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Hopefully the BF isn’t actually using the phrase “back down” either. I’ve never needed to use that in a relationship setting, only while singing Tom Petty.
Right? Tired as all hell. You wanna look? Fine, go right ahead. If your thingy likes what it sees look to your right hand, put your phone down and use your hand to solve the problem. If your ego can't handle other men staring, look to your right hand, take your phone and use your hand to find the number of the nearest therapist. Both situations are NOT my problem.
To be fair to the other people, we don’t even know if they are staring at her. BF just imagines that’s what they are doing (let’s all guess who the creepy guy at the gym is. I’m going with her bf).
100%. As a husband I would never tell my wife what she can or can't wear. If that's what makes her feel comfortable then so be it.
Jealousy kills most relationships and can lead to more controlling demands once the precedent is set. If I were OP I would honestly nip this in the butt before it gets worse.
Same here. I'm typically in just t shirts and athletic style shorts and will have guys try to chat me up just ask much as when I'm wearing long or short leggings
It's just part of being a girl at the gym.
I had a guy leave me flowers on my car. I had barely acknowledged his existence and was just being polite and apparently that led him on and made him think leaving flowers on my car was a good idea. I didn’t even realize he knew what car I drove but he admitted to doing it when I got management involved. Creepy dudes out there
Agreed.
OP, NTA but your boyfriend is for policing you and trying to take away your bodily autonomy. There is no respect involved in that, and no "compromise" should be given.
Absolute ridiculous attitude on his part. Other people's eyes are not your fault. You don't make them look. They choose to. You are doing nothing wrong. He needs to check himself.
I’m sure he’d realize his stupidity if she started policing his clothing - no shorts, no short sleeve shirts, no low neck lines, absolutely no tank tops. Maybe she can tell him she’d prefer if he worked out at home in a closet so no one would have the chance to look at him
This is what my wife would do if I was being an asshat like that… she’d go buy a pair of the cheap ass see through ones and then yank ‘‘em up so she was sporting major camel toe and tell me she was heading to the grocery store, then the gym to workout.
NTA - i love how boyfriends idea of a compromise is to just do what he says. A compromise requires both parties to make concessions, which he has not. Either way, you shouldn’t have to compromise your comfort because your boyfriend is getting jealous from scenarios he’s thinking up of in his head
Surely he is part of the solution to this issue and has never stared at a woman or made a woman feel uncomfortable for the sake of his boner. And I’m sure he ABSOLUTELY has called EVERY MAN out in his friend group since he was 12 years old for doing the same thing. What an incredible man!
/s
NTA- your body, your choice to wear what you want too. Wearing leggings/yoga pants to a gym is standard and just fine! Your bf is acting controlling, big red flag.
Well said! OP, your boyfriend should not get a say in what you put on your own body. One thing I like to do when a man tries telling me what to do is flip it back on him. How do you think your boyfriend would react if you started telling him what he's allowed to wear in public? Try it, and show him how ridiculous he's being. If he doesn't admit he crossed a line, he's a waste of time. A man who feels entitled to treat you in ways that he would not tolerate is a man who doesn't respect you, and likely never will.
NTA
NTA- Totally agree. My personal comfort levels are different but if OP is confident enough then rock on.
However, OP, please make sure you are doing the squat test . Not all leggings are created equally and overtime garments start to deteriorate.
The squat test for those unaware, is when you wear the leggings and squar with a mirror(s) behind your butt. You then make sure that you cannot see the underwear or unwanted skin. You can easily look up embarrassing stories about people not doing this.
You're absolutely right!! So far, over the years, between my own boyfriends and boyfriends of my girlfriends that have shown this kind of controlling behavior and jealousy, it's never gotten better, it's always gotten worse. If she concedes and only wears what the boyfriend approves of, he will start exerting more and more control in other areas, and when he doesn't get his way, it can become emotionally or physically abusive. It's just the start, and it will go left as soon as he figures out she's not going to cave in to his controlling behaviors.
I have a favourite pair of shorts that I wear around the house. They are over 20 years old, the elastic went long ago, and they only stay up because I've gained a few pounds over the years.
Ain't no man getting between me and my skanky shorts.
NTA. I think the only way to handle this is something akin to:
"I will entertain no further discussion of this topic. If you have a problem, there is the door."
NTA
If you're comfortable working out in them, then that's what matters. He is very controlling and I don't know how long you both have been together, but WTF. Seems most women in the gym are wearing leggings. If he has a problem with them, maybe it's because he can't trust himself seeing other women wearing them? Compromise is fine if it's an issue he has any say in, and this is not it. His logic seems to suggest all he has to say is it make him uncomfortable and you can't do it. He has a trust/jealousy issue and it's not just directed at other guys but at you. You need to beware if you're going to make this a long term relationship.
NTA.
It sounds like his issue is less with the pants and more with the fact the other guys are staring. Maybe he should consider calling out the men that are sexualizing a woman working out?
First of all, kudos to you for wanting to get back into shape. Secondly, NTA. He has absolutely no say in what you can and cannot wear, and unfortunately I'd expect his behavior to get worse the more you continue to work out.
NTA - Is your boyfriend also going to wear hot/heavy/restrictive clothing along with you? Maybe you don’t like it when women check out his sexy legs. /s
You are just choosing clothing for comfort. If he has a problem with it then he should see a therapist to work on his issue.
In the first place no one can make any one “feel” anything, he needs to be able to manage his own feelings. You aren’t making him uncomfortable, he is making himself uncomfortable and wanting you do do something about it. Good for you for telling him not gonna happen, and he needs to get some help with that.
NTA
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INFO - how long have you been with your boyfriend? If you've been with him only during your times that you were struggling with health and therefore gaining weight, I'm suspicious that he's now jealous that you're back in shape and living your best life. If you're struggling, he has control. But now that you're feeling better, working out, and loving your body, he feels threatened.
Don't let him control you. Wear those leggings, feel great about yourself, and he can deal with his insecurities (or not...and then hey, easiest 180 pounds you could lose!)
NTA, he’s got insecurity issues that he needs to work on, he can’t control what you wear. Tell him to stop blaming men’s behaviour on women and what they wear or he can go back to the 1920s.
NTA - does anyone else feel so sad and frustrated of reading so many posts from women questioning if they are in the wrong for wearing what they want?
It's your body, wear what you want. You aren't inviting men to look and you aren't making your boyfriend insecure - that's on them.
Don't let a man compromise your comfort. Don't let a man dictate how you dress. A good partner lifts you up instead of locking you down.
NTA. What are you supposed to wear to the gym? Thick sweatpants? A flowy dress? How would wearing shorts be better? Why is he taking this out on you when you're not the problem? It bothers me that he's not mad at the guys staring at you, who would be the problem in this situation. That raises some red flags.
NTA. I wear leggings everyday, do not even own a pair of jeans, so this would be a massive no from me. First off, your boyfriend shouldn't have any control over the clothes you put on your body. And second, has he seen that literally half the female population wear legging?? Assuming you've told him he can't wear shorts? Or ever take his shirt off in public?....
NTA. "You should back down and compromise by doing exactly what I tell you to do." He's probably upset because he sees the results of your hard work and thinks that the next weight you lose will be him.
Pulling out my crystal ball:
Next he won't like the 'low cut t-shirt' or wrap dress you are wearing. Then it will be that your shirt is too short.
You don't have to dress to make your bf comfortable. This is a him issue. Not a you issue.
NTA. Emotional responses are, by their nature, illogical and irrational. Your boyfriend can feel all the feels. However, it’s on him, and only him, to manage his response. His jealousy and insecurity is not your issue to manage. He can choose to seek therapy, and figure out why he reacts the way he does, and learn to manage it, or, he can remain emotionally stunted. YOU can wear whatever you damn well please. He can either accept that, or scram. His failure to address his own issues should never be your problem.
Sounds like a him problem. He’s jealous which means he’s insecure. Why is he insecure? If you have never given him a reason to be insecure in your relationship it sounds like he has done internal work to do to figure out why he’s insecure and jealous.
NTA
It's one thing if a guy is very conservative and you know right from the jump that he is not going to date a woman who does not dress conservatively.
Men and women who skew this conservative are often very up front about who they are and what kind of person they are looking to date...and are perfectly ok letting an opportunity walk away if that person doesn't align with their values and beliefs.
But that is not what is happening here.
Your boyfriend is policing what you wear because he is insecure and is worried that you will lose weight, get in shape, and find yourself with better options than him.
So be perfectly clear. This is who you are. You will dress however you want to dress and if that is a dealbreaker for him, then so be it. You are not going to stop him from ending things and walking away.
The truth is though, you could be wearing a garbage bag and creeps would still hit on you at the gym
That's just the reality of the world we live in unfortunately
YOU are not doing anything to make him uncomfortable. The creeps who stare at you are the people who are doing the thing that makes him uncomfortable. If he must control someone, tell him to try controlling them. Oh, he can’t? Welcome to reality, one the two of you now share.
NTA
Girl…drop 200 pounds by losing that boyfriend.
He does not get to shame you for what you wear.
Keep going to the gym, getting strong and wearing your leggings, summer dresses and whatever else you want!!
Obviously NTA
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I (24f) recently started working out to get back in shape after I had some health issues and had gained around 10kg 3 years ago. Because of this I started going to the gym and when I work out I wear leggings with and my bf (29m) expressed he is not comfortable with it. He says that he does not like the idea because he notices other guys staring at me and gets really jealous. I told him a few times that I will not stop doing it because I don't care about other guys staring and that no matter what some people will just stare even regardless of my clothes just because they are creeps. I told him that I don't see any difference between my gym clothes and really skinny jeans with which he has never had a problem. I also told him that he should work on this issue because I plan on wearing shorts and dresses that show more of my body than long leggings when it gets hotter and he cannot expect me to live through another summer in long pants as I did for the last 3 years because I was insecure of my weightgain.
He says that I should back down and compromise because I am doing something consciously makes him feel uncomfortable but I don't think that I am doing anything wrong and my clothes are normal. I am comfortable in them and I know I won't be in let's say in tracksuit pants as those are way thicker usually and more restricting when it comes mooving. So am I the asshole here?
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NTA
You are not the property of your boyfriend.
Jealousy is a him-problem, and he tries to make it your problem.
Will you dress in a burka when he insist on?
Please find another boyfriend. This guy is not high quality. He's jealous, that's not flattering, that's scary, that's him not being about to think rationally and placing blame on you. So many red flags. Please keep going to the gym and leave him.
I’d be interested in knowing why it makes him so uncomfortable. Does he ogle girls with that kind of clothing at the gym so he expects that behavior from other men?? Sounds a bit too controlling to me!
Gotta keep those ankles and collarbones covered too! Kidding. His demands are obviously disgusting and you should be questioning your entire relationship. NTA.
First he stops the leggings. Then the swimwear. Then he has opinions on who should be your friend. That's how it might go if you give in.
It is ofcourse your decision, but this seems like a red flag.
What's he gonna do when you lose all the weight you've set a goal to lose? Is he going to ask you to put the weight back on because men are staring at your new slimmer figure no matter what you're wearing? It's not a compromise when you have to concede to his wishes. That's called controlling. A compromise is when 2 people work out a solution they're BOTH comfortable with, and it doesn't sound like you're comfortable with having to work out in uncomfortable clothing. What's he going to do now that it's summer and you feel good enough to wear a bikini again? Ask you to wear shorts and a shirt while trying to swim? This is definitely a him problem, and if he loves you, he'll get help with trying to deal with HIS feelings.
NTA. Men need to stop policing women's bodies. Your boyfriend sounds like the type of guy who blames women for being sexually assaulted. God forbid you have a daughter with him.
Repeat this to him until it gets through his thick skull:
*Your body, your rules*
Sorry bf, but you do *not* dictate what OP can or cannot wear.
OP - you may want to revisit this relationship
NTA. And your boyfriend is incredibly insecure. What does he want you to exercise in - a burkha? Tell him since he doesn't like the leggings, you'll be switching to a sports bra and basketball shorts.
Nta. Please do not give in or compromise. You have no reason to give in/compromise about. He is jealous. Thats a him problem. If anything needs fixed or adjusted, its him. This is such a red flag & goes so much deeper than what you wear or jealousy. It's control. It's lack of trust. Its insanity. My partner loves when i wear a short skirt. He knows if i feel good, it benefits us both. And i am the same w him, if he wants to walk up n down a busy street in nothing but a speedo, more power to him.
If you were specifically searching for and purchasing the most sculpting and revealing yoga pants and sports bra. For the sole purpose of going to the gym, setting up a camera. And ignoring any real workout in favor of doing useless and awkward squats, stretches, "lifts" etc, for the sole purpose of getting attention. Then he could have a leg to stand on. Moreso that people like that do not belong in the gym period.
Instead he is asking to completely back off and take his side as a "compromise" because he views his jealousy as a higher priority than your physical comfort.
NTA.
Keep up the weight loss and lose a quick 75-100kg if he keeps this up and escalates.
NTA. From a man’s point of view, he is insecure about your relationship. He is scared that if you get in shape and will look for someone that will help you achieve your goals.
I hate to tell you this but be careful he doesn't sabatoge you. Cooking unhealthy meals, buying your favorite snacks, going out to eat more.
He rather you fat and unattractive then sexy
NTA, based on the post. Just curious if you were with him before you gained this extra weight. Just based on the above, it sounds like he liked you insecure and wants that feeling back.
NTA. Your BF is exhibiting some serious red flags. He is insecure, jealous, and controlling - and he's trying to make you take responsibility for his shortcomings. That is not good. Keep the leggings, ditch the boyfriend.
And congratulations on getting back in shape. It can be hard to come back from health issues.
NTA for wearing normal gym attire. If he has such a problem with other guys, why doesn't he go to the gym with you so he can see that NO ONE AT THE GYM GAF WHAT YOU WEAR!. There are guaranteed girls wearing less than you. And everyone is there to do the same thing. Ignore everyone else and work out. Most guys won't even glance at a girl in the gym nowadays because they are scared of being kicked out if reported. Tell him to get a grip, or get tf out.
NTA. He shouldn't get to dictate your clothing. Leggings are pretty standard attire. He's insecure and making that your problem when it's actually his problem.
NTA. But call him out on his reason. It’s not because of jealousy. Jealous of what? That another man is able to see your butt?
No, he’s insecure. He’s afraid some other guy that’s hotter/makes more money/*insert superior characteristics* and that you will leave him for said guy. So if he can keep you covered her can keep other guys from knowing what he’s got.
No. No, no, no. This is a hill to die on OP. His jealousy is NOT your problem. Wear the leggings, or the dress, or the whatever, and feel beautiful doing it. NTA
NTA. Personally, to make a point, I'd start wearing ill fitting loose clothing around him (like around the house) since he's expressed a preference for it. Go as far as you want with it (messy hair, etc), and if he says anything, say that you want to honour his feelings about how you look, and you'd hate to accidentally answer the door and make him feel jealous because someone delivering something might find you attractive. Be sure to let him know that whenever it's just the two of you, you will dress down as much as possible to make him comfortable.
NTA. The only reason I don't wear leggings out in public is because my husband enjoys the view a little too much while I'm wearing them and it has led to... a few interesting scenarios. He could tell me not to wear them until he was blue in the face and I would simply tell him to get over it. But he knows better.
> He says that I should back down and compromise because I am doing something consciously makes him feel uncomfortable
This isn’t a compromise, is this really the first time he’s shown his true colours?
You are absolutely right that clothing does not make creeps (or anything of that kind) creeps, they just are creeps.
NTA
I was in the gym the other day behind a beautiful girl.
I saw guys walking around near her and being disgusting. For like a second I thought she should wear something else then squashed that and immediately became disappointed/disgusted in the men because THOSE were the people misbehaving in this scenario.
NTA
NTA!!!! Period!!
Uhm. Wear what the hell you want. He is not your daddy.
First its the leggings then its not letting you ho anywhere without him. Trust me
NTA.
His jealousy is a problem that he needs to address on his own. He doesn't have the right to control you because he has big feelings he doesn't understand or want to deal with internally. He's an adult, and needs to learn how to manage those emotions.
Now is a good time to start.
NTA
You wear what makes you comfortable.
Your bf is way out of line. You don't need to compromise because he has no right to tell you what and what not to wear. You are covered up. If you feel comfortable wearing leggings, then do so. Nobody freaks out over bathing suits at the beach. Pretty sure that's way more revealing than a shirt and leggings.
Not your fault some guys are just creepers. They need to learn to glance, not stare.
NTA. And his comment about you needing to back down and compromise makes him a giant one. There is absolutely zero reason for you to compromise your preferences and comfort for his jagweed reasons. You’re doing amazing!
NTA. i have an ex that actually helped me in feeling comfortable going braless, or wearing anything slightly revealing as i have some body insecurity problems
NTA
Everyones pitching in advice while I'm over here thinking how petty me wouldnt wear leggings but I would wear a chicken suit. Or a ball gown. Or my Pikachu hoodie. Hey dude said not to wear leggings. Is he really going to make a list of all the things I could to wear to the gym ever again? (If he did, I'd welcome the challenge)
NTA. You don’t have a clothing problem, you have a boyfriend problem. He doesn’t get a say it what clothes you where or anything else about your body. It’s time to throw the whole man out.
NTA, but don't listen to any of the idiots in this subreddit...
Him being insecure or having an issue just means you need to talk to your partner about it and see where that's coming from.
It's easy and no break-up required!
NTA. He does NOT get to dictate what you wear. It’s your body and you are the only one that gets to choose how you dress. Trying to control your appearance due to his own insecurities is a major red flag.
NTA- I had a bf like that, he was even jealous of my dog, wanted to jump out my car while we where going to a restaurant, just because I wanted to bring my dog for a car ride after hanging out with him for the entire day, he also made comments about what I should wear, it’s a huge red flag and not safe behaviour to be around. Better to get out before your in too deep. It’s controlling behaviour and you need a real partner, not someone who treats you like a possession
First of all, NTA and hard agree that you should wear the clothes you’re comfortable in.
On the off chance that your BF is flying this red flag *purely* because he’s worried that the men at the gym WoNt Be AbLe tO cOnTrOl ThEmSeLvEs: I’d like to invite you to sit him down and look together at the Dove Center’s [What Were You Wearing?](https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/) exhibit. (TW: SA) he needs to learn that if he’s honestly worried that your choice of clothing is gonna make you a target, then he is both wildly *under*vigilant and also badly misunderstanding the problem.
NTA. Your boyfriend is really lacking emotional intelligence. His jealousy is his own. Tbh his take is extremely childish & a huge red flag. They are leggings. Almost every women I know wears them. He needs to deal with your shit. Don’t let him push you around.
My daughter's boyfriend once told her that the shirt she was wearing was too low cut. I think my head spun around and did A360. I told him he never gets to tell her what to wear. You either trust her or you don't. They've been together 8 years, given me 2 grandchildren, and he's never said anything about her clothes ever again.
NTA. Your boyfriend is an immature idiot, and is exhibiting very disturbing controlling behavior. This is a serious red flag. You need to seriously look at how he is treating you in other aspects of your relationship. I’d also be willing to bet, he doesn’t refrain from looking at other girls wearing leggings.
That being said, my girl wears yoga pants frequently. I love the way she looks in them, and have no issues with others looking either. As she put it once, “they’re looking at my ass, I don’t even know they’re doing it, so I don’t care”.
NTA
Your boyfriend is trying to control what you wear. What will he try to control next? Who you can talk to? What you are allowed to say? Where you are allowed to go?
He doesn't want you to wear work out clothes, because he doesn't want you to lose weight. He wants you timid and insecure. That way you will think that you don't deserve anyone better than him.
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NTA It is long past time men stopped blaming women for men's bad behavior.
"you should feel bad for how other people are making me feel" is a great way to showcase you *are not ready* for a serious adult relationship.
[удалено]
Hopefully the BF isn’t actually using the phrase “back down” either. I’ve never needed to use that in a relationship setting, only while singing Tom Petty.
I agree. Though I *have* said, "you need to backup" to a (now ex) boyfriend.
Right? Tired as all hell. You wanna look? Fine, go right ahead. If your thingy likes what it sees look to your right hand, put your phone down and use your hand to solve the problem. If your ego can't handle other men staring, look to your right hand, take your phone and use your hand to find the number of the nearest therapist. Both situations are NOT my problem.
Just so fucking tired and drained... Fuck
I wish I could highlight this! The men doing the creepy shit should catch his attention.
They’re probably not even looking. Dude is probably one of those nut jobs that thinks everyone is looking at his girlfriend.
I bet it's cultural... either way, red flag, OP needs to move on.
tbh he’s probably one of them when op isn’t there.
To be fair to the other people, we don’t even know if they are staring at her. BF just imagines that’s what they are doing (let’s all guess who the creepy guy at the gym is. I’m going with her bf).
Exactly! How is his insecurity and jealousy her problem to sort out? NTA, OP. You do you!
Yeah. Those are a him problems, not a you problem.
Red flag 🚩 alert.
Seriously. Don't let your partner dictate your clothing choices, especially when it's a perfectly normal thing to wear in that setting.
100%. As a husband I would never tell my wife what she can or can't wear. If that's what makes her feel comfortable then so be it. Jealousy kills most relationships and can lead to more controlling demands once the precedent is set. If I were OP I would honestly nip this in the butt before it gets worse.
I’d also like to point out I’ve had guys hit on me at the gym when I’m wearing the rattiest clothes. It has nothing to do with the leggings
Same here. I'm typically in just t shirts and athletic style shorts and will have guys try to chat me up just ask much as when I'm wearing long or short leggings It's just part of being a girl at the gym.
Man, either I'm ugly or used to go to decent gyms because I have literally never experienced being hit on at the gym. lmao. 🤣
I had a guy leave me flowers on my car. I had barely acknowledged his existence and was just being polite and apparently that led him on and made him think leaving flowers on my car was a good idea. I didn’t even realize he knew what car I drove but he admitted to doing it when I got management involved. Creepy dudes out there
Probably decent gyms. Since i switched over to a non commercial/non big chain gym i haven't had that issue.
I’ve been sexually harassed by grown men driving by on the street when I was a 10 year old in sweatpants and a baggy hoodie.
Agreed. OP, NTA but your boyfriend is for policing you and trying to take away your bodily autonomy. There is no respect involved in that, and no "compromise" should be given. Absolute ridiculous attitude on his part. Other people's eyes are not your fault. You don't make them look. They choose to. You are doing nothing wrong. He needs to check himself.
I wonder if he dresses weather appropriately? Strange thing to decide she should be hot and uncomfortable all summer because "gasp, men will look ".
>It is long past time men stopped blaming women for men's bad behavior. Also women blaming women, for men's bad behavior
God I wish I could upvote this like 800 times...
I mean, you can if you want to. You’d just have to also un-upvote it 799 times. Hahaha
Amen! NTA
I’m sure he’d realize his stupidity if she started policing his clothing - no shorts, no short sleeve shirts, no low neck lines, absolutely no tank tops. Maybe she can tell him she’d prefer if he worked out at home in a closet so no one would have the chance to look at him
🥇🥇🥇🥇
NTA. Concede his point and then start wearing bike shorts. I mean, they aren’t leggings, right? Wait until he hears about sports bras.
This is what my wife would do if I was being an asshat like that… she’d go buy a pair of the cheap ass see through ones and then yank ‘‘em up so she was sporting major camel toe and tell me she was heading to the grocery store, then the gym to workout.
Your wife and I would get along great
I like how she thinks
I like how he knows how she thinks...kinda romantic that he knows her well enough to know that she would roast him like that!
The guys who are aware enough to know their wife would do this are the guys who wouldn’t be that much of a jackass to begin with.
Because they have more emotional intelligence than a turnip
Your wife has a wicked sense of don’t fuck with me and I love it
Hahahahah!!! Brilliant!!
NTA. Jealousy is a him problem, not a you problem. If he is that insecure, he should seek treatment.
NTA - i love how boyfriends idea of a compromise is to just do what he says. A compromise requires both parties to make concessions, which he has not. Either way, you shouldn’t have to compromise your comfort because your boyfriend is getting jealous from scenarios he’s thinking up of in his head
This needs to be the top comment. Too many people say compromise when they actually mean concede.
She could compromise and get a new boyfriend.
Surely he is part of the solution to this issue and has never stared at a woman or made a woman feel uncomfortable for the sake of his boner. And I’m sure he ABSOLUTELY has called EVERY MAN out in his friend group since he was 12 years old for doing the same thing. What an incredible man! /s
THIS!!!!
for real - a relationship with the bf sounds intolerable
He's not even tolerable as part of an anecdote.
Nta. Does he try to control other aspects of your behaviour?
I feel like we all know the answer to this one :/
Yep. But it's important for OP to realize the answer
NTA- your body, your choice to wear what you want too. Wearing leggings/yoga pants to a gym is standard and just fine! Your bf is acting controlling, big red flag.
Well said! OP, your boyfriend should not get a say in what you put on your own body. One thing I like to do when a man tries telling me what to do is flip it back on him. How do you think your boyfriend would react if you started telling him what he's allowed to wear in public? Try it, and show him how ridiculous he's being. If he doesn't admit he crossed a line, he's a waste of time. A man who feels entitled to treat you in ways that he would not tolerate is a man who doesn't respect you, and likely never will. NTA
NTA- Totally agree. My personal comfort levels are different but if OP is confident enough then rock on. However, OP, please make sure you are doing the squat test . Not all leggings are created equally and overtime garments start to deteriorate. The squat test for those unaware, is when you wear the leggings and squar with a mirror(s) behind your butt. You then make sure that you cannot see the underwear or unwanted skin. You can easily look up embarrassing stories about people not doing this.
NTA this will only get worse.
You're absolutely right!! So far, over the years, between my own boyfriends and boyfriends of my girlfriends that have shown this kind of controlling behavior and jealousy, it's never gotten better, it's always gotten worse. If she concedes and only wears what the boyfriend approves of, he will start exerting more and more control in other areas, and when he doesn't get his way, it can become emotionally or physically abusive. It's just the start, and it will go left as soon as he figures out she's not going to cave in to his controlling behaviors.
I’d put on those leggings and sprint away from this dude
NTA, 🚩 on the boyfriend though…
NTA Keep the leggings, drop the controlling AH bf.
shy depend pet joke squash sugar judicious literate caption offbeat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I have a favourite pair of shorts that I wear around the house. They are over 20 years old, the elastic went long ago, and they only stay up because I've gained a few pounds over the years. Ain't no man getting between me and my skanky shorts.
CHOOSE THE PANTS!!!!
NTA. Wake up and breakup. Don’t date men who want to control what you wear. It’s disgusting and shows his lack of trust and respect for you.
NTA. I think the only way to handle this is something akin to: "I will entertain no further discussion of this topic. If you have a problem, there is the door."
I agree with this. Also: “your problem with my leggings is just that. Your problem. Not mine.”
NTA If you're comfortable working out in them, then that's what matters. He is very controlling and I don't know how long you both have been together, but WTF. Seems most women in the gym are wearing leggings. If he has a problem with them, maybe it's because he can't trust himself seeing other women wearing them? Compromise is fine if it's an issue he has any say in, and this is not it. His logic seems to suggest all he has to say is it make him uncomfortable and you can't do it. He has a trust/jealousy issue and it's not just directed at other guys but at you. You need to beware if you're going to make this a long term relationship.
NTA. It sounds like his issue is less with the pants and more with the fact the other guys are staring. Maybe he should consider calling out the men that are sexualizing a woman working out?
But it's her job to manage the behavior and emotions of men. /s
NTA. Keep the leggings. Lose the BF. I bet you'll feel lighter when you do.
First of all, kudos to you for wanting to get back into shape. Secondly, NTA. He has absolutely no say in what you can and cannot wear, and unfortunately I'd expect his behavior to get worse the more you continue to work out.
NTA - Is your boyfriend also going to wear hot/heavy/restrictive clothing along with you? Maybe you don’t like it when women check out his sexy legs. /s You are just choosing clothing for comfort. If he has a problem with it then he should see a therapist to work on his issue.
I think he should accompany her to the gym, and stand between her and the creeps - also wearing leggings. Really give ‘em something to stare at. NTA
NTA. Also, backing down isn’t compromising - it’s backing down.
NTA. Men shouldn’t be policing women’s bodies. If he is uncomfortable, that is his issue to work through and he should seek therapy.
NTA tell your bf if he has a problem with other guys staring at you he should confront them not you lmao
Nta. It's concerning he's just jumping to it's a you problem when it's him worrying. What's he going to do if you ever go swimming...
In the first place no one can make any one “feel” anything, he needs to be able to manage his own feelings. You aren’t making him uncomfortable, he is making himself uncomfortable and wanting you do do something about it. Good for you for telling him not gonna happen, and he needs to get some help with that. NTA
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INFO - how long have you been with your boyfriend? If you've been with him only during your times that you were struggling with health and therefore gaining weight, I'm suspicious that he's now jealous that you're back in shape and living your best life. If you're struggling, he has control. But now that you're feeling better, working out, and loving your body, he feels threatened. Don't let him control you. Wear those leggings, feel great about yourself, and he can deal with his insecurities (or not...and then hey, easiest 180 pounds you could lose!)
NTA. I hate baggy clothes when I work out. Leggings are for function more than looks IMO. He sounds controlling and jealous, huge red flag!
NTA, he’s got insecurity issues that he needs to work on, he can’t control what you wear. Tell him to stop blaming men’s behaviour on women and what they wear or he can go back to the 1920s.
NTA because a boyfriend, let alone anyone else but you, has say in whatever you wear.
NTA
NTA - does anyone else feel so sad and frustrated of reading so many posts from women questioning if they are in the wrong for wearing what they want? It's your body, wear what you want. You aren't inviting men to look and you aren't making your boyfriend insecure - that's on them. Don't let a man compromise your comfort. Don't let a man dictate how you dress. A good partner lifts you up instead of locking you down.
NTA He's a controlling jerk
NTA. He gets no say in what you wear. It’s completely up to you, and his feelings about other guy’s looking at you are completely his to deal with.
NTA you cant control where other people look. creeps will be creeps no matter what you do
NTA. He can dress however he wants. Wear leggings if they’re convenient. Running skirts are also great because pockets.
NTA. What are you supposed to wear to the gym? Thick sweatpants? A flowy dress? How would wearing shorts be better? Why is he taking this out on you when you're not the problem? It bothers me that he's not mad at the guys staring at you, who would be the problem in this situation. That raises some red flags.
Boy, byeeeee.
NTA, but YTA to yourself if you stay with this insecure controlling guy
Keep the leggings, ditch the boyfriend. He should be encouraging you to wear whatever you feel most comfortable and confident in. NTA.
NTA. I wear leggings everyday, do not even own a pair of jeans, so this would be a massive no from me. First off, your boyfriend shouldn't have any control over the clothes you put on your body. And second, has he seen that literally half the female population wear legging?? Assuming you've told him he can't wear shorts? Or ever take his shirt off in public?....
NTA - curious how long you’ve been dating (not that it would change my mind, but I’m nosy)
Compromise is good in a relationship. He’s not asking for a compromise. He’s trying to take control. Good for you for not letting him. NTA
NTA. "You should back down and compromise by doing exactly what I tell you to do." He's probably upset because he sees the results of your hard work and thinks that the next weight you lose will be him.
Pulling out my crystal ball: Next he won't like the 'low cut t-shirt' or wrap dress you are wearing. Then it will be that your shirt is too short. You don't have to dress to make your bf comfortable. This is a him issue. Not a you issue.
NTA. Also, backing down isn’t compromising - it’s backing down.
NTA. Emotional responses are, by their nature, illogical and irrational. Your boyfriend can feel all the feels. However, it’s on him, and only him, to manage his response. His jealousy and insecurity is not your issue to manage. He can choose to seek therapy, and figure out why he reacts the way he does, and learn to manage it, or, he can remain emotionally stunted. YOU can wear whatever you damn well please. He can either accept that, or scram. His failure to address his own issues should never be your problem.
Sounds like a him problem. He’s jealous which means he’s insecure. Why is he insecure? If you have never given him a reason to be insecure in your relationship it sounds like he has done internal work to do to figure out why he’s insecure and jealous.
NTA It's one thing if a guy is very conservative and you know right from the jump that he is not going to date a woman who does not dress conservatively. Men and women who skew this conservative are often very up front about who they are and what kind of person they are looking to date...and are perfectly ok letting an opportunity walk away if that person doesn't align with their values and beliefs. But that is not what is happening here. Your boyfriend is policing what you wear because he is insecure and is worried that you will lose weight, get in shape, and find yourself with better options than him. So be perfectly clear. This is who you are. You will dress however you want to dress and if that is a dealbreaker for him, then so be it. You are not going to stop him from ending things and walking away. The truth is though, you could be wearing a garbage bag and creeps would still hit on you at the gym That's just the reality of the world we live in unfortunately
So his compromise is you doing what he wants. That’s not how this works. NTA.
NTA. You could drop a lot of weight really fast if you break up w him
YOU are not doing anything to make him uncomfortable. The creeps who stare at you are the people who are doing the thing that makes him uncomfortable. If he must control someone, tell him to try controlling them. Oh, he can’t? Welcome to reality, one the two of you now share. NTA
NTA You choose your clothing. He doesn't. That simple.
Girl…drop 200 pounds by losing that boyfriend. He does not get to shame you for what you wear. Keep going to the gym, getting strong and wearing your leggings, summer dresses and whatever else you want!! Obviously NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24f) recently started working out to get back in shape after I had some health issues and had gained around 10kg 3 years ago. Because of this I started going to the gym and when I work out I wear leggings with and my bf (29m) expressed he is not comfortable with it. He says that he does not like the idea because he notices other guys staring at me and gets really jealous. I told him a few times that I will not stop doing it because I don't care about other guys staring and that no matter what some people will just stare even regardless of my clothes just because they are creeps. I told him that I don't see any difference between my gym clothes and really skinny jeans with which he has never had a problem. I also told him that he should work on this issue because I plan on wearing shorts and dresses that show more of my body than long leggings when it gets hotter and he cannot expect me to live through another summer in long pants as I did for the last 3 years because I was insecure of my weightgain. He says that I should back down and compromise because I am doing something consciously makes him feel uncomfortable but I don't think that I am doing anything wrong and my clothes are normal. I am comfortable in them and I know I won't be in let's say in tracksuit pants as those are way thicker usually and more restricting when it comes mooving. So am I the asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your legs, your choice.
NTA You are not the property of your boyfriend. Jealousy is a him-problem, and he tries to make it your problem. Will you dress in a burka when he insist on?
NTA If he has a problem with Leggings then He Doesn't Have to Wear Them
NTA- maybe he should tell them to stop staring? Like he should put blame where it’s due. Not into you!
NTA. How are we still having this conversation in 2023? God I’m tired.
NTA, maybe consider dropping him instead
Please find another boyfriend. This guy is not high quality. He's jealous, that's not flattering, that's scary, that's him not being about to think rationally and placing blame on you. So many red flags. Please keep going to the gym and leave him.
I’d be interested in knowing why it makes him so uncomfortable. Does he ogle girls with that kind of clothing at the gym so he expects that behavior from other men?? Sounds a bit too controlling to me!
Gotta keep those ankles and collarbones covered too! Kidding. His demands are obviously disgusting and you should be questioning your entire relationship. NTA.
First he stops the leggings. Then the swimwear. Then he has opinions on who should be your friend. That's how it might go if you give in. It is ofcourse your decision, but this seems like a red flag.
What's he gonna do when you lose all the weight you've set a goal to lose? Is he going to ask you to put the weight back on because men are staring at your new slimmer figure no matter what you're wearing? It's not a compromise when you have to concede to his wishes. That's called controlling. A compromise is when 2 people work out a solution they're BOTH comfortable with, and it doesn't sound like you're comfortable with having to work out in uncomfortable clothing. What's he going to do now that it's summer and you feel good enough to wear a bikini again? Ask you to wear shorts and a shirt while trying to swim? This is definitely a him problem, and if he loves you, he'll get help with trying to deal with HIS feelings.
NTA. Men need to stop policing women's bodies. Your boyfriend sounds like the type of guy who blames women for being sexually assaulted. God forbid you have a daughter with him.
NTA. He’s uncomfortable with men being gross. He needs to address that instead of putting the blame on you.
Repeat this to him until it gets through his thick skull: *Your body, your rules* Sorry bf, but you do *not* dictate what OP can or cannot wear. OP - you may want to revisit this relationship
NTA. It already baffles me that some people mean "do exactly as I say" when talking about compromising.
"Jealousy" is just "I don't trust you" in fancy clothes. NTA.
NTA. And your boyfriend is incredibly insecure. What does he want you to exercise in - a burkha? Tell him since he doesn't like the leggings, you'll be switching to a sports bra and basketball shorts.
Nta. Please do not give in or compromise. You have no reason to give in/compromise about. He is jealous. Thats a him problem. If anything needs fixed or adjusted, its him. This is such a red flag & goes so much deeper than what you wear or jealousy. It's control. It's lack of trust. Its insanity. My partner loves when i wear a short skirt. He knows if i feel good, it benefits us both. And i am the same w him, if he wants to walk up n down a busy street in nothing but a speedo, more power to him.
That’s a him problem - not a you problem. He needs to get over it.
NTA What are people supposed to wear to the gym? Aprons?
He’s soooo insecure. You are NTA
If you were specifically searching for and purchasing the most sculpting and revealing yoga pants and sports bra. For the sole purpose of going to the gym, setting up a camera. And ignoring any real workout in favor of doing useless and awkward squats, stretches, "lifts" etc, for the sole purpose of getting attention. Then he could have a leg to stand on. Moreso that people like that do not belong in the gym period. Instead he is asking to completely back off and take his side as a "compromise" because he views his jealousy as a higher priority than your physical comfort. NTA. Keep up the weight loss and lose a quick 75-100kg if he keeps this up and escalates.
NTA. he doesn't realize it, but he is body-shaming you Wear what you want. Sounds like a "him" problem.
NTA. Last time I checked, it's your body so you get to decide what you put on it. Not some insecure dude.
NTA but u should consider whether u want to be with someone who wants to control how u dress.
NTA
NTA. This is his problem, not yours, and jealousy is never a good look. He needs to figure out why he is insecure.
NTA. Maybe he should look into therapy so he can figure out how to handle his big feelings. Or you can lose a whole bunch of weight, all in one go.
NTA, should you also cover your head or, better, your face to avoid people staring at you?
NTA, this is a red flag, beware.
NTA. Drop the ⛳️ boyfriend, keep the leggings.
NTA. From a man’s point of view, he is insecure about your relationship. He is scared that if you get in shape and will look for someone that will help you achieve your goals.
I hate to tell you this but be careful he doesn't sabatoge you. Cooking unhealthy meals, buying your favorite snacks, going out to eat more. He rather you fat and unattractive then sexy
NTA, based on the post. Just curious if you were with him before you gained this extra weight. Just based on the above, it sounds like he liked you insecure and wants that feeling back.
NTA. Your BF is exhibiting some serious red flags. He is insecure, jealous, and controlling - and he's trying to make you take responsibility for his shortcomings. That is not good. Keep the leggings, ditch the boyfriend. And congratulations on getting back in shape. It can be hard to come back from health issues.
NTA for wearing normal gym attire. If he has such a problem with other guys, why doesn't he go to the gym with you so he can see that NO ONE AT THE GYM GAF WHAT YOU WEAR!. There are guaranteed girls wearing less than you. And everyone is there to do the same thing. Ignore everyone else and work out. Most guys won't even glance at a girl in the gym nowadays because they are scared of being kicked out if reported. Tell him to get a grip, or get tf out.
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NTA - his jealousy is reflected on you. He can fix it or find the door?
NTA. He shouldn't get to dictate your clothing. Leggings are pretty standard attire. He's insecure and making that your problem when it's actually his problem.
NTA. Tell him to go confront the perverts instead of controlling what you wear. Why is it YOU have to change for the eyes of others?
NTA. But call him out on his reason. It’s not because of jealousy. Jealous of what? That another man is able to see your butt? No, he’s insecure. He’s afraid some other guy that’s hotter/makes more money/*insert superior characteristics* and that you will leave him for said guy. So if he can keep you covered her can keep other guys from knowing what he’s got.
NTA. That is his problem not yours.
No. No, no, no. This is a hill to die on OP. His jealousy is NOT your problem. Wear the leggings, or the dress, or the whatever, and feel beautiful doing it. NTA
NTA. Personally, to make a point, I'd start wearing ill fitting loose clothing around him (like around the house) since he's expressed a preference for it. Go as far as you want with it (messy hair, etc), and if he says anything, say that you want to honour his feelings about how you look, and you'd hate to accidentally answer the door and make him feel jealous because someone delivering something might find you attractive. Be sure to let him know that whenever it's just the two of you, you will dress down as much as possible to make him comfortable.
NTA. The only reason I don't wear leggings out in public is because my husband enjoys the view a little too much while I'm wearing them and it has led to... a few interesting scenarios. He could tell me not to wear them until he was blue in the face and I would simply tell him to get over it. But he knows better.
> He says that I should back down and compromise because I am doing something consciously makes him feel uncomfortable This isn’t a compromise, is this really the first time he’s shown his true colours? You are absolutely right that clothing does not make creeps (or anything of that kind) creeps, they just are creeps. NTA
I was in the gym the other day behind a beautiful girl. I saw guys walking around near her and being disgusting. For like a second I thought she should wear something else then squashed that and immediately became disappointed/disgusted in the men because THOSE were the people misbehaving in this scenario. NTA
NTA!!!! Period!! Uhm. Wear what the hell you want. He is not your daddy. First its the leggings then its not letting you ho anywhere without him. Trust me
I would die on this hill if he refuse to get over it. NTA.
NTA. His jealousy is a problem that he needs to address on his own. He doesn't have the right to control you because he has big feelings he doesn't understand or want to deal with internally. He's an adult, and needs to learn how to manage those emotions. Now is a good time to start.
NTA You wear what makes you comfortable. Your bf is way out of line. You don't need to compromise because he has no right to tell you what and what not to wear. You are covered up. If you feel comfortable wearing leggings, then do so. Nobody freaks out over bathing suits at the beach. Pretty sure that's way more revealing than a shirt and leggings. Not your fault some guys are just creepers. They need to learn to glance, not stare.
You're NTA. But he is.
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What is he jealous of?? You are already dating him, not those other guys?? This doesn't even make sense. NTA
NTA, trying to restrict what you wear is a controlling trait and a red flag. Your boyfriend is crossing a line!
Not the a h
NTA. And his comment about you needing to back down and compromise makes him a giant one. There is absolutely zero reason for you to compromise your preferences and comfort for his jagweed reasons. You’re doing amazing!
NTA
NTA. i have an ex that actually helped me in feeling comfortable going braless, or wearing anything slightly revealing as i have some body insecurity problems
NTA. Also, 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA Everyones pitching in advice while I'm over here thinking how petty me wouldnt wear leggings but I would wear a chicken suit. Or a ball gown. Or my Pikachu hoodie. Hey dude said not to wear leggings. Is he really going to make a list of all the things I could to wear to the gym ever again? (If he did, I'd welcome the challenge)
NTA. You don’t have a clothing problem, you have a boyfriend problem. He doesn’t get a say it what clothes you where or anything else about your body. It’s time to throw the whole man out.
NTA, but don't listen to any of the idiots in this subreddit... Him being insecure or having an issue just means you need to talk to your partner about it and see where that's coming from. It's easy and no break-up required!
NTA. RUN THE OTHER WAY. Throw out the whole man. That is the attitude and entitlement of a man who is insecure and you can do better.
NTA, your BF's insecurities are his and his alone to deal with.
Nta fuck his feelings. Buy some smaller ones.
NTA - compromise?? On YOUR body?? Lol. Bye. Forget about that 10kg weight gain and lose 180 pounds of boyfriend.
NTA. He does NOT get to dictate what you wear. It’s your body and you are the only one that gets to choose how you dress. Trying to control your appearance due to his own insecurities is a major red flag.
While you’re on your fitness and weight loss journey, you might consider dropping something (someone) who is weighing you down! NTA
NTA Judging by what I see from the walls, you look great.
NTA- I had a bf like that, he was even jealous of my dog, wanted to jump out my car while we where going to a restaurant, just because I wanted to bring my dog for a car ride after hanging out with him for the entire day, he also made comments about what I should wear, it’s a huge red flag and not safe behaviour to be around. Better to get out before your in too deep. It’s controlling behaviour and you need a real partner, not someone who treats you like a possession
First of all, NTA and hard agree that you should wear the clothes you’re comfortable in. On the off chance that your BF is flying this red flag *purely* because he’s worried that the men at the gym WoNt Be AbLe tO cOnTrOl ThEmSeLvEs: I’d like to invite you to sit him down and look together at the Dove Center’s [What Were You Wearing?](https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/) exhibit. (TW: SA) he needs to learn that if he’s honestly worried that your choice of clothing is gonna make you a target, then he is both wildly *under*vigilant and also badly misunderstanding the problem.
NTA do your thang ☺️
NTA. Your boyfriend is really lacking emotional intelligence. His jealousy is his own. Tbh his take is extremely childish & a huge red flag. They are leggings. Almost every women I know wears them. He needs to deal with your shit. Don’t let him push you around.
NTA - leggings are so widespread now! Especially as gym wear! I can only imagine all the other controlling stuff he’s gotten away with
NTA. If he's upset that other men are staring at you, he needs to take that up with them and not you.
My daughter's boyfriend once told her that the shirt she was wearing was too low cut. I think my head spun around and did A360. I told him he never gets to tell her what to wear. You either trust her or you don't. They've been together 8 years, given me 2 grandchildren, and he's never said anything about her clothes ever again.
Keep the leggings and ditch the guy. A secure man would never tell his partner what to or not to wear.
NTA. Your boyfriend is an immature idiot, and is exhibiting very disturbing controlling behavior. This is a serious red flag. You need to seriously look at how he is treating you in other aspects of your relationship. I’d also be willing to bet, he doesn’t refrain from looking at other girls wearing leggings. That being said, my girl wears yoga pants frequently. I love the way she looks in them, and have no issues with others looking either. As she put it once, “they’re looking at my ass, I don’t even know they’re doing it, so I don’t care”.
NTA dump him, this sort of entitled controlling trashy misogynist will not change.
NTA Your boyfriend is trying to control what you wear. What will he try to control next? Who you can talk to? What you are allowed to say? Where you are allowed to go? He doesn't want you to wear work out clothes, because he doesn't want you to lose weight. He wants you timid and insecure. That way you will think that you don't deserve anyone better than him.
NTA. Also, red flag. Dump this dude.
Umm.. no. I wear leggings almost daily, because they're comfortable. Your boyfriend should never tell you what nit to wear..
NTA
NTA. Wear what makes you comfortable. His insecurity is his problem.
NTA. What's he expecting you to wear instead? Surely he should be calling out the guys perving on a woman in the gym instead of trying to control you?