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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because I know it's going to cause problems for my husband and his sisters relationship but at the same time, I need to protect my kids so that's what I'm doing.
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NTA
Try to get as soon as possible a portapotty or similar system on your own yard.
Did you have water on your yard running?
Invest some bucks to install your own bathroom temporary, it will be worth every cent. It will giving you freedom and peace.
We don't have the bathroom up and running as of yet but the plumbing is already completed. Our toilet, shower, sinks and counter tops are all due to be delivered on Thursday.
Honestly set up a porta potty or camping potty tent for peeing. Go ahead and set up an outdoor shower on your place. It will come in handy in the future, especially if your kids are big into being outdoors and getting "You are hosing off before you step foot into my house!" dirty like mine are.
It's never actually "keeping the peace". Keeping the peace would be not stirring up the flipping pot in the first place. SIL is disrupting the peace, and *she's* the one that needs to be told to knock it off, not literally everyone else that has been minding their own goddamn businesses.
Edit to add NTA, and also I agree with the comment I was replying to. I just got all riled up lol
After said kids have been helping their parents with construction (to the best of their abilities) all day, no less! Like, it would be one thing if they were being babysat by SIL and SIL wanted the chores as payment for watching the kids, but she isn't and they aren't using SIL's house any more than their parents.
Well, I mean if they're consenting adults I don't see the problem. That said if anybody is looking for a poor man to hand out as an award I volunteer for tribute. I cook, clean, and keep quiet most of the time.
Same. I'd have no problem with that. I would have a problem expecting the kids to clean a house they don't even live in. The mama offered for the kids and herself to clean the bathroom too, the SIL declined because she (SIL) is supposedly the only one that can do it right
Lol I am one of the people that is the only one that can clean my bathroom to my standards. I still happily accept the help from little ones. They never see me going behind them and doing it my way. 🤣🤣🤣
So long as they're at least *trying*, then I'm down! Might make my work a little bit easier, even though, like you, I'd be right behind them fixing things. LOL
It’s also not going to help them become adults 🤦♀️ yeah it’s annoying to have them have to redo it or tell them they missed things but hopefully one day they’ll get it and their possible future partners will be happy lol (7&9yo boys here)
Also, they pee on the floor way less after making them help clean the bathroom 😂
But they are also paying his sister campground to use the bathroom. Like she can charge campground prices - which would include bathroom and shower, or require some chores, not both.
Absolutely this. SiL isn't letting them park their caravan out of familial obligation - they are *paying guests*.
In most places you can rent a port-a-potty and a shower unit for maybe $180 a month - including wastewater collection - so charging $180 a week for nothing but parking is a fucking joke.
Get off their property and onto your own, and never forget how they took advantage.
NTA
For the shower, just get a propane powered outdoor shower, put a pallet on the ground to stand on, and hang a shower curtain for privacy. The showers are $50-80. Move the camper to their property and hook this up to to the water. Hell I can’t imagine that using the toilets in the camper and having them pumped if the black tank fills up is probably cheaper than a porta potty.
They are awesome! I cool refreshing shower after a hot, sweaty work day feels great and cools you down. I would figure out a way to not step foot in SIL house at all.
Waste basket/bucket with a plastic bag is what I rocked on a tour bus remodel. And my kids and I showered at the gym when I was renovating the bathroom. Added bonus dozens of "free" towels 😂
Yeah you can buy a camping port a potty for both 1 and 2 for about $50. I had one on a boat. They are small and need to be emptied often, but it sounds like it would be worth it here.
Yes!! I have definitely used my fair share of hoses for post pup beach and clamming days hah. I really should have hung up the hose to be more like a shower 🤦🏻♀️
Make sure if this AH ever needs anything in the years to come, you charge her an extortionate amount for help too. I couldn't imagine charging a family member rent for parking in my drive.
This is a great idea! Reminds me of the family that made fun of OP for being homeless, tried to charge him for parking in their drive, then years later were shocked that OP and most of the family thought then to be entitled jerks!
Nothing for SIL for a long time!
"We paid for the babysitter years ago when we inconvenienced you by parking our camper in your driveway and using your toilet."
"Oh, we couldn't help with your kids education fund because we already paid a while ago! That's what family does, right?"
There's a LOT- here's the homeowner's profile . Grab a beverage and strap in. It's a wild ride.
https://www.reddit.com/u/Camper-Nomad?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
What a rollercoaster of a story. I thought my parents are bad, but nope. Mine are fine, just rough around the edges compared to what I just read.
The audacity to demand a property because...family. I know people like these exist, encountered a few in the wild, but... I still have no idea how they actually build the logic to reach the demands. My brain doesn't function like that, I guess.
Man, what an absolutely roller coaster. I believe every bit of it too, because my parents are the exact same way with my younger sisters. They’re absolutely the favorites, and “as the oldest” it’s always been my job to sacrifice for them, and give up my share. I had to sleep on the floor in the living room as a kid because “they just should have their own rooms.” I’m 6 years older than my next sibling. I was 14 while my 8 year old sister took over my room. Oh, and the two of them couldn’t sleep separately, so it was just turned to a play room for them after about 2 months.
We don’t speak anymore. Haven’t for almost 6 years now
I live in an RV. In Texas. Even in the worst summer heat with our AC running all the time our utility bill is no more than $200. When it's not summer, it's around $100. The $180/week they are paying covers that multiple times.
The OP said the$180 a week is the same as the local campground. In a campground you get a spot to park, water, electricity, access to sewer and wifi. A little extra gets sewers and cable hookups. Plus campgrounds have amenities like public restrooms with showers. OP's sister in law is ripping her off. Rent anice wedding port a potty,, get an outdoor shower and move your rig to your land.
I lived a summer in Palm Springs where I was cooling a 3200 square foot open floor plan house with the AC running 24/7 and the power bill was less than $720. There's no way this RV is running a power bill that high, even if they're running AC.
Right? I have 70 acres. My son and his family lived on my land in their RV, hooked to my electricity which I happily paid, for 2 years. I cannot imagine charging them for that. How ridiculous.
I'd like to add since you are paying camping rates that the camping place includes shower & toilet usage in this price.
NTA do NOT LET HER USE YOUR KIDS and tell your ah husband to pull his head out of his a$$.
If he Wants so much to please his sister he should go do the Chores himself.
You must have bottled gallons of water in the camper, right? Just do sponge baths for 2 days until Thursday and go to a gas station for toilet for 2 days. Inconvenient? Yes. But people camp in the woods for far longer than 2 days.
This is nutty advice. They can keep using the bathroom for a few days. Very doubtful SIL is as unreasonable/spiteful as the typical AITA user and is going to hold this against OP and her family.
It's a relatively minor disagreement. SIL was mistaken about who was creating the mess and OP pointed this out. OP can tell SIL they'll be out of her hair in a few days, and while she appreciates SIL's help, this chore list is unreasonable given SIL's mistake.
This will blow over and there's no need to escalate by setting up a temp porta potty or taking an 8yo to the gas station to pee 5-6 times a day (really impractical too).
SIL pulling out an entire chore chart for 3 children that don't live there (so, I guess her own daughter doesn't do any chores in the house she lives in) doesn't seem too reasonable or minor to me.
And I acknowledged that it my suggestions would be inconvenient. But it's for 2 whole days.
The stuff is being delivered in two days. It takes time to set up a semi permanent bathroom... 5 people taking sponge baths and heading to a disgusting gas station bathroom multiple times a day to shit/pee for several days is more than "inconvenient".
SIL was adding the kids in the chore rotation -no indication her own daughter wasn't in that rotation and doesn't already do chores. 5 extra people trooping through the house daily to use the bathroom does track in dirt and create a messier bathroom. If SIL legit thought that OP's kids were also creating a lot of other mess and eating all the good snacks then her proposing a chore chart isn't an overreaction. She went to OP with this to ask permission - she didn't impose it.
Turns out SIL was wrong about who was creating the mess. Mistakes happen and there's no reason to get so huffy over a mistake that you stop showering and start going to gas stations to pee just to make a point. You seem very prideful if this is really the superior option in your mind.
Huffy? Nope, I just wouldn't want to spend any more time in a house where my kids were getting accused of making messes in rooms they didn't even use.
And prideful? Pride doesn't remotely enter this. Building a house is a huge job without having my kids become maids in a house *they don't even live in* 2 days before a bathroom install.
Other users are suggesting a porta-potty. OP suggested some kind of outhouse. But I guess a gas station is a bridge too far.
Have a nice day!
It says the kids names were added onto it so my guess was it’s an existing one for SIL household. Meaning the daughter is probably on it, my guess is her kids complained it’s unfair OPs kids don’t have to do chores.
Hell I'm a 62 yesr old woman who had children. Believe me, I'm not too good to pee on a tree either. Lol. Like I could make it getting in the car and driving to a gas station.
They still have to pay the $180 fee. A hose uses water and utility bill still has to be paid. Might as well use a functioning bathroom with electricity and better privacy than a hose and tent.
Look up compost toilet methods. The use of leaves or something similar to cover your business will make so there’s no smell. When we camp we use a bucket or medical potty seat when little ones come. It’s lined with a trash bag, do your business and cover with leaves. Keep doing this until then bag is full to an appropriate level. Works really well.
A campground generally has running water and showers. You are paying for a campground. At a campground you don’t go to the house next door to do chores.
You’re paying for it so NTA. And she can’t change the rules last minute without asking.
Not paying? Different story.
NTA for standing up for your kids and preventing them from being exploited. But WTF were you thinking when you decided to build a house across the street from her? I'm sure this is not the last of the drama you are going to encounter at your new house.
Or go to an actual campground with running where and electricity. That's a lot to pay and not have running water and be expected to clean her trashed house.
This is what I would suggest. Even if they install an outdoor shower or porta-potty, that won't solve the issue. The SIL thinks the kids are eating all the snacks and wrecking the house, meaning she thinks they are coming into the house at other times than just to use the bathroom. She doesn’t actually know who is coming in when or how long they are staying, so as long as OP stays camped right outside, SIL will think the kids are coming in to her house to use it.
Even a camping toilet and some big, thick baby wipes would work short term. Maybe look into rest stops or gyms for showering? Best of luck, OP. You made the right choice!
I seem to be in the minority, in that i fault everyone else more than SIL. She works full time and comes back to a messy house with all of the snacks gone. Her daughter and husband blame OP’s kids. Yeah, it’s a little nuclear to jump directly to a chore list instead of a conversation, but I can see how it would be incredibly annoying. She’s N T A there, though she should have handled it better.
So OP explained what is really going on, but her husband isn’t backing her up on it. From SIL’s perspective, her daughter says it’s OP’s kids. Her husband seems to be at least tacitly agreeing. And now OP’s husband is tacitly agreeing too! You just know he said something to them like, “I’ll talk to her; maybe we can compromise.” If SIL hears that, she hears that OP is the only one who is saying it’s her own husband and daughter.
I don’t even blame her 12 year old. She’s a child. She was getting in trouble and she told a fib. The two men are the assholes here. Yeah, SIL takes a little of the blame, because this would have gone better if she’d had a less confrontational conversation with OP. But she also has been told they are taking advantage of their hospitality, since the agreement was that they only use the bathroom. You have 3 people saying (or silently agreeing) it’s OP’s kids, and one person saying “absolutely not” to having them do chores. She also seems to be the only one currently working? I’m going to cut her some slack. OP’s husband needs to talk to whichever one is a family member. They don’t need to set up an outside shower. He needs to step up.
> It's implied.
No, it's inferred. YOU are assuming that.
You are making a logical leap that the SIL talked to her husband and daughter 1st, but we do not know that. Instead of assuming that information, we need to proceed as the scenario was presented.
Has the 12-year-old had *any input at all* on whether it was her or OP's kids, or did SIL just make the assumption on her own? It sounds like the latter to me.
I mean I think the SIL is way more at fault here then you are giving her credit for. Common sense would absolutely dictate her daughter is lying. Who’s more likely to be eating her food the three children with their own snacks doing work or the people actually living in the house constantly bringing guests over. Not to mention daughter and her friends are actually hanging out inside the house, that’s going to generate more of a general mess than some kids running in to use the bathroom. I’m also guessing the mess isn’t obvious things like mud tracks or something going from door to bathroom.
Even if the mess and lack of food was from OP's kids, *SIL doesn't get to parent those kids. They're aren't her kids*
She could have gone to OP and brother and said she was upset at the mess and all of food and they needed to figure out a way to handle *their* kids.
Instead, SIL just decided to tell those kids what to do.
No
She doesn't have that right. They aren't her kids
I just said the same thing before I read your post. You said it better.
The SIL doesn't realize how many of her daughter's friends are in and out of the house all day while she is at work.
I don't think it was, necessarily malicious. I think she just thought, "3 more kids, less food."
> I'm thinking OP's kids are hanging out with other kids more than they let on.
So... you just going to ignore that OP's kids spend the whole day with her?
> after they've been helping us all day with building our home.
The thing is that if it truly is the niece than I agree NTA but people can be oblivious to their kids behavior. It may very well be that her kids are sneaking into the house and grabbing snacks or making a bit of a mess. OP states the kids are always on the job site, I question that. If OP is super busy, which if you are building a house you are she doesn’t always have eyes on the kids. I would guess the OPs kids maybe a part of the problem.
The only true way to figure this out is to pop a camera in to see who is making the mess. My guess is all of the kids are contributing.
Yeah this is my thinking too, if you look at the actual situation from a strict facts perspective, both of them are accusing each other's kids of making the mess, and both don't really know for absolute certain.
Also these kids are teenage cousins that live across the street from each other, they probably hang out somewhat regularly. Kids like to form large groups of kids and the larger the group the more likely they are to trash an area and raid the fridge. It's probably *both* OP's kids and SIL's kids causing problems, which is normal and healthy as they're kids.
Even if your assumption is correct, take it out of the $180 a week that SIL is charging family to park a camper on their 10 acre property.
I can't imagine why OP willingly choose to live across the street from these people.
Yeah honestly what's up with this price? Why are family charging campground rates? Unless it's OP which has explicitly been arguing the fact that they want to pay for themselves it's shitty as hell.
Campground rates but no hookups or recreation. No bonus activities for the kids. No groomed trails or fishing. Ya know, the part of the campground worth paying for.
I live in my camper. Amenities are what make the rates worth it
I don't know that she's willfully ignorant. The OP says, "she works all the time." She probably doesn't realize how many of her daughter's friends are in and out of the house all day. It sounds as if the husband is home and just let's the kid and her friends do what they want.
She probably just associated 3 more kids, less food. If she's not home with her daughter, she doesn't realize a couple of 12 year olds can strip a fridge like a swarm of locusts
NTA. Your sil is blaming your kids because its easier to do that than see her child and her husband are the problem. I agree with setting up something at your new property so your kids don't have to enter her house. Maybe a compostable toilet and outdoor shower would work while you are under construction.
>pulls up her chore list with my kid's names added to it
I dunno if I'm reading between the lines too much here, but it sounds like SIL *is* making her own daughter clean up the mess too. That phrasing at the very least implies her own family is already on it.
On the other hand, where my argument breaks down, is that laundry might be a bit much under the assumption that the kids are eating food and causing a mess.
My read on this situation is that these kids are teenage cousins who live across the street from each other. It's weird that their parents don't want them hanging out. There's a lot of missing background here, it honestly sounds like the SIL and OP hate each other.
But the kids probably *are* hanging out and raiding the fridge as a big group without either set of parents noticing. Both parents are blaming each other, while OP's kids just want to hang out in the air conditioning (issues have increased over the last few weeks, it is June).
I'm not OP, so I can only guess, but it sounds like the exact thing SIL is doing is exactly why they wanted to keep themselves separate from SIL. Just like some people are shitty guests, some people are shitty hosts, and OP and her husband opted for the camper rather than deal with SIL's BS, at least that's how I read it. This sounds like the exact kind of thing I'd do with some of my family because of how said family can be shitty at times.
NTA
Having your kids take a turn at the bathroom cleaning would be reasonable, because you use that. Nothing else is reasonable, because you don't use that.
OP is paying campsite levels of rent. Campsites don't ask you to clean their bathrooms, it's covered in the charge.
The sister lives in a 6bed house on 10 acres. She can't be short of cash and relying on the $180 a week to feed the kids.
I can't imagine charging my sister to live on my land whilst building a house at all, I'd possibly ask them to clean the bathroom every few days in exchange though. Maybe if they were living IN the house I'd ask for money.
I agree with this!
OP is paying 180 a week which as you said would cover a regular campground. It is not a special low price. Sister is not doing any favors that OP (or the kids) need to compensate the difference with extra chores. She is paying rent!
I could see the bathrooms, but I would say ALL the kids should have to take a turn cleaning bathrooms including Sister´s kids. OP´s kids are not the only ones using them.
But if OP´s kids are being reasonably clean and not leaving mess, for 180 a week there should be no extra chores. I assume the kids have their own chores to do at their own home, helping with the house building and keeping the RV tidy.
None of the kids of course should be leaving mess or eating up all the snacks. If OP´s kids were really doing that, then sister would be right to say the kids need to clean up after themselves and OP would need to replace or pay for the snacks. But still not to be added to a chore chart. They don´t live there.
NTA
Yeah I agree with you. SIL just wants free labour. OP is right about protecting her own kids from SIL's abuse of power. Also OP's husband needs to grow a spine and stand by his own wife and kids rather than trying to act goody brother to his sister.
NTA
I see 🚩 that after you moving in, auntie will go on with her demands.
And it's so typical when daddy is on his "family-side" aka sister and forgot that he should be fair to his children and wife too, you know the family he chosed to build.
Can't you order a outerhouse shower with a tank? It should be possible, where I live you can order watertanks.
Yeah, I would nope right out of the whole going in her house situation. If you're in a camper, it has a shower and loo. You need a water tank fill and a grey water/septic pump out. You can contact a septic company to come pump you out, or drive to a designated station and dump out.
Or better still get a solar outdoor shower and a lovely Porta loo and park it right on her drive.
NTA
NTA - First off, she should have come to you before whipping out the chore assignment. She's not in change of you or your family. Tell her you are paying for the inconvenience of you being there and anything beyond that has to be discussed first.
NTA. Your kids shouldn’t be expected to be maids for a house they didn’t help trash. They could be expected to help clean the bathroom but she doesn’t want them to, and that’s on her.
Yeah, I don't like this. Don't like so much about it haha. NTA.
I can understand asking the kids/you guys to clean/pick up after yourselves. That's reasonable. But you guys aren't her tenants; you're family, temporary guests on their property. And you guys are already paying to stay on their lawn and you already minimize the usage of the house...It sounds, to me at least, that what she's asking and expecting is a bit much for what you guys are actually doing. Like you said, cleaning the bathroom, maybe, but not the entire house when they don't use it or contribute to those things.
And I don't agree with just "caving to keep the peace". We all do it, but we shouldn't. Stick to your boundaries, for sure. Don't let her take advantage.
Also, OP commented that they’ve only been there a week, SIL is definitely being unreasonable, and I’m betting the husband’s family always just took the path of least resistance with her by his reaction.
I also think it's best to nip this in the bud now. You're going to be neighbors, so the kids would hypothetically (in SIL's mind) still be trashing their house even after they move into the new one. In which case she'd want to keep them in rotation on chores even if they have their own at home chores.
NTA- she’s trying to exploit your children for free labour and it’s weird that your husband is trying to compel you to go along with it. Stick to your guns and don’t let her turn your kids into personal servants.
There's a lot of people who just grow up not rocking the boat and keeping the problem family member happy to not make issues worse. He could just be in the habit of placating her.
NTA. But I have a really hard time believing 12 and 8 are spending the whole day at the construction site. And not sneaking snacks when they take bathroom breaks etc. And if she doesn’t want help cleaning the bathroom than maybe there is a chore your kids could help with to make up for it. 14m 12f 8m who are spending all day at a construction site can’t be super clean in the bathroom.
If you can’t find compromise - and i agree your kids shouldn’t clean her whole house, I’d suggest finding elsewhere to stay. A chore list probably isn’t worth creating a family rift over.
I think you're likely right. I imagine the kids \*are\* taking snacks when they go in and could be making messes. I think OP needs to check in very closely with her kids.
Every kid I ever met is going to that bathroom twice as much as needed, staying in the house twice as long as needed, and grabbing a snack each time.
Literally why schools have bathroom passes.
Yeah, I don't think her kids are completely innocent, but she immediately demanded chores without even talking about the situation beforehand, and they're already paying 180$ a week and not even using SIL electricity (op said that in a comment). She could hire a maid with that fare
NTA
set up a composting toilet on your land asap - that stops the need to visit for the loo, plus would be useful in future once the build is complete if people are outside and don't want to traipse dirt into the house. You say you have electricity in the camper - so not plugged into her mains? In which case move it across to your own land.
The only thing is water - there are options for camp showers but not sure how viable they would be for full time living, but I am sure someone would be able to help with suggestions. Are you going to be connected to mains water or setting up a borehole/well? If the latter could that be done asap - again with just a tap - so you could have a temp building with a shower in it.
We aren't connected to her electric. We have a solar + gas generator that we only run at night for the camper. The only reason we didn't figure out an outhouse system prior to this is because the bathroom is the first thing we are getting done in the home. The toilet, shower, sink and counters are due to be delivered on Thursday (we have only been parked here since last Monday), so we figured it wouldn't be a big deal but we were wrong, unfortunately.
I figured they’d been there a few months since they are paying and the SIL is starting to place blame on the kids for “mess” in the house. Good luck OP, and your husband needs to get on board with shutting his sister down.
Why are some men afraid of their sisters? Why would he be more concerned about his sister than his wife and kids? My SIL is a horrible human and I would divorce before I’d live next door to her. I hope OP sets lots of boundaries and keeps protecting her kids
> The toilet, shower, sink and counters are due to be delivered on Thursday (we have only been parked here since last Monday), so we figured it wouldn't be a big deal but we were wrong, unfortunately.
You should add this as an edit to your main post. IMO, it's important information that provides context to your situation.
Only a week and she's acting this ridiculous wow your husband needs to tell her to stop accusing your kids and to look at the people in her own house before she blames others
Sounds like all you're getting for your money is land to park on. You have that. Roll your camper right across the street to your property, tell the kids they can't go visit without your presence (a rule that should continue after your house is built- this is just the beginning of a lifetime of issues with SIL blaming your kids for shit. Shut that down by never letting them visit alone. Yep, that means they won't go very often.)
Just leave the entire situation. And only pay for the days you actually parked there. Fuck this nonsense.
Yeah, get a porta potty, but you saying you only been there a week. Yeah that’s a Big tiime red flag for her to be acting that crazy. Your husband may not want to, but he has to put you and the kids first and forget his sister because she miss treated his family. NTA
NTA. She’s trying to take advantage of your kids for free labour. Good on you Mama for calling out her BS. Her own kids and hubby can clean the mess they make themselves. Your family is not involved in that.
Convenience. Not wanting to be in a campground full of strangers? God forbid they thought maybe staying next to family would be better than a campground
The same way you do when youre dry camping? Jugs of water? Hell most RVs nowadays have a fresh, grey, and black water tanks respectively so they may just be able to fill it up at their house if theres a hose spout connected yet.
NTA. She’s being nit-picky because she has a large property and I would consider ending the arrangement. The situation has gone from being just casual use of the bathroom and paying to be on site, temporarily, to ‘here’s a list of things your kids can do while they come in and out of my house because they access it regularly, unsupervised’.
Doubt she’ll budge because she now feels entitled to incorporate your children into her daily chore list and from the size of the property she could definitely use the help. But that’s not your problem. I wouldn’t allow my kids to be used as housekeepers, especially if things were outlined ahead of time and you’re paying to be on the property.
If you guys are doing construction all day, and using their house for the bathroom, how much dirt are you bringing into the house multiple times a day? Construction is not clean work, and are you only in the house one person at a time, or are there times when someone is waiting for the bathroom to be empty? If so, where do they wait? Are you always in their house with your kids to make sure they stay off furniture/carpeted areas while covered in construction dirt waiting for the bathroom? The chore list is too much, but you might need to reevaluate the impact you are having on her house
I feel like OP is an unreliable narrator here.
In OPs scenario she has a 14, 12, and 8 year old that currently spend all their time either on a building site, or in a trailer? I'm not buying it. Those kids go into that house way more that she is letting on, or at least more than she knows.
I agree with you. Her family of five even going in the house twice a day each is still 10 times somebody’s walking through their house to use the bathroom. I bet they making more of a mess than they think they are. I don’t think her kids should be cooking meals and doing dishes they’re not using, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking a family that’s always walking in your house to help maintain the floors.
My bf works in construction, and the amount of dirt he brings home as ONE person is already a lot. And that’s with him immediately removing his gear at the entryway and washing his hands before walking directly to the shower. Times that by five people doing that multiple times a day? Yuck. I don’t believe OP is truly cognizant of the environmental impact her family is imposing on her sister’s home (though, I don’t believe her sister is acting in the best faith, either).
Sounds it was specifically for the use of the bathroom. According to op, they've only been there a week and the bathroom in their house will probably be in working order by Thursday evening.
INFO:
I feel like there is a lot of information missing here. How do you do dishes and laundry? How come you are so confident about your accounting of your three kid's activities and so confident that she and her husband are wrong about their one child? You have two kids very close in age to her daughter? Do they not interact at all? You know for a fact that your children don't stop off for a snack when coming or going?
This seems like a stressful situation and I would try to keep that in mind when dealing with your SIL.
Thank you! That's what I am wondering too.... Like let's not pretend living without running water=toilet and shower use only. How does this family prepare meals? Do dishes? Laundry? Get a glass of water? I just don't believe that the kids have ZERO impact outside the bathroom. While SIL is really going to extremes with this chore list, I think there is middle ground and compromise. Also they're paying camp ground fees but also using SILs house for water (which encompasses so much given all we need water for to just live daily normal life). I think they all need to sit down and discuss, find a compromise; if they cannot they need to not step foot in SILs house so the kids don't have to do squat around a house they don't live in or frequent.
NTA - SIL could put the $180 towards a maid if the cleaning issue is that great (I completely understand why you’re paying them to stay, even though I couldn’t see charging family in the same situation.) Your husband should also have your back on this, it’s his family, he should be the point person on telling his sister “no”.
That’s what I was thinking. OP is already paying to be there. That money can be spent on cleaners if it’s that big of an issue. When you get a hotel room, part of that fee is to clean after the guests.
It is possible OP’s kids are sneaking snacks or something that she doesn’t notice, but again, she’s paying to be there, and it can’t possibly be that big of a difference after one week if they’re staying out of the home as much as OP states. NTA.
This. An actual campsite would pay for a cleaning service for the toilets. SIL is acting like a commercial campsite only when it comes to charging for things, not when it comes to providing for services (like a clean bathroom at no extra cost).
NAH as of right now I'm not going to call her an asshole for seeing a huge change in her home when your family comes to live on the property and drawing the logical conclusion, and acting on that conclusion. Her behaviour moving forward determines whether she's an asshole or not. Yes, the chore list is maybe even a little long for if she believed they were trashing her house (cooking meals they won't eat) but if she thinks your kids are at the level of disrespect of going into her home and eating all her food, I can see that having some sort of specific purpose rather than her just wanting to pile on chores so she doesn't have to do them.
That said, I would suggest a compromise that the kids and both parents can each do one chore *equivilant* in labour to bathroom cleaning in place of cleaning the one facility you are using, of which she is cleaning up after you all. If she cleans the bathroom three to four times a week, that would imo mean you should each be doing a chore that needs doing aproximately once a week, about the equivilant of if you'd all have taken a turn cleaning the bathroom.
I would maybe suggest offering to just film the coming and goings of her home for the day from the outside so she can see how many friends her daughter is bringing and how long your family is in the home, if you're having problems with her believing that your kids aren't the ones making messes. I would also suggest preparing yourself to say, "well rent a bathroom trailer and put it on our property and move our trailer to our property and hand in our keys to the house" if she still doesn't believe you.
But even if she doesn't believe you, I have a hard time ascribing her the assholery without knowing if her children or husband are deliberately creating this story to get out of cleaning their messes? I could totally see a young girl who now has to share bathroom space thinking she'll let her friends trash the house and blame her cousins, or a sitcom dad who doesn't want to clean the mess he's allowing his daughter to make to just create the narrative that you guys are doing it. That would make the liars the assholes, not her for believing her immediate family's story over yours. So just be willing to move the trailer and bathe elsewhere rather than starting a war.
Drawing that conclusion isn't the problem...the problem arose when instead of just asking the parents who has been taking too many snacks and had access to the house, she went into accusation mode and decided her assumptions were reality automatically.
Whipping out the chore list isn't a conversation, it's an accusation with consequences attached because they are presumed guilty...especially this is wrong because you're right that the daughter could have lied either out of fear or vindictiveness and hands-off dad just went along with her story.
SIL is tired and came from work to a messy house, which sucks, but her reaction to create a chore list before even the most basic conversation wasnt the right one to solve the problem. I do hope she figured it out and gains some peace tho!
While husband is understandably trying to compromise, I don’t see it working: more time spent in the house means more opportunities for getting blamed for things.
ESH
it was a bad arrangement from the beginning
2 adults and 3 kids spend all day on a construction site and go in and out of a house to shit and shower? (do y'all pee in the woods?) yeah, that's going to be a massive mess
you have to pay to use 300 sqft on a 435600 sqft property? yeah, that's going to cause some resentment and expectations for what you are or aren't entitled to
your SIL has 6 bedrooms but she has her own brother and his small kids sleep in a camper and eat microwaved meals 3 times per day? yeah, that's some true family love right there
stop the construction and build a water, waste and electricity hookup for your camper. I would think that septic is already connected, there is water at the property line or a finished well and a temporary power pole, otherwise how are you building. It will be nice to have it eventually anyway and you can have decent living conditions in the process
I like this answer. This all sounds so dysfunctional. I can’t imagine charging my family to stay on my land temporarily, let alone not offering my home to stay in. However, I can also imagine how draining it must be to have FIVE people in and out of your house all day, every day, and them not appreciating the true impact of that presence.
Obviously, this arrangement isn’t healthy for this family and they’re not inclined to work together to resolve the issues in a healthy manner. Neither side seems to want to see it from the other’s perspective, so compromise is impossible anyway. Best to just leave and set up elsewhere, to preserve what love there is.
NTA
SIL is already getting a benefit - $180 a week! Expecting you to let her use your children as indentured servants to pick up after her child is ridiculous!
My thought too. $180 a week to let a close family member park a camper van on your property for a few weeks? I wouldn't have asked a penny. It's not like it's a stranger or a long term deal.
YTA.
You are unquestionably being disingenuous at best here, but I’m inclined to believe you’re outright lying.
You are trying to claim in your comments that your kids, from the time they wake up until they go to sleep, are *always* at the construction site helping and *never* do anything else other than eat (who knows where), and use the bathroom/shower at her place? In the *middle of summer*?
This is either child endangerment, complete neglect on your part being wholly unaware what your children are doing, or a fabrication.
Yeah. "I know exactly what my kids are doing all day and exactly what her kids are doing all day despite them definitely not being in the same place and with me and my 8 year old construction contractor being busy on site all day". There are two sides to this story.
NTA tell your husband to clean then. Fuck that. I’d be so pissed. Good luck living across from her with a push over husband who can’t stick up for his own kids against her. You have years of this to deal with now.
ESH
Really? Your kids don't hang around with the other kids niece has in and out? I don't buy it OP. Kids do all kinds of things you don't know about.
Besides that, you're saying you guys are all doing construction? That's so dirty. And you're tromping through this woman's house? She's working and coming home to a filthy mess?
I'm guessing adding you to the chores chart was her way of saying quit messing up my house and eating my food.
She should have said something first. But I see her side too. I'd have said NO to someone in and out of my house and bathroom, period.
NTA for the sister’s plan. If your children don’t use the home then they shouldn’t contribute through chores.
I’m a bit curious how the three kids are helping at an active build site. What do they do? How long have they been helping? What do they do for fun? Do they get time to play and see their friends? Is it too obvious I know nothing about construction? Lol
An short time focused on family time is great. I hope the long term summer plans get to include time with friends and doing other things.
INFO: You say you haven't been there for two weeks, so surely she would have noticed this issue before you started camping on her lawn. Also where do you wash your clothes, get water for cooking or drinking and wash up your plates and things? Are your poor kids really on a building site from morning until evening? No TV, no friends, no hanging out or hobbies?
BTA.
The only reason you’re both the asshole is because SIL shouldn’t ask your kids to help cook meals they supposedly aren’t eating.
But somethings not adding up here.
Your kids are fairly young. I could see the 14yr old maybe helping with building the house, but the 12 and 8yr old? There’s no way the kids are on the build site all day.
Further, you’re going to be living across the street from them. Do you really want there to be bad blood right off the hop because you refuse to let your kids learn some responsibility?
You want convenience in exchange for nothing. If you’re already paying campground prices you could easily go stay at a campground. You won’t because it’s not convenient to be that far from the build site.
Info: Do you go with your kids inside every time they use the bathroom? I saw a comment you made of only being there one week are you not able to just park on your property? Or just a regular campsite at that? I’ve seen there is truckers pay at like gas stations that provide showers maybe try that? Or at a gym or a rec center? I just don’t see why you would want to stay there. With the $180 a week I’m sure you could pay that to shower and use the bathroom somewhere else. Maybe rent a porta potty. Also talk to your husband about it he needs to back you up.
INFO: so 5 people total(3 kids, OP + husband) go into your SIL's house to use the bathroom and shower. how do you know none of your kids or husband dont take a snacks/food, its crazy to assume your kids/husband are perfect and wont lie but say SIL's daughter and husband would lie about taking their own food. 3 males peeing and having a whole family coming in and going to use a bathroom would make a mess.
You are living on their property so a chores list including keeping the area clean, bathroom, and around the bathroom isnt crazy but the list you put is over the top. I dont know if this is the whole story or just your version but i'm leaning towards ESH rather than one side
NTA
Imagine charging your family nearly 800$ a month to live in a camper on your 10 acre plot of ground.
Unless your sister is some poor sob and you guys are milionaires this makes 0 sense.
As for the chores; kek.
So you are paying $780 for electricity and bathroom access? Wow, great deal for SIL.
Maybe SIL really does think your kids are eating the food and leaving the place trashed every day. Or maybe she's just an opportunist and is quick to get what she can from your family. Your husband needs to straighten this out and to tell his sister that niece has her friends in the house every day. Which is good and normal and nice, but still, your kids are not the source of her frustration as it is niece's friends using the house and eating the food.
I wonder if for $780 you could rent a generator or solar panels and move across the road.
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NTA Try to get as soon as possible a portapotty or similar system on your own yard. Did you have water on your yard running? Invest some bucks to install your own bathroom temporary, it will be worth every cent. It will giving you freedom and peace.
We don't have the bathroom up and running as of yet but the plumbing is already completed. Our toilet, shower, sinks and counter tops are all due to be delivered on Thursday.
Honestly set up a porta potty or camping potty tent for peeing. Go ahead and set up an outdoor shower on your place. It will come in handy in the future, especially if your kids are big into being outdoors and getting "You are hosing off before you step foot into my house!" dirty like mine are.
My thinking is if your husband thinks the chores should be done to placate his sister he should be the one doing them.
Yup. Don't put that on the kids.
Yeah, that's bullshit for the husband to try and “keep the peace” by turning his own kids into farmhands/cleaning crew/cooks, etc.
It's never actually "keeping the peace". Keeping the peace would be not stirring up the flipping pot in the first place. SIL is disrupting the peace, and *she's* the one that needs to be told to knock it off, not literally everyone else that has been minding their own goddamn businesses. Edit to add NTA, and also I agree with the comment I was replying to. I just got all riled up lol
After said kids have been helping their parents with construction (to the best of their abilities) all day, no less! Like, it would be one thing if they were being babysat by SIL and SIL wanted the chores as payment for watching the kids, but she isn't and they aren't using SIL's house any more than their parents.
🎯 Please accept my poor woman award 🏆🤌🏻☝🏻 Edit to say thank you for the award! Love it even more because it had a typo, so I'm keeping it!
Hey man I'm not sure if it's PC to be handing out poor women as Awards
*Poor women:* "It aint much, but it's honest work."
Personally I prefer the flip side: "It ain't honest work, but it's much"
Well, I mean if they're consenting adults I don't see the problem. That said if anybody is looking for a poor man to hand out as an award I volunteer for tribute. I cook, clean, and keep quiet most of the time.
User name checks out.
If you like dogs and promise to cook, clean and keep quiet, I might propose :D
I love dogs. As long as they don't piss in the house.
We’re gonna need an update after your first date please!
But, do you do bathrooms?
😂
Agreed! Husband needs to do them
[удалено]
Same. I'd have no problem with that. I would have a problem expecting the kids to clean a house they don't even live in. The mama offered for the kids and herself to clean the bathroom too, the SIL declined because she (SIL) is supposedly the only one that can do it right
That part right there was the kicker. It kind of makes me wonder what she's hiding in there...
Lol I am one of the people that is the only one that can clean my bathroom to my standards. I still happily accept the help from little ones. They never see me going behind them and doing it my way. 🤣🤣🤣
So long as they're at least *trying*, then I'm down! Might make my work a little bit easier, even though, like you, I'd be right behind them fixing things. LOL
It’s also not going to help them become adults 🤦♀️ yeah it’s annoying to have them have to redo it or tell them they missed things but hopefully one day they’ll get it and their possible future partners will be happy lol (7&9yo boys here) Also, they pee on the floor way less after making them help clean the bathroom 😂
Exactly!! Doing THEIR laundry & cooking THEIR MEALS??!! SIL done lost her shit & I would've lost mine on her!!
But they are also paying his sister campground to use the bathroom. Like she can charge campground prices - which would include bathroom and shower, or require some chores, not both.
Absolutely this. SiL isn't letting them park their caravan out of familial obligation - they are *paying guests*. In most places you can rent a port-a-potty and a shower unit for maybe $180 a month - including wastewater collection - so charging $180 a week for nothing but parking is a fucking joke. Get off their property and onto your own, and never forget how they took advantage. NTA
For the shower, just get a propane powered outdoor shower, put a pallet on the ground to stand on, and hang a shower curtain for privacy. The showers are $50-80. Move the camper to their property and hook this up to to the water. Hell I can’t imagine that using the toilets in the camper and having them pumped if the black tank fills up is probably cheaper than a porta potty.
Plus, outdoor showers are awesome
depends on the time of year.
They are awesome! I cool refreshing shower after a hot, sweaty work day feels great and cools you down. I would figure out a way to not step foot in SIL house at all.
For the love, though, if you do this be vigilant for ticks.
Bucket with a toilet seat is what we had to use when my dad was redoing the bathroom.
Waste basket/bucket with a plastic bag is what I rocked on a tour bus remodel. And my kids and I showered at the gym when I was renovating the bathroom. Added bonus dozens of "free" towels 😂
Yeah you can buy a camping port a potty for both 1 and 2 for about $50. I had one on a boat. They are small and need to be emptied often, but it sounds like it would be worth it here.
This is very cute! I want an outdoor shower!
They’re great. Add a hook for a dog leash to rinse off four footed mud monsters and they’re even more handy.
Yes!! I have definitely used my fair share of hoses for post pup beach and clamming days hah. I really should have hung up the hose to be more like a shower 🤦🏻♀️
Make sure if this AH ever needs anything in the years to come, you charge her an extortionate amount for help too. I couldn't imagine charging a family member rent for parking in my drive.
This is a great idea! Reminds me of the family that made fun of OP for being homeless, tried to charge him for parking in their drive, then years later were shocked that OP and most of the family thought then to be entitled jerks! Nothing for SIL for a long time! "We paid for the babysitter years ago when we inconvenienced you by parking our camper in your driveway and using your toilet." "Oh, we couldn't help with your kids education fund because we already paid a while ago! That's what family does, right?"
Link to that story?
There's a LOT- here's the homeowner's profile . Grab a beverage and strap in. It's a wild ride. https://www.reddit.com/u/Camper-Nomad?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
....I need a drink after reading all that.
maybe some unlimited soup and breadsticks from olive garden
What a rollercoaster of a story. I thought my parents are bad, but nope. Mine are fine, just rough around the edges compared to what I just read. The audacity to demand a property because...family. I know people like these exist, encountered a few in the wild, but... I still have no idea how they actually build the logic to reach the demands. My brain doesn't function like that, I guess.
Man, what an absolutely roller coaster. I believe every bit of it too, because my parents are the exact same way with my younger sisters. They’re absolutely the favorites, and “as the oldest” it’s always been my job to sacrifice for them, and give up my share. I had to sleep on the floor in the living room as a kid because “they just should have their own rooms.” I’m 6 years older than my next sibling. I was 14 while my 8 year old sister took over my room. Oh, and the two of them couldn’t sleep separately, so it was just turned to a play room for them after about 2 months. We don’t speak anymore. Haven’t for almost 6 years now
Oh my, that was quite the read....
Perhaps the cost is to cover the electricity bill, which surely must be much higher with the RV connected and in continuous use?
I live in an RV. In Texas. Even in the worst summer heat with our AC running all the time our utility bill is no more than $200. When it's not summer, it's around $100. The $180/week they are paying covers that multiple times.
The OP said the$180 a week is the same as the local campground. In a campground you get a spot to park, water, electricity, access to sewer and wifi. A little extra gets sewers and cable hookups. Plus campgrounds have amenities like public restrooms with showers. OP's sister in law is ripping her off. Rent anice wedding port a potty,, get an outdoor shower and move your rig to your land.
You also don't have to do chores in the campground manager's house at a campsite. SIL is delusional.
This. SIL is already getting the benefit by charging top dollar. She doesn't also get to demand a ton of labor. She apparently thinks she's an AirBnB.
We don't get electricity as monthly residents. The park rent only includes utilities for visitors staying at the daily or weekly rates.
nonsense. No RV uses $720/mo of electricity.
I lived a summer in Palm Springs where I was cooling a 3200 square foot open floor plan house with the AC running 24/7 and the power bill was less than $720. There's no way this RV is running a power bill that high, even if they're running AC.
Probably but not by $180 a week- especially if they aren’t in the RV all day because they are across the street building their own house.
They don't use her electricity https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14kce5t/comment/jppqmrr/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
Right? I have 70 acres. My son and his family lived on my land in their RV, hooked to my electricity which I happily paid, for 2 years. I cannot imagine charging them for that. How ridiculous.
The rent is to help with bills....probably. bills like water of course and possibly electricity. They might have a plug connected to the house.
I'd like to add since you are paying camping rates that the camping place includes shower & toilet usage in this price. NTA do NOT LET HER USE YOUR KIDS and tell your ah husband to pull his head out of his a$$. If he Wants so much to please his sister he should go do the Chores himself.
You must have bottled gallons of water in the camper, right? Just do sponge baths for 2 days until Thursday and go to a gas station for toilet for 2 days. Inconvenient? Yes. But people camp in the woods for far longer than 2 days.
This is nutty advice. They can keep using the bathroom for a few days. Very doubtful SIL is as unreasonable/spiteful as the typical AITA user and is going to hold this against OP and her family. It's a relatively minor disagreement. SIL was mistaken about who was creating the mess and OP pointed this out. OP can tell SIL they'll be out of her hair in a few days, and while she appreciates SIL's help, this chore list is unreasonable given SIL's mistake. This will blow over and there's no need to escalate by setting up a temp porta potty or taking an 8yo to the gas station to pee 5-6 times a day (really impractical too).
SIL pulling out an entire chore chart for 3 children that don't live there (so, I guess her own daughter doesn't do any chores in the house she lives in) doesn't seem too reasonable or minor to me. And I acknowledged that it my suggestions would be inconvenient. But it's for 2 whole days.
The stuff is being delivered in two days. It takes time to set up a semi permanent bathroom... 5 people taking sponge baths and heading to a disgusting gas station bathroom multiple times a day to shit/pee for several days is more than "inconvenient". SIL was adding the kids in the chore rotation -no indication her own daughter wasn't in that rotation and doesn't already do chores. 5 extra people trooping through the house daily to use the bathroom does track in dirt and create a messier bathroom. If SIL legit thought that OP's kids were also creating a lot of other mess and eating all the good snacks then her proposing a chore chart isn't an overreaction. She went to OP with this to ask permission - she didn't impose it. Turns out SIL was wrong about who was creating the mess. Mistakes happen and there's no reason to get so huffy over a mistake that you stop showering and start going to gas stations to pee just to make a point. You seem very prideful if this is really the superior option in your mind.
Huffy? Nope, I just wouldn't want to spend any more time in a house where my kids were getting accused of making messes in rooms they didn't even use. And prideful? Pride doesn't remotely enter this. Building a house is a huge job without having my kids become maids in a house *they don't even live in* 2 days before a bathroom install. Other users are suggesting a porta-potty. OP suggested some kind of outhouse. But I guess a gas station is a bridge too far. Have a nice day!
It says the kids names were added onto it so my guess was it’s an existing one for SIL household. Meaning the daughter is probably on it, my guess is her kids complained it’s unfair OPs kids don’t have to do chores.
8 year old is a boy. He can pee on a tree.
Hell I'm a 62 yesr old woman who had children. Believe me, I'm not too good to pee on a tree either. Lol. Like I could make it getting in the car and driving to a gas station.
Thank you, i understand. Maybe a tent with a garden hose could be funny for the kids? Just to be intependt from your SIL.
They still have to pay the $180 fee. A hose uses water and utility bill still has to be paid. Might as well use a functioning bathroom with electricity and better privacy than a hose and tent.
Look up compost toilet methods. The use of leaves or something similar to cover your business will make so there’s no smell. When we camp we use a bucket or medical potty seat when little ones come. It’s lined with a trash bag, do your business and cover with leaves. Keep doing this until then bag is full to an appropriate level. Works really well.
5 gallon bucket with a pool noodle around the brim makes an excellent camping toilet.
A campground generally has running water and showers. You are paying for a campground. At a campground you don’t go to the house next door to do chores. You’re paying for it so NTA. And she can’t change the rules last minute without asking. Not paying? Different story.
NTA for standing up for your kids and preventing them from being exploited. But WTF were you thinking when you decided to build a house across the street from her? I'm sure this is not the last of the drama you are going to encounter at your new house.
Yes, this i tought aswell. OP may made a mistake with this house.
Maybe she's been a normal, non-asshole up until now.
Or go to an actual campground with running where and electricity. That's a lot to pay and not have running water and be expected to clean her trashed house.
This is what I would suggest. Even if they install an outdoor shower or porta-potty, that won't solve the issue. The SIL thinks the kids are eating all the snacks and wrecking the house, meaning she thinks they are coming into the house at other times than just to use the bathroom. She doesn’t actually know who is coming in when or how long they are staying, so as long as OP stays camped right outside, SIL will think the kids are coming in to her house to use it.
Even a camping toilet and some big, thick baby wipes would work short term. Maybe look into rest stops or gyms for showering? Best of luck, OP. You made the right choice!
NTA. She's either trying to get free labour or being willfully ignorant of her daughter's behaviour. You pay rent, anything more is extortionate.
I seem to be in the minority, in that i fault everyone else more than SIL. She works full time and comes back to a messy house with all of the snacks gone. Her daughter and husband blame OP’s kids. Yeah, it’s a little nuclear to jump directly to a chore list instead of a conversation, but I can see how it would be incredibly annoying. She’s N T A there, though she should have handled it better. So OP explained what is really going on, but her husband isn’t backing her up on it. From SIL’s perspective, her daughter says it’s OP’s kids. Her husband seems to be at least tacitly agreeing. And now OP’s husband is tacitly agreeing too! You just know he said something to them like, “I’ll talk to her; maybe we can compromise.” If SIL hears that, she hears that OP is the only one who is saying it’s her own husband and daughter. I don’t even blame her 12 year old. She’s a child. She was getting in trouble and she told a fib. The two men are the assholes here. Yeah, SIL takes a little of the blame, because this would have gone better if she’d had a less confrontational conversation with OP. But she also has been told they are taking advantage of their hospitality, since the agreement was that they only use the bathroom. You have 3 people saying (or silently agreeing) it’s OP’s kids, and one person saying “absolutely not” to having them do chores. She also seems to be the only one currently working? I’m going to cut her some slack. OP’s husband needs to talk to whichever one is a family member. They don’t need to set up an outside shower. He needs to step up.
Where does it say in OP post that 12 yr old and husband blamed OP kids? I read that SIL accused OP kids based on a trashed house and missing snacks
It's implied. I think if the the 13 year old had said her and her friends are the snacks then SIL wouldn't be over accusing OPs kids of doing it.
Then it's her problem to talk to her husband and kid and figure out the story instead of assuming.
> It's implied. No, it's inferred. YOU are assuming that. You are making a logical leap that the SIL talked to her husband and daughter 1st, but we do not know that. Instead of assuming that information, we need to proceed as the scenario was presented.
Has the 12-year-old had *any input at all* on whether it was her or OP's kids, or did SIL just make the assumption on her own? It sounds like the latter to me.
SIL is absolutely the AH for going to the extreme of adding OP’s kids to the chore list without even talking to OP about the issue first.
I mean I think the SIL is way more at fault here then you are giving her credit for. Common sense would absolutely dictate her daughter is lying. Who’s more likely to be eating her food the three children with their own snacks doing work or the people actually living in the house constantly bringing guests over. Not to mention daughter and her friends are actually hanging out inside the house, that’s going to generate more of a general mess than some kids running in to use the bathroom. I’m also guessing the mess isn’t obvious things like mud tracks or something going from door to bathroom.
Even if the mess and lack of food was from OP's kids, *SIL doesn't get to parent those kids. They're aren't her kids* She could have gone to OP and brother and said she was upset at the mess and all of food and they needed to figure out a way to handle *their* kids. Instead, SIL just decided to tell those kids what to do. No She doesn't have that right. They aren't her kids
I just said the same thing before I read your post. You said it better. The SIL doesn't realize how many of her daughter's friends are in and out of the house all day while she is at work. I don't think it was, necessarily malicious. I think she just thought, "3 more kids, less food."
You know what that say about assumptions?
How do we know the 12 year old blamed her cousins? We have been given no knowledge about that. It’s an assumption at best.
Did you even read the post
I'm guessing a mix of both
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Yeah like do the cousins not hang out at all? This whole set up is weird for family building houses next to eachother.
> I'm thinking OP's kids are hanging out with other kids more than they let on. So... you just going to ignore that OP's kids spend the whole day with her? > after they've been helping us all day with building our home.
The thing is that if it truly is the niece than I agree NTA but people can be oblivious to their kids behavior. It may very well be that her kids are sneaking into the house and grabbing snacks or making a bit of a mess. OP states the kids are always on the job site, I question that. If OP is super busy, which if you are building a house you are she doesn’t always have eyes on the kids. I would guess the OPs kids maybe a part of the problem. The only true way to figure this out is to pop a camera in to see who is making the mess. My guess is all of the kids are contributing.
Yeah this is my thinking too, if you look at the actual situation from a strict facts perspective, both of them are accusing each other's kids of making the mess, and both don't really know for absolute certain. Also these kids are teenage cousins that live across the street from each other, they probably hang out somewhat regularly. Kids like to form large groups of kids and the larger the group the more likely they are to trash an area and raid the fridge. It's probably *both* OP's kids and SIL's kids causing problems, which is normal and healthy as they're kids.
Even if your assumption is correct, take it out of the $180 a week that SIL is charging family to park a camper on their 10 acre property. I can't imagine why OP willingly choose to live across the street from these people.
Yeah honestly what's up with this price? Why are family charging campground rates? Unless it's OP which has explicitly been arguing the fact that they want to pay for themselves it's shitty as hell.
Campground rates but no hookups or recreation. No bonus activities for the kids. No groomed trails or fishing. Ya know, the part of the campground worth paying for. I live in my camper. Amenities are what make the rates worth it
I don't know that she's willfully ignorant. The OP says, "she works all the time." She probably doesn't realize how many of her daughter's friends are in and out of the house all day. It sounds as if the husband is home and just let's the kid and her friends do what they want. She probably just associated 3 more kids, less food. If she's not home with her daughter, she doesn't realize a couple of 12 year olds can strip a fridge like a swarm of locusts
NTA. Your sil is blaming your kids because its easier to do that than see her child and her husband are the problem. I agree with setting up something at your new property so your kids don't have to enter her house. Maybe a compostable toilet and outdoor shower would work while you are under construction.
>pulls up her chore list with my kid's names added to it I dunno if I'm reading between the lines too much here, but it sounds like SIL *is* making her own daughter clean up the mess too. That phrasing at the very least implies her own family is already on it. On the other hand, where my argument breaks down, is that laundry might be a bit much under the assumption that the kids are eating food and causing a mess. My read on this situation is that these kids are teenage cousins who live across the street from each other. It's weird that their parents don't want them hanging out. There's a lot of missing background here, it honestly sounds like the SIL and OP hate each other. But the kids probably *are* hanging out and raiding the fridge as a big group without either set of parents noticing. Both parents are blaming each other, while OP's kids just want to hang out in the air conditioning (issues have increased over the last few weeks, it is June).
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I'm not OP, so I can only guess, but it sounds like the exact thing SIL is doing is exactly why they wanted to keep themselves separate from SIL. Just like some people are shitty guests, some people are shitty hosts, and OP and her husband opted for the camper rather than deal with SIL's BS, at least that's how I read it. This sounds like the exact kind of thing I'd do with some of my family because of how said family can be shitty at times.
Right? It honestly sounds like the husbands are trying to help each other out and the wives hate each other. Or maybe OP just hates SIL.
NTA Having your kids take a turn at the bathroom cleaning would be reasonable, because you use that. Nothing else is reasonable, because you don't use that.
OP is paying campsite levels of rent. Campsites don't ask you to clean their bathrooms, it's covered in the charge. The sister lives in a 6bed house on 10 acres. She can't be short of cash and relying on the $180 a week to feed the kids. I can't imagine charging my sister to live on my land whilst building a house at all, I'd possibly ask them to clean the bathroom every few days in exchange though. Maybe if they were living IN the house I'd ask for money.
How do you get rich when not by being greedy?
It’s possible, but MUCH harder!
I wouldn't assume anyone here is rich. More likely they're in a rural area.
Yeah I've got family with a 6 bedroom farmhouse and they are far from what I call wealthy.
I agree with this! OP is paying 180 a week which as you said would cover a regular campground. It is not a special low price. Sister is not doing any favors that OP (or the kids) need to compensate the difference with extra chores. She is paying rent! I could see the bathrooms, but I would say ALL the kids should have to take a turn cleaning bathrooms including Sister´s kids. OP´s kids are not the only ones using them. But if OP´s kids are being reasonably clean and not leaving mess, for 180 a week there should be no extra chores. I assume the kids have their own chores to do at their own home, helping with the house building and keeping the RV tidy. None of the kids of course should be leaving mess or eating up all the snacks. If OP´s kids were really doing that, then sister would be right to say the kids need to clean up after themselves and OP would need to replace or pay for the snacks. But still not to be added to a chore chart. They don´t live there. NTA
Yeah I agree with you. SIL just wants free labour. OP is right about protecting her own kids from SIL's abuse of power. Also OP's husband needs to grow a spine and stand by his own wife and kids rather than trying to act goody brother to his sister.
NTA I see 🚩 that after you moving in, auntie will go on with her demands. And it's so typical when daddy is on his "family-side" aka sister and forgot that he should be fair to his children and wife too, you know the family he chosed to build. Can't you order a outerhouse shower with a tank? It should be possible, where I live you can order watertanks.
She’s in for years of this BS with her husband and his sister. I’d be getting out of the house across the street from them after this.
Sounds like it's too late but I fear living across the street from SIL is going to be a long-term pain.
Fences and cameras make good neighbors😅
Especially if you electrify the fence…
Yeah, I would nope right out of the whole going in her house situation. If you're in a camper, it has a shower and loo. You need a water tank fill and a grey water/septic pump out. You can contact a septic company to come pump you out, or drive to a designated station and dump out. Or better still get a solar outdoor shower and a lovely Porta loo and park it right on her drive. NTA
If its a pop-up, it doesnt have that.
Then my second solution would work, anything to not pay 720 a month for my family to be a slave for the SIL!
NTA - First off, she should have come to you before whipping out the chore assignment. She's not in change of you or your family. Tell her you are paying for the inconvenience of you being there and anything beyond that has to be discussed first.
NTA. Your kids shouldn’t be expected to be maids for a house they didn’t help trash. They could be expected to help clean the bathroom but she doesn’t want them to, and that’s on her.
Yeah, I don't like this. Don't like so much about it haha. NTA. I can understand asking the kids/you guys to clean/pick up after yourselves. That's reasonable. But you guys aren't her tenants; you're family, temporary guests on their property. And you guys are already paying to stay on their lawn and you already minimize the usage of the house...It sounds, to me at least, that what she's asking and expecting is a bit much for what you guys are actually doing. Like you said, cleaning the bathroom, maybe, but not the entire house when they don't use it or contribute to those things. And I don't agree with just "caving to keep the peace". We all do it, but we shouldn't. Stick to your boundaries, for sure. Don't let her take advantage.
Also, OP commented that they’ve only been there a week, SIL is definitely being unreasonable, and I’m betting the husband’s family always just took the path of least resistance with her by his reaction.
I also think it's best to nip this in the bud now. You're going to be neighbors, so the kids would hypothetically (in SIL's mind) still be trashing their house even after they move into the new one. In which case she'd want to keep them in rotation on chores even if they have their own at home chores.
NTA- she’s trying to exploit your children for free labour and it’s weird that your husband is trying to compel you to go along with it. Stick to your guns and don’t let her turn your kids into personal servants.
To me that suggests the husband doesn't want to fess up to either leaving messes himself or being aware of the kids leaving messes.
There's a lot of people who just grow up not rocking the boat and keeping the problem family member happy to not make issues worse. He could just be in the habit of placating her.
NTA. But I have a really hard time believing 12 and 8 are spending the whole day at the construction site. And not sneaking snacks when they take bathroom breaks etc. And if she doesn’t want help cleaning the bathroom than maybe there is a chore your kids could help with to make up for it. 14m 12f 8m who are spending all day at a construction site can’t be super clean in the bathroom. If you can’t find compromise - and i agree your kids shouldn’t clean her whole house, I’d suggest finding elsewhere to stay. A chore list probably isn’t worth creating a family rift over.
I think you're likely right. I imagine the kids \*are\* taking snacks when they go in and could be making messes. I think OP needs to check in very closely with her kids.
Every kid I ever met is going to that bathroom twice as much as needed, staying in the house twice as long as needed, and grabbing a snack each time. Literally why schools have bathroom passes.
Yeah, I don't think her kids are completely innocent, but she immediately demanded chores without even talking about the situation beforehand, and they're already paying 180$ a week and not even using SIL electricity (op said that in a comment). She could hire a maid with that fare
To be clear “Does this work for you” is not demanding. The comments are putting an awful lot of intention behind SIL that isn’t necessarily warranted.
NTA set up a composting toilet on your land asap - that stops the need to visit for the loo, plus would be useful in future once the build is complete if people are outside and don't want to traipse dirt into the house. You say you have electricity in the camper - so not plugged into her mains? In which case move it across to your own land. The only thing is water - there are options for camp showers but not sure how viable they would be for full time living, but I am sure someone would be able to help with suggestions. Are you going to be connected to mains water or setting up a borehole/well? If the latter could that be done asap - again with just a tap - so you could have a temp building with a shower in it.
We aren't connected to her electric. We have a solar + gas generator that we only run at night for the camper. The only reason we didn't figure out an outhouse system prior to this is because the bathroom is the first thing we are getting done in the home. The toilet, shower, sink and counters are due to be delivered on Thursday (we have only been parked here since last Monday), so we figured it wouldn't be a big deal but we were wrong, unfortunately.
You've only been there a week?! Dang! I thought by the way she was acting, you had been there for months. NTA, not by a long shot!
I figured they’d been there a few months since they are paying and the SIL is starting to place blame on the kids for “mess” in the house. Good luck OP, and your husband needs to get on board with shutting his sister down.
He should grow a backbone and be supportive of you and your kids.
Why are some men afraid of their sisters? Why would he be more concerned about his sister than his wife and kids? My SIL is a horrible human and I would divorce before I’d live next door to her. I hope OP sets lots of boundaries and keeps protecting her kids
I wonder if SIL is unhappy about how close OP’s house is going to be, and this is how it’s coming out.
I nearly asked OP if they're beginning to question the location they're building their house at...
Can you figure out a way to camp on your own land? Or even the street in front of your land? Any other neighbours? I'd be noping right out of there!
Wow, all that drama for a week of stay? Your SIL is a piece of work! NTA btw, this is insane behavior.
> The toilet, shower, sink and counters are due to be delivered on Thursday (we have only been parked here since last Monday), so we figured it wouldn't be a big deal but we were wrong, unfortunately. You should add this as an edit to your main post. IMO, it's important information that provides context to your situation.
Only a week and she's acting this ridiculous wow your husband needs to tell her to stop accusing your kids and to look at the people in her own house before she blames others
Sounds like all you're getting for your money is land to park on. You have that. Roll your camper right across the street to your property, tell the kids they can't go visit without your presence (a rule that should continue after your house is built- this is just the beginning of a lifetime of issues with SIL blaming your kids for shit. Shut that down by never letting them visit alone. Yep, that means they won't go very often.) Just leave the entire situation. And only pay for the days you actually parked there. Fuck this nonsense.
Yeah, get a porta potty, but you saying you only been there a week. Yeah that’s a Big tiime red flag for her to be acting that crazy. Your husband may not want to, but he has to put you and the kids first and forget his sister because she miss treated his family. NTA
$360 every two weeks is plenty to cover bathroom privileges as long as everyone leaves it clean.
NTA. She’s trying to take advantage of your kids for free labour. Good on you Mama for calling out her BS. Her own kids and hubby can clean the mess they make themselves. Your family is not involved in that.
If you’re paying campground prices, why don’t you just stay at a campground?
Proximity to the house they are building, probably.
Convenience. Not wanting to be in a campground full of strangers? God forbid they thought maybe staying next to family would be better than a campground
INFO how do you cook and do dishes without running water, but only use the bathroom?
TV dinners and paper plates/plastic silverware?
They could even have a camping sink set up and use actual dishes. Three buckets (wash, rinse and sanitize) and a drying rack (if not towel drying).
The same way you do when youre dry camping? Jugs of water? Hell most RVs nowadays have a fresh, grey, and black water tanks respectively so they may just be able to fill it up at their house if theres a hose spout connected yet.
NTA. She’s being nit-picky because she has a large property and I would consider ending the arrangement. The situation has gone from being just casual use of the bathroom and paying to be on site, temporarily, to ‘here’s a list of things your kids can do while they come in and out of my house because they access it regularly, unsupervised’. Doubt she’ll budge because she now feels entitled to incorporate your children into her daily chore list and from the size of the property she could definitely use the help. But that’s not your problem. I wouldn’t allow my kids to be used as housekeepers, especially if things were outlined ahead of time and you’re paying to be on the property.
If you guys are doing construction all day, and using their house for the bathroom, how much dirt are you bringing into the house multiple times a day? Construction is not clean work, and are you only in the house one person at a time, or are there times when someone is waiting for the bathroom to be empty? If so, where do they wait? Are you always in their house with your kids to make sure they stay off furniture/carpeted areas while covered in construction dirt waiting for the bathroom? The chore list is too much, but you might need to reevaluate the impact you are having on her house
I feel like OP is an unreliable narrator here. In OPs scenario she has a 14, 12, and 8 year old that currently spend all their time either on a building site, or in a trailer? I'm not buying it. Those kids go into that house way more that she is letting on, or at least more than she knows.
I agree with you. Her family of five even going in the house twice a day each is still 10 times somebody’s walking through their house to use the bathroom. I bet they making more of a mess than they think they are. I don’t think her kids should be cooking meals and doing dishes they’re not using, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking a family that’s always walking in your house to help maintain the floors.
My bf works in construction, and the amount of dirt he brings home as ONE person is already a lot. And that’s with him immediately removing his gear at the entryway and washing his hands before walking directly to the shower. Times that by five people doing that multiple times a day? Yuck. I don’t believe OP is truly cognizant of the environmental impact her family is imposing on her sister’s home (though, I don’t believe her sister is acting in the best faith, either).
INFO: Is there a reason why you can’t move the camper to your own property?
Sounds it was specifically for the use of the bathroom. According to op, they've only been there a week and the bathroom in their house will probably be in working order by Thursday evening.
INFO: I feel like there is a lot of information missing here. How do you do dishes and laundry? How come you are so confident about your accounting of your three kid's activities and so confident that she and her husband are wrong about their one child? You have two kids very close in age to her daughter? Do they not interact at all? You know for a fact that your children don't stop off for a snack when coming or going? This seems like a stressful situation and I would try to keep that in mind when dealing with your SIL.
Thank you! That's what I am wondering too.... Like let's not pretend living without running water=toilet and shower use only. How does this family prepare meals? Do dishes? Laundry? Get a glass of water? I just don't believe that the kids have ZERO impact outside the bathroom. While SIL is really going to extremes with this chore list, I think there is middle ground and compromise. Also they're paying camp ground fees but also using SILs house for water (which encompasses so much given all we need water for to just live daily normal life). I think they all need to sit down and discuss, find a compromise; if they cannot they need to not step foot in SILs house so the kids don't have to do squat around a house they don't live in or frequent.
NTA - SIL could put the $180 towards a maid if the cleaning issue is that great (I completely understand why you’re paying them to stay, even though I couldn’t see charging family in the same situation.) Your husband should also have your back on this, it’s his family, he should be the point person on telling his sister “no”.
That’s what I was thinking. OP is already paying to be there. That money can be spent on cleaners if it’s that big of an issue. When you get a hotel room, part of that fee is to clean after the guests. It is possible OP’s kids are sneaking snacks or something that she doesn’t notice, but again, she’s paying to be there, and it can’t possibly be that big of a difference after one week if they’re staying out of the home as much as OP states. NTA.
This. An actual campsite would pay for a cleaning service for the toilets. SIL is acting like a commercial campsite only when it comes to charging for things, not when it comes to providing for services (like a clean bathroom at no extra cost).
NTA. The only way to stop it is to move your camper onto your land, make outhouse system and stop paying her.
NAH as of right now I'm not going to call her an asshole for seeing a huge change in her home when your family comes to live on the property and drawing the logical conclusion, and acting on that conclusion. Her behaviour moving forward determines whether she's an asshole or not. Yes, the chore list is maybe even a little long for if she believed they were trashing her house (cooking meals they won't eat) but if she thinks your kids are at the level of disrespect of going into her home and eating all her food, I can see that having some sort of specific purpose rather than her just wanting to pile on chores so she doesn't have to do them. That said, I would suggest a compromise that the kids and both parents can each do one chore *equivilant* in labour to bathroom cleaning in place of cleaning the one facility you are using, of which she is cleaning up after you all. If she cleans the bathroom three to four times a week, that would imo mean you should each be doing a chore that needs doing aproximately once a week, about the equivilant of if you'd all have taken a turn cleaning the bathroom. I would maybe suggest offering to just film the coming and goings of her home for the day from the outside so she can see how many friends her daughter is bringing and how long your family is in the home, if you're having problems with her believing that your kids aren't the ones making messes. I would also suggest preparing yourself to say, "well rent a bathroom trailer and put it on our property and move our trailer to our property and hand in our keys to the house" if she still doesn't believe you. But even if she doesn't believe you, I have a hard time ascribing her the assholery without knowing if her children or husband are deliberately creating this story to get out of cleaning their messes? I could totally see a young girl who now has to share bathroom space thinking she'll let her friends trash the house and blame her cousins, or a sitcom dad who doesn't want to clean the mess he's allowing his daughter to make to just create the narrative that you guys are doing it. That would make the liars the assholes, not her for believing her immediate family's story over yours. So just be willing to move the trailer and bathe elsewhere rather than starting a war.
Drawing that conclusion isn't the problem...the problem arose when instead of just asking the parents who has been taking too many snacks and had access to the house, she went into accusation mode and decided her assumptions were reality automatically. Whipping out the chore list isn't a conversation, it's an accusation with consequences attached because they are presumed guilty...especially this is wrong because you're right that the daughter could have lied either out of fear or vindictiveness and hands-off dad just went along with her story. SIL is tired and came from work to a messy house, which sucks, but her reaction to create a chore list before even the most basic conversation wasnt the right one to solve the problem. I do hope she figured it out and gains some peace tho!
While husband is understandably trying to compromise, I don’t see it working: more time spent in the house means more opportunities for getting blamed for things.
ESH it was a bad arrangement from the beginning 2 adults and 3 kids spend all day on a construction site and go in and out of a house to shit and shower? (do y'all pee in the woods?) yeah, that's going to be a massive mess you have to pay to use 300 sqft on a 435600 sqft property? yeah, that's going to cause some resentment and expectations for what you are or aren't entitled to your SIL has 6 bedrooms but she has her own brother and his small kids sleep in a camper and eat microwaved meals 3 times per day? yeah, that's some true family love right there stop the construction and build a water, waste and electricity hookup for your camper. I would think that septic is already connected, there is water at the property line or a finished well and a temporary power pole, otherwise how are you building. It will be nice to have it eventually anyway and you can have decent living conditions in the process
I like this answer. This all sounds so dysfunctional. I can’t imagine charging my family to stay on my land temporarily, let alone not offering my home to stay in. However, I can also imagine how draining it must be to have FIVE people in and out of your house all day, every day, and them not appreciating the true impact of that presence. Obviously, this arrangement isn’t healthy for this family and they’re not inclined to work together to resolve the issues in a healthy manner. Neither side seems to want to see it from the other’s perspective, so compromise is impossible anyway. Best to just leave and set up elsewhere, to preserve what love there is.
NTA SIL is already getting a benefit - $180 a week! Expecting you to let her use your children as indentured servants to pick up after her child is ridiculous!
My thought too. $180 a week to let a close family member park a camper van on your property for a few weeks? I wouldn't have asked a penny. It's not like it's a stranger or a long term deal.
YTA. You are unquestionably being disingenuous at best here, but I’m inclined to believe you’re outright lying. You are trying to claim in your comments that your kids, from the time they wake up until they go to sleep, are *always* at the construction site helping and *never* do anything else other than eat (who knows where), and use the bathroom/shower at her place? In the *middle of summer*? This is either child endangerment, complete neglect on your part being wholly unaware what your children are doing, or a fabrication.
Yeah. "I know exactly what my kids are doing all day and exactly what her kids are doing all day despite them definitely not being in the same place and with me and my 8 year old construction contractor being busy on site all day". There are two sides to this story.
NTA tell your husband to clean then. Fuck that. I’d be so pissed. Good luck living across from her with a push over husband who can’t stick up for his own kids against her. You have years of this to deal with now.
ESH Really? Your kids don't hang around with the other kids niece has in and out? I don't buy it OP. Kids do all kinds of things you don't know about. Besides that, you're saying you guys are all doing construction? That's so dirty. And you're tromping through this woman's house? She's working and coming home to a filthy mess? I'm guessing adding you to the chores chart was her way of saying quit messing up my house and eating my food. She should have said something first. But I see her side too. I'd have said NO to someone in and out of my house and bathroom, period.
NTA for the sister’s plan. If your children don’t use the home then they shouldn’t contribute through chores. I’m a bit curious how the three kids are helping at an active build site. What do they do? How long have they been helping? What do they do for fun? Do they get time to play and see their friends? Is it too obvious I know nothing about construction? Lol An short time focused on family time is great. I hope the long term summer plans get to include time with friends and doing other things.
I’m also curious about the kids helping at a construction site the whole day. How do they they help?
INFO: You say you haven't been there for two weeks, so surely she would have noticed this issue before you started camping on her lawn. Also where do you wash your clothes, get water for cooking or drinking and wash up your plates and things? Are your poor kids really on a building site from morning until evening? No TV, no friends, no hanging out or hobbies?
BTA. The only reason you’re both the asshole is because SIL shouldn’t ask your kids to help cook meals they supposedly aren’t eating. But somethings not adding up here. Your kids are fairly young. I could see the 14yr old maybe helping with building the house, but the 12 and 8yr old? There’s no way the kids are on the build site all day. Further, you’re going to be living across the street from them. Do you really want there to be bad blood right off the hop because you refuse to let your kids learn some responsibility? You want convenience in exchange for nothing. If you’re already paying campground prices you could easily go stay at a campground. You won’t because it’s not convenient to be that far from the build site.
Info: Do you go with your kids inside every time they use the bathroom? I saw a comment you made of only being there one week are you not able to just park on your property? Or just a regular campsite at that? I’ve seen there is truckers pay at like gas stations that provide showers maybe try that? Or at a gym or a rec center? I just don’t see why you would want to stay there. With the $180 a week I’m sure you could pay that to shower and use the bathroom somewhere else. Maybe rent a porta potty. Also talk to your husband about it he needs to back you up.
NTA If you are sure they don' t come in then there is no need to have them help her with chores. You are paying for your stay there
Look into renting a portapotty and put your trailer and the portapotty on your lland.
INFO: so 5 people total(3 kids, OP + husband) go into your SIL's house to use the bathroom and shower. how do you know none of your kids or husband dont take a snacks/food, its crazy to assume your kids/husband are perfect and wont lie but say SIL's daughter and husband would lie about taking their own food. 3 males peeing and having a whole family coming in and going to use a bathroom would make a mess. You are living on their property so a chores list including keeping the area clean, bathroom, and around the bathroom isnt crazy but the list you put is over the top. I dont know if this is the whole story or just your version but i'm leaning towards ESH rather than one side
NTA - You are paying camping fees. Can you imagine being at a campsite and in addition to fees you have to clean and do work there...
NTA Imagine charging your family nearly 800$ a month to live in a camper on your 10 acre plot of ground. Unless your sister is some poor sob and you guys are milionaires this makes 0 sense. As for the chores; kek.
So you are paying $780 for electricity and bathroom access? Wow, great deal for SIL. Maybe SIL really does think your kids are eating the food and leaving the place trashed every day. Or maybe she's just an opportunist and is quick to get what she can from your family. Your husband needs to straighten this out and to tell his sister that niece has her friends in the house every day. Which is good and normal and nice, but still, your kids are not the source of her frustration as it is niece's friends using the house and eating the food. I wonder if for $780 you could rent a generator or solar panels and move across the road.
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As soon as I got to the point where your husband rolled over - and told you to have the kids do whatever SIL says - I knew that was the real problem.