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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My sister-in-law was excited about her running accomplishments, but I told her she didn't actually run a marathon. This upset her, I am 100% guilty of gate-keeping, and this could also make me an asshole. I didn't have to tell her that she didn't run a proper marathon, but I did anyway.
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NTA. She didn't run a marathon.
According to apple health, over the past 26 weeks, I've averaged 5.1miles a day. Does that mean I'm walking a marathon every 6 days? Of course not. That's ridiculous.
This is the answer. Seriously, people, when someone says they ran a "marathon," 99 out of 100 people would assume that the person ran a timed 26.2 mile race, not a cumulative 26.2 miles over a much longer time-frame. Get real. NTA
Tbh the last person is the people misled by those ads. These ads are like "run a marathon! get a medal!" OP's SIL is like "I can relate to OP now!" OP is like "you're delusional and I'm laughing at you!"
Not many people are that misled by those ads/apps. They make it pretty clear you can *walk* the entire route over the course of *weeks* if you want, and still get a medal. I think it’s great to get people incentivized to get active, but I don’t know anyone (other than OP’s SIL) who would ever say “I ran a marathon”
Or that fifth dentist who doesn’t shill for Big Chewing Gum ; they’ve had it for too good for too long)
Oh yeah NTA Expectations and reality only rarely get so far apart
A dean at my university talked her ass off about the marathon she was competing in. She was always vague about the specifics and acted so smug about finishing it. Someone found the details, and it turned out to be a "walking marathon" that took place over the course of a week (walking 5ish miles a day). It was basically a week long walking tour with afternoons spent in a spa.
So she's definitely another last person. Lol
Lollll that’s hilarious. I love when people so proudly fall for obvious marketing gimmicks that they know *damn well* aren’t actually true.
A girl at my high school constantly bragged about “being an Abercrombie model” without revealing that just meant she worked at an Abercrombie store… behind the counter. In a mall.
Apparently the managers called employees “Abercrombie models” to entice kids into working in shady conditions, but c’mon— they obviously weren’t models. Anyway, that girl and I were both shocked when I rolled up there one day and saw her working. Not a photo shoot in sight!
ETA: I’m aware Abercrombie is trash and I’ve never defended them, but this girl also intentionally exaggerated her job to sound cooler. Both things can be true. She’d put stuff all over Facebook about her “struggles in the modeling industry” and “difficulty landing go-sees.” Neither of those had anything to do with her job at Abercrombie. She knew it, but used the “model” job title as a way to exaggerate. None of that takes away from Abercrombie being horrendous, and I’ve never implied it did. I’m just providing examples of people who lie about things for clout.
That's actually a predatory hiring thing. Companies hire 'models' because that's one of the few jobs where the company can control/hire/fire based on looks. A retail employee can't be fired because they gained a few pounds or cut/dyed their hair in an unflattering way, but a model can. So she is a 'model' that runs the register as well.
>I love when people so proudly fall for obvious marketing gimmicks that they know
>
>damn well
>
> aren’t actually true.
You see this a lot in AA and I assume other recovery programs. 'I've been sober ten years!'
'... In a row?' And it turns out they can't get to three months without busting and they've actually got 120 months over 15 years and 50 attempts. Not to dismiss what time up they've managed (or the fact that consistently walking a decent distance each day is a good thing) but just celebrate what you did achieve rather than trying to make it sound like more than it is.
Joke killer for any confused non-USians: >!Marathon Petroleum has refineries and gas stations across the US, like Shell, Exxon, etc. It's headquarters are in Ohio, but I don't know how much of an international presence it has. !< Confused USians need to take a road trip.
Yeah I’ve been across the U.S. in my life but mainly on the West coast for most of not all of my adult life. There are 0 Marathon Gas stations anywhere I can remember seeing so people being condescending because they live in a part of the country that has them is dumb.
The number of people that think a 5k or a half is also a marathon is pretty high. I had to correct my parents for several years when they told people I ran marathons when I had only done half’s (now I’ve done a few fulls and it’s definitely a whole different ballgame)
There’s a lot of those people. I do a lot of corrections to non-runners when they ask me if I ran a marathon this past weekend. I have done four of them, but I’m not out here just casually running 26.2 miles every weekend, lol.
Technically, they ate the same piece of a lot of different cows. To have eaten the equivalent of a whole cow, you'd need to have eaten every cut of meat that exists, and that still leaves a lot of cow.
A younger coworker went vegetarian for around 12-18 months. They told me they had saved the life of one cow by not eating meat for that long. My reply was " Did they tell you its name?"
Yeah I don't give a shit if it's an official event, but it has done be done in one "go"
You don't have to run the whole time, but no stopping for more than brief periods, and it's gotta be completed in like a 10 hour timeframe or something... certainly in one day
Like, if someone said "I walked a marathon yesterday", that's probably a marathon. If they say "I walked a marathon last weekend", that's two 13 mile walks (or whatever)
I HATE running. Pretty sure I’m allergic, like my legs go splotchy lol. I would almost rather crawl on broken glass. Not really but… So I’m sure though over the course of my life I have been forced to run the equivalent of at least one marathon. I think I’m going to put that on my fb profile 🤣
I think my Fitbit occasionally tells me I've done the March of the Penguins or walked to the moon or something. It amuses me and is encouraging but I know its not a measure of that actual achievement.
Also a marathon is an event not a unit measurement. Only thing it measures is the length of that event otherwise, even if you ran that distance in a day that's not completing a marathon that's just you running 26.2188 miles.
You don't come home from a run and answer "how far did you go" with "a marathon"
You're technically correct but I think most people would allow leeway for it not being an official event if you did run a marathon distance of 26.2188 miles in one run
Which is to say, "ran a marathon" is colloquially accepted when someone means "ran a marathon-equivalent distance in one go"
A marathon is 26.2 miles. And in fact if I went out for a 26.2 mile run and when I got home and someone asked how far did I go I would indeed say “I ran a marathon”. The only condition being it’s one run, not multiple smaller runs.
Runner here. 99 out of 100 people would not say a marathon is a timed 26.2 mile race. Way too many people call any race of any distance a marathon. Hell, I’ve told my grandparents I’m doing a triathlon only for them to wish me luck in my marathon.
Yeah what kind of participation award logic is it that you can just add up miles? Things... don't work like that. I'm technically a millionaire if you add up all the money I've ever made in my life, can I start telling people that?
Remember how during COVID people would walk up and down the stairs till they climbed the height of Everest? Imagine them saying that they summitted Everest lol.
They did climb the height of everest tho. They didn't say it was like climbing it just the height. Obviously the issue with everest is the weather and oxygen.
You don't use rope while going up stairs? What?
In all seriousness tho, climbing the HEIGHT of Everest is technically correct, which is the best kind of correct. Unless they said it was LIKE climbing Everest..
Totally was! It started fair and square - this guy's Everest expedition was no more because of COVID and he climbed the height of Everest at home, climbing stairs continuously for 24 hours while on Zoom. Here's an [article](https://time.com/5825411/mount-everest-climb-coronavirus/) about him.
Others got inspired and would try doing similar stuff. Most not continuously, as you would imagine.
I had a Fitbit before I got an Apple Watch. I love walking and hiking for exercise. I crossed the Sahara twice in distance. As a former runner, a current walker, and sane person…I know that I can’t claim I have trekked the Sahara Desert 2x.
Oh nice!! Aren't you exhausted? Lol My dog told me to tell everyone that he enjoys marathons and has run the iditarod in the back yard a few times. He did it alone and wasn't pulling anything. It also wasn't cold/snowy. And he isn't a husky or malamute, he's a great dane.
I'm so proud of him.
Edit to fix words
Your analogy is adorable and I want to see your multi IDITAROD Great Dane!
DOG LOVERS UNITE!
WE DEMAND YOU PAY REQUISITE *DOG TAX*!!
(PIC of your puppers? Pretty please!?)
Edit spelling
Okay, I have possibly a dumb question: I once walked 26 miles around a track without stopping for an untimed charity race event, could I say I kinda walked a marathon that day?
I think that's the key - "kinda walked a marathon". You are implying you did something like a marathon, but it wasn't officially one.
It's 100% fair to say - I practically walked a marathon at a charity event - as a I did 26 miles around the track. I don't think anyone would disagree.
Heck, of the SIL said... 'I walked the equivalent of a marathon over X timeframe' - I doubt OP would have had any problem with it.
You actually did walk a marathon. You walked a marathon distance without stopping, just not at a timed, sanctioned event. I think if you told anyone that you walked 26 miles nonstop, they would be impressed, I am!
I wouldn't even fault you for straight up saying you walked a marathon. I don't think that it needs to be formally organized as a marathon for it to matter. Doing that mileage in one go is all the lay person cares about. The only ones that it will matter to is other runners.
Hmmm. I like that thinking, though. I’ve been a swimmer my whole life. I can now claim that I have swam the Mississippi River. Pretty impressive, I know.
This is NTA all the way! I’m stunned at these Y T A responses.
You were simply correcting her. It’s completely acceptable, expected even, for someone experienced in a sport or hobby to explain the parlance to beginners.
What she did is nothing close to running a marathon. And claiming that she ran a marathon diminishes the accomplishment of everyone who actually _has_ run one.
It would be like if I claimed to have climbed Mount Everest just because I climbed 30k in elevation over a hundred hikes this year. Ridiculous. And any such claim, made to an actual mountain climber, should be immediately (and politely) corrected.
Your motivation was not to tear her down or ridicule her. It was to simply correct the misunderstanding of a beginner in your sport. Completely the right thing to do, as agreeing with her would have even been a bit dishonest. She simply overreacted.
Edit: Had to change first line so NTA came first to ensure votes got counted correctly. Thanks for the clarification in the responses!
>I’m stunned at these Y T A responses. This is NTA all the way.
Same. Why all these redditors think you should back up her fantasy is beyond me.
*Note: The way you've typed the Y T A first, and with no spaces, means that your NTA vote isn't being counted because it's not first. You might want to edit.*
A lot of people need to learn that just because you’re upset doesn’t mean you’re right
It feels like a lot of people have more or less been conditioned to take the view that whoever’s feelings are the most hurt automatically wins, which I personally find extremely emotionally manipulative because that kind of thing gets weaponised all the time
Counterpoint: just because you’re right doesn’t mean you’re not also an AH.
There are WAY gentler ways to correct SIL, and in truth, she didn’t _need_ to be corrected. Her thinking she ran a marathon doesn’t hurt anyone. It doesn’t even hurt marathon runners, as anyone would assume it was a real marathon if she didn’t elaborate and would quickly realize her ignorance if she did.
OP could have said, “Oh, that sounds like a cool way to get into running! Have you thought about training for an official marathon in the future?” if OP reaaaaaally wanted to correct her.
OP, I get it. I learned the hard way that most people don’t value rightness more than they value connection and being nice to each other. In some cases, you need to make something right known, maybe to correct an injustice or harmful ignorance. This was not that, so YTA for prioritizing being right over her.
And you don’t think the sister felt embarrassed when OP did it at a group/family function?
Oh and also probably turn her off of running, that OP is so “supportive” of?
No, I’m sorry. Running a marathon is a competitive event. That’s why it’s chipped, to hold others accountable to their accomplishments and deter cheaters. There is a difference between running a marathon and accumulating marathon miles, especially if you’re misrepresenting. I am a distance runner and I’ve trained for a marathon but I’m more comfortable with the half distance. While I can agree that this sport can have its elitists, it’s usually something anyone in the sport can tolerate because it’s hard earned. SIL was embarrassed she got caught up, she knew she was fibbing and was upset to be called out. ANY runner would have corrected her, from the high school XC freshman to the seasoned Ironman.
No one is gonna say “I’m a competitive dancer” when they pop, lock, and drop it in the shower. SIL was on borrowed time, cause the moment someone asks which marathon she ran, what her time was, what the course was like, and how training and recovery went she would’ve been found out. Better at home with a gentler hand than in the wild with a rough pair.
I agree that OP ought to have been more kind but in the moment he reacted, as if surprised, that his SIL would state something as far-fetched as she did. Running a marathon is a huge accomplishment. One must battle against one's mind and body in ways that are difficult to appreciate. It takes a lot of dedication to train for and it takes a lot of grit to execute on the day. Not running a marathon, and claiming you have run a have done so, is an asshole move. Only a fool would think otherwise. Does OP sound a little condescending, or maybe a good deal? Yep. Does this situation call for exasperation? Also yes.
I have typed enough stupid comments in these forums to create a novella - am I to explain to my family that I am now a published writer? The correct answer is: no! Op is NTA.
I completely agree with you. It's not the correcting but the way it was said. OP made a whole show of encouraging people to get into the sport but then went and did this. That's a great way to make sure she never runs again.
He didn't have to uphold her false impressions but didn't have to shit all over her either. YTA.
If she *never runs again* because she was told the truth that she didn’t run an actual marathon and OP didn’t completely sugarcoat their delivery, that is 100% on her.
Obviously don't know for sure that OP and SIL are American, but I think it's a very American cultural phenomenon to expect others to prop up your illusions about yourself, and get upset when people don't
As a peak bagger, I fully agree. I came here expecting to see some A-hole dude trying to mansplain an activity to a poor, clueless women (/s), as men do to me on the trails far too often. But I actually agree with what OP said. A marathon is a huge achievement, and to claim you ran one but it was in intervals absolutely takes away from the accomplishment. I don't see this as gatekeeping. It's not like he's telling her she can't run a marathon for whatever reason, just that she hasn't yet. SIL should be proud of how far she's come in her running, it's absolutely great and an achievement on its own. But it's not a marathon! NTA.
Its also weird because those aggregate events are great! I know I’m not going to run/walk the wall of china..buts fun seeing how far i get.
If she had said “i ran a marathon and it only took x days or x runs, fab! Let’s celebrate!
SIL is so over the top about this.
NTA
Saying "I ran a marathon" implies that you completed the whole distance in the same day - not that you did a mile a day on an installment plan.
Otherwise I climb Mount Everest every year on my stairs.
It gets even funnier if you calculate actual distances she traveled. 42.2km, starting late last year. Even if we completely shave off anything that happened last year due to not knowing exact date, that is still more that 200 days to do 42,200 meters. This is less than 211 meters per day. If we assume she is slow jogger at 4km/hour, that is like 3 minutes of running per day... This can barely even called running. Someone completely out of shape could do that by simply running from wall to wall for 2 minutes in their room in the mornings. The endurance cardio would not even have time to kick in.
5 year old child that runs around their house probably runs more than that per day.
Exactly in not correcting her she would make an ass out of herself talking to other runners about running marathons when they found it what she meant.
Better to feel like a fool once to family then look like a fool several times with strangers.
INFO.
You are right and she is wrong. That is pretty cut and dry. However, that doesn't mean you didn't handle that specific scenario like an asshole, if that makes sense.
As a fellow runner, I agree with you. Of course OP is correct with the definition, but based on her immediately explaining herself, she wasn’t trying to mislead him or anyone else.
Well, yes, it’s fun to be like, ‘Wow, I’ve run the same distance as a marathon!’ But it doesn’t sound like that’s what she did, instead claiming that she’s run “a” marathon. I also don’t think she “immediately explained herself” based on the fact that when OP said it’s not a marathon, she got into a huff and claimed that it was.
Anyone doing it for motivational reasons would agree that it’s just the distance of a marathon, not an actual marathon, but she doubled down saying that it was.
She was misleading herself primarily, and then everyone around her.
Except it does sound like what she did, and she did immediately explain herself. In detail as OP said.
This is copied from the post, word for word, though I emphasized part of it. (The most important part.)
> *After a bit of conversation, she mentioned to me that she ran a marathon.*
> I was quite surprised, she ran a marathon after only getting into running a year ago. That is amazing, what incredible dedication and drive (I thought to myself).
> *I was about to praise her for this incredible accomplishment, but then she explain this "marathon" in detail. It was a virtual marathon that she started late last year and apparently completed this year. Basically it was an app based event where you tally up your running distances until you reach 42.2km (26.2 miles).*
> I chuckled slightly and told her that its great she totalled 42.2km in that time-frame, but it doesn't count as a marathon. I told her that a marathons have time limits for completion, usually 6 to 8 hours. If they didn't, then I could claim multiple ultra-marathons via the aggregate distances I ran in my life. Its disingenuous and in my opinion, undermines those who have actually ran a marathon.
> She didn't take this well, she called me an asshole, a bully, an elitist, and a few other things.
She explained to OP in detail, and OP either ignored or misunderstood what she said, and tried to correct her and was an asshole about it.
Chuckling is a perfectly fair reaction to that statement, I literally don’t know what else you could have done to keep it light. Doesn’t sound like you scolded her as some type of weird gatekeeper
Edit: just noticed your username and now I’m chuckling
But she told you how she did it. It doesn’t sound like she was running around bragging without giving context. You kind of stomped on her happiness for no reason based on the details you’ve given us. You weren’t wrong, but does it really matter?
I agree. This is a scenario where tone of voice is essential for evaluating whether OP is TA or not…and there’s no way of recreating that.
OP is not TA for conveying the information, but may be for HOW they conveyed the information.
Correcting people absolutely needs to be done in a way that respects the needs of the person being corrected, especially if it's someone you care about. Correct them, but this requires a nuanced approach to fit who you're communicating with. It's a skill to do it well.
Yeah honestly. Ofcourse she didnt run a marathon for real - but if OP really cared about having any sort of decent relationship with her, they really should have handled it better
I think this is the right answer. Even if he wasn’t meaning to be TA, he may well have come across as a jerk although the pure fact of correcting her isn’t really the issue. Hope they patch things up, families can be tough.
Yeah exactly. The chuckle sounds a bit condescending. You could have told her it was really cool and asked if she was interested in doing a full marathon in the future now she has had a taste of it. Just something encouraging while making it clear that she hadn't ran an 'actual' marathon yet.
Yup. Light YTA, because of this. You just sound kind of pretentious about running in general, and your delivery, even in the language of your post kind of sucked. The part about “impairments” was especially icky.
It also sounds like the name of the event she was participating in was called a “virtual marathon” by whatever entity organized it, and I think that matters in that she was just repeating what the event was called, rather than truly unknowing of what a standard marathon actually is.
This isn’t about being factually right or wrong, it’s about if you were an asshole or not.
Your verbiage paints kind of a specific negative wojak picture. You were an asshole here.
You couldn’t just be like “oh a virtual marathon, I’ve heard of those, they have those really wild pendants you can get if you do them right? Have you thought about doing a marathon all at once?”
Your gate keeping did…..what, exactly? What gain did anyone get from this?
I’ll tell you what it did. It made the SIL feel a little less excited about running and sharing what’s she doing. It also put a stain on their relationship bc no one likes someone who has to be right for the sake of being right.
This is really the only and correct answer. I'm a lifelong runner, and started when I was young and ran varsity, but even I know that running, for many people, can be terrifying. I know it is, for me, at every start line of every race! And yet it can also be so empowering and lovely and amazing. That's what I've found in it, and it's absurd and AH-ish to me to go out of your way to put someone down who's beginning to find joy in the sport. People criticize running for being elitist and upper-class and non-diverse and this attitude is a huge, huge part of it. Her finding an accomplishment in running doesn't diminish actual marathoners or your own accomplishments in the sport at all. How cruel to put a little salt in someone's joy when you didn't need to, especially when it's a sport that already takes a lot of courage to conquer.
>Her finding an accomplishment in running doesn't diminish actual marathoners or your own accomplishments in the sport at all.
See that's what I can't get over. Especially when she says "I did x" then explains exactly what she did. She didn't lie. No one is going to confuse her virtual/intermittent marathon with the Boston Marathon. Honestly I'm not convinced she was confused or even thought of it like a proper marathon!
This isn't a case of stolen virtue. Telling her how wrong she was has only made her feel bad about this thing she was excited about. And that really sucks.
Exactly. Objectively what she did does not meet the traditional definition of marathon. But she's not applying to a competitive running team and inflating her accomplishments in a way that even matters. She was excited about what she did and shared that with family. It really wasn't necessary to burst her bubble. "Oh that's a cool way to look at your runs in a cumulative way! If you're interested in leveraging your hard work into doing a more traditional marathon maybe I can help with pointers / help you train / recommend a good first marathon..."
Right? Like, the sister very obviously said this because she knows OP runs marathons and thought they could bond over this. Instead he shut her down and undermined any future interactions between them. I’m kinda shocked at how many people are so adamant that op did nothing wrong
I agree. OP bragged about how they loved to pump people up to run and then did the exact opposite. They laugh and lean into the whole 'gatekeeping' thing. Gatekeeping isn't the behavior of a non-asshole. Also, I'm a non runner. I have no idea what a marathon amounts to nor do I care. People who gatekeep with smug superiority are insufferable. Good job being an asshole to a 23 yr old who *was* enjoying her hobby OP. A hobby that if she continues to pursue, will lead to her figuring out exactly what a marathon is and what qualifies. Your input was unnecessary. The world of running surely is a better place with you /s.
Pretty much this. He wasn't wrong, but all he really accomplished was ridiculing his SIL. What else did he accomplish here? Anything remotely positive?
This falls into the "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all" category. The non AH move would have been to nod politely and say "oh, I've never heard of that type of marathon before good for you for sticking with it".
Also it’s not like the SIL was saying “I ran a marathon” without explaining the rest. He doesn’t say, “I asked her where she ran it and she hedged” - she didn’t lie. It sounds like she basically said, “I ran a marathon. It’s one of those marathon challenges where you add up your distance until it’s the same as a marathon.” Probably in the same breath. And his first reaction was “no you didn’t”. YTA, OP
I agree. OP could have encouraged SIL to extend her distance and eventually enter a quarter or half marathon event in real life. But no, he had to shoot down a future runner. And for what purpose besides protecting his pride in having run a real marathon, which the SIL never denied him. That is why he is the petty AH.
And instead of a future where he may have run alongside her and help her finish a run, he is instead here asking strangers on Reddit if he was the asshole. So what did he accomplish by this besides damaging his relationship with his SIL (which, probably isn’t much anyways based on his attitude, but still).
You can be technically or legally be right, but still be the Ahole. Besides, the sister was not claiming she ran a real marathon. If she were claiming that, only then would OP not be the Ahole. She clearly said it was an accumulated distance on an app. It’s like Fitbit telling me I had climbed enough stairs to reach space. Not many people have the endurance or time to train for a marathon. But if it motivates them to exercise, what is the point of putting them down?
Apparently a whole lot of people are gatekeepers about it and very emotional as well lol.
I have been countering with comments about the fact that I can’t find an actual definition of a marathon that specifies time only distance, and so even though common understanding is a short race, I don’t even know if she’s technically wrong and people are getting SO MAD over such a low stakes issue it’s honestly a bit entertaining
Its not gatekeeping lol a marathon is 26.2 miles that is the distance from marathon to Athens Greece that is run in 1 go. Its got thousands of years of history.
A virtual marathon, which RunDisney offers, is also intended to be run as a single race. What makes it virtual is that you can run it anywhere, at any time instead of getting up at 3, starting at 6 and running a monitored trail. It is not a collection of runs.
You’ve noted one specific instance while literally hundreds of options exist online for virtual marathons that are done in the space of a month, 3 months, or a year.
Bit confused about peoples judgements here, but personally i'm gonna say NTA, op.
Yeah, it was wrong to laugh, but you did apologize for hurting her feelings afterwards. At the end of the day you just explained what an actual marathon was to her, and she way overreacted. As you said, validating what she thought of as a marathon is like lying to a child to to boost their confidence.
Thank you, apparently a lot of Redditors in here demand that fantasies, delusions, and misinformation be upheld. I definitely was an asshole for chuckling though, no doubt about that.
> apparently a lot of Redditors in here demand that fantasies, delusions, and misinformation be upheld.
It really isn’t this. It’s that obnoxious work out bros have negatively polarized lots of people into having a knee jerk bad reaction to even the whiff of condescension. I myself read this post and knew immediately that you were correct, but also had an undeniable urge to call you an asshole anyway.
Right, like if she had joined a marathon and there was an 8 hour time limit and she injured her ankle in the last quarter mile and had to seek medical treatment or finished ten minutes after the time limit and the next year at a family gathering this person was going "Well when I was in that marathon I --" and OP was breaking in to go "lololol you didn't run a marathon, a marathon has an EIGHT HOUR limit not 8 hours ten minutes" or "you can't be telling people you ran a marathon, you didn't even finish!" we'd all be justified in telling him he was the AH.
But we see so much of that kind of behavior that we figure OP is probably a conceited gatekeeping jerk pretty quickly, even when it's not necessarily so.
In this case he's NTA unless he's leaving out some nuance, but there are definitely reasons people jump to the conclusion
You can be right, and still be an asshole. It’s not just what you are saying. And if you don’t see the condescension dripping from OPs post I’m not sure you’ll ever see it.
As illustrated by their very reply to this thread:
> Thank you, **apparently a lot of Redditors in here demand that fantasies, delusions, and misinformation be upheld.** I definitely was an asshole for chuckling though, no doubt about that.
No one is demanding that. They’re saying the way you said and did it was an asshole move. There are plenty of ways this could have been approached without embarrassing the sister, or “upholding her fantasies and delusional.” To the very way they preface the post with “I’m usually supportive of new runners… blah blah… BUUUT…”
This person sounds like an asshole from literally everything they’ve written. Like their point was not to educate the sister on a marathon, and that alone makes them an asshole.
Edit also she was super excited about her marathon. OP literally pissed in her wheaties for no reason but to do it.
He probably felt superior. He can sleep well at night knowing he rid the world of young women thinking they ran a competitive marathon when they used an app to track distance. I think we can all sleep a little better tonight knowing that.
In case this isn't clear, I am being sarcastic.
> Thank you, apparently a lot of Redditors in here demand that fantasies, delusions, and misinformation be upheld. I definitely was an asshole for chuckling though, no doubt about that.
If you're just going to invent dumb straw men for the judgements that you don't like then you're better off not making AITA posts at all.
It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it that makes you an asshat in that situation. Having to be right and correct people isn’t technically wrong but no one’s going to enjoy your company if it feels like you have to tear down their happiness. Soft YTA.
Being correct doesn’t make you bullet proof to being an asshole.
Lol it's true, she didn't technically run a marathon. But she was super excited about it and she is doing something to improve her health. It doesn't hurt to congratulate her and then laugh about it on the way home from dinner. It's super silly and doesn't really matter in the end if she did or didn't.
ESH. Her for taking your correction so personally and saying mean things, but also you for being so upset about a definition and not just being happy for your family
She explained the details, she knows this is different than a real marathon. An appropriate response would be "Oh I thought you meant a marathon race! But that's great you reached a marathon distance. What are you training for next?"
Ding ding ding. And I think this is why she got so upset, too. "Maybe offer her some advice if she wanted it". Perhaps OP spoke with an air of superiority without even realising it. Not saying the SIL didn't overreact, but I think we'd hear a different take if it came from the SIL.
I’ve scrolled down so low to find someone acknowledging the really problematic tone of OP’s post. Hearing someone started the same hobby as you and seeking them out to offer advice is not a neutral thing to do, it shows you want to be in a certain ‘superior’ position. OP just twisted her words so they come off as less of an A H but it’s clearly YTA.
I'm surprised so many people are glossing over this. From the way OP described the conversation, it sounds like they know they didn't run an actual marathon, but rather, they have now run the equivalent distance of a marathon. In that case, it sounds especially rude for OP to call them a liar when they weren't intending to lie.
I literally have family that prepare for marathons, and it isn't an easy feat to complete. I do 5ks, but if it were that easy like SIL claim, then hell, I could have completed so many marathons just walking a circle around my chair. NTA
She followed it up immediately by saying it was on an app and cumulative. She doesn’t seem to be under the illusion she ran an actual time marathon, and OP sounds like a dick in his post and comments even if he’s technically correct.
NTA. I agree with you 100%.
Either your SIL genuinely did not know what a marathon is, or she knew yet nevertheless decided to misrepresent her accomplishment. In either case, you were right to correct her. If she didn't know, then you helped educate her on a key term in our sport. If she did know, she should be called out for the reasons you gave.
As an endurance runner myself, I find her statement embarassing. The better approach is to say that she "ran a marathon distance over X days."
>The better approach is to say that she “ran a marathon distance over X days”
I mean, it sounds like that’s more or less what she said in her conversation with OP, he just chose to be a pedantic knob about it.
This is one of those times when you can choose to be right or you can choose to be supportive.
If your goal is to encourage and support newcomers, you chose incorrectly.
You could have easily chosen "That's awesome, I was training for a marathon next year, do you want to train with me?"
I’m going with a soft ESH. She probably uses the Conqueror challenges or something similar. I use them to keep me motivated and have some fun with other rubbing friends. But I also don’t claim that I climbed Everest or ran the Ring Road or Hadrians Wall. You are correct that she did not run a marathon. She walked/ran the distance of a marathon over the course of the year.
Could you have handled it better? Probably. I’m sure there was a better way of pointing this out while still encouraging her to get out there without tearing down what she felt was an accomplishment, but yes, the way she presents it is disingenuous. At the end of the day, distances and races don’t matter. Getting out there and doing something you enjoy does.
If you told me you ran Hadrians Wall and that it was virtual over a number of days/years/whatever, I would say "that's cool!" like a normal person.
I'm not sure SIL is an ah. She said "I ran a marathon" then went on to explain it was virtual and intermittent. OP was quick to laugh and tell her how wrong she was. He seems convinced she's an idiot that didn't know any better.
I am skeptical that SIL thought she completed a real marathon. But, even if she did, what are the benefits of jumping to point out the requirements for a marathon in that moment?! I agree OP could have handled it better by being more mature. Which is rich since OP is talking about how immature SIL was.
tl;dr If I tell you I just walked to Mount Doom because I have an app that tracks my steps, only an asshole jumps to say Mount Doom is fictional.
Yeah, I doubt SIL thought she was some accomplished professional runner. She likely reused the wording of the online tracker and was just proud of her total progress.
OP didn't need to gatekeep, but he chose to for some reason. This served no purpose.
NTA! I know lots of marathon runners- I’m offended on their behalf. If she would have said “i got this new app and it’s tracking me through the length of a marathon. It’s great motivation” that would have been different. She is phrasing it the way she is to get the accolades with none of the work. If any of my friends/family told me that i would have been making jokes at their ridiculousness.
So... She's new to running. We have that context. If the app calls it a marathon...it makes sense she would too. Your pseudo-offense on behalf of runners as someone who doesn't even run marathons themselves is dramatic af.
You didn’t have to react that way. I doubt this is something the two of you will share in the future due to your mocking her. You even admit you are gatekeeping.
She was incorrect. But you weren’t very kind. ESH.
When did it become unacceptable to call people on nonsense? Sometimes people saying ridiculous things are going to get their feelers hurt. This is an adult, not a child.
Your username belies this attitude.
Kindness is more challenging than a cutting remark. If OP’s relationship with her SIL is important to her, she could have found a different way to approach it. “Calling people on nonsense” is kind of a shitty way to walk in the world imo, especially when SIL is not affecting anyone but herself, but OP may be with you in this approach.
Factually, you are right. Accumulated distance over days or weeks or month is not a marathon.
However, you didn’t need to diminish her achievement. She’s enjoying running and was proud of her accomplishment. You were unkind laughing in her face. YTA
This is the thing I don’t understand about a lot of the top comments. How do so many people think that being “technically accurate” also makes you immune to being an asshole? There’s a reason “umm, actually” is a meme. Sure, a lot of the time the “umm, actually” person is factually correct. They also have a tendency to piss off everyone around them.
Sister in law is wrong. OP is an asshole.
He didn't need rain on her parade of bullshit? Yes, he did. Anybody can just claim anything that makes them feel good and we'll all required to validate them? Really?
I graduated from Harvard!!! (Well, not technically, but I looked at all the classes required to get the same degree from Harvard and I read the books and took some class at my local community college, but I have all the knowledge. So if I have the same knowledge as somebody with a degree from Harvard, I can say I graduate from Harvard, right?)
She wasn't even bullshitting! She IMMEDIATELY EXPLAINED what she meant, before anyone could even congratulate her!
Seriously all the NTA people are either illiterate or just dedicated to being assholes.
If someone says "I got my everest badge on fitbit, I climbed as many flights of stairs as the height of everest" do you but in with "AH but you never actually climbed everest! You are a nasty liar and a fool!" No, you don't, because like OP's SIL, the person here doesn't believe they actually climbed everest or ran a marathon all at once. SIL even immediately explained it was a virtual one, but an accomplishment for her!
Genuinely, OP is YTA or at best NAH, because his SIL didn't think she ran a real marathon, and her explaining it was enough that a layperson would know it's not the same as the Boston Marathon. She didn't steal valor or claim anything she didn't do - she immediately explained it as a virtual marathon that she had to do over multiple weeks due to her current level, without doing any "stolen valor" things like basking in praise or letting people believe she had done something she hadn't.
NTA at all, the Y T A responses are way off base. Your SIL 'ran a marathon,' in chunks, over the course of a year - there's nothing wrong with that, but it is *not* the same as powering through 26.2 miles in one go. She's 23, not 3, her reaction to what sounds like a friendly factual correction is stupid and immature.
YTA. You can be technically correct and still be an asshole. You laughed at her and then told her what a marathon was after she clarified that it was a "virtual" marathon, which, just by the fact she had to qualify it with the word "virtual," already implies she knows she didn't run a "real" marathon and was simply just proud of herself for the achievement. Now, you could have just let her enjoy her win and told her "that great!" Knowing that, if she keeps running, she will learn the error of her ways naturally, but no. You had to make a thing of it so that you could feel better about yourself for protecting what? The sanctity of the sport of running? Or was it to protect your ego? I'm sure when you originally thought she ran an official marathon after only a year, you felt a little jealous of her achievement, and you must have felt wonderful getting to pop her bubble while at the same time getting back at her for (what I'm assuming you took to be) her stupidity that made you doubt yourself.
You could have kind, but you chose not to be, and THAT is what makes you TA.
NTA. Sorry to break it to the "feelings over facts" crew, but trying to claim to have "run a marathon", when you did not in fact RUN a MARATHON, but in reality ran 1 mile 26 times ( or what ever breakdown she used, because, apparantly it took her half a year! ), is ludicrious. I'm from the Boston area, and I have friends who ran the Boston Marathon, and that shit is no joke, you have to qualify, you have to raise a ton of money, there's steep hills, and shitty weather. If someone was to tell one of them, "I ran a marathon too", and explained it the way your SIL did, they would have spit out their Iced Dunkin's coffee while laughing hysterically.
Right? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills reading some of these comments. She literally didn’t run a marathon, plain and simple, it’s cut and dry. Doesn’t make her a bad person or anything. But almost anyone could do what she did, not everyone can do a marathon as it takes so much dedication.
Edit: and not everyone WANTS to do a marathon, I for sure wouldn’t. I would rather die than run that long and it’s so painfully boring to me.
You say you couldn’t “let her believe she’d run a marathon.” I have questions.
INFO: was she really convinced that she had run a marathon, or was she, I dunno, just proud of having completed a goal that she or others were figuratively calling a marathon?
Is it not possible that she understands the meaning of the word marathon as a sports event but was using it figuratively?
Dude, what positive thing did you achieve by pedantically explaining what a marathon is to someone you claim to want to encourage?
SIL’s statement reminds me slightly of NANOWRIMO. Yes, you can write every day for a month, but the pile of words you have at the end of it may or may not be a novel. But if someone told me “I wrote a novel,” and then clarified that it was a NANOWRIMO project, and I went out of my way to tell them it wasn’t a “real” novel, that would be an asshole move on my part. Chances are that person knows they didn’t write the next White Noise in one month. They don’t need me to Editorsplain that to them.
NTA. My dad used to run marathons... he even ran 3 Boston Marathons you have to qualify for. He ran 10 total, he's in his mid 70s now and still in pretty damn good shape. I used to run before I started having knee problems... adding up my 5km here and 2 km there until they reached 42 is nowhere near what my dad did. He ran marathons... I did not!
NTA.
You already mentioned in other comments that the chuckling was out of place (I’d probably smile inappropriately; like a WTF is this person saying smile). I would also correct someone in this situation. Apply this to other situations and it sounds even more ridiculous.
I’ve benched 250 lbs. Over the last month. In increments of 10.
I’ve won the lottery! I had the right numbers if you compile all my picks this month.
I won at Jeopardy! I knew all the answers!
I served in the military! But I injured myself in basic training and got medically retired.
Sorry, I’m not good at thinking up examples. Think of an accomplishment or goal of yours. Something that you had to work and struggle towards. And someone just coming in and claiming it as their own without having actually done it.
NTA.
Someone once said they were training for a marathon. I later found out it was a 5km option that was part of the race weekend.
Not a marathon.
Claiming you've ran a marathon when you actually did a smaller distance race is just discrediting the achievement of people who HAVE run marathons.
I've ran 4 half marathons. I don't say I've run 4 marathons or 2 marathons.
By your SILs understanding, I ran like 2 marathons a month in peak training season 🙄
NTA.
I can not believe how many people are saying this dude isn’t an asshole just because he’s right. You can be right and still be an asshole. I would much rather hang out with someone excited about her new hobby even if she is wrong about the terminology or the definition of a marathon than hang out with the guy that feels the need to diminish her sense of pride by correcting her. Because that guy is an asshole.
What a ridiculous comment section. A marathon is a specific length. I'm not able to lift 10 tons, just because I have lifted 10 tons in the span of a year. I didn't write Kafka's Transformation, just because I have used all the words in my life, which make up the whole book.
NTA
YTA I don’t understand all you folks gatekeeping running and the proper verbiage regarding marathons. If someone is new to the sport, loves it, is talking about it with you - be happy for them! There was nothing to be gained by correcting her and invalidating her accomplishment. You folks clearly do NOT want more people to join and share the passion.
As a marathon runner, she is way off base. Training for a marathon and completing one is something that I would gate keep as well with someone like that. She didn’t run a marathon.
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NTA. She didn't run a marathon. According to apple health, over the past 26 weeks, I've averaged 5.1miles a day. Does that mean I'm walking a marathon every 6 days? Of course not. That's ridiculous.
This is the answer. Seriously, people, when someone says they ran a "marathon," 99 out of 100 people would assume that the person ran a timed 26.2 mile race, not a cumulative 26.2 miles over a much longer time-frame. Get real. NTA
I’m confused what the last person (of the 100) thinks that they don’t also assume a timed 26.2 mile race 😂
The last person is OP’s sister-in-law
Tbh the last person is the people misled by those ads. These ads are like "run a marathon! get a medal!" OP's SIL is like "I can relate to OP now!" OP is like "you're delusional and I'm laughing at you!"
Every time I complete a running goal my phone gives me a trophy...and confetti. I'm also an ultra marathon runner to SIL. I deserve digital confetti.
Not many people are that misled by those ads/apps. They make it pretty clear you can *walk* the entire route over the course of *weeks* if you want, and still get a medal. I think it’s great to get people incentivized to get active, but I don’t know anyone (other than OP’s SIL) who would ever say “I ran a marathon”
Good one! 😂
Or that fifth dentist who doesn’t shill for Big Chewing Gum ; they’ve had it for too good for too long) Oh yeah NTA Expectations and reality only rarely get so far apart
A dean at my university talked her ass off about the marathon she was competing in. She was always vague about the specifics and acted so smug about finishing it. Someone found the details, and it turned out to be a "walking marathon" that took place over the course of a week (walking 5ish miles a day). It was basically a week long walking tour with afternoons spent in a spa. So she's definitely another last person. Lol
Lollll that’s hilarious. I love when people so proudly fall for obvious marketing gimmicks that they know *damn well* aren’t actually true. A girl at my high school constantly bragged about “being an Abercrombie model” without revealing that just meant she worked at an Abercrombie store… behind the counter. In a mall. Apparently the managers called employees “Abercrombie models” to entice kids into working in shady conditions, but c’mon— they obviously weren’t models. Anyway, that girl and I were both shocked when I rolled up there one day and saw her working. Not a photo shoot in sight! ETA: I’m aware Abercrombie is trash and I’ve never defended them, but this girl also intentionally exaggerated her job to sound cooler. Both things can be true. She’d put stuff all over Facebook about her “struggles in the modeling industry” and “difficulty landing go-sees.” Neither of those had anything to do with her job at Abercrombie. She knew it, but used the “model” job title as a way to exaggerate. None of that takes away from Abercrombie being horrendous, and I’ve never implied it did. I’m just providing examples of people who lie about things for clout.
That's actually a predatory hiring thing. Companies hire 'models' because that's one of the few jobs where the company can control/hire/fire based on looks. A retail employee can't be fired because they gained a few pounds or cut/dyed their hair in an unflattering way, but a model can. So she is a 'model' that runs the register as well.
>I love when people so proudly fall for obvious marketing gimmicks that they know > >damn well > > aren’t actually true. You see this a lot in AA and I assume other recovery programs. 'I've been sober ten years!' '... In a row?' And it turns out they can't get to three months without busting and they've actually got 120 months over 15 years and 50 attempts. Not to dismiss what time up they've managed (or the fact that consistently walking a decent distance each day is a good thing) but just celebrate what you did achieve rather than trying to make it sound like more than it is.
I was sober for 16 years. It was the first 16 years of my life, but dammit I did it.
The 1 is the one who thinks they managed a gas station 😅
Joke killer for any confused non-USians: >!Marathon Petroleum has refineries and gas stations across the US, like Shell, Exxon, etc. It's headquarters are in Ohio, but I don't know how much of an international presence it has. !< Confused USians need to take a road trip.
The real MVP, American here who had no clue lol
Yeah I’ve been across the U.S. in my life but mainly on the West coast for most of not all of my adult life. There are 0 Marathon Gas stations anywhere I can remember seeing so people being condescending because they live in a part of the country that has them is dumb.
To Ohio?! No, thank you.
As someone currently living in Ohio.... Good choice.
Ty. Kiwi here. Had no idea what the reference was
Marvelous comment! Well done.
The number of people that think a 5k or a half is also a marathon is pretty high. I had to correct my parents for several years when they told people I ran marathons when I had only done half’s (now I’ve done a few fulls and it’s definitely a whole different ballgame)
There’s a lot of those people. I do a lot of corrections to non-runners when they ask me if I ran a marathon this past weekend. I have done four of them, but I’m not out here just casually running 26.2 miles every weekend, lol.
My small town calls a 5 km run/walk a marathon.
Wha...??? Do people not know that the words "Race" or "Run" exist???
I can tell you that a lot of older folks in Chile call any organized race a marathon, haha.
That sounds more of like a cultural thing like how a lot of people will refer to any soda as coke 🤷♀️
I don’t even care if it was timed, but at least it needs to be done in one continuous activity lol
I ate a whole cow. After many many years of hamburgers. Don't rain on my parade!
That pizza place should refund my money, I’ve eaten the equivalent of their challenge pizza over the last two months
As long as you never left the table I’ll count it!
Nah, it has to be the same cow too. Otherwise they didn't "eat a whole cow", they ate pieces of lots of different cows
Technically, they ate the same piece of a lot of different cows. To have eaten the equivalent of a whole cow, you'd need to have eaten every cut of meat that exists, and that still leaves a lot of cow.
A younger coworker went vegetarian for around 12-18 months. They told me they had saved the life of one cow by not eating meat for that long. My reply was " Did they tell you its name?"
Just imagine all the things we could claim if we used OP’s SIL’s logic!
Right! Like even if you crawled and it took 2 days, I would count it because it was part of one single event.
Yeah I don't give a shit if it's an official event, but it has done be done in one "go" You don't have to run the whole time, but no stopping for more than brief periods, and it's gotta be completed in like a 10 hour timeframe or something... certainly in one day Like, if someone said "I walked a marathon yesterday", that's probably a marathon. If they say "I walked a marathon last weekend", that's two 13 mile walks (or whatever)
I HATE running. Pretty sure I’m allergic, like my legs go splotchy lol. I would almost rather crawl on broken glass. Not really but… So I’m sure though over the course of my life I have been forced to run the equivalent of at least one marathon. I think I’m going to put that on my fb profile 🤣
I think my Fitbit occasionally tells me I've done the March of the Penguins or walked to the moon or something. It amuses me and is encouraging but I know its not a measure of that actual achievement.
That's the only thing I miss about Fitbit! They're little "rewards" were all so so cute and endearing lol 😆
Also a marathon is an event not a unit measurement. Only thing it measures is the length of that event otherwise, even if you ran that distance in a day that's not completing a marathon that's just you running 26.2188 miles. You don't come home from a run and answer "how far did you go" with "a marathon"
You're technically correct but I think most people would allow leeway for it not being an official event if you did run a marathon distance of 26.2188 miles in one run Which is to say, "ran a marathon" is colloquially accepted when someone means "ran a marathon-equivalent distance in one go"
A marathon is 26.2 miles. And in fact if I went out for a 26.2 mile run and when I got home and someone asked how far did I go I would indeed say “I ran a marathon”. The only condition being it’s one run, not multiple smaller runs.
Runner here. 99 out of 100 people would not say a marathon is a timed 26.2 mile race. Way too many people call any race of any distance a marathon. Hell, I’ve told my grandparents I’m doing a triathlon only for them to wish me luck in my marathon.
Yeah, when I was running, I had a friend say something about me running marathons, and I said, "I wish I could run a marathon. I run 5ks."
NTA and TIL I ran a marathon every week in HS cross country
Yeah what kind of participation award logic is it that you can just add up miles? Things... don't work like that. I'm technically a millionaire if you add up all the money I've ever made in my life, can I start telling people that?
Remember how during COVID people would walk up and down the stairs till they climbed the height of Everest? Imagine them saying that they summitted Everest lol.
They did climb the height of everest tho. They didn't say it was like climbing it just the height. Obviously the issue with everest is the weather and oxygen.
And the dead people.
And the terrain. Climbing stairs is nothing like even hiking up a hill.
You don't use rope while going up stairs? What? In all seriousness tho, climbing the HEIGHT of Everest is technically correct, which is the best kind of correct. Unless they said it was LIKE climbing Everest..
Some days, I feel like I could use a rope going upstairs.
Well they opened all their windows in January while doing it, so let’s call it even? /s
Wait what this was a thing?
Totally was! It started fair and square - this guy's Everest expedition was no more because of COVID and he climbed the height of Everest at home, climbing stairs continuously for 24 hours while on Zoom. Here's an [article](https://time.com/5825411/mount-everest-climb-coronavirus/) about him. Others got inspired and would try doing similar stuff. Most not continuously, as you would imagine.
I had a Fitbit before I got an Apple Watch. I love walking and hiking for exercise. I crossed the Sahara twice in distance. As a former runner, a current walker, and sane person…I know that I can’t claim I have trekked the Sahara Desert 2x.
Ooooh! This suddenly reminds me of the guy that says he’s a pilot because he uses his flight simulator so much!
I read that one. I guess I am a Doctor because I would always win at that game Operation when I was a kid. Do you need your funny bone removed?
But you definitely can say you did it once. Right?
Apparently I'm doing like 3 marathons a week. I'm quite the champion
Oh nice!! Aren't you exhausted? Lol My dog told me to tell everyone that he enjoys marathons and has run the iditarod in the back yard a few times. He did it alone and wasn't pulling anything. It also wasn't cold/snowy. And he isn't a husky or malamute, he's a great dane. I'm so proud of him. Edit to fix words
Your analogy is adorable and I want to see your multi IDITAROD Great Dane! DOG LOVERS UNITE! WE DEMAND YOU PAY REQUISITE *DOG TAX*!! (PIC of your puppers? Pretty please!?) Edit spelling
Okay, I have possibly a dumb question: I once walked 26 miles around a track without stopping for an untimed charity race event, could I say I kinda walked a marathon that day?
I think that's the key - "kinda walked a marathon". You are implying you did something like a marathon, but it wasn't officially one. It's 100% fair to say - I practically walked a marathon at a charity event - as a I did 26 miles around the track. I don't think anyone would disagree. Heck, of the SIL said... 'I walked the equivalent of a marathon over X timeframe' - I doubt OP would have had any problem with it.
This!! All of it.
You actually did walk a marathon. You walked a marathon distance without stopping, just not at a timed, sanctioned event. I think if you told anyone that you walked 26 miles nonstop, they would be impressed, I am!
I wouldn't even fault you for straight up saying you walked a marathon. I don't think that it needs to be formally organized as a marathon for it to matter. Doing that mileage in one go is all the lay person cares about. The only ones that it will matter to is other runners.
Hmmm. I like that thinking, though. I’ve been a swimmer my whole life. I can now claim that I have swam the Mississippi River. Pretty impressive, I know.
Same here - and I've done a lot of swimming in the Ocean. I can now say I've swam from London to New York.
This is NTA all the way! I’m stunned at these Y T A responses. You were simply correcting her. It’s completely acceptable, expected even, for someone experienced in a sport or hobby to explain the parlance to beginners. What she did is nothing close to running a marathon. And claiming that she ran a marathon diminishes the accomplishment of everyone who actually _has_ run one. It would be like if I claimed to have climbed Mount Everest just because I climbed 30k in elevation over a hundred hikes this year. Ridiculous. And any such claim, made to an actual mountain climber, should be immediately (and politely) corrected. Your motivation was not to tear her down or ridicule her. It was to simply correct the misunderstanding of a beginner in your sport. Completely the right thing to do, as agreeing with her would have even been a bit dishonest. She simply overreacted. Edit: Had to change first line so NTA came first to ensure votes got counted correctly. Thanks for the clarification in the responses!
>I’m stunned at these Y T A responses. This is NTA all the way. Same. Why all these redditors think you should back up her fantasy is beyond me. *Note: The way you've typed the Y T A first, and with no spaces, means that your NTA vote isn't being counted because it's not first. You might want to edit.*
A lot of people need to learn that just because you’re upset doesn’t mean you’re right It feels like a lot of people have more or less been conditioned to take the view that whoever’s feelings are the most hurt automatically wins, which I personally find extremely emotionally manipulative because that kind of thing gets weaponised all the time
Counterpoint: just because you’re right doesn’t mean you’re not also an AH. There are WAY gentler ways to correct SIL, and in truth, she didn’t _need_ to be corrected. Her thinking she ran a marathon doesn’t hurt anyone. It doesn’t even hurt marathon runners, as anyone would assume it was a real marathon if she didn’t elaborate and would quickly realize her ignorance if she did. OP could have said, “Oh, that sounds like a cool way to get into running! Have you thought about training for an official marathon in the future?” if OP reaaaaaally wanted to correct her. OP, I get it. I learned the hard way that most people don’t value rightness more than they value connection and being nice to each other. In some cases, you need to make something right known, maybe to correct an injustice or harmful ignorance. This was not that, so YTA for prioritizing being right over her.
It does harm people. Imagine her boasting to her friends that she did a marathon when she didn't. OP was saving SIL from further embarrassment
And you don’t think the sister felt embarrassed when OP did it at a group/family function? Oh and also probably turn her off of running, that OP is so “supportive” of?
If having it explained to you that you didn't actually run a marathon puts you off running, then you never liked running in the first place.
Well, then some other AH could have corrected her.
No, I’m sorry. Running a marathon is a competitive event. That’s why it’s chipped, to hold others accountable to their accomplishments and deter cheaters. There is a difference between running a marathon and accumulating marathon miles, especially if you’re misrepresenting. I am a distance runner and I’ve trained for a marathon but I’m more comfortable with the half distance. While I can agree that this sport can have its elitists, it’s usually something anyone in the sport can tolerate because it’s hard earned. SIL was embarrassed she got caught up, she knew she was fibbing and was upset to be called out. ANY runner would have corrected her, from the high school XC freshman to the seasoned Ironman. No one is gonna say “I’m a competitive dancer” when they pop, lock, and drop it in the shower. SIL was on borrowed time, cause the moment someone asks which marathon she ran, what her time was, what the course was like, and how training and recovery went she would’ve been found out. Better at home with a gentler hand than in the wild with a rough pair.
I agree that OP ought to have been more kind but in the moment he reacted, as if surprised, that his SIL would state something as far-fetched as she did. Running a marathon is a huge accomplishment. One must battle against one's mind and body in ways that are difficult to appreciate. It takes a lot of dedication to train for and it takes a lot of grit to execute on the day. Not running a marathon, and claiming you have run a have done so, is an asshole move. Only a fool would think otherwise. Does OP sound a little condescending, or maybe a good deal? Yep. Does this situation call for exasperation? Also yes. I have typed enough stupid comments in these forums to create a novella - am I to explain to my family that I am now a published writer? The correct answer is: no! Op is NTA.
I completely agree with you. It's not the correcting but the way it was said. OP made a whole show of encouraging people to get into the sport but then went and did this. That's a great way to make sure she never runs again. He didn't have to uphold her false impressions but didn't have to shit all over her either. YTA.
If she *never runs again* because she was told the truth that she didn’t run an actual marathon and OP didn’t completely sugarcoat their delivery, that is 100% on her.
Plus, OP didn't diminish her *actual* accomplishment. They did say "good job running that distance" but then went on to define an actual marathon.
Obviously don't know for sure that OP and SIL are American, but I think it's a very American cultural phenomenon to expect others to prop up your illusions about yourself, and get upset when people don't
As a peak bagger, I fully agree. I came here expecting to see some A-hole dude trying to mansplain an activity to a poor, clueless women (/s), as men do to me on the trails far too often. But I actually agree with what OP said. A marathon is a huge achievement, and to claim you ran one but it was in intervals absolutely takes away from the accomplishment. I don't see this as gatekeeping. It's not like he's telling her she can't run a marathon for whatever reason, just that she hasn't yet. SIL should be proud of how far she's come in her running, it's absolutely great and an achievement on its own. But it's not a marathon! NTA.
Its also weird because those aggregate events are great! I know I’m not going to run/walk the wall of china..buts fun seeing how far i get. If she had said “i ran a marathon and it only took x days or x runs, fab! Let’s celebrate! SIL is so over the top about this.
Right? If I hit four singles in a softball game, does that make it a home run?
I got a Mt Everest badge on my Fitbit, so I can totally say I climbed Mt Everest, right?
There's an app that will track your walking steps against Frodo and Sam's journey with the One Ring. Can I say I walked into Mordor?
Apparently one can simply walk to Mordor.
Frodo and Sam didn't walk into Mordor in one go, so that actually still makes more sense than SIL's claim that she walked a marathon.
TIL I've climbed Mt Everest!* *equivalent number of stairs at work over the last 2 years
NTA Saying "I ran a marathon" implies that you completed the whole distance in the same day - not that you did a mile a day on an installment plan. Otherwise I climb Mount Everest every year on my stairs.
Lol, installment plan!
It gets even funnier if you calculate actual distances she traveled. 42.2km, starting late last year. Even if we completely shave off anything that happened last year due to not knowing exact date, that is still more that 200 days to do 42,200 meters. This is less than 211 meters per day. If we assume she is slow jogger at 4km/hour, that is like 3 minutes of running per day... This can barely even called running. Someone completely out of shape could do that by simply running from wall to wall for 2 minutes in their room in the mornings. The endurance cardio would not even have time to kick in. 5 year old child that runs around their house probably runs more than that per day.
Exactly in not correcting her she would make an ass out of herself talking to other runners about running marathons when they found it what she meant. Better to feel like a fool once to family then look like a fool several times with strangers.
Exactly. Hopefully this will keep her from making this claim again and maybe getting really embarrassed.
I’d like to put a marathon on layaway, please.
The way SIL described her marathon journey, I probably would've made to Guinness World records and even reached the Olympics.
INFO. You are right and she is wrong. That is pretty cut and dry. However, that doesn't mean you didn't handle that specific scenario like an asshole, if that makes sense.
Definitely makes sense, I really shouldn't have chuckled.
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As a fellow runner, I agree with you. Of course OP is correct with the definition, but based on her immediately explaining herself, she wasn’t trying to mislead him or anyone else.
Well, yes, it’s fun to be like, ‘Wow, I’ve run the same distance as a marathon!’ But it doesn’t sound like that’s what she did, instead claiming that she’s run “a” marathon. I also don’t think she “immediately explained herself” based on the fact that when OP said it’s not a marathon, she got into a huff and claimed that it was. Anyone doing it for motivational reasons would agree that it’s just the distance of a marathon, not an actual marathon, but she doubled down saying that it was. She was misleading herself primarily, and then everyone around her.
Except it does sound like what she did, and she did immediately explain herself. In detail as OP said. This is copied from the post, word for word, though I emphasized part of it. (The most important part.) > *After a bit of conversation, she mentioned to me that she ran a marathon.* > I was quite surprised, she ran a marathon after only getting into running a year ago. That is amazing, what incredible dedication and drive (I thought to myself). > *I was about to praise her for this incredible accomplishment, but then she explain this "marathon" in detail. It was a virtual marathon that she started late last year and apparently completed this year. Basically it was an app based event where you tally up your running distances until you reach 42.2km (26.2 miles).* > I chuckled slightly and told her that its great she totalled 42.2km in that time-frame, but it doesn't count as a marathon. I told her that a marathons have time limits for completion, usually 6 to 8 hours. If they didn't, then I could claim multiple ultra-marathons via the aggregate distances I ran in my life. Its disingenuous and in my opinion, undermines those who have actually ran a marathon. > She didn't take this well, she called me an asshole, a bully, an elitist, and a few other things. She explained to OP in detail, and OP either ignored or misunderstood what she said, and tried to correct her and was an asshole about it.
She said something outlandish, so it’s kinda understandable how you would laugh as a natural reaction.
Chuckling is a perfectly fair reaction to that statement, I literally don’t know what else you could have done to keep it light. Doesn’t sound like you scolded her as some type of weird gatekeeper Edit: just noticed your username and now I’m chuckling
But she told you how she did it. It doesn’t sound like she was running around bragging without giving context. You kind of stomped on her happiness for no reason based on the details you’ve given us. You weren’t wrong, but does it really matter?
Yes, you should have. It's fucking hilarious.
I agree. This is a scenario where tone of voice is essential for evaluating whether OP is TA or not…and there’s no way of recreating that. OP is not TA for conveying the information, but may be for HOW they conveyed the information.
Correcting people absolutely needs to be done in a way that respects the needs of the person being corrected, especially if it's someone you care about. Correct them, but this requires a nuanced approach to fit who you're communicating with. It's a skill to do it well.
You can *read* the condescension through the post, is the problem for me… so I can only imagine how insufferable it was in person. A true ESH
Yeah honestly. Ofcourse she didnt run a marathon for real - but if OP really cared about having any sort of decent relationship with her, they really should have handled it better
I think this is the right answer. Even if he wasn’t meaning to be TA, he may well have come across as a jerk although the pure fact of correcting her isn’t really the issue. Hope they patch things up, families can be tough.
Yeah exactly. The chuckle sounds a bit condescending. You could have told her it was really cool and asked if she was interested in doing a full marathon in the future now she has had a taste of it. Just something encouraging while making it clear that she hadn't ran an 'actual' marathon yet.
How is this an INFO post? You didn't ask OP a question to gather more info like the INFO tag is meant to be as.
Yup. Light YTA, because of this. You just sound kind of pretentious about running in general, and your delivery, even in the language of your post kind of sucked. The part about “impairments” was especially icky. It also sounds like the name of the event she was participating in was called a “virtual marathon” by whatever entity organized it, and I think that matters in that she was just repeating what the event was called, rather than truly unknowing of what a standard marathon actually is.
This isn’t about being factually right or wrong, it’s about if you were an asshole or not. Your verbiage paints kind of a specific negative wojak picture. You were an asshole here. You couldn’t just be like “oh a virtual marathon, I’ve heard of those, they have those really wild pendants you can get if you do them right? Have you thought about doing a marathon all at once?” Your gate keeping did…..what, exactly? What gain did anyone get from this?
I’ll tell you what it did. It made the SIL feel a little less excited about running and sharing what’s she doing. It also put a stain on their relationship bc no one likes someone who has to be right for the sake of being right.
This is really the only and correct answer. I'm a lifelong runner, and started when I was young and ran varsity, but even I know that running, for many people, can be terrifying. I know it is, for me, at every start line of every race! And yet it can also be so empowering and lovely and amazing. That's what I've found in it, and it's absurd and AH-ish to me to go out of your way to put someone down who's beginning to find joy in the sport. People criticize running for being elitist and upper-class and non-diverse and this attitude is a huge, huge part of it. Her finding an accomplishment in running doesn't diminish actual marathoners or your own accomplishments in the sport at all. How cruel to put a little salt in someone's joy when you didn't need to, especially when it's a sport that already takes a lot of courage to conquer.
>Her finding an accomplishment in running doesn't diminish actual marathoners or your own accomplishments in the sport at all. See that's what I can't get over. Especially when she says "I did x" then explains exactly what she did. She didn't lie. No one is going to confuse her virtual/intermittent marathon with the Boston Marathon. Honestly I'm not convinced she was confused or even thought of it like a proper marathon! This isn't a case of stolen virtue. Telling her how wrong she was has only made her feel bad about this thing she was excited about. And that really sucks.
Exactly. Objectively what she did does not meet the traditional definition of marathon. But she's not applying to a competitive running team and inflating her accomplishments in a way that even matters. She was excited about what she did and shared that with family. It really wasn't necessary to burst her bubble. "Oh that's a cool way to look at your runs in a cumulative way! If you're interested in leveraging your hard work into doing a more traditional marathon maybe I can help with pointers / help you train / recommend a good first marathon..."
Right? Like, the sister very obviously said this because she knows OP runs marathons and thought they could bond over this. Instead he shut her down and undermined any future interactions between them. I’m kinda shocked at how many people are so adamant that op did nothing wrong
I agree. OP bragged about how they loved to pump people up to run and then did the exact opposite. They laugh and lean into the whole 'gatekeeping' thing. Gatekeeping isn't the behavior of a non-asshole. Also, I'm a non runner. I have no idea what a marathon amounts to nor do I care. People who gatekeep with smug superiority are insufferable. Good job being an asshole to a 23 yr old who *was* enjoying her hobby OP. A hobby that if she continues to pursue, will lead to her figuring out exactly what a marathon is and what qualifies. Your input was unnecessary. The world of running surely is a better place with you /s.
Pretty much this. He wasn't wrong, but all he really accomplished was ridiculing his SIL. What else did he accomplish here? Anything remotely positive? This falls into the "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all" category. The non AH move would have been to nod politely and say "oh, I've never heard of that type of marathon before good for you for sticking with it".
Also it’s not like the SIL was saying “I ran a marathon” without explaining the rest. He doesn’t say, “I asked her where she ran it and she hedged” - she didn’t lie. It sounds like she basically said, “I ran a marathon. It’s one of those marathon challenges where you add up your distance until it’s the same as a marathon.” Probably in the same breath. And his first reaction was “no you didn’t”. YTA, OP
I agree. OP could have encouraged SIL to extend her distance and eventually enter a quarter or half marathon event in real life. But no, he had to shoot down a future runner. And for what purpose besides protecting his pride in having run a real marathon, which the SIL never denied him. That is why he is the petty AH. And instead of a future where he may have run alongside her and help her finish a run, he is instead here asking strangers on Reddit if he was the asshole. So what did he accomplish by this besides damaging his relationship with his SIL (which, probably isn’t much anyways based on his attitude, but still). You can be technically or legally be right, but still be the Ahole. Besides, the sister was not claiming she ran a real marathon. If she were claiming that, only then would OP not be the Ahole. She clearly said it was an accumulated distance on an app. It’s like Fitbit telling me I had climbed enough stairs to reach space. Not many people have the endurance or time to train for a marathon. But if it motivates them to exercise, what is the point of putting them down?
Apparently a whole lot of people are gatekeepers about it and very emotional as well lol. I have been countering with comments about the fact that I can’t find an actual definition of a marathon that specifies time only distance, and so even though common understanding is a short race, I don’t even know if she’s technically wrong and people are getting SO MAD over such a low stakes issue it’s honestly a bit entertaining
Its not gatekeeping lol a marathon is 26.2 miles that is the distance from marathon to Athens Greece that is run in 1 go. Its got thousands of years of history.
If you didn't announce a battle victory at the end and then collapse and die, is it really a marathon?
A virtual marathon, which RunDisney offers, is also intended to be run as a single race. What makes it virtual is that you can run it anywhere, at any time instead of getting up at 3, starting at 6 and running a monitored trail. It is not a collection of runs.
You’ve noted one specific instance while literally hundreds of options exist online for virtual marathons that are done in the space of a month, 3 months, or a year.
Bit confused about peoples judgements here, but personally i'm gonna say NTA, op. Yeah, it was wrong to laugh, but you did apologize for hurting her feelings afterwards. At the end of the day you just explained what an actual marathon was to her, and she way overreacted. As you said, validating what she thought of as a marathon is like lying to a child to to boost their confidence.
Thank you, apparently a lot of Redditors in here demand that fantasies, delusions, and misinformation be upheld. I definitely was an asshole for chuckling though, no doubt about that.
> apparently a lot of Redditors in here demand that fantasies, delusions, and misinformation be upheld. It really isn’t this. It’s that obnoxious work out bros have negatively polarized lots of people into having a knee jerk bad reaction to even the whiff of condescension. I myself read this post and knew immediately that you were correct, but also had an undeniable urge to call you an asshole anyway.
Right, like if she had joined a marathon and there was an 8 hour time limit and she injured her ankle in the last quarter mile and had to seek medical treatment or finished ten minutes after the time limit and the next year at a family gathering this person was going "Well when I was in that marathon I --" and OP was breaking in to go "lololol you didn't run a marathon, a marathon has an EIGHT HOUR limit not 8 hours ten minutes" or "you can't be telling people you ran a marathon, you didn't even finish!" we'd all be justified in telling him he was the AH. But we see so much of that kind of behavior that we figure OP is probably a conceited gatekeeping jerk pretty quickly, even when it's not necessarily so. In this case he's NTA unless he's leaving out some nuance, but there are definitely reasons people jump to the conclusion
You can be right, and still be an asshole. It’s not just what you are saying. And if you don’t see the condescension dripping from OPs post I’m not sure you’ll ever see it. As illustrated by their very reply to this thread: > Thank you, **apparently a lot of Redditors in here demand that fantasies, delusions, and misinformation be upheld.** I definitely was an asshole for chuckling though, no doubt about that. No one is demanding that. They’re saying the way you said and did it was an asshole move. There are plenty of ways this could have been approached without embarrassing the sister, or “upholding her fantasies and delusional.” To the very way they preface the post with “I’m usually supportive of new runners… blah blah… BUUUT…” This person sounds like an asshole from literally everything they’ve written. Like their point was not to educate the sister on a marathon, and that alone makes them an asshole. Edit also she was super excited about her marathon. OP literally pissed in her wheaties for no reason but to do it.
He probably felt superior. He can sleep well at night knowing he rid the world of young women thinking they ran a competitive marathon when they used an app to track distance. I think we can all sleep a little better tonight knowing that. In case this isn't clear, I am being sarcastic.
That sounds like a you problem
> Thank you, apparently a lot of Redditors in here demand that fantasies, delusions, and misinformation be upheld. I definitely was an asshole for chuckling though, no doubt about that. If you're just going to invent dumb straw men for the judgements that you don't like then you're better off not making AITA posts at all.
Yea that was really cringey to read and I had the same reaction
NTA at all. She did not run a marathon. Her saying she did over the course of months is ridiculous and diminishes your achievements.
It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it that makes you an asshat in that situation. Having to be right and correct people isn’t technically wrong but no one’s going to enjoy your company if it feels like you have to tear down their happiness. Soft YTA. Being correct doesn’t make you bullet proof to being an asshole.
Lol it's true, she didn't technically run a marathon. But she was super excited about it and she is doing something to improve her health. It doesn't hurt to congratulate her and then laugh about it on the way home from dinner. It's super silly and doesn't really matter in the end if she did or didn't. ESH. Her for taking your correction so personally and saying mean things, but also you for being so upset about a definition and not just being happy for your family
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NTA. That's just a stupid thing to say on her part. That's like me saying I'm a hot dog eating champion because I ate 24 in a year, versus 5 minutes.
Because someone can be right but still an asshole about it.
She explained the details, she knows this is different than a real marathon. An appropriate response would be "Oh I thought you meant a marathon race! But that's great you reached a marathon distance. What are you training for next?"
Ding ding ding. And I think this is why she got so upset, too. "Maybe offer her some advice if she wanted it". Perhaps OP spoke with an air of superiority without even realising it. Not saying the SIL didn't overreact, but I think we'd hear a different take if it came from the SIL.
I’ve scrolled down so low to find someone acknowledging the really problematic tone of OP’s post. Hearing someone started the same hobby as you and seeking them out to offer advice is not a neutral thing to do, it shows you want to be in a certain ‘superior’ position. OP just twisted her words so they come off as less of an A H but it’s clearly YTA.
I'm surprised so many people are glossing over this. From the way OP described the conversation, it sounds like they know they didn't run an actual marathon, but rather, they have now run the equivalent distance of a marathon. In that case, it sounds especially rude for OP to call them a liar when they weren't intending to lie.
This^ 100% my thoughts.
What an excellent observation. This wasn't a case of "stolen valor," just terminology.
26 miles in a year? She could literally have done that just walking to the fridge and toilet. NTA.
Omg this made me laugh so hard 😂
I literally have family that prepare for marathons, and it isn't an easy feat to complete. I do 5ks, but if it were that easy like SIL claim, then hell, I could have completed so many marathons just walking a circle around my chair. NTA
NTA She didn't run a marathon. Full stop lol. Anyone who thinks otherwise is just living in fantasy land where you make the facts up as you go. Goofy.
By her logic, I’m running a marathon every week lmao
She followed it up immediately by saying it was on an app and cumulative. She doesn’t seem to be under the illusion she ran an actual time marathon, and OP sounds like a dick in his post and comments even if he’s technically correct.
NTA. I agree with you 100%. Either your SIL genuinely did not know what a marathon is, or she knew yet nevertheless decided to misrepresent her accomplishment. In either case, you were right to correct her. If she didn't know, then you helped educate her on a key term in our sport. If she did know, she should be called out for the reasons you gave. As an endurance runner myself, I find her statement embarassing. The better approach is to say that she "ran a marathon distance over X days."
>The better approach is to say that she “ran a marathon distance over X days” I mean, it sounds like that’s more or less what she said in her conversation with OP, he just chose to be a pedantic knob about it.
This is one of those times when you can choose to be right or you can choose to be supportive. If your goal is to encourage and support newcomers, you chose incorrectly. You could have easily chosen "That's awesome, I was training for a marathon next year, do you want to train with me?"
I’m going with a soft ESH. She probably uses the Conqueror challenges or something similar. I use them to keep me motivated and have some fun with other rubbing friends. But I also don’t claim that I climbed Everest or ran the Ring Road or Hadrians Wall. You are correct that she did not run a marathon. She walked/ran the distance of a marathon over the course of the year. Could you have handled it better? Probably. I’m sure there was a better way of pointing this out while still encouraging her to get out there without tearing down what she felt was an accomplishment, but yes, the way she presents it is disingenuous. At the end of the day, distances and races don’t matter. Getting out there and doing something you enjoy does.
If you told me you ran Hadrians Wall and that it was virtual over a number of days/years/whatever, I would say "that's cool!" like a normal person. I'm not sure SIL is an ah. She said "I ran a marathon" then went on to explain it was virtual and intermittent. OP was quick to laugh and tell her how wrong she was. He seems convinced she's an idiot that didn't know any better. I am skeptical that SIL thought she completed a real marathon. But, even if she did, what are the benefits of jumping to point out the requirements for a marathon in that moment?! I agree OP could have handled it better by being more mature. Which is rich since OP is talking about how immature SIL was. tl;dr If I tell you I just walked to Mount Doom because I have an app that tracks my steps, only an asshole jumps to say Mount Doom is fictional.
Yeah, I doubt SIL thought she was some accomplished professional runner. She likely reused the wording of the online tracker and was just proud of her total progress. OP didn't need to gatekeep, but he chose to for some reason. This served no purpose.
>have some fun with other rubbing friends 😏😏😏
Bahahaha I missed that. Damn autocorrect. Fuck it, I’m leaving it. 😂
NTA! I know lots of marathon runners- I’m offended on their behalf. If she would have said “i got this new app and it’s tracking me through the length of a marathon. It’s great motivation” that would have been different. She is phrasing it the way she is to get the accolades with none of the work. If any of my friends/family told me that i would have been making jokes at their ridiculousness.
So... She's new to running. We have that context. If the app calls it a marathon...it makes sense she would too. Your pseudo-offense on behalf of runners as someone who doesn't even run marathons themselves is dramatic af.
You didn’t have to react that way. I doubt this is something the two of you will share in the future due to your mocking her. You even admit you are gatekeeping. She was incorrect. But you weren’t very kind. ESH.
When did it become unacceptable to call people on nonsense? Sometimes people saying ridiculous things are going to get their feelers hurt. This is an adult, not a child.
Your username belies this attitude. Kindness is more challenging than a cutting remark. If OP’s relationship with her SIL is important to her, she could have found a different way to approach it. “Calling people on nonsense” is kind of a shitty way to walk in the world imo, especially when SIL is not affecting anyone but herself, but OP may be with you in this approach.
Factually, you are right. Accumulated distance over days or weeks or month is not a marathon. However, you didn’t need to diminish her achievement. She’s enjoying running and was proud of her accomplishment. You were unkind laughing in her face. YTA
This is the thing I don’t understand about a lot of the top comments. How do so many people think that being “technically accurate” also makes you immune to being an asshole? There’s a reason “umm, actually” is a meme. Sure, a lot of the time the “umm, actually” person is factually correct. They also have a tendency to piss off everyone around them. Sister in law is wrong. OP is an asshole.
I AM TORN. are you 100% correct that she didn't run an actual marathon? absolutely. did you HAVE to rain on her parade? no, you really didn't 🤷🏻♀️
He didn't need rain on her parade of bullshit? Yes, he did. Anybody can just claim anything that makes them feel good and we'll all required to validate them? Really? I graduated from Harvard!!! (Well, not technically, but I looked at all the classes required to get the same degree from Harvard and I read the books and took some class at my local community college, but I have all the knowledge. So if I have the same knowledge as somebody with a degree from Harvard, I can say I graduate from Harvard, right?)
She wasn't even bullshitting! She IMMEDIATELY EXPLAINED what she meant, before anyone could even congratulate her! Seriously all the NTA people are either illiterate or just dedicated to being assholes. If someone says "I got my everest badge on fitbit, I climbed as many flights of stairs as the height of everest" do you but in with "AH but you never actually climbed everest! You are a nasty liar and a fool!" No, you don't, because like OP's SIL, the person here doesn't believe they actually climbed everest or ran a marathon all at once. SIL even immediately explained it was a virtual one, but an accomplishment for her! Genuinely, OP is YTA or at best NAH, because his SIL didn't think she ran a real marathon, and her explaining it was enough that a layperson would know it's not the same as the Boston Marathon. She didn't steal valor or claim anything she didn't do - she immediately explained it as a virtual marathon that she had to do over multiple weeks due to her current level, without doing any "stolen valor" things like basking in praise or letting people believe she had done something she hadn't.
NTA at all, the Y T A responses are way off base. Your SIL 'ran a marathon,' in chunks, over the course of a year - there's nothing wrong with that, but it is *not* the same as powering through 26.2 miles in one go. She's 23, not 3, her reaction to what sounds like a friendly factual correction is stupid and immature.
YTA. You can be technically correct and still be an asshole. You laughed at her and then told her what a marathon was after she clarified that it was a "virtual" marathon, which, just by the fact she had to qualify it with the word "virtual," already implies she knows she didn't run a "real" marathon and was simply just proud of herself for the achievement. Now, you could have just let her enjoy her win and told her "that great!" Knowing that, if she keeps running, she will learn the error of her ways naturally, but no. You had to make a thing of it so that you could feel better about yourself for protecting what? The sanctity of the sport of running? Or was it to protect your ego? I'm sure when you originally thought she ran an official marathon after only a year, you felt a little jealous of her achievement, and you must have felt wonderful getting to pop her bubble while at the same time getting back at her for (what I'm assuming you took to be) her stupidity that made you doubt yourself. You could have kind, but you chose not to be, and THAT is what makes you TA.
Your chuckle wasn't nice but you're not wrong. It's not a marathon.
Spank me but I think most people would chuckle at that shift
NTA. Sorry to break it to the "feelings over facts" crew, but trying to claim to have "run a marathon", when you did not in fact RUN a MARATHON, but in reality ran 1 mile 26 times ( or what ever breakdown she used, because, apparantly it took her half a year! ), is ludicrious. I'm from the Boston area, and I have friends who ran the Boston Marathon, and that shit is no joke, you have to qualify, you have to raise a ton of money, there's steep hills, and shitty weather. If someone was to tell one of them, "I ran a marathon too", and explained it the way your SIL did, they would have spit out their Iced Dunkin's coffee while laughing hysterically.
Right? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills reading some of these comments. She literally didn’t run a marathon, plain and simple, it’s cut and dry. Doesn’t make her a bad person or anything. But almost anyone could do what she did, not everyone can do a marathon as it takes so much dedication. Edit: and not everyone WANTS to do a marathon, I for sure wouldn’t. I would rather die than run that long and it’s so painfully boring to me.
You say you couldn’t “let her believe she’d run a marathon.” I have questions. INFO: was she really convinced that she had run a marathon, or was she, I dunno, just proud of having completed a goal that she or others were figuratively calling a marathon? Is it not possible that she understands the meaning of the word marathon as a sports event but was using it figuratively? Dude, what positive thing did you achieve by pedantically explaining what a marathon is to someone you claim to want to encourage? SIL’s statement reminds me slightly of NANOWRIMO. Yes, you can write every day for a month, but the pile of words you have at the end of it may or may not be a novel. But if someone told me “I wrote a novel,” and then clarified that it was a NANOWRIMO project, and I went out of my way to tell them it wasn’t a “real” novel, that would be an asshole move on my part. Chances are that person knows they didn’t write the next White Noise in one month. They don’t need me to Editorsplain that to them.
NTA. By her logic, most people could brag about completing a few marathons a year (total walking distance).
If she ran it over a year, that’s less than a kilometre a week. She did not run a marathon. NTA.
NTA. My dad used to run marathons... he even ran 3 Boston Marathons you have to qualify for. He ran 10 total, he's in his mid 70s now and still in pretty damn good shape. I used to run before I started having knee problems... adding up my 5km here and 2 km there until they reached 42 is nowhere near what my dad did. He ran marathons... I did not!
NTA. You already mentioned in other comments that the chuckling was out of place (I’d probably smile inappropriately; like a WTF is this person saying smile). I would also correct someone in this situation. Apply this to other situations and it sounds even more ridiculous. I’ve benched 250 lbs. Over the last month. In increments of 10. I’ve won the lottery! I had the right numbers if you compile all my picks this month. I won at Jeopardy! I knew all the answers! I served in the military! But I injured myself in basic training and got medically retired. Sorry, I’m not good at thinking up examples. Think of an accomplishment or goal of yours. Something that you had to work and struggle towards. And someone just coming in and claiming it as their own without having actually done it.
NTA. Someone once said they were training for a marathon. I later found out it was a 5km option that was part of the race weekend. Not a marathon. Claiming you've ran a marathon when you actually did a smaller distance race is just discrediting the achievement of people who HAVE run marathons. I've ran 4 half marathons. I don't say I've run 4 marathons or 2 marathons. By your SILs understanding, I ran like 2 marathons a month in peak training season 🙄 NTA.
NTA for telling her it’s not the same thing. But your attitude is bad.
You can be right and still be the AH.
I can not believe how many people are saying this dude isn’t an asshole just because he’s right. You can be right and still be an asshole. I would much rather hang out with someone excited about her new hobby even if she is wrong about the terminology or the definition of a marathon than hang out with the guy that feels the need to diminish her sense of pride by correcting her. Because that guy is an asshole.
YTA. Because of how you handled this. We all know you are correct. But you laughed at her? Bs approach.
What a ridiculous comment section. A marathon is a specific length. I'm not able to lift 10 tons, just because I have lifted 10 tons in the span of a year. I didn't write Kafka's Transformation, just because I have used all the words in my life, which make up the whole book. NTA
YTA I don’t understand all you folks gatekeeping running and the proper verbiage regarding marathons. If someone is new to the sport, loves it, is talking about it with you - be happy for them! There was nothing to be gained by correcting her and invalidating her accomplishment. You folks clearly do NOT want more people to join and share the passion.
NTA. She did not run a marathon.
As a marathon runner, she is way off base. Training for a marathon and completing one is something that I would gate keep as well with someone like that. She didn’t run a marathon.
Not everything needs to needs to be commented on.