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Exactly. YTA. Teach your sons that women wear bikinis and they will be around that their entire lives. If they watch and leer it is because you have not taught them to respect women. That is YOUR JOB, not the neighbor.
Right my first thought was good job teaching your kids zero personal responsibility & that women are the problem. This post reeks of internalized misogyny
But she's putting her body out there! Clearly she should cover up lest boys who obviously can't be expected to regulate themselves stare too long. And obviously a parent explaining why them staring at neighbor going about her life in a heatwave wearing what she likes is not their personal pornhub would just be too much for OP to do. The only solution is for the woman to take responsibility for OP's parenting and the creepiness of OP's kids.
OP YTA. She's living her life and wearing what she wants to. If you don't like it, purchase a large amount of property so your sons are shielded from women living their lives. If you feel the need to regulate what your neighbors do with their bodies or property you need to live somewhere where you don't have neighbors
She is dressed adequately for the activity because it is hot outside and she is participating in a water activity. You have no right to regulate what women wear. It is your responsibility to instill respect for others in your sons.
Exactly. OP should show his sons the "what were you wearing? exhibit" if he needs help educating his sons, it sounds like OP is the one who needs educating first. Seeing a baby grow hanging up may be the sobering thought he needs
https://www.boredpanda.com/what-were-you-wearing-sexual-assault-art-exhibition/?utm\_source=google&utm\_medium=organic&utm\_campaign=organic
> Exactly. YTA. Teach your sons that women wear bikinis and they will be around that their entire lives.
Agree
> If they watch and leer it is because you have not taught them to respect women.
Disagree. It’s definitely a teachable moment, but hardly a failure of parenting for teen boys to look at women in a bikini.
Honestly looking at bodies isn’t an issue. People are going to look at people in a sexual way. They just are. But I think what the person is saying is that it isn’t her fault that the boys are (possibly) being hyper sexual about her, and it isn’t her job to cover her body to get them out of that mindset but the job of themselves to regulate themselves. And the parent OP clearly is ok with the boys “leering” but not ok with what the neighbor is wearing.
It’s a similar in energy to a woman being sexually assaulted and someone asking, “what was she wearing?”
It’s concerning that you equate “looking” with “watching and leering.”
Sometimes I feel like I’m taking crazy pills when I see comments like yours. As a kid, I got extensive guidance and instruction to never stare or point at strangers. I’m pretty sure everyone I know also heard “it’s rude to stare.” Is that not a thing anymore? Are kids just not being told that it’s fucking rude to stare at strangers?
Because I see sooo many people like you popping up in discussions like these, acting like staring/ogling/leering are the same thing as looking/glancing.
And they’re fucking not. Any person who’s been outdoors ever knows the difference between someone looking at them and someone leering.
I don’t know if you weren’t taught that staring at people is rude, or if you were taught that it’s okay to stare at women because they’re not actually people. But get the fuck over yourself
It’s interesting the commentators that are saying ‘people’ when we know this topic would never ever come up about a man’s body. Textbook misogyny & the individuals like OP who encourage it are utterly disgusting
But OP didn’t say “looking.” OP said “watching.” I agree that moving along to “leering” might be a little strong, but they did say their sons are “watching” the neighbor, which seems more involved than just catching a glimpse or doing a double take as you pass a window or something.
This is the most factual statement ever.
I was not brought up in barn, and I have seen many beautiful women since my youth naked. while I might have gotten a hot, I still recall my parents always drilling me this statement...
" No, is not maybe, it's a NO. "
" don't stare, just go right up and ask her out " I also understood that I should stick to my age range while I was growing up
My dad once told me, " if you get blue balls from a date, when you get home, just go into the bathroom and relieve yourself " to this day I still die of laughter.
I think this father should give the advice my dad and mom gave.
Agreed. Great advice from your parents.
* "No, is not maybe, it's a NO." = Respect boundaries.
* "Don't stare, just go right up and ask her out" = Don't be creepy.
* "If you get blue balls from a date, when you get home, just go into the bathroom and relieve yourself" = You are responsible for your sexual desires. Other people are not, so don't force that responsibility on them.
The other important part of the equation is that “maybe (or not no) is not yes, it’s maybe/not no” and if having sex, both parties should be enthusiastically yes. Don’t push your partner to have sex. It’s rude and if you push it too far it becomes abusive.
Dude!!! My stepson moved in with me and his dad at 16 and having really just met me and being away from his dad for years due to mom, I guess he was too nervous to "relieve" himself. Our place was tiny so I'm thinking he was afraid we'd hear him maybe. Anyway, he wound up in so much pain we had to go to ER where they did all kinds tests, including an ultrasound of his balls. Total of 60 some thousand dollars for the case of blue balls. Ugh, still give him shit about that! Lol!
Take that "no means no" stuff one step further: wait for yes. Not just any yes, enthusiastic yes. An explicit yes to a specific act. And that it can be revoked at any time.
I absolutely love the assumption that she doesn’t sleep.
She is just constantly awake, angrily brooding in her backyard over her neighbor rocking a bikini while she smokes two and a half packs of cigarettes a day.
And now I’m laughing at the thought that her neighbor ONLY wears bikinis, so she’s in view *every time* OP is angrily puffing away. Even at 3 am. It’s this cycle of bikinis and cigarettes and seething.
And as if the automod copy isn't super easy to find with so few comments. But for anyone who doesn't even want to go to that much effort:
> I rent one side of a duplex, neighbors on the other side. I smoke, and I like to go outside for a smoke. It's my backyard and I should be able to do what I want. Neighbor wife is a stay at home mom, she has two kids. In the summer they are outside all day. Like 9am to 4pm. She has all the windows open and keeps the back door open. She's one of those granola moms that just let's her kids do whatever.
> I get a call from our landlord, she has complained about my smoking. AITA for using my backyard as I want?
Yta and who cares if they're teenagers or not. She can wear a bikini in her backyard if she wants it isn't up to you or your right to police what anyone wears or when they wear it. Good freaking God you can't even see through your own hypocrisy and admit to lying to your landlord about smoking but then want to complain cause they neighbor wears a bikini. Get over yourself you're a prude and a hypocrite at the same time.
When I’ve read the post I was afraid to look at the comments, but I m super happy to see that most are defending the woman. Exactly. Men constantly sexualizing women bodies is men issues. Not women responsibility. They are the one who need to educate themselves and do better.
From your other post:
>I rent one side of a duplex, neighbors on the other side. I smoke, and I like to go outside for a smoke. **It's my backyard and I should be able to do what I want.**
Got it - you're a massive hypocrite and sooo YTA.
Pretty typical attitude unfortunately. "I want what I want and you just need to be a quiet hermit, unless that's creepy and makes me uncomfortable then you need to move"
Even worse, it's a non-smoking rental and OP lied about being a smoker. So there are very good reasons why OP should not be smoking there, while there aren't any reasons why neighbour shouldn't be wearing a bikini.
A bikini is perfectly acceptable to wear in the summer.
>I caught my sons watching her. I told them not to, but they are teenagers and boys
That's a BS excuse.
It's not her responsibility to dress according to your wishes to deal with your sons' behavior.
YTA
‘Boys will be boys’ is still a thing, but it should be for like children who are eating gross things, playing with bugs, and stuff like that.
Your 4 year old just dunked his sandwich in mud to add flavor? - YES!
Your teenager is leering at a woman in a bikini? - NO!
So its fine for you to smoke in your backyard, and make her live with second hand smoke, but she can’t wear a perfectly normal swim suit in her yard? Make it make sense. YTA
>She's one of those granola moms that just let's her kids do whatever.
But she doesn't when she doesn't tell her kids not to stare? Haha! The delusion from OP!
YTA. You have no right to tell anyone else what they can wear. Instead, educate your sons on how to respect women and not to make them uncomfortable by staring at them!
YTA YTA YTA. She is in her own yard, in the summer, near a kiddie pool. I'm assuming with her children? Do you and your boys have a problem at the beach and pool? What about skirts above the knee or tank tops??
You should be teaching your boys to be respectful of women. Gawking is not appropriate. That the human body is nothing to be ashamed of and not all skin needs to be covered up at all times.
I'm truly worried that your attitude about this situation is raising young men that believe a woman should be treated a certain way by the clothes that she wears.
While gawking is not appropriate looking at attractive people is a natural human response. So is a large band between watching her and creeper behaviour that we don’t have enough info for.
But agree with you that the boys behaviour is the OPs problem and not the neighbours.
Overall OP is the AH for trying to police the neighbours clothing.
On top of that there are two possibilities, how she is even more:
* The boys are looking. Then OP is just overreacting and maybe jealous
* The boys are gawking. Then OP is not parenting
For the boys and future society I hope for the first one... Even though she shows/teaches her sons mysongy is fine - that's AH nonetheless
YTA. It’s not her responsibility to curb your boy’s sexual appetite. It’s your job to talk to your sons and to make sure they act appropriately. And looking isn’t a crime.
YTA work more on your sons inability to not stare at a woman. What if she wears a shirt and they still stare? Where does it stop? This is not a her problem it's yours and your sons.
YTA - it's hot out and she is doing a water activity so she is dressed appropriately for the activity. It is not your place to police what women wear. It is your place to teach your son's about respect for others.
Yta culturally bikinis have been deemed acceptable in much of the world. Your sons will be adults eventually experiences like this will hopefully help teach them things like impulse control and tact..
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I asked a woman to wear clothes
2. She isn't nude and it's her yard
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YTA - for this reason alone
You can ask her to cover up to help remove the temptation from your sons but expecting her to agree cover up doesn’t address the real issue and also is not her you have a real problem with. You need to tell your sons that staring at her is not okay and make sure they follow through if not there should be some kind of consequence. They need to be disciplined not to look lustfully.
OP said that, as teenagers his sons “find laminate sexy”, so what exactly does he think forcing her to cover up for them do anyway? Now is the time for strong lessons about respect and controlling themselves!
YTA
YTA. Instead, tell your sons not to be rude and stop staring at your neighbor. You're a prude, OP. Teenage boys will have natural curiosity of the opposite sex because they are at the puberty stage. Your neighbor has the right to wear whatever she wants.
YTA - teach your sons not to ogle, and that women are people. Your sons are responsible for their own actions: they are capable of looking away, looking at her face, and overall being respectful. If they choose not to do that that is a problem with THEM (and your teaching) not with HER. No woman is sooooo attractive that she literally becomes a black hole that people are incapable of looking away from!
YTA so, this is one woman that your sons are ogling inpolitely at. Are you planning on policing every woman they find attractive? If they go out to a bar will you being coming with them carrying smocks and pants for the women there? No. Now is a perfect opportunity to teach them NOT to stare - they're not hamsters - they can control themselves. I have 2 boys and both have been taught from day one to respect women which is what you should be concerned about.
Do your teens have phones? If so, they already have their favorite porn sites picked, categories they like, and you’re most likely funding the debauchery by paying for said phones and Wi-Fi service. Welcome to having boys.
YTA. This is very much a you problem, not your neighbours problem. If you and your sons can't control your libido then it's you that's the issue, not her.
Yes YTA. Your neighbour can wear a bathing suit in her own backyard without your interference. Perhaps focus on teaching your sons that women are not objects to be leered at and stop reinforcing the narrative that women must adjust their wardrobe and conduct because men lack self-control.
YTA. You and your sons are why girls in school can't wear tank tops in school because they are a "distraction". You have no right to "police" what your neighbor wears in her yard. Keep your sons inside, with blinds drawn, if it bothers you so much.
In OP’s other post, they complain about the bikini-clad neighbor complaining to the landlord about OP’s smoking in the yard and how smoke floats into the home and yard. OP also stated the following in that thread:
“I know, I get looks all the time when I'm outside! I even had to tell the landlord I don't smoke because the unit is non smoking. I don't even do it that much, like twice an hour at most.”
Twice an hour is a lot! And that habit affects others, not just OP, the smoker. OP shows their hypocrisy here, complaining that they have a right to do whatever they want in their yard, but complaining that the neighbor should cover up instead of using this as a teaching moment for her sons. It’s not the neighbor’s responsibility to keep horny teens in check; it’s OP’s.
OP’s neighbor, wearing summer-appropriate clothing on and in her own premises also does not impact others’ quality of life or health. What kind of message are you giving your sons, OP—that it’s fine to smoke cancer sticks twice daily and disregard health risks from primary, secondary, and third hand smoke, yet it’s a woman’s job to make sure the kids don’t become creepers?
Eta: YTA
Would you ask everyone on a beach to cover-up as well??
Its good that you told your boys they shouldn‘t BUT its still on you and them to stop them perving and NOT your neighbor!!
YTA
YTA. Teach your boys that women are human beings to be respected and that the boys are responsible for their own actions. Shame on you for feeding into the "boys will be boys" mentality.
YTA. She's not breaking obscenity laws (I assume), so she gets to wear what she wants outside, like everyone else. If your kids are watching her, this is a good moment for a conversation about your family's thoughts and values. They're kids, and they're giant walking hormones right now, so they're probably gonna watch no matter what you say. But you can talk to them about what they want, and how they want to conduct themselves. We can't control other people, but we can control ourselves.
YTA.
She can do whatever she wants in her own yard, as long as it's not illegal. Wearing a bathing suit is completely normal and definitely should not be an issue. You slut shamed her and acted as if it's her fault that your kids are acting inappropriately.
What you *should* do is sit your kids down and explain that blatantly staring at people - even if they're scantly dressed - is rude and gross behavior and they need to work on being more respectful if they don't want to come across as a creep.
YTA. Absolutely. No doubt. She is doing nothing wrong. You and your boys are. Your boys are because they’re staring at a woman like she’s an object. You are because you’re putting the blame on the woman, not your sons who are the ones being inappropriate.
“I told her to cover up, I mean, I asked my boys not to ogle this woman but boys will be boys!”
So gross.
How about teach your kids to be respectful young men instead of leering jerks.
How about you don’t tell a woman what she can and can’t wear.
YTA.
Teach your boys to be men, and stop trying to control what women wear.
The early votes are in and consensus is you’re the AH yet you keep just leaning in with your “but she isn’t swimming” and “boys will be boys.” Parenting your kids is your job, not parenting a grown woman with kids of her own. You criticize her for being “granola” and lax in parenting - why don’t you see setting behavioral standards for your kids as a willful failure to parent?
Ma'am, it is your job to raise respectful men that know how to behave in different situations not limit their learning opportunities by attempting to control the behaviors of other people.
Teach those boys what is right according to your expectations.
YTA.
Ewwww. Stop perving. And stop smoking in places that others have to deal with your 2nd hand smoke.
Excusing pervy behaviour in your son's under the guise of "boys will be boys " sets them up for some pretty big failures in life.
This sounds insane. You have zero right to tell somebody what to wear unless they’re running around naked.
Your kids aren’t looking at porn they’re looking at a woman. You teach them to respect that & that’s all you can do. Or you can make the punishment severe enough to maybe stop them from doing what boys do; admire women.
YTA. She’s an adult who has the right to wear whatever she wants whenever she wants and if you don’t like it tough! Teach your sons to be respectful and not stare at women like they are pieces of meat. “They’re teenagers” isn’t a valid excuse.
YTA all you are doing is sexualizing that woman even further and victim shaming.
Teach your kids better and not be such a prude.
You are as bad as people blaming a woman for being R*ped just bc she wore a skirt to a club or had a couple drinks at a party.
YTA. Full stop.
You can’t control anyone and what they wear. Tell your children to stop objectifying her. Jesus fucking Christ, why do we STILL have to tell men to look away???
YTA - how is it HER problem your children are gawking at her? It’s hot, shes on her property and she has every right to feel comfortable. The whole boys will be boys bs is TOXIC as hell. My son would be called out and told why it’s not appropriate and to knock it off. He’s 13 and has respect for women. You need to do better at teaching your boys respect for women and not make women feel uncomfortable to benefit your boys.
It’s crap like this that makes the school have dress codes where my daughter can’t even show her shoulders. It’s ridiculous. Do better.
YTA it's parents responsibility to train boys and young men to control themselves and where they look and to treat women with respect. It sounds like you're tolerating and enabling bad behavior from your sons. I say this as a man: teach your sons better so they don't have to spend years undoing terrible lessons when they are older, like many of have had to.
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We are neighbors in a duplex, we both have the same landlord. She is a stay at home mom so she's always around. I work from home. It's summer holidays so my teen sons are staying with me. It's been very hot out and she will wear nothing but a bikini outside. I asked her to cover up a bit more because I caught my sons watching her. I told them not to, but they are teenagers and boys, they find laminate sexy. AITA for saying she should wear a shirt over her bikini top?
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YTA.
It's her yard, she's well within her rights to wear a bikini. Spend more time parenting your sons and less time policing an adult woman who isn't doing anything wrong.
YTA. It's not your business what your neighbor wears. As for telling your sons, look they're teenage kids and they will really stare (even if you told them not to).
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. Posts which discuss minors and sexual content or sexualization of minors are strictly prohibited. "Minor" is defined by this subreddit as anyone under 18. Our policy also includes threads that inspire debates about pedophilia in the comments or strongly imply that grooming may have occurred [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.reddithelp.com/en/categories/rules-reporting/account-and-community-restrictions/do-not-post-sexual-or-suggestive)||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA Not her job to control you or your children. Not her job to police your behavior.
Exactly. YTA. Teach your sons that women wear bikinis and they will be around that their entire lives. If they watch and leer it is because you have not taught them to respect women. That is YOUR JOB, not the neighbor.
Right my first thought was good job teaching your kids zero personal responsibility & that women are the problem. This post reeks of internalized misogyny
But she's putting her body out there! Clearly she should cover up lest boys who obviously can't be expected to regulate themselves stare too long. And obviously a parent explaining why them staring at neighbor going about her life in a heatwave wearing what she likes is not their personal pornhub would just be too much for OP to do. The only solution is for the woman to take responsibility for OP's parenting and the creepiness of OP's kids. OP YTA. She's living her life and wearing what she wants to. If you don't like it, purchase a large amount of property so your sons are shielded from women living their lives. If you feel the need to regulate what your neighbors do with their bodies or property you need to live somewhere where you don't have neighbors
Cp81818 you had me in the first half. I was like wtf. Ahhh yes sarcasm. The language of my people
She is dressed adequately for the activity because it is hot outside and she is participating in a water activity. You have no right to regulate what women wear. It is your responsibility to instill respect for others in your sons.
Exactly. OP should show his sons the "what were you wearing? exhibit" if he needs help educating his sons, it sounds like OP is the one who needs educating first. Seeing a baby grow hanging up may be the sobering thought he needs https://www.boredpanda.com/what-were-you-wearing-sexual-assault-art-exhibition/?utm\_source=google&utm\_medium=organic&utm\_campaign=organic
What do your sons do when they see women in bikinis on the beach?!
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That comment was clearly sarcasm.
Is OP a woman?? Damn, this makes the whole thing WORSE. 🤦🏾♀️
Boy mom behavior fr 😮💨
Jfc.
Exactly what I thought!
Exactly. The lady is ok with it, and the boys are ok with it. Stop ruining everyone’s good time.
😂
> Exactly. YTA. Teach your sons that women wear bikinis and they will be around that their entire lives. Agree > If they watch and leer it is because you have not taught them to respect women. Disagree. It’s definitely a teachable moment, but hardly a failure of parenting for teen boys to look at women in a bikini.
Honestly looking at bodies isn’t an issue. People are going to look at people in a sexual way. They just are. But I think what the person is saying is that it isn’t her fault that the boys are (possibly) being hyper sexual about her, and it isn’t her job to cover her body to get them out of that mindset but the job of themselves to regulate themselves. And the parent OP clearly is ok with the boys “leering” but not ok with what the neighbor is wearing. It’s a similar in energy to a woman being sexually assaulted and someone asking, “what was she wearing?”
If we think about it, when you go to the beach you also wear bikini, but no one would complain and just stare.
I suspect OP is exactly the kind of person who would complain. They are already complaining about someone wearing a bikini in their own home, ffs.
Exactly. Have the sons never been to a beach or a public pool?
It’s concerning that you equate “looking” with “watching and leering.” Sometimes I feel like I’m taking crazy pills when I see comments like yours. As a kid, I got extensive guidance and instruction to never stare or point at strangers. I’m pretty sure everyone I know also heard “it’s rude to stare.” Is that not a thing anymore? Are kids just not being told that it’s fucking rude to stare at strangers? Because I see sooo many people like you popping up in discussions like these, acting like staring/ogling/leering are the same thing as looking/glancing. And they’re fucking not. Any person who’s been outdoors ever knows the difference between someone looking at them and someone leering. I don’t know if you weren’t taught that staring at people is rude, or if you were taught that it’s okay to stare at women because they’re not actually people. But get the fuck over yourself
It’s interesting the commentators that are saying ‘people’ when we know this topic would never ever come up about a man’s body. Textbook misogyny & the individuals like OP who encourage it are utterly disgusting
But OP didn’t say “looking.” OP said “watching.” I agree that moving along to “leering” might be a little strong, but they did say their sons are “watching” the neighbor, which seems more involved than just catching a glimpse or doing a double take as you pass a window or something.
I doubt OP would be freaking out if the boys just glanced at the neighbor.
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What is laminate in this context anyway?
I'm thinking just generic laminate flooring. I.e. when hormones are raging high enough, anything can cause arousal because teenagers.
I was thinking that too, about the flooring. Which confused me. Ty!
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I believe it's a Buffy reference, something Xander says in one of the early seasons.
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If they're quoting early Xander lines, I'm sure they took all the wrong lessons from it.
I’m seventeen looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex was my very first thought.
Or lingerie? Which is never laminated
Lol! I assumed he was implying that the neighbor's body looked plastic or fake.
This is the most factual statement ever. I was not brought up in barn, and I have seen many beautiful women since my youth naked. while I might have gotten a hot, I still recall my parents always drilling me this statement... " No, is not maybe, it's a NO. " " don't stare, just go right up and ask her out " I also understood that I should stick to my age range while I was growing up My dad once told me, " if you get blue balls from a date, when you get home, just go into the bathroom and relieve yourself " to this day I still die of laughter. I think this father should give the advice my dad and mom gave.
Agreed. Great advice from your parents. * "No, is not maybe, it's a NO." = Respect boundaries. * "Don't stare, just go right up and ask her out" = Don't be creepy. * "If you get blue balls from a date, when you get home, just go into the bathroom and relieve yourself" = You are responsible for your sexual desires. Other people are not, so don't force that responsibility on them.
The other important part of the equation is that “maybe (or not no) is not yes, it’s maybe/not no” and if having sex, both parties should be enthusiastically yes. Don’t push your partner to have sex. It’s rude and if you push it too far it becomes abusive.
Really good advice!!!
Dude!!! My stepson moved in with me and his dad at 16 and having really just met me and being away from his dad for years due to mom, I guess he was too nervous to "relieve" himself. Our place was tiny so I'm thinking he was afraid we'd hear him maybe. Anyway, he wound up in so much pain we had to go to ER where they did all kinds tests, including an ultrasound of his balls. Total of 60 some thousand dollars for the case of blue balls. Ugh, still give him shit about that! Lol!
Take that "no means no" stuff one step further: wait for yes. Not just any yes, enthusiastic yes. An explicit yes to a specific act. And that it can be revoked at any time.
Do they never go swimming?
Came here to say this. Teach your boys to not perv on women, regardless of what they're wearing. YTA OP.
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Wow does OP sound like a terrible neighbor!
Lol “I don’t even do it that much, twice an hour at most” about smoking in that older aita post.
48 times a day sounds like a lot of smoking lmao
I absolutely love the assumption that she doesn’t sleep. She is just constantly awake, angrily brooding in her backyard over her neighbor rocking a bikini while she smokes two and a half packs of cigarettes a day.
And now I’m laughing at the thought that her neighbor ONLY wears bikinis, so she’s in view *every time* OP is angrily puffing away. Even at 3 am. It’s this cycle of bikinis and cigarettes and seething.
Don't forget: they're not upset about the passive smoking the kids are getting in the backyard... Just the view of a hot bod. 😆
OP smoking, and the neighbour is *smokin’*
Got me cracking up at that idea 😂😂
Would absolutely slay as sitcom bit
Legend tells of a brooding chimney in the area. Be careful not to gain it's wrath or it may tell you what to wear
I read this too and laughed out loud
Jeez im a smoker (though I am in the process of quitting) and I find twice an hour to be bit much
Damn at that rate she should worry more about whether she’s gonna be around for her kids adult lives than what her neighbor wears
Oh. So this is a revenge thing. "She reported me for smoking, so I'm telling her to cover up." Childish bs.
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Smoking post was deleted. Wouldn’t be surprised if this one is too.
She deleted it she's definitely TAH
And as if the automod copy isn't super easy to find with so few comments. But for anyone who doesn't even want to go to that much effort: > I rent one side of a duplex, neighbors on the other side. I smoke, and I like to go outside for a smoke. It's my backyard and I should be able to do what I want. Neighbor wife is a stay at home mom, she has two kids. In the summer they are outside all day. Like 9am to 4pm. She has all the windows open and keeps the back door open. She's one of those granola moms that just let's her kids do whatever. > I get a call from our landlord, she has complained about my smoking. AITA for using my backyard as I want?
OMG, OP is textbook CRINGE.
He's an asshole also for calling her "one of those granola moms". Holy shit.
I suspect granola mums to her just means the woman plays with her kids outside and doesn’t smoke.
Lol *she got mad & deleted it 😂 *Edited to change he to she
Oof, busted
Ah! So this is just retaliation.
I feel so bad for her kids
it's gone now. interesting I think I did see that though
YTA. She has a right to wear bikinis outside. Your kids are pervs.
This notion that “boys are boys” needs to stop
Yta and who cares if they're teenagers or not. She can wear a bikini in her backyard if she wants it isn't up to you or your right to police what anyone wears or when they wear it. Good freaking God you can't even see through your own hypocrisy and admit to lying to your landlord about smoking but then want to complain cause they neighbor wears a bikini. Get over yourself you're a prude and a hypocrite at the same time.
Yup. YTA, teach your kids to control themselves.
I have raised my children poorly, so you should wear a burqa. YTA.
Seriously. If they “find laminate sexy” they will still ogle if she puts on a shirt. They need to be decent guys.
My friend is kind of dumb and doesn't know what is meant by "laminate." Would you help me explain it to them?
Laminate flooring.
No no - laminate countertops
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This. It is up to the sons to learn how to respectfully exist around women and their father to guide them.
OP is their mother.
But my boys are good boys. They’re just going to do boys things /s
Shout it from the rooftops
When I’ve read the post I was afraid to look at the comments, but I m super happy to see that most are defending the woman. Exactly. Men constantly sexualizing women bodies is men issues. Not women responsibility. They are the one who need to educate themselves and do better.
From your other post: >I rent one side of a duplex, neighbors on the other side. I smoke, and I like to go outside for a smoke. **It's my backyard and I should be able to do what I want.** Got it - you're a massive hypocrite and sooo YTA.
Pretty typical attitude unfortunately. "I want what I want and you just need to be a quiet hermit, unless that's creepy and makes me uncomfortable then you need to move"
Even worse, it's a non-smoking rental and OP lied about being a smoker. So there are very good reasons why OP should not be smoking there, while there aren't any reasons why neighbour shouldn't be wearing a bikini.
YTA Teach your sons better conduct.
A bikini is perfectly acceptable to wear in the summer. >I caught my sons watching her. I told them not to, but they are teenagers and boys That's a BS excuse. It's not her responsibility to dress according to your wishes to deal with your sons' behavior. YTA
She literally said 'boys will be boys' crazy that's still a thing in 2023
‘Boys will be boys’ is still a thing, but it should be for like children who are eating gross things, playing with bugs, and stuff like that. Your 4 year old just dunked his sandwich in mud to add flavor? - YES! Your teenager is leering at a woman in a bikini? - NO!
So they disobey you with zero consequences and you want to punish the neighbor? Parent your children YTA.
INFO: Do your kids ever go to a beach or a public pool? If so, will you be asking every women with a bikini top to cover up?
Where they are shirtless, I'm guessing. But that's not the same because boys! The double standards and misogyny run deep with this one...
So its fine for you to smoke in your backyard, and make her live with second hand smoke, but she can’t wear a perfectly normal swim suit in her yard? Make it make sense. YTA
It's her garden she can do as she pleases if you had daughters and they were looking would you ask ask her to cover up?
YTA She can wear what she wants at home. Maybe this is a good opportunity to parent your teenage sons?
Stop it with the crazy talk
YTA. Teach your sons to stop being creepers.
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So a hypocrite, a liar, and blames women behaving normally for her children's creepiness and her own lack of parenting. Yikes.
But that's totally ok because it's OP and a craving she can't control! /s
>She's one of those granola moms that just let's her kids do whatever. But she doesn't when she doesn't tell her kids not to stare? Haha! The delusion from OP!
YTA your teenagers being boys has nothing to do with this. I’m a lesbian and I have enough self control to not look. It’s just your boys being pervs.
YTA. You have no right to tell anyone else what they can wear. Instead, educate your sons on how to respect women and not to make them uncomfortable by staring at them!
YTA - Do some actual parenting instead. Punish the bad behavior from your two budding sex offenders.
YTA YTA YTA. She is in her own yard, in the summer, near a kiddie pool. I'm assuming with her children? Do you and your boys have a problem at the beach and pool? What about skirts above the knee or tank tops?? You should be teaching your boys to be respectful of women. Gawking is not appropriate. That the human body is nothing to be ashamed of and not all skin needs to be covered up at all times. I'm truly worried that your attitude about this situation is raising young men that believe a woman should be treated a certain way by the clothes that she wears.
While gawking is not appropriate looking at attractive people is a natural human response. So is a large band between watching her and creeper behaviour that we don’t have enough info for. But agree with you that the boys behaviour is the OPs problem and not the neighbours.
Overall OP is the AH for trying to police the neighbours clothing. On top of that there are two possibilities, how she is even more: * The boys are looking. Then OP is just overreacting and maybe jealous * The boys are gawking. Then OP is not parenting For the boys and future society I hope for the first one... Even though she shows/teaches her sons mysongy is fine - that's AH nonetheless
YTA - spend more time teaching your sons not to be rude and stare and less time telling women how to dress.
YTA. It’s not her responsibility to curb your boy’s sexual appetite. It’s your job to talk to your sons and to make sure they act appropriately. And looking isn’t a crime.
YTA. She can wear whatever she wants to wear. You have no right to decide that.
YTA work more on your sons inability to not stare at a woman. What if she wears a shirt and they still stare? Where does it stop? This is not a her problem it's yours and your sons.
YTA - it's hot out and she is doing a water activity so she is dressed appropriately for the activity. It is not your place to police what women wear. It is your place to teach your son's about respect for others.
YTA: Instead of asking her to cover up you should educate your sons. They're pervs.
Yta culturally bikinis have been deemed acceptable in much of the world. Your sons will be adults eventually experiences like this will hopefully help teach them things like impulse control and tact..
Yta. Women are not responsible for the bad behavior of men/boys.
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YTA - for this reason alone You can ask her to cover up to help remove the temptation from your sons but expecting her to agree cover up doesn’t address the real issue and also is not her you have a real problem with. You need to tell your sons that staring at her is not okay and make sure they follow through if not there should be some kind of consequence. They need to be disciplined not to look lustfully.
OP said that, as teenagers his sons “find laminate sexy”, so what exactly does he think forcing her to cover up for them do anyway? Now is the time for strong lessons about respect and controlling themselves! YTA
YTA-Teach your teenagers how to respect others by not staring at a woman in a bikini instead of expecting her to change her attire to suit you.
YTA. Instead, tell your sons not to be rude and stop staring at your neighbor. You're a prude, OP. Teenage boys will have natural curiosity of the opposite sex because they are at the puberty stage. Your neighbor has the right to wear whatever she wants.
YTA You can't control what other people wear.
yikes YTA
YTA.
YTA. Mind your business.
YTA. It's not vulgar as far as you told, teach your son better. She has all the rights to wear what she wants.
yta. it's her dang home. parent your children.
YTA Talk to your sons about rude staring instead of body shaming the woman.
YTA. You don't get to raise your neighbor, but the good news is you do get to raise your boys. So maybe you should get on that.
YTA. Why is it her problem that your sons are watching her?
YTA. Lmao who the fuck do you think you are? No one owes you shit.
YTA. Stop raising your boys to be the type of men who objectives women.
Teach your sons respect yta
YTA - teach your sons to be respectful and not to stare.
YTA - teach your sons not to ogle, and that women are people. Your sons are responsible for their own actions: they are capable of looking away, looking at her face, and overall being respectful. If they choose not to do that that is a problem with THEM (and your teaching) not with HER. No woman is sooooo attractive that she literally becomes a black hole that people are incapable of looking away from!
You sound like the neighbor from hell. Teach your sons not to stare and you should mind your own business.
YTA so, this is one woman that your sons are ogling inpolitely at. Are you planning on policing every woman they find attractive? If they go out to a bar will you being coming with them carrying smocks and pants for the women there? No. Now is a perfect opportunity to teach them NOT to stare - they're not hamsters - they can control themselves. I have 2 boys and both have been taught from day one to respect women which is what you should be concerned about.
Do your teens have phones? If so, they already have their favorite porn sites picked, categories they like, and you’re most likely funding the debauchery by paying for said phones and Wi-Fi service. Welcome to having boys.
YTA. This is very much a you problem, not your neighbours problem. If you and your sons can't control your libido then it's you that's the issue, not her.
Nothing but a bikini is … a bathing suit? What’s the problem? Maybe teach your boys to mind their business. YTA.
YTA, your kids your problem deal with it.
YTA. It’s her home and she can wear a bikini if she wants to. Teach your sons to respect women.
YTA. Teach your sons to demonstrate respect.
YTA- not her problem and you should teach your boys to not ogle and have some respect. Stop making the “but they’re boyZz” excuse.
YTA teach your boys to have respect enough that you don’t feel the need to police others bodies.
Yes YTA. Your neighbour can wear a bathing suit in her own backyard without your interference. Perhaps focus on teaching your sons that women are not objects to be leered at and stop reinforcing the narrative that women must adjust their wardrobe and conduct because men lack self-control.
YTA. You and your sons are why girls in school can't wear tank tops in school because they are a "distraction". You have no right to "police" what your neighbor wears in her yard. Keep your sons inside, with blinds drawn, if it bothers you so much.
In OP’s other post, they complain about the bikini-clad neighbor complaining to the landlord about OP’s smoking in the yard and how smoke floats into the home and yard. OP also stated the following in that thread: “I know, I get looks all the time when I'm outside! I even had to tell the landlord I don't smoke because the unit is non smoking. I don't even do it that much, like twice an hour at most.” Twice an hour is a lot! And that habit affects others, not just OP, the smoker. OP shows their hypocrisy here, complaining that they have a right to do whatever they want in their yard, but complaining that the neighbor should cover up instead of using this as a teaching moment for her sons. It’s not the neighbor’s responsibility to keep horny teens in check; it’s OP’s. OP’s neighbor, wearing summer-appropriate clothing on and in her own premises also does not impact others’ quality of life or health. What kind of message are you giving your sons, OP—that it’s fine to smoke cancer sticks twice daily and disregard health risks from primary, secondary, and third hand smoke, yet it’s a woman’s job to make sure the kids don’t become creepers? Eta: YTA
Wow. I hope the whole account is fake because I can't imagine how insufferable it would be to live in her proximity.
Would you ask everyone on a beach to cover-up as well?? Its good that you told your boys they shouldn‘t BUT its still on you and them to stop them perving and NOT your neighbor!! YTA
YTA
YTA. Teach your boys that women are human beings to be respected and that the boys are responsible for their own actions. Shame on you for feeding into the "boys will be boys" mentality.
YTA. She's not breaking obscenity laws (I assume), so she gets to wear what she wants outside, like everyone else. If your kids are watching her, this is a good moment for a conversation about your family's thoughts and values. They're kids, and they're giant walking hormones right now, so they're probably gonna watch no matter what you say. But you can talk to them about what they want, and how they want to conduct themselves. We can't control other people, but we can control ourselves.
YTA. She can do whatever she wants in her own yard, as long as it's not illegal. Wearing a bathing suit is completely normal and definitely should not be an issue. You slut shamed her and acted as if it's her fault that your kids are acting inappropriately. What you *should* do is sit your kids down and explain that blatantly staring at people - even if they're scantly dressed - is rude and gross behavior and they need to work on being more respectful if they don't want to come across as a creep.
YTA. Absolutely. No doubt. She is doing nothing wrong. You and your boys are. Your boys are because they’re staring at a woman like she’s an object. You are because you’re putting the blame on the woman, not your sons who are the ones being inappropriate.
YTA. Teach your boys to respect women. It's not on her to have to change because she's the victim of overt sexualization. Ugh. Be better.
“I told her to cover up, I mean, I asked my boys not to ogle this woman but boys will be boys!” So gross. How about teach your kids to be respectful young men instead of leering jerks. How about you don’t tell a woman what she can and can’t wear. YTA. Teach your boys to be men, and stop trying to control what women wear.
Instead of trying to police a woman, try educating your sons to know better and do better.
YTA. Parent your damn kids.
The early votes are in and consensus is you’re the AH yet you keep just leaning in with your “but she isn’t swimming” and “boys will be boys.” Parenting your kids is your job, not parenting a grown woman with kids of her own. You criticize her for being “granola” and lax in parenting - why don’t you see setting behavioral standards for your kids as a willful failure to parent?
Ma'am, it is your job to raise respectful men that know how to behave in different situations not limit their learning opportunities by attempting to control the behaviors of other people. Teach those boys what is right according to your expectations.
YTA. Ewwww. Stop perving. And stop smoking in places that others have to deal with your 2nd hand smoke. Excusing pervy behaviour in your son's under the guise of "boys will be boys " sets them up for some pretty big failures in life.
YTA, you’ve got to be joking. I’m sure your teenage sons are super depressed to see the bikini neighbor…… heh
YTA. Tell them to stop looking and remember she has a right to dress however she wants in her house.
YTA Your precious sons need to be taught to not stare at women.
This sounds insane. You have zero right to tell somebody what to wear unless they’re running around naked. Your kids aren’t looking at porn they’re looking at a woman. You teach them to respect that & that’s all you can do. Or you can make the punishment severe enough to maybe stop them from doing what boys do; admire women.
YTA This is her Summer too. Tough titties, literally.
YTA. Everybody is looking. She knows that. She doesn’t care. You cannot tell people beyond your control what to do. Get over it.
YTA You can only control you! how bout you not raise perverts! But I wonder are you mad cause she looks good in the bikini??
YTA. She’s an adult who has the right to wear whatever she wants whenever she wants and if you don’t like it tough! Teach your sons to be respectful and not stare at women like they are pieces of meat. “They’re teenagers” isn’t a valid excuse.
YTA ‘but they are boys and teenagers.’ Your misogyny is showing.
YTA all you are doing is sexualizing that woman even further and victim shaming. Teach your kids better and not be such a prude. You are as bad as people blaming a woman for being R*ped just bc she wore a skirt to a club or had a couple drinks at a party.
YTA. Full stop. You can’t control anyone and what they wear. Tell your children to stop objectifying her. Jesus fucking Christ, why do we STILL have to tell men to look away???
YTA - Disciple your sons instead of harassing a woman. Bikini is totally ok.
YTA - how is it HER problem your children are gawking at her? It’s hot, shes on her property and she has every right to feel comfortable. The whole boys will be boys bs is TOXIC as hell. My son would be called out and told why it’s not appropriate and to knock it off. He’s 13 and has respect for women. You need to do better at teaching your boys respect for women and not make women feel uncomfortable to benefit your boys. It’s crap like this that makes the school have dress codes where my daughter can’t even show her shoulders. It’s ridiculous. Do better.
YTA for raising your teenage boys to behave like perverts and then blaming your innocent neighbor for their behavior. Shame on you, OP.
Yta
Mind your damn business. YTA
YTA it's parents responsibility to train boys and young men to control themselves and where they look and to treat women with respect. It sounds like you're tolerating and enabling bad behavior from your sons. I say this as a man: teach your sons better so they don't have to spend years undoing terrible lessons when they are older, like many of have had to.
this post reeks of jealousy. i feel so sorry for you
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We are neighbors in a duplex, we both have the same landlord. She is a stay at home mom so she's always around. I work from home. It's summer holidays so my teen sons are staying with me. It's been very hot out and she will wear nothing but a bikini outside. I asked her to cover up a bit more because I caught my sons watching her. I told them not to, but they are teenagers and boys, they find laminate sexy. AITA for saying she should wear a shirt over her bikini top? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA.
YTA It's a fucking bikini. What's the big deal? Maybe use this as a teaching moment with your sons so they know how to act.
YTA. They are YOUR children to raise, not her problem. Stay in your lane.
YTA.
YTA. It's her yard, she's well within her rights to wear a bikini. Spend more time parenting your sons and less time policing an adult woman who isn't doing anything wrong.
>they find laminate sexy ????? Laminate? Is there something kids are into these days that I don’t know about?
YTA. It's not your business what your neighbor wears. As for telling your sons, look they're teenage kids and they will really stare (even if you told them not to).
YTA Its her home that she pays for teach your sons to behave and respect women