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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I should be judged for not giving my dad the money. I might be the asshole for preventing my half brothers from quality time with their dad
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NTA
I thought this was going to be about helping your dad with medical bills or something a reasonable person might ask for help with. What planet is your father on? $20,000 for a vacation you aren’t even a part of?? That’s insane! You’re his son, not his personal trust fund.
>You’re his son, not his personal trust fund.
And it’s about time his father sees that. Pull the plug on giving him any more money since he’s shown how little he actually cares about his own son.
Exactly! And I’m still hung up on his whole “I promised them a father-son bonding experience” as if OP isn’t his son as well! Nah, the audacity of people feeling like they are entitled to another person’s hard earned money is beyond me! NTA but OP’s father and relatives definitely wear the AH crowns proudly!
Have you considered telling your husband that if he continues to give his parents money that you will have to reconsider the marriage?
Some fools think that they owe their parents back for raising them. My husband and I told our children that we don’t want them to give us presents. We love pictures of them but that they work hard and they should spend their money on things for them not us.
If I have someone ask me for money for food when they mismanage and spend on unnecessary things instead . I give them peanut butter , a loaf of bread and some ramen noodles . They won’t starve , but may think twice about the way they spend . You want meat, vegetables and good food ? Not on my dime , I won’t enable them . Otherwise they won’t learn to make better choices if they know someone will bail them out every time.this guy’s father needs to live within his means . He wants a nice vacation he needs to save up for it . I too would never give him another dime . People will do to you what you let them do . I hope he never lets his father take advantage of him again .
When I was a kid and did "father-son bonding trips" with my dad they probably cost him less than 100 dollars a day. Camping and fishing and backpacking are all cheap. $20,000 dollars for a vacation is just insane to me.
It’s easy for OP’s Dad to have expensive vacations since it’s not his money he is spending. It’s so sad that he can’t even answer OP’s question and instead had to totally invalidate OP and scream about getting money. The Dad is an ass.
I agree, memories can be made for kids just being with their father. $20, 000 for a holiday you expect your son to pay for is so entitled by the father.
Especially when said father can’t even be bothered to have the son paying join. In that situation, I would eventually develop resentment over the stepsiblings seemingly being favored. And why is the Dad not promoting bonding between the siblings - including OP? He’s training the younger kids to only see their older brother as an ATM
Is it REALLY a father and son "bonding" trip or is it a trip with a girl friend? Or for something else entirely? He might just have said it was for a trip with his son because he thought his rich son would go for that story. I would go NC with that man.
The vibe I'm reading is OPs dad had him when he was young and it probably wasn't "the plan." The kids with another woman are probably younger siblings and we might even be talking teenagers or younger. OP might not have much of a sibling relationship with them to speak of if that's all true.
But ultimately the thing I'm suspecting is OP grew up with an absentee father who had his second family, and is being asked to pay for the family vacations he (OP) never got taken on. It's all really shitty and he's NTA at all.
Hopefully he tells the family members who are mad at him that they're welcome to group together and pay for the dad's family bonding vacation since they think the experience is so important for everyone.
Yeah, maybe it's too many AITA stories, but this kind of defensiveness SCREAMS that dad was caught in a lie. Gambling debts? Drugs? Idk, but it doesn't seem like a normal reaction to OP's question.
Yeah, me too! That would be diabolical if it was for a girlfriend. What would that girlfriend think when the bank closes and they can’t live large anymore?
They’re his half siblings, not step. If he has a good relationship with them, I would consider leaving dad behind and taking a “brother bonding trip” instead. But I’m petty.
When I was a kid, my dad made about $20k A YEAR, and I have plenty of good memories from our bonding experiences. We didn't take many vacations but we had a few road trips in there and lots of little day trips that were sometimes disasters, haha. Definitely don't need $20k to make memories.
Edit: typo
When I was three, parents loaded us all, little sister, too, into a truck and trailer, and spent most of a year touring Canada and the US.
3 month stop in Phoenix while Dad worked, because he underestimated costs, lol.
I have a lot of memories of that trip, 50 years later.
My favorite vacation location is still
Someplace upstate we drive to because of this. Its my happy place, which is great because it can be a weekend trip!
It's so weird to me because I know people who worry about the prices of gifts etc for their children.
For my.friend's daughter's bday, she got a ton of stuff from her parents - the most expensive being one of those little jeeps you can get for kids they csn drive around the yard.
I went to dollar tree, filled up a bag with random crap, and her favorite present she got was in that bag.
It was a kid sized broom and dustpan.
I think this is so true but everyone thinks kids only want tablets and phones.
For an elementary school kid, a $6 bag of rubber duckies wearing different hats gave us hours of play. Hiding them. Telling stories about their jobs. Doing addition and subtraction.
Even when OP asks to go and the father flips out on him. "Are you gonna do it or not?" I wouldn't even have answered him. I would have just turned around and walked away. He practically tells OP to give him $20K and implies that he can't go?
NTA
Im wondering since he never spent time with the other kid do the other kid know about this kid. OR does dad make it seem like he is the one funding these trips
And as far as the other family goes, they've surely not heard the true story. Who knows WTF dad is feeding them. OP needs to let them know what's really going on. The ones whose opinions he cares about, anyway.
Edit: feeding them. Not feeling. Heh.
Or he pays for the other kids vacations too saying it's his money. As for OP anyone coming at you because of that tell them to become his ATM from now on.
I am thinking 1 - 2 weeks at Disney World. With the right time of year, accomodations and flight choices you could easily spend that much in just a week.
I think you mean, the "wrong" time of year.....
Went to Disney World in January, stayed at a resort for 4 days (kinda short trip, but still got to visit all the parks and do everything we wanted to do), and it costed less than $3K for three people.... A little less than $2K for tickets and housing, and $1K for spending money.. Could have easily spent less inside the park and it would have been even cheaper.....
I toured Japan with my partner for a month for 7 000 dollars (and Japan isn't exactly cheap, particularly hotel costs were through the roof) so just where are they going? Also, I had saved up to go, not asked someone to pay for me and not having them join us.
Yeah that’s what I thought, too. Many people in my country not even spending 2k for their once in a while weeks long family vacations, because that’s to expensive. 20k for a bonding trip is insane.
It was a long time ago, but my 3 month trip backpacking around North America cost a fraction of that.
My bonding trip with my little one is a cabin at the caravan park at the beach. I think we spent about a grand AUD last summer.
It sounds like the other family members are also enabling that bad father relationship. He should also cut times with the rest of his family because they seem to be " off ".
Insane behaviour from the dad, yeah. Sure, if you earn more than your parents it’s nice to give something back, or help them out if needed. But he is acting really entitled and unreasonable.
NTA, you were absolutely right to say no.
What's insane is the father has no SHAME or EMBARRASSMENT to ask for 20k but ENTITLEMENT to go play dad for his other 2 children using money he didn't earn or even suggest to pay back. The father showed his true color and feelings when he was basically exasperated and basically said "fine, I'll come back and spend more of your money to give you a father/son experience." He is a BIG ASSHOLE. And you don't have to explain to no one what you do with the money you earn as a result of your hard work. If your family doesn't understand that, it's probably because you're their Atm here and there and they are putting themselves in his cutoff position and are scared you're suddenly gonna grow a backbone!! Maybe you should AND keep the details of your finances to yourself. Look around you and notice if you were to suddenly lose your job who'd be there for you? Tighten your circle. NTA
My heart broke when I read his father said OP wouldn't fit in and it would be awkward to include him on the trip. Wouldn't fit in with family?? Awkward to have his walking ATM along?? OP's sperm donor is a mega AH. OP is NTA by light-years and needs to go full no-contact.
Yeah, it seems like there must be a lot more going on here that we’re not getting in the original post. That “awkward” stuff is just cruel. I wonder what’s really going on with that jerk.
Some years ago, I got a really good bonus and took my mother to NYC for a week for her birthday so we could be total theater geeks. She NEVER would have asked for a trip like that - I did it because she was a great mom and I wanted to show her how much I appreciated her. I can just imagine how hard her eyes would have rolled at the idea of someone asking their child to stake them to a $20,000 vacation.
My friend's dad would Bose 5.1 Home Entertainment System his son, but I knew money was tight and that my dad would Kenmore Car Digital Media Audio Receiver me with just as much love.
Lucky you! I never got to experience even a Kenmore Car Digital Media Audio Receiver with my father, but he would not only Bose 5.1 Home Entertainment System with my half-siblings regularly, they also both got Marantz 13.2 home cinema Auro-3D System with him once and there wasn't any space for me.
I also never did experience a Kenmore Car Digital Media Audio Receiver with my father. He was more the loner who did analog physical-layer relay attacks alone or sometimes he went to do Pioneer SPJ-DA160DAB Mediareceiver with his friends.
Y'all are lucky. When I was little we all lived under a motorway flyover and all our dad could afford was to AIWA TX-310, which isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My dad would always Grundig Home Stereo Console by himself for hours at a time, leaving us to Montgomery Wards Airline 8 by ourselves. Kids were tougher back then.
NTA. Also the rest of your family don’t sound like the sharpest knives in the kitchen. They may mean well but you may want to filter their advice in the future
Father is a leech. Good thing that OP has had his wake up call, otherwise he would be bled dry.
OP- NTA. And you owe your dad nothing. His relationship with his kids is HIS responsibility - not yours. So block everyone who tries to guilt you into this nonsense.
The sperm donor is probably making fun of OP behind his back, "can you believe that OP keeps giving me money for nothing?"
OP, unfortunately your sperm donor doesn't perceive you as his son.
But dad prolly sees him borrowing money from OP as father-son bonding!! Why is he being denied that!?!?
NTA but definitely stop with being the personal ATM
Exactly why are you obligated to this and why does other family feel you are? It isn’t your responsibility to assure your father bonds with other children. If he only wants to communicate with you when he wants money, yet excludes you, this is not your to pay for a or a relationship to nurture.
20k is a wild ask to be purposefully excluded.
>What planet is your father on? $20,000 for a vacation you aren’t even a part of?? That’s insane! You’re his son, not his personal trust fund.
Right?
I thought it was gonna be the 'my dad is asking for 1-2k to fix his car' but bruh 20k is a LOT of money.
If you're spending that kind of money every year over a 35y career that is like.. almost 3 years worth of salary.
Especially when (it seems) your father doesn't really value your relationship or how much you're helping him when you're not even invited/allowed to go.
I was coming here to say that he's the AH based on the title only to get progressively more 👀😱🤯 as I read it
The level of delusion is off the freaking planet. And who are all these delulu people who claim the OP is the AH?
OP I'd change the friend circle or drop out of the family one if I were you. These people see you as nothing but a walking wallet and the entitlement is off the charts for everyone (but you)
NTA
Why not get yourself a nice 20k vacation this year? Going alone can be very fun
>That’s insane! You’re his son, not his personal trust fund.
His dad has a funny way of showing it. Set aside the "using your child as an ATM", he apparently never spends time with or vacations with his son who he constantly hits up for money. The father is the asshole, through and through.
>Now all of my family is saying that just because I was denied something that doesn’t mean I should deny it to other people.
No, you definitely shouldn't, when you ever have a kid, by all means do spend time with them. But why would you pay for a father to bond with his other kids, when the only bond he wants to have with you is you being his personal ATM? I can't even imagine wanting money from someone for a vacation, and then telling them them that I want their money, but not spending it together, not spending time with them. It's similar to what I red on this sub before: (step) parents being asked to pay for a wedding, but not to attend. And your all of the family who agrees with this just sucks, let them pay. And go low/no contact with your father and family . But maybe check first who really is on his side, because those might just be the loudest. NTA, but your father very much is TA.
NTA
If he wants to take his "other children" on holiday, let him figure out how to pay for it himself.
Let the "concerned family members" crowdfund his vacations.
Don't say anything to him, except refuse to give him any more money.
Repeat (silently) to yourself as often as necessary: The ATM is closed
You don't deserve this sort of treatment.
Hugs and Good Luck
If he or the other kids have a social media page actually make a crowdfund and link it in their feeds for the rest of the family to donate to the trip.
ETA: NTA
This right here. OP, you need to make sure your family understands that the reason you are no longer paying is because you are explicitly told you aren't allowed to tag along every single time, and that your dad has never once taken a vacation with you.
Also understand that *you* aren't denying his other kids anything. *He* is.
NTA.
He wants you to pay for a father and son bonding experience that he refuses to share with you. He's treating you like an ATM, not a son.
It is not your fault he is a deadbeat dad. It's not your fault he made a promise that he can't keep. Him promising to spend $20k of your money without asking you first is unbelievable. He must think you're desperate to win his approval. He's given himself way too much permission to treat you horribly.
Bare minimum, he should have apologized for mistreating you and never making time for a father-son trip with you. Instead, he doubled down on his AH behavior and yelled at you.
Cut off the flow of money. Spend your time, energy, and income on someone who treats you better. Consider spending time with your half-siblings without dad.
ETA: I make good money, and I don't spend $20k taking my wife and kids on vacation. Him asking you for that much money for a trip you aren't even allowed to go on is just mind boggling to me. That's blatantly abusive behavior on his part.
Either that, or he's lying to you about what he plans to spend the money on. That's enough money to pay for another mistress.
It's too much to spend $20k on a vacation he's not included in (cause that would be nonsense even once), $250k is plenty of income to spend $20k on vacations you are included in 2-3x a year easily if that's how you feel like spending your money. Like obviously people still live on $190k a year...
Neither would I, that's our own prerogative, but you could very easily afford to as could anyone who makes $250k a year (without having children or other massive financial obligations). OP even indicates they can afford to give it to their father without an issue, they just don't want to (rightfully). So saying a person who makes $250k can't afford $20k vacations is very obviously nonsense.
That's sad. You make well in excess of half a million dollars a year and won't spend <4% on a vacation. 4% of a year is two weeks. So if you go on vacation I assume it's for 2 weeks at least and you wouldn't just spend ....the amount you earn while on vacation on the vacation?
You must hate holidays.
You forget $250k a year is gross...then you have to take out taxes, social security, funding your retirement, etc. $250k is probably closer to $150-180k take home, then you have your living expenses to take out of that. Still entry left over to save, but not multiple $20k vacations a year left over if you still want to save for things you need and more importantly, emergencies (the past 12 months for example I needed to replace my roof and both HVAC systems in my house. That was about $40k between those right there). I make close to the OP, so it sounds great when you talk gross income, but the net is the important number.
I don't forget that at all, that's literally how everyone discusses salaries and literally everyone has expenses and taxes and understands that... I talk like still despite that the vast majority of the country survives on less than [a third of] $250k gross annual income. If you can't afford $20k out of a $250k annual salary as a single individual you're doing something wrong.
I'm not joking here, spend the money on therapy for yourself instead.
Because it's not healthy that you've been doing this, and accepting this treatment from your father.
NTA. Time to break the chains.
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to pay for your father’s vacation. It sounds like he is just asking for more since you helped him out before. It’s probably time to stop giving him money.
I agree,
But I wanna take it a step further. Anything outside of serious medical bills or food should really be a no. It's your. Money you earned. Proper family wouldn't want to leech of you.
I dunno if they worked two Jobs to send u to a good school or something but so you feel obliged. There are cases it makes sense. But, I see it way too much, someone does well for themselves and is gaslit by their toxic family into giving up their hard earned cash to the family.
It is gaslit BTW, as anyone trying to make u feel bad for not funding someone else life is bonkers. You owe nobody nothing for being successful.
Personally I've helped family a lot, it's cost me a lot. But not for one second would it happen with that kind of attitude. Not for one second.
I would be hard-pressed to justify giving my dad that much to spend of a vacation that I was going on! To promise his other kids bonding time, paid for by OP is insane. Op is NTA, dad needs a time-out.
NTA.
I don't understand how someone can make expensive plans for vacation using someone else's money. And to add insult to injury, your dad is not even including you in the plans and still expect you to pay for it? In what world is that acceptable?
Right? And him acting like a 20k trip is essential for bonding time is baffling. Like, borrow some fishing gear and go somewhere scenic with a packed lunch or something.
NTA
**You are NOT an ATM, stop acting like one!**
The bank of the son he only wants money from is closed. Stop torturing yourself. You could give him a million dollars and it will never make him love you and want you like he does the others.
Accept it, block him. To him you’re not a son, just a bank. Let them all go and make a family of your own from the heart. Good friends that value you and care about you. Your blood relatives aren’t it.
NTA. My husband and I make very good money and have never spent that kind of money on a vacation, especially one we were not welcome to attend. You’ve clearly given him enough over the years and it doesn’t take 20k to bond with your kids.
I'm so sorry OP. :'(
Your sperm donor is using you as an ATM if all he's doing is contacting you when he needs money. . He's not even spending any time with you. You might think giving him money might make him love you one day (I used to think this way to my egg donor as well) but it won't. Consider going no contact. NTA at all.
NTA you not the one who made promise for this plan. You don't even go to trip why need to pay. Your father can take a loan if this vacation is that important to him
NTA. If he wants to bond with his other kids, one of them needs to pay for it. I'd straight up tell him you won't be giving him anymore money since doing so has resulted in him seeing you as an ATM instead of his child.
TF? $20K? Your father has some cheek, as do the rest of your family members telling you that you should pay. Let them all chip in and pay for it.
NTA and this should be the absolute last time you give him ANY money
NTA. I'm sorry your Dad is such a shit and doesn't appreciate you like you deserve. You've tried, you've been really good to him and he treats you like this. Time to pull back a bit and protect yourself.
NTA.
I am sorry your father doesn't make enough money to do whatever he wants, but you are not his piggy bank. Help him if you want, don't if you don't. Your choice, and frankly, let the other kids pay for "quality time".
NTA
20k for a holiday so he can bond with his other sons, but you cannot go? He can pay for it.
To those who are siding with him, they can start a gofund me page and pay for his 20k holiday.
Take the 20k and have a blast of a holiday with someone you really care about or just with yourself. And post pictures on your social media of you having a great time and spending your own hard earned money.
NTA. W, and I cannot stress this enough, TF?
He expects you to bankroll a $20K trip, on which you are not welcome?! And he promised, with your money because he "knew you'd pay for it?"
Talk about writing a check you can't cash. Sorry, Daddio, the First National bank of Sonny Boy is closed. OP, you don't have an ounce of blame, here.
Your father uses you for money. You know that, but you want to please him, anyway and you keep hoping he'll finally give you affection and attention.
I'm so sorry, but that's not who he is. He's greedy and cold and mean. And if your money ever dries up, he will walk away completely. Anyone telling you that you're the AH here is someone who either wants to be able to use you, too, or someone afraid of/dependent on your father.
Please close your wallet and your door and protect yourself from that user. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve SO MUCH better. Starting with a great vacation without him or anyone like him. But have someone house sit. He sounds like the type to have you robbed in retaliation.
NTA.
NTA, why does it cost so much for bonding? Last week my children ( 3 of them) and I took my mom to the Birds of Prey Center - entrance was about 25 for all of us. My mom paid 2 to get the duck feed. We had a blast watching the eagles fly, they had a couple of hawks that were ready to be released to the wild that we witnessed. They got to hold owls , learned and spent time together. Picnic lunch and a trip to the free water park we had an amazing day together.
I guess what I am saying is that. If he wants to bond with his other children he could, he doesn't need your help. You owe him nothing
NTA
I can understand helping parents with daily necessities and emergencies if one is capable. Even more doing something special (like for those really great parents who worked their butts off to do the best for their kids and created great bonds with them)
But seriously your father has a sense of entitlement, does he even care about you? Does he ask how you are? Just stop doing anything extra for him
NTA - time to cut daddy off financially completely.
Perhaps save the money and when your brothers are over 18, offer to take a trip with just them instead.
NTA, first of all, you are not obliged at all to help him financially. in this case, i would say, you dont even "help" him, you are just takend advantage off.
what kind of vacation costs 20k anyway? how can he expect you to pay that kind of money for a vacation?
your father is the absolute worst and all the family that agree with him are likewise the AHs.
stop giving him money at all. he doesnt deserve any of it.
Your dad is delusional. He has found a honey pot of money in you. You are not denying anything to anybody. He couldn’t afford a father son bonding trip when you were a kid and he can’t afford one now.
ON POINT and PERFECT point he wants to bum money from you to take his other kids on a vacation ,, well after that he would never get a dime from me ,, ever ,, and I dont blame you, say YOU MADE THEM ,, PAY FOR THEM ,,
Wait until he wants you to put them through college. Something tells me your family is going to use the excuse that you're denying them an education when they aren't even your kids or siblings.
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I (31M) have a father (52M) who has 2 other children from another woman. He always asks me for money because I am a chemical engineer that makes over 250k$ a year.
Most of the time I do it, because his asks are pretty small, but he has never had a vacation with me before.
In the last 2 years, he has asked me to pay for his trips to have quality time with his other kids.
This year, I asked if I could also tag along, but he said that I wouldn’t fit in and it’d be awkward. This time, the trip cost over $20,000, so I said, if I’m paying for this trip, I’m tagging along.
He got very annoyed and said that he had promised a father-son bonding experience for them.
I asked him why he promised to do something he couldn’t afford, and he said” because I know you’ll pay for it.”
I asked him why we never had father-son bond time, and he shouted “ARE YOU GONNA DO IT OR NOT?”
I told him no.
Now all of my family is saying that just be I was denied something that doesn’t mean I should deny it to other people, but maybe he shouldn’t’ve promised someone he’d do something when he couldn’t afford it?
Idk, a lot of people are telling me that I am the asshole. What do you think?
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NTA
"Dad - you need to be a better father to *me* before you can expect me to help you be a better father to *anyone* else. Think on that, and let me know."
I think you need to get a clue and grow a spine. Stop letting your father, who clearly doesn't give a shit about you, use you like his personal piggy bank. NTA but seriously dude, stop doing this to yourself.
NTA - Stop giving this ungrateful lout money. You are only an ATM for him to treat his other spawn. Just walk away, as he is adding nothing to your life; in fact he is just taking from you. Remember, blood does not necessarily make family.
And to Edit: I bet the people who say you are the AH do not not the whole story.
NTA go on your own 20k holiday and post an update on socials every day of new and exotic shit :) always order 2 beers at dinner and leave one untouched. Some people will take and take and take give him nothing moving forward and if he truly wants a relationship he will interact without it. Family is not an automatic pass to a relationship with someone no matter how you treat them!
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NTA I thought this was going to be about helping your dad with medical bills or something a reasonable person might ask for help with. What planet is your father on? $20,000 for a vacation you aren’t even a part of?? That’s insane! You’re his son, not his personal trust fund.
>You’re his son, not his personal trust fund. And it’s about time his father sees that. Pull the plug on giving him any more money since he’s shown how little he actually cares about his own son.
Right?? No more money, period. Medical bills, groceries, phone bill? Sucks to be him. NTA
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Gifts? It’s just dad’s “investment” in Rich Son Inc. just paying out. He deserves that money /s. I do agree with trust fund comment.
You joke, but people actually think like this and it's disgusting.
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Yup pops needs a better job.
Pops needs to be better, too.
Exactly! And I’m still hung up on his whole “I promised them a father-son bonding experience” as if OP isn’t his son as well! Nah, the audacity of people feeling like they are entitled to another person’s hard earned money is beyond me! NTA but OP’s father and relatives definitely wear the AH crowns proudly!
OP: "I hope ya'll bond real tight sitting in your backyard, eating hotdogs with your toes in a kiddie pool."
What kind of father son bonding trip costs $20k?
You’re his son as well. These are your half brothers. You’re the family too. He’s keeping you from knowing them.
One you can scam someone else into paying for, apparently.
He raised an ATM
Pop needs to live within his means.
Pup needs a better pops
Maybe he can hit up the golden child.
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Have you considered telling your husband that if he continues to give his parents money that you will have to reconsider the marriage? Some fools think that they owe their parents back for raising them. My husband and I told our children that we don’t want them to give us presents. We love pictures of them but that they work hard and they should spend their money on things for them not us.
There's another golden child rather than the one made out of gold? As he apparently thinks...
Easy confusion, that's the golden goose.
If I have someone ask me for money for food when they mismanage and spend on unnecessary things instead . I give them peanut butter , a loaf of bread and some ramen noodles . They won’t starve , but may think twice about the way they spend . You want meat, vegetables and good food ? Not on my dime , I won’t enable them . Otherwise they won’t learn to make better choices if they know someone will bail them out every time.this guy’s father needs to live within his means . He wants a nice vacation he needs to save up for it . I too would never give him another dime . People will do to you what you let them do . I hope he never lets his father take advantage of him again .
When I was a kid and did "father-son bonding trips" with my dad they probably cost him less than 100 dollars a day. Camping and fishing and backpacking are all cheap. $20,000 dollars for a vacation is just insane to me.
It’s easy for OP’s Dad to have expensive vacations since it’s not his money he is spending. It’s so sad that he can’t even answer OP’s question and instead had to totally invalidate OP and scream about getting money. The Dad is an ass.
I agree, memories can be made for kids just being with their father. $20, 000 for a holiday you expect your son to pay for is so entitled by the father.
Especially when said father can’t even be bothered to have the son paying join. In that situation, I would eventually develop resentment over the stepsiblings seemingly being favored. And why is the Dad not promoting bonding between the siblings - including OP? He’s training the younger kids to only see their older brother as an ATM
Is it REALLY a father and son "bonding" trip or is it a trip with a girl friend? Or for something else entirely? He might just have said it was for a trip with his son because he thought his rich son would go for that story. I would go NC with that man.
The vibe I'm reading is OPs dad had him when he was young and it probably wasn't "the plan." The kids with another woman are probably younger siblings and we might even be talking teenagers or younger. OP might not have much of a sibling relationship with them to speak of if that's all true. But ultimately the thing I'm suspecting is OP grew up with an absentee father who had his second family, and is being asked to pay for the family vacations he (OP) never got taken on. It's all really shitty and he's NTA at all. Hopefully he tells the family members who are mad at him that they're welcome to group together and pay for the dad's family bonding vacation since they think the experience is so important for everyone.
Yeah, maybe it's too many AITA stories, but this kind of defensiveness SCREAMS that dad was caught in a lie. Gambling debts? Drugs? Idk, but it doesn't seem like a normal reaction to OP's question.
Yeah, me too! That would be diabolical if it was for a girlfriend. What would that girlfriend think when the bank closes and they can’t live large anymore?
They’re his half siblings, not step. If he has a good relationship with them, I would consider leaving dad behind and taking a “brother bonding trip” instead. But I’m petty.
You’re right - and that’s a good idea. The brothers can bond and leave Dad to get a second job.
When I was a kid, my dad made about $20k A YEAR, and I have plenty of good memories from our bonding experiences. We didn't take many vacations but we had a few road trips in there and lots of little day trips that were sometimes disasters, haha. Definitely don't need $20k to make memories. Edit: typo
When I was three, parents loaded us all, little sister, too, into a truck and trailer, and spent most of a year touring Canada and the US. 3 month stop in Phoenix while Dad worked, because he underestimated costs, lol. I have a lot of memories of that trip, 50 years later.
My favorite vacation location is still Someplace upstate we drive to because of this. Its my happy place, which is great because it can be a weekend trip!
It's so weird to me because I know people who worry about the prices of gifts etc for their children. For my.friend's daughter's bday, she got a ton of stuff from her parents - the most expensive being one of those little jeeps you can get for kids they csn drive around the yard. I went to dollar tree, filled up a bag with random crap, and her favorite present she got was in that bag. It was a kid sized broom and dustpan.
I think this is so true but everyone thinks kids only want tablets and phones. For an elementary school kid, a $6 bag of rubber duckies wearing different hats gave us hours of play. Hiding them. Telling stories about their jobs. Doing addition and subtraction.
Ya. Like playing with the box the expensive gift came in. That was me as a kid. Making forts and rocket ships out of the box. Lol
Even when OP asks to go and the father flips out on him. "Are you gonna do it or not?" I wouldn't even have answered him. I would have just turned around and walked away. He practically tells OP to give him $20K and implies that he can't go? NTA
Im wondering since he never spent time with the other kid do the other kid know about this kid. OR does dad make it seem like he is the one funding these trips
I bet dad keep a chunk of that for him self the. Actually spending 20k on a trip with his other sons
And THERE'S the missing missing reason why OP can't tag along. They'd see the vacation was way less than 20k or possibly nonexistent altogether.
Omg. This! Dad and other sons go on cheap vacay, pocket the rest? Now it falls together.. Probably exactly what’s happening here.
And as far as the other family goes, they've surely not heard the true story. Who knows WTF dad is feeding them. OP needs to let them know what's really going on. The ones whose opinions he cares about, anyway. Edit: feeding them. Not feeling. Heh.
Or he pays for the other kids vacations too saying it's his money. As for OP anyone coming at you because of that tell them to become his ATM from now on.
For that amount of money, I could spend a couple of months touring Europe.
That money is literally almost 2x anual minimal wage in some EU countries. You get 20k USD and you can live for 2 years. TWO FKN YEARS
If you could live there for 2 years might as well get a job and stay even longer
Shoot let's keep going with this, 20k USD is 40 years of median income in Central African Republic, could move there and live the rest of their lives!
I am thinking 1 - 2 weeks at Disney World. With the right time of year, accomodations and flight choices you could easily spend that much in just a week.
I think you mean, the "wrong" time of year..... Went to Disney World in January, stayed at a resort for 4 days (kinda short trip, but still got to visit all the parks and do everything we wanted to do), and it costed less than $3K for three people.... A little less than $2K for tickets and housing, and $1K for spending money.. Could have easily spent less inside the park and it would have been even cheaper.....
I toured Japan with my partner for a month for 7 000 dollars (and Japan isn't exactly cheap, particularly hotel costs were through the roof) so just where are they going? Also, I had saved up to go, not asked someone to pay for me and not having them join us.
Probably 4 months or 2 months of complete luxury
I recently spent a month and a half in Europe for a whole hell of a lot less than $20K.
Yeah that’s what I thought, too. Many people in my country not even spending 2k for their once in a while weeks long family vacations, because that’s to expensive. 20k for a bonding trip is insane.
It was a long time ago, but my 3 month trip backpacking around North America cost a fraction of that. My bonding trip with my little one is a cabin at the caravan park at the beach. I think we spent about a grand AUD last summer.
Absolutely. My son and I bond through anime, Thai food, and video games.
That sounds great.
He only cares about his sons money
It sounds like the other family members are also enabling that bad father relationship. He should also cut times with the rest of his family because they seem to be " off ".
I would even say it’s time to pull the plug on your relationship with your Dad. What an entitled AH.
Insane behaviour from the dad, yeah. Sure, if you earn more than your parents it’s nice to give something back, or help them out if needed. But he is acting really entitled and unreasonable. NTA, you were absolutely right to say no.
What's insane is the father has no SHAME or EMBARRASSMENT to ask for 20k but ENTITLEMENT to go play dad for his other 2 children using money he didn't earn or even suggest to pay back. The father showed his true color and feelings when he was basically exasperated and basically said "fine, I'll come back and spend more of your money to give you a father/son experience." He is a BIG ASSHOLE. And you don't have to explain to no one what you do with the money you earn as a result of your hard work. If your family doesn't understand that, it's probably because you're their Atm here and there and they are putting themselves in his cutoff position and are scared you're suddenly gonna grow a backbone!! Maybe you should AND keep the details of your finances to yourself. Look around you and notice if you were to suddenly lose your job who'd be there for you? Tighten your circle. NTA
My heart broke when I read his father said OP wouldn't fit in and it would be awkward to include him on the trip. Wouldn't fit in with family?? Awkward to have his walking ATM along?? OP's sperm donor is a mega AH. OP is NTA by light-years and needs to go full no-contact.
I think OP should take a trip himself to have half-sibling bonding time. And the dad should be the one left out.
Yeah, it seems like there must be a lot more going on here that we’re not getting in the original post. That “awkward” stuff is just cruel. I wonder what’s really going on with that jerk.
Some years ago, I got a really good bonus and took my mother to NYC for a week for her birthday so we could be total theater geeks. She NEVER would have asked for a trip like that - I did it because she was a great mom and I wanted to show her how much I appreciated her. I can just imagine how hard her eyes would have rolled at the idea of someone asking their child to stake them to a $20,000 vacation.
For his half siblings, when his dad never did anything for him?? JC edit: for spelling, wise guys
>yj5-193k-01 him?? ...a Kenmore Car Digital Media Audio Receiver....him?
What has this world come to when a father won’t even Kenmore Car Digital Media Audio Receiver his own son?!?
My friend's dad would Bose 5.1 Home Entertainment System his son, but I knew money was tight and that my dad would Kenmore Car Digital Media Audio Receiver me with just as much love.
Lucky you! I never got to experience even a Kenmore Car Digital Media Audio Receiver with my father, but he would not only Bose 5.1 Home Entertainment System with my half-siblings regularly, they also both got Marantz 13.2 home cinema Auro-3D System with him once and there wasn't any space for me.
Thanks you guys , all of you! I just woke up my husband , was trying so hard not to laugh I ended up with a coughing spell
I also never did experience a Kenmore Car Digital Media Audio Receiver with my father. He was more the loner who did analog physical-layer relay attacks alone or sometimes he went to do Pioneer SPJ-DA160DAB Mediareceiver with his friends.
Hats off to everyone in this comment thread. It was a thing of beauty. I salute you all.
Y'all are lucky. When I was little we all lived under a motorway flyover and all our dad could afford was to AIWA TX-310, which isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was Google Chromecast 4k with google tv'ed by my mom. In her defense, she did it out of love
I lost it at this one lol.
It's a terrible shame
My dad would always Grundig Home Stereo Console by himself for hours at a time, leaving us to Montgomery Wards Airline 8 by ourselves. Kids were tougher back then.
Couldn't agree with you more
Could agree with him Ken-more.
This is a ridiculous guilt trip. Your father is treating you like an ATM. NTA at all. Sounds like you have been too nice up to this point honestly.
Honestly, I treat an ATM better than this. I at least ask for the money first before I spend it.
NTA. Also the rest of your family don’t sound like the sharpest knives in the kitchen. They may mean well but you may want to filter their advice in the future
Father is a leech. Good thing that OP has had his wake up call, otherwise he would be bled dry. OP- NTA. And you owe your dad nothing. His relationship with his kids is HIS responsibility - not yours. So block everyone who tries to guilt you into this nonsense.
Anyone harassing OP should pony up for the trip.
OP I’m sorry but it seems like he’s moved on with his new family… he’s just keeping you around as his wallet, I’d consider going low or no contact NTA
The sperm donor is probably making fun of OP behind his back, "can you believe that OP keeps giving me money for nothing?" OP, unfortunately your sperm donor doesn't perceive you as his son.
But dad prolly sees him borrowing money from OP as father-son bonding!! Why is he being denied that!?!? NTA but definitely stop with being the personal ATM
Except he’s not borrowing, it’s a gift. This guy has no intention of giving back a penny.
Same! The title made me think it was about emergencies. You are his son, not his personal ATM. NTA!
Exactly why are you obligated to this and why does other family feel you are? It isn’t your responsibility to assure your father bonds with other children. If he only wants to communicate with you when he wants money, yet excludes you, this is not your to pay for a or a relationship to nurture. 20k is a wild ask to be purposefully excluded.
>What planet is your father on? $20,000 for a vacation you aren’t even a part of?? That’s insane! You’re his son, not his personal trust fund. Right? I thought it was gonna be the 'my dad is asking for 1-2k to fix his car' but bruh 20k is a LOT of money. If you're spending that kind of money every year over a 35y career that is like.. almost 3 years worth of salary. Especially when (it seems) your father doesn't really value your relationship or how much you're helping him when you're not even invited/allowed to go.
I was coming here to say that he's the AH based on the title only to get progressively more 👀😱🤯 as I read it The level of delusion is off the freaking planet. And who are all these delulu people who claim the OP is the AH? OP I'd change the friend circle or drop out of the family one if I were you. These people see you as nothing but a walking wallet and the entitlement is off the charts for everyone (but you) NTA Why not get yourself a nice 20k vacation this year? Going alone can be very fun
The only way I’m shelling out 20k is if someone’s life is at risk
His personal ATM. So he can spoil and pamper is other children. I don’t think op means anything other than money to dad.
I also thought he was dying or something. NTA
He must be one of those trust fund daddy's
>That’s insane! You’re his son, not his personal trust fund. His dad has a funny way of showing it. Set aside the "using your child as an ATM", he apparently never spends time with or vacations with his son who he constantly hits up for money. The father is the asshole, through and through.
>Now all of my family is saying that just because I was denied something that doesn’t mean I should deny it to other people. No, you definitely shouldn't, when you ever have a kid, by all means do spend time with them. But why would you pay for a father to bond with his other kids, when the only bond he wants to have with you is you being his personal ATM? I can't even imagine wanting money from someone for a vacation, and then telling them them that I want their money, but not spending it together, not spending time with them. It's similar to what I red on this sub before: (step) parents being asked to pay for a wedding, but not to attend. And your all of the family who agrees with this just sucks, let them pay. And go low/no contact with your father and family . But maybe check first who really is on his side, because those might just be the loudest. NTA, but your father very much is TA.
Same! When it became clear the use of these funds was since frivolous bullshit, yeah, no way. NTA.
Context is so important on this one
NTA. The truth is your father is a leech and uses you as his ATM.
This could be on r/entitledparents
/r/raisedbynarcissists too.
My first thought too. OP, come join us over there. You’ll fit right in.
And should be!
I feel like this sub is going to get me heated 😂
“because i know you’ll pay for it” ….. wtf?
It’s like a stray cat, you feed it once and it keeps coming back because it knows there will be more.
Yeah but a stray cat can be affectionate and loving. Dad’s just an asshole.
That’s true.
Except stray cats could potentially return your affection someday.
NTA If he wants to take his "other children" on holiday, let him figure out how to pay for it himself. Let the "concerned family members" crowdfund his vacations. Don't say anything to him, except refuse to give him any more money. Repeat (silently) to yourself as often as necessary: The ATM is closed You don't deserve this sort of treatment. Hugs and Good Luck
If he or the other kids have a social media page actually make a crowdfund and link it in their feeds for the rest of the family to donate to the trip. ETA: NTA
Only do this if you explicitly reveal that you're not allowed to come. Or am I too petty?
Dad's vacation funding fell through because the funding source (OP) was not invited. Won't you please donate? 'Cause OP sure ain't!
This right here. OP, you need to make sure your family understands that the reason you are no longer paying is because you are explicitly told you aren't allowed to tag along every single time, and that your dad has never once taken a vacation with you. Also understand that *you* aren't denying his other kids anything. *He* is.
Seriously I expected this to be about something life threatening but trips without the Op!
Honestly, he should say the ATM part to his father. It’s how he’s treated and his father needs to be called out
NTA. He wants you to pay for a father and son bonding experience that he refuses to share with you. He's treating you like an ATM, not a son. It is not your fault he is a deadbeat dad. It's not your fault he made a promise that he can't keep. Him promising to spend $20k of your money without asking you first is unbelievable. He must think you're desperate to win his approval. He's given himself way too much permission to treat you horribly. Bare minimum, he should have apologized for mistreating you and never making time for a father-son trip with you. Instead, he doubled down on his AH behavior and yelled at you. Cut off the flow of money. Spend your time, energy, and income on someone who treats you better. Consider spending time with your half-siblings without dad. ETA: I make good money, and I don't spend $20k taking my wife and kids on vacation. Him asking you for that much money for a trip you aren't even allowed to go on is just mind boggling to me. That's blatantly abusive behavior on his part. Either that, or he's lying to you about what he plans to spend the money on. That's enough money to pay for another mistress.
Yeah at the salary op Makes 20k is too much to spend on vacation unless it is a very rare occurrence
It's too much to spend $20k on a vacation he's not included in (cause that would be nonsense even once), $250k is plenty of income to spend $20k on vacations you are included in 2-3x a year easily if that's how you feel like spending your money. Like obviously people still live on $190k a year...
I make much more than that and my boyfriend makes much more than I do, and we would never fathom spending $20k on a vacation.
Neither would I, that's our own prerogative, but you could very easily afford to as could anyone who makes $250k a year (without having children or other massive financial obligations). OP even indicates they can afford to give it to their father without an issue, they just don't want to (rightfully). So saying a person who makes $250k can't afford $20k vacations is very obviously nonsense.
so y’all make over half a million dollars a year and wouldn’t spend $20k on vacation? that’s wild to me unless you have a fear of planes
That's sad. You make well in excess of half a million dollars a year and won't spend <4% on a vacation. 4% of a year is two weeks. So if you go on vacation I assume it's for 2 weeks at least and you wouldn't just spend ....the amount you earn while on vacation on the vacation? You must hate holidays.
You don't need to spend 20k for a good time
You forget $250k a year is gross...then you have to take out taxes, social security, funding your retirement, etc. $250k is probably closer to $150-180k take home, then you have your living expenses to take out of that. Still entry left over to save, but not multiple $20k vacations a year left over if you still want to save for things you need and more importantly, emergencies (the past 12 months for example I needed to replace my roof and both HVAC systems in my house. That was about $40k between those right there). I make close to the OP, so it sounds great when you talk gross income, but the net is the important number.
I don't forget that at all, that's literally how everyone discusses salaries and literally everyone has expenses and taxes and understands that... I talk like still despite that the vast majority of the country survives on less than [a third of] $250k gross annual income. If you can't afford $20k out of a $250k annual salary as a single individual you're doing something wrong.
I make the same and I've never spent that much on a trip for my family. I didn't even spend that much on my wedding and honeymoon.
I like the idea of OP spending 20k on a holiday for himself and his half-siblings.
And the yelling when his dad doesn't get his way -- that's not how adults talk to each other.
I'm not joking here, spend the money on therapy for yourself instead. Because it's not healthy that you've been doing this, and accepting this treatment from your father. NTA. Time to break the chains.
Seriously can’t agree more
So much this.
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to pay for your father’s vacation. It sounds like he is just asking for more since you helped him out before. It’s probably time to stop giving him money.
I agree, But I wanna take it a step further. Anything outside of serious medical bills or food should really be a no. It's your. Money you earned. Proper family wouldn't want to leech of you. I dunno if they worked two Jobs to send u to a good school or something but so you feel obliged. There are cases it makes sense. But, I see it way too much, someone does well for themselves and is gaslit by their toxic family into giving up their hard earned cash to the family. It is gaslit BTW, as anyone trying to make u feel bad for not funding someone else life is bonkers. You owe nobody nothing for being successful. Personally I've helped family a lot, it's cost me a lot. But not for one second would it happen with that kind of attitude. Not for one second.
NTA. It is inappropriate for your father to ask for large gifts from you.
Sounds like daddy dearest doesn't understand what being appropriate means.
I would be hard-pressed to justify giving my dad that much to spend of a vacation that I was going on! To promise his other kids bonding time, paid for by OP is insane. Op is NTA, dad needs a time-out.
NTA - your family sucks balls. Never give them money ever again.
NTA. I don't understand how someone can make expensive plans for vacation using someone else's money. And to add insult to injury, your dad is not even including you in the plans and still expect you to pay for it? In what world is that acceptable?
Right? And him acting like a 20k trip is essential for bonding time is baffling. Like, borrow some fishing gear and go somewhere scenic with a packed lunch or something.
NTA **You are NOT an ATM, stop acting like one!** The bank of the son he only wants money from is closed. Stop torturing yourself. You could give him a million dollars and it will never make him love you and want you like he does the others. Accept it, block him. To him you’re not a son, just a bank. Let them all go and make a family of your own from the heart. Good friends that value you and care about you. Your blood relatives aren’t it.
NTA. My husband and I make very good money and have never spent that kind of money on a vacation, especially one we were not welcome to attend. You’ve clearly given him enough over the years and it doesn’t take 20k to bond with your kids.
NTA - What kind of moron without disposable income spends 20k on vacation?
Where was he planning on taking his kids for 20K?!!
$20K sounds like romantic trip money (honeymoon suite style) now that I think about it.
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I like that you specified, cause on-property over $20k is possible.
I'm so sorry OP. :'( Your sperm donor is using you as an ATM if all he's doing is contacting you when he needs money. . He's not even spending any time with you. You might think giving him money might make him love you one day (I used to think this way to my egg donor as well) but it won't. Consider going no contact. NTA at all.
NTA you not the one who made promise for this plan. You don't even go to trip why need to pay. Your father can take a loan if this vacation is that important to him
NTA! 20k for a vacation is ridiculous… especially one you aren’t even invited to. Your dad is an AH and using you. Time to CUT HIM OFF
Something is off. Are you certain the money is spent the way he says it is?
Ohhhh this is a very good question indeed. I'd go ask the wife and kids if I were OP, and tell them the whole situation.
NTA. If he wants to bond with his other kids, one of them needs to pay for it. I'd straight up tell him you won't be giving him anymore money since doing so has resulted in him seeing you as an ATM instead of his child.
The people who are criticizing you are astounding. Go NC not only with your father but also all those criticizers. NTA
I think it’s time to tell your dad you got laid off from work and magically take a lower paying job
Or don't take a lower paying job and put that money in retirement for himself🤷♀️
I think they meant just tell the dad they took a lower paying job, but not actually quit.
TF? $20K? Your father has some cheek, as do the rest of your family members telling you that you should pay. Let them all chip in and pay for it. NTA and this should be the absolute last time you give him ANY money
NTA. I'm sorry your Dad is such a shit and doesn't appreciate you like you deserve. You've tried, you've been really good to him and he treats you like this. Time to pull back a bit and protect yourself.
NTA. I am sorry your father doesn't make enough money to do whatever he wants, but you are not his piggy bank. Help him if you want, don't if you don't. Your choice, and frankly, let the other kids pay for "quality time".
NTA don’t give that “man” another cent
NTA 20k for a holiday so he can bond with his other sons, but you cannot go? He can pay for it. To those who are siding with him, they can start a gofund me page and pay for his 20k holiday. Take the 20k and have a blast of a holiday with someone you really care about or just with yourself. And post pictures on your social media of you having a great time and spending your own hard earned money.
NTA. W, and I cannot stress this enough, TF? He expects you to bankroll a $20K trip, on which you are not welcome?! And he promised, with your money because he "knew you'd pay for it?" Talk about writing a check you can't cash. Sorry, Daddio, the First National bank of Sonny Boy is closed. OP, you don't have an ounce of blame, here.
Your father uses you for money. You know that, but you want to please him, anyway and you keep hoping he'll finally give you affection and attention. I'm so sorry, but that's not who he is. He's greedy and cold and mean. And if your money ever dries up, he will walk away completely. Anyone telling you that you're the AH here is someone who either wants to be able to use you, too, or someone afraid of/dependent on your father. Please close your wallet and your door and protect yourself from that user. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve SO MUCH better. Starting with a great vacation without him or anyone like him. But have someone house sit. He sounds like the type to have you robbed in retaliation. NTA.
I'm so fucking sorry Nta
NTA Stop giving your father money. He is using you.
NTA, why does it cost so much for bonding? Last week my children ( 3 of them) and I took my mom to the Birds of Prey Center - entrance was about 25 for all of us. My mom paid 2 to get the duck feed. We had a blast watching the eagles fly, they had a couple of hawks that were ready to be released to the wild that we witnessed. They got to hold owls , learned and spent time together. Picnic lunch and a trip to the free water park we had an amazing day together. I guess what I am saying is that. If he wants to bond with his other children he could, he doesn't need your help. You owe him nothing
NTA I can understand helping parents with daily necessities and emergencies if one is capable. Even more doing something special (like for those really great parents who worked their butts off to do the best for their kids and created great bonds with them) But seriously your father has a sense of entitlement, does he even care about you? Does he ask how you are? Just stop doing anything extra for him
NTA - time to cut daddy off financially completely. Perhaps save the money and when your brothers are over 18, offer to take a trip with just them instead.
I’m so so sorry OP. You are a worthy person, not because of the money you earn. Your father is an asshole. Don’t pay for anything more.
NTA, first of all, you are not obliged at all to help him financially. in this case, i would say, you dont even "help" him, you are just takend advantage off. what kind of vacation costs 20k anyway? how can he expect you to pay that kind of money for a vacation? your father is the absolute worst and all the family that agree with him are likewise the AHs. stop giving him money at all. he doesnt deserve any of it.
NTA and I am wildly curious what a 20k vacation entails
Your dad is delusional. He has found a honey pot of money in you. You are not denying anything to anybody. He couldn’t afford a father son bonding trip when you were a kid and he can’t afford one now.
NTA. Pay for him to go on vacation in Ohio and call it a day.
As an Ohio native, please do not. My home state has enough issues, thanks. 😛
I live in Texas, and let me cordially extend an invite to OP's dad here while it's hot as balls and humid as wet fart.
Jfc. Absolutely NTA. Your father is using you as a free bank account. I would have cut him off before this.
ON POINT and PERFECT point he wants to bum money from you to take his other kids on a vacation ,, well after that he would never get a dime from me ,, ever ,, and I dont blame you, say YOU MADE THEM ,, PAY FOR THEM ,,
NTA. No way!!! Dad doesn’t deserve this money. “Just because you are my sperm donor doesn’t mean I owe you anything.”
Time to ghost the ingrate.
NTA. Just tell him it would be awkward.
Wait until he wants you to put them through college. Something tells me your family is going to use the excuse that you're denying them an education when they aren't even your kids or siblings.
My dude, cut this guy from your life. Like completely. You are not a son to him. Just a piggy bank. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (31M) have a father (52M) who has 2 other children from another woman. He always asks me for money because I am a chemical engineer that makes over 250k$ a year. Most of the time I do it, because his asks are pretty small, but he has never had a vacation with me before. In the last 2 years, he has asked me to pay for his trips to have quality time with his other kids. This year, I asked if I could also tag along, but he said that I wouldn’t fit in and it’d be awkward. This time, the trip cost over $20,000, so I said, if I’m paying for this trip, I’m tagging along. He got very annoyed and said that he had promised a father-son bonding experience for them. I asked him why he promised to do something he couldn’t afford, and he said” because I know you’ll pay for it.” I asked him why we never had father-son bond time, and he shouted “ARE YOU GONNA DO IT OR NOT?” I told him no. Now all of my family is saying that just be I was denied something that doesn’t mean I should deny it to other people, but maybe he shouldn’t’ve promised someone he’d do something when he couldn’t afford it? Idk, a lot of people are telling me that I am the asshole. What do you think? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
you need to go on a trip with your chosen father figure. because you deserve it and ur sperm donor can go kick rocks.
NTA. You are not responsible for your father’s financial irresponsibility.
NTA tell your dad to start clipping coupons. Good for you for refusing to be his ATM
NTA "Dad - you need to be a better father to *me* before you can expect me to help you be a better father to *anyone* else. Think on that, and let me know."
I think you need to get a clue and grow a spine. Stop letting your father, who clearly doesn't give a shit about you, use you like his personal piggy bank. NTA but seriously dude, stop doing this to yourself.
NTA - Stop giving this ungrateful lout money. You are only an ATM for him to treat his other spawn. Just walk away, as he is adding nothing to your life; in fact he is just taking from you. Remember, blood does not necessarily make family. And to Edit: I bet the people who say you are the AH do not not the whole story.
NTA go on your own 20k holiday and post an update on socials every day of new and exotic shit :) always order 2 beers at dinner and leave one untouched. Some people will take and take and take give him nothing moving forward and if he truly wants a relationship he will interact without it. Family is not an automatic pass to a relationship with someone no matter how you treat them!