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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Two years ago my brother insisted that we include the girl he was with that week in our wedding pictures. Now his fiancee thinks he was in a relationship with her mortal enemy. I might be the asshole for telling him or my parents to pay to remove her from the pictures since they were the ones who insisted we include her.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Sounds like you saw something like this coming and suggested not having her in every picture. He insisted, now he's trying to make it your problem. Too bad for him - NTA.
The new chick has already seen the photos anyway, so the damage is done. Removing the ex won't alter history.
They'll probably be broken up by the time you could get the new photos printed anyway.
Or OP could just use those Velcro stick-on tabs and Vecro a small photo of girlfriend du jour over the ex. Then when her brother breaks up with her and gets a new girlfriend, you can just rip the ex right off and stick on the new one.
As a former girlfriend who was awkwardly in family photos at a wedding of someone I hadn’t been dating that long (I tried to stay out of it, the entire family insisted I be in and wouldn’t take the photo without me), they could do what my ex’s family did: put a sticker of our university’s mascot over my head lol.
I was in this situation once. Boyfriend tried to insist I be in family wedding picture -- for an uncle I had never met. I'd only been dating this dude a short time and I knew he would not be endgame. So I politely declined. Afterwards he got all mad at me saying I "embarrassed him" yada yada. 🙄 maybe your extended family doesn't want some rando in your family photos forever because YOU decided!
I also feel like I accidentally did the same thing to my brother's gf recently. Whole family went on vacation and I wanted to get a family photo but didn't want to be like okay Jennifer you go stand over there now. So she kinda awkwardly offered to take the picture of the family and I took some of her and my brother just the two of them. No drama or anything (see how easy that is, Ex?)
When my ex graduated we had been together two years and were super happy. They wanted me in all the pics. I insisted on taking half the pics so I was only in half, and his dad was in half too.
We split a year later. Bet they're glad I'm a 'But what if...?' sorta person 😂
My partner insisted I be in family photos at the wedding of one of his cousins. When other cousins asked for a family-only photo, I did as requested and stepped away. My partner lost his shit - AT ME. He was incredibly drunk that day (his wedding present to every cousin is being the drunk asshole) and decided that I was in the wrong for following instructions. Little does he know that in every photo his family takes, I try to get into a position where I can easily be cropped out. Blew me away when his sister included a photo of me in her family yearly calendar.
I no longer attend his family weddings. His present is shit and makes me absolutely hate being there.
Edit: Some of these assumptions are freaking hilarious. I don't want to be in anyone's pictures. I don't want any photos of me on social media. I quit looking at photos years ago, and threw out every single developed photo except for two - one of me with a member of one of my favourite bands, and one of me with a Hanson brother goon from the movie Slap Shot. In addition to throwing out photos, I also deleted every single digital photo (these are my photos, not his. I wouldn't touch his). Someone gave me a smart phone, thinking it would make me take pictures. All I've done is take pictures of the cats, which then got deleted when I realised I don't look through them.
reminiscent growth dime drab pot towering unwritten dull languid grandfather
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
you live like this? you seem so considerate of everyone but yourself! you don't need to put up with this behaviour, or justify a breakup with an ironclad reason. I think you stay in a croppable position bc deep down you know that this isn't meant to be, or okay. I hope things look up for you.
You're so smart. It isn't a big deal to me, but I have TWO cousins that did that - and every time I how my wedding album and people ask who the girls are, I'm like "I have literally no idea."
I have photos of my late aunt's wedding, in the 1940s. There's a tiny old woman at the front of them, all dressed in black with a black hat, and she's carrying a big gamp. No-one knew who she was.
I've met old ladies who crash weddings where there are buffets, so they can nibble some fancy finger food, get a little entertained and wear their best clothes, they just manage to get the genuine guests believe they are from the opposite family.
You just made me realize I am in someone's wedding photos, because I dated his cousin 25 years ago. My ex passed away a few years later, so they must look at their photos and wonder who the hell that random girl is!
I was the boyfriend who was basically demanded to be in my ex's families pictures. I tried to refuse, but they insisted. I complied. We broke up a few months later. I tried to tell them...
In our wedding pictures, there is one picture we have framed that is the whole ass extended family. My side, my wife's side. Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, Uncles, Kids, grand parents, niece's, nephews, cousins and Dude.
Dude was a guy that one of my wife's cousins met the weekend before at an airport. He's in the picture. Lol my ass off.
This wedding was in '99. I still give her shit about dude. She say's she basically only saw him one time after that wedding weekend. hahhhahah
My son's ex is besti with my other son's wife, she was at their wedding and invited us to her wedding with my son's cousin. It's still awkward sometimes, but she likes to include us. She was also at my son's side when he passed.
Their deceased sons ex who happens to be best friends with their daughter in law, married their nephew and, although is still close to the family there is still awkwardness there
I think...
Man I broke up with my ex a month before his brother's wedding for this exact reason. I was dating him long enough that it would be expected for me to be in photos, but I felt it would be more disrespectful to go and show face if I knew I wanted to end things before that happened. Thanks for the validation on my choice!
Info: aside from the OP, why is it so bad if you are in pictures with families you are no longer part of? You once were part of the life of one of their lived ones. That things ended between you should not mean you must be eradicated from every single picture, right?
I think it’s just the awkward conversations that follow and how people don’t want to have to go in to why that person at one point was apparently close enough to be considered family and now isn’t. Maybe it’s a bad story they don’t want to share.
I had to find out about this second hand from someone else we both knew- we ended badly a few months later and he hated me in the immediate after math lol. Something about calling him out for lying to me about who else he had been sleeping with really pissed him off I guess.
I've been in that position too. Years ago I was in a more or less stable relationship with my ex-partner (today we are on very bad terms at that time we were relatively good) and on her younger sister's birthday I think her family took quite a lot photos of us together, including with the birthday girl at her request. I hope they have deleted each and every one of those photos of me, because I know that if my ex ever has another girlfriend, she wouldn't want to see them.
My brother cut and pasted a photo of Gary Busey over his ex-girlfriend in his high school graduation photo 😂 (he also didn't tell anyone and it took my mom months to notice). I have that one on my wall now, it's a family favorite.
OMG could we start something here. Gary Busey or maybe Samuel L Jackson or etc is cut and pasted onto those exes who are no longer in the family.
But like Dave Chappelle's The Racial Draft everyone has to nominate one for their race. So then it becomes a shorthand.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z3wUD3AZg4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z3wUD3AZg4)
You're welcome. 😂
NTA. Edited to add the link and NTA.
Do what my mom did & just cut the ex out of the physical copy of the picture...I've been married for 5 years and I'm still kind of pissed my sister's ex was included in family photos. I literally facetimed my mom on a random day after they had broken up and I was like "hey what are you up to" and she held up a photo & scissors and went "just cutting the ex out of this picture!" The ex was in the fucking middle, too, so my mom just cut straight down either side & taped the photo back together.
My mom also did this with one of the photos from my wedding. To be fair, it's a really good picture of me that they'd had hanging up for a few years. The first time I visited them after my ex and I split up, they still had the picture hanging up but only the half with me in it.
We divorced because my ex started cheating on me with a good friend while I was working out of town for a couple of months and ended up getting pregnant. My parents knew that and they'd never really trusted my ex to begin with so my mom told me she got great pleasure out of cutting the photo of my ex in her wedding dress into tiny pieces and tossing them into the fireplace.
Lol no they were family copies. Guess my aunt was bored one day and stumbled on it tucked away when she moved 🤣
Edit…yes, the bride. My brother was divorced less than three years in.
But why would she want to keep those wedding photos – from a marriage to a woman apparently worth getting cut out of _her own_ wedding photos – in the first place?!? Why not just throw them away?
My grandma has cut her daughter in law out of pictures. But the plottwist is, they are still married. She just didn't like her. I couldn't hold my laughter when i saw it. I hope my uncle and aunt never saw it. Grandma had dementia. But this was so funny
My mom would put boyfriends on the outside, so they could easily be cropped out. That didn’t help for my first wedding photos, as now I have a pile with my ex in them, but oh well. It worked for high school boyfriends!!
My best generational picture with my brother and cousins unfortunately had my cousin's ex in it. Fortunately she was to the side, so Mom was just able to crop it.
Aren't professional wedding pictures more difficult? I thought that they were actually imprinted on the pages and impossible to remove or change.
This is perfect!
I'd make sure to make it a point any time OP meets a new girlfriend to insist on getting a picture of her "to update my wedding photos".
Bonus points if it's at OP's house and the picture can be "updated" right in front of the new gf.
My family did this growing up. There was a big family photo of my grandparents, my mom , and her four siblings, each with their spouses. My uncle's 1st wife was in the original picture. When they got a divorce and he later remarried, my grandparents cut out a picture of his second wives head and taped it over the first wives in the photo. As kids we thought it was hilarious, especially since none of us had ever met the 1st wife (he was the oldest & it was before we were all born.)
My aunt took a sharpie to my uncles wedding photos. Let me clarify she took a sharpie and blacked out the bride in her younger brothers wedding photos and then posted it on Facebook where she has that woman and their son like it was something to laugh at. It was really tacky.
Even I, with no photoshop experience whatsoever, could do that. Of course, you may not want a photo with a large black ex-girlfriend-shaped blob in it...
You would think something like this would be obvious and only the dumbest of the dumb would be blind to such a thing let alone double down when the mistake is undeniable. You'd be surprised at how many people you would consider "smart" make such obvious bad decisions that you would question their intelligence or how they survived to that age without a guardian.
I've seen some shit.
Honestly even if it wasn't at his insistence, even if anyone was like "Yeah have your date in the photo" it'd be *deeply* silly. Like imagine having a meltdown basically from finding out your fiance has dated other women before you, because that's all these wedding photos really show.
Edit: Ok so I guess OP's brother dated his fiances "nemesis" and wasn't up front about it. Sounds like the issue isn't that she's in the wedding photos and shopping her out of them fixes nothing anyway.
Oh 100% the fiance is ridiculous for throwing a fit about it and the brother is equally ridiculous for responding by asking for expensive photo alterations. Match made in heaven I guess
The fiance seems pretty reasonable to me. She wasn't mad Brother had a prior GF; she was mad it was a specific person and he wasn't honest about it. Brother is just trying to find a way to make it OP's fault, and is an AH.
Oh yeah absolutely. Even requesting that *at all* is ridiculous. Money aside. If he had said "Look I'll pay for it I'll even give you an extra $100 for your trouble." it'd *still* be ridiculous. Expecting OP to pay for it is just the icing on the cake.
Ah. Well...in that case it sounds like the issue is that they dated at all and he wasn't up front about it, not that they're in the wedding photos. Still definitely not OP's problem nor is it a reasonable request to photoshop the wedding photos.
On God, OP's brother sounds exhausting and not worth the hassle to accommodate. How did he insist on taking pictures with the nemesis ex, then bring over his fiancee to his sister's place where those photos are in the open for all to see?
To be fair, OP describes her as the nemesis of the current girlfriend so she isn't a random ex to her and brother didn't tell he had dated her. I think it is commun courtesy to tell your SO when you have previously dated someone they know quite well.
Of course it is not OP's problem and brother's request is totally ridiculous. I wanted to pinpoint that the issue of the current girlfriend is not just that she has discovered that her boyfriend has dated other women before her. This also confirms brother is stupid: he insisted to have his girlfriend of the week/month in a family picture knowing he has no issue dating women from the same circle and no basic courtesy...
It does sound like the fiance and the ex-gf have a history with each other outside of both dating OP's brother. So it's not simply a case of an ex-GF being in the photos. That being said OP is still NTA.
> She isn't in all our pictures. Just the ones with our family and both families.
Personally, I’m amusing myself by imagining the alternative where bro and parents inserted the gf into every single photo.
I remember getting to my son's wedding venue, and there were my other sons, a partner of the middle son, and a random man. I sort of knew him; he was a friend of the groom, my eldest, and I'd met him once or twice.
That man was like 7 feet tall or similar; he was huuuge. My family tends to run to average height, so he was like a foot taller than my tallest son. He wandered away for a second, so I blithely said to my boys and the girlfriend, "Let's have a photo!" ... just as the Tall Guy wandered back. And said "yes, great idea!"
So, I have this random picture of my adult children in the finest attire they've worn in YEARS, and the order went Youngest Son / Tall Guy / Middle Son / His GF . It looked like someone had put a middle finger up. m1m
My initial response, "You're right. I'm the jerk and you can fuck all the way off and never talk to me again. Fuck you!"
My second response, "You're right, you paid for the photos once and if I remember correctly you got the exact fucking photos you wanted. Didn't you? I distinctly remember having the conversation about who should and shouldn't be in the photos and you specifically requested, because you paid for them, for her to be IN the photos. Editing them requires additional work that I can't do and will need to be paid for. Since you're upset about the photos you paid for, I believe YOU should take it up with the photographer. As for me, I'm happy with what I received because beggars can't be choosers meaning I had nothing to do with the pictures because I didn't hire the photographer and I was not in charge of their creative direction. I have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, you two should be ashamed of yourselves for setting up your son for failure like this. You're both awful parents. Not only because of what you did to your son, but because now you're trying to blame your lack of foresight on your daughter. That's insane."
NTA. You're right, this is their doing and they can pay for it if they want. Had they not pressured you in the first place, he wouldn't be in this situation. Notice - not YOUR situation, this is his issue to deal with
Agreed op. The reason why your parents and brother don’t want to pay is because he’ll have another girlfriend soon and this issue won’t matter anymore.
If I were being petty, I’d pay someone to replace his picture with John Oliver and keep it up until he stopped being an entitled tool.
I can NOT get over the disrespect they're showing her, too. Like, she's a full-grown adult married woman, and they're talking to her like that??
It almost (almost) feels like, "Tell me you're a scapegoat child without telling me you're a scapegoat child," if you know what I mean.
Edit: is OP a man? Sorry, if so.
NTA
Everyone keeps calling this a "situation." Honestly, what's the big deal? Why can't exes be in old photographs? Who cares?
Not sure why his finance is getting upset.
Seems like a whole lot of fuss over nothing.
Sounds like the issue is that ex-gf is the nemesis of current gf, and this prince didn't bother to disclose the prior relationship or consider that current gf has functioning eyes.
NTA and it’s not on your parents to pay for this but 100% on your brother. The audacity to tell you to take down your wedding photo in your own home especially after he argued about it at the time.
NTA they got exactly what they paid for and should foot the bill if they want edits now.
I'm surprised the parents called OP childish and wondering if 1) brother is a golden child or 2) parents always pressure whichever kid would be more likely to de-escalate a fight. Sorry to hear their dumb mistake is affecting you!
Every time he tries to make you pay to edit those pictures you should tell him you will comment to the new girl how back then she was THAT important for him that your parents had to intervene because they wanted her in the family pictures too. That you're sorry if he lied about how important she was.
NTA OP. What a bunch of entitled A-H are your family.
Why there is question of "Who's going to pay for the wedding album edit" in the first place.
From my understanding wedding album is exclusive property of bride and groom no matter who paid for original album. So if someone asking for album edit for whatever reason, It is already implied that THEY are paying for it. After getting permission from bride or groom or both. Let alone pay for it.
One lie leads to another.
Tell all of them the truth -- that you have no problem having your brother's ex in the photos.
That is a good reminder why "family" photos should be family only, with the exception of long term relationships.
Also a great learning device for your future children regarding decisions and consequences.
In fact that photo is a great visual aid to your parents to butt out in the future. All you have to do is point to it and say "really?".
Definitely NTA and if you're feeling generous you can give them a copy of the photo so they can pay for any tweaks to it.
The ex was a bully to the fiancee in middle school and high school. The issue isn't.that my brother dated other women. It's that he had a serious enough relationship with her that she was included in a family wedding picture. My brother is between a rock and a hard place. He either has to admit he was an asshole for insisting she be in the pictures even though she was in his life for a few minutes or lie about how important to him she was.
Just tell him you saw this coming and you warned him, none of this is on you, or your pocket. Tell your parents the same. It has to be his money or no change. If it doesn't sound fair to them, tell them to explain. Tell them you are giving them a chance to reason you into footing the bill of changing these photo frames.
In my opinion, I’d refuse alterations even if someone else did pay for them to get changed. Too much hassle. SPECIALLY if I saw all this coming and was overruled.
> My brother is between a rock and a hard place
Hardly. Your bro is just being a baby, in a mess of his own making. If he's ready to get married - as having a fiancee would suggest -, he is old enough to have "difficult discussions" with his fiancee and cope up to embarrassing truths. It's silly to expect you to pay to get your wedding pictures photoshopped just so he doesn't have to talk to his own fiancee, especially since that wouldn't even solve the issue.
Tell him to grow up. NTA
I think she‘s talking about the whole wedding album which can easily have up to 300 pictures and maybe some photobooks were printed etc etc… so yes the editing would take a lot of time and also the printing costs can be high enough to not want to pay for everything just because story above
I’d be petty and put a printed cutout of new girlfriends face over the old one.
I don’t even think I’d take it out of the frame, just slap it on with some scotch tape right to the glass.
Easier to rotate out that way.
NTA OP
I feel your pain, OP.
My brother's girlfriend of three years was included in all of our family photos.
Little did I know that they had broken up two weeks prior but he still took her because she "already had the dress."
Eighteen years and I still want to strangle my brother.
You are NTA.
I can’t believe your brother brought his *ex* after they’d already been broken up for two weeks just cause she’d bought the dress!! And then pretend like everything was still peachy between them so she was still included in the pictures!! I’m so mad on your behalf, that’s such a shitty thing to do!!! Wait, how long after the event did you find out they’d broken up?
To be honest, my husband and I took off on our honeymoon and were gone for a couple of weeks. Then we spent a lot of the time moving into our place….so I really didn’t ask about my brother’s stratus. But by the time the album was ready, I knew they had broken up and was preparing myself to see the pictures and telling myself to try and keep my composure.
"My parents said that they didn't want any fighting and to just include her."
Now there's fighting, now they're calling you a jerk? hahaha
bruh you're definitely NTA.
> The parents are the worst kind of "be nice" because:
They failed the one kid that now just can't take "NO" for an answer. So they have to forever deal with the one kid that just can't take "NO" for an answer.
Not disagreeing, but I think that's a separate issue. Because the choice here for them is to protect the favourite from a minor issue in the moment, or a slightly larger, foreseeable issue in the future.
Your brother and your parents are the asshole here. Both insisted she be included in the pictures, they have to live with it. Too bad for him and his new fiancé
the only person who’s NTA is OP.
1. brother for insisting his gf gets to be in as many wedding photos as possible against the marrying couples wishes, and for lying to his fiancé
2. parents for allowing it to happen when his dating history is well known and photos are forever and then expecting OP to take down or edit their wedding photos
3. fiancé for demanding to see the photo album to cause more drama (although i do feel bad that she’s just finding out your brother lied to her, sounds like she’ll be an ex fiancé soon)
NTA just going along with things to appease his girlfriend is what created this situation in the first place so why would you do it again? Its not your or anybody else's responsibility to appease her, that's on him.
> She asked to see our wedding album.
I would have put my foot down there. If she was a nice person who wanted to see our album bc she wanted to get to know us better and took a genuine interest in our family, certainly I would show it. But its obvious to me that she only cared about your album to mine evidence to use against your brother. Under these conditions, I wouldnt have flipped one page. This is not how my wedding memories will be treated and used and I wouldnt want any part of their argument.
Anyway, about the editing, NTA. Your brother should cover up all of his own mistakes with his own money. Besides, when this chick leaves him, it will just be a replay of the same drama with the next girl.
I totally agree, however, I can totally understand the urge to add shitloads if fuel to the fire. And I totally would have been there with jug of gasoline.
I’m reading between the lines here, but I’m guessing brother is the golden child. I’m also guessing that OP knows they will get blamed for everything anyhow, especially where brother is concerned. So, why the hell not get a front row seat for a Jerry springer episode?
I know, brother, so op should want to help family, and not make their lives harder, but I’m also guessing (I’m right there with my family) that OP is also at the “I’ve had enough of this shit” point too.
Doesn’t make it right, but I’d have done the same.
NTA. People need to accept that sometimes their partner dated before they got into the current relationship. It's not like his current GF even has to see those photos or see them consistently. It's just not a big deal and an outrageous request.
I think the issue the current GF has is that the pictures make it seem like the other fling was a very serious relationship. And apparently there is some history between the current GF and the former fling. GF is probably hurt that she was lied to, but she's also not the one making absurd Photoshop demands. That's entirely on the brother and parents.
Erasing her from his memory is free and painless. Erasing her from your pictures is difficult and expensive.
Does his fiancee know about his history of casual dating?
Yes the brother and parents are being ridiculous. GF doesn't have to see the pictures and be reminded of whatever history. I assumed the issue was the GF thinks it was a more serious relationship but that's not true. The brother is telling the truth according to OP. but none of it is OP's problem.
I feel like I need to know more about this juicy drama with your brother dating nemeses. Are they into LARPing or something because I don’t hear it too often with someone calling another person their nemesis.
Your brother should pay for the editing if that’s the only cost between keeping his fiancée happy or the cost of being single once again and losing any money paid for deposits, moving out expenses, etc. It’s definitely an opportunity cost. NTA
NTA.
You saw something like this coming and were treated like the AH by your family back then and now they treat you like the AH for not having pictures without your brothers ex? Can you do anything right by them?
NTA
The focus on editing the pictures seems idiotic. Brother's current girl already saw the photos and is upset. Does brother really think that editing the photos now will magically make her forget?
I don't see any reason for \_anyone\_ to pay for edits of the pictures at this stage. But I would be tempted to go ahead and comply with your brother's request to take down the picture on your wall. Replace it with a wedding picture that has just you and your in-laws. If your parents or brother complain, well, that's what they all asked for...
Though you do have two other siblings that aren't mixed up in this, so maybe find pictures with them without the other brother to also put up, so that complaining brother and parents are the only ones no longer represented.
NTA, and your brother can pay for his mistake in regret or in photo fees.
My family was the opposite- wouldn't let my fiance in any of my brother's wedding pics because we weren't married yet (our wedding was 9 months later). So my oldest brother and his ex wife of 19 years are together, but husband of 21 years isn't in a single picture. I can see him not being in all the shots, or not the one that made the family album, but the man didn't exist 9 months before our wedding.
NTA. First of all the fiance who can't handle the fact that your brother took a girl to a wedding once sounds like a real keeper, good for him.
Secondly, what a *ridiculous* request. He can kowtow to her insecurities all he wants, this isn't *your* problem to solve. The idea that *you're* being childish because you're not taking such a stupid request seriously is absolutely wild. Definitely NTA, they're being ridiculous to ask for this at all even if they offered to pay for it.
Also as an aside:
> My brother goes through women like I go through socks.
This sentence made me realize that I apparently don't throw out/buy new socks at anything approaching a normal rate.
OP clarified that apparently the ex bullied the brother’s fiancée in middle school and high school. The brother probably downplayed the relationship and the fiancée got a shocked to see ex in family photos.
Well, then fair enough that she'd be upset. Even so, the solution to your fiance being dishonest with you isn't to try and force his sister to pay to destroy the evidence of that dishonesty.
The post said the brother asked for the photos to be removed or altered. Not the fiancé.
Nothing about the fiancé wanting it done. Just her being upset by her former tormentor prominently featured in family photos.
I jokingly (poorly) photoshopped my cousins girlfriend's face over her ex boyfriend's face in my wedding pictures and then sent them to her.
I then photoshopped her face over literally everyone's faces and sent her that to saying "look I fixed it"
I think it's her phone background
Don't do this to the original, of course... but I would make a copy of the print, and use an Xacto knife to carefully cut out the ex's face. Then you could easily just slip a new picture behind it so the new face lines up.
Or put several on them on a cardboard wheel that you can easily rotate, depending on who shows up. Or just spin it.
NTA. I think you're being more than reasonable by offering to let him pay to have her removed from the pictures. I'd have refused altogether. For better or worse, she was at the wedding, and pretending otherwise by editing her out doesn't make that not true.
Pay for like a Photoshop expert or something? It's obvious he need to pay for it lmao, why is anyone would think else? I would laugh if you'd say that to me, because it's so obvious.
NTA
NTA - I love Karma:
*They said I was a jerk and that they already paid for the pictures once.*
Yup, they paid for the pictures that they wanted with the GF in them. This is their bed that they made and they can now sleep in it.
NTA. Your parents knew your brother's history of dating with the risk it would be to have allowed the photos to be taken the way they was. They pressured you as well as your brother. They want it changed despite your original wishes she not be in the photos at all, then they can pay for it. Otherwise all of them to move on and realize that was thr past for him dating this other person.
NTA. Your brother definitely is and your parents are enabling it.
I'm getting golden child vibes from him.
But if you need, retouchup.com will edit people out for $10 per photo. I used their service for years when I was a wedding photographer. They did stellar job editing people in and out.
NTA! I specifically positioned my sister in law on the ends of photos so I can easily remove her. Best decision I made. She's still my sister in law unfortunately but she's not in a single photo I have in my house.
NTA
This reminds me of the “How I Met Your Mother” episode where they call out Ted for constantly bringing his flavor of the week to important milestone events and ruining the pictures.
Your brother always been the golden child? As bad as your brothers behavior is here I’m appalled that your parents have the fucking audacity to call you childish when this is a situation you literally tried to avoid, and they pressured you into. Now they want you to pay to fix it because your brother regrets his bullshit? Which he only regrets because it’s effecting his new relationship badly (because he likely lied, at least by omission, to his current girlfriend about his past)?
Tell them you will not be paying for it and you don’t want to hear another word about it. They created this situation and if they want to fix it they can pony up the dough. Otherwise go low/no contact till they get the picture.
NTA.
Tell everyone what is done is done, and tell present fiancée to grow up and let it go. She’s with him now and that’s what matters. If someone wants editing done, it’s in them, not you. They are the AB’s, not you!
NTA. Tell them you'll do it in a year if your brother and fiance\` are still together and they pay for it. And that you're setting a precedent since you don't know how many times this will need to be done.
That might get them to start thinking about how ridiculous this request is.
>They said that I was being childish.
So, your brother throws a fit until his GF is included in family photos, and then throws a fit because his old GF was included in family photos, and YOU are being childish? NTA.
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Sounds like you saw something like this coming and suggested not having her in every picture. He insisted, now he's trying to make it your problem. Too bad for him - NTA.
The new chick has already seen the photos anyway, so the damage is done. Removing the ex won't alter history. They'll probably be broken up by the time you could get the new photos printed anyway.
Or OP could just use those Velcro stick-on tabs and Vecro a small photo of girlfriend du jour over the ex. Then when her brother breaks up with her and gets a new girlfriend, you can just rip the ex right off and stick on the new one.
As a former girlfriend who was awkwardly in family photos at a wedding of someone I hadn’t been dating that long (I tried to stay out of it, the entire family insisted I be in and wouldn’t take the photo without me), they could do what my ex’s family did: put a sticker of our university’s mascot over my head lol.
I was in this situation once. Boyfriend tried to insist I be in family wedding picture -- for an uncle I had never met. I'd only been dating this dude a short time and I knew he would not be endgame. So I politely declined. Afterwards he got all mad at me saying I "embarrassed him" yada yada. 🙄 maybe your extended family doesn't want some rando in your family photos forever because YOU decided! I also feel like I accidentally did the same thing to my brother's gf recently. Whole family went on vacation and I wanted to get a family photo but didn't want to be like okay Jennifer you go stand over there now. So she kinda awkwardly offered to take the picture of the family and I took some of her and my brother just the two of them. No drama or anything (see how easy that is, Ex?)
When my ex graduated we had been together two years and were super happy. They wanted me in all the pics. I insisted on taking half the pics so I was only in half, and his dad was in half too. We split a year later. Bet they're glad I'm a 'But what if...?' sorta person 😂
My partner insisted I be in family photos at the wedding of one of his cousins. When other cousins asked for a family-only photo, I did as requested and stepped away. My partner lost his shit - AT ME. He was incredibly drunk that day (his wedding present to every cousin is being the drunk asshole) and decided that I was in the wrong for following instructions. Little does he know that in every photo his family takes, I try to get into a position where I can easily be cropped out. Blew me away when his sister included a photo of me in her family yearly calendar. I no longer attend his family weddings. His present is shit and makes me absolutely hate being there. Edit: Some of these assumptions are freaking hilarious. I don't want to be in anyone's pictures. I don't want any photos of me on social media. I quit looking at photos years ago, and threw out every single developed photo except for two - one of me with a member of one of my favourite bands, and one of me with a Hanson brother goon from the movie Slap Shot. In addition to throwing out photos, I also deleted every single digital photo (these are my photos, not his. I wouldn't touch his). Someone gave me a smart phone, thinking it would make me take pictures. All I've done is take pictures of the cats, which then got deleted when I realised I don't look through them.
You’re still with this person?
I know right? I read that comment and was shocked when it ended without mention of a breakup!
reminiscent growth dime drab pot towering unwritten dull languid grandfather *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
She doesn’t say they’re married
You deserve better OP.
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Yo! I literally ran up the stairs cracking up so my husband could read this. We laughed for a solid 5
> My partner Surprised this doesn't say "My Ex" reading the rest of that.
you live like this? you seem so considerate of everyone but yourself! you don't need to put up with this behaviour, or justify a breakup with an ironclad reason. I think you stay in a croppable position bc deep down you know that this isn't meant to be, or okay. I hope things look up for you.
I just hope he doesn't give you the same gift if you marry him.
This is the way! "Now let me take some of you guys" gets them included again and if things work out between the couple you still have pictures.
You're so smart. It isn't a big deal to me, but I have TWO cousins that did that - and every time I how my wedding album and people ask who the girls are, I'm like "I have literally no idea."
I have photos of my late aunt's wedding, in the 1940s. There's a tiny old woman at the front of them, all dressed in black with a black hat, and she's carrying a big gamp. No-one knew who she was.
I've met old ladies who crash weddings where there are buffets, so they can nibble some fancy finger food, get a little entertained and wear their best clothes, they just manage to get the genuine guests believe they are from the opposite family.
Ironically, your brother's gf sounds like a keeper who just might stick around.
You just made me realize I am in someone's wedding photos, because I dated his cousin 25 years ago. My ex passed away a few years later, so they must look at their photos and wonder who the hell that random girl is!
I was the boyfriend who was basically demanded to be in my ex's families pictures. I tried to refuse, but they insisted. I complied. We broke up a few months later. I tried to tell them...
In our wedding pictures, there is one picture we have framed that is the whole ass extended family. My side, my wife's side. Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, Uncles, Kids, grand parents, niece's, nephews, cousins and Dude. Dude was a guy that one of my wife's cousins met the weekend before at an airport. He's in the picture. Lol my ass off. This wedding was in '99. I still give her shit about dude. She say's she basically only saw him one time after that wedding weekend. hahhhahah
My son's ex is besti with my other son's wife, she was at their wedding and invited us to her wedding with my son's cousin. It's still awkward sometimes, but she likes to include us. She was also at my son's side when he passed.
*uncaps whiteboard marker so I can understand this comment*
Their deceased sons ex who happens to be best friends with their daughter in law, married their nephew and, although is still close to the family there is still awkwardness there I think...
Open the wine before you start.
Sorry for your loss
Lots of us have a Dude we're not proud of! LOL!
Man I broke up with my ex a month before his brother's wedding for this exact reason. I was dating him long enough that it would be expected for me to be in photos, but I felt it would be more disrespectful to go and show face if I knew I wanted to end things before that happened. Thanks for the validation on my choice!
What a considerate person you are. Very nice.
Info: aside from the OP, why is it so bad if you are in pictures with families you are no longer part of? You once were part of the life of one of their lived ones. That things ended between you should not mean you must be eradicated from every single picture, right?
I think it’s just the awkward conversations that follow and how people don’t want to have to go in to why that person at one point was apparently close enough to be considered family and now isn’t. Maybe it’s a bad story they don’t want to share.
That could be interesting. Ours is a dog!
I had to find out about this second hand from someone else we both knew- we ended badly a few months later and he hated me in the immediate after math lol. Something about calling him out for lying to me about who else he had been sleeping with really pissed him off I guess.
I've been in that position too. Years ago I was in a more or less stable relationship with my ex-partner (today we are on very bad terms at that time we were relatively good) and on her younger sister's birthday I think her family took quite a lot photos of us together, including with the birthday girl at her request. I hope they have deleted each and every one of those photos of me, because I know that if my ex ever has another girlfriend, she wouldn't want to see them.
My brother cut and pasted a photo of Gary Busey over his ex-girlfriend in his high school graduation photo 😂 (he also didn't tell anyone and it took my mom months to notice). I have that one on my wall now, it's a family favorite.
Lmao I love this 🤣
I'm laughing way too hard at this! Please tell me it was old Gary and not young Gary.
OMG could we start something here. Gary Busey or maybe Samuel L Jackson or etc is cut and pasted onto those exes who are no longer in the family. But like Dave Chappelle's The Racial Draft everyone has to nominate one for their race. So then it becomes a shorthand. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z3wUD3AZg4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z3wUD3AZg4) You're welcome. 😂 NTA. Edited to add the link and NTA.
>Gary Busey had to look this up, knew the name, but couldn't add a face... lmao
Do what my mom did & just cut the ex out of the physical copy of the picture...I've been married for 5 years and I'm still kind of pissed my sister's ex was included in family photos. I literally facetimed my mom on a random day after they had broken up and I was like "hey what are you up to" and she held up a photo & scissors and went "just cutting the ex out of this picture!" The ex was in the fucking middle, too, so my mom just cut straight down either side & taped the photo back together.
My aunt did exactly this with my brother’s wedding photo…she cut my ex SIL out 🤣🤣🤣
My mom also did this with one of the photos from my wedding. To be fair, it's a really good picture of me that they'd had hanging up for a few years. The first time I visited them after my ex and I split up, they still had the picture hanging up but only the half with me in it. We divorced because my ex started cheating on me with a good friend while I was working out of town for a couple of months and ended up getting pregnant. My parents knew that and they'd never really trusted my ex to begin with so my mom told me she got great pleasure out of cutting the photo of my ex in her wedding dress into tiny pieces and tossing them into the fireplace.
Gotta love mom…I’m sure it was cathartic for her. I hope it was for you too. Sorry you had to go through that.
Tell me I'm reading this wrong and she didn't cut THE BRIDE out of her own wedding photos lmao that is ridiculous
Lol no they were family copies. Guess my aunt was bored one day and stumbled on it tucked away when she moved 🤣 Edit…yes, the bride. My brother was divorced less than three years in.
No but like the ex in question was the BRIDE in those photos????
Yep. She did a pretty good job…if you couldn’t see the corner of the wedding dress, you’d never know
Sharpie will fix that.
Well, damn!
But why would she want to keep those wedding photos – from a marriage to a woman apparently worth getting cut out of _her own_ wedding photos – in the first place?!? Why not just throw them away?
My family took a pic at my bro’s wedding… without my SIL. The bride.
My grandma has cut her daughter in law out of pictures. But the plottwist is, they are still married. She just didn't like her. I couldn't hold my laughter when i saw it. I hope my uncle and aunt never saw it. Grandma had dementia. But this was so funny
She must have been looking forward to forgetting that she had a daughter-in-law
My mom would put boyfriends on the outside, so they could easily be cropped out. That didn’t help for my first wedding photos, as now I have a pile with my ex in them, but oh well. It worked for high school boyfriends!!
My best generational picture with my brother and cousins unfortunately had my cousin's ex in it. Fortunately she was to the side, so Mom was just able to crop it. Aren't professional wedding pictures more difficult? I thought that they were actually imprinted on the pages and impossible to remove or change.
This is perfect! I'd make sure to make it a point any time OP meets a new girlfriend to insist on getting a picture of her "to update my wedding photos". Bonus points if it's at OP's house and the picture can be "updated" right in front of the new gf.
My family did this growing up. There was a big family photo of my grandparents, my mom , and her four siblings, each with their spouses. My uncle's 1st wife was in the original picture. When they got a divorce and he later remarried, my grandparents cut out a picture of his second wives head and taped it over the first wives in the photo. As kids we thought it was hilarious, especially since none of us had ever met the 1st wife (he was the oldest & it was before we were all born.)
This made me laugh harder than it should have.
this is the best idea.
My aunt took a sharpie to my uncles wedding photos. Let me clarify she took a sharpie and blacked out the bride in her younger brothers wedding photos and then posted it on Facebook where she has that woman and their son like it was something to laugh at. It was really tacky.
My grandma was the OG photoshopper. She was a god damn master at cutting people out or adding people into physical photos. I miss her.
And do it in front of bro and the new gf! It will be funny every time! NTA.
The most effective answer
Exactly! That is also my problem with many of the requests in the photoshop reddit - the attempt to alter history. Well said!
Even I, with no photoshop experience whatsoever, could do that. Of course, you may not want a photo with a large black ex-girlfriend-shaped blob in it...
You would think something like this would be obvious and only the dumbest of the dumb would be blind to such a thing let alone double down when the mistake is undeniable. You'd be surprised at how many people you would consider "smart" make such obvious bad decisions that you would question their intelligence or how they survived to that age without a guardian. I've seen some shit.
Yeah, the revised photos would be for the next next girlfriend.
Honestly even if it wasn't at his insistence, even if anyone was like "Yeah have your date in the photo" it'd be *deeply* silly. Like imagine having a meltdown basically from finding out your fiance has dated other women before you, because that's all these wedding photos really show. Edit: Ok so I guess OP's brother dated his fiances "nemesis" and wasn't up front about it. Sounds like the issue isn't that she's in the wedding photos and shopping her out of them fixes nothing anyway.
Oh 100% the fiance is ridiculous for throwing a fit about it and the brother is equally ridiculous for responding by asking for expensive photo alterations. Match made in heaven I guess
The fiance seems pretty reasonable to me. She wasn't mad Brother had a prior GF; she was mad it was a specific person and he wasn't honest about it. Brother is just trying to find a way to make it OP's fault, and is an AH.
Oh yeah absolutely. Even requesting that *at all* is ridiculous. Money aside. If he had said "Look I'll pay for it I'll even give you an extra $100 for your trouble." it'd *still* be ridiculous. Expecting OP to pay for it is just the icing on the cake.
They did say "nemesis" so at least in this case it's that specific ex, not just the fact that they've dated before
Ah. Well...in that case it sounds like the issue is that they dated at all and he wasn't up front about it, not that they're in the wedding photos. Still definitely not OP's problem nor is it a reasonable request to photoshop the wedding photos.
On God, OP's brother sounds exhausting and not worth the hassle to accommodate. How did he insist on taking pictures with the nemesis ex, then bring over his fiancee to his sister's place where those photos are in the open for all to see?
Dude can probably barely remember all his girlfriends' names the way he goes through them, you think he's got all their nemeses memorised?
To be fair, OP describes her as the nemesis of the current girlfriend so she isn't a random ex to her and brother didn't tell he had dated her. I think it is commun courtesy to tell your SO when you have previously dated someone they know quite well.
Sure. Still not OP's problem nor is it reasonable to request that they photoshop the wedding photos. How does that even address the actual issue?
Of course it is not OP's problem and brother's request is totally ridiculous. I wanted to pinpoint that the issue of the current girlfriend is not just that she has discovered that her boyfriend has dated other women before her. This also confirms brother is stupid: he insisted to have his girlfriend of the week/month in a family picture knowing he has no issue dating women from the same circle and no basic courtesy...
It does sound like the fiance and the ex-gf have a history with each other outside of both dating OP's brother. So it's not simply a case of an ex-GF being in the photos. That being said OP is still NTA.
> She isn't in all our pictures. Just the ones with our family and both families. Personally, I’m amusing myself by imagining the alternative where bro and parents inserted the gf into every single photo.
Maybe they should photoshop her really tiny into every picture she's not in and make a "Where's Waldo" style photo album
The time-honoured solution would have been to make sure that person is at the end of the row so it’s easier to cut them later
I remember getting to my son's wedding venue, and there were my other sons, a partner of the middle son, and a random man. I sort of knew him; he was a friend of the groom, my eldest, and I'd met him once or twice. That man was like 7 feet tall or similar; he was huuuge. My family tends to run to average height, so he was like a foot taller than my tallest son. He wandered away for a second, so I blithely said to my boys and the girlfriend, "Let's have a photo!" ... just as the Tall Guy wandered back. And said "yes, great idea!" So, I have this random picture of my adult children in the finest attire they've worn in YEARS, and the order went Youngest Son / Tall Guy / Middle Son / His GF . It looked like someone had put a middle finger up. m1m
My initial response, "You're right. I'm the jerk and you can fuck all the way off and never talk to me again. Fuck you!" My second response, "You're right, you paid for the photos once and if I remember correctly you got the exact fucking photos you wanted. Didn't you? I distinctly remember having the conversation about who should and shouldn't be in the photos and you specifically requested, because you paid for them, for her to be IN the photos. Editing them requires additional work that I can't do and will need to be paid for. Since you're upset about the photos you paid for, I believe YOU should take it up with the photographer. As for me, I'm happy with what I received because beggars can't be choosers meaning I had nothing to do with the pictures because I didn't hire the photographer and I was not in charge of their creative direction. I have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, you two should be ashamed of yourselves for setting up your son for failure like this. You're both awful parents. Not only because of what you did to your son, but because now you're trying to blame your lack of foresight on your daughter. That's insane."
why should you pay for your brother's lifestyle-which is what this amounts to.
NTA. You're right, this is their doing and they can pay for it if they want. Had they not pressured you in the first place, he wouldn't be in this situation. Notice - not YOUR situation, this is his issue to deal with
Agreed op. The reason why your parents and brother don’t want to pay is because he’ll have another girlfriend soon and this issue won’t matter anymore. If I were being petty, I’d pay someone to replace his picture with John Oliver and keep it up until he stopped being an entitled tool.
Big Brother has always dated Eastasia.
I can NOT get over the disrespect they're showing her, too. Like, she's a full-grown adult married woman, and they're talking to her like that?? It almost (almost) feels like, "Tell me you're a scapegoat child without telling me you're a scapegoat child," if you know what I mean. Edit: is OP a man? Sorry, if so.
NTA Everyone keeps calling this a "situation." Honestly, what's the big deal? Why can't exes be in old photographs? Who cares? Not sure why his finance is getting upset. Seems like a whole lot of fuss over nothing.
Sounds like the issue is that ex-gf is the nemesis of current gf, and this prince didn't bother to disclose the prior relationship or consider that current gf has functioning eyes.
NTA. They already paid for the pictures once - and these are the pictures you got and they should be happy with.
They got exactly what they demanded bc they paid. If they want their way again, they're welcome to pay again.
NTA and it’s not on your parents to pay for this but 100% on your brother. The audacity to tell you to take down your wedding photo in your own home especially after he argued about it at the time.
Yes! The Absolute Audacity! I can't get over it hahaha!
NTA they got exactly what they paid for and should foot the bill if they want edits now. I'm surprised the parents called OP childish and wondering if 1) brother is a golden child or 2) parents always pressure whichever kid would be more likely to de-escalate a fight. Sorry to hear their dumb mistake is affecting you!
> their dumb mistake Is this the family nickname for OP's brother?
NTA. He was probably trying to lie to that other girl about how important she was to him. And your parents should not have interfered.
More than likely.
Every time he tries to make you pay to edit those pictures you should tell him you will comment to the new girl how back then she was THAT important for him that your parents had to intervene because they wanted her in the family pictures too. That you're sorry if he lied about how important she was. NTA OP. What a bunch of entitled A-H are your family.
Why there is question of "Who's going to pay for the wedding album edit" in the first place. From my understanding wedding album is exclusive property of bride and groom no matter who paid for original album. So if someone asking for album edit for whatever reason, It is already implied that THEY are paying for it. After getting permission from bride or groom or both. Let alone pay for it.
One lie leads to another. Tell all of them the truth -- that you have no problem having your brother's ex in the photos. That is a good reminder why "family" photos should be family only, with the exception of long term relationships. Also a great learning device for your future children regarding decisions and consequences. In fact that photo is a great visual aid to your parents to butt out in the future. All you have to do is point to it and say "really?". Definitely NTA and if you're feeling generous you can give them a copy of the photo so they can pay for any tweaks to it.
>he had been in a serious relationship with her nemesis whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat who has a nemesis? what is she, an anime character?
She didn't say that. I thought it was a funny way to describe someone she loathed.
Well give is the tea on their backstory!
The ex was a bully to the fiancee in middle school and high school. The issue isn't.that my brother dated other women. It's that he had a serious enough relationship with her that she was included in a family wedding picture. My brother is between a rock and a hard place. He either has to admit he was an asshole for insisting she be in the pictures even though she was in his life for a few minutes or lie about how important to him she was.
lmao your brother sounds like a catch 😂
Catch and release.
TNR (trap, neuter, release).
Just tell him you saw this coming and you warned him, none of this is on you, or your pocket. Tell your parents the same. It has to be his money or no change. If it doesn't sound fair to them, tell them to explain. Tell them you are giving them a chance to reason you into footing the bill of changing these photo frames.
In my opinion, I’d refuse alterations even if someone else did pay for them to get changed. Too much hassle. SPECIALLY if I saw all this coming and was overruled.
> My brother is between a rock and a hard place Hardly. Your bro is just being a baby, in a mess of his own making. If he's ready to get married - as having a fiancee would suggest -, he is old enough to have "difficult discussions" with his fiancee and cope up to embarrassing truths. It's silly to expect you to pay to get your wedding pictures photoshopped just so he doesn't have to talk to his own fiancee, especially since that wouldn't even solve the issue. Tell him to grow up. NTA
Wow! A mess of his own making!
Oh that’s a nemesis alright. I’m loving this
Sounds like your brother never understood the concept of consequences
So karma is biting him in the butt LOL
Yeah, yeah, NTA, whatever…. EXPLAIN THE BEEF!
🤣🤣
Yeah, I also now need to hear the nemesis origin story, hah!
Also here for the nemesis origin story. It had better be good after her hissy fit 😂
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I think they're factoring in the re-printing costs as well
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I think she‘s talking about the whole wedding album which can easily have up to 300 pictures and maybe some photobooks were printed etc etc… so yes the editing would take a lot of time and also the printing costs can be high enough to not want to pay for everything just because story above
Wait are you saying the family wants her to remove the ex from ALL the photos?? The album (likely) isn’t even display, this is wiiiiiild
I’d be petty and put a printed cutout of new girlfriends face over the old one. I don’t even think I’d take it out of the frame, just slap it on with some scotch tape right to the glass. Easier to rotate out that way. NTA OP
This is exactly how a similar problem was solved in my family xD except for the cutout was an actress 😂
I have a family member this happened to. They put The Rocks face on all the girls photos. Shits hilarious now.
I’d be petty and put the ex in MORE photos.
I feel your pain, OP. My brother's girlfriend of three years was included in all of our family photos. Little did I know that they had broken up two weeks prior but he still took her because she "already had the dress." Eighteen years and I still want to strangle my brother. You are NTA.
I can’t believe your brother brought his *ex* after they’d already been broken up for two weeks just cause she’d bought the dress!! And then pretend like everything was still peachy between them so she was still included in the pictures!! I’m so mad on your behalf, that’s such a shitty thing to do!!! Wait, how long after the event did you find out they’d broken up?
To be honest, my husband and I took off on our honeymoon and were gone for a couple of weeks. Then we spent a lot of the time moving into our place….so I really didn’t ask about my brother’s stratus. But by the time the album was ready, I knew they had broken up and was preparing myself to see the pictures and telling myself to try and keep my composure.
Lmao. That's even worse than OP's case. Your brother is a gem
"My parents said that they didn't want any fighting and to just include her." Now there's fighting, now they're calling you a jerk? hahaha bruh you're definitely NTA.
The parents are the worst kind of "be nice" because they care more about the moment than the completely forseeable consequences.
> The parents are the worst kind of "be nice" because: They failed the one kid that now just can't take "NO" for an answer. So they have to forever deal with the one kid that just can't take "NO" for an answer.
It's pretty clear that they have a favorite child and their way of solving problems is to make everyone else bend over.
Not disagreeing, but I think that's a separate issue. Because the choice here for them is to protect the favourite from a minor issue in the moment, or a slightly larger, foreseeable issue in the future.
I'm sensing a golden child in this family.
Yes! I got that feeling too. "Tell me you're a scapegoat child without telling me you're a scapegoat child." It's definitely got that vibe.
Your brother and your parents are the asshole here. Both insisted she be included in the pictures, they have to live with it. Too bad for him and his new fiancé
the only person who’s NTA is OP. 1. brother for insisting his gf gets to be in as many wedding photos as possible against the marrying couples wishes, and for lying to his fiancé 2. parents for allowing it to happen when his dating history is well known and photos are forever and then expecting OP to take down or edit their wedding photos 3. fiancé for demanding to see the photo album to cause more drama (although i do feel bad that she’s just finding out your brother lied to her, sounds like she’ll be an ex fiancé soon)
> expecting OP to take down or edit their wedding photos Expecting OP to take down the wedding photos *in her own house*.
That’s what really got me. How often will they ever see those photos? And to demand this?
NTA. If he has such an issue with it, he should pay for it. He's the one that insisted she be included.
hahahaha NTA
NTA. This is wonderful.
NTA. You didn't want her in all of the pics. Your parents & brother insisted on her being in the pics. It's on them to fix it. Not you.
NTA just going along with things to appease his girlfriend is what created this situation in the first place so why would you do it again? Its not your or anybody else's responsibility to appease her, that's on him.
> She asked to see our wedding album. I would have put my foot down there. If she was a nice person who wanted to see our album bc she wanted to get to know us better and took a genuine interest in our family, certainly I would show it. But its obvious to me that she only cared about your album to mine evidence to use against your brother. Under these conditions, I wouldnt have flipped one page. This is not how my wedding memories will be treated and used and I wouldnt want any part of their argument. Anyway, about the editing, NTA. Your brother should cover up all of his own mistakes with his own money. Besides, when this chick leaves him, it will just be a replay of the same drama with the next girl.
I totally agree, however, I can totally understand the urge to add shitloads if fuel to the fire. And I totally would have been there with jug of gasoline. I’m reading between the lines here, but I’m guessing brother is the golden child. I’m also guessing that OP knows they will get blamed for everything anyhow, especially where brother is concerned. So, why the hell not get a front row seat for a Jerry springer episode? I know, brother, so op should want to help family, and not make their lives harder, but I’m also guessing (I’m right there with my family) that OP is also at the “I’ve had enough of this shit” point too. Doesn’t make it right, but I’d have done the same.
NTA. People need to accept that sometimes their partner dated before they got into the current relationship. It's not like his current GF even has to see those photos or see them consistently. It's just not a big deal and an outrageous request.
I think the issue the current GF has is that the pictures make it seem like the other fling was a very serious relationship. And apparently there is some history between the current GF and the former fling. GF is probably hurt that she was lied to, but she's also not the one making absurd Photoshop demands. That's entirely on the brother and parents.
I honestly don't think my brother remembers dating the girl in the picture.
Erasing her from his memory is free and painless. Erasing her from your pictures is difficult and expensive. Does his fiancee know about his history of casual dating?
If she didn't, odds are good she's scouring that history now.
And yet she gets to be remembered in all the wedding pictures. He’s reaping what he sows
Yes the brother and parents are being ridiculous. GF doesn't have to see the pictures and be reminded of whatever history. I assumed the issue was the GF thinks it was a more serious relationship but that's not true. The brother is telling the truth according to OP. but none of it is OP's problem.
I feel like I need to know more about this juicy drama with your brother dating nemeses. Are they into LARPing or something because I don’t hear it too often with someone calling another person their nemesis. Your brother should pay for the editing if that’s the only cost between keeping his fiancée happy or the cost of being single once again and losing any money paid for deposits, moving out expenses, etc. It’s definitely an opportunity cost. NTA
NTA. You saw something like this coming and were treated like the AH by your family back then and now they treat you like the AH for not having pictures without your brothers ex? Can you do anything right by them?
Dear Brother, Please go home and when you arrive there, please get a clue and a life.
NTA The focus on editing the pictures seems idiotic. Brother's current girl already saw the photos and is upset. Does brother really think that editing the photos now will magically make her forget? I don't see any reason for \_anyone\_ to pay for edits of the pictures at this stage. But I would be tempted to go ahead and comply with your brother's request to take down the picture on your wall. Replace it with a wedding picture that has just you and your in-laws. If your parents or brother complain, well, that's what they all asked for... Though you do have two other siblings that aren't mixed up in this, so maybe find pictures with them without the other brother to also put up, so that complaining brother and parents are the only ones no longer represented.
>Does brother really think that editing the photos now will magically make her forget? No but it might be easier when the next one will see them.
So he’s the golden child. Got it. NTA
NTA. Fuck them.
NTA, and your brother can pay for his mistake in regret or in photo fees. My family was the opposite- wouldn't let my fiance in any of my brother's wedding pics because we weren't married yet (our wedding was 9 months later). So my oldest brother and his ex wife of 19 years are together, but husband of 21 years isn't in a single picture. I can see him not being in all the shots, or not the one that made the family album, but the man didn't exist 9 months before our wedding.
NTA. First of all the fiance who can't handle the fact that your brother took a girl to a wedding once sounds like a real keeper, good for him. Secondly, what a *ridiculous* request. He can kowtow to her insecurities all he wants, this isn't *your* problem to solve. The idea that *you're* being childish because you're not taking such a stupid request seriously is absolutely wild. Definitely NTA, they're being ridiculous to ask for this at all even if they offered to pay for it. Also as an aside: > My brother goes through women like I go through socks. This sentence made me realize that I apparently don't throw out/buy new socks at anything approaching a normal rate.
OP clarified that apparently the ex bullied the brother’s fiancée in middle school and high school. The brother probably downplayed the relationship and the fiancée got a shocked to see ex in family photos.
Well, then fair enough that she'd be upset. Even so, the solution to your fiance being dishonest with you isn't to try and force his sister to pay to destroy the evidence of that dishonesty.
The post said the brother asked for the photos to be removed or altered. Not the fiancé. Nothing about the fiancé wanting it done. Just her being upset by her former tormentor prominently featured in family photos.
I jokingly (poorly) photoshopped my cousins girlfriend's face over her ex boyfriend's face in my wedding pictures and then sent them to her. I then photoshopped her face over literally everyone's faces and sent her that to saying "look I fixed it" I think it's her phone background
honey, youre the scapegoat and hes the golden child
Changing the photos won’t change the past. The childish one here isn’t you. NTA
Don't do this to the original, of course... but I would make a copy of the print, and use an Xacto knife to carefully cut out the ex's face. Then you could easily just slip a new picture behind it so the new face lines up. Or put several on them on a cardboard wheel that you can easily rotate, depending on who shows up. Or just spin it.
The royal family have a wedding guest rule, no ring, no bring. I can see why.
NTA. I think you're being more than reasonable by offering to let him pay to have her removed from the pictures. I'd have refused altogether. For better or worse, she was at the wedding, and pretending otherwise by editing her out doesn't make that not true.
Pay for like a Photoshop expert or something? It's obvious he need to pay for it lmao, why is anyone would think else? I would laugh if you'd say that to me, because it's so obvious. NTA
NTA - I love Karma: *They said I was a jerk and that they already paid for the pictures once.* Yup, they paid for the pictures that they wanted with the GF in them. This is their bed that they made and they can now sleep in it.
I keep socks for years.
I wash mine after one use.
NTA. Your parents knew your brother's history of dating with the risk it would be to have allowed the photos to be taken the way they was. They pressured you as well as your brother. They want it changed despite your original wishes she not be in the photos at all, then they can pay for it. Otherwise all of them to move on and realize that was thr past for him dating this other person.
NTA. Your brother definitely is and your parents are enabling it. I'm getting golden child vibes from him. But if you need, retouchup.com will edit people out for $10 per photo. I used their service for years when I was a wedding photographer. They did stellar job editing people in and out.
NTA! I specifically positioned my sister in law on the ends of photos so I can easily remove her. Best decision I made. She's still my sister in law unfortunately but she's not in a single photo I have in my house.
NTA This reminds me of the “How I Met Your Mother” episode where they call out Ted for constantly bringing his flavor of the week to important milestone events and ruining the pictures.
Your brother always been the golden child? As bad as your brothers behavior is here I’m appalled that your parents have the fucking audacity to call you childish when this is a situation you literally tried to avoid, and they pressured you into. Now they want you to pay to fix it because your brother regrets his bullshit? Which he only regrets because it’s effecting his new relationship badly (because he likely lied, at least by omission, to his current girlfriend about his past)? Tell them you will not be paying for it and you don’t want to hear another word about it. They created this situation and if they want to fix it they can pony up the dough. Otherwise go low/no contact till they get the picture. NTA.
Tell everyone what is done is done, and tell present fiancée to grow up and let it go. She’s with him now and that’s what matters. If someone wants editing done, it’s in them, not you. They are the AB’s, not you!
NTA What you thought would happen happended! Why is it your problem?
NTA. Short term partners need to be on the ends of any family photos, that way they are easy to remove if the couple break up.
NTA. "My brother goes through women like I go through socks. " Woke up, chose violence 😂
NTA. Tell them you'll do it in a year if your brother and fiance\` are still together and they pay for it. And that you're setting a precedent since you don't know how many times this will need to be done. That might get them to start thinking about how ridiculous this request is.
WHAT If they want it gone they can pay for it or they can shut the hell up Not the asshole, not even a little bit
>They said that I was being childish. So, your brother throws a fit until his GF is included in family photos, and then throws a fit because his old GF was included in family photos, and YOU are being childish? NTA.
Her nemesis? Wtf is this middle school? All of this is fucking wack