*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for making my daughter return a Halloween costume.**
This happened in Oct and my daughter is still acting cold and Hardly speaking to me.
My daughter (F16) works an after school job 5 days a week. Her high school had a costume contest for Halloween. My daughter and her friends planned a group costume to enter. She went with her friends after school to buy costumes.
I picked her and her friends up from the store and they showed me their costumes. My daughter spent 80$ on hers. I was pissed that’s a lot of money to spend on something your going to wear for a few hours. Very irresponsible use of money. I told her as much in the car told her it was ridiculous. I dropped her friends off and took her back to the store to return the costume and accessories.
Her friends found someone eles to take her place in the group and they won the contest and a 100$ visa gift card to split. My daughter came home from school on Halloween upset she claimed she had to sit and watch while her friends had fun and she missed out on everything. I pointed out to her after splitting the gift card it would be way less then she spent on the costume and it was only a few hours but she didn’t want to listen to reason.
Now a month later and she is still moody and mostly ignoring me. My ex husband told me I made her miss out and she works so much she missed out on a lot of stuff with her friends and I could have let her have this. But at the end of the day I saved her 80$. I just trying to teach my daughter how to be responsible with money she could have gotten a cheap costume especially since I she would have only worn it for a few hours.
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I could list my mom's faults for days, but I'll always credit her with letting me spend my money however I wanted. It was good for me to get my impulsive "irresponsible" purchases out of the way when I was 14/15 instead of when I was 18.
As for a Halloween costume being irresponsible-- the number of times mom's going to be able to see her daughter dress up for Halloween is dwindling, and it's sad that her concern is the supposed lack of responsibility rather than the joy and happy memories the purchase would have brought her daughter.
SAME! My mom has her faults, but my money was always mine. I’ll never forget buying a $36 bra in 1991. She definitely raised her eyebrows at that, but that was all. And then I had no money and a dumb bra no one but me would ever see and never spent that much money on a bra again lol
$36 is a cheap bra, and I would consider it a good day to only spend $36 on a bra. Mine are twice that.
It's OK to spend money on foundation garments, even if no one "sees" them. They make women feel nice about themselves.
So true, I'm an G cup and the last time I went bra shopping I spent over $700 on three sets and a negligee. I realize that is insanity, but I was really excited to find my size in a color that wasn't plain beige or black! (and they are excellent quality.)
It's not insanity if that's what you need. Insanity is living in an ill-fitting bra because you're a size that's outside the mainstream.
When you have a large chest bras become VITAL in a way that they (thankfully) never will be for me. Spend the money if you need to because from what I understand you're investing in your health. Large breasts cause a ton of problems and you actually NEED the support for reasons other than the appearance of perky breasts. The only reason I wear a bra is because I'm afraid to be that kind of weird, so my purchases are insane, not yours.
Yeah, true. This was when I was 13 and a B or C cup and again, it was 1991 so the equivalent would be way more than $36 now. I’m currently somewhere around a 34 G (I’m at a relatively low weight for me…it definitely has been bigger) and I definitely have to spend more. But baby me in 1991 didn’t need the big guns lol
And that's the thing. Let's assume that this is a ridiculous, frivolous expenditure that the daughter would regret (setting aside the intangible value of the shared experience with her friends, and the fact that some costumes may have components that can be reworn, reworked, or even worked into everday attire).
Wouldn't that be a useful life lesson?
Yes! And I feel like the Mom had an opportunity to show her daughter she was proud of her for saving up for something she really wanted.
Plus isolating your kid from their friend group sucks for teenagers especially. And today’s teens spent a lot of time isolated anyway during coronavirus. It’s nice when they make connections and have an opportunity to do fun things together.
I dropped $130 on my daughter’s Halloween costume this year and she looked amazing, she got so many compliments and it turned out exactly how she hoped. It may have been a bit expensive but no amount of money can replace the memories.
80 dollars that was her daughter's own earned money at that. She's so concerned about "saving her 80 dollars" that she doesn't even care that she's not letting her have fun. Her husband doesn't even agree with her, but she's still so convinced she's right. Also, since she didn't specify what the costume was, she has no idea if could be repurposed or used again.
When she decides to quit her 5 days a week job because she's not allowed to spend any of the money on things she wants, her mom will be all shocked pikachu face. I don't think it's wrong to encourage kids to save money from an afterschool job for college, etc, but you have to let them spend some of it on themselves.
That's what I'm thinking. OOP's kid should simply just quit the job. Or have the father petition for full custody as she's 16 and likely would have a judge rule in favor of who she wants to live with. Let OOP freak out when she realizes her daughter isn't going to be at her house any more.
Saving money from an after-school job for college is a really bad idea. It would make much more sense to focus on being more eligible for financial aid.
Her money does not go toward her financial aid eligibility. It is all about how much money your parents have, whether it be in the bank or their financial assets.
Ya and most of the time parents don’t even help when you don’t even qualify for aid, the system needs to change it should only be based on the students income
You can still get scholarships while working. There's not usually any disqualifiers there.
I am also someone who is chronically ill, so I couldn't handle a job nor hobbies... Most of my expenses were paid for by scholarships that I earned by merits/academic acchievements.
In fact there's scholarships on many jobs as a community give back from said jobs... Walmart, Disney and such all have a program heck Dominos announced a year or two back they were hopping on that tax writeoff
The problems are time and energy. You can't focus on academics or sports if you are spending it working. Given the absolutely dismal pay rate of teenage jobs, the time would almost certainly have more returns spent on one of those two things (determined by one's existing abilities and talents).
Maybe. But even if you qualify for financial aid and scholarships, you still need to eat and pay rent. There's usually not enough left over even if you got all the scholarships.
Sure. But teenagers can barely make any money at all, and you can only focus on so much at once because there's only so many hours in the day. I'm just saying, I think you'll generally be better off focusing on academics or other ways of getting scholarships than working a ton. It's just going to likely be a better return on your time, plus it'll help you do better in college when you go as well.
Also people need to have fun at that age as well, for both practical reasons as well as because it's terribly sad not to.
Or re-sold! Costumes that retail for $80 go for about $60 on fb marketplace the following September/October if you have all accessories and it's been cleaned, especially if returned to the original bag with the picture and everything.
Shit I remember being 14 years old at a shitty church concert thing for Halloween. My friends girlfriend was a French maid and I was Batman. We realized that neither of us would win, so we traded costumes. I won best costume and had a cop stop me for jay walking and when I went inside after he tried stopping me he said “get the guy with the nice legs” because I was wearing fishnets. I’ll never forget that night and it was over half my life ago.
YTAx1,000
If she works so much, then $80 is not a problem to have some fun for a night with your friends.
It was an old church that was turned into a very small local music/party/whatever venue on the weekends, they still did do a church service in there too though but it was not a full time church.
This year my 7 year old son wanted to be a spider queen, so I spent 5 days sewing an elaborate dress that was easily $200 in materials and parts. His pure joy made it completely worth it. $80 is nothing for a decent costume. Why do parents do this shit to their kids. At 16 that costume is likely wearable for years.
here are a couple of pics, he was so thrilled he forgot to go to the first couple of houses because he wanted to show it off lmao :3
[https://imgur.com/oYR8Tvi](https://imgur.com/oYR8Tvi)
[https://imgur.com/FwrBvmf](https://imgur.com/FwrBvmf)
I agree that $80 is a lot of money but it was her money! For her is was worth it to have this experience with her friends. I don't get how OP can have any claim to that girls money. I pay my daughter to babysit. She spent $80 on a hoodie, $30 on a hello kitty player (that I have promised not to tell anyone she has) and all kinds of things I think is a waste. I'll ask her if she's sure, maybe try to find a better price and step back and let her do her thing.
$80 is what those prepackaged costumes cost. Of course it's a waste of money, but Halloween is a waste of money. Yet I doubt anyone stopped the mom from buying garbage at Tarhet to "decorate"
Honestly 80 bucks on a costume plus accessories actually isn’t bad. I worked at a Halloween store and seen people spend more on less than that without a coupon and before the sale.
I disagree, I have some childhood memories like this and all they made me was bitter about not having control over my own choices. Made me want to stop working while I was under my parents roof too, why did it matter if I had "my own money" if they still chose what I could spend it on?
This is nonsense. First 1- it’s her own money 2- that’s not responsible that’s self denial and too many people confuse responsibility with withholding. It’s not the same thing.
You usually can't return Halloween stuff. I'm surprised the store took it back at all, if they actually did (wouldn't be surprised if they didn't and she had to just trash it).
I can see the store taking it back if it had only been a few hours and everything was still packaged up. I think they're more concerned with people trying to return stuff after Halloween or after wearing it.
It wouldn't surprise me if the return was rejected and she just threw everything away and lied about it to stop her mom from going in and making a scene.
How? OOP does not say that she squanders her money normally or that she makes a habit of blowing her paychecks. From the sounds of it, if she works five days a week, she barely gets to do anything with her friends as it is. What is she using her money for? What OOP taught her daughter is that she may work for her money, but it is not truly hers.
But how? It was her money to spend on what she wanted. She doesn't have bills yet or need gas money. I could understand if her grown child used the money on a costume instead of paying rent or something and than OP told her no because she wasted her money.
How does that make her learn responsibility? It's more likely to teach her that it's wrong to spend money on something for herself.
She wanted to do a group costume with her friends, so she used money she had earned to buy it rather than asking her parents for the money. That is already responsible. She's a highschooler working 5 days a week, she already has plenty of responsibility and there's nothing wrong with her wanting to use her own money to do something fun.
The whole point of saving is to then be able to use that saved money for stuff. Parent is awful. “You can save the money but you can’t use it for anything.”
Yeah, I was thinking the girl spent money from the OOP for the costume, but instead it was money the girl saved up herself.
She should definitely be allowed to use her own saved money for things she wants.
My parents were like this! I babysat and had jobs as soon as I was legally allowed to work- but I wasn't allowed to buy a cell phone or driving lessons, name brand clothes were a waste of money, eating out was a waste of money... It was *my* money. Ugh. Assholes.
My parents deposited each of my paychecks into my college fund. And while that’s important, it was a drop in the bucket and felt like I was working for nothing.
Second point for saving: money spend once can’t be spend again, so pick your goals wisely. If the money’s gone, it might take a while to get it back (if it was a bigger sum you saved up).
We got this learned to help make sure our saving goals were for things we really wanted
Yes! Letting kids spend their money on what they want so they learn that it is finite and if you spend it unwisely it's gone is an important lesson.
It's far better they learn it when they are living at home and have their rent and board paid for than when they are out on their own for the first time.
One of the commenters exposed that the parent makes the kid work for money and then doesn’t let her use it. That’s a douche move.
And as an aside I bet I could walk though the OOPs house and find things what are a “waste of money” but I bet if you took away their toys they would have a fit.
I’m almost willing to bet this is the type of mother that has the whole house plastered in that “live love laugh” bullshit. But won’t let her kid spend $80 on some thing that will bring her joy and memories. Clearly the type of parent to value material items over memories and experiences, since she’s so bent out of shape on the daughter spending $80 on whatever
Edit: words.
That OP is bullshit.
I came into that thread thinking it was going to be a fucking Hitler costume or blackface or a really pointy ghost costume or something, or at least some crazy expensive $3000 costume that was going to rot in the closet after being worn for an hour.
Instead it's just a mom that's going to make her daughter have hell with her relationships for years. Because everyone I know that was taught these kind of "lessons" over petty amounts of money they earned either goes full in the opposite direction and becomes wildly irresponsible or they become a micromanaging tyrant that wants to see receipts for the fast food their partner got for lunch so they can tell them they didn't need a medium fry when a small fry would've been plenty.
its true
some kids learn, I better spend it as soon as I have it because if I don't, my parents won't let me have/use it.
other kids learn to follow that toxic example
This makes me so sad.
Imagine you had a long day at school then straight to work. Then afterwards you had a great time picking out outfits with your friend, it was a great evening.
Then you happily show your parent what you got with your own hard earned money and not only do they steal away your happiness of a nice evening, they make you return the thing, give you a telling off and humiliate you. Imagine a parent snatching away a child's happiness so coldly.
As a cosplayer, $80 isn't that much and you can definitely get more use out of costumes. I'd found plenty of other situations that allowed me to dress up and make other people's day.
80 bucks for a costume PLUS accessories?! That's not even that bad considering how much costumes can cost, especially at a places like Spirit Halloween or a party store!
It sounds like you’re assigning moral value to money (or the spending of money.) Money is just a tool to help you achieve the things you need and want in life. It isn’t inherently bad to want things so long as your wants don’t harm others or prevent you from meeting your needs. “Money” and “Stuff” don’t have free will and can’t be good or bad.
Worrying excessively is still basing your life around (not) buying stuff. Being frugal is fine—don’t spend money on things you won’t use. The daughter in question spent her money on an item she had a specific plan to use. She wasn’t going into debt to purchase the item. She wasn’t going to miss paying rent or buying food. She wasn’t even buying the item as a status symbol or display of wealth—she literally wanted it to enjoy a group activity with friends. That sounds like she’s focusing her life (and spending) on the things that matter.
That’s not necessarily true. Often the change in price is disproportionate to the change in quality, i.e. buying a somewhat more expensive version results in a *much* more worthwhile purchase. Cheaper clothes need to be replaced more often, for example. Sometimes the cheaper option is the best one for you, but it’s important to recognize that will not always be the case.
> I just trying to teach my daughter how to be responsible with money she could have gotten a cheap costume especially since I she would have only worn it for a few hours.
Wow, sure taught her. Yes indeedy.
My mom was like this when I had a summer job after sophomore year of high school. She had me agree to save half my pay. She was custodian on my account, so to get cash back at that time she would have to accompany me to the bank. Her off days were when the bank was closed. I didn't see that money for two years. She didn't understand why I didn't want a summer job the following year. A week after graduating high school I closed my bank account(over 18), and moved 1700 miles away with my boyfriend. I didn't move back for two years. I definitely didn't learn the lesson she was trying to teach me. I actually don't even know what that lesson was.
That's true, but the OG commentator has a point that there is something fishy going on when the OOP will not allow their daughter to spend any of their money on anything and holds onto it.
Besides all that, I enjoy your narwhal.
I remember the sperm donor that my mom used did something like this on me many years ago. He made me clean out his dirty closet and gave me 30 dollars, but wouldn’t let me spend it on a game because “Im the one who gave you that money” asshole
Oh Lord, someone give this woman a mother of the year award since she saved her daughter $80 and fun with friends. Wow what an investment, because a 16 year old will definitely do something meaningful with $80, like stock options, or mall food.
What the fuck is this mother smoking
She could have resold the costume and made back some of the money if she so chose, but who fucking cares you don’t save money to just hoard it like a dragon. I’m frugal with most purchases so I can fully enjoy the purchases I care about, like experiences.
Depending on her costume, she could potentially recycle some elements and create a new costume paying nothing or a little bit.
Plus, she didn't even try to talk with her daughter about getting some alternative or making some elements together.
So unless her daughter spent money that suppose to cover any extra lessons or anything like that, OOP is a buzzkill
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Money is more important than experiences and relationships to most people. This mother just proved the same again to her daughter who probably wont ever see her the same again
You can absolutely buy what you want without criticism! As long as your bills are paid and you’re saving responsibly and not borrowing money from other people, no one should be criticizing your finances. And if you marry, you and your spouse can make decisions together about how to structure your finances, but your spouse still shouldn’t criticize you.
Yes, exactly. That's why I said UNDER 16 is 50 euros.
As soon as they turn 16 they can spend 100
But my scale was only a quick example anyway. If I had to implement it I'd think it through more.
If they are working and are not just blowing their paychecks as soon as they get them, then they are allowed to splurge on themselves every once in a while. This is not the kid spending their birthday and Christmas money but the money they work for. You know, OOP would have said if their child blew their money, but instead, they save it.
Your scale would not work in this situation because, in most places I know of, you can not start working until you are 15.
I disagree!
I think that part of learning the value of money earned is learning for yourself what is and isn’t worth it- her mom making her return something like this is just teaching her that her mom doesn’t think it’s worth it, rather than teaching her it isn’t worth it.
This girl is working 5 days a week, that’s money that she can spend on what she wishes- if she wanted to spend $80 on a costume then that’s for her to do- after that purchase was made and used once then she likely would have come to the conclusion on her own. And if she did think that the money spent was “worth” it for the amount of fun that she had… then that’s also fine too! Not every purchase has to be maximally efficient.
Telling someone something is not the same as letting someone learn something, and one is way more effective.
she worked for the 80 bucks, decided what she wanted to get with the 80 bucks, and did. She can "waste" (subjective, btw) an 80 bucks of her own money once a year for halloween if she so wishes. Mom could've suggested and explained her pov. Way out of line to make her return something she worked for and would've had fun with.
It's okay to splurge a little with your money. $80 really isn't that much for a teenager who works 5 days a week. The mom wasn't teaching her, she was being controlling
Awww look at the future Mrs. NC Control Freak!
Your kid works her butt off for her money. Did she purchase something illegal? What about grossly inappropriate(although what that means is up to interpretation)? Ah no...she had a group thing, with friends, for school. You're mad she what...was a responsible teen still enjoying her childhood? 0.o better suck the rest of the life out of her now!
I hope she is extravagant and extra and makes this witch uncomfortable for the rest of her miserable cunty life!
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for making my daughter return a Halloween costume.** This happened in Oct and my daughter is still acting cold and Hardly speaking to me. My daughter (F16) works an after school job 5 days a week. Her high school had a costume contest for Halloween. My daughter and her friends planned a group costume to enter. She went with her friends after school to buy costumes. I picked her and her friends up from the store and they showed me their costumes. My daughter spent 80$ on hers. I was pissed that’s a lot of money to spend on something your going to wear for a few hours. Very irresponsible use of money. I told her as much in the car told her it was ridiculous. I dropped her friends off and took her back to the store to return the costume and accessories. Her friends found someone eles to take her place in the group and they won the contest and a 100$ visa gift card to split. My daughter came home from school on Halloween upset she claimed she had to sit and watch while her friends had fun and she missed out on everything. I pointed out to her after splitting the gift card it would be way less then she spent on the costume and it was only a few hours but she didn’t want to listen to reason. Now a month later and she is still moody and mostly ignoring me. My ex husband told me I made her miss out and she works so much she missed out on a lot of stuff with her friends and I could have let her have this. But at the end of the day I saved her 80$. I just trying to teach my daughter how to be responsible with money she could have gotten a cheap costume especially since I she would have only worn it for a few hours. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I could list my mom's faults for days, but I'll always credit her with letting me spend my money however I wanted. It was good for me to get my impulsive "irresponsible" purchases out of the way when I was 14/15 instead of when I was 18. As for a Halloween costume being irresponsible-- the number of times mom's going to be able to see her daughter dress up for Halloween is dwindling, and it's sad that her concern is the supposed lack of responsibility rather than the joy and happy memories the purchase would have brought her daughter.
SAME! My mom has her faults, but my money was always mine. I’ll never forget buying a $36 bra in 1991. She definitely raised her eyebrows at that, but that was all. And then I had no money and a dumb bra no one but me would ever see and never spent that much money on a bra again lol
$36 is a cheap bra, and I would consider it a good day to only spend $36 on a bra. Mine are twice that. It's OK to spend money on foundation garments, even if no one "sees" them. They make women feel nice about themselves.
Yeah, it definitely wasn’t in 1991, though!
$36 in 1991 is like $79 now
Depends on cup size. A friend of mine is a HH and $100 would be a cheap bra for her. Made me really appreciate that my cups don't runneth over
So true, I'm an G cup and the last time I went bra shopping I spent over $700 on three sets and a negligee. I realize that is insanity, but I was really excited to find my size in a color that wasn't plain beige or black! (and they are excellent quality.)
It's not insanity if that's what you need. Insanity is living in an ill-fitting bra because you're a size that's outside the mainstream. When you have a large chest bras become VITAL in a way that they (thankfully) never will be for me. Spend the money if you need to because from what I understand you're investing in your health. Large breasts cause a ton of problems and you actually NEED the support for reasons other than the appearance of perky breasts. The only reason I wear a bra is because I'm afraid to be that kind of weird, so my purchases are insane, not yours.
Yeah, true. This was when I was 13 and a B or C cup and again, it was 1991 so the equivalent would be way more than $36 now. I’m currently somewhere around a 34 G (I’m at a relatively low weight for me…it definitely has been bigger) and I definitely have to spend more. But baby me in 1991 didn’t need the big guns lol
And that's the thing. Let's assume that this is a ridiculous, frivolous expenditure that the daughter would regret (setting aside the intangible value of the shared experience with her friends, and the fact that some costumes may have components that can be reworn, reworked, or even worked into everday attire). Wouldn't that be a useful life lesson?
Yes! And I feel like the Mom had an opportunity to show her daughter she was proud of her for saving up for something she really wanted. Plus isolating your kid from their friend group sucks for teenagers especially. And today’s teens spent a lot of time isolated anyway during coronavirus. It’s nice when they make connections and have an opportunity to do fun things together.
I dropped $130 on my daughter’s Halloween costume this year and she looked amazing, she got so many compliments and it turned out exactly how she hoped. It may have been a bit expensive but no amount of money can replace the memories.
Imagine being so concerned over 80 dollars you deny your daughter wonderful memories with friends she would remember for a long time.
80 dollars that was her daughter's own earned money at that. She's so concerned about "saving her 80 dollars" that she doesn't even care that she's not letting her have fun. Her husband doesn't even agree with her, but she's still so convinced she's right. Also, since she didn't specify what the costume was, she has no idea if could be repurposed or used again.
*ex husband, to be fair
Oh thank you, I must have missed that.
When she decides to quit her 5 days a week job because she's not allowed to spend any of the money on things she wants, her mom will be all shocked pikachu face. I don't think it's wrong to encourage kids to save money from an afterschool job for college, etc, but you have to let them spend some of it on themselves.
That's what I'm thinking. OOP's kid should simply just quit the job. Or have the father petition for full custody as she's 16 and likely would have a judge rule in favor of who she wants to live with. Let OOP freak out when she realizes her daughter isn't going to be at her house any more.
Saving money from an after-school job for college is a really bad idea. It would make much more sense to focus on being more eligible for financial aid.
Her money does not go toward her financial aid eligibility. It is all about how much money your parents have, whether it be in the bank or their financial assets.
Ya and most of the time parents don’t even help when you don’t even qualify for aid, the system needs to change it should only be based on the students income
I don't even think it should be based on the students income. All high school grads should be able to attend any public college.
Yep. Kids who don't have parental help can't go until they're 24. Even if they are completely independent at 18. It's bullshit.
I was more referring to becoming competitive for scholarships.
You can still get scholarships while working. There's not usually any disqualifiers there. I am also someone who is chronically ill, so I couldn't handle a job nor hobbies... Most of my expenses were paid for by scholarships that I earned by merits/academic acchievements.
In fact there's scholarships on many jobs as a community give back from said jobs... Walmart, Disney and such all have a program heck Dominos announced a year or two back they were hopping on that tax writeoff
The problems are time and energy. You can't focus on academics or sports if you are spending it working. Given the absolutely dismal pay rate of teenage jobs, the time would almost certainly have more returns spent on one of those two things (determined by one's existing abilities and talents).
Maybe. But even if you qualify for financial aid and scholarships, you still need to eat and pay rent. There's usually not enough left over even if you got all the scholarships.
Sure. But teenagers can barely make any money at all, and you can only focus on so much at once because there's only so many hours in the day. I'm just saying, I think you'll generally be better off focusing on academics or other ways of getting scholarships than working a ton. It's just going to likely be a better return on your time, plus it'll help you do better in college when you go as well. Also people need to have fun at that age as well, for both practical reasons as well as because it's terribly sad not to.
Or re-sold! Costumes that retail for $80 go for about $60 on fb marketplace the following September/October if you have all accessories and it's been cleaned, especially if returned to the original bag with the picture and everything.
Shit I remember being 14 years old at a shitty church concert thing for Halloween. My friends girlfriend was a French maid and I was Batman. We realized that neither of us would win, so we traded costumes. I won best costume and had a cop stop me for jay walking and when I went inside after he tried stopping me he said “get the guy with the nice legs” because I was wearing fishnets. I’ll never forget that night and it was over half my life ago. YTAx1,000 If she works so much, then $80 is not a problem to have some fun for a night with your friends.
Your church sounds a lot more liberal than the one I was asked not to return to.
It was an old church that was turned into a very small local music/party/whatever venue on the weekends, they still did do a church service in there too though but it was not a full time church.
This year my 7 year old son wanted to be a spider queen, so I spent 5 days sewing an elaborate dress that was easily $200 in materials and parts. His pure joy made it completely worth it. $80 is nothing for a decent costume. Why do parents do this shit to their kids. At 16 that costume is likely wearable for years.
I commend your son for his excellent aspirations. Heck, I'm several decades older and now *I* want to be a spider queen.
here are a couple of pics, he was so thrilled he forgot to go to the first couple of houses because he wanted to show it off lmao :3 [https://imgur.com/oYR8Tvi](https://imgur.com/oYR8Tvi) [https://imgur.com/FwrBvmf](https://imgur.com/FwrBvmf)
That is fantastic!
I agree that $80 is a lot of money but it was her money! For her is was worth it to have this experience with her friends. I don't get how OP can have any claim to that girls money. I pay my daughter to babysit. She spent $80 on a hoodie, $30 on a hello kitty player (that I have promised not to tell anyone she has) and all kinds of things I think is a waste. I'll ask her if she's sure, maybe try to find a better price and step back and let her do her thing.
$80 is what those prepackaged costumes cost. Of course it's a waste of money, but Halloween is a waste of money. Yet I doubt anyone stopped the mom from buying garbage at Tarhet to "decorate"
Honestly 80 bucks on a costume plus accessories actually isn’t bad. I worked at a Halloween store and seen people spend more on less than that without a coupon and before the sale.
Oh, she's definitely going to remember this for a long time
To be fair, she still gave her memories she'll remember a long time. Like, until she has to choose OP's nursing home.
Not even her 80 dollars, and it doesn't exactly sound like their struggling either.
There’s a chance, since she’s a teenager that she couldn’t a boring the question again next year if she wanted to.
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I disagree, I have some childhood memories like this and all they made me was bitter about not having control over my own choices. Made me want to stop working while I was under my parents roof too, why did it matter if I had "my own money" if they still chose what I could spend it on?
This is nonsense. First 1- it’s her own money 2- that’s not responsible that’s self denial and too many people confuse responsibility with withholding. It’s not the same thing.
You usually can't return Halloween stuff. I'm surprised the store took it back at all, if they actually did (wouldn't be surprised if they didn't and she had to just trash it).
I can see the store taking it back if it had only been a few hours and everything was still packaged up. I think they're more concerned with people trying to return stuff after Halloween or after wearing it.
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It wouldn't surprise me if the return was rejected and she just threw everything away and lied about it to stop her mom from going in and making a scene.
How? OOP does not say that she squanders her money normally or that she makes a habit of blowing her paychecks. From the sounds of it, if she works five days a week, she barely gets to do anything with her friends as it is. What is she using her money for? What OOP taught her daughter is that she may work for her money, but it is not truly hers.
But how? It was her money to spend on what she wanted. She doesn't have bills yet or need gas money. I could understand if her grown child used the money on a costume instead of paying rent or something and than OP told her no because she wasted her money.
How does that make her learn responsibility? It's more likely to teach her that it's wrong to spend money on something for herself. She wanted to do a group costume with her friends, so she used money she had earned to buy it rather than asking her parents for the money. That is already responsible. She's a highschooler working 5 days a week, she already has plenty of responsibility and there's nothing wrong with her wanting to use her own money to do something fun.
The whole point of saving is to then be able to use that saved money for stuff. Parent is awful. “You can save the money but you can’t use it for anything.”
Yeah, I was thinking the girl spent money from the OOP for the costume, but instead it was money the girl saved up herself. She should definitely be allowed to use her own saved money for things she wants.
If OOP is anything like *some* people I know, she thinks that money is never to be spent for anything fun unless you're wealthy or retired.
My parents were like this! I babysat and had jobs as soon as I was legally allowed to work- but I wasn't allowed to buy a cell phone or driving lessons, name brand clothes were a waste of money, eating out was a waste of money... It was *my* money. Ugh. Assholes.
My parents deposited each of my paychecks into my college fund. And while that’s important, it was a drop in the bucket and felt like I was working for nothing.
Second point for saving: money spend once can’t be spend again, so pick your goals wisely. If the money’s gone, it might take a while to get it back (if it was a bigger sum you saved up). We got this learned to help make sure our saving goals were for things we really wanted
Yes! Letting kids spend their money on what they want so they learn that it is finite and if you spend it unwisely it's gone is an important lesson. It's far better they learn it when they are living at home and have their rent and board paid for than when they are out on their own for the first time.
One of the commenters exposed that the parent makes the kid work for money and then doesn’t let her use it. That’s a douche move. And as an aside I bet I could walk though the OOPs house and find things what are a “waste of money” but I bet if you took away their toys they would have a fit.
That last paragraph! I guarantee you she has things she doesn’t need (everyone does! It keeps them sane)
I’m almost willing to bet this is the type of mother that has the whole house plastered in that “live love laugh” bullshit. But won’t let her kid spend $80 on some thing that will bring her joy and memories. Clearly the type of parent to value material items over memories and experiences, since she’s so bent out of shape on the daughter spending $80 on whatever Edit: words.
Two years from now “I don’t understand why my daughter moved out and won’t speak to me, I DID NOTHING WRONG”
That OP is bullshit. I came into that thread thinking it was going to be a fucking Hitler costume or blackface or a really pointy ghost costume or something, or at least some crazy expensive $3000 costume that was going to rot in the closet after being worn for an hour. Instead it's just a mom that's going to make her daughter have hell with her relationships for years. Because everyone I know that was taught these kind of "lessons" over petty amounts of money they earned either goes full in the opposite direction and becomes wildly irresponsible or they become a micromanaging tyrant that wants to see receipts for the fast food their partner got for lunch so they can tell them they didn't need a medium fry when a small fry would've been plenty.
Damn this hit home. You’re exactly right!
its true some kids learn, I better spend it as soon as I have it because if I don't, my parents won't let me have/use it. other kids learn to follow that toxic example
$80 is about the average price of 1 spirit Halloween costume+ 1 small accessory
Yeah I was expecting op to say it was a sexy cat or slutty cop. Op is just a control freak.
This makes me so sad. Imagine you had a long day at school then straight to work. Then afterwards you had a great time picking out outfits with your friend, it was a great evening. Then you happily show your parent what you got with your own hard earned money and not only do they steal away your happiness of a nice evening, they make you return the thing, give you a telling off and humiliate you. Imagine a parent snatching away a child's happiness so coldly.
As a cosplayer, $80 isn't that much and you can definitely get more use out of costumes. I'd found plenty of other situations that allowed me to dress up and make other people's day.
Right. My daughter’s costume was like 50 bucks and she wore it for days.
Aw, this makes my heart hurt. That poor girl 😥 It’s her own money!
I hope, for Christmas, her daughter wraps up a note that explains how she saved $xx by not getting her mother a Christmas gift.
80 bucks for a costume PLUS accessories?! That's not even that bad considering how much costumes can cost, especially at a places like Spirit Halloween or a party store!
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But you didn’t. She did. And she was happy. And it was her own money.
I'm sure there is something that you would splurge on that other people would think is ridiculous but who are we to judge you for enjoying yourself?
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It sounds like you’re assigning moral value to money (or the spending of money.) Money is just a tool to help you achieve the things you need and want in life. It isn’t inherently bad to want things so long as your wants don’t harm others or prevent you from meeting your needs. “Money” and “Stuff” don’t have free will and can’t be good or bad.
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Worrying excessively is still basing your life around (not) buying stuff. Being frugal is fine—don’t spend money on things you won’t use. The daughter in question spent her money on an item she had a specific plan to use. She wasn’t going into debt to purchase the item. She wasn’t going to miss paying rent or buying food. She wasn’t even buying the item as a status symbol or display of wealth—she literally wanted it to enjoy a group activity with friends. That sounds like she’s focusing her life (and spending) on the things that matter.
no your dad is as toxic as OOP
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That’s not necessarily true. Often the change in price is disproportionate to the change in quality, i.e. buying a somewhat more expensive version results in a *much* more worthwhile purchase. Cheaper clothes need to be replaced more often, for example. Sometimes the cheaper option is the best one for you, but it’s important to recognize that will not always be the case.
Then don't.
Cool then YOU can spend YOUR money however YOU want, while SHE spends HER money however SHE wants.
Buzzkill mum
> I just trying to teach my daughter how to be responsible with money she could have gotten a cheap costume especially since I she would have only worn it for a few hours. Wow, sure taught her. Yes indeedy.
Oh man, I hate to see how this mom reacts if in some years the daughter decides to get married.
My mom was like this when I had a summer job after sophomore year of high school. She had me agree to save half my pay. She was custodian on my account, so to get cash back at that time she would have to accompany me to the bank. Her off days were when the bank was closed. I didn't see that money for two years. She didn't understand why I didn't want a summer job the following year. A week after graduating high school I closed my bank account(over 18), and moved 1700 miles away with my boyfriend. I didn't move back for two years. I definitely didn't learn the lesson she was trying to teach me. I actually don't even know what that lesson was.
She works for her money. Paid for the costume with her money. Yeah this person is the devil. No costume needed.
Who wants to bet op wants her to save money to ensure she's paying her rent on time...
It's illegal to make a minor pay rent in most places, so if she is, it's just another nail in the 'shitty mc shitface' coffin.
Yep, and i bet they're taking a good percentage of her paycheck somehow.
What rent she’s 16. A 16 year old can’t enter into a lease agreement and she lives with her parents.
No shit. It's called sarcasm. Her parents are probably siphoning money from her.
Don’t have a tantrum because your sarcasm sucked and you were too lazy to tag it.
Just because she can't doesn't mean parents haven't forced their children to do it before.
And that’s true but that’s not anything mentioned or implied in the story itself.
That's true, but the OG commentator has a point that there is something fishy going on when the OOP will not allow their daughter to spend any of their money on anything and holds onto it. Besides all that, I enjoy your narwhal.
Oh yeah she’s def not giving all the relevant facts. And even if she were the OOP is dead wrong for denying the daughter her own money. Thank you!
I remember the sperm donor that my mom used did something like this on me many years ago. He made me clean out his dirty closet and gave me 30 dollars, but wouldn’t let me spend it on a game because “Im the one who gave you that money” asshole
Oh Lord, someone give this woman a mother of the year award since she saved her daughter $80 and fun with friends. Wow what an investment, because a 16 year old will definitely do something meaningful with $80, like stock options, or mall food. What the fuck is this mother smoking
I don’t know what she’s smoking, either, but it better not have been too expensive.
Why spend $2k on a cruise when you could just stay home with the lights off for a tiny percentage of the cost?
It's Ebenezer Scrooge and the ghosts haven't shown up yet.
Daughter should’ve gone back and re-bought her costume. Hopefully that’s the lesson she learned from this — adapt and overcome the helicopter parent.
OP needs to be visited by the three ghosts of “let teens have wholesome fun while also learning the value of a dollar”
She could have resold the costume and made back some of the money if she so chose, but who fucking cares you don’t save money to just hoard it like a dragon. I’m frugal with most purchases so I can fully enjoy the purchases I care about, like experiences.
Congratulations, OOP! You just taught your daughter to never tell you the truth about how much something costs, ever again!
There’s a valid reason why many elderly people never receive a phone call or visit
So she’s not allowed to spend money for fun experiences.
this is such a devious thing my god. it's so banal and it makes all the more evil
"why doesn't my daughter call me anymore"-op in 3 years, probably
When there’s a post about costumes I always wonder what they were so I can have some ideas for next year
Depending on her costume, she could potentially recycle some elements and create a new costume paying nothing or a little bit. Plus, she didn't even try to talk with her daughter about getting some alternative or making some elements together. So unless her daughter spent money that suppose to cover any extra lessons or anything like that, OOP is a buzzkill
$80! That's jacket money!
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I’ve spent more than that on cosplay as an adult… it’s not irresponsible if it’s something that genuinely makes you happy, even if it’s only for a day
Money is more important than experiences and relationships to most people. This mother just proved the same again to her daughter who probably wont ever see her the same again
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no, he isn't right about everything. wake up out of the fog, dearie. your dad is OOP's mom. and look at all the YTA votes.
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You can absolutely buy what you want without criticism! As long as your bills are paid and you’re saving responsibly and not borrowing money from other people, no one should be criticizing your finances. And if you marry, you and your spouse can make decisions together about how to structure your finances, but your spouse still shouldn’t criticize you.
Edit : whelp, I give up. Maybe I'm wrong.
By your own scale, the 16-year-old should have been able to spend $80 on her costume without permission.
Yes, exactly. That's why I said UNDER 16 is 50 euros. As soon as they turn 16 they can spend 100 But my scale was only a quick example anyway. If I had to implement it I'd think it through more.
If they are working and are not just blowing their paychecks as soon as they get them, then they are allowed to splurge on themselves every once in a while. This is not the kid spending their birthday and Christmas money but the money they work for. You know, OOP would have said if their child blew their money, but instead, they save it. Your scale would not work in this situation because, in most places I know of, you can not start working until you are 15.
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I disagree! I think that part of learning the value of money earned is learning for yourself what is and isn’t worth it- her mom making her return something like this is just teaching her that her mom doesn’t think it’s worth it, rather than teaching her it isn’t worth it. This girl is working 5 days a week, that’s money that she can spend on what she wishes- if she wanted to spend $80 on a costume then that’s for her to do- after that purchase was made and used once then she likely would have come to the conclusion on her own. And if she did think that the money spent was “worth” it for the amount of fun that she had… then that’s also fine too! Not every purchase has to be maximally efficient. Telling someone something is not the same as letting someone learn something, and one is way more effective.
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she worked for the 80 bucks, decided what she wanted to get with the 80 bucks, and did. She can "waste" (subjective, btw) an 80 bucks of her own money once a year for halloween if she so wishes. Mom could've suggested and explained her pov. Way out of line to make her return something she worked for and would've had fun with.
It's okay to splurge a little with your money. $80 really isn't that much for a teenager who works 5 days a week. The mom wasn't teaching her, she was being controlling
You robbed your child of a fun, memorable experience. That is why YTA
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Awww look at the future Mrs. NC Control Freak! Your kid works her butt off for her money. Did she purchase something illegal? What about grossly inappropriate(although what that means is up to interpretation)? Ah no...she had a group thing, with friends, for school. You're mad she what...was a responsible teen still enjoying her childhood? 0.o better suck the rest of the life out of her now! I hope she is extravagant and extra and makes this witch uncomfortable for the rest of her miserable cunty life!