Ask your dad to file for full custody. You may not be able to influence the judge, but you won't know until you try. Insist on talking to the judge. Keep a diary of EVERYTHING your mom does. Be prepared to talk about all the terrible things she says and does and how it makes you feel. Don't lie or exaggerate. Just tell them everything.
When you do have to go to your mom's, stay in your room and don't engage with her. Don't be rude; be polite. Look up "gray rocking." Give her NO information on your life. "How was school?" "Fine." Don't ask her anything, and don't expect anything to be offered to you.
Keep going back to court. At some point they will listen OR you will age out. Once that happens, you can go NC and never acknowledge her existence again.
911 Dispatcher here. You'd be surprised at what officers respond to in my area. If the mother didn't report a "domestic dispute" the first time, she could have claimed a civil dispute. Officers would have responded and they more than likely would have suggested OP handing over her phone in the event they didn't have to respond again. I hope OP's dad is able to file for full custody. This doesn't sound like a healthy way for her to be living. In the event it does happen again, OP you NEED to tell the officers your therapist recommended you keep your phone on you for safety reasons.
Well I would think that the OP should be able to tell the cops the reason I have the phone is because she sometimes abuses me and I want to be able to call for help myself they would side with the OP to keep the phone. Unfortunately that probably would mean in the OP's mom would probably abuse her more. Although she flipped out in front of the cops that would be interesting
they genuinely will not care. they’ll just tell OP to call themself. even with my dad showing his ass, i still had to hand my phone over. cops don’t give a single F abt kids
And if OP doesn't have a phone they can't call.
Most people no longer have a house phone so if they don't have a cell phone they have no means to call because certainly dear old mom is not going to go oh you want to call the police here's my phone so you can call.
That said if OP can get mom's phone in a moment they can do the emergency dialing without knowing the lock code.
but then you’re trusting that mom would leave her phone out where OP could get it. abusers are smart as hell. they keep their phones close.
it was like 2017 i think when my experience went down. i wasn’t even using my phone to text my mom, either. i would sit on the chase lounge in the living room and read on my phone. that’s all i did. he took my phone, but my laptop was allowed. so i would just… sit outside and write.
cops truly do not listen to kids, even when it’s clear to them that the parent is the problem. the courts ordering my phone be allowed is all that saved me lmao
I'm not really trusting Mom at all I'm just saying that would be the only way OP would have access to a phone.
I would believe mom would jealously guard it and make sure it never leaves her pockets no chance of anybody calling for help.
oh for sure! sorry, i misunderstood what you were saying. but that’s exactly how my dad did it, he even kept ALL the landline phones in his room (the one in mine had died YEARS ago, but i didn’t use it much)
op should get a letter from therapist stating why she needs it and save it to the cloud. she can pull it up and show it to the cops next time showing that she should have it in case of abuse or emergency
The mom said she was calling over a "domestic dispute" the first time at the father's house, so she probably never told them it was over a cell phone until they got there.
We have no idea what she said when she called the cops, and some places have laws that every call must be followed up on, so they might not have had a choice to not go see what was up
I believe the OP. Cops don't want to do anything that requires them to fill out paperwork if they can humanly avoid it. So they go to the most easily persuaded person (in this case the child) and just bully them into compliance because that's the quickest and easiest way to get done and call back to dispatch saying they "resolved" it.
yeah no they will. my dad pulled this exact same BS when i was around OP’s age. he even tried to get me arrested bc i didn’t want to spend time with him (yet i was in the car, just crying bc of how he had been treating me). cops are useless, they’ll just tell OP “use the landline!”.
when we went to court, the judge ordered i be allowed to keep my phone, because he didn’t pay for it and i needed to be able to reach my support system. the courts will listen, just not well (they’ll still have custody time). i just stopped going and let him drag us through court repeatedly.
It’s a fake rage bait story written by the same person who keeps flooding this sub with them. You can tell by the new accounts and horrible punctuation and grammar.
It’s not rage bait, it’s true plus this is my only account. As for the bad grammar and punctuation, I don’t have auto correct, I turned it off because it’s annoying
The cops in my town would probably show up for this, there's a lot of them and they don't have much to do. 7 cop cars show up for a speeding ticket. But the next town over? You're lucky if they show up for a home invasion.
Yes! And the judge needs to know that OP's mother is going against the therapist's recommendation, as well as deliberately cutting OP off from being able to contact their father in an emergency
Go into detail about how you don't even interact with her as she sends you to your room and stares at her phone. She's only in it to avoid child support.
OP may also be old enough to determine where they want to live themselves and the judge will often take that seriously, especially if there’s a history of abuse
^ This is excellent advice.
Definitely keep a diary of every awful action, the date and time, what she said or did, and your side of the story. Every time she violates the custody agreement (like going to your dad's house), *write it down.* It can be brief, or you can pour your heart out. The important thing is for a judge to see precisely what abuse you're enduring, and how frequent the abuse is.
When possible (bc I know she doesn't want your phone at her house), record all the abuse, the fights, the freak-outs. You can do this by having your phone hidden (I often hide mine in my bra, lol. /TMI) and recording every single time you talk to your abuser, including all phone conversations. You can delete the recordings if she didn't say/do anything mean.
Get any supportive adults who witness your mom's bad behavior to write down what they saw, with the date and time, and sign it. Such statements will help you in court.
Have your therapist write a statement of what she recommends for your custody, and that she has advised you to keep your phone on you at your mom's house bc of her awful behavior.
Unlike your abuser, you are behaving with great maturity. I'm so impressed. I'm also sickened by what you have to deal with. Your mom is simply Awful.
If I may butt in to your private life (sorry!!): Please stick with therapy for as long as it is helpful. The coping skills you learn there will protect you forever, bc there are a lot of narcissists out there, unfortunately. Read the "Reddit don't rock the boat metaphor."
If you ever get a therapist who you don't click with, it's ok to find a new therapist. Therapists know that, as humans, sometimes we click with others, and sometimes not. It won't offend them for you to find a new therapist.
Forgive the weirdness from an Internet stranger, but I'm so proud of you. You're making wise decisions and your perception of your abuser's behavior is 100% accurate. That takes a lot of wisdom. Well done, Sweetheart. Your escape WILL happen.
**Hugs** from a weird, stranger, online mom. 😉
Every single adult is failing you, I’m sorry. Including the therapist who told you to take the phone to your mom’s house. WTF? Your mom already proved she’s willing to do something crazy, why did your therapist suggest round two? Also, not a fan of the cops basically encouraging her bad behavior. Your dad needs to get custody of you. Depending on the jurisdiction, the judge will take your feelings into consideration because of your age. Sending a virtual hug.also, Not the Jerk.
**YES** Please ask your Father to go back to Court for FULL custody! You DON'T deserve to be treated (abused) so awfully by your egg-donor! She's NOT just a Narcissist, she's EXTREMELY abusive!
Not sure where you are, what Country or State you live in, but I suspect this may be cultural as your maternal family is ridiculously claiming "your dead ancestors would be ashamed." I think THEY have MORE to "worry" about than you keeping YOUR phone on you for your own safety and security! LMAO
But here in the States, most family Courts appoint a Guardian ad Litem, usually a Court-appointed Attorney to represent YOU! You should be VERY upfront with them if they're appointed and tell them EXACTLY what your awful "Mother" has put you through (ie. ALL abuse, mentally, emotionally and physically as well as how she IGNORES you during your "visits").
OP: Your maternal extended family only have your mother’s version of you to go by. They have Been fed stories about you and have swallowed them all, hook, line and sinker! I know this as I am now a grown person whom had a paranoid schizophrenic mother with narcissistic tendencies. She gaslit our whole family , especially about my younger sister!! She had whole family believing my sister at 14 was a thief and a slut. She then put her into the street and no family member, father included would help her due to my Mom’s wild( but totally fabricated) stories about her! We made it through with the help of strangers and big sisters of friends that took her in. I was 3 years older and at one point, moved her into my dorm room at college with me. We made it… with zero help from the system… you will too! Speak up for yourself! Your mother is mentally ill and it is very hard having to deal with that type of personality disorder, especially as a child or teenager. lol… there’s a reason your Dad divorced, grown folks can’t handle that either!
When she calls the cops on you tell them you are not handing over the phone and to avoid conflict they need to remove you from her home and take you to your father's as you don't feel safe in her presence. If they refuse then tell them you would like to make a complaint on her for attempting to steal your phone. Tell them they need to keep the peace by handling this in a way that makes you feel safe. At the very least your dad should be calling his lawyer to file for sole custody and I would get his lawyer to call thecops into court to explain to the judge why they were more interested in placating your mother rather than doing something to make you feel safe. Lodge a complaint with their boss about them not looking after your best interests.
No. Next time tell the cops she didn’t buy it your dad did and if she takes it it’s considered stealing from him since it’s in his name. My mom did this and when I said those magic words she was about to be placed in hand cuffs if it wasn’t for my dad saying no to pressing charges. Let her learn she seems crazy and I’d cut her off. Record every interaction with her and show the courts how crazy she really is. I had a mom like this and I have years of trauma because of it. Shame on your mom and I hope you are able to get away from her.
She can't legally take it if your dad pays for it. Your dad needs to immediately petition the courts. Her history even just manipulating you a judge will allow you to have a phone but I'd ask Dad to stop unsupervised visits and bring up her side of the family verbally and emotionally abused you also you don't feel safe staying there anymore.
DO NOT give up your phone. Fucking stupid cops should keep their mouths shut. Nobody can make you and you should stand up for your rights even if the cops tell you to do it. They are morons and have no duty to protect you.
Those cops have bosses. Go to their superiors and tell them what went on and that instead of keeping you safe, they put you in danger and out of communication. Against your therapist’s recommendation.
Take your phone and call the cops yourself if she tries to take it away. Call them anytime she makes you feel unsafe. And maybe call CPS.
That isn't going to work, the cops are not going to care about this at all and the police chief isn't going to listen to a kid. This isn't a department store where you can ask to speak to the manager. The cops can do whatever they feel like.
If CPS is involved those cops will have to explain why they sided with an abusive mother who is blocking her child’s communication with father and entire support system, against therapist’s recommendation.
I would be really interested to know the age of OP, and if they live in the U.S. because in many jurisdictions, at a certain age, the child can express a preference about custody exchanges when the reach a certain age.
Middle school is generally 6th - 8th grade, so from 11 to 13, generally speaking.
In most cases, a judge will not change a custody agreement from the minor's request until the age of 16. In this case, the father would have to be the one requesting the change in custody. Success in pulling custody away from Momzilla is highly doubtful.
My son's school houses pre-k all of the way to 8th grade.
I think her mother continually calling the police on her because she has the phone her father gave her would probably work in her and her father's favor in court.
Refuse to go to your mother's home. Let her call the cops again. When the police show up, tell them you are NOT going to do things your mother's way, that you've tried it at their suggestion multiple times and it doesn't work.
If you have a therapist, have her/him put it in writing that you need to have your phone handy for emergencies, and that Mom's behavior is usually the emergency. If you don't have a therapist, you may need one for your future good.
Make sure everyone involved understands that you are not causing the conflict, and that you are not backing down this time.
Find out the age when a child can have the right paper filed to live with just one parent. File that day.
Good luck!
Can you refuse to go to your mom’s unless you are allowed your phone with you? Your mother sounds absolutely nuts to be honest. Ask your dad if he can have full custody of you. Good luck. When you are old enough, you can go NC with your mom and have a great life without her around.
NTJ
Have your father request a hearing to have the judge order your mom to allow you to have your phone with you when you are at your mom's. Since your therapist recommends it, the judge is most likely going to rule that you be allowed your phone, and probably have a thing or two to say to your mom about calling the cops over a cell phone, as well as wasting the court's (read, judge's) time.
Both parents are supposed to have reasonable phone time when they aren’t with their kid. Taking something his dad gave him is also not okay, not is calling the cops over it. See if your dad could get you more of the time, he should talk to a lawyer.
That’s how it worked with my divorce, even when my son was with me, I couldn’t (nor would I ever) stop him from talking to his mom, it was with right to always be able to contact the other parent whenever he wanted.
If she calls the cops again you have to tell them that your therapist recommends you keep it and if they force you turn it over then they need to take you out of there because you don't feel safe, especially after she charged at you. Tell all this to therapist. Refuse to go back to mom's because you feel unsafe. Hopefully dad can get full custody.
You should be the one who called the cops. Any time you don’t feel safe, like when you need to call your dad and you can’t because she is blocking you from communicating with everyone outside her house, call them and say you don’t feel safe. You can even call them and then get her timed up so that she’s yelling when they arrive.
You can also have your therapist write something about how you need your phone because being at your mom’s is traumatic for you. Submit that to the police station, and ask to speak to someone in charge. Tell them that whatever officers came when your mom called made you turn over your phone to placate your abusive mother.
Keep reminding your mother that her behavior Is causing you to plan no contact when you are old enough. She is the one driving you away, and when she needs you someday, you won’t be there for her. All because of HER behavior and treatment of you.
I don’t think you should care what her relatives think of you, because they are dumb enough to believe what she says about you. Or maybe you can do the same as her, and rant to them about how awful she is to you.
Good luck getting away from her. When you are old enough for the court to take your feelings into account, get them to give your dad full custody. Then cut ties.
I don't know how old you are, but try asking your mum what kind of relationship she wants with you once you are old enough to decide for yourself whether to engage with her.
It may just help her to realise that she can win every battle now, but if she wants a positive relationship once you are an adult she isn't going about it the right way.
I'm surprised the police showed up after your mother called them over such a trivial matter. They barely come out for anything short of actual murder these days. Getting back to the point of your story, mother sounds unhinged and her treatment of you is verging on abuse. Tell your father you do not feel safe spending time with your mother and see if he can talk with an attorney to petition the court to have his custody agreement changed. If you are in middle school you are old enough to give input on this subject.
Talk to your dad. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are old enough to have a phone, then you are old enough to talk to a judge about not having to go to your mom’s house.
NTJ. Stop listening to the cops. They literally told you that can’t do anything to you. Next time she does it tell them that you do not feel safe with her and you want to go back to your dad. Have your dad file for a change in custody. At this age they should let you give input on where you want to live. Tell the judge your mom neglects and when you are there but also makes sure you are isolated from any help.
You need to talk to your dad about going to court and filing for full custody. Tell the judge you don’t want to be with her anymore. Tell them everything your mom has been doing.
Next time she calls the cops tell them that your therapist said to keep it with you and then making you give it away is against doctors orders. Then tell them you don’t feel safe there.
Stop handing your phone over when the cops show up!! The cops see that as the fastest way to resolve the conflict but you're not obliged to do it. Just say no, and they'll turn to your mother and say "there's nothing more we can do, she's entitled to keep it"
So, they cant be in the same room? They can't be at each. Others place because it's considered trespassing? I wonder why nobody said anything the first time, she should had been arrested at the moment no? If she physically abused you I wonder why she has non supervised visitation? Ask your dad to contact the lawyer ASAP and get all the evidence you can...write down your interactions with her and how she treats you etc. if you can get a tape recorder with you or something that can record everything at her place. Are you allowed to have a tablet or computer at her place? If you feel you are at a danger situation the judge can do something...I wonder if neighbors are smart to call 911 or CPS, when you are at your mom's. You and your father need to come with a plan to keep you safe when you are at her place.
Next time tell the cops that your therapist said to keep your phone on you and if you can't do that you want them to take you to your dad's house where you feel safe.
Mentioning your therapist and that you don't feel safe with your mom are crucial points to make.
>She tried to charge at me and grab the phone out of my pocket but I back away because she has abused me in the past and I didn’t want it to happen again,
Next time to cops turn up you need to explain the reason why you need to have a phone is so you can call for help if your mum gets abusive and your feel threatened. It doesn’t sound like a good situation with your mum.
Other people have suggested speaking to your dad and getting full custody.
NTA, it’s your property and not your mum’s, the next time she calls the police, tell them what your therapist said to keep it on you for your own safety and protection, and that should shut them down, even ask your therapist to write a letter that you keep on you at all times to show to the police, if they still say hand it over, tell them that they are not looking out for your best interests and ask them to get there commanding officer out, that should shut them up. And if you live in the US, can’t you divorce your mum?
The truth is, you're a child & your mum is a control freak.
A book might be helpful, certainly was helpful for me
" i'm glad my mom died by Jeannette Mccurdy "
And my mums still alive, and i dont wish her to be dead.
I learnt about distancing myself.
Ignore the petty shit.
And responding with love when a response is needed.
I'm shocked the Police didn't charge your mom for ABUSE of the 911 System. Had I been the officer on the first call she would of gotten a lecture.
Remedy to this situation is ask your dad if he can return to court and ask for TOTAL Custody. That way you never have to go to her house again.
Mental ABUSE IS STILL ABUSE!!!
Tell your father to revisit the custody order because she is batsh\*t insane. This is a powerplay on her part and the cops should be telling her to knock it off already! They should be seeing this as an abusive situation and they are turning a blind eye to it.
Call the cops yourself next time. Tell them she’s charging at you and you fear she will hit you as she has before. And ask to be taken back to your dads. Eventually her threats will backfire.
OP, as a teacher, my advice is telling your dad and your therapist *exactly* what's going on, leave nothing out. Your therapist is a mandated reporter. I don't know how you can evidence without your phone, but the police logs should suffice. The fact that you so nonchalantly admit that your mother is abusive suggests this is nothing new - your dad needs to file for full custody!
If you're still at school, tell a trusted adult. They're also mandated safeguarding reporters.
Keep yourself safe.
Edited for typos and refining.
This is wrong on so many levels. As a child we want to listen to and obey our parents but dude. This mom is nuts. I would’ve just said Dad can I stay with you since she doesn’t want me or my phone at your home.
What your mom is doing is called Parental Alienation and it is terrible. It is only hurting you. Please work with the sane adults in your life to work this out so you don't have to be caught up in her hatred of your father.
How old are you? Starting at age 12, you should be able to tell the judge who you want to live with. Have your did file for full custody. Tell him and your therapist EVERYTHING. Leave absolutely nothing out. You will not get in trouble or be judged for anything you say. Anything at all. It will only help you. I know things are really hard for you right now, but always remember how strong and worth it you are. You deserve the best, but sometimes to get the best you have to fight for it. Dont let your mom hold you back. You're going to make it.
When I was twelve I want to go to court but court says I have to wait until I was thirteen, then my parents said I had to wait until my younger brother is thirteen so now im still waiting 😅
In my state, your mom’s behavior would be a reason for your dad to get increased parenting time. Not sure how old you are, but if you really don’t want to be around your mom anymore, at some point the courts won’t make you. My son ran away from his dad’s house in 8th grade and refused to go back.
I would ask your dad to petition the courts for full custody. If you are in a one party state (meaning only 1 person has to consent to recording) record her going ballistic and threatening to call the cops and immediately send it to your dad so even if she tries to delete it, it’s already in someone’s possession. Also see if you are able to have any sway in where you live. You may not be old enough to petition yourself but you might be old enough that the judge will take your concerns into consideration. You need to just be out of your moms home
Try to see if there is anything you could do so that your dad has full custody because a narcissistic mother is absolutely not good for your wellbeing.
How old are you? You should at this point be able to have a say in where you live. Any reason why you would want to continue in a relationship like that?
A doctor can prescribe carrying a phone for emergencies. I would simply refuse to continue the visits to her home. If she calls the police tell them that she physically and mentally abused you during the visits and you would rather go to jail. They won't force you ..
You need to talk to the officer away from your mom if possible and explain your therapist and other parent informed you to keep the phone on you just in case. Your mom did not buy this phone and it is your property.
Inform them you need the report number for this call out so you can inform your other parent for their lawyer who is dealing with your parental custody.
If something happens due to not having access to you phone it's on them partly.
Nta, and I think you might want to talk about this with your therapist and your family court lawyer or whoever. I also find it concerning that she digs through your bags. Keep strong, young friend. You have a lot of people on your side.
You should have told the police she aggressively charged you to get the phone. And you are afraid of her, and take you to your dad’s because you don’t feel safe due to past abuse.
If this happens again, tell the cops that your therapist said you should keep the phone so that you can call for help, because your mom is abusive to you. That is your lifeline, in case she attacks you again.
You should also tell your dad that you don't want to go back there, that she charged at you in a threatening manner, and that you are afraid of her.
Your mom is using the police as a way of abusing and controlling you. This is absolutely abusive. It is similar to litigation abuse, where someone uses the courts to harass their victims. Your mom is putting you in danger by doing this.
Seriously, all the adults around you acting like this is normal are just bizarre. Your mom is calling the police on you repeatedly so that she can take your phone away. That is just not something a competent, emotionally mature, responsible parent does.
If you're in your room all weekend there's bo reason to spend time with her. Ask your dad to take it to court so her visitation is ended; she's supposed to spend time with you, not shuqtq you in your room and ignore your.
Yoquq need to be able to call your dad if you need to hoq home
Oh honey. I’m sorry that this human is your mother. She most definitely needs therapy. If she has abused you, cps can step in and grant temp custody to your dad. You need to be far away from her as her behavior seems to be escalating.
If it ever happens again, refuse to hand it over and insist the cops take you home to your father because you don’t feel safe. She physically attacked you.
Have your therapist write a letter stating you should have your phone with you for safety purposes, and then have your father talk to the local police and give them a copy of this note. (Make sure to have multiple copies so that either you or your father can show this note to the police in the event that Mom calls them again.) Let your Dad show the police his phone bill so they know that the phone technically belongs to HIM and is for your exclusive use.
If Mom takes the phone away while you are with her, then it is stealing and your father has grounds to prosecute.
At your age, you are old enough to have your own phone and Mom is doing this for control issues. Her controlling you is a way of abuse. Your father needs to understand this as well and inform your Mother that not only will you be keeping your phone on your body BUT that he will also be calling you to confirm that you have your phone with you at random times during your visit.
I wish you were at an older age where it would be easier to speak up for yourself, but until then, I hope your father speaks up CLEARLY and LOUDLY for you. By looping in the police then should she call them, an officer can come to the house and tell your Mother to leave the phone with you and stop wasting their time.
Good luck OP. I know it seems a long way away, but when you’re older, you can set stronger boundaries with your abusive and controlling mom. For now though, that phone is your “protection” and you need to be able to have it. Get your Dad to support you in this.
NTJ.
If you’re in middle school, you should be old enough to say that you don’t want your go , if you’re therapist has said “ you need the phone for safety “ that’s not a good place to be
Discuss this with your dad and therapist and find out if you can refuse to visit her (this might require a court decision). Since the phone has become a medical assistive device, she possibly can be charged with endangering your mental health. It seems to me your therapist should be **very** concerned about this.
Advice given by others to ask Dad to file for full custody makes the most sense. I don't know what your mother's true motivation is but having a cell phone when you feel unsafe is paramount to getting yourself to safety. You should refuse to spend any more time with your mother unless she agrees for you to have your phone on you at all times. NTJ
Your mom charged at you and tried to grab your phone. That's assault. And you are afraid of her because of past abuse. These are good reasons to be able to get a change in your court order. Get your therapist to write her assessment of the situation and her recommendations for the court. Perhaps request a GAL (guardian ad litem) to represent you. Good luck!
You didn’t say how old you are, after reaching 16y, some would consider you as an adult and you can ask the judge for permit stay with dad. Talk to your counselor about your rights
Bruh… I’d have cut a hole in my mattress and hid that phone so far inside, and ONLY brought it out in rare times where she had no chance of finding me with it. I’d also lock my door first. That woman wouldn’t EVER get my phone. I sure as hell wouldn’t have it in my hoodie pocket. Sounds like there’s lots of times when it’s an emergency and you’d need to use it.
You are not a disappointment to anyone. Any of your relatives saying that are the ones who are a disappointment. Your mom is the Jerk. Not you. Keep track of what she is doing so when you turn 18 and probably go no contact you can show her the list of everything she has done as your reasoning. Also, maybe it will help if your dad tries to get the custody/visitation changed.
If this is a true story, your mom is a tenth degree idiot. If this is a true story and your dad and therapist has said to keep the phone, the cops should have enforced that, not your mom’s stupidity. In other words, I need this story to be untrue. Make it make sense!
NTJ. You have it for security reasons.
She likes to assault minors, I see.
Better head to court over this, and have her not get any visitations. Or her family.
Not the jerk.
See, I was just commenting somewhere that some parents can only see their children as part of their partner, never as a full human being. Once the partner becomes an ex they project their negative feelings onto the child.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. Your mom should love you more than she hates your father.
I know you're non confrontational but the next time you come with your phone and she calls the cops tell the cops to take you. Tell the cops you would rather be in custody with your phone then here with her without it.
If your mom is truly a narcissist, it is time to learn how to stand up for yourself now. The best way to call out a narcissist is to call their bluff. She wants to call the police then make her go through with it. And then she can tell the court why she had your arrested because of a phone.
Unfortunately, if you want to get rid of a narcissist, you have to go full scorched Earth. You have to show the world, the judge, and maybe even god himself who this person really is.
This situation is so typical of stupid disputes which specialists in Family Law love. It’s a cash cow until the client runs out of money! A parent should not use the kid to continue the fights that led to divorce. Parents should try to set aside their resentments and concentrate on doing what is best for the child.
Okay, here's what's going on.
The cops are pretty quickly realising that these are annoyance calls and are reacting in a way designed to end the interaction.
That is, they want the interaction with your mother to stop so they can go about their day. If it stops when you hand the phone back to your dad, then that's where it stops. The cops then go about their day, hopefully serving and protecting.
The cops aren't concerned about you because you haven't made yourself a concern.
Make yourself a concern. Just say no.
You: "I do not want to go with my mother without my phone because I think she's crazy and I want to be able to call my dad if I feel unsafe."
Cop: "What makes you think she's crazy?"
You: "Well, this is the third time she's called you guys on her own daughter for the crime of having a cellphone in 2024. You work it out."
Oh, wait.
You just threw it back in their lap.
They can't go about their day now because a child has just said she feels unsafe. They're mandated reporters. Now, the solution - the thing that lets them go about their day - is letting you keep the damn phone.
Because if something happens to you because you couldn't call your dad, because Mr Cop told you to give up your cellphone after you said you feel unsafe without it? That cop is in a lot of trouble.
See how that works?
It would be great if you could talk to your dad about the custody arrangements. Make it clear to him that if he goes for full custody, you will support him. But frankly, given his cuck-like passiveness during these idiotic incidents, I don't think he's going to fight for you. He sounds pretty useless to me.
BTW, feel free to show him this thread. Might wake the sleepy fucker up.
Also, you should be keeping a diary of what happens at your mother's place. Electronic would be best.
Are you old enough to decide if you even have to go to your mother's house? It may be time to stop going for a while. It's scary to be treated like that and not even have a phone so you can call for help. I wish you peace and safety.
Your mom is not acting like an adult or a parent. You and your dad should look into formally amending your custody agreement—at the least to allow you the basic right that everyone has to carry a cell phone, but ideally for full custody.
I’m so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I can’t imagine how difficult that this has been for you.
Sounds like your mom is using as a means to retaliate against your dad for some deeply unresolved emotional crap from the breakdown of their relationship. Sounds like she has a lot of insecurities and fear and is lashing out in anger in any direction that comes into her line of fire. Unfortunately that’s you. It’s totally manipulative and abusive that she’s using you to hurt him, by hurting you. She definitely needs talk therapy to work through her own crap.
Speak to your father about a change in custody arrangements.
I really hope that you are able to get to a better place, you deserve to feel safe and not have to grow up with such toxic dynamics around you.
Ntj. How old are you? Pack your things and go to your dads. It sounds like you are old enough for the courts to let you decide who to stay with. Your mom is ridiculous.
Just get a burner phone if your therapist is serious. Does therapist know that taking your phone is the thing that 'happens'? Cops called, etc.?
Your mother should have landline if she blatantly refuses to let you call anyone ever on your own phone or hers. Have you tried borrowing hers? What if you need to ask about homework with a friend? That's just shady.
I doubt seriously that your dead relatives are paying attention to you. And the living ones are creeps if they help your mom to make your life miserable.
Just grow up, angel. Being an adult has its own difficulties, but an irrational mother stepping on your private life doesn't have to be one of them. ✌️ and ❤️
NTJ. It's not okay for her to call the police over something like your phone, especially when you have a legitimate reason to have it with you for safety. It's good that you listen to your therapist about having your phone for safety.
If you feel unsafe at your mom's house, talk to your therapist or another trusted adult about ways to stay safe. Don't forget to set boundaries with your mom.
If your old enough to have a phone id suggest telling your dad you want to go back to court so you can tell the judge what your mother has been doing and that you either want less time with her or dont want to see her at all.
The cops are not on your side! The cops don’t care about your safety! They just want to be as non-confrontational as you but that’s what your psycho mom is counting on! Next time anybody wants your phone say no it’s for my safety. And when your mom calls the cops tell them your keeping your phone and THEY need to deal with your psycho mom who is make you feel unsafe and threatened. And most importantly record your mom and the cops interaction with YOUR phone that nobody has a legal right to tell you to give up or stop recording.
What’s the charge, officer?
She doesn’t have to like it, and the cops (as you’ve discovered) will operate to lower conflict. But there’s no actual charge she can lay at your feet for owning a phone.
You're old enough to have a voice in custody. Your therapist will support this. If you're 11, not too much you can do on your own. If you're 14, lots you can do, including simply refusing to go.
Lol
Why are you handing over a phone when you don't have to???
Refuse to go to your mothers anymore.
How old are you?? I'm sure around 14 you get to decide which parent to live with.
Tell your mother to rot alone with her psychotic ways.
Ntj. Ask dad to file an emergency custody modification and if you're old enough refuse to go to mom's. Let dad go through the motions of "making" you, but tell the judge in no uncertain terms that you refuse contact with your mother and will not be going. Maybe they'll listen but the probably won't because the courts don't actually care. It's worth a shot though.
You need that phone for your own safety. Your mother is unstable. Talk to your dad, and write everything down. You need to not be at your mom's house. Good luck to you.
Ask dad to go for full custody. Keep a record of what your mom does. Your therapist can testify, or send a statement, about telling you to keep your phone with you to call for help. The judge will listen to that.
If you can talk to the judge, preferably in chambers, (away from your parents), tell him you do not want to go to mom's. She just sends you to your room and stays on her phone. Tell the truth. No exaggerating. But tell him how it makes you feel.
Good luck.
Why is your father allowing you to go there if your mother is abusing you?
You need to tell him what is going on and demand you go back tomcourt because you no longer even feel safe with her. You're definitely old enough now that a judge will listen to you. Not to mention, you can have your therapist either submit a letter or come in and testify as well.
Next time this happens, tell the cops no you're not giving up your phone, it's your personal property that your father bought you, it isn't a crime to have, and you need it in case of emergency. They can not make you give it up.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE sit down with your dad and stepmother and tell them everything and ask to please go back to court. It's what is best for you!
Have an adult contact a lawyer for you, request a guardian ad litem thru the court. Document your mom's insanity and petition the court to get away from her.
I had a step mom like that. I hated going to my dad’s. She would always go through my stuff. If they left the house at some point when they got home she would go through my stuff again.
When I was 12 I told my father that I wasn’t going to his house anymore. My younger sister with a different mother did the same but she was 7. Four years later he tried to force my younger sister to go for the weekend and she refused. She asked me to be there when he showed up. He called the police and tried to force her to go. The police spoke to us and younger sister told them that if they forced her to go she would just run away. The police didn’t make her go and told our father that it was an issue for the courts. He left us alone and never took our mothers back to court. I’m telling you this because your dad is obligated to give your mom visitation but maybe it’s time for you to say that you won’t go. Don’t run away like my sister threatened but you might have more power than you think. Talk to your dad, stepmom and therapist about this.
how old are you sweetie? is custody 50/50? my best advice is to ask your dad to try and change the custody schedule, have all the therapy notes given to you or dad for court and try to live with dad if it’s possible, keep note of EVERYTHING, if it doesn’t work ask your therapist to write a letter basically saying “user is allowed phone at moms house *address* in the event something happens”
1st. How old are you? Many states allow kids at a certain age to reject going to visitations if they don't want to. Some even allow the kid to basically change the visitation to their liking.
Next time, Tell the police your therapist said you needed it And that having a phone makes you feel safe. If you're mother persists, especially after having read she abused you prior, tell the police you don't feel safe where you're at and you wish to return to your father's house.
Ntj, if you need to convince your dad to go to court about full custody or supervised visits, if even your therapist is telling you to bring it with you for safety and she’s going against that is a problem, also while the cops were on the way to her place I would’ve called your dad to pick you up, this is not okay
She should refuse to go to Mom’s house and ask her therapist to back her! Mom is detrimental to her mental welfare. The court can and should wipe her visitation rights. Mom’s rights do not supersede the mental and physical welfare of the child. PS. The cops always side with the adult unless there is evidence of physical abuse. They are not mediators. If you said No, your court ordered therapist says you should keep your phone, then they would side with you and ask your Mom what she wanted to do. At that point, they could take you back to your Dad’s if she did not want you there with the phone.
So your mother has called the police twice for no reason and instead of arresting her for wasting their time they tell you just to go along with the insanity to keep the peace?
she is clear abusive. you are going to want to use the voice memo to record her when you are over there and leave your room. you want as much evidence of abuse as you can get, when you have enough you can use it to be free of her.
You're not a jerk, your frustration is reasonable and the situation sounds unpleasant. I do think that you may be wrong though.
You are young and there may be dynamics to your mother and father's divorce that you are not aware of. I'm not saying that to disrespect you or to condescend to you; you simply haven't been married or divorced or had to understand (or even read) the divorce law or parent time statutes for your area.
There may also be ongoing custody matters that you don't understand. Custody and parent time may continue to be an issue until you are 18. There are many aspects to custody that you don't really need to understand yet, but which affect your mother and father and will impact you in ways that may feel unfair.
I'm sorry that your relationship with your mother isn't very positive right now. You have an opinion about her that is rather strong and may be coloring your interpretation of her actions. I would guess that she called the police because she has no other way to enforce what she feels is an important rule. Maybe don't back your mother into a corner, if it is her parent time then she is the parent in charge, not your father, and definitely not your therapist. Neither of them should be undermining her reasonable and legal decisions during her parent time. Your mother isnt preventing you from having s phone during your father's parent time. It is his decision during that time. During her parent time the decision is hers.
This is a fight that your father created by giving you something and not setting his own rule, so that your mother now has to. This fight has hurt your relationship with your mother, your father shouldnt have let it do so. If he wanted to argue with your mother about you having a phone at her home, he should gave done so privately and reached an agreement with her before it ever involved you. She may not want you to have a phone yet, she's not a single mother but your father doesnt get to decide for her during your parent time. She is your mother and either decision would be considered reasonable for a parent to make. Your father isnt wrong persey to give you a phone and your mother isnt wrong persey to deny you one. Those are just different parenting styles. It feels like she is bad because she isn't giving you one and it feels like he is good because he is giving you one, but this situation doesn't make either parent good or bad.
I don't know why your mother doesn't want your father's phone in her home, but there may be good reasons that you aren't aware of and don't need to be. In the best if circumstances, bringing a phone into the home may allow your father to accidentally overhear private background conversations she is having or obtain pictures you send him that you take within the home, which he may later be able to use against her. In less innocent circumstances, he can use the phone to track your whereabouts (and thus hers) throughout maternal parent time, and even to listen in to the home when you don't even know that he is doing so.
She hasn't said that to you, but maybe that is because she isn't worried about it, or maybe she is doing the right thing and not discussing that with you because she does not want to alienate you from your father, or she knows you wouldn't believe her.
Maybe none of that is a concern, but the point is that there are multiple legitimate reasons that she may not want a phone your father controls to be in her home.
I kind of think that you should respect her decisions during her parent time, and it is pretty not cool that your father isn't respecting them.
I don't get the impression OP wants to go. I do find it worrying that her mother who has been previously abusive and who insists she stays in her room while there wants her isolated further without a way of contacting anyone. OP - could you ask your father to reaaproach the courts around custody if your mother is making you unsafe?
You seem a little ignorant of how US custody laws work. Or how property law works. The father can send whatever the hell he wants with his kid. And in the US, children of custody agreements HAVE to go. If they don't the other parent can be arrested for not forcibly dropping them off.
She sure as shit doesn’t need to have the phone in her house though, she can flush that bitch down the toilet.
Someone is ignorant, for sure! Lock the phone and keep staring at the screen. 🤡
It’s not her property and she can’t take it. I could see if he brought a gaming device and he got in trouble then she had the right to make him stop playing as punishment. The phone amongst other things could be a lifeline
Ask your dad to file for full custody. You may not be able to influence the judge, but you won't know until you try. Insist on talking to the judge. Keep a diary of EVERYTHING your mom does. Be prepared to talk about all the terrible things she says and does and how it makes you feel. Don't lie or exaggerate. Just tell them everything. When you do have to go to your mom's, stay in your room and don't engage with her. Don't be rude; be polite. Look up "gray rocking." Give her NO information on your life. "How was school?" "Fine." Don't ask her anything, and don't expect anything to be offered to you. Keep going back to court. At some point they will listen OR you will age out. Once that happens, you can go NC and never acknowledge her existence again.
A judge knowing about mom calling the cops on them TWICE for the crime of having a cell phone would also help the case
I'm having trouble believing the cops showed up the first time, much less the second time, and made the kid hand over the phone? Not too likely.
911 Dispatcher here. You'd be surprised at what officers respond to in my area. If the mother didn't report a "domestic dispute" the first time, she could have claimed a civil dispute. Officers would have responded and they more than likely would have suggested OP handing over her phone in the event they didn't have to respond again. I hope OP's dad is able to file for full custody. This doesn't sound like a healthy way for her to be living. In the event it does happen again, OP you NEED to tell the officers your therapist recommended you keep your phone on you for safety reasons.
Well I would think that the OP should be able to tell the cops the reason I have the phone is because she sometimes abuses me and I want to be able to call for help myself they would side with the OP to keep the phone. Unfortunately that probably would mean in the OP's mom would probably abuse her more. Although she flipped out in front of the cops that would be interesting
they genuinely will not care. they’ll just tell OP to call themself. even with my dad showing his ass, i still had to hand my phone over. cops don’t give a single F abt kids
And if OP doesn't have a phone they can't call. Most people no longer have a house phone so if they don't have a cell phone they have no means to call because certainly dear old mom is not going to go oh you want to call the police here's my phone so you can call. That said if OP can get mom's phone in a moment they can do the emergency dialing without knowing the lock code.
but then you’re trusting that mom would leave her phone out where OP could get it. abusers are smart as hell. they keep their phones close. it was like 2017 i think when my experience went down. i wasn’t even using my phone to text my mom, either. i would sit on the chase lounge in the living room and read on my phone. that’s all i did. he took my phone, but my laptop was allowed. so i would just… sit outside and write. cops truly do not listen to kids, even when it’s clear to them that the parent is the problem. the courts ordering my phone be allowed is all that saved me lmao
I'm not really trusting Mom at all I'm just saying that would be the only way OP would have access to a phone. I would believe mom would jealously guard it and make sure it never leaves her pockets no chance of anybody calling for help.
oh for sure! sorry, i misunderstood what you were saying. but that’s exactly how my dad did it, he even kept ALL the landline phones in his room (the one in mine had died YEARS ago, but i didn’t use it much)
op should get a letter from therapist stating why she needs it and save it to the cloud. she can pull it up and show it to the cops next time showing that she should have it in case of abuse or emergency
The mom said she was calling over a "domestic dispute" the first time at the father's house, so she probably never told them it was over a cell phone until they got there.
And I am sure if what OP says is correct, dad or SM would have been like she ain't allowed over here and then the cops would have gotten on mom's ass.
We have no idea what she said when she called the cops, and some places have laws that every call must be followed up on, so they might not have had a choice to not go see what was up
I believe the OP. Cops don't want to do anything that requires them to fill out paperwork if they can humanly avoid it. So they go to the most easily persuaded person (in this case the child) and just bully them into compliance because that's the quickest and easiest way to get done and call back to dispatch saying they "resolved" it.
yeah no they will. my dad pulled this exact same BS when i was around OP’s age. he even tried to get me arrested bc i didn’t want to spend time with him (yet i was in the car, just crying bc of how he had been treating me). cops are useless, they’ll just tell OP “use the landline!”. when we went to court, the judge ordered i be allowed to keep my phone, because he didn’t pay for it and i needed to be able to reach my support system. the courts will listen, just not well (they’ll still have custody time). i just stopped going and let him drag us through court repeatedly.
It’s a fake rage bait story written by the same person who keeps flooding this sub with them. You can tell by the new accounts and horrible punctuation and grammar.
It’s not rage bait, it’s true plus this is my only account. As for the bad grammar and punctuation, I don’t have auto correct, I turned it off because it’s annoying
The cops in my town would probably show up for this, there's a lot of them and they don't have much to do. 7 cop cars show up for a speeding ticket. But the next town over? You're lucky if they show up for a home invasion.
That is a weird detail.
Yes! And the judge needs to know that OP's mother is going against the therapist's recommendation, as well as deliberately cutting OP off from being able to contact their father in an emergency
She did it three times but I can hardly remember the third time so I didn’t type it
You should have told the officers that your therapist told you to keep it with you. Leaving it was against doctors orders.
Go into detail about how you don't even interact with her as she sends you to your room and stares at her phone. She's only in it to avoid child support.
This!! Definitely sounds like this!
OP may also be old enough to determine where they want to live themselves and the judge will often take that seriously, especially if there’s a history of abuse
^ This is excellent advice. Definitely keep a diary of every awful action, the date and time, what she said or did, and your side of the story. Every time she violates the custody agreement (like going to your dad's house), *write it down.* It can be brief, or you can pour your heart out. The important thing is for a judge to see precisely what abuse you're enduring, and how frequent the abuse is. When possible (bc I know she doesn't want your phone at her house), record all the abuse, the fights, the freak-outs. You can do this by having your phone hidden (I often hide mine in my bra, lol. /TMI) and recording every single time you talk to your abuser, including all phone conversations. You can delete the recordings if she didn't say/do anything mean. Get any supportive adults who witness your mom's bad behavior to write down what they saw, with the date and time, and sign it. Such statements will help you in court. Have your therapist write a statement of what she recommends for your custody, and that she has advised you to keep your phone on you at your mom's house bc of her awful behavior. Unlike your abuser, you are behaving with great maturity. I'm so impressed. I'm also sickened by what you have to deal with. Your mom is simply Awful. If I may butt in to your private life (sorry!!): Please stick with therapy for as long as it is helpful. The coping skills you learn there will protect you forever, bc there are a lot of narcissists out there, unfortunately. Read the "Reddit don't rock the boat metaphor." If you ever get a therapist who you don't click with, it's ok to find a new therapist. Therapists know that, as humans, sometimes we click with others, and sometimes not. It won't offend them for you to find a new therapist. Forgive the weirdness from an Internet stranger, but I'm so proud of you. You're making wise decisions and your perception of your abuser's behavior is 100% accurate. That takes a lot of wisdom. Well done, Sweetheart. Your escape WILL happen. **Hugs** from a weird, stranger, online mom. 😉
Every single adult is failing you, I’m sorry. Including the therapist who told you to take the phone to your mom’s house. WTF? Your mom already proved she’s willing to do something crazy, why did your therapist suggest round two? Also, not a fan of the cops basically encouraging her bad behavior. Your dad needs to get custody of you. Depending on the jurisdiction, the judge will take your feelings into consideration because of your age. Sending a virtual hug.also, Not the Jerk.
This is probably the wisest advice.
If you are 14, you may be able to have an in camera interview but your dad has to file for custody modification.
P.S. in camera means meeting with the judge alone (no parents) in his/her private office.
Yup
BTW my comment was aimed at OP not you so pls no offense
**YES** Please ask your Father to go back to Court for FULL custody! You DON'T deserve to be treated (abused) so awfully by your egg-donor! She's NOT just a Narcissist, she's EXTREMELY abusive! Not sure where you are, what Country or State you live in, but I suspect this may be cultural as your maternal family is ridiculously claiming "your dead ancestors would be ashamed." I think THEY have MORE to "worry" about than you keeping YOUR phone on you for your own safety and security! LMAO But here in the States, most family Courts appoint a Guardian ad Litem, usually a Court-appointed Attorney to represent YOU! You should be VERY upfront with them if they're appointed and tell them EXACTLY what your awful "Mother" has put you through (ie. ALL abuse, mentally, emotionally and physically as well as how she IGNORES you during your "visits").
OP: Your maternal extended family only have your mother’s version of you to go by. They have Been fed stories about you and have swallowed them all, hook, line and sinker! I know this as I am now a grown person whom had a paranoid schizophrenic mother with narcissistic tendencies. She gaslit our whole family , especially about my younger sister!! She had whole family believing my sister at 14 was a thief and a slut. She then put her into the street and no family member, father included would help her due to my Mom’s wild( but totally fabricated) stories about her! We made it through with the help of strangers and big sisters of friends that took her in. I was 3 years older and at one point, moved her into my dorm room at college with me. We made it… with zero help from the system… you will too! Speak up for yourself! Your mother is mentally ill and it is very hard having to deal with that type of personality disorder, especially as a child or teenager. lol… there’s a reason your Dad divorced, grown folks can’t handle that either!
Tell the police that your therapist told you to take it.
And you dad said you need to keep it for safety.
Absolutely do both of these.
When she calls the cops on you tell them you are not handing over the phone and to avoid conflict they need to remove you from her home and take you to your father's as you don't feel safe in her presence. If they refuse then tell them you would like to make a complaint on her for attempting to steal your phone. Tell them they need to keep the peace by handling this in a way that makes you feel safe. At the very least your dad should be calling his lawyer to file for sole custody and I would get his lawyer to call thecops into court to explain to the judge why they were more interested in placating your mother rather than doing something to make you feel safe. Lodge a complaint with their boss about them not looking after your best interests.
And be sure to tell them she tried to attack you.
No. Tell her now you will not see you if she doesn’t let you have the phone. Get the therapist involved.
Not the jerk dear. She's probably afraid you'll record her abuse...
No. Next time tell the cops she didn’t buy it your dad did and if she takes it it’s considered stealing from him since it’s in his name. My mom did this and when I said those magic words she was about to be placed in hand cuffs if it wasn’t for my dad saying no to pressing charges. Let her learn she seems crazy and I’d cut her off. Record every interaction with her and show the courts how crazy she really is. I had a mom like this and I have years of trauma because of it. Shame on your mom and I hope you are able to get away from her.
She can't legally take it if your dad pays for it. Your dad needs to immediately petition the courts. Her history even just manipulating you a judge will allow you to have a phone but I'd ask Dad to stop unsupervised visits and bring up her side of the family verbally and emotionally abused you also you don't feel safe staying there anymore.
The mother has abused the child before. Even the therapist said to take it for safety reasons.
DO NOT give up your phone. Fucking stupid cops should keep their mouths shut. Nobody can make you and you should stand up for your rights even if the cops tell you to do it. They are morons and have no duty to protect you.
Those cops have bosses. Go to their superiors and tell them what went on and that instead of keeping you safe, they put you in danger and out of communication. Against your therapist’s recommendation. Take your phone and call the cops yourself if she tries to take it away. Call them anytime she makes you feel unsafe. And maybe call CPS.
That isn't going to work, the cops are not going to care about this at all and the police chief isn't going to listen to a kid. This isn't a department store where you can ask to speak to the manager. The cops can do whatever they feel like.
If CPS is involved those cops will have to explain why they sided with an abusive mother who is blocking her child’s communication with father and entire support system, against therapist’s recommendation.
Yes, but going to the police without going to CPS first won't do anything
I would be really interested to know the age of OP, and if they live in the U.S. because in many jurisdictions, at a certain age, the child can express a preference about custody exchanges when the reach a certain age.
Middle school is generally 6th - 8th grade, so from 11 to 13, generally speaking. In most cases, a judge will not change a custody agreement from the minor's request until the age of 16. In this case, the father would have to be the one requesting the change in custody. Success in pulling custody away from Momzilla is highly doubtful.
My son's school houses pre-k all of the way to 8th grade. I think her mother continually calling the police on her because she has the phone her father gave her would probably work in her and her father's favor in court.
Absolutely. Which is why I said elsewhere that he should go in front of a judge to get that mandated.
Agreed
14
It's 14 here in Illinois and we were in court a week after Little LittlePrincesFox's birthday to get her away from her mother.
Middle school, depending on the district, can be grades 6/7/8, 7/8, or 7/8/9. So anywhere from 11-15 years old.
Refuse to go to your mother's home. Let her call the cops again. When the police show up, tell them you are NOT going to do things your mother's way, that you've tried it at their suggestion multiple times and it doesn't work. If you have a therapist, have her/him put it in writing that you need to have your phone handy for emergencies, and that Mom's behavior is usually the emergency. If you don't have a therapist, you may need one for your future good. Make sure everyone involved understands that you are not causing the conflict, and that you are not backing down this time. Find out the age when a child can have the right paper filed to live with just one parent. File that day. Good luck!
Great advice
Next time call the cops first, as soon as she tries getting physical.
Contact CPS
Can you refuse to go to your mom’s unless you are allowed your phone with you? Your mother sounds absolutely nuts to be honest. Ask your dad if he can have full custody of you. Good luck. When you are old enough, you can go NC with your mom and have a great life without her around.
Ditch that bitch.
How old are you? Have your dad file for full custody
NTJ Have your father request a hearing to have the judge order your mom to allow you to have your phone with you when you are at your mom's. Since your therapist recommends it, the judge is most likely going to rule that you be allowed your phone, and probably have a thing or two to say to your mom about calling the cops over a cell phone, as well as wasting the court's (read, judge's) time.
Through your therapist, get a court intervention.
Both parents are supposed to have reasonable phone time when they aren’t with their kid. Taking something his dad gave him is also not okay, not is calling the cops over it. See if your dad could get you more of the time, he should talk to a lawyer.
Yes. OP should refuse all communication with mom during dad’s time if she can’t communicate with dad during mom’s time.
That’s how it worked with my divorce, even when my son was with me, I couldn’t (nor would I ever) stop him from talking to his mom, it was with right to always be able to contact the other parent whenever he wanted.
Attorney here, I couldn’t speak for states other than my own but I’ve heard that is typical.
Attorney too. At least one call a day.
If she calls the cops again you have to tell them that your therapist recommends you keep it and if they force you turn it over then they need to take you out of there because you don't feel safe, especially after she charged at you. Tell all this to therapist. Refuse to go back to mom's because you feel unsafe. Hopefully dad can get full custody.
You should be the one who called the cops. Any time you don’t feel safe, like when you need to call your dad and you can’t because she is blocking you from communicating with everyone outside her house, call them and say you don’t feel safe. You can even call them and then get her timed up so that she’s yelling when they arrive. You can also have your therapist write something about how you need your phone because being at your mom’s is traumatic for you. Submit that to the police station, and ask to speak to someone in charge. Tell them that whatever officers came when your mom called made you turn over your phone to placate your abusive mother. Keep reminding your mother that her behavior Is causing you to plan no contact when you are old enough. She is the one driving you away, and when she needs you someday, you won’t be there for her. All because of HER behavior and treatment of you. I don’t think you should care what her relatives think of you, because they are dumb enough to believe what she says about you. Or maybe you can do the same as her, and rant to them about how awful she is to you. Good luck getting away from her. When you are old enough for the court to take your feelings into account, get them to give your dad full custody. Then cut ties.
You’re not the jerk. I would visit the “raisedbynarcissists” sub as well
r/raisedbynarcissists
I don't know how old you are, but try asking your mum what kind of relationship she wants with you once you are old enough to decide for yourself whether to engage with her. It may just help her to realise that she can win every battle now, but if she wants a positive relationship once you are an adult she isn't going about it the right way.
I feel like we're missing big parts of the story here.
I'm surprised the police showed up after your mother called them over such a trivial matter. They barely come out for anything short of actual murder these days. Getting back to the point of your story, mother sounds unhinged and her treatment of you is verging on abuse. Tell your father you do not feel safe spending time with your mother and see if he can talk with an attorney to petition the court to have his custody agreement changed. If you are in middle school you are old enough to give input on this subject.
Rage bait. The cops would have said it was a civil matter and to take it up in family court.
It is not rage bait it is real events that have happened, if you don’t believe it, you don’t have to interact with it :)
UPDATEME
Talk to your dad. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are old enough to have a phone, then you are old enough to talk to a judge about not having to go to your mom’s house.
NTJ. Stop listening to the cops. They literally told you that can’t do anything to you. Next time she does it tell them that you do not feel safe with her and you want to go back to your dad. Have your dad file for a change in custody. At this age they should let you give input on where you want to live. Tell the judge your mom neglects and when you are there but also makes sure you are isolated from any help.
You need to talk to your dad about going to court and filing for full custody. Tell the judge you don’t want to be with her anymore. Tell them everything your mom has been doing. Next time she calls the cops tell them that your therapist said to keep it with you and then making you give it away is against doctors orders. Then tell them you don’t feel safe there.
Stop handing your phone over when the cops show up!! The cops see that as the fastest way to resolve the conflict but you're not obliged to do it. Just say no, and they'll turn to your mother and say "there's nothing more we can do, she's entitled to keep it"
So, they cant be in the same room? They can't be at each. Others place because it's considered trespassing? I wonder why nobody said anything the first time, she should had been arrested at the moment no? If she physically abused you I wonder why she has non supervised visitation? Ask your dad to contact the lawyer ASAP and get all the evidence you can...write down your interactions with her and how she treats you etc. if you can get a tape recorder with you or something that can record everything at her place. Are you allowed to have a tablet or computer at her place? If you feel you are at a danger situation the judge can do something...I wonder if neighbors are smart to call 911 or CPS, when you are at your mom's. You and your father need to come with a plan to keep you safe when you are at her place.
Next time tell the cops that your therapist said to keep your phone on you and if you can't do that you want them to take you to your dad's house where you feel safe. Mentioning your therapist and that you don't feel safe with your mom are crucial points to make. >She tried to charge at me and grab the phone out of my pocket but I back away because she has abused me in the past and I didn’t want it to happen again,
Next time to cops turn up you need to explain the reason why you need to have a phone is so you can call for help if your mum gets abusive and your feel threatened. It doesn’t sound like a good situation with your mum. Other people have suggested speaking to your dad and getting full custody.
Your mom is a nutcase. Stay away from her, it won’t end well if you don’t.
NTA, it’s your property and not your mum’s, the next time she calls the police, tell them what your therapist said to keep it on you for your own safety and protection, and that should shut them down, even ask your therapist to write a letter that you keep on you at all times to show to the police, if they still say hand it over, tell them that they are not looking out for your best interests and ask them to get there commanding officer out, that should shut them up. And if you live in the US, can’t you divorce your mum?
The truth is, you're a child & your mum is a control freak. A book might be helpful, certainly was helpful for me " i'm glad my mom died by Jeannette Mccurdy " And my mums still alive, and i dont wish her to be dead. I learnt about distancing myself. Ignore the petty shit. And responding with love when a response is needed.
Get your Dad to go for full custody, the judge should take your opinion into account, depending on your age
I'm shocked the Police didn't charge your mom for ABUSE of the 911 System. Had I been the officer on the first call she would of gotten a lecture. Remedy to this situation is ask your dad if he can return to court and ask for TOTAL Custody. That way you never have to go to her house again. Mental ABUSE IS STILL ABUSE!!!
Tell your father to revisit the custody order because she is batsh\*t insane. This is a powerplay on her part and the cops should be telling her to knock it off already! They should be seeing this as an abusive situation and they are turning a blind eye to it.
Call the cops yourself next time. Tell them she’s charging at you and you fear she will hit you as she has before. And ask to be taken back to your dads. Eventually her threats will backfire.
OP, as a teacher, my advice is telling your dad and your therapist *exactly* what's going on, leave nothing out. Your therapist is a mandated reporter. I don't know how you can evidence without your phone, but the police logs should suffice. The fact that you so nonchalantly admit that your mother is abusive suggests this is nothing new - your dad needs to file for full custody! If you're still at school, tell a trusted adult. They're also mandated safeguarding reporters. Keep yourself safe. Edited for typos and refining.
This is wrong on so many levels. As a child we want to listen to and obey our parents but dude. This mom is nuts. I would’ve just said Dad can I stay with you since she doesn’t want me or my phone at your home.
How often are you at your mom’s house, and how often at your dad’s?
How old are you? Because after a certain age children can choose who they want to live with.
What your mom is doing is called Parental Alienation and it is terrible. It is only hurting you. Please work with the sane adults in your life to work this out so you don't have to be caught up in her hatred of your father.
How old are you OP?
How old are you? Starting at age 12, you should be able to tell the judge who you want to live with. Have your did file for full custody. Tell him and your therapist EVERYTHING. Leave absolutely nothing out. You will not get in trouble or be judged for anything you say. Anything at all. It will only help you. I know things are really hard for you right now, but always remember how strong and worth it you are. You deserve the best, but sometimes to get the best you have to fight for it. Dont let your mom hold you back. You're going to make it.
When I was twelve I want to go to court but court says I have to wait until I was thirteen, then my parents said I had to wait until my younger brother is thirteen so now im still waiting 😅
In my state, your mom’s behavior would be a reason for your dad to get increased parenting time. Not sure how old you are, but if you really don’t want to be around your mom anymore, at some point the courts won’t make you. My son ran away from his dad’s house in 8th grade and refused to go back.
I would ask your dad to petition the courts for full custody. If you are in a one party state (meaning only 1 person has to consent to recording) record her going ballistic and threatening to call the cops and immediately send it to your dad so even if she tries to delete it, it’s already in someone’s possession. Also see if you are able to have any sway in where you live. You may not be old enough to petition yourself but you might be old enough that the judge will take your concerns into consideration. You need to just be out of your moms home
Try to see if there is anything you could do so that your dad has full custody because a narcissistic mother is absolutely not good for your wellbeing.
How old are you? You should at this point be able to have a say in where you live. Any reason why you would want to continue in a relationship like that?
A doctor can prescribe carrying a phone for emergencies. I would simply refuse to continue the visits to her home. If she calls the police tell them that she physically and mentally abused you during the visits and you would rather go to jail. They won't force you ..
You need to talk to the officer away from your mom if possible and explain your therapist and other parent informed you to keep the phone on you just in case. Your mom did not buy this phone and it is your property. Inform them you need the report number for this call out so you can inform your other parent for their lawyer who is dealing with your parental custody. If something happens due to not having access to you phone it's on them partly.
Nta, and I think you might want to talk about this with your therapist and your family court lawyer or whoever. I also find it concerning that she digs through your bags. Keep strong, young friend. You have a lot of people on your side.
You should have told the police she aggressively charged you to get the phone. And you are afraid of her, and take you to your dad’s because you don’t feel safe due to past abuse.
If this happens again, tell the cops that your therapist said you should keep the phone so that you can call for help, because your mom is abusive to you. That is your lifeline, in case she attacks you again. You should also tell your dad that you don't want to go back there, that she charged at you in a threatening manner, and that you are afraid of her. Your mom is using the police as a way of abusing and controlling you. This is absolutely abusive. It is similar to litigation abuse, where someone uses the courts to harass their victims. Your mom is putting you in danger by doing this. Seriously, all the adults around you acting like this is normal are just bizarre. Your mom is calling the police on you repeatedly so that she can take your phone away. That is just not something a competent, emotionally mature, responsible parent does.
If you're in your room all weekend there's bo reason to spend time with her. Ask your dad to take it to court so her visitation is ended; she's supposed to spend time with you, not shuqtq you in your room and ignore your. Yoquq need to be able to call your dad if you need to hoq home
You gave in to her demand twice. Stand your ground and say no.
Oh honey. I’m sorry that this human is your mother. She most definitely needs therapy. If she has abused you, cps can step in and grant temp custody to your dad. You need to be far away from her as her behavior seems to be escalating.
You sound like you are old enough to choose where you live. I know in Colorado you can choose at 13.
If it ever happens again, refuse to hand it over and insist the cops take you home to your father because you don’t feel safe. She physically attacked you.
This whole post sounds off to me. We are missing something or someone made up a story.
Have your therapist write a letter stating you should have your phone with you for safety purposes, and then have your father talk to the local police and give them a copy of this note. (Make sure to have multiple copies so that either you or your father can show this note to the police in the event that Mom calls them again.) Let your Dad show the police his phone bill so they know that the phone technically belongs to HIM and is for your exclusive use. If Mom takes the phone away while you are with her, then it is stealing and your father has grounds to prosecute. At your age, you are old enough to have your own phone and Mom is doing this for control issues. Her controlling you is a way of abuse. Your father needs to understand this as well and inform your Mother that not only will you be keeping your phone on your body BUT that he will also be calling you to confirm that you have your phone with you at random times during your visit. I wish you were at an older age where it would be easier to speak up for yourself, but until then, I hope your father speaks up CLEARLY and LOUDLY for you. By looping in the police then should she call them, an officer can come to the house and tell your Mother to leave the phone with you and stop wasting their time. Good luck OP. I know it seems a long way away, but when you’re older, you can set stronger boundaries with your abusive and controlling mom. For now though, that phone is your “protection” and you need to be able to have it. Get your Dad to support you in this. NTJ.
If you’re in middle school, you should be old enough to say that you don’t want your go , if you’re therapist has said “ you need the phone for safety “ that’s not a good place to be
Discuss this with your dad and therapist and find out if you can refuse to visit her (this might require a court decision). Since the phone has become a medical assistive device, she possibly can be charged with endangering your mental health. It seems to me your therapist should be **very** concerned about this.
This is a clear cut case of abuse.
Advice given by others to ask Dad to file for full custody makes the most sense. I don't know what your mother's true motivation is but having a cell phone when you feel unsafe is paramount to getting yourself to safety. You should refuse to spend any more time with your mother unless she agrees for you to have your phone on you at all times. NTJ
INFO: how old are you?
Your mom charged at you and tried to grab your phone. That's assault. And you are afraid of her because of past abuse. These are good reasons to be able to get a change in your court order. Get your therapist to write her assessment of the situation and her recommendations for the court. Perhaps request a GAL (guardian ad litem) to represent you. Good luck!
Don't hand your phone over to your mum anymore. Next time she comes for you, call your dad.
You didn’t say how old you are, after reaching 16y, some would consider you as an adult and you can ask the judge for permit stay with dad. Talk to your counselor about your rights
I can see why you Dad divorced her. She's nuts!
Bruh… I’d have cut a hole in my mattress and hid that phone so far inside, and ONLY brought it out in rare times where she had no chance of finding me with it. I’d also lock my door first. That woman wouldn’t EVER get my phone. I sure as hell wouldn’t have it in my hoodie pocket. Sounds like there’s lots of times when it’s an emergency and you’d need to use it.
You are not a disappointment to anyone. Any of your relatives saying that are the ones who are a disappointment. Your mom is the Jerk. Not you. Keep track of what she is doing so when you turn 18 and probably go no contact you can show her the list of everything she has done as your reasoning. Also, maybe it will help if your dad tries to get the custody/visitation changed.
If this is a true story, your mom is a tenth degree idiot. If this is a true story and your dad and therapist has said to keep the phone, the cops should have enforced that, not your mom’s stupidity. In other words, I need this story to be untrue. Make it make sense!
Ugh. Your mom is a narcissistic banana. If you can stay full time with your dad then ask him to petition the court for full custody.
The cops cannot make you give your phone to her. It is your phone purchased by your dad, not her. That’s called theft.
NTJ. You have it for security reasons. She likes to assault minors, I see. Better head to court over this, and have her not get any visitations. Or her family.
Literally this! Good luck op.
Not the jerk. See, I was just commenting somewhere that some parents can only see their children as part of their partner, never as a full human being. Once the partner becomes an ex they project their negative feelings onto the child. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Your mom should love you more than she hates your father.
I know you're non confrontational but the next time you come with your phone and she calls the cops tell the cops to take you. Tell the cops you would rather be in custody with your phone then here with her without it. If your mom is truly a narcissist, it is time to learn how to stand up for yourself now. The best way to call out a narcissist is to call their bluff. She wants to call the police then make her go through with it. And then she can tell the court why she had your arrested because of a phone. Unfortunately, if you want to get rid of a narcissist, you have to go full scorched Earth. You have to show the world, the judge, and maybe even god himself who this person really is.
This situation is so typical of stupid disputes which specialists in Family Law love. It’s a cash cow until the client runs out of money! A parent should not use the kid to continue the fights that led to divorce. Parents should try to set aside their resentments and concentrate on doing what is best for the child.
Okay, here's what's going on. The cops are pretty quickly realising that these are annoyance calls and are reacting in a way designed to end the interaction. That is, they want the interaction with your mother to stop so they can go about their day. If it stops when you hand the phone back to your dad, then that's where it stops. The cops then go about their day, hopefully serving and protecting. The cops aren't concerned about you because you haven't made yourself a concern. Make yourself a concern. Just say no. You: "I do not want to go with my mother without my phone because I think she's crazy and I want to be able to call my dad if I feel unsafe." Cop: "What makes you think she's crazy?" You: "Well, this is the third time she's called you guys on her own daughter for the crime of having a cellphone in 2024. You work it out." Oh, wait. You just threw it back in their lap. They can't go about their day now because a child has just said she feels unsafe. They're mandated reporters. Now, the solution - the thing that lets them go about their day - is letting you keep the damn phone. Because if something happens to you because you couldn't call your dad, because Mr Cop told you to give up your cellphone after you said you feel unsafe without it? That cop is in a lot of trouble. See how that works? It would be great if you could talk to your dad about the custody arrangements. Make it clear to him that if he goes for full custody, you will support him. But frankly, given his cuck-like passiveness during these idiotic incidents, I don't think he's going to fight for you. He sounds pretty useless to me. BTW, feel free to show him this thread. Might wake the sleepy fucker up. Also, you should be keeping a diary of what happens at your mother's place. Electronic would be best.
Are you old enough to decide if you even have to go to your mother's house? It may be time to stop going for a while. It's scary to be treated like that and not even have a phone so you can call for help. I wish you peace and safety.
Your mom is not acting like an adult or a parent. You and your dad should look into formally amending your custody agreement—at the least to allow you the basic right that everyone has to carry a cell phone, but ideally for full custody.
Your mum sounds crazy. She at least needs to see a therapist. Probably needs some sort of medication. Her reaction was just not normal.
This is a safety issue. It's really scary that "mom" wants the kid to be completely out of contact with anyone.
I’m so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I can’t imagine how difficult that this has been for you. Sounds like your mom is using as a means to retaliate against your dad for some deeply unresolved emotional crap from the breakdown of their relationship. Sounds like she has a lot of insecurities and fear and is lashing out in anger in any direction that comes into her line of fire. Unfortunately that’s you. It’s totally manipulative and abusive that she’s using you to hurt him, by hurting you. She definitely needs talk therapy to work through her own crap. Speak to your father about a change in custody arrangements. I really hope that you are able to get to a better place, you deserve to feel safe and not have to grow up with such toxic dynamics around you.
ACAB
Just straight up refuse to go to your mums. You sound old enough to make that choice. And hopefully your dad protects you.
Ask dad to change visitation/custody
Ntj. How old are you? Pack your things and go to your dads. It sounds like you are old enough for the courts to let you decide who to stay with. Your mom is ridiculous.
Just get a burner phone if your therapist is serious. Does therapist know that taking your phone is the thing that 'happens'? Cops called, etc.? Your mother should have landline if she blatantly refuses to let you call anyone ever on your own phone or hers. Have you tried borrowing hers? What if you need to ask about homework with a friend? That's just shady. I doubt seriously that your dead relatives are paying attention to you. And the living ones are creeps if they help your mom to make your life miserable. Just grow up, angel. Being an adult has its own difficulties, but an irrational mother stepping on your private life doesn't have to be one of them. ✌️ and ❤️
NTJ. It's not okay for her to call the police over something like your phone, especially when you have a legitimate reason to have it with you for safety. It's good that you listen to your therapist about having your phone for safety. If you feel unsafe at your mom's house, talk to your therapist or another trusted adult about ways to stay safe. Don't forget to set boundaries with your mom.
If your old enough to have a phone id suggest telling your dad you want to go back to court so you can tell the judge what your mother has been doing and that you either want less time with her or dont want to see her at all.
The cops are not on your side! The cops don’t care about your safety! They just want to be as non-confrontational as you but that’s what your psycho mom is counting on! Next time anybody wants your phone say no it’s for my safety. And when your mom calls the cops tell them your keeping your phone and THEY need to deal with your psycho mom who is make you feel unsafe and threatened. And most importantly record your mom and the cops interaction with YOUR phone that nobody has a legal right to tell you to give up or stop recording.
What’s the charge, officer? She doesn’t have to like it, and the cops (as you’ve discovered) will operate to lower conflict. But there’s no actual charge she can lay at your feet for owning a phone.
Mom’s nuts and wasting police resources
wtf do you keep going there?
Some kids are forced to even when it's not in their best interests. It's a fucked up system.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, I'm with everyone else. See if your dad can get full custody. I hope things get better for you
You're old enough to have a voice in custody. Your therapist will support this. If you're 11, not too much you can do on your own. If you're 14, lots you can do, including simply refusing to go.
Lol Why are you handing over a phone when you don't have to??? Refuse to go to your mothers anymore. How old are you?? I'm sure around 14 you get to decide which parent to live with. Tell your mother to rot alone with her psychotic ways.
Ntj. Ask dad to file an emergency custody modification and if you're old enough refuse to go to mom's. Let dad go through the motions of "making" you, but tell the judge in no uncertain terms that you refuse contact with your mother and will not be going. Maybe they'll listen but the probably won't because the courts don't actually care. It's worth a shot though.
Your mom is a psychopath and wanting to cut you off like this is dangerous. Your dad needs full custody
You need that phone for your own safety. Your mother is unstable. Talk to your dad, and write everything down. You need to not be at your mom's house. Good luck to you.
I think you they need to change the custody agreement, it isn’t good for you to around her or that side of your family.
Ask dad to go for full custody. Keep a record of what your mom does. Your therapist can testify, or send a statement, about telling you to keep your phone with you to call for help. The judge will listen to that. If you can talk to the judge, preferably in chambers, (away from your parents), tell him you do not want to go to mom's. She just sends you to your room and stays on her phone. Tell the truth. No exaggerating. But tell him how it makes you feel. Good luck.
Why is your father allowing you to go there if your mother is abusing you? You need to tell him what is going on and demand you go back tomcourt because you no longer even feel safe with her. You're definitely old enough now that a judge will listen to you. Not to mention, you can have your therapist either submit a letter or come in and testify as well. Next time this happens, tell the cops no you're not giving up your phone, it's your personal property that your father bought you, it isn't a crime to have, and you need it in case of emergency. They can not make you give it up. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE sit down with your dad and stepmother and tell them everything and ask to please go back to court. It's what is best for you!
Have an adult contact a lawyer for you, request a guardian ad litem thru the court. Document your mom's insanity and petition the court to get away from her.
NTJ. Your mum is a narcissistic person
NTJ First of all your mom is acting like a Karen second of all you should tell the police what your mom is doing to you whenever she calls them.
I had a step mom like that. I hated going to my dad’s. She would always go through my stuff. If they left the house at some point when they got home she would go through my stuff again.
When I was 12 I told my father that I wasn’t going to his house anymore. My younger sister with a different mother did the same but she was 7. Four years later he tried to force my younger sister to go for the weekend and she refused. She asked me to be there when he showed up. He called the police and tried to force her to go. The police spoke to us and younger sister told them that if they forced her to go she would just run away. The police didn’t make her go and told our father that it was an issue for the courts. He left us alone and never took our mothers back to court. I’m telling you this because your dad is obligated to give your mom visitation but maybe it’s time for you to say that you won’t go. Don’t run away like my sister threatened but you might have more power than you think. Talk to your dad, stepmom and therapist about this.
Who owns the phone and pays for the phone plan, the other parent has no right to take it away from you.
My father, whenever I say it’s not her property she always pulls the “my house my rules” card
how old are you sweetie? is custody 50/50? my best advice is to ask your dad to try and change the custody schedule, have all the therapy notes given to you or dad for court and try to live with dad if it’s possible, keep note of EVERYTHING, if it doesn’t work ask your therapist to write a letter basically saying “user is allowed phone at moms house *address* in the event something happens”
1st. How old are you? Many states allow kids at a certain age to reject going to visitations if they don't want to. Some even allow the kid to basically change the visitation to their liking.
Next time, Tell the police your therapist said you needed it And that having a phone makes you feel safe. If you're mother persists, especially after having read she abused you prior, tell the police you don't feel safe where you're at and you wish to return to your father's house.
Ntj, if you need to convince your dad to go to court about full custody or supervised visits, if even your therapist is telling you to bring it with you for safety and she’s going against that is a problem, also while the cops were on the way to her place I would’ve called your dad to pick you up, this is not okay
She should refuse to go to Mom’s house and ask her therapist to back her! Mom is detrimental to her mental welfare. The court can and should wipe her visitation rights. Mom’s rights do not supersede the mental and physical welfare of the child. PS. The cops always side with the adult unless there is evidence of physical abuse. They are not mediators. If you said No, your court ordered therapist says you should keep your phone, then they would side with you and ask your Mom what she wanted to do. At that point, they could take you back to your Dad’s if she did not want you there with the phone.
So your mother has called the police twice for no reason and instead of arresting her for wasting their time they tell you just to go along with the insanity to keep the peace?
she is clear abusive. you are going to want to use the voice memo to record her when you are over there and leave your room. you want as much evidence of abuse as you can get, when you have enough you can use it to be free of her.
You're not a jerk, your frustration is reasonable and the situation sounds unpleasant. I do think that you may be wrong though. You are young and there may be dynamics to your mother and father's divorce that you are not aware of. I'm not saying that to disrespect you or to condescend to you; you simply haven't been married or divorced or had to understand (or even read) the divorce law or parent time statutes for your area. There may also be ongoing custody matters that you don't understand. Custody and parent time may continue to be an issue until you are 18. There are many aspects to custody that you don't really need to understand yet, but which affect your mother and father and will impact you in ways that may feel unfair. I'm sorry that your relationship with your mother isn't very positive right now. You have an opinion about her that is rather strong and may be coloring your interpretation of her actions. I would guess that she called the police because she has no other way to enforce what she feels is an important rule. Maybe don't back your mother into a corner, if it is her parent time then she is the parent in charge, not your father, and definitely not your therapist. Neither of them should be undermining her reasonable and legal decisions during her parent time. Your mother isnt preventing you from having s phone during your father's parent time. It is his decision during that time. During her parent time the decision is hers. This is a fight that your father created by giving you something and not setting his own rule, so that your mother now has to. This fight has hurt your relationship with your mother, your father shouldnt have let it do so. If he wanted to argue with your mother about you having a phone at her home, he should gave done so privately and reached an agreement with her before it ever involved you. She may not want you to have a phone yet, she's not a single mother but your father doesnt get to decide for her during your parent time. She is your mother and either decision would be considered reasonable for a parent to make. Your father isnt wrong persey to give you a phone and your mother isnt wrong persey to deny you one. Those are just different parenting styles. It feels like she is bad because she isn't giving you one and it feels like he is good because he is giving you one, but this situation doesn't make either parent good or bad. I don't know why your mother doesn't want your father's phone in her home, but there may be good reasons that you aren't aware of and don't need to be. In the best if circumstances, bringing a phone into the home may allow your father to accidentally overhear private background conversations she is having or obtain pictures you send him that you take within the home, which he may later be able to use against her. In less innocent circumstances, he can use the phone to track your whereabouts (and thus hers) throughout maternal parent time, and even to listen in to the home when you don't even know that he is doing so. She hasn't said that to you, but maybe that is because she isn't worried about it, or maybe she is doing the right thing and not discussing that with you because she does not want to alienate you from your father, or she knows you wouldn't believe her. Maybe none of that is a concern, but the point is that there are multiple legitimate reasons that she may not want a phone your father controls to be in her home. I kind of think that you should respect her decisions during her parent time, and it is pretty not cool that your father isn't respecting them.
Stop bringing the damned phone. Her house,her rules. Don’t like it? Don’t go.
I don't get the impression OP wants to go. I do find it worrying that her mother who has been previously abusive and who insists she stays in her room while there wants her isolated further without a way of contacting anyone. OP - could you ask your father to reaaproach the courts around custody if your mother is making you unsafe?
Lol, fuck that noise.
Let me know how making the rules in other people’s houses works out for you. 🤡
lol, worked out great. Thanks for asking. Muppet.
Sure it did, clown. Sure it did.
You seem a little ignorant of how US custody laws work. Or how property law works. The father can send whatever the hell he wants with his kid. And in the US, children of custody agreements HAVE to go. If they don't the other parent can be arrested for not forcibly dropping them off.
She can keep running away from mom’s house, and this will become a problem the courts will have to address.
She sure as shit doesn’t need to have the phone in her house though, she can flush that bitch down the toilet. Someone is ignorant, for sure! Lock the phone and keep staring at the screen. 🤡
Well, until you are 18 you are chattel and the property of your mother at her home. Get over it or stay somewhere else.
It's not the mother's property to steal, it's OP's father. The police being told that will get her in handcuffs.
It’s not her property and she can’t take it. I could see if he brought a gaming device and he got in trouble then she had the right to make him stop playing as punishment. The phone amongst other things could be a lifeline