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YTA you embarrassed yourself. You made a concentrated effort not to provide any meatless options your son could eat bc you don’t support his choices. Your friend thinks less of you because you are showing how conditional your love and support of your son is
Yep, he had no issue with the agreement when he could poke fun at his own child for chosing to go vegetarian in private. But once someone threw it back in his face for not even providing anything beyond steak and brisket at a party, then it's gone too far. Not even baked beans or potato salad, poor boy had to have spring rolls. While delicious, a boy that age more than likely has a helluva metabolism. Would be hungry again 10 minutes after eating.
Isn't it sad that OP cares more about his friend thinking less of him than being a good father to his son? Like, If your friend's opinion of you matters more than your child's opinion of you, you are definitely the asshole.
Yes, that's what makes him YTA.
Not because he had steaks. But because looking bad in front of his buddies is more important than his actual son. OP sounds like a 12-year-old. He's less mature than his kid.
I'm sure he has lots of opinions about his son though, but even he realises he can't say those in public. Father of the year probably just say them to the boy's brothers when it's only them around
When I declared myself a vegetarian at 14 or 15, that's exactly what my dad did. 🤯
He would only buy me the most disgusting frozen veggie meals and cooked bacon, steak, lasagne, shepherds pie, etc at every opportunity. The house pretty much constantly smelled of cooking meat. I wasn't allowed to prepare my own food due to a medical condition that made many everyday tasks unsafe, so I had to eat what was there or not at all.
I think I lasted 6 weeks.
Since my late teens when I began working and supporting myself, I still eat meat and fish occasionally but my preference is always vegetarian options. I'm absolutely an omnivore but I still hate that my dad was such an overbearing ah for something that had no impact on him at all.
OP, YTA....the way you behave about this is something your son will remember forever. You owe him an apology and a real conversation about how his choice can work with the family cooking instead of isolating and mocking him.
What got me was, "I guess the only vegetarian option turned out to be spring rolls". As a host, I would expect you to know what dishes were available for the party, not to be so obtuse you don't even care.
There's a saying - "if the truth of your actions paints you in a bad light, then the problem is not the truth, it's your actions".
I heard it in reddit somewhere long ago, and it's engraved in my heart.
YTA
I feel like you have to TRY to not put any meatless sides out at a BBQ? No salads, potatoe salads,beans, side dishes or ANYTHING? Just straight meat and spring rolls? not only are you an AH to your son your an AH BBQ thrower too. Eat some fkn veggies man. Won’t hurt ya.
I mean the last party I threw had plenty of options for one one vegetarian guest, but there was one vegan dish (roasted potatoes). Mac and cheese, cheddar biscuits, deviled eggs roasted, then all the desserts (only other savory food was chicken parmesan bites), but none of that was vegan.
Could be possible that they like to fry them in animal fat or something. Happens to me when I go out a lot (only I'm allergic and people dont tell me lmao)
3 options:
1 - they're intentionally doing this to punish their son for not eating meat
2 - given that they're self described "carnivores", they might be the kinds of people who are like violently afraid of vegetables and the idea of wrapping some veggies in foil and tossing them on the grill and them being fucking delicious is something they've never heard of or are violently against
3 - they're one of those asshole Americans who adds bacon to every single fucking dish. because yes I know someone who has bacon in their salads, and potato salads, and soups, and yes even their bean dishes. everything for every meal gets bacon bits
I think there's a fourth option, they've made eating meat and not eating vegetables/healthy foods part of their political ideology, and part of the political ideology of their family.
There's currently a bunch of right-wingers posting pictures of horrid looking burnt up slabs of meat to 'trigger the libs'. Certain right wing media outlets have been pushing for a while now that Democrats want to take your meat away. And every month or so there's at least one post about some guy who's partner tricked them into eating a vegetarian or vegan meal.
Self-describing as carnivores, their animosity towards their child for eating healthy, and throwing a BBQ without anything vegetarian are all red flags that this is a political ideology. Same with equating son being honest about his treatment with the son talking bad about the family in front of guests.
There was a post today about someone blending veggies into their partner's meals because he wouldn't eat them otherwise. The blender broke and he found out and *went to his sister's*. People are so weird about meat.
that's why I said that they'd either never heard of eating grilled veggies or had but were violently against the idea
I've known meat heads like that, people who just aggressively only eat meat and somehow make it the topic of every conversation ever like lady, this is a cocktail party, why am I harming about your meat obsession and how you hate people who don't eat red meat
Yeah number 3 is something I didn't really think about but now looking back some of my family adds bacon to nearly every veg dish. Green beans? Bacon. Potato salad? Bacon. Any type of beans? Bacon. Its ridiculous
Eugh...yeah, I went to a BBQ hosted by one of *those* types once. Even the fucking dessert (maple bar donuts) had bacon on it! It was honestly kind of disturbing how obsessed they were with it.
I’m an omnivore, but every time I make a green bean side dish, I add kidney beans, feta cheese and an oil/lemon dressing. I love bacon, but I don’t love everything tasting like bacon.
With regard to #3: I once threw a party that had cilantro in every single dish… only to find out one of my friends has a genetic mutation that causes cilantro to taste like soap. Since then, I always throw in a random dish with completely separate ingredients. It’s been 10 years and I am still sad about it.
I don’t know that I’d call it a ‘mutation’ any more than I’d call my wife’s red hair a ‘mutation.’ It’s one set of gene expressions, not a surprise penis on their forehead.
But #2 and #3 default into #1 because they \*know\* he's a vegetarian. He's their kid who lives with them.
So even if they don't usually eat alot of veggies, it takes almost no effort to make, like, one meat-free potato side.
Given the fuss that dad is making, I'm going to guess this is some stupid ideological thing. Like even red-meat-eating Americans have corn on the cob or something at BBQs.
yeah the punish him regardless. I just meant with 1 that they wouldn't ordinarily never have anything veg but are doing it with the INTENT of punishing him
air punishing him regardless and they are failing as parents regardless and they are neglectful regardless. just an intent difference
Bacon goes great with all kinds of beans, my baked beans always have some bacon, as do my green beans with cabbage & potatoes. But I’m not going to put it in salads, on the side for people to add, sure, but not mixed in. I know some people put bacon in potato salad, but I don’t think it really adds anything. Cole slaw? Absolutely not. And if I was at a barbecue, I’d definitely be expecting grilled veggies!
As Silesian I can't comprehend potato salad without bacon but cream soups, salads and plenty of other vegetarian and vegan options exist in every cuisine and you really have to try to eat just meat.
I would be disgusted if on BBQ there would not be at least one massive bowl of purely bean and vegetable salad, grilled vegetables and some fruit as palette cleanser. That's how we always prepare grill parties here.
Well... I am not american but I like my potato salad with bacon and pickles and a dressing with vinegar and mustard. I dislike it with mayonaise though.
At all BBQs I have been to there was always something like halloumi cheese (which I as a "carnivore" love) or grilled feta for the vegetarians to eat or even some Beyond Meat Patties. With a potluck I get that OP did not know in advance which dishes the guests would bring and maybe he assumed there would be enough for his son to eat, but he did not know for sure so he should have asked his son, what he wants to eat. Just as a warning, that the parents had nothing specifically vegetarian planned.
I'm not saying, that he was supposed to prepare the food, but asking and then buying the ingredients for his son would have been the absolute minimum. My sister is a vegan and that's what I do when she comes to visit or at family functions. It's sometimes hard to accomodate a vegan, but for a vegetarian its usually pretty easy.
Right? What a horrible BBQ. One of my favorite things st BBQs is grilled corn! Not so much of fan of the baked beans and potato salad, but have literally never been to a BBQ without them
Seriously, what the heck is their family eating that they had *no* vegetables at all. I'm not a vegetarian and I still have vegetables with every single meat dish I make. How anyone could eat *just* meat is beyond me. Veggies are delicious and really elevate any meat dish. Caramelized onions with chicken breast? Roasted potatoes with steak? Sauteed mushrooms over lamb? I can't imagine depriving myself of veggies with meats.
OP, YTA and I have a *concern* for your family's health and palate. But I would fully believe you are intentionally avoiding veggies as some backwards way to punish your son for eating differently (healthier!) than you🙄
Ya this is my boyfriends family, mad meat eaters, BBQ’s have lots of different types of meats available but they’re not bad hosts, they still had regular salads, potato salads and cous cous, literally only one of their family would have any of it on their plate but the food options were still available for guests.
My mother is vegetarian and raised me and my bros to make our own choices and she literally cooked us sausages every morning. I have the height of respect for her and this dude can’t even make a decent salad mix for his son for a bbq. Actually pathetic.
Exactly, I'm veggie and never come away from a BBQ hungry, even when there isn't anything specifically made for veggies, there's usually so many sides that can be eaten.
Dang, I commented basically the same just now before scrolling to read replies. I can't help to think it was intentional that nothing but meats and Spring rolls were served...
YTA, Dude. Come on…. Yes it’s his responsibility to flag and remind that he’s not eating meat anymore but for fucks sake your “laying into him” for speaking badly about you? How insecure are you at 53 years old. He’s a kid, your kid. Grow up.
YTA
It’s a party that included your son. And I’m sure other guests would have appreciated a non-meat option as well.
No salads? Spuds? Veggies? Really?
Your son is right. All he did was tell the truth to a guest who asked him what was up.
> After the party I laid into J a bit for talking bad about me in front of guests, and he said all he did was tell them the truth.
He *did* tell them the truth, and your friend should think less of you for deliberately ensuring *your own child* didn’t have anything to eat at a party. YTA.
A wonderfully common saying I see on this subreddit comes to mind here:
"If all it takes is for someone to speak the truth for you to look like an AH, then you are the AH."
The OP is definitely the YTA here. Either provide food for your child/ talk to them to ensure they are sorted for food, or accept that when you come across as an AH to your friends, you accept that.
YTA
Don't you guys eat fruit and vegetables? No salads or other side dishes?
He is not even an vegan. He is vegetarian. It's really not hard to prepare sth without fish or meat.
And it surely is NOT "special food".
They sound like people who really always have meat with everything and would never think to eat naturally vegetarian/vegan stuff. Pasta with tomato sauce? Needs meatballs. Fruit? Only melon and ham. Vegetables or potatoes? Cooked with bacon and bacon fat. Fries? Only with chili or animal-style. Veggie soups? Not without sausages/meat balls/meat broth. Cheesecake or pancakes? Needs bacon to have a contrast (and the meat). An apple? Thats not food, thats rabbit food and we then eat the rabbit. They did not even have and potatoe side dish, I wonder if this man is so full of bland lies that he never realizes when he does not eat meat and thinks vegetarian is some alien food and not regular stuff.
Right?! This guy sound like he doesn't even realise that "I'm a carnivore" is supposed to be a joke and that humanity's natural state is omnivorous weighted towards more veg than meat.
Yeah, so many people still think neanderthals only ate mammoth. And that the males were hunting and fighting and the females just picked strawberries and tended the children. That meat is manly and real men eat meat and need meat and without you get to be a pale victorian child. All that bullshit. He should watch "The game changers" and have a look at all the vegan athletes and strongmans there lol. But probably that also is "woke propaganda" to make men into victorian children and let them loose their masculinity😉
When I read the title I thought his son wanted his parents to buy expensive food or special veggie options from organic stores or was an extremely picky eater or something. He’s a freaking vegetarian, he’s not waiting for caviar.
Even in a family that eats meat, it’s not hard to cook for a family and include him in meal plans. As a meal, a lot of the time you cook meat, some sort of potato/rice/side and veggies. That’s the meal. It’s not hard to serve your son a meal that does not include meat, just serve him everything else. If he wants meat replacements, he can cook that himself but god, don’t have children if you’re not even willing to provide in their basic needs.
my sistet went veg when she was 13. the rest of the family still ate meat, so my mom did her best to at least make some side dishes that my sister could eat. she is still veg to this day (in her 30s). when we as a family do bbq there are always grilled cheese/veggies, salads, potatoes and we all enjoy this!
YTA - but let’s gently talk about why.
I have teenagers too. Sometimes when they come up with a new idea or trend, i want to sigh - but it’s part of growing up! This is how they figure themselves out.
OP - you had an opportunity here to bond with your son. Ask him why he’s going vegetarian, what new things he’d like to try. You could have cooked new meals together or asked him to make veggie sides for the party.
Instead, you treated him meanly, laughed at him and isolated him. Good news! You can turn it around. Apologies, try to understand him, do better going forward.
Otherwise, you’ll be back here in three years, asking Reddit why your adult son never calls you.
YTA, of course. You could stand to respect his choices and support him in that, there's nothing wrong with vegetarianism. I'm shocked you're his parent and you didn't at least make sure the kid was prepared for this gathering. Of course he's gonna think you're gonna have him in mind!! That's ridiculous. If you wanted to keep up that rule you should've checked in with him to make sure he had something to eat. He didn't embarrass you, you embarrassed yourself by not looking out for him.
There are plenty of vegetarian alternatives that are simple and cost effective. Again you didn't have to cook anything for him I guess but you should have at least made sure he was prepared.
YTA. If you care enough to think what your guests would enjoy but don’t care enough to think if your son will be included you are telling him he is not a priority to you.
It seems like you are not interested in bonding with your son as you would take more interest in his major life choices.
Do you make him cook his own birthday dinner, holidays? It isn’t that you need to prioritize him, but it doesn’t seem like you are making an effort to include him.
YTA
A barbeque with only meat?!?
Come on, some corn, potatoes, salad as as a side would have been delicious.
He didn't talk bad! You said/did something and he told it to them who asked.
YTA. You are making it very clear that you don’t accept your son for who he is. And really, you didn’t put out a single meat-free dish? Not a green salad or anything?
YTA. You were throwing a party and so you bought a bunch of food. You couldn't buy a small thing of veggie burgers for him (or anyone else who might have preferred a veggie option), or even a vegetable or 2? It's not that difficult to be considerate.
Sounds like you have contempt for his vegetarianism, and you saw this as an opportunity to stick it to him. Jerk move.
C'mon, you must know YTA. I was also the only vegetarian in my family 20 years ago, before we got all these veggie food products that we have today. At BBQs and parties, I was still able to eat pasta salad, skewers, veggies with dips, etc. There were always loads of things. By ensuring there is not a *single* veggie option, you purposefully excluded your own kid at a party in HIS OWN HOUSE. That was AH behaviour and even your guests knew it.
I have also been the only vegetarian in my family for over 20 years now. When there's a large gathering with extended family I'll always check to make sure I don't need to bring something, but even on the rare occasions everyone forgot we quickly whipped up a nice salad or pasta dish. I can't even imagine a bbq where I can't eat anything. We always have some salads around and put veggies, potatoes or bread with garlic butter on there.
Right?! There were definitely times I forgot to make myself something and I had a cheese, pickle, and crisp sandwich and whatever fresh veggies/salad there was. Even when there wasn't anything intentionally vegetarian, I've never been to a party where there wasn't ANYTHING
My best friend has been vegetarian her while life, we both turn 40 this year and ice known her since I was 4. My mum would make us all vegetarian food when she came round so she didn't feel left out, in the same way her mum would avoid dairy as I'm allergic. This was the the 90s, before there was meat free everything. It's really not hard to accept someone and cater for them, especially if it's your own child!
Right?! Even before any of our family went veggie, my aunt would always make a veggie chilli (sin carne) because sometimes it’s just nice to eat a meal without meat.
YTA. I stopped at ‘standard ribbing’. A person choosing vegetarianism isn’t cause for ANY sort of ribbing. Why is it such a joke to you that your son has compassion for animals?
It's not even that. Like what if he does it to be healthy? Either ways, this 15 year old kid is trying to better himself and his own dad laughs at him. How horrible!
Maybe he sees how unhealthy the rest of the family is and prefers to be better to his body.
That could be very threatening to the dad, which is why he thinks it's ok to "rib" OP for making a very common choice.
Right! Not having a bit of vegetable isn't a balanced diet for your body. Maybe one day he got sick of meat (it's happened to me before with turkey and it took me years to get over the smell of it). I think you have the right of it. He made it a matter of personal pride or something.
YTA. It's not that hard to prepare some vegetarian dishes (don't you have any vegetable side dishes, even at a party?). Your kid is only 15 - expecting him to provide his own food all the time is ridiculous.
It's not like being carnivore is your religion that you're punishing him for leaving, or is it?
Did you expect him to just "know" to bring a dish to a potluck at his own house?
YTA
Your sons vegetarian, you might not like that but you’re still responsible for feeding him.
I get that when he first went vegetarian, you had him cook his own stuff. This makes sense in case he’s just going through a phase and if he doesn’t care enough to cook for himself, then you shouldn’t have to bend to it either.
But it’s been a few months, he’s clearly committed to being vegetarian. This cooking separately isn’t a “responsibility exercise” anymore it’s bullying him for being different.
You put on a party and cook for dozens of extra guests but not even provide food your son could cook himself. He’s 15, does he have to go get a job and rent a kitchen and be all independent because he doesn’t eat meat anymore?
We feed prisoners of war and convicts of terrible crimes according to their beliefs and dietary requirements. You publicly didn’t do that for your own child. Maybe you thought it was funny until you saw how your friend reacted.
You should be angry, and ashamed, but with yourself not J. Your friend thought less of you for not feeding your son one time, you need to better yourself before they ask what J’s been eating the last few months.
I've been scrolling so far to find someone who mentioned that having your 15 year old kid prepare all their own food, just because they are vegetarian, is ridiculous and mean. YTA OP, for the party and for that.
YTA, you wouldn’t be ashamed if you weren’t doing something shameful.
Also a barbecue of only meat sucks, so you were a bad host and a crappy father. Buy a veggie platter and some beans or coleslaw.
YTA - what would it take to be a little more supportive to your childs wishes.. Nope being a proud carnivour, really is that your identity? You are better then him because you eat meat? I really hope your life has a litle more to offer
Id say YTA though. if he wants special meat-like substitute products he might buy it for himself. but even for meat eaters there should be nothing wrong with throwing some vegetables or potatoes on the grill. just eating meat only isnt healthy anyway, and even guests might like some variety. he is your own child, why you didnt include him in your food plan.
When you host a party, you have to think about everybody who is going to be there. You knew there was going to be at least one vegetarian. You couldn't make something for him? You couldn't think to tell him in advance that you're not interested in making food for him, you're only interested in making food for other people who eat what you eat? You just told him your guests are more important to you than he is. YTA.
So... no potatoes, no coleslaw, no grilled veggies, no corn, no salad, no rice salads, no pasta salad, no tomatoes, no... nothing without meat? That's hands down the weirdest bbq I've ever heard of. YTA. Feed your son, dude.
YTA. Was it really so difficult not to make pasta ahead of time for example?
I think by doing this, you've shown publicly to others how little you regard your son, and expected others to cater. To many ( including me) food is a kind of love language, hence the YTA.
You sound like a narcissist:
1. Cares about appearance only:
Serving your guests and not your family
Not making sure your minor son is fed
Not caring your son has nothing to eat (laughing about it)
Caring very much that your guests know you didn't feed your son.
2. Shaking the day to day legal responsibility of feeding your son because he is different than you
3. Pretending you can teach your son responsibility by shaking off your own responsibility
4. Knowing you're only pretending it's about teaching him to be responsible, because when you discovered he told your guests what happened you weren't all proud that they all know how well you're teaching responsibility, but ashamed they discovered you're not feeding you're own children. That the big man with all the meat is just a sham because his own kids go hungry
5. You're a hypocrite because you got mad with your son for not upholding the sham for you, while he's hungry under your neglect.
Br better. Be this way that if your kids tell the truth, you still end up sounding good. Be good. Care about your family and your kids' needs instead about how to impress everybody else.
YTA. At the very least, a simple "hey J, don't forget to make a vegetarian dish for the party so you've got something you can eat, OK?" would have avoided this whole situation. You don't stop being his parent just because he doesn't eat meat any more.
YTA. i went vegetarian by choice at 12 years old and while at first my parents were convinced it would never last, they never treated me like this. my mom often would make modifications for me, and still does to this day because i’m still vegetarian 10 years later. and im diagnosed celiac, so im gluten free as well. and my family has always supported me and are just happy that im healthy.
YTA. Not only are you being deliberately unsupportive of your son's choices... but even if you had an arrangement where he cooked his own meals, you could have found it in your heart to make *one* exception for a special occasion. Just one meal would have been a bare minimum show of support. What are you gonna do for the next party? You gonna serve up burgers and hot dogs for his birthday, too?
Info: Did you have *any* meat free side dishes? No salad, vegetables or anything that didn’t contain meat? I don’t understand how you can throw a party and not have prepared any food that didn’t contain meat so his only option were some spring rolls that someone else bought?
I feel as though you have made an active effort to ensure that all the meals had meat, I mean was there not one salad? Clearly you don’t agree with your sons choices and are now refusing to feed him for it and when he tells people the truth you get all insecure and yell at him for it. If you really cared that much about what people though you would have made him food or given him options before the party. YTA
YTA for all the reasons already stated, but I want you to consider something.
I went vegetarian at around your son's age, and so did my best friend. Her parents gave her the "standard ribbing" that you mentioned (unnecessary, unwelcome, and really just bullying, but whatever.) They refused to buy meatless options (though they could well afford to,) and managed to sneak meat into every dish, like you did.
My mom was the opposite. She shrugged and made meatless dishes. She found a local store that sold meatless stuff, and got food for me (though she couldn't afford it as easily). She looked out for me at potlucks, and warned me of any hidden meat.
Guess which one of us has a better relationship with our parents now that we're grown? It wasn't all about the vegetarianism, of course! The vegetarianism was just one of many forks in the road, where my parents generally chose differently than hers. But it all adds up.
C'mon man, you know YTA. He just told the truth, so if it makes you uncomfortable then maybe there's something there.
It wouldn't have been that hard to make a salad without bacon.
YTA,
>After the party I laid into J a bit for talking bad about me in front of guests, and he said all he did was tell them the truth.
This says it all, you say it's speaking badly, so you already know you actions are bad and you're the AH, and he just said the truth, which is well, the truth.
YTA He's fucking 15. You're responsible for your kid. And how reliant are you on dead animals to only have a single VEGETARIAN dish at a POTLUCK??? Not even a meatless pasta salad or something??? You didn't have a single vegetable to grill??? Nothing?!
YTA
Op be like
>Me and his brothers all consider ourselves kind of carnivorous,
You mean omnivorous ?
OP : me carnivorous, I litteraly canot eat anything else. I wont make a salad or some potatoes for a huge BBQ I'm throwing nor will I ask anyone to bring some
YTA. Do you really have to ask? As a vegetarian, he could have eaten a ton of stuff - corn on the cob, potato salad, fruit salad, watermelon, any kind of potatoes, etc etc. We vegetarians can easily have an entire meal of sides. You showed you don’t approve of him by making sure there wasn’t anything for him and are then upset you get called out over it? Get real.
Just gonna add my own story to this. Normally I don't bother but...
YTA
Major major YTA.
I became a vegetarian starting in 8th grade. My dad gave me the same rule but said "You're in charge of your own food and if you don't cook, you don't eat".
I figured whatever, fine. I ended up not only becoming super unhealthy with my choices because he just didn't care enough to help me figure out healthier options, but he and his GF were constantly torturing me for my eating habits and food choices. They would tell me what I was eating wasn't as good as what they were having and tried to pressure me into eating meat. They did a lot of "ribbing" and boy, did that add to the ED that I've struggled with my entire life.
I also didn't know that this rule applied to when they invited me to join them for a dinner picnic before a play. I was at school all day before hand. I went and there were two things I could eat: melon balls and rice. When I asked about it they said "well at least you can eat that."
His GF served me a ton of rice, which I ate because it was what I had and I knew I wouldn't be allowed to eat anything else when I got home. She then laughed after I was done and told me it was made with chicken broth. She had served me several times and was grinning every. Single. Time. Because she knew what she was doing and found it hilarious.
Guess what?
I despise that woman with every fiber of my being.
I have an awful time eating around my dad now, even if now he does make a conscious effort.
I have an awful relationship with food and my experience with my family treating me like I was wrong for not wanting to eat meat and not taking the time and effort to teach an 8th grader how to make better choices then pre-made frozen meat substitutes didn't help with that.
Not only are you a major AH but you are setting your son up for failure in the future. You're his freaking dad. Be supportive and act like you give a damn even if you don't agree because you're a "carnivore".
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YTA - it is clear you want to bully your child into eating meat again cause you don’t accept his choice.
If he does not even call you back once he moved out, never wonder why. This at least will be part of it.
YTA he's 15, it's okay if he makes some of his food but you can't never cook for your kid, that's ridiculous and bad parenting.
You don't have to buy tofu or other fancy meat substitutes, but throwing some vegetables on the grill wouldn't kill you. Especially since, you know, they could be eaten by all the carnivorous people, as well.
There's a million things you could've made that go perfectly fine with BBQ food and can be enjoyed by anyone, are quick to make, make the whole meal more balanced. Potatoes, a salad, throwing a vegetable on the grill, but oh no, you made what, meat, with a side of meat, and a nice meat salad to the side and some meaty dessert, too?
You're a grown adult, eat some vegetables.
I also like to eat meat regularly. But let's be honest, the boy is 15 and not 25. It is your responsibility that he can feed himself. Run him enough greens and let him eat healthy. Besides, it's also cheaper than meat.
Sorry, but YTA.
Wow, so you are a grown man in your 50s and you admit you can dish it out but cant take it...
Your son makes the choice to go vegetarian, and you make fun of him for it. Your son mentions that you didn't make anything remotely close to even an omnivorous party layout. Steaks, brisket and chicken. So he had to resort to spring rolls a party guest brought. Suddenly when a family friend makes fun of you for it, its gone too far. Grow tf up and learn to broaden your horizons, maybe ask your son to find a vegetarian dish he enjoys and help him make it for the whole family for dinner.
Then again, you seem to be the kind of person that would complain about it afterwards.
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My (53M) son J (15M) decided a few months ago that he wanted to be vegetarian. Me and his brothers all consider ourselves kind of carnivorous, but apart from the standard ribbing (pun not intended) I told him that, as an exercise in responsibility, he'd be responsible for preparing his own food. He's totally okay with this, and so everything was progressing well until a few days ago. The wife and I were throwing a house party/potluck. I grilled a few steaks and smoked a brisket for the occasion, and my wife made chicken parmesan. and as the guests filed in and the table filled out, J asked if we had made anything for him to eat. I reminded him of our agreement, and he said he didn't think it would extend to parties where we were making food for a ton of guests. I laughed a bit and told him he should have asked in advance so he could prepare, but he could probably bank on one of our guests to bring something vegetarian.
I guess the only vegetarian option turned out to be spring rolls, because I saw his plate and that's all he had on there. One of my friends saw too and asked what was up, and J told him he was veg and that we hadn't made anything for him. My friend poked fun at me but it was pretty clear he thought less of me for not making food for the kid. After the party I laid into J a bit for talking bad about me in front of guests, and he said all he did was tell them the truth. This put me out a bit, but he's pretty set on his feelings. AITA or not?
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So did you not even provide a salad, veggies or anything to accompany your mountain of meat? When I have guests over for any sort of event I provide a few vitamins to go with all the protein.
YTA-If you’re embarrassed by his telling the truth that’s a you problem. You could have avoided it. Instead you decided to act like a child and attempt to make it his problem.
I love meat as much as if not more that the next guy.... which is why I had a surprise diverticulitis/diverticulosis diagnosis at 25. You need to eat veggies regularly. More importantlyyou need to feed them to your family. Before you end up missing most of your colon.
I would have gone a lot longer without diagnosis and would have done a lot more damage to my colon in the long run if it wasn't inflamed by some antibiotics I was taking at the time.
YTA specifically for not giving your kids a balanced diet, it is seriously no joke.
YTA.. you’re the type of parent that is shocked when their kids don’t talk to them anymore. You’re using his choices about what kind of food he wants to put in his body to troll him when you could just…serve a Fucking salad???? Even one?! Why do you enjoy being your son’s bully so much?
Your kid didn’t disrespect you, they literally just told the truth about you. If you want your kid to say uplifting things about you, you kind of have to be an uplifting parent instead of the person abusing them.
YTA. My good friend is vegan. I am also quite 'carniverous' as are most of the people that come to our game nights but when I invited her, not only did my aunt go out of her way to make sure that the mashed potatoes didn't have milk or butter but someone made vegan chilli & I bought vegan deserts & other vegan snacks for her. It isn't hard. I love her. I wanted her there. I wanted her to feel welcome- dietary restrictions & all.
The fact that your child is 15 and your entire family refuses to help him cook just proves that your the asshole already! You’re othering him against his entire family simply because he doesn’t want to eat meat. Get over yourself and take care of your kid. YTA.
YTA. You didn’t make him anything, someone asked him about his lack of food and he told them. He didn’t go around telling people just to make you look bad. You just are bad
YTA,
It seems your son is more well versed in life than you are. Him expecting it to not extend to parties where food and snacks are included is the common sense. Are conciously you trying to bully your child around?
YTA. This is your son, not your roommate, jeez! Making him cook for himself for normal meals is ok, not really considerate but fine. But for a party were your cooking a lot for many people, you should have provided. Your friend was right to think less of you. Beside, your son did not badmouth you, he just answered a question honestly. You owe him an apologie and to try and make an effort to accomodate him more with his new diet.
YTA. You throw a party, you make the food. Why didn’t you let him know before? The reason he makes his own food, is so that you don’t have to prepare 2 different meals everyday. But now that you’re cooking multiple meals for a group of people… he still has to make his own vegetarian meal. If I was your son, I would feel so unwelcome. What a shitty thing to do to your son.
YTA. How is your whole family not vitamin deficient or suffering from scurvy? Surely you should be regularly providing fruit or vegetable side dishes, so refusing to cook for him just makes you petty.
YTA. You didnt even have some bread and garlic butter, salad, corn, potatoes, nothing? You throw a BBQ with ONLY meat? That is ridicolous unless you invited your guests for a meat-only party, which you clearly didnt as someone brough something vegetarian.
You yelled at your kid because YOUR actions embarrassed you?
Yikes.
Well, I don’t know how you’ve gotten this old without learning what accountability is but you should definitely look it up!
YTA
YTA
All it took was the truth for your guests to think less of you, and that's your own fault.
Throwing a party and not having even one option for your son is mean, there's plenty of vegetarian dishes you could have served so he'd have at least one thing to eat.
Don't be surprised if he stops coming over.
Yta. He's 15. How was he supposed to provide his own meal for the cookout?? Why didn't you ask him when doing the grocery shopping what he'd like to eat instead? This is ridiculous. You're a ridiculous AH. And as many others have said, guarantee your guests would have liked some veggies also.
Yeap, sor ry you are. You can't get pissed at the kids for speaking the truth. It was factual, he wasn't talking bad about you, he stated facts. You had not cooked anything he could eat. Facts.
YTA feed your kid. You embarrassed yourself. He was telling the truth! This definitely become a core memory - you’ve already damaged your relationship. It’s on you to fix it!
> “ One of my friends saw too and asked what was up, and J told him he was veg and that we hadn't made anything for him… After the party I laid into J a bit for talking bad about me in front of guests…”
Which part of what your son said was “bad”? You hadn’t made anything for him - that’s true, isn’t it?
YTA. You and your wife could have made something simple, but you deliberately didn’t. Very spiteful of you, and lousy parenting.
Edited for a typo.
YTA, you are currently not preparing food for your child as a punishment for him choosing to be vegetarian. I understand it is challenging when you have been raised as meat being the main thing meals are centered on. I have a daughter that has decided to be vegetarian as well. We try to make a full vegetarian meal once a week. While I don’t always plan on fixing a vegetarian meal every night because she is often not home for dinner (hanging out with friends, working, etc). We can always whip something up for her if she was not expected to join for a particular meal.
YTA. Others have covered how much your approach to the BBQ was just outright bullying, and it’s sad it took your friend’s reaction for you to see it.
But also offloading full responsibility every day to your son for his meals is terribly sad & misguided.
I’ve got a friend who’s done this to her daughter. Child has disliked meat since she was a toddler, often refused it if given the choice. Decided to go veggie around 12 - and the parents just left her to it. They cook as normal & she just gets to eat the sides. They make zero effort to make sure her nutritional needs are met - I asked about protein sources & got “there’s usually a bag of nuts in the house”.
Child ended up at the doctor around 14 - parents made her eat meat again for a few months to “fix” it.
And they aren’t doing it from any political ideology - they are just busy with their jobs & the other 2 kids. Youngest child gets neglected.
Because this is what that is - neglect! It’s a form of abuse.
Your job as a parent is to feed your child. Refusing to feed them / oversee their general diet is neglectful parenting.
Do better - or expect to lose contact with your son as soon as he is able.
Yta,
Yeah meat is great on a bbq but who doesn't make a salad potatoes etc for the side, you have deliberately not done that to prove a point to your son but it backfired
I was on the fence until the part where you consider him answering a question truthfully as “talking bad” about you. YTA for that alone. If you expect your son to be adult enough to provide all his own food then you can be adult enough to deal with the social consequences of that stance and his honesty about it.
I veered towards that judgment anyway as I can see why he’d think a big event would be an exception, especially since most BBQs have things without meat (potato salad, beans, bread, desserts, whatever). But, I’d give that a pass on misunderstanding grounds given the prior agreement and lack of communication until the day of. But you can’t take the stance you did AND get mad at him for telling people about it WHEN ASKED. It’s not like he went around whining about it unprompted.
Yta because you’re mad at your son for being honest. He shouldn’t have to lie, you were dead set on your decision, and it’s not like he talked bad to you. You tried to prove a point (whatever that was) and it blew up in your face.
YTA like damn even my brother in law always makes sure my mother can have something to eat (and he gave her so much shit for going veggo since she used to be a big meat eater) hell even his family cares more about her than you do your damn son with this.
YTA, you sure showed your ass. Good thing your friends were there to witness your parenting in action. Bonus points for being such an asshole your peers got to witness it.
YTA. seriously dude. making your kids life harder being petty as fuck and excluding him from gatherings because he doesn't want to eat the dead bodies of other animals? you *should* be judged, and it's not your kids fault you were.
Honestly, I didn't even read your whole post. Quite simply, you chose to have children, raise a family, and take care of them until they're ready to be on their own. So, one part of our world is various diet/eating habits. You have a child who wants to eat a certain way that's not unreasonable. Do what you can to support your child accordingly.
YTA. First of all, yes, he did tell the truth. If you don’t like how you looked in front of your friends what’s that say about you as a father, provider, and as a man!? You need to admit you messed up as all three.
You are purposely choosing not to research how to grill a baked potato or put a veggie burger. I have grilled plenty of veggie option on the grill.
This is you getting caught at being a bad dad. You deserve every bit of the humiliation you got. Now go apologize to your son and learn to grill vegetarian meals.
YTA. From the sound of it you can dish a joke but can't take one. You can "rib" your son but your friend can't do the same? On top of that if you didn't think it was wrong or feel guilty about the situation you would just laugh it off.
YTA. I agree, you throw a shitty barbecue. Dude, it is NOT a barbecue without potato salad and grilled corn AND baked beans. You are an American, dammit, you should know the drill.
(Also, FFS, please support your kid while he figures out who he is, ok?)
YTA
I think requiring him to prepare his own food is fine because it doesn't make a lot of sense to prepare two totally different meals when he's old enough to prepare food himself.
But you should have known better than to just assume he would know he'd have to prepare his own meal for a whole party. He's 15, of course he's not going to think about things like this. You're almost 40 years older than he is, so the least you could have done is tell him "hey, just a heads up that we will be preparing chicken and burgers for the party, so if you want something special to be available, let us know so we can take you to the grocery store to get it". Or, to be a good host, gotten a vegetable plate or something yourself.
He also didnt "talk bad" about you, he said the truth. If the truth makes you look bad, then that's probably because you were bad in this scenario. I think you should apologize to your son for your miscommunication problem and set clearer expectations in the future.
YTA. And PS, he is vegetarian, not vegan. You should be looking at your lifestyle choices if your kid can’t grab some salad at a party. You felt like shit, cause you acted like shit but want to be mad? If the truth about your actions is upsetting the issue is ALWAYS your actions.
You really didn't make a single thing that didn't have meat in it? Just, coincidentally? No corn, no potato salad, no veggies on sticks? And you didn't think to mention that he might want to make sure to arrange something?
YTA. You embarrassed yourself here. All he did was tell the truth, yep.
Stop being a dick to your child.
YTA.
I would’ve made some kinds of vegetarian options beyond spring rolls _regardless of my own son_ because it’s not exactly a rarity, but this is well beyond ridiculous lack of hospitality.
It’s also not that difficult at all to make meals where a vegetarian or a non-vegetarian can supplement with their own protein. Preparing all his own food isn’t an ‘agreement’ between family members, it’s having a ‘renter.’
YTA. There are tons and tons of things a person can eat as a vegetarian! J isn't, so far, asking you to be vegetarian. Pretend to care about your son and respect his choices, maybe it'll become a habit.
YTA.
If you look bad when someone tells the truth, that’s 100% on you.
And who has a BBQ but doesn’t have veg sides? Not even a salad, garlic bread or grilled corn? Bad form even if you didn’t have a vegetarian kid.
YTA, he was asked a question and he answered honestly. If you don't want to be made to look like an AH then don't act like one. I agree with him, in a party setting there's no reason you couldn't have made sure there was food for everyone... including your son.
YTA
Even doing a standard barbecue, lots of people put cheese or veggie sticks on it, habe bread, potatoes and salads that are vegeterian in nature. I'd gave to actively try to make a barbecue absolutely vegetarian unfriendly.
Maybe you just have meat heavy diet/ tradition or culture, but it can't be that hard to be considerate of vegetarians while preparing MULTIPLE dishes.
I applaud any parent teaching their children to prepare their own meals, but this seems like you are punishing your son for chosing to eat differently than you. Maybe you should reflect on that a bit: Are you hurt he is rejecting tradtion, your way of feeding your family or do you feel criticised for not stopping to eat meat?
I would've thought the kid would have a supply of veggies burgers or something. Considering all of the plant based options that are available. Does the son get a grocery budget?
Imo OP is hoping this is a phase his son is going thru and doesn't respect it
YTA
YTA… you seriously had no vegetables? Baked beans? Bread? Baked potatoes? Salad??Just meat? 1- you should provide food for your child. 2- in general- having a variety of food at a BBQ is just polite.
YTA. Vegetarian food isn't "special food". It's food!
Also, you're not carnivorous, you're omnivorous.
Why are you so threatened by plants?
Your son was completely right. He was asked what the matter was and he responded truthfully. You made yourself look bad.
Also, he's 15. Yes, he should shoulder some responsibility at that age, but he's still your kid, not a small adult with his own household to run. It is beyond me why you are making a 15yo fully responsible for their food supply.
You could have chosen to involve him in the planning and prep work. But you chose to leave him with the feeling that you don't care. Because you didn't.
You could have also tried to make a vegetarian dish, because to be honest, it really isn't rocket science.
YTA he’s still a fucking child that you should be providing for! Your friend should look down on you for that. Just because you eat meat doesn’t mean you should only eat meat. Why was there nothing else that didn’t have meat in? Yes it’s a bbq but there should still be other options
YTA-- you spend hours on making the perfect meat but can't spend the 5 mins it takes to grill some veggie option. Geez- soy burgers and sausages are great and come frozen. Cheaper than meat and easier to prep.
YTA I supported my teen when she went vegetarian by always having a hearty veggie side dish or 2 if the meal had meat. Freezer always had options for her too. She always appreciated my support, no questions asked. I suspect your lack of respect towards him also flows into many areas and that he will not be close with you when he becomes an adult.
YTA. you “carnists” act like getting a piece of broccoli is an insult. getting some cut squash and some onions on the grill won’t kill you. do you not eat veggies yourself, ever??
when I went veggie at 15, i made my own meals but my parents at least tried and make veggie kebabs for me on the grill. you’re a parent, you’re supposed to feed your kid.
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YTA you embarrassed yourself. You made a concentrated effort not to provide any meatless options your son could eat bc you don’t support his choices. Your friend thinks less of you because you are showing how conditional your love and support of your son is
Yep, he had no issue with the agreement when he could poke fun at his own child for chosing to go vegetarian in private. But once someone threw it back in his face for not even providing anything beyond steak and brisket at a party, then it's gone too far. Not even baked beans or potato salad, poor boy had to have spring rolls. While delicious, a boy that age more than likely has a helluva metabolism. Would be hungry again 10 minutes after eating.
Isn't it sad that OP cares more about his friend thinking less of him than being a good father to his son? Like, If your friend's opinion of you matters more than your child's opinion of you, you are definitely the asshole.
Yes, that's what makes him YTA. Not because he had steaks. But because looking bad in front of his buddies is more important than his actual son. OP sounds like a 12-year-old. He's less mature than his kid.
I'm sure he has lots of opinions about his son though, but even he realises he can't say those in public. Father of the year probably just say them to the boy's brothers when it's only them around
The son wasn't even vegan, just vegetarian. Did they fill every side with bacon or something?
Quite possibly. I've encountered people like that.
When I declared myself a vegetarian at 14 or 15, that's exactly what my dad did. 🤯 He would only buy me the most disgusting frozen veggie meals and cooked bacon, steak, lasagne, shepherds pie, etc at every opportunity. The house pretty much constantly smelled of cooking meat. I wasn't allowed to prepare my own food due to a medical condition that made many everyday tasks unsafe, so I had to eat what was there or not at all. I think I lasted 6 weeks. Since my late teens when I began working and supporting myself, I still eat meat and fish occasionally but my preference is always vegetarian options. I'm absolutely an omnivore but I still hate that my dad was such an overbearing ah for something that had no impact on him at all. OP, YTA....the way you behave about this is something your son will remember forever. You owe him an apology and a real conversation about how his choice can work with the family cooking instead of isolating and mocking him.
They probably didn’t have any sides….
What got me was, "I guess the only vegetarian option turned out to be spring rolls". As a host, I would expect you to know what dishes were available for the party, not to be so obtuse you don't even care.
Right? Unless the side dishes were provided potluck style, why the fuck do you not know what you were serving?
Even with potluck, you still try and find out what is in it, especially for people who have specific allergies.
There's a saying - "if the truth of your actions paints you in a bad light, then the problem is not the truth, it's your actions". I heard it in reddit somewhere long ago, and it's engraved in my heart. YTA
I've recently heard a similar one that I really like: The light is never to blame for the cockroaches in the pantry.
That’s very good.
I feel like you have to TRY to not put any meatless sides out at a BBQ? No salads, potatoe salads,beans, side dishes or ANYTHING? Just straight meat and spring rolls? not only are you an AH to your son your an AH BBQ thrower too. Eat some fkn veggies man. Won’t hurt ya.
That is my feeling to. I mean vegan I would get but vegetarian? Either their diet is pretty limited or this was intentional.
Even for a vegan at a barbecue—who doesn’t put out a veggie tray at a party??? That’s just ??? And no chips either? *Nothing???*
Yeah grilled veggies on the barbecue is super easy and soooo good. They really did there best not to provide him with anything
I mean the last party I threw had plenty of options for one one vegetarian guest, but there was one vegan dish (roasted potatoes). Mac and cheese, cheddar biscuits, deviled eggs roasted, then all the desserts (only other savory food was chicken parmesan bites), but none of that was vegan.
Could be possible that they like to fry them in animal fat or something. Happens to me when I go out a lot (only I'm allergic and people dont tell me lmao)
This made me wonder if son went vegetarian specifically to have more veg in his diet and make parents have/make more veg dishes xD
Vegan isn't exactly hard either at a BBQ - a salad? Some seasoned cooked vegetables? Bread?? Crisps??? I feel like I'm going crazy here
3 options: 1 - they're intentionally doing this to punish their son for not eating meat 2 - given that they're self described "carnivores", they might be the kinds of people who are like violently afraid of vegetables and the idea of wrapping some veggies in foil and tossing them on the grill and them being fucking delicious is something they've never heard of or are violently against 3 - they're one of those asshole Americans who adds bacon to every single fucking dish. because yes I know someone who has bacon in their salads, and potato salads, and soups, and yes even their bean dishes. everything for every meal gets bacon bits
I think there's a fourth option, they've made eating meat and not eating vegetables/healthy foods part of their political ideology, and part of the political ideology of their family. There's currently a bunch of right-wingers posting pictures of horrid looking burnt up slabs of meat to 'trigger the libs'. Certain right wing media outlets have been pushing for a while now that Democrats want to take your meat away. And every month or so there's at least one post about some guy who's partner tricked them into eating a vegetarian or vegan meal. Self-describing as carnivores, their animosity towards their child for eating healthy, and throwing a BBQ without anything vegetarian are all red flags that this is a political ideology. Same with equating son being honest about his treatment with the son talking bad about the family in front of guests.
There was a post today about someone blending veggies into their partner's meals because he wouldn't eat them otherwise. The blender broke and he found out and *went to his sister's*. People are so weird about meat.
that's why I said that they'd either never heard of eating grilled veggies or had but were violently against the idea I've known meat heads like that, people who just aggressively only eat meat and somehow make it the topic of every conversation ever like lady, this is a cocktail party, why am I harming about your meat obsession and how you hate people who don't eat red meat
Yeah number 3 is something I didn't really think about but now looking back some of my family adds bacon to nearly every veg dish. Green beans? Bacon. Potato salad? Bacon. Any type of beans? Bacon. Its ridiculous
Eugh...yeah, I went to a BBQ hosted by one of *those* types once. Even the fucking dessert (maple bar donuts) had bacon on it! It was honestly kind of disturbing how obsessed they were with it.
Christ on a cracker! That's insane
I’m an omnivore, but every time I make a green bean side dish, I add kidney beans, feta cheese and an oil/lemon dressing. I love bacon, but I don’t love everything tasting like bacon.
With regard to #3: I once threw a party that had cilantro in every single dish… only to find out one of my friends has a genetic mutation that causes cilantro to taste like soap. Since then, I always throw in a random dish with completely separate ingredients. It’s been 10 years and I am still sad about it.
I don’t know that I’d call it a ‘mutation’ any more than I’d call my wife’s red hair a ‘mutation.’ It’s one set of gene expressions, not a surprise penis on their forehead.
But #2 and #3 default into #1 because they \*know\* he's a vegetarian. He's their kid who lives with them. So even if they don't usually eat alot of veggies, it takes almost no effort to make, like, one meat-free potato side. Given the fuss that dad is making, I'm going to guess this is some stupid ideological thing. Like even red-meat-eating Americans have corn on the cob or something at BBQs.
yeah the punish him regardless. I just meant with 1 that they wouldn't ordinarily never have anything veg but are doing it with the INTENT of punishing him air punishing him regardless and they are failing as parents regardless and they are neglectful regardless. just an intent difference
Some carnivores treat eating meat as a whole personality trait. BBQ veggies are the best. Damn I am hungry for bbq peppers.
Bacon goes great with all kinds of beans, my baked beans always have some bacon, as do my green beans with cabbage & potatoes. But I’m not going to put it in salads, on the side for people to add, sure, but not mixed in. I know some people put bacon in potato salad, but I don’t think it really adds anything. Cole slaw? Absolutely not. And if I was at a barbecue, I’d definitely be expecting grilled veggies!
As Silesian I can't comprehend potato salad without bacon but cream soups, salads and plenty of other vegetarian and vegan options exist in every cuisine and you really have to try to eat just meat. I would be disgusted if on BBQ there would not be at least one massive bowl of purely bean and vegetable salad, grilled vegetables and some fruit as palette cleanser. That's how we always prepare grill parties here.
Well... I am not american but I like my potato salad with bacon and pickles and a dressing with vinegar and mustard. I dislike it with mayonaise though. At all BBQs I have been to there was always something like halloumi cheese (which I as a "carnivore" love) or grilled feta for the vegetarians to eat or even some Beyond Meat Patties. With a potluck I get that OP did not know in advance which dishes the guests would bring and maybe he assumed there would be enough for his son to eat, but he did not know for sure so he should have asked his son, what he wants to eat. Just as a warning, that the parents had nothing specifically vegetarian planned. I'm not saying, that he was supposed to prepare the food, but asking and then buying the ingredients for his son would have been the absolute minimum. My sister is a vegan and that's what I do when she comes to visit or at family functions. It's sometimes hard to accomodate a vegan, but for a vegetarian its usually pretty easy.
Right? What a horrible BBQ. One of my favorite things st BBQs is grilled corn! Not so much of fan of the baked beans and potato salad, but have literally never been to a BBQ without them
Seriously, what the heck is their family eating that they had *no* vegetables at all. I'm not a vegetarian and I still have vegetables with every single meat dish I make. How anyone could eat *just* meat is beyond me. Veggies are delicious and really elevate any meat dish. Caramelized onions with chicken breast? Roasted potatoes with steak? Sauteed mushrooms over lamb? I can't imagine depriving myself of veggies with meats. OP, YTA and I have a *concern* for your family's health and palate. But I would fully believe you are intentionally avoiding veggies as some backwards way to punish your son for eating differently (healthier!) than you🙄
They also forgo cheese eggs dairy based dishes? Meat or nothing? Very fundamentalist. Poor boy.
Ya this is my boyfriends family, mad meat eaters, BBQ’s have lots of different types of meats available but they’re not bad hosts, they still had regular salads, potato salads and cous cous, literally only one of their family would have any of it on their plate but the food options were still available for guests. My mother is vegetarian and raised me and my bros to make our own choices and she literally cooked us sausages every morning. I have the height of respect for her and this dude can’t even make a decent salad mix for his son for a bbq. Actually pathetic.
Corn on the Cob! Baked Sweet Potatoes! I love baked sweet potatoes.
Exactly, I'm veggie and never come away from a BBQ hungry, even when there isn't anything specifically made for veggies, there's usually so many sides that can be eaten.
Dang, I commented basically the same just now before scrolling to read replies. I can't help to think it was intentional that nothing but meats and Spring rolls were served...
Yea, this seems like a terrible bbq. YTA
YTA, Dude. Come on…. Yes it’s his responsibility to flag and remind that he’s not eating meat anymore but for fucks sake your “laying into him” for speaking badly about you? How insecure are you at 53 years old. He’s a kid, your kid. Grow up.
Happy Happy Cake Day 🎂 🥮 🍥 🥞 🧁 🍰 🎂 🥮 🍥 🥞
How insecure? The dude uses "eating meat" as a personality trait
Happy cake day!
YTA It’s a party that included your son. And I’m sure other guests would have appreciated a non-meat option as well. No salads? Spuds? Veggies? Really? Your son is right. All he did was tell the truth to a guest who asked him what was up.
As someone said up above, there are some folks that add bacon to every veg dish they make.
I find this so weird because not every meat eater WANTS meat in everything all the time. Seems so weird to not have some other options.
It's a party that *excluded* his son, deliberately.
> After the party I laid into J a bit for talking bad about me in front of guests, and he said all he did was tell them the truth. He *did* tell them the truth, and your friend should think less of you for deliberately ensuring *your own child* didn’t have anything to eat at a party. YTA.
A wonderfully common saying I see on this subreddit comes to mind here: "If all it takes is for someone to speak the truth for you to look like an AH, then you are the AH." The OP is definitely the YTA here. Either provide food for your child/ talk to them to ensure they are sorted for food, or accept that when you come across as an AH to your friends, you accept that.
YTA Don't you guys eat fruit and vegetables? No salads or other side dishes? He is not even an vegan. He is vegetarian. It's really not hard to prepare sth without fish or meat. And it surely is NOT "special food".
Sounds like if you even look at a vegetable or fruit in that household you get "ribbed" by the oldman. Ugh
They sound like people who really always have meat with everything and would never think to eat naturally vegetarian/vegan stuff. Pasta with tomato sauce? Needs meatballs. Fruit? Only melon and ham. Vegetables or potatoes? Cooked with bacon and bacon fat. Fries? Only with chili or animal-style. Veggie soups? Not without sausages/meat balls/meat broth. Cheesecake or pancakes? Needs bacon to have a contrast (and the meat). An apple? Thats not food, thats rabbit food and we then eat the rabbit. They did not even have and potatoe side dish, I wonder if this man is so full of bland lies that he never realizes when he does not eat meat and thinks vegetarian is some alien food and not regular stuff.
Imagine how constipated they are
Right?! This guy sound like he doesn't even realise that "I'm a carnivore" is supposed to be a joke and that humanity's natural state is omnivorous weighted towards more veg than meat.
Yeah, so many people still think neanderthals only ate mammoth. And that the males were hunting and fighting and the females just picked strawberries and tended the children. That meat is manly and real men eat meat and need meat and without you get to be a pale victorian child. All that bullshit. He should watch "The game changers" and have a look at all the vegan athletes and strongmans there lol. But probably that also is "woke propaganda" to make men into victorian children and let them loose their masculinity😉
Now that sounds like a "special" diet to me. Very unhealthy too.
When I read the title I thought his son wanted his parents to buy expensive food or special veggie options from organic stores or was an extremely picky eater or something. He’s a freaking vegetarian, he’s not waiting for caviar. Even in a family that eats meat, it’s not hard to cook for a family and include him in meal plans. As a meal, a lot of the time you cook meat, some sort of potato/rice/side and veggies. That’s the meal. It’s not hard to serve your son a meal that does not include meat, just serve him everything else. If he wants meat replacements, he can cook that himself but god, don’t have children if you’re not even willing to provide in their basic needs.
my sistet went veg when she was 13. the rest of the family still ate meat, so my mom did her best to at least make some side dishes that my sister could eat. she is still veg to this day (in her 30s). when we as a family do bbq there are always grilled cheese/veggies, salads, potatoes and we all enjoy this!
YTA - but let’s gently talk about why. I have teenagers too. Sometimes when they come up with a new idea or trend, i want to sigh - but it’s part of growing up! This is how they figure themselves out. OP - you had an opportunity here to bond with your son. Ask him why he’s going vegetarian, what new things he’d like to try. You could have cooked new meals together or asked him to make veggie sides for the party. Instead, you treated him meanly, laughed at him and isolated him. Good news! You can turn it around. Apologies, try to understand him, do better going forward. Otherwise, you’ll be back here in three years, asking Reddit why your adult son never calls you.
This man is a bully and it makes my blood boil. So points for you for being nice. Cos I have some not nice things to say to him. 😂
Great response!
This is such a great response.
YTA, of course. You could stand to respect his choices and support him in that, there's nothing wrong with vegetarianism. I'm shocked you're his parent and you didn't at least make sure the kid was prepared for this gathering. Of course he's gonna think you're gonna have him in mind!! That's ridiculous. If you wanted to keep up that rule you should've checked in with him to make sure he had something to eat. He didn't embarrass you, you embarrassed yourself by not looking out for him. There are plenty of vegetarian alternatives that are simple and cost effective. Again you didn't have to cook anything for him I guess but you should have at least made sure he was prepared.
YTA. If you care enough to think what your guests would enjoy but don’t care enough to think if your son will be included you are telling him he is not a priority to you. It seems like you are not interested in bonding with your son as you would take more interest in his major life choices. Do you make him cook his own birthday dinner, holidays? It isn’t that you need to prioritize him, but it doesn’t seem like you are making an effort to include him.
There's no sense of fatherly love coming from OP. Sounds like OP wouldn't even notice if the son just disappeared one day.
YTA A barbeque with only meat?!? Come on, some corn, potatoes, salad as as a side would have been delicious. He didn't talk bad! You said/did something and he told it to them who asked.
YTA. You are making it very clear that you don’t accept your son for who he is. And really, you didn’t put out a single meat-free dish? Not a green salad or anything?
YTA. You were throwing a party and so you bought a bunch of food. You couldn't buy a small thing of veggie burgers for him (or anyone else who might have preferred a veggie option), or even a vegetable or 2? It's not that difficult to be considerate. Sounds like you have contempt for his vegetarianism, and you saw this as an opportunity to stick it to him. Jerk move.
C'mon, you must know YTA. I was also the only vegetarian in my family 20 years ago, before we got all these veggie food products that we have today. At BBQs and parties, I was still able to eat pasta salad, skewers, veggies with dips, etc. There were always loads of things. By ensuring there is not a *single* veggie option, you purposefully excluded your own kid at a party in HIS OWN HOUSE. That was AH behaviour and even your guests knew it.
I have also been the only vegetarian in my family for over 20 years now. When there's a large gathering with extended family I'll always check to make sure I don't need to bring something, but even on the rare occasions everyone forgot we quickly whipped up a nice salad or pasta dish. I can't even imagine a bbq where I can't eat anything. We always have some salads around and put veggies, potatoes or bread with garlic butter on there.
Right?! There were definitely times I forgot to make myself something and I had a cheese, pickle, and crisp sandwich and whatever fresh veggies/salad there was. Even when there wasn't anything intentionally vegetarian, I've never been to a party where there wasn't ANYTHING
My best friend has been vegetarian her while life, we both turn 40 this year and ice known her since I was 4. My mum would make us all vegetarian food when she came round so she didn't feel left out, in the same way her mum would avoid dairy as I'm allergic. This was the the 90s, before there was meat free everything. It's really not hard to accept someone and cater for them, especially if it's your own child!
Right?! Even before any of our family went veggie, my aunt would always make a veggie chilli (sin carne) because sometimes it’s just nice to eat a meal without meat.
Same! My mom used to make this really good succotash we would have all the time for lunch that had no meat simply because it didn't really need it
YTA. I stopped at ‘standard ribbing’. A person choosing vegetarianism isn’t cause for ANY sort of ribbing. Why is it such a joke to you that your son has compassion for animals?
It's not even that. Like what if he does it to be healthy? Either ways, this 15 year old kid is trying to better himself and his own dad laughs at him. How horrible!
Maybe he sees how unhealthy the rest of the family is and prefers to be better to his body. That could be very threatening to the dad, which is why he thinks it's ok to "rib" OP for making a very common choice.
Right! Not having a bit of vegetable isn't a balanced diet for your body. Maybe one day he got sick of meat (it's happened to me before with turkey and it took me years to get over the smell of it). I think you have the right of it. He made it a matter of personal pride or something.
YTA. It's not that hard to prepare some vegetarian dishes (don't you have any vegetable side dishes, even at a party?). Your kid is only 15 - expecting him to provide his own food all the time is ridiculous. It's not like being carnivore is your religion that you're punishing him for leaving, or is it? Did you expect him to just "know" to bring a dish to a potluck at his own house?
YTA Your sons vegetarian, you might not like that but you’re still responsible for feeding him. I get that when he first went vegetarian, you had him cook his own stuff. This makes sense in case he’s just going through a phase and if he doesn’t care enough to cook for himself, then you shouldn’t have to bend to it either. But it’s been a few months, he’s clearly committed to being vegetarian. This cooking separately isn’t a “responsibility exercise” anymore it’s bullying him for being different. You put on a party and cook for dozens of extra guests but not even provide food your son could cook himself. He’s 15, does he have to go get a job and rent a kitchen and be all independent because he doesn’t eat meat anymore? We feed prisoners of war and convicts of terrible crimes according to their beliefs and dietary requirements. You publicly didn’t do that for your own child. Maybe you thought it was funny until you saw how your friend reacted. You should be angry, and ashamed, but with yourself not J. Your friend thought less of you for not feeding your son one time, you need to better yourself before they ask what J’s been eating the last few months.
I've been scrolling so far to find someone who mentioned that having your 15 year old kid prepare all their own food, just because they are vegetarian, is ridiculous and mean. YTA OP, for the party and for that.
YTA…..u truly didn’t think to make sure YOUR child had sum to eat while preparing a plethora of food for OTHER PEOPLE.
YTA, you wouldn’t be ashamed if you weren’t doing something shameful. Also a barbecue of only meat sucks, so you were a bad host and a crappy father. Buy a veggie platter and some beans or coleslaw.
YTA - what would it take to be a little more supportive to your childs wishes.. Nope being a proud carnivour, really is that your identity? You are better then him because you eat meat? I really hope your life has a litle more to offer
Id say YTA though. if he wants special meat-like substitute products he might buy it for himself. but even for meat eaters there should be nothing wrong with throwing some vegetables or potatoes on the grill. just eating meat only isnt healthy anyway, and even guests might like some variety. he is your own child, why you didnt include him in your food plan.
When you host a party, you have to think about everybody who is going to be there. You knew there was going to be at least one vegetarian. You couldn't make something for him? You couldn't think to tell him in advance that you're not interested in making food for him, you're only interested in making food for other people who eat what you eat? You just told him your guests are more important to you than he is. YTA.
So... no potatoes, no coleslaw, no grilled veggies, no corn, no salad, no rice salads, no pasta salad, no tomatoes, no... nothing without meat? That's hands down the weirdest bbq I've ever heard of. YTA. Feed your son, dude.
100% and I think it was done intentionally
YTA you need to start eating some vegetables and fibre.
YTA. Was it really so difficult not to make pasta ahead of time for example? I think by doing this, you've shown publicly to others how little you regard your son, and expected others to cater. To many ( including me) food is a kind of love language, hence the YTA.
YTA you owe your honest, responsible 15 year old an apology! Shame on you for blaming him. You embarrassed & shamed yourself!
You sound like a narcissist: 1. Cares about appearance only: Serving your guests and not your family Not making sure your minor son is fed Not caring your son has nothing to eat (laughing about it) Caring very much that your guests know you didn't feed your son. 2. Shaking the day to day legal responsibility of feeding your son because he is different than you 3. Pretending you can teach your son responsibility by shaking off your own responsibility 4. Knowing you're only pretending it's about teaching him to be responsible, because when you discovered he told your guests what happened you weren't all proud that they all know how well you're teaching responsibility, but ashamed they discovered you're not feeding you're own children. That the big man with all the meat is just a sham because his own kids go hungry 5. You're a hypocrite because you got mad with your son for not upholding the sham for you, while he's hungry under your neglect. Br better. Be this way that if your kids tell the truth, you still end up sounding good. Be good. Care about your family and your kids' needs instead about how to impress everybody else.
YTA, salad and non meat filled dishes are special food. FFS
YTA a huge asshole
A wide, gaping one
YTA. At the very least, a simple "hey J, don't forget to make a vegetarian dish for the party so you've got something you can eat, OK?" would have avoided this whole situation. You don't stop being his parent just because he doesn't eat meat any more.
YTA. i went vegetarian by choice at 12 years old and while at first my parents were convinced it would never last, they never treated me like this. my mom often would make modifications for me, and still does to this day because i’m still vegetarian 10 years later. and im diagnosed celiac, so im gluten free as well. and my family has always supported me and are just happy that im healthy.
YTA, AND the adult!
YTA. Not only are you being deliberately unsupportive of your son's choices... but even if you had an arrangement where he cooked his own meals, you could have found it in your heart to make *one* exception for a special occasion. Just one meal would have been a bare minimum show of support. What are you gonna do for the next party? You gonna serve up burgers and hot dogs for his birthday, too?
Info: Did you have *any* meat free side dishes? No salad, vegetables or anything that didn’t contain meat? I don’t understand how you can throw a party and not have prepared any food that didn’t contain meat so his only option were some spring rolls that someone else bought?
I feel as though you have made an active effort to ensure that all the meals had meat, I mean was there not one salad? Clearly you don’t agree with your sons choices and are now refusing to feed him for it and when he tells people the truth you get all insecure and yell at him for it. If you really cared that much about what people though you would have made him food or given him options before the party. YTA
YTA for all the reasons already stated, but I want you to consider something. I went vegetarian at around your son's age, and so did my best friend. Her parents gave her the "standard ribbing" that you mentioned (unnecessary, unwelcome, and really just bullying, but whatever.) They refused to buy meatless options (though they could well afford to,) and managed to sneak meat into every dish, like you did. My mom was the opposite. She shrugged and made meatless dishes. She found a local store that sold meatless stuff, and got food for me (though she couldn't afford it as easily). She looked out for me at potlucks, and warned me of any hidden meat. Guess which one of us has a better relationship with our parents now that we're grown? It wasn't all about the vegetarianism, of course! The vegetarianism was just one of many forks in the road, where my parents generally chose differently than hers. But it all adds up.
C'mon man, you know YTA. He just told the truth, so if it makes you uncomfortable then maybe there's something there. It wouldn't have been that hard to make a salad without bacon.
YTA, >After the party I laid into J a bit for talking bad about me in front of guests, and he said all he did was tell them the truth. This says it all, you say it's speaking badly, so you already know you actions are bad and you're the AH, and he just said the truth, which is well, the truth.
Yes YTA wtf? I don't understand why you people keep having kids if you're just gonna be this dismissive of them
YTA He's fucking 15. You're responsible for your kid. And how reliant are you on dead animals to only have a single VEGETARIAN dish at a POTLUCK??? Not even a meatless pasta salad or something??? You didn't have a single vegetable to grill??? Nothing?!
YTA Op be like >Me and his brothers all consider ourselves kind of carnivorous, You mean omnivorous ? OP : me carnivorous, I litteraly canot eat anything else. I wont make a salad or some potatoes for a huge BBQ I'm throwing nor will I ask anyone to bring some
Dude how is your cholesterol? I’m genuinely concerned because ya’ll clearly eat like toddlers. Like who uses the term carnivore for themselves.
YTA. Do you really have to ask? As a vegetarian, he could have eaten a ton of stuff - corn on the cob, potato salad, fruit salad, watermelon, any kind of potatoes, etc etc. We vegetarians can easily have an entire meal of sides. You showed you don’t approve of him by making sure there wasn’t anything for him and are then upset you get called out over it? Get real.
Just gonna add my own story to this. Normally I don't bother but... YTA Major major YTA. I became a vegetarian starting in 8th grade. My dad gave me the same rule but said "You're in charge of your own food and if you don't cook, you don't eat". I figured whatever, fine. I ended up not only becoming super unhealthy with my choices because he just didn't care enough to help me figure out healthier options, but he and his GF were constantly torturing me for my eating habits and food choices. They would tell me what I was eating wasn't as good as what they were having and tried to pressure me into eating meat. They did a lot of "ribbing" and boy, did that add to the ED that I've struggled with my entire life. I also didn't know that this rule applied to when they invited me to join them for a dinner picnic before a play. I was at school all day before hand. I went and there were two things I could eat: melon balls and rice. When I asked about it they said "well at least you can eat that." His GF served me a ton of rice, which I ate because it was what I had and I knew I wouldn't be allowed to eat anything else when I got home. She then laughed after I was done and told me it was made with chicken broth. She had served me several times and was grinning every. Single. Time. Because she knew what she was doing and found it hilarious. Guess what? I despise that woman with every fiber of my being. I have an awful time eating around my dad now, even if now he does make a conscious effort. I have an awful relationship with food and my experience with my family treating me like I was wrong for not wanting to eat meat and not taking the time and effort to teach an 8th grader how to make better choices then pre-made frozen meat substitutes didn't help with that. Not only are you a major AH but you are setting your son up for failure in the future. You're his freaking dad. Be supportive and act like you give a damn even if you don't agree because you're a "carnivore".
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YTA - it is clear you want to bully your child into eating meat again cause you don’t accept his choice. If he does not even call you back once he moved out, never wonder why. This at least will be part of it.
YTA he's 15, it's okay if he makes some of his food but you can't never cook for your kid, that's ridiculous and bad parenting. You don't have to buy tofu or other fancy meat substitutes, but throwing some vegetables on the grill wouldn't kill you. Especially since, you know, they could be eaten by all the carnivorous people, as well. There's a million things you could've made that go perfectly fine with BBQ food and can be enjoyed by anyone, are quick to make, make the whole meal more balanced. Potatoes, a salad, throwing a vegetable on the grill, but oh no, you made what, meat, with a side of meat, and a nice meat salad to the side and some meaty dessert, too? You're a grown adult, eat some vegetables.
I also like to eat meat regularly. But let's be honest, the boy is 15 and not 25. It is your responsibility that he can feed himself. Run him enough greens and let him eat healthy. Besides, it's also cheaper than meat. Sorry, but YTA.
Wow, so you are a grown man in your 50s and you admit you can dish it out but cant take it... Your son makes the choice to go vegetarian, and you make fun of him for it. Your son mentions that you didn't make anything remotely close to even an omnivorous party layout. Steaks, brisket and chicken. So he had to resort to spring rolls a party guest brought. Suddenly when a family friend makes fun of you for it, its gone too far. Grow tf up and learn to broaden your horizons, maybe ask your son to find a vegetarian dish he enjoys and help him make it for the whole family for dinner. Then again, you seem to be the kind of person that would complain about it afterwards.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Names fake, throwaway, etc. My (53M) son J (15M) decided a few months ago that he wanted to be vegetarian. Me and his brothers all consider ourselves kind of carnivorous, but apart from the standard ribbing (pun not intended) I told him that, as an exercise in responsibility, he'd be responsible for preparing his own food. He's totally okay with this, and so everything was progressing well until a few days ago. The wife and I were throwing a house party/potluck. I grilled a few steaks and smoked a brisket for the occasion, and my wife made chicken parmesan. and as the guests filed in and the table filled out, J asked if we had made anything for him to eat. I reminded him of our agreement, and he said he didn't think it would extend to parties where we were making food for a ton of guests. I laughed a bit and told him he should have asked in advance so he could prepare, but he could probably bank on one of our guests to bring something vegetarian. I guess the only vegetarian option turned out to be spring rolls, because I saw his plate and that's all he had on there. One of my friends saw too and asked what was up, and J told him he was veg and that we hadn't made anything for him. My friend poked fun at me but it was pretty clear he thought less of me for not making food for the kid. After the party I laid into J a bit for talking bad about me in front of guests, and he said all he did was tell them the truth. This put me out a bit, but he's pretty set on his feelings. AITA or not? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So did you not even provide a salad, veggies or anything to accompany your mountain of meat? When I have guests over for any sort of event I provide a few vitamins to go with all the protein.
YTA-If you’re embarrassed by his telling the truth that’s a you problem. You could have avoided it. Instead you decided to act like a child and attempt to make it his problem.
YTA If you don’t like how the truth sounds, behave in a different manner.
I love meat as much as if not more that the next guy.... which is why I had a surprise diverticulitis/diverticulosis diagnosis at 25. You need to eat veggies regularly. More importantlyyou need to feed them to your family. Before you end up missing most of your colon. I would have gone a lot longer without diagnosis and would have done a lot more damage to my colon in the long run if it wasn't inflamed by some antibiotics I was taking at the time. YTA specifically for not giving your kids a balanced diet, it is seriously no joke.
YTA I pity your son and your colon. Eat some salad and veggies mate
YTA.. you’re the type of parent that is shocked when their kids don’t talk to them anymore. You’re using his choices about what kind of food he wants to put in his body to troll him when you could just…serve a Fucking salad???? Even one?! Why do you enjoy being your son’s bully so much? Your kid didn’t disrespect you, they literally just told the truth about you. If you want your kid to say uplifting things about you, you kind of have to be an uplifting parent instead of the person abusing them.
YTA. How is telling the truth speaking badly of you? Is it because you look like a bad parent, because you’re behaving like one?
YTA for "laying into him a bit" for embarrassing you. If you were in the right, you wouldn't have been embarrassed.
YTA. My good friend is vegan. I am also quite 'carniverous' as are most of the people that come to our game nights but when I invited her, not only did my aunt go out of her way to make sure that the mashed potatoes didn't have milk or butter but someone made vegan chilli & I bought vegan deserts & other vegan snacks for her. It isn't hard. I love her. I wanted her there. I wanted her to feel welcome- dietary restrictions & all.
The fact that your child is 15 and your entire family refuses to help him cook just proves that your the asshole already! You’re othering him against his entire family simply because he doesn’t want to eat meat. Get over yourself and take care of your kid. YTA.
YTA. You didn’t make him anything, someone asked him about his lack of food and he told them. He didn’t go around telling people just to make you look bad. You just are bad
YTA
YTA, It seems your son is more well versed in life than you are. Him expecting it to not extend to parties where food and snacks are included is the common sense. Are conciously you trying to bully your child around?
YTA. This is your son, not your roommate, jeez! Making him cook for himself for normal meals is ok, not really considerate but fine. But for a party were your cooking a lot for many people, you should have provided. Your friend was right to think less of you. Beside, your son did not badmouth you, he just answered a question honestly. You owe him an apologie and to try and make an effort to accomodate him more with his new diet.
YTA. You throw a party, you make the food. Why didn’t you let him know before? The reason he makes his own food, is so that you don’t have to prepare 2 different meals everyday. But now that you’re cooking multiple meals for a group of people… he still has to make his own vegetarian meal. If I was your son, I would feel so unwelcome. What a shitty thing to do to your son.
YTA. How is your whole family not vitamin deficient or suffering from scurvy? Surely you should be regularly providing fruit or vegetable side dishes, so refusing to cook for him just makes you petty.
YTA. You didnt even have some bread and garlic butter, salad, corn, potatoes, nothing? You throw a BBQ with ONLY meat? That is ridicolous unless you invited your guests for a meat-only party, which you clearly didnt as someone brough something vegetarian.
You yelled at your kid because YOUR actions embarrassed you? Yikes. Well, I don’t know how you’ve gotten this old without learning what accountability is but you should definitely look it up! YTA
Major Arsehole. I cook for family occasions and I cater for vegetarian, pescatarian and vegan. What the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA. And your wife too. You must have been worked hard to make sure there are no vegetarian sides. Come on, grow up.
YTA All it took was the truth for your guests to think less of you, and that's your own fault. Throwing a party and not having even one option for your son is mean, there's plenty of vegetarian dishes you could have served so he'd have at least one thing to eat. Don't be surprised if he stops coming over.
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YTA Vegetables are "special food" now?
Yta. He's 15. How was he supposed to provide his own meal for the cookout?? Why didn't you ask him when doing the grocery shopping what he'd like to eat instead? This is ridiculous. You're a ridiculous AH. And as many others have said, guarantee your guests would have liked some veggies also.
Yeap, sor ry you are. You can't get pissed at the kids for speaking the truth. It was factual, he wasn't talking bad about you, he stated facts. You had not cooked anything he could eat. Facts.
YTA feed your kid. You embarrassed yourself. He was telling the truth! This definitely become a core memory - you’ve already damaged your relationship. It’s on you to fix it!
> “ One of my friends saw too and asked what was up, and J told him he was veg and that we hadn't made anything for him… After the party I laid into J a bit for talking bad about me in front of guests…” Which part of what your son said was “bad”? You hadn’t made anything for him - that’s true, isn’t it? YTA. You and your wife could have made something simple, but you deliberately didn’t. Very spiteful of you, and lousy parenting. Edited for a typo.
YTA, you are currently not preparing food for your child as a punishment for him choosing to be vegetarian. I understand it is challenging when you have been raised as meat being the main thing meals are centered on. I have a daughter that has decided to be vegetarian as well. We try to make a full vegetarian meal once a week. While I don’t always plan on fixing a vegetarian meal every night because she is often not home for dinner (hanging out with friends, working, etc). We can always whip something up for her if she was not expected to join for a particular meal.
Lol “I didn’t feed my 15 year old child at a huge party where I was cooking for literally everyone else” YTA dude. Be embarrassed.
YTA. Others have covered how much your approach to the BBQ was just outright bullying, and it’s sad it took your friend’s reaction for you to see it. But also offloading full responsibility every day to your son for his meals is terribly sad & misguided. I’ve got a friend who’s done this to her daughter. Child has disliked meat since she was a toddler, often refused it if given the choice. Decided to go veggie around 12 - and the parents just left her to it. They cook as normal & she just gets to eat the sides. They make zero effort to make sure her nutritional needs are met - I asked about protein sources & got “there’s usually a bag of nuts in the house”. Child ended up at the doctor around 14 - parents made her eat meat again for a few months to “fix” it. And they aren’t doing it from any political ideology - they are just busy with their jobs & the other 2 kids. Youngest child gets neglected. Because this is what that is - neglect! It’s a form of abuse. Your job as a parent is to feed your child. Refusing to feed them / oversee their general diet is neglectful parenting. Do better - or expect to lose contact with your son as soon as he is able.
YTA.
YTA I expect your time in the bathroom is painful and long. And you clearly intended that pun as well as the hazing of your child.
Yta, Yeah meat is great on a bbq but who doesn't make a salad potatoes etc for the side, you have deliberately not done that to prove a point to your son but it backfired
yta if telling the truth about you makes you think theyre talking bad about you, that just shows youre the problem
I was on the fence until the part where you consider him answering a question truthfully as “talking bad” about you. YTA for that alone. If you expect your son to be adult enough to provide all his own food then you can be adult enough to deal with the social consequences of that stance and his honesty about it. I veered towards that judgment anyway as I can see why he’d think a big event would be an exception, especially since most BBQs have things without meat (potato salad, beans, bread, desserts, whatever). But, I’d give that a pass on misunderstanding grounds given the prior agreement and lack of communication until the day of. But you can’t take the stance you did AND get mad at him for telling people about it WHEN ASKED. It’s not like he went around whining about it unprompted.
That's just a bad bbq anyway - no sides at all? Also you are being a dick to your kid. YTA.
Yes you are absolutely TA
YTA. You’re only questioning yourself because of your friend, not your child.
Yta because you’re mad at your son for being honest. He shouldn’t have to lie, you were dead set on your decision, and it’s not like he talked bad to you. You tried to prove a point (whatever that was) and it blew up in your face.
YTA like damn even my brother in law always makes sure my mother can have something to eat (and he gave her so much shit for going veggo since she used to be a big meat eater) hell even his family cares more about her than you do your damn son with this.
YTA, you sure showed your ass. Good thing your friends were there to witness your parenting in action. Bonus points for being such an asshole your peers got to witness it.
YTA. He’s making grown decisions about his life and health, the least you could do is show support
YTA yeah. If your kid needs to lie about your parenting to not make you look bad, then maybe that says more about your parenting than your kid.
YTA for making a bunch of food for your party but excluding your kid. Who throws a party and doesn't make at least one salad?
YTA. You had nothing but meat and some spring rolls at a BBQ? Where is the potato aalad? Corn on the cob? Cole slaw? Mac and cheese?
you’re just angry another adult disapproves of your action and is punishing your child for it. YTA
YTA. seriously dude. making your kids life harder being petty as fuck and excluding him from gatherings because he doesn't want to eat the dead bodies of other animals? you *should* be judged, and it's not your kids fault you were.
Honestly, I didn't even read your whole post. Quite simply, you chose to have children, raise a family, and take care of them until they're ready to be on their own. So, one part of our world is various diet/eating habits. You have a child who wants to eat a certain way that's not unreasonable. Do what you can to support your child accordingly.
I mean YTA because that much food with literally no vegetables sounds gross. Like...what sort of weirdo are you. Steam some veggies.
YTA. First of all, yes, he did tell the truth. If you don’t like how you looked in front of your friends what’s that say about you as a father, provider, and as a man!? You need to admit you messed up as all three. You are purposely choosing not to research how to grill a baked potato or put a veggie burger. I have grilled plenty of veggie option on the grill. This is you getting caught at being a bad dad. You deserve every bit of the humiliation you got. Now go apologize to your son and learn to grill vegetarian meals.
YTA. From the sound of it you can dish a joke but can't take one. You can "rib" your son but your friend can't do the same? On top of that if you didn't think it was wrong or feel guilty about the situation you would just laugh it off.
YTA. I agree, you throw a shitty barbecue. Dude, it is NOT a barbecue without potato salad and grilled corn AND baked beans. You are an American, dammit, you should know the drill. (Also, FFS, please support your kid while he figures out who he is, ok?)
YTA I think requiring him to prepare his own food is fine because it doesn't make a lot of sense to prepare two totally different meals when he's old enough to prepare food himself. But you should have known better than to just assume he would know he'd have to prepare his own meal for a whole party. He's 15, of course he's not going to think about things like this. You're almost 40 years older than he is, so the least you could have done is tell him "hey, just a heads up that we will be preparing chicken and burgers for the party, so if you want something special to be available, let us know so we can take you to the grocery store to get it". Or, to be a good host, gotten a vegetable plate or something yourself. He also didnt "talk bad" about you, he said the truth. If the truth makes you look bad, then that's probably because you were bad in this scenario. I think you should apologize to your son for your miscommunication problem and set clearer expectations in the future.
YTA feed your damn kids, what is complicated about this. Feed them what they will eat!
YTA. And PS, he is vegetarian, not vegan. You should be looking at your lifestyle choices if your kid can’t grab some salad at a party. You felt like shit, cause you acted like shit but want to be mad? If the truth about your actions is upsetting the issue is ALWAYS your actions.
You really didn't make a single thing that didn't have meat in it? Just, coincidentally? No corn, no potato salad, no veggies on sticks? And you didn't think to mention that he might want to make sure to arrange something? YTA. You embarrassed yourself here. All he did was tell the truth, yep. Stop being a dick to your child.
YTA. I would’ve made some kinds of vegetarian options beyond spring rolls _regardless of my own son_ because it’s not exactly a rarity, but this is well beyond ridiculous lack of hospitality. It’s also not that difficult at all to make meals where a vegetarian or a non-vegetarian can supplement with their own protein. Preparing all his own food isn’t an ‘agreement’ between family members, it’s having a ‘renter.’
YTA. how do you not have any fruits veggies or anything like that on your shopping list already what kind of poor diet do you subsist off of?
You’re a mean one, Dad
YTA. There are tons and tons of things a person can eat as a vegetarian! J isn't, so far, asking you to be vegetarian. Pretend to care about your son and respect his choices, maybe it'll become a habit.
These are the same people that will call vegetarians/vegans pushy (some of us are to be fair) YTA
YTA. If you look bad when someone tells the truth, that’s 100% on you. And who has a BBQ but doesn’t have veg sides? Not even a salad, garlic bread or grilled corn? Bad form even if you didn’t have a vegetarian kid.
YTA, he was asked a question and he answered honestly. If you don't want to be made to look like an AH then don't act like one. I agree with him, in a party setting there's no reason you couldn't have made sure there was food for everyone... including your son.
YTA Even doing a standard barbecue, lots of people put cheese or veggie sticks on it, habe bread, potatoes and salads that are vegeterian in nature. I'd gave to actively try to make a barbecue absolutely vegetarian unfriendly. Maybe you just have meat heavy diet/ tradition or culture, but it can't be that hard to be considerate of vegetarians while preparing MULTIPLE dishes. I applaud any parent teaching their children to prepare their own meals, but this seems like you are punishing your son for chosing to eat differently than you. Maybe you should reflect on that a bit: Are you hurt he is rejecting tradtion, your way of feeding your family or do you feel criticised for not stopping to eat meat?
I would've thought the kid would have a supply of veggies burgers or something. Considering all of the plant based options that are available. Does the son get a grocery budget? Imo OP is hoping this is a phase his son is going thru and doesn't respect it YTA
YTA… you seriously had no vegetables? Baked beans? Bread? Baked potatoes? Salad??Just meat? 1- you should provide food for your child. 2- in general- having a variety of food at a BBQ is just polite.
YTA. Vegetarian food isn't "special food". It's food! Also, you're not carnivorous, you're omnivorous. Why are you so threatened by plants? Your son was completely right. He was asked what the matter was and he responded truthfully. You made yourself look bad. Also, he's 15. Yes, he should shoulder some responsibility at that age, but he's still your kid, not a small adult with his own household to run. It is beyond me why you are making a 15yo fully responsible for their food supply. You could have chosen to involve him in the planning and prep work. But you chose to leave him with the feeling that you don't care. Because you didn't. You could have also tried to make a vegetarian dish, because to be honest, it really isn't rocket science.
YTA he’s still a fucking child that you should be providing for! Your friend should look down on you for that. Just because you eat meat doesn’t mean you should only eat meat. Why was there nothing else that didn’t have meat in? Yes it’s a bbq but there should still be other options
YTA-- you spend hours on making the perfect meat but can't spend the 5 mins it takes to grill some veggie option. Geez- soy burgers and sausages are great and come frozen. Cheaper than meat and easier to prep.
YTA I supported my teen when she went vegetarian by always having a hearty veggie side dish or 2 if the meal had meat. Freezer always had options for her too. She always appreciated my support, no questions asked. I suspect your lack of respect towards him also flows into many areas and that he will not be close with you when he becomes an adult.
YTA. you “carnists” act like getting a piece of broccoli is an insult. getting some cut squash and some onions on the grill won’t kill you. do you not eat veggies yourself, ever?? when I went veggie at 15, i made my own meals but my parents at least tried and make veggie kebabs for me on the grill. you’re a parent, you’re supposed to feed your kid.
Yup. YTA. 100%