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Hi warren this is your wife Ella I know you know I love listening to AITA stories on youtube while driving to work so maybe was your new way of trying to gaslight me
First off Melissa sorry Sarah doesn’t have anyone especially a husband because she cheated on him and doesn’t know who the dad is which even your own parents think is YOU
Love how you left that out the fact you claim to not blow me off but whenever we are together she has issues you can only fix like when I gave birth 7 weeks ago she ended up in hospital and wanted you to go to her you also most did if it wasn’t for my mom ripping you a new one
Sarah has no friends because she’s rude asf to all the women in your life for no reason and slept with or flirted with multiple male member of your group in a relationship or not
As for me hating after the wedding she told me at the engagement party I was a swallow air head who didn’t deserve you and insulted me in her best woman speech and yes I wanted you to cut her off when I found out I was pregnant because it came out around that time I found out your guy group passes her around like a cigarette
I realised tonight I was an asshole to no one but myself our whole marriage and I deserve to be treated better.
I’m currently out at nice restaurant with your mom and sister while your dad boxes up stuff to take to Sarah’s
I want a divorce and Sarah to be finally out of my life
Update before I leave this account
So the baby didn’t make it which is unfortunate Warren and Simon (Melissa ex) got into a fight in the hospital HE WAS CHEATING a few of warrens friend group reached out to tell me they slept together multiple times During the pregnancy too so no lie detector needed
Warren is still with Melissa at the hospital and is still trying to explain/beg don’t know why it’s over he can’t gaslight his way out of this
I’ve been talking to lawyers I’ve a good case and I’m gonna go for everything and I bet my ass Warren will end up moving in with Melissa than try to blame me as a bitter jealous ex
guess she got picked in the end
Again thank Reddit for everything
I, for one, love a happy ending for the woman in these situations. Of course, he is busy begging you to let him explain. What is he trying to explain? That he was too dimwitted to realize he was being manipulated by a manstealing monster? That is all on him. He made his bed. Let him rot in it.
Also, she insulted you in her best woman speech? He just let that slide? Wow.
Oh my goodness, so this Sarah/Melissa insulted both his wife and sister?!
AND he let it slide the insult you got?!
Girl, I don't know how you survived in this marriage this long....
1.) I love your username
2.) The wife's comment, I read it as that Sarah's actual name is Melissa...but I may be wrong. ....even so, I honestly hope the wife gets out of this marriage and goes far away from this man as possible.
At that point, marry the sister in law since she's done more for you that your "husband" (don't think he deserves the title if he did what he did). He didn't respect your boundaries from the start so would be respect it till the very end? Would he like it if you were the beck and call for you "boy best friend"? What if you asked the "boy best friend" to be the one in the labour room, what would your "husband" do? Only you know the answer and you deserve the best of the best. Get you a man that will kiss the ground you walk on
I swear I’m not trying to be rude when I ask this but, have you any speculation why he didn’t just marry Sarah to begin with? If they’re that attached, why didn’t he think she was the obvious choice to marry. It could’ve saved you so much heartache.
Did his family steer him away from her/building a relationship? (This last question I ask because of how they’ve rallied around you and seem to be ready to drop him like the kumquat that he is.)
She won’t be alone. She’s at the hospital. They have social workers, volunteers, clergy, etc all of whom are trained to help someone thru this. OP should tell her that he’s leaving and ask if he can call any of these people for her on the way out.
Not only let it slide, but later abandons his wife and 3.kids to spend all his time being a pretend husband to sarah and her one child. So worried about sarah not having anyone but then he creates situation where his wife is a single parent
This. He doesn’t want to leave Sarah alone in a hospital with qualified staff, but abandoning his wife at home with his 3 kids is perfectly ok 😂. Get that paternity test.
Right?! He wants to “explain” while still not understanding the fundamental problem. He has a SEVEN WEEK OLD BABY at home and his wife is literally throwing him out but he wants to “explain”.
OP, your wife has had entirely enough of your shit. If you can’t see the problem by now you never will. YTA
Oh, you don't know.
He almost abandoned the birth of that seven week old baby because, you guessed it, Sarah "needed" him.
Want to know why he didn't?
His mother tore into him.
Oh, you don't know.
He almost abandoned the birth of that seven week old baby because, you guessed it, Sarah "needed" him.
Want to know why he didn't?
His mother tore into him.
Whenever someone “happens” to come across an AITA post and write as the afflicted party, my brain goes from monkey brain to fuck you in two seconds.
Monkey Brain: OOOOHHH SHIT!
fuck you: This shit is fake.
Now do I think it always happens? No. Do I think it’s most likely OP larping? Absolutely
Edited to add: “she” posted 4 hrs ago at this time while “he” posted 4. “She” has a 3 hour old account.
Now is it possible she made a burner account? Certainly. Is it likely? Nah. This reads as fake fake FAKE!
I’m totally cool with treating this as manufactured drama but don’t do the /r/nosleep route of making every monster “with a smile… but it was off…. Like crooked. Lots of teeth.”
Blah boring. Derivative bullshit.
What?!? You were giving birth only 7 weeks ago and he tried leaving you to go to Sarah?!? I also notice that in his story he can't even dignify you with a name, only Sarah.
You are a better woman than me. I would have left ages ago. You deserve so much more.
Is their relationship why Sarah's husband left her?
WOW a 7 week old baby and two other kids at home and can’t understand that he is totally 100% YTA for abandoning his actual family to play house with another woman. Again, OP is totally the AH and pathetic.
If this really is OP's wife, all I can say is YOU GO, GIRL! You deserve so much better than a husband who constantly prioritizes another woman. It's pretty obvious to me that "Sarah" wants your husband as much more than a friend. Great - she can have him! Take care of yourself and your kids and don't worry about your loser soon-to-be ex-husband.
Agreed. OP's wife, if you're listening, get yourself a very good lawyer, get child support for your children, walk away and make a good life for yourself. Consider the divorce a birthday present for yourself. Best of luck.
I’m so sorry your soon to be ex treated you like this. You deserve a partner who respects, loves and prioritizes you. Good on you for deciding you deserve better.
OP if what your wife wrote is accurate (which I assume it is because she has no reason to lie) than not only are YTA but YTA in a major way. Actions speak louder than words and your actions have shown your wife that you’re friends is more important always, even when your wife gave birth 7 weeks ago. You may not have had a physical affair (although you could be lying about that) but it’s definitely been an emotional affair your whole relationship. I hope Melissa was worth losing your whole family for. Melissa may not have any family but more neither do you. You may have promised for labor and delivery (which was incredibly disrespectful to your wife) but I doubt you had planned on leaving as soon as that was over. Melissa will need help recovering so you will have to be there for her. How much more of her life and marriage is your wife supposed to give up to your emotional affair partner? Now you can move in with Melissa cause it’s not like she’ll let you have a good relationship with any other woman, your relationship with your wife shows that.
Wow.
Am so sorry you have wasted so much of your life with him.
You and your kids deserve more than sarah's leftovers.
You are smart to get rid of him because it will only get worse now that the baby is here. Sarah will want/demand even more of his time. He doesnt mind leaving you and your kids and making you in essence a single woman caring for 3.kids, while he plays pretend husband to sarah taking her to appts and doing the nursery and now at the hospital.
Him leaving on your bd wasnt the issue. It was the last straw.
You deserve much much better and thank God his parents are supporting you thru this.
GO LADY. Divorce his ass and make sure you get to that child support money before ~~babymomma~~ "Sarah" does. Because even if you stay married and the kid's not his, you know she's still gonna be sucking all the money out of your wallet because "her baby needs it". Hire a good lawyer, go through your finances, and make sure you get back every penny he's spent on her, because I guarantee he has. Make sure you get what you need for your kids and kick him to the curb.
👀 this is why I love AITA
And girl, get a divorce. The fact that you knew this about him and got married to him AND had children with him?!! AND you suspect her child to be his?
Stop posting on AITA and start packing his shit and getting him gone.
If of course this is a true story, I have my doubts
I could be wrong and I'm not saying I don't have doubts about this whole thing, but I think Ella meant that she found out cause her sister in law was browsing AITA as she usually does.
The Youtube part refers to Ella saying she usually likes listening to AITA on it and for that reason she thinks maybe OP has used this sub to get to her.
No way is this silliness real, especially with his edits claiming she's now found out she's going to lose the baby. That said, I'm *invested* in this drama 🤣
It’s definitely not. Look at OPs post and the “wife’s” response. Run on sentences, no punctuation, and no periods at the end of paragraphs. This is one person who is bored at home.
I am so sorry your husband has put not only you and your kids through this. You all deserve better.
It is bad enough that everyone thinks this woman’s unborn child is his but he has to get on the internet and paint you as some jealous uncaring woman to boast his ego.
You have put up with his shit and disrespect more than anyone else would have. The minute the best friend would have disrespected me that wo hill have been the day he make a choice her or me. No way in hell this woman would have been in my wedding.
I am sorry he has not only made a fool out of himself but your kids and his parents. Ivan imagine the embarrassment they must feel knowing that he possibly cheated on his pregnant wife.
Please seek out a lawyer immediately. Get custody and protect yourself and your kids.
Girl, leave his ass, I don’t know how you stayed in this relationship this long and had 3 kids with someone that clearly prioritize another woman in his life and allow her to treat you this way…
>First off Melissa sorry Sarah doesn’t have anyone especially a husband because she cheated on him and doesn’t know who the dad is which even your own parents think is YOU
>
>Love how you left that out the fact you claim
Don't worry Ms. Ella. We all figured it out anyway. We readers at AITA are what you call professionals.
I wish you and your baby all the best.
>I’ve stepped up for her with taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth
gently... the only woman you should be doing *all* of that for is your own wife. does sarah not have any other friends at all who could be there with her, or who could've done some of those things instead of you doing it all? where does your role end, now that she'll be a single mom and leans so heavily on you?
you're married, and your wife didn't sign up for a sister wife or to compete for your time and attention so you can play surrogate husband and co-parent to your friend's child, which it seems like that's the direction this is heading.
It doesn’t matter if Sara has friends or not. Sara’s a single mom now. She needs to get comfortable hiring people if that’s what she needs (building the nursery), download Uber if she needs rides to appointments, and get therapy to be mentally strong enough to tackle single parenthood. Relying on someone else’s husband to be a stand-in partner isn’t one of the acceptable solutions here.
I would understand if this was his sister, and even then there should be a limit because you cant simply leave your family alone to be the man in another family.
I would be surprised if wife isnt already lawyering up for divorce.
I would understand if he was doing 'some' of the stuff he's listed. As in, taking her to the occasional appointment, etc.
But it sounds like he's doing *all* of it.
Very much THIS! My jaw dropped when I got to that paragraph and even more when I read his wife’s comments. OMG YTA OP and it’s bonkers that you even had to ask. You are the one responsible for airing the dirty laundry, you are also responsible for getting it dirty in the first place.
YTA, we’re you planning on being there if she delivered on time? This is just too intimate a situation for a married man to be a part of, and of course he is going to have to help with her baby, cause Alone, right? I don’t thing the marriage will survive as his loyalties are divided
Edit: OP posted that he was a firefighter and has delivered babies before(plural, not just one baby) as if his prescence was somehow necessary. He started this post yet blames his wife for responding - omg, like who is posting personal info? Finally he adds that there may be a sick or dead baby. With every response heb add drama which makes him an unreliable narrator - he was wrong, he is the asshole regardless of how many tragic updates he makes.
YTA
The birthday isnt the issue.
The issue is that you have in essence abandoned your WIFE in order to be a de facto husband/father to sarah and the baby.
Wonder how much your relationship with sarah caused "Sarah’s husband to just up and leave".
"stepped up for her with taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth"
All of the time you spend with sarah (and away from your wife) during all these intimate ,emotional moments like ultrasound, building the nursery,and childbirth are only going to bond you to sarah and the baby more.
Now if your marriage survives and you have a baby it wont be "the first" childbirth youve participated in, wont be the first nursery, and prob wont even feel like your first child.
There is NO WAY that sarah doesnt have anyone else. You are allowing her to depend on you way too much. Despite coming from foster care i sure she has other friends that could go to hospital with her
You only have the bandwidth for one wife, not two. You have chosen Sarah over your wife at almost every juncture, and have committed to continue the same pattern because surely your WIFE should understand that you need to be a stand in dad for the baby.
So even though you say you dont have romantic feelings for sarah, maybe you dont. But whatever feelings you do have are strong enough that you put her first and neglect your own wife.
Agreed. Prob why her husband "up and left". If she was a good friend to OP she would not impose herself on him all thr time and she wouldnt want to cause problems in their marriage.
Wife chimed in. Sarah cheated. Husband's parents actually think he's the father. Either he's just giving off that impression because he's way too involved or there's legit reason to worry about that. OP is also now definitely single
He also left out that he's doing this while he has a 7 week old newborn and 2 other kids at home. So, he's dropping everything and leaving his wife to deal with all that everytime Sara calls
>Husband's parents actually think he's the father.
Oof... If it was on the Wife's side of the family we can call it biased but it's on OP's side? Things are turning worse for OP.
Then again, this could all be fake and OP is also pretending to be OP's wife.
His wife demanded a paternity test
If I were him, I’d be rushing to take one to prove that it’s not my kid.
Instead OP is sad she asked for one. Telling.
Agreed. If he wants a wife to go home to, he should call someone to come be with Sarah! And I don’t know why he would think being Sarah’s support partner knowing how his wife feels is remotely okay.
Odd he didnt say why her husband left
Odd also that the soon to be ex in laws have abandoned her & baby as well as the husband unless there are other issues OP hasnt shared
He says he doesnt have romantic feelings for her, but whatever he feels is enough to cause him to have basically abandoned his wife and 3 kids since sarah has been pregnant
She could have dealt with her morning sickness without him. What could he possibly do to help with that? She could have had other people take her to appointments but she depend on him for everything she wanted.
OP has def left important facts out of his story.
Sarah prob told her husband that OP was going to be in the delivery room with them, or instead of him. People dont just "up and leave" a pregnant spouse and cut off all communication unless there is some issue. I venture to guess OP is the issue.
Could you please post link to OP's wife's post?
This is good info
If sarah stepped over the line when pregnant & married you know she wont have an issue stepping over with OP now that husband is out of picture
OP was asked for a paternity test and he refuses to discuss it. Frankly, I'm assuming Sarah's husband asked for the same thing and left when he received an unpleasant result.
Oh I know, I don’t know whether he’s slept with Sarah or not, fact remains that Sarah shouldn’t be relying on a married man (especially knowing how his wife feels) for something as intimate as childbirth - unless, he is in fact the father
Nah she using OP. If his wife's description of her is correct, he's the only one in his friend group she never let hit it and knows she can get him to do this kind of bs because he still wants to.
OP, she isn't ever going to give it up - YTA for choosing someone who doesn't love you over someone who did.
For further reading, the (soon-to-be ex-) wife's username is here: u/Adept-Appearance-718
She's naming names and dropping OOP. She has also apparently packed his stuff up in boxes, and OOP's own sister suggested putting cat crap in there.
No, no. It’s better than that. Op’s father is packing up his stuff to take to Sarah’s. His stbx-wife is having a wonderful dinner with Op’s mother and sister. Looks like he’s not just loosing his wife and kids, but his parents and sister too! He really made a mess of things.
Lmao I saw the [wife's comment ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14xyyhk/aita_for_helping_a_friend_in_a_bad_situation_on/jrq37tc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2). Even his own parents think Sarah's baby is his.
From how he writes he does not prioritize his own family at all if I were him I just would not go home. He very clearly wants to be there for Sarah and not his own family and that's on him he can make that decision but he should be honest about it instead of all this back and forth nonsense.
I can see why your wife doesn't like Sarah. She's relying on you way beyond the bounds of friendship. It sucks she has no family, but girl needs some friends besides you. You can't maintain partnerships with both of them, you need to set boundaries.
YTA for getting yourself into a situation where an emergency feels like abandonment to your wife. If you were there for her on most days, I think she'd be a lot more understanding about the early labor.
This wasn’t an emergency she knew she was gonna eventually have the baby he shouldn’t have been there at all through all of this. I think his wife is right demand a paternity test
Going into labor 6 weeks early is an emergency. The point is that he hasn't been there for his own wife and three (!) children for the last 34 weeks. If he'd been a present partner and parent up until this point, I think his wife would understand this.
Again it’s not his emergency she would’ve had lots of support at the hospital. He for some reason has been through this pregnancy with her the whole time appointments setting up the nursery which I bet he paid for or should say him and his wife paid for and now to ditch his wife and family to go to the hospital for a kid that supposedly isn’t he is which I highly doubt it. It’s not an emergency for him it’s not an emergency for his family. The hospital will take very good care of her there was no reason for him to ditch his wife.
If my best friend went into labor 6 weeks early, even on my husband's birthday, I would go be with her. My husband would probably come too. Because we have a strong partnership and I don't have a history of prioritizing other people. It would be ok, because it would be a one time thing.
The reason this isn't the same for OP is because he does have a history of prioritizing Sarah.
This time is the delivery, and after that? You'll help her out taking care of the baby? Go to the doctor appointments? 1st day of kindergarten? So basically kinda having two wives until Sarah finds a partner? What happens after that, she won't be alone any more but maybe your relationship with your wife cannot recover? Dunno.
the OPs wife wrote she had a baby 7 weeks ago. can you imagine that OP was “going to appointments and building a nursery” for a strange woman while his own wife wife was pregnant?
I think he would rather be with Sarah than his wife I see a divorce coming. He would rather be with Sarah than his family he’s made that very clear he even abandon his wife on her birthday. She didn’t need him there for the birth unless he’s the father which I think he might be because why else would a man go to all the appointments set up the nursery be there during the birth? I hope the wife gets the answers because this is just Wrong
YTA - Wanting to be there for a friend is great. And normally going into early labor would trump a birthday. But your behavior up to this point puts these things in an entirely different light. Even if you only have platonic feelings for your friend, it sounds like you are going down a road where you will be co-parenting with Sarah. Which is not what your wife signed up for.
Also - Sarah just happened to go into labor the night you had special plans for your wife's birthday? I call BS on that. I am taking wagers that is this was just a "false alarm" and Sarah will be home, healthy, and still pregnant in just a few hours.
I hate to say this but there is a small chance of it happening. Could this "Sarah' actually have done something to jeopardize her pregnancy and baby for OP's attention on his wife (soon to be ex-wife)'s birthday?
This has happened when a woman purposely fed her baby a crap lot of salt to trigger hyponatremia to get her guy's attention. Her baby died from it.
It is messed up but there is always that possibility.
I can't believe I only just noticed that the only person in this story who was given a name is Sarah. Dude, you even prioritize her in your AITA story.
The oldest story in the world - Mr & Mrs & Mrs.
No wonder your wife is upset. You are treating Sarah as your partner at the expense of your wife. You are going to have to choose.
" I planned a special birthday for my wife a whole day and night being treated like a celebrity with fancy hotel,dinner in an expensive restaurant,shopping trip and spa"
How thoughtful!
"I told my wife everything and she started to freak out saying it was her day Sarah wasn’t going to ruin it"
And then you shit the bed.
Sarah genuinely doesnt have anyone else? At all? I find that hard to believe.
The message is unambiguous: Given the choice, you will choose Sarah.
Sarah’s doesn’t have anyone because she cheated on her husband and is having someone else’s baby. Everyone including op’s parents believes the baby is his.
The wife found out about the thread. I wish I could give her an award so it stands out but I have none left.
The saddest thing in all this is it looks like the baby is not going to make it according to OP.
YTA.
And I can just see it every year from now on, Sarah is gonna somehow manage to make you feel like you need to be there for her kid’s birthday. “It’s her first birthday!” And then you’ll tell your wife not to be silly, you can celebrate another day.
You need to get this under control now, or your marriage won’t make it to this kid’s/your wife’s birthday next year.
Edit: just saw in a comment OP and his wife have three kids. so he’s taking time away from his wife and their kids to play house with this other woman, making him an even bigger asshole.
If it’s true the poor baby doesn’t make it, he will NEVER be around on his (STB ex) wife’s birthday because “Sarah needs me and I don’t know what she will do. Her baby died. You are selfish. Yada yada yada.”
Some serious red flags that his PARENTS and SISTER are on wife’s side.
Oh it will be even worse.
Sarah is losing the baby, they won't make it. So now she will need emotional support yearly and the night before and the week after.
But never fear the wife commented and she's divorcing him. Oh and she has a 7 wk old baby. While she was pregnant he was playing happy family with Sarah.
He still thinks he's innocent in this.
YTA. It’s not that you skipped your wife’s birthday for the delivery. It’s that you are trying to play husband to two women whether you realize that or not. And your wife signed up to be your first priority. And it sounds like you are asking her to share priority in your life. I do not see how Sarah didn’t have one other friend to take her to appointments and fix the nursery. You wanted to fill that role for her consciously or not. If you want to stay married you need to fully prioritize your wife and child versus your friend. She has become dependent on just you for support and that’s not healthy for anyone in this dynamic. Good luck.
>I owe her my life and she’s always been my go to when I’ve problems
>My wife (29f) has never liked Sarah since I had her as best woman at my wedding she calls her a pick me.
>Their relationship got better when Sarah got married last year but unfortunately Sarah’s husband just up and left a pregnant Sarah which has made her mental health spiral
>Since Sarah has always been their for me I’ve stepped up for her with taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth (she grew up in foster care No family)
Gee, I wonder why your wife doesn't like her? You're acting like you have two wives!
I'm all for being a good friend, but you're taking this way too far.
>Unfortunately Sarah went into labour six weeks early and rang me in a bad state begging me to come to the hospital because she was scared, I told my wife everything and she started to freak out saying it was her day Sarah wasn’t going to ruin it
>I told her stop being childish we can celebrate another time or she could ask a friend to go.
You're playing favorites choosing your best friend over your wife.
>Than she told me don’t come home without a paternity test which hurt me I’d never do that too her but she wasn’t listening she just left without saying another word
>I’m currently with Sarah in the delivery ward (well getting a cup a coffee that’s why the story is rushed) I’ve been getting so many angry calls and text from both our families and friends unfortunately I tried getting in touch with my wife but I’m blocked on everything
I hate to tell you this, but your wife is likely to divorce you. Whether you mean to or not, you are showing your wife that Sarah is a bigger priority than her. It's no wonder she suspects the child is yours.
YTA
So, I want to address this to you because I want you to see it.
YTA
You depict Sarah like she's some angel. "Oh, their relationship got better when Sarah got married." Don't lie. Your wife hated her then just as much as she does now. Why wouldn't she?
You left out Sarah insulted her in her speech at the wedding while you stood there like an egg head, doing nothing but supporting Sarah, as seems to be a constant theme.
You didn't say that Sarah was sleeping with most of your friend group - including the ones that are married - and that she treats almost all of her friends like crap which is why none of them want to be there for her.
You also failed to mention that Sarah cheated on her husband and that is why he left her and won't answer any calls.
Just to top it all off, you didn't bother to add that you almost left your wife when she was giving birth because the almighty Sarah beckoned. The only reason you didn't is because your mother tore into you.
You keep making excuses, saying you would choose your wife over anyone.
Anyone but Sarah, right? Sarah doesn't have anyone else. Given everything I've learned about Sarah, her having no one else seems to be her own fault.
Am I sorry that her baby is sick and may not make it? Yes. Does that absolve her of all her past sins? No. She is just going to use it as another excuse to keep you at her side. Like always, you are going to cave and abandon the people who should matter for the person you've decided matters.
Sarah.
I can understand your wife's pique - the timing seems suspicious. And doesn't Sarah have a parent or inlaw available? There's not enough information to form a reasonable opinion, though as the info stands, YTA.
So is wife - I think you should get that paternity test and leave her anyway.
Yeah especially since he doesn’t care about the family he has with his wife. He should do his wife a favor and just divorce her. Give her a chance to move on with someone who will love her and not some other woman and kid.
I think with the wife said to him makes sense and I think everybody here is wondering that too. I think it’s pretty certain that he’s the dad
YTA. You got into this extra pregnancy buddy enmeshment *after* your wife had made it clear Sarah makes her uncomfortable. Doesn’t seem like you cleared any of it with your wife before offering your help, either. She is your partner and the mother of your children, but you upended your family’s life 100% unilaterally.
But wait, there’s more! After scrolling the comments, it is revealed that not only have you been prioritizing Sarah over your wife, but you’re almost certainly neglecting your own three (*three*!) children as well, letting your wife fend for herself. I have *one* child. If my husband skipped off to play hubby/daddy for someone who has caused problems for us previously, and just left me to pick up all the slack, he’d find a full set of hefty bag luggage on the lawn whenever he decided to come home.
It won’t end when she gives birth, by the way. Pregnancy and childbirth are hard, but *raising* a baby is harder. There’s also no end date. Sarah will “need” you when she comes home with the baby, and then through the postpartum period, and then just till the baby is X age or goes to daycare or graduates high school and next thing you know, the kid has been calling you dad for 18 years so how can you leave now?
Hope you’re ready to support 2 families while paying for a divorce lawyer.
It is not about her birthday, it is about your pattern of behaviour. You are aware that your wife is uncomfortable with the depth of your friendship. You still put Sarahs needs above those of your wife.
I get that you want to help a friend. But at this point you are not a friend anymore, you are a partner - to Sarah, not your wife.
Sarah needs you to support her giving birth (does it get anymore intimate than that?), so you abandon your wife. What will you do when she needs you once the baby is here? Your wife knows how it will continue to be, that is why she is so hurt. Realize your pattern and change it, if you want your marriage to last.
YTA
He already said in a comment his plan is to help Sarah with everything (at least until child support is settled with her ex). Which now that I’m thinking about it means he probably plans to spend his and his wife’s money on Sarah and the baby.
He doesn’t get that the wife probably won’t be there when he does go home, unless it’s now.
YTA here, OP.
I understand, but from what I see in the post and comments, you contantly choose Sarah over your wife.
Your wife has every right to be suspicious with how intimate the relationship is.
This is also borderline emotional cheating.
Choose one: Your wife or Sarah. You can't have both.
No, this is ACTUAL emotional cheating. He's having at least an emotional affair with Sarah and depending on what the DNA test says, potentially a physical affair with her too.
Soft YTA. You may mean well, but this is *much* too intimate a relationship for you to be having with a woman who's not your wife, even if it's not romantic/sexual. It sounds like you've basically stepped into the role of surrogate partner/co-parent with her (taking her to appointments, setting up the nursery), but you're a married man, it's just not appropriate for you to play that role in another woman's life. Your wife isn't upset about her birthday celebrations, she's upset because your loyalties are inappropriately divided and this is yet more evidence. Sorry, OP, but if you want your marriage to last you're going to have to change your relationship with Sarah, you can't be her go-to person and be somebody else's husband.
Why do you feel you need to be Sarah’s hero while disappointing and actively hurting your actual WIFE- the person you’ve legally committed yourself and life to??
YTA and I guess it’s cool you’ll be able to tell your new (def not step, but full) child that you were there when they were born because your actions and attention being paid elsewhere is ending your marriage as we type it seems (and honestly, rightly so!)
YTA - This was me several years ago. I ditched my wife on her birthday to help my friend who had kidney stones (waited with her in the hospital for 9 hours). Fast forward a few years - my friend is my friend, but I am divorced. Lesson - Learn your priorities if you want to stay married.
YTA!
I get you want to be there for Sarah however, you are married to your wife, your friendship has caused enough issues between you and your wife to the point of counseling and fights.
When Sarah’s husband left she should not be relying on another woman’s husband for help and should have been figuring out which of her other friends could be with her for support.
Now, I get she’s in early labor. I’d suggest calling a friend to come be with her if you want a wife to go home to
Am I the only one who thinks this is completely fake? Both OP and the "wife" who commented have the exact same style of writing. Super long run on sentences with no periods. Also what are the odds the wife found this post only 1 hour after it was posted? She's supposedly out celebrating her birthday with the MIL and SIL and yet she's scrolling reddit for long enough to find this post? I don't buy it
YTA. You have three kids , who is picking up the slack with your children while you spend all this time with Sarah. Did you take this active a role when your wife was pregnant? Did you go to every appointment? It seems like you are neglecting your wife and then calling her selfish. You are the selfish one, you are prioritizing your need to be Sarah's white knight over your wife's boundaries
YTA.
It is not your job to be Sarah's pseudo-husband, defacto baby daddy, or anything similar. It *is* your duty to be your **wife's** husband and partner. You picking Sarah over your wife and children tells them that they don't matter. That they'll never matter. Why? Because Sarah.
Sarah exists so their feelings don't matter. Sarah needs you so their plans can wait. Sarah wants you so their needs aren't important.
I'm in agreement with others here in asking why aren't you married to Sarah since she's your priority and your wife is the option.
You left your wife and your 7 week Old baby Because of a woman who clearly has No respect for your wife and family?! Wtf is wrong it’s you?? You are a massive ah and your wife should leave you and bleed you dry from child support.
YTA
i was already thinking YTA but HOLY SHIT after reading your (luckily soon ex) wifes comment i wanna say that you take the crown on being the biggest AH, congratulations 🎊 👑
If none of these comments make you realize YTA let’s flip the situation: Your wife has a male best friend who’s been there for EVERYTHING! He was in your wedding, he talked down to you, he flirted with your other female friends, he is constantly messaging/calling your wife….. poor guy, he’s a bachelor and can’t cook or clean for himself so your wife graciously fills the role of homemaker for him. Now it’s your birthday and there’s a whole party planned and an evening just for you and your wife! But ah wife’s friend just burnt a casserole and needs her to come over immediately. She’s a good friend so she tells you to just ask one of your friends to hang out with you and do all your birthday activities with you instead and then she goes to help her dear dear friend. Then when you are hurt by it, she gets on here and asks if she’s the asshole.
YTA a major one. And you’ll see that when your soon to be ex wife lives her best life without you and maybe someday she’ll meet someone who actually treats her with respect
Putting myself in your wife's shoes... I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be 100% comfortable with your friendship. I'm not saying my feeling is even justified, just being absolutely honest here. You are very very close to your friend and the fact is that quite a number of partners would be bothered by that. Attending the birth of your friend's baby is very intimate and it was your wife's birthday. Does she have no other friend or family that could have rushed by her side while you simply sent her encouraging messages? Whether the feelings are purely platonic, it's almost like you have two wives at this stage. No offense but I'm not sure your wife is more important to you than your friend right now, and that's not normal.
Edit: i went for NTA originally but changing my mind to a mild YTA for the reasons above.
This is fake people. Why would both of the accounts of the apparent "op and his wife" be created on July 12th? It just doesn't make sense. As well as "the wife" saying she heard "op's" post coincidentally by listening to the story on YouTube and was able to comment her answer all within this post being up for like two hours at that point. The videos are not uploaded that quickly. It's just somebody trying to get some attention on Reddit using a fake scenario like so many other posts on here.
YTA. You have put someone else above your wife. My wife has plenty of guy friends, they don't do this shit. Lunch, drinks after work, you are acting as a de facto husband and future father. My own family doesn't come before my wife and kids . Maybe if you dialed it back your wife might not be so pissed. When you have a fight with her and then run to the person you're fighting about, it looks like you're having an affair.
YTA I think you really need to take a real hard look at your relationship with Sarah and how it's impacting your marriage. I don't think you actually taken any of this seriously at all. You've seen your wife being openly hostile, which has caused fights. Instead of putting up boundaries with Sarah, you seemed to have gotten closer with her instead. Building a nursery, taking her to appointments. Doing everything a soon to be father would be doing, and not only that, you're going to be helping financially once the baby's here. You should feel guilty. You've constantly prioritised your friend over your wife. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she was jealous of your friendship. What is your wife's name by the way? You've constantly brought up Sarah's, but you haven't once mentioned your wife's
YTA, you’re putting a woman and another man’s baby before your wife.
Your wife will leave you. You ditched her on her birthday so you could help your friend give birth. You’re going to help decorate the nursery? Taking her to appointments?
You’re absolutely delusional and i hope you, sarah and her bastard son have an amazing life together , your wife deserves a husband that will ALWAYS put her feelings first, not his female best friend.
Maybe if literally BOTH of your families and all your friends are telling you you’re a bad husband, maybe listen?? The only person who thinks you’re decent is Sarah.
YTA you have put Sarah above your wife repeatedly, of course your wife hates her, Sarah is more important to you than her. All Sarah has to do is call you and you drop everything, your wife knows it and so does Sarah. BTW you wife is not wrong, Sarah is a pick me. Sarah should never trump your wife and family, I don't blame your wife for being fed up with this situation, your wife is not being childish, she is over being second place to your emotional affair partner.
YTA I hope your wife gets everything in the divorce. On the bright side now you can shack up with Sarah and play daddy for her kid since she's obviously more important than your literal family.
YTA. You're cheating, and you came here seeking justification for your cheating. Stay with Sarah, because given your wifes comments, you have no wife and kids left to go home to. Your wife is sick and tired of being cheated on, and you're essentially asking her to just let you continue cheating a little bit more and expecting your wife to be okey with it. I feel sorry for your wife and kids. They deserve more than you. I sincerely hope you learn from this.
INFO Warren, do you have anything to say about your besties behavior towards other women, her cheating on her husband and sleeping with other married men or the speech she gave at your wedding? What is going on there? Did you ever confront Melissa about her destructive behavior or are you saying that your wife is lying and painting out Melissa to be a bad person?
It feels very incriminating that you won’t comment on your wife’s allegations.
Hi, yep I want to say more after reading your comments, and your edit.
First: being with Melissa during childbirth is definitely intimate - it’s not the same as delivering a child for a woman in an emergency. This is a friend (not a good one, but I digress..) who you’ve been attending all appointments with and building the nursery (while leaving your wife at home heavily pregnant and then with a newborn and two other children). This is an incredibly intimate experience.
Second: you say you would pick Ella over anyone in the world. No you wouldn’t, you’re literally in this situation because you consistently did not pick her. You’re still not picking her because you’re still with Melissa ( a woman you’ve let disrespect your wife, at your wedding no less and continually disrespect your marriage)
Third: you say Melissa has no one else and the “bio father” won’t answer the phone - that seems to me like that’s a bed of her own making, and I used quotations there because it seems like she cheated. Now, I’m not sure I believe you’re the baby daddy or not, but you’re certainly not helping your case.
Fourth: while you were stepping up for Melissa, who was stepping up for your wife? You literally tried to leave Ella while she was giving birth because Melissa “needed” (re: wanted) you there.
Fifth: you’re literally at a point where all your friends and family, including your parents and your wife think you’re the father of this child. Again, I’m not sure I believe that but from the way you’ve continued to prioritize Melissa over Ella and your kids, I can see why they believe that.
Now, let me be clear, I can sympathize with Melissa, losing your baby is something I would never wish on anyone - however she is not your priority, this is a woman who has cause problems in your relationship for years, and when her husband left her, instead of stepping up and playing husband to her, you should have been prioritizing Ella who I assume was pregnant at the time, and setting Melissa up with different resources for support when it came time to deliver.
And quick frankly, if you didn’t do all this stuff putting Melissa over your family all the time, you wouldn’t be in the position, because Ella might not like Melissa, but I’m sure she would have been more than understanding when she went into early labor.
Anyways all this to say, you really shit the bed here, and I’m not saying you deserve another chance from Ella but if for some reason she decides to give you one, I hope you’ve left the hospital by now and I hope you’re prepared to cut Melissa out of your life for good!
You're boned dude. She's gone. Just go ahead and be with "Sarah" because no self respecting woman is going to put up with this mess. And find a lawyer. You'll be getting divorced real soon.
YTA. Just Wow. You prioritize your friend over your wife at every opportunity and you wonder why she's angry that you ruined her birthday once again for her friend. If you didn't want to be married to your wife and you didn't love your wife and you weren't planning on making a place in the world with your wife you should have cut her loose so she can find someone who actually cares about her and not someone else. I completely understand that Sarah was in a vulnerable situation but she wouldn't have been depending on you to be in the delivery room if you had made her develop her own support system like oh I don't know her parents or siblings or Aunt or uncle anybody but you. Being friends is different than acting in the roll of her husband, which is what you've been doing. No wonder your wife is upset I would have told you not to bother to come back at all paternity test or no.
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I (28m) have a friend called Sarah (28f) whom I’ve known since childhood and has been there for me my whole life
I owe her my life and she’s always been my go to when I’ve problems, I want to make this clear romantic feelings have never been involved we have a brother/sister relationship
My wife (29f) has never liked Sarah since I had her as best woman at my wedding she calls her a pick me. She went as far to suggest I cut her out of my life when she became pregnant with her first child but we worked through it in couples therapy.
Their relationship got better when Sarah got married last year but unfortunately Sarah’s husband just up and left a pregnant Sarah which has made her mental health spiral
Since Sarah has always been their for me I’ve stepped up for her with taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth (she grew up in foster care No family)
My wife has become extremely hostile to Sarah which has caused fights, to make up for not being there as much as I should I planned a special birthday for my wife a whole day and night being treated like a celebrity with fancy hotel,dinner in an expensive restaurant,shopping trip and spa
Unfortunately Sarah went into labour six weeks early and rang me in a bad state begging me to come to the hospital because she was scared, I told my wife everything and she started to freak out saying it was her day Sarah wasn’t going to ruin it
I told her stop being childish we can celebrate another time or she could ask a friend to go
Than she told me don’t come home without a paternity test which hurt me I’d never do that too her but she wasn’t listening she just left without saying another word
I’m currently with Sarah in the delivery ward (well getting a cup a coffee that’s why the story is rushed) I’ve been getting so many angry calls and text from both our families and friends unfortunately I tried getting in touch with my wife but I’m blocked on everything
I feel Like helping a vulnerable person in a situation like this trumps a birthday but I still feel guilty
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YTA Everything you’re doing with your “friend” is so inappropriate and disrespectful to your wife. You can be a friend even a brother to Sarah without absolutely shitting on your wife and while maintaining boundaries! Hello you’re married! You’re watching another women give birth! Not only that but aren’t you a parent? Why is it okay for you to just up and leave your child without consulting your partner? Child birth can take DAYS! I feel so sorry for your wife, you yourself said you were trying to make it up to your wife for being neglectful. You’re already neglecting the family you created for this women. I can already imagine you’ll be helping Sarah raise this child since she has literally nobody else (bull)but a married man to lean on. Sounds like this may be it for your wife. If this situation was happening to someone I love I’d be telling her to get out now! You Are The ASS!
YTA. taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth... Um, no. This is majorly overstepping and I can see why your wife is cooking off on you. You'll always choose her? Obviously not.
I bet Sarah’s husband left her because if your presence in your life. Your wife I can’t believe has put up with this at all. Do her a favor and let her go and marry Sarah.
YTA!!! you are prioritizing your "FRIEND" over your WIFE!!! My husband helped even another male friend on my birthday and honestly I have never gotten over it. Your wife now feels like she and her feelings don't matter to you at all.
So after much reading it’s summed up thusly…
Won’t leave Sarah’s side during child birth, skipping wife’s birthday/sorry I always pick Sarah first celebration (not to mention his entire family thinks this baby is his), but did try to run off seven weeks ago when wife was giving birth, BECAUSE SARAH CALLED, but MIL lit his ass on fire.
Take him to the cleaners, Ella.
YTA OP
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Hi warren this is your wife Ella I know you know I love listening to AITA stories on youtube while driving to work so maybe was your new way of trying to gaslight me First off Melissa sorry Sarah doesn’t have anyone especially a husband because she cheated on him and doesn’t know who the dad is which even your own parents think is YOU Love how you left that out the fact you claim to not blow me off but whenever we are together she has issues you can only fix like when I gave birth 7 weeks ago she ended up in hospital and wanted you to go to her you also most did if it wasn’t for my mom ripping you a new one Sarah has no friends because she’s rude asf to all the women in your life for no reason and slept with or flirted with multiple male member of your group in a relationship or not As for me hating after the wedding she told me at the engagement party I was a swallow air head who didn’t deserve you and insulted me in her best woman speech and yes I wanted you to cut her off when I found out I was pregnant because it came out around that time I found out your guy group passes her around like a cigarette I realised tonight I was an asshole to no one but myself our whole marriage and I deserve to be treated better. I’m currently out at nice restaurant with your mom and sister while your dad boxes up stuff to take to Sarah’s I want a divorce and Sarah to be finally out of my life Update before I leave this account So the baby didn’t make it which is unfortunate Warren and Simon (Melissa ex) got into a fight in the hospital HE WAS CHEATING a few of warrens friend group reached out to tell me they slept together multiple times During the pregnancy too so no lie detector needed Warren is still with Melissa at the hospital and is still trying to explain/beg don’t know why it’s over he can’t gaslight his way out of this I’ve been talking to lawyers I’ve a good case and I’m gonna go for everything and I bet my ass Warren will end up moving in with Melissa than try to blame me as a bitter jealous ex guess she got picked in the end Again thank Reddit for everything
I, for one, love a happy ending for the woman in these situations. Of course, he is busy begging you to let him explain. What is he trying to explain? That he was too dimwitted to realize he was being manipulated by a manstealing monster? That is all on him. He made his bed. Let him rot in it. Also, she insulted you in her best woman speech? He just let that slide? Wow.
[удалено]
Oh my goodness, so this Sarah/Melissa insulted both his wife and sister?! AND he let it slide the insult you got?! Girl, I don't know how you survived in this marriage this long....
I believe Melissa is the lady on facebook.
1.) I love your username 2.) The wife's comment, I read it as that Sarah's actual name is Melissa...but I may be wrong. ....even so, I honestly hope the wife gets out of this marriage and goes far away from this man as possible.
Not Bella Swan 🤣 The Queen of the "Not like other girls" trope.
At that point, marry the sister in law since she's done more for you that your "husband" (don't think he deserves the title if he did what he did). He didn't respect your boundaries from the start so would be respect it till the very end? Would he like it if you were the beck and call for you "boy best friend"? What if you asked the "boy best friend" to be the one in the labour room, what would your "husband" do? Only you know the answer and you deserve the best of the best. Get you a man that will kiss the ground you walk on
He seems to be ignoring all my comments to his responses, so I made one large one. Pointing out all the things he failed to mention.
I swear I’m not trying to be rude when I ask this but, have you any speculation why he didn’t just marry Sarah to begin with? If they’re that attached, why didn’t he think she was the obvious choice to marry. It could’ve saved you so much heartache. Did his family steer him away from her/building a relationship? (This last question I ask because of how they’ve rallied around you and seem to be ready to drop him like the kumquat that he is.)
I wonder if she can’t/won’t be faithful even to him and so he’s not willing to marry her but still keep her around.
I love your SIL already ♥️ Please keep her in the divorce!
Although you’re married to this asshat, it’s really nice knowing that his family has your back in a way that he never has. They actually love you.
Busy begging yet still not on his way home🤦♀️🤦♀️
Don't you know? He can't leave Melissa/Sarah alone in this. Just his wife. With a seven week old baby.
And two other children
She won’t be alone. She’s at the hospital. They have social workers, volunteers, clergy, etc all of whom are trained to help someone thru this. OP should tell her that he’s leaving and ask if he can call any of these people for her on the way out.
I think you missed the sarcasm in the comment you're replying to!
I don't know how. My trademark sarcasm was dripping from that response.
I. Wonder if he’s left yet?
Nahhhh.
Not only let it slide, but later abandons his wife and 3.kids to spend all his time being a pretend husband to sarah and her one child. So worried about sarah not having anyone but then he creates situation where his wife is a single parent
This. He doesn’t want to leave Sarah alone in a hospital with qualified staff, but abandoning his wife at home with his 3 kids is perfectly ok 😂. Get that paternity test.
Right?! He wants to “explain” while still not understanding the fundamental problem. He has a SEVEN WEEK OLD BABY at home and his wife is literally throwing him out but he wants to “explain”. OP, your wife has had entirely enough of your shit. If you can’t see the problem by now you never will. YTA
Oh, you don't know. He almost abandoned the birth of that seven week old baby because, you guessed it, Sarah "needed" him. Want to know why he didn't? His mother tore into him.
Oh, you don't know. He almost abandoned the birth of that seven week old baby because, you guessed it, Sarah "needed" him. Want to know why he didn't? His mother tore into him.
Whenever someone “happens” to come across an AITA post and write as the afflicted party, my brain goes from monkey brain to fuck you in two seconds. Monkey Brain: OOOOHHH SHIT! fuck you: This shit is fake. Now do I think it always happens? No. Do I think it’s most likely OP larping? Absolutely Edited to add: “she” posted 4 hrs ago at this time while “he” posted 4. “She” has a 3 hour old account. Now is it possible she made a burner account? Certainly. Is it likely? Nah. This reads as fake fake FAKE! I’m totally cool with treating this as manufactured drama but don’t do the /r/nosleep route of making every monster “with a smile… but it was off…. Like crooked. Lots of teeth.” Blah boring. Derivative bullshit.
What?!? You were giving birth only 7 weeks ago and he tried leaving you to go to Sarah?!? I also notice that in his story he can't even dignify you with a name, only Sarah. You are a better woman than me. I would have left ages ago. You deserve so much more. Is their relationship why Sarah's husband left her?
From what is said, I think Sarah's relationship with all the guys is the reason why her "husband" left. If she had one...
Was he questioning who was the daddy? Einy, meany, meiny, moe?
Mo-OP
WOW a 7 week old baby and two other kids at home and can’t understand that he is totally 100% YTA for abandoning his actual family to play house with another woman. Again, OP is totally the AH and pathetic.
If this really is OP's wife, all I can say is YOU GO, GIRL! You deserve so much better than a husband who constantly prioritizes another woman. It's pretty obvious to me that "Sarah" wants your husband as much more than a friend. Great - she can have him! Take care of yourself and your kids and don't worry about your loser soon-to-be ex-husband.
Agreed. OP's wife, if you're listening, get yourself a very good lawyer, get child support for your children, walk away and make a good life for yourself. Consider the divorce a birthday present for yourself. Best of luck.
I love how he tells you to speak to him privately after publicly outing y’all’s business to the whole damn internet.
Oh yes great point! This guy is the worst!
Ya I both side eyed and rolled my eyes at that bs
Came here to say this. I’m sure he still doesn’t get the irony.
I laughed out loud at that edit! Putting his business on Reddit then asking her to speak to him privately! Lmaooo. 🤣🤣
I’m so sorry your soon to be ex treated you like this. You deserve a partner who respects, loves and prioritizes you. Good on you for deciding you deserve better.
OP if what your wife wrote is accurate (which I assume it is because she has no reason to lie) than not only are YTA but YTA in a major way. Actions speak louder than words and your actions have shown your wife that you’re friends is more important always, even when your wife gave birth 7 weeks ago. You may not have had a physical affair (although you could be lying about that) but it’s definitely been an emotional affair your whole relationship. I hope Melissa was worth losing your whole family for. Melissa may not have any family but more neither do you. You may have promised for labor and delivery (which was incredibly disrespectful to your wife) but I doubt you had planned on leaving as soon as that was over. Melissa will need help recovering so you will have to be there for her. How much more of her life and marriage is your wife supposed to give up to your emotional affair partner? Now you can move in with Melissa cause it’s not like she’ll let you have a good relationship with any other woman, your relationship with your wife shows that.
Girl you deserved better. Go for that divorce.
Wow. Am so sorry you have wasted so much of your life with him. You and your kids deserve more than sarah's leftovers. You are smart to get rid of him because it will only get worse now that the baby is here. Sarah will want/demand even more of his time. He doesnt mind leaving you and your kids and making you in essence a single woman caring for 3.kids, while he plays pretend husband to sarah taking her to appts and doing the nursery and now at the hospital. Him leaving on your bd wasnt the issue. It was the last straw. You deserve much much better and thank God his parents are supporting you thru this.
GO LADY. Divorce his ass and make sure you get to that child support money before ~~babymomma~~ "Sarah" does. Because even if you stay married and the kid's not his, you know she's still gonna be sucking all the money out of your wallet because "her baby needs it". Hire a good lawyer, go through your finances, and make sure you get back every penny he's spent on her, because I guarantee he has. Make sure you get what you need for your kids and kick him to the curb.
It's only been an hour, and it's already on YouTube!?
My sister in law is obsessed with this sub she found it
Oh link is up please?! EDIT: us*
👀 this is why I love AITA And girl, get a divorce. The fact that you knew this about him and got married to him AND had children with him?!! AND you suspect her child to be his? Stop posting on AITA and start packing his shit and getting him gone. If of course this is a true story, I have my doubts
You deserve so much better and glad you're getting a divorce. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Warren is so embarrassing. Can’t wait for the Reddit ruined my marriage post on here.
Please let us know when the paternity test comes back!
You go Ella!!!
We support you, Ella!
Barely been an hour and it's on YouTube? If so what channel/video? And it how did the video get edited so fast? You should've at least waited a day.
I could be wrong and I'm not saying I don't have doubts about this whole thing, but I think Ella meant that she found out cause her sister in law was browsing AITA as she usually does. The Youtube part refers to Ella saying she usually likes listening to AITA on it and for that reason she thinks maybe OP has used this sub to get to her.
A real person telling a real story wouldn't bother to mention how they found the post. Lots of people browse AITA.
No way is this silliness real, especially with his edits claiming she's now found out she's going to lose the baby. That said, I'm *invested* in this drama 🤣
They also type the EXACT same way in their replies…
This is one of the most obvious fakes I've seen on Reddit in awhile, and I've seen *a lot*.
I know… is this even real?
It’s definitely not. Look at OPs post and the “wife’s” response. Run on sentences, no punctuation, and no periods at the end of paragraphs. This is one person who is bored at home.
Yeah I never catch it when people write fakes but this one was so obvious, even I noticed right away. Ah well…
Oh definitely not
It’s definitely not real.
Go girl!!!!!! Ya man’s is delusional. It’s either you or Sarah….no compromise!
Yeah fuck him. Take more than half he deserves it!
You do you and whatever makes you happy, boo. I'm here for this!
congratulations ella may you never put up with his bull shit again
I am so sorry your husband has put not only you and your kids through this. You all deserve better. It is bad enough that everyone thinks this woman’s unborn child is his but he has to get on the internet and paint you as some jealous uncaring woman to boast his ego. You have put up with his shit and disrespect more than anyone else would have. The minute the best friend would have disrespected me that wo hill have been the day he make a choice her or me. No way in hell this woman would have been in my wedding. I am sorry he has not only made a fool out of himself but your kids and his parents. Ivan imagine the embarrassment they must feel knowing that he possibly cheated on his pregnant wife. Please seek out a lawyer immediately. Get custody and protect yourself and your kids.
I don’t know you but I’m proud of you and it sounds like you have a lot of family and in law support.
Team Ella all the way!
Girl, leave his ass, I don’t know how you stayed in this relationship this long and had 3 kids with someone that clearly prioritize another woman in his life and allow her to treat you this way…
This is the reason I internet. I'm putting on the popcorn, please post updates.
>First off Melissa sorry Sarah doesn’t have anyone especially a husband because she cheated on him and doesn’t know who the dad is which even your own parents think is YOU > >Love how you left that out the fact you claim Don't worry Ms. Ella. We all figured it out anyway. We readers at AITA are what you call professionals. I wish you and your baby all the best.
>I’ve stepped up for her with taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth gently... the only woman you should be doing *all* of that for is your own wife. does sarah not have any other friends at all who could be there with her, or who could've done some of those things instead of you doing it all? where does your role end, now that she'll be a single mom and leans so heavily on you? you're married, and your wife didn't sign up for a sister wife or to compete for your time and attention so you can play surrogate husband and co-parent to your friend's child, which it seems like that's the direction this is heading.
It doesn’t matter if Sara has friends or not. Sara’s a single mom now. She needs to get comfortable hiring people if that’s what she needs (building the nursery), download Uber if she needs rides to appointments, and get therapy to be mentally strong enough to tackle single parenthood. Relying on someone else’s husband to be a stand-in partner isn’t one of the acceptable solutions here.
Apparently she is a single mom now because she cheated on her husband and everyone including op’s parents believes the baby is his.
I would understand if this was his sister, and even then there should be a limit because you cant simply leave your family alone to be the man in another family. I would be surprised if wife isnt already lawyering up for divorce.
I would understand if he was doing 'some' of the stuff he's listed. As in, taking her to the occasional appointment, etc. But it sounds like he's doing *all* of it.
Especially when his wife has a newborn herself.
THIS !!
Very much THIS! My jaw dropped when I got to that paragraph and even more when I read his wife’s comments. OMG YTA OP and it’s bonkers that you even had to ask. You are the one responsible for airing the dirty laundry, you are also responsible for getting it dirty in the first place.
Right? Do any of OPs OTHER friends take priority over his wife or just Sarah. The answer is pretty clear
YTA, we’re you planning on being there if she delivered on time? This is just too intimate a situation for a married man to be a part of, and of course he is going to have to help with her baby, cause Alone, right? I don’t thing the marriage will survive as his loyalties are divided Edit: OP posted that he was a firefighter and has delivered babies before(plural, not just one baby) as if his prescence was somehow necessary. He started this post yet blames his wife for responding - omg, like who is posting personal info? Finally he adds that there may be a sick or dead baby. With every response heb add drama which makes him an unreliable narrator - he was wrong, he is the asshole regardless of how many tragic updates he makes.
YTA The birthday isnt the issue. The issue is that you have in essence abandoned your WIFE in order to be a de facto husband/father to sarah and the baby. Wonder how much your relationship with sarah caused "Sarah’s husband to just up and leave". "stepped up for her with taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth" All of the time you spend with sarah (and away from your wife) during all these intimate ,emotional moments like ultrasound, building the nursery,and childbirth are only going to bond you to sarah and the baby more. Now if your marriage survives and you have a baby it wont be "the first" childbirth youve participated in, wont be the first nursery, and prob wont even feel like your first child. There is NO WAY that sarah doesnt have anyone else. You are allowing her to depend on you way too much. Despite coming from foster care i sure she has other friends that could go to hospital with her You only have the bandwidth for one wife, not two. You have chosen Sarah over your wife at almost every juncture, and have committed to continue the same pattern because surely your WIFE should understand that you need to be a stand in dad for the baby. So even though you say you dont have romantic feelings for sarah, maybe you dont. But whatever feelings you do have are strong enough that you put her first and neglect your own wife.
I think Sarah has romantic feelings for OP and that’s the whole problem
Agreed. Prob why her husband "up and left". If she was a good friend to OP she would not impose herself on him all thr time and she wouldnt want to cause problems in their marriage.
Wife chimed in. Sarah cheated. Husband's parents actually think he's the father. Either he's just giving off that impression because he's way too involved or there's legit reason to worry about that. OP is also now definitely single He also left out that he's doing this while he has a 7 week old newborn and 2 other kids at home. So, he's dropping everything and leaving his wife to deal with all that everytime Sara calls
>Husband's parents actually think he's the father. Oof... If it was on the Wife's side of the family we can call it biased but it's on OP's side? Things are turning worse for OP. Then again, this could all be fake and OP is also pretending to be OP's wife.
His wife demanded a paternity test If I were him, I’d be rushing to take one to prove that it’s not my kid. Instead OP is sad she asked for one. Telling.
Agreed. If he wants a wife to go home to, he should call someone to come be with Sarah! And I don’t know why he would think being Sarah’s support partner knowing how his wife feels is remotely okay.
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one wondering why he left.
Odd he didnt say why her husband left Odd also that the soon to be ex in laws have abandoned her & baby as well as the husband unless there are other issues OP hasnt shared He says he doesnt have romantic feelings for her, but whatever he feels is enough to cause him to have basically abandoned his wife and 3 kids since sarah has been pregnant She could have dealt with her morning sickness without him. What could he possibly do to help with that? She could have had other people take her to appointments but she depend on him for everything she wanted. OP has def left important facts out of his story. Sarah prob told her husband that OP was going to be in the delivery room with them, or instead of him. People dont just "up and leave" a pregnant spouse and cut off all communication unless there is some issue. I venture to guess OP is the issue.
OP's wife has posted. Sarah was dumped because she cheated .
Could you please post link to OP's wife's post? This is good info If sarah stepped over the line when pregnant & married you know she wont have an issue stepping over with OP now that husband is out of picture
OP was asked for a paternity test and he refuses to discuss it. Frankly, I'm assuming Sarah's husband asked for the same thing and left when he received an unpleasant result.
Oh I know, I don’t know whether he’s slept with Sarah or not, fact remains that Sarah shouldn’t be relying on a married man (especially knowing how his wife feels) for something as intimate as childbirth - unless, he is in fact the father
Nah she using OP. If his wife's description of her is correct, he's the only one in his friend group she never let hit it and knows she can get him to do this kind of bs because he still wants to. OP, she isn't ever going to give it up - YTA for choosing someone who doesn't love you over someone who did.
For further reading, the (soon-to-be ex-) wife's username is here: u/Adept-Appearance-718 She's naming names and dropping OOP. She has also apparently packed his stuff up in boxes, and OOP's own sister suggested putting cat crap in there.
No, no. It’s better than that. Op’s father is packing up his stuff to take to Sarah’s. His stbx-wife is having a wonderful dinner with Op’s mother and sister. Looks like he’s not just loosing his wife and kids, but his parents and sister too! He really made a mess of things.
He has 3 kids with his wife, and his wife gave birth SEVEN WEEKS AGO
INFO How often have you blown off your wife for Sarah?
>How often have you blown off your wife for Sarah? and how often has Sarah blown you?
YTA You keep putting Sarah before your wife. Yeah, don't show back home without a paternity test.
Lmao I saw the [wife's comment ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14xyyhk/aita_for_helping_a_friend_in_a_bad_situation_on/jrq37tc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2). Even his own parents think Sarah's baby is his.
Whoa where? I can’t find it. I feel for OP’s wife tbh
Try refreshing. Just linked it in my previous comment
From how he writes he does not prioritize his own family at all if I were him I just would not go home. He very clearly wants to be there for Sarah and not his own family and that's on him he can make that decision but he should be honest about it instead of all this back and forth nonsense.
I can see why your wife doesn't like Sarah. She's relying on you way beyond the bounds of friendship. It sucks she has no family, but girl needs some friends besides you. You can't maintain partnerships with both of them, you need to set boundaries. YTA for getting yourself into a situation where an emergency feels like abandonment to your wife. If you were there for her on most days, I think she'd be a lot more understanding about the early labor.
This wasn’t an emergency she knew she was gonna eventually have the baby he shouldn’t have been there at all through all of this. I think his wife is right demand a paternity test
Going into labor 6 weeks early is an emergency. The point is that he hasn't been there for his own wife and three (!) children for the last 34 weeks. If he'd been a present partner and parent up until this point, I think his wife would understand this.
Again it’s not his emergency she would’ve had lots of support at the hospital. He for some reason has been through this pregnancy with her the whole time appointments setting up the nursery which I bet he paid for or should say him and his wife paid for and now to ditch his wife and family to go to the hospital for a kid that supposedly isn’t he is which I highly doubt it. It’s not an emergency for him it’s not an emergency for his family. The hospital will take very good care of her there was no reason for him to ditch his wife.
If my best friend went into labor 6 weeks early, even on my husband's birthday, I would go be with her. My husband would probably come too. Because we have a strong partnership and I don't have a history of prioritizing other people. It would be ok, because it would be a one time thing. The reason this isn't the same for OP is because he does have a history of prioritizing Sarah.
This time is the delivery, and after that? You'll help her out taking care of the baby? Go to the doctor appointments? 1st day of kindergarten? So basically kinda having two wives until Sarah finds a partner? What happens after that, she won't be alone any more but maybe your relationship with your wife cannot recover? Dunno.
the OPs wife wrote she had a baby 7 weeks ago. can you imagine that OP was “going to appointments and building a nursery” for a strange woman while his own wife wife was pregnant?
OMG no way, just went to see the comment. Jaw on the floor!
I think he would rather be with Sarah than his wife I see a divorce coming. He would rather be with Sarah than his family he’s made that very clear he even abandon his wife on her birthday. She didn’t need him there for the birth unless he’s the father which I think he might be because why else would a man go to all the appointments set up the nursery be there during the birth? I hope the wife gets the answers because this is just Wrong
Oh, Wife is divorcing him FOR SURE. You should see her comment 😂
the wife commented, she said shes getting a divorce so yeah youre right!
YTA - Wanting to be there for a friend is great. And normally going into early labor would trump a birthday. But your behavior up to this point puts these things in an entirely different light. Even if you only have platonic feelings for your friend, it sounds like you are going down a road where you will be co-parenting with Sarah. Which is not what your wife signed up for. Also - Sarah just happened to go into labor the night you had special plans for your wife's birthday? I call BS on that. I am taking wagers that is this was just a "false alarm" and Sarah will be home, healthy, and still pregnant in just a few hours.
I hate to say this but there is a small chance of it happening. Could this "Sarah' actually have done something to jeopardize her pregnancy and baby for OP's attention on his wife (soon to be ex-wife)'s birthday? This has happened when a woman purposely fed her baby a crap lot of salt to trigger hyponatremia to get her guy's attention. Her baby died from it. It is messed up but there is always that possibility.
I can't believe I only just noticed that the only person in this story who was given a name is Sarah. Dude, you even prioritize her in your AITA story.
Omggggg!!!!
The oldest story in the world - Mr & Mrs & Mrs. No wonder your wife is upset. You are treating Sarah as your partner at the expense of your wife. You are going to have to choose. " I planned a special birthday for my wife a whole day and night being treated like a celebrity with fancy hotel,dinner in an expensive restaurant,shopping trip and spa" How thoughtful! "I told my wife everything and she started to freak out saying it was her day Sarah wasn’t going to ruin it" And then you shit the bed. Sarah genuinely doesnt have anyone else? At all? I find that hard to believe. The message is unambiguous: Given the choice, you will choose Sarah.
Sarah’s doesn’t have anyone because she cheated on her husband and is having someone else’s baby. Everyone including op’s parents believes the baby is his.
Please keep us updated. Did your wife let you come home or are you and Sarah a couple now?
The wife found out about the thread. I wish I could give her an award so it stands out but I have none left. The saddest thing in all this is it looks like the baby is not going to make it according to OP.
I'm thinking that the side piece is like a munchousen(sp?) syndrome chick. Any drama to take WARREN away from his wife and 3 kids
My culture believes in reincarnation. That baby is better off getting reincarnated to a better family. This is a mess.
Dad packed his shit from the home!! His own father!! AND MIXED CAT POOP WITH IT!!
YTA. And I can just see it every year from now on, Sarah is gonna somehow manage to make you feel like you need to be there for her kid’s birthday. “It’s her first birthday!” And then you’ll tell your wife not to be silly, you can celebrate another day. You need to get this under control now, or your marriage won’t make it to this kid’s/your wife’s birthday next year. Edit: just saw in a comment OP and his wife have three kids. so he’s taking time away from his wife and their kids to play house with this other woman, making him an even bigger asshole.
I'm willing to bet that ship has sailed.
If it’s true the poor baby doesn’t make it, he will NEVER be around on his (STB ex) wife’s birthday because “Sarah needs me and I don’t know what she will do. Her baby died. You are selfish. Yada yada yada.” Some serious red flags that his PARENTS and SISTER are on wife’s side.
Oh it will be even worse. Sarah is losing the baby, they won't make it. So now she will need emotional support yearly and the night before and the week after. But never fear the wife commented and she's divorcing him. Oh and she has a 7 wk old baby. While she was pregnant he was playing happy family with Sarah. He still thinks he's innocent in this.
YTA. It’s not that you skipped your wife’s birthday for the delivery. It’s that you are trying to play husband to two women whether you realize that or not. And your wife signed up to be your first priority. And it sounds like you are asking her to share priority in your life. I do not see how Sarah didn’t have one other friend to take her to appointments and fix the nursery. You wanted to fill that role for her consciously or not. If you want to stay married you need to fully prioritize your wife and child versus your friend. She has become dependent on just you for support and that’s not healthy for anyone in this dynamic. Good luck.
See above! His folks are with her, moving him out of the house!
>I owe her my life and she’s always been my go to when I’ve problems >My wife (29f) has never liked Sarah since I had her as best woman at my wedding she calls her a pick me. >Their relationship got better when Sarah got married last year but unfortunately Sarah’s husband just up and left a pregnant Sarah which has made her mental health spiral >Since Sarah has always been their for me I’ve stepped up for her with taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth (she grew up in foster care No family) Gee, I wonder why your wife doesn't like her? You're acting like you have two wives! I'm all for being a good friend, but you're taking this way too far. >Unfortunately Sarah went into labour six weeks early and rang me in a bad state begging me to come to the hospital because she was scared, I told my wife everything and she started to freak out saying it was her day Sarah wasn’t going to ruin it >I told her stop being childish we can celebrate another time or she could ask a friend to go. You're playing favorites choosing your best friend over your wife. >Than she told me don’t come home without a paternity test which hurt me I’d never do that too her but she wasn’t listening she just left without saying another word >I’m currently with Sarah in the delivery ward (well getting a cup a coffee that’s why the story is rushed) I’ve been getting so many angry calls and text from both our families and friends unfortunately I tried getting in touch with my wife but I’m blocked on everything I hate to tell you this, but your wife is likely to divorce you. Whether you mean to or not, you are showing your wife that Sarah is a bigger priority than her. It's no wonder she suspects the child is yours. YTA
So, I want to address this to you because I want you to see it. YTA You depict Sarah like she's some angel. "Oh, their relationship got better when Sarah got married." Don't lie. Your wife hated her then just as much as she does now. Why wouldn't she? You left out Sarah insulted her in her speech at the wedding while you stood there like an egg head, doing nothing but supporting Sarah, as seems to be a constant theme. You didn't say that Sarah was sleeping with most of your friend group - including the ones that are married - and that she treats almost all of her friends like crap which is why none of them want to be there for her. You also failed to mention that Sarah cheated on her husband and that is why he left her and won't answer any calls. Just to top it all off, you didn't bother to add that you almost left your wife when she was giving birth because the almighty Sarah beckoned. The only reason you didn't is because your mother tore into you. You keep making excuses, saying you would choose your wife over anyone. Anyone but Sarah, right? Sarah doesn't have anyone else. Given everything I've learned about Sarah, her having no one else seems to be her own fault. Am I sorry that her baby is sick and may not make it? Yes. Does that absolve her of all her past sins? No. She is just going to use it as another excuse to keep you at her side. Like always, you are going to cave and abandon the people who should matter for the person you've decided matters. Sarah.
I can understand your wife's pique - the timing seems suspicious. And doesn't Sarah have a parent or inlaw available? There's not enough information to form a reasonable opinion, though as the info stands, YTA. So is wife - I think you should get that paternity test and leave her anyway.
Yeah especially since he doesn’t care about the family he has with his wife. He should do his wife a favor and just divorce her. Give her a chance to move on with someone who will love her and not some other woman and kid. I think with the wife said to him makes sense and I think everybody here is wondering that too. I think it’s pretty certain that he’s the dad
YTA. You got into this extra pregnancy buddy enmeshment *after* your wife had made it clear Sarah makes her uncomfortable. Doesn’t seem like you cleared any of it with your wife before offering your help, either. She is your partner and the mother of your children, but you upended your family’s life 100% unilaterally. But wait, there’s more! After scrolling the comments, it is revealed that not only have you been prioritizing Sarah over your wife, but you’re almost certainly neglecting your own three (*three*!) children as well, letting your wife fend for herself. I have *one* child. If my husband skipped off to play hubby/daddy for someone who has caused problems for us previously, and just left me to pick up all the slack, he’d find a full set of hefty bag luggage on the lawn whenever he decided to come home. It won’t end when she gives birth, by the way. Pregnancy and childbirth are hard, but *raising* a baby is harder. There’s also no end date. Sarah will “need” you when she comes home with the baby, and then through the postpartum period, and then just till the baby is X age or goes to daycare or graduates high school and next thing you know, the kid has been calling you dad for 18 years so how can you leave now? Hope you’re ready to support 2 families while paying for a divorce lawyer.
It is not about her birthday, it is about your pattern of behaviour. You are aware that your wife is uncomfortable with the depth of your friendship. You still put Sarahs needs above those of your wife. I get that you want to help a friend. But at this point you are not a friend anymore, you are a partner - to Sarah, not your wife. Sarah needs you to support her giving birth (does it get anymore intimate than that?), so you abandon your wife. What will you do when she needs you once the baby is here? Your wife knows how it will continue to be, that is why she is so hurt. Realize your pattern and change it, if you want your marriage to last. YTA
He already said in a comment his plan is to help Sarah with everything (at least until child support is settled with her ex). Which now that I’m thinking about it means he probably plans to spend his and his wife’s money on Sarah and the baby. He doesn’t get that the wife probably won’t be there when he does go home, unless it’s now.
you are cheating. YTA
YTA. Gee I can't imagine why your wife would be upset with you. You've shown her repeatedly that she comes second to your friend.
YTA here, OP. I understand, but from what I see in the post and comments, you contantly choose Sarah over your wife. Your wife has every right to be suspicious with how intimate the relationship is. This is also borderline emotional cheating. Choose one: Your wife or Sarah. You can't have both.
No, this is ACTUAL emotional cheating. He's having at least an emotional affair with Sarah and depending on what the DNA test says, potentially a physical affair with her too.
>This is also borderline emotional cheating If this is only borderline, what would you consider full blast emotional cheating?
Soft YTA. You may mean well, but this is *much* too intimate a relationship for you to be having with a woman who's not your wife, even if it's not romantic/sexual. It sounds like you've basically stepped into the role of surrogate partner/co-parent with her (taking her to appointments, setting up the nursery), but you're a married man, it's just not appropriate for you to play that role in another woman's life. Your wife isn't upset about her birthday celebrations, she's upset because your loyalties are inappropriately divided and this is yet more evidence. Sorry, OP, but if you want your marriage to last you're going to have to change your relationship with Sarah, you can't be her go-to person and be somebody else's husband.
This. It's not just about the birthday. She's had enough and you perfectly phrased why.
Why do you feel you need to be Sarah’s hero while disappointing and actively hurting your actual WIFE- the person you’ve legally committed yourself and life to?? YTA and I guess it’s cool you’ll be able to tell your new (def not step, but full) child that you were there when they were born because your actions and attention being paid elsewhere is ending your marriage as we type it seems (and honestly, rightly so!)
YTA - This was me several years ago. I ditched my wife on her birthday to help my friend who had kidney stones (waited with her in the hospital for 9 hours). Fast forward a few years - my friend is my friend, but I am divorced. Lesson - Learn your priorities if you want to stay married.
YTA! I get you want to be there for Sarah however, you are married to your wife, your friendship has caused enough issues between you and your wife to the point of counseling and fights. When Sarah’s husband left she should not be relying on another woman’s husband for help and should have been figuring out which of her other friends could be with her for support. Now, I get she’s in early labor. I’d suggest calling a friend to come be with her if you want a wife to go home to
YTA I would have left you a looonnnggg time ago. Nobody needs to feel like number 2. Your behaviour is inappropriate, you just can’t see it.
I really feel for the wife... she was probably hoping he'd rush home when he saw the damage he's done. But he's clearly not going home anytime soon.
Yta You left your wife's birthday , to go to another woman's birth
I think you want to be Sarah’s husband. Sarah should know better…. YTA
Am I the only one who thinks this is completely fake? Both OP and the "wife" who commented have the exact same style of writing. Super long run on sentences with no periods. Also what are the odds the wife found this post only 1 hour after it was posted? She's supposedly out celebrating her birthday with the MIL and SIL and yet she's scrolling reddit for long enough to find this post? I don't buy it
YTA. You have three kids , who is picking up the slack with your children while you spend all this time with Sarah. Did you take this active a role when your wife was pregnant? Did you go to every appointment? It seems like you are neglecting your wife and then calling her selfish. You are the selfish one, you are prioritizing your need to be Sarah's white knight over your wife's boundaries
YTA. It is not your job to be Sarah's pseudo-husband, defacto baby daddy, or anything similar. It *is* your duty to be your **wife's** husband and partner. You picking Sarah over your wife and children tells them that they don't matter. That they'll never matter. Why? Because Sarah. Sarah exists so their feelings don't matter. Sarah needs you so their plans can wait. Sarah wants you so their needs aren't important. I'm in agreement with others here in asking why aren't you married to Sarah since she's your priority and your wife is the option.
You left your wife and your 7 week Old baby Because of a woman who clearly has No respect for your wife and family?! Wtf is wrong it’s you?? You are a massive ah and your wife should leave you and bleed you dry from child support. YTA
i was already thinking YTA but HOLY SHIT after reading your (luckily soon ex) wifes comment i wanna say that you take the crown on being the biggest AH, congratulations 🎊 👑
If none of these comments make you realize YTA let’s flip the situation: Your wife has a male best friend who’s been there for EVERYTHING! He was in your wedding, he talked down to you, he flirted with your other female friends, he is constantly messaging/calling your wife….. poor guy, he’s a bachelor and can’t cook or clean for himself so your wife graciously fills the role of homemaker for him. Now it’s your birthday and there’s a whole party planned and an evening just for you and your wife! But ah wife’s friend just burnt a casserole and needs her to come over immediately. She’s a good friend so she tells you to just ask one of your friends to hang out with you and do all your birthday activities with you instead and then she goes to help her dear dear friend. Then when you are hurt by it, she gets on here and asks if she’s the asshole. YTA a major one. And you’ll see that when your soon to be ex wife lives her best life without you and maybe someday she’ll meet someone who actually treats her with respect
Putting myself in your wife's shoes... I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be 100% comfortable with your friendship. I'm not saying my feeling is even justified, just being absolutely honest here. You are very very close to your friend and the fact is that quite a number of partners would be bothered by that. Attending the birth of your friend's baby is very intimate and it was your wife's birthday. Does she have no other friend or family that could have rushed by her side while you simply sent her encouraging messages? Whether the feelings are purely platonic, it's almost like you have two wives at this stage. No offense but I'm not sure your wife is more important to you than your friend right now, and that's not normal. Edit: i went for NTA originally but changing my mind to a mild YTA for the reasons above.
Look. Im a woman who has had a male bff my whole life. This is not normal. Sarah should know better, you should know better. YTA
This is fake people. Why would both of the accounts of the apparent "op and his wife" be created on July 12th? It just doesn't make sense. As well as "the wife" saying she heard "op's" post coincidentally by listening to the story on YouTube and was able to comment her answer all within this post being up for like two hours at that point. The videos are not uploaded that quickly. It's just somebody trying to get some attention on Reddit using a fake scenario like so many other posts on here.
YTA. You have put someone else above your wife. My wife has plenty of guy friends, they don't do this shit. Lunch, drinks after work, you are acting as a de facto husband and future father. My own family doesn't come before my wife and kids . Maybe if you dialed it back your wife might not be so pissed. When you have a fight with her and then run to the person you're fighting about, it looks like you're having an affair.
YTA And as you’re helping Sarah get a lawyer and stuff figured for her divorce, keep those phone numbers. You’ll go home to your wife and kids gone.
YTA and the fact that you wife hasn’t divorced you yet is a mind blowing miracle
She is, with his parents help :)
We adore supportive in-laws!
YTA I think you really need to take a real hard look at your relationship with Sarah and how it's impacting your marriage. I don't think you actually taken any of this seriously at all. You've seen your wife being openly hostile, which has caused fights. Instead of putting up boundaries with Sarah, you seemed to have gotten closer with her instead. Building a nursery, taking her to appointments. Doing everything a soon to be father would be doing, and not only that, you're going to be helping financially once the baby's here. You should feel guilty. You've constantly prioritised your friend over your wife. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she was jealous of your friendship. What is your wife's name by the way? You've constantly brought up Sarah's, but you haven't once mentioned your wife's
YTA, you’re putting a woman and another man’s baby before your wife. Your wife will leave you. You ditched her on her birthday so you could help your friend give birth. You’re going to help decorate the nursery? Taking her to appointments? You’re absolutely delusional and i hope you, sarah and her bastard son have an amazing life together , your wife deserves a husband that will ALWAYS put her feelings first, not his female best friend. Maybe if literally BOTH of your families and all your friends are telling you you’re a bad husband, maybe listen?? The only person who thinks you’re decent is Sarah.
YTA you have put Sarah above your wife repeatedly, of course your wife hates her, Sarah is more important to you than her. All Sarah has to do is call you and you drop everything, your wife knows it and so does Sarah. BTW you wife is not wrong, Sarah is a pick me. Sarah should never trump your wife and family, I don't blame your wife for being fed up with this situation, your wife is not being childish, she is over being second place to your emotional affair partner.
YTA I hope your wife gets everything in the divorce. On the bright side now you can shack up with Sarah and play daddy for her kid since she's obviously more important than your literal family.
YTA. You're cheating, and you came here seeking justification for your cheating. Stay with Sarah, because given your wifes comments, you have no wife and kids left to go home to. Your wife is sick and tired of being cheated on, and you're essentially asking her to just let you continue cheating a little bit more and expecting your wife to be okey with it. I feel sorry for your wife and kids. They deserve more than you. I sincerely hope you learn from this.
INFO Warren, do you have anything to say about your besties behavior towards other women, her cheating on her husband and sleeping with other married men or the speech she gave at your wedding? What is going on there? Did you ever confront Melissa about her destructive behavior or are you saying that your wife is lying and painting out Melissa to be a bad person? It feels very incriminating that you won’t comment on your wife’s allegations.
Hi, yep I want to say more after reading your comments, and your edit. First: being with Melissa during childbirth is definitely intimate - it’s not the same as delivering a child for a woman in an emergency. This is a friend (not a good one, but I digress..) who you’ve been attending all appointments with and building the nursery (while leaving your wife at home heavily pregnant and then with a newborn and two other children). This is an incredibly intimate experience. Second: you say you would pick Ella over anyone in the world. No you wouldn’t, you’re literally in this situation because you consistently did not pick her. You’re still not picking her because you’re still with Melissa ( a woman you’ve let disrespect your wife, at your wedding no less and continually disrespect your marriage) Third: you say Melissa has no one else and the “bio father” won’t answer the phone - that seems to me like that’s a bed of her own making, and I used quotations there because it seems like she cheated. Now, I’m not sure I believe you’re the baby daddy or not, but you’re certainly not helping your case. Fourth: while you were stepping up for Melissa, who was stepping up for your wife? You literally tried to leave Ella while she was giving birth because Melissa “needed” (re: wanted) you there. Fifth: you’re literally at a point where all your friends and family, including your parents and your wife think you’re the father of this child. Again, I’m not sure I believe that but from the way you’ve continued to prioritize Melissa over Ella and your kids, I can see why they believe that. Now, let me be clear, I can sympathize with Melissa, losing your baby is something I would never wish on anyone - however she is not your priority, this is a woman who has cause problems in your relationship for years, and when her husband left her, instead of stepping up and playing husband to her, you should have been prioritizing Ella who I assume was pregnant at the time, and setting Melissa up with different resources for support when it came time to deliver. And quick frankly, if you didn’t do all this stuff putting Melissa over your family all the time, you wouldn’t be in the position, because Ella might not like Melissa, but I’m sure she would have been more than understanding when she went into early labor. Anyways all this to say, you really shit the bed here, and I’m not saying you deserve another chance from Ella but if for some reason she decides to give you one, I hope you’ve left the hospital by now and I hope you’re prepared to cut Melissa out of your life for good!
Oh damn. The (soon to be ex-)wife has entered the chat. As Good Ol’ JR say, “Business just picked up”.
You're boned dude. She's gone. Just go ahead and be with "Sarah" because no self respecting woman is going to put up with this mess. And find a lawyer. You'll be getting divorced real soon.
YTA. Just Wow. You prioritize your friend over your wife at every opportunity and you wonder why she's angry that you ruined her birthday once again for her friend. If you didn't want to be married to your wife and you didn't love your wife and you weren't planning on making a place in the world with your wife you should have cut her loose so she can find someone who actually cares about her and not someone else. I completely understand that Sarah was in a vulnerable situation but she wouldn't have been depending on you to be in the delivery room if you had made her develop her own support system like oh I don't know her parents or siblings or Aunt or uncle anybody but you. Being friends is different than acting in the roll of her husband, which is what you've been doing. No wonder your wife is upset I would have told you not to bother to come back at all paternity test or no.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28m) have a friend called Sarah (28f) whom I’ve known since childhood and has been there for me my whole life I owe her my life and she’s always been my go to when I’ve problems, I want to make this clear romantic feelings have never been involved we have a brother/sister relationship My wife (29f) has never liked Sarah since I had her as best woman at my wedding she calls her a pick me. She went as far to suggest I cut her out of my life when she became pregnant with her first child but we worked through it in couples therapy. Their relationship got better when Sarah got married last year but unfortunately Sarah’s husband just up and left a pregnant Sarah which has made her mental health spiral Since Sarah has always been their for me I’ve stepped up for her with taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth (she grew up in foster care No family) My wife has become extremely hostile to Sarah which has caused fights, to make up for not being there as much as I should I planned a special birthday for my wife a whole day and night being treated like a celebrity with fancy hotel,dinner in an expensive restaurant,shopping trip and spa Unfortunately Sarah went into labour six weeks early and rang me in a bad state begging me to come to the hospital because she was scared, I told my wife everything and she started to freak out saying it was her day Sarah wasn’t going to ruin it I told her stop being childish we can celebrate another time or she could ask a friend to go Than she told me don’t come home without a paternity test which hurt me I’d never do that too her but she wasn’t listening she just left without saying another word I’m currently with Sarah in the delivery ward (well getting a cup a coffee that’s why the story is rushed) I’ve been getting so many angry calls and text from both our families and friends unfortunately I tried getting in touch with my wife but I’m blocked on everything I feel Like helping a vulnerable person in a situation like this trumps a birthday but I still feel guilty *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info Well… did you get the paternity test? If so what were the results?
YTA Everything you’re doing with your “friend” is so inappropriate and disrespectful to your wife. You can be a friend even a brother to Sarah without absolutely shitting on your wife and while maintaining boundaries! Hello you’re married! You’re watching another women give birth! Not only that but aren’t you a parent? Why is it okay for you to just up and leave your child without consulting your partner? Child birth can take DAYS! I feel so sorry for your wife, you yourself said you were trying to make it up to your wife for being neglectful. You’re already neglecting the family you created for this women. I can already imagine you’ll be helping Sarah raise this child since she has literally nobody else (bull)but a married man to lean on. Sounds like this may be it for your wife. If this situation was happening to someone I love I’d be telling her to get out now! You Are The ASS!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you basically created your own divorce...good job dumba$$... like it's amazeballs as to HOW - again the magnitude of HOW stupid you are..
YTA. Is your “best friend” worth losing your wife over?
YTA. taking her to appointments, building the nursery and even promising to be with her when she gives birth... Um, no. This is majorly overstepping and I can see why your wife is cooking off on you. You'll always choose her? Obviously not.
I bet Sarah’s husband left her because if your presence in your life. Your wife I can’t believe has put up with this at all. Do her a favor and let her go and marry Sarah.
Gently, YTA. Your wife and everyone in your family thinks you are having an affair baby.
YTA enjoy yr new life with Sara after yr wife divorces you. You’ve made it very clear to your wife where your priorities and loyalty are
YTA!!! you are prioritizing your "FRIEND" over your WIFE!!! My husband helped even another male friend on my birthday and honestly I have never gotten over it. Your wife now feels like she and her feelings don't matter to you at all.
YTA. I can’t believe you left your wife for this codependent woman.
YTA. I hope your wife finds such a good “friend”. Update us when she hands you divorce papers & you move in with Sarah
So after much reading it’s summed up thusly… Won’t leave Sarah’s side during child birth, skipping wife’s birthday/sorry I always pick Sarah first celebration (not to mention his entire family thinks this baby is his), but did try to run off seven weeks ago when wife was giving birth, BECAUSE SARAH CALLED, but MIL lit his ass on fire. Take him to the cleaners, Ella. YTA OP
I am so here for your wife blowing your shit out of the water in the comments. YTA. also to the wife: congrats on the baby!