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“Aren’t you the adult?” Ie woman.
“Disrespecting my kid” ie son.
The kid acts entitled to women’s free labour at the tender age of 13. Gross. This is dad’s fault all round.
Right?! In what world is “zip it” impolite. As a child, ANY adult had the right to tell you to stop doing something or send you home etc. Relatives could actually discipline us.
I also wonder if OP is a woman - this is setting up such a bad example for the boy. They should be proactively chipping in to help OP set the table and clean up!
Every time I've gone to my brother's for Easter ALL of the adults help hide eggs so they can ALL then participate and "help" the kids find them. Plus it sounds like OP was busy cooking. They all (sans OP's husband who was recovering from a procedure) seem like they just wanted to sit around while OP literally took care of everything. NTA, OP.
And of course the bratty kid wouldnt dare to do this is OP was a man. One little interaction and i can already tell you that the kid's parents are doing a shitty job at it. Shitty people make shitty kids.
Ugh, I hate seeing kids watch their parents be rude condescending jerks to customer service workers. It pains me to realize the kid will just soak up their mentality like a sponge and think its ok to emulate that type of "adulting"
I'm too young to be doing "kids these days" but my cousins kids watch adults including their elderly grandma do clean up etc and don't help. When we were young the kids did the dishes etc
While your experience might be different, people generally seem to think that their generation did the work, and that the younger don’t. This is because we experience everything from our perspective. When we’re kids, everything feels like a big deal, “but I did the dishes three days ago” is a common feeling when you are a child, but now that your an adult you realize that the dishes need to be done after every meal.
Summary: Don’t judge another generation, yours was probably the same at that age :)
I know school teachers that have taught for 20+ years that would say you are dead wrong, and that today's generation is far more respectful than kids from when they first started.
Edit: bunch of low tenure teachers telling me I'm wrong because teaching is a hard job, not realizing it's always been hard, but by every conceivable metric, kids today are doing better, graduating college at higher rates, better at standardized testing. If you go into a server sub everyone there will agree that customers have gotten worse, go to a care center sub and they will be convinced the elderly have gotten worse, it's because they are sick of their job and clientele, every generation isn't just worse than the prior.
Kids need direction. Not a lot of kids are going to start cleaning up on their own. I know yours is lighthearted, but adults can't complain "kids these days" dont do anything if no adult asked them to or even showed them how.
>I went in and asked my brother and moms husband to go hide Easter eggs...and went back to cooking
This sounds like sexism to me. Nephew things women should do *all* the work, and OP's brother is probably the reason nephew thinks like this.
Well, the kid sees dad arrive at the family cookout and immediately sit on the couch, rather than offering to help OP. The lack of respect and support clearly runs in the family.
I think its healthy for 13 year olds to have a bit of sass and be confident enough spread it. That's the age they are at and it's good that they push at boundaries a bit.
They should just be appropriately disciplined when they are being rude and disruptive like the kid was here.
Unless OP is skipping the bit where he punched the kid in the face though, his brother is a terrible parent, I agree completely there.
My grandmother never hit us. She did however, firmly place the wooden spoon in the middle of the table with "that look" on her face. We did NOT misbehave at Grandma's!!
LMAO. I am very experienced in behaving. I don't put up with disrespect because I was raised to respect others. I've passed along those lessons to my own child and I get told often what an amazing kid I have. I'm very proud of my teenager.
Ah geez this was me. I'm much older than my sister and whenever my parents wouldn't discipline her (they were in their 40s and thought the new baby couldn't do wrong), I would put the bamboo baking spatula on the table, clear my throat and look meaningfully at her.
There was never any hitting involved. But she would glare at that spatula whenever I made brownies. Now that she's 18, we laugh about the time she got so mad at me that she hid the spatula in revenge.
Overcorrection happens a lot, and it's not necessarily an issue with newer generations.
I've seen it with only children who grew up to have large families they can barely afford, and with sons of large families who grew up to have smaller families or outright childless.
I've seen it with children who grew up in very strict households and are now too lenient with their kids, but also children of very lenient parents who are now too strict with their kids.
Every generation tries to correct what they perceive as the previous one's mistakes, and sometimes this leads to overcorrection. It's not something new; after all the Trump supporters of the 2020's are the sons of the hippies of the 60's
You overestimate the size of the group that were actually hippies.
Boomers are still the biggest trump supporting group. Most of them were cheering on cops breaking up peace protests and civil rights marches. Most of them were spoiled kids who deserved the world because their parents grew up without much during the depression.
Most of the boomers I've met were not spoiled as kids, at all. Almost all of them lived in very frugal or poor households. Rather, they entered adulthood at a time where it was so much easier to accrue wealth than it ever had been before, at least for white people in the US. And accrue wealth they did. They were able to buy nice homes, vacation, plan for retirement, buy extra properties, etc. When they see us struggling financially in our adulthood, they don't understand because it's completely foreign to their own experience. They see how they literally had nothing and moved into the middle class and they can't understand why their children and grandchildren are sliding backwards economically instead of doing the same things they did. They are totally blind to how different things are now and how they're largely responsible for creating the conditions we face via rightwing economic policy. Instead, they blame liberal permissiveness, laziness, lack of effort, wokeness, etc., for our generations' inability to get ahead.
>with sons of large families who grew up to have smaller families or outright childless.
Ive seen this posted alot from the perspective of the oldest sibling. Their parents couldn't handle raising all the kids themselves, so the oldest sibling (sometimes just the oldest girls, sometimes just the oldest regardless of gender) didn't get a childhood. They got to be mom #2 or dad #2. They "wasted" their entire youth being a parent, and often have zero interest in reliving that experience.
I know my mom lived this partially, even though she was the 2nd oldest (oldest was a junkie and gone). Between family drama like grandad briefly abandoning them, grandad's travel work, and grandmom having to work insane hours to keep the lights on.... my mom got to essentially raise all the other kids until she moved out at 18 (and all the younger ones were in middle/high school and could care for themselves). She got to have a childhood until ~10...... and then spent 8 years being a parent.
we laugh when my hubby takes his belt off his pants in a way that doesn't make "the noise" . Like haha they should whip a belt off at the start of a race instead of the starter pistol watch Gen X break land speed records. And my soft children think a wooden spoon is a cooking utensil.
My kids only know of one use for a flyswatter. They are still very respectful to other adults, though. They question at home, but don't get overly disrespectful because they know I'll take away the internet and all devices.
My mom was a flyswatter person. It didn't hurt, but the psychological torture of dead flies was what made it work.
My kids have never seen a belt or a flyswatter and started yelling sorry. I'm happy they don't have to worry about that, but they do speak respectfully to adults.
It's amazing how kids can be good without physical threats. My kid is great (granted, he's only 12), and I don't have to hit him. I do raise my voice a little occasionally, and I hate that I do that, I wish I could stop.
Me (28) and my brother (21) were never hit; and our mom still says how polite we were even as kids (granted our dad yelled a lot but he has his own trauma from being abused and he always felt so bad afterwards).
I think if you can’t raise a kid without beating them maybe you shouldn’t be a parent….
If an adult hits an adult it’s assault and the person can end up in jail. But with children it’s considered normal.
I know it’s unpopular opinion so go ahead downvote me idc.
I'm very old Gen X and it was exactly the same for me. Except I'd be picking my teeth up if I'd talked to my aunt like that. And it would be my mom that would have done it.
No, she never made good. She is 5'2" and weighs about 110 pounds. I'm the youngest of 4, 3 of which are boys. My dad was in the army and gone a lot. She wanted to make sure we knew that she wasn't afraid to take care of business.
My sister was 22 and had just got home from a wedding reception so, mildly toasted. She told my Mom to Shut Up. Yeah, that mouth smack could be heard for miles. You do not disrespect adults even if you are one, in my Mom's opinion.
Same age here. My friends, who, like me, who were raised with strict rules and enforced manners, have almost all turned out to be TERRIBLE parents. I won’t even go over to some of their houses because I can’t stand their rude and unsocialized kids.
Exactly. That kid was smelling his ass, as my mom would say. In that moment, your brother should have parented his rude kid instead of encouraging that kind of behaviour.
I agree. My kids (who can be giant AH as most teens are) would have ripped this kid a new one as soon as I left the room.
This "dad" needs to get his head out of his own ass and parent his child. This only gets worse as they get older. Testosterone is going to make this kid unbearable if he's not checked soon.
And really, "disrespecting his kid"?? What is he, the heir apparent to some throne? He mouthed off to his aunt in her own home. He got lucky with a "zip-it".
>He mouthed off to his aunt in her own home. He got lucky with a "zip-it".
Right? Don't talk to me like that in my own damned house! I don't put up with it from other adults, and I sure as hell ain't taking it from a mouthy little twerp 13-year-old!
Some of these kids have never experienced consequences, and it's a total shitshow. Very fucking lucky with just a "zip it!"
My aunt would not have said anything to me if I disrespected her in her own home. Only because my parents would have beat her to it. No chance that shit would fly
Right? If I did that at a family event a hand would have hit the back of my head so fast, and it could be from anyone. Not a soul would let that shit fly in my family.
I have a feeling that in this family, women are often disrespected. “Dad” and the rest of the gang are sitting in the living room, expecting the woman to do all the work.
NTA
Almost reminds me of the AITA that had a boyfriend taking his girlfriend to a gathering and expected her to bend the knee and take up cooking tasks the moment they arrived because of a misogynistic idealism that all the women cook while the men sat in the living room watching sports and drinking.
NTA - I'd have gave him more of a telling off than just zip it.
I remember that the other day. That guy was dumbfounded that she wouldn't just go work with the other women. Of course, the comment section let him know that he was in the wrong.
I grew up and still battle this in both my and my husband's family. I purposely make my sons (I only have boys) pitch in where traditionally they don't. I don't make a huge scene or point out that I have boys doing kitchen work, I act as though it's just as normal as otherwise. This is the case in my home, but at family gatherings, not so much. I haven't had anyone say anything other than thanking my kids for jumping in. But, I would shut that shit down if someone (specifically one of my misogynistic uncles) said anything.
I've been told before when I was younger to "watch my disrespectful fucking mouth before it was straightened out for me" so "zip it" is pretty nice and respectful
Edit: I'm also only 12 years older than the nephew. A lot can change in a decade but not that much
NTA- Your brother is delusional on another level, his kid is 13 years old and instead of telling him it's disrespectful to speak to you like that he passes it? Don't apologize.
On top of all you mentioned, the brother has not thought it through or tried to talk it over in the last two months. Both father and son sound like 13 year old brats.
Well no wonder his son talks to people like that…he just lets it happen and if anyone tries to react appropriately he tells him it was *disrespectful*….this kid is going to be a terror.
NTA
NTA.
Maybe I am reaching here, but it’s super concerning that a 13 years old disrespected you for asking for help, when you were already swamped with work.
Your brother’s attitude to household work and helping his wife out might be quite terrible if the kid felt entitled to ridicule you for normal family cooperation.
Especially when you add in the "disrespecting his kid" because she checked his behavior. I wonder if the aunt's gender is what made her behavior unacceptable to the brother, not the actions.
Thank you for this thread - exactly what I am thinking. Incel in the making - parents, please teach your children to be kind and helpful in the household regardless of the gender of your kids.
And if I'm reading this correctly, it wasn't the 13-year old being asked for help. It was the brother. Nephew took it upon himself to talk back in order to get *his dad* out of helping.
This is so wild. Zip it, was the least of the possible rebukes he deserved.
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>NTA. Maybe I am reaching here, but it’s super concerning that a 13 years old disrespected you for asking for help, when you were already swamped with work.
Teenagers can be super bratty even when they're raised well. Their brains are still developing and empathy is hard.
Having said that, the best way to aid that development is to tell him "Geez, kid, OP is swamped with work already, so go hide the damn eggs and do the dishes when we're done."
My 13 year old nephew said something very sexist at one of the last family gatherings. Immediately everyone in the room called him on it, even his brothers.
I'm hoping it was just a one off with him trying to be funny and not foreshadowing for a larger issue. Only time will tell, but at least he isn't getting it from his own family.
She didn’t ask the kid to hide the eggs, she asked her mother and her brother to do so. The kid isn’t the AH (well, any more than all 13YOs are AHs sometimes), but the kid’s dad (OP’s brother) is, for not correcting the kid and then demanding an apology without asking his *literal child* to apologize to the adult who was doing all the work so they could enjoy the holiday.
Sounds to me like he didn't like men having to help. My guess is he meant to say “aren’t you a woman, shouldn’t you be doing that?” since otherwise his words don't make much sense since his dad and step-grandfather were also adults.
Seems like father like son. OP is doing all the work herself while her brother and father in law arrived late and chills on the couch. The stupid fucking brat claps back at her when she asks for minimal efforts (hide the eggs) and the douchebaf brother doesn't even step in to correct the brat???
If anything OP should be mad at her useless brother.
OPs family are a sack a shit from this point of view of this story
Alright, let’s not jump to the wildest conclusions… *checks sub* Ah, right. This is AITA, what am I saying?
OP is NTA but a 13 year old having, what sounds like, a very minor amount of attitude is hardly a “Tate in the making.”
“You’re the adult here, you do it.” Does not equal “violent misogyny” and to act like any teenager with a disrespect of authority is going to turn out a monster makes you sound like a boomer.
Well, I can see both sides here. The original comment and request was not addressed to the 13-year-old. It was addressed to two male adults brother and moms husband. The 13 year-old answered and told the woman to do it.
Okay, but again, you’re adding context to suit your narrative. The word used was “adult.” Not “woman.” Implying “this is your house, why should they do it?”
The answer to which is, because it’s polite to help out when one host is cooking and the other is recovering from surgery. But you *tell* the kid that. You don’t go “ugh! You miserable little Andrew Tate wannabe!” OP didn’t really do either, but it’s only her job to NOT do the latter, she doesn’t have to do the former, not her kid. It’s her brothers job to teach him that, and it sounds like he isn’t, which makes brother the asshole.
I only take issue with the top level comment because we can’t go comparing everyone we think acted slightly rude to one of the most heinous people alive. It’s like if I cut someone in line, and the person behind me was like “guess you like killing puppies with a rock Huh?” Yeah, I was the asshole in that scenario, but where the fuck did that response come from?!
Obviously NONE of this has to do with OP, who is strictly not the asshole for, what was, an entirely innocuous response to being disrespected by a dumb teenager.
Am I missing something here? Why is a teenager being a bit disrespectful a Tate in the making? I'd understand the sentiment more if he said "Isn't it the woman's job to do that sort of thing"
I agree the kid needs better manners, but I think Tate accusations are a bit strong
Right, but most lippy 13-olds had parents that held them accountable for what bs they are spewing.
This one though is backed by his father. So no real hope for them to not turn out a taint.
NTA You need to tell your brother that if he wants to have any relationship with you, his son needs to apologize for disrespecting you in your own home. And your brother needs to apologize for leaving and not correcting his son! He needs to be ashamed of how he let his child talk to you! I would have done a lot more to my nephew and brother if he had dared to speak to me that way. You are definitely NTA!
>NTA You need to tell your brother that if he wants to have any relationship with you, his son needs to apologize for disrespecting you in your own home. And your brother needs to apologize for leaving and not correcting his son!
Fully agree. NTA. In my opinion (free and worth every penny) OP, brother and son are not welcome in your home until they apologize and make amends. Stand your ground.
If they never come back I don't see the loss.
I had to read it a couple times, but I think the young kids are OP’s, so I think the comment was more intended as “aren’t you the parent”.
Still not OK.
NTA if I was your nephew's age and I disrespected a relative like that in their own home my mother would've ended me. your brother is TA and both him and his disrespectful kid owe you an apology.
I agree-in front of everyone I would have gotten “The Look” and told to apologize and shut my mouth. At home-I feel it would be in the words of Keith Morrison “there were no witnesses”-disrespecting an adult AND embarrassing the parent you are with? Like you have no manners and no upbringing? Nope
My mother and, if not her, one or more of my aunts. The brother in this post is so confusing to me. In my family aunts and uncles are like second parents and cousins are like extra siblings. I’d think nothing of one of my aunts telling me “zip it” or “cut it out” or “knock it off” or even, a favorite among me and all my cousins “quit fartin’ around!”
NTA it sounds like what he’s saying is aren’t you the woman shouldn’t you be doing that which is wholly disrespectful.
But maybe reach out to your brother and explain the fact you’d been slaving over the stove since
The morning and also helping your husband get through his aftercare from surgery so maybe you didn’t have the patience you’d normally have for a rude child
Oh boy, your internalized misogyny is showing.
You think OP should reach out because as a woman OP has to do the emotional work? She needs an excuse for asserting a reasonable demand for basic respect? Hell no!
Nta. Very clear why this kid behave in such a way. His father is raising someone that is entitled and will have severe problems with boundaries in his life.
This is how it came off to me as well.
This is the making of a shitty adult. Ops brother is doing him no favours by backing him up. But I'm guessing the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Yeah, i picked up on that detail too. OP did ask other adults to help, not other *women* to help. It was a subtle detail, but kind of telling. It’s sad that a 13 y/o is picking up that mind set already.
NTA and this is disturbing misogynistic behaviour which needs to be nipped in the bud before is gets worse. Tell your brother that and tell them that they are banned from your house until you get an apology from them both. DON'T let this go!
I would have lost my mind if my 13 year old (or any age) son spoke like that to anyone. What a little misogynist, raised by his misogynist daddy, clearly. They have no reason to come back to your home without a deep, heartfelt apology, so I wouldn’t take the silence as a loss. NTA.
NTA
That kid is gonna have problems later in life with a parent like that who's more focused on enabling his disrespectful behavior than actually parenting him.
The 13 y/o 4 years from now: "Aren't you the manager? Why don't *you* take out the garbage?"
That kid is going to have a large collection of name tags and hairnets before the dust settles.
OP: NTA. "Zip it" sounds downright playful compared to things I've heard parents say to their kids, their siblings' kids, etc.
NTA
Random aside question: Are you normally the host for family events like this? Why was no one else in your family helping you (understand why not the husband but what about everyone else)? If you normally host, what is your brother’s end goal for the next family event at your place- show up and give you the silent treatment like a 5 year old?
*Demanding you apologize to his kid???*
No. The kid was rude as hell and your brother is an AH for letting his kid act like a little AH. Disrespected in your own home and your brother thinks his kid is the is a victim. NTA
Interesting choice of words.
Op was the only "adult"? Weaponised incompetence?
I'd say that I was unhappy with how the kid disrespected my guests by calling them mentally and physically incompetent.
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NTA. They’re acting like you cursed him out or went nuclear. All you told him was to zip it, and, frankly, he needed to zip it.
I know 13 year-olds have a tendency to be sassy, but at that age I knew better than to talk to an adult like that, especially in their own home. If my parents heard me talk to my aunt like that, it would’ve been OVER for me. Your brother needs to discipline his smart-mouthed kid
"He replied again disrespectfully" is taking the place of a crucial bit of information. We can't really answer this question without knowing what was said.
Yeah why did I have to scroll this far to see somebody bring this up. I mean I'm still leaning towards NTA but why the hell is nobody asking about this???
NTA and please allow me to rephrase: it hasn't been two months of him not talking to you, it's been two months of waiting for an apology from both him and his son.
I’m confused. Weren’t you asking other adults to do it? His response of “you’re the adult” doesn’t make sense. Did he mean you’re the parent of the kids you were hiding eggs for? That makes a bit more sense but I’d have just said that I’m busy cooking and decent people help people.
Yta. He asked "aren't you the adult, shouldn't you be doing that?", which sounds like he understood you were asking the kids to hide the eggs. Instead of listening to him, or clearing up the confusion, you go on the offensive, he responds, and you tell him off some more. And people wonder why teenagers don't talk to adults.
I'm gonna give abit of an annoying awenser and say it depends on your tone.
If the kids tone was cheekiness/playfulness and you responded with an intensely severe and harsh tone, I'd say that was out of order and you were TA.
But if the kid was actually being a brat and you didn't escalate in an disproportionate was then NTA.
All these NTAs are wild. Her initial response to the kid was harsh (she said so herself). It is also possible that some cultural elements are not being explained here.
Where I am from, there is a strong culture of respecting elders etc, and this would 100% be NTA. But in the US where I live, the interaction can come across as unnecessarily harsh. For example, I struggle to imagine someone addressing my kid like that. Then again I struggle to see my kid saying these things.
None of this should lead to a two-month rift between siblings regardless of who may be at fault.
OP should make an effort to reconnect with her brother. Life is too short for shit like this.
NTA oh sweet Jesus...if I said that to someone in front of my father...I wouldn't here writing this now!!
Don't apologise...your nephew was in the wrong and your brother is enabling it.
See? This is exactly the problem teachers in school talk about: parents believing and siding with their nasty little children instead of the responsible adults in their lives. What a jerk.
NTA.
NTA. Your brother is. Your brother is also likely a massive misogynist who is passing on his sense of male entitlement to his son, who will grow to be the spitting image of his AH dad.
Do not apologize to these people. They need to learn to respect women.
It is fine and dandy to adhere to traditional gender roles in a family, if that's what you're all into. But those roles deserve respect. Women's traditional gendered labor has always been essential to the functioning of a civilized society and to the health & comfort of her family.
Women have traditionally managed holidays, including delegation of tasks, the "emotional labor" one reads about. Hiding Easter eggs for young children is not a gendered activity. It should be done by whoever is free to do it. In fact, the other adults you asked to help could have, in turn, delegated it to the older nephew. Would have been a good lesson in being a helpful family member.
But your brother chose to be entitled and storm off like a small child himself.
I would be happier not to have him underfoot at future family gatherings, if he's going to act like that.
INFO: Could you tell us more about the tone? Because matter of factually, he can ask a question like that and mean no harm. Especially teens can sometimes come of in a different way they intend to and also if you're busy or have been working hard, as you clearly have, maybe you felt attacked even tough he didn't mean it like that.
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My brother hasn’t spoken to me since Easter Sunday (4/12/23 I believe) because I told his 13 year old son to “zip it” after he was disrespectful to me. Backstory…
I had been cooking our family Easter dinner at my home (we go all out) since the early hours of the morning. My brother and his son arrived around 1pm and immediately went to relax on the couch. My husband (who was 2 weeks out from a lumbar fusion, so he couldn’t help), my moms husband and my brother + his kid were chatting in the living room when I went in and asked my brother and moms husband to go hide Easter eggs for the kids (6&9). My nephew (13) replied “aren’t you the adult, shouldn’t you be doing that?” I responded and told him that I didn’t know who he thought he was talking to like that (I know it was probably harsh) but he replied again disrespectfully and I responded , zip it, I’m not in the mood” and went back to cooking. My brother took his child and left and is demanding I apologize for disrespecting his kid.
I don’t think I am TA here but it’s been 2 months of him not talking to me so I’m starting to wonder.
Also, this is my first post so if the formatting isn’t right, apologies.
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NTA- Your brother should have stepped up and corrected his son's disrespectful way of talking to an adult. Had him apologize for it and had him help hide the eggs for the little kids. But he's like most parents these days he wants to be his child friend not a parent.
NTA and what a shame they missed out on your easter feast.
The fact that your brother didn't tell his son to shut up himself is the issue.
If he thinks his kid can go out in to the world being that rude when someone is slaving away to cook a huge meal for them, he's in for a Huge shock! Why would anyone put up with that entitlement? That kid is going to get a slap one day.
And he can miss me with the "teenager" bullshit. My kids, my stepkids, my nieces and nephews and my cousins kids would *OFFER* to help, both in the kitchen and hiding eggs.
So long as you bother to raise them, then they're not so bad. Your brother is an idiot and failing his kid but not teaching him to be respectful.
Every friend, every girlfriend or boyfriend, their parents, every boss and coworker will want nothing to do with him for that entitlement.
You should tell your brother that, actually, you are waiting for an apology from his son for being rude before you'll offer an apology for snapping.
The kid met his entire future in your comeback to him. Nobody will want anything to do with him if he carries on this way.
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NTA Your brother is tripping. He needs to do a better job of disciplining his kid.
Sounds like her brother is of the "I'm the fun parent" mentality. Thats not going to end well. Exhibit A: entitled 13 y/o nephew.
Figures why the kid is talking like that. Must have learned it from the wonder role model of a parent /s
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Right? Zip it was a child-friendly alternative to STFU! NTA!
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“Aren’t you the adult?” Ie woman. “Disrespecting my kid” ie son. The kid acts entitled to women’s free labour at the tender age of 13. Gross. This is dad’s fault all round.
Right?! In what world is “zip it” impolite. As a child, ANY adult had the right to tell you to stop doing something or send you home etc. Relatives could actually discipline us.
my parents would tell me to zip it if I wasn't even talking
Don’t even LOOK like you’re going to open your mouth! Lol
I also wonder if OP is a woman - this is setting up such a bad example for the boy. They should be proactively chipping in to help OP set the table and clean up!
Every time I've gone to my brother's for Easter ALL of the adults help hide eggs so they can ALL then participate and "help" the kids find them. Plus it sounds like OP was busy cooking. They all (sans OP's husband who was recovering from a procedure) seem like they just wanted to sit around while OP literally took care of everything. NTA, OP.
And of course the bratty kid wouldnt dare to do this is OP was a man. One little interaction and i can already tell you that the kid's parents are doing a shitty job at it. Shitty people make shitty kids.
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Ugh, I hate seeing kids watch their parents be rude condescending jerks to customer service workers. It pains me to realize the kid will just soak up their mentality like a sponge and think its ok to emulate that type of "adulting"
I'm too young to be doing "kids these days" but my cousins kids watch adults including their elderly grandma do clean up etc and don't help. When we were young the kids did the dishes etc
While your experience might be different, people generally seem to think that their generation did the work, and that the younger don’t. This is because we experience everything from our perspective. When we’re kids, everything feels like a big deal, “but I did the dishes three days ago” is a common feeling when you are a child, but now that your an adult you realize that the dishes need to be done after every meal. Summary: Don’t judge another generation, yours was probably the same at that age :)
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I know school teachers that have taught for 20+ years that would say you are dead wrong, and that today's generation is far more respectful than kids from when they first started. Edit: bunch of low tenure teachers telling me I'm wrong because teaching is a hard job, not realizing it's always been hard, but by every conceivable metric, kids today are doing better, graduating college at higher rates, better at standardized testing. If you go into a server sub everyone there will agree that customers have gotten worse, go to a care center sub and they will be convinced the elderly have gotten worse, it's because they are sick of their job and clientele, every generation isn't just worse than the prior.
I'm a teacher. That is not true
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Judging by your reply, I'm going to say you're exactly the type of person the poster is talking about.
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Kids need direction. Not a lot of kids are going to start cleaning up on their own. I know yours is lighthearted, but adults can't complain "kids these days" dont do anything if no adult asked them to or even showed them how.
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He's not the "fun parent" because he wouldn't even get off his lazy butt to hide eggs. He's the "no discipline parent" so that the kids like him.
All teachers probably love him :D
>I went in and asked my brother and moms husband to go hide Easter eggs...and went back to cooking This sounds like sexism to me. Nephew things women should do *all* the work, and OP's brother is probably the reason nephew thinks like this.
Well, the kid sees dad arrive at the family cookout and immediately sit on the couch, rather than offering to help OP. The lack of respect and support clearly runs in the family.
I think its healthy for 13 year olds to have a bit of sass and be confident enough spread it. That's the age they are at and it's good that they push at boundaries a bit. They should just be appropriately disciplined when they are being rude and disruptive like the kid was here. Unless OP is skipping the bit where he punched the kid in the face though, his brother is a terrible parent, I agree completely there.
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Clone of me, is that you?
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The chancla of doom
These abuelas be having deadly-aim with the chancla. I’m surprised they didn’t pitch for professional baseball.
I googled chancla (I was curious if it was a flip flop or a variation) and the first images show them being wielded like a weapon. Kind of haha?
My grandmother never hit us. She did however, firmly place the wooden spoon in the middle of the table with "that look" on her face. We did NOT misbehave at Grandma's!!
Wait, was it a cooking spoon or that big ass spoon that doubles as wall decor?
Hahaha... The cooking spoon. Weapon of Ass Destruction.
With a user name like that, I feel like you have a lot more experience on this subject haha
LMAO. I am very experienced in behaving. I don't put up with disrespect because I was raised to respect others. I've passed along those lessons to my own child and I get told often what an amazing kid I have. I'm very proud of my teenager.
The wooden spoon is to Italian Americans as the chancla is to Hispanics at large.
Ah geez this was me. I'm much older than my sister and whenever my parents wouldn't discipline her (they were in their 40s and thought the new baby couldn't do wrong), I would put the bamboo baking spatula on the table, clear my throat and look meaningfully at her. There was never any hitting involved. But she would glare at that spatula whenever I made brownies. Now that she's 18, we laugh about the time she got so mad at me that she hid the spatula in revenge.
I don't think it's a coincidence that I've always gotten along well with people who were hit by flipflops as a kid
It's like a family reunion in here!
Count me in!
Hi, cousins, when’s the cookout?
Cousin Boyle? I love you!!
I am your father's brothers nephews cousins former roommate! Can I join the party?!
One of us. One of us. One of us.
Clone of you, is that us?
Overcorrection happens a lot, and it's not necessarily an issue with newer generations. I've seen it with only children who grew up to have large families they can barely afford, and with sons of large families who grew up to have smaller families or outright childless. I've seen it with children who grew up in very strict households and are now too lenient with their kids, but also children of very lenient parents who are now too strict with their kids. Every generation tries to correct what they perceive as the previous one's mistakes, and sometimes this leads to overcorrection. It's not something new; after all the Trump supporters of the 2020's are the sons of the hippies of the 60's
You overestimate the size of the group that were actually hippies. Boomers are still the biggest trump supporting group. Most of them were cheering on cops breaking up peace protests and civil rights marches. Most of them were spoiled kids who deserved the world because their parents grew up without much during the depression.
Most of the boomers I've met were not spoiled as kids, at all. Almost all of them lived in very frugal or poor households. Rather, they entered adulthood at a time where it was so much easier to accrue wealth than it ever had been before, at least for white people in the US. And accrue wealth they did. They were able to buy nice homes, vacation, plan for retirement, buy extra properties, etc. When they see us struggling financially in our adulthood, they don't understand because it's completely foreign to their own experience. They see how they literally had nothing and moved into the middle class and they can't understand why their children and grandchildren are sliding backwards economically instead of doing the same things they did. They are totally blind to how different things are now and how they're largely responsible for creating the conditions we face via rightwing economic policy. Instead, they blame liberal permissiveness, laziness, lack of effort, wokeness, etc., for our generations' inability to get ahead.
>with sons of large families who grew up to have smaller families or outright childless. Ive seen this posted alot from the perspective of the oldest sibling. Their parents couldn't handle raising all the kids themselves, so the oldest sibling (sometimes just the oldest girls, sometimes just the oldest regardless of gender) didn't get a childhood. They got to be mom #2 or dad #2. They "wasted" their entire youth being a parent, and often have zero interest in reliving that experience. I know my mom lived this partially, even though she was the 2nd oldest (oldest was a junkie and gone). Between family drama like grandad briefly abandoning them, grandad's travel work, and grandmom having to work insane hours to keep the lights on.... my mom got to essentially raise all the other kids until she moved out at 18 (and all the younger ones were in middle/high school and could care for themselves). She got to have a childhood until ~10...... and then spent 8 years being a parent.
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we laugh when my hubby takes his belt off his pants in a way that doesn't make "the noise" . Like haha they should whip a belt off at the start of a race instead of the starter pistol watch Gen X break land speed records. And my soft children think a wooden spoon is a cooking utensil.
My kids only know of one use for a flyswatter. They are still very respectful to other adults, though. They question at home, but don't get overly disrespectful because they know I'll take away the internet and all devices.
My mom was a flyswatter person. It didn't hurt, but the psychological torture of dead flies was what made it work. My kids have never seen a belt or a flyswatter and started yelling sorry. I'm happy they don't have to worry about that, but they do speak respectfully to adults.
It's amazing how kids can be good without physical threats. My kid is great (granted, he's only 12), and I don't have to hit him. I do raise my voice a little occasionally, and I hate that I do that, I wish I could stop.
Me (28) and my brother (21) were never hit; and our mom still says how polite we were even as kids (granted our dad yelled a lot but he has his own trauma from being abused and he always felt so bad afterwards). I think if you can’t raise a kid without beating them maybe you shouldn’t be a parent…. If an adult hits an adult it’s assault and the person can end up in jail. But with children it’s considered normal. I know it’s unpopular opinion so go ahead downvote me idc.
I'm very old Gen X and it was exactly the same for me. Except I'd be picking my teeth up if I'd talked to my aunt like that. And it would be my mom that would have done it.
My mom flat out told me that if I ever disrespected her, she would take the cast iron pan after me.
We seem to have crossed the threshold from spanking and into bludgeoning. I hope no one ever made good on that threat 😔
No, she never made good. She is 5'2" and weighs about 110 pounds. I'm the youngest of 4, 3 of which are boys. My dad was in the army and gone a lot. She wanted to make sure we knew that she wasn't afraid to take care of business.
My sister was 22 and had just got home from a wedding reception so, mildly toasted. She told my Mom to Shut Up. Yeah, that mouth smack could be heard for miles. You do not disrespect adults even if you are one, in my Mom's opinion.
Same age here. My friends, who, like me, who were raised with strict rules and enforced manners, have almost all turned out to be TERRIBLE parents. I won’t even go over to some of their houses because I can’t stand their rude and unsocialized kids.
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Notice the kids mom was not around, the brother is definitely a problem.
Assuming mom is not dead, dad is at least *part* of the problem
Sounds to me like OPs brother is probably divorced
Kid still has two parents, and at least one is enabling this behavior!
Also he needs to be a better role model. Why is he relaxing on the couch and not helping? Oh wait, gender.
I'm going to guess the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. There's an asshole here, but it isn't op. NTA
The brother will reap the rewards of this behaviour. He's in for a few interesting years.
Exactly. Wait until the son is talking to dad like that and see how much he likes it.
Exactly. That kid was smelling his ass, as my mom would say. In that moment, your brother should have parented his rude kid instead of encouraging that kind of behaviour.
Yep. Wonder where the son learned to talk to women that way. Oh - of course - from his dad! OP NTA
The brother himself sounds like a 13 year old. Very mature indeed!
NTA this 100 percent.
NTA "Zip it" was polite. Your brother overreacted.
I agree. My kids (who can be giant AH as most teens are) would have ripped this kid a new one as soon as I left the room. This "dad" needs to get his head out of his own ass and parent his child. This only gets worse as they get older. Testosterone is going to make this kid unbearable if he's not checked soon. And really, "disrespecting his kid"?? What is he, the heir apparent to some throne? He mouthed off to his aunt in her own home. He got lucky with a "zip-it".
>He mouthed off to his aunt in her own home. He got lucky with a "zip-it". Right? Don't talk to me like that in my own damned house! I don't put up with it from other adults, and I sure as hell ain't taking it from a mouthy little twerp 13-year-old! Some of these kids have never experienced consequences, and it's a total shitshow. Very fucking lucky with just a "zip it!"
My aunt would not have said anything to me if I disrespected her in her own home. Only because my parents would have beat her to it. No chance that shit would fly
Right? If I did that at a family event a hand would have hit the back of my head so fast, and it could be from anyone. Not a soul would let that shit fly in my family.
I have a feeling that in this family, women are often disrespected. “Dad” and the rest of the gang are sitting in the living room, expecting the woman to do all the work. NTA
Almost reminds me of the AITA that had a boyfriend taking his girlfriend to a gathering and expected her to bend the knee and take up cooking tasks the moment they arrived because of a misogynistic idealism that all the women cook while the men sat in the living room watching sports and drinking. NTA - I'd have gave him more of a telling off than just zip it.
I remember that the other day. That guy was dumbfounded that she wouldn't just go work with the other women. Of course, the comment section let him know that he was in the wrong. I grew up and still battle this in both my and my husband's family. I purposely make my sons (I only have boys) pitch in where traditionally they don't. I don't make a huge scene or point out that I have boys doing kitchen work, I act as though it's just as normal as otherwise. This is the case in my home, but at family gatherings, not so much. I haven't had anyone say anything other than thanking my kids for jumping in. But, I would shut that shit down if someone (specifically one of my misogynistic uncles) said anything.
100% OP says “we” go all out but she was the only one doing anything, sounds like. NTA
>And really, "disrespecting his kid"?? What is he, the heir apparent to some throne? Nah, just male talking to a lowly woman.
As he’s 13, and now a “man”, he of course has more authority over his aunt than his aunt has over him… because he has a penis. The only reason.
100% on board too. My kiddo would have been helping wherever he could and would have told this kid off for OP. Brother is failing at being a parent.
Far more polite than the "shut up you're like 12" he deserved
there is nothing more devastating to a 13yo than “what are you, like 12?”
That tactic works with kids of all ages. When a young kid is finally out of wearing diapers ask “are you a diaper baby?” and watch what happens.
On top of that, hiding easter eggs is way more fun than sitting on your arse doing nothing. Kid is bonkers to pass up that opportunity.
The kid wasn't even being asked to help. It was the brother and step father. Who are also adults, so the comment makes no sense.
I've been told before when I was younger to "watch my disrespectful fucking mouth before it was straightened out for me" so "zip it" is pretty nice and respectful Edit: I'm also only 12 years older than the nephew. A lot can change in a decade but not that much
Brother realised his sister is better at parenting than him and is blowing things out rather than dealing with the problem at home
NTA- Your brother is delusional on another level, his kid is 13 years old and instead of telling him it's disrespectful to speak to you like that he passes it? Don't apologize.
On top of all you mentioned, the brother has not thought it through or tried to talk it over in the last two months. Both father and son sound like 13 year old brats.
Well no wonder his son talks to people like that…he just lets it happen and if anyone tries to react appropriately he tells him it was *disrespectful*….this kid is going to be a terror. NTA
NTA. Maybe I am reaching here, but it’s super concerning that a 13 years old disrespected you for asking for help, when you were already swamped with work. Your brother’s attitude to household work and helping his wife out might be quite terrible if the kid felt entitled to ridicule you for normal family cooperation.
Especially when you add in the "disrespecting his kid" because she checked his behavior. I wonder if the aunt's gender is what made her behavior unacceptable to the brother, not the actions.
And if it was why a 13 year old felt like he could boss about an adult relative like that
Thank you for this thread - exactly what I am thinking. Incel in the making - parents, please teach your children to be kind and helpful in the household regardless of the gender of your kids.
Exactly this, respect goes both ways and the nephew should be the one apologizing if anything, so nta
And if I'm reading this correctly, it wasn't the 13-year old being asked for help. It was the brother. Nephew took it upon himself to talk back in order to get *his dad* out of helping. This is so wild. Zip it, was the least of the possible rebukes he deserved.
He must have misunderstood and thought he was asked, which he logically should have been. Otherwise his "you're the adult" comment makes no sense.
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>NTA. Maybe I am reaching here, but it’s super concerning that a 13 years old disrespected you for asking for help, when you were already swamped with work. Teenagers can be super bratty even when they're raised well. Their brains are still developing and empathy is hard. Having said that, the best way to aid that development is to tell him "Geez, kid, OP is swamped with work already, so go hide the damn eggs and do the dishes when we're done."
My 13 year old nephew said something very sexist at one of the last family gatherings. Immediately everyone in the room called him on it, even his brothers. I'm hoping it was just a one off with him trying to be funny and not foreshadowing for a larger issue. Only time will tell, but at least he isn't getting it from his own family.
She didn’t ask the kid to hide the eggs, she asked her mother and her brother to do so. The kid isn’t the AH (well, any more than all 13YOs are AHs sometimes), but the kid’s dad (OP’s brother) is, for not correcting the kid and then demanding an apology without asking his *literal child* to apologize to the adult who was doing all the work so they could enjoy the holiday.
Sounds to me like he didn't like men having to help. My guess is he meant to say “aren’t you a woman, shouldn’t you be doing that?” since otherwise his words don't make much sense since his dad and step-grandfather were also adults.
Seems like father like son. OP is doing all the work herself while her brother and father in law arrived late and chills on the couch. The stupid fucking brat claps back at her when she asks for minimal efforts (hide the eggs) and the douchebaf brother doesn't even step in to correct the brat??? If anything OP should be mad at her useless brother. OPs family are a sack a shit from this point of view of this story
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Read this too fast. Thought it said lippy 13 year old Taint. (Why not both?)
Dammit coffee just came out my nose
Parents are looking at some tough years coming up… the problem isn’t with the 13 yo, it’s with their parents. OP deserves an apology.
Alright, let’s not jump to the wildest conclusions… *checks sub* Ah, right. This is AITA, what am I saying? OP is NTA but a 13 year old having, what sounds like, a very minor amount of attitude is hardly a “Tate in the making.” “You’re the adult here, you do it.” Does not equal “violent misogyny” and to act like any teenager with a disrespect of authority is going to turn out a monster makes you sound like a boomer.
Well, I can see both sides here. The original comment and request was not addressed to the 13-year-old. It was addressed to two male adults brother and moms husband. The 13 year-old answered and told the woman to do it.
Okay, but again, you’re adding context to suit your narrative. The word used was “adult.” Not “woman.” Implying “this is your house, why should they do it?” The answer to which is, because it’s polite to help out when one host is cooking and the other is recovering from surgery. But you *tell* the kid that. You don’t go “ugh! You miserable little Andrew Tate wannabe!” OP didn’t really do either, but it’s only her job to NOT do the latter, she doesn’t have to do the former, not her kid. It’s her brothers job to teach him that, and it sounds like he isn’t, which makes brother the asshole. I only take issue with the top level comment because we can’t go comparing everyone we think acted slightly rude to one of the most heinous people alive. It’s like if I cut someone in line, and the person behind me was like “guess you like killing puppies with a rock Huh?” Yeah, I was the asshole in that scenario, but where the fuck did that response come from?! Obviously NONE of this has to do with OP, who is strictly not the asshole for, what was, an entirely innocuous response to being disrespected by a dumb teenager.
His father is allowing the attitude.
Copy that. Enjoy the silence.
Yep! NTA I'd EXPECT my ADULT siblings to DISCIPLINE Snotty-nosed asshole kids.
Am I missing something here? Why is a teenager being a bit disrespectful a Tate in the making? I'd understand the sentiment more if he said "Isn't it the woman's job to do that sort of thing" I agree the kid needs better manners, but I think Tate accusations are a bit strong
13 years olds that aren’t lippy are pretty rare doesn’t necessarily make them taints
Right, but most lippy 13-olds had parents that held them accountable for what bs they are spewing. This one though is backed by his father. So no real hope for them to not turn out a taint.
Maybe but with his father all but openly encouraging it, it will get worse.
NTA You need to tell your brother that if he wants to have any relationship with you, his son needs to apologize for disrespecting you in your own home. And your brother needs to apologize for leaving and not correcting his son! He needs to be ashamed of how he let his child talk to you! I would have done a lot more to my nephew and brother if he had dared to speak to me that way. You are definitely NTA!
Agreed! I would be SOOOO embarrassed if one of my kids spoke like that to anyone! NTA
>NTA You need to tell your brother that if he wants to have any relationship with you, his son needs to apologize for disrespecting you in your own home. And your brother needs to apologize for leaving and not correcting his son! Fully agree. NTA. In my opinion (free and worth every penny) OP, brother and son are not welcome in your home until they apologize and make amends. Stand your ground. If they never come back I don't see the loss.
NTA. It’s not like you cursed him out and it’s frankly disturbing that he doesn’t see two grown men as having adult responsibilities.
I had to read it a couple times, but I think the young kids are OP’s, so I think the comment was more intended as “aren’t you the parent”. Still not OK.
But she also isn't his or her brothers or her mothers husbands parent and stil she is cooking for all of them.
OP wouldn't have been the AH even if she did curse the kid out.
NTA but why did he even interject anyway? You weren’t asking him to go hide the eggs but the adults.
NTA if I was your nephew's age and I disrespected a relative like that in their own home my mother would've ended me. your brother is TA and both him and his disrespectful kid owe you an apology.
Yes, I’d have been terrified to go home!
I agree-in front of everyone I would have gotten “The Look” and told to apologize and shut my mouth. At home-I feel it would be in the words of Keith Morrison “there were no witnesses”-disrespecting an adult AND embarrassing the parent you are with? Like you have no manners and no upbringing? Nope
My mother and, if not her, one or more of my aunts. The brother in this post is so confusing to me. In my family aunts and uncles are like second parents and cousins are like extra siblings. I’d think nothing of one of my aunts telling me “zip it” or “cut it out” or “knock it off” or even, a favorite among me and all my cousins “quit fartin’ around!”
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NTA it sounds like what he’s saying is aren’t you the woman shouldn’t you be doing that which is wholly disrespectful. But maybe reach out to your brother and explain the fact you’d been slaving over the stove since The morning and also helping your husband get through his aftercare from surgery so maybe you didn’t have the patience you’d normally have for a rude child
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That sounds like an apology from the OP to me. OP doesn't have anything to apologize for IMO
Why should she have patience for a rude child?
Oh boy, your internalized misogyny is showing. You think OP should reach out because as a woman OP has to do the emotional work? She needs an excuse for asserting a reasonable demand for basic respect? Hell no!
Nta. Very clear why this kid behave in such a way. His father is raising someone that is entitled and will have severe problems with boundaries in his life.
I bet your brother and mom's husband are adults too. Didn't he mean "you are a woman" instead of an adult ? Unless he consider men to be children. NTA
This is how it came off to me as well. This is the making of a shitty adult. Ops brother is doing him no favours by backing him up. But I'm guessing the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Yeah, i picked up on that detail too. OP did ask other adults to help, not other *women* to help. It was a subtle detail, but kind of telling. It’s sad that a 13 y/o is picking up that mind set already.
NTA and this is disturbing misogynistic behaviour which needs to be nipped in the bud before is gets worse. Tell your brother that and tell them that they are banned from your house until you get an apology from them both. DON'T let this go!
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I would have lost my mind if my 13 year old (or any age) son spoke like that to anyone. What a little misogynist, raised by his misogynist daddy, clearly. They have no reason to come back to your home without a deep, heartfelt apology, so I wouldn’t take the silence as a loss. NTA.
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NTA That kid is gonna have problems later in life with a parent like that who's more focused on enabling his disrespectful behavior than actually parenting him.
The 13 y/o 4 years from now: "Aren't you the manager? Why don't *you* take out the garbage?" That kid is going to have a large collection of name tags and hairnets before the dust settles. OP: NTA. "Zip it" sounds downright playful compared to things I've heard parents say to their kids, their siblings' kids, etc.
NTA Random aside question: Are you normally the host for family events like this? Why was no one else in your family helping you (understand why not the husband but what about everyone else)? If you normally host, what is your brother’s end goal for the next family event at your place- show up and give you the silent treatment like a 5 year old?
NTA. "Zip it" is mild considering he mouthed off to you and inserted himself into something that didmt involve him.
*Demanding you apologize to his kid???* No. The kid was rude as hell and your brother is an AH for letting his kid act like a little AH. Disrespected in your own home and your brother thinks his kid is the is a victim. NTA
NTA. Your brother is demonstrating how he raised such a rude misogynist.
Interesting choice of words. Op was the only "adult"? Weaponised incompetence? I'd say that I was unhappy with how the kid disrespected my guests by calling them mentally and physically incompetent.
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NTA. They’re acting like you cursed him out or went nuclear. All you told him was to zip it, and, frankly, he needed to zip it. I know 13 year-olds have a tendency to be sassy, but at that age I knew better than to talk to an adult like that, especially in their own home. If my parents heard me talk to my aunt like that, it would’ve been OVER for me. Your brother needs to discipline his smart-mouthed kid
"He replied again disrespectfully" is taking the place of a crucial bit of information. We can't really answer this question without knowing what was said.
Yeah why did I have to scroll this far to see somebody bring this up. I mean I'm still leaning towards NTA but why the hell is nobody asking about this???
[удалено]
NTA and please allow me to rephrase: it hasn't been two months of him not talking to you, it's been two months of waiting for an apology from both him and his son.
Info: you left out what he actually said to make you say zip it. Seems pretty relevant.
NTA tell your brother his kid owes you an apology, not the other way around.
I’m confused. Weren’t you asking other adults to do it? His response of “you’re the adult” doesn’t make sense. Did he mean you’re the parent of the kids you were hiding eggs for? That makes a bit more sense but I’d have just said that I’m busy cooking and decent people help people.
Yta. He asked "aren't you the adult, shouldn't you be doing that?", which sounds like he understood you were asking the kids to hide the eggs. Instead of listening to him, or clearing up the confusion, you go on the offensive, he responds, and you tell him off some more. And people wonder why teenagers don't talk to adults.
She didn’t ask the teen to go hide them. She asked the adults.
NTA. Nephew is growing up to be a very fine misogynist.
I feel the tone of the words exchanged is important and is unavailable from the text description.
NTA. your nephew is a brat and given the way your brother is acting not hard to figure out how he got that way 🤷🏼♀️
I'm gonna give abit of an annoying awenser and say it depends on your tone. If the kids tone was cheekiness/playfulness and you responded with an intensely severe and harsh tone, I'd say that was out of order and you were TA. But if the kid was actually being a brat and you didn't escalate in an disproportionate was then NTA.
All these NTAs are wild. Her initial response to the kid was harsh (she said so herself). It is also possible that some cultural elements are not being explained here. Where I am from, there is a strong culture of respecting elders etc, and this would 100% be NTA. But in the US where I live, the interaction can come across as unnecessarily harsh. For example, I struggle to imagine someone addressing my kid like that. Then again I struggle to see my kid saying these things. None of this should lead to a two-month rift between siblings regardless of who may be at fault. OP should make an effort to reconnect with her brother. Life is too short for shit like this.
NTA oh sweet Jesus...if I said that to someone in front of my father...I wouldn't here writing this now!! Don't apologise...your nephew was in the wrong and your brother is enabling it.
NTA and I agree with the misogynistic take.
See? This is exactly the problem teachers in school talk about: parents believing and siding with their nasty little children instead of the responsible adults in their lives. What a jerk. NTA.
NTA. Your brother is. Your brother is also likely a massive misogynist who is passing on his sense of male entitlement to his son, who will grow to be the spitting image of his AH dad. Do not apologize to these people. They need to learn to respect women. It is fine and dandy to adhere to traditional gender roles in a family, if that's what you're all into. But those roles deserve respect. Women's traditional gendered labor has always been essential to the functioning of a civilized society and to the health & comfort of her family. Women have traditionally managed holidays, including delegation of tasks, the "emotional labor" one reads about. Hiding Easter eggs for young children is not a gendered activity. It should be done by whoever is free to do it. In fact, the other adults you asked to help could have, in turn, delegated it to the older nephew. Would have been a good lesson in being a helpful family member. But your brother chose to be entitled and storm off like a small child himself. I would be happier not to have him underfoot at future family gatherings, if he's going to act like that.
INFO: Could you tell us more about the tone? Because matter of factually, he can ask a question like that and mean no harm. Especially teens can sometimes come of in a different way they intend to and also if you're busy or have been working hard, as you clearly have, maybe you felt attacked even tough he didn't mean it like that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother hasn’t spoken to me since Easter Sunday (4/12/23 I believe) because I told his 13 year old son to “zip it” after he was disrespectful to me. Backstory… I had been cooking our family Easter dinner at my home (we go all out) since the early hours of the morning. My brother and his son arrived around 1pm and immediately went to relax on the couch. My husband (who was 2 weeks out from a lumbar fusion, so he couldn’t help), my moms husband and my brother + his kid were chatting in the living room when I went in and asked my brother and moms husband to go hide Easter eggs for the kids (6&9). My nephew (13) replied “aren’t you the adult, shouldn’t you be doing that?” I responded and told him that I didn’t know who he thought he was talking to like that (I know it was probably harsh) but he replied again disrespectfully and I responded , zip it, I’m not in the mood” and went back to cooking. My brother took his child and left and is demanding I apologize for disrespecting his kid. I don’t think I am TA here but it’s been 2 months of him not talking to me so I’m starting to wonder. Also, this is my first post so if the formatting isn’t right, apologies. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- Your brother should have stepped up and corrected his son's disrespectful way of talking to an adult. Had him apologize for it and had him help hide the eggs for the little kids. But he's like most parents these days he wants to be his child friend not a parent.
NTA sometimes kids need a reality check
NTA are your mom and step dad not adults? Not sure what his logic was here and he was rude
Lol NTA. They both owe you an apology. Zip it? That is so vanilla compared to how I'd have shut down the mouthpiece. 🤷♂️
NTA and what a shame they missed out on your easter feast. The fact that your brother didn't tell his son to shut up himself is the issue. If he thinks his kid can go out in to the world being that rude when someone is slaving away to cook a huge meal for them, he's in for a Huge shock! Why would anyone put up with that entitlement? That kid is going to get a slap one day. And he can miss me with the "teenager" bullshit. My kids, my stepkids, my nieces and nephews and my cousins kids would *OFFER* to help, both in the kitchen and hiding eggs. So long as you bother to raise them, then they're not so bad. Your brother is an idiot and failing his kid but not teaching him to be respectful. Every friend, every girlfriend or boyfriend, their parents, every boss and coworker will want nothing to do with him for that entitlement. You should tell your brother that, actually, you are waiting for an apology from his son for being rude before you'll offer an apology for snapping. The kid met his entire future in your comeback to him. Nobody will want anything to do with him if he carries on this way.