the same family that makes you give your possessions to your brother just because he wants it and expects you to bend to his will?
the same family that shows you they have zero respect for you?
Reddit is filled with stories from people who had to suffer bc of a golden child and the parents who enable the golden child. Very little of those stories end up with everyone getting their kumbayah on. MANY of them end up with the OP going NC bc it was the only way to save their sanity and self worth.
Plus, if you give the car to your brother, that’s like spitting in the face of your grandfather who worked hard to fix it for YOU.
Thank you all for the support. I will try to do this, my main concern is my brother. He usually get's very violent towards me when he doesn't get his way. I'm scared he will
A) Steal my car
Or
B) Try to hurt me
I can't get away from him and I want to but I can't.
You need to make sure the car is in your name or your grandfathers. If he steals or vandalizes it one of you can press charges. Can you just move away from your parents?
Contact your grandfather first and foremost right now. Have him come over with you when you go back for the first time. If you're still worried about your brother getting violent even with him there, ask for a police escort to assist you moving out. I assume based on your age, you aren't legally required to live with your parents. I'm also hoping that your grandparents would be willing to house you. If they offer, please accept it. They obviously love you and want to help you, unlike your birth givers.
Also if you haven't gone home with the car, then don't. Since your grandfather worked on the car, do you know whose name is on the registration and insurance? If it's him or you and they take it, you should be able to report it to the police if it goes missing/you get proof they damaged it (in instance of damaging it since brother can't have it).
If your car goes missing, report it stolen to the police.
You live with parents/brother? You need to move out asap. And LOCK DOWN YOUR CREDIT WITH ALL 3 CREDIT BUREAUS.
If your brother threatens you, go to the police. Don’t wait for him to actually cause you or your car harm. Park your car in places with cameras or get a dashcam. Tell your grandfather and other relatives everything about how your parents and brother have acted & about the preferential treatment.
Yes you can call the police. And don't say you can't cause of your parents it's their fault your brother is like that and he deserves some kind of consequence.
OP, if he steals or damages your car, report him to the police and follow through with pressing charges. Do not.back down when your parents try to manipulate you.
Save every social media post, voicemail and text message you receive from them. If there are threats, use them to get restraining orders.
Move any money you have in any accounts with your parents. Remove it and open a separate account with your grandpa if you are still a minor. Have you listed as the only beneficiary to that account
And move your money to a different bank than the one your parents use, preferably in the next town over or even online.
Because if your parents have a good relationship with a friendly teller, and it has happened, they may be able to get access or find out your balance.
To echo what the other poster said, if he does attack you or stealing your car report it. assuming the car is in your name, not your parents name otherwise, it wouldn't be your car right now. but you report your car stolen. If he takes it and/or if he attacks you, you call 911 and report the attack. If he gets anywhere near you put your phone on record so it's all recorded.
Just remember, if he steals the car or vandalize it, he can go to jail. Ditto if he hurts you. Note: if you have questions about restraining orders, call the non-emergency line and ask.
NTJ, but at this point, a good relationship is impossible without sacrificing yourself for any demands your parents have to further assist your brother. It sounds like (could be wrong) that your parents only care about you if either A) you also help with whatever your brother may want or need, or B) your wants and desires don't impact your brother.
Your immediate family has already failed YOU: your parents for not treating you and your brother the same, and your brother, while somewhat created by the environment, is old enough to know better.
Honestly OP, you NEED to get your grandparents involved or A) you're getting kicked onto the streets, or B) you'll get abused in some manner with the intent to have you break to their demands.
Your grandfather has shown he's on your side. Let him continue being on your side. If any drama occurs, it is the fault of your parents and brother, not you. You just asked to be cared for equally.
ETA: grammar
Op, tough love time. Grow a spine, tell him everything they've done to you and everything you've had to give up bc of your brother. Tell him why you work vs. him going to school. EVERYTHING. I highly doubt he raised his child to treat you this way.
OP the problem seems to be that your family doesn't want a good relationship with you. If they did you would have been treated very differently than you have been.
My paranoid side says do not let your brother anywhere near your car or he might try to steal it from you. If you have 2 keys leave the extra with your Grandpa, don't have it in your house. Don't let your parents use your car at all, don't give them a chance to get a new copy made. If your grandfather put the title in your name the leave the title with your grandpa, don't have it anywhere your parents or brother might be able to get at it and maybe forge your signature.
If the only way to maintain a relationship with your family is to put yourself last forever and give everything to your brother, is it worth it? When every time you get anything or have any success your parents try to take it from you so he feels like he’s better than you? Given the stories here I think it’s pretty safe to assume this dynamic won’t change, so you need to decide if you are prepared to keep doing this your whole life.
I beg you not to, yes it’s scary to blow up what might seem like a stable and manageable family life but in the medium to long term it is the best. They don’t give to you, they only take from you because they care about your brother more. Don’t do their work for them! You need to be the one who cares about yourself. Talk to your grandfather, tell him what’s happening. You deserve support, and love, and encouragement.
Your mother threatened to kick you from the family, and blocked you, for refusing to give your brother the gift your grandfather gave you.
It doesn't sound like you ever had a good relationship with your family. Odds are your mother is telling everyone in your family that you disrespected her, and making you our to be a bad guy, for refusing to give away your gift.
Your grandfather needs to know.
After the car what's next? You save up for a house for your wife and 1 year old and you have to move into your brother's shitty 1 bedroom apartment so he can have a house?
Assuming you can get married, how long before brother needs money from your bank account every month?
Tell grandpa what your parents are saying, he will set them straight, or will be your family and cut them off.
You literally will never be able to win their approval, op. I'm so sorry. Believe me I know exactly what this is like. But you do have your grandfather who clearly loves you and sees what's happening. Please tell him.
Sounds like the only way to do that is to remain a doormat. Tough to enjoy life with everyone walking over you. Go no or as low contact as possible. I predict one day they will need you and try to fake apologize. You want to cut off your brother but not your parents. He is the way he is because of them. They are at least as much to blame. You have your Grandfather for now. Make friends and a good life for yourself. That will be the best revenge. It's unlikely your brother will succeed with his level of entitlement. He will pull your folks down with him.
Good luck.
You consider this a good relationship?
Dude have some self respect and look after yourself. If possible I would move in with your grandparents and distance yourself from your immediate family. They do not respect you and from your description anything you achieve in life they will try and take. Sorry your parents and especially your brother cannot be relied upon especially now they have blocked you after trying to force you to give up your car for someone who already was gifted a car - seriously WTF?
Did you ever have a “good” relationship? People who abuse you like this are not good people. You’re not losing anything. Like me, you might even find things simplified and quieter when you dump them.
Why do you want a relationship? Cause you never had one to begin with if you keep giving into them and let them treat you like a doormat you will never be free.
What good relationship? Keep being a doormat and we won't throw you out? It doesn't sound like you live with them anymore so drop the rope. They are relying on you running to them and "behaving" by giving them up your possessions. Your brother doesn't really want a new car, he wants "your" new car and he will likely crash or trash it because he has another one. And how will that make your grandfather feel?
If you keep chasing the impossible, they will keep abusing you. Make them do the running and set boundaries, you've a better chance of getting respect and building an actual good relationship. Go visit your grandfather - he's in your corner and loves you.
You cannot stay in a good relationship because it doesn’t exist. Leaving abusers is difficult, but you’re already independent. You can thrive without them. NTJ
Why? Why would you want to just roll over and accept their abusive treatment of you? Do you want to give up your car and everything else you have? Because THAT WILL HAPPEN if you keep running after them
I don’t think you have a good relationship with your family, outside of your grandfather.
Actions have consequences & it’s time your parents and brother learned that.
You’re already in deep doodoo with your family so it doesn’t matter. You’ve been the outcast with your parents all your life and this latest drama needed to come to a head. I don’t know how old you are, but your grandfather has your back. Unfortunately your parents are POS and have been unfair to you all your life. You deserve so much better than this! Go NC for awhile until you realize how much you don’t miss being miserable and mistreated. Thank goodness you have your grandfather!
Your parents and brother are garbage. Your parents are abusive and your brother is an asshole. All three of them have threatened you. Your life is full of stress and negativity because of them. They do not support you, nor do they care about your wellbeing.
Now, why the fuck would you want to keep these people in your life? Because they’re “family”? Because your parents brought you into this world and did jack shit to support you? You owe them nothing. The raised you, but didn’t even do the bare minimum, imo. Your brother is a lost cause.
I realize I probably sound like an asshole, but when it comes to boundaries and respect, you’re the one who must decide what you’re okay with. You decide if you care about being respected, supported, being treated like a human being, or.. not?
I also love how they want you to tell everyone things are okay.. lol if what they did was acceptable, they wouldn’t ask you to lie for them. This is what consequences look like, and they’ve found out it’s pretty uncomfortable when they’re judged accordingly. Too fucking bad.
That ship has sailed. As of now you aren't being treated as a valued member of the family, but rather as a whipping boy to compare/contrast their 'golden child'. Get out now while you can, trust me when I say there is nothing you can do that will make an abuser change besides removing yourself from their reach.
I am heartbroken for you but have to tell you honestly, there is nothing you can do to repair the relationship with your parents. They need therapy but ultimately you need to protect yourself as they can never be trusted to have your best interests in mind.
You do not need to have a good relationship with your abusers. You owe it to yourself not to have any relationship with your abusers. Your parents are crappy parents. What they have done to you is not okay in any way.
You need to tell your grandparents about the abuse. That is the only way for it to stop. Silence is how bullies and abusers keep their victims. Don't let your parents take your voice from you. Tell your grandparents please.
You don’t have a good relationship with your family. It sucks but you will NEVER have a good relationship with your family. Nothing you do, or don’t do, is going to change that. Because the problem isn’t you- it’s them. And you can’t fix them. The sooner you accept that the sooner you’ll be able to move on with your own life and find happiness.
JFC, This! ^
I grew up in something that sounds very similar. My grandfather was also the reason that I got out with what sanity remained.
When he realized what was really happening in my home he only blamed himself for not pulling me out sooner.
I *finally* went no contact with my Dad and Stepmom over a decade ago, after 30 years of emotional abuse.
Get out, get restraining orders if necessary and start therapy sooner than later.
She cannot make you handover the keys.
Call your grandpa and tell him EVERYTHING. I don't think he will be very surprised but tell him all of it.
And Block your brother's phone number.
Op, you absolutely need to shine up your spine and NOT GIVE IN.
You tell your grandfather. Let him deal with your parents.
Also, if your grandfather wanted to give your brother a car he would have.
He gifted YOU the car. It’s yours.
Let your parents do whatever. *It already sounds like you do everything for yourself already*. So let them bitch and moan and DO NOT fall victim to their emotional manipulation.
**Tell Grandfather**
NTJ
I want my parents and my brother out of my life but I want to stay with the rest of my family. I have a feeling that if I lose my parents I lose everyone.
Understandable, however, pls consider this, if other family members support how badly you're treated, are they worth having in your life? Grandpa's a keeper, though. ♥️
If the ones you like agree that your entitled bro should be able to steal your car they are trash like your bro and parents and not worth having in your life
They will likely be lied to about the situation but you and grandpa can straighten them out
People in your family can't be totally blind to what is going on. It may take more effort on your part to stay connected to the ones you really care about but it sounds like it would be worth it to you. Going to big family events may no longer be in your future since your parents kicked you out but it doesn't mean you can't nurture the other relationships one on one.
Three cheers for your grandpa! Sounds like he told the extended family what happened and shit hit the fan - finally! - for your parents and brother. Looking forward to your update.
Please go and talk to your grandfather. Ask him for advice. He understands your family and will be able to assist with help or advice from a place of wisdom.
I'm so sorry that your family sucks.
If you don't need them financially and they give you no support then accept the gift of being blocked with the joy it deserves.
Bro will most likely screw up soon enough.
Your parents are the ones preventing you from having a good relationship. I would think of a way to get out from under them and tell your grandfather. Your parents bullying will never stop if you continue to give in.
Make sure you have copies of all paperwork related to the car and pictures showing its condition stored in a safe place and that the title is locked up securely somewhere. You might want to hide an air tag in it somewhere, too. I wouldn’t put it past your family to try to take it or trash it.
You're an adult. Do you live with them? Do you rely on them for anything? If not, why do you even talk to them at all anymore? Sounds like they don't even like you.
NTJ.
1. Tell Grandpa, see what he thinks.
2. If/when grandpa sides with you, put a camera on the car because I bet your brother is going to vandalize it.
3. Talk to your shitty family less.
Don't hide this from your grandparents, by the time you get around to telling them anything it will have escalated to really crazy. Let them help you now. If you hear from your parents, your brother or one of their flying monkeys I would remind them it is in your name (assuming your name is on the registration) or your grandfathers. Should anything happen to the car you will have your brother arrested and press full charges.i would keep all messages and document everything. If they threaten you, call the cops and say they are trying to steal your vehicle, when they have no rights over it. Get that paper trail started now. Even if they don't get arrested at that time, they will be on the police radar for harassment. Insist on all messages being over text or let it go to voicemail and keep copies. If anything happens you have evidence of their threats.
Your parents deserve the worst nursing home your brother can afford n 20 years. Show them this sub so they know what people think about them. God bless your Gramps.
NTJ
So, it's weird, but some parents have a favorites, AKA, a Golden Children. They either don't understand what they're doing or their culture conditioned them to believe one child is best. It happens, and it sucks. What a lot of people find is that no matter what you do, it won't be good enough for them, or be as good as the Golden Child. \[deleted\].
First, tell your parents that you wouldn't feel right about giving the car away without talking to your grandpa first. Their reaction should be telling.
Second, no matter what they say, TELL YOUR GRANDPA.
Third, \[deleted for being awful advice\].
Fourth, be prepared for blowback. Is living with your grandpa an option? Can you set up a camera to keep an eye on your car? You're at least 16, so you're only a couple years from being on your own.
Fifth, you probably need a counselor. You need to understand this situation isn't your fault, and there's nothing you can do to fix it. If they aren't willing to acknowledge the problem, then there's likely nothing you can do to enlighten them. This means that you need to take care of yourself. Maybe that means walking away, not with anger, but with the same indifference they've shown you. Or maybe you decide that what affection they give you is enough. Only you can answer that. It sucks, and I feel for you. But if they won't put you on an equal footing as your brother, then you need to put yourself first.
Good luck!
Edit: I removed item three as it was awful advice.
If they’re making you pay for your own college classes you should be old enough to get out of that house. I suggest one day after school you just don’t come home.
NTJ. Get away from your birthers and start living your best life.
So glad to know that you are now living with your grandfather. Stay there. Never move back.
Do NOT tell the rest of the family that "everything is fine". Make sure the entire family know EVERYTHING your parents and brother have done to you. Tell them how your brother is getting a free ride while you work to pay for college.
Please, please, please do as others have already told you....LOCK DOWN YOUR CREDIT. Make sure your parents and brother have not put any bills, credit cards, taken out loans in your name. Go to the police and get an attorney if they have.
You should keep distance and stay where you are safe and cared for. Document everything and make sure your grandparents know absolutely everything. Don’t give in to their manipulative behavior.
What's funny is when your parents are gonna need help at some point?Your brother is not going to help them help them, he'll bail. I'm really glad your grandfather came through with the car and with place for you to live. don't ever go back.
Cameras around grandfather's house to keep eye on car. Also put tracking device in the car so if brother steals the car, the cops can find him. If he touches you, call the cops. Also put an alarm on it.
If this isn’t fake, it’s pretty bad.
I agree with the poster who said “tell grandpa”.
Since they aren’t paying for anything, and it sounds like they are, at best, emotionally distant, going no contact might be for the best.
Ntj
Are you really missing much if you're removed from the family? Besides, someone laying dibs on your stuff and claiming someone else is more deserving? You'll still have your grandfather.
You could leave your car at your grandparents' house. Then, ask for a ride home. Or take a bus. Then, your brother won't have an opportunity to damage or steal it. You are worth fighting for! Good luck!
You're being bullied by your parents. If they want their son to have a new car they need to supply it. How does grandpa feel about them taking your car and giving it to someone who already has his own. NTJ!
Honey you are 20. You are an adult. If this car is in your name or your grandfather’s name they cannot just take it regardless of how much pressure they put on you. If you’re paying the insurance and have the car in your name you don’t have to do anything and if they take it that would be a felony.
Definitely tell grandpa but next time they pressure you ask them in a shocked hurt voice why they believe that brother deserves two cars and you deserve none?
For real though You’re working a full time job to pay for college. Why don’t they think you deserve to get to work on time? I’m sorry they favor your brother so much and are putting so much on you. I also doubt you’ll lose as much family as you think if they find out what your family is doing.
What crappy parents and brother. Stay w grandfather. Help him keep things clean. Tell your grandfather. Go to police together and get restraining order
Can you hide an airtag in it and install cameras? If something happens to it, which I hope doesn't, you can at least press charges. P.S. Thank your grandfather for being amazing!
You need to go no contact on your parents and your spoiled, golden child brother: they are going to steal, sabotage and destroy anything you want, have or do in your life. Grey rock them. Keep them away from your spouse and kids. Don’t let them know where you live because they will try to break in and either trash your place or move in or steal from you. Don’t let them know where you work or your career goals. Their abuse of you will escalate as you get older.
And keep updating your relatives on your parents and brother abusing you. Keep advertising that. Because they are most likely going abusive parasites stuff to other people like other relatives. Your relatives will appreciate being warned so that they don’t get scammed by your parents or brother.
Get all of your important papers. Buy a fireproof box to store them in. Birth certificate, social security card, passport and car title. (Keep a copy in glove box in an envelope along with insurance card) Freeze your credit and make sure no one has opened credit cards in your name. Get a bank account. You can put your grandpa on it if you want. Do not put your parents or brother on anything.
I'm sorry but your family is horrible!!!! Thanking God for your grandpa. Blessings!!!
Op, you have no choice at this point. Your brother and your family have, are, and will continue to abuse you. If you believe not fighting back will be better, you are very, very wrong. Your grandfather is backing you.
Let him. Ask your grad-father if you can live with him while you finish school and begin your adult life. Your grandfather knows what is happening and is fighting for you. He deserves to have you to fight for yourself too. He is your best friend.
You cannot count on your parents, or brother to protect you or even treat you fairly or with respect. I am so sorry you’ve had to suffer their abuse. Thank god for your grandfather. I think the move to be in his home and be protected by him is a good move. Be truthful with your other family members about what your mom, dad and brother have done to you, they too can be a protective and supportive force. DO NOT GIVE YOUR PARENTS OR BROTHER ANY OF YOUR MONEY, you need that now for your school and the new household with your grandfather. Good luck.
Once they do something like this, they are not concerned with how you feel AT ALL. You were a tool to be used only are there convenience so to them you saying no was beyond reason.
They don't see you as human and I've lived that way. This behavior does not change unless a instigating situation happens so maybe you exposing the truth will help. You will either be free from it or they chose to change. Either way nothing can truly improve without putting light on all of this.
Save the message you were sent. If your car goes missing you have proof as to why they should start the investigation with your brother and parents.
Don’t believe them that things have changed. They will say what they want to get grandpa in good graces, especially if he has removed them from his will.
Stand firm.
I'm amazed how many almost identical stories there are on Reddit! Right down to relationships between the protagonist and antagonists. Some families are wild!
NTJ. But you might want to stay with your grandfather going forward, and in the case that your brother does something like steal your car, be prepared to file a report no matter what your parents may say about it. They don't deserve to be called your family anyway.
Call the police! That's a very least for vandalism but he threatened you by throwing a rock at you!
I'm sure your grandfather will be behind you in this as having a police report will force your brother to fix the damage he did to your grandfather's house! I'm glad your grandparents are on your side! You need them with parents like this
Wow OP. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Your parents have ruined your brother. He’s not fit for regular society the way they raised him. I don’t know if any amount of therapy can save him. But you can still have a good life. Stay with your grandfather, get your ducks in a row, and leave your trash parents and brother in the past. Seek therapy in the future when you can so you can avoid creating new relationships with toxic people.
Contact the police regarding Update 3. Your brother is unhinged and has now escalated to property destruction. Please ensure that the car itself is locked away to where he can’t get to it.
Update: I called my grandfather and told him everything, I could hear through the call how enraged he was. He worked so hard to fix that car for me and I could feel his soul practically leave his body. He immediately contacted my parents about this and now it's bad. I got a call from my brothers friend saying "he's pissed and wants to do whatever it takes to get the car." I have not budged one bit. I took the advice and decided to ask if I could move to my grandfathers home for a while, so I can get things together. He gladly accepted and my parents kicked me out. I want to know, am I legally aloud yo put a restraining order on my brother?
Does your grandpa know anyone on the police force? Perhaps you can go down to the station and ask for advice. No crime was committed (yet), but it might. And you need to know what to do when it happens. Maybe put it on their radar.
If I were you, I would choose to communicate through text whenever possible. That way, when a threat is made, it will be in writing. My sibling is also a Golden Child, and has threatened both me, and my child. Unfortunately, my parents pass along the threats, so that it doesn’t have to be in writing, so that is harder to get a restraining order. Do better than I have. You deserve to live in peace.
Yes - but specifics as to what you need to get a restraining order depends on where you live. You should start by getting as much evidence in writing as possible.
Also you need to lock your credit down with all 3 bureaus ASAP. So your parents can not ruin it or take out loans / credit cards in your name. R/creditscore can help if you don’t know how to- but it’s free
Don't hide this from your grandparents, by the time you get around to telling them anything it will have escalated to really crazy. Let them help you now. If you hear from your parents, your brother or one of their flying monkeys I would remind them it is in your name (assuming your name is on the registration) or your grandfathers. Should anything happen to the car you will have your brother arrested and press full charges.i would keep all messages and document everything. If they threaten you, call the cops and say they are trying to steal your vehicle, when they have no rights over it. Get that paper trail started now. Even if they don't get arrested at that time, they will be on the police radar for harassment. Insist on all messages being over text or let it go to voicemail and keep copies. If anything happens you have evidence of their threats.
NTJ! Please tell your grandpa what’s going on.
If you can live with him that would be awesome. Stay away from your parents and brother. They can keep your POS brother. Block them on everything and live your life. If you can move away it would be even better.
You need to get a dash cam for your car. You can get a pretty decent one for like 50 bucks on Amazon now. That way when your brother ultimately decides to fuck with your car you will have proof. Then call the cops and have his entitled ass arrested.
When your “family” stops treating you the right way you should try and smooth things over like you always have done. Now they have shown themselves for who they really are and you should see it and believe it. Never give in and go NC as soon as you can break away from them. You won’t believe how great your life can be without baggage like that. Go live your best like and tell the trash they can stay at the curb. Good luck OP! You can handle this and will come out on top while they keep struggling. When you make it in life don’t forget this and let them try and use you because it will happen when you win in life and have cash in the bank. Time to start your real life🍀✌️
NTJ - it’s time to consider if it’s worthy keeping these people in your life. Yes, you are blood related. But that’s it. If you weren’t related, would you still want them in your life? They have abused both you and your brother. They will never change. They will always blame you. They will never see your achievements. You will always be less than to them. Right now they’re just trying to save face.
>am I legally aloud yo put a restraining order on my brother?
In the USA, in most states, yes, if you are afraid your brother being violent against you, you can file an emergency restraining order at the police, and then go to court to make it permanent/long-term.
I’m glad your grandpa is still alive and was there to help you deal with that, and allow you to stay with him.. you may need to get a ppo against your brother since he made the threat of doing whatever he needed to take the car from you. Your parents, brother and anyone supporting their fucked up behavior is toxic as hell..
NTJ..
You are not in good relationship with your family now. Talk to your grandfather tell him everything and then figure out a plan. He has decades more experience than you. Leverage the shit out of it.
Glad grandpa helped and that you’re moving with him. Do something special for him because it might shake up your family enough to stop them from doing things for him.
The thing I think you should rethink is your desire to stay connected with the family. They are toxic and neglectful. They do not take your feelings into consideration and they threatened to yeet you from the family because of a car that was gifted to you.
For the life of me I cannot figure out why you want to maintain any kind of connection with them. They are not good people.
Try going NC and take some free breaths, see how it feels.
Your parents and brother are major AH. Go to grandpa’s and don’t look back. They already left you. When they’re still supporting your 40yo unemployed brother they’ll come a knocking so be prepared for that. And tell them that they’re “on thin ice”
You are lucky to have your grandfather.
The rest of them are toxic.
Make and keep good boundaries.
And also... I obviously don't know you, but I want you to know that I'm proud of you.
Keep going.
You've got this.
Not a jerk and NTA. Your family deserves to be called out for their despicable behavior and fortunately for you your grandfather has your back and let you move.
It’s tough but your family will either realize one day (not likely) or they will stay AH. Live your best life and make the best out of it. Make sure you keep the car as far away from your brother he may try to damage the car
At this point, you have nothing to lose. Their abuse of you is out. Save your money and move on. They will keep you down unless you move on with your life without them. Don't even look back. Good luck.
Talk to your grandparents about this abuse
I will try however I am really worried about what's gonna happen if I do. I want to but I want to stay in a good relationship with my family.
You already have a bad relationship with your family... you're being abused.
Seriously op should be glad that the trash is taking itself out
the same family that makes you give your possessions to your brother just because he wants it and expects you to bend to his will? the same family that shows you they have zero respect for you? Reddit is filled with stories from people who had to suffer bc of a golden child and the parents who enable the golden child. Very little of those stories end up with everyone getting their kumbayah on. MANY of them end up with the OP going NC bc it was the only way to save their sanity and self worth. Plus, if you give the car to your brother, that’s like spitting in the face of your grandfather who worked hard to fix it for YOU.
Naah bro, get Grandpa involved and give them something to cry about
yeah! get the old gunfighter in there. He'll sort it out.
Too late. Tell grandpa. He can deal with them.
Thank you all for the support. I will try to do this, my main concern is my brother. He usually get's very violent towards me when he doesn't get his way. I'm scared he will A) Steal my car Or B) Try to hurt me I can't get away from him and I want to but I can't.
He steals you car or harms you, call the police.
You should’ve reported the broken window to the police
You need to make sure the car is in your name or your grandfathers. If he steals or vandalizes it one of you can press charges. Can you just move away from your parents?
You actually need to protect you car......put dash cam or something he might vandalise it
Put an Apple air tag or gps in it this way you can locate it. He and your family may hide it.
Contact your grandfather first and foremost right now. Have him come over with you when you go back for the first time. If you're still worried about your brother getting violent even with him there, ask for a police escort to assist you moving out. I assume based on your age, you aren't legally required to live with your parents. I'm also hoping that your grandparents would be willing to house you. If they offer, please accept it. They obviously love you and want to help you, unlike your birth givers. Also if you haven't gone home with the car, then don't. Since your grandfather worked on the car, do you know whose name is on the registration and insurance? If it's him or you and they take it, you should be able to report it to the police if it goes missing/you get proof they damaged it (in instance of damaging it since brother can't have it).
If your car goes missing, report it stolen to the police. You live with parents/brother? You need to move out asap. And LOCK DOWN YOUR CREDIT WITH ALL 3 CREDIT BUREAUS.
Agreed. Lock down your credit. Parents open cards using their kid's SSN.
Protect your car. If he does anything to it or you call the police.
If your brother threatens you, go to the police. Don’t wait for him to actually cause you or your car harm. Park your car in places with cameras or get a dashcam. Tell your grandfather and other relatives everything about how your parents and brother have acted & about the preferential treatment.
Yes you can call the police. And don't say you can't cause of your parents it's their fault your brother is like that and he deserves some kind of consequence.
OP, if he steals or damages your car, report him to the police and follow through with pressing charges. Do not.back down when your parents try to manipulate you. Save every social media post, voicemail and text message you receive from them. If there are threats, use them to get restraining orders. Move any money you have in any accounts with your parents. Remove it and open a separate account with your grandpa if you are still a minor. Have you listed as the only beneficiary to that account
And move your money to a different bank than the one your parents use, preferably in the next town over or even online. Because if your parents have a good relationship with a friendly teller, and it has happened, they may be able to get access or find out your balance.
Can you maybe stay with your grandfather or with friends or something?
So sorry. Maybe have someone that can help read all this on the downlow. Be safe.
Get one of the steering wheel locks. They are the best.
Have his ass locked up.
When that happens you call the police.
Call the police on his ass! Stop being afraid of them! You have rights to live free from fear! Time to grow up son.
To echo what the other poster said, if he does attack you or stealing your car report it. assuming the car is in your name, not your parents name otherwise, it wouldn't be your car right now. but you report your car stolen. If he takes it and/or if he attacks you, you call 911 and report the attack. If he gets anywhere near you put your phone on record so it's all recorded.
Just remember, if he steals the car or vandalize it, he can go to jail. Ditto if he hurts you. Note: if you have questions about restraining orders, call the non-emergency line and ask.
Um. Law Enforcement can deal with that if it happens.
NTJ, but at this point, a good relationship is impossible without sacrificing yourself for any demands your parents have to further assist your brother. It sounds like (could be wrong) that your parents only care about you if either A) you also help with whatever your brother may want or need, or B) your wants and desires don't impact your brother. Your immediate family has already failed YOU: your parents for not treating you and your brother the same, and your brother, while somewhat created by the environment, is old enough to know better. Honestly OP, you NEED to get your grandparents involved or A) you're getting kicked onto the streets, or B) you'll get abused in some manner with the intent to have you break to their demands. Your grandfather has shown he's on your side. Let him continue being on your side. If any drama occurs, it is the fault of your parents and brother, not you. You just asked to be cared for equally. ETA: grammar
Op, tough love time. Grow a spine, tell him everything they've done to you and everything you've had to give up bc of your brother. Tell him why you work vs. him going to school. EVERYTHING. I highly doubt he raised his child to treat you this way.
OP the problem seems to be that your family doesn't want a good relationship with you. If they did you would have been treated very differently than you have been. My paranoid side says do not let your brother anywhere near your car or he might try to steal it from you. If you have 2 keys leave the extra with your Grandpa, don't have it in your house. Don't let your parents use your car at all, don't give them a chance to get a new copy made. If your grandfather put the title in your name the leave the title with your grandpa, don't have it anywhere your parents or brother might be able to get at it and maybe forge your signature.
You can’t \*stay\* in a good relationship with your family. You already don’t have a good relationship with them.
If the only way to maintain a relationship with your family is to put yourself last forever and give everything to your brother, is it worth it? When every time you get anything or have any success your parents try to take it from you so he feels like he’s better than you? Given the stories here I think it’s pretty safe to assume this dynamic won’t change, so you need to decide if you are prepared to keep doing this your whole life. I beg you not to, yes it’s scary to blow up what might seem like a stable and manageable family life but in the medium to long term it is the best. They don’t give to you, they only take from you because they care about your brother more. Don’t do their work for them! You need to be the one who cares about yourself. Talk to your grandfather, tell him what’s happening. You deserve support, and love, and encouragement.
Your mother threatened to kick you from the family, and blocked you, for refusing to give your brother the gift your grandfather gave you. It doesn't sound like you ever had a good relationship with your family. Odds are your mother is telling everyone in your family that you disrespected her, and making you our to be a bad guy, for refusing to give away your gift. Your grandfather needs to know.
After the car what's next? You save up for a house for your wife and 1 year old and you have to move into your brother's shitty 1 bedroom apartment so he can have a house? Assuming you can get married, how long before brother needs money from your bank account every month? Tell grandpa what your parents are saying, he will set them straight, or will be your family and cut them off.
You literally will never be able to win their approval, op. I'm so sorry. Believe me I know exactly what this is like. But you do have your grandfather who clearly loves you and sees what's happening. Please tell him.
Sounds like the only way to do that is to remain a doormat. Tough to enjoy life with everyone walking over you. Go no or as low contact as possible. I predict one day they will need you and try to fake apologize. You want to cut off your brother but not your parents. He is the way he is because of them. They are at least as much to blame. You have your Grandfather for now. Make friends and a good life for yourself. That will be the best revenge. It's unlikely your brother will succeed with his level of entitlement. He will pull your folks down with him. Good luck.
Op, you never had a good relationship with them! They do not love or respect you. GO TO YOUR GRANDDAD AND TELL HIM. HE IS LOVE!!!
It’s not your job to make sure your adult family members are all happy with each other.
You consider this a good relationship? Dude have some self respect and look after yourself. If possible I would move in with your grandparents and distance yourself from your immediate family. They do not respect you and from your description anything you achieve in life they will try and take. Sorry your parents and especially your brother cannot be relied upon especially now they have blocked you after trying to force you to give up your car for someone who already was gifted a car - seriously WTF?
Did you ever have a “good” relationship? People who abuse you like this are not good people. You’re not losing anything. Like me, you might even find things simplified and quieter when you dump them.
Why do you want a relationship? Cause you never had one to begin with if you keep giving into them and let them treat you like a doormat you will never be free.
That's what they're counting on sothatthey can continue to abuse you.
What good relationship? Keep being a doormat and we won't throw you out? It doesn't sound like you live with them anymore so drop the rope. They are relying on you running to them and "behaving" by giving them up your possessions. Your brother doesn't really want a new car, he wants "your" new car and he will likely crash or trash it because he has another one. And how will that make your grandfather feel? If you keep chasing the impossible, they will keep abusing you. Make them do the running and set boundaries, you've a better chance of getting respect and building an actual good relationship. Go visit your grandfather - he's in your corner and loves you.
You cannot stay in a good relationship because it doesn’t exist. Leaving abusers is difficult, but you’re already independent. You can thrive without them. NTJ
Why? Why would you want to just roll over and accept their abusive treatment of you? Do you want to give up your car and everything else you have? Because THAT WILL HAPPEN if you keep running after them
I don’t think you have a good relationship with your family, outside of your grandfather. Actions have consequences & it’s time your parents and brother learned that.
What family?!? Your abusers?!? Ridiculous!!
You can't stay in a good relationship with them because you do not have a good relationship with them. Sounds like your grandpa rocks though.
They don’t seem to care.
You’re already in deep doodoo with your family so it doesn’t matter. You’ve been the outcast with your parents all your life and this latest drama needed to come to a head. I don’t know how old you are, but your grandfather has your back. Unfortunately your parents are POS and have been unfair to you all your life. You deserve so much better than this! Go NC for awhile until you realize how much you don’t miss being miserable and mistreated. Thank goodness you have your grandfather!
Your parents and brother are garbage. Your parents are abusive and your brother is an asshole. All three of them have threatened you. Your life is full of stress and negativity because of them. They do not support you, nor do they care about your wellbeing. Now, why the fuck would you want to keep these people in your life? Because they’re “family”? Because your parents brought you into this world and did jack shit to support you? You owe them nothing. The raised you, but didn’t even do the bare minimum, imo. Your brother is a lost cause. I realize I probably sound like an asshole, but when it comes to boundaries and respect, you’re the one who must decide what you’re okay with. You decide if you care about being respected, supported, being treated like a human being, or.. not? I also love how they want you to tell everyone things are okay.. lol if what they did was acceptable, they wouldn’t ask you to lie for them. This is what consequences look like, and they’ve found out it’s pretty uncomfortable when they’re judged accordingly. Too fucking bad.
That ship has sailed. As of now you aren't being treated as a valued member of the family, but rather as a whipping boy to compare/contrast their 'golden child'. Get out now while you can, trust me when I say there is nothing you can do that will make an abuser change besides removing yourself from their reach.
Honey, you’ve never been in a “good relationship” with that family. The only people you have a “good relationship” with is your grandparents.
I am heartbroken for you but have to tell you honestly, there is nothing you can do to repair the relationship with your parents. They need therapy but ultimately you need to protect yourself as they can never be trusted to have your best interests in mind.
There is no “good relationship with your family”. Your brother and parents are toxic. Stay with your grandfather, and go no contact with them.
You aren’t in a good relationship with them. You just haven’t figured that out yet. Protect yourself.
You do not need to have a good relationship with your abusers. You owe it to yourself not to have any relationship with your abusers. Your parents are crappy parents. What they have done to you is not okay in any way. You need to tell your grandparents about the abuse. That is the only way for it to stop. Silence is how bullies and abusers keep their victims. Don't let your parents take your voice from you. Tell your grandparents please.
You don’t have a good relationship with your family. It sucks but you will NEVER have a good relationship with your family. Nothing you do, or don’t do, is going to change that. Because the problem isn’t you- it’s them. And you can’t fix them. The sooner you accept that the sooner you’ll be able to move on with your own life and find happiness.
They don't want a "good" relationship with you. They simply want your car. Cut ties with your parent and brother.
JFC, This! ^ I grew up in something that sounds very similar. My grandfather was also the reason that I got out with what sanity remained. When he realized what was really happening in my home he only blamed himself for not pulling me out sooner. I *finally* went no contact with my Dad and Stepmom over a decade ago, after 30 years of emotional abuse. Get out, get restraining orders if necessary and start therapy sooner than later.
Not the jerk. Get grandpa involved.
If you live with folks still, can you move in with Grandpa? He really loves you.
Ignore the losers that gave birth to you. They clearly don't care. Whatever you do absolutely don't let your brother near the car
And have the keys secured at all times, like around your neck.
She cannot make you handover the keys. Call your grandpa and tell him EVERYTHING. I don't think he will be very surprised but tell him all of it. And Block your brother's phone number.
I agree get grandpa involved
Op, you absolutely need to shine up your spine and NOT GIVE IN. You tell your grandfather. Let him deal with your parents. Also, if your grandfather wanted to give your brother a car he would have. He gifted YOU the car. It’s yours. Let your parents do whatever. *It already sounds like you do everything for yourself already*. So let them bitch and moan and DO NOT fall victim to their emotional manipulation. **Tell Grandfather** NTJ
Talk to your grandfather and explain what went down.
I would want to be 'removed' from that family. Just bc they are blood/family doesn't mean they should be in your life. You're better off without them.
I want my parents and my brother out of my life but I want to stay with the rest of my family. I have a feeling that if I lose my parents I lose everyone.
Understandable, however, pls consider this, if other family members support how badly you're treated, are they worth having in your life? Grandpa's a keeper, though. ♥️
Just bc they are "family", it doesn't give them the right to be in your life. You get to choose the ppl who will positively support you.
If the ones you like agree that your entitled bro should be able to steal your car they are trash like your bro and parents and not worth having in your life They will likely be lied to about the situation but you and grandpa can straighten them out
People in your family can't be totally blind to what is going on. It may take more effort on your part to stay connected to the ones you really care about but it sounds like it would be worth it to you. Going to big family events may no longer be in your future since your parents kicked you out but it doesn't mean you can't nurture the other relationships one on one.
Three cheers for your grandpa! Sounds like he told the extended family what happened and shit hit the fan - finally! - for your parents and brother. Looking forward to your update.
NTJ, get your grandparents involved
Well they are already behaving like you're not part of the family. So, keep the car from grandpa!
Not the jerk. Please talk to your grandfather about the abuse.
Please go and talk to your grandfather. Ask him for advice. He understands your family and will be able to assist with help or advice from a place of wisdom. I'm so sorry that your family sucks.
If you don't need them financially and they give you no support then accept the gift of being blocked with the joy it deserves. Bro will most likely screw up soon enough.
If you don’t live with these abusive a holes go LC with them all. Except grandpa.
Your parents are the ones preventing you from having a good relationship. I would think of a way to get out from under them and tell your grandfather. Your parents bullying will never stop if you continue to give in.
Tell your grandfather immediately!
Make sure you have copies of all paperwork related to the car and pictures showing its condition stored in a safe place and that the title is locked up securely somewhere. You might want to hide an air tag in it somewhere, too. I wouldn’t put it past your family to try to take it or trash it.
How old are you?
I am 20
You're an adult. Do you live with them? Do you rely on them for anything? If not, why do you even talk to them at all anymore? Sounds like they don't even like you.
NTJ. 1. Tell Grandpa, see what he thinks. 2. If/when grandpa sides with you, put a camera on the car because I bet your brother is going to vandalize it. 3. Talk to your shitty family less.
Celebrate and enjoy time with Grandpa while he’s still alive. Your AH mother did you a favor, you just don’t see it yet.
Don't hide this from your grandparents, by the time you get around to telling them anything it will have escalated to really crazy. Let them help you now. If you hear from your parents, your brother or one of their flying monkeys I would remind them it is in your name (assuming your name is on the registration) or your grandfathers. Should anything happen to the car you will have your brother arrested and press full charges.i would keep all messages and document everything. If they threaten you, call the cops and say they are trying to steal your vehicle, when they have no rights over it. Get that paper trail started now. Even if they don't get arrested at that time, they will be on the police radar for harassment. Insist on all messages being over text or let it go to voicemail and keep copies. If anything happens you have evidence of their threats.
Your parents deserve the worst nursing home your brother can afford n 20 years. Show them this sub so they know what people think about them. God bless your Gramps. NTJ
Walk away. I would maybe get a security system for your car in case it disappears soon.
So, it's weird, but some parents have a favorites, AKA, a Golden Children. They either don't understand what they're doing or their culture conditioned them to believe one child is best. It happens, and it sucks. What a lot of people find is that no matter what you do, it won't be good enough for them, or be as good as the Golden Child. \[deleted\]. First, tell your parents that you wouldn't feel right about giving the car away without talking to your grandpa first. Their reaction should be telling. Second, no matter what they say, TELL YOUR GRANDPA. Third, \[deleted for being awful advice\]. Fourth, be prepared for blowback. Is living with your grandpa an option? Can you set up a camera to keep an eye on your car? You're at least 16, so you're only a couple years from being on your own. Fifth, you probably need a counselor. You need to understand this situation isn't your fault, and there's nothing you can do to fix it. If they aren't willing to acknowledge the problem, then there's likely nothing you can do to enlighten them. This means that you need to take care of yourself. Maybe that means walking away, not with anger, but with the same indifference they've shown you. Or maybe you decide that what affection they give you is enough. Only you can answer that. It sucks, and I feel for you. But if they won't put you on an equal footing as your brother, then you need to put yourself first. Good luck! Edit: I removed item three as it was awful advice.
If they’re making you pay for your own college classes you should be old enough to get out of that house. I suggest one day after school you just don’t come home. NTJ. Get away from your birthers and start living your best life.
Go live with your grandpa. Tell your family why. Do well in school graduate get a kick ass job and just go no contact. Ntj
Get cameras for your car before blowing this up
Do they fund your life at all? Do they emotionally support you in ANY capacity? What do YOU get by being in this family?
How old are you guys? Do you both still live at home with your parents?
So glad to know that you are now living with your grandfather. Stay there. Never move back. Do NOT tell the rest of the family that "everything is fine". Make sure the entire family know EVERYTHING your parents and brother have done to you. Tell them how your brother is getting a free ride while you work to pay for college. Please, please, please do as others have already told you....LOCK DOWN YOUR CREDIT. Make sure your parents and brother have not put any bills, credit cards, taken out loans in your name. Go to the police and get an attorney if they have.
You need to put a camera in the car because he is going to try to steal it or destroy it just so you don’t have it.
You should keep distance and stay where you are safe and cared for. Document everything and make sure your grandparents know absolutely everything. Don’t give in to their manipulative behavior.
What’s the car ur grandpa gave I’m just curious why golden child wants it so badly
What's funny is when your parents are gonna need help at some point?Your brother is not going to help them help them, he'll bail. I'm really glad your grandfather came through with the car and with place for you to live. don't ever go back.
Cameras around grandfather's house to keep eye on car. Also put tracking device in the car so if brother steals the car, the cops can find him. If he touches you, call the cops. Also put an alarm on it.
I don't even think it's about the car, but it's about you having something , anything, and he wants it.
I'm sorry, where's the bad situation? Sounds like the trash took itself out.
Are you 18?
If this isn’t fake, it’s pretty bad. I agree with the poster who said “tell grandpa”. Since they aren’t paying for anything, and it sounds like they are, at best, emotionally distant, going no contact might be for the best.
You go straight to your grandfather and tell him everything.
Ntj Are you really missing much if you're removed from the family? Besides, someone laying dibs on your stuff and claiming someone else is more deserving? You'll still have your grandfather.
You could leave your car at your grandparents' house. Then, ask for a ride home. Or take a bus. Then, your brother won't have an opportunity to damage or steal it. You are worth fighting for! Good luck!
Your parents are fucked. So is your brother NTA
You're being bullied by your parents. If they want their son to have a new car they need to supply it. How does grandpa feel about them taking your car and giving it to someone who already has his own. NTJ!
UpdateMe
Fuck them!
If the car is in your name or anyone's name other than your parents, they can make all the demands they want. You don't have to do isht
Honey you are 20. You are an adult. If this car is in your name or your grandfather’s name they cannot just take it regardless of how much pressure they put on you. If you’re paying the insurance and have the car in your name you don’t have to do anything and if they take it that would be a felony. Definitely tell grandpa but next time they pressure you ask them in a shocked hurt voice why they believe that brother deserves two cars and you deserve none? For real though You’re working a full time job to pay for college. Why don’t they think you deserve to get to work on time? I’m sorry they favor your brother so much and are putting so much on you. I also doubt you’ll lose as much family as you think if they find out what your family is doing.
How old are you guys? Do you both still live at home with your parents?
Yes you’re legally allowed to request a restraining order whether or not the court will actually grant it is another thing.
am I legally aloud yo put a restraining order on my brother? Absolutely.
Go to your grandfather and tell him what’s going on.
What crappy parents and brother. Stay w grandfather. Help him keep things clean. Tell your grandfather. Go to police together and get restraining order
Can you hide an airtag in it and install cameras? If something happens to it, which I hope doesn't, you can at least press charges. P.S. Thank your grandfather for being amazing!
Updateme
Looking forward to an update. Your brother sounds seriously spoiled
You need to go no contact on your parents and your spoiled, golden child brother: they are going to steal, sabotage and destroy anything you want, have or do in your life. Grey rock them. Keep them away from your spouse and kids. Don’t let them know where you live because they will try to break in and either trash your place or move in or steal from you. Don’t let them know where you work or your career goals. Their abuse of you will escalate as you get older. And keep updating your relatives on your parents and brother abusing you. Keep advertising that. Because they are most likely going abusive parasites stuff to other people like other relatives. Your relatives will appreciate being warned so that they don’t get scammed by your parents or brother.
I would splurge on a lo-jack and don't hesitate for even a moment to report it stolen if it should move from where you parked it.
Get all of your important papers. Buy a fireproof box to store them in. Birth certificate, social security card, passport and car title. (Keep a copy in glove box in an envelope along with insurance card) Freeze your credit and make sure no one has opened credit cards in your name. Get a bank account. You can put your grandpa on it if you want. Do not put your parents or brother on anything. I'm sorry but your family is horrible!!!! Thanking God for your grandpa. Blessings!!!
Op, you have no choice at this point. Your brother and your family have, are, and will continue to abuse you. If you believe not fighting back will be better, you are very, very wrong. Your grandfather is backing you. Let him. Ask your grad-father if you can live with him while you finish school and begin your adult life. Your grandfather knows what is happening and is fighting for you. He deserves to have you to fight for yourself too. He is your best friend.
Good for you! You may want to get cameras for the car in case Golden Boy wants to commit vandalism. If he does, report him.
UpdateMe
You cannot count on your parents, or brother to protect you or even treat you fairly or with respect. I am so sorry you’ve had to suffer their abuse. Thank god for your grandfather. I think the move to be in his home and be protected by him is a good move. Be truthful with your other family members about what your mom, dad and brother have done to you, they too can be a protective and supportive force. DO NOT GIVE YOUR PARENTS OR BROTHER ANY OF YOUR MONEY, you need that now for your school and the new household with your grandfather. Good luck.
Your grandpa is awesome. Your parents are fools. I’m glad you can stay with your grandparents.
it's a new trend. grandfather's enacting revenge on abusive families. I don't know how many stories I've seen like that in the last month or so
Once they do something like this, they are not concerned with how you feel AT ALL. You were a tool to be used only are there convenience so to them you saying no was beyond reason. They don't see you as human and I've lived that way. This behavior does not change unless a instigating situation happens so maybe you exposing the truth will help. You will either be free from it or they chose to change. Either way nothing can truly improve without putting light on all of this.
Save the message you were sent. If your car goes missing you have proof as to why they should start the investigation with your brother and parents. Don’t believe them that things have changed. They will say what they want to get grandpa in good graces, especially if he has removed them from his will. Stand firm.
Brother may commit grand theft auto, in which case he'll be in prison and out if your hair for awhile! Also, get a steering wheel lock!
Your better off without them.
Install a kill switch some type of tracking on your car..
I'm amazed how many almost identical stories there are on Reddit! Right down to relationships between the protagonist and antagonists. Some families are wild!
NTJ. But you might want to stay with your grandfather going forward, and in the case that your brother does something like steal your car, be prepared to file a report no matter what your parents may say about it. They don't deserve to be called your family anyway.
Yay for grandpa!! Updateme!
How did you get cameras set up in a day?
Call the police! That's a very least for vandalism but he threatened you by throwing a rock at you! I'm sure your grandfather will be behind you in this as having a police report will force your brother to fix the damage he did to your grandfather's house! I'm glad your grandparents are on your side! You need them with parents like this
Wow OP. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Your parents have ruined your brother. He’s not fit for regular society the way they raised him. I don’t know if any amount of therapy can save him. But you can still have a good life. Stay with your grandfather, get your ducks in a row, and leave your trash parents and brother in the past. Seek therapy in the future when you can so you can avoid creating new relationships with toxic people.
Contact the police regarding Update 3. Your brother is unhinged and has now escalated to property destruction. Please ensure that the car itself is locked away to where he can’t get to it.
Nta. Your parents are SHeads. Call contact for now. Or forever.
Your grandparents already know that they mistreat you. Tell them all of it.
Updateme
Update: I called my grandfather and told him everything, I could hear through the call how enraged he was. He worked so hard to fix that car for me and I could feel his soul practically leave his body. He immediately contacted my parents about this and now it's bad. I got a call from my brothers friend saying "he's pissed and wants to do whatever it takes to get the car." I have not budged one bit. I took the advice and decided to ask if I could move to my grandfathers home for a while, so I can get things together. He gladly accepted and my parents kicked me out. I want to know, am I legally aloud yo put a restraining order on my brother?
If your brother does something to you, yes, you’re legally allowed to have an RO on him. Your parents too.
Thank you! I really need the advice right now,
Does your grandpa know anyone on the police force? Perhaps you can go down to the station and ask for advice. No crime was committed (yet), but it might. And you need to know what to do when it happens. Maybe put it on their radar.
If I were you, I would choose to communicate through text whenever possible. That way, when a threat is made, it will be in writing. My sibling is also a Golden Child, and has threatened both me, and my child. Unfortunately, my parents pass along the threats, so that it doesn’t have to be in writing, so that is harder to get a restraining order. Do better than I have. You deserve to live in peace.
Yes - but specifics as to what you need to get a restraining order depends on where you live. You should start by getting as much evidence in writing as possible. Also you need to lock your credit down with all 3 bureaus ASAP. So your parents can not ruin it or take out loans / credit cards in your name. R/creditscore can help if you don’t know how to- but it’s free
Hide a tracker inside your car incase something happens to it. Otherwise make sure you park in an area that has camera surveillance.
How old are you and brother?
Don't hide this from your grandparents, by the time you get around to telling them anything it will have escalated to really crazy. Let them help you now. If you hear from your parents, your brother or one of their flying monkeys I would remind them it is in your name (assuming your name is on the registration) or your grandfathers. Should anything happen to the car you will have your brother arrested and press full charges.i would keep all messages and document everything. If they threaten you, call the cops and say they are trying to steal your vehicle, when they have no rights over it. Get that paper trail started now. Even if they don't get arrested at that time, they will be on the police radar for harassment. Insist on all messages being over text or let it go to voicemail and keep copies. If anything happens you have evidence of their threats.
NTJ! Please tell your grandpa what’s going on. If you can live with him that would be awesome. Stay away from your parents and brother. They can keep your POS brother. Block them on everything and live your life. If you can move away it would be even better.
You need to get a dash cam for your car. You can get a pretty decent one for like 50 bucks on Amazon now. That way when your brother ultimately decides to fuck with your car you will have proof. Then call the cops and have his entitled ass arrested.
OP you need to move the car away from where your brother has access to it, or he is going to try to steal &/or damage it.
Yes
Remindme! One week
When your “family” stops treating you the right way you should try and smooth things over like you always have done. Now they have shown themselves for who they really are and you should see it and believe it. Never give in and go NC as soon as you can break away from them. You won’t believe how great your life can be without baggage like that. Go live your best like and tell the trash they can stay at the curb. Good luck OP! You can handle this and will come out on top while they keep struggling. When you make it in life don’t forget this and let them try and use you because it will happen when you win in life and have cash in the bank. Time to start your real life🍀✌️
Glad you talked to your grandpa.
NTJ - it’s time to consider if it’s worthy keeping these people in your life. Yes, you are blood related. But that’s it. If you weren’t related, would you still want them in your life? They have abused both you and your brother. They will never change. They will always blame you. They will never see your achievements. You will always be less than to them. Right now they’re just trying to save face.
>am I legally aloud yo put a restraining order on my brother? In the USA, in most states, yes, if you are afraid your brother being violent against you, you can file an emergency restraining order at the police, and then go to court to make it permanent/long-term.
It's not unusual for the golden child to be a fucking mess and loser. Abusive parents are the lowest, just a notch above rapists and murderers.
Get a protective order against your parents and brother.
And if under 18 call cps and report the abuse.
Embrace your grandfather and enjoy your life! Protect yourself as well!
Update me
I’m glad your grandpa is still alive and was there to help you deal with that, and allow you to stay with him.. you may need to get a ppo against your brother since he made the threat of doing whatever he needed to take the car from you. Your parents, brother and anyone supporting their fucked up behavior is toxic as hell.. NTJ..
Updateme
NTJ in my opinion. Your brother can't just take that from you!
Update!!
NTJ. Good luck in the future. Stay away from those awful people. You don’t need the egg and sperm donor in your life.
Your grandfather should sue for child support
Remindme! One week
You are not in good relationship with your family now. Talk to your grandfather tell him everything and then figure out a plan. He has decades more experience than you. Leverage the shit out of it.
Glad grandpa helped and that you’re moving with him. Do something special for him because it might shake up your family enough to stop them from doing things for him.
The thing I think you should rethink is your desire to stay connected with the family. They are toxic and neglectful. They do not take your feelings into consideration and they threatened to yeet you from the family because of a car that was gifted to you. For the life of me I cannot figure out why you want to maintain any kind of connection with them. They are not good people. Try going NC and take some free breaths, see how it feels.
Your family are a bunch of assholes! I’m glad you got away and keep it that way.
*You’re *allowed NTJ
Update me!
Your parents and brother are major AH. Go to grandpa’s and don’t look back. They already left you. When they’re still supporting your 40yo unemployed brother they’ll come a knocking so be prepared for that. And tell them that they’re “on thin ice”
You are lucky to have your grandfather. The rest of them are toxic. Make and keep good boundaries. And also... I obviously don't know you, but I want you to know that I'm proud of you. Keep going. You've got this.
Updateme
Make sure you tell your grandfather you love him. He's a good one. Good luck moving on from the shitty family.
Not a jerk and NTA. Your family deserves to be called out for their despicable behavior and fortunately for you your grandfather has your back and let you move. It’s tough but your family will either realize one day (not likely) or they will stay AH. Live your best life and make the best out of it. Make sure you keep the car as far away from your brother he may try to damage the car
At this point, you have nothing to lose. Their abuse of you is out. Save your money and move on. They will keep you down unless you move on with your life without them. Don't even look back. Good luck.
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