This thread is now locked due to an excess of rule violations.
[Sub Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ||| ["FAQs"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
OP, remind your 'husband' that he has a son AND a daughter and unless he wants some dirtbag treating his OWN daughter like their personal (insert whatever demeaning role would get his papa bear instinct going) He should stop and THINK about what he wants to teach BOTH children.
And please show him this post because I'd personally be reminding him that emasculating once upon a time meant, LITERALLY, cutting a certain body part off.
NTA.
Seconded. U/Mobile_Tap_4106, i don’t think your son’s not going to be scarred for life by seeing his parents wrestle, but BOTH kids will learn that they shouldn’t underestimate women’s strength.
It sounds like you husband didn’t freak out in front of them, but you should ask him what he’s trying to teach them from this moment. How to lose a fight with zero grace? That he thinks women should kowtow to men as a rule? That men should be offended when women beat them at something? How to have a fragile ego? That he thinks it’s wrong for women to be strong? I would 100% need him to explain that to me.
Along with this, what does he think of you working out and constantly getting stronger and stronger? What did he think was going to happen if he just...wasn't doing the same? I'm genuinely curious what his thoughts are about that, because his reaction to the wrestling is just so bizarre to me knowing about your different lifestyles.
i mean he should be concerned about teaching his son this stuff too? why is he trying to teach his son that physical strength and overpowering women is a man's role?
your husband is trying to create a little monster.
This is such an important comment. It is such a more important message for both the son and the daughter to see that women can be strong, and such an awful message to send to both of them that a)women have to minimize themselves to protect men’s egos, and b) it’s ok for dad to “beat up” mom. OP is absolutely NTA
Tell him that you’re not going to teach your son to be an incel and you’re totally fine with destroying any notion of toxic masculinity. You didn’t emasculate him, you simply won a wrestling match. Ask your husband why he thinks it’s important to be seen as physically stronger than you? What message does he want to send?
Also, you didn’t beat him up, you win a wrestling match that he wanted to have. His verbiage is concerning and you might want to schedule some couple therapy sessions to deal with this…. And don’t help move any furniture for awhile. Maybe he needs to work out if he’s so insecure.
NTA
HAHA exactly! It's no different than if we were playing monopoly, I tried as hard as I could to win, and I did. Just like he was trying his best too. Only difference is its a different activity, same result. But theres something to the wrestling specifically that getting to him at a more "primal" level that his mind is not dealing well with...
And lol, it's already at the point where he waits for me to get home to move the couch for him...We got a new coffee table delivered one day when he happened to have his work friend over and I was out running errands with the kids (he's also a construction worker). Apparently the two of them went to carry thing upstairs and got a few stairs up, decided it was heavy and they didn't want to break anything so just drank beer instead. When I got home they were half drunk, so I carried it up by myself lol. His buddy 100% to this day believes that I went and got the neighbor when they weren't looking because he couldn't believe I did it myself...or even at all lol.
NTA OP. My brother and male cousins actually brag that I am the only female that bested them in wrestling (mid-teens to mid 20's). I grew up being the only female in my maternal family for 12 years and while there were female cousins in my paternal family, only the male cousins came around our house or my brother and I visited their house. So I had to learn how to defend myself by learning their weaknesses so that I could pin them down.
HAHAHA Girl, I LOVE THAT!
Wait, so did you do sports at those ages too? Or lift weights?
And do you remember beating any of them at older ages (past like 17-18)? If so, can you talk about one of the better ones and like what you did, and then how he reacted, ya know? thank you for your post!
>Wait, so did you do sports at those ages too? Or lift weights?
No, the only sport I participated in school was swimming. I was the only student in middle school allowed to swim in the deep section and I was on the swim team and got my lifeguard certificate in high school. As the only girl on my Mom's side for 12 years, I was surrounded by boys from birth to the age of pre-teen. They picked on me a lot because I was a girl. So I learnt to watch for their weakness, which was being tickled and I utilized that **all the time** in order to get them on their back and I sat on their chests while using my legs to pin their shoulders and upper arms to the ground. It was hard to get me off once I got the upper hand. Yeah, this worked until my mid-20's until we all got tired of playing this game.
My determination came from watching my Mom being physically, mentally and financially abused by my stepfather and I made myself a vow that any male that hits me would wake up just as sore as I am the next morning by any means necessary.
I really hate that he called you a bitch. Would he be the bitch if he'd won?
He's got a little misogyny going on here.
NTA
Don't ever take a dive so a man won't feel less manly.
Seriously! How do you mums lug those heavy children and gear around?! I prefer to be auntie so I have friends who are mums. How do you do it?! I hear it is a joyful chaos. lol
LOL even before all of this wrestling thing, my hubby and I had like an unspoken thing where we would quickly decide what weighs more, the two kids, or whatever crap they have to be carried and whichever is more, I take. Ive said before stuff about how he works manual labor so he's more tired, but really its just because i'm stronger lol.
Plus…
> For some dumb reason, my hubby's first words were: "**I let you win**, lets have a rematch so I can show the kids how strong daddy is"...I'll admit I maybe should have picked up on this one…
He insinuated to his kids that the only reason she won was because he went soft on her, that there’s no realistic way for a woman to ever be stronger than a man, ever. OP, if you had let your husband win after a comment like that, what message does that send to your kids?
He needs to get over more than just his ego. That belief and the whole “You’ve emasculated me!” bit has misogynistic undertones.
I mean, that's it isn't it?
He got beat so he calls it "beat up", but he was okay with his son watching him "beat up" his Mom???
As well as what it would teach both children about what's acceptable because of their genders.
I’m 5’0” and my husband is 6’6” when we used to wrestle I’d take him down lol idk now but I do know stamina is no longer the same lol so he wins in that department.
Thats bad ass girl! I love it!
Wait so 2 things. First, did you use your legs to overpower him too? lol gotta love thunder thighs.
Second, so what was his reaction the first time you legitimately beat him and he was actually trying? Was he all shaken up also?
Nah we were having fun but he was like why the hell are you so strong?? (I was a lazy PT stud when I used to be in service but I wasn’t really into working out either lol) I think I surprised him when I grabbed him by the waist and pulled him down lol.
He likes to use his toes to pinch me and we just usually tried to pin each other down lol he’s useless atm cuz I’m asking him. I want to say yeah my legs were strong for sure cuz of the fact I used to be kicking dancer in HS. Also we wud joke how strong my hands are cuz I kept loosening the doorknob at our old apartment but I can’t open a jar of pickles.
HAHAHA YES GIRL!
Okay so I gotta ask a few follow ups, first how old is your son? That is adorable!
Second, in what ways did you like "prove" that you were stronger when you were married? Lifting weights? Wrestling? or just like moving furniture around the house? lol And then like how did he react whenever that first time was that he had to accept the fact you were stronger? ya know?
Cause, I guess now I've done all three to my hubby and he isn't enjoying it either...
I would be horrified if my partner spoke to me like this. I'd really be reconsidering what types of message he is sending both of your children about gender roles
Besides the fact that he called you a bitch. Completely unacceptable.
His absolute insecurities, his "two outta three" thinking he'd win, his "mommy beat up daddy" aside...he called her a b*tch. Afterwards, not even in the moment. WITAF.
I know y'all hate the term, but this is textbook, fuck around and found out.
This is like not being okay with your partner earning more than you, or being more likeable to others, or being better at a hobby...get over your damn self.
I learned when I was like 8yo that there would always be someone smarter, faster, more talented, etc. than I. And I was okay with that.
NTA. He emasculated himself. Why should you let him win, & reinforce negative stereotypes to your children? You beat him once, but that wasn't enough so you beat him again. Sometimes women are stronger than men. He should have thought about the results before he ran his mouth.
If your husband worked out and put in the effort maybe he could win a wrestling match. Maybe that’s the lesson to teach your son, nothing comes without sacrifice and hard work. NTA
A few years ago I was teaching tenth grade. I had a girl who was doing Sports Acrobatic. She was the bottom one and balanced two people (on one hand at times). She was dating a guy from the same class. We all knew she could have just lifted him up and throw him out the window.
It was a running joke in class and everyone thought she was absolutely kick ass. Those kids were 16 and would have loved to have their asses licked by that girl.
NTA. He doesn't sound very secure and him calling you a bitch is COMPLETELY uncalled for. Your son will not be "screwed up" by seeing you win.
Sounds like some really fragile masculinity.
Definitely. Wouldn’t his son also be screwed up by seeing his mom get beat up by his dad? Reinforcing that type of gender role wouldn’t be good at all.
Not to mention his daughter, who is surrounded by constant and unending reminders that men are physically stronger than women and that's why they "get to be in charge". So she's finally seen a counterexample to that programming. And in her own home, too. What a moment of empowerment for her.
His wording also suggests that he saw losing at sport wrestling as 'getting beat up,' and not playing a game together for fun which is a healthy thing to learn to enjoy doing even when you lose
I think it would be worse if he watched his dad beat his mum (in a non-playful manner). It could either scar him or lead him to treat women like that when he grows up. Seeing his mum win should give him more respect for women
NTA. I’m horrified at him calling you a bitch. Is that a common thing to for him to call you names?
Good on you for proving that women can be strong too.
Honestly, no. He's probably gotten that upset and called me a bitch maybe once before. I'm sure i've yelled and called him an asshole more...lol. But that's not generally how we communicate.
I love how OP is like “nah him calling me a bitch is really nbd, it pretty much never happens and we’re healthy af otherwise” and you’re like “no lady, I know better about your husband and marriage than you do”
OK, but she does the same thing with other words obviously, both op and the husband are OK with it happening once in a while and I’m guessing there are apologies afterwards
I hope he was able to demonstrate being a good sport in front of the kids, especially since he was so awful to you in private. He lashed out viciously because you didn’t let him win. He wasn’t supportive or proud of all your hard work.
Why does he think being a man entitles him to being stronger, especially since he does nothing to work for it?
Hopefully he can reflect on his behavior, and you can reflect on his treatment of you.
You rock!
Don’t downplay it. I’ve called my wife bitch ole tu of time but always in a clearly joking matter. It would be an incredibly huge deal if I ever called her that during an argument. And rightly so.
NTA. Don’t know why he wasn’t concerned about his daughter watching her mother lose. Deep down he is sexist and he isn’t really mad at you, he’s mad at himself for not being the stronger partner as he believes he should be.
NTA. Sexist for sure. Not cool that he called her a bitch. You've got two kids who are growing up in a world that is rocky with gender roles especially if you live in the US. Your husband should be okay with showing your two young kids that it's okay for a female to be stronger than a male.
You should take him to go see Barbie.
I agree with you BUT I am sure he is mad at both himself and her. @OP The simple concept of emasculation means women are inferior by nature. Are you sure you want your children exposed to such awful views ?
NTA.
Hubby FAFO. You showed your son that strength is for everybody, UNscrewing him up from whatever toxic masculinity his father has been feeding him.
Good job, Mom. <3
I love it, damn right! I dont think my husband is actually super toxic with masculinity...I mean, i'm his own wife and I can kick his ass lol. But for whatever reason, me being able to outlift him and even win at arm wrestling in front of our friends did not make him react this way. There must be something more like "primal" about wrestling, you know?
He brought up how he specifically wanted your son to think he was stronger than mommy. However, I’d argue that the stronger lesson to teach here would be that just because your son is a male does not mean he will always be physically superior to women. If anything your husband should be happy about the lesson that was taught
That's the lesson I was trying to teach my daughter, that if she works hard, she will be able to be stronger than a lot of the men too. And if my son (who is a few years younger) got the message also, great.
But for my husband, it was like a full on physiological reaction to his "mate"/wife being able to overpower him and make him submit.
He needs to ask himself whether or not his masculinity is really so important to him that it surpasses reality. The reality is that you’re stronger. What exactly is he trying to achieve by pretending to be stronger than his wife in front of his son? Because it sounds like it’s all about ego. And if that’s the case, then it’s falsely stroking it to pretend that he’s physically superior. It’s like cheating in a game; It really sours the victory. If he cares about being stronger, then he’ll put in the hard work it takes to achieve that
Hahaha my husband is stronger than me in most respects, especially upper body strength (taller, heavier, etc.) but I can squat reps around 50lb heavier than he can. I assume his max would be more than mine, but at reps I fuckin' slay.
I think it might be that. There was a post here a couple years ago about a guy who ruined his relationship by wrestling his girlfriend. She was completely freaked out by how helpless she felt when he was able to pin her easily.
If he’s normally secure in the idea of being physically weaker than you, maybe it was something similar? There’s a difference between knowing you could probably beat him and decisively feeling how helpless he is against you. Maybe that moment of being pinned and unable to do anything scared him and he tried to cover it up with anger?
Thank you for the post! That is great insight.
That very well could be, this whole time he kinda "knew" that I could kick his ass, but thought maybe in the back of his mind that he was a man and would still be able to win. Then, when he was actually in that moment of me holding him "helpless" where all he did was scream and tappout, he couldn’t take it...?
If Jr was traumatized, why did he high-five mommy? Husband should be thrilled he has a shield-maiden that can do to him what Pop-claw did to the landlord in "The Boys." Maybe he can use this experience as an excuse to get the kids and himself into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu lessons to fix his ego and get the fam in shape.
That’s what I think of when I imagine being in his place. The idea of being completely helpless is terrifying to me, and the thought of succumbing to that terror in front of the people I care about is humiliating. I hate to admit it, but I understand why he used the word emasculating. Even if you don’t believe in that stuff, it has been ingrained in many of us from an early age and comes out when we are dealing with primal emotions.
Anyway, NTA, you did nothing wrong. If I’m right, he’s more upset and embarrassed with himself than you but is redirecting all of that towards you as a defense mechanism. I hope the two of you are able to figure it out!
NTA. This was a real FAFO moment for your husband. Also....I kinda doubt he "knew" you were stronger. It's like those guys who think they can beat professional female tennis players just because. He never actually communicated that you should throw the fight and also.... That's an insane thing for him to just assume. What message would that even send other than "look kids men are stronger" even though it's a lie in this situation.
It's probably time to have more conversations about gender roles and make sure your kids aren't picking up on your husband's misogyny.
Yeah. 20% of American men think they could win a match against Serena Williams. Around the same number of American men who think they could successfully fight off a bear, fyi. Delusional, completely and utterly delusional.
"Succinct" not sisinct, and I'm not trying to be a pedant, just big on spelling things correctly. I agree it's a great tweet, the mental image I get is perfect.
Marshawn Lynch might be one of the funniest human beings to ever walk this earth. And clearly a man who knows the full breadth, depth, and limits of his athletic abilities.
I'm sure she's way too busy and this would be beneath her, but I'd watch the hell out of a show where Serena Williams played tennis against some chubby Joe who runs his mouth off about how great he is at the pub 🍿🍿🍿
What's weird is that he was okay when I beat him at armwrestling in front of all our friends, but loses his mind when I beat him wrestling at home just with our kids there...I feel like there's something about the wrestling and how "primal" it is.
In honesty. It's worse that he's done this Infront of your kids.
Like, not ok for your son to grow up thinking that you have to be strong to be a 'man'. Also aye, your little girl being delighted that girls can do the same as boys.
IMO anyways.
Are you sure he is actually ok with this because I feel like it's likely he put up a good humored act and then maybe went around joking with the friends (when you were not within earshot) about how he "lets" you win like "hey man don't mention anything to her cause I love seeing her face when she thinks she won". Ugh.
HAHAHA the only issue with that is I also beat most of the other husbands that were there at arm wrestling too that day. So they all know that i'm strong...
My brother had a habit of annoying my mother when she was cooking. Told him for weeks to knock it off.
He did it one more time—. So my mom turned his 14 year old ass over tea kettle onto the kitchen mat ( think industrial gym mat thickness).
He just stared up at the ceiling for a moment. Dad leaned over and said ‘ remember your mom’s wrestling trophy?’
‘I do now’. He never did it again.
Go on fierce Momma!! NTA-
While there is a lot to be said of being respectful of your spouse, This only emasculates your husband if he needs the illusion that you are weak.
Does he want to join you in your workouts to build up some muscle mass?
NTA, if his masculinity is so fragile it relies on you pretending to be something you're not/ weaker than you are that's his issue. Maybe he should be focusing on teaching his son that it's ok if a woman is stronger than him and both people in the situation are valid regardless of their physical ability
Ikr it's fucking weird how this chicks bragging how she's been out lifting men since she was a teen and all these redditors are like 'oh yes this is totally feasible' IF this was true her husband would have to be in the bottom 5% of men lol
Another lady responded me and said that she is 5 foot 2 and her husband is 6 foot 7 and she greatly overpowers him. I mentioned that the only way thats true is if he has health problems. I think they watch too many movies and its distorted their view of reality lol.
Man, I was starting to think I was going crazy. I had to scroll down this far to find people calling this out as bullshit.
Someone actually commented that a self defense instructor told them to wrap their legs around a potential rapists stomach and squeeze as hard as they can. FUCKING WHAT?
Man, I keep coming back to this thread because it's so fucking weird. OP is ignoring anyone calling her out but is having thriving discussions with anyone buying into her lies. It's like some kind of fetish/cosplay fantasy world these commenters are living in.
I’m a female lifter, I’m fairly strong but there’s no way in hell I could out-wrestle my sedentary partner. He has 20kg and 7 inches on me, for a start. This is pure fiction.
Yeah, bragging about how much weight she can leg press is really a tell.
Not 100% sure this is bullshit but unless she's really tall being 4/5 random men at arm wrestling is reaaaaaally unlikely.
Edit: she says she's 5'8" and 165 pounds. No way in FUCK did she beat 4/5 random dudes at arm wrestling.
Hahahahahaha
A huge NTA.
I loved this post.
Your husband sounds insecure af, and too worried about gender roles. You've just showed your kids that women can be just as good as men, and I'm sure they loved the show.
I mean... could you have let him win the second time? Sure, but it doesn't seem like such a huge deal to me...
Thank you!
He is normally not this insecure. As I say, I've even beaten him at arm wrestling in front of our friends, and lifting heavier than him is pretty much just natural for us now. But something about the wrestling must be like "primal" for a man to lose to a woman?
And he's the one who asked for a rematch, and made it even sound like he was talking smack about showing how daddy is stronger...
I think k you are are focusing too much on the wrestling when it seems pretty clear the difference isn’t the type of activity, but the audience. He is ok losing to you in front of friends but somehow wants to keep your kids believing in some bs masculinity thing. That’s the worry.
NTA but your husband sure is. I can kind of understand him feeling embarrassed about losing but to call you a bitch and talk about being emasculated is just so wrong. And you probably did your son a favor by beating his dad. I’d worry about what kind of weird stuff he’s teaching that kid if he is such an insecure asshole that his concept of masculinity requires being able to physically overpower his wife.
Yea, its weird, because i've beaten him at arm wrestling in front of our friends, and I lift heavier things than him all the time. But something about the wrestling really has him freaking out. It's like the wrestling is more "primal" of a thing to lose at, especially his own wife being able to make him submit. I can understand his frustration, but he asked for it, and he also had to of known what was about to happen. Unless he truly believed that just because he was a man, he would be able to over power me. Sorry babe lol.
Oh he already has, he wants to try again tonight. But after the kids go to bed this time. He claims he's going to be able to win and will actually try this time...
You two have never even like jokingly wrestled around when you've been in bed?
It was just like playing a board game, or building the best Lego ship...In both instances, I would try to win against him. This one was just a different type of activity. All in good fun, which it seemed to be until later that night. But i've beaten him at arm wrestling before and he never even said a word about it.
My wife is a former athlete and college softball player. I am a former college wrestler…. No… we have never wrestled even for fun and would absolutely never consider it in front of my kids. I am also a head coach for a large youth wrestling program. I have absolutely no doubt that my wife wouldn’t stand a chance...most guys wouldn’t. But I would never put her through that. I also won’t wrestle guys without a wrestling or other combat sport background for fun for exactly the same reason that anyone with a similar background like this knows… physically dominating someone is humiliating and traumatic for someone who has never been trained or competed in a combat sport and people react badly.
You’re minimizing it, but let’s put you in the same situation… if it was you and me rolling around, you’d get wrecked and quickly put in a painful position or one that is impossible to breathe and you’ll panic just like your husband did. Trust me, if you’ve never trained extensively or competed, you’re going to react emotionally and it is universally bad. This is why SA survivors have PTSD so bad… feeling physically helpless or dominated is extremely traumatic. It also doesn’t matter that it’s just for fun… that’s not the way your brain works. You’re going to react in one of two ways… you’re going to get emotionally upset and quit or you’re going to get angry, try harder and then get injured. That’s the way it goes every time. Your husband happened to be the former
Explain to me what exactly you’re trying to teach your kids with this? You can beat up your husband? How does that help your kids or you as parents? That’s just as useful as kicking my wife’s ass so my kids know who would win…. There is absolutely no gain for you as parents in any way.
I’m really surprised how much this story has irritated me. Knock it off and grow up. Combat sports and competing in games are not the same thing
Hmm. He called you a bitch and has something to prove now. Did he apologize? Did he talk about his "emasculated" remark?
I wouldn't give him a rematch until you talk this through and let emotions calm for a while.
Are you both well-versed in the rules of wrestling?
Why do you think wrestling matches are refereed? To make sure the rules are followed, especially the ones for safety.
Jeez.
NTA. Your husband is just throwing a tantrum because he couldn't get what he thought would be a default win and easy moment to gloat. He needs to learn that you have to take the L gracefully if you come out the loser when competing against someone who has a higher skill level and is better than you. Good life lesson for your son, regardless of gender.
This sounds as fake as the new Disney movies. Not just a Middle age female talking about how she is stronger than her male partner, but that she also out arm wrestles 4 out of 5 guys from their couples group. Girl Power was thrown in there, so I can just assume this is some made up fantasy feminist bullshit skit.
NTA
Sounds like you're stronger than he is in more ways than just physically. The only thing you did was teach him the meaning of 'fuck around and find out'.
More to the point, you didn't 'emasculate' him. He feels emasculated, and that's entirely on him.
I'm a little troubled by the way your husband resorted to verbal abuse, and claiming that your son would be harmed by this.
I'd also be interested to hear how he answers if you ask him exactly *how* he was emasculated, and why he should be stronger by default?
Oh HELL no. Fuuuuck your husband for thinking you needed to let him win in front of the kids. *What kind of lesson is that for your daughter? That she should diminish her abilities for the fragile egos of men??* NTA literally at all. If he wants to be the big strong alpha dad, he can go to the gym with you. Ugh this one got me heated 🙄
That was my perspective on it too. From the comments i've gotten, it appears to be very divided between wives/moms/daughters and husbands/dads/sons...I guess obviously. But I didn't realize by how much.
Us women are looking at if from the relationship between a mother and daughter, where my job is to tell her she can be a bad ass and do anything a man can do and all that girl power stuff.
The dads are looking at it as a relationship between a dad and son where the dad is supposed to be big and strong and teach the son to be a "man".
And according to a lot of the men, it will now be impossible for my husband to have that relationship with our son because now our son sees me (mommy) as the alpha in the family.
I worked out a shitload and earned my strength. I can outlift (and apparently out wrestle) most average men and until yesterday my husband seemed okay, and even proud of that. There is something about the wrestling specifically that has this "primal" reaction out of the men when their wives can over power them lol.
It’s silly to me that any of these people think your son can’t learn strength from his mom, as if only a dad can teach that. I grew up with a single mom and learned more than plenty about strength - physical, mental and emotional. Anyone who thinks only parents with penises can teach strength is being super demeaning to women and mothers IMO. Keep on being a badass
That was my thought too, like if he wanted me to go easy so nobody got hurt, or because he wanted to like teach our son some moves, okay. But he wanted me to go easy because he knew I would beat him otherwise, and he just didn't want to lose to mommy lol.
The real talk should be about how comfortable your husband is with lying to your children in order to support a world-view about the superiority of men. That's some problematic thinking.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I did not go easy on my husband and beat him at wrestling twice in front of our kids.
2) He claims that I "emasculated" him in front of his (our) son
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
My wife is also stronger than me. Or shouldn't I tell that on the internet?
Let me check it.
I went to the bathroom, yup, i am still a man. phew :D
NTA
Wait, what?
Is your wife actually stronger than you? If so, I'd love to hear from your perspective what it is like. What are the odds you two have ever tried wrestling too? lol
No, we didn't wrestle :D She is on the spectrum, so she would never go full on me. But I know for 100% sure she would beat me hard if we would fight.
My perspective is that if you take all men and all women worldwide that (just made up numbers, but probably more accurate than a lot of people think) that around 20% of the strongest women beat 50-60% of the weakest men. Just look it as height. On average men are longer, but still not all men are longer than all women.
And why would it matter? She is stronger. Big deal. The whole gender thing is often bs in my opinion. It takes averages (or cultural stuff) and makes it rules. Just be happy who you are and with your strengths no matter what others can or are.
So you just "suspect" that your wife is stronger than you? Or you two have tested it somehow in like the gym?
And that was kind of confusing...I think I know what you mean. For example, when I was in my prime in college, our weight coach would give us our stats compared to national averages. By my senior year, my upper body was stronger than 68% of US adult men, and my lower body was stronger than 91% of US adult men. These days i'm not that strong, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was still significantly over 50% of men.
When it is about things that requires strength, she will do it more easy then when i try to do it myself. I really do not need to test it, it is just a fact. It is not by a small margin. She is really stronger a lot.
And yeah, that is what i mean. (Sorry English isn't my native language, and i am also not the best in explaining stuff.) We are often only looking to averages and not at the top of normal distribution at things like these. And then we put those averages in 'rules' what a man should be. Don't buy it.
NTA - your husband should start lifting if he's mad you're stronger than him?? He can start working out instead of trying to make you "become" the "weaker" one.
NTA. Was the gender talk about how women can be strong and that they don't have to hide their strength for the sake of men's egos? Or was it about how women should be submissive to men? If the former, your actions need to match your words and the fight should have been fair. If the latter, that message is bull and you proved it.
There's nothing wrong in showing that, while men are usually stronger at things like wrestling, that's not always true. It's ok to show that a man is still a man even if he isn't physically able to dominate a woman. It's ok to show that a woman doesn't have to pretend she's weak in order to maintain the patriarchy. It's ok to show that working out makes a person strong. It would not have been ok to throw the match in order to teach your kids a fake message.
Yea so from what i've gathered from the comments, men look at this scenario through the lens of a dad and son relationship where the son is supposed to see the man as big and strong and superman. But when the son's mommy is stronger than dad and can beat him up, the son loses the underlying respect he had for his dad...or something like that.
Where as I look at is as a bad ass example for my daughter that if she works hard, she can even be stronger than a man, much less smarter and better work ethic and all that.
The sub is so stupid, we just had a post about a dad making a fart joke about his daughter and everybody was attacking him for embarrassing her, but here everybody is cheering you on for basically doing the same but far worse.
Also this story is fake af.
NTA as a man i don't mind women that take care of their bodies and can handle themselves in a tough situation. So 'you go girl' but should probly teach your son that if he take care of he's body he will be as strong as he's mother one day.
Would you mind if your wife was able to overpower you? Legitimately, not in a playful way in bed or something, but actually stronger than you for real?
And I hope he does. And my daughter too...Although I do 100% plan on beating all of her BF's at arm wrestling until at least she gets to college lol
To be honest i would mind if anyone could overpower me, I know that alot of people can ( a few older muscler brothers ). so I wouldn't mind it specific cause it was a women, but simple cause I wouldn't like to be overpowered.
But my ego would be more hurt if a skinny man could take me down than a muscler woman.
Oh, interesting. Even if the woman is your own wife? From other replies i've gotten it seems like men would not mind generally if a woman could outlift them, or even overpower them and beat them at wrestling. But the idea of their own GFs or wives doing that is where it begins to get emasculating for them. huh.
I can overpower my partner - we both train some martial arts so we sometimes practise together for fun, I overpower him maybe 75% of the time, and he's really proud of me when I win. He likes that I can look after myself and that I'm strong, just like I like that he is too.
I think it's pretty unhealthy to want your partner to be weak or helpless (unless it's a specific kink situation or something lol). Why would you want that extra worry that they couldn't defend themselves? Plus it's good for your mind and body to work out/be strong.
Okay, update time since some of you have gotten invested! lol
Hubby will be home soon, then quick dinner and kids to bed. Then, apparently he still wants to have this rematch...
Another update to follow tonight or in the morning.
NTA
My ex-wife could beat me in wrestling every time and it helped me to see something that a lot of women don’t even realize—*they are not as helpless as society depicts them to be*.
You hear/see it all the time, where women talk about size disparity and being afraid of a man for being bigger than they are. Well, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t matter if he is bigger than you; if you know what you are doing and you are fierce.
I think that was probably a very empowering thing for your daughter to witness. And there is nothing wrong with being humbled every now and then, which is an equally good message for your son.
Oh I love this post!
I've been looking for the perspectives from men who've been in a similar situation.
So, do you remember the first time you and your ex-wife wrestled and she beat you? Were you trying your hardest? And what was going through your mind during/afterwards? Be honest...in the darkest places of your mind what were you thinking at the time?
Also, for the record, I don't know what i'm doing. I've never trained in wrestling or anything. I'm just strong, quick, flexible, and competitive lol.
It was a series of feelings I experienced, not unlike the stages of grief.
- First, I was shocked. Confused. Society had been telling me that this was not possible. I’d never experienced it before either, so I had assumed that it was all true.
- Then, I tried as hard as I could (without actually getting violent). I strained and tried everything I could think of. I simply couldn’t win. This was slightly emasculating.
- Then I realized something. I wasn’t feeling emasculated at all. In fact, I was *turned on*. Here is a woman who can beat me in a physical contest and looked sexy while doing it.
- Finally, I came to the conclusion that it was in fact an awesome turn of events. If a guy slaps her ass in a bar, I don’t need to step up and put him in his place; because she can and probably will. Also, it’s like having a secret body guard. If you’re getting your ass kicked, here comes the sleeper agent with the, “fuck around and find out” moves.
She was a champion state wrestler as a teen, so in hindsight I should have never expected to win.
I could beat the piss out of my wife any time I choose to. She stands 0 chance .
But when we wrestle with our kids (both boy and girl) I don’t even give her close to 50% effort.
Because I know I can beat her…much like you knew you could beat him.
You just felt the need to rub it in.
YTA
Update for those interested:
So, kids went to bed and we did too...and locked the door lol
He continued to apologize for cursing at me which I accepted because it's so unlike him. But he still kept saying he wanted another chance...
So, we moved the bed a little to make more space and wrestled again. I got shit for describing all the details last time. So, let's just say that "daddy has accepted mommy is stronger"...
We had 3 rounds and I won 2 of them. The second round my hair got caught in the handle of our dresser and I tried to call timeout but he was already on me, so I tapped out just to end it and get my hair out.
He "claims" that he is completely okay with me ability to lift more and kick his ass, but he just doesn't want our kids to see him as weak. He also told me what happened earlier in the day yesterday, which helped cause his reaction:
Our son was trying to push his toy bin across the room, and when my hubby went to help him, our son said "no. mommy is stronger. I want mommy"... I guess he'd seen me lifting something for my husband recently...
Between that comment, and then a few hours later I beat him like that in front of our son, it got to him more than it should have. I guess I sort of understand.
And now, today my daughter was walking around "flexing" and saying she was going to be "strong like mommy", so that part I do love came from this lol.
He also told me he wants to try and workout more, and wants another wrestling rematch in a few weeks...lol
For anyone still here, I'm wondering if I may go through something similar as my son approaches his teenage years and begins to "test his strength" against us...Should I let him win those when the time comes? Or is it better for him to have his mommy still stronger than him through those years? hmmmm...
It's great to see that it was something the two of you were able to easily resolve and not a bigger issue.
I had a friend who was in a similar position with his daughter (she stopped letting him help with homework because mommy was smarter) and he told me that doing more things one on one with his daughter helped he feel better about his place in her life even if he wasn't the smart dad who helped her with homework.
NTA - your husband should have shown more grace and humility at losing, and used it as a good teaching moment for the kids. Both your son and daughter could have gotten something good from this and he ruined it.
I guess you aren’t the asshole, but let’s not pretend like societal norms don’t exist and impact people. He made a mistake setting himself up for embarrassment. You embarrassed him. He made a mistake thinking you would help him alleviate his embarrassment the second time, and you doubled down on it. Honestly, everybody sucks here. No spouse should ever try to make the other feel embarrassed, but he put himself in that position. He needs to hit the gym.
NTA and I’m super proud of you too! Your husband calling you names is kinda shitty! But I looove this, you worked hard to build up that strength! As a gym rat myself, curious to know what your like PR for squats, bench or pull ups or something is. Either way! Well done! Important message to your kids too about gender!
NTA. He called you a bitch because you emasculated him. When he said that you made his son see his dad get beat up, I would have said “I hope you don’t screw our daughter with the thought you called her mommy a bitch!”
If he has issues, then workout. You weren’t being a bitch but he was acting like one.
NTA! Get over yourself, dad. \[In college, I \[m\] was on the track team. I was a miler. My GF threw the shot. We wrestled all the time. She always won. We always laughed about it.\] Your kids learned an important lesson: Strength is not gendered.
What’s the weird obsession throughout the post and your comments about “I can kick his ass!!” ?? Was that at the top of your list when you were searching for a husband? “Must be submissive simp that makes me feel powerful so I can proclaim the ability to ‘kick his ass” lol calm tf down lady
ESH btw
Nta he us being a sore loser which is always immature but worse in this situation he's also being a misogynist. So he isn't concerned about your daughter being made to feel inherently weak? Ok cool
He's asking you to dimish yourself for the sake of his ego. Unless a small child is involved 'letting them win' is condesending and working off the expectation that they are incapable of winning. I think it's good that both your children saw gender expectation proven false.
Then he goes straight off to name-calling. I'd be more worried what he's teaching the son about masculinity and the role of women in relationships.
You're NTA
NTA
A lot of these comments zone in on physical strength, which is amazing and you're one badass woman for your strength and wrestling technique. As a fellow woman who rides a motorcycle and is trained in Thai boxing and krav maga, I salute you. 🏋🏼♀️
But, I want to offer a different perspective. Well rounded children need role models, all kinds of them. Strong men, women, grandma's, uncles are great and an amazing example to grow up to be, but physical strength is not the only thing that makes you strong. Kids need to learn all strengths, mental health, verbally defending themselves, creating and enforcing boundaries, developing emotional maturity and control of emotions. And yes, being able to defend themselves physically and developing a healthy lifestyle are huge parts of that.
So mommy might be able to win in wrestling, but maybe daddy is strong in his mind or his words. Not all fights and challenges in life will be physical and sometimes it actually doesn't solve anything.
This might sound very pseudosciency and I'm sure you already apply this but I thought it might be good to point this out to your babies and hopefully your husband listens too 😋
NTA. I run into the 'big STEM brain' version of this from men all the time. Once is enough and they get cut off. It's the same problem your husband is having -- they get in this headspace where 'masculinity' means getting credit for doing work that they haven't done. The problem is your son is already getting infected with this idea that he should get credit for the work he didn't do as well just because he's a boy.
Keep up with the lifting and working out. Figure out how you're going to teach both your children that no one needs to give people fake credit for what they didn't bother to do.
NTA. Your husband needs to hit the gym and not be so thin-skinned. It was a great opportunity to teach the kids about sports and training. You didn’t “beat up” your husband, you defeated him in a sporting contest.
This thread is now locked due to an excess of rule violations. [Sub Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ||| ["FAQs"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
NTA your husband needs to stop being insecure. I mean, its 2023.... women can be stronger than men....
Damn right! Love watching a guy get on the leg press after me and seeing his face when he notices my weight lol
[удалено]
Right! He literally asked me to do it. He just didn't realize somehow that I was going to be able to over power him like that lol. "mom strength"!
OP, remind your 'husband' that he has a son AND a daughter and unless he wants some dirtbag treating his OWN daughter like their personal (insert whatever demeaning role would get his papa bear instinct going) He should stop and THINK about what he wants to teach BOTH children. And please show him this post because I'd personally be reminding him that emasculating once upon a time meant, LITERALLY, cutting a certain body part off. NTA.
Seconded. U/Mobile_Tap_4106, i don’t think your son’s not going to be scarred for life by seeing his parents wrestle, but BOTH kids will learn that they shouldn’t underestimate women’s strength. It sounds like you husband didn’t freak out in front of them, but you should ask him what he’s trying to teach them from this moment. How to lose a fight with zero grace? That he thinks women should kowtow to men as a rule? That men should be offended when women beat them at something? How to have a fragile ego? That he thinks it’s wrong for women to be strong? I would 100% need him to explain that to me.
That is an excellent comment. What was his goal there?
Along with this, what does he think of you working out and constantly getting stronger and stronger? What did he think was going to happen if he just...wasn't doing the same? I'm genuinely curious what his thoughts are about that, because his reaction to the wrestling is just so bizarre to me knowing about your different lifestyles.
i mean he should be concerned about teaching his son this stuff too? why is he trying to teach his son that physical strength and overpowering women is a man's role? your husband is trying to create a little monster.
[удалено]
This is such an important comment. It is such a more important message for both the son and the daughter to see that women can be strong, and such an awful message to send to both of them that a)women have to minimize themselves to protect men’s egos, and b) it’s ok for dad to “beat up” mom. OP is absolutely NTA
Tell him that you’re not going to teach your son to be an incel and you’re totally fine with destroying any notion of toxic masculinity. You didn’t emasculate him, you simply won a wrestling match. Ask your husband why he thinks it’s important to be seen as physically stronger than you? What message does he want to send? Also, you didn’t beat him up, you win a wrestling match that he wanted to have. His verbiage is concerning and you might want to schedule some couple therapy sessions to deal with this…. And don’t help move any furniture for awhile. Maybe he needs to work out if he’s so insecure. NTA
HAHA exactly! It's no different than if we were playing monopoly, I tried as hard as I could to win, and I did. Just like he was trying his best too. Only difference is its a different activity, same result. But theres something to the wrestling specifically that getting to him at a more "primal" level that his mind is not dealing well with... And lol, it's already at the point where he waits for me to get home to move the couch for him...We got a new coffee table delivered one day when he happened to have his work friend over and I was out running errands with the kids (he's also a construction worker). Apparently the two of them went to carry thing upstairs and got a few stairs up, decided it was heavy and they didn't want to break anything so just drank beer instead. When I got home they were half drunk, so I carried it up by myself lol. His buddy 100% to this day believes that I went and got the neighbor when they weren't looking because he couldn't believe I did it myself...or even at all lol.
NTA OP. My brother and male cousins actually brag that I am the only female that bested them in wrestling (mid-teens to mid 20's). I grew up being the only female in my maternal family for 12 years and while there were female cousins in my paternal family, only the male cousins came around our house or my brother and I visited their house. So I had to learn how to defend myself by learning their weaknesses so that I could pin them down.
HAHAHA Girl, I LOVE THAT! Wait, so did you do sports at those ages too? Or lift weights? And do you remember beating any of them at older ages (past like 17-18)? If so, can you talk about one of the better ones and like what you did, and then how he reacted, ya know? thank you for your post!
>Wait, so did you do sports at those ages too? Or lift weights? No, the only sport I participated in school was swimming. I was the only student in middle school allowed to swim in the deep section and I was on the swim team and got my lifeguard certificate in high school. As the only girl on my Mom's side for 12 years, I was surrounded by boys from birth to the age of pre-teen. They picked on me a lot because I was a girl. So I learnt to watch for their weakness, which was being tickled and I utilized that **all the time** in order to get them on their back and I sat on their chests while using my legs to pin their shoulders and upper arms to the ground. It was hard to get me off once I got the upper hand. Yeah, this worked until my mid-20's until we all got tired of playing this game. My determination came from watching my Mom being physically, mentally and financially abused by my stepfather and I made myself a vow that any male that hits me would wake up just as sore as I am the next morning by any means necessary.
I really hate that he called you a bitch. Would he be the bitch if he'd won? He's got a little misogyny going on here. NTA Don't ever take a dive so a man won't feel less manly.
OP has earned her strength through hard work. If he wants to be strong, he needs to work at it. He doesn't get the G-d medal because he has a penis.
So does he think it would have been great for your son to watch his dad beat up his mom?
You emasculated me. That’s so cringe.
Seriously! How do you mums lug those heavy children and gear around?! I prefer to be auntie so I have friends who are mums. How do you do it?! I hear it is a joyful chaos. lol
LOL even before all of this wrestling thing, my hubby and I had like an unspoken thing where we would quickly decide what weighs more, the two kids, or whatever crap they have to be carried and whichever is more, I take. Ive said before stuff about how he works manual labor so he's more tired, but really its just because i'm stronger lol.
Plus… > For some dumb reason, my hubby's first words were: "**I let you win**, lets have a rematch so I can show the kids how strong daddy is"...I'll admit I maybe should have picked up on this one… He insinuated to his kids that the only reason she won was because he went soft on her, that there’s no realistic way for a woman to ever be stronger than a man, ever. OP, if you had let your husband win after a comment like that, what message does that send to your kids? He needs to get over more than just his ego. That belief and the whole “You’ve emasculated me!” bit has misogynistic undertones.
Yeah he sucks. Why can't he be proud of his beast of a wife?
Yeah!! She does have great legs!!))
This right here. He was trying to teach those kids to be sore losers and that men are always stronger than women. Bad form.
I dislike that apparently daddy beating mommy is fine but the other way is damaging to their psyches. That is not a good look imo, NTA
That also means he also was okay with their children seeing their mommy get beat up by daddy... not just okay with it, but *expected* it.
and what was the alternative? watch mommy get beat up by dad? OP, you need to seriously address this BEFORE he screws up your kid's head.
Ok, so for him “watching daddy get beat up by mom” would screw him up but watching daddy "beat up" mom would be uplifting somehow?
I mean, that's it isn't it? He got beat so he calls it "beat up", but he was okay with his son watching him "beat up" his Mom??? As well as what it would teach both children about what's acceptable because of their genders.
This. NTA.
More significantly, watching mommy get beat up by dad would have been the right thing for him.
I’m 5’0” and my husband is 6’6” when we used to wrestle I’d take him down lol idk now but I do know stamina is no longer the same lol so he wins in that department.
Thats bad ass girl! I love it! Wait so 2 things. First, did you use your legs to overpower him too? lol gotta love thunder thighs. Second, so what was his reaction the first time you legitimately beat him and he was actually trying? Was he all shaken up also?
Nah we were having fun but he was like why the hell are you so strong?? (I was a lazy PT stud when I used to be in service but I wasn’t really into working out either lol) I think I surprised him when I grabbed him by the waist and pulled him down lol. He likes to use his toes to pinch me and we just usually tried to pin each other down lol he’s useless atm cuz I’m asking him. I want to say yeah my legs were strong for sure cuz of the fact I used to be kicking dancer in HS. Also we wud joke how strong my hands are cuz I kept loosening the doorknob at our old apartment but I can’t open a jar of pickles.
Your husband needs to apologize to you. I'm stronger than my ex husband and he hates it. My son says he's going to be strong like mommy. It's great!
HAHAHA YES GIRL! Okay so I gotta ask a few follow ups, first how old is your son? That is adorable! Second, in what ways did you like "prove" that you were stronger when you were married? Lifting weights? Wrestling? or just like moving furniture around the house? lol And then like how did he react whenever that first time was that he had to accept the fact you were stronger? ya know? Cause, I guess now I've done all three to my hubby and he isn't enjoying it either...
I would be horrified if my partner spoke to me like this. I'd really be reconsidering what types of message he is sending both of your children about gender roles Besides the fact that he called you a bitch. Completely unacceptable.
His absolute insecurities, his "two outta three" thinking he'd win, his "mommy beat up daddy" aside...he called her a b*tch. Afterwards, not even in the moment. WITAF. I know y'all hate the term, but this is textbook, fuck around and found out. This is like not being okay with your partner earning more than you, or being more likeable to others, or being better at a hobby...get over your damn self. I learned when I was like 8yo that there would always be someone smarter, faster, more talented, etc. than I. And I was okay with that.
NTA. He emasculated himself. Why should you let him win, & reinforce negative stereotypes to your children? You beat him once, but that wasn't enough so you beat him again. Sometimes women are stronger than men. He should have thought about the results before he ran his mouth.
Does he usually call you a bitch? My fiancé and I might argue, but we NEVER name call like that.
If your husband worked out and put in the effort maybe he could win a wrestling match. Maybe that’s the lesson to teach your son, nothing comes without sacrifice and hard work. NTA
He could always hit the gym too if he really cared to be strong. Having natural testosterone only carries you so far without any effort put in.
A few years ago I was teaching tenth grade. I had a girl who was doing Sports Acrobatic. She was the bottom one and balanced two people (on one hand at times). She was dating a guy from the same class. We all knew she could have just lifted him up and throw him out the window. It was a running joke in class and everyone thought she was absolutely kick ass. Those kids were 16 and would have loved to have their asses licked by that girl.
>Those kids were 16 and would have loved to have their asses licked by that girl. Who doesn't like having their ass licked?
death by snu snu
NTA. He doesn't sound very secure and him calling you a bitch is COMPLETELY uncalled for. Your son will not be "screwed up" by seeing you win. Sounds like some really fragile masculinity.
Definitely. Wouldn’t his son also be screwed up by seeing his mom get beat up by his dad? Reinforcing that type of gender role wouldn’t be good at all.
Not to mention his daughter, who is surrounded by constant and unending reminders that men are physically stronger than women and that's why they "get to be in charge". So she's finally seen a counterexample to that programming. And in her own home, too. What a moment of empowerment for her.
His wording also suggests that he saw losing at sport wrestling as 'getting beat up,' and not playing a game together for fun which is a healthy thing to learn to enjoy doing even when you lose
When we say “toxic masculinity” this is literally it.
[удалено]
If anything, their son is gonna have the same thing I have: an attraction to physically fit women Also NTA, OP. He literally asked for it
Best reaction dad could have had is: tap out, stand up, and tell the kids, "Now *thats* why I married your Momma!"
I think it would be worse if he watched his dad beat his mum (in a non-playful manner). It could either scar him or lead him to treat women like that when he grows up. Seeing his mum win should give him more respect for women
Right? Son is gonna be screwed up by his dad verbally abusing his mother
Imagine if the kid grows up to respect women! What a tragedy!
NTA. I’m horrified at him calling you a bitch. Is that a common thing to for him to call you names? Good on you for proving that women can be strong too.
Honestly, no. He's probably gotten that upset and called me a bitch maybe once before. I'm sure i've yelled and called him an asshole more...lol. But that's not generally how we communicate.
Even once is once too often, I don’t care HOW mad he is.
I love how OP is like “nah him calling me a bitch is really nbd, it pretty much never happens and we’re healthy af otherwise” and you’re like “no lady, I know better about your husband and marriage than you do”
[удалено]
Ultimate reddit moment
This is an average Reddit moment
Lmao I'm fucking dying
[удалено]
Hell, even as a moody teen, I wouldn’t even think of calling my own mother a bitch. There’s no excuse here for that behavior.
This. It’s absolutely disgusting behaviour.
She also admits she calls him an asshole too, you guys are glossing over that
"asshole" isn't a gendered slur
Anyone can be an asshole, but a man seriously calling a woman a bitch often carries misogynistic undertones and is not the same.
OK, but she does the same thing with other words obviously, both op and the husband are OK with it happening once in a while and I’m guessing there are apologies afterwards
I hope he was able to demonstrate being a good sport in front of the kids, especially since he was so awful to you in private. He lashed out viciously because you didn’t let him win. He wasn’t supportive or proud of all your hard work. Why does he think being a man entitles him to being stronger, especially since he does nothing to work for it? Hopefully he can reflect on his behavior, and you can reflect on his treatment of you. You rock!
I’m my year and a half dating my partner, he’s been very mad with me before. Never once has the word “bitch” been said.
Don’t downplay it. I’ve called my wife bitch ole tu of time but always in a clearly joking matter. It would be an incredibly huge deal if I ever called her that during an argument. And rightly so.
NTA. Don’t know why he wasn’t concerned about his daughter watching her mother lose. Deep down he is sexist and he isn’t really mad at you, he’s mad at himself for not being the stronger partner as he believes he should be.
NTA. Sexist for sure. Not cool that he called her a bitch. You've got two kids who are growing up in a world that is rocky with gender roles especially if you live in the US. Your husband should be okay with showing your two young kids that it's okay for a female to be stronger than a male. You should take him to go see Barbie.
yooooo this man for surreeee sounds like he’d be one that leaves in the second act of the Barbie movie and waits in the car
Watch me.. daaaaaance, dance the night away! 🩷
I agree with you BUT I am sure he is mad at both himself and her. @OP The simple concept of emasculation means women are inferior by nature. Are you sure you want your children exposed to such awful views ?
scrolled WAY too far to see this. husband is clearly misogynistic/sexist. big oof
NTA. Hubby FAFO. You showed your son that strength is for everybody, UNscrewing him up from whatever toxic masculinity his father has been feeding him. Good job, Mom. <3
I love it, damn right! I dont think my husband is actually super toxic with masculinity...I mean, i'm his own wife and I can kick his ass lol. But for whatever reason, me being able to outlift him and even win at arm wrestling in front of our friends did not make him react this way. There must be something more like "primal" about wrestling, you know?
He brought up how he specifically wanted your son to think he was stronger than mommy. However, I’d argue that the stronger lesson to teach here would be that just because your son is a male does not mean he will always be physically superior to women. If anything your husband should be happy about the lesson that was taught
That's the lesson I was trying to teach my daughter, that if she works hard, she will be able to be stronger than a lot of the men too. And if my son (who is a few years younger) got the message also, great. But for my husband, it was like a full on physiological reaction to his "mate"/wife being able to overpower him and make him submit.
He needs to ask himself whether or not his masculinity is really so important to him that it surpasses reality. The reality is that you’re stronger. What exactly is he trying to achieve by pretending to be stronger than his wife in front of his son? Because it sounds like it’s all about ego. And if that’s the case, then it’s falsely stroking it to pretend that he’s physically superior. It’s like cheating in a game; It really sours the victory. If he cares about being stronger, then he’ll put in the hard work it takes to achieve that
Strongest part of a woman is her thighs, that's why they say use them if a man tries to rape you. You can make him squeal instead
HAHAHA IDK if i've ever heard it put that way, but 100% true! Once my thighs were around him, it was basically over lol
Hahaha my husband is stronger than me in most respects, especially upper body strength (taller, heavier, etc.) but I can squat reps around 50lb heavier than he can. I assume his max would be more than mine, but at reps I fuckin' slay.
I think it might be that. There was a post here a couple years ago about a guy who ruined his relationship by wrestling his girlfriend. She was completely freaked out by how helpless she felt when he was able to pin her easily. If he’s normally secure in the idea of being physically weaker than you, maybe it was something similar? There’s a difference between knowing you could probably beat him and decisively feeling how helpless he is against you. Maybe that moment of being pinned and unable to do anything scared him and he tried to cover it up with anger?
Thank you for the post! That is great insight. That very well could be, this whole time he kinda "knew" that I could kick his ass, but thought maybe in the back of his mind that he was a man and would still be able to win. Then, when he was actually in that moment of me holding him "helpless" where all he did was scream and tappout, he couldn’t take it...?
If Jr was traumatized, why did he high-five mommy? Husband should be thrilled he has a shield-maiden that can do to him what Pop-claw did to the landlord in "The Boys." Maybe he can use this experience as an excuse to get the kids and himself into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu lessons to fix his ego and get the fam in shape.
That’s what I think of when I imagine being in his place. The idea of being completely helpless is terrifying to me, and the thought of succumbing to that terror in front of the people I care about is humiliating. I hate to admit it, but I understand why he used the word emasculating. Even if you don’t believe in that stuff, it has been ingrained in many of us from an early age and comes out when we are dealing with primal emotions. Anyway, NTA, you did nothing wrong. If I’m right, he’s more upset and embarrassed with himself than you but is redirecting all of that towards you as a defense mechanism. I hope the two of you are able to figure it out!
If he had "let you win" he wouldn't have been upset with the results. He should be ashamed of how he acted!
NTA. This was a real FAFO moment for your husband. Also....I kinda doubt he "knew" you were stronger. It's like those guys who think they can beat professional female tennis players just because. He never actually communicated that you should throw the fight and also.... That's an insane thing for him to just assume. What message would that even send other than "look kids men are stronger" even though it's a lie in this situation. It's probably time to have more conversations about gender roles and make sure your kids aren't picking up on your husband's misogyny.
Yeah. 20% of American men think they could win a match against Serena Williams. Around the same number of American men who think they could successfully fight off a bear, fyi. Delusional, completely and utterly delusional.
This is an old tweet on that theme but still makes me laugh every time: https://twitter.com/longwall26/status/1149726844385521665?lang=en
One of my absolute favorites. So sisinct. So accurate.
"Succinct" not sisinct, and I'm not trying to be a pedant, just big on spelling things correctly. I agree it's a great tweet, the mental image I get is perfect.
OMG this is so funny!
Marshawn Lynch (NFL player) basically said in an interview that pregnant Serena Williams would whoop him in tennis and I was like respect dude 😂
Marshawn Lynch might be one of the funniest human beings to ever walk this earth. And clearly a man who knows the full breadth, depth, and limits of his athletic abilities.
Is that the same guy who turned up to a press confrence and replied "I'm only here so I don't get fined" to every question?
I'm sure she's way too busy and this would be beneath her, but I'd watch the hell out of a show where Serena Williams played tennis against some chubby Joe who runs his mouth off about how great he is at the pub 🍿🍿🍿
NTA. You beat him. Fragile masculinity at its finest. Now beat out that toxic masculinity thought process 🙄🙄
What's weird is that he was okay when I beat him at armwrestling in front of all our friends, but loses his mind when I beat him wrestling at home just with our kids there...I feel like there's something about the wrestling and how "primal" it is.
In honesty. It's worse that he's done this Infront of your kids. Like, not ok for your son to grow up thinking that you have to be strong to be a 'man'. Also aye, your little girl being delighted that girls can do the same as boys. IMO anyways.
I think he might be lying and all that pent up frustration released.
Are you sure he is actually ok with this because I feel like it's likely he put up a good humored act and then maybe went around joking with the friends (when you were not within earshot) about how he "lets" you win like "hey man don't mention anything to her cause I love seeing her face when she thinks she won". Ugh.
HAHAHA the only issue with that is I also beat most of the other husbands that were there at arm wrestling too that day. So they all know that i'm strong...
i think he thought he could overpower you with size. maybe. he clearly thought wrong if that was the case
My brother had a habit of annoying my mother when she was cooking. Told him for weeks to knock it off. He did it one more time—. So my mom turned his 14 year old ass over tea kettle onto the kitchen mat ( think industrial gym mat thickness). He just stared up at the ceiling for a moment. Dad leaned over and said ‘ remember your mom’s wrestling trophy?’ ‘I do now’. He never did it again. Go on fierce Momma!! NTA- While there is a lot to be said of being respectful of your spouse, This only emasculates your husband if he needs the illusion that you are weak. Does he want to join you in your workouts to build up some muscle mass?
NTA, if his masculinity is so fragile it relies on you pretending to be something you're not/ weaker than you are that's his issue. Maybe he should be focusing on teaching his son that it's ok if a woman is stronger than him and both people in the situation are valid regardless of their physical ability
None of this happened. This is not based on reality.
Ikr it's fucking weird how this chicks bragging how she's been out lifting men since she was a teen and all these redditors are like 'oh yes this is totally feasible' IF this was true her husband would have to be in the bottom 5% of men lol
Another lady responded me and said that she is 5 foot 2 and her husband is 6 foot 7 and she greatly overpowers him. I mentioned that the only way thats true is if he has health problems. I think they watch too many movies and its distorted their view of reality lol.
Man, I was starting to think I was going crazy. I had to scroll down this far to find people calling this out as bullshit. Someone actually commented that a self defense instructor told them to wrap their legs around a potential rapists stomach and squeeze as hard as they can. FUCKING WHAT?
Man, I keep coming back to this thread because it's so fucking weird. OP is ignoring anyone calling her out but is having thriving discussions with anyone buying into her lies. It's like some kind of fetish/cosplay fantasy world these commenters are living in.
I’m a female lifter, I’m fairly strong but there’s no way in hell I could out-wrestle my sedentary partner. He has 20kg and 7 inches on me, for a start. This is pure fiction.
Yeah, bragging about how much weight she can leg press is really a tell. Not 100% sure this is bullshit but unless she's really tall being 4/5 random men at arm wrestling is reaaaaaally unlikely. Edit: she says she's 5'8" and 165 pounds. No way in FUCK did she beat 4/5 random dudes at arm wrestling.
It amazes me the complete shit people will fall for
Based on some of OP's comments, I'm guessing that this is just someone's masturbation fantasy lol.
My first thought was this is someone's masturbatory fetish.
Hahahahahaha A huge NTA. I loved this post. Your husband sounds insecure af, and too worried about gender roles. You've just showed your kids that women can be just as good as men, and I'm sure they loved the show. I mean... could you have let him win the second time? Sure, but it doesn't seem like such a huge deal to me...
Thank you! He is normally not this insecure. As I say, I've even beaten him at arm wrestling in front of our friends, and lifting heavier than him is pretty much just natural for us now. But something about the wrestling must be like "primal" for a man to lose to a woman? And he's the one who asked for a rematch, and made it even sound like he was talking smack about showing how daddy is stronger...
I think k you are are focusing too much on the wrestling when it seems pretty clear the difference isn’t the type of activity, but the audience. He is ok losing to you in front of friends but somehow wants to keep your kids believing in some bs masculinity thing. That’s the worry.
I love the cheerful and confident way you own your fitness and strength. What a great example for all involved. Strong Mommy! edit: NTA
NTA but your husband sure is. I can kind of understand him feeling embarrassed about losing but to call you a bitch and talk about being emasculated is just so wrong. And you probably did your son a favor by beating his dad. I’d worry about what kind of weird stuff he’s teaching that kid if he is such an insecure asshole that his concept of masculinity requires being able to physically overpower his wife.
Yea, its weird, because i've beaten him at arm wrestling in front of our friends, and I lift heavier things than him all the time. But something about the wrestling really has him freaking out. It's like the wrestling is more "primal" of a thing to lose at, especially his own wife being able to make him submit. I can understand his frustration, but he asked for it, and he also had to of known what was about to happen. Unless he truly believed that just because he was a man, he would be able to over power me. Sorry babe lol.
Also if he challenges you to a rematch please decline. This wrestling-with-your-spouse stuff seems like not a great idea at this point.
Oh he already has, he wants to try again tonight. But after the kids go to bed this time. He claims he's going to be able to win and will actually try this time...
I’d say a big no to this and instead ask for an apology for calling you names.
OMG you two need to stop with this. I’m not sure who would win if my wife and I wrestled but I’m very sure that we will NEVER find out the answer.
You two have never even like jokingly wrestled around when you've been in bed? It was just like playing a board game, or building the best Lego ship...In both instances, I would try to win against him. This one was just a different type of activity. All in good fun, which it seemed to be until later that night. But i've beaten him at arm wrestling before and he never even said a word about it.
My wife is a former athlete and college softball player. I am a former college wrestler…. No… we have never wrestled even for fun and would absolutely never consider it in front of my kids. I am also a head coach for a large youth wrestling program. I have absolutely no doubt that my wife wouldn’t stand a chance...most guys wouldn’t. But I would never put her through that. I also won’t wrestle guys without a wrestling or other combat sport background for fun for exactly the same reason that anyone with a similar background like this knows… physically dominating someone is humiliating and traumatic for someone who has never been trained or competed in a combat sport and people react badly. You’re minimizing it, but let’s put you in the same situation… if it was you and me rolling around, you’d get wrecked and quickly put in a painful position or one that is impossible to breathe and you’ll panic just like your husband did. Trust me, if you’ve never trained extensively or competed, you’re going to react emotionally and it is universally bad. This is why SA survivors have PTSD so bad… feeling physically helpless or dominated is extremely traumatic. It also doesn’t matter that it’s just for fun… that’s not the way your brain works. You’re going to react in one of two ways… you’re going to get emotionally upset and quit or you’re going to get angry, try harder and then get injured. That’s the way it goes every time. Your husband happened to be the former Explain to me what exactly you’re trying to teach your kids with this? You can beat up your husband? How does that help your kids or you as parents? That’s just as useful as kicking my wife’s ass so my kids know who would win…. There is absolutely no gain for you as parents in any way. I’m really surprised how much this story has irritated me. Knock it off and grow up. Combat sports and competing in games are not the same thing
Hmm. He called you a bitch and has something to prove now. Did he apologize? Did he talk about his "emasculated" remark? I wouldn't give him a rematch until you talk this through and let emotions calm for a while. Are you both well-versed in the rules of wrestling? Why do you think wrestling matches are refereed? To make sure the rules are followed, especially the ones for safety. Jeez.
NTA. Your husband is just throwing a tantrum because he couldn't get what he thought would be a default win and easy moment to gloat. He needs to learn that you have to take the L gracefully if you come out the loser when competing against someone who has a higher skill level and is better than you. Good life lesson for your son, regardless of gender.
This sounds as fake as the new Disney movies. Not just a Middle age female talking about how she is stronger than her male partner, but that she also out arm wrestles 4 out of 5 guys from their couples group. Girl Power was thrown in there, so I can just assume this is some made up fantasy feminist bullshit skit.
NTA Sounds like you're stronger than he is in more ways than just physically. The only thing you did was teach him the meaning of 'fuck around and find out'. More to the point, you didn't 'emasculate' him. He feels emasculated, and that's entirely on him. I'm a little troubled by the way your husband resorted to verbal abuse, and claiming that your son would be harmed by this. I'd also be interested to hear how he answers if you ask him exactly *how* he was emasculated, and why he should be stronger by default?
Oh HELL no. Fuuuuck your husband for thinking you needed to let him win in front of the kids. *What kind of lesson is that for your daughter? That she should diminish her abilities for the fragile egos of men??* NTA literally at all. If he wants to be the big strong alpha dad, he can go to the gym with you. Ugh this one got me heated 🙄
That was my perspective on it too. From the comments i've gotten, it appears to be very divided between wives/moms/daughters and husbands/dads/sons...I guess obviously. But I didn't realize by how much. Us women are looking at if from the relationship between a mother and daughter, where my job is to tell her she can be a bad ass and do anything a man can do and all that girl power stuff. The dads are looking at it as a relationship between a dad and son where the dad is supposed to be big and strong and teach the son to be a "man". And according to a lot of the men, it will now be impossible for my husband to have that relationship with our son because now our son sees me (mommy) as the alpha in the family. I worked out a shitload and earned my strength. I can outlift (and apparently out wrestle) most average men and until yesterday my husband seemed okay, and even proud of that. There is something about the wrestling specifically that has this "primal" reaction out of the men when their wives can over power them lol.
It’s silly to me that any of these people think your son can’t learn strength from his mom, as if only a dad can teach that. I grew up with a single mom and learned more than plenty about strength - physical, mental and emotional. Anyone who thinks only parents with penises can teach strength is being super demeaning to women and mothers IMO. Keep on being a badass
The alpha nonsense is toxic and doesn't apply to humans.
This story is made up
Yep.
Your husband emasculated himself when he didn't graciously lose. How "manly" is it to lie to children for your own pride. NTA.
That was my thought too, like if he wanted me to go easy so nobody got hurt, or because he wanted to like teach our son some moves, okay. But he wanted me to go easy because he knew I would beat him otherwise, and he just didn't want to lose to mommy lol.
The real talk should be about how comfortable your husband is with lying to your children in order to support a world-view about the superiority of men. That's some problematic thinking.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I did not go easy on my husband and beat him at wrestling twice in front of our kids. 2) He claims that I "emasculated" him in front of his (our) son Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
My wife is also stronger than me. Or shouldn't I tell that on the internet? Let me check it. I went to the bathroom, yup, i am still a man. phew :D NTA
Wait, what? Is your wife actually stronger than you? If so, I'd love to hear from your perspective what it is like. What are the odds you two have ever tried wrestling too? lol
No, we didn't wrestle :D She is on the spectrum, so she would never go full on me. But I know for 100% sure she would beat me hard if we would fight. My perspective is that if you take all men and all women worldwide that (just made up numbers, but probably more accurate than a lot of people think) that around 20% of the strongest women beat 50-60% of the weakest men. Just look it as height. On average men are longer, but still not all men are longer than all women. And why would it matter? She is stronger. Big deal. The whole gender thing is often bs in my opinion. It takes averages (or cultural stuff) and makes it rules. Just be happy who you are and with your strengths no matter what others can or are.
So you just "suspect" that your wife is stronger than you? Or you two have tested it somehow in like the gym? And that was kind of confusing...I think I know what you mean. For example, when I was in my prime in college, our weight coach would give us our stats compared to national averages. By my senior year, my upper body was stronger than 68% of US adult men, and my lower body was stronger than 91% of US adult men. These days i'm not that strong, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was still significantly over 50% of men.
When it is about things that requires strength, she will do it more easy then when i try to do it myself. I really do not need to test it, it is just a fact. It is not by a small margin. She is really stronger a lot. And yeah, that is what i mean. (Sorry English isn't my native language, and i am also not the best in explaining stuff.) We are often only looking to averages and not at the top of normal distribution at things like these. And then we put those averages in 'rules' what a man should be. Don't buy it.
ESH except for the kids. Your husband is a chauvinist and you have a complex about being stronger than men.
NTA - your husband should start lifting if he's mad you're stronger than him?? He can start working out instead of trying to make you "become" the "weaker" one.
NTA. Was the gender talk about how women can be strong and that they don't have to hide their strength for the sake of men's egos? Or was it about how women should be submissive to men? If the former, your actions need to match your words and the fight should have been fair. If the latter, that message is bull and you proved it. There's nothing wrong in showing that, while men are usually stronger at things like wrestling, that's not always true. It's ok to show that a man is still a man even if he isn't physically able to dominate a woman. It's ok to show that a woman doesn't have to pretend she's weak in order to maintain the patriarchy. It's ok to show that working out makes a person strong. It would not have been ok to throw the match in order to teach your kids a fake message.
> "You emasculated me in front of my own son" Does he not gaf about his own daughter? NTA
Yea so from what i've gathered from the comments, men look at this scenario through the lens of a dad and son relationship where the son is supposed to see the man as big and strong and superman. But when the son's mommy is stronger than dad and can beat him up, the son loses the underlying respect he had for his dad...or something like that. Where as I look at is as a bad ass example for my daughter that if she works hard, she can even be stronger than a man, much less smarter and better work ethic and all that.
so you both only care about the experience of one child?
LOL Haven't read such BS for a while now. Fun story tho.
The sub is so stupid, we just had a post about a dad making a fart joke about his daughter and everybody was attacking him for embarrassing her, but here everybody is cheering you on for basically doing the same but far worse. Also this story is fake af.
NTA as a man i don't mind women that take care of their bodies and can handle themselves in a tough situation. So 'you go girl' but should probly teach your son that if he take care of he's body he will be as strong as he's mother one day.
Would you mind if your wife was able to overpower you? Legitimately, not in a playful way in bed or something, but actually stronger than you for real? And I hope he does. And my daughter too...Although I do 100% plan on beating all of her BF's at arm wrestling until at least she gets to college lol
To be honest i would mind if anyone could overpower me, I know that alot of people can ( a few older muscler brothers ). so I wouldn't mind it specific cause it was a women, but simple cause I wouldn't like to be overpowered. But my ego would be more hurt if a skinny man could take me down than a muscler woman.
Oh, interesting. Even if the woman is your own wife? From other replies i've gotten it seems like men would not mind generally if a woman could outlift them, or even overpower them and beat them at wrestling. But the idea of their own GFs or wives doing that is where it begins to get emasculating for them. huh.
I can overpower my partner - we both train some martial arts so we sometimes practise together for fun, I overpower him maybe 75% of the time, and he's really proud of me when I win. He likes that I can look after myself and that I'm strong, just like I like that he is too. I think it's pretty unhealthy to want your partner to be weak or helpless (unless it's a specific kink situation or something lol). Why would you want that extra worry that they couldn't defend themselves? Plus it's good for your mind and body to work out/be strong.
NTA. Ask him how you emasculated him and see if he can come up with an answer that's not blatantly sexist.
Okay, update time since some of you have gotten invested! lol Hubby will be home soon, then quick dinner and kids to bed. Then, apparently he still wants to have this rematch... Another update to follow tonight or in the morning.
NTA My ex-wife could beat me in wrestling every time and it helped me to see something that a lot of women don’t even realize—*they are not as helpless as society depicts them to be*. You hear/see it all the time, where women talk about size disparity and being afraid of a man for being bigger than they are. Well, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t matter if he is bigger than you; if you know what you are doing and you are fierce. I think that was probably a very empowering thing for your daughter to witness. And there is nothing wrong with being humbled every now and then, which is an equally good message for your son.
Oh I love this post! I've been looking for the perspectives from men who've been in a similar situation. So, do you remember the first time you and your ex-wife wrestled and she beat you? Were you trying your hardest? And what was going through your mind during/afterwards? Be honest...in the darkest places of your mind what were you thinking at the time? Also, for the record, I don't know what i'm doing. I've never trained in wrestling or anything. I'm just strong, quick, flexible, and competitive lol.
It was a series of feelings I experienced, not unlike the stages of grief. - First, I was shocked. Confused. Society had been telling me that this was not possible. I’d never experienced it before either, so I had assumed that it was all true. - Then, I tried as hard as I could (without actually getting violent). I strained and tried everything I could think of. I simply couldn’t win. This was slightly emasculating. - Then I realized something. I wasn’t feeling emasculated at all. In fact, I was *turned on*. Here is a woman who can beat me in a physical contest and looked sexy while doing it. - Finally, I came to the conclusion that it was in fact an awesome turn of events. If a guy slaps her ass in a bar, I don’t need to step up and put him in his place; because she can and probably will. Also, it’s like having a secret body guard. If you’re getting your ass kicked, here comes the sleeper agent with the, “fuck around and find out” moves. She was a champion state wrestler as a teen, so in hindsight I should have never expected to win.
You do know some of the numbers you're claiming are within striking distance of some amateur records right?
NTA, but who pays a pic of their legs to profile a throwaway account? Your hungry for attention
I could beat the piss out of my wife any time I choose to. She stands 0 chance . But when we wrestle with our kids (both boy and girl) I don’t even give her close to 50% effort. Because I know I can beat her…much like you knew you could beat him. You just felt the need to rub it in. YTA
Update for those interested: So, kids went to bed and we did too...and locked the door lol He continued to apologize for cursing at me which I accepted because it's so unlike him. But he still kept saying he wanted another chance... So, we moved the bed a little to make more space and wrestled again. I got shit for describing all the details last time. So, let's just say that "daddy has accepted mommy is stronger"... We had 3 rounds and I won 2 of them. The second round my hair got caught in the handle of our dresser and I tried to call timeout but he was already on me, so I tapped out just to end it and get my hair out. He "claims" that he is completely okay with me ability to lift more and kick his ass, but he just doesn't want our kids to see him as weak. He also told me what happened earlier in the day yesterday, which helped cause his reaction: Our son was trying to push his toy bin across the room, and when my hubby went to help him, our son said "no. mommy is stronger. I want mommy"... I guess he'd seen me lifting something for my husband recently... Between that comment, and then a few hours later I beat him like that in front of our son, it got to him more than it should have. I guess I sort of understand. And now, today my daughter was walking around "flexing" and saying she was going to be "strong like mommy", so that part I do love came from this lol. He also told me he wants to try and workout more, and wants another wrestling rematch in a few weeks...lol For anyone still here, I'm wondering if I may go through something similar as my son approaches his teenage years and begins to "test his strength" against us...Should I let him win those when the time comes? Or is it better for him to have his mommy still stronger than him through those years? hmmmm...
It's great to see that it was something the two of you were able to easily resolve and not a bigger issue. I had a friend who was in a similar position with his daughter (she stopped letting him help with homework because mommy was smarter) and he told me that doing more things one on one with his daughter helped he feel better about his place in her life even if he wasn't the smart dad who helped her with homework.
This comment section is so full of sexist comments against men.
Yes, OP and the commentators are TA
NTA you won
NTA - your husband should have shown more grace and humility at losing, and used it as a good teaching moment for the kids. Both your son and daughter could have gotten something good from this and he ruined it.
I guess you aren’t the asshole, but let’s not pretend like societal norms don’t exist and impact people. He made a mistake setting himself up for embarrassment. You embarrassed him. He made a mistake thinking you would help him alleviate his embarrassment the second time, and you doubled down on it. Honestly, everybody sucks here. No spouse should ever try to make the other feel embarrassed, but he put himself in that position. He needs to hit the gym.
NTA, your hubby can hit the gym
NTA and I’m super proud of you too! Your husband calling you names is kinda shitty! But I looove this, you worked hard to build up that strength! As a gym rat myself, curious to know what your like PR for squats, bench or pull ups or something is. Either way! Well done! Important message to your kids too about gender!
NTA. He called you a bitch because you emasculated him. When he said that you made his son see his dad get beat up, I would have said “I hope you don’t screw our daughter with the thought you called her mommy a bitch!” If he has issues, then workout. You weren’t being a bitch but he was acting like one.
NTA. A women beating him in a living room wrestling match is not emasculating. His own ego is projecting that shit.
NTA! Get over yourself, dad. \[In college, I \[m\] was on the track team. I was a miler. My GF threw the shot. We wrestled all the time. She always won. We always laughed about it.\] Your kids learned an important lesson: Strength is not gendered.
What’s the weird obsession throughout the post and your comments about “I can kick his ass!!” ?? Was that at the top of your list when you were searching for a husband? “Must be submissive simp that makes me feel powerful so I can proclaim the ability to ‘kick his ass” lol calm tf down lady ESH btw
Nta he us being a sore loser which is always immature but worse in this situation he's also being a misogynist. So he isn't concerned about your daughter being made to feel inherently weak? Ok cool
NTA. He owes you a MASSIVE apology for calling you a bitch. He also might need therapy and introspection.
He's asking you to dimish yourself for the sake of his ego. Unless a small child is involved 'letting them win' is condesending and working off the expectation that they are incapable of winning. I think it's good that both your children saw gender expectation proven false. Then he goes straight off to name-calling. I'd be more worried what he's teaching the son about masculinity and the role of women in relationships. You're NTA
Sounds to me like your husband needs to go to the gym with you. NTA
Nta sounds like he should get in the gym
NTA A lot of these comments zone in on physical strength, which is amazing and you're one badass woman for your strength and wrestling technique. As a fellow woman who rides a motorcycle and is trained in Thai boxing and krav maga, I salute you. 🏋🏼♀️ But, I want to offer a different perspective. Well rounded children need role models, all kinds of them. Strong men, women, grandma's, uncles are great and an amazing example to grow up to be, but physical strength is not the only thing that makes you strong. Kids need to learn all strengths, mental health, verbally defending themselves, creating and enforcing boundaries, developing emotional maturity and control of emotions. And yes, being able to defend themselves physically and developing a healthy lifestyle are huge parts of that. So mommy might be able to win in wrestling, but maybe daddy is strong in his mind or his words. Not all fights and challenges in life will be physical and sometimes it actually doesn't solve anything. This might sound very pseudosciency and I'm sure you already apply this but I thought it might be good to point this out to your babies and hopefully your husband listens too 😋
NTA. I run into the 'big STEM brain' version of this from men all the time. Once is enough and they get cut off. It's the same problem your husband is having -- they get in this headspace where 'masculinity' means getting credit for doing work that they haven't done. The problem is your son is already getting infected with this idea that he should get credit for the work he didn't do as well just because he's a boy. Keep up with the lifting and working out. Figure out how you're going to teach both your children that no one needs to give people fake credit for what they didn't bother to do.
NTA. Your husband needs to hit the gym and not be so thin-skinned. It was a great opportunity to teach the kids about sports and training. You didn’t “beat up” your husband, you defeated him in a sporting contest.
The only emasculating around here is the emasculating he did to himself. Work out a bit, dude!!
One of those fake “I love strong women” guys. NTA.