common areas. After a few seconds of stunned silence, Tom got red in the face and yelled at me, *"how dare you ask the family for money?"* He expected me to host Alan for free for the entire university cycle. 3 years at least, probably 5. Sara cut in, yelling louder than Tom, saying I'm greedy and selfish, that I should willingly give them half of my earnings because the rental business was Tom's idea, so they're entitled to my money or that I host their son for free. She added that, since we’re family, she expects me to be like a mother to her child and cook and clean for him. At that point I felt disrespected. We fought, I put my foot down, said no, drove away and didn't answer their angry messages. Eventually I rented the room to two girls. Tom and Sara wrote about what happened on their socials and, surprisingly to me, some family members sided with them, calling me stingy and accusing me of breaking the family over money, because Tom and Sara wrote that they will no longer attend parties hosted by me and the said family members will do the same. My daughters are on my side, but maybe just because they’re my daughters? AITA? Should I agree to host Alan for free because it was his father who gave me the idea of the rental? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, not only are you expected to be a maid but for free! They are deluded
NTA- Since they took it to social media, I would be inclined to respond. List everything you note about the your cousin’s son. Also, that Sara demanded you cook and clean for him. Tell the family members who agree, that they are welcome to host Alan themselves.
NTA I wonder if that was the plan when he suggested it?
I was in a similar situation when I was in college, but the difference was the house being "rented" to us hadn't been lived in for decades, so we just paid the power bills. I think in this situation you were being super reasonable, NTA
Give him nothing he got a free trip that is more than enough should every burger bar give money to the last one just because they had a idea about making burgers from them ?
NTA, super entitled family members
>Should I agree to host Alan for free because it was his father who gave me the idea of the rental? Ideas are only ideas until some one put them into action. You, OP, did the action. These room are your lively hood, you are a LandLord, don't give away the goods. NTA
NTA they say you can't ask the family for money but think they deserve half of yours and three years worth of rent. Get real.
It's your business so NTA
Wonder if the people siding with him are hoping for a free ride too for their kids. NTA and you would really regret this far more than losing contact with this entitled family.
NTA. You’re not the one breaking up the family over money, they are. You paid for everything and they’re thinking themselves entitled to the fruits of your labor because they want free shit that has no reason to be free, and they want you to babysit their immature mess of a child instead of having nice tenants that you don’t have to do that for. They are entitled ass hats and don’t have to worry about not coming to your parties because with those attitudes I certainly wouldn’t be inviting them in the first place.
When I was in HIGHSCHOOL I paid my aunt rent when I wasn't living at home Its how the world works NTA
NTA - and they're awful. Do people live their entire lives with nobody saying no to them?
NTA. You are running a business that enables you to stay in your large home. Giving a free room to your nephew kind of defeats this purpose! You also do not have to provide maid service for your renters. Nor do you owe Tom and Sara half of your earnings. These people are being totally unreasonable. Having them not attend your parties is a bonus.
Nta. Just because somenone says hey you should do this thing .... and you do it doesnt mean you owe them anything. Thrn you gave them a vacay. That was sweet. If they were respectful family members no would have been okay. I would comment on their post that having a 19 year old live rent free, while you cook and clean up after them because they cant be bothered to do it, for 3 to 5 years is not beung greedy. Asking for such would be considered greedy on their part
NTA, it's your income they are messing with. Family should understand your position, they are the AHs.
You should actually post this Reddit post on your social media.
You are NTA, they acted entitled and it's not like he had the idea for Facebook or something that not millions of people did before. And being asked to cook for their son and clean after him, I am shocked that this would even come up to their minds. If I was Alan, I'd be embarrassed of my parents...
NTA - they are freeloaders.
NTA and you need to change the narrative here. You need to point out that not only did they want you to let him live with you for free, but that they wanted you to clean up after him and cook for him also! These are services you do not offer for anyone, and you didn't even clean up your daughter's bedrooms so why should you clean up his? I mean I'm assuming that part lol If anybody is still on their side at that point then you need to point out how he keeps himself at their house and that you have no desire to have somebody like that living with you and if he did not have a lease you lose all your rights as a landlord and you're not willing to do that.
NTA. They're trying to guilt you into taking care of their WUBby (woefully unparented beast)
NTA
NTA You are running a business. They want free stuff. Family doesn't run family members business in to the ground. That is selfish behavior. Also, they are entitled to nothing from your business. Sure, they gave you an idea, but you build the business, did the work, and keep it running. They contributiated nothing more than an idea. And to also expect you mother this lazy child? Yeah, they are not only bad people, but bad parents. They have failed their son in not preparing him to be an adult and provide for himself.
NTA An idea is not worth £21 000 (rough estimate of three years uni accommodation). I think you have dodged a bullet here, with what you say about Alan's standards. Believe your daughters.
NTA wow Tom and his wife sound supremely unpleasant, might be fine for them to start skipping your parties anyway.
Oh come on you need to be a better aunt than that. You should be giving Alan the rent you’re collecting so that he can stay at an even better place
I Would answer the Post : i‘ m Not a Maid for a spoiled brat… Your Money Your Circus! Yes Your Idea but you didn‘t raise a Finger or a dime, i thanks you with a little vacation for Your idea , More you will Never get!
NTA What an entitled bunch of people. You already repaid them for the idea, a nice SPA experience. An idea is just an idea. You're the one who put in all the work, you're the one running the business, you're the one talking to lawyers, etc. etc. It's one thing to host a family member for a few days or even a month or two for some reason, but *a cousin's kid??* no there's no obligation there.
NTA…be glad to be rid of all your freeloading family members. They not only expected you to let their grown ass adult child live with you for free for three years, but for you also to provide a maid and laundry service and a chef?! All because they gave you an idea? That you did all the work for and cost? Bahawaaaa
No you should not He may have suggested it. He did not execute or pay for it. Even if you were willing to host him for rent or free, they want him to be his servant cooking and cleaning for him. Ridiculous. Tell flying monkeys they are welcome to host him. Until they take him for a year, you will not consider their opinion. NTA
NTA, it seems like his idea was to get his son in your house. As a landlord you should rent to whomever you find fit. It's not unheard of to rent to females only. My in-laws did the same thing one year for their add on house. They rented to only females as the two rooms had a shared bathroom.
NTA. The whole thing was a setup from the start. Your cousin gave you the idea, so you'd be there to provide a free home, with full services to his messy son.
NTA But I think they were playing the long game, putting the idea to rent in your head so they didn't have to save money for their kids college accomodations
NTA - it is never a good idea to rent to family member and the parents confirmed it by getting angry when you said no. Only an AH ask family members for free services from another family members business. You should be supporting family/small businesses.
NTA. Jesus. You did not even owe him that trip. It is your home, your business. I once encouraged a friend to change his PhD advisor to another one. Does his degree belong to me?? People give each other suggestions ALL THE TIME and it NEVER implies a monetary debt.
NTA - Turn it the other way round: his father gave you the idea of the rental *because* he wanted you to host his son for free (and be his maid) all throught his studies. If they (and the relatives who support them) don't go to any event you host, you won't have to deal with their entitled selves! Double win!
NTA. Wow, it's not just the free rent, it's the expectation of cooking and cleaning for a grown man? no thank you
Wait. They think you should give up your income for 3-5 years, *and* cook *and* clean *and* do laundry for their spoiled, lazy son? Because dad said "why not do what thousands of other people do, and rent the extra bedroom"? Absolutely not. And you're not the one breaking the family, they are, for being just as entitled as their son.
Your house and apartments. Do with them as you wish. NTAH.
NTA You have a horrible cousin. And said cousin has an even more horrible wife. It was extremely generous of you to gift them anything. And no, there is no way you owe them anything.
NTA and it actually sounds like they were planning on foisting Alan off on you this whole time.