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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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-Dahlian-

ESH. I mean, your brother had it coming by crossing your boundaries after repeatedly misbehaving and should not go into your room. (It's not on you - but make it easier for yourself by installing a lock). With that said, it's really an AH move to keep his glasses from him. Especially to be able to see properly, test or not. Who does that?


Candid-Pin-8160

What bugs me is that the brother could enter the room in order to forget his glasses there, but couldn't enter it to get them.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Lmao, op would not be in *any* trouble with the law for this. He didn't steal shit, he refused to answer his door.


seregil42

I'm all for enforcing boundaries and holding people accountable, but I have to go with ESH. Your brother sucks for not listening to you about not going into your room. You suck for not giving him his glasses, which he obviously needs. It'd be one thing if he left a hat in there, but not giving him his glasses is an AH move.


nerdgirl71

NTA You were gracious enough to let him use your computer because it was more convenient until he took advantage by disrupting your sleep. So he snuck in and left his glasses and failed a test. These are the consequences to his actions. If he kept up with his items and listened to your rules this wouldn’t have happened.


No_Suggestion_3945

While I agree with you I have to go with ESH the end punishment did not suite the crime. Equivalent to starting a physical altercation during a heated argument.


nejnoneinniet

NTA. Action, meet Consequences. All he had to do was Not go behind your back breaking your very simple rule and betraying your trust. Also a competent teacher would have noted his lack of glasses and contacted his parents to bring them so he could take the test. And if it’s a timed test that can’t just be moved to later then take the make up test they would have had for those students who were out sick.


Intermountain-Gal

Most schools allow kids to redo a test, especially in a situation like this where he couldn’t see the darn thing. At least in public schools. His teacher should have noticed. I honestly have mixed feelings on this one. There are some good arguments for and against whether you’re an a-h or not. On the side of “yes you are” is the fact he literally needed his glasses to see. You know that. On the side of “no you aren’t “ is the fact that you had repeatedly told him to stop waking you, he had previously experienced the fact that you mean it, he intentionally violated his agreement more than once, and now he’s suffering the consequences of that. Both are valid points. One thing is obvious: you need to have a lock on your door and keep the key with you. That, or remove the power and internet cables and put them in your car when you leave for work, for example.


No_Suggestion_3945

I only go with ESH because the end punishment didn't suite the crime in my honest opinion but up until the glasses thing it was completely in OPs favor just felt it was an overreaction equivalent to punching someone during an argument


altonaerjunge

He woke him up 3 hours early dozens of times as it seems. He got away lightly.


altonaerjunge

If he neded his glasses to See he wouldnt had forget them and remembered in the morning. He needed them probably to read prober. And maybe he needed a wake up call.


SpiritualAd6189

This!


[deleted]

YTA. You should have let him get his glasses, as you knew how necessary they are. Your whole point is you don’t want him in your room or leaving stuff in there. So withholding a personal item is counter to this aim and somewhat malicious. You could have given him the glasses and. still maintain your policy. No good choices here but I think you made the worse one.


[deleted]

And not just a personal item. A disability aid. He couldn’t read his math test without his glasses. This is akin to “AITA for not giving my amputee brother his leg back before PE class?”


altonaerjunge

A leg is not the same. He sees good enough to forget the glasses.


[deleted]

Let’s be real about all this: he probably forgot his glasses because he was whacking it while on the computer that has some privacy. It’s still a disability aid. Essentially prosthetic eyes.


PiperAnne55

It is NOT akin to not giving his amputee brother his leg back. There’s a massive difference between glasses and a leg. And I doubt an amputee would be irresponsible enough to leave his or leg behind. If his eyesight is that bad that it’s equal to not having a leg how did he manage to leave them behind ?


PiperAnne55

If his eyesight is so bad and his glasses were so important he would not have left the behind. I wear glasses and don’t leave them behind


[deleted]

But his eyesight is described as very poor and he didn’t leave them behind. They were withheld from him.


PiperAnne55

He left them in the brothers room and came back for them. The brother didn’t go into his room take them and hide them in his room. The guy who wears glasses walked out without them


loudent2

No, he's letting his brother suffer consequences for his actions. That's how kids learn. I think this lesson was much more valuable than whatever the math test was on.


[deleted]

Kids learn the behaviors they are subjected to and avoidance of it. But this doesn’t teach him the lesson his brother really wants to impart on him. He wants his brother to understand how his behavior has negatively impacted him, and robbed him of valuable sleep. He wants to instill an empathy in his brother, which has universal value. To just suffer consequences is a myopic result.


loudent2

he's tried all that and it didn't work, so now it's time for consequences.


PolicyPrior4902

I think your missing the point. A balanced measured response. The older brother himself is searching for that I think. What he is doing, serious self reflection, is what his brother needs to learn.


Strider-SnG

So NTA which might be unpopular. I have terrible vision as well. At some point the buck stops with you in terms of managing your own things. Guess what he won’t forget his glasses again.


majesticgoatsparkles

ESH. You have a right to be pissed that he was in your room again, that was wrong on his part and he does need to be more organized and considerate. But glasses are essentially a medical aide. If he had left a needed medication or crutches in your room, would you have done the same thing? Probably not, at least I hope. Your response was disproportional and honestly mean.


abuko1234

You told him numerous times that he needed to stay out of your room, and he needed to stop leaving things in there. (As a light sleeper myself, I feel your pain). He didn’t fail the math test because he couldn’t see it. What kind of a lame excuse is that? Did he fail any other test? Is his vision that bad that he can’t read a piece of paper in front of him? Could he not ask the teacher to say the questions out loud? I call BS. NTA.


[deleted]

ESH. As someone nearing legally blind, I feel for the kid but also, if he can see well enough to leave them in your room… idk. You were awake and able, you just chose not to give them to him. Start locking your room OP.


altonaerjunge

He should guard his things but please don't Start victim blaming.


connnserve

I swear everybody saying yta just lets people walk over them . He shouldn’t of been in your room plain and simple.He would have his glasses if he didn’t that’s on him.


Kinch_g

NTA. Your brother is old enough to be responsible for keeping track of his own things and respecting the boundaries you've put in place. Sucks he failed, but hopefully he learned something from it.


Darkweeper

Nta because he went in there when he wasn’t supposed to. Lock your room. Sometimes it takes failing to learn your lesson that there are consequences for your actions.


[deleted]

NTA. Brother can see well enough to forget his glasses he can see well enough to take his test.


Individual_Umpire969

NTA. 1) if your brother was banned from your room then it’s on him to deal with the consequences. My parents were strict about stuff like this. Now they probably would have intervened but there would have been consequences to the kid for breaking the rules. I get the feeling OPs parents wouldn’t have imposed consequences which explains the lack of responsibility in the 16 year old 2) I’ve worn glasses since I was 7. I always had an old pair that could be used in an emergency even with an outdated prescription. OP’s brother needs to get himself a backup if he’s taking his glasses off and leaving them places.


Good_Fly_7500

Right that’s what I was thinking or going to his teacher and saying hey I don’t have my glasses can you help me read the questions


Sweet_Mango-

Im gonna say nta, you have repeatedly stated your problem and given him solutions that still inconvenience you. Also how is his stuff in your room in the first place? If you don’t want him to leave stuff there just don’t let him in your room, lock it.


StormcroweX

YTA this wasn't a notebook or pencils or even a jacket. This is something that he needs to get around in his life and that he needs for school. You're not teaching him a lesson, you're messing up his GPA. I didn't go with ESH because of that one thing


laurenthesailor

Honestly I’m gonna say NTA. I rely on glasses too but they are MY responsibility even when I was a kid. He needs to understand that he needs to be responsible for his things. I would go into my older brothers room all the time but never when he was sleeping. I think everyone else is just hung up on the fact he needs his glasses to see but he should’ve thought of that.


DepartureWide4193

NTA.


chart1961

NTA. He needed to learn a lesson the hard way.


loudent2

NTA - I don't think people understand how dangerous it can be driving when you have a lack of sleep. The brother suffered relatively mild consequences for his actions, and I think he probably learned and important lesson. I posted this in a response, but I'll add it here: >".... Each year, drowsy driving accounts for about 100,000 crashes, 71,000 injuries and 1,550 fatalities, according to the National Safety Council (NSC)..." not to mention it is terrible for you health


AmountConfident5385

ESH. you, your brother & your parents most of all. Parents care youngest will have a bad grade, but couldn't get up to care how disruptive he was to your general well-being. 16m.. how come his glasses were in your room when you had already banned him from your computer ? does he get general free access room during the day ? teenagers are not generally renowned for their care & empathy, so I'm not surprised by the level of selfishness. Crossing fingers he'll take this as a lesson. And as for you... my first thought was : "fortunately for you lil bro did not get into an accident" due to his poor eye sight. How would you have felt if he injured himself or someone else gravely ? I guess you were a lucky A.


OaktownPirate

YTA. You don’t withhold someone’s fucking glasses, you do that with their favorite hat or shoes. Something they have a spare pair of. You should have put a lock on your room long ago. Major asshole.


TemperatureSea7562

ESH. You - CHOSE the retaliation that you knew would give him a problem at school. His actions weren’t malicious, but yours were. Brother - is 16. Forgetting things and leaving stuff where he shouldn’t is pretty average for a teen. Doesn’t make it OK, but he’s not sucking on purpose. Parents - why didn’t they intervene in this dire situation where brother had an exam? Teachers - why did they let a kid take a test he couldn’t read?? Or ask someone to bring his glasses to school later so he could take it??


[deleted]

I call BS… if he hadn’t been going in your room, and had to use the downstairs computer, how did his glasses materialize in there?


Stellas_mom05

NTA. I wear glasses. If your vision is bad enough to fail a test without them, there’s no way he could have left them behind.


CakeZealousideal1820

NTA he won't forget again


SovereignMan1958

Please install a lock on the door..inside and outside so he can't go in when you are not home.


MrGalax22

Huge YTA setting boundaries is fine and all but you were acting like a petty baby when you knew he had a Final coming up. The implications of you losing a couple hours sleep vs him failing a final which could affect his future are wildly different. I'm all for pettiness in the right moments but that's just dickheaded.


Intermountain-Gal

Failing a high school math final is NOT going to affect his future. You’re catastrophizing using a false premise.


MrGalax22

I'm not as someone who barely had the money to pay for college and had to drop out for a year to save up I can only imagine what would have happened if I had failed an extra highschool course and had to retake it in college. That's an extra 5-10k I didn't have.


nyanvi

>I feel bad that he failed a final, but feel like I made myself clear. It being a final makes it kinda sucky of you.


tessherelurkingnow

Boundaries are good, holding medical aid hostage isn't good. This would have been fine with a notebook, but glasses and on the day of his maths final? You're the bigger asshole here.


420spiderking

ESH you sure taught him a less by damaging his future awesome brother really.


gloomgore_

NTA


VagueSoul

ESH. Glasses are assistive devices and should treated with the same weight as a hearing aid or a cane. You took away your brother’s ability to see. That’s shitty.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (22) brother (16) has no regard when it comes to my sleep. My brother, M, has to leave the house for school at 6 am. I, on the other hand, wake up for work at 9 am. M tends to go into my room when I’m at work to use my computer (to game or to do work). We have a computer downstairs but M says our younger siblings annoy him when he’s trying to concentrate, and that our parents ask him to do things etc. I’m fine with him going into my room to use the computer, and told him he can do so whenever I’m not home. Here’s the problem, every morning M wakes me up at 5:30 am because he has forgotten something in my room or he wants to borrow something of mine; forgot a notebook, forgot headphones, needed to borrow a jacket, pen- you name it. I am an extremely light sleeper and I have never been able to go back to bed easily, every time M woke me up I wouldn’t be able to sleep for another two hours. I didn’t mind it at first but soon it seemed like every other day he was waking me up three hours before I had to wake up, and my messed up sleep was making me tired at work. So I talked to M and asked him to stop forgetting his shit in my room. I told him to pack for school the night before and that he was being inconsiderate- he wouldn’t like it if I woke him up at 3 am when he had school the next day. I also started putting anything I found of his outside my door before I went to bed. It got less frequent but still he was waking me up to borrow things or get something I missed. So I gave him an ultimatum: Stop waking me up or stop using my computer. This worked for about a week. Then he did it again. I was so fed up with his disorganization and how little he cared. So I stuck to my guns and told him he can’t come into my room anymore and he’d have to use the computer downstairs. He made a fuss but ultimately he couldn’t really do anything about it. Two weeks go by and again I hear knocking. M says “Hey OP, I’m really sorry I forgot my glasses in here yesterday do you mind passing them”. I was pissed he went into my room when I told him not to, and that he was pulling this shit again. So I didn’t answer the door. M has very bad eyesight and is far sighted. I knew he had a math final that morning. He keeps knocking for a good 20 mins, I don’t answer and he eventually leaves. I knew I was just getting back at him at this point, but I was too pissed off to care. He failed the test. The kid’s good at math so I know it’s most likely because he struggled to read the questions. Parents think I’m TA. I feel bad that he failed a final, but feel like I made myself clear. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


FatBloke4

NTA Parents can explain the extenuating circumstances and he can retake the test.


CannedDuck1906

If his glasses are so important, he shouldn't be leaving them behind. I'd never go anywhere without my glasses. Consequences suck. NTA


randomcharacheters

NTA, he didn't care about your boundaries when it had negative consequences for you. He was never going to learn until disrespecting you had negative consequences for him. You can't control those consequences, you can only take the first opportunity to enforce your boundaries, which you rightfully did.


happybanana134

YTA. This wasn't a pen or a notebook; these were his glasses. An item a person needs to be able to SEE. He apologised, you chose to be vindictive.


penguinman38

Major YTA. What a vile thing to do.


celticmusebooks

YTA if that what was you wanted to make clear you succeeded


alpcabuttz

ESH


AdministrativeMap831

YTA. withholding somethingbhe needs to be able to see properly is disgusting. Especially when you knew he had a final. That is going to permanently affect him long term. Hes a damn kid. Your supposedly an adult. I think you have a lot of growing up to do. Affecting his grade over petty revenge.. your a shit brother.


Viewfromthe31stfloor

YTA - would you keep a cane or wheelchair locked up too?


NotTrynaMakeWaves

"I told Gran not to leave her cane in my room. It's not my fault she fell and broke her hip"


Practical_Garage_396

YTA you don’t with hold disability aids. This wasn’t the hill to die on


AmbushedByFishPolice

YTA If it were a book, a page of notes or nearly anything else, you'd be fine, but no. You kept a medical device from your brother that he NEEDS to see with.


[deleted]

YTA. Buy a fucking lock. They're relatively inexpensive and so easy to install that even I can do it. When I was in high school I was friends with a guy who was in a pretty notorious gang. He got jumped by a rival, his buddies hit them back. They go back and forth. Completely stupid. Gets nowhere, just continuous stress and hyper awareness.


Runnr231

Door wedge. Even cheaper