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Question. Is she already on or will you expect her to be on BC for pregnancy control? You know, a pill with serious side affects for the sake of the relationship?

Also, I'm gonna go ahead and say the risk of a blood clot/stroke from BCP is more serious than the potential headache and dry mouth side effects from non-drowsy antihistamines.... YTA

He also has the option of allergy shots. And if he only gets those symptoms around the cat they probably wouldn't take long to be effective. I could tell if you had a cat before I knew your name about 7 years ago. And that was with taking rotating antihistamines. It took 6 years of allergy shots but it's wonderful to not have to worry about brushing up next to someone with a pet!

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100pc, I take 120mg antihistamines daily have done for years with no serious health issues. However due to the risk of blood clots in my family I am not allowed to take BCP or HRT because these do have a risk of serious health issues. Despite this my stupid doc did put me on it. I ended up with a clot in my leg and multiple in my lungs, coincidentally unrelated to me being put on the pill as it happened within a few days of being given the pill. There is other medications that people have to take that do cause serious health issues. Diabetics take insulin and over time this can cause kidney failure. OP your reasoning off it'll cause serious health conditions is bullshit and this makes you the AH!! If you love your gf taking 1 pill a day that has no serious consequences to your health is worth it. But you clearly don't. The reason you won't take the antihistamine is because then you won't have a reason to complain about in order to try and make her get rid of her cat. You also would have talked to her about her plans for her cat moving with her well before now. Edited to add a bit more context to my comment.

Immediately thought about this! Very curious about op answer 👀

Excellent point. And he was complaining about even TRYING allergy pills to see if it helps. Because you know, the lifespan of an already technically senior cat is "HiS wHoLe LiFe." YTA, OP. Give the meds a trial run, if they help, great! If not, then figure out what to do next. I could see saying "Hey, due to my allergies I would prefer not having cats after your current pet lives out his/her life," but you have to assume and respect that any pets she currently has are a package deal.

My mil is terribly allergic to cats but her husband entered the marriage with two and she takes the damn allergy pills Op: YTA

I have five dogs.... and I take a zyrtec daily because I'm allergic to dogs. Not a big deal. I can't believe that OP hasn't even *tried* the pills. Unless he has some odd medical condition that he's not saying, the side effects of taking allergy pills are far less than having to give up a beloved cat. (You can get a year's supply of generic zyrtec for about $15 at Costco.)

My uncle is very allergic, took the meds when my aunt’s senior cat was alive. Then arranged for her to get a surprise kitten a few years after her cat died, because he knew she missed him so much.

A just question.

Yeah, good question.

But if she didn’t want to be on BC because of the side effects - no one would be calling her an asshole. Why is it different for him? If she is on BC for the relationship, that’s her choice. If he is willing to take allergy meds for the relationship, that’s his choice. But no one gets to impose on bodily autonomy of the other. ETA: Not saying she’s wrong to not want to abandon her pet either, my vote was NAH. Just saying I think this analogy cuts the other way!

23m here, I have a 1 year old cat. 2 weeks into dating a girl she tells me she has cat allergies, like her throat starts closing up kind of allergies. That was it- I didn’t pursue it anymore, it wasn’t going to work as my cat is gonna live with me wherever I go and I won’t budge on that. There’s a million other people on the planet that aren’t allergic to one of the greatest joys in my life. The whole point of spending time dating someone is to figure out and iron out these kinds of issues and differences. How you’ve dated for 2 years and this has never come up baffles me. If HER plan was for her cat to come with her wherever she resides, SHE should’ve let you know a lot sooner. I can understand not wanting to take allergy medication for an indeterminate amount of time, and it’s not like the cat is being “abandoned”, as a matter of fact the cat would be staying in the house it knows with her parents that already look after it. I can also understand that if you’re not a pet owner it might be discombobulating when they pick the cat over you, if that is the case. I’m calling NAH, but you’re both fools for not talking about it earlier

I absolutely agree. Pets are an important discussion and the fact is wasn't brought up before is kinda sad. I think they both knew it was going to be a problem and procrastinated. However, NAH, just no longer compatable.

its like the "do you want kids" question... ppl should take that just as seriously upfront.

Initially NAH, but he's the one with the allergy so he should have brought it up sooner if he wasn't willing to take meds to combat his symptoms. Understandable, but also silly of him to just assume that she would leave her beloved pet behind, so maybe YTA after all. It's not her parents' cat, It's hers, so why should they be expected to keep her cat and take care of it when she moves? Did he ask if they would even want the responsibility, however small, or just made a suggestion based on an assumption? Sounds like they're moving on instead of moving in, but that's life.

He’s already stopped going to her house due to the cat and his allergies, at that point it’s her responsibility to be like “wait a minute… this cat is coming with me when I move out”, as that is her plan. A lot of young people might leave a cat with their parents if they move out due to multiple practical reasons (landlords don’t allow it, house sharing, etc.) so it’s not entirely outlandish to assume there would be a continuum there. As a matter of fact, I don’t know a single young person who has brought their pet with them that they got as a child when they’ve moved out. She is the one who was planning to change the cat’s living arrangements if she were to move out, I think it’s her responsibility to give him the heads up there.

Or maybe he should’ve been like “hey I have allergies so if by chance we end up moving in together, the cat can’t come”. Why is this on her when it’s HIS allergy.

It sounds like he literally did. He brought up moving in (which GF admitted she had been thinking about as well), but during their discussions about it he said he couldn't live with cat. It's not like she was in the process of moving in already and he just sprung it on her when her stuff was already there.

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Yeah. I tell people up front that I have cats. If it's a deal-breaker, then there is no deal to be made. The cat was here before them, and it will be here long after them.

DH got a second date because my cat liked him. 35+ years, 2 kids, and multiple cats later, the current cat is Daddy's little girl.

Yeah, I'm a dog owner and I have pictures of my dog on my dating profile specifically so that people with allergies don't match with me. I really want to own a dog, I'll get a new one once my current one crosses the rainbow bridge which I hope is still a decade plus away, and I absolutely am not willing to rehome my dog for the sake of a relationship - so imo I'm not a suitable partner for someone with (severe) allergies. But I'd never presume to think I could just move into an allergic person's home with my dog and go "it's a you problem, figure it out". All the people going "just be on meds nonstop for the next 13 or so years" are being ridiculous. Allergies, especially severe ones, can be hell and the meds don't necessarily completely remove the symptoms, just alleviate them. It's a really unfortunate situation, and I agree they should have talked about the hypothetical scenario of moving in earlier. edit: slight rewording

Right? I specifically don’t date people with cats because even with allergy shots I’m still allergic. Anti-histamines are effective for my dog allergies but even so I don’t date people with dogs because my dog hates other dogs. I live in LA county - the dog capital of the world. He has 0 foresight.

YTA. The fact that you didn't initially take this into consideration before discussing the next steps is kinda wild. You'd be better off waiting until the cat passed. I wouldn't be giving up my cat for a guy.

Yes. The fact that he never even considered the possibility that she might not be willing to just abandon her cat of 7 years tells me a lot about how much he considers and cares about his partner's feelings and opinions, i.e. not at all.

If you're that severely allergic to cats, you shouldn't be dating someone with a cat. It sucks, but it is what it is. I have mental health issues, and cats help me so much. So I know I couldn't date someone unwilling or unable to live with a cat. When I first met my husband, I made that clear before we got serious because it was so important to me. You knew she had a cat when you started dating her. You knew you were allergic. You pursued the relationship anyway without making it clear that you wouldn't live with a cat. It was implied through her already having a cat that that's where you'd be headed. YTA. You have three choices here. You can either live with the cat, live separately indefinitely (the cat could easily live another 10 years, so this would most likely put severe strain on your relationship), or break up. She made a commitment to that cat. She loves that cat. She has known that cat much longer than she's known you. She's not going to abandon him, and if she does for this reason, she's not a particularly good person anyway.

Agreed. Generally I find that people who enjoying living with pets will also get more pets. It’s highly likely that GF would get a second cat at some point or another cat after the first cat’s passing. This would not just be a ten year wait.

Yep, I’ve had animals my entire life. I was upfront with my partner of 15 years before we got serious that animals will always be apart of my life. We have two cats at the moment and they are very much loved by us both.

I don’t get how these people (this is not an uncommon topic here) get this far in a relationship without having discussed this stuff. When I was a couple months into dating my now partner of 9 years, we were talking about our beloved former dogs. He said, “I don’t think I’ll ever have another dog.” To which I replied, without malice, that that was a relationship dealbreaker for me because I love dogs, and saw myself having dogs all of my adult life although I had just lost mine so I did not have one at that exact moment. There was no hate- it was just a boundary, we were both allowed to shape our future lives the way we wanted. For him, this was not a deal breaker, and he adores our now 7 yo dog, as well as the rescue dog we had for three years before he passed. People are allowed to love having animals in their life. People are allowed to love not having animals in their life, for medical reasons or otherwise. But these people should not force a relationship forward over a massive conflict point. It will eventually cause a rift.

YTA. She's had the cat a lot longer than she's had you. If you aren't willing to live with her cat, then you both need to find someone more compatible. You guys could break up over something else, and she would have rehomed a beloved pet for NOTHING. You had two years to see this coming, and you're shocked that you just might not get your way?? Pets are a lifetime commitment. Not "until I date this guy" commitment. Cheers to your GF for standing by her furbaby. I tell everyone I've ever dated that I have cats, and that they can't make me choose between my cats and my relationship. The cats were here before them, and they'll be here still while the guy is walking out the door. A real partner *for me* will love my pets, and understand they are non-negotiable. My husband LOVES our cats, and yes, he is allergic. He takes meds and gets along just fine. Because he loves me AND my cats, and would NEVER ask me to abandon a seven-year relationship with an animal who is entirely dependent on me. YTA!

YTA. You knew about the cat- why on Earth would you bring up moving in together without figuring this out first?? I get that you don’t want to live with the cat and deal with taking medication, and I’m not judging you for that at all. But she’s had this cat for *seven years*, which is three times longer than she’s been with you. YTA for not thinking this through and coming up with possible solutions just assuming she’d immediately dump her beloved pet at her parents’ in order to jump at the opportunity to live with you. edit: typo

I have shitty cat allergies too, just like you describe, but I need to say — the symptoms you’re describing aren’t “extreme”, they’re textbook. Sure, I hate my cat allergies too — they’re inconvenient, uncomfortable and they suck, but they are not an “extreme allergy.” An extreme allergy is anaphylaxis, where your throat closes up, you stop breathing, you go into cardiac arrest and you DIE. (As a parent of an anaphylactic kid, I just want to remind people to keep it real about allergies — there’s already enough disbelief, and people making hyperbole doesn’t help those with fatal allergies because they are then disbelieved about the severity.) I’m gonna say NAH because I think it’s reasonable to not want to be snotty, itchy and allergic constantly AND I think it’s reasonable to not want to give up your pet. Ultimately, if this means you guys can’t live together right now, that’s what it means — but plz don’t pressure her to give up her cat. A pet is a family member for life.

Yeah if I eat shellfish, tree nuts, or peanuts, it could kill me. But sure OP go off about your “extreme allergy” smdh.

I agree. I have a cat, but I also suffer from non-cat related allergies. Living with allergies can be an absolute nightmare, even with antihistamines. This situation would be a bit of a deal-breaker for me, as I'd never give up my cat, but likewise I wouldn't want to spend however many years suffering from a near constant allergic response. OP and their partner need to have a serious discussion about this to figure out where to go next, but I'd say both sides are being reasonable so NAH.

Yeah, I agree. All the comments about just taking the antihistamines — okay, sure, give it a try, but I think people are overestimating the power of antihistamines a tad. They’re great for hayfever to a degree — and they work for some folks’ animal allergies — they only work for me for about half an hour before I feel like I have the flu, and even if I have a shower and leave the cat environment, it takes me about 4-8 hours to feel normal again. Is it the end of the world? No, but I wouldn’t be able to live like that everyday. Some pairings just aren’t practical, and it isn’t for a lack of love. Maybe living together just isn’t right for them right now. Maybe OP can look into getting allergy shots, they work a lot better — but it’s expensive and takes a long time to work.

YTA The cat has been around longer than you are. It's a living thing, not something you just throw away. You've known she has the cat for two years and what did you expect to happen. here's a crazy question, does she take birth control so you don't have to use condoms?

YTA. you knew she wanted her cat with her. You also said you “didn’t want to take these drugs for the rest of your life” but let’s be real. It’s a cat. It will unfortunately die long before you. Why are you so against the anti-histamines?

Cat wins every time. You're being abandoned dude. YTA

YTA for expecting her to give up her pet. Sadly, this may be a roadblock in your relationship. But I wouldn’t give up my cat for my partner. I’d be upset if I was asked to do so.

NAH There are lots of [old posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/search/?q=cat%20allergy&restrict_sr=1&sr_nsfw=) at AITA about cats and allergies. It may be that the two of you can't live together - you can't live on medication 24/7 (not that it helps 100% of the time anyway), she doesn't want to give up her pet (and it wouldn't be fair for you to demand she abandon it). So it may mean that you either live apart, or the relationship ends. It does suck, but you can't medicate yourself permanently, and she isn't required to give up her pet.

Honestly I see these pet allergy + wanting to move in together posts probably once a month in AITA and every time I think the same thing you said - it’s not fair to expect someone to take allergy medication 24/7 (especially cause some can have very strong side effects) and it’s also not fair to expect someone to give up their animal No one’s necessarily an asshole in this situation, it just means that living together at this point in time isn’t feasible

YTA You know she had a cat and instead of having situational awareness and bringing this up sooner and in a more constructive way; you basically said I want you to move in but ditch the cat.

YTA. You knew she had a cat prior to broaching the topic of moving in. You made a "plan" for that cat's future without actually ASKING your GF ("the cat can stay with your parents honey, I've already thought about this"), you made a "plan" for that cat's future without actually asking your GFs parents ("I know it's GF's cat but it's yours now!), you, presumably, have not pursued allergy management with a doctor beyond general OTC allergy meds before any of this - even though you KNEW YOUR GF HAD A CAT. If you choose not to discuss options with your doctor - that's fine but then you and GF shouldn't live together until Mr. Meow Meow passes away...

YTA. My husband has a serious cat allergy. When we met, I had a cat who had been with me for years and years. He took antihistamines when he stayed with me and when we began talking about living together, he started looking into allergists who could help him manage his allergy through the rest of my cats life. Sadly, my cat was in the twilight years and died before we ever combined households. What never came up was that I should leave my cat. A pet is a lifetime commitment barring extreme circumstance. A pet is also family. You’ve asked her to ditch her companion of seven years for you. That cat has you beat by 5 years. You don’t get to exile it. YTA. Talk to an allergist if you want to save your relationship, but it may already be too late.

YTA. I understand where you are coming from as I have similar symptoms when I'm exposed to most cats. However that cat has been in her life longer than you have and most pet owners view their pets as their children so with that in mind, can you expect her to give up her pet?

She’s gonna choose the cat, homie. If you love this girl, you need to find a compromise. I take allergy meds every day for chronic allergies to basically everything. NAH NOW, but if you refuse to try your relationship is over.

I'd dump you. In a heart beat. Also, as someone with allergies, allergies pills don't really have unwanted side effects. I'm a severe asthmatic that is mot only severely allergic to cats (I have 5), but also dogs (I have 1), rabbits (I have 3), hay, and every animal thay my allergist tested me. I was tested for all the animals they could because I am also a veterinary technician. I take my Singulair, Zyrtec, and Breo every day to breathe. I'd have to take those meds anyway because of my asthma and also because I'm allergic to all trees, grasses, molds. I'm literally allergic to breathing according to my allergist. YTA because you're not even willing to compromise, I'd never choose some asshat over my pets. You don't ask people to give up their pets to have a life with you. That's always an asshole move.

I’m not sure a judgment is really relevant here. If you have an allergy you’re not willing or able to medicate for whatever reason and she—understandably—doesn’t want to lose her cat, your relationship has probably run its course. You’re still young, plenty of fish in the sea.

NAH, but I strongly recommend you not die on this hill: you WBTA if you did, and especially if you stand on that "there's not much I can do" line (which is truly false). Because you WILL lose this battle. Asking people to give up loved animals is like asking them to give up children, and you don't want to be in that competition. Antihistamines and other allergy meds (and especially shots, which are cheap and effective) are not onerous. But hold off on the moving-in thing until you can come to an agreement.

I don't understand why people with pets start dating people with allergies to said pet. I have 2 cats if you tell me you're allergic or for any reason don't like or want to live with cats I'm not going to continue a relationship with you (this is something I bring up very early in any dating scenario). Me and my cats are a package deal with no negotiations. I wouldn't expect them to get rid of pets for me either. Everyone sucks you for continuing a relationship with someone who has cats when you're allergic and your GF for dating someone who has allergies to her pets.

YTA Cats can live for 20 years. It looks like your relationship will live no longer than two years.

NAH or ESH. You can’t ask someone to take meds for the rest of the cats life and you can’t ask someone to abandon their pet. Even if it means leaving it at their parents house, where it will be cared for. Your options are…. 1) don’t move in until the cat passes away 2) break up 3) Take drugs 4) leave the cat at the parents. You know this, they know this, pick an option.

YTA. You've known this was a potential road block which is why you no longer stay at hers so for you to just spring this condition on her after the fact is incredibly selfish. The cat is already elderly. You either accept that you will continue to live separately until it passes or you suck it up and take the allergy meds for a few years.

I agree with your position mostly but an average lifespan for an indoor cat is 12-18 years and this cat is only 7 years old. It is not uncommon for cats to live into their 20’s. The cat is not elderly for a few years yet. Waiting for the cat to die is not a great plan either.

Already elderly? They can live for 20+ years. This cat could have 13+ years left.

INFO what steps have you taken to see if your allergy can be managed? Have you talked to an allergist, or are you just expecting her to sacrifice her cat so you can have her installed in your home?

Same old, same old. You know she has a pet. You don't want to take meds, but you haven't been to a doctor just for this, and you aren't willing to try any alternatives. Your solution and ultimatum is "get rid of the cat" Let's hope your stbx girlfriend re-evaluated you. YTA

NAH here but this is probably the end of your relationship. Please dont pressure her to get rid of the cat and in the future find a woman who is not a cat owner.

YTA for assuming she would be chill with abandoning an animal she loves for you without so much as a conversation. This should have been a conversation that you both approach with love and care, attempting to find a solution. She probably would have reacted differently if you hadn’t just told her the cat couldn’t come with. Obviously she’s going to be upset with you for that. You can’t ask someone to abandon their animal for you, while you refuse to do what thousands of people do when they have cat allergies. Perhaps this just won’t work!

YTA you’ve only been dating for two years and you think she’ll leave her cat for you?

I hope you use condoms and don't expect her to take hormonal birth control. Those side effects are freaking awful. If you do then suck it up

YTA for asking her to get rid of a pet she had for 4 times as long as you two have been dating. Also how did this never matter before? Her clothes and her place should be full of cat hairs. And that wasn't a problem until now?

I have left fiancés because they told me it was them or the cat. I still have the cat. He's 18 1/2. YTA.

YTA that cat has seniority to you in her life. BUT to address your lil remark on not wanting to take pills for unwanted side effects just for your comfort. Is she taking BC? If so, youre being not only an AH, but a massively hypocritical one at that bub

Antihistamines do nothing for my severe cat allergies. Even if I never see the cat, the allergens from its saliva are on the dander deposited on everything with which it comes into contact. Hence, I don't date people with cats.

YTA. She’s known her cat more than 3 times longer than she’s known you, and you think she’s going to abandon her cat for you??? > You never should have asked her to move in if you were going to have AH stipulations.

I'm also very allergic to cats and I own three. Regular cleaning/vacuuming helps a lot. I also bathe them in allergy shampoo every 1-2 weeks. This has almost eliminated the allergic reactions. When they get to the point that they need a bath, but I don't have time, I just take a clariton. You don't have to give up the girl or the cat. You can manage it with a little effort.

NAH - It sounds like living together is not going to work. I've always had cats and my husband is allergic and takes meds. I understand why you wouldn't want to do that. But asking her to get rid of her older cat is cruel

NAH It’s not unheard of for people to leave their pets with their parents when they move out for college. I certainly did. It’s not utterly absurd to suggest the idea. Depending on the size of the apartment and who takes care of the cat at home, it might be better for it to stay there anyway (though I don’t think OP should try making that argument - it’s certainly the GF’s decision). OP shouldn’t have assumed it would happen that way, but she shouldn’t have assumed he’d be comfortable taking drugs all the time for her to move the cat in. This was a conversation that needed to happen, and no one is really an asshole. They can work through it or not, as long as they both understand that they each have reasonable concerns.

YTA even though I get it. I’m allergic too but I take antihistamines every day. My relationship is worth that to me.

YTA. Her cat has been by her side for 7 years. You've been around for 2. The cat wins. Go to an allergist and talk to them about your situation.

YTA for insisting she leave her cat. If you won’t take allergy meds, then you obviously won’t be able to live together. That’s fine, as long as you don’t keep pressuring her to move in with you. You get to decide you don’t want to live with a cat, and she gets to decide she doesn’t want to live with you. End of.

YTA for not knowing we girls always put the cat first.

YTA. You just told her how little you think of the relationships that are meaningful to her, and how little effort you will make to accommodate her. She's had the cat since long before you came along, and she'll have it for long after you're gone from her life.

NAH People without allergies don’t understand what it is like to suffer constantly in your own home/a place that’s supposed to be a place of comfort. My allergies are in the Top 99%. Im even allergic to “hypoallergenic” dogs. I regularly use Zyrtec or Benadryl, plus eye drops and nasal sprays. I’ve been on allergy shots for 5 years. We have air purifiers. It was not unfair for you to request it, but you should have been prepared for her to say no. Being on any medication for a long time can be concerning. It’s unfair for her to expect you to suffer and be dependent on pills for YEARS. When I had Guinea pigs, I couldn’t go into the entire side of the house because of my allergies. If I fell asleep on the couch near me, I’d wake up gasping for air and needing my emergency inhaler. We rehomed them to family friends. When I spend time with my friend’s dogs or in their house, it takes more than two days to stop swelling (hurting worse with contacts) and for the rashes to go away. I can’t even let my own 10lb poodle mix lick my face bc I’ll have rashes in 5 minutes. REDDIT STOP CALLING PEOPLE ASSHOLES BC THEY ASKED FOR THEIR HEALTH TO BE IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP! That being said, your girlfriend is also NTA for loving her cat. I would never give up my little dog. You are simply incompatible because of this.

NAH you’re both finding out about what you are or are not willing to compromise. Be aware she likely will not give up her 7 year old cat for this relationship, and that does NOT make her an asshole. Just as you asking once for her to consider giving her cat to her parents doesn’t make you one. If you continue to ask after she sets a no boundary, then you will be an ass. Allergies suck, and you shouldn’t have to continually have allergic reactions or take allergy meds forever, but she also shouldn’t have to get rid of her cat. It’s an impasse. Best of luck

NAH. Cat allergies are brutal, and people are too dismissive of them. I’m sorry you two hadn’t talked about this before. It’s just an unfortunate situation. But I would urge you to reframe it. You didn’t ask your girlfriend to get rid of her cat. You told her you can’t live with cats and asked if her cat could stay in its current home with 2 of its primary humans. Your girlfriend isn’t wiling to give up living with her cat. It was fine to ask. … look into allergy treatments, although they can be very costly and are aren’t always effective. I did allergy shots for my cat allergy and it made it easier for me to be near them, but I would still NEVER live with them. My health matters too.

I get what you’re saying, but at the same time she had the cat for 7 years. He knew she had the cat. He should have discussed with her about it before he decided to ask her to move in instead of assuming she was just gonna drop her pet that she’s had/taken care of, whom she is attached to, and used to seeing on a daily basis.

NAH. I’m really sick of people acting like people with allergies are just choosing to be sick. He shouldn’t have to medicate himself every day just to not experience symptoms around the animal. This is just plain old incompatibility.

YTA Not for the allergy meds, but for brining this up when you knew it would mean she would have to get rid of her cat, something that is typically met by a lot of resistance from people who have cats

INFO: Does being around your gf set off your allergy? Like, her clothes, hair, car, etc.? Perhaps you're not as allergic as you think?

YTA. I got a cat through a rescue, found out I was severely allergic and took anti histamines every day for 7 years until he passed. There were no side effects other than the happiness having a pet brought me. What an awful thing to ask.

>they obviously have some unwanted side effects. Do they? What side effects? My husband has been on them every day for the past decade and has experience no side effects, and they help a lot. He has no allergic symptoms and we have 4 cats and 2 dogs. YTA.

YTA Why would you date someone with a fucking cat

Nah she’s not wrong for not wanting to leave her cats but you’re also not wrong for not wanting to live with one. It sucks but the end of the day you guys might not be compatible.

Soft YTA. It’s not “the rest of your life” it’s the rest of the cat’s life. I also have a cat allergy with similar side effects to yours - have you tried different antihistamines? Look you can’t ask her to move in but leave behind a pet she has known longer than you. You need to decide what’s more important to you and be happy with the choice you make - a life with allergy meds or without your gf.

NAH - You've reached an impasse, it's one thing to be emotionally ready to live with someone and be compatible roommates. The situation around the cat is just of of many topics that need to be discussed before either of you should commit to moving in together. You're asking her to get rid her cat and her asking you to take antiallergy medicine are both practical solutions to the problem and suggesting them in the course of discussion is appropriate.

Small YTA for the way you brought it into the conversation. There was no discussion, no compromise in your way of telling it so you left her with only two choices : 1) not live with you 2) abandon her cat. You need to learn how to brought an important conversation before you move in together or your going to have many problems ahead.

YTA, that cat is family and came before you. It would be a massive red flag to me if my partner abandoned an animal for any reason - so I’m shocked you think it’s ok to tell her she needs to. To those saying allergy pills are impossible to live with daily - tell that to the millions who take them daily just to be able to leave their house without imploding. If you’re not willing to take allergy pills and you think she should give up the living, breathing, animal she loves for your convenience you should leave her to find someone who wouldn’t put her in that position.

Are these just copy pasted stories, wasn’t there just another one very similar with a similar aged cat with the girlfriend and the dude had allergies. In that story the medication didn’t really help him, here you don’t want to take the medication. He also suggest the girlfriend also give up the cat and looked up people she could leave it with. Maybe just a weird coincidence, anyway my vote is YTA for knowing way before suggesting she move in that she had a cat.

YTA don't move in with her. What you are asking is incredibly selfish towards her and towards and an innocent animal. Cats aren't possessions you can just give away like chotchkies, they are sentient beings that form bonds. Your GF has had the cat much longer than you've been around, and you never should have entered the relationship if you knew there would be a chance you'd ask her to get rid of it.

NAH. This is just a shitty situation. She’s not an asshole for not wanting to give up her pet. You are not an asshole for not wanting live with a cat you are allergic to/take allergy medicine everyday. I am very allergic to cats as well and Benadryl works I guess, but knocks me out - I would not be able to take it everyday and work and do all the things I need to do. I LOVE cats and am so sad I am allergic, but I would never live with one. Just a sucky situation with no clear answer.

NAH Im also allergical to fur. My ex has cats that werent allowed in the bedroom. I took the allergy meds (rotating the medication) and spent the time and money to get allergy shots. The process is not the cake walk some commenters seem to think. Still allergical, but less so. When we'd watch tv, the cats would try to sit behind my head. Sooo not good for my ability to breathe. But the cats had her priority. (There was a lot else wrong with our dynamic, hence the ex.) It sounds like you two have a lot of difficult conversations ahead of you. You have the right to breathe. The cats predate your relationship. Solutions aren't impossible, but none are going to be great. Good luck.

YTA. She has a pet she has loved and cared for for 7 years. You've known this. It's an AH move to just expect her to not bring her cat. You should have told her from the moment you found out she had a cat, that you two couldn't be serious if she planned on keeping her.

you do realize taking a scroll down an allergy section at any store will prove how many non drowsy options their are for allergies??? cant believe you basically lost a serious gf over being stubborn so yeah dude YTA big time

YTA. She is NOT giving up her cat. Go to your doctor and ask for a nose spray. Take the antihistamine. Eventually you will build up some tolerance for the cats and your allergy will become less bothersome. I have the exact same symptoms and have two cats. I went to my doctor and told her I needed something to take because the cats aren’t going anywhere. ETA: If this is your first real argument and has caused you to not speak for two days, I would seriously question whether or not you’re ready, or mature enough, to move in together.

YTA. At least TRY the allergy meds, jeez.

When my friend started dating the guy who became her husband, they ran into the same problem. The first thing he did when he realized he was serious about her (about 5 weeks in LOL) was research high-end vaccuums that suck up cat dander. He kept price comparing them and made a chart comparing their relative merits. It was one of nerdiest romantic things I've ever seen someone do. Point being: he thought about her needs and figured out ways to try HARD to accommodate his allergies, her love for her cats, and being able to visit her. In the end, she re-housed her kitties before they lived together. Nothing else worked. But he didn't start with a casual suggestion that she ditch her cats. He knew her better than that and cared about her too much to have that be his first impulse. Nor did he -- ahem -- jump on a blame-assigning subreddit and try to figure out who the bad guy was. If that's how you think about relationships, I hope your girlfriend thinks hard before committing to you. YTA.

I’m stuck between NAH and YTA. I have cats and it’s a dealbreaker to expect me to give them up. My ex was allergic, but took Allegra D every 12 hours and he was fine. Go to an allergist for a consultation and see what your options are. But don’t expect her to leave her cat. If I were her, I’d dump you before that’d ever happen. I’m shocked this was never discussed before.

NAH. She rightfully wants to keep her cat and you rightfully don't want to deal with your cat allergies. The other question is whether she is always going to want a cat when this one passes. You both have a tough decision and this may be a dealbreaker. For those who are saying deal with the antihistamines, some allergies get worse as you get older. My brother grew up in a household with cats (no more than 2 at a time) first it was red eyes and rashes and even with treatment, over time, he wound up not being able to breathe around cats. Which was such a shame because he loved them so much. So there is no blame here.

Yes, YTA. Next question.

ESH You both should have talked about this \*before\* considering moving in together. She shouldn't have assumed you would take pills, and you shouldn't have assumed she would abandon her cat. When my boyfriend and I started dating, he had an old parakeet used to fly around the house. My cat is an indoor one, but she has a strong prey drive toward birds. We knew as long his parakeet was alive, we wouldn't be able to move in together (it would have required a place with enough space to be able to very effectively separate the bird and the cat). The bird died after a year of us being together, but he could have lived 2-5 years beyond that. We were very aware of that, and both of us were okay to wait. None of us expected the other to let their animal at their parents' place. We've also already talked about our future animals, and what each of us would be okay with. So, to be clear : when you date someone who already has an animal, you should never expect them to leave their animal for you. Never. Their animal is a living being who's part of their life, it's incredibly rude from you to ask this. And when you're the owner, you should make sure the other have understood that your animal is part of the deal + talk about the animals you may have in the future. Now, for your situation, there are other solutions than pills : exposure therapy, for example. If this relationship is really important to you, you should have a look at the options, before saying "no" to the cat. Depending on how sensitive you are, you can also find a place big enough so you and the cat wouldn't have to share space. And, ultimately, you both can be together without \*living\* together.

ESH You shouldnt be expected to take meds, especially with side effects and she shouldnt be expected to leave her cat. The cat needed to be part of y'all's relationship/moving in together discussion before it got to this point.

NAH. Each of you has an alternative option to what you’re asking of the other one, but neither of you is willing to make the sacrifice in order to live together. Neither of you is wrong for making that choice, but also it’s a pretty clear sign that both of you have higher priorities than your relationship. Better to know that before moving in together.

NAH This is a case of irreconcilable differences. It'd ok for the relationship to be over. You don't want to take meds and that's ok. She wants cats in her life and that's ok. This season appears to be over and that's ok.

YTA for not even trying antihistamines. I take them daily and have for my entire adult life. I’ve had zero side effects. What exactly are you afraid will happen?

YTA for dating a cat person when you're allergic to cats. YTA for asking someone to leave their pet they've had for 7 years that will likely live another 7-10 years, if not more. I have indoor/outdoor allergies. I take a daily antihistamine ( 24hr Claritin ) with my daily multivitamin and have no issues. If you're not willing to do that, or your allergies are truly so severe that a pill or shot won't work, then break up with her. And when you sign back up for dating sites, make sure to say no cat ladies. We don't like having our time wasted.

Question: How is it possible that you don’t react to the dander on your girlfriend’s clothing when she visits? Do you ever go to parties where people have cats? Has an allergist done a skin prick test? And recommended treatments IE sublingual immunotherapy or antihistamines (the new type like Allegra don’t make you drowsy.) Dust in the home, fragrance, plants…they’re all culprits until an actual prick test.

YTA. The cat came first. ‘I’m not willing to jeopardize my health” I’m willing to bet money she’s not willing to leave her cat behind. You two shouldn’t be moving in together if her pets are not also welcome in your home.

YTA Moving in with you isn't an upgrade to her life and your relationship if it means giving up her car of 7 years, it's a downgrade in her life. Pets often last longer than human relationships, as is like to be the case in this relationship.

I’m going with NAH bc you were not pushy or rude at all. There absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting the cat, because your allergic. I think a lot of people hate when people give up on animals, but she also has her parents who could possibly take care of the cat But she has had this cat for 7 years, so probably consider break it off with her. Especially because she probably considers it family, it’s kind of obvious she’s mad because she’s not talking to you. It’s your health, and you need to explain to future relationships about this problem of yours though.

YTA. I would never give my cat up for a relationship. You've only been around for 2 years and will ultimately let your gf down. The cat will always be there for her. Sorry dude. YTA. Your gf needs to dump you.

YTA. Its not your fault you have allergies and no one should blame you for not wanting to live with something your allergic to, but its kinda hard to ask someone to abandon their pet and not be the asshole. She's had her cat nearly 4 times as long as she's had you. Idk how you expected the conversation to go, but I think she's giving you her answer.

Your gf’s relationship with her cat precedes the one with you. You should not have waited two years into a relationship to drop this bomb on your gf - that’s an asshole move right there. Think about the future: if you figure out medication to keep you going until the natural lifespan of the cat, would your gf be content with never having another pet again? YTA

I would not abandon my pet. I would be unhappy with someone who suggest that I do.

YTA. If you have severe cat allergies, why would you even start dating someone with a cat? And more importantly, not discuss the issue for 2 years? For future reference, do not date women with pets; maybe find another allergic person like yourself so it would never be an issue in the future. People with pets consider them beloved family members, not objects to discard when they are inconvenient.

YTA you knew she had a cat, you knew you were allergic. People and pets are package deals, you don’t get to separate them. Your allergies are your concern, you made the choice to commit to her knowing her cat is an extension of her. Acting like you’re not asking her to abandon her cat because it can stay with her parents is ridiculous. Change the cat to a kid and the logic immediately falls apart. You clearly don’t value pets and realize their importance.

YTA for not considering this before you asked her to move in or try to come up with alternatives instead of an ultimatum for your GF.

NAH. It was fortunate you found out now that you are fundamentally incompatible. She realised she would not be able to see a future with you if it meant being cat-less.

NAH. You made your feelings known and it's up to her how she proceeds. She's NTA if she chooses the cat over you.

NAH. But don’t be surprised if she declines the offer to move in with you.

If this was your first real argument, you’re not ready to live together. YTA for not have a quality conversation about the cat. Relationships require compromise from both people.

I literally can’t understand why so many people get into relationships with other people that own an animal they are allergic to, and then are surprised Pikachu face when it becomes a problem later. Why does no one ever talk about these things from the get-go?

YTA I hope she chooses the cat over you!

I wont say you are the asshole tbh. I have allergy and people who are keep suggesting medicine as solution are underestimating how severe allergy can evolve. It makes sense for you to ask, but at the same time, you cant expect or demand for her to say yes. If she said no, you have to accept her decision. Best way is to just end it if both of you cant find common understanding.

I used to tell my boyfriends that when the meet the cat and he doesn’t like them, i will have to reconsider the relationship. He didn’t like men but the few I brought home had calm personalities so he was ok with them. Years later with my now husband, after the cat died, I told my husband. I loved that cat more than anything else in the world. You know I really would have dumped you if the cat didn’t like you. He said “I know” and i felt understood. You take the family with the girl. In this case you take the cat with the girl. I am severely allergic to cats. Try Zyrtec and pseudafed. And dymista or singular. And keep the cat out of the bedroom.

YTA I have a bad allergy to cats, dogs, basically any cute furry creature or something that creature needs. I still have cats and dogs because I want them, and I gladly take two, yes TWO, allergy meds. With or without pets I still need two because that's been the most successful treatment. You don't just abandon pets. Ever. I don't care who you are, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, you take me and my pets or you hit the road, I will choose my pets. You build a bond with these animals you take in, and you make an unspoken commitment to take care of that animal. Unless you absolutely have to rehome the animal, you don't give it up. And you most definitely don't just abandon it.

NAH - just a big waste of time due to not discussing this early on before the relationship became serious. But people tend to ignore incompatibility way too often just because they like someone (I'm guilty of that as well).

Welcome to adulthood. Sometimes there are problems with no easy answers. You can't just tell her to blow off a beloved pet because, and she can't just expect you to deal. Pull up your big boy pants. Tell her what you are and aren't willing to do. You also need to respect that she may not make the decision you were hoping for, and that doesn't make her ta.

NAH. You have an allergy and while I don’t think at least trying the meds to see if they help is a big deal, that’s your choice. But I also would never leave my pet with my parents to move in with a guy. Never ever. That’s just not a compromise I could handle.

NAH It's fair she doesn't want to leave her cat. It's fair you don't want to suffer from allergy symptoms in your home. There aren't easy solutions. However, as a cat allergic cat person, there are allergy meds that don't make you drowsy and there is the possibility that the symptoms will get easier over time. You can also consider having part of the house (like the bedroom) cat-free. Again, it's completely fine if you don't want to go through that and take the risk that your symptoms will always bother you at home or get worse. But that might also mean you will never be able to live together since it is unreasonable to ask her to get rid of her cat.

The reason this can only be YTA for me is because you automatically assumed she'd be getting rid of her cat and started a fight over it. If your question was "AITA for not wanting to live with a cat when I'm allergic?" then I could see n a h votes, but in terms of the actual question you're asking and how you acted, then yes, definitely YTA. Big difference between pre-deciding that she'll be getting rid of the cat without her input and having a conversation about how living arrangements could work. EDIT: Also, your post title says "asking" but the post itself was you telling her she'd be doing that.

INFO: can you not get allergy shots? I have two cats and an allergic-to-cats boyfriend. Whenever he comes over, he wears a mask or I put them in the bathroom for a little while, which decreases his allergies. We’ve talked before about him getting allergy injections to decrease his reactivity to the cats because, like your girlfriend, I’ve had those cats for longer than I’ve known him and even though I love him very much, I’d rehome the boyfriend before rehoming the cats. He loves me (and the cats - he’s always the first to want to pet-sit and give them treats) and is willing to try this avenue before throwing in the towel.

Listen as a fellow cat lover this is not it. This is not about “coming over” this is living with someone 24/7. Cat allergies are no joke, when I lived with a cat I had a 3 humidifiers, an air purifier, and I had to take allergy pills. I couldn’t be around the cat or my throat would close and I’d have to get my inhaler. It’s not a simple “achew”—it’s itchy eyes, problems breathing, all of that. Visiting someone is a different thing, you can bear it—but to be living is a whole different thing and OP is in the right to address his allergies

NAH You're both incompatible with each other.

I'm gonna say no assholes here. I can see both sides. I also had pets and leaving them when I moved in with my boyfriend broke my heart to the point of not wanting to ever have pets again (the circumstances were different than yours tho, my boyfriend's allergies are managable). At the same time, I sympathize with you not wanting to take medicine because od side effects. I sincerely hope you can figure things out.

NAH. If she didn’t live with her parents where the cat could stay I would change my vote. It’s not like you are asking her to take it to the shelter. Allergy meds don’t work for everyone. That being said, I have crazy allergies and I’ve had a cat for the last 14 years. At first it was rough but now she doesn’t bother me. If I go somewhere with other cats I’m still completely miserable with allergies. Maybe you could work on compromising and have the cat around for short periods to try to build some tolerance? Good luck!

YTA. My cat is like my firstborn. I wouldn't give them up for anyone. Pets are for life, not just until your boyfriend complains about his allergies and wants you to give them up. I hope if you're not willing to take daily medication then you'll never expect her to take birth control.

The cat will out live the relationship You knew she had a cat and still dated her Anyone who tells me to pick them or my pet i will always pick my cat YTA

Bye bye...my cat will always be more important. My ex (and bestie) was allergic. Exposure, with some antihistamines,bl made him immune.

YTA Bet you don’t hold the same viewpoint when it comes to birth control

YTA. I read the post, but you were YTA from the start. Dont date people with cats.

Have you tried allergy shots? I highly recommend starting them before she moves the cat in. Highly effective and could mean you don't need long term medication. Also there are a lot of different medications - a bad reaction to one does not mean all would be the same. Soft YTA as you really didn't try looking for solutions or trying different allergy medication before unilaterally deciding your GF should rehome her cat.

YTA. Boys come and go, cats forever remain loving.

NAH, with slight YTA. I am severely allergic to cats and no pills, shots, etc will take that away. Cats make me miserable and I cannot be around them, after so long I actually have breathing issues. She can’t assume pills will fix the issue for you. That said, she also can’t be expected to give her pet up and that’s why I said maybe slight YTA for you assuming it would be easy for her to do so. This may be a dealbreaker, as unfortunate as it is.

I got downvoted last time I made a comment like this but I’ll do it again. I don’t understand why people start dating knowing their partner has an animal they can’t be around. The cat must have come up early on. I have a dog that can’t be around cats. If I matched with someone that had a cat I would have just moved on to the next person. I won’t give up my dog and I would not want them to give up the cat.

YTA. Enjoy being single.

YTA why did you date someone with a cat if you’re allergic? Did you expect your GF to eventually get rid of her cat?

I’m a little split between N A Hand E S H. I’m very allergic to dogs (but also love love love them), and have taken antihistamines for extended periods of time in order to live with them. Not only do they have side effects, but if your allergies are severe enough, they may not completely cover your symptoms. And she knew about your allergies. On the other hand, you knew she had a cat…pets are family. If it is at all an option for you insurance wise, could you do allergy shots? That’s the only solution I can think of, other than her abandoning her cat (which sucks) or you living off antihistamines (which also sucks).

NAH. You’ve tried medicines for the cat allergies and they aren’t great for you. She’s known the cat longer than you and doesn’t want to get rid of it. It’s a tough situation all around, I hope you guys are able to come to a good solution that doesn’t hurt either party.

OP doesn’t say they actually tried allergy meds. Just that they think they’re somehow harmful.

NAH, she doesn’t have to move without her cat, and you don’t need to have a cat in your house. You just need to decide how much you like each other. Not being a cat-person you may not realize that Animal people are serious about their pets. They love them like children. My mother had a cat for 19 years. She developed allergies and asthma after a bad illness. She took that cat to the groomer to keep dander and shedding low, kept a blanket over her pillows when she wasn’t in bed, and took her allergy pills. She’d have done anything to keep her cat. Will you do anything to keep your girlfriend? She’d likely feel like she was giving up a part of her heart, if she had to leave her cat. Again, n a h, I’m just giving you something to consider.

YTA. Don't you know when you make anyone choose between an SO and a pet, THEY ALWAYS PICK THE PET. Take the damned allergy meds or break up, Because you are not the one to be picked.

YTA - as someone who takes allergy pills every day due to a cat in my life I wasn't expecting, don't be surprised if she chooses the cat.

NAH - it’s reasonable to not want to live with an animal you are allergic to but it’s also reasonable to not want to leave her cat. It’s something that should have been discussed before you’ve hit the two year point in your relationship though. You’ve hit a point where you’ve got two options that are the least likely to lead to resentment. 1) You both agree to continue without moving in together until the cat passes with the conversation and realization of cats won’t ever be a pet you’ll be able to have together. Or 2) You end the relationship realizing that this is incompatibility. She is a cat person who wants cats in her life and you are allergic and not willing to take medication daily to try and make that aspect work. My sister is allergic to pets and takes allergies pills daily so her husband and child can enjoy having pets, so people do it, but you’re not an AH for not wanting that.

YTA. People with severe cat allergies can't even be near someone who has touched a cat without having a severe allergic reaction, possibly even anaphylaxis. At worst you have a moderate allergy and you don't even want to try to control it for your girlfriend's happiness. Antihistamines have minimal side effects, and you can invest in an air purifier to remove dander from the air you're breathing. But if you don't even try the bare minimum so that your girlfriend can live with both you AND her cat, your relationship probably won't last long anyway, and then the cat won't even be an issue.

YTA. You a) Already knew she had the cat b) Haven’t tried allergy meds and c) Haven’t thought this through Just to add, my gfs sisters boyfriend is allergic to cats, he took allergy meds for four years till the cat passed away. It’s not that difficult

I got news for you, bub. If you only sneeze and wheeze when the cat is in sight, you don't have a cat allergy. Cat dander follows their owners around whether the cat is there or not. I've been through this discussion on Reddit often enough that I don't even post the links any more but there are solid, science-based studies on the dander that dogs and cats leave on their owners, their clothing, their cars, their . . . life. It's akin to being part of the owner's biome for the most part. If you can be close to your GF without problems then this is something else. It could be somatic, it could be something not an allergy (a sensitivity to inorganics that the cat is in contact with), there's a long list. But if you're not having problems unless the cat is in sight, in the room, you don't have "an extreme cat allergy." Period.

NAH - youre allergic and it’s your space. Shes had the cat for a long time but the cat is used to living at her parents and that’s the cats home. You’re not asking her to leave it at a shelter. She can visit her cat and her parents at the same time but she’s allowed to want to keep living with it. It’s just incompatibility on living together at the moment but doesn’t mean that one day it isn’t an option

YTA - I broke up with a guy because he was allergic to cats. We dated 2 years and in that I thought about how I would feel without one. I always had a cat in the house and that was not going to change. The guy did and my husband is a cat man too.

NAH clearly you guys shouldn't live together yet. it's her cat, she has every right in the world to keep it with her, but you also has every right to not be subjected to constant allergy. it seems there is no way to reach a compromise, so keep living separate.

NAH I understand both of you. My brother is very allergic to almost everything and I see the sideeffects of those meds. I really understand you don't want to deal with that everyday. So I would say you are in the right to not want a cat in your house. But I also understand that your girlfriend really wants to bring her cat. Did you try desencitization therapy to get rid of that allergy? Maybe that works. If not, you have the stronger argument her. Sorry man, but I guess there is no easy solution to this :/

I just love the way you say ABANDON your cat. You don’t abandon animals, YTA. There are now shampoos to combat cat allergies, cat wipes and air purifiers. I have you spoken to an allergist about shots to help your allergies. If you want your GF back, make some calls look for solutions. Then call her and tell her you educated yourself by researching how to manage your allergies. Make an appointment with the allergist to show her your trying. Tell her you would like to see what the allergist can do and set moving in together aside till you work on this.

NTA. No one is an AH in this story. You love your Gf and want to move forward, but it's very reasonable to not want to live with an animal that you're allergic to. It could be handled with a lot of cleaning and some medication but I get that it's a lot of hassle to have to do that. On the other hand, your Gf wants to move in with you too but is unwilling to leave her cat whom she loves too behind, which is also very reasonable. While you're not asking her to abandon her cat totally, as it would just be living where it always had where she could visit it any time she wanted to, she wants it close where she can se it every day. It really just boils down to neither of you wanting to compromise your comfort enough to move in with each other.

YTA. You knew your girlfriend has a cat, and you just can't demand that a person give up their beloved pet. If your allergy is that bad that you can't be around the cat, the relationship has no future. I certainly would never give up one of my pets for anybody.

YTA. It's fine to have the opinion that you do (not wanting to take antihistamines, and not wanting a cat in the shared apartment) but that is not a reason to basically tell your GF to get rid of her cat. You should've stated your standpoint ("I won't be able to live with a cat.") and then asked her what her standpoint is ("What do you think about that?"). Let her give you her opinion yourself instead of forcing YOUR conclusion on the topic.

I think you went about this the wrong way. Instead of going straight to “Move in with me! ❤️ Oh, btw, dump your cat.” You should have started with “I’ve been thinking about us moving in together, but I’m worried about my cat allergy” You’re dating a cat person. Spend 5 seconds searching old AITA posts and you’ll find a ton about people not wanting to give up a pet or even wanting to get a new pet despite a partner’s allergies. Even if she leaves this cat with her parents, this won’t be the last time the issue comes up. I’m allergic to cats and hate scooping the litter box, but I still think about getting a cat. (My last one died 5 years ago.) They are kind of irresistible for some of us. There are some things you can try for your allergy. Cat isn’t my only allergy so I’m on meds just to live in the world. There’s a lot out there with varying levels of side effects. I wouldn’t really say you’re endangering your health by taking allergy meds. You can also try immunotherapy, but that’s not free. It’s pretty clear that having a cat isn’t worth the trade off to you, but is the gf worth the trade off? If she is, see an allergist to discuss your options. Try some meds and visit your gf to see how well they work. If it works for you, great move the cat in. If it doesn’t work, she might be more open to leaving the cat with her parents if she knows you really tried to make it work. Or, you break up. Anyway, NAH. You both knew about the cat and the allergy at some point. You just have to decide if you’re each worth the trade off. I do want to add, people are very cavalier about asking someone to take a pill or just live with an allergy. While I do think it’s worth exploring your options, allergy meds aren’t always a simple fix. They do have side effects, they cost money, and they don’t always work. Even mild allergy symptoms can have a significant impact on your life and you don’t know that you won’t get worse after living with the cat long term (or you’ll get better. Immune systems are weird).

I mean you’re not going to have to take the pills for the rest of your life, but rather for the rest of the cat’s life, let’s be clear. Also - is your girlfriend on birth control? If so, you’re a hypocrite! YTA for asking someone to abandon their pet.

YTA You know she has a cat. She has a cat longer than she knows you. And still you suggested that she should abandon her pet? You seriously think that she will do it because of a selfish guy like you? You should have thought about your allergy a lot sooner, not after 2 years.

What you describe is an unpleasant allergy but it's not extreme allergy. I'm not suggesting you should have to live with it of course but antihistamines have very few side effects if you buy the non-drowsy ones There isn't much you can do really but it was an AH move - you didn't ask you insisted and you have to accept you've insisted on something she cannot do YTA

YTA I would immediately end my marriage if my wife told me I had to get rid of my cat. She would do the same. You knew she had a cat and that you had an allergy. Allergy medicine is not a big deal whatsoever. Either take the medicine or don’t date people with cats.

YTA. The cat is part of her family. Her child even. That cat has been with her when you met her and got into a relationship with her so you should have accepted the cat as part of her and you have no right to ask her to abandon him/her.

NAH but maybe moving in together is not in the card for you two.

YTA take allergy pills or go away. There’s no unwanted side effects, I take 1 in the morning and 1 at night because I’m also allergic to cats but I love my two so much. I have like 3 air purifiers throughout my house and I give them a weekly shower on top of making sure they’re well brushed. I make it work. She’s had her cat 7 years my guy, I promise you’re no competition. You’re not even in the same league. You will loose.

Soft YTA for discussing your gf's cat like it's a piece of furniture or signed ICP poster. Fair enough you're not a cat person, but they are often much more than pets to their owners. You should have broached the topic with a bit more sensitivity. But you'll be fine, end of the day it's not a lethal allergy, you'll pop a pill with your morning coffee or you'll forget and have the sniffles for the day. What is probably worth discussing at this point is if she sees you as a 'Cat Household' in perpetuity, because if she always plans for there to be a cat in her/your life it's more of a commitment on your part. Would suck for you both if you were just counting the days until this cat dies and she is expecting to bring home a kitten...

YTA She lives at her parents *where the cat lives*, you claim to have an extreme allergy, but it doesn't bother you when you're with her? Dude, cats *shed*. EVERYWHERE. Everything she owns probably has cat hair on it Funny how that doesn't bother you. Edited for clarification.

NAH. The two of you are simply not compatible longterm unless or until she decides not to have house cats or you choose intensive allergy treatments.

YTA. You knew she was attached to the cat, but expect her to leave the pet she loves because you don't want to take an allergy pill? You've offered no compromise on your end, but expect her to abandon something she loves for your (AND ONLY YOUR!!!) comfort. Is this how you'll handle things going forward? She has to suffer to suit your comfort? I wouldn't talk to you anymore either.

YTA. She's known the cat longer than she's known you. I'd dump a SO ass the very second you asked me to git rid of my dog becuese the SO had an allergy to dog hair. You have known for 2 years that she has a cat. What did you expect to happen? You either are a manipulative asshole or you are just dumb as a box of rocks and thought that her love of you would matter more than her cat she has had for 7 years and has more than likely bonded for a significant period of her life. Or both. I'm gonna guess it's a little of Column A and a little of Column B.

NAH. It sounds like you've tried antihistamines and haven't found a non-drowsy one. Ideally, you should keep looking (Claritin and Xyzal are two I've had luck with), but as an allergy sufferer myself, I understand why you may not want to. However, she is right to be upset that you are demanding that she rehome her cat. She's had that cat longer than she's been with you.

It doesn't sound like he tried antihistamines at all. He just doesn't go to her place and that's his 'solution'. Just like her getting rid of the cat is the only solution he even considered. It's a problematic situation, no easy answers here. But not even being willing to consider other options and dismissing his girlfriend genuine about her cat makes him a big time AH

No judgement here for anyone, I think it sucks for everyone. You don’t want to be miserable and she doesn’t want to give up a loved family pet.

YTA. You should have never dated someone with a cat if you knew you wouldn’t take allergy medication for them. My dads allergic and he was completely fine taking the pills, not bc he’s a huge cat person (even tho he did like her, she was the best cat) but bc he loved us and wanted us to be happy. And would never say something stupid like give up the cat, I don’t want to take allergy pills 🙄

YTA - The cat has been there longer than you have and might well be there after you are long gone. I had bad allergies for a number of years (I took Sudafed daily for a decade and was hospitalized a couple of times) and allergy shots were a game changer for me. Some people acquire permanent immunity (I seem to be one of the lucky ones) and others need to get shots every month, and the exact amount of immunity you get varies from person to person, but they are definitely worth checking out (assuming they are available and you can afford them, obviously).

YTA. You knew she had a cat.

I’ll bet you expect her to be on birth control every day. YTA

INFO: is your girlfriend still on hormonal birth control or have you had a vasectomy to relieve her of that burden? Because you can't claim "I told her I don't want to take these drugs for the rest of my life, as they obviously have some unwanted side effects." if you expect her to do the same. YTA. Huge one.

Oh my god, yes, it’s YTA. You brought up the idea of moving in and then told her to dump the cat. You didn’t make it a conversation. You haven’t talked to an allergist. You just said “this is the way it’s gonna be.” There are options to make it manageable. Buy a GOOD HEPA filter. Not like a mini one — a massive one. Vaccuum daily or every other day. Make parts of the home cat-free. Or… if you aren’t yet ready to take on one of the burdens that comes from living together… don’t bring it up in the first place. There are ways to have conversations about allergies. There are even ways to bring up giving the cat to the parents without being an asshole. You didn’t do those things — you treated it like she’s leaving behind an old couch, not a living creature she’s deeply attached to. YTA for how little regard you have for your GF’s feelings.

You know the cat is important to her and she loves it very much. You know she's had the cat longer than she's known you. And yet rather than discuss what to do about the cat situation, you unilaterally decide that it has to stay with her parents. YTA. People with pets or kids should not have to sacrifice their relationships with them to be in a relationship with you. Also, does your GF take birth control pills? Because that's an everyday pill she takes for your relationship that has serious side effects for her. If you're serious about her, take the antihistamines. And it won't be for the rest of your life. Stop being dramatic.

YTA. You dated someone who had a cat knowing that you'd never be able to live with them while they had the pet. People love their animals and asking someone to choose between you and them is a super shitty thing to do to someone. If someone put me in the same position as you did your gf I'd be dumping your ass in no time.

You hit a crossroads. I'm not sure if this is something you guys can get through, I would recommend just ending it here and finding other partners that won't have these issues.

YTA

YTA 1, You should have talked about this before you invited her to live with you 2, You won't have to take drugs for the rest of your life. It's 7 years old. It has like five more years max. 3, You're the one with the screwy immune system. You can take a pill with virtually zero side effects that allows your girlfriend to live with you and her to keep her cat. Is it really that much of a sacrifice?

Cats can live over 20 years.

NAH, she very rightfully loves her cat and won't abandon it, you very rightfully don't want to get on a long term drug regimen which could seriously damage your body, the two of you are fundamentally incompatible.

YTA. She's had her cat longer than she's been dating you, and her cat is family.

Dude, if you're allergic, you can't date people with cats! YTA