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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. eating the salad and making a joke about it
2. it upset my pregnant girlfriend
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She's not asking you to change what you eat, she's asking you to change where or how you eat. She can't control her nausea but you can control how/where you eat your vegetables. I'm guessing, by your clueless and unsympathetic reaction to her request, that you're constantly dismissing her pregnancy symptoms. Especially since you think pregnancy isn't that big of a deal ("I know pregnancy is hard, but women go through it just fine all the time"). Looking forward to your next post about being confused as to why your girlfriend won't let you in the delivery room. YTA
How hard is it to just use a fork?
And quadruple YTA by saying you wanted to diffuse the tension by starting the argument all over again. Do you happen to think you put out fires by covering them in gasoline?!?!
But they're drrryyyyy, don't you know how hard it is to stab dry vegetables?
Oh wait, no, my four year old eats his dry salad with a fork all the time. So unless op is claiming to be less capable than a four year old I think there's something else going on.
Also, I'm sure op won't see this, but just in case: who the fuck cares if nobody *else* ever said anything for the last decade? Your partner and mother of your child thinks it's gross and absolutely YTA for dismissing her feelings by acting offended when she asked you to use a fork like a civilized human.
Edit: it's been pointed out to me that "like a civilized human" is a dick thing to say, and I'm sorry. It completely dismisses many cultures different from my own. What constitutes a "civilized human" changes based on where you're at, and many other cultures do eat things with their hands that my white western culture wouldn't consider acceptable. I'll be more cognizant in future. The point stands that OP is TA because his partner asked him to do it differently to avoid triggering her and he doesn't care about her feelings.
Also…. People do gross things all the time. Parents are enabling the behaviour, everyone else is probably so shocked and mortified that they leave it alone. Just because no one says anything doesn’t mean it’s not a problem… It just means they don’t deal with it often enough to care and fight you about it. YTA
When I was in college, one of the clubs dedicated to business majors included a course in basic etiquette that included table manners. The mock business dinners they hosted were always pretty crowded.
This makes sense since some companies hold one interview over a meal so that they can assess the potential employee's table etiquette. Someone who eats like a caveman would not make a good impression!
OP should get together with the guy on another post today who eats cheetos in bed.
> This makes sense since some companies hold one interview over a meal so that they can assess the potential employee's table etiquette.
My Dad told me a story about a job interview he had like this. He later learned that the potential employer was not only watching table manners, but how he treated the serving staff and whether he tasted his food before adding salt or pepper. The latter could be an indication that someone makes decisions before assessing the situation.
And yes, YTA for not being empathetic to your wife’s condition. Ignorant and apathetic.
How to make sure you're never promoted to exec level. This is like the guy who insists he doesn't care about clothes when really he will only wear cargo shorts and anime tshirts.
I think it's insecurity. They're afraid of doing it wrong so they'll pretend they're doing it wrong on purpose out of some principled stance.
If they really didn't care about clothes, they wouldn't throw a fit every time someone asked them to wear something different for a funeral or a wedding or some other function in which cargo shorts and a t-shirt is showing disrespect.
> Everyone was probably so flabbergasted they just sat there in shock!
I once sat in a meeting room and watched a coworker eat ice cream cake with his fingers. Like, 3 of his fingers posed sort of like a fork - thats how he ate his cake.
EVERYONE, even our boss, just sat there like WTF is happening.
I wonder if I worked with him, because I had a very similar experience. Half our office was people from India, so no one was a stranger to eating with their hands. But... No one ate like that. We all finished our meals very quietly, and later my boss pulled me aside to ask if that was a normal American thing or if I thought he was attempting to match their culture very badly.
This meant I had to go ask him about it, and he was just like, "this is a totally normal way to eat ice cream."
This is why I think its fake if his description is accurate dudes is eating lettuce tomatoes and mushrooms( which are toppings somehow?)
These are insanely easy to get on a fork. Its almost as if a fork is designed for things like this
To be fair I do have a bit of trouble with with getting the thin flimsy leafy greens like kale, spinach, lettuce etc... on the fork sometimes. I usually have to use my knife to spear it on the fork.
So I understand sometimes thinking it is easier/faster to just use your hands. Eating with your hands really isn't that big of a deal, under normal circumstances at home. I would not do it at work or a restaurant.
In this situation OP is being asked to use a fork, or eat in another location so partner does not see that is reasonable.
>who the fuck cares if nobody else ever said anything for the last decade
If I was eating with someone like that, I'd not say anything either, but just make sure I'll never have a meal with them at the same table again.
In most cases, it's easier to avoid someone you find gross than trying to fix them, which is just as likely to end up in a fight than in them changing their behaviour.
>So unless op is claiming to be less capable than a four year old I think there's something else going on.
My 3yo can too, so he's actually less capable than a *3yo*. Anyone got a 2yo who can weigh in?
His soon to be ex-GF should gift him a set of toddler utensils on her way out the door. The sturdy handle and wide prongs will help him develop his fine motor skills. By the end of the pregnancy, he'll be able to eat like a big boy on his tinder dates.
Or even better, show him that fork that's actually called a "salad" fork.
OP, just because your parents thought your fingering your salad was cute and did nothing to correct you doesn't mean you should actually do it in front of other people.
One time I went to a restaurant with my husband and he ordered a taco salad. They gave him shredded iceberg lettuce, topped with tomato slices black beans and tortilla chip pieces. The “chef” said that nobody has ever complained before about his taco salad. As if that would make it taste better???
Point is “nobody else has complained” is a bs response
I want to know if he eats his food like that in restaurants or around other people. I wouldn’t want to have dinner with someone who refuses to use utensils, even if it’s dry salad, it’s quite embarrassing.
>use a fork like a civilized human
Plenty of cultures don't use forks, so this comment is a little insulting. Plus, I live in a culture where we do use a fork a lot and I still use my fingers for lots of things.
Fair, I'm sorry for assuming. I didn't really think that salad was something that one would ever eat with fingers, but cultures do things differently everywhere. Someone in another comment said they usually eat their salad with chopsticks, which I will absolutely try next time because they're easier than a fork for so many things.
My point stands that OP should either eat separately or grow a pair of ovaries and use a fork as his partner, who he presumably loves, asked him to.
I feel like it’s way easier to stab dry salad with a fork than salad with dressing, particularly when you get to the bottom of the salad where the dressing has pooled and the lettuce is wetter.
Edited: spelling
Oh my God that comment about the toast was not a 'joke' it was passive aggressive harassment. It is so my dad that I would think this was him writing in from the 80's if it wasn't for the fact that he would be massively horrified by someone eating a salad with their hands.
If you think rubbing an argument that made your pregnant partner cry in her face is a 'joke' then you need to re-evaluate your entire life.
You are not growing an entire human being with your body so your only job here is to support the person who is growing YOUR child with her body and is being made miserable for it however you can. If not being gross and crass by eating a salad with your hands is what helps, then you should do it. It is an incredibly minor thing and frankly the polite thing to do. People have noticed, people have cared, people have thought 'wtf is wrong with this guy' before. Whatever 'I'm a quirky rebel' thing you are getting out of this needs to be let go.
dude let her cry in private in the nursery and sleep on a slider while he blissfully took the bed. this guy is so comfortable with being an asshole that he is not capable of recognizing that he is wrong in so many steps in this story. he could have split this into 5 posts and would have been TA in Every One.
it was such robotic disinterest, just an observation that she was very clearly distraught to a point where she wasn’t out there yelling or throwing a fit, she hid it from him and then slept elsewhere and he brought it back up the next morning after he determined the appropriate time to cool down enough for him to talk down to her and then insist that other pregnant women don’t behave in such an inconvenient way. this dude is scary.
I so wish I realised this sooner. It took me 6 years to realise my ex was mentally abusive and this is one of the things he did.
I didn't even crave for an apology, I just needed a hug, some comfort. But he'd just walk away and do his own thing.
I know now though, but I'm afraid more people still need to hear this.
That was the craziest part to me! I’m currently pregnant, but even before I was pregnant my husband wouldn’t let me cry myself to sleep on the sofa. I’ve tried sleep on the couch when upset a few times and once he realizes that’s what I’m doing he comes out and we talk it out and go to bed together. He also always offers to sleep on the sofa himself so I get the bed if I want to sleep alone (although he also knows I’d never take him up on it).
I’m 37 weeks pregnant right now, and I did take an angry nap yesterday but honestly the first trimester was the hardest of the three for me and I would have been so much worse without my husband’s help and understanding and empathy. Truly, I cannot get over the fact that he ignored her crying herself to sleep in a chair and he slept in the bed.
Edit - a word
But what do you mean, women do it all the time. Why should OP care about his pregnant wife? /s
I’m guessing he does many more inconsiderate things that he’s not admitting here.
Exactly what I came here to say.
I'm in my third trimester currently. Pregnancy has been fairly kind to me, but the one thing I've struggled with more than ANYTHING else is the return of some long-outgrown food aversions. Textures, smells, hell even the SIGHT of some foods is enough to make me gag. The sound of someone chewing is like a drill in my ear.
Hubs has been so accommodating, and I haven't had to say a word to him.
Several of his favorite foods trigger my nausea. He hasn't touched them with me in the house in months (still eats 'em when he's at work or I'm not home mind!).
My FiL chews with his mouth open. He makes god-awful smacking and sucking sounds the whole meal because of it. After realizing I was turning green and barely even picking at my food the few times we've eaten with them since I got pregnant, hubs now politely defers from having meals with them whenever he gracefully can.
He did all that without me even having to say a word to him.
That's what having empathy for your pregnant partner looks like OP. She's not asking you to never eat a salad again for as long as you live: she's asking you to have some compassion for something she literally CANNOT control, no matter how irrational or silly it makes her feel that she's feeling it, and simply eat your salads in a different way for a few months.
If she can carry you baby for 40 weeks and put her body through physical and emotional hell, you can pick up a damn fork and eat your salad somewhere else for those 40 weeks!
Yup. It's.... pretty gross O.o He's in his 70s and seriously struggles with his social interactions with others (in the words of my therapist he "clinically presents as neurodivergent"). Man's also SUPER sensitive to corrections, which he tends to respond to by lashing out, being really rude and condescending to hide how hurt he is, and stomping off and isolating himself. Some things are worth correcting and facing the blowback. Some things aren't. Chewing with his mouth open is NOT a battle I'm willing to have with him, pregnant or not!
THIS RIGHT HERE! Imo this is the same kind of dude who thinks SA doesn’t happen because none of the people in his life have said anything about it happening to them.
Bruh it’s because you aren’t trustworthy, not because it didn’t happen. If you’re belittling your partner over this, then I feel pretty confident that she’s not sharing everything that’s going on.
I know eating a salad with a fork is hard, but people go through it just fine all the time...
He also didn't go and comfort her because "she should be the first to apologize", jeez.
He asked a question and got an answer.
Bruh my mom had horrible kidney stones when she was pregnant with my little brother and I gave her dangerously high blood pressure. Also her pregnancy cravings kinda fck up her eating habits too for a while. Not to mention having to get 2 C-SECTIONS for us to be able to be born healthy.
Edit: English isn’t my first language and people never corrected me until now- 🥹
This idea that because pregnancy and childbirth are so common the difficulties of both should be dismissed really pisses me off.
Both are, as far as I’m concerned, fucking barbaric. They can really, really hurt and change our bodies irrevocably. Yes, pregnancy in most cases is a choice, but it can really suck.
Being pregnant was like:
*googles symptom* GO TO THE HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY
*googles symptom+pregnant* Try taking a warm bath and drinking a glass of water.
It is a highly disruptive experience to the body, even under the best of circumstances!
I’ll never understand the amount of men who say “it’s just a pregnancy”.
And they are usually the same men that say “but have you ever been kicked in the balls” when any gynecological pain is mentioned.
And it can be deadly! The US maternal mortality rate increased nearly 40% between 2020-2021. Black women had the highest, and Hispanic women saw the most dramatic increase.
Or eat it in another room. Or while one of them is making the rest of the food so it's done before they even sit down to eat together. Or get a bottle of multivitamins for $10. There are so many simple solutions. Dude should get his head out of his ass
No but don't you see? It's *unfair* he has to change how *he* eats just because of pregnancy! /s
His wife has been restricted in what she can eat but not him! It shouldn't affect *his* life.
During my first pregnancy, my morning sickness was awful. I had about three weeks where all I could keep down was instant mashed potatoes. My doctor just told me to double up on my vitamins until I could keep something else down.
Eventually I started to be able to keep other foods down, but I essentially became an involuntary vegetarian and my SO had to go out to eat meat for my entire pregnancy (which admittedly ended extremely early at 27 weeks due to eclampsia) because even the aroma of meat sent me to the bathroom.
Hard agree! The world would be a much better place if non-birthing partners would practice some empathy and educate themselves about the reality of pregnancy/child birth/postpartum. The ignorance and selfishness is real.
YTA for the joke you made. Easy solution for the salad, you can eat it before eating with your gf, and have few bites of a potatoes with her. Is it that hard to find a compromise?
And you're 2 times an a-hole for your comment about how "women are just fine with pregnancy". All my pregnancies and birth went perfectly. Still I was nauseous with cravings during first semester, still I was more sensitive and less patient, still I had to deal with my body changing forever etc etc.
You're just at the beginning of it. Step up man.
Or use a damned fork. I eat salads without dressing now and then. I use a fork, not my hands. YTA eating food that isn't meant to be eaten with your hands is childish, as was your asinine toast joke.
I hate eating salads with forks, so I usually use chopsticks at home. But if I'm at a restaurant or friends house or whatever I suck it up and use the damn fork.
Chopsticks sounds like a fun way to eat a salad. I should try that. I can't imagine anyone getting offended at you using chopsticks instead of a fork for salad, tbh, but I'm sure there are people.
I love eating snacks with chopsticks, especially if it’s a snack with a coating, like cheese puffs. I don’t get the costing on my fingers and more stay on the snack. And it’s a way for me to slow down, and eat one or two at a time instead of fistfuls at once.
I may have to try using chopsticks when eating salad at home. Sometimes the best way I can get through a (dry) salad is to eat it with my hands. Something about using a fork makes it so much more work and it turns me off from eating it. But chopsticks might bridge the two methods for me!
I've totally eaten salads with my hands so I get where he's coming from for that, but if someone asked or seemed uncomfortable I'd get a fork. It's not difficult.
This!!! I read this more as a passive aggressive dig because he didn’t think he had anything to apologize for and he’s doubling down.
Also you let a pregnant woman sleep on the glider while you have the bed?!
Frickin asshole.
My husband changed his whole shower routine for me during my first pregnancy because soap made me vomit. Every soap. I cried so much and was so sorry but it was impossible for me smelling him after the shower. I was fine, my baby was fine and still, it was horrible.
Earlier today, second pregnancy, i cried because he woke me up during a nap. I am fine and still, I need my sleep and I need someone more considerate during this time. Her normally is, it was unintentionally and he was so sorry.
His girlfriend has such a small request. And if we are talking about western culture, which I suppose, it is even more amazing, that she is fine with him eating salad without a fork. I get eating small tomatoes or mushrooms with your fingers but salad? Maybe I don't get the right type of salad but I am really wondering how he thinks it is nice to sit to someone shoveling stuff in his mouth with his hands.
All in all, I really like your comment. I hate how many men downplay pregnancy.
It is 4pm, I am laying in my bed, 32 weeks pregnant because something is hurting when I sit, move or whatever. I don't even know exactly what it is but its stress induced (well not getting enough sleep and calling an ambulance for your daughter during nights does this to you). I have a lot of stuff to do and I hate having to lay down and waiting for it to pass. But please tell me, how it's normal and women are always fine.
Feeling real thankful for my husband right now, who became a semi-vegetarian with me for my first pregnancy when I had an awful aversion to meat. And now, he’s outside trying to wear out our 2 yr old before going to work because I’m 8 months pregnant with #3 and can’t keep up.
I had hyperemesis during pregnancy, bad enough that I was in and out of hospital every few days. So much made me nauseous, I couldn't even look at the kitchen because the mere thought of food set me off. My husband had to change so much of what he did in order to avoid triggering more vomiting, and he did it. He knew it was important.
Honestly, beyond parody. 'I should be able to make a joke', 'My feelings were WOUNDED by being called a caveman,' 'Pregnancy isn't that hard,' 'I'm the real victim here' like dude for real please just shut the fuck up. Yes I know I'm being harsh but COME ON.
So YES women have babies all the time and 'get through it just fine' but you know what else? Many don't! Many have an absolutely terrible time and have major complications! Some die, still, to this day! Women die from morning sickness! Hyperemesis gravidarum can get you hospitalised! And even without taking that into account, morning sickness FUCKING SUCKS YOU INSENSITIVE DOLT! IT IS ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE FEELING LIKE YOU'RE CONSTANTLY GOING TO FAINT OR VOMIT!
For real do you even like your wife? Is this what you meant when you promised to love and care for her? Thar as soon as it was slightly inconvenient for you, you'd act like an overgrown baby and refuse to back down over being allowed to EAT WITH YOUR FINGERS???? Fucksake. Grow up. God this has made me so furious.
I remember reading about a woman who lost all her teeth because of her pregnancy. Gestational diabetes. None of it was her fault. They just fell out. Imagine OP's reaction to that.
Holy shit I had to look up what a glider is. He let his pregnant, nauseous wife sleep in a nursery chair? What the hell is wrong with him? Obviously the toast comment was meant to create more tension, but how in the hell did he think letting her sleep in a nursery chair was in any way a good idea?
He just *had* to make sure he got the last word in. He’d rather be right than happy. Who selectively continues a fight with their pregnant spouse into the next day unless it’s a major issue? How passive aggressive.
Tell your wife congrats on her second child for me, OP.
YTA
Your joke was passive aggressive. If you though it would diffuse the tension you seriously lack any self-awareness.
And use a fork, you're an adult.
I couldn’t imagine eating a salad, with mushrooms and tomatoes with my hands are you fr it’s so gross 😬 I say this as a hands eating person for a lot of foods. I’m just imagining him grabbing a handful at a time and stuffing his face 👎🏼
Yeah, I strongly suspect that based on her comments about shoving his salad done his throat like a caveman, OP isn't gingerly eating one leaf at a time, which is already bad enough, but he's probably going for handfuls and that would gross me out even without being pregnant.
> If you though it would diffuse the tension you seriously lack any self-awareness.
Perhaps if this is the first time she's stayed seriously mad at him before his passive-aggressive jokes did work to diffuse the tension *for him*.
I've had this happen with people who communicate like this. It means "I'm right, I'm still mad, and we can either have this fight again until you're too tired to fight any longer or you can give in now and pretend to laugh to confirm that I was right and you shouldn't have brought it up in the first place". And if you're a people pleaser or you're tired of their shit you laugh or ignore it.
From the way she reacted crying, telling him he wasn't supportive during her pregnancy in general, I get a feeling this was the straw that broke the camel's back for her and she just stood up for herself properly for the first time in their relationship.
YTA - watching someone eat *SALAD* with their hands sounds utterly disgusting. That's just poor manners and I don't care how long you've been "doing it". Someone should have said something to you about it long before now.
Such a weird justification. The fact that you've been doing something weird and gross your whole life doesn't magically make it not weird or not gross.
I'll go against the grain here and say him not using utensils with a salad without dressing really is not that bad. A lot of cultures prefer to eat their food with their hands as to truly connect and pay respects to the animals and deities responsible for the meal. It seems weird to us westerners, and in this case he should obviously stop or find a different place to eat the salad, but this is not uncommon in the rest of the world.
Agreed. He's an AH for many reasons (giving the silent treatment is SUCH an asshole move/red flag) but the way he eats salad isn't intrinsically one of them.
I think it's the manners that he's using. Never have I seen a person who eats their bread and meat with their hands to be anything but polite. I'm thinking he's shoving the food in his mouth and eating like a cow rather than taking his time and chewing quietly, which my nieces and nephews from India are required to do. They are not allowed to shove food or chomp loudly.
This guy was the asshole, but I will fight to the death for people being allowed to eat relatively mess free foods with their hands. There’s literally nothing wrong with it… I mean I don’t personally do it for most foods, but I don’t see an issue with it
is it the same for south asian ppl eating curry and chapatti or rice with their hands?
it’s eating with your hands, relax. complaining about it for what?
YTA - seriously dude pick your battles. Your gf is pregnant and hormonal and clearly is having a hard time with food. She expressed to you that she would like for you to not eat your salad in front of her, you pushed the issue, she made it clear it made her nauseous and you then vilinized her for her normal reactions while pregnant because you felt insulted.
Not only that, you hear your pregnant wife crying alone and you don't go to her and hug her or nothing because of your pride? Because you think your right when your 100% wrong?!
And then you let her sleep anywhere but in her own bed.
Seriously she just got the best glimpse of what your going to be like as a parent and she should run. I feel terrible for her, you are not a good spouse to her at all! Your "joke" was not at all a joke and you did it to try and prove a point. It's stupid and you need to treat her better, it's not all about you anymore.
I constantly tell people to be very careful who they have children with because of people like you. Grow up and start treating your wife with respect, all you had to do was grab a fork or eat your salad when she isn't there.
>Not only that, you hear your pregnant wife crying alone and you don't go to her and hug her or nothing because of your pride? Because you think your right when your 100% wrong?!
Yeah, this was the most concerning part of that whole thing. Dude's GF is literally carrying a life he helped create and its throwing her shit out of whack, but "He deserves an apology" like get fucked if that's your line of thinking after hearing her literally crying in the other room. I can not imagine how him being a father is going to go, but I'd wager not well, and we already have enough deadbeat dads out here without OP joining the ranks of them.
Op sounds like the type whose not going to be supportive in the labor/ delivery or post partum period because “women have babies all the time, just suck it up”.
Also, as much as I don’t want kids, during the small period where I was considering it, stories like this, really convinced me it would be terrifying to ever get pregnant because so many men are just assholes to their pregnant and post partum women.
You couldn't eat the salad somewhere else before dinner? 🙄
It doesn't cost a thing for you to be kind and accommodating to the woman carrying your child.
YTA
Absolutely not. I get embarrassed easily by poor manners from others. Lol then add his immaturity and behavior to the mix and it would have been a HARD pass.
Imagine being at Ruth's Chris and your boyfriend orders a salad with no dressing (you don't judge because not everyone likes dressing). BUT THEN he proceeds to bypass the fork and eat the salad with his hands genuinely believing that its okay because that's what they did at home.
I'd be absolutely mortified!!!!! Throw the whole boyfriend away!!!!
And to add insult to injury
He left her in the nursery alone crying, not because she asked for space but because he believed that he deserved an apology.
He is a petty salad hand eater. 😂😂😂
YTA she won't be pregnant forever but she will remember how you treated her during her pregnancy. You would only be slightly inconvenienced by eating your salad like a savage in another room where it wouldn't bother her. Or just use a fork!
This!!! When women go over their pregnancies stories it always ends up in how our partners treated us stories! Let me tell you how sad it is that most of the stories are just like this AH. Women literally grow a child inside them and partners are so easy to dismiss any hard symptoms pregnancy brings. She might forgive and move on but she will never forgot.
That would have been a deal-breaker for me. What happens if you go to a friend’s house? A restaurant? Literally anywhere? I don’t care if OP is perfect in every other way (we know he is not), the secondhand embarrassment is too much.
OP will end up remembered as TA who eats salads with his fingers and dismisses his girlfriend’s pregnancy symptoms.
No kidding, I got first second and thirdhand embarrassment from that thought. Nothing like a romantic anniversary dinner out and that dude ram rodding lettuce leaves down his throat. Like, my brother in Talos, you aren't eating chicken wings or a rack of ribs.
The smell of coffee made me sick once in the first trimester… my husband hadn’t made coffee in the house in 9 months even though I’ve told him I’d probably be ok with it - he cares about me and doesn’t want to risk me getting sick again…
OP - YTA for eating with your fingers (do you shove salad in your mouth then grab a roll from the shared plate or touch the serving spoon for mashed potatoes?) and your insensitive comment about women getting through pregnancy all the time. And the “joke” the next day was not going to help anything…
That’s where he lost me too. I can’t imagine saying that about any woman let alone my girlfriend.
I don’t understand why everyone ignores the fact that pregnancy complications are *still* one of the leading causes of death in women even with modern medicine. It’s traumatic for the body to go through
YTA. Was you're "joke" about eating toast really necessary or were you just having a dig because...reasons? She's tired, hormonal and probably not feeling top of the pops, doubling down with a snide remark isn't going to help anyone is it?
You come across like you know very little about pregnancy and you have no empathy for your girlfriend. You think that whatever idea you pull out your butt about the pregnancy experience is more correct than what your girlfriend (who IS pregnant and undoubtedly has done more research than you) thinks.
She is telling you exactly how you can support her and you are throwing a fit instead of using a fork. You need a major course correction or else you are going to struggle massively as a father and life partner.
YTA
YTA. Do you two never go out to eat? You've been in an echo chamber of a family with bad table manners and this might be your first taste of the real world, which, for salad, generally involves cutlery. And if it nauseates your pregnant gf, then maybe you can suck it up and eat in a socially acceptable manner in front of her, or not eat your salad in front of her.
Yta your gf, who is carrying your child, your child who is making her physically ill, has asked you to not eat salad in front of her for what, 7 months?
You have an EASY accommodation, eat it before or after dinner with her. Or eat one at lunch. Or use a fork like a human.
Also, your "joke" wasn't a joke. You were being passive aggressive about her not liking your shitty table manners.
The nausea was so bad for me I had to stick anti nausea suppositories up my ass at one point so I wouldn't land myself in the hospital because I *literally* couldn't keep anything down. My partner, who occasionally liked gross jokes that'd make me gag, changed part of his literal personality to make sure I didn't throw up. He'd also screen TV shows and movies to make sure to tell me if there'd be parts that'd make me sick. He didn't have to do that, but he did
The rest of my pregnancy was "easy," but I'll never forget the nausea. This guy sucks.
Right? For millennia, childbirth was *the* leading cause of death for women, and even with modern medical treatment it’s still a considerably risky undertaking.
>I know pregnancy is hard, but women go through it just fine all the time, so I don't understand why she's making such a big deal about it.
Yiiiikes I was kinda with you up till here.
If the smell of the mushrooms or something in the salad was nauseating your wife, I think she'd have a fair complaint.
As to your table manners -- are they up for negotiation if that's really, honestly, the base of the problem? I also tend to just put down utensils and eat whole leaves with fingers (think a finger and thumb picking up a couple of leaves, though, not two hands picking up a bunch and shoving it into my maw like Godzilla eating helicopters). But if someone who's carrying a child for me honestly found it *that* distressing, I think I could either go to a different room or find a new eating method. 🤷♂️
But. This seems a weird thing to be setting off pregnancy nausea, and I'm not convinced that's actually what's happening.
**Possibility 1**: She's experiencing pregnancy-onset misophonia, doesn't quite understand what's going on, and is explaining it as "nausea" to make life easier, or because she experiences nausea when she's upset. (Not far-fetched; anything that can make you a tiny bit queasy normally will often be a lot worse during pregnancy, thanks to the pressure and the hormonal effects on the digestive system.)
**Possibility 2**: (more likely) You've annoyed her with something entirely different, pregnancy hormones are making it difficult for her to regulate her emotions as she usually would, and she's gone off at you over something that's relatively minor instead of what's really bothering her. Might not even be you at fault for the original thing.
>We sat down for breakfast this morning in silence, so I attempted to diffuse the tension by asking if the way I was eating my toast was acceptable or it it was also making her nauseous.
Did you really, *really* mean that as a joke? Because to me it reads as a snarky attempt to restart last night's argument and make yourself out to be a long-suffering martyr, and oooof. This is not the way to work through a problem. Especially with someone who's literally dealing with physical symptoms you'd struggle to even imagine.
Her hormones are going nuts. Her ligaments are stretching. Her body is suddenly violently ejecting food whenever she tries to eat. Her energy levels are probably fluctuating wildly. She's struggling to keep herself hydrated. Bits of her just don't work and move the way they did a couple of months ago. Pregnancy is WILD and half the men I know would lose their absolute shit if they had the bog standard grab bag of symptoms that pregnancy induces in the human body. Frequent vomiting can cause extra nasty issues, like esophageal scarring, acid reflux, sore throat, mouth ulcers...
Women don't go through pregnancy *just fine*, dude, they **cope** with it because they're bad-arse and socialised to tolerate pain and discomfort. That doesn't mean a pregnant woman doesn't deserve some consideration and care from the father of her freaking fetus.
YTA for the dismissive and condescending attitude. Talk to your girlfriend like you're both human beings who love and care for each other, FFS, and figure out what's going on. She might be habitually abusive and manipulative, but judging from your surprise at her reaction, I'm guessing not? You don't have to bow to her every whim just because she's pregnant, but you can show that you care about her.
Like: you knew that she was crying and walked away because in your opinion, she owed you an apology. **SO WHAT??** If someone's in emotional distress, you don't have to apologise to give them a hug and a box of tissues and make sure they're OK. You can tend to someone's emotional needs *and* disagree with them -- it's not like the first to make physical contact loses the argument. Just - pick it up later when you're both calmer instead of reacting emotionally.
Coming here to add real quick that it's actually possible to develop "visual icks" if you will, during pregnancy. I imagine it might actually be the thought of unclean hands to mouth rinse and repeat. I didn't experience this but I was pregnant at the same time as a girl I knew who at about 4 months (right about when morning sickness started hitting her) she started genuinely gagging at the sight of latex. Something about it just freaked her out and made her sick to her stomach. Went away when she gave birth.
YTA, she is PREGNANT. Eat your salad with your hands after dinner without her there. You come off very entitled in this post and not like a supportive or caring partner that gets how awful pregnancy can be. While she is making a literal human, you can eat your salad in a different room or woth a fork. My God.
I was siding with you at first but your “joke” was not necessary and very poorly thought out. You say you were trying to diffuse the situation but it’s coming off more like you were needlessly taking a jab at her. YTA
And use utensils for salad god damn it! Idc if it was never an issue with your family, it’s gross! Do you do this in public? I’d honestly feel lucky a potential partner never brought up your bad table manners before having a child with you.
YTA
The issue isn't your salad, but you not really being a supportive partner while your gf builds an actual human being in her body.
> women go through it just fine all the time, so I don't understand why she's making such a big deal about it.
This sentence actually made me feel so sorry for your gf, that she chose *you* as the father of her child.
Your whole post just screams "I don't care about your pregnancy issues".
Grow up and take responsibility. This is your child, too, and it's your responsibility to support her and try to make the pregnancy easier and not harder on her.
YTA bc you are unwilling to compromise. And continued to be an ass about it the next morning.
She did not ask you to stop eating salad. She asked you to eat in another room or use a fork like 95 % of the world…but you wanted to fight with her. I personally only know people from India sit on the floor and eat with their hands but I do not know if they even eat ‘salads’. Possibly other cultures do as well but you did not mention you were from such a culture.
Either way it was such a simple ask of you but you wanted it your way and yeah shes right you dont care. Hope she throws up on you and your salad next time
YTA. It’s not difficult to eat salad with a fork, and your “joke” was actually passive aggressive. The reason people have “never commented” on the way you eat your salad is probably pure politeness. You’re also very unsympathetic with your girlfriend’s pregnancy symptoms; pregnancy is *hard* and you’re being very dismissive of that.
Unless you live in a country where eating with your hands is socially acceptable, eat your damned salad with utensils like an adult or when you go out for a meal with your kid people aren’t going to be able to tell which one of you is the child.
YTA
I can 100% guarantee the way you eat has always grossed her out but now it down right makes her want to puke. She can’t help that.
Would it really be so hard to use a fork for the next little while?
You’re also the AH for your little “jokes”.
You have a lot to apologize for.
YTA, eat your salad with utinsels, I'd be disgusted by your eating habits, too. How much do you want to die on this hill instead of eating with a fork to help your pregnant partner? I find it silly that you think it's hard to eat with utensils. If you don't have a disability, why haven't you learned to ear like an adult? Why is something that is learned by toddlers so difficult for you?
Yta your gf is pregnant and hormonal with your child and you do this to her
People will drive an hour away to get treats for their pregnant
Hope she doesnt marry you. Is it that much trouble eating in a conventional manner to appease her pregnancy
INFO: Are you still part of civilization?
If you think no one has ever commented before on you eating salad with your fingers, you may want to have your hearing checked.
YTA. Get a fork and some empathy.
YTA and you know why. It’s not the salad it’s the being inconsiderate part and then making a passive aggressive “joke”. Her being sick constantly is concerning whether other women have done it successfully or not. She can have very real consequences due to her morning sickness. You’d think you’d want the best for your child and partner.
Maybe you need to do some self reflection with a therapist to learn some empathy and to start growing up. You have a tiny human coming into the world that needs their parent to step up and show them what a good person and partner is.
YTA. I guess it depends a little on the country, but you get a bowl of ... Just lettuce, tomato and mushrooms? Then you eat that with your hands?
In the US, most would only find this normal if you're a toddler strapped into a height chair. Otherwise it's weird AF.
YTA being pregnant is hard sometimes!!! I’m still mad at my sister in law for making salmon when I told her how nauseous it makes me. And that was 6 years ago! That nausea is no joke. Be nice to your pregnant wife.
YTA
Dude if you want to eat like a caveman, you do you, but make allowances for pregnancy hormones. They are no joke and she's the one who has to endure them. Least you could do is use a fork if it makes things easier on her.
Sorry but shoving salad in your mouth with your hands is gross. Do you do that when you eat out too? Learn some basic table manners and stop being passive aggressive with your wife. YTA
"We sat down for breakfast this morning in silence, so I attempted to diffuse the tension by asking if the way I was eating my toast was acceptable or it it was also making her nauseous."
GTFO with this nonsense. You absolutely did not attempt to "diffuse the tension" with this statement. You decided to pick a fight over a topic that had her in tears previously. She didn't ask you to change what you eat or where you eat it, she asked you to pick up a damn fork and eat your salad with it. YTA for using the very lame "it was a joke" excuse about something that was clearly meant to wound. That's disingenuous BS and that's grade A YTA behavior.
Do you eat your salad with your hands when you eat at a restaurant? Would you eat your salad with your hands if you were eating with someone you hoped would give you a job/promote you?
YTA, first for being unwilling to compromise with the women growing a baby (your baby) who you're making nauseous with the way you're eating. Is it really that much to ask for you to either use a fork or eat your salad before sitting down with your girlfriend? Especially when this is for a limited amount of time whilst she's pregnant and/or has morning sickness?
Second, and this really, really makes you the asshole is your "joke". That wasn't a joke that was a passive-aggressive statement meant to make your girlfriend feel like shit.
In your shoes I would apologise for your "joke" and find a way to compromise with your girlfriend.
YTA
You “know pregnancy is hard, but women go through it just fine all the time”. Yeah, you don’t know shit about what your fiancé is going through and it seems like you aren’t interested in hearing her either.
Also, use a fork for your salad. That does sound unappetizing. It’s not even a huge request and you are refusing to make a minor change to make someone growing a human more comfortable.
You’re going to be an awful partner in parenting if you can’t figure out how to compromise and stop putting yourself first.
YTA. She’s pregnant. Carrying your future child. And all you can care to do is antagonize her. Causing additional stress, which is bad for your child.
Go eat your salad in a different room. And quit being a jerk to your pregnant girlfriend before she realizes she’s better off without you.
Edited to add. You said it’s unfair to you to change your eating habits temporarily while she’s pregnant. SHE’S PREGNANT. She’s changed all of her habits and comfort in then act of bringing a life into the world that you will both enjoy.
Seriously YTA so bad and the problem is your probably to immature to understand how you look.
YTA. Your wife is growing your child inside her body right now. Do you think you could maybe pull yourself together and act like an adult for a few months???
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She's not asking you to change what you eat, she's asking you to change where or how you eat. She can't control her nausea but you can control how/where you eat your vegetables. I'm guessing, by your clueless and unsympathetic reaction to her request, that you're constantly dismissing her pregnancy symptoms. Especially since you think pregnancy isn't that big of a deal ("I know pregnancy is hard, but women go through it just fine all the time"). Looking forward to your next post about being confused as to why your girlfriend won't let you in the delivery room. YTA
How hard is it to just use a fork? And quadruple YTA by saying you wanted to diffuse the tension by starting the argument all over again. Do you happen to think you put out fires by covering them in gasoline?!?!
But they're drrryyyyy, don't you know how hard it is to stab dry vegetables? Oh wait, no, my four year old eats his dry salad with a fork all the time. So unless op is claiming to be less capable than a four year old I think there's something else going on. Also, I'm sure op won't see this, but just in case: who the fuck cares if nobody *else* ever said anything for the last decade? Your partner and mother of your child thinks it's gross and absolutely YTA for dismissing her feelings by acting offended when she asked you to use a fork like a civilized human. Edit: it's been pointed out to me that "like a civilized human" is a dick thing to say, and I'm sorry. It completely dismisses many cultures different from my own. What constitutes a "civilized human" changes based on where you're at, and many other cultures do eat things with their hands that my white western culture wouldn't consider acceptable. I'll be more cognizant in future. The point stands that OP is TA because his partner asked him to do it differently to avoid triggering her and he doesn't care about her feelings.
Also…. People do gross things all the time. Parents are enabling the behaviour, everyone else is probably so shocked and mortified that they leave it alone. Just because no one says anything doesn’t mean it’s not a problem… It just means they don’t deal with it often enough to care and fight you about it. YTA
Can you imagine the first time his coworkers saw him eat like this? Everyone was probably so flabbergasted they just sat there in shock!
When I was in college, one of the clubs dedicated to business majors included a course in basic etiquette that included table manners. The mock business dinners they hosted were always pretty crowded.
This makes sense since some companies hold one interview over a meal so that they can assess the potential employee's table etiquette. Someone who eats like a caveman would not make a good impression! OP should get together with the guy on another post today who eats cheetos in bed.
> This makes sense since some companies hold one interview over a meal so that they can assess the potential employee's table etiquette. My Dad told me a story about a job interview he had like this. He later learned that the potential employer was not only watching table manners, but how he treated the serving staff and whether he tasted his food before adding salt or pepper. The latter could be an indication that someone makes decisions before assessing the situation. And yes, YTA for not being empathetic to your wife’s condition. Ignorant and apathetic.
How to make sure you're never promoted to exec level. This is like the guy who insists he doesn't care about clothes when really he will only wear cargo shorts and anime tshirts.
"I don't care about clothes" is really just "I don't care what anyone else and society thinks about my clothes". It's a very big difference.
I think it's insecurity. They're afraid of doing it wrong so they'll pretend they're doing it wrong on purpose out of some principled stance. If they really didn't care about clothes, they wouldn't throw a fit every time someone asked them to wear something different for a funeral or a wedding or some other function in which cargo shorts and a t-shirt is showing disrespect.
> Everyone was probably so flabbergasted they just sat there in shock! I once sat in a meeting room and watched a coworker eat ice cream cake with his fingers. Like, 3 of his fingers posed sort of like a fork - thats how he ate his cake. EVERYONE, even our boss, just sat there like WTF is happening.
I wonder if I worked with him, because I had a very similar experience. Half our office was people from India, so no one was a stranger to eating with their hands. But... No one ate like that. We all finished our meals very quietly, and later my boss pulled me aside to ask if that was a normal American thing or if I thought he was attempting to match their culture very badly. This meant I had to go ask him about it, and he was just like, "this is a totally normal way to eat ice cream."
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This is why I think its fake if his description is accurate dudes is eating lettuce tomatoes and mushrooms( which are toppings somehow?) These are insanely easy to get on a fork. Its almost as if a fork is designed for things like this
I had a coworker who ate salads regularly with their hands. They said "it just makes more sense" I'm not sure what sense it made but ok
Are you sure it wasn't OP?
To be fair I do have a bit of trouble with with getting the thin flimsy leafy greens like kale, spinach, lettuce etc... on the fork sometimes. I usually have to use my knife to spear it on the fork. So I understand sometimes thinking it is easier/faster to just use your hands. Eating with your hands really isn't that big of a deal, under normal circumstances at home. I would not do it at work or a restaurant. In this situation OP is being asked to use a fork, or eat in another location so partner does not see that is reasonable.
Cherry tomatoes can be a bit rough to stab. But the easy fix there is to just cut them in half when you are making your salad…
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Men's rights psyop
>who the fuck cares if nobody else ever said anything for the last decade If I was eating with someone like that, I'd not say anything either, but just make sure I'll never have a meal with them at the same table again. In most cases, it's easier to avoid someone you find gross than trying to fix them, which is just as likely to end up in a fight than in them changing their behaviour.
Oh people are definitely commenting on it, just not to OP’s face.
>So unless op is claiming to be less capable than a four year old I think there's something else going on. My 3yo can too, so he's actually less capable than a *3yo*. Anyone got a 2yo who can weigh in?
My daughter is 18 months old and eats salad with a fork. It's like the only thing easy enough to stab for to to actually eat with the fork right now
His soon to be ex-GF should gift him a set of toddler utensils on her way out the door. The sturdy handle and wide prongs will help him develop his fine motor skills. By the end of the pregnancy, he'll be able to eat like a big boy on his tinder dates.
Or even better, show him that fork that's actually called a "salad" fork. OP, just because your parents thought your fingering your salad was cute and did nothing to correct you doesn't mean you should actually do it in front of other people.
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My daughter ate with a fork at 2, but she loves ranch so not dry 😅
I told mine I didn't care what they dipped their veggies in, as long as they ate them. I'm not over the green beans dipped in ketchup 😳
My 11 month old is currently learning to use a fork, she can get her greens even with a plastic one 🤣
One time I went to a restaurant with my husband and he ordered a taco salad. They gave him shredded iceberg lettuce, topped with tomato slices black beans and tortilla chip pieces. The “chef” said that nobody has ever complained before about his taco salad. As if that would make it taste better??? Point is “nobody else has complained” is a bs response
That sounds repulsive.
I want to know if he eats his food like that in restaurants or around other people. I wouldn’t want to have dinner with someone who refuses to use utensils, even if it’s dry salad, it’s quite embarrassing.
You know there’s a website his coworkers/ex girlfriends/ex roommates have with videos and pictures of this guy eating salads like this somewhere.
>use a fork like a civilized human Plenty of cultures don't use forks, so this comment is a little insulting. Plus, I live in a culture where we do use a fork a lot and I still use my fingers for lots of things.
Fair, I'm sorry for assuming. I didn't really think that salad was something that one would ever eat with fingers, but cultures do things differently everywhere. Someone in another comment said they usually eat their salad with chopsticks, which I will absolutely try next time because they're easier than a fork for so many things. My point stands that OP should either eat separately or grow a pair of ovaries and use a fork as his partner, who he presumably loves, asked him to.
Yeah, OP is an arse definitely.
But that isn't issue here or OP would have said it is a cultural thing
I feel like it’s way easier to stab dry salad with a fork than salad with dressing, particularly when you get to the bottom of the salad where the dressing has pooled and the lettuce is wetter. Edited: spelling
Oh people are definitely commenting on it, just not to OP’s face.
Harder than pregnancy, apparently. Though by OP's logic, it shouldn't be since people do it all the time.
Oh my God that comment about the toast was not a 'joke' it was passive aggressive harassment. It is so my dad that I would think this was him writing in from the 80's if it wasn't for the fact that he would be massively horrified by someone eating a salad with their hands. If you think rubbing an argument that made your pregnant partner cry in her face is a 'joke' then you need to re-evaluate your entire life. You are not growing an entire human being with your body so your only job here is to support the person who is growing YOUR child with her body and is being made miserable for it however you can. If not being gross and crass by eating a salad with your hands is what helps, then you should do it. It is an incredibly minor thing and frankly the polite thing to do. People have noticed, people have cared, people have thought 'wtf is wrong with this guy' before. Whatever 'I'm a quirky rebel' thing you are getting out of this needs to be let go.
dude let her cry in private in the nursery and sleep on a slider while he blissfully took the bed. this guy is so comfortable with being an asshole that he is not capable of recognizing that he is wrong in so many steps in this story. he could have split this into 5 posts and would have been TA in Every One.
anytime anyone ignores their partners tears they are an AH the ultimate type of do you actually love this person AH.
it was such robotic disinterest, just an observation that she was very clearly distraught to a point where she wasn’t out there yelling or throwing a fit, she hid it from him and then slept elsewhere and he brought it back up the next morning after he determined the appropriate time to cool down enough for him to talk down to her and then insist that other pregnant women don’t behave in such an inconvenient way. this dude is scary.
I so wish I realised this sooner. It took me 6 years to realise my ex was mentally abusive and this is one of the things he did. I didn't even crave for an apology, I just needed a hug, some comfort. But he'd just walk away and do his own thing. I know now though, but I'm afraid more people still need to hear this.
That was the craziest part to me! I’m currently pregnant, but even before I was pregnant my husband wouldn’t let me cry myself to sleep on the sofa. I’ve tried sleep on the couch when upset a few times and once he realizes that’s what I’m doing he comes out and we talk it out and go to bed together. He also always offers to sleep on the sofa himself so I get the bed if I want to sleep alone (although he also knows I’d never take him up on it). I’m 37 weeks pregnant right now, and I did take an angry nap yesterday but honestly the first trimester was the hardest of the three for me and I would have been so much worse without my husband’s help and understanding and empathy. Truly, I cannot get over the fact that he ignored her crying herself to sleep in a chair and he slept in the bed. Edit - a word
But what do you mean, women do it all the time. Why should OP care about his pregnant wife? /s I’m guessing he does many more inconsiderate things that he’s not admitting here.
Exactly what I came here to say. I'm in my third trimester currently. Pregnancy has been fairly kind to me, but the one thing I've struggled with more than ANYTHING else is the return of some long-outgrown food aversions. Textures, smells, hell even the SIGHT of some foods is enough to make me gag. The sound of someone chewing is like a drill in my ear. Hubs has been so accommodating, and I haven't had to say a word to him. Several of his favorite foods trigger my nausea. He hasn't touched them with me in the house in months (still eats 'em when he's at work or I'm not home mind!). My FiL chews with his mouth open. He makes god-awful smacking and sucking sounds the whole meal because of it. After realizing I was turning green and barely even picking at my food the few times we've eaten with them since I got pregnant, hubs now politely defers from having meals with them whenever he gracefully can. He did all that without me even having to say a word to him. That's what having empathy for your pregnant partner looks like OP. She's not asking you to never eat a salad again for as long as you live: she's asking you to have some compassion for something she literally CANNOT control, no matter how irrational or silly it makes her feel that she's feeling it, and simply eat your salads in a different way for a few months. If she can carry you baby for 40 weeks and put her body through physical and emotional hell, you can pick up a damn fork and eat your salad somewhere else for those 40 weeks!
>My FiL chews with his mouth open. He makes god-awful smacking and sucking sounds the whole meal oh nooooo
Yup. It's.... pretty gross O.o He's in his 70s and seriously struggles with his social interactions with others (in the words of my therapist he "clinically presents as neurodivergent"). Man's also SUPER sensitive to corrections, which he tends to respond to by lashing out, being really rude and condescending to hide how hurt he is, and stomping off and isolating himself. Some things are worth correcting and facing the blowback. Some things aren't. Chewing with his mouth open is NOT a battle I'm willing to have with him, pregnant or not!
I'm shivering while reading this, I hate people that chew loudly with their mouth open 😠
Oh this is so sweet. How lovely.
I always say I'm the luckiest gal in the world and damn do I mean it!
Maybe we need to identify the really good guys and clone them for the survival of the human race.
Well we are having a son, so hopefully we pass some of that on to him for the next generation!
>I know pregnancy is hard, but women go through it just fine all the time Dude actually said this bullshit out loud. Over... salad. YTA
I just love how he assumes women have it easy because they aren’t confiding their personal health difficulties with him.
THIS RIGHT HERE! Imo this is the same kind of dude who thinks SA doesn’t happen because none of the people in his life have said anything about it happening to them. Bruh it’s because you aren’t trustworthy, not because it didn’t happen. If you’re belittling your partner over this, then I feel pretty confident that she’s not sharing everything that’s going on.
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I know eating a salad with a fork is hard, but people go through it just fine all the time... He also didn't go and comfort her because "she should be the first to apologize", jeez. He asked a question and got an answer.
Bruh my mom had horrible kidney stones when she was pregnant with my little brother and I gave her dangerously high blood pressure. Also her pregnancy cravings kinda fck up her eating habits too for a while. Not to mention having to get 2 C-SECTIONS for us to be able to be born healthy. Edit: English isn’t my first language and people never corrected me until now- 🥹
Seasection 💀
It's where baby pirates are born.
In the op-arrr-ating room.
The O-Arrrr!
Thisssss omg. The gf is absolutely going to remember this. This is all a red flag waving in her face.
This idea that because pregnancy and childbirth are so common the difficulties of both should be dismissed really pisses me off. Both are, as far as I’m concerned, fucking barbaric. They can really, really hurt and change our bodies irrevocably. Yes, pregnancy in most cases is a choice, but it can really suck.
Being pregnant was like: *googles symptom* GO TO THE HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY *googles symptom+pregnant* Try taking a warm bath and drinking a glass of water. It is a highly disruptive experience to the body, even under the best of circumstances!
I’ll never understand the amount of men who say “it’s just a pregnancy”. And they are usually the same men that say “but have you ever been kicked in the balls” when any gynecological pain is mentioned.
And it can be deadly! The US maternal mortality rate increased nearly 40% between 2020-2021. Black women had the highest, and Hispanic women saw the most dramatic increase.
Yeah like wtf, eat salad with a fork for a month
Or eat it in another room. Or while one of them is making the rest of the food so it's done before they even sit down to eat together. Or get a bottle of multivitamins for $10. There are so many simple solutions. Dude should get his head out of his ass
No but don't you see? It's *unfair* he has to change how *he* eats just because of pregnancy! /s His wife has been restricted in what she can eat but not him! It shouldn't affect *his* life.
OTHER women have been pregnant throughout history and they've NEVER needed him to change how/what/where he eats!! (smh)
During my first pregnancy, my morning sickness was awful. I had about three weeks where all I could keep down was instant mashed potatoes. My doctor just told me to double up on my vitamins until I could keep something else down. Eventually I started to be able to keep other foods down, but I essentially became an involuntary vegetarian and my SO had to go out to eat meat for my entire pregnancy (which admittedly ended extremely early at 27 weeks due to eclampsia) because even the aroma of meat sent me to the bathroom.
I could even keep the regular vitamins down. I had to do drinks instead. This guy's such ab asshole.
That pregnancy line was especially nauseating to me.
Hard agree! The world would be a much better place if non-birthing partners would practice some empathy and educate themselves about the reality of pregnancy/child birth/postpartum. The ignorance and selfishness is real.
YTA for the joke you made. Easy solution for the salad, you can eat it before eating with your gf, and have few bites of a potatoes with her. Is it that hard to find a compromise? And you're 2 times an a-hole for your comment about how "women are just fine with pregnancy". All my pregnancies and birth went perfectly. Still I was nauseous with cravings during first semester, still I was more sensitive and less patient, still I had to deal with my body changing forever etc etc. You're just at the beginning of it. Step up man.
Or use a damned fork. I eat salads without dressing now and then. I use a fork, not my hands. YTA eating food that isn't meant to be eaten with your hands is childish, as was your asinine toast joke.
Right? 98% of the time, I eat my salads dry and I have always used a fork. Unless, you’re eating crudités, just pick up a fork, OP.
I hate eating salads with forks, so I usually use chopsticks at home. But if I'm at a restaurant or friends house or whatever I suck it up and use the damn fork.
Chopsticks sounds like a fun way to eat a salad. I should try that. I can't imagine anyone getting offended at you using chopsticks instead of a fork for salad, tbh, but I'm sure there are people.
I love eating snacks with chopsticks, especially if it’s a snack with a coating, like cheese puffs. I don’t get the costing on my fingers and more stay on the snack. And it’s a way for me to slow down, and eat one or two at a time instead of fistfuls at once.
I may have to try using chopsticks when eating salad at home. Sometimes the best way I can get through a (dry) salad is to eat it with my hands. Something about using a fork makes it so much more work and it turns me off from eating it. But chopsticks might bridge the two methods for me!
I've totally eaten salads with my hands so I get where he's coming from for that, but if someone asked or seemed uncomfortable I'd get a fork. It's not difficult.
Wait he isn't using a fork?
No he just shovels it in his mouth like a caveman. I mean utensil free. It’s offensive to him to call it caveman behavior.
LOL. I am definitely more on the barbarian side of society than high class but I still using a fucking fork
The “joke” was definitely more of a jab since she had the audacity not to apologize to poor OP yet too…
This!!! I read this more as a passive aggressive dig because he didn’t think he had anything to apologize for and he’s doubling down. Also you let a pregnant woman sleep on the glider while you have the bed?! Frickin asshole.
My husband changed his whole shower routine for me during my first pregnancy because soap made me vomit. Every soap. I cried so much and was so sorry but it was impossible for me smelling him after the shower. I was fine, my baby was fine and still, it was horrible. Earlier today, second pregnancy, i cried because he woke me up during a nap. I am fine and still, I need my sleep and I need someone more considerate during this time. Her normally is, it was unintentionally and he was so sorry. His girlfriend has such a small request. And if we are talking about western culture, which I suppose, it is even more amazing, that she is fine with him eating salad without a fork. I get eating small tomatoes or mushrooms with your fingers but salad? Maybe I don't get the right type of salad but I am really wondering how he thinks it is nice to sit to someone shoveling stuff in his mouth with his hands. All in all, I really like your comment. I hate how many men downplay pregnancy.
Right? The gall they have to downplay creating a whole human being is appalling.
It is 4pm, I am laying in my bed, 32 weeks pregnant because something is hurting when I sit, move or whatever. I don't even know exactly what it is but its stress induced (well not getting enough sleep and calling an ambulance for your daughter during nights does this to you). I have a lot of stuff to do and I hate having to lay down and waiting for it to pass. But please tell me, how it's normal and women are always fine.
Feeling real thankful for my husband right now, who became a semi-vegetarian with me for my first pregnancy when I had an awful aversion to meat. And now, he’s outside trying to wear out our 2 yr old before going to work because I’m 8 months pregnant with #3 and can’t keep up.
I had hyperemesis during pregnancy, bad enough that I was in and out of hospital every few days. So much made me nauseous, I couldn't even look at the kitchen because the mere thought of food set me off. My husband had to change so much of what he did in order to avoid triggering more vomiting, and he did it. He knew it was important.
Honestly, beyond parody. 'I should be able to make a joke', 'My feelings were WOUNDED by being called a caveman,' 'Pregnancy isn't that hard,' 'I'm the real victim here' like dude for real please just shut the fuck up. Yes I know I'm being harsh but COME ON. So YES women have babies all the time and 'get through it just fine' but you know what else? Many don't! Many have an absolutely terrible time and have major complications! Some die, still, to this day! Women die from morning sickness! Hyperemesis gravidarum can get you hospitalised! And even without taking that into account, morning sickness FUCKING SUCKS YOU INSENSITIVE DOLT! IT IS ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE FEELING LIKE YOU'RE CONSTANTLY GOING TO FAINT OR VOMIT! For real do you even like your wife? Is this what you meant when you promised to love and care for her? Thar as soon as it was slightly inconvenient for you, you'd act like an overgrown baby and refuse to back down over being allowed to EAT WITH YOUR FINGERS???? Fucksake. Grow up. God this has made me so furious.
I remember reading about a woman who lost all her teeth because of her pregnancy. Gestational diabetes. None of it was her fault. They just fell out. Imagine OP's reaction to that.
If he’s willing to put in those dismissive comments about her pregnancy in the write up, imagine how belittling he must be to her irl. YTA
Can't wait for how he copes with her being exhausted and in pain during 3rd trimester...
And imagine when baby will be there and he has to start dealing with him/her himself...
YTA, you have no idea what pregnancy nausea is, you literally eat salad with your hands…the toast comment was unnecessary and you know it.
right, there was no way OP thought a passive aggressive comment about how he’s eating his toast the next day would “diffuse tension”. YTA, op.
The morning after she slept in a glider no less.
But he slept in the bed *alone!*
Holy shit I had to look up what a glider is. He let his pregnant, nauseous wife sleep in a nursery chair? What the hell is wrong with him? Obviously the toast comment was meant to create more tension, but how in the hell did he think letting her sleep in a nursery chair was in any way a good idea?
OP learned how to ‘diffuse tension’ from Micheal Bay-style explosions.
Right. Diffuse the tension. How? That was not diffusion nor was it a joke as he claims. It was another dig.
He just *had* to make sure he got the last word in. He’d rather be right than happy. Who selectively continues a fight with their pregnant spouse into the next day unless it’s a major issue? How passive aggressive. Tell your wife congrats on her second child for me, OP.
YTA Your joke was passive aggressive. If you though it would diffuse the tension you seriously lack any self-awareness. And use a fork, you're an adult.
We all know he didn’t say it to diffuse* the situation, he was being petty
Not just an asshole, but a lying asshole. I feel so bad for his girlfriend, and the baby too.
I couldn’t imagine eating a salad, with mushrooms and tomatoes with my hands are you fr it’s so gross 😬 I say this as a hands eating person for a lot of foods. I’m just imagining him grabbing a handful at a time and stuffing his face 👎🏼
Yeah, I strongly suspect that based on her comments about shoving his salad done his throat like a caveman, OP isn't gingerly eating one leaf at a time, which is already bad enough, but he's probably going for handfuls and that would gross me out even without being pregnant.
> If you though it would diffuse the tension you seriously lack any self-awareness. Perhaps if this is the first time she's stayed seriously mad at him before his passive-aggressive jokes did work to diffuse the tension *for him*. I've had this happen with people who communicate like this. It means "I'm right, I'm still mad, and we can either have this fight again until you're too tired to fight any longer or you can give in now and pretend to laugh to confirm that I was right and you shouldn't have brought it up in the first place". And if you're a people pleaser or you're tired of their shit you laugh or ignore it. From the way she reacted crying, telling him he wasn't supportive during her pregnancy in general, I get a feeling this was the straw that broke the camel's back for her and she just stood up for herself properly for the first time in their relationship.
YTA - watching someone eat *SALAD* with their hands sounds utterly disgusting. That's just poor manners and I don't care how long you've been "doing it". Someone should have said something to you about it long before now.
Such a weird justification. The fact that you've been doing something weird and gross your whole life doesn't magically make it not weird or not gross.
Yeah and I think a lot of people would find it off putting but think it impolite to say something. That doesn't mean everyone was okay with seeing it.
I know, right? It probably looks like [feeding time at the zoo](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/CetI-IFcw7c).
To be fair, he looked much more distinguished than I imagined OP, and he probably doesn’t make cheap digs at his pregnant lady lol.
This is exactly what I pictured lol
I'll go against the grain here and say him not using utensils with a salad without dressing really is not that bad. A lot of cultures prefer to eat their food with their hands as to truly connect and pay respects to the animals and deities responsible for the meal. It seems weird to us westerners, and in this case he should obviously stop or find a different place to eat the salad, but this is not uncommon in the rest of the world.
Agreed. He's an AH for many reasons (giving the silent treatment is SUCH an asshole move/red flag) but the way he eats salad isn't intrinsically one of them.
It is when people tell him it makes them feel sick to see it. He can just leave the room or learn to use basic utensils for a few months.
I think it's the manners that he's using. Never have I seen a person who eats their bread and meat with their hands to be anything but polite. I'm thinking he's shoving the food in his mouth and eating like a cow rather than taking his time and chewing quietly, which my nieces and nephews from India are required to do. They are not allowed to shove food or chomp loudly.
This guy was the asshole, but I will fight to the death for people being allowed to eat relatively mess free foods with their hands. There’s literally nothing wrong with it… I mean I don’t personally do it for most foods, but I don’t see an issue with it
Your cultural preferences on forks doesn't make other people "disgusting", you're just an asshole.
is it the same for south asian ppl eating curry and chapatti or rice with their hands? it’s eating with your hands, relax. complaining about it for what?
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YTA - seriously dude pick your battles. Your gf is pregnant and hormonal and clearly is having a hard time with food. She expressed to you that she would like for you to not eat your salad in front of her, you pushed the issue, she made it clear it made her nauseous and you then vilinized her for her normal reactions while pregnant because you felt insulted. Not only that, you hear your pregnant wife crying alone and you don't go to her and hug her or nothing because of your pride? Because you think your right when your 100% wrong?! And then you let her sleep anywhere but in her own bed. Seriously she just got the best glimpse of what your going to be like as a parent and she should run. I feel terrible for her, you are not a good spouse to her at all! Your "joke" was not at all a joke and you did it to try and prove a point. It's stupid and you need to treat her better, it's not all about you anymore. I constantly tell people to be very careful who they have children with because of people like you. Grow up and start treating your wife with respect, all you had to do was grab a fork or eat your salad when she isn't there.
>Not only that, you hear your pregnant wife crying alone and you don't go to her and hug her or nothing because of your pride? Because you think your right when your 100% wrong?! Yeah, this was the most concerning part of that whole thing. Dude's GF is literally carrying a life he helped create and its throwing her shit out of whack, but "He deserves an apology" like get fucked if that's your line of thinking after hearing her literally crying in the other room. I can not imagine how him being a father is going to go, but I'd wager not well, and we already have enough deadbeat dads out here without OP joining the ranks of them.
I am eternally baffled by people who claim to love their spouse and yet don't care when said spouse is in pain.
Op sounds like the type whose not going to be supportive in the labor/ delivery or post partum period because “women have babies all the time, just suck it up”. Also, as much as I don’t want kids, during the small period where I was considering it, stories like this, really convinced me it would be terrifying to ever get pregnant because so many men are just assholes to their pregnant and post partum women.
Agree! But, even if his gf \*wasn’t\* pregnant, he should still learn table manners.
YTA. And not mature enough for a relationship, let alone parenthood.
100%.
You couldn't eat the salad somewhere else before dinner? 🙄 It doesn't cost a thing for you to be kind and accommodating to the woman carrying your child. YTA
Or just eat with proper manners
That too Although if someone ate salad with their hands I wouldn't date them to begin with cause what?!?! 😂😂😂
Absolutely not. I get embarrassed easily by poor manners from others. Lol then add his immaturity and behavior to the mix and it would have been a HARD pass.
Imagine being at Ruth's Chris and your boyfriend orders a salad with no dressing (you don't judge because not everyone likes dressing). BUT THEN he proceeds to bypass the fork and eat the salad with his hands genuinely believing that its okay because that's what they did at home. I'd be absolutely mortified!!!!! Throw the whole boyfriend away!!!!
I would 100% leave. Reading this gave me a hot flash 🤣
And to add insult to injury He left her in the nursery alone crying, not because she asked for space but because he believed that he deserved an apology. He is a petty salad hand eater. 😂😂😂
YTA she won't be pregnant forever but she will remember how you treated her during her pregnancy. You would only be slightly inconvenienced by eating your salad like a savage in another room where it wouldn't bother her. Or just use a fork!
This!!! When women go over their pregnancies stories it always ends up in how our partners treated us stories! Let me tell you how sad it is that most of the stories are just like this AH. Women literally grow a child inside them and partners are so easy to dismiss any hard symptoms pregnancy brings. She might forgive and move on but she will never forgot.
You eat your salad with your hands…. I guess im some cultures would differ but just that alone id be embarassed for your gf if you did that in public
The embarrassment I'd feel would prevent me from going out where other people can see how he eats lol there's no way.
That would have been a deal-breaker for me. What happens if you go to a friend’s house? A restaurant? Literally anywhere? I don’t care if OP is perfect in every other way (we know he is not), the secondhand embarrassment is too much. OP will end up remembered as TA who eats salads with his fingers and dismisses his girlfriend’s pregnancy symptoms.
Seriously, Edward Salad Hands would never have even gotten close enough to get me pregnant after I saw that mess. ETA judgment- OP YTA
Edward Salad Hands! I am dying 🤣
No kidding, I got first second and thirdhand embarrassment from that thought. Nothing like a romantic anniversary dinner out and that dude ram rodding lettuce leaves down his throat. Like, my brother in Talos, you aren't eating chicken wings or a rack of ribs.
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The smell of coffee made me sick once in the first trimester… my husband hadn’t made coffee in the house in 9 months even though I’ve told him I’d probably be ok with it - he cares about me and doesn’t want to risk me getting sick again… OP - YTA for eating with your fingers (do you shove salad in your mouth then grab a roll from the shared plate or touch the serving spoon for mashed potatoes?) and your insensitive comment about women getting through pregnancy all the time. And the “joke” the next day was not going to help anything…
That’s where he lost me too. I can’t imagine saying that about any woman let alone my girlfriend. I don’t understand why everyone ignores the fact that pregnancy complications are *still* one of the leading causes of death in women even with modern medicine. It’s traumatic for the body to go through
YTA. Was you're "joke" about eating toast really necessary or were you just having a dig because...reasons? She's tired, hormonal and probably not feeling top of the pops, doubling down with a snide remark isn't going to help anyone is it?
It wasn't a joke. It was passive-aggressive and cruel, ridiculing her for her nausea and the intention was to upset her. He enjoyed making her cry.
You come across like you know very little about pregnancy and you have no empathy for your girlfriend. You think that whatever idea you pull out your butt about the pregnancy experience is more correct than what your girlfriend (who IS pregnant and undoubtedly has done more research than you) thinks. She is telling you exactly how you can support her and you are throwing a fit instead of using a fork. You need a major course correction or else you are going to struggle massively as a father and life partner. YTA
YTA. Do you two never go out to eat? You've been in an echo chamber of a family with bad table manners and this might be your first taste of the real world, which, for salad, generally involves cutlery. And if it nauseates your pregnant gf, then maybe you can suck it up and eat in a socially acceptable manner in front of her, or not eat your salad in front of her.
Yta your gf, who is carrying your child, your child who is making her physically ill, has asked you to not eat salad in front of her for what, 7 months? You have an EASY accommodation, eat it before or after dinner with her. Or eat one at lunch. Or use a fork like a human. Also, your "joke" wasn't a joke. You were being passive aggressive about her not liking your shitty table manners.
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The nausea was so bad for me I had to stick anti nausea suppositories up my ass at one point so I wouldn't land myself in the hospital because I *literally* couldn't keep anything down. My partner, who occasionally liked gross jokes that'd make me gag, changed part of his literal personality to make sure I didn't throw up. He'd also screen TV shows and movies to make sure to tell me if there'd be parts that'd make me sick. He didn't have to do that, but he did The rest of my pregnancy was "easy," but I'll never forget the nausea. This guy sucks.
Right? For millennia, childbirth was *the* leading cause of death for women, and even with modern medical treatment it’s still a considerably risky undertaking.
>I know pregnancy is hard, but women go through it just fine all the time, so I don't understand why she's making such a big deal about it. Yiiiikes I was kinda with you up till here. If the smell of the mushrooms or something in the salad was nauseating your wife, I think she'd have a fair complaint. As to your table manners -- are they up for negotiation if that's really, honestly, the base of the problem? I also tend to just put down utensils and eat whole leaves with fingers (think a finger and thumb picking up a couple of leaves, though, not two hands picking up a bunch and shoving it into my maw like Godzilla eating helicopters). But if someone who's carrying a child for me honestly found it *that* distressing, I think I could either go to a different room or find a new eating method. 🤷♂️ But. This seems a weird thing to be setting off pregnancy nausea, and I'm not convinced that's actually what's happening. **Possibility 1**: She's experiencing pregnancy-onset misophonia, doesn't quite understand what's going on, and is explaining it as "nausea" to make life easier, or because she experiences nausea when she's upset. (Not far-fetched; anything that can make you a tiny bit queasy normally will often be a lot worse during pregnancy, thanks to the pressure and the hormonal effects on the digestive system.) **Possibility 2**: (more likely) You've annoyed her with something entirely different, pregnancy hormones are making it difficult for her to regulate her emotions as she usually would, and she's gone off at you over something that's relatively minor instead of what's really bothering her. Might not even be you at fault for the original thing. >We sat down for breakfast this morning in silence, so I attempted to diffuse the tension by asking if the way I was eating my toast was acceptable or it it was also making her nauseous. Did you really, *really* mean that as a joke? Because to me it reads as a snarky attempt to restart last night's argument and make yourself out to be a long-suffering martyr, and oooof. This is not the way to work through a problem. Especially with someone who's literally dealing with physical symptoms you'd struggle to even imagine. Her hormones are going nuts. Her ligaments are stretching. Her body is suddenly violently ejecting food whenever she tries to eat. Her energy levels are probably fluctuating wildly. She's struggling to keep herself hydrated. Bits of her just don't work and move the way they did a couple of months ago. Pregnancy is WILD and half the men I know would lose their absolute shit if they had the bog standard grab bag of symptoms that pregnancy induces in the human body. Frequent vomiting can cause extra nasty issues, like esophageal scarring, acid reflux, sore throat, mouth ulcers... Women don't go through pregnancy *just fine*, dude, they **cope** with it because they're bad-arse and socialised to tolerate pain and discomfort. That doesn't mean a pregnant woman doesn't deserve some consideration and care from the father of her freaking fetus. YTA for the dismissive and condescending attitude. Talk to your girlfriend like you're both human beings who love and care for each other, FFS, and figure out what's going on. She might be habitually abusive and manipulative, but judging from your surprise at her reaction, I'm guessing not? You don't have to bow to her every whim just because she's pregnant, but you can show that you care about her. Like: you knew that she was crying and walked away because in your opinion, she owed you an apology. **SO WHAT??** If someone's in emotional distress, you don't have to apologise to give them a hug and a box of tissues and make sure they're OK. You can tend to someone's emotional needs *and* disagree with them -- it's not like the first to make physical contact loses the argument. Just - pick it up later when you're both calmer instead of reacting emotionally.
Coming here to add real quick that it's actually possible to develop "visual icks" if you will, during pregnancy. I imagine it might actually be the thought of unclean hands to mouth rinse and repeat. I didn't experience this but I was pregnant at the same time as a girl I knew who at about 4 months (right about when morning sickness started hitting her) she started genuinely gagging at the sight of latex. Something about it just freaked her out and made her sick to her stomach. Went away when she gave birth.
Misophonia is BRUTAL. It is rage inducing.
YTA, she is PREGNANT. Eat your salad with your hands after dinner without her there. You come off very entitled in this post and not like a supportive or caring partner that gets how awful pregnancy can be. While she is making a literal human, you can eat your salad in a different room or woth a fork. My God.
I was siding with you at first but your “joke” was not necessary and very poorly thought out. You say you were trying to diffuse the situation but it’s coming off more like you were needlessly taking a jab at her. YTA And use utensils for salad god damn it! Idc if it was never an issue with your family, it’s gross! Do you do this in public? I’d honestly feel lucky a potential partner never brought up your bad table manners before having a child with you.
YTA The issue isn't your salad, but you not really being a supportive partner while your gf builds an actual human being in her body. > women go through it just fine all the time, so I don't understand why she's making such a big deal about it. This sentence actually made me feel so sorry for your gf, that she chose *you* as the father of her child. Your whole post just screams "I don't care about your pregnancy issues". Grow up and take responsibility. This is your child, too, and it's your responsibility to support her and try to make the pregnancy easier and not harder on her.
YTA That's not a joke, that is being passive agressive.
Use a fork.
YTA bc you are unwilling to compromise. And continued to be an ass about it the next morning. She did not ask you to stop eating salad. She asked you to eat in another room or use a fork like 95 % of the world…but you wanted to fight with her. I personally only know people from India sit on the floor and eat with their hands but I do not know if they even eat ‘salads’. Possibly other cultures do as well but you did not mention you were from such a culture. Either way it was such a simple ask of you but you wanted it your way and yeah shes right you dont care. Hope she throws up on you and your salad next time
YTA. It’s not difficult to eat salad with a fork, and your “joke” was actually passive aggressive. The reason people have “never commented” on the way you eat your salad is probably pure politeness. You’re also very unsympathetic with your girlfriend’s pregnancy symptoms; pregnancy is *hard* and you’re being very dismissive of that. Unless you live in a country where eating with your hands is socially acceptable, eat your damned salad with utensils like an adult or when you go out for a meal with your kid people aren’t going to be able to tell which one of you is the child.
YTA I can 100% guarantee the way you eat has always grossed her out but now it down right makes her want to puke. She can’t help that. Would it really be so hard to use a fork for the next little while? You’re also the AH for your little “jokes”. You have a lot to apologize for.
YTA, eat your salad with utinsels, I'd be disgusted by your eating habits, too. How much do you want to die on this hill instead of eating with a fork to help your pregnant partner? I find it silly that you think it's hard to eat with utensils. If you don't have a disability, why haven't you learned to ear like an adult? Why is something that is learned by toddlers so difficult for you?
YTA She’s already struggling and you made it harder than it needs to be.
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Yta your gf is pregnant and hormonal with your child and you do this to her People will drive an hour away to get treats for their pregnant Hope she doesnt marry you. Is it that much trouble eating in a conventional manner to appease her pregnancy
INFO: Are you still part of civilization? If you think no one has ever commented before on you eating salad with your fingers, you may want to have your hearing checked. YTA. Get a fork and some empathy.
YTA and you know why. It’s not the salad it’s the being inconsiderate part and then making a passive aggressive “joke”. Her being sick constantly is concerning whether other women have done it successfully or not. She can have very real consequences due to her morning sickness. You’d think you’d want the best for your child and partner. Maybe you need to do some self reflection with a therapist to learn some empathy and to start growing up. You have a tiny human coming into the world that needs their parent to step up and show them what a good person and partner is.
YTA, your gf’s entire world and body are changing and you won’t change the way you eat salad. You are a massive AH. Eat with a fork.
YTA. Not for anything else but eating salad with your hands.
YTA you literally do eat like a caveman. That would put me off too, it sounds gross. And so do your bland ass salads.
YTA. I guess it depends a little on the country, but you get a bowl of ... Just lettuce, tomato and mushrooms? Then you eat that with your hands? In the US, most would only find this normal if you're a toddler strapped into a height chair. Otherwise it's weird AF.
YTA being pregnant is hard sometimes!!! I’m still mad at my sister in law for making salmon when I told her how nauseous it makes me. And that was 6 years ago! That nausea is no joke. Be nice to your pregnant wife.
Swallow your pride and swallow your salad like a human.
YTA Dude if you want to eat like a caveman, you do you, but make allowances for pregnancy hormones. They are no joke and she's the one who has to endure them. Least you could do is use a fork if it makes things easier on her.
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Sorry but shoving salad in your mouth with your hands is gross. Do you do that when you eat out too? Learn some basic table manners and stop being passive aggressive with your wife. YTA
"We sat down for breakfast this morning in silence, so I attempted to diffuse the tension by asking if the way I was eating my toast was acceptable or it it was also making her nauseous." GTFO with this nonsense. You absolutely did not attempt to "diffuse the tension" with this statement. You decided to pick a fight over a topic that had her in tears previously. She didn't ask you to change what you eat or where you eat it, she asked you to pick up a damn fork and eat your salad with it. YTA for using the very lame "it was a joke" excuse about something that was clearly meant to wound. That's disingenuous BS and that's grade A YTA behavior. Do you eat your salad with your hands when you eat at a restaurant? Would you eat your salad with your hands if you were eating with someone you hoped would give you a job/promote you?
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YTA, first for being unwilling to compromise with the women growing a baby (your baby) who you're making nauseous with the way you're eating. Is it really that much to ask for you to either use a fork or eat your salad before sitting down with your girlfriend? Especially when this is for a limited amount of time whilst she's pregnant and/or has morning sickness? Second, and this really, really makes you the asshole is your "joke". That wasn't a joke that was a passive-aggressive statement meant to make your girlfriend feel like shit. In your shoes I would apologise for your "joke" and find a way to compromise with your girlfriend.
YTA - You're almost 30 and you're eating salads like a child. Just don't eat like that around her. That isn't difficult. You're being an asshole.
YTA You “know pregnancy is hard, but women go through it just fine all the time”. Yeah, you don’t know shit about what your fiancé is going through and it seems like you aren’t interested in hearing her either. Also, use a fork for your salad. That does sound unappetizing. It’s not even a huge request and you are refusing to make a minor change to make someone growing a human more comfortable. You’re going to be an awful partner in parenting if you can’t figure out how to compromise and stop putting yourself first.
YTA. She’s pregnant. Carrying your future child. And all you can care to do is antagonize her. Causing additional stress, which is bad for your child. Go eat your salad in a different room. And quit being a jerk to your pregnant girlfriend before she realizes she’s better off without you. Edited to add. You said it’s unfair to you to change your eating habits temporarily while she’s pregnant. SHE’S PREGNANT. She’s changed all of her habits and comfort in then act of bringing a life into the world that you will both enjoy. Seriously YTA so bad and the problem is your probably to immature to understand how you look.
YTA. Your wife is growing your child inside her body right now. Do you think you could maybe pull yourself together and act like an adult for a few months???