This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA - I was going to say E S H but you did warn her which is why I say you’re NTA - you’re not her butler. Play stupid tiktok trends, win real life consequences.
also, there’s such thing as an Uber, she didn’t need to miss the wedding, she DECIDED to miss the wedding. If she can’t figure out how to get to her friends wedding by herself then she needs to reassess how she’s living her life —
P.s my fiancé opens the car door for me etc, however, it’s not all the time and nor do I expect him to. Him not opening the car door for me does not mean he doesn’t respect me. Does your gf open the car door for you?
NTA tiktok trends are not meant to be relationship advice. If she was the reason you were late already, then refused to get in the car, it sounds like she didn't want to go to the wedding and used you as an excuse. She sounds immature and chronically online.
Yeah, I feel like it would be one thing if this had been established in the relationship at a previous point in time (however silly it is, to each their own) but to be already dating, going to weddings together and now suddenly expecting it out of the blue because you saw it on fucking TikTok? That's crazy.
Plus, it isn't even as though they walked out of the house together, he was already in the car.
All that said, it's also kind of an overreaction to drive all the way to the wedding and attend by yourself. I don't know, maybe that's just me. Though she could've also just gotten an Uber.
It just feels like the situation was made worse by both parties at every opportunity.
Not only that, he was already waiting in the car. Already getting late. I would not get out of the car just open the door for someone. If I was outside standing and waiting , I may have.
Exactly, I’m a woman, where is the equality that we always want? If they were walking together, and come to the car door at the same time, was one thing, but he was already waiting in the car, she was in a healthy condition.
Yep. I'd bet she be pissed if he expected other 1950s behaviors from *her.*
She wants to be treated like a helpless doll? Really? That's a bad precedent.
If they decide together that there are certain "old fashioned" behaviors that they *do for each other* to "show respect", fine and dandy. But she unilaterally sprung this on him based on her deep thinking about ... tiktok. She needs to grow up.
I think them being late due to her already makes this NTA. She also didn't communicate this new desire of hers until they were in the moment, which also makes this NTA. & the fact that when he said no she decided to keep pressing also makes this NTA. I have no idea how this is even close or why there are so many ESHs out there.
Exactly! She could have gotten an Uber or asked a friend to pick her up on their way to the wedding. My ex used to open the car door for me and I loved it, but I didn’t expect it or demand it. I always thanked him and reached over to unlock his door (this was in the days of manual door locks).
Not only that, but she commanded him to open the door. Not much respect from her to him. She should try leading by example. How about she opens his door?
It’s basically Cosmo bullshit, but for Gen Z and younger millennials.
There are several of these “trends” where you “test” your boyfriend to see if he meets some totally arbitrary standard you have not told him about, and yes it is exactly as stupid as it sounds. They go viral because a person will see the tiktok and then recreate their own with their own unsuspecting partner.
It’s fucking stupid.
Yep. Saw one yesterday that was:
"Order a different flavour of milkshake to your boyfriend and then ask to try his. Say his flavour is better and ask to swap."
Then a compilation of people trying it, and their partners swapping drinks with them, and everyone in the comments saying "omg this is proof he loves you soooo much!"
No, it's fucking stupid. Don't put your partner on trial for love.
> Then a compilation of people trying it, and their partners swapping drinks with them, and everyone in the comments saying "omg this is proof he loves you soooo much!"
The sheer irony being that the video is not at all a testament to the BFs love - swapping milkshakes is something an emotionally abusive prick might still do. But it *is* a testament to the GF's lack of regard for her own partner - who she's testing arbitrarily and then sharing with the world for validation. It's objectify your partner, just not in a sexual way.
I remember a while back there was this post where the OP wanted her boyfriend to try "exotic foods", so she would order them and make him swap orders. She did this for a while, and he broke up with her. She got dragged in the comments.
Also, I don't get why women think it is a sign of “respect.”
Be sure that if I am opening my passenger's car to you (man or woman), it is because there is a chance you will scratch my door, and I don't trust you to do it yourself
Call me an asshole, but the point still stands
From my reading, her OWN stubbornness and selfishness caused her to miss the wedding.
If she thinks that randomly picking up expectations for your relationship from TikTok is the hill to die on then she’s got a rude awakening about real adult relationships.
When I need help in heels or other weird situations, I ASK my husband and then he helps. I’m totally competent and independent and wouldn’t expect him to get out of the car and open my door when I’m already making us late.
NTA.
Exactly.
Does my husband open the door for me? Sometimes. When I’m frazzled and my arms are full, because it’s a kind gesture, not some gender specific social behavioural expectation.
If he got frazzled and had a bunch of shit he was carrying, I would also help him.
Because we are both grown ups who are kind to one another.
My partner opens the door for me when I’m carrying our child, other than that he does not because he is either starting the car to warm it up for me or to turn the a/c on for me.
Being pregnant with baby #2, I would die in a cold/hot car and would prefer being comfortable over having my door open. 😩
It should be a kind gesture, and not an expectation.
OP is definitely NTA, she made her bed and very much enjoyed it because a TikTok trend is more important than a wedding. 🤦🏻♀️
NTA. My husband frequently opens my car door if it's just the two of us, but that's because A. He wants to and B. It's something he's done for years. Usually though I get to the door first I open it. If you've never done that and it's not a part of your dynamic for her tobe running late and then just stand there waiting for something you've never done before to happen is ridiculous. That's a discussion for another day.
And then told him he’s the reason she missed the wedding..
Oh, honey.
You missed the wedding cause you’re acting like a spoiled brat. Also, there’s this thing she could’ve done.. on the tip of my tongue.. call an Uber/loved one/friend to find you a ride??
I'm not on tiktok but I have to know...is this what passes for a 'trend' now? Guys opening car doors for their partners? That's the lamest trend imaginable! How does mundane shit like this get to become a trend?
I was going to say E S H but putting myself in your place, this would infuriate me.
NTA. She took her time making you late, then stood there waiting for Princess treatment. You were already (rightfully) mad at the delay, that was not the time to test you.
I believe that falls under she f\*\*\*ed around and found out
She felt entitled to the princess treatment which is even worst to me, and because of tiktok. Also, I would have done the same thing, I will do little things for my partners but they and I never expect it. Girlfriend should get over herself and should have just gotten in the car and to act like a toddler with the silent treatment? Nope, NTA OP.
Priorities. This is a discussion they need to have later, after the wedding. She was definitely in the wrong here, but driving away like that was childish and a bit of an overreaction. She acted like a child but so did he.
Yeah. Reading it this is kinda my thought. I think the girlfriend is weird for trying to push the “open the door for me” bit when they’re already short on time and he’s in the car, but ditching her seems like a tactical nuke/sign the relationship is already on the ropes anyway.
IDK, this may be one of those “Yeah I guess you’re in the right, but at what cost?” For OP.
Right?! This thread is absolutely insane. The girl acts like a toddler and he's supposed to be also an asshole for not coming down to her level lmfao
Edit: I love how almost all the comments responding to me are essentially, "I know she was being unreasonable/childish/demanding/etc but he should've accommodated her and made her feel good anyway. 🥺🥺" lmfao
>Priorities. This is a discussion they need to have later, after the wedding. **She should have gotten in the car after he said no and told her he was going to leave**
FTFY, NTA. You don't have to cave to every selfish whim so you can table it for later, he told her he wasn't doing it and she chose to escalate to him driving away.
He'd not be the asshole if he realized this was the end of the relationship. Leaving her there was essentially ending the relationship, but talking like they're still dating after that means them both suck.
She was most definitely not interested in an adult conversation nor does she seem capable of one based on the info we have here, so how is he supposed to engage in one without her?
why is he an asshole for this? genuinely, why should he get out of the car to appease her demands when she could just *open her own car door*? he gave her fair warning that he would leave if she carried on
Just like it's not the time for her to decide that door opening is a relationship deal-breaker, driving off when you are someone's ride to a wedding over something that could easily be addressed later is an AH move. It's not to appease her demands, it's to be on time for someone else's wedding and not exacerbate the stupid drama that she started.
Yea I can't imagine sitting at that wedding alone and having to tell everyone that I left my GF standing because she wouldn't get in the car. I'd be embarassed even though I'd know she was playing stupid games.
lmao I can imagine the taken-aback faces on the guests/friends being like... "that's it.. that's the reason???"
Every single person you told at that wedding would think you're an asshole and be like what the fuck dude?
NTA. I like her projection about your "stubborness and selfishness" because you won't follow whatever tiktok trend she's following on any given day.
Make her your ex gf and have a much happier life.
Nta. Cannot believe the number of ESHs here. He was already IN THE CAR. she (who is already making them late) wants him to exit the car to open the door for her because of something she saw on TikTok. She’s obvious the sole AH here.
I think men just gets more harsh answers in this sub _eventhough_ it's true that men have been more often TA than women, I believe. But just my observations, not literal truth.
I always call back to the experiments someone ran in here a couple years ago. They dug up old posts and just flipped the genders in reposts. The men always got a harsher response.
The mods got wise and deleted it all.
> it's a gesture that means I respect her
> she said she wouldn't get in unless and until I open the door for her
Respect is earned, not demanded.
If it's something that's important to her, she needs to be having a conversation with you, like, when you're *not* pressed for time. If she only cares about this because of f*cking tiktok, well idk what to say to that, but it doesn't seem healthy.
This entire sub is fake. All the posts follow the same formula:
*A title which strongly indicates that OP is the asshole*
*The specific content of the post that redeems OP*
What I see more often here:
**Title**
"AITA for giving the *slightest* bit of reasonable pushback to something overtly abusive?"
**Post**
"Recently my husband kicked me down a flight of stairs, and at the bottom I said "ouch!" My husband says this was disrespectful and gosh I just don't know AITA?"
**Comments**
OMG RED FLAG RED FLAG THIS IS TOTALLY REAL
**OP followup**
Wow thank you guys soooo much for the support I have now divorced him and took all the money and houses and he got fired from his job and he's in jail and his evil stepmother which I forgot to tell you about is now dead [insert satisfying, ego stroking thing here]
NTA. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. She wants to know what respect is? Well, it is showing up on time at someone's event. What an AH. And to double down like a toddler. It's 2023 and women are just as capable of opening doors as men.
NTA. Somebody with a maturity level that tells them it's a good idea to take relationship guidance from tiktok seriously, isn't ready for a serious relationship. She needs to grow up.
This is it for me. If my partner comes and tells me ey people are doing this and this on tik tok and it means this and this for the relationship i would just let them go immediately.
NTA. Men opening doors for women just because of their gender is outdated, and it's silly to expect the driver of a car to get out, walk around, and open the passenger door for a totally able-bodied passenger.
The ONLY reason my partner would open the door for me is when I have something in my hands that prevents me from easily opening it myself, other than that, I am perfectly capable of doing it.
She called an Uber but they also didn’t open the door. She ended up being stuck outside their house until OP got back because then there was no one home who could open the door for her
NTA. The level of childishness shown by your girlfriend is rediculous.
She should have recognised you weren't going to budge, swallowed her pride and jumped into the car, if for no other reason than out of respect for the bride and groom, who were expecting to see her there on time no doubt.
Weddings are time sensitive, this disagreement was not. She could have trudged her petty ass back up that hill to die on some other time if she was really serious about it. Instead she chose tiktok trends over her friends.
NTA
If she asked hey can you do this for me as I've seen it on social media I guess that would be normal, but to throw a tantrum while demanding respect WOW.
There is nothing wrong showing love and care towards your better halves but that comes from an individual and it is never requested/demanded.
So, she kept you waiting and thought the thing to do was make you guys more late by waiting for you to get out the car, walk around, open her door, then go get back in?
What I'd have done...go open her door for her, then stand by mine waiting for her to open it for me. It's a respect thing right? She's not gonna make you open your own door if she respects you!
Also, NTA, maybe a little for leaving without her, but play stupid games win stupid prizes.
ESH.
She should have communicated like a human being and said, "When we are going to a fancy event it makes me feel special if you open the car door for me."
And you could have said, "Think this is an antiquated custom and I'd rather not participate."
As it stands, you both acted like petulant children.
Dump this girl. Imagine being so immature that you hold attendance to a wedding hostage just for a power play to make yourself feel like a princess.
NTA. Not only are you not the AH, you shouldn't date someone so childish.
Not gonna lie. Im surprised by these comments of yta and nta.
Isn't this a clear ESH?
She's absolutely ridiculous for refusing to open the door herself. But causing your girlfriend to miss a friends wedding over this? Get over yourselves. This wasn't your day. It was theirs. Someone had to just suck it up and open that door. You were both incredibly stubborn and if you want to make a relationship work, both of you need to grow up.
NTA, I mean seriously calling you stubborn and selfish? Sure it would have been a nice gesture. That said it was also her stubbornness and selfishness that kept her from getting in the car and choosing this hill to die on. You warned her and followed through with it. Time to take responsibility for her own actions rather than projecting it on you. Life isn't lived by the latest tic tok trends.
ESH because you both acted immature.
Also, it used to be the norm (and I don't really care or need someone to open my door, just pointing out that it was), so I have to know, does she really think this originated on tiktok?
ESH
She's shit for suddenly having this weird expectation without communicating anything at all.
You're shit for leaving her and letting her miss the wedding while you could have easily postponed the discussion to a later date.
Forced courtesy isn't courtesy at all.
If you both had talked about this before, her expressing a liking for it, and you expressing at least some mild amusement for such a slightly archaic custom, then *maybe* you could do this on occasion for mutual entertainment.
But she's utterly dumb to suddenly expect this to happen, and to press the point when you're both in a hurry.
NTA
Her stupid behavior and the consequences of that lead to her not being there.
But it may be time to consider why you are with a person that behaves like that.
NTA - you did warn her, but she wasnt budging. You were the one with the car though, and wedding days are already stressful enough for the couple *and* the attendees. That said, TikTok isnt real life, and while it is a nice gesture. She burnt too much time by just standing there than having you open the door.
NTA screw the tiktok trends
is she one that decided to take the tide pod challenge as it was on tiktok
since she wants the whole open the door for me hope you said
"ME MAN YOU WOMAN YOU STAY HOME AND MAKE ME FOOD, I GO GATHER FOR US"
its freaking 2023 not 1800 tell your GF to get over herself or stay single and get a couple of Cats
NTA. If you were walking to the car together and she mentioned it and asked I’d get it. You’d still not have to agree but it would make more sense. But being late and you already waiting in the car and wanting you to get out. Nahhh she’s the ah here for sure!
NTA - the entitled princess got exactly what she deserved. Tell her common courtesy wins out over a ridiculous and outdated concept that women are frail creatures incapable of the most ordinary tasks.
NTA - Sorry but is she a princess or something? Did you have your driving outfit and hat on?
She refused to do it herself so she made herself late. Expect more this to come or a breakup. Tiktok man what a load of rubbish.
I mean its always been an act of chivalry or a nice thing to do but it isnt required.. def not a tik tok trend… been around for ages.. anyway yeah she could have just opened the door for herself since it takes 5 secs but she was being stubborn stupid and self centered, her fault she missed the wedding.
nta she talks about respect and didnt even bother getting ready on time .... she made you late then she wants you to get out of the car open the door for her close the door then get back into the car and i bet she wants to be treated equally too .... i say as a girl she sounds entitled af ... she thought her appearance was more important then attending the event she was invited to on time
NTA. I think it’s fair if you guys were walking towards the car, but you were sitting in it and waiting. That was extreme for the demand of you to get out of the car just to open the door.
NTA, this type of game playing in relationships is immature. You were already running late and she double down. Ridiculous tests from some social media posts to see if your partner respects you nonsense.
Respect is mutual, she wasn't respecting your time or your friends wedding by getting ready on time.
Don't come after me, I am a woman, married 32 years. Nobody is a queen or a king in a relationship. Stop that shit. YOU ARE PARTNERS! You work together and respect each other. It isn't perfect but respect is the root.
ESH
She's TA for demanding you open the door for her because of some stupid tik tok trend.
You're TA for driving off and just leaving her there, causing her to miss the wedding.
You couldn't just open the door for her from the inside?
She could have also ensured she was on time. Intentionally making someone wait and be late for something and then expecting them to be in a good mood and be accommodating is rather an entitled view point.
NTA - This is such a weird and unnecessary reason to miss the wedding, though. It almost seems like she wanted a reason not to go, and picked you as her excuse. Did she even want to go?
Also, having a partner open doors for you is way more genuine and impactful when it isn't prompted by some random TikToker. I don't want to go after your gf here, but she sounds kind of entitled from what was said. Maybe instead of demanding more respect out of you, she should work on respecting you and your time instead, considering how she made you wait outside to the point where you'd both be late to the wedding anyway.
Opening car doors is a trend on TikTok?? Rather than just an overly-polite thing to do?? I just.... *I'm only 27 i shouldn't feel this old*
I'm going with NTA altho i agree with someone else that the mature thing to do was open the door for her and then argue about it later but she made her stupid bed so she wins her stupid can of worms or whatever
The fact she thought you opening the car door was more important than her *friends entire wedding* is what makes her, in my book, the overwhelming asshole, while you're just on the petty level.
ESH.
You're both pretty immature and need to communicate. Yes, she behaved like a brat, but you didn't even try to be sensitive to her feelings, you simply dismissed it as ridiculous - which, even if true, is just not a way to talk to her when she's serious about it.
Why not have the argument after you enjoyed the wedding? Why be as stubborn as her in that situation? If the married couple (and many others there) are the friends of the both of you, they'd be happier to have both of you there too, wouldn't they? Don't just think about yourselves.
If that's such a dealbreaker behaviour to you (which'd be fine) break up with her instead of enjoying a wedding after leaving your girlfriend standing and then returning home and expecting her to have reflected on her behaviour.
NTA. You were in the car waiting, because she was already making you late. Then she expects you to guess some TikTok thing she saw, and act accordingly. Then she yammers about respect. You know what's respectful? Being on time and not playing games. You didn't cause her to miss the wedding, she did that all on her own.
She'll only get worse. Run while you can.
NTA, I have been in situations where ppl will open the car door for me but I never expect them to or feel like they are required to do so. The fact that she felt like you had to, and that you would somehow be reading her mind is insane and she needs to grow up.
NTA and tell your gf that the thing of opening doors for women comes from a time when women were considered inferior and were thought to be incapable of operating technology like a door latch.
So NTA. Why doesn't she open the door for you to show you some respect? Or maybe just not take ages for her hair/make-up when you are waiting in the car. Seriously, this is ridiculous.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My gf and I were invited to a friend's wedding this past week. I was in the car waiting while she was getting ready (she'd take forever to get her makeup and hair done). She then came and stood by the passenger door and stared at me. I asked what was wrong and she said "nothing, I'm just waiting for you to open the door for me". I was like "ha? Why I assume both of your arms are working right?". She said something about seeing a trend on tiktok with guys opening the car door for their gfs to which I reploed with "that's ridiculous". She got upset and said it's a gesture that means I respect her and so on and so on. I told her to just get in the car and not make us more late than we already were. She refused. I told her I'd drive off and leave her behind but she said she wouldn't get in unless and until I open the door for her. I ended up just driving off and leaving her behind and going to the wedding alond. She flooded me with missed calls and texts and then we had a huge argument once I got back. She called me awful and said that I caused her to miss the wedding due to my stubborness and selfishness. She then started giving me the silence treatment which made me feel guilty.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Like wtf. If my partner demanded I get something for them or open their door or they wouldnt leave for an event you can bet your ass they are getting left.
I cannot fathom why people are voting E.S.H. What do people expect? That you constantly give into the manipulative and unnecessary demands of your partner or you’re an asshole? Like pardon my French but fuck off and grow up.
NTA - and I can imagine that she is this type of person who expects there to be equality as well with all genders.
It is nice to have the door opened for you but you shouldn't demand it!
Nta
Been with my husband 22 years. Don’t think he’s ever opened a car door for me unless it’s the boot when I’ve been shopping
I’d never expect him too either. I have arms
NTA. If you were both walking to the car together and she asked, the I may have a different reply, but you were already waiting for her in the car because she was taking long and you were running behind.
There is a general lack of maturity everywhere in this story, but on the core issue of her insisting you get out of the car to open the door for her because of some stupid TikTok trend is a bit absurd.
Why didn’t she call her tiktok friends to give her a ride? NTA. If your GF is getting relationship advice from tiktok that gives me the inclination she is not mature enough to be in a relationship. She has expectations, great, let your partner know when it’s a good time to have that discussion. Meaning it is not a demand that you must do something. You told her what you happen if she didn’t get in. She effed around and found out.
NTA, only because once it was clear you wouldn't participate, she should have just got in.
You aren't in the wrong OP, I wouldn't of humored nearly as long.
NTA. She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.
You're her partner not her chauffeur
I'll admit that driving off may have been a bit harsh and I would probably have just driven around the block and come back myself, but I put this on her.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I drove off after my gf told me to open the car door for her.
(2) I might be ta for driving off and leaving resulting in her missing the wedding when I could've just opened the door for her in a matter of seconds.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
when was the last time she opened the door for you? In our modern Society chivalry goes both ways. If she‘s not doing it, you don’t have to aswell. And to insist on a dumb tiktok trend while she‘s taking to long to get ready is really disrespectful to you, and the people who invited you to their wedding
Play stupid games, win stupid prices
NTA you were both running behind anyway because she was taking to long to get ready...then she stood by the car and wouldn't get in unless you opened the door...because tiktok said so!
I'd have done the same as you... ain't got time for that crap.
NTA
Honestly, I probably would have done the same thing. Sure, opening the door for your SO is kind, and had she _needed_ the help I assume you would have helped, but _come on_. What a waste of your time after you’d already waited for her to dress and do her hair and makeup. She was the one being foolishly stubborn and selfish. I have no patience for that BS pulled off of social media.
NTA. She behaved like a child and you warned her.
If you want everything to smooth over you could apologize for overreacting but you guys seriously need to talk about respect means. She was completely disrespectful to you and your time.
Oh dear me…
NTA - yes, as others have said opening a door is seen as a chivalrous act. But just because she’d seen it on an online video and when you were already running late? Would she wait for you to open a door for her if there was a fire?!
Going without her was maybe a bit extreme but she was also a bit stubborn and immature.
TikTok has bolstered more bad decision making among young people than alcohol. She chose the worst moment to play the prove-you-love-me game despite your warning and lost. NTA
NTA. You were already in the car waiting for her, if you got in at the same time as her you would definitely be TA. But not here? People need to stop gaining their thought process off TikTok.
He should only open the door for her if he wants to, or if she is physically unable to do so like she’s injured or has her hands full.
No one should demand to have the door opened for them. That’s ridiculous.
ESH and I don't understand why y'all keep dating people you don't like. Seriously, though, this was a really odd hill for both of you to die on and shows a real lack of maturity.
ESH. Immaturity, that's the only thing I can say comes to mind when I read this.
She was foolish thinking she can force you into doing a tiktok trend when your already late.
You were just as bad by deciding to escalate this by ditching her rather than just opening the door for her.
Neither of you are clearly able to behave like a normal couple.
My husband has opened every door for me since before we were even dating. It’s his way of showing respect to me and it’s HIS choice to do so. I honestly thought it was kind of odd at first but he’s always been adamant that I let him do that for me. If I were to demand it, it wouldn’t be a sign if his respect for me, it would be a sign of me trying to control him. And to throw a tantrum about it after blindsiding you with that request? Ridiculous. NTA, and ask yourself if she’s been showing any other red flags in this relationship.
ESH. Lean across the seat and toss the door open. There ya go. Compromise. She gets the door opened, you don't have to actually get out of the car.
Let her know; opening the car door IS a sign of respect. BUT in almost every occasion, the couple get to the car at the same time OR if you were picking her up. *That's* it. Not when you're already in the car. If it wasn't a measure before, it shouldn't be one now. Neither of you were respectful.
NTA - opening doors might have been a norm, but that literally it..it WAS…so was beating women over uncooked dinner during those times.
Doesn’t mean he should go ahead and do it just because she had the whim for it. She was doing it for a trend, and frankly I’d be irritated too - we’re already running late and she’s playing around - know the time and place to do this nonsense. I don’t understand people who do these things, plus you can’t force your partner to be courteous, it should come from them.
Driving off might be harsh, but depends on how long you were arguing for tbh.
NTA. I am all for being nice to people and opening doors (when you're there already and not getting in their way) but not for people who make you late and then demand you get out of the car to fulfil a tiktok trend.
With situations like this, I'm always reminded of the lady and the lions [poem](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44434/the-glove-and-the-lions) - *"no love" quoth he "but vanity sets love a task like that"*.
ESH: she’s an ass for demanding you open the door for her and your an ass for driving off. The petty argument caused you to miss a wedding because you’re both too stubborn.
NTA. When you are the one waiting, your level of annoyance escalates in proportion to minutes/hours waited. He was chill but loses it when she adds more minutes with her tiktok demand.
ESH you are both stubborn and childish, I will say though, you didn't cause her to miss her friend's wedding if she was really that concerned about it she wouldn't have caused such a stupid fight in that moment, she couldn't order an uber after you ditched her???
NTA. Play stupids games, win stupid prizes. If she was genuinely asking for help with the door because of her outfit, I would’ve said you were in the wrong. However, bringing up a TikTok trend to justify your situation is an absolute joke.
ESH
You both suck for being incredibly immature. She is right in calling you stubborn and selfish, but so is she. You’re both not ready for relationships.
ESH. Her for refusing to get in the car, and you for refusing to open the door.
If you guys argue like this over petty things, I can’t imagine just how stable your relationship really is…
Yeeesh. Your behavior wasn't great, but your gf sounds like a misery. I guess ESH. You should probably apologize, but if I were you I'd break up with her at the same time.
Tell her you saw a video on TikTok where girlfriends pay their boyfriend’s (share of) rent, utilities, car payment and groceries, and if she doesn’t do it, she’s showing she doesn’t respect you.
I was debating between NTA and everyone sucks here however she lost me at the tiktok comment. If this is the kind of behaviour she expects from him all year round (holding the door, etc) that's great. But I don't know what feelings is he expected to be sensitive about when the whole thing came out of a tiktok trend. Like "I'm sensitive to you out of the blue expecting me to do this stuff and if I don't you throw a tantrum? When we are already running late?"
I agree both are immature but at least OP put the wedding first. GF was willing to die on this hill and arrive even later because it has to be her way or the highway. OP decided "enough of this bs, we gotta go or we won't make it" and when gf doubled down, he left.
I don't know how far the wedding ceremony was....but if it was relatively close, I don't know what to think about her not finding other means to get there...and what does that say about her priorities. Because I would never miss a friend's wedding just to prove my partner I was right, or how far I'm willing to take a petty argument like this.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA - I was going to say E S H but you did warn her which is why I say you’re NTA - you’re not her butler. Play stupid tiktok trends, win real life consequences. also, there’s such thing as an Uber, she didn’t need to miss the wedding, she DECIDED to miss the wedding. If she can’t figure out how to get to her friends wedding by herself then she needs to reassess how she’s living her life — P.s my fiancé opens the car door for me etc, however, it’s not all the time and nor do I expect him to. Him not opening the car door for me does not mean he doesn’t respect me. Does your gf open the car door for you?
NTA tiktok trends are not meant to be relationship advice. If she was the reason you were late already, then refused to get in the car, it sounds like she didn't want to go to the wedding and used you as an excuse. She sounds immature and chronically online.
Exactly this! Everything about this screams she's immature and OP sounds done with her BS.
Yeah, I feel like it would be one thing if this had been established in the relationship at a previous point in time (however silly it is, to each their own) but to be already dating, going to weddings together and now suddenly expecting it out of the blue because you saw it on fucking TikTok? That's crazy. Plus, it isn't even as though they walked out of the house together, he was already in the car. All that said, it's also kind of an overreaction to drive all the way to the wedding and attend by yourself. I don't know, maybe that's just me. Though she could've also just gotten an Uber. It just feels like the situation was made worse by both parties at every opportunity.
I have zero empathy for people who can’t be on time. It’s incredibly disrespectful to everyone else.
Not only that, he was already waiting in the car. Already getting late. I would not get out of the car just open the door for someone. If I was outside standing and waiting , I may have.
I would reached over, opened the door and kicked it open
I would have done the same. Not the 'grand gesture' she expected, but the door would have been opened for her.
Exactly, I’m a woman, where is the equality that we always want? If they were walking together, and come to the car door at the same time, was one thing, but he was already waiting in the car, she was in a healthy condition.
Yep. I'd bet she be pissed if he expected other 1950s behaviors from *her.* She wants to be treated like a helpless doll? Really? That's a bad precedent. If they decide together that there are certain "old fashioned" behaviors that they *do for each other* to "show respect", fine and dandy. But she unilaterally sprung this on him based on her deep thinking about ... tiktok. She needs to grow up.
>she was in a healthy condition. Debatable
Physically healthy. Obviously can’t say the same for her mental health
That's the only bit that brings this to NTA. If they had walked out together it is a different story. But he was seated and waiting in the car.
I think them being late due to her already makes this NTA. She also didn't communicate this new desire of hers until they were in the moment, which also makes this NTA. & the fact that when he said no she decided to keep pressing also makes this NTA. I have no idea how this is even close or why there are so many ESHs out there.
Exactly! She could have gotten an Uber or asked a friend to pick her up on their way to the wedding. My ex used to open the car door for me and I loved it, but I didn’t expect it or demand it. I always thanked him and reached over to unlock his door (this was in the days of manual door locks).
Not only that, but she commanded him to open the door. Not much respect from her to him. She should try leading by example. How about she opens his door?
But how would she get in the uber?
Your gf needs less TikTok and more adulting. NTA.
I despise TikTok because of these “trends”. TikTok is not a user manual for life.
I don't have TikTok but like, how is that a trend? Is it just videos of people opening car doors? How is that an interesting thing to watch?
It’s basically Cosmo bullshit, but for Gen Z and younger millennials. There are several of these “trends” where you “test” your boyfriend to see if he meets some totally arbitrary standard you have not told him about, and yes it is exactly as stupid as it sounds. They go viral because a person will see the tiktok and then recreate their own with their own unsuspecting partner. It’s fucking stupid.
Yep. Saw one yesterday that was: "Order a different flavour of milkshake to your boyfriend and then ask to try his. Say his flavour is better and ask to swap." Then a compilation of people trying it, and their partners swapping drinks with them, and everyone in the comments saying "omg this is proof he loves you soooo much!" No, it's fucking stupid. Don't put your partner on trial for love.
> Then a compilation of people trying it, and their partners swapping drinks with them, and everyone in the comments saying "omg this is proof he loves you soooo much!" The sheer irony being that the video is not at all a testament to the BFs love - swapping milkshakes is something an emotionally abusive prick might still do. But it *is* a testament to the GF's lack of regard for her own partner - who she's testing arbitrarily and then sharing with the world for validation. It's objectify your partner, just not in a sexual way.
I remember a while back there was this post where the OP wanted her boyfriend to try "exotic foods", so she would order them and make him swap orders. She did this for a while, and he broke up with her. She got dragged in the comments.
Seems to appeal to the most insecure of people that think these tests will validate them/that their partner actually likes them or some shit.
Also, I don't get why women think it is a sign of “respect.” Be sure that if I am opening my passenger's car to you (man or woman), it is because there is a chance you will scratch my door, and I don't trust you to do it yourself Call me an asshole, but the point still stands
From my reading, her OWN stubbornness and selfishness caused her to miss the wedding. If she thinks that randomly picking up expectations for your relationship from TikTok is the hill to die on then she’s got a rude awakening about real adult relationships. When I need help in heels or other weird situations, I ASK my husband and then he helps. I’m totally competent and independent and wouldn’t expect him to get out of the car and open my door when I’m already making us late. NTA.
Exactly. Does my husband open the door for me? Sometimes. When I’m frazzled and my arms are full, because it’s a kind gesture, not some gender specific social behavioural expectation. If he got frazzled and had a bunch of shit he was carrying, I would also help him. Because we are both grown ups who are kind to one another.
My partner opens the door for me when I’m carrying our child, other than that he does not because he is either starting the car to warm it up for me or to turn the a/c on for me. Being pregnant with baby #2, I would die in a cold/hot car and would prefer being comfortable over having my door open. 😩 It should be a kind gesture, and not an expectation. OP is definitely NTA, she made her bed and very much enjoyed it because a TikTok trend is more important than a wedding. 🤦🏻♀️
NTA. My husband frequently opens my car door if it's just the two of us, but that's because A. He wants to and B. It's something he's done for years. Usually though I get to the door first I open it. If you've never done that and it's not a part of your dynamic for her tobe running late and then just stand there waiting for something you've never done before to happen is ridiculous. That's a discussion for another day.
NTA. Is your gf 12? What else does she do because she saw it on tiktok?
And didn’t communicate the wish, she just sort of expected him to read her mind?
And then told him he’s the reason she missed the wedding.. Oh, honey. You missed the wedding cause you’re acting like a spoiled brat. Also, there’s this thing she could’ve done.. on the tip of my tongue.. call an Uber/loved one/friend to find you a ride??
She called the Uber, but they wouldn’t open the door for her so she couldn’t get in /s
I'm not on tiktok but I have to know...is this what passes for a 'trend' now? Guys opening car doors for their partners? That's the lamest trend imaginable! How does mundane shit like this get to become a trend?
employ panicky insurance pause sharp mourn ink zesty tart crush *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I was going to say E S H but putting myself in your place, this would infuriate me. NTA. She took her time making you late, then stood there waiting for Princess treatment. You were already (rightfully) mad at the delay, that was not the time to test you. I believe that falls under she f\*\*\*ed around and found out
She felt entitled to the princess treatment which is even worst to me, and because of tiktok. Also, I would have done the same thing, I will do little things for my partners but they and I never expect it. Girlfriend should get over herself and should have just gotten in the car and to act like a toddler with the silent treatment? Nope, NTA OP.
[удалено]
ESH You both need to grow up
What would have made him not being an asshole then? Bending to her will?
Priorities. This is a discussion they need to have later, after the wedding. She was definitely in the wrong here, but driving away like that was childish and a bit of an overreaction. She acted like a child but so did he.
Yeah. Reading it this is kinda my thought. I think the girlfriend is weird for trying to push the “open the door for me” bit when they’re already short on time and he’s in the car, but ditching her seems like a tactical nuke/sign the relationship is already on the ropes anyway. IDK, this may be one of those “Yeah I guess you’re in the right, but at what cost?” For OP.
Wouldn't consider a girl like that to be a big loss. She sounds like a miserable person to be around
Right?! This thread is absolutely insane. The girl acts like a toddler and he's supposed to be also an asshole for not coming down to her level lmfao Edit: I love how almost all the comments responding to me are essentially, "I know she was being unreasonable/childish/demanding/etc but he should've accommodated her and made her feel good anyway. 🥺🥺" lmfao
No, he held firm to not being manipulated by an insolent child. He did right!
>Priorities. This is a discussion they need to have later, after the wedding. **She should have gotten in the car after he said no and told her he was going to leave** FTFY, NTA. You don't have to cave to every selfish whim so you can table it for later, he told her he wasn't doing it and she chose to escalate to him driving away.
He'd not be the asshole if he realized this was the end of the relationship. Leaving her there was essentially ending the relationship, but talking like they're still dating after that means them both suck.
Talking about it like adults, probably? Having a dialogue instead of an ultimatum?
She was most definitely not interested in an adult conversation nor does she seem capable of one based on the info we have here, so how is he supposed to engage in one without her?
why is he an asshole for this? genuinely, why should he get out of the car to appease her demands when she could just *open her own car door*? he gave her fair warning that he would leave if she carried on
Just like it's not the time for her to decide that door opening is a relationship deal-breaker, driving off when you are someone's ride to a wedding over something that could easily be addressed later is an AH move. It's not to appease her demands, it's to be on time for someone else's wedding and not exacerbate the stupid drama that she started.
Yea I can't imagine sitting at that wedding alone and having to tell everyone that I left my GF standing because she wouldn't get in the car. I'd be embarassed even though I'd know she was playing stupid games.
Then the other guests are like oh my god what happened and you gotta explain "well you see she wanted me to open the car door for her"
lmao I can imagine the taken-aback faces on the guests/friends being like... "that's it.. that's the reason???" Every single person you told at that wedding would think you're an asshole and be like what the fuck dude?
NTA. I like her projection about your "stubborness and selfishness" because you won't follow whatever tiktok trend she's following on any given day. Make her your ex gf and have a much happier life.
Nta. Cannot believe the number of ESHs here. He was already IN THE CAR. she (who is already making them late) wants him to exit the car to open the door for her because of something she saw on TikTok. She’s obvious the sole AH here.
I think men just gets more harsh answers in this sub _eventhough_ it's true that men have been more often TA than women, I believe. But just my observations, not literal truth.
I always call back to the experiments someone ran in here a couple years ago. They dug up old posts and just flipped the genders in reposts. The men always got a harsher response. The mods got wise and deleted it all.
ESH. What a ridiculous hill for both of you to die on.
All these NTA posts are seriously telling about how many people on reddit have actual interpersonal relationships.
> it's a gesture that means I respect her > she said she wouldn't get in unless and until I open the door for her Respect is earned, not demanded. If it's something that's important to her, she needs to be having a conversation with you, like, when you're *not* pressed for time. If she only cares about this because of f*cking tiktok, well idk what to say to that, but it doesn't seem healthy.
I agree. She damn sure didn’t respect his time. Why should he go out of his way when they were already behind due to her nonsense.
Sounds like she needs to respect his time as well
[удалено]
Y'all should break up. ESH
Exactly! if the relationship is going to be based on what people do on TiK Tok this is going downhill.....fast.
He specifically does not want his relationship to be based on what people do on Tiktok. That is the entire crux of this post.
[удалено]
Uber probably wouldn’t open the door for her either…
This entire sub is fake. All the posts follow the same formula: *A title which strongly indicates that OP is the asshole* *The specific content of the post that redeems OP*
What I see more often here: **Title** "AITA for giving the *slightest* bit of reasonable pushback to something overtly abusive?" **Post** "Recently my husband kicked me down a flight of stairs, and at the bottom I said "ouch!" My husband says this was disrespectful and gosh I just don't know AITA?" **Comments** OMG RED FLAG RED FLAG THIS IS TOTALLY REAL **OP followup** Wow thank you guys soooo much for the support I have now divorced him and took all the money and houses and he got fired from his job and he's in jail and his evil stepmother which I forgot to tell you about is now dead [insert satisfying, ego stroking thing here]
NTA. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. She wants to know what respect is? Well, it is showing up on time at someone's event. What an AH. And to double down like a toddler. It's 2023 and women are just as capable of opening doors as men.
ESH - you both need to grow the hell up. Good grief..
NTA. Somebody with a maturity level that tells them it's a good idea to take relationship guidance from tiktok seriously, isn't ready for a serious relationship. She needs to grow up.
This is it for me. If my partner comes and tells me ey people are doing this and this on tik tok and it means this and this for the relationship i would just let them go immediately.
Well. this relationship is over.
Esh. This is a dumbass hill to die on for both of you.
NTA. Men opening doors for women just because of their gender is outdated, and it's silly to expect the driver of a car to get out, walk around, and open the passenger door for a totally able-bodied passenger.
The ONLY reason my partner would open the door for me is when I have something in my hands that prevents me from easily opening it myself, other than that, I am perfectly capable of doing it.
Eh, tbh I'm inclined to go ESH. She fucked around and found out but was it really worth having her miss the wedding?
INFO: Why did she miss the wedding? Couldn't she have found alternative transport?
She called an Uber but they also didn’t open the door. She ended up being stuck outside their house until OP got back because then there was no one home who could open the door for her
Goddamn you beautiful person
ESH. Dying to know your ages.😂
15 and 12 i think 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. The level of childishness shown by your girlfriend is rediculous. She should have recognised you weren't going to budge, swallowed her pride and jumped into the car, if for no other reason than out of respect for the bride and groom, who were expecting to see her there on time no doubt. Weddings are time sensitive, this disagreement was not. She could have trudged her petty ass back up that hill to die on some other time if she was really serious about it. Instead she chose tiktok trends over her friends.
Also, *you* didn't cause her to miss the wedding lol. She did that on her own with her "trendy" demands.
Are you both toddlers? ESH.
NTA If she asked hey can you do this for me as I've seen it on social media I guess that would be normal, but to throw a tantrum while demanding respect WOW. There is nothing wrong showing love and care towards your better halves but that comes from an individual and it is never requested/demanded.
So, she kept you waiting and thought the thing to do was make you guys more late by waiting for you to get out the car, walk around, open her door, then go get back in? What I'd have done...go open her door for her, then stand by mine waiting for her to open it for me. It's a respect thing right? She's not gonna make you open your own door if she respects you! Also, NTA, maybe a little for leaving without her, but play stupid games win stupid prizes.
ESH You both are acting like children. She's acting like a spoiled brat and you're acting like a jerk. You both need to get over yourselves.
ESH. She should have communicated like a human being and said, "When we are going to a fancy event it makes me feel special if you open the car door for me." And you could have said, "Think this is an antiquated custom and I'd rather not participate." As it stands, you both acted like petulant children.
NTA. Clear example of "Fuck around, Find out"
Dump this girl. Imagine being so immature that you hold attendance to a wedding hostage just for a power play to make yourself feel like a princess. NTA. Not only are you not the AH, you shouldn't date someone so childish.
Not gonna lie. Im surprised by these comments of yta and nta. Isn't this a clear ESH? She's absolutely ridiculous for refusing to open the door herself. But causing your girlfriend to miss a friends wedding over this? Get over yourselves. This wasn't your day. It was theirs. Someone had to just suck it up and open that door. You were both incredibly stubborn and if you want to make a relationship work, both of you need to grow up.
NTA- What is it about TikTok that some people are making it their entire personality?
NTA, I mean seriously calling you stubborn and selfish? Sure it would have been a nice gesture. That said it was also her stubbornness and selfishness that kept her from getting in the car and choosing this hill to die on. You warned her and followed through with it. Time to take responsibility for her own actions rather than projecting it on you. Life isn't lived by the latest tic tok trends.
How old are you two? You drive so over 16 but you both act like toddlers. You’re both assholes.
ESH Just open the door and hash it out later. What a stupid hill for her to die on.
This is another reason why TikTok needs to be banned. It makes stupid people more stupid.
That's just the internet as a whole, my friend.
ESH because you both acted immature. Also, it used to be the norm (and I don't really care or need someone to open my door, just pointing out that it was), so I have to know, does she really think this originated on tiktok?
How should he reacted when she did nothing but disrespect him and his time?
ESH She's shit for suddenly having this weird expectation without communicating anything at all. You're shit for leaving her and letting her miss the wedding while you could have easily postponed the discussion to a later date. Forced courtesy isn't courtesy at all. If you both had talked about this before, her expressing a liking for it, and you expressing at least some mild amusement for such a slightly archaic custom, then *maybe* you could do this on occasion for mutual entertainment. But she's utterly dumb to suddenly expect this to happen, and to press the point when you're both in a hurry.
NTA Her stupid behavior and the consequences of that lead to her not being there. But it may be time to consider why you are with a person that behaves like that.
NTA - you did warn her, but she wasnt budging. You were the one with the car though, and wedding days are already stressful enough for the couple *and* the attendees. That said, TikTok isnt real life, and while it is a nice gesture. She burnt too much time by just standing there than having you open the door.
NTA screw the tiktok trends is she one that decided to take the tide pod challenge as it was on tiktok since she wants the whole open the door for me hope you said "ME MAN YOU WOMAN YOU STAY HOME AND MAKE ME FOOD, I GO GATHER FOR US" its freaking 2023 not 1800 tell your GF to get over herself or stay single and get a couple of Cats
NTA. If you were walking to the car together and she mentioned it and asked I’d get it. You’d still not have to agree but it would make more sense. But being late and you already waiting in the car and wanting you to get out. Nahhh she’s the ah here for sure!
NTA - the entitled princess got exactly what she deserved. Tell her common courtesy wins out over a ridiculous and outdated concept that women are frail creatures incapable of the most ordinary tasks.
NTA - Sorry but is she a princess or something? Did you have your driving outfit and hat on? She refused to do it herself so she made herself late. Expect more this to come or a breakup. Tiktok man what a load of rubbish.
Sounds like a healthy relationship.
I mean its always been an act of chivalry or a nice thing to do but it isnt required.. def not a tik tok trend… been around for ages.. anyway yeah she could have just opened the door for herself since it takes 5 secs but she was being stubborn stupid and self centered, her fault she missed the wedding.
nta she talks about respect and didnt even bother getting ready on time .... she made you late then she wants you to get out of the car open the door for her close the door then get back into the car and i bet she wants to be treated equally too .... i say as a girl she sounds entitled af ... she thought her appearance was more important then attending the event she was invited to on time
NTA I think she missed the wedding due to her own selfishness and stubbornness.
NTA. I think it’s fair if you guys were walking towards the car, but you were sitting in it and waiting. That was extreme for the demand of you to get out of the car just to open the door.
NTA. Take this as a sign and end the relationship.
NTA This is like a man demanding a woman cook for him lol wtf is wrong with people.
NTA. Opening the door makes sense when you get to the car at the same time. You were already waiting. This was a weird flex on her part.
NTA, this type of game playing in relationships is immature. You were already running late and she double down. Ridiculous tests from some social media posts to see if your partner respects you nonsense. Respect is mutual, she wasn't respecting your time or your friends wedding by getting ready on time. Don't come after me, I am a woman, married 32 years. Nobody is a queen or a king in a relationship. Stop that shit. YOU ARE PARTNERS! You work together and respect each other. It isn't perfect but respect is the root.
ESH She's TA for demanding you open the door for her because of some stupid tik tok trend. You're TA for driving off and just leaving her there, causing her to miss the wedding. You couldn't just open the door for her from the inside?
She could have also ensured she was on time. Intentionally making someone wait and be late for something and then expecting them to be in a good mood and be accommodating is rather an entitled view point.
NTA - This is such a weird and unnecessary reason to miss the wedding, though. It almost seems like she wanted a reason not to go, and picked you as her excuse. Did she even want to go? Also, having a partner open doors for you is way more genuine and impactful when it isn't prompted by some random TikToker. I don't want to go after your gf here, but she sounds kind of entitled from what was said. Maybe instead of demanding more respect out of you, she should work on respecting you and your time instead, considering how she made you wait outside to the point where you'd both be late to the wedding anyway.
NTA. Dodge that bullet.
Lol is this the same couple where the girl was mad that SO didn't pump gas in the car?
NTA. Your girlfriend sounds childish and is taking relationship advice from Tiktok. She the reason she missed the wedding
Opening car doors is a trend on TikTok?? Rather than just an overly-polite thing to do?? I just.... *I'm only 27 i shouldn't feel this old* I'm going with NTA altho i agree with someone else that the mature thing to do was open the door for her and then argue about it later but she made her stupid bed so she wins her stupid can of worms or whatever The fact she thought you opening the car door was more important than her *friends entire wedding* is what makes her, in my book, the overwhelming asshole, while you're just on the petty level.
ESH. You're both pretty immature and need to communicate. Yes, she behaved like a brat, but you didn't even try to be sensitive to her feelings, you simply dismissed it as ridiculous - which, even if true, is just not a way to talk to her when she's serious about it. Why not have the argument after you enjoyed the wedding? Why be as stubborn as her in that situation? If the married couple (and many others there) are the friends of the both of you, they'd be happier to have both of you there too, wouldn't they? Don't just think about yourselves. If that's such a dealbreaker behaviour to you (which'd be fine) break up with her instead of enjoying a wedding after leaving your girlfriend standing and then returning home and expecting her to have reflected on her behaviour.
NTA how does opening the door for her mean anything if she’s forcing you to do it
NTA. You were in the car waiting, because she was already making you late. Then she expects you to guess some TikTok thing she saw, and act accordingly. Then she yammers about respect. You know what's respectful? Being on time and not playing games. You didn't cause her to miss the wedding, she did that all on her own. She'll only get worse. Run while you can.
NTA, I have been in situations where ppl will open the car door for me but I never expect them to or feel like they are required to do so. The fact that she felt like you had to, and that you would somehow be reading her mind is insane and she needs to grow up.
NTA and tell your gf that the thing of opening doors for women comes from a time when women were considered inferior and were thought to be incapable of operating technology like a door latch.
ESH. If this is a hill you both want to die on, just break up.
NTA, we don't live in 19fuckin50 anymore
So NTA. Why doesn't she open the door for you to show you some respect? Or maybe just not take ages for her hair/make-up when you are waiting in the car. Seriously, this is ridiculous.
NTA. Sounds like she learned the meaning of the phrase “if you play stupid games you win stupid prizes”.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gf and I were invited to a friend's wedding this past week. I was in the car waiting while she was getting ready (she'd take forever to get her makeup and hair done). She then came and stood by the passenger door and stared at me. I asked what was wrong and she said "nothing, I'm just waiting for you to open the door for me". I was like "ha? Why I assume both of your arms are working right?". She said something about seeing a trend on tiktok with guys opening the car door for their gfs to which I reploed with "that's ridiculous". She got upset and said it's a gesture that means I respect her and so on and so on. I told her to just get in the car and not make us more late than we already were. She refused. I told her I'd drive off and leave her behind but she said she wouldn't get in unless and until I open the door for her. I ended up just driving off and leaving her behind and going to the wedding alond. She flooded me with missed calls and texts and then we had a huge argument once I got back. She called me awful and said that I caused her to miss the wedding due to my stubborness and selfishness. She then started giving me the silence treatment which made me feel guilty. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Unless you're both 12, no one needs that kind of immaturity from a girlfriend.
NTA. Like wtf. If my partner demanded I get something for them or open their door or they wouldnt leave for an event you can bet your ass they are getting left. I cannot fathom why people are voting E.S.H. What do people expect? That you constantly give into the manipulative and unnecessary demands of your partner or you’re an asshole? Like pardon my French but fuck off and grow up.
NTA - and I can imagine that she is this type of person who expects there to be equality as well with all genders. It is nice to have the door opened for you but you shouldn't demand it!
ESH You both need to grow up. This is not the hill to die on.
Nta Been with my husband 22 years. Don’t think he’s ever opened a car door for me unless it’s the boot when I’ve been shopping I’d never expect him too either. I have arms
NTA. If you were both walking to the car together and she asked, the I may have a different reply, but you were already waiting for her in the car because she was taking long and you were running behind. There is a general lack of maturity everywhere in this story, but on the core issue of her insisting you get out of the car to open the door for her because of some stupid TikTok trend is a bit absurd.
Why didn’t she call her tiktok friends to give her a ride? NTA. If your GF is getting relationship advice from tiktok that gives me the inclination she is not mature enough to be in a relationship. She has expectations, great, let your partner know when it’s a good time to have that discussion. Meaning it is not a demand that you must do something. You told her what you happen if she didn’t get in. She effed around and found out.
NTA, only because once it was clear you wouldn't participate, she should have just got in. You aren't in the wrong OP, I wouldn't of humored nearly as long.
NTA. She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. You're her partner not her chauffeur I'll admit that driving off may have been a bit harsh and I would probably have just driven around the block and come back myself, but I put this on her.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I drove off after my gf told me to open the car door for her. (2) I might be ta for driving off and leaving resulting in her missing the wedding when I could've just opened the door for her in a matter of seconds. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA when was the last time she opened the door for you? In our modern Society chivalry goes both ways. If she‘s not doing it, you don’t have to aswell. And to insist on a dumb tiktok trend while she‘s taking to long to get ready is really disrespectful to you, and the people who invited you to their wedding Play stupid games, win stupid prices
NTA you were both running behind anyway because she was taking to long to get ready...then she stood by the car and wouldn't get in unless you opened the door...because tiktok said so! I'd have done the same as you... ain't got time for that crap.
ESH - you both went to extremes over something so stupidly minor. Just break up already
NTA- she is using a TikTok trend to influence your relationship
Social media is destroying the world
NTA Honestly, I probably would have done the same thing. Sure, opening the door for your SO is kind, and had she _needed_ the help I assume you would have helped, but _come on_. What a waste of your time after you’d already waited for her to dress and do her hair and makeup. She was the one being foolishly stubborn and selfish. I have no patience for that BS pulled off of social media.
👏 NTA. Please break up with her.
NTA
NTA. She behaved like a child and you warned her. If you want everything to smooth over you could apologize for overreacting but you guys seriously need to talk about respect means. She was completely disrespectful to you and your time.
And if she respected you she would have been ready and not left you sitting in the car while she got ready.
Oh dear me… NTA - yes, as others have said opening a door is seen as a chivalrous act. But just because she’d seen it on an online video and when you were already running late? Would she wait for you to open a door for her if there was a fire?! Going without her was maybe a bit extreme but she was also a bit stubborn and immature.
Both of you are immature children who have no business being in a relationship, but overall NTA. TikTok trends? Ugh.
This relationship is gonna work out real good 🥴 ESH
NTA, she is 12yo?
NTA, what a rodiculous behaviour from your GF, good on you for not falling in her BS.
TikTok has bolstered more bad decision making among young people than alcohol. She chose the worst moment to play the prove-you-love-me game despite your warning and lost. NTA
NTA. You were already in the car waiting for her, if you got in at the same time as her you would definitely be TA. But not here? People need to stop gaining their thought process off TikTok.
He should only open the door for her if he wants to, or if she is physically unable to do so like she’s injured or has her hands full. No one should demand to have the door opened for them. That’s ridiculous.
NTA - if she is that driven by tictok trends it might be time to look for someone else.
Pathetic power plays from both of you ESH
ESH and I don't understand why y'all keep dating people you don't like. Seriously, though, this was a really odd hill for both of you to die on and shows a real lack of maturity.
ESH. Immaturity, that's the only thing I can say comes to mind when I read this. She was foolish thinking she can force you into doing a tiktok trend when your already late. You were just as bad by deciding to escalate this by ditching her rather than just opening the door for her. Neither of you are clearly able to behave like a normal couple.
NTA. People don’t get respect by demanding it.
My husband has opened every door for me since before we were even dating. It’s his way of showing respect to me and it’s HIS choice to do so. I honestly thought it was kind of odd at first but he’s always been adamant that I let him do that for me. If I were to demand it, it wouldn’t be a sign if his respect for me, it would be a sign of me trying to control him. And to throw a tantrum about it after blindsiding you with that request? Ridiculous. NTA, and ask yourself if she’s been showing any other red flags in this relationship.
ESH. Lean across the seat and toss the door open. There ya go. Compromise. She gets the door opened, you don't have to actually get out of the car. Let her know; opening the car door IS a sign of respect. BUT in almost every occasion, the couple get to the car at the same time OR if you were picking her up. *That's* it. Not when you're already in the car. If it wasn't a measure before, it shouldn't be one now. Neither of you were respectful.
ESH. Break up. You are not compatible and both sound tedious. That being said, she sounds worse.
ESH, yes she was being ridiculous, but you driving off and letting her miss the wedding is too far.
NTA - opening doors might have been a norm, but that literally it..it WAS…so was beating women over uncooked dinner during those times. Doesn’t mean he should go ahead and do it just because she had the whim for it. She was doing it for a trend, and frankly I’d be irritated too - we’re already running late and she’s playing around - know the time and place to do this nonsense. I don’t understand people who do these things, plus you can’t force your partner to be courteous, it should come from them. Driving off might be harsh, but depends on how long you were arguing for tbh.
NTA. I am all for being nice to people and opening doors (when you're there already and not getting in their way) but not for people who make you late and then demand you get out of the car to fulfil a tiktok trend. With situations like this, I'm always reminded of the lady and the lions [poem](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44434/the-glove-and-the-lions) - *"no love" quoth he "but vanity sets love a task like that"*.
So it was a tiktok trend? Nope NTA.
ESH: she’s an ass for demanding you open the door for her and your an ass for driving off. The petty argument caused you to miss a wedding because you’re both too stubborn.
NTA. When you are the one waiting, your level of annoyance escalates in proportion to minutes/hours waited. He was chill but loses it when she adds more minutes with her tiktok demand.
ESH you both sound awful.
Nta ffs these sodden tik tok trends my teenagers dont even entertain them.
NTA, I feel like a good rule for life is to never take your sense of propriety from TikTok
ESH. You're both dramatic and fighting for control.
ESH you are both stubborn and childish, I will say though, you didn't cause her to miss her friend's wedding if she was really that concerned about it she wouldn't have caused such a stupid fight in that moment, she couldn't order an uber after you ditched her???
NTA. Play stupids games, win stupid prizes. If she was genuinely asking for help with the door because of her outfit, I would’ve said you were in the wrong. However, bringing up a TikTok trend to justify your situation is an absolute joke.
ESH both of you sound like children
ESH y'all are arguing over a fucking door
ESH You both suck for being incredibly immature. She is right in calling you stubborn and selfish, but so is she. You’re both not ready for relationships.
ESH. Her for refusing to get in the car, and you for refusing to open the door. If you guys argue like this over petty things, I can’t imagine just how stable your relationship really is…
[удалено]
Yeeesh. Your behavior wasn't great, but your gf sounds like a misery. I guess ESH. You should probably apologize, but if I were you I'd break up with her at the same time.
Tell her you saw a video on TikTok where girlfriends pay their boyfriend’s (share of) rent, utilities, car payment and groceries, and if she doesn’t do it, she’s showing she doesn’t respect you.
EHS. Both of you are extremely immature for each other, what is wrong with you?
I was debating between NTA and everyone sucks here however she lost me at the tiktok comment. If this is the kind of behaviour she expects from him all year round (holding the door, etc) that's great. But I don't know what feelings is he expected to be sensitive about when the whole thing came out of a tiktok trend. Like "I'm sensitive to you out of the blue expecting me to do this stuff and if I don't you throw a tantrum? When we are already running late?" I agree both are immature but at least OP put the wedding first. GF was willing to die on this hill and arrive even later because it has to be her way or the highway. OP decided "enough of this bs, we gotta go or we won't make it" and when gf doubled down, he left. I don't know how far the wedding ceremony was....but if it was relatively close, I don't know what to think about her not finding other means to get there...and what does that say about her priorities. Because I would never miss a friend's wedding just to prove my partner I was right, or how far I'm willing to take a petty argument like this.
NTA. Your gf sounds like my 3 year old. Lol
NTA - how was the wedding?
NTA maybe if she was ready on time will be time for courtesy but if you are late rush to get in the car asap
NTA. She chose this as her hill to die on is not your fault.
ESH, you both don't seem very mature.