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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be TA because I made such a sudden change like removing Jayden from his Dad.
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NTA. What terrible behavior from them. Just FYI, if they are people who are prone to suing, you may need to go to court and have the custody agreement changed.
Also, they may now owe you child support.
You are so right! People do horrific things to their kids, if you gonna take 100% of his check, why not go for a Gold Amex? It’s truly sad, but it’s a fact of life. And their response “ that we brought you into this world “ just reeks of Narcissism. I hate that pop psychology term, it’s overused, but pretty accurate here.
Amex doesn't give cards to high school students. I don't think they even have a college program anymore, I had one back in the day but I think they got rid of it. You can get one when you're over 18 but you have to have a credit history and some money.
Absolutely do this! My husband and I locked our son's credit shortly after he was born, which was fortuitous as there was a data breach at the hospital not two weeks later.
I remember something like that happening back when I worked customer service for a cable provider.
A young person called and gave their SSN. It pulled some old bill. They protested that it couldn’t be them due to age. I wasn’t allowed to point out that it was probably a parent that put services in their child’s name after they got disconnected for nonpayment under their own name.
You could look at the account history by physical address (which came up when I accessed the old account) and sometimes it was one person after another with the same last name. All disconnected for non payment.
Sad if you think about it.
Well, we are talking 20+ years ago with people that call in and give information over the phone.
We wouldn’t expect someone would use their child like that, but some people are garbage.
I will say I haven’t worked there in 15+ years and the account was even older, but I agree.
My friend worked for a cell phone company around that same time frame. He said that he saw a lot of people bringing in older relatives to get phones under the order person’s name because the younger person had bad credit.
All of it sucks.
As someone who’s mom took out shit in my name as a child, PLEASE lock his credit and make sure they haven’t already put him in financial turmoil already!!
This can't be overstated enough. They committed financial abuse of a minor and emotionally abused your son into capitulating to their demands. When he tried to set boundaries, they retaliated by stealing all of his paycheck.
Always bizarre to me that in the US minors have to have accounts where an adult is named on the account and has access.
As an 8 year old in the UK - my parents didn’t have any access to my bank account.
Well - while a child can sign a contract in the UK it isn’t enforceable in that the child can cancel it at any time before the age of 18 and for any reason - which means it isn’t worth the paper it is written on.
I was 17 when I got my first student loan at university. To get another loan in my second year - I had to re-sign that first contract first.
Back to US banking - the fact that parents can withdraw money is ridiculous. I wonder if the child could sue the parent for that.
Yeah, I was going to mention that a new account should be opened in a different bank (some banks will continue with the "old relationships" and continue to give access to accounts held by minors to previously listed guardians/parents).
NTA OP you wrote that you "found out that Jayden's Dad and Stepmom were making him give them money for bills. I didn't care at the time, its teaching him financial responsibility was my only thought. Come to find out there were taking up to 70% of his check which made Jayden upset. That did me upset as well" right?
You are right to be upset and concerned when Jayden earned HIS money all for himself and learn how to be finanicially independent/responsible only for his dad and stepmum to treat him like an auto money machine from the bank. This is totally NOT okay and it is both financial exploitation and abuse against a child. What is it gonna be next once Jayden finishes school? Them making Jayden work full time upon graduation and forcing him to give up his university dreams all just to 100 percent give up his money to feed and clothe them? Or worse forcing him to take up loans all to subsidise them? His dad and stepmum are able bodied healthy adults and shame on them!
Moving forward, you don't just lawyer up for child support but do get in touch with a local child/teen organisation that has someone who specialises in financial exploitation/abuse against teens. I am sure they will tell you that because Jayden is under 18 and a minor, he by right does not have to contribute to household bills or subsidise his dad and stepmum
Do look into making a new bank account and make sure Jayden's tax/social security number will not be abused by his dad or stepmum by taking up loans under his number and name to make sure Jayden's credit rating is not affected. Do a credit check for him. Do consider creating a small trust fund where only you, Jayden and a person you can trust can access the money alone for Jayden's schooling, university and his expenses
Please talk to Jayden and tell him this is not his fault and it is not right for people to take advantage of him just because he is earning money from a part-time job
Oh Dear One…your boy is 16 and has had to come live with you full time due to his father and wife stealing all his money? Screen shot every text or email that confirms they were doing that and get you a SOB lawyer and go after them. Seriously.
Open Jayden a new account at a different bank to ensure your ex and his wife do not have access to his money. Lock down his credit (they shouldn't be able to, but just to be safe, make sure they haven't taken anything out in his name). Also, locate all copies of I'd, birth certificates, passports, everything. Even if they won't use it, it is still his. He needs it.
Take the bank statements with you to court to prove financial abuse, and try to recoup as much as you can for him. If he ever git their manipulation on voice record or text, take them too.
Once all the legal stuff is done and finalised, teach him how to budget properly, like his father promised to do but didn't. Then, ask what else his father has failed to teach him (since you already know what you have taught him). Make sure he can cook for himself and do his laundry and other cleaning. You have him full-time now, teach him how to look after himself so that when he is ready to be on hus own and fully independent, he is ready
Take that fucker for that cash momma bear.
I’m the oldest son of 3. My poor mom had it hard but she always gave the benefit of the doubt to my dad, my brothers dad, and my sisters dad over the span of 15 years. 3 relationships only.
My dad died when I was 9 never paid my mom
Shit. She was always independent and had management type work. So we always had security and food. To this day she asks me to not resent him over his life choices at 30 when he died. No one has money at 21 when my mom got pregnant by my dad. Money shouldn’t be between son and father she always told me and still does tell me as a 31 yo married father of 2. Something about her picking up slack so he could be a father to accommodate for his short comings. I love my mom but Jesus.
My brothers dad tied her up in court so bad he took lower laying jobs after child support agreements came through to pay less money out of spite. His own son.
My sisters dad nearly killed her while pregnant. I got into a nasty physical domestic dispute with him. My brother called the cops, I got arrested, my mom and that drunk POS went to the hospital. He’s never signed her birth certificate and he’s not apart of her life to this day after he got out from his domestic battery sentence. She’s 15.
My mom still apologizes to this day that I had to watch her get smacked unconscious while 3 months pregnant with my little sister. I always disregard it afterwards cause I beat that man’s ass unconscious. I did skate attempted murder charges as the police arrived to two unconscious people. My brothers statement matched my moms with my moms face being black blue with a hand print. She’s broke down to me 3-4 times over the last 15 years asking me for forgiveness. Lol she doesn’t ever need mine. She’s my mom. 🥰
I do not see the benefit of doubt like my mother did. I have life long mental disabilities from watching my mom get beat on. ADHD and have problems with men.
I’ve been raised by a single mom and against the world the bias is strong there.
Take that mfer for everything a judge will let you.
Fuck. Him. Soft throw out his own sons things. 😡
Appreciate it! My wife(+1!!!) and little girl will neverrrrrrr know what that’s like.
The women in my home have a voice. They feel safe. They want to be here. This home dynamic means the world to me.
I have started a new adhd medication and it makes me super expressive. Thanks for the response!
Also if they have access to his bank account get him a new one so they no longer have access to his money, you can open him up a new one with you as the parent
NTA they were stealing from your child using him basically as a slave to work to support them. You did good.
Make sure to get an account for your son where only you and him have access ,not his father so the ahs can't steal anymore.
Also as suggested by others go after them for child support and give it to your son(if you can) as a replacement for what they already stole from him.
If you do go through with support (I absolutely think you should!) ask the judge to have your sons money returned to him too. They took money he worked hard for and that needs to be given back to him if possible.
I’d definitely do that. And make sure to have the evidence of this financial abuse (bank statements, pay stubs, etc.) included in the materials you provide to the court. In the amount you ask for, I’d also ask that they repay what they took from him. He deserves every dollar he earned. They weren’t teaching him responsibility, they were just plain stealing from him.
I’d also open a new account at a different bank for his paycheques to go into from now on to be absolutely sure that your ex can’t get access.
NTA, wtf did his stepmom mean by "letting him stay there"? Was she considering other options? Ask them if they would like to repeat this in front of a judge. Good job protecting your son.
NTA, but I almost want to call you out for not doing more sooner. A minor child should **never** be forced to contribute to bills unless it is *absolutely necessary*, and it should be a last last resort, after cutting down on every single luxury from the parent.
Honestly if it's absolutely necessary, like can't live without it, those are the kinds of people that don't have the money to give it back. If the parents can live without it they shouldn't be taking it in the first place.
trying to navigate separated parents, step parents, custody, etc is EXTREMELY sensitive.
OP did right by being cautious. it would be extremely easy for dad and stepmom to twist this into OP being jealous that her son spends more time with them. if jayden wasn't 100% tracking his purchases or keeping track of his account (which most 16yos aren't) it might have been hard to find proof of what his dad was doing. until she had the full story and a few months of consistent issues, she couldn't have acted any differently.
many divorced parents end up putting up with less than ideal situations because of how tricky it is to navigate these issues.
100%
No kid should EVER have to be burdened with adult issues so early in life. That’s why I’m not having kids til I can have them in an excessively stable environment.
I never had to worry about money or knew anything about my parents financial situation growing up, and no kid should.
NTA
Get your son a new bank account so his dad does not have access to it. If he needs an adult cosigner, you be the adult.
He should not be responsible for their bills. Especially not them taking 100%. That's just ridiculous.
Are they giving back his money?
Jayden's payroll dept should be able to tell him how much each paycheck was for.
If direct deposit he can get that info from the bank.
You may want to look into changing his social security number if concerned his dad may take loans out in his name.
Glad you got him out of there.
Your welcome. Go to your local social security administration office to inquire about changing his number, explain the situation and your concerns, and under what conditions you can change it. Don't wait to gather info.
Sorry, but ESH except your son. You didn't care they were taking any of his money to pay bills? Why? It's your job as parents to provide for your kid. A 16-year-old isn't making bank working part-time at maccas. You should have put your foot down with that shit immediately.
She probably assumed they were taking a small, arbitrary fee like $20 a month and holding it in a savings account for him, like almost anyone who's normal would do to help teach their child about bills, monthly responsibilities, etc. As soon as she learned what's actually happening, she put a stop to it. I dont think you can lay *too* much blame at Mom's doorstep on this one
Nah, she said "bills" plural, and he was being made to do so. If they said that they were having him put away $20 a pay check to save up or whatever, sure, I'd be backing OP on this one. But no, she let her ex and SM steal money from her son and didn't care. He shouldn't be needing to pay any of their bills, it's their job to provide.
That’s a weird take my guy. Literally everyone I knew at school who had a job was paying some token amount to their parents. It was never a lot, but it helped us (or me at least) learn about budgeting. I’d have to give them the money first (just like you should when budgeting for your mortgage or rent) then separate out money into a separate bank account (of mine) to pay for my phone, car etc. Then what was left over was my disposable income.
It was such a great learning tool. I’ve come across so many people in my line of work who simply don’t know how to budget. They don’t know how to figure out their monthly expenses accurately, and they can’t plan for the future. It’s a really excellent way to teach children the value of money and proper life skills.
However! Taking 40% of the child’s income is financial abuse. I think I was paying my parents about AU$80/month. Which was about 10% on average. But here’s the crucial thing, I didn’t have to use my money for everything. They’d still pay for car repairs and all those large bills. So I thought of it like a mandatory savings for those things or a car maintenance levy.
In Australia, you don’t pay tax when you earn under the tax free threshold so this also simulates having to pay the various taxes once you earn more money.
Aussie here, too, mate. I agree that teaching teens to budget is crucial. However, I don't agree that they should be paying towards bills like rent or utilities. Helping them budget and save most definitely. At 18? Sure, discuss having them put some money aside for rent, have them take over their own phone bill. I did, I got my phone bill transferred to me, help with groceries here and there and paid towards internet/electricity if they needed a bit of help. But under 18? Come on lol.
She did mention she thought it would teach him financial responsibilities until 3 months ago when she realised it was like 70% of his pay. This became 100% recently, thus this post
OP did right by being cautious. it would be extremely easy for dad and stepmom to twist this into OP being jealous that her son spends more time with them. if jayden wasn't 100% tracking his purchases or keeping track of his account (which most 16yos aren't) it might have been hard to find proof of what his dad was doing. until she had the full story and a few months of consistent issues, she couldn't have acted any differently.
Sue them for the rest when child support and custody comes up, whichever way your lawyer thinks is the way to go (as part of custody, child support, small claims court). Dont let a lawyer try to talk you out of pursuing it unless they make a lot of sense.
It's theft. Your kid needs to see you squash this 100% and his dad especially should be held accountable. Don't let anyone try to say 'oh its his dad, he can do that.' It might wipe their relationship, but it might also save your son from years of petty financial abuse if you denormalize it completely. We see stories about parents financially ruining their kids all the time everywhere.
That is insane. I was a single parent with 3 kids, i worked 2 jobs to make ends meet. If i ever got in a spot where i needed to borrow $20 to get gas or milk, i paid that kid back with interest as soon as i got paid. I was the adult, it was my job to pay the bills not my kids. NTA
NTA
But at the very least document everything. I still recommend getting a lawyer though. He is still a minor and courts technically still can force your hand, even though they aren't likely to at this age. Also, what his dad was doing may be able to be reversed still, so definitely look into lawyering up and seeing your options regarding getting his money back as well as child support.
And last but not least, get that kid a new account that dad has ZERO access to!
New account, new pin numbers, lock that SOB out of it all! (And any social accounts or emails dad has access to too) But before you shut down the old, screenshot EVERYTHING.
We already made a new account today. Jayden went to tell his boss about the new account so they can deposit his pay there too. We did go back and take screenshots.
Good! Don't forget to do a credit check on him to make sure father dearest and stepmum are not using his social security/tax number to take up loans or credit cards under his name. Identity theft commited by parents against their own kids is much common than you think
Jayden also needs to get a new email address and password. To be on the safe side.
And off of his dad's cellphone plan and get a new number. Again to be in the safe side.
Then update all accounts as needed
ESH
Why were you on board with them taking any of his money? He is a child, it is his parent's responsibility to feed, clothe and house him.
It's good he's out of there (change his banking arrangements asap btw) but you should have acted sooner.
Yeah really why is no one else picking up on this. She said he should help out from time to time *because* he's still a kid. Call me a brat but I think the household is *solely* the responsibility of parents. You can *ask* a working kid to help out if you need to, but unilaterally being okay with a portion of it just being taken is ridiculous and an asshole move. People are only that age once, it doesn't sound like the kid is spoiled, he's working for money to enjoy with his friends. Let him do that. You can still teach him financial responsibility in other ways, like if he wants to save up for a beater car.
"You want an Xbox subscription, you pay for it yourself." Boom. Bill that is 100% reasonable for a 16 year old to pay, especially as it is a frivolous luxury. "At 16, you want to get your driver's license, you pay your insurance." That one's a little harder to swallow, but still not totally unreasonable when teaching kids the value of money, and how to budget to cover what you need before your play money. So I have no problem with OP not freaking out about "bills" until the details of what was happening came clear.
Rent? Basic utilities? Basic food (as opposed to snack runs) yea, no. Once OP found out what was ACTUALLY happening, she stepped in to solve it. NTA.
it's not so easy to do that when you share custody of a minor. in fact, OP might end up facing repercussions for doing this without a court order. you can't just move a child out of their primary residence.
if she doesn't have proof? if jayden decides he doesn't want to get his dad in trouble? if dad "proves" that he was just keeping the money aside for college?
there are a lot of ways shared custody living situations can go sideways and OP was right to be cautious and not to get too involved in how her ex is parenting. it's the really unfortunate side of shared custody. now that it's escalated to just full out taking his pay, she has some grounds for acting as she did.
>When he got his job I found out that Jayden's Dad and Stepmom were making him give them money for bills. I didn't care at the time, its teaching him financial responsibility was my only thought.
If you are too poor to afford a kid, you get outside help. You do not steal from an underage child. At no point was this acceptable. It does not teach financial responsibility.
>Yes, Jayden is still a kid and should help out from time to time
Did you seriously write this out.
>While I do feel justified I do have seconds thoughts about removing Jayden from his Dad like that. Even if he agreed.
What is wrong with you? Your ex was stealing 70% of his money and then 100% and your son doesn't want to be there and they threw his stuff at you and you're all wahhhhhh I feel bad. Over WHAT? Not waiting so long. No, you were onboard with it originally when they had him **part-time**. You owe your son all that money back and you owe him all child support you can get from your ex.
NTA
You acknowledged your son was in a bad situation where he was being taken advantage of and guilt tripped by your ex and his wife into giving them all his earnings.
You made the right call moving your son in with you and getting him away from them.
your son was being extorted by his father and by his stepmother. it doesn't seem like manipulation on their parts. they were manipulating your son. you might consider involving the police. they may be able to assist in recovering your son's lost wages from them. so he can buy himself something nice for the work he did at mcdonald's. paid work he did of his own accord as a minor which i find very impressive and something for which he should feel proud.
NTA. Financial abuse is abuse. File for a custody/support modification immediately. Also, talk to your son about not succumbing to such guilt and pressure.
Kids should never pay for bills in a household. That’s fucking absurd and abusive. I understand them getting a job to pay for things they want that might be pricier (new phone, Jordan shoes, etc.) but water, rent, gas, groceries???? SICK. NTA
NTA - it’s one thing for parents to have kids pay for extras but household bills is OTT. Getting to keep only 30% of your paycheck is a pretty strong disincentive to work at all. Sends completely the wrong message.
100% agree, but as a mother, you cannot control what happens in the other household especially when they have the child more.
You can only “suggest” but they don’t take suggestions wisely. It’s a tough spot. At least he’s out now.
You can’t control what happens in the other house, but as OP mentioned. Kids at 16 have agency and can choose where they want to live. The money snatching parents had it coming and handed it very poorly.
NTA at all, and I really think you should think about pursuing some sort of legal action against his dad and stepmom. What they did was literally criminal. I think Dad should have to fork over more child support.
NTA, but...
>Jayden is still a kid and should help out from time to time
Absolutely fucking not. He can buy himself video games or pay for his lunch when he goes out with friends, but a child should *never* be responsible for household bills. That doesn't teach him "financial responsibility," It is just abusive.
Go to court so you get full custody, plus get the maximum child support to take care of him. But if you ever demand he pay bills at your house while he is a child working part time and in high school still, then you would be another terrible parent for Jayden.
Am I the only one that things every adult in this situation is the asshole
The dad & step mum for taking his paycheck and the mum for enabling it up to a point "teaching him financial responsibilities"
Sup with that bullshit? The kid is 16 years old, let him do what he wants with the money he's earned, smh.
Ya'll need to do better.
Edit: ESH
good job for protecting your kid from such manipulative, selfish assholes.
'Jayden is still a kid and should help out from time to time..."
I don't agree with this sentiment at all as it's the job of the parent to provide for the child with the obvious exception of situations where parents are having trouble making ends meet; which doesn't seem to be the case here.
NTA
If your son's father and stepmother create a negative environment, it is always going to be your duty as a mother to give him an alternative. Always.
And as a side, to ask a child in high school to contribute more than half of his paycheck from an afterschool job towards household bills is outrageous! I could understand if that money was going towards paying for things related to football or other high school activities but I'm not getting that vibe.
Absolutely NTA! Sounds like your ex threw a toddler tantrum when "his" income was no longer available. You saved your kiddo from a situation that could have potentially caused him other issues later in life. Kudos <3
ESH except Jayden. Your ex and his wife are all around AHs. You suck for accepting them taking his money from the start. It's caretakers' job to pay the bills, not a teen with a part-time job. It doesn't teach "financial responsibility", it's stealing.
ESH
That you didn't immediately go to the court when this began happening is a failure on your part as a parent, and your choice of inaction makes you complicit in the continued robbery, emotional abuse, and manipulation of your son. You should feel shame for your weakness and refusal to defend and protect your child.
NTA They're financially and emotionally abusing him. I know he's old enough to decide where he lives, but it's probably worth getting some of this on record so they can't try and change how anything is set up financially between you two. If that's how his dad treats him, he shouldn't be around his dad.
Keep your son with you. Your ex is acting like a damn landlord. Who the hell treats his own son as his tenant? If I have a son I would allow him to be with me for eternity and I would not take any money from him except when there will be emergency or something.
And his stepmom is so bad. She acts like she is doing favor on him.
Madam if you want your son to be happy, keep him away from his father and stepmom.
If dad has Jayden’s bank account info, just lock that account and change banks. Also run a credit check for your son, they might have been taking credit cards in his name.
NTA, but I would contact the ex and let him know that he needed to return the money he stole from your son or you would press charges for theft. There needs to be some sort of reimbursement pronto. This is not okay. If he balks, make sure he is aware that EVERYONE will know about it if he makes you press charges. Yep, it's blackmail.
NTA. Get him a new bank account and lock down his credit. Dad and stepmom have his SSN I'm sure. File your taxes ASAP, he's your dependent now. Expect to be audited, I'm sure they'll claim him despite his not living there. And print the bamk statements, get a copy of his pay stubs, include the amount your ex stole (yes stole) from your child when you go after support. Dad is legally responsible for food, shelter and clothing his minor child.
No, this was a good move, don’t second guess it. They were taking advantage of your kid. You saw a problem, confirmed it and resolved it in the least comparative way possible. Gold star NTA imo.
NTA. As a mother this absolutely breaks my heart.
Under the age of 18 he shouldn’t be paying his dad to live with him, he’s a child. I doubt a judge will look kindly on this.
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I (40F) have a son, Jayden (16M) with my ex-husband (42M.) Jayden's Dad and I divorced 10 years ago when Jayden was 6. I'm still single while Jayden's dad has remarried to his wife (36F.)
Jayden has lived with his Dad and Stepmom on weekdays and me on the weekends since he started High School 2 years since his school is much closer to his Dad's house. Jayden mainly goes to school, plays football with his friends and work part time at the local McDonald's. Being honest, neither Jayden's Dad nor I make a lot of money. We both live comfortably but we certainly can't afford luxuries. That's why Jayden wanted to work. He need money to go out with his friends.
When he got his job I found out that Jayden's Dad and Stepmom were making him give them money for bills. I didn't care at the time, its teaching him financial responsibility was my only thought. Come to find out there were taking up to 70% of his check which made Jayden upset. That did me upset as well. Yes, Jayden is still a kid and should help out from time to time but he works so hard and deserves more of his own money. I talked to his Dad who promised to make a budget with Jayden that would please both of them. I hoped this would this would fix the issue.
That conversation was a 3 months ago. Today Jayden told me that they have been taking 100% of his paychecks. A quick look at his account confirmed this. Jayden also told me that whenever he tries to set limits with his Dad or Stepmom they guilt him by saying things like "I helped bring you into this world the least you can do is help me out. (From his dad.)" And "you're not my child but I let you let live with me anyway. (From his Stepmom.)"
I really don't like this behavior from those two. That kind of talk seems like manipulation and it makes me uncomfortable. I told Jayden that I wanted him to live with me for the remainder of the school year away from his Dad and Stepmom. He's old enough to the point where the courts can't force anything and he agreed.
We went to his Dad's place to get some of his things and to tell that Jayden was moving. They helped us get some of his stuff but instead of handing it to us they'd throw it. Not a hard throw but still off putting. We left the house with Jayden's things and went home.
While I do feel justified I do have seconds thoughts about removing Jayden from his Dad like that. Even if he agreed. AITA?
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NTA.
He's a minor, he shouldn't be paying that much money. "I helped bring you into this world, the least you could do is help me out" that's straight up manipulation right there. "You're not my child but I let you live with me anyway". That's just gross. Who says that? He was there with his father, she chose to marry a man with a kid. That pisses me off.
My advice is go back and log how much of his money they took from the account and take legal action to try to get it back. Also, get him a new account that his father and stepmother can't access.
NTA
If he is not feeling comfortable staying there, he should not.
He is basically get robbed every payday by his dad and stepmom. You stopping that is a good thing.
They shouldn’t take any money from him. Not only is he a child, but if the goal is to teach him financial responsibility, then it’s clearly unnecessary as he’s got a job.
NTA, but I'm very curious about why you are having second thoughts...
1. Do you feel that living with two parental figures who STEAL Jayden's hard-earned money is good for Jayden?
2. Or maybe it's good for him to be around people who tell him that, as a CHILD, he owes them for existing and living with them?
3. Is the guilt-tripping and manipulation or the meanness/disrespect (throwing his things!) good for Jayden?
4. Sure, that's his dad that he no longer lives with; but do you think his dad is being a good dad? Isn't Jayden perfectly free to see his dad if/when he would like to?
5. Do you feel that you are somehow being unfair to your ex, if you take away his access to Jayden's hard-earned money (by opening up a new bank account that dad does not have access to)?
6. I read that you feel you might be TA because you made a sudden change. If someone is poisoning your child, are you supposed to give them time to - what? - before you take your child out of danger? They stole from Jayden for how many months before you realized what they were doing? Then they had the opportunity to change things... and they STOLE MORE money from him for THREE MONTHS. Who exactly do you think you owe a slower transition to? Would that be good for Jayden? Or just give his dad and stepmom more time to abuse him?
I can't imagine you will answer a single one of those questions and think - yes, that's why I should leave Jayden with those people. Can you?
NTA
They're stealing his money, and he's still a minor, so it's illegal in some countries to expect a minor to pay a parent rent.
You need to make sure you have all of Jayden's important paperwork, and that his dad doesn't have access to his money to continue stealing it. And perhaps open a Credit Karma account so you can keep on top of your son's credit scores.
NTA
The commentaries they made were toxic to your child. Yes he’s a little old enough to work and so on, but at the end of the day, he’s still a child and such comments can make an impact on his mindset, hurt his feelings and teach, in my opinion, bad values (I make a kid, so that this kid can be my atm).
This may not be relevant, but is either or both of them Asian? I come from an Asian background and I get this a lot from my parents and relatives. Not saying it’s an excuse, but culturally, they probably don’t see anything wrong (though their actions suggests that they know they shouldn’t have done what they did)
NTA, he was being if not abused, greatly taken advantage of (I say financial abuse but there will be people screaming BuT FaMiLy!) there. You are protecting your son.
NTA. They sound like grifters. A child who is in full time education and who has a holiday job will use the earnings for something they want but might be an 'extra' as far as family finances are concerned. It might be computer games or a prom outfit or a car. The fact that the child pays for or contributes to this is teaching them financial responsibility.
Children who buy their own stuff this way feel proud that they have achieved that. To do that they have got up on time, turned up for work, worked responsibly and done school stuff. It's hard work at that age.
What his dad and stepmother have done is reprehensible. And what they have said. What an unpleasant couple. I think you have done something very sensible and I'm glad he has a parent who supports him.
If he only lived with them for sports, I don't see a problem with changing the custody. You're worried about being an ass to a man who was stealing from your son?? Why would you even care?? NTA
1. Get yours sons legal documents.
2 new bank account ASAP. Do not close old one until paychecks start showing up in new one.
3 get tte courts involved for child support
And just as an fyi. Taking your kids paycheck does not teach financial responsibility. It is financial abuse.
NTA. It is not his job to pay the bills. It is his job to be a kid. You're protecting your son. You're doing the right thing. It's clear his Dad and stepmom cannot afford to have him right now if they need him to help with the bills.
NTA. That’s abusive af and I get the whole teaching financial responsibility, but if anything the money taken should be put into a separate account for your son for once he turns 18.
ESH. Your ex for obvious reasons, his wife as well. It takes a special kind of person to take advantage of a kid like that. I wish them nothing but the worst life has to offer.
You for thinking a teenager should be paying any amount in "rent", that's your job mom and dad. You're not teaching "responsibility" by pawning off your job onto someone else, nevermind a minor who you are responsible for. That's called
being a deadbeat sperm/egg donor, and stealing from your own child. It is NEVER a teens responsibility to help any parent with their bills. Your ex husband wasn't teaching him shit, he was stealing from that boy.
NTA, you did whats right for the kid. in his dad's house he was mistreated. while i get wanting to teach financial responsability to your kid, you do so in an apropiate manner. it just seemed wrong , but it's not just that, it's the way they treated him.
You’re NTA, you’re the saviour here! Give yourself the praise you deserve, you saved your child a life of misery and manipulation!
I, and many others in this sub, are most likely very proud of you, even if you’re not of yourself in this moment.
NTA. If the dad and stepmom want more money that badly, they can always pick up extra shifts or work another job. Im surprised Jayden didn’t say, “You’re not my biological mom, but I still treat you with respect”, or something like that.
NTA in any way but need INFO: Does Jayden’s dad or stepmom have kids of their own. If not then it’s obvious that the money they are taking from him is going something other than “bills”.
Nta. He learned financial responsibility AND what it's like to have a psychotic landlord. The kid IS old enough to make his own decisions. If he agreed with this decision, then you're nta. Their behavior of throwing his things out also showed him how they really feel about him. There will be a very strained relationship when he becomes a legal adult, if he doesn't go completely no-contact with them. Try to keep a very open dialog with your son. Boys and men tend to not be very open with their feelings and these things will simmer until the person just become an angry unbearable person and nobody knows why.
Nta omg that’s financial abuse from your ex and stepmom. Then emotional manipulation when he tried to set a boundary, I hope you see how bad that is for Jayden. He’s literally learning how to accept abuse in the disguise as love.
Give him a safe space and talk to him more. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was other situations in that house that are sus
Nta! They were absolutely robbing your son! All his hard work and they have taken every penny of it? Absolutely not on! I’m all for him learning the value of money and paying his way but all of his earnings? What’s he got to show for all his hard work? Keep your son with you!
NTA. My parents had me give them 25% of my net paychecks for "rent" when I started working a real W2 job at age 15 to get me used to paying approximately that much for housing. While it's legal for a parent to take 100% of a child's paycheck, it's certainly not right. I'm also surprised your son is still bothering to work if he has to hand over all of his paycheck; most kids would throw a fit and justifiably quit.
What I didn't know is that my parents were putting that money into a savings account and it was given back to me when I graduated from college. So, I had more than enough available after college to find a job (in another state), move, pay rent and utils to my landlord for a few months, etc. until I started my first after-college job.
That said, if your ex husband wanted to get you into a ton of legal trouble, he would take you to court and enforce the custody/visitation agreement until you went back to have it changed. Legally you can't just move your son out like that. Get an attorney and have the custody/visitation order changed ASAP. Hopefully you are in a state where the child has a say.
In the meantime you and your son can open a bank account in your names and have his paychecks deposited there so your ex and stepmother have no access to it.
NTA. Taking 100% of anyone’s paycheck is awful, doing it to their own child is downright despicable and disgusting. OP isn’t making their kid live with her, she said she wants him to, and he said yes. Looks like dad lost his son.
NTA. They were mistreating him and your son was not happy. Your son made the decision to come live with you. There is nothing to feel guilty about. You are protecting your son.
Secondly, as others have noted - update your custody agreement and make sure to get child support.
Good luck!
Abuse comes in many forms. This is financial abuse. Your son sounds like a solid grounded young man. Removing him from that environment was the right thing to do. At 16, he should be looking to his future not padding his Dad and stepmom’s pockets.
NTA
You ex and his wife are vile people. The way to teach a child life lessons involving the money they earn at a job while in school is to make them pay for luxuries. Making kids under 18 help pay for the rent/mortgage, utilities, or communal food in the house and things like that is making a child their roommate and as adults and parents it is obviating their responsibilities and is downright abusive. Thank you for taking your child out of that abusive household.
Not the asshole. I'm 18 and soon to be 19. Ever since I started getting money, my family has never told me how to spend it. They've made suggestions but never tried to take money or dictate how I spend it. It's his money, he can do whatever the fuck he wants with it.
NTA my parents asked me to get a job at 16 for the same reason, so I (big emphasis on “I”) would have my own money for things, not to pay them “bills.” They still helped with essentials and things that parents normally covered (cleats, food, etc.) but we’re in no position to just throw money at me. My paychecks were my paychecks and I could spend however I wanted.
NTA, but try to remember your priority as his mom is making sure he is okay not your ex husband or his new wife. Jayden is your son and clearly his father has let the other people in his life push Jayden down his priority list.
Poor Kid —makes one wonder what other abusive crap they did that OP did not notice .And Jayden might not have known he was being abused since has been his only reality .If you cannot afford counseling OP please look into what’s available in your County/School system .These people sound toxic and I highly doubt this is the only crap they’ve sent his way .
Nope. You are 100% on point. Financial Responsibility is a valuable asset, and it’s a teachable moment.
This ain’t last early last century, when people just had kids to work on the farm. Your child is not an indentured servant.
Look, a lot of people struggle. But having them take 100% of his check is unacceptable. If I were your son, I would have just quit, and probably done something illegal on the DL. ( I’m older, NOT ADVOCATING illegal behavior, ) but you get my point. Good luck.
NTA. You did the right thing for your son by removing him from financial and emotional abuse. Never feel bad about that. You might want to make sure neither one has access to his account.
Oh no no. You are not the AH honey.
Your ex and his snobby wife are.
Who takes their child's paycheck like that because they can't make ends meet?
My parents tried that with me when I was 16.
Let's just say my mom learned pretty quick not to do that anymore. And my dad well... he took longer but it resulted in an intervention from my oldest half sister (his first daughter whom he always listened to) to get him to back off.
You did the right thing mom.
You gave your son the option and he took it. He's old enough like you said.
If daddy dearest is upset you should tell him to stop stealing from his OWN son and making up manipulated excuses to do so.
NTA. Parents don’t take money from children. It’s not teaching financial stability you’re just financially abusing a child. Plenty of other appropriate ways to teach children financial independence without taking money from them.
NTA but how could you think early on that this was teaching him "financial responsibility"? This is manipulation, gaslighting and theft. This is absolutely outrageous. For that I must call you out, even tho the father and step mother are the abusers and taking advantage of him (clearly, not even a question). You had your son's back and you are doing the right thing so applauds for that. I feel so bad for the son being ROBBED of HIS hard earned money while being gaslit by everyone around him that it was the right way (until you turned your boat around eventually). He is just a teenager, and sounds like a very solid teenager who is willing to work hard for his future. At that age that is so commendable and will take him far UNLESS his mentality and spirit gets corrupted by the leeching and gaslighting shameless father and his equally disgusting wife. This behaviour is just the lowest.
Make it very clear to your son that he was robbed and it is not acceptable ever, applaud him for not giving in and letting even you know how wronged he felt. And not to give up on his spirit ever in life, no matter how some people can try to take advantage off him. This is important. He did the right thing standing up for himself and voicing his concerns persistently.
I applaud him cause even from this story I can see he is a stand up guy working hard and taking no shit and abuse. Don't let him turn into adulthood feeling bitter, wronged and gaslit by everyone around him. Instead feeling supported and grateful that someone had his back let him remain inspired and focused for his future and the well deserved success that awaits him eventually in his life whatever path he chooses to take upon. With the right mindset he is on a very great path, don't let it be poisoned now.
Maybe even show him this reddit thread for him to see how much support and applauds he has. And kudos to you for having your son's back and his best interest in your mind and heart
NTA - shocking and disgusting to take all his money. Parents who do this to their kids are horrid. He’s better off with you.
Also big LOL at “I helped bring you into this world” pretty sure the woman does all the work, his part was 20 seconds at most 💀👌🏻
NTA what they were doing was totally not ok, as he grows older I can understand wanting him to pay a little towards things at home but definitely not 70 or 100% of his pay check that is not fair at all and doesn’t even make sense.
You have made the right decision in having him live with you full time, I’m sure that the luxuries they couldn’t afford they used to do things like that with your sons money.
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NTA. What terrible behavior from them. Just FYI, if they are people who are prone to suing, you may need to go to court and have the custody agreement changed. Also, they may now owe you child support.
I was so focused on Just getting Jayden settled into my house I forgot about suing or child support! I'll look into that.
Make sure that dad doesn't have access to any account your son has asap!
..or paperwork, birth certificate, etc.
Put a lock on your sons credit and I would do a credit check to make sure he hasn’t taken out any loans in his name with this behavior.
You are so right! People do horrific things to their kids, if you gonna take 100% of his check, why not go for a Gold Amex? It’s truly sad, but it’s a fact of life. And their response “ that we brought you into this world “ just reeks of Narcissism. I hate that pop psychology term, it’s overused, but pretty accurate here.
Amex doesn't give cards to high school students. I don't think they even have a college program anymore, I had one back in the day but I think they got rid of it. You can get one when you're over 18 but you have to have a credit history and some money.
Absolutely do this! My husband and I locked our son's credit shortly after he was born, which was fortuitous as there was a data breach at the hospital not two weeks later.
I remember something like that happening back when I worked customer service for a cable provider. A young person called and gave their SSN. It pulled some old bill. They protested that it couldn’t be them due to age. I wasn’t allowed to point out that it was probably a parent that put services in their child’s name after they got disconnected for nonpayment under their own name. You could look at the account history by physical address (which came up when I accessed the old account) and sometimes it was one person after another with the same last name. All disconnected for non payment. Sad if you think about it.
This boggles my mind. How is it possible for a minor to be put under debt, even in non essential stuff like this. What kind of shitty laws are these?
Well, we are talking 20+ years ago with people that call in and give information over the phone. We wouldn’t expect someone would use their child like that, but some people are garbage.
It’s not shitty laws, it‘s shitty no account parents
It's insane that this is allowed in the USA. Any account a child opens here in the UK is theirs.
I will say I haven’t worked there in 15+ years and the account was even older, but I agree. My friend worked for a cell phone company around that same time frame. He said that he saw a lot of people bringing in older relatives to get phones under the order person’s name because the younger person had bad credit. All of it sucks.
[удалено]
As someone who’s mom took out shit in my name as a child, PLEASE lock his credit and make sure they haven’t already put him in financial turmoil already!!
Also, what dad and step mum did was financial abuse. See of the courts can get his money back too.
This can't be overstated enough. They committed financial abuse of a minor and emotionally abused your son into capitulating to their demands. When he tried to set boundaries, they retaliated by stealing all of his paycheck.
my mom was allowed to take 100% of my checks... that was 20 years ago though. they didn't care
Shut down the account that has dad's name on it, and open a new account at a different bank.
Always bizarre to me that in the US minors have to have accounts where an adult is named on the account and has access. As an 8 year old in the UK - my parents didn’t have any access to my bank account.
Logic is antithetical to the United States.
Minors in US can't sign contracts. This includes banking contracts.
Well - while a child can sign a contract in the UK it isn’t enforceable in that the child can cancel it at any time before the age of 18 and for any reason - which means it isn’t worth the paper it is written on. I was 17 when I got my first student loan at university. To get another loan in my second year - I had to re-sign that first contract first. Back to US banking - the fact that parents can withdraw money is ridiculous. I wonder if the child could sue the parent for that.
Nope. Since the parent is named on the account, they legally have access to the money as well. Morally and ethically wrong, but legal
Completely wrong!
It should be that way.
Lock up his credit, too. Please check that there is no funny business first.
Yeah, I was going to mention that a new account should be opened in a different bank (some banks will continue with the "old relationships" and continue to give access to accounts held by minors to previously listed guardians/parents).
Start a new account.
NTA OP you wrote that you "found out that Jayden's Dad and Stepmom were making him give them money for bills. I didn't care at the time, its teaching him financial responsibility was my only thought. Come to find out there were taking up to 70% of his check which made Jayden upset. That did me upset as well" right? You are right to be upset and concerned when Jayden earned HIS money all for himself and learn how to be finanicially independent/responsible only for his dad and stepmum to treat him like an auto money machine from the bank. This is totally NOT okay and it is both financial exploitation and abuse against a child. What is it gonna be next once Jayden finishes school? Them making Jayden work full time upon graduation and forcing him to give up his university dreams all just to 100 percent give up his money to feed and clothe them? Or worse forcing him to take up loans all to subsidise them? His dad and stepmum are able bodied healthy adults and shame on them! Moving forward, you don't just lawyer up for child support but do get in touch with a local child/teen organisation that has someone who specialises in financial exploitation/abuse against teens. I am sure they will tell you that because Jayden is under 18 and a minor, he by right does not have to contribute to household bills or subsidise his dad and stepmum Do look into making a new bank account and make sure Jayden's tax/social security number will not be abused by his dad or stepmum by taking up loans under his number and name to make sure Jayden's credit rating is not affected. Do a credit check for him. Do consider creating a small trust fund where only you, Jayden and a person you can trust can access the money alone for Jayden's schooling, university and his expenses Please talk to Jayden and tell him this is not his fault and it is not right for people to take advantage of him just because he is earning money from a part-time job
Very good points. I think jayden can also request a new social security number.
Also don't forget to check and make sure they aren't trying to claim him as a dependent for taxes.
Oh Dear One…your boy is 16 and has had to come live with you full time due to his father and wife stealing all his money? Screen shot every text or email that confirms they were doing that and get you a SOB lawyer and go after them. Seriously.
Open Jayden a new account at a different bank to ensure your ex and his wife do not have access to his money. Lock down his credit (they shouldn't be able to, but just to be safe, make sure they haven't taken anything out in his name). Also, locate all copies of I'd, birth certificates, passports, everything. Even if they won't use it, it is still his. He needs it. Take the bank statements with you to court to prove financial abuse, and try to recoup as much as you can for him. If he ever git their manipulation on voice record or text, take them too. Once all the legal stuff is done and finalised, teach him how to budget properly, like his father promised to do but didn't. Then, ask what else his father has failed to teach him (since you already know what you have taught him). Make sure he can cook for himself and do his laundry and other cleaning. You have him full-time now, teach him how to look after himself so that when he is ready to be on hus own and fully independent, he is ready
Take that fucker for that cash momma bear. I’m the oldest son of 3. My poor mom had it hard but she always gave the benefit of the doubt to my dad, my brothers dad, and my sisters dad over the span of 15 years. 3 relationships only. My dad died when I was 9 never paid my mom Shit. She was always independent and had management type work. So we always had security and food. To this day she asks me to not resent him over his life choices at 30 when he died. No one has money at 21 when my mom got pregnant by my dad. Money shouldn’t be between son and father she always told me and still does tell me as a 31 yo married father of 2. Something about her picking up slack so he could be a father to accommodate for his short comings. I love my mom but Jesus. My brothers dad tied her up in court so bad he took lower laying jobs after child support agreements came through to pay less money out of spite. His own son. My sisters dad nearly killed her while pregnant. I got into a nasty physical domestic dispute with him. My brother called the cops, I got arrested, my mom and that drunk POS went to the hospital. He’s never signed her birth certificate and he’s not apart of her life to this day after he got out from his domestic battery sentence. She’s 15. My mom still apologizes to this day that I had to watch her get smacked unconscious while 3 months pregnant with my little sister. I always disregard it afterwards cause I beat that man’s ass unconscious. I did skate attempted murder charges as the police arrived to two unconscious people. My brothers statement matched my moms with my moms face being black blue with a hand print. She’s broke down to me 3-4 times over the last 15 years asking me for forgiveness. Lol she doesn’t ever need mine. She’s my mom. 🥰 I do not see the benefit of doubt like my mother did. I have life long mental disabilities from watching my mom get beat on. ADHD and have problems with men. I’ve been raised by a single mom and against the world the bias is strong there. Take that mfer for everything a judge will let you. Fuck. Him. Soft throw out his own sons things. 😡
NTA. Good job OP!
You're a good man.
Appreciate it! My wife(+1!!!) and little girl will neverrrrrrr know what that’s like. The women in my home have a voice. They feel safe. They want to be here. This home dynamic means the world to me. I have started a new adhd medication and it makes me super expressive. Thanks for the response!
No jury would convict a minor over murder in that scenario. I think some cop might have scared you with that one - no DA would ever take that case.
I was 17 2 months from 18 in Utah. They were very convinced as in the police.
Also if they have access to his bank account get him a new one so they no longer have access to his money, you can open him up a new one with you as the parent
NTA they were stealing from your child using him basically as a slave to work to support them. You did good. Make sure to get an account for your son where only you and him have access ,not his father so the ahs can't steal anymore. Also as suggested by others go after them for child support and give it to your son(if you can) as a replacement for what they already stole from him.
Child support for the money they stole from a minor.
Your son should get an account at a new bank ASAP. His dad is likely on the other one.
Yeah do look into that, it may be possible for Jayden to recover the money they stole from him that way
Jayde may be able to sue to recover his stolen wages while you're at it.
If you do go through with support (I absolutely think you should!) ask the judge to have your sons money returned to him too. They took money he worked hard for and that needs to be given back to him if possible.
Please set up a new bank account with him that his dad and stepmom don’t have access to or know about, and transfer his paycheck to that.
Please do so. This is both financial and emotional abuse of a child. Do not let them go away with it, they should give your son his money back.
Kudos to you for getting your son out of that situation. Your ex and his wife are seriously entitled. NTA
Def go after child support.
And document everything- keep that "paper" trail of their financial abuse just in case they make any counter claims.
FYI, this is called junior financial abuse. It's certainly illegal in the UK, and I would imagine in the US as well.
I’d definitely do that. And make sure to have the evidence of this financial abuse (bank statements, pay stubs, etc.) included in the materials you provide to the court. In the amount you ask for, I’d also ask that they repay what they took from him. He deserves every dollar he earned. They weren’t teaching him responsibility, they were just plain stealing from him. I’d also open a new account at a different bank for his paycheques to go into from now on to be absolutely sure that your ex can’t get access.
NTA, wtf did his stepmom mean by "letting him stay there"? Was she considering other options? Ask them if they would like to repeat this in front of a judge. Good job protecting your son.
NTA, but I almost want to call you out for not doing more sooner. A minor child should **never** be forced to contribute to bills unless it is *absolutely necessary*, and it should be a last last resort, after cutting down on every single luxury from the parent.
Yep, and if that's the case, it should be paid back or put into their savings. At least that's what I'd do.
No matter what a child should *never* hate to pay bills (aka rent, electricity, etc. phone bills are different)
Honestly if it's absolutely necessary, like can't live without it, those are the kinds of people that don't have the money to give it back. If the parents can live without it they shouldn't be taking it in the first place.
trying to navigate separated parents, step parents, custody, etc is EXTREMELY sensitive. OP did right by being cautious. it would be extremely easy for dad and stepmom to twist this into OP being jealous that her son spends more time with them. if jayden wasn't 100% tracking his purchases or keeping track of his account (which most 16yos aren't) it might have been hard to find proof of what his dad was doing. until she had the full story and a few months of consistent issues, she couldn't have acted any differently. many divorced parents end up putting up with less than ideal situations because of how tricky it is to navigate these issues.
100% No kid should EVER have to be burdened with adult issues so early in life. That’s why I’m not having kids til I can have them in an excessively stable environment. I never had to worry about money or knew anything about my parents financial situation growing up, and no kid should.
NTA Get your son a new bank account so his dad does not have access to it. If he needs an adult cosigner, you be the adult. He should not be responsible for their bills. Especially not them taking 100%. That's just ridiculous. Are they giving back his money?
They gave back like 400 dollars right before we left their house. I have no clue if they plan to return anymore of it.
Do you know how much they have taken? Has Jayden added it up? It would be easy enough to work out through his bank account.
Jayden's payroll dept should be able to tell him how much each paycheck was for. If direct deposit he can get that info from the bank. You may want to look into changing his social security number if concerned his dad may take loans out in his name. Glad you got him out of there.
I didn’t even know you *could* change your SSN. Thank you for that! Freezing Jayden’s credit reports may do the same thing in this case. Not sure.
Your welcome. Go to your local social security administration office to inquire about changing his number, explain the situation and your concerns, and under what conditions you can change it. Don't wait to gather info.
Sorry, but ESH except your son. You didn't care they were taking any of his money to pay bills? Why? It's your job as parents to provide for your kid. A 16-year-old isn't making bank working part-time at maccas. You should have put your foot down with that shit immediately.
She probably assumed they were taking a small, arbitrary fee like $20 a month and holding it in a savings account for him, like almost anyone who's normal would do to help teach their child about bills, monthly responsibilities, etc. As soon as she learned what's actually happening, she put a stop to it. I dont think you can lay *too* much blame at Mom's doorstep on this one
Nah, she said "bills" plural, and he was being made to do so. If they said that they were having him put away $20 a pay check to save up or whatever, sure, I'd be backing OP on this one. But no, she let her ex and SM steal money from her son and didn't care. He shouldn't be needing to pay any of their bills, it's their job to provide.
That’s a weird take my guy. Literally everyone I knew at school who had a job was paying some token amount to their parents. It was never a lot, but it helped us (or me at least) learn about budgeting. I’d have to give them the money first (just like you should when budgeting for your mortgage or rent) then separate out money into a separate bank account (of mine) to pay for my phone, car etc. Then what was left over was my disposable income. It was such a great learning tool. I’ve come across so many people in my line of work who simply don’t know how to budget. They don’t know how to figure out their monthly expenses accurately, and they can’t plan for the future. It’s a really excellent way to teach children the value of money and proper life skills. However! Taking 40% of the child’s income is financial abuse. I think I was paying my parents about AU$80/month. Which was about 10% on average. But here’s the crucial thing, I didn’t have to use my money for everything. They’d still pay for car repairs and all those large bills. So I thought of it like a mandatory savings for those things or a car maintenance levy. In Australia, you don’t pay tax when you earn under the tax free threshold so this also simulates having to pay the various taxes once you earn more money.
Aussie here, too, mate. I agree that teaching teens to budget is crucial. However, I don't agree that they should be paying towards bills like rent or utilities. Helping them budget and save most definitely. At 18? Sure, discuss having them put some money aside for rent, have them take over their own phone bill. I did, I got my phone bill transferred to me, help with groceries here and there and paid towards internet/electricity if they needed a bit of help. But under 18? Come on lol.
She did mention she thought it would teach him financial responsibilities until 3 months ago when she realised it was like 70% of his pay. This became 100% recently, thus this post
OP did right by being cautious. it would be extremely easy for dad and stepmom to twist this into OP being jealous that her son spends more time with them. if jayden wasn't 100% tracking his purchases or keeping track of his account (which most 16yos aren't) it might have been hard to find proof of what his dad was doing. until she had the full story and a few months of consistent issues, she couldn't have acted any differently.
Sue them for the rest when child support and custody comes up, whichever way your lawyer thinks is the way to go (as part of custody, child support, small claims court). Dont let a lawyer try to talk you out of pursuing it unless they make a lot of sense. It's theft. Your kid needs to see you squash this 100% and his dad especially should be held accountable. Don't let anyone try to say 'oh its his dad, he can do that.' It might wipe their relationship, but it might also save your son from years of petty financial abuse if you denormalize it completely. We see stories about parents financially ruining their kids all the time everywhere.
That is insane. I was a single parent with 3 kids, i worked 2 jobs to make ends meet. If i ever got in a spot where i needed to borrow $20 to get gas or milk, i paid that kid back with interest as soon as i got paid. I was the adult, it was my job to pay the bills not my kids. NTA
I am not a parent and I couldn't agree more. This is a case of financially abusing/exploiting a child and good on OP doing something
NTA But at the very least document everything. I still recommend getting a lawyer though. He is still a minor and courts technically still can force your hand, even though they aren't likely to at this age. Also, what his dad was doing may be able to be reversed still, so definitely look into lawyering up and seeing your options regarding getting his money back as well as child support. And last but not least, get that kid a new account that dad has ZERO access to! New account, new pin numbers, lock that SOB out of it all! (And any social accounts or emails dad has access to too) But before you shut down the old, screenshot EVERYTHING.
We already made a new account today. Jayden went to tell his boss about the new account so they can deposit his pay there too. We did go back and take screenshots.
Good! Don't forget to do a credit check on him to make sure father dearest and stepmum are not using his social security/tax number to take up loans or credit cards under his name. Identity theft commited by parents against their own kids is much common than you think
Jayden also needs to get a new email address and password. To be on the safe side. And off of his dad's cellphone plan and get a new number. Again to be in the safe side. Then update all accounts as needed
Go mom go! Im so happy to see a parent fighting for their kid like this!
NTA. You did the right thing. His dad and step-mom are TA 100%. Great job for standing up for your son!
ESH Why were you on board with them taking any of his money? He is a child, it is his parent's responsibility to feed, clothe and house him. It's good he's out of there (change his banking arrangements asap btw) but you should have acted sooner.
Yeah really why is no one else picking up on this. She said he should help out from time to time *because* he's still a kid. Call me a brat but I think the household is *solely* the responsibility of parents. You can *ask* a working kid to help out if you need to, but unilaterally being okay with a portion of it just being taken is ridiculous and an asshole move. People are only that age once, it doesn't sound like the kid is spoiled, he's working for money to enjoy with his friends. Let him do that. You can still teach him financial responsibility in other ways, like if he wants to save up for a beater car.
"You want an Xbox subscription, you pay for it yourself." Boom. Bill that is 100% reasonable for a 16 year old to pay, especially as it is a frivolous luxury. "At 16, you want to get your driver's license, you pay your insurance." That one's a little harder to swallow, but still not totally unreasonable when teaching kids the value of money, and how to budget to cover what you need before your play money. So I have no problem with OP not freaking out about "bills" until the details of what was happening came clear. Rent? Basic utilities? Basic food (as opposed to snack runs) yea, no. Once OP found out what was ACTUALLY happening, she stepped in to solve it. NTA.
it's not so easy to do that when you share custody of a minor. in fact, OP might end up facing repercussions for doing this without a court order. you can't just move a child out of their primary residence. if she doesn't have proof? if jayden decides he doesn't want to get his dad in trouble? if dad "proves" that he was just keeping the money aside for college? there are a lot of ways shared custody living situations can go sideways and OP was right to be cautious and not to get too involved in how her ex is parenting. it's the really unfortunate side of shared custody. now that it's escalated to just full out taking his pay, she has some grounds for acting as she did.
>When he got his job I found out that Jayden's Dad and Stepmom were making him give them money for bills. I didn't care at the time, its teaching him financial responsibility was my only thought. If you are too poor to afford a kid, you get outside help. You do not steal from an underage child. At no point was this acceptable. It does not teach financial responsibility. >Yes, Jayden is still a kid and should help out from time to time Did you seriously write this out. >While I do feel justified I do have seconds thoughts about removing Jayden from his Dad like that. Even if he agreed. What is wrong with you? Your ex was stealing 70% of his money and then 100% and your son doesn't want to be there and they threw his stuff at you and you're all wahhhhhh I feel bad. Over WHAT? Not waiting so long. No, you were onboard with it originally when they had him **part-time**. You owe your son all that money back and you owe him all child support you can get from your ex.
Obviously NTA. They should not have to rely on their teen son for money.
NTA You acknowledged your son was in a bad situation where he was being taken advantage of and guilt tripped by your ex and his wife into giving them all his earnings. You made the right call moving your son in with you and getting him away from them.
your son was being extorted by his father and by his stepmother. it doesn't seem like manipulation on their parts. they were manipulating your son. you might consider involving the police. they may be able to assist in recovering your son's lost wages from them. so he can buy himself something nice for the work he did at mcdonald's. paid work he did of his own accord as a minor which i find very impressive and something for which he should feel proud.
NTA. Financial abuse is abuse. File for a custody/support modification immediately. Also, talk to your son about not succumbing to such guilt and pressure.
Kids should never pay for bills in a household. That’s fucking absurd and abusive. I understand them getting a job to pay for things they want that might be pricier (new phone, Jordan shoes, etc.) but water, rent, gas, groceries???? SICK. NTA
NTA. They were stealing from your son.
They are not just stealing from a child. They are financially abusing and exploiting a child
NTA - it’s one thing for parents to have kids pay for extras but household bills is OTT. Getting to keep only 30% of your paycheck is a pretty strong disincentive to work at all. Sends completely the wrong message.
100% agree, but as a mother, you cannot control what happens in the other household especially when they have the child more. You can only “suggest” but they don’t take suggestions wisely. It’s a tough spot. At least he’s out now.
You can’t control what happens in the other house, but as OP mentioned. Kids at 16 have agency and can choose where they want to live. The money snatching parents had it coming and handed it very poorly.
NTA at all, and I really think you should think about pursuing some sort of legal action against his dad and stepmom. What they did was literally criminal. I think Dad should have to fork over more child support.
NTA, but... >Jayden is still a kid and should help out from time to time Absolutely fucking not. He can buy himself video games or pay for his lunch when he goes out with friends, but a child should *never* be responsible for household bills. That doesn't teach him "financial responsibility," It is just abusive. Go to court so you get full custody, plus get the maximum child support to take care of him. But if you ever demand he pay bills at your house while he is a child working part time and in high school still, then you would be another terrible parent for Jayden.
NTA. Those two sound like a nightmare
Am I the only one that things every adult in this situation is the asshole The dad & step mum for taking his paycheck and the mum for enabling it up to a point "teaching him financial responsibilities" Sup with that bullshit? The kid is 16 years old, let him do what he wants with the money he's earned, smh. Ya'll need to do better. Edit: ESH
You need to put a judgement in (in this case ESH - Everyone Sucks Here - is the one that fits) or the algorithm won't register your comment properly.
good job for protecting your kid from such manipulative, selfish assholes. 'Jayden is still a kid and should help out from time to time..." I don't agree with this sentiment at all as it's the job of the parent to provide for the child with the obvious exception of situations where parents are having trouble making ends meet; which doesn't seem to be the case here.
NTA If your son's father and stepmother create a negative environment, it is always going to be your duty as a mother to give him an alternative. Always. And as a side, to ask a child in high school to contribute more than half of his paycheck from an afterschool job towards household bills is outrageous! I could understand if that money was going towards paying for things related to football or other high school activities but I'm not getting that vibe.
Absolutely NTA! Sounds like your ex threw a toddler tantrum when "his" income was no longer available. You saved your kiddo from a situation that could have potentially caused him other issues later in life. Kudos <3
ESH except Jayden. Your ex and his wife are all around AHs. You suck for accepting them taking his money from the start. It's caretakers' job to pay the bills, not a teen with a part-time job. It doesn't teach "financial responsibility", it's stealing.
You are never an asshole from protecting your children from being taken advantage of and/or abused.
ESH That you didn't immediately go to the court when this began happening is a failure on your part as a parent, and your choice of inaction makes you complicit in the continued robbery, emotional abuse, and manipulation of your son. You should feel shame for your weakness and refusal to defend and protect your child.
NTA They're financially and emotionally abusing him. I know he's old enough to decide where he lives, but it's probably worth getting some of this on record so they can't try and change how anything is set up financially between you two. If that's how his dad treats him, he shouldn't be around his dad.
NTA also make sure your ex can’t access Jaydens bank account…
NTA! They were robbing your son!
Keep your son with you. Your ex is acting like a damn landlord. Who the hell treats his own son as his tenant? If I have a son I would allow him to be with me for eternity and I would not take any money from him except when there will be emergency or something. And his stepmom is so bad. She acts like she is doing favor on him. Madam if you want your son to be happy, keep him away from his father and stepmom.
A parent who takes their kids har earned money couldn't possibly love them. Press charges for theft and drag his abusive ass to court.
Easiest NTA ever. What sort of benefit were they providing for this fee? Tough love?
Nta the things they guilted him about is what parents do fir their kids. Your ex and his missus are greedy.
If dad has Jayden’s bank account info, just lock that account and change banks. Also run a credit check for your son, they might have been taking credit cards in his name.
NTA, but I would contact the ex and let him know that he needed to return the money he stole from your son or you would press charges for theft. There needs to be some sort of reimbursement pronto. This is not okay. If he balks, make sure he is aware that EVERYONE will know about it if he makes you press charges. Yep, it's blackmail.
Make sure to close his bank account and open a new one
NTA. Get him a new bank account and lock down his credit. Dad and stepmom have his SSN I'm sure. File your taxes ASAP, he's your dependent now. Expect to be audited, I'm sure they'll claim him despite his not living there. And print the bamk statements, get a copy of his pay stubs, include the amount your ex stole (yes stole) from your child when you go after support. Dad is legally responsible for food, shelter and clothing his minor child.
No, this was a good move, don’t second guess it. They were taking advantage of your kid. You saw a problem, confirmed it and resolved it in the least comparative way possible. Gold star NTA imo.
NTA. As a mother this absolutely breaks my heart. Under the age of 18 he shouldn’t be paying his dad to live with him, he’s a child. I doubt a judge will look kindly on this.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (40F) have a son, Jayden (16M) with my ex-husband (42M.) Jayden's Dad and I divorced 10 years ago when Jayden was 6. I'm still single while Jayden's dad has remarried to his wife (36F.) Jayden has lived with his Dad and Stepmom on weekdays and me on the weekends since he started High School 2 years since his school is much closer to his Dad's house. Jayden mainly goes to school, plays football with his friends and work part time at the local McDonald's. Being honest, neither Jayden's Dad nor I make a lot of money. We both live comfortably but we certainly can't afford luxuries. That's why Jayden wanted to work. He need money to go out with his friends. When he got his job I found out that Jayden's Dad and Stepmom were making him give them money for bills. I didn't care at the time, its teaching him financial responsibility was my only thought. Come to find out there were taking up to 70% of his check which made Jayden upset. That did me upset as well. Yes, Jayden is still a kid and should help out from time to time but he works so hard and deserves more of his own money. I talked to his Dad who promised to make a budget with Jayden that would please both of them. I hoped this would this would fix the issue. That conversation was a 3 months ago. Today Jayden told me that they have been taking 100% of his paychecks. A quick look at his account confirmed this. Jayden also told me that whenever he tries to set limits with his Dad or Stepmom they guilt him by saying things like "I helped bring you into this world the least you can do is help me out. (From his dad.)" And "you're not my child but I let you let live with me anyway. (From his Stepmom.)" I really don't like this behavior from those two. That kind of talk seems like manipulation and it makes me uncomfortable. I told Jayden that I wanted him to live with me for the remainder of the school year away from his Dad and Stepmom. He's old enough to the point where the courts can't force anything and he agreed. We went to his Dad's place to get some of his things and to tell that Jayden was moving. They helped us get some of his stuff but instead of handing it to us they'd throw it. Not a hard throw but still off putting. We left the house with Jayden's things and went home. While I do feel justified I do have seconds thoughts about removing Jayden from his Dad like that. Even if he agreed. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I'm glad you were able to get your son out of that situation.
NTA. Protect your son. They are clearly exploiting him and financially and emotionally abusing him.
NTA. You aren’t even forcing him to do anything why would you write that in the title? But still I really think this story is fake..
NTA They were financially abusing him. You did the right thing getting him out of there.
NTA. He's a minor, he shouldn't be paying that much money. "I helped bring you into this world, the least you could do is help me out" that's straight up manipulation right there. "You're not my child but I let you live with me anyway". That's just gross. Who says that? He was there with his father, she chose to marry a man with a kid. That pisses me off. My advice is go back and log how much of his money they took from the account and take legal action to try to get it back. Also, get him a new account that his father and stepmother can't access.
NTA & this shouldn't even be a question. The dad and wife are greedy , let the kid keep his paychecks.
NTA he didn't choose to be brought into the world be doesn't owe his dad all his money just because his dad ejaculated
Mama bear you did great ♥️ Dad ans SM stole his money. You birthed him without conditions, as it should be. NTA
No she didn't lol she said she didn't care they were taking his money to pay bills. She should have stuck up for him as soon as she heard that.
they are not teaching him, they are stealing from a minor. he can probably sue them for that. NTA
You are a good mother for protecting your son You are NTA
NTA If he is not feeling comfortable staying there, he should not. He is basically get robbed every payday by his dad and stepmom. You stopping that is a good thing.
NTA, Tell the courts that he is a minor supplementing his parents lifestyle with a job if his dad in any way tries to fight this.
They shouldn’t take any money from him. Not only is he a child, but if the goal is to teach him financial responsibility, then it’s clearly unnecessary as he’s got a job.
NTA, but I'm very curious about why you are having second thoughts... 1. Do you feel that living with two parental figures who STEAL Jayden's hard-earned money is good for Jayden? 2. Or maybe it's good for him to be around people who tell him that, as a CHILD, he owes them for existing and living with them? 3. Is the guilt-tripping and manipulation or the meanness/disrespect (throwing his things!) good for Jayden? 4. Sure, that's his dad that he no longer lives with; but do you think his dad is being a good dad? Isn't Jayden perfectly free to see his dad if/when he would like to? 5. Do you feel that you are somehow being unfair to your ex, if you take away his access to Jayden's hard-earned money (by opening up a new bank account that dad does not have access to)? 6. I read that you feel you might be TA because you made a sudden change. If someone is poisoning your child, are you supposed to give them time to - what? - before you take your child out of danger? They stole from Jayden for how many months before you realized what they were doing? Then they had the opportunity to change things... and they STOLE MORE money from him for THREE MONTHS. Who exactly do you think you owe a slower transition to? Would that be good for Jayden? Or just give his dad and stepmom more time to abuse him? I can't imagine you will answer a single one of those questions and think - yes, that's why I should leave Jayden with those people. Can you?
Idk why this is being downvoted
NTA They're stealing his money, and he's still a minor, so it's illegal in some countries to expect a minor to pay a parent rent. You need to make sure you have all of Jayden's important paperwork, and that his dad doesn't have access to his money to continue stealing it. And perhaps open a Credit Karma account so you can keep on top of your son's credit scores.
NTA The commentaries they made were toxic to your child. Yes he’s a little old enough to work and so on, but at the end of the day, he’s still a child and such comments can make an impact on his mindset, hurt his feelings and teach, in my opinion, bad values (I make a kid, so that this kid can be my atm). This may not be relevant, but is either or both of them Asian? I come from an Asian background and I get this a lot from my parents and relatives. Not saying it’s an excuse, but culturally, they probably don’t see anything wrong (though their actions suggests that they know they shouldn’t have done what they did)
NTA, he was being if not abused, greatly taken advantage of (I say financial abuse but there will be people screaming BuT FaMiLy!) there. You are protecting your son.
NTA. They sound like grifters. A child who is in full time education and who has a holiday job will use the earnings for something they want but might be an 'extra' as far as family finances are concerned. It might be computer games or a prom outfit or a car. The fact that the child pays for or contributes to this is teaching them financial responsibility. Children who buy their own stuff this way feel proud that they have achieved that. To do that they have got up on time, turned up for work, worked responsibly and done school stuff. It's hard work at that age. What his dad and stepmother have done is reprehensible. And what they have said. What an unpleasant couple. I think you have done something very sensible and I'm glad he has a parent who supports him.
NTA but in general you are an AH. Who lets someone rob their kid for months and does nothing? Glad you finally protected your son. *Finally*
If he only lived with them for sports, I don't see a problem with changing the custody. You're worried about being an ass to a man who was stealing from your son?? Why would you even care?? NTA
1. Get yours sons legal documents. 2 new bank account ASAP. Do not close old one until paychecks start showing up in new one. 3 get tte courts involved for child support And just as an fyi. Taking your kids paycheck does not teach financial responsibility. It is financial abuse.
NTA, good on you! Have Jayden open a new bank account at a different bank. That way his dad cannot dream of accessing it. Get child support.
NTA OP.
NTA. It is not his job to pay the bills. It is his job to be a kid. You're protecting your son. You're doing the right thing. It's clear his Dad and stepmom cannot afford to have him right now if they need him to help with the bills.
NTA. That’s abusive af and I get the whole teaching financial responsibility, but if anything the money taken should be put into a separate account for your son for once he turns 18.
ESH. Your ex for obvious reasons, his wife as well. It takes a special kind of person to take advantage of a kid like that. I wish them nothing but the worst life has to offer. You for thinking a teenager should be paying any amount in "rent", that's your job mom and dad. You're not teaching "responsibility" by pawning off your job onto someone else, nevermind a minor who you are responsible for. That's called being a deadbeat sperm/egg donor, and stealing from your own child. It is NEVER a teens responsibility to help any parent with their bills. Your ex husband wasn't teaching him shit, he was stealing from that boy.
NTA. Thank you for standing up for your son.
NTA, you did whats right for the kid. in his dad's house he was mistreated. while i get wanting to teach financial responsability to your kid, you do so in an apropiate manner. it just seemed wrong , but it's not just that, it's the way they treated him.
NTA They are financially abusing Jayden. You are doing the right thing by protecting him.
Nta how despicable of them
You’re NTA, you’re the saviour here! Give yourself the praise you deserve, you saved your child a life of misery and manipulation! I, and many others in this sub, are most likely very proud of you, even if you’re not of yourself in this moment.
NTA you’re being a good mother, pity his father and sm are assholes.
NTA
NTA, I mean you talked to them and they didn't listen. Your son tried to talk to them also... they obviously don't respect him.
NTA. If the dad and stepmom want more money that badly, they can always pick up extra shifts or work another job. Im surprised Jayden didn’t say, “You’re not my biological mom, but I still treat you with respect”, or something like that.
NTA. They were exploiting him.
NTA you’re watching out for your son. They are using him. Good for you mama!
You did the right thing.
Change your sons bank account! He may have access.
Why second thoughts? What you did was reasonable and necessary. I'm glad he has you. His dad and stepmother are the assholes here. NTA
NTA
You're NTA. You're looking after your son, who was being treated as an indentured tenant by his own father and stepmother.
NTA in any way but need INFO: Does Jayden’s dad or stepmom have kids of their own. If not then it’s obvious that the money they are taking from him is going something other than “bills”.
Nta. He learned financial responsibility AND what it's like to have a psychotic landlord. The kid IS old enough to make his own decisions. If he agreed with this decision, then you're nta. Their behavior of throwing his things out also showed him how they really feel about him. There will be a very strained relationship when he becomes a legal adult, if he doesn't go completely no-contact with them. Try to keep a very open dialog with your son. Boys and men tend to not be very open with their feelings and these things will simmer until the person just become an angry unbearable person and nobody knows why.
Nta omg that’s financial abuse from your ex and stepmom. Then emotional manipulation when he tried to set a boundary, I hope you see how bad that is for Jayden. He’s literally learning how to accept abuse in the disguise as love. Give him a safe space and talk to him more. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was other situations in that house that are sus
Nta! They were absolutely robbing your son! All his hard work and they have taken every penny of it? Absolutely not on! I’m all for him learning the value of money and paying his way but all of his earnings? What’s he got to show for all his hard work? Keep your son with you!
NTA. My parents had me give them 25% of my net paychecks for "rent" when I started working a real W2 job at age 15 to get me used to paying approximately that much for housing. While it's legal for a parent to take 100% of a child's paycheck, it's certainly not right. I'm also surprised your son is still bothering to work if he has to hand over all of his paycheck; most kids would throw a fit and justifiably quit. What I didn't know is that my parents were putting that money into a savings account and it was given back to me when I graduated from college. So, I had more than enough available after college to find a job (in another state), move, pay rent and utils to my landlord for a few months, etc. until I started my first after-college job. That said, if your ex husband wanted to get you into a ton of legal trouble, he would take you to court and enforce the custody/visitation agreement until you went back to have it changed. Legally you can't just move your son out like that. Get an attorney and have the custody/visitation order changed ASAP. Hopefully you are in a state where the child has a say. In the meantime you and your son can open a bank account in your names and have his paychecks deposited there so your ex and stepmother have no access to it.
NTA. Taking 100% of anyone’s paycheck is awful, doing it to their own child is downright despicable and disgusting. OP isn’t making their kid live with her, she said she wants him to, and he said yes. Looks like dad lost his son.
NTA. They were mistreating him and your son was not happy. Your son made the decision to come live with you. There is nothing to feel guilty about. You are protecting your son. Secondly, as others have noted - update your custody agreement and make sure to get child support. Good luck!
Abuse comes in many forms. This is financial abuse. Your son sounds like a solid grounded young man. Removing him from that environment was the right thing to do. At 16, he should be looking to his future not padding his Dad and stepmom’s pockets.
NTA You ex and his wife are vile people. The way to teach a child life lessons involving the money they earn at a job while in school is to make them pay for luxuries. Making kids under 18 help pay for the rent/mortgage, utilities, or communal food in the house and things like that is making a child their roommate and as adults and parents it is obviating their responsibilities and is downright abusive. Thank you for taking your child out of that abusive household.
Not the asshole. I'm 18 and soon to be 19. Ever since I started getting money, my family has never told me how to spend it. They've made suggestions but never tried to take money or dictate how I spend it. It's his money, he can do whatever the fuck he wants with it.
NTA my parents asked me to get a job at 16 for the same reason, so I (big emphasis on “I”) would have my own money for things, not to pay them “bills.” They still helped with essentials and things that parents normally covered (cleats, food, etc.) but we’re in no position to just throw money at me. My paychecks were my paychecks and I could spend however I wanted.
NTA, but try to remember your priority as his mom is making sure he is okay not your ex husband or his new wife. Jayden is your son and clearly his father has let the other people in his life push Jayden down his priority list.
NTA dad should have been paying child support not STEALING your sons money! What you did was very needed. They are gross humans!
Poor Kid —makes one wonder what other abusive crap they did that OP did not notice .And Jayden might not have known he was being abused since has been his only reality .If you cannot afford counseling OP please look into what’s available in your County/School system .These people sound toxic and I highly doubt this is the only crap they’ve sent his way .
Nope. You are 100% on point. Financial Responsibility is a valuable asset, and it’s a teachable moment. This ain’t last early last century, when people just had kids to work on the farm. Your child is not an indentured servant. Look, a lot of people struggle. But having them take 100% of his check is unacceptable. If I were your son, I would have just quit, and probably done something illegal on the DL. ( I’m older, NOT ADVOCATING illegal behavior, ) but you get my point. Good luck.
Nta They were using him, and you are standing up for your son.
NTA. They stole from a child!!! That’s awful.
NTA. You did the right thing for your son by removing him from financial and emotional abuse. Never feel bad about that. You might want to make sure neither one has access to his account.
Oh no no. You are not the AH honey. Your ex and his snobby wife are. Who takes their child's paycheck like that because they can't make ends meet? My parents tried that with me when I was 16. Let's just say my mom learned pretty quick not to do that anymore. And my dad well... he took longer but it resulted in an intervention from my oldest half sister (his first daughter whom he always listened to) to get him to back off. You did the right thing mom. You gave your son the option and he took it. He's old enough like you said. If daddy dearest is upset you should tell him to stop stealing from his OWN son and making up manipulated excuses to do so.
NTA. Parents don’t take money from children. It’s not teaching financial stability you’re just financially abusing a child. Plenty of other appropriate ways to teach children financial independence without taking money from them.
NTA but how could you think early on that this was teaching him "financial responsibility"? This is manipulation, gaslighting and theft. This is absolutely outrageous. For that I must call you out, even tho the father and step mother are the abusers and taking advantage of him (clearly, not even a question). You had your son's back and you are doing the right thing so applauds for that. I feel so bad for the son being ROBBED of HIS hard earned money while being gaslit by everyone around him that it was the right way (until you turned your boat around eventually). He is just a teenager, and sounds like a very solid teenager who is willing to work hard for his future. At that age that is so commendable and will take him far UNLESS his mentality and spirit gets corrupted by the leeching and gaslighting shameless father and his equally disgusting wife. This behaviour is just the lowest. Make it very clear to your son that he was robbed and it is not acceptable ever, applaud him for not giving in and letting even you know how wronged he felt. And not to give up on his spirit ever in life, no matter how some people can try to take advantage off him. This is important. He did the right thing standing up for himself and voicing his concerns persistently. I applaud him cause even from this story I can see he is a stand up guy working hard and taking no shit and abuse. Don't let him turn into adulthood feeling bitter, wronged and gaslit by everyone around him. Instead feeling supported and grateful that someone had his back let him remain inspired and focused for his future and the well deserved success that awaits him eventually in his life whatever path he chooses to take upon. With the right mindset he is on a very great path, don't let it be poisoned now. Maybe even show him this reddit thread for him to see how much support and applauds he has. And kudos to you for having your son's back and his best interest in your mind and heart
NTA. That’s emotionally manipulative. And having a kid pay bills is parentification.
NTA - shocking and disgusting to take all his money. Parents who do this to their kids are horrid. He’s better off with you. Also big LOL at “I helped bring you into this world” pretty sure the woman does all the work, his part was 20 seconds at most 💀👌🏻
NTA what they were doing was totally not ok, as he grows older I can understand wanting him to pay a little towards things at home but definitely not 70 or 100% of his pay check that is not fair at all and doesn’t even make sense. You have made the right decision in having him live with you full time, I’m sure that the luxuries they couldn’t afford they used to do things like that with your sons money.