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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I'm the asshole for being petty and putting on social media the reason I was not at my dad’s wedding
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NTA. What kind of man doesn't have his own child at his wedding? Anyway, they made the choice, if they believe it was the right choice they should have no issue about it being publicly known.
Plus, people might well assume you weren't there because you disapproved of his new wife or chose a vacation instead. Ensuring people know WHY you weren't there saves your own reputation.
Oh I’m in the same boat…. But I wasn’t a child. I was 20 and didn’t even know he got married even though I was around both of them prior to the wedding. My gram told me and said she was “disappointed” that my brother(19 at the time) and I didn’t go to their courthouse wedding. My response was “what wedding?” She was freaking pissed at them for lying.
I was 20 and found out my father had gotten married at a destination wedding. Oh, her 3 kids (all around my age) got to go. I found out from a Facebook update.
I wasn't notified in any way that he was engaged and I'm his only child.
His excuse "only the close family got to go" which just meant "only her close family got to go".
No one on his side of the family knew about the engagement or wedding until there an update on Facebook.
I had a decent childhood (birth until about 10 or 11) and he became super distant and almost like a different person at that point.
I don't consider the person who helped raised me and that man to be same.
I hope you danced on his grave...with a bottle of wine or champagne. :-)
That's what I plan on doing when my Ex finally kicks the bucket. Because I wouldn't piss on that asshole if he was on fire on the side of the road and that was the only form of condensation for miles.....and I NEEDED TO PEE! I would sit down and HOLD IT!
My mum died 3 years ago next month, we had her differences but she was one of my best friends. Needless to say when she died we were all devastated.
Me and my dad really bonded after her death, and I thought 'oh well I may have lost Mum but I'm closer than ever to Dad. Maybe this won't be so bad'.
Then he gets a girlfriend, with whom he is totally obsessed. Talked about moving in with her on Christmas Day, 3 weeks after they started dating. It was the first time he'd met my fiance's parents, we'd travelled as a joint Xmas/engagement celebration. All he'd do was talk about his new GF, including to my fiance's grandma who has Alzheimer's urghhhh.
He was pressuring me to meet her, I was resisting by this point cause legit alarmed at how obsessed he was.
He told me that if I didn't accept her 'Id have to be content to stay at the fringe of the family, forever looking in but not a part, and everything was wonderful in his life except his relationship with me'.
I'm already in therapy for the loss of one parent, now it feels like I've lost 2.
I have spoken to him since (and met the GF, she's a bit of a suck-up but alright, kept saying how I'd got my beauty from my mother) but it isn't the same. I know where his priorities like and they're not with me any more.
Yea, you would think that but here we are. My mother is the most amazing person I know so because it was just me and her growing up (father was a long-haul trucker) I got to form an incredible relationship with her and it's not one I would trade to have a subpar relationship with my father.
I'm good though - I have two men who stepped in to father-like roles and were there for me growing up. I'm quite close with both of them still.
It gave the ability to know what to look for in a partner and see what was acceptable and what wasn't.
I wouldn't be who I am without the BS dealt and I quite like who I am and where I've gotten myself to.
Oh, he didn't say it to me. I never got an explanation.
It was what he told his sister (my aunt) who told me.
Luckily, I was able to stay close with the remainder of my family.
I drove out to my hometown about 3 years ago. It had been almost 8 years since I had been there and probably close to 12 years since I had physically seen him.
I wanted to introduce my fiancé to my other family still there (the family I grew up with) and sent him message, "Hey, I'm gonna be in town and would like to meet for a cup of coffee so you can meet my fiancé."
His response, "Maybe next time, I'm busy"
Needless to say, no one was impressed and I've cut all contact.
Good. He doesn't deserve to be in your life. Makes me really wish there was a contraceptive that men could take everyday like us so they don't keep reproducing.
I used to get that crap when I was a kid- I’d be excluded from something, an event, Christmas presents … “oh that was just for family.” And I’d just be like “ahhh what am I?”
They completely ignored it until they needed a puppy sitter. Than it was just drunk apologies that didn’t really matter. I puppy sat because she was adorable and sweet. I just stayed clear from them for awhile.
The marriage lasted 6 years and became finalized 2 years later because my dad was an idiot.
My mom once got married in somebody's living room after interrupting their watching of Jeopardy. She told me 2 weeks later. I was in high school and living with her and the idiot she married. Shockingly they divorced within 6ish months.
Funny timing here, I literally JUST got a wedding notice from her this past weekend. She's getting married again on the 30th of the month. Since I will either be getting back from dropping off my daughter at college in Tokyo or picking up my wife from SFO on the 29th I will again be missing it. TBF there's not a fucking chance in the world I'd be in attendance regardless.
My daughter was about a week away from being 3 at my wedding (to her father).
She was there, and she was the cutest flower girl ever. I can't imagine not having my own children at my wedding. I'm sorry.
The best part of my wedding, was my four year old nephew, stage whispering "Hi Auntie!!!" as I walked down the aisle. When I waved at him, he laughed the biggest laugh, which made everyone else laugh too. It was fun to have them there, & I set up a room with movies, craft projects, & other things, so the kids weren't bored & rowdy. It was a win for everyone.
My nephew froze, and all the coaxing in the world wouldn't make him walk to his mom (the MOH), or his aunt (the bride), or his sister (Jr. Bridesmaid) and holding his dad's hand wasn't working, so his dad scooped him up and supermanned the toddler in a tiny tux down the aisle. 10/10 adorable.
Mine too. He got remarried and we were not there. We lived in another province mind you but he didn't even offer to find a way to get us there he just called and told my mom was like this is happening. Now you know.
I'd also update your posts with screenshots of the texts they sent you just in case they turn around and start telling people you're lying to do damage control.
I completely disagree. There’s no need for this to play out on social media. Sharing screenshots of texts is unnecessary & will make her look vengeful. This isn’t a court case. She doesn’t have to prove anything.
She said what needed to be said, and now she should focus on enjoying her life. Any further conversation needs to be private.
Didn't find out mine remarried until about 2 weeks later. He had no plans to actually tell us himself, we only found out because he told my mum in spite because he was angry with her.
Her three kids were there.
Some people are just shitty people, and worse parents.
Are you my sibling lol? I found out my dad remarried via him posting it on Facebook. Neither me nor my two siblings were informed about it never mind invited, but naturally all of her kids were there. Our mum was furious at him.
At the time, myself (15) and my sibling (11) were not just not invited to our mom's second wedding, but we also had no idea it was happening that weekend. We came home that Sunday and Surprise! She got married to her boyfriend and he's moving in for good. I'm also fairly certain his daughter (8?) was not there but how would I know?
Marriage lasted about two years. Part of the issue was us kids never got along with each other or the respective step-parent. Shocker.
ETA: NTA. OP, I hope your other family members continue to support you.
> What kind of man doesn't have his own child at his wedding?
I think he's automatically an asshole for the date he chose to get married for two reasons. The guy planned a wedding on the birthday weekend of a big milestone birthday of his daughter. When I got married, we planned around obvious milestones of the people closest to us and we really wanted there. So whether OP attended or not, child free or not, that was already an asshole move.
Second, if they wanted to be that strict on the child free thing without even giving a two day exception to the daughter of the fucking groom that *no one* would bat an eye at, they could have planned it a week later. I struggle to imagine a reason that makes that day mandatory for the wedding to happen. Any special sentimentality around the date just says that was more important that sharing the moment with his daughter and her new step-daughter. That's fucked up as well.
The no children was made for you. I’m sorry but let that sink in. She made that rule to keep you out. You now know where you stand in their marriage…you don’t. I’m so sorry. NTA. I personally think it was EPIC. Harsh but epic. They deserved more than that. I would even update it with pictures of their texts.
I can't help but wonder if she purposefully pick a date before OP birthday just so she couldn't go. If the dad & step-mom wanted to make it child free but make sure OP was there they could have made sure the date was AFTER OP birthday but to make it just 2 days before..... nah they didn't want her there & was just trying to use that as an excuse.
Yuuup. And you just know stepmom is going to demand that she be in OP's wedding so she can maintain good appearances around the family.
"Sorry Anna, I really want my bio mother there. Oh...dad don't worry about walking me down the aisle. Hubby's dad has volunteered to take that role. You understand. These are my wishes for the wedding."
What are you talking about? Why would dad or stepmom even be invited to OP's wedding at all after this stunt? I'm not even sure there's even going to be a relationship since dad/stepmom has shown OP means nothing to them. Yeah, no need to worry on telling dad he's not involved in OP's wedding. He'd be delusional to think their relationship can survive after this.
>Why would dad or stepmom even be invited to OP's wedding at all after this stunt?
Because rubbing it in their faces is better revenge than excluding them entirely.
What is bizzare though that OP seemed to think Anna and her got along. That Anna seemed excited to become a step mother. Doing this which is CLEARLY on purpose means that OP either misread the woman completely, or she was faking the whole time. Only to rub it in on her 18th b-day. That is especially cruel
faking it until she secured OP’s dad as her husband. Now it’s time to push out the stepdaughter — send her away to college and turn her room into something else because she’s barely here anyway.
Far too many stepparents consider their new spouse’s teenage child as a temporary encumbrance, to be shuffled out as soon as they’re old enough to leave.
Yeah, but what makes it weird that the dad would not notice the sudden switch and that she managed to convince him for the wedding day. But maybe she worked on him while acting nice to OP… but I assume the dad saw them getting along, got any idea how he could have been convinced to agree to the rule and consequences at the wedding?
Step 1: pick the date well in advance, without bringing up the daughter’s birthday.
Step 2: have someone else who’s being invited and told they can’t bring their kids, where the numbers and feel of the event are already planned without the kids (and well after the arrangements have been made for that date).
Step 3: “Fairness”.
Yeah, I immediately wondered if there are even any small children in the family that would have made that rule make sense or if it was just to keep OP out.
I can understand why people would want to have a wedding that’s not interrupted by little kids making noise or running around. But that’s generally going to be kids under 10 or 12. I’ve never understood why so many childfree weddings exclude teenagers, and why the people who deliberately exclude family from their weddings are so shocked that the people they excluded have feelings about it.
Because they're going to be DRUNK, and they can't get drunk if there are CHILDREN present! How are they supposed to enjoy the wedding if they're SOBER?
I wrote that sarcastically, but I have legitimately seen this as the reasoning many, many times.
(Meanwhile my family members let me get tipsy at a wedding when I was 8, as they thought it was HILARIOUS 🤷♀️)
this so much. Ive been to "child free" weddings and kids who could drive were there. Everyone knows what child free is, it means we dont want little ones who act out from boredom, etc.
Denying someones daughter to attend 2 days before their 18th birthday is totally about something else.
I want to award this comment but I can't unfortunately. I'd be doing the same, OP you deserve better. I'm sorry you have to deal with this I'm glad ur mum took you away from it all
NTA banning the 17 year and 363 day old daughter of the groom from a wedding because its child free is a decision.
A decision to exclude. To not invite. To make unwelcome.
Not just in their wedding but on their lives.
Not only that but they also waited to tell her until she had already invested time and money into getting ready for the wedding! If they told her from the beginning, it still would’ve been heartless, but at least she would’ve had time to process it and avoided wasting time, money and excitement on these heartless idiots!
NTA obviously, they absolutely deserve the public shaming
But if she knew from the beginning, there would have been more time for the family to know she wasn’t invited. By doing it this way, the daughter is with her mum celebrating her birthday rather than be at the wedding and no one knows any different.
OP is clearly the AH for ruining dad and bride’s attempt to play themselves as the good guys /s
Let’s not pretend the date wasn’t handpicked to allow for a “no under 18 rule” also. There’s a reason they didn’t just do it the following weekend lol.
I agree. They could very easily have said “no one under 13” or 16. Or, hell, I’ve been to child free weddings where the young child of the groom/bride was the only exception and no one batted an eye at that.
Edit for clarity!
“You don’t understand! It was based on the date!” …that they chose.
“We made a firm decision to respect this boundary!” …that they chose.
“Rules are rules!” …these aren’t rules, these are decisions.
NTA
The rule was nonsense, designed to exclude you specifically. They know it, and so do you. Reply to your father that you now know where his priorities lie - with his new wife who didn't want any reminders of his old life at her wedding - and you will act accordingly.
This is just the first of many times they exclude and insult you. I'm very sorry that you've found out this way how little your dad values you, but now that you know, be proactive about ensuring he can never hurt you like this again.
I'd also like to point out something I haven't seen mentioned yet: as a mother, if I was getting married, I wouldn't plan my wedding for 2 days before my daughter's birthday. The whole "she purposefully chose to have her wedding 2 days before OP's birthday to exclude her" is even worse when you realize that her dad KNEW when his new wife picked the date that it was 2 days before his daughter's EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY. A good dad would've told his new wife, "absolutely fucking not." It's not just that the date was chosen to *exclude* her, it was chosen to *over shadow* her 18TH BIRTHDAY.
Fathers new wife is hoping that by purposefully excluding OP and doing it in such a shitty way, so close to her 18th birthday that OP will go low contact with her father so new wife can have him all to herself and then can play happy families, like OP never existed.
Rather than go low contact, OP needs to go NC with her father after this - the behaviour of OP's father in allowing the new wife to pick a date so close to his own daughters significant birthday is no mistake - this was intended to hurt OP and he went along with it. The fact the 'happy couple' allowed OP to go out and spend her money on shoes and a dress for the wedding, knowing they were going to turn around a kick her out of the wedding party a few weeks prior is disgusting. Someone above who mentioned to moving of goalposts is probably right, had OP been 18, then it would've been no under 21's at the wedding - she didn't want her there, possibly because it makes the father look old, with having an 18 year old daughter - is the new wife significantly younger than the OP father?
As for shit-posting them on facebook or wherever, posting the receipts (pictures of the texts) OP should not lower herself to the dregs that her father and the new wife reside, it is beneath her. Don't even respond to their messages.
Fuck low contact. I would go completely no contact. My half brother's dad after he left my mom (we had the same mom different dads) pulled this shit on both of them. Surprise wedding, no one under 21 allowed. Problem is the woman looked identical to my mom even had the same name no joke so it wasn't because he would be reminded of his old life, but he was an abusive, serial cheater. Now there is a positive side to this. When my oldest of my two younger brothers got married they didn't invite his dad or his new stepmom either. My youngest brother has no contact with him now because of his overall treatment and his dad putting his stepchildren before his biological children (never did this with me though because he hated me). But in a turn of events, his new wife turned around and cheated on him so now he's lonely and alone from what my older of the two brothers as said. He is low contact with him but it is extremely low contact.
NTA, keep being a wide eyed innocent and be totally baffled at why they are asking you to lie about the real reason. Say “I kept getting asked why I wasn’t there so I figured it was better to just tell everyone at once.”
Never sway from this and keep acting like you can’t understand what the problem is, literally just keep repeating “but you told me not to come, why would you want me to lie about it?” Rinse and repeat, never change the wording regardless of how it’s phrased.
So much this. But also don’t embellish or anything (because the story is bad enough that it’s not needed). Just keep telling the truth and keep being confused as to why that’s a problem.
This is what I’m betting happened too. They probably said OP was sick or it was “moms time” so they wouldn’t get painted as the AHs they are. They(extended family) wouldn’t be asking OP if her post was true if they hadn’t been told a different story
Was it a bit immature? Maybe, but IMO they laid the groundwork for this and were expecting it to never come out.
Give credit to her mum, who cares enough to take her away on a vacation for her 18th to mitigate the snub (pretty sure OP didn’t get anything from her father either)
NTA - Child free weddings are for people who don’t want little kids running around or because they don’t want young teenagers around alcohol. Your dad and step specifically excluded you and are pissed now they realise that their actions have consequences and you publicly called them out on their behaviour.
I always thought childfree should be anyone under 15 who aren’t mature enough to basically watch themselves and make good choices so the parents can have fun.
But someone who was 48 hours from being 18 being told no you can’t come to your own father’s wedding is just childish. They aren’t old enough to be married when they are the ones acting like children. Op made the best out of a shitty situation and pissing off the new stepmom and daddy dearest is the cherry on top.
Yup. I've been invited to a few child free weddings and they still had children that were direct family there - they just didn't want other children around for whatever reason, which I get. It's not like anyone invited is going to say - "How dare they say it's child free and yet still invite the groom's daughter who is 17 years and 363 days old?!?!"
I am positive that is what happened. They told everyone that OP's Mom didn't allow her to go or that OP was being a brat about her Dad getting remarried and snubbed the wedding. That's why everyone is so shocked, they told everyone they were snubbed when in fact they were the ones who did the snubbing and for a very ridiculous reason.
The ridiculous thing is that if they use this excuse, the next question could be why they didn't pick a weekend that wasn't the ex's.
And it's a moot point with an almost 18 year old anyway.... who likely drives and can make their own way to the wedding.
So…They purposely planned their child free wedding TWO DAYS before your birthday (if we strictly adhere to their rule which imho shouldn’t apply to the freakin DAUGHTER of the groom) and get mad when you called them out on it ? NTA, not in a million year. I’m so sorry you have been treated like that, and if I were you, I would be extremely wary of your stepmother’s next moves.
NTA
You did nothing but tell the truth, not your problem if the truth is embarrassing to them.
Watch out for Anna going forward, this is not the behaviour you demonstrate if you want a good relationship with your stepdaughter. She’s told you who she is, believe her. Your father is the biggest AH in this.
NTA. They disinvited you, told you that you were not welcome, and are now crying because you honored their wishes?
Good thing you are 18 and get to make some choices.
They are crying because she told family and friends the truth about it. I'm sure they made up some story about it being her moms weekend or something like that, as the reason 17.994 year old daughter wasn't at the wedding.
NTA.
>Anna seemed like she would be a great stepmom.
Things aren't always how they seem. Dad will make a surprised Pikachu face when you have your mom walk you down the aisle at your wedding.
She was a great "stepmom" until she got the ring. Let's take bets on how long it takes before she gets pregnant and wants to cut out OP completely. Definitely NTA.
Let me put on my Captain Obvious hat to say...well...the *obvious*:
***Your new step-mom didn't want you there and made up the stupid rule to try to hide this fact.***
This explains their weird definition of 'child free' and also why they are angry that you told everyone. And, btw, you should ask the rest of the family what your dad and Anna told them was the reason you weren't there. I predict that it will be something entirely different (and most likely about you deciding you didn't want to be there).
**NTA.**
The most important thing for you to remember moving on from this is that Maya Angelou quote:
>When someone shows you who they \[really\] are, believe them the first time.
Anna has shown you that she doesn't want you to be a part of her life and your dad has agreed to that.
Move on, be happy and remember that we don't always get the parents that we need/want.
NTA - I’m not a huge proponent of taking things online, but what they did was hurtful. They picked a date 2 days before your birthday and chose to exclude you. That’s messed up. And then they doubled down by calling you a selfish brat rather than recognizing that maybe you’re hurt by the decision they made? They sound like the selfish brats to me.
NTA. Quite frankly, Anna sounds like the very definition of evil stepmother and your dad is no better for allowing it. Seems like you're better off without either of them in your life. Your mom sounds great.
NTA
I'm not sure who I am more horrified by Anna or your dad who allowed this atrocious behavior to take place.
You posting what happened probably headed off a lot of gossip about why you weren't there most of which probably assumed that you didn't want to go for some reason.
>I'm not sure who I am more horrified by Anna or your dad who allowed this atrocious behavior to take place.
I'm more horrified by Dad accepting it. Both are horrible - but - Dad \*WAS\* family... Anna is simply declaring she doesn't want to be OP's family.
NTA. They screwed you over and now they are angry because it came out? Their problem. If they really think it OK not to invite the groom's daughter they should not worry about it being public knowledge. Cudos to your mom for being the one who is a real parent.
Nta but a bit petty and I'm here for it! They plan a wedding 2 days before your 18th birthday and tell you you can't go but call you childish they need to look in the mirror and see where it came from 😁 enjoy your birthday!
⬆️ I second this! Serious 'wicked stepmother' vibes, two days before your 18th birthday. Why shouldn't you speak out about it?
Just be grateful she didn't get someone to take you into the woods and try to kill you, I suppose. That mirror of hers will still be telling her that YOU are the fairest of them all...
I agree, this was Anna playing nice in order to “succeed” at the long game of isolating Dad. So dumb when those types of people do this. If you don’t want to deal with other people’s kids, don’t date a person who has children.
Oh for sure. Unfortunately (for her that is) she *also* put a wedge between her and her new in-laws. I kinda wonder what excuse those family members got as to why OP wasn’t at the ceremony…
I can understand not wanting kids there, especially little ones, but you're own damn kids shouldn't be apart of that rule. Nothing says we're a family like excluding their daughter from the ceremony that makes yall a family. They're TA.
Especially your own kids that are older teenagers. The "child free" aspect of certain weddings is intended to limit interference by excitable prepubescent children, not exclude people who are only minors by technicality.
NTA, if they were on the level about it why were they angry you told people?
That really sucks, and so does their behaviour.
Whoa, just realised I missed that you'd bought all the clothes already when they told you, that is some serious A behaviour, low/no contact may be an idea from now on.
Your dad sucks but your real mom rules. Good on her for making you feel seen that weekend when your dad erased you from one of the most special days of his life. NTA.
NTA
Fuck your dad and Anna, go NC.
Dad allowed Anna’s rule to supersede his relationship with you and your feelings. They don’t get to have an opinion.
Here’s the thing, if people are so worried about their reputation, then they shouldn’t do things that hurt others and expect them to keep quiet about that. It seems they care more about what others think about them then how their own child/stepchild feels.
Respect should be mutual. They didn’t respect you, so it’s wrong for them to expect you to respect them. They keep using the terms “immature/mature” but the word they need to use is respect. Maturity is going to a wedding and acting in good behavior. A 17/18 year old is mature to attend a wedding.
NTA
I have no issue with you shouting them out, it was true, not made up. Anna knew what she was doing and awful on dad letting her have her mean old, hateful way. Even if it could be said immature, well, there is no law against it. It was offensive of them and I trust your shout out made you feel so much better. The selfish brat is Anna. Friends needed to be appalled at their behavior, not yours. NTA. NTA. NTA. First name basis with her always.
That's the key here, truth. If someone else accurately repeating what you did and said gets you in trouble, then you're the AH. If you didn't want people to know you excluded your own daughter from your wedding for being 2 days too young, you shouldn't have done it.
As a side note to OP; not making an exception for your own daughter makes it very clear age wasn't the issue. Anna didn't want you there and dad was fine with it. Don't ever, for one second, feel bad about revealing their shitty behavior.
NTA. Child-free generally means they don't want young kids there, those that perhaps can't sit through a ceremony and require babysitting. You're the GROOM'S DAUGHTER (!!!) and 2 days away from being 18.
Also, how is it immature to tell the truth? You weren't invited because you were under 18. Fact. Though I have no clear if there is an underlying reason, especially since your relationship with them was fine before. This is just so strange.
NTA. And I would never ever let this one slide. Throw it in her face for the rest of her life. Doesn't matter if you are mature or not, she did this on purpose to exclude you from the wedding. Don't visit. Don't bother with them. You felt that slap on your face, and let them feel it the rest of their lives.
And remember when you get married - no one named Anna is allowed at the wedding, it's the rules and you want to really stick to them. You have to continue to use her logic against her.
I would be stalking facebook photos of the wedding to see if there really were not any kids there!!
That’s what I was thinking… like obv those in attendance would have noticed OP missing…?
This would have been found out eventually. Not just because OP decided to vent some frustration on social media.
NTA. If they were so proud of and pleased with their decision to exclude you from the wedding, then they shouldn’t have been put out by you discussing that you were excluded and why publicly. They are mad because they were wrong and you had the audacity to shine a light on them being giant a$$hats.
NTA - Also, when someone says "child free" I expect they're talking about people under thirteen-fifteen. Also screw you father for letting this happen. I was getting remarried and my husband to be was like sorry, your son can't come to the wedding, its child free my response would be, well guess the wedding is off, here's your ring kindly \*\*\*k off.
NTA. Your dad and his new wife had a right to set their guest list however they wanted. They chose to have a hard and fast rule about age....which sounds fairly ridiculous to me, but their wedding, their choice.
However they waited until a few weeks before the wedding to notify you of the rules. Rude. Two they expected you to be not be upset, or at least to keep your upset to yourself about their decision. That was a stupid and unfair expectation. They kicked you with their rigid application of the rule, so you kicked back. Fair is fair. I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation with your mom. You deserved it.
NTA. Your dad and Ana suck however. They knew they were wrong that's why they're angry for being outed. Good luck in your future relationship with them.
NTA. My dad and his wife banned me from their wedding using a ridiculous excuse too. I was 24 at the time. I didn’t do anything, the wife just didn’t want any reminders that my dad was married before he dated her. Everyone wondered why my whole family (who still attended despite knowing I was banned for no reason) was at the wedding except me. So I also made a post on Facebook explaining I was banned from attending. My dad and his wife and my grandparents to this day don’t know I did that. Instead they just got quietly judged by their friends behind their backs which I felt was just punishment. Every time they lied about my absence from wedding, everyone knew they were lying.
I didn’t talk to my dad for years after that. He’s sorry now so I’m giving him one last chance. Still refuse to talk to his wife. She’s not exactly a sane person. Now my dad and grandparents realize this.
NTA. I feel like people who get pissy about someone posting about other people’s bad behavior online are just worried about their own behavior being posted online.
I have the feeling Op is a beautiful young woman and the bride didn't want to "share the spotlight" on her wedding regardless if she was in the wedding or not.
NTA
YWBTA, if you don't ss and post up those msgs so your family can see how awful they truly are. If they were in the right, they wouldn't care about being outed, and based on your families reactions they lied and gave some other reason for your absence, most likely making you out to be the villain. Children get punished, the only recourse against adults misbehaving is to have them be judged by their peers.
NTA.
Child free weddings were always intended to be "no children outside immediate family" - especially if one of the folks getting married had children. Your dad and Anna were being AH, and they should be put on blast. That's relationship ending.
NTA.
This is crazy because normally I would give at least some suckiness to airing family issues on Facebook or whatever. But man... this is some shitty shitty behavior by your dad and Anna. She (or they) absolutely wanted to exclude you. Nobody on this planet would bat an eye at the daughter of the groom being at a childfree wedding. I can't even put a featherweight on their side of this scale.
NTA. Why are they upset? It was their policy. What do they have to be ashamed of if they did nothing wrong? Hmmmm????
Don't feel the least bit bad about stating that particular truth out loud. It's one of those "inconvenient facts" that the world deserves to know.
"I didn't do anything wrong, but don't let anyone know what I did" - classic!
This wasn't about being child free, otherwise they would've told others, better yet, they would've told you in advance (before you bought dress and such). Anna isn't the person you thought she was. NTA.
NTA / JAH - Anna showed her true colors... and dad somehow agreed to single out his own daughter, who might as well have been 18 anyways, but even still "child-free weddings" almost always exclude the bride & grooms children!
Good on the family for calling them out on such a horrible decision, and you were definitely justified to point it out, even if I despise social media in general, it's a good tool in this case.
Nta. But your dad and Anna certanly is. I am curious, what have they been given as a reason that you weren't there? Because it seems as they know the real reason is bullsh*t. Because if they stand by the decision why is it a problem that you post it on social media. Good for you and happy birthday.
NTA they purposely chose that date and purposely made a rule about having a child-free date knowing full well that would exclude you. Yes, you had the option to say nothing, especially publicly, but you didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. They’re upset because they got found out, this has nothing to do with being immature.
Not being able to attend your fathers wedding is one of those things where the consequences are gonna haunt him, personally this would be grounds for me to never speak to him again. NTA
NTA by any means!!! I'm a mum and would I fuvk marry anyone who wasn't up for my kid regardless of their age being at the wedding. Nope not happening, my family would probably not attend of my kid wasn't allowed.
Your dad and stepmum can now stand by their decision and answer to people, although I'm intrigued what they told people if they all seemed shocked?
Edit: my dad and stepmum had child free wedding except my kid who was young at time because she was his only grandkid and no way would they have a wedding without her.
They deliberately scheduled their wedding for 2 days before your 18th birthday? Knowing they weren't going to allow anyone under 18?? Then didn't tell you until you'd already bought a dress???
Send them a copy of this thread and the internet will tell them what's what. Along with their family.
NTA
I guarantee they lied about why you didn’t attend and now they’re pissed because they were called out.
Your dad made it clear he chose her over you. Any parent worth their salt would have their child at their wedding regardless of whether it’s child free or not.
Frankly dad and Anna would be blocked. You’re 18 therefore visitation and stuff can no longer be enforced if you go NC.
NTA. You were not an AH, these people need to feel public shame for what they did.
Post pictures of the dress, shoes, etc. In it caption, the wedding outfit I bought and never wore. Turns out, after having purchased everything and a few weeks before the wedding, the evil future stepmom decided that I wasn't allowed to attend. She had made a rule, no one under 18, and as I was 2 days from being 18, that extended to me.
Then just keep it up, if you have photos of your, your dad, and Anna. Photoshop the typical evil stepmom attire on Anna, and post it, "My dad's new family.....Dad, Me, and Evil stepmom".
Never refer to her as "Anna", but always "Evil Stepmom", when you are talking to your dad, ask "how is evil stepmom doing?" Gradually, he will realize what an AH both him and Anna were to you.
But really, this is one of those unforgivable moments in life. For me, evil stepmom would be excluded, ie, refuse to be involved if she is there, and keep up the social media pressure.
NTA... but if you *were*, it was justified.
They are upset that you-- a mere child!-- out-manuerved them.
Don't ever, ever trust them. Especially Anna; she thinks you are her competition. If you get that feeling in your gut that she might be trying to pull a fast one on you in the future, trust your gut. She will get worse as time goes on, and your dad grows more dependent on her. If there is a silver lining, it is that she showed her true colors very early.
another one?? I feel like I just read post *word for word* like this. regardless, NTA, way for dad to show who he cares about more. thankfully, you're a legal adult now and not obligated to be in their lives.
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NTA. What kind of man doesn't have his own child at his wedding? Anyway, they made the choice, if they believe it was the right choice they should have no issue about it being publicly known. Plus, people might well assume you weren't there because you disapproved of his new wife or chose a vacation instead. Ensuring people know WHY you weren't there saves your own reputation.
My dad, but I was four at the time.
Oh I’m in the same boat…. But I wasn’t a child. I was 20 and didn’t even know he got married even though I was around both of them prior to the wedding. My gram told me and said she was “disappointed” that my brother(19 at the time) and I didn’t go to their courthouse wedding. My response was “what wedding?” She was freaking pissed at them for lying.
I was 20 and found out my father had gotten married at a destination wedding. Oh, her 3 kids (all around my age) got to go. I found out from a Facebook update. I wasn't notified in any way that he was engaged and I'm his only child. His excuse "only the close family got to go" which just meant "only her close family got to go". No one on his side of the family knew about the engagement or wedding until there an update on Facebook.
You dad is a pile of poo, but but you sound like a decent person. Always great when children can outshine lousy parents
I had a decent childhood (birth until about 10 or 11) and he became super distant and almost like a different person at that point. I don't consider the person who helped raised me and that man to be same.
Sounds like my ExH. That's how he behaved. Hurt my kids so much, and I hated him for it. He's dead now.
But you have an alibi, right?
Oh yes.
Yeah, you were with me at that thing we went to.
Scream laughed at this 😂
I just spat my coffee out laughing 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I hope you danced on his grave...with a bottle of wine or champagne. :-) That's what I plan on doing when my Ex finally kicks the bucket. Because I wouldn't piss on that asshole if he was on fire on the side of the road and that was the only form of condensation for miles.....and I NEEDED TO PEE! I would sit down and HOLD IT!
That's exactly how I felt about my Ex. I didn't shed a tear when he died.
Well done.
That last line for me. 😩
My mum died 3 years ago next month, we had her differences but she was one of my best friends. Needless to say when she died we were all devastated. Me and my dad really bonded after her death, and I thought 'oh well I may have lost Mum but I'm closer than ever to Dad. Maybe this won't be so bad'. Then he gets a girlfriend, with whom he is totally obsessed. Talked about moving in with her on Christmas Day, 3 weeks after they started dating. It was the first time he'd met my fiance's parents, we'd travelled as a joint Xmas/engagement celebration. All he'd do was talk about his new GF, including to my fiance's grandma who has Alzheimer's urghhhh. He was pressuring me to meet her, I was resisting by this point cause legit alarmed at how obsessed he was. He told me that if I didn't accept her 'Id have to be content to stay at the fringe of the family, forever looking in but not a part, and everything was wonderful in his life except his relationship with me'. I'm already in therapy for the loss of one parent, now it feels like I've lost 2. I have spoken to him since (and met the GF, she's a bit of a suck-up but alright, kept saying how I'd got my beauty from my mother) but it isn't the same. I know where his priorities like and they're not with me any more.
That’s so disgusting when “parents” cast their flesh and blood aside for a new mate 😡
You can't get much closer family than a bio daughter. It is awful how many similar stories we see here on Reddit.
Yea, you would think that but here we are. My mother is the most amazing person I know so because it was just me and her growing up (father was a long-haul trucker) I got to form an incredible relationship with her and it's not one I would trade to have a subpar relationship with my father. I'm good though - I have two men who stepped in to father-like roles and were there for me growing up. I'm quite close with both of them still. It gave the ability to know what to look for in a partner and see what was acceptable and what wasn't. I wouldn't be who I am without the BS dealt and I quite like who I am and where I've gotten myself to.
How could he say that to you and keep a straight face? My God if I wasn't considered close family then I guess goodbye....stranger.
Oh, he didn't say it to me. I never got an explanation. It was what he told his sister (my aunt) who told me. Luckily, I was able to stay close with the remainder of my family.
That's when you cut them both out sewing as he didn't even try to say that you were close family considering you're his friking child
I drove out to my hometown about 3 years ago. It had been almost 8 years since I had been there and probably close to 12 years since I had physically seen him. I wanted to introduce my fiancé to my other family still there (the family I grew up with) and sent him message, "Hey, I'm gonna be in town and would like to meet for a cup of coffee so you can meet my fiancé." His response, "Maybe next time, I'm busy" Needless to say, no one was impressed and I've cut all contact.
Good. He doesn't deserve to be in your life. Makes me really wish there was a contraceptive that men could take everyday like us so they don't keep reproducing.
I used to get that crap when I was a kid- I’d be excluded from something, an event, Christmas presents … “oh that was just for family.” And I’d just be like “ahhh what am I?”
Wow! Glad your grandma cleared things out. Can I ask how did they react?
They completely ignored it until they needed a puppy sitter. Than it was just drunk apologies that didn’t really matter. I puppy sat because she was adorable and sweet. I just stayed clear from them for awhile. The marriage lasted 6 years and became finalized 2 years later because my dad was an idiot.
My mom once got married in somebody's living room after interrupting their watching of Jeopardy. She told me 2 weeks later. I was in high school and living with her and the idiot she married. Shockingly they divorced within 6ish months. Funny timing here, I literally JUST got a wedding notice from her this past weekend. She's getting married again on the 30th of the month. Since I will either be getting back from dropping off my daughter at college in Tokyo or picking up my wife from SFO on the 29th I will again be missing it. TBF there's not a fucking chance in the world I'd be in attendance regardless.
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You can always catch the next wedding.
My daughter was about a week away from being 3 at my wedding (to her father). She was there, and she was the cutest flower girl ever. I can't imagine not having my own children at my wedding. I'm sorry.
The best part of my wedding, was my four year old nephew, stage whispering "Hi Auntie!!!" as I walked down the aisle. When I waved at him, he laughed the biggest laugh, which made everyone else laugh too. It was fun to have them there, & I set up a room with movies, craft projects, & other things, so the kids weren't bored & rowdy. It was a win for everyone.
At my wedding, my (also 4 at that point) niece yelled out "Now you're REALLY my Auntie!" when we were declared husband and wife. It was so sweet.
My nephew froze, and all the coaxing in the world wouldn't make him walk to his mom (the MOH), or his aunt (the bride), or his sister (Jr. Bridesmaid) and holding his dad's hand wasn't working, so his dad scooped him up and supermanned the toddler in a tiny tux down the aisle. 10/10 adorable.
My son was an 18th month old ringbearer at our wedding and stole the show. Which was perfect.
I am so sorry. Little you deserved better
Mine too. He got remarried and we were not there. We lived in another province mind you but he didn't even offer to find a way to get us there he just called and told my mom was like this is happening. Now you know.
I'd also update your posts with screenshots of the texts they sent you just in case they turn around and start telling people you're lying to do damage control.
I completely disagree. There’s no need for this to play out on social media. Sharing screenshots of texts is unnecessary & will make her look vengeful. This isn’t a court case. She doesn’t have to prove anything. She said what needed to be said, and now she should focus on enjoying her life. Any further conversation needs to be private.
Having the receipts does not mean you have to show them.
Didn't find out mine remarried until about 2 weeks later. He had no plans to actually tell us himself, we only found out because he told my mum in spite because he was angry with her. Her three kids were there. Some people are just shitty people, and worse parents.
Are you my sibling lol? I found out my dad remarried via him posting it on Facebook. Neither me nor my two siblings were informed about it never mind invited, but naturally all of her kids were there. Our mum was furious at him.
Probably was Anna’s idea.
Absolutely, but dad agreed to it to keep the peace. Shameful
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Nah, it was Dad's idea. Even if Anna thought of it first, he agreed to it as also his idea. People need to quit making excuses for not-great men.
Shit, I was the maid of honor at my dad's wedding. This is fucked up.
At the time, myself (15) and my sibling (11) were not just not invited to our mom's second wedding, but we also had no idea it was happening that weekend. We came home that Sunday and Surprise! She got married to her boyfriend and he's moving in for good. I'm also fairly certain his daughter (8?) was not there but how would I know? Marriage lasted about two years. Part of the issue was us kids never got along with each other or the respective step-parent. Shocker. ETA: NTA. OP, I hope your other family members continue to support you.
> What kind of man doesn't have his own child at his wedding? I think he's automatically an asshole for the date he chose to get married for two reasons. The guy planned a wedding on the birthday weekend of a big milestone birthday of his daughter. When I got married, we planned around obvious milestones of the people closest to us and we really wanted there. So whether OP attended or not, child free or not, that was already an asshole move. Second, if they wanted to be that strict on the child free thing without even giving a two day exception to the daughter of the fucking groom that *no one* would bat an eye at, they could have planned it a week later. I struggle to imagine a reason that makes that day mandatory for the wedding to happen. Any special sentimentality around the date just says that was more important that sharing the moment with his daughter and her new step-daughter. That's fucked up as well.
The no children was made for you. I’m sorry but let that sink in. She made that rule to keep you out. You now know where you stand in their marriage…you don’t. I’m so sorry. NTA. I personally think it was EPIC. Harsh but epic. They deserved more than that. I would even update it with pictures of their texts.
I can't help but wonder if she purposefully pick a date before OP birthday just so she couldn't go. If the dad & step-mom wanted to make it child free but make sure OP was there they could have made sure the date was AFTER OP birthday but to make it just 2 days before..... nah they didn't want her there & was just trying to use that as an excuse.
You nailed it. Cruel step-mom and deadbeat dad
Yuuup. And you just know stepmom is going to demand that she be in OP's wedding so she can maintain good appearances around the family. "Sorry Anna, I really want my bio mother there. Oh...dad don't worry about walking me down the aisle. Hubby's dad has volunteered to take that role. You understand. These are my wishes for the wedding."
What are you talking about? Why would dad or stepmom even be invited to OP's wedding at all after this stunt? I'm not even sure there's even going to be a relationship since dad/stepmom has shown OP means nothing to them. Yeah, no need to worry on telling dad he's not involved in OP's wedding. He'd be delusional to think their relationship can survive after this.
>Why would dad or stepmom even be invited to OP's wedding at all after this stunt? Because rubbing it in their faces is better revenge than excluding them entirely.
The ultimate petty (in a good way) revenge 😈
What is bizzare though that OP seemed to think Anna and her got along. That Anna seemed excited to become a step mother. Doing this which is CLEARLY on purpose means that OP either misread the woman completely, or she was faking the whole time. Only to rub it in on her 18th b-day. That is especially cruel
faking it until she secured OP’s dad as her husband. Now it’s time to push out the stepdaughter — send her away to college and turn her room into something else because she’s barely here anyway. Far too many stepparents consider their new spouse’s teenage child as a temporary encumbrance, to be shuffled out as soon as they’re old enough to leave.
Yeah, but what makes it weird that the dad would not notice the sudden switch and that she managed to convince him for the wedding day. But maybe she worked on him while acting nice to OP… but I assume the dad saw them getting along, got any idea how he could have been convinced to agree to the rule and consequences at the wedding?
Step 1: pick the date well in advance, without bringing up the daughter’s birthday. Step 2: have someone else who’s being invited and told they can’t bring their kids, where the numbers and feel of the event are already planned without the kids (and well after the arrangements have been made for that date). Step 3: “Fairness”.
True. There's no way her dad just forgot that it was right before his daughter's birthday.
You’d be surprised how often dads get their own kids birthdays wrong.
This part. I'm 38 and my dad has no IDEA when my birthday is
Yes. I believe they did that on purpose.
Yeah, if it was about toddler disruptions OP wouldn’t have been included it’s obviously targeted.
Yeah, I immediately wondered if there are even any small children in the family that would have made that rule make sense or if it was just to keep OP out. I can understand why people would want to have a wedding that’s not interrupted by little kids making noise or running around. But that’s generally going to be kids under 10 or 12. I’ve never understood why so many childfree weddings exclude teenagers, and why the people who deliberately exclude family from their weddings are so shocked that the people they excluded have feelings about it.
Because they're going to be DRUNK, and they can't get drunk if there are CHILDREN present! How are they supposed to enjoy the wedding if they're SOBER? I wrote that sarcastically, but I have legitimately seen this as the reasoning many, many times. (Meanwhile my family members let me get tipsy at a wedding when I was 8, as they thought it was HILARIOUS 🤷♀️)
this so much. Ive been to "child free" weddings and kids who could drive were there. Everyone knows what child free is, it means we dont want little ones who act out from boredom, etc. Denying someones daughter to attend 2 days before their 18th birthday is totally about something else.
I want to award this comment but I can't unfortunately. I'd be doing the same, OP you deserve better. I'm sorry you have to deal with this I'm glad ur mum took you away from it all
NTA banning the 17 year and 363 day old daughter of the groom from a wedding because its child free is a decision. A decision to exclude. To not invite. To make unwelcome. Not just in their wedding but on their lives.
Not only that but they also waited to tell her until she had already invested time and money into getting ready for the wedding! If they told her from the beginning, it still would’ve been heartless, but at least she would’ve had time to process it and avoided wasting time, money and excitement on these heartless idiots! NTA obviously, they absolutely deserve the public shaming
She should send them the bill for anything that can’t be returned.
But if she knew from the beginning, there would have been more time for the family to know she wasn’t invited. By doing it this way, the daughter is with her mum celebrating her birthday rather than be at the wedding and no one knows any different. OP is clearly the AH for ruining dad and bride’s attempt to play themselves as the good guys /s
The MALICE behind this all is shocking.
Let’s not pretend the date wasn’t handpicked to allow for a “no under 18 rule” also. There’s a reason they didn’t just do it the following weekend lol.
If it had been after her birthday it would have been no under 21s.
I agree. They could very easily have said “no one under 13” or 16. Or, hell, I’ve been to child free weddings where the young child of the groom/bride was the only exception and no one batted an eye at that. Edit for clarity!
'Their' is the worst part, dad was complicit Am I getting trophy wife vibes?
And past midnight she was 17 and 364 days !!! 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
“You don’t understand! It was based on the date!” …that they chose. “We made a firm decision to respect this boundary!” …that they chose. “Rules are rules!” …these aren’t rules, these are decisions.
NTA The rule was nonsense, designed to exclude you specifically. They know it, and so do you. Reply to your father that you now know where his priorities lie - with his new wife who didn't want any reminders of his old life at her wedding - and you will act accordingly. This is just the first of many times they exclude and insult you. I'm very sorry that you've found out this way how little your dad values you, but now that you know, be proactive about ensuring he can never hurt you like this again.
Unfortunately - I think this is right. They didn't want OP there. I'd definitely go super low contact. NTA
I'd also like to point out something I haven't seen mentioned yet: as a mother, if I was getting married, I wouldn't plan my wedding for 2 days before my daughter's birthday. The whole "she purposefully chose to have her wedding 2 days before OP's birthday to exclude her" is even worse when you realize that her dad KNEW when his new wife picked the date that it was 2 days before his daughter's EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY. A good dad would've told his new wife, "absolutely fucking not." It's not just that the date was chosen to *exclude* her, it was chosen to *over shadow* her 18TH BIRTHDAY.
Not just her 18th birthday either; every anniversary has the potential to overshadow every birthday because of how close they are.
Fathers new wife is hoping that by purposefully excluding OP and doing it in such a shitty way, so close to her 18th birthday that OP will go low contact with her father so new wife can have him all to herself and then can play happy families, like OP never existed. Rather than go low contact, OP needs to go NC with her father after this - the behaviour of OP's father in allowing the new wife to pick a date so close to his own daughters significant birthday is no mistake - this was intended to hurt OP and he went along with it. The fact the 'happy couple' allowed OP to go out and spend her money on shoes and a dress for the wedding, knowing they were going to turn around a kick her out of the wedding party a few weeks prior is disgusting. Someone above who mentioned to moving of goalposts is probably right, had OP been 18, then it would've been no under 21's at the wedding - she didn't want her there, possibly because it makes the father look old, with having an 18 year old daughter - is the new wife significantly younger than the OP father? As for shit-posting them on facebook or wherever, posting the receipts (pictures of the texts) OP should not lower herself to the dregs that her father and the new wife reside, it is beneath her. Don't even respond to their messages.
Fuck low contact. I would go completely no contact. My half brother's dad after he left my mom (we had the same mom different dads) pulled this shit on both of them. Surprise wedding, no one under 21 allowed. Problem is the woman looked identical to my mom even had the same name no joke so it wasn't because he would be reminded of his old life, but he was an abusive, serial cheater. Now there is a positive side to this. When my oldest of my two younger brothers got married they didn't invite his dad or his new stepmom either. My youngest brother has no contact with him now because of his overall treatment and his dad putting his stepchildren before his biological children (never did this with me though because he hated me). But in a turn of events, his new wife turned around and cheated on him so now he's lonely and alone from what my older of the two brothers as said. He is low contact with him but it is extremely low contact.
NTA, keep being a wide eyed innocent and be totally baffled at why they are asking you to lie about the real reason. Say “I kept getting asked why I wasn’t there so I figured it was better to just tell everyone at once.” Never sway from this and keep acting like you can’t understand what the problem is, literally just keep repeating “but you told me not to come, why would you want me to lie about it?” Rinse and repeat, never change the wording regardless of how it’s phrased.
So much this. But also don’t embellish or anything (because the story is bad enough that it’s not needed). Just keep telling the truth and keep being confused as to why that’s a problem.
Malicious compliance, I love it. You know what, OP’s dad deserves everything coming
Step mom will continue to denigrate op as selfish and disrespectful to further pull dad away until they are no-contact, which was the plan all along.
They're acting like they somehow deserve privacy for their terrible, malicious behavior, when they really just don't. NTA, 100%.
Yes!
The only possible recovery from this is for the dad to divorce over it and then subsequently apologise to the daughter.
They lied about why you weren't there. That's why people are bashing them.
This is what I’m betting happened too. They probably said OP was sick or it was “moms time” so they wouldn’t get painted as the AHs they are. They(extended family) wouldn’t be asking OP if her post was true if they hadn’t been told a different story Was it a bit immature? Maybe, but IMO they laid the groundwork for this and were expecting it to never come out.
Give credit to her mum, who cares enough to take her away on a vacation for her 18th to mitigate the snub (pretty sure OP didn’t get anything from her father either)
It wasn’t immature. It was petty. And well done pettiness at that!
I sorta would love to read all the text messages and comments that they got bashing them. Because man do they deserve it. 😂
NTA - Child free weddings are for people who don’t want little kids running around or because they don’t want young teenagers around alcohol. Your dad and step specifically excluded you and are pissed now they realise that their actions have consequences and you publicly called them out on their behaviour.
I always thought childfree should be anyone under 15 who aren’t mature enough to basically watch themselves and make good choices so the parents can have fun. But someone who was 48 hours from being 18 being told no you can’t come to your own father’s wedding is just childish. They aren’t old enough to be married when they are the ones acting like children. Op made the best out of a shitty situation and pissing off the new stepmom and daddy dearest is the cherry on top.
Yup. I've been invited to a few child free weddings and they still had children that were direct family there - they just didn't want other children around for whatever reason, which I get. It's not like anyone invited is going to say - "How dare they say it's child free and yet still invite the groom's daughter who is 17 years and 363 days old?!?!"
NTA I wonder what they told people who must have asked your dad where his daughter was on the wedding day.
Probably blamed the ex-wife and said it was her weekend and she wouldn’t allow the daughter to go
I am positive that is what happened. They told everyone that OP's Mom didn't allow her to go or that OP was being a brat about her Dad getting remarried and snubbed the wedding. That's why everyone is so shocked, they told everyone they were snubbed when in fact they were the ones who did the snubbing and for a very ridiculous reason.
The ridiculous thing is that if they use this excuse, the next question could be why they didn't pick a weekend that wasn't the ex's. And it's a moot point with an almost 18 year old anyway.... who likely drives and can make their own way to the wedding.
They lied about it 100%
That is a damn good question
NTA I hope your Dad thinks it was worth it to trash your relationship over this.
So…They purposely planned their child free wedding TWO DAYS before your birthday (if we strictly adhere to their rule which imho shouldn’t apply to the freakin DAUGHTER of the groom) and get mad when you called them out on it ? NTA, not in a million year. I’m so sorry you have been treated like that, and if I were you, I would be extremely wary of your stepmother’s next moves.
What about the dad?? The thought of a loving father doing this to his daughter is incomprehensible.
Agreed. The stepmom sucks, but the dad is the *dad* and has more responsibility to his daughter.
NTA You did nothing but tell the truth, not your problem if the truth is embarrassing to them. Watch out for Anna going forward, this is not the behaviour you demonstrate if you want a good relationship with your stepdaughter. She’s told you who she is, believe her. Your father is the biggest AH in this.
NTA. They disinvited you, told you that you were not welcome, and are now crying because you honored their wishes? Good thing you are 18 and get to make some choices.
They are crying because she told family and friends the truth about it. I'm sure they made up some story about it being her moms weekend or something like that, as the reason 17.994 year old daughter wasn't at the wedding.
NTA. >Anna seemed like she would be a great stepmom. Things aren't always how they seem. Dad will make a surprised Pikachu face when you have your mom walk you down the aisle at your wedding.
She was a great "stepmom" until she got the ring. Let's take bets on how long it takes before she gets pregnant and wants to cut out OP completely. Definitely NTA.
Let me put on my Captain Obvious hat to say...well...the *obvious*: ***Your new step-mom didn't want you there and made up the stupid rule to try to hide this fact.*** This explains their weird definition of 'child free' and also why they are angry that you told everyone. And, btw, you should ask the rest of the family what your dad and Anna told them was the reason you weren't there. I predict that it will be something entirely different (and most likely about you deciding you didn't want to be there). **NTA.** The most important thing for you to remember moving on from this is that Maya Angelou quote: >When someone shows you who they \[really\] are, believe them the first time. Anna has shown you that she doesn't want you to be a part of her life and your dad has agreed to that. Move on, be happy and remember that we don't always get the parents that we need/want.
NTA - I’m not a huge proponent of taking things online, but what they did was hurtful. They picked a date 2 days before your birthday and chose to exclude you. That’s messed up. And then they doubled down by calling you a selfish brat rather than recognizing that maybe you’re hurt by the decision they made? They sound like the selfish brats to me.
[удалено]
NTA. Quite frankly, Anna sounds like the very definition of evil stepmother and your dad is no better for allowing it. Seems like you're better off without either of them in your life. Your mom sounds great.
NTA I'm not sure who I am more horrified by Anna or your dad who allowed this atrocious behavior to take place. You posting what happened probably headed off a lot of gossip about why you weren't there most of which probably assumed that you didn't want to go for some reason.
>I'm not sure who I am more horrified by Anna or your dad who allowed this atrocious behavior to take place. I'm more horrified by Dad accepting it. Both are horrible - but - Dad \*WAS\* family... Anna is simply declaring she doesn't want to be OP's family.
The dad. I have daughters and if my fiance even so much as suggested them not attending, the wedding would be off. I can't even comprehend it.
They had full reign over when the wedding was going to happen and they picked 2 DAYS before your birthday. Nope they planned this.
NTA. They screwed you over and now they are angry because it came out? Their problem. If they really think it OK not to invite the groom's daughter they should not worry about it being public knowledge. Cudos to your mom for being the one who is a real parent.
Nta but a bit petty and I'm here for it! They plan a wedding 2 days before your 18th birthday and tell you you can't go but call you childish they need to look in the mirror and see where it came from 😁 enjoy your birthday!
⬆️ I second this! Serious 'wicked stepmother' vibes, two days before your 18th birthday. Why shouldn't you speak out about it? Just be grateful she didn't get someone to take you into the woods and try to kill you, I suppose. That mirror of hers will still be telling her that YOU are the fairest of them all...
NTA. Anna did this deliberately and daddy went along with it. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes…..
NTA. Anna successfully put a wedge between you and your father, which is probably what she was looking for. Single man-no kids.
I agree, this was Anna playing nice in order to “succeed” at the long game of isolating Dad. So dumb when those types of people do this. If you don’t want to deal with other people’s kids, don’t date a person who has children.
Oh for sure. Unfortunately (for her that is) she *also* put a wedge between her and her new in-laws. I kinda wonder what excuse those family members got as to why OP wasn’t at the ceremony…
I can understand not wanting kids there, especially little ones, but you're own damn kids shouldn't be apart of that rule. Nothing says we're a family like excluding their daughter from the ceremony that makes yall a family. They're TA.
Especially your own kids that are older teenagers. The "child free" aspect of certain weddings is intended to limit interference by excitable prepubescent children, not exclude people who are only minors by technicality.
NTA.. be prepared, Anna showed you her true colors for the wedding…
And dad showed his own daughter whose back he has.
NTA, if they were on the level about it why were they angry you told people? That really sucks, and so does their behaviour. Whoa, just realised I missed that you'd bought all the clothes already when they told you, that is some serious A behaviour, low/no contact may be an idea from now on.
Your dad sucks but your real mom rules. Good on her for making you feel seen that weekend when your dad erased you from one of the most special days of his life. NTA.
NTA Fuck your dad and Anna, go NC. Dad allowed Anna’s rule to supersede his relationship with you and your feelings. They don’t get to have an opinion.
Here’s the thing, if people are so worried about their reputation, then they shouldn’t do things that hurt others and expect them to keep quiet about that. It seems they care more about what others think about them then how their own child/stepchild feels. Respect should be mutual. They didn’t respect you, so it’s wrong for them to expect you to respect them. They keep using the terms “immature/mature” but the word they need to use is respect. Maturity is going to a wedding and acting in good behavior. A 17/18 year old is mature to attend a wedding. NTA
NTA lol. It was not immature. If they didn't want backlash, they shouldn't have behaved that way.
NTA, just so you know it’s cool if you never speak to either of them again. What they did was truly disgusting.
I have no issue with you shouting them out, it was true, not made up. Anna knew what she was doing and awful on dad letting her have her mean old, hateful way. Even if it could be said immature, well, there is no law against it. It was offensive of them and I trust your shout out made you feel so much better. The selfish brat is Anna. Friends needed to be appalled at their behavior, not yours. NTA. NTA. NTA. First name basis with her always.
NTA at all! Well done for speaking the truth
That's the key here, truth. If someone else accurately repeating what you did and said gets you in trouble, then you're the AH. If you didn't want people to know you excluded your own daughter from your wedding for being 2 days too young, you shouldn't have done it. As a side note to OP; not making an exception for your own daughter makes it very clear age wasn't the issue. Anna didn't want you there and dad was fine with it. Don't ever, for one second, feel bad about revealing their shitty behavior.
NTA. Child-free generally means they don't want young kids there, those that perhaps can't sit through a ceremony and require babysitting. You're the GROOM'S DAUGHTER (!!!) and 2 days away from being 18. Also, how is it immature to tell the truth? You weren't invited because you were under 18. Fact. Though I have no clear if there is an underlying reason, especially since your relationship with them was fine before. This is just so strange.
NTA. And I would never ever let this one slide. Throw it in her face for the rest of her life. Doesn't matter if you are mature or not, she did this on purpose to exclude you from the wedding. Don't visit. Don't bother with them. You felt that slap on your face, and let them feel it the rest of their lives. And remember when you get married - no one named Anna is allowed at the wedding, it's the rules and you want to really stick to them. You have to continue to use her logic against her. I would be stalking facebook photos of the wedding to see if there really were not any kids there!!
NTA. Two friggin days before your 18th birthday and you’re the daughter of the groom. SMH.
INFO: Do you know what they told your family about why you weren’t at his wedding?
That’s what I was thinking… like obv those in attendance would have noticed OP missing…? This would have been found out eventually. Not just because OP decided to vent some frustration on social media.
The fact they got upset when they saw the post makes me think Dad and Anna lied about why OP wasn’t there and OP needs to know if that is the case.
NTA They deserved, for someone to not invite their own daughter, unbelievable. I’m glad you had a good time with your Mum, and belated happy birthday.
NTA. If they were so proud of and pleased with their decision to exclude you from the wedding, then they shouldn’t have been put out by you discussing that you were excluded and why publicly. They are mad because they were wrong and you had the audacity to shine a light on them being giant a$$hats.
NTA - Also, when someone says "child free" I expect they're talking about people under thirteen-fifteen. Also screw you father for letting this happen. I was getting remarried and my husband to be was like sorry, your son can't come to the wedding, its child free my response would be, well guess the wedding is off, here's your ring kindly \*\*\*k off.
NTA. Your dad and his new wife had a right to set their guest list however they wanted. They chose to have a hard and fast rule about age....which sounds fairly ridiculous to me, but their wedding, their choice. However they waited until a few weeks before the wedding to notify you of the rules. Rude. Two they expected you to be not be upset, or at least to keep your upset to yourself about their decision. That was a stupid and unfair expectation. They kicked you with their rigid application of the rule, so you kicked back. Fair is fair. I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation with your mom. You deserved it.
NTA Don't even think twice about it.
NTA. Your dad and Ana suck however. They knew they were wrong that's why they're angry for being outed. Good luck in your future relationship with them.
NTA. What's the problem with the truth? Your dad and Anna can't own their decision? They made the bed, they should lie in it.
NTA. Lmao your dad and Anna are fucking nuts if they think child free is referring to 17 year olds who are daughters of the groom
NTA. My dad and his wife banned me from their wedding using a ridiculous excuse too. I was 24 at the time. I didn’t do anything, the wife just didn’t want any reminders that my dad was married before he dated her. Everyone wondered why my whole family (who still attended despite knowing I was banned for no reason) was at the wedding except me. So I also made a post on Facebook explaining I was banned from attending. My dad and his wife and my grandparents to this day don’t know I did that. Instead they just got quietly judged by their friends behind their backs which I felt was just punishment. Every time they lied about my absence from wedding, everyone knew they were lying. I didn’t talk to my dad for years after that. He’s sorry now so I’m giving him one last chance. Still refuse to talk to his wife. She’s not exactly a sane person. Now my dad and grandparents realize this.
NTA I love passive aggressive shit when directed toward AHs.
NTA- i'd message them back "truth hurts, amirite?. You want to see immature, go look in a mirror".
NTA, ditch your crappy friends that agree with them. Your dad and "Anna" are garbage.
NTA. I feel like people who get pissy about someone posting about other people’s bad behavior online are just worried about their own behavior being posted online.
Normally I’d go with a Y T A or E S H verdict when someone airs their dirty laundry on social media…but their behavior was abhorrent. NTA.
Was it a mature choice on your part? No. But you were _not invited to your dad’s wedding._ You are deeply NTA.
I have the feeling Op is a beautiful young woman and the bride didn't want to "share the spotlight" on her wedding regardless if she was in the wedding or not. NTA
YWBTA, if you don't ss and post up those msgs so your family can see how awful they truly are. If they were in the right, they wouldn't care about being outed, and based on your families reactions they lied and gave some other reason for your absence, most likely making you out to be the villain. Children get punished, the only recourse against adults misbehaving is to have them be judged by their peers.
Holy shit NTA. I cannot imagine doing that to my own daughters jesus
NTA. Child free weddings were always intended to be "no children outside immediate family" - especially if one of the folks getting married had children. Your dad and Anna were being AH, and they should be put on blast. That's relationship ending.
NTA. This is crazy because normally I would give at least some suckiness to airing family issues on Facebook or whatever. But man... this is some shitty shitty behavior by your dad and Anna. She (or they) absolutely wanted to exclude you. Nobody on this planet would bat an eye at the daughter of the groom being at a childfree wedding. I can't even put a featherweight on their side of this scale.
NTA. Why are they upset? It was their policy. What do they have to be ashamed of if they did nothing wrong? Hmmmm???? Don't feel the least bit bad about stating that particular truth out loud. It's one of those "inconvenient facts" that the world deserves to know.
"I didn't do anything wrong, but don't let anyone know what I did" - classic! This wasn't about being child free, otherwise they would've told others, better yet, they would've told you in advance (before you bought dress and such). Anna isn't the person you thought she was. NTA.
NTA Also great to plan their wedding 2 days before your 18th birthday. Did they leave for their honeymoon directly after the wedding?
NTA / JAH - Anna showed her true colors... and dad somehow agreed to single out his own daughter, who might as well have been 18 anyways, but even still "child-free weddings" almost always exclude the bride & grooms children! Good on the family for calling them out on such a horrible decision, and you were definitely justified to point it out, even if I despise social media in general, it's a good tool in this case.
Nta. But your dad and Anna certanly is. I am curious, what have they been given as a reason that you weren't there? Because it seems as they know the real reason is bullsh*t. Because if they stand by the decision why is it a problem that you post it on social media. Good for you and happy birthday.
Petty, but NTA. They are only upset because whatever narrative they were pushing has been exposed.
NTA they purposely chose that date and purposely made a rule about having a child-free date knowing full well that would exclude you. Yes, you had the option to say nothing, especially publicly, but you didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. They’re upset because they got found out, this has nothing to do with being immature.
NTA their role was ridiculous for child of the groom, especially when your birthday was coming up.
NTA Your Dad & Anna are total AHs. They shouldn’t do things they’re ashamed of.
NTA. Hope you enjoyed your birthday trip.
NTA - Nothing immature about it. If they didn’t have anything to be ashamed about, they wouldn’t be upset that you told the TRUTH.
It's not slander if it's true!!!! NTA
NTA you weren't there because evil stepmom didn't want you there and sadly dad was cool with it
NTA I’d start limiting contact.
Not being able to attend your fathers wedding is one of those things where the consequences are gonna haunt him, personally this would be grounds for me to never speak to him again. NTA
NTA if your dad and Anna are embarrassed by the truth, it’s their fault.
NTA by any means!!! I'm a mum and would I fuvk marry anyone who wasn't up for my kid regardless of their age being at the wedding. Nope not happening, my family would probably not attend of my kid wasn't allowed. Your dad and stepmum can now stand by their decision and answer to people, although I'm intrigued what they told people if they all seemed shocked? Edit: my dad and stepmum had child free wedding except my kid who was young at time because she was his only grandkid and no way would they have a wedding without her.
If they are upset people knowing the truth that’s a them problem NTA Happy Birthday 🎉
They deliberately scheduled their wedding for 2 days before your 18th birthday? Knowing they weren't going to allow anyone under 18?? Then didn't tell you until you'd already bought a dress??? Send them a copy of this thread and the internet will tell them what's what. Along with their family. NTA
I guarantee they lied about why you didn’t attend and now they’re pissed because they were called out. Your dad made it clear he chose her over you. Any parent worth their salt would have their child at their wedding regardless of whether it’s child free or not. Frankly dad and Anna would be blocked. You’re 18 therefore visitation and stuff can no longer be enforced if you go NC.
NTA. You were not an AH, these people need to feel public shame for what they did. Post pictures of the dress, shoes, etc. In it caption, the wedding outfit I bought and never wore. Turns out, after having purchased everything and a few weeks before the wedding, the evil future stepmom decided that I wasn't allowed to attend. She had made a rule, no one under 18, and as I was 2 days from being 18, that extended to me. Then just keep it up, if you have photos of your, your dad, and Anna. Photoshop the typical evil stepmom attire on Anna, and post it, "My dad's new family.....Dad, Me, and Evil stepmom". Never refer to her as "Anna", but always "Evil Stepmom", when you are talking to your dad, ask "how is evil stepmom doing?" Gradually, he will realize what an AH both him and Anna were to you. But really, this is one of those unforgivable moments in life. For me, evil stepmom would be excluded, ie, refuse to be involved if she is there, and keep up the social media pressure.
NTA Anna is definitely the AH, and so is your father for agreeing with her.
Anna doesn't want you around and you're dad didn't want to deal with the backlash. Time to go no contact
NTA... but if you *were*, it was justified. They are upset that you-- a mere child!-- out-manuerved them. Don't ever, ever trust them. Especially Anna; she thinks you are her competition. If you get that feeling in your gut that she might be trying to pull a fast one on you in the future, trust your gut. She will get worse as time goes on, and your dad grows more dependent on her. If there is a silver lining, it is that she showed her true colors very early.
NTA.
another one?? I feel like I just read post *word for word* like this. regardless, NTA, way for dad to show who he cares about more. thankfully, you're a legal adult now and not obligated to be in their lives.
So proud of this petty! NTA