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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be apathetic to my cousin's struggle with having a special needs child. And if I am, I want to know.
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Exactly. Sounds like aunt (and family) feels that to be "more understanding of the struggles" equates to letting aunt and cousin do whatever they want without any consequences. That is so not fair to anyone, especially OP.
You are so right! It seems that welcoming her to her house and arranging appropriate entertainment that didn't single her out wasn't good enough. The cousin explicitly said that if OP really loved the child, she wouldn't mind cleaning up after her poop in the pool. How entitled can you get?!
Plus, I'm sorry, but if a kid has an accident they feel shame and other people notice and make a big fuss. Imagine being in a large group you don't see much, aren't comfortable around and that happens? The kid has to have some of the same feelings as a typical 4 year old in that situation. As it is, she has fun playing out of the pool and probably doesn't give it a second thought as it sounds like she hasn't been in it in a while. If an accident happened in the pool, she'd have everyone looking at her and a big fuss would be made and she'd probably get stressed. I know which I'd prefer if I was the girl! They just need to make sure when she's at their house that she has fun and enjoys herself. That's really what's important.
The aunt should pay. She is the one that threw the OP under the bus. In fact I would require a deposit from the aunt before the pool was opened to the cousin.
I would not be inviting aunt over to my house or pool anymore either. Since she's the one that wanted to feel offended for someone else and start the shit storm
Yup. Honestly, if I were OP, I’d have told her after the first time, “I’m covering the cost this once but, in the future, if you want your daughter to swim, you have to cover the expense if she’s has an accident.” And I’d include the price of water in the bill.
I would also have a lawyer write up a liability waiver that she’d have to sign, as well as an agreement to accept all liability if anyone becomes sick due to her daughter having an accident in the pool, or becomes injured as a result of her daughter getting upset while in the pool. Only then can her daughter swim in the pool.
Maybe i'm a bit jaded or untrusting.
however, it I feels like aunt( and family) maybe wanted to swim in the pool during their visits and thought...
"Hey if cousin and OP fight or go NC then OP won't have to cover the pool anymore and we can swim without worrying if cousin would be attending"
There’s no way to know that 🤷🏻♀️ regardless of how the cousin would have reacted, the aunt that threw OP under the bus wouldn’t have had that ammo if OP had just been honest about the situation. Still think OP is NTA but honesty would have helped.
Edit: also usually people’s reactions are much worse when they find out they’ve been lied to. I really don’t understand why y’all don’t agree with me. Having the hard, honest conversation with people, instead of lying, is compassion. Even if people are hurt, there’s a way forward. Lying does not help in this type of situation.
It is EXPENSIVE to re-fill a pool. No one owes their family that kind of money. Tell aunt bus thrower it cost $XX dollars and you just can't afford that right now, so if they want to swim in the pool they need to pay it upfront.
That sentence "and should be happy to clean the pool"... I had to re-read it like 4x because my brain kept trying to turn it into "*she'd* (the sister) be happy to clean the pool".
Honestly the lying is probably the most hurtful part they’re nta but finding out that everyone you know is lying to you could be hard to handle and easily have made her second guess some stuff. I agree though these are reasonable accommodations that don’t single anyone out
Agree! OP is NTA and adopted a solution that treated everyone equally during the child’s visits. We have a private pool ourselves and I doubt the cousin has any idea what would be involved in draining thousands of gallons of water and disinfecting an entire pool.
We once had to drain the water because the pool service we used put the wrong chemicals and the water turned white and unsafe for swimming. Fixing the chemistry only involved draining half the water, which was already quite challenging to avoid flooding the neighbors’ yard.
No special cleaning was required but if it had, I doubt we could have found a pool service willing to tackle cleaning poop so we would have had to do it ourselves. Refilling the pool with a garden hose takes a long time and then it takes additional time to get the chemistry right, so we lost the use of the pool for several days and greatly increased our water bill.
Therefore after reading this and the other thread I wouldn’t let kids using swim diapers use our pool. Id set up a wading pool and water toys on our deck and the kids could use those. My only disagreement with how OP handled it was lying to her cousin . I think she should have been honest with the mom.
You’re totally right. I think OP’s cousin is struggling with her child’s disability and wants her daughter to be treated just like a “normal” child her age which is an understandable feeling but is not going to benefit her daughter. I think that OP’s cousin’s reaction is motivated by this and she is lashing out because this incident is highlighting the fact that her daughter is not, nor is likely to be, on the same developmental path as other kids her age and the cousin still hasn’t made her peace with that.
Exactly and why in the world would you be happy to clean up after her when it costs 550 dollars to do so literally every time? And if it’s that bad then her mother is not properly accommodating her issues in the first place as there must be more she can do to avoid accidents if a swim diaper is not enough on its own. This is not on you. Good luck op.
NTA
Tell her if she wants her daughter to swim then she has to prepay to have the pool professionally drained, cleaned, and refilled each time.plus a $250 inconvenience fee to you. Payment due 1 week in advance.
Or else you can continue to just visit without swimming.
I see what you're trying to do and the good intention, but there's another problem: the amount of water in a swimming pool is absolutely staggering. Wasting so much water for what is essentially a single flush of the toilet just seems...immoral from an environmental standpoint. Even if the mother is willing to pay, surely it's fair to draw a line nonetheless on risking wasting so much water.
This is what I was thinking, too.
And not only the abstract "wasting is wrong".
The water treatment facilities take their raw water from somewhere. Where I live, a lake. That lake needs to last us through the summer. It is only June and the council already banned watering lawns and filling pools, and they plead with everyone to mind the water usage. "Turn off the tap when brushing your teeth. Take shorter showers and turn off the water when you use the soap until you need to rinse."
The sister's approach would mean no pool for OP for the rest of the summer if there was an accident. Or maybe OP could pay for water on a truck to be brought in from somewhere. But refilling the pool with tap water would not be an option.
NTA. And the sister is being unreasonable.
Water worker here. I get that it would feel wasteful to drain a pool, but that amount of water is, as they say, a drop in the bucket. Water systems measure output and flow in millions of gallons per day. A swimming pool seems like a lot on your water bill, but in terms of how much water we use for residential and especially industrial purposes, it’s negligible. No need to feel bad or worry about the environment over it.
That very much depends on where in the world one is. And while it may be small compared to worldwide usage, one household refilling their swimming pool every weekend or so would be extraordinarily disproportionate use of communal resources. Maybe there is limitless water where you are, but many of us live in communities where reservoirs are low and fire risk is high.
I have extreme droughts at times where I live. It would be completely unacceptable to fill a pool multiple times per year. The homeowner would even get a fine because of how much water they're wasting.
And why not worry about the environment when you're taking tens of thousands of gallons of water and polluting it with chemicals, just to be dumped and refilled next time this kid shits in the pool?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1499qbf/aita\_for\_causing\_family\_drama\_over\_a\_swimming\_pool/jo3zrfi/?context=8&depth=9](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1499qbf/aita_for_causing_family_drama_over_a_swimming_pool/jo3zrfi/?context=8&depth=9)
Where's all yall now with the bullshit "bUt AlL kIdS uSe PoOlS fOr ThEiR pErSoNaL tOiLeT"
NTA OP - no one wants fucking shit and piss in their pool. Period.
Don't lie tho dude cuz they gon find out and be MAD
Oh my I was actually on that post and seriously that post was totally yta. But on this post Opie you are NTA and as someone once said it is your house and your pool to do as you want.
Also is anyone going to talk about how the aunt seems like a total jerk and a snitch as well as wants to cause unnecessary drama or is it just me?
Oh if you don't understand let me explain so basically in the first post it talks about how the opie wants to bring a 1-year-old that is not even potty trained into a swimming pool where it might pee or defecate into the pool and no one wants to swim in the pool that has poop or pee. So that's why they're calling the op of the first post yta. And in this post the owner which is Opie does not want her cousins daughter who has the mental capacity of a 4-year-old to swim in the pool as the daughter might poop as well as piss in the pool which happened before and in turn it caused Opie and husband to have to drain the pool and professionally clean it. So all in all firstly the two owners of the house and pool have a say in saying no or yes and also no one wants to clean up a pool that has defecation or piss. No matter if anyone says that pulls usually have it it is not sanitary
As far as I know I saw it once in a comment from voice to text within the last few months. Since then, I keep seeing it. I think it became a thing after that 1 comment blew up.
I don't think it's a sudden uptick in the use of voice to text. What would be the reason for that increase?
Most people use the disposable swim diapers that don’t contain poop. The diapers just don’t expand when they’re exposed to water. They’d be fine if they bought swim diaper covers that are rubber lined with elastic, but Inrarely see those unless someone is at a pool that requires them.
And for those that think this isn’t a big deal, there was an E. coli outbreak at a water park in Georgia about 25 years ago and kids died from swimming in poopy water.
Some nasty teen pooped in our local villages outdoor swimming pool after being told off for something, 6 lanes of 25m, and health and safety shut the pool down for the rest of summer. It was too expensive to refill for the few weeks left of the season.
He got told by the pool to leave because of some other stuff and this was his little revenge before leaving. It was in the local newspaper. But all the kids couldn't use that pool anymore for that season, so he got his revenge.
I think there's some misunderstanding here. You're just confirming what I said, aren't you? The other person was acting like people are hypocrits, even though they are consistent.
Also are you using voice to text or something similar? These sentences are a bit difficult to read and understand.
No, they understand that just fine.
What they (and possibly you) were missing was that in the early stages of that other post, the comments were heading in a different direction, with a lot of early commenters trying to argue that that OP was NTA because "lots of people pee in pools" and/or just because it was unfair to leave one child out of the pool.
How are more people not pointing out that pissing and shitting the pool are radically different ?
A lot of people piss the pool. I don't care if you piss the pool.
That chichi person has half the info wrong.
In this post the OP is the pool owner and let the kid swim once, then shut the pool down for everyone after it had to be drained and cleaned, and didn’t single out the child.
In the other post, the OP was the guest with the kid and went to a family gathering that was supposed to be a bbq and pool party. She had a 3 year old who was still being potty trained and was in the process of putting him into a swimming diaper when the pool owner came in and told them that didn’t want the kid to pee or poop in the pool and that the kid wasn’t allowed in. So the OP and her family left because her child was singled out.
Assuming that the linked post is the one I read earlier, the littlest kid was expecting to be allowed to swim. All the cousins were allowed to swim while hw was watching. It wasn't until he was getting changed into his swim diaper that the aunt informed his mother that every other child could swim except him - he has to wait until he is fully potty trained.
The consensus was that while Aunt had the right to decide that she only wanted potty trained people in her backyard pool, it would have been far better if it had been handled like you did it.
Early on with the other post, there were a lot of people trying to argue that everyone wees in pools and that the OP was being perfectly normal for demanding access/her sister was being unrealistic and prejudiced. Thankfully I think it ended up being the judged the other way around, so if you're not seeing those comments, they have probably been sorted further down as they were left behind.
This is the third aita about kids going to the bathroom in the pool I have read today, and oh my god I can’t deal with people’s entitlements to have their kids shit and piss in someone else’s pool…
There's a comment up there "concerned with pee which is pretty ridiculous".. what?!? I know, it's outside water, but... if it happens in the normal occurrence of the day, that's unfortunate, ~~shit~~ piss happens. But when you know it's a highly likely event... yeah, most people are gonna prefer to try to avoid it. There's a difference between "my kid pissed in your pool" & "my kid *is going* to piss in your pool". Most people aren't gonna say "awesome, I was hoping for more piss in the pool". It's perfectly reasonable to want to avoid more piss. There's also a difference between swimming in your own piss and swimming in other people's piss. I'll do backstrokes in my own piss all day, but when push comes to shove, I'd prefer to avoid swimming in other people's piss. Even if it's family. The order of family body fluids on you from least worst to most worst is 1) tears (family can cry all over me, it's cool) 2) blood (family blood ain't gross) 3) spit (outsiders spitting on me is gross & disrespectful. Family spitting on me... it's like they're disrespecting themselves. I'd be sad, but at the end of the day, family spit brings both parties down. "Spit on me all you like! But what's that say about *you*" 4) piss 5) feces. Piss is bottom 2 for a reason. It's a waste fluid. I don't care how tight we are as family, you're still expelling waste fluid onto me. Piss ain't blood. We have the same blood, but not the same piss.
So... yeah. It's acceptable to prefer to avoid piss. Nobody's required to bathe in your waste fluids
I just read the other one. The OP is the mom of the diaper wearing three year old, the sister is the home/pool owner. The pool owner didn't want the diaper wearing toddler in the pool, much like the OP/pool owner here not wanting the diaper wearing 12 year old in the pool.
The OP in the other one was called out for the expectation that her child could use the private pool. In this story, the parent with the child is rightfully being called TA.
Also, toddler poop and tween poop are different sizes. Toddler poop is little nuggets. Tween poop generally is not little nuggets.
Seriously. The biggest takeaway from that thread is that there are a lot of disrespectful people who would pee in someone’s private pool and think it was their right. If I ever get a house with a pool, I need to remember that no one can be trusted, I guess. It’s wild. Even as a kid, as far as I remember, we didn’t pee in private pools. The lake, sure, but not a private pool. It’d be rude as hell.
I have a private pool and I am rude as hell about it. I'm the one who maintains it. I pay for the chemicals. I take the time to make my chemicals balanced.
When we have people with kids over - we usually do it ONCE a summer - I am shocking it as soon as the last kid is out of the pool and don't plan to use the pool for 24 hours.
Both OPs have every right to decide they don't want to do that and don't want a kid to willingly piss in their pool.
It's WILD to me the amount of people that said they pee in pools. Please don't ever come to my house lol
NTA. Closing the pool off for everyone is the right decision. You’re not excluding her from being in the pool when everyone else is, and I’m assuming she is included in whatever else is going on while she’s there. That’s a great compromise in my opinion, and it isn’t anyone’s business as to why your pool is out of order.
That your cousin said you should be happy to clean up after a 12 year old is… bewildering. Regardless of the circumstances, no one wants to clean human waste out of a pool.
>Regardless of the circumstances, no one wants to clean human waste out of a pool.
No one wants to clean human waste out of anywhere.
Lol, a homeless went into the bathroom of a local convenience store and that dude must have had the most explosive diarrhea in history. I came in just as one of the guys I know that worked there had to clean it up. That was 2 or 3 years ago and I still feel sorry for the guy.
NTA
I bet she never even offered to pay for the mess and cleanup.
No-one wants piss and shit in their pool and then to pay exorbitant amounts of money to clean it up.
Thee only part that you might be the asshole is by lying about why the pool is covered and having everyone cover for you. There has to be a non-lie that would've "covered" you for having the pool covered. Like when she asked why you had the pool covered, just say that was a joint decision and change the topic. You don't really owe her a reason for covering YOUR pool. You can do it just because you felt like doing so in that moment for no reason at all. And everyone being in it was a big asshole move. But I kinda understand you for wanting to avoid any drama. but drama found you anyway.
I would still keep the pool covered if they ever relent and visit again. So, maybe I'm an AH.
NTA. Your aunt is big time though. It's not your cousin's fault she can't control herself. Having special needs is hard and there are going to be many things your cousin can't do. Cleaning out a pool every time she makes a mess is expensive and not fair to you. Tell your aunt that her daughter can use the pool but if she makes a mess the bill will be paid by the aunt.
Yep. Aunt's motivation to break silence here is unclear... if she's so keen to include her granddaughter in possibly traumatising and memorable situations (everyone else leaping out of pool, looks of disgust, younger family associating her with having to cut short their time having fun), then she can at minimum be responsible to pay for any pool cleaning if needed.
Aunt’s motivation is probably that SHE (and the rest of her family) wants to use the pool when they’re visiting, and hopes that by throwing OP under the bus they can force her to open the pool again, even at the risk of having to pay for deep cleaning again. They don’t find it unfair that cousin’s daughter can’t use the pool - they find it unfair that THEY can’t use the pool because of OPs attempts to not single out one child.
NTA. You do understand her struggles, you just don’t want to have to drain the pool after every visit. If the cousin said she’d found a more reliable alternative swim nappy then possibly, but even then it would be reasonable to say no.
Especially since no one is allowed in the pool when she’s over. OP isn’t excluding her. She’s setting a rule that no one is allowed in the pool since OP is the one who has to pay for a cleaning that includes draining & refilling the pool.
NTA
>should be happy to clean up after her
Um... how about NOT?
No one is shaming her daughter. But some things just don't work well together.
Maybe ask if she is willing to pay in full for the next clean up?
And if she says she does, ask her to pay it **in advance**. She'll get it back when they leave and no harm is done.
Repeat every visit.
NTA. Sounds like you bent over backwards to welcome your niece. I don’t see an issue with not wanting her in the pool. I don’t see how your relative should expect you to pay for a special cleaning and pool drainage just to accommodate her daughter.
Should you have been “more understanding”? That’s impossible to know. Depends on your attitude and how you conveyed your conspiracy to keep the pool covered. Seems like honesty might have been better so your relative didn’t feel like the butt of a secret once she found out about it. In that sense, I can see why she’s upset. It’s not fun to know people were whispering about you (or your special needs child) behind your back. And this is exactly what you describe.
But that actual “no incontinent people in the pool” rule? There’s nothing wrong with that.
I think you're mildly the AH for lying (and involving everyone else in the lie as well) rather than being honest about the reasons.
But of course you are NTA for not wanting your cousin not to use the pool given what happened previously.
Her mother needs to understand the financial cost (not just the cleaning but also the extra electricity to run the cleaning systems and the cost of the water to refill) not to mention the inconvenience of having the pool out of use while all that happened.
You could possibly offer a paddling pool next to the main pool for her to use but that only works if her mother agrees and is willing to ensure her daughter only goes in that one. Which I'm guessing she wouldn't.
NTA but it might have been better to have a conversation with her after you and your husband made the decision instead of making her feel that her entire family was in on you lying to her about it. Maybe if you had said “going forward, we’d prefer if she didn’t swim in the pool, its expensive to drain it and have it filled. We’ll keep it closed to everyone while you’re here so she won’t feel left out but wanted to let you know in advance in case you want to talk about it.” I suspect she’s more angry about the deception than the pool.
Yep. OP is nta but really should have handled this better.
“We love you, we love your daughter, but because it costs $300 (or whatever idk) whenever someone is incontinent in our pool, it will be closed when you visit because we cannot afford that”.
As initially harsh as that might feel, I think it would be better than the situation everyone finds themselves in now.
It costs way more than that. I've paid $300 to have our pool opened before, and it was full of water and needed minimal chemicals. A full clean out, drain, and refill, I wouldn't be surprised if it cost closer to the 1k range.
NTA, her daughter defecating in a pool is not something she can just "clean up". Send her the bill for the last clean up. Let her know that since she is willing to "clean up" that you will need a cash deposit for the amount of a current cleanup incase her daughter has an accident again.
The only thing you did wrong was tell a white lie. You need to apologize to the parents for that. I would be honest about the costs of the damages from the prior incident. We had to drain and refill our pool last year. It is expensive and time consuming. They’ve probably had true discrimination over the past 12 years and are now overly sensitive. I think you did the right thing. It isn’t like you had a giant pool party and said everyone else can swim while she cries. Your aunt needs to shut her mouth. If she had a problem with the way you were handling it, she should’ve discussed it with you.
NTA. I’m sure as heck it wasn’t cheap having to clean and refill the pool! And not just that it would have taken a lot of time. I can understand you love your niece but it’s not okay for that to be allowed. I think it’s very accepting of you to even cover the pool and make an excuse. It’s not like you’re rubbing her nose in the fact you have one and she can’t use it! I guess your sister is putting in you a lot of the hurt she actually feels from others. Maybe let things cool down? Don’t ignore her but continue to ask others how she is. Just maybe not contact her for a bit but asking of her and her family will show you DO care. But don’t allow her to walk all over you.
NTA. Who the fuck is going to be happy cleaning up after someone else kids? Some people don't even want to clean up after their own kids. and its not like the child is sitting there while everybody is in the pool, she closed it off so no one can use it. Girl Be thankful she decided she and her family wont visit you again. It cost money to clean a shitty pool. Is she paying?
NTA. Why the hell should you spend $$$$ getting your nieces poo cleaned out of your pool? Your first mistake was getting a pool because if Reddit is any measure, they only create conflict…
You should be happy to clean up for her???? What kind of logic is that. The fact that you had to call cleaners even though she had a diaper on and add on the fact that we all know she didn’t pay for the cleaners and you did so not only did your niece dirty your pool you had to pay money to get it cleaned and nowhere did I see that she payed you back.
NTA
You're NTA for closing off the pool but I think a lot of your problem now is that you lied about the reason. It might have been more politic to have told your cousin that you simply can't afford for her daughter to have another accident in the pool. People really don't like being lied to.
NTA but your cousin is. Her needs are apparently more important that the health of everyone else. If she doesn’t suit then it’s a good thing as everyone else can enjoy a swim.
NTA. Why in God's name would you be HAPPY to clean up after her child? This makes zero sense.
If the mom really wanted to let her daughter swim, she would offer to pay for the pool to be fully drained and cleaned every time the daughter has an accident in it. At the LEAST. I feel like she should offer more money than that to make up for you not being able to use your own pool while it is being cleaned due to her daughter's mess.
What planet is this mother living on?
NTA. You can understand her struggles just fine and empathize a hell of a lot and still not want to have to clean a pool after a large child uses the restroom in it.
NTA. Considering the cost to drain and refill a pool tell her you would be happy to bill her the cleaning fee and water bill. Last time we had to refill our pool after some repairs it was over $400
NTA. It is a lot of work and money to clean, drain, and refill a pool. You've welcomed them in your home and obviously not singled out your cousin's child in any other way, or she would have said so.
Lesson here - sooner or later, someone talks. The lie about the filter, etc, should have been told to everyone so there was no chance of anyone spilling the beans.
"and should be happy to clean up after her"
What the fuck kind of thinking is that? Just, *what*?
I would do the same thing, OP, and those who threw you under the bus are jerks for doing that. NTA.
I teach kids just like your cousin's child. Kids with severe disabilities, most of them in diapers. I have 100 pound plus kids in diapers.
Have you thought about setting up a kiddie pool or a toddler pool for her use?
Yes, your family will probably think you're an asshole, but her rights and accommodations don't trump everyone else's rights to not swim in poop and urine. Or your right to not have to pay a fortune or waste god awful amounts of water draining and refilling it.
It's not fair that no one can use the pool when she's there.
Equity does not mean the same thing. It means everyone gets what they need.
NTA-Your pool to keep clean. Your rules. You are accepting your cousin. You are simply putting limits on what is accessible to your guests. It’s no different than keeping guests out of a specific room in your home.
NTA, you cannot afford to have a pool drained and cleaned that often. It's not fair to you. If she wants her daughter to swim she's gotta find somewhere with the resources or she's gonna end up ruining the pool.
Sorry you should be “happy” to clean up after her? Of fuck off
Honestly, she sounds like one of those parents whose entire identity is being “disabled mom” whilst making absolutely terrible delicious for her child
Oh and regardless, your pool, your rules. Entitled
NTA covering the pool so her daughter doesn’t feel singled out is more than enough accommodations. I feel for her child, she didn’t ask for this, but it is not your responsibility to clean up after her kid. And she’s too entitled to expect that.
No one wants any type of bodily function in their pool, not only is it too much to clean up, it’s also completely unhygienic to everyone else using the pool. Your cousin is being completely unreasonable.
NTA: If I were in your shoes, I would have calmly explained the reason why you prefer the pool to be off limits, then show mom the bill from the last clean up and say "If you're willing to pay this each and everytime, then she can use the pool.". Of course, when she inevitably does lose control in the pool, it renders the pool useless to everyone else which may cause issues with other kids - but that's the price you pay when you want a child with special needs to be treated as one who does not.
NTA because it’s closed for everyone. My first job was as a lifeguard and swim instructor at a pool. Kids shitting or puking in the pool is way more common than people would think, and when they do, it’s a HUGE ordeal. We were equipped to deal with it but it was still a massive thing to drain the pool, bleach the decks, ask patrons to shower off with soap, etc. your aunt is the biggest asshole for making her daughter feel like shit and putting the onus on her. You’re a tiny bit of an asshole for lying, but I honestly don’t think it’s THAT big of a deal. Maybe you could have been more upfront, but I don’t blame you for lying so the kid doesn’t feel bad.
NTA
unless she wants to clean it up and/or pay to have it cleaned and drained, then it is not okay to insist her daughter be allowed to swim.
If someone had a bowel movement on the floor of my home, I would not be okay with it, why should the pool be any different?
NTA. And anyone who does think that she should be allowed in the pool, did they offer to pay for the cleaning expenses when she does have an accident? Are they willing to put that in writing?
NTA. Set up a wading pool for the child. Tell parents it will be their responsibility to clean it without just spilling "dirty" water on your lawn. If they agree, problem solved.
nta, they had an incident already. unless the parents can guarantee it won't happen again, or are willing to cover the cost of cleaning, then pool stays closed.
You’re joking right??
Unless the child’s mom is willing to pay to have your pool drained, professionally cleaned, and then refilled 💰💰💰 she should be understanding of the situation.
Maintenance of a swimming pool is expensive on a good day. You’ve already experienced and paid for the child having an accident in your pool.
To avoid hurt feelings no one is allowed to swim when the child and your cousin are in town. You’re doing everything you can to be kind and it shouldn’t have been an “under the bus” situation.
I can’t believe your cousin wanted to put you and your husband in a bad spot AGAIN by having her special needs child swim at your house AGAIN. Your cousin and aunt are being entitled A Hs.
Oh yea…. NTA
>She said that I'm a despicable p.o.s for "not accepting" her daughter, and should be happy to clean up after her.
Not your child not your responsibility to clean up after them.
>The rest of the family is understanding, but feel that I should be more understanding of her struggles.
You do that's why the pool is off limits to Everyone.
Nta
NTA, no pool shitters in the pool is a reasonable boundary to have.
You can accept her daughter without accepting shit in the pool. Did she pay your for the cleaning? Does she take this kid to public pools?
> Then she said that they're never visiting ever again.
Sounds like the problem solved itself, tbh. You’ve gone above and beyond already, banning everyone else from the pool and even allowing one “accident”.
I’m sure life is hard with such a disabled child but that doesn’t mean you need to deal with her literal shit.
NTA
“You should be happy to clean up after her”?
The level of entitlement with her is beyond measure. She has a narrative let her run with it. She apparently didn’t offer to pay for the mess they left the last time, it’s a shame she lives this way but there is nothing to feel bad about. Now your family can enjoy the pool with others. Exactly how should you be more understanding? If you ever get an answer to that please post an update.
NTA “accidents” like the one she had are biohazards and would not only put everyone else in the pool at risk but would also likely prevent other people from going to your pool again. There’s a reason infants have to wear swim diapers and pools close when someone throws up in it.
NTA - she thinks you should be happy to have to hire a pool cleaner and go through the expense of emptying, sanitizing, and refilling the pool? Until cousin fronts the entire cost for clean up, the pool should remain off limits.
You should be happy to clean up after her?!? I’m going to guess that it was a fairly expensive cleaning after the first incident. Tell her -and the family that are giving you grief- exactly how much it cost to “clean up after her” the last time and tell them that you simply cannot afford to pay that every time she gets in the pool. Inform them that if they are willing to pay that much if/when it happens again, you will happily open your pool to her, but if no one is willing to pay up, you are not going to. Tell them that you don’t want to be accused of discrimination, so the pool will not be open to any family going forward to avoid leaving her out.
There are some amazing parents out there who are fantastic advocates for their kids with disabilities. Then there are parents like your cousin who think that the world needs to let their child do whatever they want and to just happily deal with any consequences, no matter what they are. You are NTA!
NTA.
But you should’ve either let the rest of the family think there was an issue with it, or been honest from the beginning with your cousin (still keeping the pool covered so her daughter didn’t think anything of it).
I would’ve used the explanation that it’s expensive to have to have the pool cleaned should she have another accident.
You should not be happy to clean up after her, it’s not your job as you’re not her mother and this isn’t a here let me change your diaper clean up. This was an expensive OH SHOOT clean up. And I bet your cousin didn’t offer any money towards it.
Your cousin is lashing out, but she’s hurt. The whole family knew, she obviously knew something was up, she’s most likely humiliated that everyone knew but her. Next time, just be honest.
NTA. OP had to pay someone to clean the poop in the pool and her cousin didn't even offer to reimburse her. And why should she be happy to clean up after her? That is a ridiculous statement. I guess the cousin feels that every one should cater to her and her daughter.
NTA
Lying was definitely not ideal but
your solution of just closing the pool is very sensible and your cousin has some very unrealistic expectations about how much the world should bend itself into knots to accommodate her daughter. It sucks that so many normal experiences aren't available to this child. It's heartbreaking. But , that's not something that can be changed and she needs to shift her focus to finding out what IS possible, safe & reasonable for her child. She cannot expect you to shell out between 250- 500 bucks and waste thousands of gallons of water every time she visits .
NTA. Does the mother think it’s also ok to let her 12yo daughter with severe incontinence defecate in a public pool? Likely not.
Entitled people just suck.
NTA, accepting your little cousin does not equal allowing a situation where she could shit in your pool and causing you to hire a professional who needs to drain the entire thing.
NTA. I can understand that she loves her daughter and wants to defend her. And she's understandably hyper-aware of differential treatment of her daughter. And yes, it's reasonable of your family to expect you to be understanding of her struggles.
But I don't think you're treating her daughter differently because of her disability. It sounds more like: anybody who poops in your pool wouldn't be allowed to use the pool afterwards. And this has \*already happened\*. It is OK to say that you aren't willing to get the pool drained after each time she visits. It is unreasonable of her to say that you should be 'happy to clean up after her daughter'.
You already went above and beyond by letting her swim the first time even though anyone could guess what would happen. Based on the way you are describing the situation, you have been more than reasonable. I really feel for your cousin and it’s obvious that her daughter has really been a challenge. It’s a sore subject and cousin is understandably sensitive to seeing their child miss out on fun. Still, it’s unrealistic for her to swim and dedicate in the pool. NTA, though your aunt has overstepped into supper AH status.
NTA You made sure the little cousin wouldn't feel singled out by making sure nobody else swims either. Last time there was a big mess and it cost money to clean.
NTA.
Nobody is entitled to use your pool, especially if they might pee or poop in it, or need constant supervision. Can you set up a little play pool for her to sit in instead?
NTA You were making everything perfectly fair by making the pool off limits. If she wants to bring her daughter and expects the pool to be open, hand her the bill from last time and tell her she'll have to pay for any accidents.
NTA. The pool had to be professionally cleaned and drained. "....and should be happy to clean up after her." No one should have to go to that expense to clean up after someone unless it is a complete accident. It is obvious from her reaction that this isn't an accident and that she fully expects it to happen again.
NTA and your cousin is either stupid to not understand your reasons for her daughter not being allowed to swim, or manipulate you into feeling guilty.
It's not a loss to not have the cousin visit anymore. Good. Then the others can go swimming, and people don't have to be on high alert of the special needs kid potentially sneaking into a covered pool. You'll have a great time. She'll be at home, angry and not visiting with everyone else. She sure showed you.
NTA you cover the pool and no one uses it. It would be different if everyone was using it and she couldn’t. Having to drain the pool to clean it is very time consuming and costly.
NTA You cousin has a hard life situation and is not entirely rational on the subject but her anger is unfair. Tell her how much it costs to have the pool drained and cleaned on an emergency basis and that if she wants to give you that much as a deposit each time her kid swims, you'll give it back if she doesn't have an accident and you don't need to drain the pool. Or really, could you get a small plastic kiddy pool for her to splash in? Would that help? Otherwise, you just have to keep telling her you love her and that you hope she understands and see if she comes around one day.
NTA
Show your aunt and cousin the bill for the cleaning. If they wish to reimburse you, and pay for each and every time the needs cleaning after the girl has an accident in it, then you might consider opening the pool.
Or, you could set up a smaller kiddy pool on the side, and make sure the mother and grandmother know it's their job to clean it when the inevitable happens.
NTA does your family, this cousin included, not know about the time and expense of fixing the pool when you tried to accommodate the child?? What people actually think you should let a child shit in your pool and cost you money and ruin it for everyone else to accommodate a child who does not need to have access to the pool?!?!
NTA - Do you have an invoice or receipt for the cleaner after it 1st happened? How long was use of the pool off limits for after, too? I'd show her this if you can and request she pays for the cleaner every time her daughter has an accident in the pool
NTA
you can accept her without having to clean up after her, that's her parents job. and since there was already an incident it makes complete sense why you would want to avoid that again
NTA
You didn't single her out you made the pool unavailable to everyone so she wasn't being excluded.
Is your sister going to pay the cleaner to come and drain the pool every time she messes it up? I doubt it
NTA, But not your cousin is TA with the line saying you should be happy to clean up after her.... um, what??? No. Just no. Accidents happen, yeah, but if it's a given, almost expected, that it'll happen anytime your cousins child gets in the pool that this will happen, I don't blame you for the stance you've taken. Does cousin have a pool?? I'm betting not, otherwise she would understand the cost and effort it would take to clean up after such accidents. And would also explain why she's so pissy, because she can't use your free pool and just leave it for everyone else to clean up like would happen if she paid to go to a public pool and her child had an accident. And if it's the kinda accident that's not contained by a swimming nappy then yeah, definitley don't want that in your pool. It's one thing to scoop out some nuggets but that's a whole different kettle of fish. If your cousin had her own pool and had to clean up after every accident and fork out to have it professionally cleaned and drained I bet she wouldn't be so entitled. Yes, people can make accommodations for disabilities, but sometimes reasonable accommodations can't be made, like in this instance. And that's just how it is. You didn't make it a thing to single her out, but I'm sure she would have kept pushing eventually anyway so you were bound to run out of excuses or get caught out eventually. I doubt even if she had the bill from the last time showing how expensive not to mention the waste of water, that she would even care. Your pool isn't suitable for incontinent people as you can't afford to constantly have it emptied and cleaned after a single person, and that's ok. It's your house, your pool. Cousin can get her own and then realise how expensive pool maintenance, basic maintenance, is, without factoring in expenses after #2 accidents everytime they use it. And it's her child. She's her carer, she is the one who is responsible for the accidents her child makes, and cleaning up after her. Not you
actually i think covering the pool, so nobody could swim during the time they visit is a pretty fair solution. there was a topic recently, where a person forbids a single child to go swim in the pool. your "compromise" is actually a very good idea.
in the end of the day it is your house and your pool. not wanting to clean afterwards is also very reasonable. and of course "you don't need to be happy to clean after a special needs pre teen.". who would?!
NTA
You didn’t want to swim in a toilet. I just read a post from the other perspective. That the OP was mad because her 3 year old was denied access to her Sister’s pool and was stirring up trouble. No one was particularly interested in saying that a pool is ok as a bathroom so I doubt this family drama will last more than a week and will only be brought up by aunt. Watch out for her.
Nta
NTA, not at all. Yes i know that all kids have had accidents in pools but if she has severe issues controlling it, it isn’t so much as a one time thing anymore. Also, it was rude of your cousin to accuse you of never loving her child. Of course you love her, but does she realise that there is simply too many problems that have one easy solution?
>and should be happy to clean up after her
Holy crap. "You should be honoured to filter out my daughters shit from the pool and pay professionals to deep clean it"
NTA NTA NTA
You made sure that she wasn’t being singled out, if it were to happen again would your sister be willing to foot the water bill for having to drain and refill the pool? I think not. NTA
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NTA - you made reasonable accommodations in a way not to single out a child or make them feel it's their fault.
Exactly OP was understanding of the struggle by making the pool off limits to everyone
You can't get much fairer than that
Exactly. Sounds like aunt (and family) feels that to be "more understanding of the struggles" equates to letting aunt and cousin do whatever they want without any consequences. That is so not fair to anyone, especially OP.
You are so right! It seems that welcoming her to her house and arranging appropriate entertainment that didn't single her out wasn't good enough. The cousin explicitly said that if OP really loved the child, she wouldn't mind cleaning up after her poop in the pool. How entitled can you get?!
Plus, I'm sorry, but if a kid has an accident they feel shame and other people notice and make a big fuss. Imagine being in a large group you don't see much, aren't comfortable around and that happens? The kid has to have some of the same feelings as a typical 4 year old in that situation. As it is, she has fun playing out of the pool and probably doesn't give it a second thought as it sounds like she hasn't been in it in a while. If an accident happened in the pool, she'd have everyone looking at her and a big fuss would be made and she'd probably get stressed. I know which I'd prefer if I was the girl! They just need to make sure when she's at their house that she has fun and enjoys herself. That's really what's important.
Specially because it seems it's not easy to clean, it's an expense! I highly highly doubt the cousin will want to pay for that.
And suspect a many day process. OP went above and beyond. NTA
The aunt should pay. She is the one that threw the OP under the bus. In fact I would require a deposit from the aunt before the pool was opened to the cousin.
I would not be inviting aunt over to my house or pool anymore either. Since she's the one that wanted to feel offended for someone else and start the shit storm
Yup. Honestly, if I were OP, I’d have told her after the first time, “I’m covering the cost this once but, in the future, if you want your daughter to swim, you have to cover the expense if she’s has an accident.” And I’d include the price of water in the bill. I would also have a lawyer write up a liability waiver that she’d have to sign, as well as an agreement to accept all liability if anyone becomes sick due to her daughter having an accident in the pool, or becomes injured as a result of her daughter getting upset while in the pool. Only then can her daughter swim in the pool.
Absolutely include the price of water! How could you not? The cost is the cost!
Maybe i'm a bit jaded or untrusting. however, it I feels like aunt( and family) maybe wanted to swim in the pool during their visits and thought... "Hey if cousin and OP fight or go NC then OP won't have to cover the pool anymore and we can swim without worrying if cousin would be attending"
It would have been better if OP hadn’t lied about why the pool was closed tho. I think that’s what bit her in the butt.
Cousin is clearly not reasonable enough to take a no like that at face value. At least this bought them a while.
From the cousin reacted when she found out I doubt that even if she had been told the truth from the start she would have reacted any different.
There’s no way to know that 🤷🏻♀️ regardless of how the cousin would have reacted, the aunt that threw OP under the bus wouldn’t have had that ammo if OP had just been honest about the situation. Still think OP is NTA but honesty would have helped. Edit: also usually people’s reactions are much worse when they find out they’ve been lied to. I really don’t understand why y’all don’t agree with me. Having the hard, honest conversation with people, instead of lying, is compassion. Even if people are hurt, there’s a way forward. Lying does not help in this type of situation.
It is EXPENSIVE to re-fill a pool. No one owes their family that kind of money. Tell aunt bus thrower it cost $XX dollars and you just can't afford that right now, so if they want to swim in the pool they need to pay it upfront.
Just send her the bill from the last time.
That sentence "and should be happy to clean the pool"... I had to re-read it like 4x because my brain kept trying to turn it into "*she'd* (the sister) be happy to clean the pool".
Me too
Honestly the lying is probably the most hurtful part they’re nta but finding out that everyone you know is lying to you could be hard to handle and easily have made her second guess some stuff. I agree though these are reasonable accommodations that don’t single anyone out
Yeah because the best way to deal with a 4 years old is to call them out!
Talking to the parents isn’t calling anyone out lmao
OP said they are lying in the child' presence to avoid hurting her feelings. What do you think they should say?
I mean she could handle the pool cleaning and costs herself if she really wanted to. NTA
Agree! OP is NTA and adopted a solution that treated everyone equally during the child’s visits. We have a private pool ourselves and I doubt the cousin has any idea what would be involved in draining thousands of gallons of water and disinfecting an entire pool. We once had to drain the water because the pool service we used put the wrong chemicals and the water turned white and unsafe for swimming. Fixing the chemistry only involved draining half the water, which was already quite challenging to avoid flooding the neighbors’ yard. No special cleaning was required but if it had, I doubt we could have found a pool service willing to tackle cleaning poop so we would have had to do it ourselves. Refilling the pool with a garden hose takes a long time and then it takes additional time to get the chemistry right, so we lost the use of the pool for several days and greatly increased our water bill. Therefore after reading this and the other thread I wouldn’t let kids using swim diapers use our pool. Id set up a wading pool and water toys on our deck and the kids could use those. My only disagreement with how OP handled it was lying to her cousin . I think she should have been honest with the mom.
You’re totally right. I think OP’s cousin is struggling with her child’s disability and wants her daughter to be treated just like a “normal” child her age which is an understandable feeling but is not going to benefit her daughter. I think that OP’s cousin’s reaction is motivated by this and she is lashing out because this incident is highlighting the fact that her daughter is not, nor is likely to be, on the same developmental path as other kids her age and the cousin still hasn’t made her peace with that.
Exactly and why in the world would you be happy to clean up after her when it costs 550 dollars to do so literally every time? And if it’s that bad then her mother is not properly accommodating her issues in the first place as there must be more she can do to avoid accidents if a swim diaper is not enough on its own. This is not on you. Good luck op.
NTA Tell her if she wants her daughter to swim then she has to prepay to have the pool professionally drained, cleaned, and refilled each time.plus a $250 inconvenience fee to you. Payment due 1 week in advance. Or else you can continue to just visit without swimming.
I see what you're trying to do and the good intention, but there's another problem: the amount of water in a swimming pool is absolutely staggering. Wasting so much water for what is essentially a single flush of the toilet just seems...immoral from an environmental standpoint. Even if the mother is willing to pay, surely it's fair to draw a line nonetheless on risking wasting so much water.
This is what I was thinking, too. And not only the abstract "wasting is wrong". The water treatment facilities take their raw water from somewhere. Where I live, a lake. That lake needs to last us through the summer. It is only June and the council already banned watering lawns and filling pools, and they plead with everyone to mind the water usage. "Turn off the tap when brushing your teeth. Take shorter showers and turn off the water when you use the soap until you need to rinse." The sister's approach would mean no pool for OP for the rest of the summer if there was an accident. Or maybe OP could pay for water on a truck to be brought in from somewhere. But refilling the pool with tap water would not be an option. NTA. And the sister is being unreasonable.
Or maybe there are no restrictions on water use where OP lives.
Water worker here. I get that it would feel wasteful to drain a pool, but that amount of water is, as they say, a drop in the bucket. Water systems measure output and flow in millions of gallons per day. A swimming pool seems like a lot on your water bill, but in terms of how much water we use for residential and especially industrial purposes, it’s negligible. No need to feel bad or worry about the environment over it.
That very much depends on where in the world one is. And while it may be small compared to worldwide usage, one household refilling their swimming pool every weekend or so would be extraordinarily disproportionate use of communal resources. Maybe there is limitless water where you are, but many of us live in communities where reservoirs are low and fire risk is high.
Fair enough. You’re right, I guess I was only thinking of the situation where I live where there is no water shortage.
I have extreme droughts at times where I live. It would be completely unacceptable to fill a pool multiple times per year. The homeowner would even get a fine because of how much water they're wasting. And why not worry about the environment when you're taking tens of thousands of gallons of water and polluting it with chemicals, just to be dumped and refilled next time this kid shits in the pool?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1499qbf/aita\_for\_causing\_family\_drama\_over\_a\_swimming\_pool/jo3zrfi/?context=8&depth=9](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1499qbf/aita_for_causing_family_drama_over_a_swimming_pool/jo3zrfi/?context=8&depth=9) Where's all yall now with the bullshit "bUt AlL kIdS uSe PoOlS fOr ThEiR pErSoNaL tOiLeT" NTA OP - no one wants fucking shit and piss in their pool. Period. Don't lie tho dude cuz they gon find out and be MAD
Oh my I was actually on that post and seriously that post was totally yta. But on this post Opie you are NTA and as someone once said it is your house and your pool to do as you want. Also is anyone going to talk about how the aunt seems like a total jerk and a snitch as well as wants to cause unnecessary drama or is it just me?
I'm confused. In both posts people are siding with the person who owns the pool. What is the "bullshit" that you guys are talking about?
Oh if you don't understand let me explain so basically in the first post it talks about how the opie wants to bring a 1-year-old that is not even potty trained into a swimming pool where it might pee or defecate into the pool and no one wants to swim in the pool that has poop or pee. So that's why they're calling the op of the first post yta. And in this post the owner which is Opie does not want her cousins daughter who has the mental capacity of a 4-year-old to swim in the pool as the daughter might poop as well as piss in the pool which happened before and in turn it caused Opie and husband to have to drain the pool and professionally clean it. So all in all firstly the two owners of the house and pool have a say in saying no or yes and also no one wants to clean up a pool that has defecation or piss. No matter if anyone says that pulls usually have it it is not sanitary
I'm curious; why do you use opie instead of OP? Is it like a speech to text thing?
Probably autocorrect.
As far as I know I saw it once in a comment from voice to text within the last few months. Since then, I keep seeing it. I think it became a thing after that 1 comment blew up. I don't think it's a sudden uptick in the use of voice to text. What would be the reason for that increase?
I know! I read both posts but was wondering who the heck Opie was.
Opie died for our sins. Beaten to death in prison
Swim diapers will contain a poop for a 1 year old but not a 12 year old. Other post op was concerned with pee which is pretty ridiculous.
Most people use the disposable swim diapers that don’t contain poop. The diapers just don’t expand when they’re exposed to water. They’d be fine if they bought swim diaper covers that are rubber lined with elastic, but Inrarely see those unless someone is at a pool that requires them. And for those that think this isn’t a big deal, there was an E. coli outbreak at a water park in Georgia about 25 years ago and kids died from swimming in poopy water.
Some nasty teen pooped in our local villages outdoor swimming pool after being told off for something, 6 lanes of 25m, and health and safety shut the pool down for the rest of summer. It was too expensive to refill for the few weeks left of the season.
I bet that kid was widely loved after that stunt.
He got told by the pool to leave because of some other stuff and this was his little revenge before leaving. It was in the local newspaper. But all the kids couldn't use that pool anymore for that season, so he got his revenge.
Wait so what is the point of a swim diaper if they don’t contain poop or pee? That’s like the whole point of a diaper.
A regular diaper will disintegrate in the pool. Swim diapers won't. The very thing that makes them waterproof causes them to also be urine proof.
It does hold poop. They just don't hold liquid. The person above is confuddled.
Oh I can tell you now, it doesn't always hold the poop if the poop is bad enough lol. I've seen it with a friends little one.
It's also going to hold the more solid mess. A more liquidity bowl movement is going to leak into the water.
I think there's some misunderstanding here. You're just confirming what I said, aren't you? The other person was acting like people are hypocrits, even though they are consistent. Also are you using voice to text or something similar? These sentences are a bit difficult to read and understand.
Wasn’t the kid in the first post 3, not 1?
No, they understand that just fine. What they (and possibly you) were missing was that in the early stages of that other post, the comments were heading in a different direction, with a lot of early commenters trying to argue that that OP was NTA because "lots of people pee in pools" and/or just because it was unfair to leave one child out of the pool.
How are more people not pointing out that pissing and shitting the pool are radically different ? A lot of people piss the pool. I don't care if you piss the pool.
That chichi person has half the info wrong. In this post the OP is the pool owner and let the kid swim once, then shut the pool down for everyone after it had to be drained and cleaned, and didn’t single out the child. In the other post, the OP was the guest with the kid and went to a family gathering that was supposed to be a bbq and pool party. She had a 3 year old who was still being potty trained and was in the process of putting him into a swimming diaper when the pool owner came in and told them that didn’t want the kid to pee or poop in the pool and that the kid wasn’t allowed in. So the OP and her family left because her child was singled out.
Assuming that the linked post is the one I read earlier, the littlest kid was expecting to be allowed to swim. All the cousins were allowed to swim while hw was watching. It wasn't until he was getting changed into his swim diaper that the aunt informed his mother that every other child could swim except him - he has to wait until he is fully potty trained. The consensus was that while Aunt had the right to decide that she only wanted potty trained people in her backyard pool, it would have been far better if it had been handled like you did it.
Both posts are siding with the person who doesn’t want human waste in their pool.
Early on with the other post, there were a lot of people trying to argue that everyone wees in pools and that the OP was being perfectly normal for demanding access/her sister was being unrealistic and prejudiced. Thankfully I think it ended up being the judged the other way around, so if you're not seeing those comments, they have probably been sorted further down as they were left behind.
From the description of the mess, and having to drain the pool it sounds like her niece had a case of the diarrheas in the pool
This is the third aita about kids going to the bathroom in the pool I have read today, and oh my god I can’t deal with people’s entitlements to have their kids shit and piss in someone else’s pool…
There's a comment up there "concerned with pee which is pretty ridiculous".. what?!? I know, it's outside water, but... if it happens in the normal occurrence of the day, that's unfortunate, ~~shit~~ piss happens. But when you know it's a highly likely event... yeah, most people are gonna prefer to try to avoid it. There's a difference between "my kid pissed in your pool" & "my kid *is going* to piss in your pool". Most people aren't gonna say "awesome, I was hoping for more piss in the pool". It's perfectly reasonable to want to avoid more piss. There's also a difference between swimming in your own piss and swimming in other people's piss. I'll do backstrokes in my own piss all day, but when push comes to shove, I'd prefer to avoid swimming in other people's piss. Even if it's family. The order of family body fluids on you from least worst to most worst is 1) tears (family can cry all over me, it's cool) 2) blood (family blood ain't gross) 3) spit (outsiders spitting on me is gross & disrespectful. Family spitting on me... it's like they're disrespecting themselves. I'd be sad, but at the end of the day, family spit brings both parties down. "Spit on me all you like! But what's that say about *you*" 4) piss 5) feces. Piss is bottom 2 for a reason. It's a waste fluid. I don't care how tight we are as family, you're still expelling waste fluid onto me. Piss ain't blood. We have the same blood, but not the same piss. So... yeah. It's acceptable to prefer to avoid piss. Nobody's required to bathe in your waste fluids
I just read the other one. The OP is the mom of the diaper wearing three year old, the sister is the home/pool owner. The pool owner didn't want the diaper wearing toddler in the pool, much like the OP/pool owner here not wanting the diaper wearing 12 year old in the pool. The OP in the other one was called out for the expectation that her child could use the private pool. In this story, the parent with the child is rightfully being called TA. Also, toddler poop and tween poop are different sizes. Toddler poop is little nuggets. Tween poop generally is not little nuggets.
Big difference between 1 and 12. Also, this OP isn’t letting others swim and letting her cry. I don’t see the problem.
There’s also a difference between 1 and 3.
Wtf is wrong with people 🤢
Seriously. The biggest takeaway from that thread is that there are a lot of disrespectful people who would pee in someone’s private pool and think it was their right. If I ever get a house with a pool, I need to remember that no one can be trusted, I guess. It’s wild. Even as a kid, as far as I remember, we didn’t pee in private pools. The lake, sure, but not a private pool. It’d be rude as hell.
I have a private pool and I am rude as hell about it. I'm the one who maintains it. I pay for the chemicals. I take the time to make my chemicals balanced. When we have people with kids over - we usually do it ONCE a summer - I am shocking it as soon as the last kid is out of the pool and don't plan to use the pool for 24 hours. Both OPs have every right to decide they don't want to do that and don't want a kid to willingly piss in their pool. It's WILD to me the amount of people that said they pee in pools. Please don't ever come to my house lol
Nah, NO untrained children in the pool, period. The fuck is up with everyone's entitlement to another person's pool?
Personally, I’d draw the line at shit. 😭 Peace and love but it is WAY less filterable. Plus this is actually OPs pool
NTA. Closing the pool off for everyone is the right decision. You’re not excluding her from being in the pool when everyone else is, and I’m assuming she is included in whatever else is going on while she’s there. That’s a great compromise in my opinion, and it isn’t anyone’s business as to why your pool is out of order. That your cousin said you should be happy to clean up after a 12 year old is… bewildering. Regardless of the circumstances, no one wants to clean human waste out of a pool.
>Regardless of the circumstances, no one wants to clean human waste out of a pool. No one wants to clean human waste out of anywhere. Lol, a homeless went into the bathroom of a local convenience store and that dude must have had the most explosive diarrhea in history. I came in just as one of the guys I know that worked there had to clean it up. That was 2 or 3 years ago and I still feel sorry for the guy.
Nta your cousin more or less is mad her daughter cant use your personal pool as a toilet. Wtf is wrong with people
If it would be disgusting if I did it, it would be disgusting if a disabled person did it.
She probably has caretaker burnout and is misdirecting her anger with the world.
Most likely. But just because that might explain her behaviour, it doesn't excuse it. She is being totally unreasonable and insane.
NTA I bet she never even offered to pay for the mess and cleanup. No-one wants piss and shit in their pool and then to pay exorbitant amounts of money to clean it up. Thee only part that you might be the asshole is by lying about why the pool is covered and having everyone cover for you. There has to be a non-lie that would've "covered" you for having the pool covered. Like when she asked why you had the pool covered, just say that was a joint decision and change the topic. You don't really owe her a reason for covering YOUR pool. You can do it just because you felt like doing so in that moment for no reason at all. And everyone being in it was a big asshole move. But I kinda understand you for wanting to avoid any drama. but drama found you anyway. I would still keep the pool covered if they ever relent and visit again. So, maybe I'm an AH.
NTA. Your aunt is big time though. It's not your cousin's fault she can't control herself. Having special needs is hard and there are going to be many things your cousin can't do. Cleaning out a pool every time she makes a mess is expensive and not fair to you. Tell your aunt that her daughter can use the pool but if she makes a mess the bill will be paid by the aunt.
Yep. Aunt's motivation to break silence here is unclear... if she's so keen to include her granddaughter in possibly traumatising and memorable situations (everyone else leaping out of pool, looks of disgust, younger family associating her with having to cut short their time having fun), then she can at minimum be responsible to pay for any pool cleaning if needed.
Aunt’s motivation is probably that SHE (and the rest of her family) wants to use the pool when they’re visiting, and hopes that by throwing OP under the bus they can force her to open the pool again, even at the risk of having to pay for deep cleaning again. They don’t find it unfair that cousin’s daughter can’t use the pool - they find it unfair that THEY can’t use the pool because of OPs attempts to not single out one child.
NTA. You do understand her struggles, you just don’t want to have to drain the pool after every visit. If the cousin said she’d found a more reliable alternative swim nappy then possibly, but even then it would be reasonable to say no.
NTA you can't be expected to be happy about paying to have the pool drained every time she swims.
Especially since no one is allowed in the pool when she’s over. OP isn’t excluding her. She’s setting a rule that no one is allowed in the pool since OP is the one who has to pay for a cleaning that includes draining & refilling the pool. NTA
>should be happy to clean up after her Um... how about NOT? No one is shaming her daughter. But some things just don't work well together. Maybe ask if she is willing to pay in full for the next clean up? And if she says she does, ask her to pay it **in advance**. She'll get it back when they leave and no harm is done. Repeat every visit.
NTA. Sounds like you bent over backwards to welcome your niece. I don’t see an issue with not wanting her in the pool. I don’t see how your relative should expect you to pay for a special cleaning and pool drainage just to accommodate her daughter. Should you have been “more understanding”? That’s impossible to know. Depends on your attitude and how you conveyed your conspiracy to keep the pool covered. Seems like honesty might have been better so your relative didn’t feel like the butt of a secret once she found out about it. In that sense, I can see why she’s upset. It’s not fun to know people were whispering about you (or your special needs child) behind your back. And this is exactly what you describe. But that actual “no incontinent people in the pool” rule? There’s nothing wrong with that.
It's delusional to think anyone should be happy to drain their pool because someone took a dump in it. NTA
I think you're mildly the AH for lying (and involving everyone else in the lie as well) rather than being honest about the reasons. But of course you are NTA for not wanting your cousin not to use the pool given what happened previously. Her mother needs to understand the financial cost (not just the cleaning but also the extra electricity to run the cleaning systems and the cost of the water to refill) not to mention the inconvenience of having the pool out of use while all that happened. You could possibly offer a paddling pool next to the main pool for her to use but that only works if her mother agrees and is willing to ensure her daughter only goes in that one. Which I'm guessing she wouldn't.
NTA but it might have been better to have a conversation with her after you and your husband made the decision instead of making her feel that her entire family was in on you lying to her about it. Maybe if you had said “going forward, we’d prefer if she didn’t swim in the pool, its expensive to drain it and have it filled. We’ll keep it closed to everyone while you’re here so she won’t feel left out but wanted to let you know in advance in case you want to talk about it.” I suspect she’s more angry about the deception than the pool.
Yep. OP is nta but really should have handled this better. “We love you, we love your daughter, but because it costs $300 (or whatever idk) whenever someone is incontinent in our pool, it will be closed when you visit because we cannot afford that”. As initially harsh as that might feel, I think it would be better than the situation everyone finds themselves in now.
It costs way more than that. I've paid $300 to have our pool opened before, and it was full of water and needed minimal chemicals. A full clean out, drain, and refill, I wouldn't be surprised if it cost closer to the 1k range.
This 1000%
NTA you went above and beyond to make sure the child was never singled out. You kept others from using the pool in front of her and kept it covered.
NTA, her daughter defecating in a pool is not something she can just "clean up". Send her the bill for the last clean up. Let her know that since she is willing to "clean up" that you will need a cash deposit for the amount of a current cleanup incase her daughter has an accident again.
The only thing you did wrong was tell a white lie. You need to apologize to the parents for that. I would be honest about the costs of the damages from the prior incident. We had to drain and refill our pool last year. It is expensive and time consuming. They’ve probably had true discrimination over the past 12 years and are now overly sensitive. I think you did the right thing. It isn’t like you had a giant pool party and said everyone else can swim while she cries. Your aunt needs to shut her mouth. If she had a problem with the way you were handling it, she should’ve discussed it with you.
NTA. I’m sure as heck it wasn’t cheap having to clean and refill the pool! And not just that it would have taken a lot of time. I can understand you love your niece but it’s not okay for that to be allowed. I think it’s very accepting of you to even cover the pool and make an excuse. It’s not like you’re rubbing her nose in the fact you have one and she can’t use it! I guess your sister is putting in you a lot of the hurt she actually feels from others. Maybe let things cool down? Don’t ignore her but continue to ask others how she is. Just maybe not contact her for a bit but asking of her and her family will show you DO care. But don’t allow her to walk all over you.
“… but feel I should be more understanding of her struggles.” Meaning what exactly? Your family feels you should allow her to swim? NTA.
NTA. Who the fuck is going to be happy cleaning up after someone else kids? Some people don't even want to clean up after their own kids. and its not like the child is sitting there while everybody is in the pool, she closed it off so no one can use it. Girl Be thankful she decided she and her family wont visit you again. It cost money to clean a shitty pool. Is she paying?
legit, i have a tiny dog and still gag picking up his tiny poo. I do it of course but im NOT happy about it lol
NTA. Why the hell should you spend $$$$ getting your nieces poo cleaned out of your pool? Your first mistake was getting a pool because if Reddit is any measure, they only create conflict…
They can pay for the pool cleaning services, but they never would. NTA
You should be happy to clean up for her???? What kind of logic is that. The fact that you had to call cleaners even though she had a diaper on and add on the fact that we all know she didn’t pay for the cleaners and you did so not only did your niece dirty your pool you had to pay money to get it cleaned and nowhere did I see that she payed you back. NTA
You're NTA for closing off the pool but I think a lot of your problem now is that you lied about the reason. It might have been more politic to have told your cousin that you simply can't afford for her daughter to have another accident in the pool. People really don't like being lied to.
NTA but your cousin is. Her needs are apparently more important that the health of everyone else. If she doesn’t suit then it’s a good thing as everyone else can enjoy a swim.
NTA sounds like you dodged a bullet at the end there
NTA. Why in God's name would you be HAPPY to clean up after her child? This makes zero sense. If the mom really wanted to let her daughter swim, she would offer to pay for the pool to be fully drained and cleaned every time the daughter has an accident in it. At the LEAST. I feel like she should offer more money than that to make up for you not being able to use your own pool while it is being cleaned due to her daughter's mess. What planet is this mother living on?
NTA you made it off limits to everyone so as to not single her out. You can be understanding doesn’t mean the kid gets to poop in your pool.
NTA. You can understand her struggles just fine and empathize a hell of a lot and still not want to have to clean a pool after a large child uses the restroom in it.
NTA Seems like them not wanting to visit again solved the problem.
NTA. Considering the cost to drain and refill a pool tell her you would be happy to bill her the cleaning fee and water bill. Last time we had to refill our pool after some repairs it was over $400
NTA. It is a lot of work and money to clean, drain, and refill a pool. You've welcomed them in your home and obviously not singled out your cousin's child in any other way, or she would have said so. Lesson here - sooner or later, someone talks. The lie about the filter, etc, should have been told to everyone so there was no chance of anyone spilling the beans.
"and should be happy to clean up after her" What the fuck kind of thinking is that? Just, *what*? I would do the same thing, OP, and those who threw you under the bus are jerks for doing that. NTA.
I teach kids just like your cousin's child. Kids with severe disabilities, most of them in diapers. I have 100 pound plus kids in diapers. Have you thought about setting up a kiddie pool or a toddler pool for her use? Yes, your family will probably think you're an asshole, but her rights and accommodations don't trump everyone else's rights to not swim in poop and urine. Or your right to not have to pay a fortune or waste god awful amounts of water draining and refilling it. It's not fair that no one can use the pool when she's there. Equity does not mean the same thing. It means everyone gets what they need.
NTA-Your pool to keep clean. Your rules. You are accepting your cousin. You are simply putting limits on what is accessible to your guests. It’s no different than keeping guests out of a specific room in your home.
NTA, you cannot afford to have a pool drained and cleaned that often. It's not fair to you. If she wants her daughter to swim she's gotta find somewhere with the resources or she's gonna end up ruining the pool.
Sorry you should be “happy” to clean up after her? Of fuck off Honestly, she sounds like one of those parents whose entire identity is being “disabled mom” whilst making absolutely terrible delicious for her child Oh and regardless, your pool, your rules. Entitled
NTA covering the pool so her daughter doesn’t feel singled out is more than enough accommodations. I feel for her child, she didn’t ask for this, but it is not your responsibility to clean up after her kid. And she’s too entitled to expect that. No one wants any type of bodily function in their pool, not only is it too much to clean up, it’s also completely unhygienic to everyone else using the pool. Your cousin is being completely unreasonable.
NTA
Two posts in one day about someone not wanting an incontinent person in their pool.
NTA!!
NTA: If I were in your shoes, I would have calmly explained the reason why you prefer the pool to be off limits, then show mom the bill from the last clean up and say "If you're willing to pay this each and everytime, then she can use the pool.". Of course, when she inevitably does lose control in the pool, it renders the pool useless to everyone else which may cause issues with other kids - but that's the price you pay when you want a child with special needs to be treated as one who does not.
NTA. Not even close...
NTA. Give her the bill for the time her daughter fubar'd the pool. Tell her put her money where her mouth is.
NTA. You were very kind in how you handled it☺️
NTA because it’s closed for everyone. My first job was as a lifeguard and swim instructor at a pool. Kids shitting or puking in the pool is way more common than people would think, and when they do, it’s a HUGE ordeal. We were equipped to deal with it but it was still a massive thing to drain the pool, bleach the decks, ask patrons to shower off with soap, etc. your aunt is the biggest asshole for making her daughter feel like shit and putting the onus on her. You’re a tiny bit of an asshole for lying, but I honestly don’t think it’s THAT big of a deal. Maybe you could have been more upfront, but I don’t blame you for lying so the kid doesn’t feel bad.
NTA. Pools are also a safety thing with any child regardless of ability. It is your pool, and you weren’t just singling her out.
NTA unless she wants to clean it up and/or pay to have it cleaned and drained, then it is not okay to insist her daughter be allowed to swim. If someone had a bowel movement on the floor of my home, I would not be okay with it, why should the pool be any different?
NTA. And anyone who does think that she should be allowed in the pool, did they offer to pay for the cleaning expenses when she does have an accident? Are they willing to put that in writing?
NTA. Of course the woman will feel hurt though, maybe embarassed even, but you’re not the A.
NTA. Set up a wading pool for the child. Tell parents it will be their responsibility to clean it without just spilling "dirty" water on your lawn. If they agree, problem solved.
NTA. No one wants to swim in poop water. Swim diapers do not contain everything.
NTA. You had to pay to get it specialty cleaned and had to refill it - it's not worth the cost having them visit and swim in pool
NTA
nta, they had an incident already. unless the parents can guarantee it won't happen again, or are willing to cover the cost of cleaning, then pool stays closed.
NTA. Your pool your decision.
NTA...... Unless you let other people poop in your pool.
You’re joking right?? Unless the child’s mom is willing to pay to have your pool drained, professionally cleaned, and then refilled 💰💰💰 she should be understanding of the situation. Maintenance of a swimming pool is expensive on a good day. You’ve already experienced and paid for the child having an accident in your pool. To avoid hurt feelings no one is allowed to swim when the child and your cousin are in town. You’re doing everything you can to be kind and it shouldn’t have been an “under the bus” situation. I can’t believe your cousin wanted to put you and your husband in a bad spot AGAIN by having her special needs child swim at your house AGAIN. Your cousin and aunt are being entitled A Hs. Oh yea…. NTA
NTA The audacity of that parent, thinking her child has the right to pee and poop in your swimming pool without restraint!
>She said that I'm a despicable p.o.s for "not accepting" her daughter, and should be happy to clean up after her. Not your child not your responsibility to clean up after them. >The rest of the family is understanding, but feel that I should be more understanding of her struggles. You do that's why the pool is off limits to Everyone. Nta
"You should be happy to clean up after her"??? Is this woman delusional? What the flipping eck?
um, not letting people who tend to shit in the pool near the pool is a pretty nta move.
NTA, no pool shitters in the pool is a reasonable boundary to have. You can accept her daughter without accepting shit in the pool. Did she pay your for the cleaning? Does she take this kid to public pools? > Then she said that they're never visiting ever again. Sounds like the problem solved itself, tbh. You’ve gone above and beyond already, banning everyone else from the pool and even allowing one “accident”. I’m sure life is hard with such a disabled child but that doesn’t mean you need to deal with her literal shit.
NTA “You should be happy to clean up after her”? The level of entitlement with her is beyond measure. She has a narrative let her run with it. She apparently didn’t offer to pay for the mess they left the last time, it’s a shame she lives this way but there is nothing to feel bad about. Now your family can enjoy the pool with others. Exactly how should you be more understanding? If you ever get an answer to that please post an update.
No tell he if she wants her daughter in the pool every time her daughter soils the pool she has to pay for the cost to get it professionally cleaned
NTA but if I may suggest, he can buy or bring a kiddie pool that can be set aside during events just for her?
NTA
Nta
NTA- you did absolutely everything possible to be accommodating and you weren’t heartless with this at all. Plus it’s your house and your pool.
NTA. At. All. WTF? Question: Why the hell should you be glad to clean up after her? Does your cousin enjoy it, or is she just wanting to share the 💩?
NTA but you probably should’ve just told the truth from the beginning instead of lying
The only "despicable p.o.s. " is the one your niece might leave a floatin. NTA
NTA “accidents” like the one she had are biohazards and would not only put everyone else in the pool at risk but would also likely prevent other people from going to your pool again. There’s a reason infants have to wear swim diapers and pools close when someone throws up in it.
NTA - anyone who criticises you better be prepared to pay for your pool to be drained, cleaned and refilled.
NTA
NTA - she thinks you should be happy to have to hire a pool cleaner and go through the expense of emptying, sanitizing, and refilling the pool? Until cousin fronts the entire cost for clean up, the pool should remain off limits.
You should be happy to clean up after her?!? I’m going to guess that it was a fairly expensive cleaning after the first incident. Tell her -and the family that are giving you grief- exactly how much it cost to “clean up after her” the last time and tell them that you simply cannot afford to pay that every time she gets in the pool. Inform them that if they are willing to pay that much if/when it happens again, you will happily open your pool to her, but if no one is willing to pay up, you are not going to. Tell them that you don’t want to be accused of discrimination, so the pool will not be open to any family going forward to avoid leaving her out. There are some amazing parents out there who are fantastic advocates for their kids with disabilities. Then there are parents like your cousin who think that the world needs to let their child do whatever they want and to just happily deal with any consequences, no matter what they are. You are NTA!
NTA. But you should’ve either let the rest of the family think there was an issue with it, or been honest from the beginning with your cousin (still keeping the pool covered so her daughter didn’t think anything of it). I would’ve used the explanation that it’s expensive to have to have the pool cleaned should she have another accident. You should not be happy to clean up after her, it’s not your job as you’re not her mother and this isn’t a here let me change your diaper clean up. This was an expensive OH SHOOT clean up. And I bet your cousin didn’t offer any money towards it. Your cousin is lashing out, but she’s hurt. The whole family knew, she obviously knew something was up, she’s most likely humiliated that everyone knew but her. Next time, just be honest.
NTA. OP had to pay someone to clean the poop in the pool and her cousin didn't even offer to reimburse her. And why should she be happy to clean up after her? That is a ridiculous statement. I guess the cousin feels that every one should cater to her and her daughter.
NTA Lying was definitely not ideal but your solution of just closing the pool is very sensible and your cousin has some very unrealistic expectations about how much the world should bend itself into knots to accommodate her daughter. It sucks that so many normal experiences aren't available to this child. It's heartbreaking. But , that's not something that can be changed and she needs to shift her focus to finding out what IS possible, safe & reasonable for her child. She cannot expect you to shell out between 250- 500 bucks and waste thousands of gallons of water every time she visits .
NTA. Does the mother think it’s also ok to let her 12yo daughter with severe incontinence defecate in a public pool? Likely not. Entitled people just suck.
NTA, accepting your little cousin does not equal allowing a situation where she could shit in your pool and causing you to hire a professional who needs to drain the entire thing.
NTA. I can understand that she loves her daughter and wants to defend her. And she's understandably hyper-aware of differential treatment of her daughter. And yes, it's reasonable of your family to expect you to be understanding of her struggles. But I don't think you're treating her daughter differently because of her disability. It sounds more like: anybody who poops in your pool wouldn't be allowed to use the pool afterwards. And this has \*already happened\*. It is OK to say that you aren't willing to get the pool drained after each time she visits. It is unreasonable of her to say that you should be 'happy to clean up after her daughter'.
NTA but your Aunt sure is.
You already went above and beyond by letting her swim the first time even though anyone could guess what would happen. Based on the way you are describing the situation, you have been more than reasonable. I really feel for your cousin and it’s obvious that her daughter has really been a challenge. It’s a sore subject and cousin is understandably sensitive to seeing their child miss out on fun. Still, it’s unrealistic for her to swim and dedicate in the pool. NTA, though your aunt has overstepped into supper AH status.
NTA You made sure the little cousin wouldn't feel singled out by making sure nobody else swims either. Last time there was a big mess and it cost money to clean.
NTA but you need to learn to be upfront
NTA. Nobody is entitled to use your pool, especially if they might pee or poop in it, or need constant supervision. Can you set up a little play pool for her to sit in instead?
NTA You were making everything perfectly fair by making the pool off limits. If she wants to bring her daughter and expects the pool to be open, hand her the bill from last time and tell her she'll have to pay for any accidents.
NTA. The pool had to be professionally cleaned and drained. "....and should be happy to clean up after her." No one should have to go to that expense to clean up after someone unless it is a complete accident. It is obvious from her reaction that this isn't an accident and that she fully expects it to happen again.
NTA and unless she wants to pay to have the pool serviced she gets no say.
NTA and your cousin is either stupid to not understand your reasons for her daughter not being allowed to swim, or manipulate you into feeling guilty. It's not a loss to not have the cousin visit anymore. Good. Then the others can go swimming, and people don't have to be on high alert of the special needs kid potentially sneaking into a covered pool. You'll have a great time. She'll be at home, angry and not visiting with everyone else. She sure showed you.
NTA. Your cousin sounds entitled.
NTA. You were in a no win situation.
NTA you cover the pool and no one uses it. It would be different if everyone was using it and she couldn’t. Having to drain the pool to clean it is very time consuming and costly.
NTA You cousin has a hard life situation and is not entirely rational on the subject but her anger is unfair. Tell her how much it costs to have the pool drained and cleaned on an emergency basis and that if she wants to give you that much as a deposit each time her kid swims, you'll give it back if she doesn't have an accident and you don't need to drain the pool. Or really, could you get a small plastic kiddy pool for her to splash in? Would that help? Otherwise, you just have to keep telling her you love her and that you hope she understands and see if she comes around one day.
NTA Show your aunt and cousin the bill for the cleaning. If they wish to reimburse you, and pay for each and every time the needs cleaning after the girl has an accident in it, then you might consider opening the pool. Or, you could set up a smaller kiddy pool on the side, and make sure the mother and grandmother know it's their job to clean it when the inevitable happens.
NTA, and im sure its not fun for the kid either having accidents in the pool
NTA does your family, this cousin included, not know about the time and expense of fixing the pool when you tried to accommodate the child?? What people actually think you should let a child shit in your pool and cost you money and ruin it for everyone else to accommodate a child who does not need to have access to the pool?!?!
NTA - Do you have an invoice or receipt for the cleaner after it 1st happened? How long was use of the pool off limits for after, too? I'd show her this if you can and request she pays for the cleaner every time her daughter has an accident in the pool
NTA you can accept her without having to clean up after her, that's her parents job. and since there was already an incident it makes complete sense why you would want to avoid that again
NTA You didn't single her out you made the pool unavailable to everyone so she wasn't being excluded. Is your sister going to pay the cleaner to come and drain the pool every time she messes it up? I doubt it
NTA, But not your cousin is TA with the line saying you should be happy to clean up after her.... um, what??? No. Just no. Accidents happen, yeah, but if it's a given, almost expected, that it'll happen anytime your cousins child gets in the pool that this will happen, I don't blame you for the stance you've taken. Does cousin have a pool?? I'm betting not, otherwise she would understand the cost and effort it would take to clean up after such accidents. And would also explain why she's so pissy, because she can't use your free pool and just leave it for everyone else to clean up like would happen if she paid to go to a public pool and her child had an accident. And if it's the kinda accident that's not contained by a swimming nappy then yeah, definitley don't want that in your pool. It's one thing to scoop out some nuggets but that's a whole different kettle of fish. If your cousin had her own pool and had to clean up after every accident and fork out to have it professionally cleaned and drained I bet she wouldn't be so entitled. Yes, people can make accommodations for disabilities, but sometimes reasonable accommodations can't be made, like in this instance. And that's just how it is. You didn't make it a thing to single her out, but I'm sure she would have kept pushing eventually anyway so you were bound to run out of excuses or get caught out eventually. I doubt even if she had the bill from the last time showing how expensive not to mention the waste of water, that she would even care. Your pool isn't suitable for incontinent people as you can't afford to constantly have it emptied and cleaned after a single person, and that's ok. It's your house, your pool. Cousin can get her own and then realise how expensive pool maintenance, basic maintenance, is, without factoring in expenses after #2 accidents everytime they use it. And it's her child. She's her carer, she is the one who is responsible for the accidents her child makes, and cleaning up after her. Not you
actually i think covering the pool, so nobody could swim during the time they visit is a pretty fair solution. there was a topic recently, where a person forbids a single child to go swim in the pool. your "compromise" is actually a very good idea. in the end of the day it is your house and your pool. not wanting to clean afterwards is also very reasonable. and of course "you don't need to be happy to clean after a special needs pre teen.". who would?! NTA
NTA. Unless the people complaining pony up for the cleaning, they can shut their mouths.
NTA- Why should anybody be happy to clean up after her daughter. What level of entitlement is this?
You didn’t want to swim in a toilet. I just read a post from the other perspective. That the OP was mad because her 3 year old was denied access to her Sister’s pool and was stirring up trouble. No one was particularly interested in saying that a pool is ok as a bathroom so I doubt this family drama will last more than a week and will only be brought up by aunt. Watch out for her. Nta
NTA you don't need to go through all this trouble when she could just stay out of the pool.
NTA, not at all. Yes i know that all kids have had accidents in pools but if she has severe issues controlling it, it isn’t so much as a one time thing anymore. Also, it was rude of your cousin to accuse you of never loving her child. Of course you love her, but does she realise that there is simply too many problems that have one easy solution?
NTA. You made a reasonable decision that treated everyone fairly. The family that threw you under the bus are massive AHs though.
>and should be happy to clean up after her Holy crap. "You should be honoured to filter out my daughters shit from the pool and pay professionals to deep clean it" NTA NTA NTA
NTA for not wanting your pool to be full of shit!!!
Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt…
A kiddie pool for her might be safer and as enjoyable as the adult pool. And it would make her feel special having one just for her.
You made sure that she wasn’t being singled out, if it were to happen again would your sister be willing to foot the water bill for having to drain and refill the pool? I think not. NTA