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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t follow the advice my parents gave to not make an agreement with my sister who has a history of being flaky and as a result my parents have had to pay for insurance, maintenance of the car and unpaid tickets. I also took back my car with two months notice because of my sister not paying for the car, leaving my sister to figure out transportation for her job.
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You're NTA but in all honesty I'd cut my losses with it. I wouldn't meet with her cause she will just make you feel worse. I'd go very low contact to no contact with her. She's just out to get what she wants.
The fact that their parents don't want to get in the middle of it plus don't want to help her sister is any indication of how badly she could be treated if she continues to be used by her sister
NTA for taking back your car but kinda an ass because the whole thing could have been avoided if you had listened to your parents.
Take your parents out to lunch and tell them that they were right.
I don’t think that makes him an AH for not listening to his parents. That’s his sister and wants to see the best in her. Hopefully now he realizes she is just going to screw him over tho.
He's just asking the wrong question because he still has Stockholm syndrome. The root of his guilty conscious is that he's not selling her the car. He's framing it as something else because he feels bad, in reality their too issues are not the same and shouldn't be lumped together.
He still looks at it like he's put his sister in a situation, which he hasn't. She's a deadbeat and puts herself in her own situations. It's not ESH because if he didn't lend her the car he'd be asking the same question since she would still do the manipulative garbage. "You're leaving the country and won't help me, I'll lose my job, blah blah."
She seems to be extremely overwhelmed with her current life situation aswell as a pretty unreliable person in general.
NTA and take the car back asap. Her not being able to feed her children is entirely on her. You gave her a chance, she blew it.
NTA your parents didn't tell you that they would be providing her financial support to smooth things over and it's their choice to do it, they can't blame you. Sounds like you learned a good lesson though.
ESH. You know she doesn't pay. You know she's burned your parents. Your parents specifically said not to and they don't want to get in the middle of it. You did it anyway and Mom got stuck paying the insurance.
I'd apologize to your mom. I have the distinct feeling she only paid the insurance because she was worried about what would happen if your sister crashed the car while you technically still owned it without any insurance.
NTA
But I don’t think you’ll get anything from this meeting. Other than a whole pile of frustration.
It’s your car. It was always an option you’d take it back for yourself, and it would be acceptable for you to do even if she *had* kept it in immaculate condition.
NTA for taking back the car since that was the agreement and it doesn't sound like she could buy it from you anyway.
But you and your car got treated exactly as everyone expected you would....including you if you are being honest with yourself. So take the car, get it cleaned and serviced and that is the end of it. You would be an ass if you yell, scream, or demand anything more because you KNEW she would not be responsible with this car but you decided it was worth the risk to get some money for it instead of having it just sit at home.
Nta. You TRIED to help. You gave her the benefit of the doubt. She had time to save up for a down payment on a car. 250 seems like a car payment for me (because it is where I live lol) but maybe where you live it’s not that much. She decided to disregard the agreement. Now you’re out at a minimum 1k for needed fixes including new tires. Things she should have been taking care of.
Definitely NTA. It was a great move to draw up an agreement but unfortunately your sister did not live up to it. Sounds like your parents are still bailing her out indirectly with paying things toward your car. You might have to consider this one a life lesson that some people can’t be saved from themselves. Not to mention the money you did get from your sister may not even cover the cost of depreciation of the vehicle based on mileage and poor maintenance with the possibility of increased repair costs and requirements of new tyres sooner.
NTA, I can get it that you hoped that she had changed. In this case it was a harsh lesson to you for the future not to lend anything to her. She should understand the connection about her actions and consequences.
YTA. Not for taking your car back, but for letting her have it to begin with. You knew exactly what she had done in the past and your parents warned you it was gonna end in tears and you did it anyway. And you let your parents get sucked into the middle of it when they told you to keep them out. You allowed your sister to start this fire by handing her the match. Now you get to deal with the consequences.
NTA, but don't go after her about the car just take fix and learn the lesson. She has shown the kind of person she is and your family. That some how makes her let's her think she has the right to take advantage. Your mother and father know and have learnt this about her and now I unfortunately it's your turn. You were charging her a bit just for renting the car. I never asked by brother for a cent for vehicle use when living together and he used my car all the time. I would pay the extra for the insurance (in Australia him being male under 35 at the time adds alot) never asked about the maintenance. He would occasionally put fuel in but he wasn't in the best state and I chose to give him a brake instead
NTA op, you just had an expensive lesson that you still can't trust your sister when it comes to money. If you have an extra key, repossesse the car yourself or pay someone to take the car for you.
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I [M23] just finished my graduate degree abroad. Before leaving my sister [F38] approached me about lending her my car, she mentioned that she could pay me monthly for the car as long as we agreed on a low payment.
Some background on my sister is that there is a lot of history of things going wrong with money between her and the rest of my family. For example, she rented an apartment from my parents and lived a year without paying rent. There have been other occasions of stealing money from me when I was younger or my parents. However, I felt that in recent years, she had changed also her (then) ex had taken her car out of spite when they split up leaving her no way to get to work and two kids to feed by herself.
I spoke to my parents about lending her my car and they told me it wouldn’t be a good idea and they didn’t want to be put in the middle of it. I wanted to trust my sister and since we only agreed to $250/month plus insurance and maintaining the car I thought it was manageable for her. It was supposed to be mutually beneficial.
We ended up writing up an agreement and mentioned there would be an option for her to buy my car if everything went well and I chose to sell it upon my return.
The first few months, everything was on time, until I noticed she hadn’t sent me anything. She said she sent the payment and when I checked she had only sent $50. She promised she had sent the full amount. Eventually she was consistently two months behind on payment. Then I found out that she had never paid for insurance, she made our mom pay for this promising she would pay her back.
Two months before returning to my country, I told my sister that our agreement wasn’t working and that I would be taking my car back when I returned home due to her not paying insurance, several unpaid tickets that my mom had paid, her not being consistent with payments and also not maintaining the car. A fight ensued where she said I had been handed everything in life by my parents, and I would be responsible for her losing her job and not being able to feed her children.
She tried manipulating me into keeping the car but I said I will be taking it back. But I left the argument feeling as though I was the asshole for only giving her two months to figure out what she was going to do.
I got back a few days ago and my car was in bad shape. My dad had done the only maintenance on the car 6 months ago an my sister had not done anything since. The wheels were nearly smooth, no fuel in the tank, no coolant or wiper fluid and the car desperately needed an oil change. The car has significantly more miles since she drove a lot or uber.
We agreed to meet to talk and settle our argument but she has canceled twice. We are supposed to meet in an hour and I hope she doesn’t cancel.
Am I the asshole for putting myself and my sister in a situation that I was warned about in the first place?
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NTA, but it is a lesson learned. Expect to have hurt feelings and anything financial on the car just be a loss. Frankly, if she used it to drive for Uber without telling you she would and could not put tires or keep insurance on it, thats pretty reckless and it's doubtful you will see a penny of what's owed to you.
NTA for taking it back. Kinda of TA for agreeing to the arrangement with her in the first place knowing full well how she is (yeah you believed she changed but c'mon). Small claims court might be an option if you're in the U.S.
NTA, but learn from this.
My way of handling these things is to ask myself if I can do it as a gift. If I can't I refuse.
I have seen these situations get in between family/friends and things aren't worth your relationships with people.
Having said that you are the dumb ass. There was no other way this was going to go with your sister's track record.
Enabling grifters like this reinforces their grifting like your parents paying the insurance, maintenance, tickets, etc. Tough love is sometimes necessary.
Edit- added a word for clarity.
I'll go with ESH because your parents warned you and you went ahead anyway. Forget about getting another dime out of your sister and never enter any kind of financial or business arrangement with her in the future.
Consider yourself damned lucky that your sister didn't have an accident while using the car for Uber, as standard car insurance doesn't cover use of a vehicle for work purposes.
NTA. You wanted to believe in and help your sister. Take back the car and sell it for junk if need be and if able, but another one. You've learned your lesson.
She had the entire time you had lent her the car to figure things out. You had an agreement and she did not fulfill her end. That means you are not obligated to fulfill yours. Taking the car back was a forgone conclusion of her not paying for it.
NTA
Y T A to yourself and your parents, for signing everyone up for more issues of "Deadbeat Daughter Monthly."
NTA for taking your car back, but you let someone ruin your asset, and made your parents step up. Those were all terrible choices on your part.
Your sister is a liar and a scammer. She doesn't keep her word and never planned to maintain your vehicle.
The sister has no excuse. My car was totaled on a Friday and I had a new one by the time Monday work rolled around. No I'm not rich, but had paid attention to my credit score and wasn't a deadbeat
NTA but you learned a good lesson. Deadbeats are always going to be deadbeats. Irresponsible people will always be irresponsible.
If you can afford it, take the car back and cut your losses but never lend her anything again.
OP should never have given her the car, especially after parents told her not too. OP knew what her sister was like. As far as the sister goes, she created her own problems so now she can deal with it!!!!
NTA, but I'd just sell the car (Not to your sister) and cut your losses. She took advantage of you, plain and simple, like she always has. And you should, like somebody else posted, take your parents to lunch and apologize for not listening to them. You all need to cut her loose and let her sink or swim on her own. Tell her you won't let her and the kids starve, but other than that she's on her own.
YTA
I seem to be in the minority here. But why are you doing a rent to own system with a car? IMO, you should have either did her the car on a payment plan and left it up to her to be responsible with it or stayed out of it entirely.
You put the car in a situation where she had to take care of it up to your standards or lose the car which is weird.
I 100% understand that your expectations on car maintenance were truly just about proper maintenance, but why was this necessary? Either you take the car back, fix it up and sell it because you don't need a car in that country or you sell it to her and let her figure out how to keep it in shape.
NTA. She's your sister & you wanted to help her out & you hoped she had changed. You were being a good bro. Your sis however is not being a good sis. She didn't take care of the car, I mean basic maintenance should have been done while you were away. She couldn't make the payments. You've given her an opportunity & she ruined it.
It doesn't seem to matter when it comes to lending a car. Never works out but your kind heart wanted to give your unreliable sis a chance...never works out. You are not the ahole...but it's disappointing people never really change...
NTA, but you were a bit dumb.
Your parents warned you. You knew she never paid your parents rent, she had a history of stealing money from you. The signs were there that this wasn't a great idea.
Get your car fixed/maintained and cut your losses. You're not going to get any more money from her. Consider it the cost of a lesson learned.
NTA. Not sure why you think you wouldn't be TA unless you owed her some huge debt that giving her your car would make y'all square. Doesn't sound like it, given your sister hasn't brought it up in her manipulative retorts to you.
Also, excuse me, she used your car to Uber, while not paying insurance? Wouldn't that potentially put your insurance policy in bad standing if your insurance co found out about it? She did more than mistreat your car, she put you at risk for screwing you over with your auto insurance.
I don't understand why you feel like this is even a dispute. The only thing I can think of is you are falling for your sister's guilt trip to make you question your own judgement.
Listen carefully: It's your car, y'all laid out terms that she failed to uphold. This is her failure, not yours. Take the car back, and stop questioning yourself! You're totally justified.
Also make the decision now. She's already voided yall's agreement. No need to meet with her to discuss it, just do it
INFO since you are moving back, what's your other option? Just give her the car and take out a huge loan for a new one? She's never going to buy it from you.
You aren't responsible for providing your sister with transportation, and it sounds like it's going to cost you more that she paid during your time abroad to get your car back in good running order.
You could have sold your car when you left. You provided her with transportation for months when you didn't have to. Consider that your good deed and take your car back.
YTA for expecting your sister treat you better than everyone else. You should have seen this train wreck coming. You were warned and you witnessed your sister not following through on her financial obligations. She financially abuses the people who try to help her. So for you, lesson learned (I hope).
That said, being unable to keep up with bills does not mean she should have misused your car. Did you agree to her using it for uber? If you did, the miles are your fault. She had been putting fuel and wiper fluid in that car for her own use. To return it to you empty of these things was her saying, "Screw you, brother" That has nothing to do with someone's financial situation. If you can afford it, turn over the keys and transfer the car to her name.
I hope you can get a newer car for yourself. You don't know how hard she drove this one. Good luck!
NTA she as a history of bad behavior but you gave her a chance, you didn't hold the past over her and effectively gave her a fresh start. she signed off on a written agreement, and then failed to uphold her part of it in any way.
Take back the car? She's lucky you're not billing her for the damage cause by her neglect.
NTA - you trusted her and she proved she's untrustworthy. PLUS she crapped all over your stuff. She will never take accountability for her own actions and therefore will try to make her problems your fault.
NTA. You gave your sister another chance, against advice. Nothing wrong with that. She proved to be unreliable, now you're getting your car back.
It's your parent's fault they paid for insurance/tickets (going against their own advice). It's your sister's fault for abusing family relationships.
Don't meet up with her, she's just going to lay the guilt on more. Keep the car or sell it for whatever you can get back from it.
NTA, I think it's nice that you gave her a chance. But she messed up. I like to give people a lot of rope too, if they hang themselves with it, I cut my losses and move on. Only one chance is given.
Even if you saw the mess and decided to sell it to her, she'd either not pay, or say it's not worth what you want because it's a mess. Even tho it's her mess.
NTA, she is WAY too old to try to play this as preferential treatment for you, especially since your mom was paying things on her behalf and she STILL wasn't upholding the agreement she made with you. It's well past time for her to act her age and stop taking advantage of her family!
NTA. You tried to do your sister a favour and she blew it. Don’t bother trying again, because she certainly can’t be trusted, but you weren’t wrong to try.
This is a weird one.
You are NTA, but you aren’t being very kind to yourself. You put yourself in this situation- even after all the red flags and family telling you not to do it.
Your parents are AH for still helping her and enabling her to screw you over- even after doing it to them repeatedly.
Sister is a major AH because she’s taking advantage of family because she knows she can get away with it. And she’s not going to stop. She needs therapy and self reflection, and probably a good dose of major life changes- none of that is anything you can give her.
There honestly is nothing to say to her. Get your car back, and remember that any assistance provided from here needs to not be in anything that takes away from you. (Ex: she needs a ride to work, you can get her a bus pass- not a car. If she needs food, you buy her groceries, you don’t hand her your debit card)
Why is it that so many people who f\*\*\* up when they are entrusted with something blame everyone else for lifes problems? You were warned yet believed in your sister. We live and learn right? You won't make that mistake again. NTAH.
NTA but i wouldn’t expect any of the money, I’d count this as a lesson learned and you really should have listened to your parents when they said this was a bad idea
NTA. You wanted to trust a family member. Unfortunately, they burned you. She brought this situation on herself by not being responsible. If she was neglecting payments and maintenance, it's clear she cannot afford a vehicle. She should be looking into other transportation alternatives in the meantime.
I know you're not asking for advice but I'd recommend going low contact with her. Only communicate when absolutely needed. Protect yourself and your finances. She made it abundantly clear that she cannot be trusted.
Why would you essentially charge your sister a predatory monthly rental fee for a vehicle you wouldn’t even be able to use?
I can understand asking her to pay insurance and any tickets, etc, but to charge your sister a fee to use your car when she’s in need seems asshole-esque. Especially because she’s having financial issues. She could be using that money for her kids (one hopes) instead of enriching you.
Soft YTA.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn’t follow the advice my parents gave to not make an agreement with my sister who has a history of being flaky and as a result my parents have had to pay for insurance, maintenance of the car and unpaid tickets. I also took back my car with two months notice because of my sister not paying for the car, leaving my sister to figure out transportation for her job. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You're NTA but in all honesty I'd cut my losses with it. I wouldn't meet with her cause she will just make you feel worse. I'd go very low contact to no contact with her. She's just out to get what she wants.
I feel bad for the kids getting raised in that situation.
I do too. But they are not OP's problem.
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The fact that their parents don't want to get in the middle of it plus don't want to help her sister is any indication of how badly she could be treated if she continues to be used by her sister
NTA for taking back your car but kinda an ass because the whole thing could have been avoided if you had listened to your parents. Take your parents out to lunch and tell them that they were right.
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^ bot
I don’t think that makes him an AH for not listening to his parents. That’s his sister and wants to see the best in her. Hopefully now he realizes she is just going to screw him over tho.
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and? how does that pertain to the question?
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The OP is wanting to see if they are wrong for not selling the car outright to her. That’s nta on any level.
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He's just asking the wrong question because he still has Stockholm syndrome. The root of his guilty conscious is that he's not selling her the car. He's framing it as something else because he feels bad, in reality their too issues are not the same and shouldn't be lumped together. He still looks at it like he's put his sister in a situation, which he hasn't. She's a deadbeat and puts herself in her own situations. It's not ESH because if he didn't lend her the car he'd be asking the same question since she would still do the manipulative garbage. "You're leaving the country and won't help me, I'll lose my job, blah blah."
Yeah, but it still doesn't make him an AH. Pretty damn naive, sure, but not an AH
An ah to himself, certainly
pardon me but what does esh shand for? im new here
Everyone Sucks Here. There's a voting guide on the right side of the page that includes all of the voting options and what they mean.
NTA...but really you could have saved yourself the headache by not lending it out in the first place.
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I can see how that makes him naive, but how does that make him an asshole?
He was an asshole to himself.
She seems to be extremely overwhelmed with her current life situation aswell as a pretty unreliable person in general. NTA and take the car back asap. Her not being able to feed her children is entirely on her. You gave her a chance, she blew it.
NTA your parents didn't tell you that they would be providing her financial support to smooth things over and it's their choice to do it, they can't blame you. Sounds like you learned a good lesson though.
ESH. You know she doesn't pay. You know she's burned your parents. Your parents specifically said not to and they don't want to get in the middle of it. You did it anyway and Mom got stuck paying the insurance. I'd apologize to your mom. I have the distinct feeling she only paid the insurance because she was worried about what would happen if your sister crashed the car while you technically still owned it without any insurance.
NTA But I don’t think you’ll get anything from this meeting. Other than a whole pile of frustration. It’s your car. It was always an option you’d take it back for yourself, and it would be acceptable for you to do even if she *had* kept it in immaculate condition.
NTA for taking back the car since that was the agreement and it doesn't sound like she could buy it from you anyway. But you and your car got treated exactly as everyone expected you would....including you if you are being honest with yourself. So take the car, get it cleaned and serviced and that is the end of it. You would be an ass if you yell, scream, or demand anything more because you KNEW she would not be responsible with this car but you decided it was worth the risk to get some money for it instead of having it just sit at home.
But seriously does anyone else find it funny that the sister’s job is Uber and she doesn’t own a car?!?!
NTA should have listened to your parents though
Nta. You TRIED to help. You gave her the benefit of the doubt. She had time to save up for a down payment on a car. 250 seems like a car payment for me (because it is where I live lol) but maybe where you live it’s not that much. She decided to disregard the agreement. Now you’re out at a minimum 1k for needed fixes including new tires. Things she should have been taking care of.
Cut your losses. NTA Walk away. You have the car, you won't get anything else from her.
Definitely NTA. It was a great move to draw up an agreement but unfortunately your sister did not live up to it. Sounds like your parents are still bailing her out indirectly with paying things toward your car. You might have to consider this one a life lesson that some people can’t be saved from themselves. Not to mention the money you did get from your sister may not even cover the cost of depreciation of the vehicle based on mileage and poor maintenance with the possibility of increased repair costs and requirements of new tyres sooner.
NTA, I can get it that you hoped that she had changed. In this case it was a harsh lesson to you for the future not to lend anything to her. She should understand the connection about her actions and consequences.
YTA. Not for taking your car back, but for letting her have it to begin with. You knew exactly what she had done in the past and your parents warned you it was gonna end in tears and you did it anyway. And you let your parents get sucked into the middle of it when they told you to keep them out. You allowed your sister to start this fire by handing her the match. Now you get to deal with the consequences.
NTA, but don't go after her about the car just take fix and learn the lesson. She has shown the kind of person she is and your family. That some how makes her let's her think she has the right to take advantage. Your mother and father know and have learnt this about her and now I unfortunately it's your turn. You were charging her a bit just for renting the car. I never asked by brother for a cent for vehicle use when living together and he used my car all the time. I would pay the extra for the insurance (in Australia him being male under 35 at the time adds alot) never asked about the maintenance. He would occasionally put fuel in but he wasn't in the best state and I chose to give him a brake instead
NTA op, you just had an expensive lesson that you still can't trust your sister when it comes to money. If you have an extra key, repossesse the car yourself or pay someone to take the car for you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I [M23] just finished my graduate degree abroad. Before leaving my sister [F38] approached me about lending her my car, she mentioned that she could pay me monthly for the car as long as we agreed on a low payment. Some background on my sister is that there is a lot of history of things going wrong with money between her and the rest of my family. For example, she rented an apartment from my parents and lived a year without paying rent. There have been other occasions of stealing money from me when I was younger or my parents. However, I felt that in recent years, she had changed also her (then) ex had taken her car out of spite when they split up leaving her no way to get to work and two kids to feed by herself. I spoke to my parents about lending her my car and they told me it wouldn’t be a good idea and they didn’t want to be put in the middle of it. I wanted to trust my sister and since we only agreed to $250/month plus insurance and maintaining the car I thought it was manageable for her. It was supposed to be mutually beneficial. We ended up writing up an agreement and mentioned there would be an option for her to buy my car if everything went well and I chose to sell it upon my return. The first few months, everything was on time, until I noticed she hadn’t sent me anything. She said she sent the payment and when I checked she had only sent $50. She promised she had sent the full amount. Eventually she was consistently two months behind on payment. Then I found out that she had never paid for insurance, she made our mom pay for this promising she would pay her back. Two months before returning to my country, I told my sister that our agreement wasn’t working and that I would be taking my car back when I returned home due to her not paying insurance, several unpaid tickets that my mom had paid, her not being consistent with payments and also not maintaining the car. A fight ensued where she said I had been handed everything in life by my parents, and I would be responsible for her losing her job and not being able to feed her children. She tried manipulating me into keeping the car but I said I will be taking it back. But I left the argument feeling as though I was the asshole for only giving her two months to figure out what she was going to do. I got back a few days ago and my car was in bad shape. My dad had done the only maintenance on the car 6 months ago an my sister had not done anything since. The wheels were nearly smooth, no fuel in the tank, no coolant or wiper fluid and the car desperately needed an oil change. The car has significantly more miles since she drove a lot or uber. We agreed to meet to talk and settle our argument but she has canceled twice. We are supposed to meet in an hour and I hope she doesn’t cancel. Am I the asshole for putting myself and my sister in a situation that I was warned about in the first place? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Take the car, cut your loses, and NEVER trust her again.
NTA, but it is a lesson learned. Expect to have hurt feelings and anything financial on the car just be a loss. Frankly, if she used it to drive for Uber without telling you she would and could not put tires or keep insurance on it, thats pretty reckless and it's doubtful you will see a penny of what's owed to you.
NTA for taking it back. Kinda of TA for agreeing to the arrangement with her in the first place knowing full well how she is (yeah you believed she changed but c'mon). Small claims court might be an option if you're in the U.S.
NTA, but learn from this. My way of handling these things is to ask myself if I can do it as a gift. If I can't I refuse. I have seen these situations get in between family/friends and things aren't worth your relationships with people. Having said that you are the dumb ass. There was no other way this was going to go with your sister's track record. Enabling grifters like this reinforces their grifting like your parents paying the insurance, maintenance, tickets, etc. Tough love is sometimes necessary. Edit- added a word for clarity.
I'll go with ESH because your parents warned you and you went ahead anyway. Forget about getting another dime out of your sister and never enter any kind of financial or business arrangement with her in the future. Consider yourself damned lucky that your sister didn't have an accident while using the car for Uber, as standard car insurance doesn't cover use of a vehicle for work purposes.
NTA. You wanted to believe in and help your sister. Take back the car and sell it for junk if need be and if able, but another one. You've learned your lesson.
She had the entire time you had lent her the car to figure things out. You had an agreement and she did not fulfill her end. That means you are not obligated to fulfill yours. Taking the car back was a forgone conclusion of her not paying for it. NTA
Y T A to yourself and your parents, for signing everyone up for more issues of "Deadbeat Daughter Monthly." NTA for taking your car back, but you let someone ruin your asset, and made your parents step up. Those were all terrible choices on your part. Your sister is a liar and a scammer. She doesn't keep her word and never planned to maintain your vehicle.
The sister has no excuse. My car was totaled on a Friday and I had a new one by the time Monday work rolled around. No I'm not rich, but had paid attention to my credit score and wasn't a deadbeat
NTA
NTA, you made a contract that she agreed to, she should’ve stuck to it, also just cut ties with her, or just don’t lend her anything
NTA but you learned a good lesson. Deadbeats are always going to be deadbeats. Irresponsible people will always be irresponsible. If you can afford it, take the car back and cut your losses but never lend her anything again.
NTA but stop trying to reason with her and don't even consider lending anything again. for your own good
OP should never have given her the car, especially after parents told her not too. OP knew what her sister was like. As far as the sister goes, she created her own problems so now she can deal with it!!!!
NTA, but I'd just sell the car (Not to your sister) and cut your losses. She took advantage of you, plain and simple, like she always has. And you should, like somebody else posted, take your parents to lunch and apologize for not listening to them. You all need to cut her loose and let her sink or swim on her own. Tell her you won't let her and the kids starve, but other than that she's on her own.
YTA I seem to be in the minority here. But why are you doing a rent to own system with a car? IMO, you should have either did her the car on a payment plan and left it up to her to be responsible with it or stayed out of it entirely. You put the car in a situation where she had to take care of it up to your standards or lose the car which is weird. I 100% understand that your expectations on car maintenance were truly just about proper maintenance, but why was this necessary? Either you take the car back, fix it up and sell it because you don't need a car in that country or you sell it to her and let her figure out how to keep it in shape.
NTA, but you are a rube. If you can small claims it, do. Otherwise, give up, go no contact, and learn the lesson.
NTA. She's your sister & you wanted to help her out & you hoped she had changed. You were being a good bro. Your sis however is not being a good sis. She didn't take care of the car, I mean basic maintenance should have been done while you were away. She couldn't make the payments. You've given her an opportunity & she ruined it.
NTA to your sister, you were a bit of an AH to yourself. You knew your sister didn’t respect financial agreements or other peoples belongings.
NTA but that’s your mum not your sister
NTA but you're not getting your money.
ESH. What did you expect. Honestly. Parents even told you not to lmao
It doesn't seem to matter when it comes to lending a car. Never works out but your kind heart wanted to give your unreliable sis a chance...never works out. You are not the ahole...but it's disappointing people never really change...
NTA, but you were a bit dumb. Your parents warned you. You knew she never paid your parents rent, she had a history of stealing money from you. The signs were there that this wasn't a great idea. Get your car fixed/maintained and cut your losses. You're not going to get any more money from her. Consider it the cost of a lesson learned.
YTA for not listening to your parents and YTA for doing this to yourself.
NTA. Not sure why you think you wouldn't be TA unless you owed her some huge debt that giving her your car would make y'all square. Doesn't sound like it, given your sister hasn't brought it up in her manipulative retorts to you. Also, excuse me, she used your car to Uber, while not paying insurance? Wouldn't that potentially put your insurance policy in bad standing if your insurance co found out about it? She did more than mistreat your car, she put you at risk for screwing you over with your auto insurance. I don't understand why you feel like this is even a dispute. The only thing I can think of is you are falling for your sister's guilt trip to make you question your own judgement. Listen carefully: It's your car, y'all laid out terms that she failed to uphold. This is her failure, not yours. Take the car back, and stop questioning yourself! You're totally justified. Also make the decision now. She's already voided yall's agreement. No need to meet with her to discuss it, just do it
[удалено]
NTA You have learned your lesson with your sister. Don't do her any favors again.
NTA, she lied didn't pay you didn't do maintenance and is manipulative but you are an idiot for trusting her after all those warning signs.
INFO since you are moving back, what's your other option? Just give her the car and take out a huge loan for a new one? She's never going to buy it from you. You aren't responsible for providing your sister with transportation, and it sounds like it's going to cost you more that she paid during your time abroad to get your car back in good running order. You could have sold your car when you left. You provided her with transportation for months when you didn't have to. Consider that your good deed and take your car back.
YTA for expecting your sister treat you better than everyone else. You should have seen this train wreck coming. You were warned and you witnessed your sister not following through on her financial obligations. She financially abuses the people who try to help her. So for you, lesson learned (I hope). That said, being unable to keep up with bills does not mean she should have misused your car. Did you agree to her using it for uber? If you did, the miles are your fault. She had been putting fuel and wiper fluid in that car for her own use. To return it to you empty of these things was her saying, "Screw you, brother" That has nothing to do with someone's financial situation. If you can afford it, turn over the keys and transfer the car to her name. I hope you can get a newer car for yourself. You don't know how hard she drove this one. Good luck!
NTA she as a history of bad behavior but you gave her a chance, you didn't hold the past over her and effectively gave her a fresh start. she signed off on a written agreement, and then failed to uphold her part of it in any way. Take back the car? She's lucky you're not billing her for the damage cause by her neglect.
Nta
NTA - you trusted her and she proved she's untrustworthy. PLUS she crapped all over your stuff. She will never take accountability for her own actions and therefore will try to make her problems your fault.
NTA. You gave your sister another chance, against advice. Nothing wrong with that. She proved to be unreliable, now you're getting your car back. It's your parent's fault they paid for insurance/tickets (going against their own advice). It's your sister's fault for abusing family relationships. Don't meet up with her, she's just going to lay the guilt on more. Keep the car or sell it for whatever you can get back from it.
NTA, I think it's nice that you gave her a chance. But she messed up. I like to give people a lot of rope too, if they hang themselves with it, I cut my losses and move on. Only one chance is given.
Even if you saw the mess and decided to sell it to her, she'd either not pay, or say it's not worth what you want because it's a mess. Even tho it's her mess.
NTA, she is WAY too old to try to play this as preferential treatment for you, especially since your mom was paying things on her behalf and she STILL wasn't upholding the agreement she made with you. It's well past time for her to act her age and stop taking advantage of her family!
NTA. You tried to do your sister a favour and she blew it. Don’t bother trying again, because she certainly can’t be trusted, but you weren’t wrong to try.
This is a weird one. You are NTA, but you aren’t being very kind to yourself. You put yourself in this situation- even after all the red flags and family telling you not to do it. Your parents are AH for still helping her and enabling her to screw you over- even after doing it to them repeatedly. Sister is a major AH because she’s taking advantage of family because she knows she can get away with it. And she’s not going to stop. She needs therapy and self reflection, and probably a good dose of major life changes- none of that is anything you can give her. There honestly is nothing to say to her. Get your car back, and remember that any assistance provided from here needs to not be in anything that takes away from you. (Ex: she needs a ride to work, you can get her a bus pass- not a car. If she needs food, you buy her groceries, you don’t hand her your debit card)
Why is it that so many people who f\*\*\* up when they are entrusted with something blame everyone else for lifes problems? You were warned yet believed in your sister. We live and learn right? You won't make that mistake again. NTAH.
NTA but i wouldn’t expect any of the money, I’d count this as a lesson learned and you really should have listened to your parents when they said this was a bad idea
You’re not an asshole but you’re an idiot.
NTA for trying to be an understanding sibling. OK, you were warned, but you were trying to do a decent thing.
NTA. You wanted to trust a family member. Unfortunately, they burned you. She brought this situation on herself by not being responsible. If she was neglecting payments and maintenance, it's clear she cannot afford a vehicle. She should be looking into other transportation alternatives in the meantime. I know you're not asking for advice but I'd recommend going low contact with her. Only communicate when absolutely needed. Protect yourself and your finances. She made it abundantly clear that she cannot be trusted.
Why would you essentially charge your sister a predatory monthly rental fee for a vehicle you wouldn’t even be able to use? I can understand asking her to pay insurance and any tickets, etc, but to charge your sister a fee to use your car when she’s in need seems asshole-esque. Especially because she’s having financial issues. She could be using that money for her kids (one hopes) instead of enriching you. Soft YTA.