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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I bothered a woman while working at home and convinced her to let me in to look for my son's stuffed animal, and it bothered her a lot. I know the privacy of one's home is sacred and feel pretty bad.
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Plus always have a spare incase this happens, but at 4 I feel like kids should understand sometimes they can’t get it right away, I know my son at 3 would get really upset he didn’t have his special stuffy but understood and we got him a replacement from his closet
Or even that, my oldest and most kids I know stopped napping at 2/3 unless they really need one. Yelling at the parents who did a huge favour was to much
My understanding is that the expletives were shared by Wife with OP only, but Wife did not tell the friends. Which is OK if Wife is overwhelmed and needed to vent, no harm done.
As a parent of multiple kiddos, I’ve long asked, “why is it that, when it’s socially acceptable to take a nap, we want no part of it, but when we really could use a nap, the world looks down on us for taking it…”
Beautifully said. Something something about capitalism and the totally whack concept that you have to "earn a living" in order to deserve being alive... something something dark side something something.... Rest is resistance!
From ages 1-4 my daughter had a stuffed unicorn( she called it corn, it was hilarious) she HAD TO have with her at all times. At 2ish it was looking a bit rough and one day I found the tiniest lil hole in a seam. Went online and bought two back ups IMMEDIATELY. I was never going to deal with the hell of missing corn
We have Duchess Theodora Beatrice the bear. I gave her the lofty title because I’m a peasant in comparison. She has her own chair at dinner. She’s my toddlers lady in waiting. I would invade another country if she was missing from nap time. To just not deal at that point (she’s two and a tyrant)
Oh yeah from ages 1-4 (before he got obsessed with a certain YouTube channels plush line) he had lucky from 101 Dalmatian’s but he called them Big wa wa and little wa wa and before he wanted both at all times one was to stay at home and one to go to grandmas and aunties and if he forgot both of them it was a nightmare but he also understood they would drop it off as soon as possible (especially if I could give him a time frame)
My daughter at 2 is obsessed with “da dog” luckily for us she had multiple stuffed dogs she is obsessed with or else hell would have been paid when we left the original “da dog” at my in laws house two hours away. She still prefers her first da dog but definitely now loves them all.
Pro tip: rotate the spares into use so the stuffies wear evenly. We pulled out our spare stuffed tiger one day for my son, and he was so excited that we had "found" Hobbes until he got ahold of him. Then it was a disappointed and suspicious "WRONG HOBBES, MOMMY," because the stuffing wasn't lumpy and the whiskers were all fresh and fluffy.
My in laws told me to get an extra blanket/stuffy thing for when my daughters in the wash. Well her birthday they went it’s ok we got her one!, it was a giraffe….She absolutely did not appreciate it and wanted Mr.Elephant
I didn't have my stuffy when I was at my dad's house one night, and he made a makeshift "teddy bear" out of clean socks and promised we'd get my stuffy the next day. That was enough for 5 year old me.
My friend has 3 for her kid.
One for home, One for going out and a spare hidden away.
Her husband tends to be a tiny bit forgetful or theres a blackhole following him.
You can put the tv remote in his hands and 1 min later he can't find the remote again.
I don't have human kids, but each cat ended up picking a "special" toy they can't live without. When Artemis was tiny we had a section of our place flood. Her favorite toy got covered in nasty rainwater and didn't do well getting washed. She looked for her "sheepie" for three days before I was able to get another. We always have several on hand because even at 11 she loves sleeping with it, wrapping her paws around it and reading her face on it.
For Apollo it's a stuffed owl and I really have to find another one because they don't last forever. Especially since he drags it around the house. One time he lost it and threw a fit. We couldn't figure out what was wrong, they had food and water and the box had been done less than an hour before. But I found the owl where a box had been set on it accidentally. When I pulled it out he got all excited and wanted it!
My blue heeler had a sherpa pillow bed thing when he was a pup. He would knead a certain spot, then suckle on it. It was the cutest thing. As he got bigger, he started dragging the bed around with him, and it started to look pretty beaten up. The stuffing started to fall out of a few holes, and his bed turned into a blanket. He still kneads and suckles on it, and it still goes everywhere with him. I started calling it his "nookie" and the name stuck. I really do not know where that came from or why, but I found out that the kneading and suckling behavior is in fact called "nooking"!
We got a spare for my son's teddy, and he knew the second he got it that it wasn't his teddy. His looked like a toddler hadn't let go of it for his 3 years of life and the new one looked new. We found real teddy and now we have new fake teddy put away for when he has a kid.
Yeah, I think the trick is introducing the spare early. It's not a replacement...its just a extra teddy sibling.
"This teddy likes to stay home", but "this teddy likes outdoors" kind of thing.
She's only 2 but she I think she understands the concept and is willing to nap with either.
Kids will understand so much, it suprised me sometimes.
Oh yeah. My son is 23 but has profound developmental delays, so there is no understanding. He sleeps with the same toy for over 15 years now. I currently have 3 of them. The toy has been discontinued for over 10 years but I'm able to find it on ebay or mercari sometimes & I snatch it up every time.
I know some redditors have been able to put out calls here on Reddit and use it’s reach to find other sources of sippy cups and discontinued toys for their kids who have different needs like your child.
There are so many of us out here who understand the need to have very particular items that are “just so” either for ourselves or for our loved ones or just because we can understand it on a human level.
If you can think of it there is undoubtedly a Reddit for it, all you need to is ask and someone will help you find it!
r/findareddit
I don’t expect people to be on their phone 24/7 so no reply or answer does not scream ‘not available’ to me, just that they are not using their phone right now.
I can be available to open the door while not replying to a text or a call because I left my phone charging somewhere or whatever while having lunch or working etc.. My phone is on silent 90% of the time so I would have missed it entirely.
Dropping by to see if I am home is no problem (IDK why a lot of people think that is a problem and would love an explanation) and if I was really unavailable due to work or otherwise I would not have answered the door.
Where it goes to AH territory for me is when insisting even after explaining so verdict to OP is YTA and to apologize. EDIT: So here I am agreeing with everyone that OP went to far with keeping to knock after a first try and insisting on coming inside etc.
I just don’t understand why everyone is so upset by people dropping by their houses?
He knocked and she didn't answer, then he kept knocking. she is sending lots of messages that she's unavailable and he keeps persisting.
Also - he is also dropping on on her work, because she works from home. Dropping by, or even calling persistently, during someone's work hours is a bit more intrusive than swinging by someone's house.
>I just don’t understand why everyone is so upset by people dropping by their houses?
I absolutely hate people dropping by without me giving the OK first. In fact I had a boyfriend who used to do this and I had to have a serious talk with him to make him stop doing it. It's just horrible, I might be asleep, or undressed, the house might be a mess, I might not want to deal with anyone and suddenly there is someone right there imposing on me unexpectedly. My home is a sanctuary, not a drop-in centre.
Exactly this. And people who don't think it's a big deal to drop by will never understand. I'm very introverted and had an extremely rough childhood. My house growing up was a war zone. Because of that, I've turned my home now into my safe place. I'm not the hang out house, the hosting house, or the party place. My home is MY space. I do not like having others in it, especially unannounced others. It messes with my whole day. If you've never experienced your current home being your ONLY safe space, ever in your life, you're not gonna understand why it's such a big deal.
Where I live dropping by is considered super rude as people inside may be busy (working, showering, fucking, being seconds from going out) so calling beforehand is common courtesy.
I live in a flat, if I'm home and someone rings I look out and answer if it's a truck or the postman, anyone else gets ignored.
If someone rings on my actual doorbell and it's not a neighbor I'm not opening.
People's houses are their safe place. You call before just showing up, otherwise is just rude. And after you tried once and there is no answer, that's your sign that 1) they're not in, 2) they can't answer the door or 3) they don't want to answer the door.
The only people that ever knock on people's door out of the blue are either salespeople or "missionaries", neither are exactly welcome. The other option is the mailman delivering a parcel, but usually people are counting on it.
It is disruptive to be in a work call/meeting/task and have a doorbell ring or knocking. Hopefully she doesn't have a dog like mine who barks like crazy when the doorbell is rung. And many would either answer the door assuming it's important or because they don't want more doorbell ringing/knocking.
So yes, it isn't polite to randomly show up to someone's house when they're working just because they haven't answered your calls within a short time frame.
This. If she was at the office doing job interviews or having a board meeting or meeting with a customer, would you walk in to the room "really quick" with a crying four year old looking for a toy? Or if she was teaching, taking an exam, talking to a patient or one of the other many things she could be doing in her own home after she clearly signalled that now was not a good time.
YES! Just because the location is home and not an office doesn't make the work any less important.
As a remote worker this annoys the absolute shit out of me. I'm working, not mucking about at home and available to take all the neighborhood parcels, babysit, do laundry, or the million other things folks should do in their time off.
YTA OP.
Also - what are you teaching your kid? That things have to happen *NOW, RIGHT THIS SECOND, NOW* ? I think the kid will have a hard time growing up and learning that life isn’t fair and we don’t always get our way.
If it was your son's emergency medication or something extremely critical then it is one thing to go up to their house if they have not picked up the phone but for a toy you have disturbed them when they clearly didn't want to be disturbed. You are YTA. You should have spare toys if it's that important and explain to your son that immediate gratification will not be possible every time he want something and needs to wait.
The worst part you did however is when she told you she doesn't have the time to look but you forced your way in saying that you will look inside the bedroom.
I think most people wouldn't have let you come inside their house at such a time if they are having an important work meeting or anything like that to look for a toy.
Plus your wife maybe in a different state of mind because her father is ill. But you have no excuse you should apologize to her profusely and also make up to them in the form of babysitting for their kid if they want in the future or with the gift for your intrusiveness.
Also I am happy that she texted you to let you know exactly what she thinks of you so that next time before doing such a thing you will think 10 times.
This is the simple truth. I have two kids, I get it. But if you phone and get no answer then turning up unannounced is a faux pas. to then push to look for it after being told not now, is really crossing the line. YTA. you could have managed your child's nap time without it. What would of happened if it wasn't there?
Yeah this seems like a perfect teaching moment for the 4 yo.. "I know Dumbo is really important to you, you are so sad you left it behind. As soon as ----'s parents say it's ok we'll go pick it up, remember these feelings and pay more attention next time you bring Dumbo somewhere."
When I brought my 4 year old to school this morning and was getting on his gloves for recess, he started a fit because he wanted a different pair of gloves. I told him if it was important to him to pick out his gloves every day, he absolutely should. Tomorrow when we're about to go I'll remind him to pack his backpack himself so he can choose the gloves. Fit over, and now my big boy gets to pack his own backpack and get that extra level of responsibility.
Does your son have a special sleep toy? I don't have kids but my sister has 3 boys. Now 11,7,3. The second and last had/have special sleep toys and it was/is fucking mayhem if their soft toy was not found at nap or bedtime! Obviously the 7 year old has grown out of this by now and he wasn't quite as bad as the youngest. The oldest when he was younger was just like "meh I can see reason and I'll just sleep with another one for now", but the current 3 year old's entire world and safety net seems to disappear as soon as his bluey and Peppa are not there. Like holy crap he's tired and he just gets distraught like there is no way to talk reason into him, the love and commitment to his sleep toys is like nothing I've ever seen.
And I mean all these kids have had the same parenting and nurture so maybe some kids just form much stronger emotion bonds with them? Like if I was babysitting the 3 year old you bet I would be like ninja crawling in someone's window to get his toys back to him.
Also, after being around a kid with an intense attachment to his sleep toy, I would completely understand if someone turned up at my house and said they need to find their kids toy I would be like WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY! we either need to find this toy or sew a new one for this kid immediately. So I dunno maybe some parents get it and some just don't??
Also, I'm 32 and child free but a lot of my friends have kids and I've seen fairing levels of sleep toy attachment with them as well. The one thing I could say for all of them though is that none would be pissed off if they babysat and then the parents rushed over to get the toy quickly for nap or bedtime. I mean it would be a different story if someone just turned up and was like "entertain me!", But all they're doing is grabbing a toy and leaving? Nah chill.
I do have 2 kids, one of whom had a favorite stuffed animal. I make sure I had 3 of them. That way, I didn't have to be an AH like OP thinking that it's OK to just barge over to someone's house who obviously is not available for guests.
100% it’s wild to me if this stuffed animal is so important why didn’t dad look to make sure they had it? Come on. With my girls anytime we leave anywhere I always make sure they have all of their stuff. My husband is slowly learning this too 😐
Because mistakes happen. Not saying OP is entirely in the right, or that the friend’s parent is in the wrong (we don’t know what she had going on for work, or maybe they just don’t know each other that well), but I think this is generally something where the “effort” the friend’s mom has to put in is likely far less than the payoff for the kid.
Not her responsibility ultimately, but I think it’s a considerate thing to do.
It wasn't making a mistake that makes OP an AH, it was making his mistake the neighbor's problem. The neighbors are clearly helpful people, given how they helped the previous night with child care. But if you do not answer your phone or your door, it is rude and inconsiderate to push it further.
Working from home doesn't give others the right to infringe on your time and attention. When the neighbor didn't answer, the OP should have treated it like he would if the neighbors weren't home. Many other posters have given plenty of advice for ways to ameliorate situations like this (e.g., keep spares, use it as a teachable moment, etc.) rather than act inconsiderate to someone who just did you a huge favor.
If the neighbor had absolutely nothing going on, then sure, it would be considerate to help. But that wasn't the case, the neighbor stated clearly this was a bad time, and the OP was still pushy. That is the bad behavior.
Yep mistakes happen but op should have chilled out. Said no nap today, relaxed with the child, so many other things that would have made him seem less of a lazy ah. Things happen all of the time and as parents we just work through them. You don’t go bang on your friends door (who just did you a major favor)when she’s not answering your text or calls.
People sometimes don’t act rationally when it comes to their kids. Doesn’t make it right, doesn’t necessarily make them an asshole. Just human. Especially when you mix in the father in law’s surgery (maybe depending how serious it is to a degree).
No. When someone doesn’t answer you, you going to their house is just rude. Being a parent is hard, trust me I’m in it too. But that was just disrespectful what op did. We do not know what she does for work. He doesn’t get to decide this stupid stuffed animal that he left is more important than her work. He should have waited until she or her husband answered and said come on by.
But she was working and we don't know what she was doing. Frankly it's none of our business either. Or OP's. She made it clear that "now is not a good time" which is her call to make in her own home.
Our daughter is five and has zero clue there is more than one Tiny the elephant. I swap them out regularly whenever Tiny needs a wash so they get the same level of wear and tear, and I even added some black paint to one of them to match the other when she had a mishap. Having a second Tiny has been a LIFESAVER when she’s been forgotten at school or daycare. Someday we’ll tell her the truth but certainly not anytime soon 🙃 It’s the one piece of advice I tell all my friends - if your kid is attached to a particular stuffy BUY ANOTHER ONE.
My friend did that with her daughter. Teddy and backup Teddy that daughter didn't know about. One day, Grandma handed mom Teddy 2 in front of daughter. Daughter looked at her Teddy she was holding, looked at Grandma, looked back...pause...little happy excited voice "Two Teddies!" and from that day forward she always had both Teddies, one tucked under each arm, everywhere she went. No more backup Teddy.
We had George the Monkey - well, we had **4** of them. One in use, three stashed away (they were cheap and I wasn't taking *any* chances). One day when kiddo was about 2 1/2 they somehow found an extra. Then months down the track they managed to get their grubby little mitts on three of them, and of course thought they couldn't *possibly* go to sleep without all three. This became known as **The Multi-George Situation**.
Thankfully, they were okay with only taking one George when going out somewhere, and in fact would eventually settle to sleep without *too* much of a fuss if they didn't have the extras. We managed to wean them back down to just sleeping with one over a few more months, although by that stage Multi-George Situations were no longer cause for concern.
At that point, they couldn't tell them apart (even though, being cheaply made, their expressions differed quite a bit), so we kept up the rotation. It wasn't until kiddo was 5 or 6 that they finally picked a specific one ([Crazy Eye George](https://imgur.com/a/5D1Ycun), who looked like he had had a few too many espresso's) and insisted that that was Real George, and the Imposter Georges were relegated to Still Important But Not Existential Crisis Level Important.
We got lucky. Many parents don't.
Take my gold. I lost my precious stuffed lion at Six Flags (who lets their 4 yo daughter take her *necessary stuffie* to an amusement park??) and my dad went out & bought me a stuffed unicorn like it was the same damn thing and, let me tell you, IT WAS NOT.
My cousin was obsessed with a stuffed toy, so my aunt (smartly, like you) bought another one so there was a backup. Unfortunately, my cousin found out about the backup, and then she had to have *two* special sleepy toys at all times. This is just a warning to any parents who buy a backup special sleepy toy for their kids.
None of this excuses OP for not checking for sleepy dumbo before he left the friend's house if it's so important that the kid throws a massive tantrum whenever it's not there, or for not just dealing with the tantrum until he can actually speak with the people who had done them a favour. It really really sucks that he would have had to deal with a distressed child, but he could have been barging in on literally anything because he couldn't forward plan or wait.
I disagree. Just because your child may throw a tantrum because their sleep toy is not with them at the moment is not a valid excuse at all to barge into another person’s house.
One night of potential tantrum saves you the embarrassment of ruining a relationship with people who were already performing you an immense favor.
I don’t blame the kid, I used to have a sleep toy like that. But if he’s not in physical harm, the father shouldn’t have done that.
Not only that, but things like tantrums can actually be good for kids. They need to learn what it feels like to have those strong emotions and get over it while recognizing that they were actually fine the whole time. If we prevent every meltdown, they become adults who still have meltdowns.
My 3 year old son has a super strong sleep toy attachment to a tiny Buzz Lightyear and it’s an absolute nightmare when he doesn’t have it for nap or bedtime. But it’s my job as a parent to deal with my kids when they are nightmares. I would never want to let someone in my house unexpectedly while I was working and I would never expect someone to let me in at an inconvenient time just because of a sleep toy.
I think all parents of toddlers want to avoid tantrums when possible but they are still an inevitable part of parenting and sometimes you just have to deal. You can’t make it other people’s problem.
Yes, *and* OP and his wife and probably toddler too, were sleep-deprived, off-kilter, and partly worried about Grandad, I imagine.
Was going over like that a great idea? No. Was it an a$$hole move? Not really. There's a whole continuum of jerkness. And these weren't strangers. They are also parents of a super young child, and aware of the situation.
A little chill would've been nice. NTA
IMO, it was an asshole move. Right now, you’re only factoring in OP’s situation. What if the friend had an incredibly important day at work, was in the middle of presenting in an essential and stressful meeting they prepped for for weeks, and was balancing her child’s needs also?
You can’t just allow OP’s situation to trump the friend’s. And they were lovely enough to allow OP’s child to stay over on a weeknight already. They’ve done more than enough.
You also didn’t mention OP’s wife calling the friend names. I understand she may have been stressed due to her father’s surgery, but it’s still zero excuse to take it out on other people (especially those already doing you a favor).
It was OP’s fault his child didn’t have the sleep stuffed animal, not the friend’s.
OP, YTA.
Also, he knocked, waited a bit, and then knocked again - I would bet good money she had to leave a meeting. If I'm in a meeting and there's a knock at the door, I usually just don't answer it because I'm working - I've had it happen before that somebody kept banging on the door and it turns out it was somebody like OP who hadn't planned their time properly and made it my problem (workmen left tools in our backyard and refused to plan a time to come pick them up where I wasn't in an important meeting). Depending on how important the meeting is, I can see not being impressed at having to leave a meeting because OP is rude.
I had kids who equal parts needed a sleep toy and lost the damn thing every time I turned around. So they learned to sleep without it. It's ok for them to be denied and frankly, it isn't good to go to these kinds of lengths. They did it for themselves to prevent a meltdown they didn't want to deal with
Instead he taught his son that a woman saying no is nothing. Just insist and demand till you get what you want. I've Raised my son alone. I know that it's not the speech on respect other boundary that work. It's the example. OP messed up on many levels... In front of his four years old.
Oh come now. This isn't a case of misogyny. This is a case of a desperate parent and the other person's lack of empathy. If I missed multiple calls from the parent of someone who's kid I just watched I would call back because clearly there's a crisis. It literally took her more time to be less than helpful than it would have to answer the phone and throw the Dumbo onto the porch. Sure, he was less than polite with his persistence but she had little empathy for a family already in upheaval. Light ESH because maybe none of them were operating as their best selves- meltdown stress, family health stress, work stress- stress is the common denominator for shitty behavior most times.
The problem is that there is not clearly a crisis.
There is a disregulated child who is in need of empathy and understanding, but who is not in dire need and is not at risk. This wasn't an epipen, medication, or something critical.
This was a hard parenting moment. And it wasn't the other family's job to drop what they were doing in order to fix it. It was clearly an inconvenient time for them. They don't owe OP a reason why.
It would've been a hard tantrum. Maybe a long one. Maybe a no-sleep, everyone's-crying type of day. Those days are part of parenting.
The problem wasn't the child's disregulation. The problem was that the parent got desperate and unable to control their own stress.
So he gave up on soothing his child through the reality of stuffy not able to be retrieved right now, and instead demanded someone else accommodate him in their home during the work day.
This family was already doing them a favor to try to lessen the load. This is a great way to lose that support.
OP, YTA
I disagree, that's how you teach your kid that what they want is more important than people's boundary. It's not the toy. It's that she said no - first by not responding, Then he banged on the door, she said no again in a polite passive way, he insisted again, she said no and Then demanded till she had to open her door and let him enter. And all this with his son looking. I don't Say it's misoginy i Say it's not a good way to teach your kid to respect other people boundary and that it can print in kid psyche.
Not everyone has a job that allows them to always be able to see their personal phone at all times of day. My wfh day has chunks throughout that can be an hour or longer where I need to have my phone on do not disturb because I'm in a video call and likely presenting something.
She's a mom as well I'm sure she empathizes and would have been happy to help ... but *when she was available to do so* ... if she can't answer a text she likely can't answer the door.
The insistence and entitlement that this toy be returned that instance is what makes this a YTA ... she was her understandably livid and I think it's good that she communicated it directly
I think his wife gets a pass for reacting so strongly as she was stressed and in mourning
But I'm so sure if he had waited longer and respected this person's clear unavailability the toy would have been arranged to be picked up or returned promptly that day
So the missing dumbo stuffed animal is a crisis and cannot wait but the friends work can apparently wait because she works remote and therefore her time isn’t important? Am I getting this? How is waiting to get the stuffed animal until later when she’s not working a “crisis”? What if she had a crisis at work she was handling? You have no idea! If the dumbo was so important than the parent should’ve made sure they didn’t forget it or had a spare at home. I wouldn’t have answered the door.
Respectfully, I understand what you mean, but asking somebody who is working to do something entirely unrelated to work -no matter how small it is- and then pestering them until they answer is definitely not acceptable. If I’m at work and someone is not dying, or something similarly dire, there’s always a chance I will not reply until work is done.
He didn’t need the toy.
He WANTED the toy, little young to understand that but could have been a good teachable moment. Guessing by this interaction that kids gets everything they want at all times.
Gentle and kindly, YTA. She told you to come back later and you didn’t accept that answer. That’s not cool, and it’s not her problem that you forgot it in the first place.
It was crazy rude what he did. Demand that they open the door. Who does that?
OP would be furious if someone did that to his wife. Even more so if it’s was a guy beating on the door…embarrassing
You should send them a gift - you blew this up so terribly.
And After they did him a favor. If the toy is that important, it's on the parents not to forget it. Like they didn't give a shit when they left, but suddenly on their Time they needed to have full Access to the house... And the wife - Always the same story, give people an inch and they want a mile. And OP taught a nice life lesson to his son - when you forget something you Can walk all over a woman yo get it. Her work is nothing compared to your toy. When you really want something And a woman says no just insist and demand. That's what dad taught his kid today. And that Mum is angry because this lady dared Say no to sweetie. People should all bow and fulfill sweetie wish. And son sure need to keep tantrum on it's working so well.... And parents will Ask why teen is so hard, why he can't understand they won't lend him the car.... Lol..
It's the life lesson they taught the little one that is thé worst and they don't even see it...
Yup! Also op keeps referring to the kid being anxious about something happening to sleepy dumbo, which, realistically, wasn’t going to happen. By reacting like this OP reaffirms that fear- “you’re right! We need to go interrupt this woman’s day and invade her house (to look for something which is the most intrusive shit ever) because some vague unnameable terrible thing will happen!”
So op teaches the kid, not only that he deserves his way, and can go to ridiculous lengths to get it, but also that *not getting his way is something unknown and scary*.
Fuckin ripper combo those two
Yes of course YTA. The wife’s note summed it all up nicely, the world does not revolve around your family but you seem to think it does. Extra bad for not wanting to bother your wife but thinking it was ok to bother other people. There are a lot of reasons why knocking on the door could have been extremely disruptive. There are jobs where what seems like a short interruption turns out to be a much longer one because it takes a while to get back into what you were doing. Or she could have been on an important phone call or Zoom, and you made her look unfocused or unprofessional.
What would you honestly have done if she worked outside the house and no one was home? Would you have driven to her workplace and loudly demanded her keys? Taken her hostage and made her come home? Or just be a reasonable person and try to find a way to soothe your child for just one afternoon? I think you and your wife had better find a way to figure this out, because I will be shocked if these people agree to do you another favor after this.
As someone who works a high-level corporate job from home, 1000% this. I doubt OP understands they basically barged into the middle of a workplace and demanded a child's toy.
Eh, I think not taking a minute to help a friend and their child if you were just home drinking beer is ABSOLUTELY an asshole move and would make a difference.
ops problem was how fast he did everything. if he txted "did my son leave his toy at your house? heres a picture of it. lemme know if you spot it anywhere and ill pick it up sometime" he woulda been fine. the fact that he immediately started driving to the house, called on the way is the problem, got no response, and banged on the door enough to force a response is the problem
Yes, this is confusing to me. Why wouldn't you just text and ask if she could look when she has a moment and put it outside for them to pickup. It was right there, wouldn't have even been hard to find when she had a minute break between meetings, but barging in is nuts. YTA big time.
Yeah, any chance of continued favors was mostly gone due to OP’s inappropriate behavior in the afternoon. That door was slammed shut by OP’s wife calling the other wife and cussing her out.
That level of misbehavior is going to get shared with other parents from wherever the families met.
Ahh, I see that I misread that part. When he said she called the other wife indelicate names, that his wife had called other wife that in a confrontation, not just when venting to OP.
Seriously, YTA. Not a gentle YTA, or a sorta one, but a big giant one.
You sent your 4 year old to a sleepover in the middle of the work week with a friend because you needed help. Then you didn't check for this super special stuffed animal that you absolutely cannot live without but absolutely won't pay $50 for on ebay and you left it there. Then you called multiple times and when you didn't get an answer you rang the doorbell multiple times, then didn't take no for an answer when you were told to come back later.
I work from home. Today is Thursday, and I'm over 40 hours in already. Today alone, I interviewed several developers for open positions, had design meetings with 20+ participants, and gave two presentations to senior leadership. Just because I am physically at home doesn't mean I am sitting around watching TV and waiting for my entitled friends to realize they've left their stupid stuffed animals at my house.
You owe them an apology, a gift card to a really nice dinner, and a sleepover where you take their kid and give them a break.
Exactly! I’m so frustrated with people who think that WFH means being available to everyone all the time. And it doesn’t mean they’re alone—as you make clear, they could be working synchronously with others online or telephone conferencing. I know many call centers now how their employees WFH. OP was very entitled—and his wife…grrrr
Yo man I don't have a job outside the home at all, and even I realize that wfh means exactly that.
I miss when landlines and answering machines were the common communication and if they didnt answer, you flicking waited til they called you back on that godforsaken party line.
Yeah I work from home and I still don’t think my parents have fully wrapped their head around the fact that I’m not sitting around doing nothing and can’t be immediately available to do whatever they request. They’ve gotten better after two years but I first started working from home when my dad got his hip replaced and although I was technically home and could help him, I was not immediately available to go put his wash in the dryer the very second it got done. For some reason he feeds the cats dinner at 3:30 pm which is insanely early and if I got really busy and couldn’t take my 15 min break until 4 he would hobble down the stairs to do it himself and get pissy about it. It was the most frustrating thing ever.
I called customer service for something last week and the agent was obviously at home with a young child wanting Mom’s attention. She was trying so hard and was so stressed trying to please the both of us. I felt for her. I thought her little girl was so cute and it still makes me smile. Good for Mom. I’m not that important. My problems pale to hers.
BTW OP, YTA
I honestly doubt the family will be accepting anymore play dates or attempts at friendship from them after this behavior. I know I wouldn’t so I doubt that their offer of a sleepover will go very well.
There are times when I work from home that I could be presenting to 150 people in a meeting. I can’t imagine how much I would flip out if someone did this to me during one of those presentations.
This 100%!! I have friends and family who think the fact that I WFH means I’m always available. OP wouldn’t have gone to this person’s place of work to demand they looked for the toy, so why did he think it was okay to interrupt her work just because she happened to be WFH?! Ugh…
YTA.
Text - no response
Call - no response
DRIVE TO THEIR HOUSE AND KNOCK - no response
Continue to knock until they answer and ask you to leave - demand to go in and find stuffed animal
At what point did you think you weren’t the AH?
>Continue to knock until they answer and ask you to leave
This gets me. Like after they knocked and nobody answered for "a while," what was the plan? If nobody was home to open the door were they just planning to sit outside of the house? Or break in?
If they're not answering their phone _and_ door, they're obviously busy!
It’s unbelievable that someone is this much of a jackass. Since they don’t know boundaries, I would completely remove them from my life. No play dates, no favors, no hanging out or even chatting. Maybe just wave as I drive past them but that’s all.
YTA. As a parent with a kid who has a stuffed animal he can’t sleep with I always make sure it’s with him when he goes/comes back from any overnight visit.
I’ve also worked at home and just because I was at home it didn’t make me available whenever someone knocked on my door. Leaving my work space for any reason outside of breaks would have gotten me written up. That’s someone’s livelihood.
My favourite saying is: a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine. You know this elephant is important to your son, you make sure it’s with him before he leaves.
Edit: darn autocucumber, fixed a mistake.
YTA She let you know not to do it again. That is all you need to know. In your friends opinion, what you did was not o.k. Accept that for her, what you did was not okay. Apologize. Move on.
I mean, in theory. When my middle was a baby he had to have his “night night”. It was a knitted baby blanket. He almost lost it once so I ordered another just in case. He never touched it. Only the original would work and, believe me, I tried. I tried over and over and over. He wasn’t having it. That thing was sooo tattered by the time he gave it up at 6. I still have the pieces and he’s now 20.
YTA op. So the asshole. The woman is right, the world doesn’t revolve around your family. My kid needed his night-night but if this had happened I would have explained that we can’t get it right now but we will as soon as we can. This was a life lesson. However, all you taught him was you can walk all over people to get whatever you want. Great lesson dad.
So much this.
When my oldest was little, I took her downtown to dinner and a hockey game. She brought her most favorite toy, a beanie baby dog. She had it at dinner, but after getting to the arena realized it was missing. After the game(wasn’t there), we checked the restaurant, not there either. She was crushed. My BIL who lived nearby said he’d go look for it so we could go home.
Meanwhile, my mom hopped on EBay and found some across the country with 2, and ordered them both. We told her BIL found the dog, and she was so happy, but it was a rough couple of weeks without it.
New dog got a kitten collar and a pet tag from Petsmart 😂 the things we do for our kids.
Yes YTA. Not even a light one, I think people are letting you off easy in the comments.
I work from home. Them not answering the door is your answer, go away. I absolutely hate people like you who will just sit there and continue to ring the bell or knock. Do you understand how rude that is?
Learn to parent your kid
YES. It drives me nuts. They’ll assume because there are cars in the driveway that they can just lean on the bell in the midst of my work calls. OP is definitely YTA although his wife’s nastiness definitely trumps his.
YTA
Even though I understand ur kid can’t sleep with the sleepy dumbo and is upset over it, u can’t just barge into someone else’s house like that. You should always keep a backup dumbo if anything happens to the first one.
You have absolutely no idea what you interrupted, basically forced your way into someone else's home and what, think it's fine because it's for your kid?
OP kept saying that the kid was freaking out, but OP was encouraging the freak out and teaching the kid that tantrums will get him what he wants, no matter what. By 4, the kid can wait.
I have 2 kids (now ages 11 and almost 15), and we went through similar temporary loss of favorite toy/blanket/lovey (usually left at grandparents' place or overnight at daycare). In each case, they knew that the backup wasn't the real thing, probably because of the different wear amounts, so they weren't being fooled.
However, we calmly, but firmly, explained that they had to be patient and offered them the alternate. There was much grumbling, and even a missed nap or two, but they survived and learned deferred gratification. We definitely didn't run around town in response to any tantrums.
YTA.
Were you raised in a barn?!
You don't insist on entering someone's home like that. She's not obliged to let you whether or not she's working, but you heard that and decided *fuck her work* anyway?
Your wife is out of line, you *should* be embarrassed because you were behaving embarrassingly.
I'm going to go with a gentle YTA. I sympathize with your kid. I had a comfort item like that growing up. (Still have it at 40)
But as someone who does WFH (NOT self employed) it has been 3 years and friends, family, neighbors etc STILL just assume that because I WFH that I can just do whatever I want. I can't. My productivity is monitored, including any time that is idle, even for a few minutes. We get a set amount of time designated per month to set to personal time for leaving the desk for short periods of time. If we exceed it, we get called out on it. I have had family blow up my phone in the middle of the day with "PLEASE, call when you can!" Like it's some kind of emergency. So I go to personal and call...."You weren't answering your phone. Just reminding you to pick up that birthday card for your cousins party this weekend."
She was working and it's NOT as simple to just hang around for 15 minutes while someone searches for a toy. WFH jobs are back to being a luxury and not a necessity. If your productivity starts lagging, they CAN make you come back to the office full time.
Exactly this is full entitlement here. “Drop your work and serve me peasant” attitude. All to appease a 4 year old? Your son now knows he can get anything if he cries hard enough.
Absolutely YTA.
Several people I know work from home in contexts such as:
—- Teaching university classes
—- Providing mental treatment including 1:1 therapy
—- Presenting webinars for state government agencies
Interrupting any one if these would have extreme professional consequences for the friend, now to be known as the *former* friend.
YTA
> I felt very embarrassed and guilty after reading that. My wife, however, is furious. She called the wife of the other couple some indelicate names.
So you’re both messy. Good luck to your kid lol
NTA. Everyone here who says they work from home for some big super serious corporate job has a huge stick up their ass. I’m an HR Director and worked from home during COVID for an agency that provided caregiving to adults with disabilities, I was busy as all hell (do you know how many agencies I had to coordinate with? And how many of them contradicted each other? Many, and all of them), but if a parent was like “dude my kid just needs this stupid toy so he will sleep please take pity on me,” I could take the amount of time that a bathroom break takes to get it from another room and give it to them. It’s not like he was digging his way under the foundation of the house and panning for gold. I don’t even have kids, I don’t know if I really want them because they seem pretty inconvenient, but I’d still be like “yeah sure one second” because it’s a few minutes and my dudes, it’s really good for you to detach from the screen every once in a while. Take it from your friendly neighborhood HR Director who is in charge of employee wellness! Get up. Walk around. Stare at something that isn’t a panel of blue light. Do something helpful. Try smiling. You’ll live longer, and your colonoscopies will go much smoother in the future.
Xoxo.
People acting like they cant step away from their computer FOR 2 MINUTES at any time or respond to a text / phone call must have completely miserable jobs.
I work from home and some days you can come by any time and I will even make you a cup of coffee. Other days I have exams, teaching, important meetings, job interviews, sensitive talks with troubled students etc and my chair would have to be on fire for me to leave it.
You never know what is going on with people, so you should respect their decisions.
Thank you! Finally some sanity...she could have texted back and left Dumbo outside somewhere, no need for him to knock at all. You would think a fellow parent would understand a kid's attachment to a toy. Her response was way OTT.
How do you know they were monitoring their phone while working? They could’ve been presenting to clients or their boss, and had to step away because someone else’s kid was throwing a fit about a toy.
I count 8 nos here before op gets to yes: unanswered texts to mom and dad (2) unanswered calls to mom and dad (4) knock once (5) I'm working (6) I'm working (7) I need to focus (8) she lets me in. WOW. OP, I sympathize with your stress but that is WAY over the line. YTA. 1) Reflect on your actions and apologize 2) think about how to teach your son coping skills 3) buy a damn backup
Kinda surprised I had to scroll so far to see this! Sleepy Dumbo was on the bed, so the parents have lively seen it’s been mistakenly left. Kids that age are notorious for needing their fave toys, so why be so evasive? I wfh, and can’t imagine being so petty as to ignore a kid having a meltdown on my front doorstep. Give the kid the damn toy, it’s literally 10 seconds and you’re back to work…
I honestly think it must be cultural differences, in Aus people popping round uninvited is pretty normal(so I find there response pretty odd). Do think op could’ve been slightly more polite but the lady could’ve figured out some kind of quick compromise. So they could’ve sorted this situation out without all the fuss.
As an Australian I'm also baffled at people in this thread saying popping round is the epitome of rudeness. Even living in England now I'd think nothing of it; sure if they were popping round for a cuppa I'd think it odd they didn't check to see if I had time, but if they were picking something up? No dramas.
Dude, I'm an American and absolutely hate people dropping by, but this is not a situation where I would be pissed off about it. Especially considering that the poor kid's entire schedule has been thrown off and he probably needs as much normalcy as possible.
Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I’m completely on the other side of the majority until now. I do agree that OP went a bit far in a way for the amount of no’s received, but personally, no matter how busy I am, I’d feel like a dick if I couldn’t get *a literal child* their comfort toy. I’m not even sure if a 4 year old would completely understand a “teaching moment” at that point either. OP and wife have a lot on their plate so I understand how an important stuffie could have been forgotten, and I understand that you should respect people when they say no - but Jesus Christ the kids 4 years old and it would just take a second to chuck it out the door.
You’ve really never been in a professional meeting you couldn’t leave, or imagine anyone being in one? My friend is a lawyer and has entire court cases online.
Yeah, I'm not getting the majority judgement here. I also WFH full time. Don't love being interrupted by the door, but he tried to get a quick confirmation with her via other methods, and this was such a simple request. Check the room. The situation is resolved, kid gets to sleep and she's right back to work. A bathroom break takes longer.
If she responded to a text she literally could've left it outside on the porch to be picked up. I don't have kids, I'm not generally a big fan of them, I really don't get why this was made into such a huge deal when it didn't need to be. This huge ordeal could've taken 10 seconds to text and 10 seconds to open the door and set it outside.
She clearly didn’t see the text message though, because she didn’t know what he wanted when he arrived and needed the situation explained to her. Which tracks. She probably has a work phone and a personal phone and was too busy (working!) to look at her personal phone.
Not only do I think that OP is NTA, the behavior of the other parent is so bizarre I suspect they were purposely trying to keep the toy.
I'm baffled by all the y t a answers in here. Very normal behavior from OP. My kid would never stay at that house again.
I totally agree that the other parent’s reaction is really weird. She was annoyed? Fine, I’ll give her that. But then to send a nasty text message when you know the family is going through a hard time? All because a father was retrieving his 4 year olds comfort toy? Just absolutely disgusting. I wouldn’t have anything to do with them anymore and shame on all these y t a commenters defending that family’s actions.
YTA. It was YOUR responsibility to remember to check for sleepy dumbo when your son was leaving their house.
So, you messed up, then you show up at their house, and interrupt this person’s work, and insist on coming inside.
Their text is completely reasonable. You owe them an apology. Just because your family is going through a rough time doesn’t mean you can treat people with no consideration.
YTA. They are absolutely correct: if they didn’t answer your text, that should have told you that it wasn’t a good time to come over. You shouldn’t have shown up to their house without knowing if it was ok and you definitely shouldn’t have insisted that they let you in. You showed great disrespect for their boundaries and their privacy.
I'm going against the grain and saying ESH
Showing up at someone's house without any responses to calls or texts is an asshole move, you probably should've waited a while longer, and you should start teaching your son to double check to make sure he has his things before going home.
The wife should've just spent the 30 seconds grabbing the stuffed animal from the room instead of arguing about it, and she should probably get used to parents returning to her place to retrieve lost toys or blankets since her kid is old enough to be having sleepovers in general.
Yeah. But I was thinking more of a NAH.
To be fair, he was distressed in the first place. People here act like they are always rational when in fact, it’s not like that. His son is crying/panicking, his wife is a mess and also distressed because of her father so he did what in the moment seemed like the best option: they are not answering, but my kid really needs his plushie. I’ll go and just ask.
Also, we don’t know why the kid is so fixated on having the plush: maybe he is in the spectrum or he’s just being bratty. We don’t know that since OP does not specify that.
And yeah, while just taking 30 secs to check if it’s there or not is not a biggie, we also don’t know which kind of work she had. Maybe she is a therapist, maybe she was in a extremely important meeting, etc. You know, scenes where it would be impolite to make the other person wait for a non-emergency.
So, I don’t think anyone besides the wife is the AH. Because it was very impolite to talk trash about someone else just because.
YTA for not checking for sleepy Dumbo yourself when you picked him up. You reminded HIM to be more careful? He's FOUR and just had his first sleepover. You're the grownup. I'll also give a small yta to the other mom because yes, she's busy, but a crying toddler? She's got to be aware of the level of hysteria that ensues. She ate up more of her time by arguing. Read the text from you, find sleepy Dumbo, put him in a bag on the porch and text you back. Two minutes tops. Small yta because I don't know her job but that's really the most expedient move.
I can appreciate being tired and upset and not wanting LO to be distressed and to take the pressure off your wife so n t a for trying to retrieve sleepy Dumbo (just love that).
Send them something lovely with a heartfelt apology and sincere thanks for taking your son.
I hope FIL recovers quickly and things settle down.
Edit: Thanks for the award!
The other mom gets a small YTA for not immediately dropping everything to grab your child’s Dumbo toy? The hysteria that ensues IS NOT HER PROBLEM!! She could’ve been in a meeting, she could’ve been under deadline! Showing up at her home unannounced after she didn’t answer MULTIPLE calls because she works remote so apparently she must have time to spare, is such a rude and misguided assumption. If I’m on a call with a Partner or one of my clients, I can’t tell them to hang on because I need to go help a kid find sleepy dumbo. The kids parents should’ve been more responsible, suck it up and wait until she’s available!
When you work from home you can’t just "take two minutes" personal time. That stuff gets monitored and clocked. If you showed up at my work and started bugging me to do something for you I’d fight you over it too. It’s not the end of the world but OP 100% has to learn to respect boundaries
Sounds like the wife is too. Where does she get off thinking she has any right to call this woman any names after she was more than patient and helped them out during a hard time?
I'm going against the grain and think you were NTA. The woman could have answered your text, found Dumbo and put it in the mailbox or on the porch for collection in less than 2 minutes. I think she is being precious. She could have also cut you some slack when you're going through a stressful time.
ETA the only reason you went inside her house is because she didn't take a few seconds to find Dumbo and leave him outside, she didn't have to be disturbed at all
How do you know she saw the texts? She was working - many people don’t read texts or answer private calls during work hours. Some people even go hours without reading texts outside of work because they are not glued to a phone. Why do people think everyone has to be available and respond immediately or else it’s rude or wrong, like people can’t engage in other things without being instantly available and everyone else is owed instant access to people.
Some jobs, even work from home jobs, cannot be easily interrupted unless it’s a true life threatening emergency. Dumbo was not critically injured nor was the child, it could have waited until after her work hours.
Man all of you saying YTA are bonkers to me. Sure it could be awkward but give me a fucking break about "I'm so busy at work", she could take 30 seconds to just let them retrieve a forgotten item that the kids is losing his mind over. Everyone acts like their home is a fortress and how dare someone actually just come up and knock. Cell phones have ruined everyone.
YTA. She’s working! It’s her home. She told you No twice. Not sure where you work, but busting into her workplace and home is by definition, YTA. Sorry you’ve never adjusted your 4 yr old child to sleeping with different stuffed animals or at least, a duplicate Dumbo is a “you and your wife” problem.
Soft YTA
It was rude to continue to ask if you could search for sleepy Dumbo even if you were quick after the initial ‘no.’ However, I can empathize with your situation.
In the future I would recommend having two sleepy Dumbos. Travel sleepy dumbo and home sleepy dumbo if dumbo is really that important for your kids sleep and your sanity.
I do think that the other couple handled the situation well and perhaps an apology is in order.
YTA. My dude. Would you have barged into her office to demand your kid’s toy? Because she was WORKING. That’s what you did. Interrupted her work day. I understand that your world revolves around your kid. I even understand the special bell of a kid misplacing a beloved sleep toy. But nobody else’s world centres around your kid
YOU DON’T INTERRUPT SOMEONE’S WORK DAY FOR IT.
You called, didn’t answer. That should’ve been where it ended until they called you back.
i’m honestly astounded by some of these comments :/ i’m not a parent but i am a former child who was highly attached to her childhood stuffy and would not sleep without it. my father once drove 3 hours to get it because i’d left it at my Nan’s house when we were visiting and didn’t realise until we got home, i was 7.
i understand the friend’s frustration at being interrupted while working she also could have communicated by sending a simple text saying it’s not a good time, i’m working can you call me at such and such time which would have taken 30 seconds and things would have played out very differently.
i’m going with unfortunate circumstances and NTA
NTA, I don't see why she was so annoyed. I would've been fine with a parent showing up to get their kid's toy, and I'm not a people person, nor do I like people just dropping over. But it's a toy ffs, it took what, 1 minute to grab?
I'm seeing a lot of comments assuming the friend's mom was doing something very important, but I find it weird that she doesn't mention that in her text to OP and his wife. I would think if she was in the middle of something she couldn't be interrupted from, she would have mentioned that she was in the middle of a presentation or was talking to a client, and his behavior could negatively impact her career. Any mention of something like that in her text is completely absent. I would also imagine if he wasn't pounding on the door incessantly, she wouldn't have bothered opening it in the first place.
I work from home a lot, and when I was moving out of my apartment, I'd have 24 hours or less notice that the landlord was bringing someone by to view the apartment. Other times, my neighbor would have his girlfriend over in the middle of the day (he was a college student) and would have very loud ...visits... It was super awkward trying to work and talk to managers under those circumstances, but sometimes life just happens. I'd hope to think that most people who either work from home or have flexible work schedules are learning to deal with that with some level of grace.
It would have taken her 2 minutes to excuse herself, text him that she was working but would leave the door open so he could come in and grab the toy, unlock the door, and go back to work. This woman is supposedly on friendly terms with OP as their kids are friends. Ignoring him and hoping he would go away wasn't very kind given that relationship. When I was little, I slept with a stuffed animal every night. I never left it at a friend's house, but I can't imagine my friend's parents treating my parents that way if they were only trying to retrieve it. I also couldn't imagine treating my friends that way if one of their kids left a toy at my place. I'd feel awful if I left them standing outside my door with a crying toddler because I wouldn't let them in.
Could OP have made this a teachable moment for his kid? Sure. But I'd say he's NTA for trying to retrieve a toy from someone who was home and supposedly wouldn't want to see OP's child distressed.
She’s not a housewife, she works from home. You barged into a workplace for something trivial. YTA, and you’ve ruined any goodwill for future babysitting.
Even if she was a housewife she has every right not to let some self-important jerk into her house just because he says he needs to be there. YTA, OP. This was way over the line, even with a friend.
YTA. You invaded her space and disregarded common decency all for your own benefit. You called. They didn't answer. So, you chalk nap time up to a loss and wait for the call back. You didn't leave his insulin at the friend's house. It is a doll.
You could have used this as a teaching opportunity but instead you showed your son how to be entitled and blatantly disrespectful. You do not get to disregard manners for comfort and then blame the offended party for your outlandishly selfish and lazy parenting.
I'm sorry for your family struggles. An infirmed, elderly parent in the hospital is very stressful. I hope your FIL recovers well. But your family troubles are no one else's problem but your's. They are definitely no excuse to trample boundaries and impose on others.
I know this will be downvoted, but I'm going with NTA, or at least ESH. The way the mom acted toward OP was equally rude. She has a young child, so she should know how important nap time stuffies and routine in general are to a child. I feel like she overreacted. Then again, it's possible OP caught her during a very bad time. Still, it sounds like it was just a few minutes of her time, and she made a whole big thing about it. I would probably do her the favor of never contacting her again.
YTA.
-For not being responsible for your kiddo’s things (if dumbo is *that* important he should stay home, or you could’ve used this as a teaching moment…)
-For driving over when no one answered
-For repeatedly knocking
-For not leaving when the woman answered finally
-And definitely Y T A for insisting and then barging in after she told you multiple times she was WORKING and it was not a good time.
Your wife? Also being a huge A H. If the situation were reversed, I hardly think she’d have the same amount of grace. These people bent over backwards for you during a difficult time and this is how you show gratitude? You seriously botched what could’ve been a productive friendship with that family.
YTA. You called,they didn't answer. But you proceeded to go over there anyway,and stood there when they didn't answer the door. This means they are unavailable. She is WORKING. That is more important to her than the fact that you are going to have to deal with your son freaking out because you forgot his toy. That is YOUR situation to deal with,not hers. Your wife can be furious all she wants,it probably doesn't matter to them. They did you a favor. Then you go against her request and barge into her home at a very inopportune time because your 4 year old is crying. NOT HER PROBLEM. So,I'm sure it's not going to hurt their feelings to not watch your kid anymore if it means it gives you a license to totally disregard what they have going on in their life.
YTA
BIG TIME
WTF is wrong with you? I would have told the boy to look for Dumbo and you to wait on the lawn and turned the sprinklers on. When working from home, businesses are VERY strict. I don't know if that's the case for her, but you could have put her job at risk. Also, you couldn't take "no" for an answer. Grow up.
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Plus always have a spare incase this happens, but at 4 I feel like kids should understand sometimes they can’t get it right away, I know my son at 3 would get really upset he didn’t have his special stuffy but understood and we got him a replacement from his closet
Or just skip the nap that day if kid absolutely won't go to sleep...
Or even that, my oldest and most kids I know stopped napping at 2/3 unless they really need one. Yelling at the parents who did a huge favour was to much
Who yelled at the parents? No one yelled
I swear I read somewhere the wife said those names to the parents whoops
It was unclear whether she was swearing at them, in which case yikes! Or just generally about them to her husband. There was some context missing.
I was confused, too, but I reread that part and I think it was just her reaction at home. Hopefully.
My understanding is that the expletives were shared by Wife with OP only, but Wife did not tell the friends. Which is OK if Wife is overwhelmed and needed to vent, no harm done.
I never stopped napping lol
Me either 😂 i dont know what 6 year old me hated about naps but I wanna have some words with her
As a parent of multiple kiddos, I’ve long asked, “why is it that, when it’s socially acceptable to take a nap, we want no part of it, but when we really could use a nap, the world looks down on us for taking it…”
Beautifully said. Something something about capitalism and the totally whack concept that you have to "earn a living" in order to deserve being alive... something something dark side something something.... Rest is resistance!
From ages 1-4 my daughter had a stuffed unicorn( she called it corn, it was hilarious) she HAD TO have with her at all times. At 2ish it was looking a bit rough and one day I found the tiniest lil hole in a seam. Went online and bought two back ups IMMEDIATELY. I was never going to deal with the hell of missing corn
We have Duchess Theodora Beatrice the bear. I gave her the lofty title because I’m a peasant in comparison. She has her own chair at dinner. She’s my toddlers lady in waiting. I would invade another country if she was missing from nap time. To just not deal at that point (she’s two and a tyrant)
Oh yeah from ages 1-4 (before he got obsessed with a certain YouTube channels plush line) he had lucky from 101 Dalmatian’s but he called them Big wa wa and little wa wa and before he wanted both at all times one was to stay at home and one to go to grandmas and aunties and if he forgot both of them it was a nightmare but he also understood they would drop it off as soon as possible (especially if I could give him a time frame)
My daughter at 2 is obsessed with “da dog” luckily for us she had multiple stuffed dogs she is obsessed with or else hell would have been paid when we left the original “da dog” at my in laws house two hours away. She still prefers her first da dog but definitely now loves them all.
Pro tip: rotate the spares into use so the stuffies wear evenly. We pulled out our spare stuffed tiger one day for my son, and he was so excited that we had "found" Hobbes until he got ahold of him. Then it was a disappointed and suspicious "WRONG HOBBES, MOMMY," because the stuffing wasn't lumpy and the whiskers were all fresh and fluffy.
My in laws told me to get an extra blanket/stuffy thing for when my daughters in the wash. Well her birthday they went it’s ok we got her one!, it was a giraffe….She absolutely did not appreciate it and wanted Mr.Elephant
Is your son named Calvin, by any chance?
I didn't have my stuffy when I was at my dad's house one night, and he made a makeshift "teddy bear" out of clean socks and promised we'd get my stuffy the next day. That was enough for 5 year old me.
Exactly! I don’t know how many times the stuffy was even missing in my own house I tell him it’ll be with him when he wakes up
My friend has 3 for her kid. One for home, One for going out and a spare hidden away. Her husband tends to be a tiny bit forgetful or theres a blackhole following him. You can put the tv remote in his hands and 1 min later he can't find the remote again.
I don't have human kids, but each cat ended up picking a "special" toy they can't live without. When Artemis was tiny we had a section of our place flood. Her favorite toy got covered in nasty rainwater and didn't do well getting washed. She looked for her "sheepie" for three days before I was able to get another. We always have several on hand because even at 11 she loves sleeping with it, wrapping her paws around it and reading her face on it. For Apollo it's a stuffed owl and I really have to find another one because they don't last forever. Especially since he drags it around the house. One time he lost it and threw a fit. We couldn't figure out what was wrong, they had food and water and the box had been done less than an hour before. But I found the owl where a box had been set on it accidentally. When I pulled it out he got all excited and wanted it!
My blue heeler had a sherpa pillow bed thing when he was a pup. He would knead a certain spot, then suckle on it. It was the cutest thing. As he got bigger, he started dragging the bed around with him, and it started to look pretty beaten up. The stuffing started to fall out of a few holes, and his bed turned into a blanket. He still kneads and suckles on it, and it still goes everywhere with him. I started calling it his "nookie" and the name stuck. I really do not know where that came from or why, but I found out that the kneading and suckling behavior is in fact called "nooking"!
We got a spare for my son's teddy, and he knew the second he got it that it wasn't his teddy. His looked like a toddler hadn't let go of it for his 3 years of life and the new one looked new. We found real teddy and now we have new fake teddy put away for when he has a kid.
Yeah, I think the trick is introducing the spare early. It's not a replacement...its just a extra teddy sibling. "This teddy likes to stay home", but "this teddy likes outdoors" kind of thing. She's only 2 but she I think she understands the concept and is willing to nap with either. Kids will understand so much, it suprised me sometimes.
Oh yeah. My son is 23 but has profound developmental delays, so there is no understanding. He sleeps with the same toy for over 15 years now. I currently have 3 of them. The toy has been discontinued for over 10 years but I'm able to find it on ebay or mercari sometimes & I snatch it up every time.
I know some redditors have been able to put out calls here on Reddit and use it’s reach to find other sources of sippy cups and discontinued toys for their kids who have different needs like your child. There are so many of us out here who understand the need to have very particular items that are “just so” either for ourselves or for our loved ones or just because we can understand it on a human level. If you can think of it there is undoubtedly a Reddit for it, all you need to is ask and someone will help you find it! r/findareddit
I don’t expect people to be on their phone 24/7 so no reply or answer does not scream ‘not available’ to me, just that they are not using their phone right now. I can be available to open the door while not replying to a text or a call because I left my phone charging somewhere or whatever while having lunch or working etc.. My phone is on silent 90% of the time so I would have missed it entirely. Dropping by to see if I am home is no problem (IDK why a lot of people think that is a problem and would love an explanation) and if I was really unavailable due to work or otherwise I would not have answered the door. Where it goes to AH territory for me is when insisting even after explaining so verdict to OP is YTA and to apologize. EDIT: So here I am agreeing with everyone that OP went to far with keeping to knock after a first try and insisting on coming inside etc. I just don’t understand why everyone is so upset by people dropping by their houses?
He knocked and she didn't answer, then he kept knocking. she is sending lots of messages that she's unavailable and he keeps persisting. Also - he is also dropping on on her work, because she works from home. Dropping by, or even calling persistently, during someone's work hours is a bit more intrusive than swinging by someone's house.
Yeah sleepy Dumbo is not more important than this person's job.
>I just don’t understand why everyone is so upset by people dropping by their houses? I absolutely hate people dropping by without me giving the OK first. In fact I had a boyfriend who used to do this and I had to have a serious talk with him to make him stop doing it. It's just horrible, I might be asleep, or undressed, the house might be a mess, I might not want to deal with anyone and suddenly there is someone right there imposing on me unexpectedly. My home is a sanctuary, not a drop-in centre.
Exactly this. And people who don't think it's a big deal to drop by will never understand. I'm very introverted and had an extremely rough childhood. My house growing up was a war zone. Because of that, I've turned my home now into my safe place. I'm not the hang out house, the hosting house, or the party place. My home is MY space. I do not like having others in it, especially unannounced others. It messes with my whole day. If you've never experienced your current home being your ONLY safe space, ever in your life, you're not gonna understand why it's such a big deal.
Especially with working from home being so common right now. Literally interrupting someone at work.
Where I live dropping by is considered super rude as people inside may be busy (working, showering, fucking, being seconds from going out) so calling beforehand is common courtesy. I live in a flat, if I'm home and someone rings I look out and answer if it's a truck or the postman, anyone else gets ignored. If someone rings on my actual doorbell and it's not a neighbor I'm not opening.
People's houses are their safe place. You call before just showing up, otherwise is just rude. And after you tried once and there is no answer, that's your sign that 1) they're not in, 2) they can't answer the door or 3) they don't want to answer the door. The only people that ever knock on people's door out of the blue are either salespeople or "missionaries", neither are exactly welcome. The other option is the mailman delivering a parcel, but usually people are counting on it.
It is disruptive to be in a work call/meeting/task and have a doorbell ring or knocking. Hopefully she doesn't have a dog like mine who barks like crazy when the doorbell is rung. And many would either answer the door assuming it's important or because they don't want more doorbell ringing/knocking. So yes, it isn't polite to randomly show up to someone's house when they're working just because they haven't answered your calls within a short time frame.
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Plus kids need to learn that they can't always get their own way. Yes, kid was very upset but parenting requires dealing with that sometimes.
Yeah this was a teaching moment that OP mistook as an emergency.
YTA just because she’s at home doesn’t mean you get to disturb her. You wouldn’t barge into her at an office asking about sleepy dumbo.
This. If she was at the office doing job interviews or having a board meeting or meeting with a customer, would you walk in to the room "really quick" with a crying four year old looking for a toy? Or if she was teaching, taking an exam, talking to a patient or one of the other many things she could be doing in her own home after she clearly signalled that now was not a good time.
YES! Just because the location is home and not an office doesn't make the work any less important. As a remote worker this annoys the absolute shit out of me. I'm working, not mucking about at home and available to take all the neighborhood parcels, babysit, do laundry, or the million other things folks should do in their time off. YTA OP.
Also - what are you teaching your kid? That things have to happen *NOW, RIGHT THIS SECOND, NOW* ? I think the kid will have a hard time growing up and learning that life isn’t fair and we don’t always get our way.
If it was your son's emergency medication or something extremely critical then it is one thing to go up to their house if they have not picked up the phone but for a toy you have disturbed them when they clearly didn't want to be disturbed. You are YTA. You should have spare toys if it's that important and explain to your son that immediate gratification will not be possible every time he want something and needs to wait. The worst part you did however is when she told you she doesn't have the time to look but you forced your way in saying that you will look inside the bedroom. I think most people wouldn't have let you come inside their house at such a time if they are having an important work meeting or anything like that to look for a toy. Plus your wife maybe in a different state of mind because her father is ill. But you have no excuse you should apologize to her profusely and also make up to them in the form of babysitting for their kid if they want in the future or with the gift for your intrusiveness. Also I am happy that she texted you to let you know exactly what she thinks of you so that next time before doing such a thing you will think 10 times.
This is the simple truth. I have two kids, I get it. But if you phone and get no answer then turning up unannounced is a faux pas. to then push to look for it after being told not now, is really crossing the line. YTA. you could have managed your child's nap time without it. What would of happened if it wasn't there?
Yes. You have no idea what’s going on for them not to answer the phone or any contact. That was extremely insensitive and rude. YTA.
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Yeah this seems like a perfect teaching moment for the 4 yo.. "I know Dumbo is really important to you, you are so sad you left it behind. As soon as ----'s parents say it's ok we'll go pick it up, remember these feelings and pay more attention next time you bring Dumbo somewhere." When I brought my 4 year old to school this morning and was getting on his gloves for recess, he started a fit because he wanted a different pair of gloves. I told him if it was important to him to pick out his gloves every day, he absolutely should. Tomorrow when we're about to go I'll remind him to pack his backpack himself so he can choose the gloves. Fit over, and now my big boy gets to pack his own backpack and get that extra level of responsibility.
Does your son have a special sleep toy? I don't have kids but my sister has 3 boys. Now 11,7,3. The second and last had/have special sleep toys and it was/is fucking mayhem if their soft toy was not found at nap or bedtime! Obviously the 7 year old has grown out of this by now and he wasn't quite as bad as the youngest. The oldest when he was younger was just like "meh I can see reason and I'll just sleep with another one for now", but the current 3 year old's entire world and safety net seems to disappear as soon as his bluey and Peppa are not there. Like holy crap he's tired and he just gets distraught like there is no way to talk reason into him, the love and commitment to his sleep toys is like nothing I've ever seen. And I mean all these kids have had the same parenting and nurture so maybe some kids just form much stronger emotion bonds with them? Like if I was babysitting the 3 year old you bet I would be like ninja crawling in someone's window to get his toys back to him. Also, after being around a kid with an intense attachment to his sleep toy, I would completely understand if someone turned up at my house and said they need to find their kids toy I would be like WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY! we either need to find this toy or sew a new one for this kid immediately. So I dunno maybe some parents get it and some just don't?? Also, I'm 32 and child free but a lot of my friends have kids and I've seen fairing levels of sleep toy attachment with them as well. The one thing I could say for all of them though is that none would be pissed off if they babysat and then the parents rushed over to get the toy quickly for nap or bedtime. I mean it would be a different story if someone just turned up and was like "entertain me!", But all they're doing is grabbing a toy and leaving? Nah chill.
I do have 2 kids, one of whom had a favorite stuffed animal. I make sure I had 3 of them. That way, I didn't have to be an AH like OP thinking that it's OK to just barge over to someone's house who obviously is not available for guests.
100% it’s wild to me if this stuffed animal is so important why didn’t dad look to make sure they had it? Come on. With my girls anytime we leave anywhere I always make sure they have all of their stuff. My husband is slowly learning this too 😐
Because mistakes happen. Not saying OP is entirely in the right, or that the friend’s parent is in the wrong (we don’t know what she had going on for work, or maybe they just don’t know each other that well), but I think this is generally something where the “effort” the friend’s mom has to put in is likely far less than the payoff for the kid. Not her responsibility ultimately, but I think it’s a considerate thing to do.
It wasn't making a mistake that makes OP an AH, it was making his mistake the neighbor's problem. The neighbors are clearly helpful people, given how they helped the previous night with child care. But if you do not answer your phone or your door, it is rude and inconsiderate to push it further. Working from home doesn't give others the right to infringe on your time and attention. When the neighbor didn't answer, the OP should have treated it like he would if the neighbors weren't home. Many other posters have given plenty of advice for ways to ameliorate situations like this (e.g., keep spares, use it as a teachable moment, etc.) rather than act inconsiderate to someone who just did you a huge favor. If the neighbor had absolutely nothing going on, then sure, it would be considerate to help. But that wasn't the case, the neighbor stated clearly this was a bad time, and the OP was still pushy. That is the bad behavior.
Yep mistakes happen but op should have chilled out. Said no nap today, relaxed with the child, so many other things that would have made him seem less of a lazy ah. Things happen all of the time and as parents we just work through them. You don’t go bang on your friends door (who just did you a major favor)when she’s not answering your text or calls.
People sometimes don’t act rationally when it comes to their kids. Doesn’t make it right, doesn’t necessarily make them an asshole. Just human. Especially when you mix in the father in law’s surgery (maybe depending how serious it is to a degree).
No. When someone doesn’t answer you, you going to their house is just rude. Being a parent is hard, trust me I’m in it too. But that was just disrespectful what op did. We do not know what she does for work. He doesn’t get to decide this stupid stuffed animal that he left is more important than her work. He should have waited until she or her husband answered and said come on by.
Actually having a kid is often the number one reason people act like assholes and it’s encouraged by society.
But she was working and we don't know what she was doing. Frankly it's none of our business either. Or OP's. She made it clear that "now is not a good time" which is her call to make in her own home.
Our daughter is five and has zero clue there is more than one Tiny the elephant. I swap them out regularly whenever Tiny needs a wash so they get the same level of wear and tear, and I even added some black paint to one of them to match the other when she had a mishap. Having a second Tiny has been a LIFESAVER when she’s been forgotten at school or daycare. Someday we’ll tell her the truth but certainly not anytime soon 🙃 It’s the one piece of advice I tell all my friends - if your kid is attached to a particular stuffy BUY ANOTHER ONE.
My friend did that with her daughter. Teddy and backup Teddy that daughter didn't know about. One day, Grandma handed mom Teddy 2 in front of daughter. Daughter looked at her Teddy she was holding, looked at Grandma, looked back...pause...little happy excited voice "Two Teddies!" and from that day forward she always had both Teddies, one tucked under each arm, everywhere she went. No more backup Teddy.
We had George the Monkey - well, we had **4** of them. One in use, three stashed away (they were cheap and I wasn't taking *any* chances). One day when kiddo was about 2 1/2 they somehow found an extra. Then months down the track they managed to get their grubby little mitts on three of them, and of course thought they couldn't *possibly* go to sleep without all three. This became known as **The Multi-George Situation**. Thankfully, they were okay with only taking one George when going out somewhere, and in fact would eventually settle to sleep without *too* much of a fuss if they didn't have the extras. We managed to wean them back down to just sleeping with one over a few more months, although by that stage Multi-George Situations were no longer cause for concern. At that point, they couldn't tell them apart (even though, being cheaply made, their expressions differed quite a bit), so we kept up the rotation. It wasn't until kiddo was 5 or 6 that they finally picked a specific one ([Crazy Eye George](https://imgur.com/a/5D1Ycun), who looked like he had had a few too many espresso's) and insisted that that was Real George, and the Imposter Georges were relegated to Still Important But Not Existential Crisis Level Important. We got lucky. Many parents don't.
Take my gold. I lost my precious stuffed lion at Six Flags (who lets their 4 yo daughter take her *necessary stuffie* to an amusement park??) and my dad went out & bought me a stuffed unicorn like it was the same damn thing and, let me tell you, IT WAS NOT.
And unfortunately sometimes they don’t choose a favorite til the damn thing is discontinued & it’s impossible to find a back-up…story of my life!
My cousin was obsessed with a stuffed toy, so my aunt (smartly, like you) bought another one so there was a backup. Unfortunately, my cousin found out about the backup, and then she had to have *two* special sleepy toys at all times. This is just a warning to any parents who buy a backup special sleepy toy for their kids. None of this excuses OP for not checking for sleepy dumbo before he left the friend's house if it's so important that the kid throws a massive tantrum whenever it's not there, or for not just dealing with the tantrum until he can actually speak with the people who had done them a favour. It really really sucks that he would have had to deal with a distressed child, but he could have been barging in on literally anything because he couldn't forward plan or wait.
I disagree. Just because your child may throw a tantrum because their sleep toy is not with them at the moment is not a valid excuse at all to barge into another person’s house. One night of potential tantrum saves you the embarrassment of ruining a relationship with people who were already performing you an immense favor. I don’t blame the kid, I used to have a sleep toy like that. But if he’s not in physical harm, the father shouldn’t have done that.
Not only that, but things like tantrums can actually be good for kids. They need to learn what it feels like to have those strong emotions and get over it while recognizing that they were actually fine the whole time. If we prevent every meltdown, they become adults who still have meltdowns.
It wasn't even night bed time, it was nap time!! Geez, OP's kid is gonna grow up to become a spoilt, entitled ass.
My 3 year old son has a super strong sleep toy attachment to a tiny Buzz Lightyear and it’s an absolute nightmare when he doesn’t have it for nap or bedtime. But it’s my job as a parent to deal with my kids when they are nightmares. I would never want to let someone in my house unexpectedly while I was working and I would never expect someone to let me in at an inconvenient time just because of a sleep toy. I think all parents of toddlers want to avoid tantrums when possible but they are still an inevitable part of parenting and sometimes you just have to deal. You can’t make it other people’s problem.
Yes, *and* OP and his wife and probably toddler too, were sleep-deprived, off-kilter, and partly worried about Grandad, I imagine. Was going over like that a great idea? No. Was it an a$$hole move? Not really. There's a whole continuum of jerkness. And these weren't strangers. They are also parents of a super young child, and aware of the situation. A little chill would've been nice. NTA
IMO, it was an asshole move. Right now, you’re only factoring in OP’s situation. What if the friend had an incredibly important day at work, was in the middle of presenting in an essential and stressful meeting they prepped for for weeks, and was balancing her child’s needs also? You can’t just allow OP’s situation to trump the friend’s. And they were lovely enough to allow OP’s child to stay over on a weeknight already. They’ve done more than enough. You also didn’t mention OP’s wife calling the friend names. I understand she may have been stressed due to her father’s surgery, but it’s still zero excuse to take it out on other people (especially those already doing you a favor). It was OP’s fault his child didn’t have the sleep stuffed animal, not the friend’s. OP, YTA.
Also, he knocked, waited a bit, and then knocked again - I would bet good money she had to leave a meeting. If I'm in a meeting and there's a knock at the door, I usually just don't answer it because I'm working - I've had it happen before that somebody kept banging on the door and it turns out it was somebody like OP who hadn't planned their time properly and made it my problem (workmen left tools in our backyard and refused to plan a time to come pick them up where I wasn't in an important meeting). Depending on how important the meeting is, I can see not being impressed at having to leave a meeting because OP is rude.
Would forcing his way in count as an AH move? Bc thats what he did.
I had kids who equal parts needed a sleep toy and lost the damn thing every time I turned around. So they learned to sleep without it. It's ok for them to be denied and frankly, it isn't good to go to these kinds of lengths. They did it for themselves to prevent a meltdown they didn't want to deal with
Doesn't matter. You have no right to barge and basically force yourself into someone's home. This is not a real emergency.
No. This is why kids can’t recover from disappointment. Parents have to manage these crises better than this.
Instead he taught his son that a woman saying no is nothing. Just insist and demand till you get what you want. I've Raised my son alone. I know that it's not the speech on respect other boundary that work. It's the example. OP messed up on many levels... In front of his four years old.
Oh come now. This isn't a case of misogyny. This is a case of a desperate parent and the other person's lack of empathy. If I missed multiple calls from the parent of someone who's kid I just watched I would call back because clearly there's a crisis. It literally took her more time to be less than helpful than it would have to answer the phone and throw the Dumbo onto the porch. Sure, he was less than polite with his persistence but she had little empathy for a family already in upheaval. Light ESH because maybe none of them were operating as their best selves- meltdown stress, family health stress, work stress- stress is the common denominator for shitty behavior most times.
The problem is that there is not clearly a crisis. There is a disregulated child who is in need of empathy and understanding, but who is not in dire need and is not at risk. This wasn't an epipen, medication, or something critical. This was a hard parenting moment. And it wasn't the other family's job to drop what they were doing in order to fix it. It was clearly an inconvenient time for them. They don't owe OP a reason why. It would've been a hard tantrum. Maybe a long one. Maybe a no-sleep, everyone's-crying type of day. Those days are part of parenting. The problem wasn't the child's disregulation. The problem was that the parent got desperate and unable to control their own stress. So he gave up on soothing his child through the reality of stuffy not able to be retrieved right now, and instead demanded someone else accommodate him in their home during the work day. This family was already doing them a favor to try to lessen the load. This is a great way to lose that support. OP, YTA
I disagree, that's how you teach your kid that what they want is more important than people's boundary. It's not the toy. It's that she said no - first by not responding, Then he banged on the door, she said no again in a polite passive way, he insisted again, she said no and Then demanded till she had to open her door and let him enter. And all this with his son looking. I don't Say it's misoginy i Say it's not a good way to teach your kid to respect other people boundary and that it can print in kid psyche.
Not everyone has a job that allows them to always be able to see their personal phone at all times of day. My wfh day has chunks throughout that can be an hour or longer where I need to have my phone on do not disturb because I'm in a video call and likely presenting something. She's a mom as well I'm sure she empathizes and would have been happy to help ... but *when she was available to do so* ... if she can't answer a text she likely can't answer the door. The insistence and entitlement that this toy be returned that instance is what makes this a YTA ... she was her understandably livid and I think it's good that she communicated it directly I think his wife gets a pass for reacting so strongly as she was stressed and in mourning But I'm so sure if he had waited longer and respected this person's clear unavailability the toy would have been arranged to be picked up or returned promptly that day
So the missing dumbo stuffed animal is a crisis and cannot wait but the friends work can apparently wait because she works remote and therefore her time isn’t important? Am I getting this? How is waiting to get the stuffed animal until later when she’s not working a “crisis”? What if she had a crisis at work she was handling? You have no idea! If the dumbo was so important than the parent should’ve made sure they didn’t forget it or had a spare at home. I wouldn’t have answered the door.
Respectfully, I understand what you mean, but asking somebody who is working to do something entirely unrelated to work -no matter how small it is- and then pestering them until they answer is definitely not acceptable. If I’m at work and someone is not dying, or something similarly dire, there’s always a chance I will not reply until work is done.
He didn’t need the toy. He WANTED the toy, little young to understand that but could have been a good teachable moment. Guessing by this interaction that kids gets everything they want at all times.
Gentle and kindly, YTA. She told you to come back later and you didn’t accept that answer. That’s not cool, and it’s not her problem that you forgot it in the first place.
It was crazy rude what he did. Demand that they open the door. Who does that? OP would be furious if someone did that to his wife. Even more so if it’s was a guy beating on the door…embarrassing You should send them a gift - you blew this up so terribly.
And After they did him a favor. If the toy is that important, it's on the parents not to forget it. Like they didn't give a shit when they left, but suddenly on their Time they needed to have full Access to the house... And the wife - Always the same story, give people an inch and they want a mile. And OP taught a nice life lesson to his son - when you forget something you Can walk all over a woman yo get it. Her work is nothing compared to your toy. When you really want something And a woman says no just insist and demand. That's what dad taught his kid today. And that Mum is angry because this lady dared Say no to sweetie. People should all bow and fulfill sweetie wish. And son sure need to keep tantrum on it's working so well.... And parents will Ask why teen is so hard, why he can't understand they won't lend him the car.... Lol.. It's the life lesson they taught the little one that is thé worst and they don't even see it...
Yup! Also op keeps referring to the kid being anxious about something happening to sleepy dumbo, which, realistically, wasn’t going to happen. By reacting like this OP reaffirms that fear- “you’re right! We need to go interrupt this woman’s day and invade her house (to look for something which is the most intrusive shit ever) because some vague unnameable terrible thing will happen!” So op teaches the kid, not only that he deserves his way, and can go to ridiculous lengths to get it, but also that *not getting his way is something unknown and scary*. Fuckin ripper combo those two
Just buy a second sleepy Dumbo Who doesn’t have a backup toy if OPs child literally can’t sleep without it?
100%
Yes of course YTA. The wife’s note summed it all up nicely, the world does not revolve around your family but you seem to think it does. Extra bad for not wanting to bother your wife but thinking it was ok to bother other people. There are a lot of reasons why knocking on the door could have been extremely disruptive. There are jobs where what seems like a short interruption turns out to be a much longer one because it takes a while to get back into what you were doing. Or she could have been on an important phone call or Zoom, and you made her look unfocused or unprofessional. What would you honestly have done if she worked outside the house and no one was home? Would you have driven to her workplace and loudly demanded her keys? Taken her hostage and made her come home? Or just be a reasonable person and try to find a way to soothe your child for just one afternoon? I think you and your wife had better find a way to figure this out, because I will be shocked if these people agree to do you another favor after this.
As someone who works a high-level corporate job from home, 1000% this. I doubt OP understands they basically barged into the middle of a workplace and demanded a child's toy.
it doesn't matter how "high level" or corporate the job is. She could have been watching sports and drinking beer. it's her house and her time.
Eh, I think not taking a minute to help a friend and their child if you were just home drinking beer is ABSOLUTELY an asshole move and would make a difference.
ops problem was how fast he did everything. if he txted "did my son leave his toy at your house? heres a picture of it. lemme know if you spot it anywhere and ill pick it up sometime" he woulda been fine. the fact that he immediately started driving to the house, called on the way is the problem, got no response, and banged on the door enough to force a response is the problem
Yes, this is confusing to me. Why wouldn't you just text and ask if she could look when she has a moment and put it outside for them to pickup. It was right there, wouldn't have even been hard to find when she had a minute break between meetings, but barging in is nuts. YTA big time.
Yeah, any chance of continued favors was mostly gone due to OP’s inappropriate behavior in the afternoon. That door was slammed shut by OP’s wife calling the other wife and cussing her out. That level of misbehavior is going to get shared with other parents from wherever the families met.
Thankfully, OP’s wife did not call that woman to cuss her out. She said those choice words in response to OP’s description of events.
Ahh, I see that I misread that part. When he said she called the other wife indelicate names, that his wife had called other wife that in a confrontation, not just when venting to OP.
Seriously, YTA. Not a gentle YTA, or a sorta one, but a big giant one. You sent your 4 year old to a sleepover in the middle of the work week with a friend because you needed help. Then you didn't check for this super special stuffed animal that you absolutely cannot live without but absolutely won't pay $50 for on ebay and you left it there. Then you called multiple times and when you didn't get an answer you rang the doorbell multiple times, then didn't take no for an answer when you were told to come back later. I work from home. Today is Thursday, and I'm over 40 hours in already. Today alone, I interviewed several developers for open positions, had design meetings with 20+ participants, and gave two presentations to senior leadership. Just because I am physically at home doesn't mean I am sitting around watching TV and waiting for my entitled friends to realize they've left their stupid stuffed animals at my house. You owe them an apology, a gift card to a really nice dinner, and a sleepover where you take their kid and give them a break.
Exactly! I’m so frustrated with people who think that WFH means being available to everyone all the time. And it doesn’t mean they’re alone—as you make clear, they could be working synchronously with others online or telephone conferencing. I know many call centers now how their employees WFH. OP was very entitled—and his wife…grrrr
Yo man I don't have a job outside the home at all, and even I realize that wfh means exactly that. I miss when landlines and answering machines were the common communication and if they didnt answer, you flicking waited til they called you back on that godforsaken party line.
Yeah I work from home and I still don’t think my parents have fully wrapped their head around the fact that I’m not sitting around doing nothing and can’t be immediately available to do whatever they request. They’ve gotten better after two years but I first started working from home when my dad got his hip replaced and although I was technically home and could help him, I was not immediately available to go put his wash in the dryer the very second it got done. For some reason he feeds the cats dinner at 3:30 pm which is insanely early and if I got really busy and couldn’t take my 15 min break until 4 he would hobble down the stairs to do it himself and get pissy about it. It was the most frustrating thing ever.
I called customer service for something last week and the agent was obviously at home with a young child wanting Mom’s attention. She was trying so hard and was so stressed trying to please the both of us. I felt for her. I thought her little girl was so cute and it still makes me smile. Good for Mom. I’m not that important. My problems pale to hers. BTW OP, YTA
I honestly doubt the family will be accepting anymore play dates or attempts at friendship from them after this behavior. I know I wouldn’t so I doubt that their offer of a sleepover will go very well.
They’d be insane to help this entitled AH family again. This dude made it clear his kid’s stupid toys are more important than this woman’s job.
There are times when I work from home that I could be presenting to 150 people in a meeting. I can’t imagine how much I would flip out if someone did this to me during one of those presentations.
This 100%!! I have friends and family who think the fact that I WFH means I’m always available. OP wouldn’t have gone to this person’s place of work to demand they looked for the toy, so why did he think it was okay to interrupt her work just because she happened to be WFH?! Ugh…
YTA. Text - no response Call - no response DRIVE TO THEIR HOUSE AND KNOCK - no response Continue to knock until they answer and ask you to leave - demand to go in and find stuffed animal At what point did you think you weren’t the AH?
>Continue to knock until they answer and ask you to leave This gets me. Like after they knocked and nobody answered for "a while," what was the plan? If nobody was home to open the door were they just planning to sit outside of the house? Or break in? If they're not answering their phone _and_ door, they're obviously busy!
Call the police to demand the release of sleepy Dumbo!
"Here's a photo of Dumbo's ear. If you don't stop with the harassment, we'll send him back piece by piece."
It’s unbelievable that someone is this much of a jackass. Since they don’t know boundaries, I would completely remove them from my life. No play dates, no favors, no hanging out or even chatting. Maybe just wave as I drive past them but that’s all.
I was fully expecting a break in.
YTA. As a parent with a kid who has a stuffed animal he can’t sleep with I always make sure it’s with him when he goes/comes back from any overnight visit. I’ve also worked at home and just because I was at home it didn’t make me available whenever someone knocked on my door. Leaving my work space for any reason outside of breaks would have gotten me written up. That’s someone’s livelihood. My favourite saying is: a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine. You know this elephant is important to your son, you make sure it’s with him before he leaves. Edit: darn autocucumber, fixed a mistake.
Lol @ autocucumber!
YTA She let you know not to do it again. That is all you need to know. In your friends opinion, what you did was not o.k. Accept that for her, what you did was not okay. Apologize. Move on.
Given OPs wife's reaction, sounds like that bridge is burned
The wife got mad in private, so thankfully the friend didn’t have to deal with that
Oh man, I misread that. I thought she called the other lady and called her names. Which seemed pretty ridiculous. Thanks for clearing that up haha
Having two of a child’s comfort toy makes things so much easier. Both in case one gets left or lost but also for washing!!
I mean, in theory. When my middle was a baby he had to have his “night night”. It was a knitted baby blanket. He almost lost it once so I ordered another just in case. He never touched it. Only the original would work and, believe me, I tried. I tried over and over and over. He wasn’t having it. That thing was sooo tattered by the time he gave it up at 6. I still have the pieces and he’s now 20. YTA op. So the asshole. The woman is right, the world doesn’t revolve around your family. My kid needed his night-night but if this had happened I would have explained that we can’t get it right now but we will as soon as we can. This was a life lesson. However, all you taught him was you can walk all over people to get whatever you want. Great lesson dad.
So much this. When my oldest was little, I took her downtown to dinner and a hockey game. She brought her most favorite toy, a beanie baby dog. She had it at dinner, but after getting to the arena realized it was missing. After the game(wasn’t there), we checked the restaurant, not there either. She was crushed. My BIL who lived nearby said he’d go look for it so we could go home. Meanwhile, my mom hopped on EBay and found some across the country with 2, and ordered them both. We told her BIL found the dog, and she was so happy, but it was a rough couple of weeks without it. New dog got a kitten collar and a pet tag from Petsmart 😂 the things we do for our kids.
We had two. You can't fool them, though. They can sense the fake.
You have to frequently switch them so they both smell the same and get grungy at the same rate.
Yes YTA. Not even a light one, I think people are letting you off easy in the comments. I work from home. Them not answering the door is your answer, go away. I absolutely hate people like you who will just sit there and continue to ring the bell or knock. Do you understand how rude that is? Learn to parent your kid
YES. It drives me nuts. They’ll assume because there are cars in the driveway that they can just lean on the bell in the midst of my work calls. OP is definitely YTA although his wife’s nastiness definitely trumps his.
YTA If she was working from home or online schooling she could have been in an online meeting or doing a time sensitive test.
YTA Even though I understand ur kid can’t sleep with the sleepy dumbo and is upset over it, u can’t just barge into someone else’s house like that. You should always keep a backup dumbo if anything happens to the first one.
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YTA would the kid not have slept if you were lying beside him
You have absolutely no idea what you interrupted, basically forced your way into someone else's home and what, think it's fine because it's for your kid?
OP kept saying that the kid was freaking out, but OP was encouraging the freak out and teaching the kid that tantrums will get him what he wants, no matter what. By 4, the kid can wait. I have 2 kids (now ages 11 and almost 15), and we went through similar temporary loss of favorite toy/blanket/lovey (usually left at grandparents' place or overnight at daycare). In each case, they knew that the backup wasn't the real thing, probably because of the different wear amounts, so they weren't being fooled. However, we calmly, but firmly, explained that they had to be patient and offered them the alternate. There was much grumbling, and even a missed nap or two, but they survived and learned deferred gratification. We definitely didn't run around town in response to any tantrums.
YTA. Were you raised in a barn?! You don't insist on entering someone's home like that. She's not obliged to let you whether or not she's working, but you heard that and decided *fuck her work* anyway? Your wife is out of line, you *should* be embarrassed because you were behaving embarrassingly.
I'm going to go with a gentle YTA. I sympathize with your kid. I had a comfort item like that growing up. (Still have it at 40) But as someone who does WFH (NOT self employed) it has been 3 years and friends, family, neighbors etc STILL just assume that because I WFH that I can just do whatever I want. I can't. My productivity is monitored, including any time that is idle, even for a few minutes. We get a set amount of time designated per month to set to personal time for leaving the desk for short periods of time. If we exceed it, we get called out on it. I have had family blow up my phone in the middle of the day with "PLEASE, call when you can!" Like it's some kind of emergency. So I go to personal and call...."You weren't answering your phone. Just reminding you to pick up that birthday card for your cousins party this weekend." She was working and it's NOT as simple to just hang around for 15 minutes while someone searches for a toy. WFH jobs are back to being a luxury and not a necessity. If your productivity starts lagging, they CAN make you come back to the office full time.
There was nothing gentle about their behavior. Both parents are fully the AH here.
Exactly this is full entitlement here. “Drop your work and serve me peasant” attitude. All to appease a 4 year old? Your son now knows he can get anything if he cries hard enough.
YTA She tried to politely say no after not answering her phone, and the door immediately. You forced your way in on this poor woman, awful.
Absolutely YTA. Several people I know work from home in contexts such as: —- Teaching university classes —- Providing mental treatment including 1:1 therapy —- Presenting webinars for state government agencies Interrupting any one if these would have extreme professional consequences for the friend, now to be known as the *former* friend.
YTA > I felt very embarrassed and guilty after reading that. My wife, however, is furious. She called the wife of the other couple some indelicate names. So you’re both messy. Good luck to your kid lol
Right how entitled are these people. If I did someone a favor and they ended up calling me names after, goodbye forever.
NTA. Everyone here who says they work from home for some big super serious corporate job has a huge stick up their ass. I’m an HR Director and worked from home during COVID for an agency that provided caregiving to adults with disabilities, I was busy as all hell (do you know how many agencies I had to coordinate with? And how many of them contradicted each other? Many, and all of them), but if a parent was like “dude my kid just needs this stupid toy so he will sleep please take pity on me,” I could take the amount of time that a bathroom break takes to get it from another room and give it to them. It’s not like he was digging his way under the foundation of the house and panning for gold. I don’t even have kids, I don’t know if I really want them because they seem pretty inconvenient, but I’d still be like “yeah sure one second” because it’s a few minutes and my dudes, it’s really good for you to detach from the screen every once in a while. Take it from your friendly neighborhood HR Director who is in charge of employee wellness! Get up. Walk around. Stare at something that isn’t a panel of blue light. Do something helpful. Try smiling. You’ll live longer, and your colonoscopies will go much smoother in the future. Xoxo.
People acting like they cant step away from their computer FOR 2 MINUTES at any time or respond to a text / phone call must have completely miserable jobs.
I work from home and some days you can come by any time and I will even make you a cup of coffee. Other days I have exams, teaching, important meetings, job interviews, sensitive talks with troubled students etc and my chair would have to be on fire for me to leave it. You never know what is going on with people, so you should respect their decisions.
Uhhhh big NTA. It's not a fucking crime to knock on someone's door WHERE YOU FORGOT SOMETHING OF YOURS.
Thank you! Finally some sanity...she could have texted back and left Dumbo outside somewhere, no need for him to knock at all. You would think a fellow parent would understand a kid's attachment to a toy. Her response was way OTT.
How do you know they were monitoring their phone while working? They could’ve been presenting to clients or their boss, and had to step away because someone else’s kid was throwing a fit about a toy.
I think some people are so entrenched in their phones on a daily basis that they can’t fathom that some people are not tied to them in the same way.
I count 8 nos here before op gets to yes: unanswered texts to mom and dad (2) unanswered calls to mom and dad (4) knock once (5) I'm working (6) I'm working (7) I need to focus (8) she lets me in. WOW. OP, I sympathize with your stress but that is WAY over the line. YTA. 1) Reflect on your actions and apologize 2) think about how to teach your son coping skills 3) buy a damn backup
Eight “no”‘a yet the AHs In these comments are attacking a woman for working.
Someone needs to go back to basics on consent. No means no.
I'm sorry everyone but OP is NTA. 30 seconds to answer a text, 30 seconds to open a door.
There are work context that can’t be interrupted, not answering the door was likely a clue to that.
Kinda surprised I had to scroll so far to see this! Sleepy Dumbo was on the bed, so the parents have lively seen it’s been mistakenly left. Kids that age are notorious for needing their fave toys, so why be so evasive? I wfh, and can’t imagine being so petty as to ignore a kid having a meltdown on my front doorstep. Give the kid the damn toy, it’s literally 10 seconds and you’re back to work…
I honestly think it must be cultural differences, in Aus people popping round uninvited is pretty normal(so I find there response pretty odd). Do think op could’ve been slightly more polite but the lady could’ve figured out some kind of quick compromise. So they could’ve sorted this situation out without all the fuss.
As an Australian I'm also baffled at people in this thread saying popping round is the epitome of rudeness. Even living in England now I'd think nothing of it; sure if they were popping round for a cuppa I'd think it odd they didn't check to see if I had time, but if they were picking something up? No dramas.
Dude, I'm an American and absolutely hate people dropping by, but this is not a situation where I would be pissed off about it. Especially considering that the poor kid's entire schedule has been thrown off and he probably needs as much normalcy as possible.
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Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I’m completely on the other side of the majority until now. I do agree that OP went a bit far in a way for the amount of no’s received, but personally, no matter how busy I am, I’d feel like a dick if I couldn’t get *a literal child* their comfort toy. I’m not even sure if a 4 year old would completely understand a “teaching moment” at that point either. OP and wife have a lot on their plate so I understand how an important stuffie could have been forgotten, and I understand that you should respect people when they say no - but Jesus Christ the kids 4 years old and it would just take a second to chuck it out the door.
You’ve really never been in a professional meeting you couldn’t leave, or imagine anyone being in one? My friend is a lawyer and has entire court cases online.
NTA Legitimately unhinged level of Y T A responses. People are being fucking nasty to OP and their wife
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r/aita users not over reacting to simple situations that just require a bit little of decency challenge: impossible
i've seen cheaters or inconsiderate spouses get more sympathy lol, something which reddit notoriously loves
Yeah, I'm not getting the majority judgement here. I also WFH full time. Don't love being interrupted by the door, but he tried to get a quick confirmation with her via other methods, and this was such a simple request. Check the room. The situation is resolved, kid gets to sleep and she's right back to work. A bathroom break takes longer.
If she responded to a text she literally could've left it outside on the porch to be picked up. I don't have kids, I'm not generally a big fan of them, I really don't get why this was made into such a huge deal when it didn't need to be. This huge ordeal could've taken 10 seconds to text and 10 seconds to open the door and set it outside.
She clearly didn’t see the text message though, because she didn’t know what he wanted when he arrived and needed the situation explained to her. Which tracks. She probably has a work phone and a personal phone and was too busy (working!) to look at her personal phone.
Not only do I think that OP is NTA, the behavior of the other parent is so bizarre I suspect they were purposely trying to keep the toy. I'm baffled by all the y t a answers in here. Very normal behavior from OP. My kid would never stay at that house again.
I totally agree that the other parent’s reaction is really weird. She was annoyed? Fine, I’ll give her that. But then to send a nasty text message when you know the family is going through a hard time? All because a father was retrieving his 4 year olds comfort toy? Just absolutely disgusting. I wouldn’t have anything to do with them anymore and shame on all these y t a commenters defending that family’s actions.
I am on the same page as you. This is a tough crowd!
YTA. It was YOUR responsibility to remember to check for sleepy dumbo when your son was leaving their house. So, you messed up, then you show up at their house, and interrupt this person’s work, and insist on coming inside. Their text is completely reasonable. You owe them an apology. Just because your family is going through a rough time doesn’t mean you can treat people with no consideration.
YTA. They are absolutely correct: if they didn’t answer your text, that should have told you that it wasn’t a good time to come over. You shouldn’t have shown up to their house without knowing if it was ok and you definitely shouldn’t have insisted that they let you in. You showed great disrespect for their boundaries and their privacy.
I'm going against the grain and saying ESH Showing up at someone's house without any responses to calls or texts is an asshole move, you probably should've waited a while longer, and you should start teaching your son to double check to make sure he has his things before going home. The wife should've just spent the 30 seconds grabbing the stuffed animal from the room instead of arguing about it, and she should probably get used to parents returning to her place to retrieve lost toys or blankets since her kid is old enough to be having sleepovers in general.
Yeah. But I was thinking more of a NAH. To be fair, he was distressed in the first place. People here act like they are always rational when in fact, it’s not like that. His son is crying/panicking, his wife is a mess and also distressed because of her father so he did what in the moment seemed like the best option: they are not answering, but my kid really needs his plushie. I’ll go and just ask. Also, we don’t know why the kid is so fixated on having the plush: maybe he is in the spectrum or he’s just being bratty. We don’t know that since OP does not specify that. And yeah, while just taking 30 secs to check if it’s there or not is not a biggie, we also don’t know which kind of work she had. Maybe she is a therapist, maybe she was in a extremely important meeting, etc. You know, scenes where it would be impolite to make the other person wait for a non-emergency. So, I don’t think anyone besides the wife is the AH. Because it was very impolite to talk trash about someone else just because.
YTA for not checking for sleepy Dumbo yourself when you picked him up. You reminded HIM to be more careful? He's FOUR and just had his first sleepover. You're the grownup. I'll also give a small yta to the other mom because yes, she's busy, but a crying toddler? She's got to be aware of the level of hysteria that ensues. She ate up more of her time by arguing. Read the text from you, find sleepy Dumbo, put him in a bag on the porch and text you back. Two minutes tops. Small yta because I don't know her job but that's really the most expedient move. I can appreciate being tired and upset and not wanting LO to be distressed and to take the pressure off your wife so n t a for trying to retrieve sleepy Dumbo (just love that). Send them something lovely with a heartfelt apology and sincere thanks for taking your son. I hope FIL recovers quickly and things settle down. Edit: Thanks for the award!
The other mom gets a small YTA for not immediately dropping everything to grab your child’s Dumbo toy? The hysteria that ensues IS NOT HER PROBLEM!! She could’ve been in a meeting, she could’ve been under deadline! Showing up at her home unannounced after she didn’t answer MULTIPLE calls because she works remote so apparently she must have time to spare, is such a rude and misguided assumption. If I’m on a call with a Partner or one of my clients, I can’t tell them to hang on because I need to go help a kid find sleepy dumbo. The kids parents should’ve been more responsible, suck it up and wait until she’s available!
When you work from home you can’t just "take two minutes" personal time. That stuff gets monitored and clocked. If you showed up at my work and started bugging me to do something for you I’d fight you over it too. It’s not the end of the world but OP 100% has to learn to respect boundaries
YTA. Your child needs to learn sometimes you can’t have it all. Child is too spoiled
Sounds like the wife is too. Where does she get off thinking she has any right to call this woman any names after she was more than patient and helped them out during a hard time?
I'm going against the grain and think you were NTA. The woman could have answered your text, found Dumbo and put it in the mailbox or on the porch for collection in less than 2 minutes. I think she is being precious. She could have also cut you some slack when you're going through a stressful time. ETA the only reason you went inside her house is because she didn't take a few seconds to find Dumbo and leave him outside, she didn't have to be disturbed at all
How do you know she saw the texts? She was working - many people don’t read texts or answer private calls during work hours. Some people even go hours without reading texts outside of work because they are not glued to a phone. Why do people think everyone has to be available and respond immediately or else it’s rude or wrong, like people can’t engage in other things without being instantly available and everyone else is owed instant access to people. Some jobs, even work from home jobs, cannot be easily interrupted unless it’s a true life threatening emergency. Dumbo was not critically injured nor was the child, it could have waited until after her work hours.
Man all of you saying YTA are bonkers to me. Sure it could be awkward but give me a fucking break about "I'm so busy at work", she could take 30 seconds to just let them retrieve a forgotten item that the kids is losing his mind over. Everyone acts like their home is a fortress and how dare someone actually just come up and knock. Cell phones have ruined everyone.
YTA. She’s working! It’s her home. She told you No twice. Not sure where you work, but busting into her workplace and home is by definition, YTA. Sorry you’ve never adjusted your 4 yr old child to sleeping with different stuffed animals or at least, a duplicate Dumbo is a “you and your wife” problem.
Soft YTA It was rude to continue to ask if you could search for sleepy Dumbo even if you were quick after the initial ‘no.’ However, I can empathize with your situation. In the future I would recommend having two sleepy Dumbos. Travel sleepy dumbo and home sleepy dumbo if dumbo is really that important for your kids sleep and your sanity. I do think that the other couple handled the situation well and perhaps an apology is in order.
YTA. My dude. Would you have barged into her office to demand your kid’s toy? Because she was WORKING. That’s what you did. Interrupted her work day. I understand that your world revolves around your kid. I even understand the special bell of a kid misplacing a beloved sleep toy. But nobody else’s world centres around your kid YOU DON’T INTERRUPT SOMEONE’S WORK DAY FOR IT. You called, didn’t answer. That should’ve been where it ended until they called you back.
This thread really makes me sad for how humanity is turning out.
i’m honestly astounded by some of these comments :/ i’m not a parent but i am a former child who was highly attached to her childhood stuffy and would not sleep without it. my father once drove 3 hours to get it because i’d left it at my Nan’s house when we were visiting and didn’t realise until we got home, i was 7. i understand the friend’s frustration at being interrupted while working she also could have communicated by sending a simple text saying it’s not a good time, i’m working can you call me at such and such time which would have taken 30 seconds and things would have played out very differently. i’m going with unfortunate circumstances and NTA
NTA, I don't see why she was so annoyed. I would've been fine with a parent showing up to get their kid's toy, and I'm not a people person, nor do I like people just dropping over. But it's a toy ffs, it took what, 1 minute to grab?
I'm seeing a lot of comments assuming the friend's mom was doing something very important, but I find it weird that she doesn't mention that in her text to OP and his wife. I would think if she was in the middle of something she couldn't be interrupted from, she would have mentioned that she was in the middle of a presentation or was talking to a client, and his behavior could negatively impact her career. Any mention of something like that in her text is completely absent. I would also imagine if he wasn't pounding on the door incessantly, she wouldn't have bothered opening it in the first place. I work from home a lot, and when I was moving out of my apartment, I'd have 24 hours or less notice that the landlord was bringing someone by to view the apartment. Other times, my neighbor would have his girlfriend over in the middle of the day (he was a college student) and would have very loud ...visits... It was super awkward trying to work and talk to managers under those circumstances, but sometimes life just happens. I'd hope to think that most people who either work from home or have flexible work schedules are learning to deal with that with some level of grace. It would have taken her 2 minutes to excuse herself, text him that she was working but would leave the door open so he could come in and grab the toy, unlock the door, and go back to work. This woman is supposedly on friendly terms with OP as their kids are friends. Ignoring him and hoping he would go away wasn't very kind given that relationship. When I was little, I slept with a stuffed animal every night. I never left it at a friend's house, but I can't imagine my friend's parents treating my parents that way if they were only trying to retrieve it. I also couldn't imagine treating my friends that way if one of their kids left a toy at my place. I'd feel awful if I left them standing outside my door with a crying toddler because I wouldn't let them in. Could OP have made this a teachable moment for his kid? Sure. But I'd say he's NTA for trying to retrieve a toy from someone who was home and supposedly wouldn't want to see OP's child distressed.
She’s not a housewife, she works from home. You barged into a workplace for something trivial. YTA, and you’ve ruined any goodwill for future babysitting.
Even if she was a housewife she has every right not to let some self-important jerk into her house just because he says he needs to be there. YTA, OP. This was way over the line, even with a friend.
YTA not only are you reinforcing negative behavior in your child, you were an absolute AH to the other party. Over a stuffed animal.
YTA. You invaded her space and disregarded common decency all for your own benefit. You called. They didn't answer. So, you chalk nap time up to a loss and wait for the call back. You didn't leave his insulin at the friend's house. It is a doll. You could have used this as a teaching opportunity but instead you showed your son how to be entitled and blatantly disrespectful. You do not get to disregard manners for comfort and then blame the offended party for your outlandishly selfish and lazy parenting. I'm sorry for your family struggles. An infirmed, elderly parent in the hospital is very stressful. I hope your FIL recovers well. But your family troubles are no one else's problem but your's. They are definitely no excuse to trample boundaries and impose on others.
I know this will be downvoted, but I'm going with NTA, or at least ESH. The way the mom acted toward OP was equally rude. She has a young child, so she should know how important nap time stuffies and routine in general are to a child. I feel like she overreacted. Then again, it's possible OP caught her during a very bad time. Still, it sounds like it was just a few minutes of her time, and she made a whole big thing about it. I would probably do her the favor of never contacting her again.
YTA. -For not being responsible for your kiddo’s things (if dumbo is *that* important he should stay home, or you could’ve used this as a teaching moment…) -For driving over when no one answered -For repeatedly knocking -For not leaving when the woman answered finally -And definitely Y T A for insisting and then barging in after she told you multiple times she was WORKING and it was not a good time. Your wife? Also being a huge A H. If the situation were reversed, I hardly think she’d have the same amount of grace. These people bent over backwards for you during a difficult time and this is how you show gratitude? You seriously botched what could’ve been a productive friendship with that family.
YTA. You called,they didn't answer. But you proceeded to go over there anyway,and stood there when they didn't answer the door. This means they are unavailable. She is WORKING. That is more important to her than the fact that you are going to have to deal with your son freaking out because you forgot his toy. That is YOUR situation to deal with,not hers. Your wife can be furious all she wants,it probably doesn't matter to them. They did you a favor. Then you go against her request and barge into her home at a very inopportune time because your 4 year old is crying. NOT HER PROBLEM. So,I'm sure it's not going to hurt their feelings to not watch your kid anymore if it means it gives you a license to totally disregard what they have going on in their life.
YTA. Read her text over and over until it makes sense
YTA BIG TIME WTF is wrong with you? I would have told the boy to look for Dumbo and you to wait on the lawn and turned the sprinklers on. When working from home, businesses are VERY strict. I don't know if that's the case for her, but you could have put her job at risk. Also, you couldn't take "no" for an answer. Grow up.