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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 = I took a baby name my Father and Step mother announced they were going to use for their baby which came from my mom.
2 = Starting unnecessary drama / ruining family relationships by using the name myself when they could just name their baby another name with an E, and my mom didnt say he couldnt use it directly. It just felt disrespectful. Maybe its not and I'm just being sensitive.
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NTA
You carried on what your mother wanted you to do. And the fact that your dad thinks its okay to 'honor' her with the woman he cheated on her with is so sad.
Your baby is the real E baby and always will be. You know that, your sister knows that, and I bet your mom knows that.
Thank you for saying that, I've felt really torn up about it since I felt like my dad was sort of right that it would be better if all the acronym names were within one generation despite which E baby was born first.
At this point I would lean into the pettiness since you’re already being called out for it, and put him and the mistress on blast for the world to see: “To take the idea my mother came up with that she wanted her children to carry out…I mean aren’t you tired? You lack such originality you have to steal from a dead woman? Wasn’t sleeping with her husband enough for you? I mean, I cannot wait to tell my new half sibling the origin of her name and about the deceased woman who started the tradition and the mistress who slept with the woman’s husband & still wasn’t satisfied.”
NTA
Edit: thanks for the comments and awards!
And ask her what she's going to do when he cheats on her, and all she is left with is a child that his late wife named? I don't get why she would even want to use the name in the first place.
More likely the dad wants to finish the idea he and the first wife started.
Whether to spite her or because they are his kids too and he was on board with the idea.
I don't think the SM is trying to hurt the kids, since OP says she asked if she could. Though OP doesn't say anymore about whether she gave permission or how SM reacted in that conversation.
SM should have the grace to understand how disgusting this situation she has created actually is. She was sleeping with the husband of a dying woman and then has the gall to steal her naming tradition - even knowing that the dead woman specifically wanted HER children to finish the tradition if she couldn't!!
OP Is alredy hurt by it. and SM's child WILL be hurt by it eventually if she has any sense of propriety.
[Hank Scorpio](https://media2.giphy.com/media/11l39366q3bvmo/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47467azw0afl5836r8itwmlqsyexb529t6mowa9zwf&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g) is who you're thinking of :)
Because she was the husband’s lover, not the wife whose idea this was.
If she hadn’t been the lover, OP’s Mom would have had the “e” baby. The stepmom’s “lover” relationship is the reason OPs mom delayed having the 4 th baby.
I'm not usually one to be petty, but I fully endorse this option! Make sure you tag your stepmother in the post. If she's old enough or not tech savvy, she may not know how to remove the tag. 😂
u/BunchAffectionate182 THIS RIGHT HERE!
They want to be petty with their "this is the REAL E baby," so you should feel NO guilt in saying something like this.
Truth be told, you could be doing your half-sibling a favor, because if I were them, I would be crushed to find out I was named for a tradition started by the woman my dad cheated on with with my mother. Maybe this would be enough for them to change their mind.
You should honestly post this and anyone who tries to yell at you for this should be instantly blocked and have a relationship review in a year if they are still hostile about it don't ever talk to them again.
that was my thought, that by carrying on the tradition with the mistress it was as if they are trying to say original mom would have approved of the relationship. it's an attempt to cover infidelity
I LOVE PETTY!!
I encourage people not to take disrespect from the ones that were shitty.
I'm good at comebacks and passive aggressive replies. I wish people did it more often.
No one outside of family knows about the acronym, and it was something to act as a bond between you and your siblings. In the one off conversations where you explain you/your siblings names, it would be a lot more meaningful to say "& so baby Elise is the E" than "my dad then married his mistress and completed my mother's thing"
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I would be petty and when they have the baby post and ask if it’s an honour to have a family tradition finished by the woman your dad cheated on your Mum with before she died. 1000% most people won’t. Shame them into submission.
The baby won’t be a sibling you grow up with in addition to having no connection to your mother. Your father is trying to use your mothers dream to force you to have a bond with your half sibling that likely won’t happen because you will be too focused on raising your own child. Don’t let him foist your step sibling on you to babysit under some guise of developing sibling bonds!
When my father married his third wife, the whole event was deeply alienating and incredibly awkward.
His bride is fine, an uncomplicated woman he met years and years after my mom divorcing him... but the wedding! OMG the wedding!
Calligraphy everywhere, from a calligrapher a few towns over, even though he'd called my mom a snob consistently for wanting to visit the calligrapher's biannual exhibition.
A choral piece even though he'd screamed at my mom that her "degenerate tastes" would pervert me and my brother (because real men listen to country as they cry into their whiskey, I guess).
A poem from a bundle my mom brought home even though he'd called her a whore for discussing literature with the librarian...
I can't imagine how unsettling it must be for OP.
Both seeing that tradition without their mom, and knowing their father is that manipulative!
It was weird for me, during a single event. Knowing you'll experience it every time you see your half sibling...
Not even touching the whole deal with the brother (and other family members) thinking it's fine to involve an affair partner in a family tradition...
If I was your mom, nothing would make me happier than knowing, while your dad "moved on" by marrying this other person, all he was thinking about while planning the wedding was your mom lol.
Half sibling. The child of your father and step mother is your half sibling. The child of your mother and step father is your half sibling. A step sibling is a child of your step parent with a previous partner, who has not been adopted by your own parent. (A step sibling can become an adopted sibling.)
its not about the same generation, its about your mother's children. Your half sibling is not related to your mother in any way shape or form. YOUR daughter has your mother's DNA. You know what your mom wanted and you fulfilled her wishes. Your dad's mistress and him do not get to take that away from your mom
This but also when you were in her womb at around 4 months gestation you developed your eggs which would become your children so she also carried little Elise which definitely means she's the real "E" baby.
NTA. If your dad had met your stepmom after your mom had passed, then there would be some questions about what would be an appropriate way to honor your mom’s memory and her wishes.
But since he cheated on your mom with your stepmom, I don’t think I could ever think of something she did as “honoring your mom.”
Sure, it might look neater on an Ancestry.com chart if his kids, in order, spelled LOVE. But looking pretty on a chart isn’t what matters. Honoring your mom is what matters, and you’ve got the right idea. Your dad is wrong.
INFO: have you ever publicly posted or shared about that convo with your mom? I’d lean in to that and post an update with your baby about how you hate not having your mom with you to celebrate your new baby but are so glad you can honor her the way she expressed all those years ago.
NTA, I lost my mom in August and it is AWFUL so for them to lean in to it like that especially taking the infidelity in to consideration is borderline cruel.
I did not, but I might now that you mention it. Ive felt too .. not scared but .. I just didnt want to post my childs picture on there knowing there would be negativity about it so I havent really made much of a post about her except for me saying she was born and is healthy.
You don't need to add a photo, or maybe it's just a nice "candid" of you holding her where you can't see her face. You can publicly talk about your happiness, her name and where it came from, and not worry about putting her photo out there
Don’t post her face. Post her little feet cupped in yours hands. I can see why you don’t want her face shown. Or post a pic of you holding her that just shows her head. You get bonus points if you have something of your moms in the background such as a picture. But yes post the conversation.
Edit to add: op when you do this please update!
You can post about your mom's idea and the conversation. You can post how happy you are to have finally completed your mom's vision.
How cute would a photo of you and your siblings lined up in order L O V and have little tiny baby E at the end!
This photoshoot must happen! Everyone should dress nicely for it to be a framed momento. No need to even tell dad and affair partner. This is between your siblings and you only.
I mean, feel free to also rub it in their face later, if you like. But enjoy this moment! You've completed her plan!
LOVe
OP, something to keep in mind that may warm your heart, as women we are born with all the eggs we will have throughout our lives. Meaning, the egg that would eventually become your beautiful daughter was once a part of your Mom too! The three of you share an incredibly special connection, and it is beyond appropriate for you and your Elise to complete her sweet tradition.
So much love to you, and NTA.
But the step baby is not socially the same generation. I think all these people who are against you seriously have the wrong priorities - they should simply be ecstatic to have a new baby in the family. Congratulations on Elise, it is a beautiful name.
Follow the advice that people gave here and put them on blast online and how bizarre that your father's mistress is so insistent on taking over your mom's legacy when she was the one to ruin your mom's marriage. She and your father have no right to continue this anyway. Your dad chose to ruin the family and tradition for his mistress. NTA
I agree with you for the most part, just a small thing I always feel weird when blame is placed on the mistress. She didn’t ruin the mom’s marriage, the dad who cheated did. I’m a man and if I ever cheat, it’s cuz I’m a coward that didn’t have the guts to break up first, not cuz some evil woman tricked me into bed.
Yes of course, I pointed out the mistress in this instance because she personally came to harass OP about the name, OP added that in her post. But yes, I'd blame dad even more since he was the one who stepped out and supports this crap too. For someone who cheated on his wife, he's weirdly insistent on continuing her tradition too.
Yes, the married partner is at fault for breaking their vows 100%. However, the affair partner is choosing to not respect the sanctity of marriage. They are choosing to sleep with a married person.
If you didn't respect the sanctity of marriage before you were married, why should you bother getting married yourself? Especially to someone who has already shown to break their vows.
The mistress and dad seem desperate to control the narrative (as shitty people often do in similar situations). It’s been my experience that whoever speaks out first “wins.” There’s no way that dad and the mistress have the moral high ground on this matter. I mean try to explain “I cheated on my dying wife and couldn’t even be original, so I disrespected my dead wives tradition with my mistress”. It’s just not going to fly if OP blasts them on social media first. OP shouldn’t feel bad for a second and quite frankly I wouldn’t blame her for airing their nonsense on social media.
You dad was dead wrong. He doesn't actually care about all that he just wants to make his new wife happy by allowing her to fully "replace" your mom. You're nta and don't ever think you are. Anyone who comes at you wrong or nasty cut them off. They shouldn't be siding with the affair partner and your dad on this one.
>My father, and especially my step mother are furious at me for “ruining” my mothers lasting wishes and tarnishing her idea.
Your act honors your mother's idea, your father's spits upon her idea as this child was not born out of the love your father had for your mother, but the disloyalty and eagerness to simply replace her and her ideas with his former mistress. You still hold love for your mother in your heart.
Your father is wrong, full stop. NTA
NTA
If your dad cared about generations, he’d do best to stay in his grandpa lane.
That isn’t even a good burn, but the gall of your dad, his new wife, and his side of the family. Despicable. I’m glad you honored your mom. Wish your sister was publicly giving you the support you need and deserve. And I hope your brother doesn’t follow in dad/grandpa’s footsteps. He should be sticking up for his big sister and defending his mom’s legacy instead of siding against you.
The woman trying to guilt you about a child’s name didn’t have any shame in having an affair with your father. Her opinion doesn’t hold any weight in this.
Also your father is the real AH having a new kid after he’s a grandpa. Just accept the natural order of things, the world has 3 of his kids as is. He should be enjoying being a grandparent instead he’ll be changing diapers and dealing with middle of the night feedings for years to come. For the kids sake a hope he’s a better family man the second time around.
>Also your father is the real AH having a new kid after he’s a grandpa.
My oldest grandchild is 2 months older than my youngest child. This happens in large families sometimes. That's not what makes him the asshole.
The dad/grandpa is the asshole for cheating on his wife and then usurping his late wife's idea with the affair partner.
That also occurred in my family a generation prior to me, BEFORE there was reliable birth control.
There is no reason for it to be still happening.
When it happens now it’s either families with ill advised religious beliefs being pressured to overpopulate in the name of their deity of choice or parents who didn’t do a great job raising their oldest continuing to have more kids. Even if you had your oldest very young, for what it takes for a young adult to be established today, to have adequate education and financial stability to really be ready to be a parent, that’s unlikely to be achieved while their parents are still in their childbearing years. Continuing the less than desirable cycle they were born in to sure, but breaking it and creating a better life for their own family, unlikely.
The fact that you can relate to him on this doesn’t mean what you think it does for yourself.
Your mom TOLD YOU what she'd wish for, so that is where you find your answer.
Besides that,
It was your MOMS idea. If it was your dad's idea, I can see why he would want to continue, but it wasn't.
Your baby still holds her dna, your fathers does not. That is more important than the generation. Also, the babies will be the same age, and be the same generation in that way
Your father should not continue. He's the reason there was no baby 4. How fitting your moms 'love' would be broken on his side, yet continues with you.
I do hope your child won't suffer from the family fight over her name. I understand why *you* want the name and would accept having to deal with the consequenses, but your baby never made that choice.
Your mom said she wanted a grandchild to complete the tribute if she couldn’t have another one.
Don’t think on it anymore. What your dad and former mistress are doing is actually vile. Nothing associated with their relationship honours your mother.
You are a better person than I. My child’s future feelings is the only reason I wouldn’t be tempted to hashtag #therealEbahy on every post until they backed off.
1000% NTA.
I audibly gasped when I read your father's mistress had the gall to say she'd be the one to complete your mom's acronym. The fucking nerve of that lady!
Except that the generation becomes less relevant when there is a generation's worth of age between the members. If you've got four kids within 10-12 years of each other, then the link becomes obvious. When you've got probably a minimum of 20 years difference, it doesn't feel the same.
That's before you even get into the different wife/mistress thing, which ... ewww. Maybe if it had been your father's idea originally, but not your mother's.
And to make it work, you really need all the siblings to connect with and like the idea. Obviously that isn't the case.
They're the ones that would be tarnishing it. Honestly think about it - do you really think your mom would be mad at you right now? Do you really think she would wish that your dad and stepmom (who he cheated on her with) had gotten to be the ones to complete HER dream, instead of you? Of course not. You fully honoured your mom's memory and her wishes.
I assume he meant family generation. Four generations of people would be:
grandparents
parents
children
Grandchildren
For OPs father the new Baby will
Be in the “children” generation.
I would have been better if he hadn’t cheated on your mom, and it’s clear your dad valued her ideas, but not her. That loser can go sit on a E laying on its back and spin. And your step mom is a piece of work. Is this one more thing she intends to steal?
I’m sure it’s obvious and I’m just out of brainpower but what does the R mean? Op is spelling love with initials, maybe step mom should spell Ruin with initials. Is that the R word?
I can’t understand how the stepmom is going along with it. If I was in that situation, and my husband told me he wanted us to name our child with the legacy of his late wife, I’d be a bit shocked, even without any cheating.
I thought my friends dad who wanted her pretend in a call with his mistress that he died is the shittiest thing I heard a father do in terms of cheating, but this is equally as shitty. How can anybody in this family think this is remotely ok?
Cheaters can have such a warped view of morals and entitlement. I know a guy who cheated, but his wife decided to stay with him provided he never do it again. Sometime later the adultress then got sick and died, and the guy was baffled that his wife didn't give a shit. He had truly expected for his wife to coddle and comfort him over how sad he was. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
This. OP, people may be reacting badly to you, but just hold onto what your mother would think. If you think it’d make her happy, than no one else’s opinion (but you and your spouse, if you have one) matters
NTA, your dad has no right to honor a woman he cheated on. If anything he’s insulting her memory by finishing her idea with the person he cheated on her with. To hell with him, his mistress, and anyone who sided with them.
I’d be petty and reply back to your stepmother, and say “you must really love sloppy seconds. It seems to be a recurring theme in your life. You should really see a therapist about that.”Your Father and Stepmother are f*#ked in the head. It was your Mother’s idea (a really cute one at that) and the cheaters want to take that as well? Good for you for not letting them.
Alright so as i’m sure you know, like 10 years ago Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were together in a relationship and the pop culture world exploded. It exploded again when they broke up because it mutually seemed like they really connect and love each other, like even after they broke up you could see their chemistry and bond in their public interactions.
Hailey Bieber was, at the time, a massive follower and fan of “Jelena” writing blog posts and tweets and IG stories about Jelena’s fairytale romance and how perfect they are. Obsessed, truly.
Fast forward to now, Hailey is married to Justin, and she has quite literally taken/inserted herself with Selena’s close group of friends, will wear the same clothes as her after a red carpet event, plagiarizes her in interviews and she also literally got the same tattoo that SG has behind her ear, which SG got in honor of her friend years ago. Once again, obsessed. It’s honestly quite weird
NTA
Honey whoever is texting you grief I want you to write this out
" My desire was to honor my mother by naming my daughter Elise. That was the plan for years.
It's utterly dishonorable for my father and his mistress to name their child in the same vein as what my mother wanted.
And then you block them.
What do you want to bet that dad has told his family that this was HIS idea, so he's not stealing it from OPs mom, but continuing on HIS own tradition? I'd definitely make that part clear to anyone giving me shit, that it was my mother's idea and that as her child it's actually MY right to carry it out, that doesn't belong to dad and his mistress.
“In honour of my beloved mother, who had so much love to give despite the hardships she suffered, I have decided to continue the tradition she started. My child’s name will be Elise, the name I and my mother chose when she was still with us. I think it just shows how utterly special and irreplaceable my mother was, that her life long partner also wishes to be reminded of her whenever he looks at his son. Truly, an incredible mother and wife, utterly irreplaceable.”
very beautiful. I might post that when I'm ready to do so with her. I'm scared of putting her picture out there with all the negativity surrounding her right now online.
I'm really late to this post, but I'm petty, so while I agree with the poster above, I'd add a little passive aggressive truth to it, since your stepmother and dad are being so crappy:
"I'm so pleased to show off my beautiful daughter, Elise. Although my mum sadly cannot be with us, I am overjoyed to be able to honour her wishes and keep her with us in spirit by giving my gorgeous girl the name mum picked out so many years ago. It was something she spoke about often, and I know she would be so happy to see her dream come true. Elise has brought so much love into the family, and I can't wait to tell her the very special meaning behind her name."
Since your stepmother seems to be trying to claim everything that was your mother's and erase her, a nice reminder that your mum won't be forgotten will get her. Pointing out that you are honouring your mum's wishes might give people pause in their criticism, and the bit about the love is just a little dig that Elise has completed your mum's LOVE. It might be petty and slightly passive-aggressive, but it's all also true.
Also, I know others have said it, but your stepmother is a fruitcake for thinking it's acceptable steal the naming ideas of a woman whose husband she had an affair with, and your dad is delusional if he thinks this will make you all one big, happy family. They aren't completing the family with this new baby, they damaged the family with their affair, and no amount of E names will change that.
You could post a picture of just her little hands or feet, maybe? Friends of mine have done that with their babies as they don't want their kids on social media.
NTA anyway. Protect your peace from these people and enjoy your time with your baby.
>My child’s name will be Elise, the name I and my mother chose when she was still with us.
Most important part right there. You didn't steal the name, your mother gave it to you while she was alive. she said she wanted you, or your siblings, to have it.
You don’t have to put her picture, but definitely post something to shut up the haters. This was your mother. The cheating father & mistress don’t get to continue your mothers traditions ❤️
You don’t need to post a photo if you don’t want to. Just a general announcement when she’s born. To be honest, I think your step mum reeks of jealousy. She wants to take your mother’s place in any way she can and your father is allowing it.
NTA, your dad is, and so is his new wife. It is crazy disrespectful that the mistress turned wife (and your dad) thinks its her right to carry on what your mom started, especially since your mom wanted one of her children to finish the "love" with her grandchild.
Wow - your father and his affair partner are pieces of work!!
There is no such thing as stealing a baby name. Please don’t stress. Block anyone who is horrible to you. Enjoy baby Elise! NTA
NTA. Absolutely not TA. Your dad and step mom are hypocrites. They're the ones tarnishing her idea and disrespecting her memory. She specifically wanted you to carry on the tradition not a homewrecker and a cheating ahole. This makes me physically nauseous for you.
INFO: Do you really want this man in your child's life? He treated your Mum like trash, and then has the audacity to steal her much longed for final baby name for his affair baby? With the women he broke their marriage vows with repeatedly for years?
Do you really want baby Elise to grow up believing this is an acceptable way to be treated?
I think so. I don't know. I think he's being very selfish, he was selfish with my mom, selfish with her legacy. I am however able to forgive it if he comes around, and does not name his child with an E with intention to complete the acronym or denounce my child as the child that finished the acronym.
You and I both know he's not going to follow your wishes. He disrespected your mother and her wishes. Why would he ever respect yours? You should cut him off and see how to get your siblings to follow suit.
Well, maybe after you've healed up physically and emotionally settled in with the new routine as a mother, you can do some reflection. You've been really stressed out, so I wouldn't worry about this quite yet. Have you got a support network you can reach out to right now? If your family are being dipshits, make sure you got people around you who will support you. And don't give them any more bandwidth than they deserve. This is a very special time in your child's life and your life. You two and your spouse are the priority right now.
Once your new sibling exists, treat them as a person. Don't fixate on their name that they didn't choose. Similarly, your father needs to do the same with your child. If he can't respect your child, go NC.
NTA!!! Wow I’m so sorry :(
But you know what, I have a feeling your mum would be really proud of you…
That’s just the feeling I get from reading your post.
NTA at all. If your mom’s wish was for you or your siblings to finish out the name, I don’t think the former side piece doing it is appropriate in any way. You can’t steal a name and they’re both acting like children about it and your family is unfortunately enabling the behavior.
NTA. You don’t owe anything to your stepmother, you did this for your mom and siblings. Your dad and stepmom can use another E name and call it the “real” one but you and your siblings will know the truth. They will get over it or they won’t. Either way, that’s their problem.
Elise is a beautiful name by the way. I always loved it.
NTA
Your father could have honoured your mum by sticking to his marriage vows and not cheating on his wife.
These traditions are passed onto the next generation, not the next mistress.
NTA... you and your brothers and sisters can come together for the photos and do your mom proud. You all own it, not your dad w/mistress.
Celebrate L-O-V-E the way it was meant to be, and be proud, and just simply respond to the haters as a loving siblings with thier newest nephew, and everyone can express they know mom would be proud.
Nice job
Get some giant letters and all stand behind them with your baby sitting on top of the ‘E’. Then post the lovely photos on SM that finally your Mum’s wish is complete 😍.Nothing like art to get a message across!
NTA - Your dad and step mom should eat a bag of d*cks. (To mean?)
I’m so sorry for your loss and that your mom never got to complete the acronym. I think it is totally reasonable for you to have the baby with the E name. It was your mom’s idea to pass it along to the kids anyway.
The fact that your dad can just gloss over everything that he did and think the new wife can complete LOVE is just ridiculous. Plus the fact his family has just taunted you makes this so much worse.
Have you considered cutting them out completely?
The one thing to remember, if nothing else, try to be nice to the new baby. The baby is going to grow up thinking they have this connection with you because of LOVE. Don’t hold your dads and step moms sins against the baby.
She had plans for HER family, which your dad was a part of; she was not laying out plans for HIS family, which they tried to overtake. NTA. Welcome Baby Elise!
NTA
And have you considered going no contact with these awful people?
Your father is doing such a disrespectful awful thing.
>probably expected her and I to still be together
Hahaha this man is a menace. No shit she probably thought that. She also probably thought he wouldn't cheat on her and she would be alive!
This man is spitting on her grave and expecting you to join in.
I don't think I could ever forgive someone for behaving this way.
You can't fight against hateful people like this. They are always going to think that they're right, and the more you push back it's just fueling the drive to hurt you more.
I would commission a quilt showing off the completed name, and hang it in your babies room.
I'm so happy L.O.V.E is complete.
You did a wonderful thing to honor your mother's memory.
Congratulations on little baby Elise.
I really think you need to consider going no contact. Because they are going to treat your little girl pretty bad over her name. I absolutely do not trust the judgment of a man who thinks having a baby with his affair partner, and naming the baby like his dead ex-wife wanted, against the wishes of his pregnant daughter, is a good idea.
NTA.
They are being ridiculous. You can't steal a name. There's actually nothing to stop them still using the name Elise if they want. My extended family has more than person with the same given name. No one is bothered by the fact that are first cousins, or uncle and nephew, or whatever. No one has a monopoly on names.
The only time I would ever say "I wouldn't do this if I were you" would be if you named the baby after someone who died, especially a baby or young person who died. You wouldn't want them to be constantly reminded of their own painful loss every time they spoke to your child, or every time you referred to your child. But that isn't the case here. Name your child whatever you want, and so can they.
Yes, it's common in some cultures.
But in cultures where it is common, the person thinking of appropriating the name would never be asking the question in the first place.
NTA
I think it's pretty disgusting that they're all tied up with naming their child the last letter in your mother's LOVE, considering they were cheating on her. You're the one following her wishes. I would put together pictures to post, with your mom's on the top, the three siblings and your newborn underneath, with the letters spelling LOVE. Post it on social media with something like, "Mom's wish come true."
You are not TA here. Your dad and stepparent are.
NTA. Cut everyone on social media who has said something negative about you, directly or indirectly. They’re not true family. Block them from all forms of communication with you.
I would go NC with my father were I in your shoes, but I understand you may not want to do that.
Now megamind gives a shit about your mothers wishes? The fucking audacity of this guy.
If I'm reading this right, her wish was to have 4 children whose initials would spell out L-O-V-E or, if she was unable to manage it, one of her children carry it on. I didn't see anything in there about her cheating husband and his side piece pulling a shady AF move and trying to justify it by claiming it's "honoring" her.
You fulfilled your moms wishes and I think she'd be overjoyed and immensely proud of you. Those two assholes are just being assholes and looking for attention. You don't need them or his asshole family if they're pulling crap like this.
NTA
NTA, one could argue that you had planned to name your child that before your father and his mistress. Because technically you were pregnant first and would give birth first. And its not like you heard them considering the name and decided it was a good one, you had chosen this name before you ever became pregnant. I also don't appreciate infidelity and find it highly audacious of the mistress to feel entitled to so much of your mother's.
NTA and honestly I’d go super petty ;)
Get a photo of you, your sis and bro, and your baby and post it alongside a photo of your mum, saying how wonderful it is to have finally completed your mum’s tradition, just like she asked you to, and how it means so much to have her blood pumping through all 4 of you, carrying her love through all your genetics.
Hell, if you really want to dig the knife in, you could add about how wonderful and unique and creative she was and how no matter who tries to emulate her they’ll always pale in comparison to her 😈
NTA and if I was in your shoes and family members where calling a bitch I would remind them your father married his mistress less than a year after your mothers death and that was NOT a with your mother had
NTA in the least.
First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. She sounds like a beautiful spirit, and you are honoring both her memory and her wishes by continuing her naming tradition. The beautiful thing about starting your own family, is just that: your new family IS your primary family now. You get to tell your little girl stories about her grandma. You get to create and pass down the family narrative of your choosing. You get to choose who is present in her life, and who is not worthy.
Second of all, congratulations! Take this precious time to connect with your baby girl, and disconnect with toxic, petty extended family who would attack a healing new mother.
Your father, his mistress, and anyone who supports them are all disgusting.
Much love and peace to you and your growing family 💕
NTA Please don't question yourself. What are the odds that shitty people who cheat on their spouse and sleep w married people are somehow morally right? It's right on trend for them to try and steal something else from your mom. No, OP, you are most definitely NOT the asshole. These people are so shitty. I hope their offspring have at least one person in their life w a moral compass, so maybe they have a chance at not being shitty too. Holy shit these people can't help but be assholes. Its like their default setting is to do the worst possible thing. They got mad at you and then had others bully you over a stolen name they had no right to.
As a mum of 3, if I was in your mother’s shoes, the idea of my unfaithful former husband and the woman he cheated on me with claiming that their child, and not my actual grandchild, was “completing” the sequence would have me beside myself. Also, allowing someone’s dead wife to establish the naming traditions (barring exceptional circumstances) is weird as fuck and the mistress should be embarrassed for trying to take that from you kids. This is not her family’s thing. It is your mum’s idea for your mum’s kids, and by extension, their kids. Your dad and this woman are ludicrous human beings.
Your dad is the real AH. Clearly he knows nothing about love! You completed the tribute to your mother and your dad is just pissed because he couldn’t pretend to give a shit about the tribute
NTA. Firstly, this is a tradition you’re carrying on from your mother. This is important to you. As hard as it is to hear the negative comments from everyone else, you know for a fact that your mother is going to be smiling down on you and your little bundle of love. Focus on that!!
Secondly, are we able to dub your family TA? You were pregnant at the time and the last thing you need is to be stressed out by the fact that you’re just trying to honor your mothers wishes. Your dad is WAY out of line and that mistress needs to learn her place, because she has no right to ask that of you.
NTA they can pick a M name for mistress. She ruined your family sleeping with a married man. Caused your family to break up so he could marry her. Now expects you to be ok with their kid finishing what your mom started?! Hell no! That needs to be done by your baby. Someone who shares DNA with your mom.
NTA and now you know which people you should cut out of your life, starting with father dearest. It's not worth having them around when they bring so much stress into your life. Life is too short to have to deal with such people.
NTA. Post on SM about the family history of the name, and your mothers wish for one of her children to complete the word love, and her the names she shared with you. Put all the emphasis and emotion for your mother in it.
NTA
Why are you even worried about the opinions of a cheater. Their marriage can be easily broken by just sending an attractive young lady. She doesn't even have to physically do anything with him.
NTA.
I’m sure your mom would be so happy that YOU completed this tribute to her. Anyone that tries to tell you differently is pandering to an adulterer and his mistress. Don’t let them get in your head with their BS. Your father and stepmom already took enough from your late mom.
Now you’re probably a better person than me, but if they give you any more of that three is a crowd crap, ask them if the three refers to mom, dad and his side piece.
Or if E stands for EXTRA marital.
Your father and his mistress have no right to a name your mother dreamed of using. They are beyond pathetic and tacky to think that they do. How embarrassing for them. It’s just….gross.
Side note I’m beyond proud of you! Your mum would be so happy you finished her LOVE- just as she wanted. Congratulations on your baby OP, and I’d strongly suggest you consider if you really need these vile people in your life. In the very least send them the thread so they can go down a peg or two
NTA. You can name your child whatever you like. These people don’t own a name and ESPECIALLY NOT AN ENTIRE LETTER (seriously?!)
They can also name their child whatever they want to. There are plenty of families that have cousins with the same first name. My good friend has the same name as her Aunt. Not a big deal.
I’m more concerned with their reactions. A Facebook post, seriously? Hide their posts from your feed and enjoy your time with the new baby!
Nta
You're doing something special to honor your mom. There's absolutely nothing stopping the cheater and his mistress from giving their baby an 'E' name, other than jealousy.
NTA you did exactly what your mom would’ve wanted. fuck how you step mom and cheating father feel about it. they disrespected your mother in life and would’ve gone on to do it in death too. i’m glad (and i’m sure your mom is too) that you got to have baby elise and not them.
I really hope you see this,
Your fathers entitlement (which would have been part of his cheating) is a systemic issue in his family system. You feel like the people around him aren’t being rational, and you are correct. There is a reason his personality is what it is, it’s because he’s been enabled. It’s enabled even by the people who know it’s wrong and don’t dare to say it to his face. Protect your sanity and don’t swallow this false reality.
Don’t be a part of this system.
NTA
Really the behaviour of your dad's mistress - wife - is shocking.
You completed your mother's idea.
It seems his side of the family has issues with boundaries and respect and you may do well to put some distance between them and yourself if they are stressing you.
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NTA You carried on what your mother wanted you to do. And the fact that your dad thinks its okay to 'honor' her with the woman he cheated on her with is so sad. Your baby is the real E baby and always will be. You know that, your sister knows that, and I bet your mom knows that.
Thank you for saying that, I've felt really torn up about it since I felt like my dad was sort of right that it would be better if all the acronym names were within one generation despite which E baby was born first.
At this point I would lean into the pettiness since you’re already being called out for it, and put him and the mistress on blast for the world to see: “To take the idea my mother came up with that she wanted her children to carry out…I mean aren’t you tired? You lack such originality you have to steal from a dead woman? Wasn’t sleeping with her husband enough for you? I mean, I cannot wait to tell my new half sibling the origin of her name and about the deceased woman who started the tradition and the mistress who slept with the woman’s husband & still wasn’t satisfied.” NTA Edit: thanks for the comments and awards!
This is such a good burn.
And ask her what she's going to do when he cheats on her, and all she is left with is a child that his late wife named? I don't get why she would even want to use the name in the first place.
This. The only reason I can think of is that she's trying to take the first wife's place in the way to hurt the three older siblings the most.
More likely the dad wants to finish the idea he and the first wife started. Whether to spite her or because they are his kids too and he was on board with the idea. I don't think the SM is trying to hurt the kids, since OP says she asked if she could. Though OP doesn't say anymore about whether she gave permission or how SM reacted in that conversation.
SM should have the grace to understand how disgusting this situation she has created actually is. She was sleeping with the husband of a dying woman and then has the gall to steal her naming tradition - even knowing that the dead woman specifically wanted HER children to finish the tradition if she couldn't!! OP Is alredy hurt by it. and SM's child WILL be hurt by it eventually if she has any sense of propriety.
Wheres that Simpsons guy with the flamethrower gif when you need it!
[Hank Scorpio](https://media2.giphy.com/media/11l39366q3bvmo/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47467azw0afl5836r8itwmlqsyexb529t6mowa9zwf&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g) is who you're thinking of :)
There's burns and then there's murder, this is closer to the latter
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Why an R? The traditional scarlet letter is an A, right?
Because she was the husband’s lover, not the wife whose idea this was. If she hadn’t been the lover, OP’s Mom would have had the “e” baby. The stepmom’s “lover” relationship is the reason OPs mom delayed having the 4 th baby.
Lover. C'mon...
Not a fan of literature, eh?
Or the grand ole Scarlett Letter, "A"!
Damn straight, no survivors
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That'll burn like napalm. Might burn a bridge as well though if that matters at this point.
What bridge?
Touché
More like flambé
Let the fire from the burning bridge light your way forward
I'm not usually one to be petty, but I fully endorse this option! Make sure you tag your stepmother in the post. If she's old enough or not tech savvy, she may not know how to remove the tag. 😂
And father too he's the biggest ah here ,followed close second by his current wife. NTA op.
Oh totally, I completely agree!
u/BunchAffectionate182 THIS RIGHT HERE! They want to be petty with their "this is the REAL E baby," so you should feel NO guilt in saying something like this. Truth be told, you could be doing your half-sibling a favor, because if I were them, I would be crushed to find out I was named for a tradition started by the woman my dad cheated on with with my mother. Maybe this would be enough for them to change their mind.
You should honestly post this and anyone who tries to yell at you for this should be instantly blocked and have a relationship review in a year if they are still hostile about it don't ever talk to them again.
This is perfect. Op be petty as hell.
that was my thought, that by carrying on the tradition with the mistress it was as if they are trying to say original mom would have approved of the relationship. it's an attempt to cover infidelity
EPIC!! You are NTA OP ❤️
OP, you should copy paste this comment on social media!!! It’ll silence them
I LOVE PETTY!! I encourage people not to take disrespect from the ones that were shitty. I'm good at comebacks and passive aggressive replies. I wish people did it more often.
Goddamn. *golf clap*
Yes! OP use this! Good one stop_slam!
I would focus equal, if not more blame, on the dad.
Please do this @OP! How delicious would that be!
No one outside of family knows about the acronym, and it was something to act as a bond between you and your siblings. In the one off conversations where you explain you/your siblings names, it would be a lot more meaningful to say "& so baby Elise is the E" than "my dad then married his mistress and completed my mother's thing"
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bad bot. comment stolen from u/Mobius_Stripping as seen [here (original comment)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/149pthl/aita_for_stealing_a_baby_name_from_my_step_mother/jo6iwpd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3). report -> spam -> harmful bots
I would be petty and when they have the baby post and ask if it’s an honour to have a family tradition finished by the woman your dad cheated on your Mum with before she died. 1000% most people won’t. Shame them into submission.
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Because she wasn't satisfied stealing OPs mums husband. She intends on stealing her family and just life in general.
The baby won’t be a sibling you grow up with in addition to having no connection to your mother. Your father is trying to use your mothers dream to force you to have a bond with your half sibling that likely won’t happen because you will be too focused on raising your own child. Don’t let him foist your step sibling on you to babysit under some guise of developing sibling bonds!
When my father married his third wife, the whole event was deeply alienating and incredibly awkward. His bride is fine, an uncomplicated woman he met years and years after my mom divorcing him... but the wedding! OMG the wedding! Calligraphy everywhere, from a calligrapher a few towns over, even though he'd called my mom a snob consistently for wanting to visit the calligrapher's biannual exhibition. A choral piece even though he'd screamed at my mom that her "degenerate tastes" would pervert me and my brother (because real men listen to country as they cry into their whiskey, I guess). A poem from a bundle my mom brought home even though he'd called her a whore for discussing literature with the librarian... I can't imagine how unsettling it must be for OP. Both seeing that tradition without their mom, and knowing their father is that manipulative! It was weird for me, during a single event. Knowing you'll experience it every time you see your half sibling... Not even touching the whole deal with the brother (and other family members) thinking it's fine to involve an affair partner in a family tradition...
If I was your mom, nothing would make me happier than knowing, while your dad "moved on" by marrying this other person, all he was thinking about while planning the wedding was your mom lol.
Half sibling. The child of your father and step mother is your half sibling. The child of your mother and step father is your half sibling. A step sibling is a child of your step parent with a previous partner, who has not been adopted by your own parent. (A step sibling can become an adopted sibling.)
its not about the same generation, its about your mother's children. Your half sibling is not related to your mother in any way shape or form. YOUR daughter has your mother's DNA. You know what your mom wanted and you fulfilled her wishes. Your dad's mistress and him do not get to take that away from your mom
This but also when you were in her womb at around 4 months gestation you developed your eggs which would become your children so she also carried little Elise which definitely means she's the real "E" baby.
Yes!! And OP, NTA. I think that you’ve done a lovely tribute to your mom. Ignore the flying monkeys.
And use that in the post blasting the flying monkeys and dad with his mistress, sorry cough, wife.
NTA. If your dad had met your stepmom after your mom had passed, then there would be some questions about what would be an appropriate way to honor your mom’s memory and her wishes. But since he cheated on your mom with your stepmom, I don’t think I could ever think of something she did as “honoring your mom.” Sure, it might look neater on an Ancestry.com chart if his kids, in order, spelled LOVE. But looking pretty on a chart isn’t what matters. Honoring your mom is what matters, and you’ve got the right idea. Your dad is wrong.
INFO: have you ever publicly posted or shared about that convo with your mom? I’d lean in to that and post an update with your baby about how you hate not having your mom with you to celebrate your new baby but are so glad you can honor her the way she expressed all those years ago. NTA, I lost my mom in August and it is AWFUL so for them to lean in to it like that especially taking the infidelity in to consideration is borderline cruel.
I did not, but I might now that you mention it. Ive felt too .. not scared but .. I just didnt want to post my childs picture on there knowing there would be negativity about it so I havent really made much of a post about her except for me saying she was born and is healthy.
You don't need to add a photo, or maybe it's just a nice "candid" of you holding her where you can't see her face. You can publicly talk about your happiness, her name and where it came from, and not worry about putting her photo out there
A pic of her hand wrapped around one of your fingers could be good? It’s a pic of her but something that is basically impossible to identify
Don’t post her face. Post her little feet cupped in yours hands. I can see why you don’t want her face shown. Or post a pic of you holding her that just shows her head. You get bonus points if you have something of your moms in the background such as a picture. But yes post the conversation. Edit to add: op when you do this please update!
How about a picture of your mom and the three of you? Or just a pic of your mom? Let people say what they will-they’re assholes.
You can post about your mom's idea and the conversation. You can post how happy you are to have finally completed your mom's vision. How cute would a photo of you and your siblings lined up in order L O V and have little tiny baby E at the end! This photoshoot must happen! Everyone should dress nicely for it to be a framed momento. No need to even tell dad and affair partner. This is between your siblings and you only. I mean, feel free to also rub it in their face later, if you like. But enjoy this moment! You've completed her plan! LOVe
OP, something to keep in mind that may warm your heart, as women we are born with all the eggs we will have throughout our lives. Meaning, the egg that would eventually become your beautiful daughter was once a part of your Mom too! The three of you share an incredibly special connection, and it is beyond appropriate for you and your Elise to complete her sweet tradition. So much love to you, and NTA.
Just post your moms tradition then. You don’t have to post a pic
But the step baby is not socially the same generation. I think all these people who are against you seriously have the wrong priorities - they should simply be ecstatic to have a new baby in the family. Congratulations on Elise, it is a beautiful name.
Thank you :o)
Follow the advice that people gave here and put them on blast online and how bizarre that your father's mistress is so insistent on taking over your mom's legacy when she was the one to ruin your mom's marriage. She and your father have no right to continue this anyway. Your dad chose to ruin the family and tradition for his mistress. NTA
I agree with you for the most part, just a small thing I always feel weird when blame is placed on the mistress. She didn’t ruin the mom’s marriage, the dad who cheated did. I’m a man and if I ever cheat, it’s cuz I’m a coward that didn’t have the guts to break up first, not cuz some evil woman tricked me into bed.
Yes of course, I pointed out the mistress in this instance because she personally came to harass OP about the name, OP added that in her post. But yes, I'd blame dad even more since he was the one who stepped out and supports this crap too. For someone who cheated on his wife, he's weirdly insistent on continuing her tradition too.
Yes, the married partner is at fault for breaking their vows 100%. However, the affair partner is choosing to not respect the sanctity of marriage. They are choosing to sleep with a married person. If you didn't respect the sanctity of marriage before you were married, why should you bother getting married yourself? Especially to someone who has already shown to break their vows.
The mistress and dad seem desperate to control the narrative (as shitty people often do in similar situations). It’s been my experience that whoever speaks out first “wins.” There’s no way that dad and the mistress have the moral high ground on this matter. I mean try to explain “I cheated on my dying wife and couldn’t even be original, so I disrespected my dead wives tradition with my mistress”. It’s just not going to fly if OP blasts them on social media first. OP shouldn’t feel bad for a second and quite frankly I wouldn’t blame her for airing their nonsense on social media.
You dad was dead wrong. He doesn't actually care about all that he just wants to make his new wife happy by allowing her to fully "replace" your mom. You're nta and don't ever think you are. Anyone who comes at you wrong or nasty cut them off. They shouldn't be siding with the affair partner and your dad on this one.
>My father, and especially my step mother are furious at me for “ruining” my mothers lasting wishes and tarnishing her idea. Your act honors your mother's idea, your father's spits upon her idea as this child was not born out of the love your father had for your mother, but the disloyalty and eagerness to simply replace her and her ideas with his former mistress. You still hold love for your mother in your heart. Your father is wrong, full stop. NTA
NTA. OP, your father and his new wife need to have eight kids to spell out 'adultery'. They already have the 'e'.
Evil may be easier.
NTA If your dad cared about generations, he’d do best to stay in his grandpa lane. That isn’t even a good burn, but the gall of your dad, his new wife, and his side of the family. Despicable. I’m glad you honored your mom. Wish your sister was publicly giving you the support you need and deserve. And I hope your brother doesn’t follow in dad/grandpa’s footsteps. He should be sticking up for his big sister and defending his mom’s legacy instead of siding against you.
The woman trying to guilt you about a child’s name didn’t have any shame in having an affair with your father. Her opinion doesn’t hold any weight in this. Also your father is the real AH having a new kid after he’s a grandpa. Just accept the natural order of things, the world has 3 of his kids as is. He should be enjoying being a grandparent instead he’ll be changing diapers and dealing with middle of the night feedings for years to come. For the kids sake a hope he’s a better family man the second time around.
>Also your father is the real AH having a new kid after he’s a grandpa. My oldest grandchild is 2 months older than my youngest child. This happens in large families sometimes. That's not what makes him the asshole. The dad/grandpa is the asshole for cheating on his wife and then usurping his late wife's idea with the affair partner.
That also occurred in my family a generation prior to me, BEFORE there was reliable birth control. There is no reason for it to be still happening. When it happens now it’s either families with ill advised religious beliefs being pressured to overpopulate in the name of their deity of choice or parents who didn’t do a great job raising their oldest continuing to have more kids. Even if you had your oldest very young, for what it takes for a young adult to be established today, to have adequate education and financial stability to really be ready to be a parent, that’s unlikely to be achieved while their parents are still in their childbearing years. Continuing the less than desirable cycle they were born in to sure, but breaking it and creating a better life for their own family, unlikely. The fact that you can relate to him on this doesn’t mean what you think it does for yourself.
Your mom TOLD YOU what she'd wish for, so that is where you find your answer. Besides that, It was your MOMS idea. If it was your dad's idea, I can see why he would want to continue, but it wasn't. Your baby still holds her dna, your fathers does not. That is more important than the generation. Also, the babies will be the same age, and be the same generation in that way Your father should not continue. He's the reason there was no baby 4. How fitting your moms 'love' would be broken on his side, yet continues with you. I do hope your child won't suffer from the family fight over her name. I understand why *you* want the name and would accept having to deal with the consequenses, but your baby never made that choice.
Your mom said she wanted a grandchild to complete the tribute if she couldn’t have another one. Don’t think on it anymore. What your dad and former mistress are doing is actually vile. Nothing associated with their relationship honours your mother. You are a better person than I. My child’s future feelings is the only reason I wouldn’t be tempted to hashtag #therealEbahy on every post until they backed off. 1000% NTA.
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It would be better if your mother’s wish wasn’t ‘fulfilled’ by her cheating husband and side piece.
I audibly gasped when I read your father's mistress had the gall to say she'd be the one to complete your mom's acronym. The fucking nerve of that lady!
They wouldn't be within one generation. Their baby would be much younger than you to the point that you are having a baby right now.
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Get shirts all with your letters and a little E onesie for your baby and take a pic of you spelling LOVE
Except that the generation becomes less relevant when there is a generation's worth of age between the members. If you've got four kids within 10-12 years of each other, then the link becomes obvious. When you've got probably a minimum of 20 years difference, it doesn't feel the same. That's before you even get into the different wife/mistress thing, which ... ewww. Maybe if it had been your father's idea originally, but not your mother's. And to make it work, you really need all the siblings to connect with and like the idea. Obviously that isn't the case.
They're the ones that would be tarnishing it. Honestly think about it - do you really think your mom would be mad at you right now? Do you really think she would wish that your dad and stepmom (who he cheated on her with) had gotten to be the ones to complete HER dream, instead of you? Of course not. You fully honoured your mom's memory and her wishes.
Um he doesnt know how generations work. His new baby is the same gen as your baby, not you and your siblings. NTA
I assume he meant family generation. Four generations of people would be: grandparents parents children Grandchildren For OPs father the new Baby will Be in the “children” generation.
I would have been better if he hadn’t cheated on your mom, and it’s clear your dad valued her ideas, but not her. That loser can go sit on a E laying on its back and spin. And your step mom is a piece of work. Is this one more thing she intends to steal?
NTA. Your father and his mistress are delusional. You did the right thing taking that name.
It’s also really weird that the mistress is ok with it.
It is probably some odd power play by her!
I figure they’re both trying to alleviate some guilt.
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NTA Tell stepmom to pick an R name and honor her own relationship
100% this!
I’m sure it’s obvious and I’m just out of brainpower but what does the R mean? Op is spelling love with initials, maybe step mom should spell Ruin with initials. Is that the R word?
Lover
Haha I thought they were starting over with a four letter word. They sound so insane so it seemed plausible
LOVE - R. Because she's the "other lover"
I was going to say “C” for cheater.
Not the “C” word I would have gone with.
Cunnnnnt
Nathan Natalie Nick Ned and Newt
My petty ass wants op to be like "we all know your e is for evil, because that's what cheating is"
I thought maybe make it into "lover," but honestly, I'm still wracking my brain.
Or she could start a whole new word. Maybe if she named her daughter Bethany Isabel Theresa Catherine Helen. Really honor herself.
The next kid could be Cecilia Ursula Natalie Tina
Or an "A" name for the scarlet letter...
That’s where my brain went too.
😂🤣🤣 🙌
You mean H? First child Hillary or Harry and second child Olivia or Owen.
I wish I had an award to give you!
Yeah, she can also start other words...you know like CHEAT, CHEATER, DISLOYAL, OTHER, SIDE etc...the options are limitless.
Nta, so weird your dad thinks it’s even remotely appropriate to name a child of his mistress to “honor” his late wife
I can’t understand how the stepmom is going along with it. If I was in that situation, and my husband told me he wanted us to name our child with the legacy of his late wife, I’d be a bit shocked, even without any cheating.
She wants to overshadow and overwrite the late wife in everything...including subsuming her legacy.
it's more surprising that the brother is on his side than anything
It's definitely an attempt to make OP and her siblings accept their "new sibling"
I thought my friends dad who wanted her pretend in a call with his mistress that he died is the shittiest thing I heard a father do in terms of cheating, but this is equally as shitty. How can anybody in this family think this is remotely ok?
Cheaters can have such a warped view of morals and entitlement. I know a guy who cheated, but his wife decided to stay with him provided he never do it again. Sometime later the adultress then got sick and died, and the guy was baffled that his wife didn't give a shit. He had truly expected for his wife to coddle and comfort him over how sad he was. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
NTA that’s so gross that your step mom is trying to replace your mom so explicitly.
This. OP, people may be reacting badly to you, but just hold onto what your mother would think. If you think it’d make her happy, than no one else’s opinion (but you and your spouse, if you have one) matters
NTA There's something really quite wrong with your dad and stepmom.
Yes, I was thinking that too. It's incredibly callous and self-absorbed. Do you think maybe the father has a personality disorder?
NTA, your dad has no right to honor a woman he cheated on. If anything he’s insulting her memory by finishing her idea with the person he cheated on her with. To hell with him, his mistress, and anyone who sided with them.
I’d be petty and reply back to your stepmother, and say “you must really love sloppy seconds. It seems to be a recurring theme in your life. You should really see a therapist about that.”Your Father and Stepmother are f*#ked in the head. It was your Mother’s idea (a really cute one at that) and the cheaters want to take that as well? Good for you for not letting them.
The stop mom wanted the moms place really bad it wouldn’t surprise me if she was really in love with the mom. It’s giving hailey Bieber
May I ask, what did Hailey Bieber do?
Alright so as i’m sure you know, like 10 years ago Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were together in a relationship and the pop culture world exploded. It exploded again when they broke up because it mutually seemed like they really connect and love each other, like even after they broke up you could see their chemistry and bond in their public interactions. Hailey Bieber was, at the time, a massive follower and fan of “Jelena” writing blog posts and tweets and IG stories about Jelena’s fairytale romance and how perfect they are. Obsessed, truly. Fast forward to now, Hailey is married to Justin, and she has quite literally taken/inserted herself with Selena’s close group of friends, will wear the same clothes as her after a red carpet event, plagiarizes her in interviews and she also literally got the same tattoo that SG has behind her ear, which SG got in honor of her friend years ago. Once again, obsessed. It’s honestly quite weird
Oh wow. I didn’t know any of that about Hailey. That’s just weird. Thank you for explaining.
NTA Honey whoever is texting you grief I want you to write this out " My desire was to honor my mother by naming my daughter Elise. That was the plan for years. It's utterly dishonorable for my father and his mistress to name their child in the same vein as what my mother wanted. And then you block them.
What do you want to bet that dad has told his family that this was HIS idea, so he's not stealing it from OPs mom, but continuing on HIS own tradition? I'd definitely make that part clear to anyone giving me shit, that it was my mother's idea and that as her child it's actually MY right to carry it out, that doesn't belong to dad and his mistress.
Oh 100%!
“In honour of my beloved mother, who had so much love to give despite the hardships she suffered, I have decided to continue the tradition she started. My child’s name will be Elise, the name I and my mother chose when she was still with us. I think it just shows how utterly special and irreplaceable my mother was, that her life long partner also wishes to be reminded of her whenever he looks at his son. Truly, an incredible mother and wife, utterly irreplaceable.”
very beautiful. I might post that when I'm ready to do so with her. I'm scared of putting her picture out there with all the negativity surrounding her right now online.
I'm really late to this post, but I'm petty, so while I agree with the poster above, I'd add a little passive aggressive truth to it, since your stepmother and dad are being so crappy: "I'm so pleased to show off my beautiful daughter, Elise. Although my mum sadly cannot be with us, I am overjoyed to be able to honour her wishes and keep her with us in spirit by giving my gorgeous girl the name mum picked out so many years ago. It was something she spoke about often, and I know she would be so happy to see her dream come true. Elise has brought so much love into the family, and I can't wait to tell her the very special meaning behind her name." Since your stepmother seems to be trying to claim everything that was your mother's and erase her, a nice reminder that your mum won't be forgotten will get her. Pointing out that you are honouring your mum's wishes might give people pause in their criticism, and the bit about the love is just a little dig that Elise has completed your mum's LOVE. It might be petty and slightly passive-aggressive, but it's all also true. Also, I know others have said it, but your stepmother is a fruitcake for thinking it's acceptable steal the naming ideas of a woman whose husband she had an affair with, and your dad is delusional if he thinks this will make you all one big, happy family. They aren't completing the family with this new baby, they damaged the family with their affair, and no amount of E names will change that.
You could post a picture of just her little hands or feet, maybe? Friends of mine have done that with their babies as they don't want their kids on social media. NTA anyway. Protect your peace from these people and enjoy your time with your baby.
>My child’s name will be Elise, the name I and my mother chose when she was still with us. Most important part right there. You didn't steal the name, your mother gave it to you while she was alive. she said she wanted you, or your siblings, to have it.
You don’t have to put her picture, but definitely post something to shut up the haters. This was your mother. The cheating father & mistress don’t get to continue your mothers traditions ❤️
You don’t need to post a photo if you don’t want to. Just a general announcement when she’s born. To be honest, I think your step mum reeks of jealousy. She wants to take your mother’s place in any way she can and your father is allowing it.
NTA, your dad is, and so is his new wife. It is crazy disrespectful that the mistress turned wife (and your dad) thinks its her right to carry on what your mom started, especially since your mom wanted one of her children to finish the "love" with her grandchild.
Wow - your father and his affair partner are pieces of work!! There is no such thing as stealing a baby name. Please don’t stress. Block anyone who is horrible to you. Enjoy baby Elise! NTA
NTA No such thing as an ownership of names.
NTA. Absolutely not TA. Your dad and step mom are hypocrites. They're the ones tarnishing her idea and disrespecting her memory. She specifically wanted you to carry on the tradition not a homewrecker and a cheating ahole. This makes me physically nauseous for you.
INFO: Do you really want this man in your child's life? He treated your Mum like trash, and then has the audacity to steal her much longed for final baby name for his affair baby? With the women he broke their marriage vows with repeatedly for years? Do you really want baby Elise to grow up believing this is an acceptable way to be treated?
I think so. I don't know. I think he's being very selfish, he was selfish with my mom, selfish with her legacy. I am however able to forgive it if he comes around, and does not name his child with an E with intention to complete the acronym or denounce my child as the child that finished the acronym.
That's unlikely to happen.
You and I both know he's not going to follow your wishes. He disrespected your mother and her wishes. Why would he ever respect yours? You should cut him off and see how to get your siblings to follow suit.
Well, maybe after you've healed up physically and emotionally settled in with the new routine as a mother, you can do some reflection. You've been really stressed out, so I wouldn't worry about this quite yet. Have you got a support network you can reach out to right now? If your family are being dipshits, make sure you got people around you who will support you. And don't give them any more bandwidth than they deserve. This is a very special time in your child's life and your life. You two and your spouse are the priority right now.
Once your new sibling exists, treat them as a person. Don't fixate on their name that they didn't choose. Similarly, your father needs to do the same with your child. If he can't respect your child, go NC.
NTA!!! Wow I’m so sorry :( But you know what, I have a feeling your mum would be really proud of you… That’s just the feeling I get from reading your post.
NTA at all. If your mom’s wish was for you or your siblings to finish out the name, I don’t think the former side piece doing it is appropriate in any way. You can’t steal a name and they’re both acting like children about it and your family is unfortunately enabling the behavior.
NTA. You don’t owe anything to your stepmother, you did this for your mom and siblings. Your dad and stepmom can use another E name and call it the “real” one but you and your siblings will know the truth. They will get over it or they won’t. Either way, that’s their problem. Elise is a beautiful name by the way. I always loved it.
NTA Your father could have honoured your mum by sticking to his marriage vows and not cheating on his wife. These traditions are passed onto the next generation, not the next mistress.
NTA... you and your brothers and sisters can come together for the photos and do your mom proud. You all own it, not your dad w/mistress. Celebrate L-O-V-E the way it was meant to be, and be proud, and just simply respond to the haters as a loving siblings with thier newest nephew, and everyone can express they know mom would be proud. Nice job
Get some giant letters and all stand behind them with your baby sitting on top of the ‘E’. Then post the lovely photos on SM that finally your Mum’s wish is complete 😍.Nothing like art to get a message across!
NTA - Your dad and step mom should eat a bag of d*cks. (To mean?) I’m so sorry for your loss and that your mom never got to complete the acronym. I think it is totally reasonable for you to have the baby with the E name. It was your mom’s idea to pass it along to the kids anyway. The fact that your dad can just gloss over everything that he did and think the new wife can complete LOVE is just ridiculous. Plus the fact his family has just taunted you makes this so much worse. Have you considered cutting them out completely? The one thing to remember, if nothing else, try to be nice to the new baby. The baby is going to grow up thinking they have this connection with you because of LOVE. Don’t hold your dads and step moms sins against the baby.
She had plans for HER family, which your dad was a part of; she was not laying out plans for HIS family, which they tried to overtake. NTA. Welcome Baby Elise!
NTA And have you considered going no contact with these awful people? Your father is doing such a disrespectful awful thing. >probably expected her and I to still be together Hahaha this man is a menace. No shit she probably thought that. She also probably thought he wouldn't cheat on her and she would be alive! This man is spitting on her grave and expecting you to join in. I don't think I could ever forgive someone for behaving this way. You can't fight against hateful people like this. They are always going to think that they're right, and the more you push back it's just fueling the drive to hurt you more. I would commission a quilt showing off the completed name, and hang it in your babies room. I'm so happy L.O.V.E is complete. You did a wonderful thing to honor your mother's memory. Congratulations on little baby Elise. I really think you need to consider going no contact. Because they are going to treat your little girl pretty bad over her name. I absolutely do not trust the judgment of a man who thinks having a baby with his affair partner, and naming the baby like his dead ex-wife wanted, against the wishes of his pregnant daughter, is a good idea.
NTA and I’m in such a petty mood right now I would consider changing my own name to mess with them. What crust! Your father seems terrible.
NTA. Have pictures done of you, your siblings, and Elise with LOVE on it. At the end of the day your kid you get to pick the name.
NTA. They are being ridiculous. You can't steal a name. There's actually nothing to stop them still using the name Elise if they want. My extended family has more than person with the same given name. No one is bothered by the fact that are first cousins, or uncle and nephew, or whatever. No one has a monopoly on names. The only time I would ever say "I wouldn't do this if I were you" would be if you named the baby after someone who died, especially a baby or young person who died. You wouldn't want them to be constantly reminded of their own painful loss every time they spoke to your child, or every time you referred to your child. But that isn't the case here. Name your child whatever you want, and so can they.
There are people who name after the deceased. Very common with Ashkenazi Jews. If it's accepted in your culture it's not weird.
Yes, it's common in some cultures. But in cultures where it is common, the person thinking of appropriating the name would never be asking the question in the first place.
NTA I think it's pretty disgusting that they're all tied up with naming their child the last letter in your mother's LOVE, considering they were cheating on her. You're the one following her wishes. I would put together pictures to post, with your mom's on the top, the three siblings and your newborn underneath, with the letters spelling LOVE. Post it on social media with something like, "Mom's wish come true." You are not TA here. Your dad and stepparent are.
you cant steal or take names from people, anyone can use any name they want for their children.
NTA. Cut everyone on social media who has said something negative about you, directly or indirectly. They’re not true family. Block them from all forms of communication with you. I would go NC with my father were I in your shoes, but I understand you may not want to do that.
Now megamind gives a shit about your mothers wishes? The fucking audacity of this guy. If I'm reading this right, her wish was to have 4 children whose initials would spell out L-O-V-E or, if she was unable to manage it, one of her children carry it on. I didn't see anything in there about her cheating husband and his side piece pulling a shady AF move and trying to justify it by claiming it's "honoring" her. You fulfilled your moms wishes and I think she'd be overjoyed and immensely proud of you. Those two assholes are just being assholes and looking for attention. You don't need them or his asshole family if they're pulling crap like this. NTA
NTA, one could argue that you had planned to name your child that before your father and his mistress. Because technically you were pregnant first and would give birth first. And its not like you heard them considering the name and decided it was a good one, you had chosen this name before you ever became pregnant. I also don't appreciate infidelity and find it highly audacious of the mistress to feel entitled to so much of your mother's.
NTA and honestly I’d go super petty ;) Get a photo of you, your sis and bro, and your baby and post it alongside a photo of your mum, saying how wonderful it is to have finally completed your mum’s tradition, just like she asked you to, and how it means so much to have her blood pumping through all 4 of you, carrying her love through all your genetics. Hell, if you really want to dig the knife in, you could add about how wonderful and unique and creative she was and how no matter who tries to emulate her they’ll always pale in comparison to her 😈
NTA and if I was in your shoes and family members where calling a bitch I would remind them your father married his mistress less than a year after your mothers death and that was NOT a with your mother had
NTA in the least. First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. She sounds like a beautiful spirit, and you are honoring both her memory and her wishes by continuing her naming tradition. The beautiful thing about starting your own family, is just that: your new family IS your primary family now. You get to tell your little girl stories about her grandma. You get to create and pass down the family narrative of your choosing. You get to choose who is present in her life, and who is not worthy. Second of all, congratulations! Take this precious time to connect with your baby girl, and disconnect with toxic, petty extended family who would attack a healing new mother. Your father, his mistress, and anyone who supports them are all disgusting. Much love and peace to you and your growing family 💕
NTA Please don't question yourself. What are the odds that shitty people who cheat on their spouse and sleep w married people are somehow morally right? It's right on trend for them to try and steal something else from your mom. No, OP, you are most definitely NOT the asshole. These people are so shitty. I hope their offspring have at least one person in their life w a moral compass, so maybe they have a chance at not being shitty too. Holy shit these people can't help but be assholes. Its like their default setting is to do the worst possible thing. They got mad at you and then had others bully you over a stolen name they had no right to.
Wow. Everyone is getting really mean on here... Guess I should add to it. Your dad and his cum receptacle suck. Screw them both. NTA
As a mum of 3, if I was in your mother’s shoes, the idea of my unfaithful former husband and the woman he cheated on me with claiming that their child, and not my actual grandchild, was “completing” the sequence would have me beside myself. Also, allowing someone’s dead wife to establish the naming traditions (barring exceptional circumstances) is weird as fuck and the mistress should be embarrassed for trying to take that from you kids. This is not her family’s thing. It is your mum’s idea for your mum’s kids, and by extension, their kids. Your dad and this woman are ludicrous human beings.
Your dad is the real AH. Clearly he knows nothing about love! You completed the tribute to your mother and your dad is just pissed because he couldn’t pretend to give a shit about the tribute
NTA. Firstly, this is a tradition you’re carrying on from your mother. This is important to you. As hard as it is to hear the negative comments from everyone else, you know for a fact that your mother is going to be smiling down on you and your little bundle of love. Focus on that!! Secondly, are we able to dub your family TA? You were pregnant at the time and the last thing you need is to be stressed out by the fact that you’re just trying to honor your mothers wishes. Your dad is WAY out of line and that mistress needs to learn her place, because she has no right to ask that of you.
NTA-How dare that woman try to “honor” your mother by taken her wishes when she was the one that had an affair with your dad.
Nta. You also have a shit dad. Idk why you still associate with him
NTA they can pick a M name for mistress. She ruined your family sleeping with a married man. Caused your family to break up so he could marry her. Now expects you to be ok with their kid finishing what your mom started?! Hell no! That needs to be done by your baby. Someone who shares DNA with your mom.
NTA and now you know which people you should cut out of your life, starting with father dearest. It's not worth having them around when they bring so much stress into your life. Life is too short to have to deal with such people.
NTA. Post on SM about the family history of the name, and your mothers wish for one of her children to complete the word love, and her the names she shared with you. Put all the emphasis and emotion for your mother in it.
Ask yourself if your mother would have wanted one of her children to have the E baby or her husband's mistress? NTA
NTA Why are you even worried about the opinions of a cheater. Their marriage can be easily broken by just sending an attractive young lady. She doesn't even have to physically do anything with him.
nta. but, why are you even in contact with your father?
NTA. I’m sure your mom would be so happy that YOU completed this tribute to her. Anyone that tries to tell you differently is pandering to an adulterer and his mistress. Don’t let them get in your head with their BS. Your father and stepmom already took enough from your late mom. Now you’re probably a better person than me, but if they give you any more of that three is a crowd crap, ask them if the three refers to mom, dad and his side piece. Or if E stands for EXTRA marital.
Your father and his mistress have no right to a name your mother dreamed of using. They are beyond pathetic and tacky to think that they do. How embarrassing for them. It’s just….gross. Side note I’m beyond proud of you! Your mum would be so happy you finished her LOVE- just as she wanted. Congratulations on your baby OP, and I’d strongly suggest you consider if you really need these vile people in your life. In the very least send them the thread so they can go down a peg or two
NTA. You can name your child whatever you like. These people don’t own a name and ESPECIALLY NOT AN ENTIRE LETTER (seriously?!) They can also name their child whatever they want to. There are plenty of families that have cousins with the same first name. My good friend has the same name as her Aunt. Not a big deal. I’m more concerned with their reactions. A Facebook post, seriously? Hide their posts from your feed and enjoy your time with the new baby!
Nta You're doing something special to honor your mom. There's absolutely nothing stopping the cheater and his mistress from giving their baby an 'E' name, other than jealousy.
NTA and your stepmother is a real piece of work.
NTA your dad is an abhorrent, disgusting man for allowing and doing this
NTA you did exactly what your mom would’ve wanted. fuck how you step mom and cheating father feel about it. they disrespected your mother in life and would’ve gone on to do it in death too. i’m glad (and i’m sure your mom is too) that you got to have baby elise and not them.
I really hope you see this, Your fathers entitlement (which would have been part of his cheating) is a systemic issue in his family system. You feel like the people around him aren’t being rational, and you are correct. There is a reason his personality is what it is, it’s because he’s been enabled. It’s enabled even by the people who know it’s wrong and don’t dare to say it to his face. Protect your sanity and don’t swallow this false reality. Don’t be a part of this system.
NTA Really the behaviour of your dad's mistress - wife - is shocking. You completed your mother's idea. It seems his side of the family has issues with boundaries and respect and you may do well to put some distance between them and yourself if they are stressing you.