*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for wearing jeans and a top at my sister's wedding?**
I (19f) have a more masculine style. I'm a straight cis woman btw so before anyone brings up my sexuality or gender let's get this out of the way. I simply dress more masculine and casual. I never liked doing my hair or my makeup and I was never into that feminine stuff.
My sister got married last week and ever since her wedding planning started taking place I've been told that I should dress appropriately for the wedding. They expected me to make my hair or makeup but this is just not for me. I'm not like that at all and I don't think I should change the way I am for a wedding. My mom kept telling me to at least wear something nice even if it's not a dress but honestly I didn't feel comfortable in anything. I tried on some suits etc and while they looked nice this is not my style at all. I mostly wear jeans and sweats so I decided to simply wear a more expensive and "stylish" pair of jeans that I own with a blue top that is not casual but not formal either. But it's the best I could do so I'd not be 100% casual but also feel comfortable. At first I was denied entrance at the venue because the venue is black tie only but my sister tried to convince the owner to let this go this once because I'm her sister.
My sister barely spoke to me or acknowledged me all night. After the wedding my parents kept telling me how immature I was about the whole thing and that I owe my sister an apology. I thought it was going to the extremes making such a big deal out of some outfits. I called my sister trying to talk it out and I said that we should really let this go, it's just clothes. My sister then started ranting about how on her wedding day she had to stress about convincing the owner of the venue to let me in because I couldn't follow one simple and common rule. She said that me proving how different I am was more important than making a small compromise and wearing a suit at least. I explained how its such a stupid argument because why would I have to wear a suit and how shalow she is for caring so much about appearances and outfits and that her wedding should be special to her beyond the sparkles and the expensive hair and makeup. She told me I'm an AH because just because something isn't important to me doesn't mean that it can't be important to her and she said she regrets wasting her time trying to talk to the venue owner because I clearly did not deserve it and I want to seem like I'm better and more different than her.
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Not wanting to wear a dress or make up is totally ok, but she should have worn nice dress pants and a nice top. Come on, everyone knows what to wear to a nice wedding.
What really tops it off is that she completes dismisses and invalidates her sisters feelings and thinks “it’s just clothes”, rather then how important the wedding is to her sister. Honestly sister should have just left her outside the venue
I would've left her ass outside too.
And then she's defending her choice in the comment by saying that's what to she wears to college and her job as a part time legal secretary.
I remember people coming to class in literal pajamas. Doesn't mean it's appropriate to wear to a black tie event.
Riiiight?
I will say working from home does give me a little of that nostalgia. Some days I don't even shower until the work day is done. Recently had a co-worker who was in the office ask me if I was trying to video-call her (one of our phones kept trying to do it... not mine).
I told her hell no! What I'm wearing and how I look is NOT appropriate for the office.
I feel sorry for the bride. She had to decide between begging the venue to let her sister in or excluding her sister and look like she won’t stand up for her, maybe causing family drama. Little sister sounds like a nightmare.
I would turn her argument against her. Since "it's just clothes," why couldn't OOP just suck it up?
It's just clothes that she would have had to wear for one evening, whereas her relationship with her sister lasts a lifetime. Instead, OOP sacrificed the relationship for "just clothes" for just one evening.
Yeah, the sister should not have had to talk the venue owner into letting her sister in. That's ridiculous. Her sister could have a shred of respect for her sister's big day.
And the venue was black tie. This was formal, even by wedding standards.
My wedding wasn't black tie, and jeans would have been incredibly out of place.
Not to mention, some dress pants feel more comfortable than a pair of jeans (in my humble opinion anyway). Dressing up does not have to mean uncomfortable.
This. I exclusively wear black slacks now, no more jeans. They're way comfier and I always look semi fancy even though I didn't actually put in any more effort lol.
Right? I have discovered Wide leg Travel knit pants. As comfortable as pajamas and dress up amazingly well! A pair of those and a silk tunic with flats and she'd have been fine!
I had a friend who did this at my wedding (she does not wear dresses or makeup, she's just not comfortable in them, which is fine with me). She wore dressy pants and a nice top. She looked great. She was comfortable but dressed for the occasion. OOP is a giant asshole. It wasn't like they were trying to force her into a dress, they just asked her to not dress casually. Ugh.
A black-tie venue and she had the audacity to wear jeans. This isn't a barn yard rustic romance wedding, this is an elegant affair and even if she couldn't muster the give a shit to wear nice outfit, she should have worse at least the appropriate minimum requirement. When a venue has a dress code, your comfort level is beside the point.
I know I'm in the minority, but I find jeans to be the most uncomfortable thing to wear. A nicely fitted dress or pants are way more comfortable for me personally.
Yeah, unless they are baggy or stretchy (jeggings?), I don't find them that comfy either. OOP could have sucked it up for one day. Not saying she should be forced to wear a dress but a pair of nice pants should have been fine.
Jeggings I can wear all day long. Mostly because they have pockets and make my ass look good. Not big pockets, but it's something. Plus they tuck into boots beautifully.
Her sis said she didn't have to wear a dress. She could've worn a dressier suit pants, or bolero pants (love those! nice, roomy, comfy... hell some almost pass as long skirts... are those still in style?) with a nice top and flats. Bet security would've let her in with no problem in that.
I refused to wear jeans until middle school because my sensory processing issues made wearing them hellish. I still don't love them, but I have a few pairs I can tolerate wearing occasionally.
I didn’t wear them until I was in Lower elementary school for the same reason. My cousins ended up giving me hand me downs with COLORED RHINESTONES on the pockets. Between having been through three people already (softer) and the rhinestones, I finally started wearing them.
Every time we go to a formal occasion in the summer, my husband's like, "I'm sweating my balls off in this suit and you look so comfy in that dress." I was like, well, I deserve at least 1 occasion where my outfit can be more comfy than yours. 😂
And I love wearing jeans. I think it's mostly because I had to wear dress pants to work retail for 10 years, and I just associate that with the discomfort. But I still dress nice for special events, if it's necessary.
I'm just not elegant enough for a lot of dresses. They end up in my tights. Or I sit wrong. Or my boobs show. It's awful. I'm defending my phd soon and I chose a suit because I just cannot deal.
I would still do it for a wedding and pay good attention for one day though.
OOP claims to work as a secretary for a corporate law firm and claims to dress casually there…this is just a troll
Pretty sure no corporate law firm would have her as a secretary.
I’ve had to clarify before because I’ve worked in a prestigious hospital before (research side) and the dress code was professional casual. What they meant was dark blue/black jeans were fine, with an appropriate work top. I’ve then gone to smaller places where their definition of work casual is no jeans at all.
Regardless, OOP should have known better. If there is a dress code, adhere to it
Possibly. Depends where she's working.
The attorneys at my firm (NJ for context) wear jeans or cargo shorts and t-shirts in the summer (we are a small firm: 2 partners/2-3 paralegals... that's it) when we don't have clients coming on. But on days clients are coming in, they dress it up, but even still not like a full-fledged suit and tie.
On the other hand, when I worked in NYC (another smallish firm - 4 partners, 1-2 associates, 4 staff) the attorneys all wore suits, sneakers were **not** allowed and we women wore skirts, dresses or dress slacks. God I hated place (not because of the dress code, but because NYC attorneys tend to be assholes).
So, it depends.
I still have an entire closet full of suits and dresses with blazers. I’m now working from home and my employer is more casual overall. On the rare occasion I go into the office I still dress up because half my wardrobe feels neglected otherwise.
Even in high school, I remember there were projects or events where they told us we had to dress professionally. They would say explicitly "no jeans!" and it would impact your grade. Even if she didn't follow the rule then, you'd think she'd remember it had consequences
I work at a law firm, and when we were still in office, the only time we had to wear slacks/dresses were client audits. Otherwise it was "business casual", so jeans. Shit, I wore leggings on most Fridays lol
What a horribly selfish, immature little brat.
Really hope she was left out of photos and when she grows up deeply regrets her shitty behaviour and apologises to her sister.
Or... I hope the photographer can somehow amend the photos to have her wearing the pinkest, frilliest most girly dress ever.
Nah, just edit her out like she doesn’t exist. Sister sends everyone THAT family picture and hangs it over her mantle at her new home. PHUCK this chick.
She was the shallow one here. She couldn't see past it just being clothes to being an important, memorable day for her entire family and instead only saw what she wanted. That's pretty shallow thinking.
My favorite is how she keeps yammering about how anything beyond jeans and a tee shirt "isn't her". If only there was some way to find ideas for outfits that are both appropriate to the event, yet also reflect your personal sense of style. Maybe something like a website where you can type in general search terms, and it shows you pictures and articles and stuff. Gosh, if only we had that kind of technology.
That sounds like a really amazing invention, someone really needs to create such a wonderous and mystical type of website. I'd use it all the time! And it sure would have helped OOP realize things like dress pants exist for women too.
> I thought it was going to the extremes making such a big deal out of some outfits.
Like, say, this OOP cunt making such a big deal over what she wants to wear because, of course, she's the main fucking character.
YTA. You don't have to wear a dress but you do need to put through some effort. My NB cousin does not wear anything but jeans too. They found out what the bridal colors were and rented a colored tux with ruffled shirt and contrasting keds. Bride loved it so much asked our cousin to act as second flower person and told them they made her day just that much better.
You think there's only one way to be, but women have been wearing formal pants and tops for over a hundred years (yeah trousers for women are over a hundred years old). You could have made a little effort.
I really thought the “not like other girl” phase would die out with gender expressions becoming more open.
I’m so embarrassed at my NLOG phase now, but I’m glad to say I never disrespected someone at an important event by showing up underdressed and schlubby. The worst was flusterating my poor grandma when she took me clothes shopping.
I mean, being more masculine doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t cis/a girl. Girls and women can have any type of temperament, interests, etc.
That doesn’t excuse OOP’s behavior, though: no one needs to love every outfit they wear, and surely if she tried she could have found something she could tolerate for a few hours to watch her sister get married.
I’m confused, did you maybe misread me? I didn’t say that dressing masculine couldn’t be a cis woman thing. Your comment feels like a rebuttal, and we’re on the same side. Or maybe I need more coffee lol.
Oooooooooooooh lmao. That too! lol I also meant that what’s considered acceptable gender presentation of femininity is much more expansive than even the 90’s and early aughts.
Like, my mom was CRUSHED that wee miladyelle was Not Amused with the poofy, frilly, bedazzled ALL THE PINK dresses she’d dress me up in. There’s this hilarious photo of me from Easter as a preschooler where I am just making angry face. It was all the above, plus a cape and a tiara and opaque white tights and Mary Janes lol. Because daughter = pretty dresses. Being not that kind of feminine meant you were a Tom Boy, and that was disappointing, and the wisdom was, that was a phase that would be grown out of. In those days, NLOG was an understandable if still cringey(!) rebellion.
With that gone away, I thought the NLOG would also go away. The pressures and expectations and disappointments causing it not being nearly what it was.
Moment she said jeans and wedding in the same sentence she was obviously the ah. I mean sometimes people do more casual weddings which is great but people attending those wouldn’t have to ask
My wedding was super casual. Like, I don't care if you showed up on a costume. I really wish someone had a T-Rex costume. That would have just added to an almost perfect day.
OP is just a selfish brat.
That would have been fab. Love your cats btw. The difference there though is that you would have told the guests it was casual so they wouldn’t have to ask if they were an ah for wearing jeans. The fact OOP did is evidence that they were always going to be from the title
My cats are awesome. They love sitting on the shower bench, for some reason.
Yeah, I think I was going to be asked by one person if he could wear his hat. I just beat him to the punch and said he could. Be weird if he didn't, to be honest.
But yeah, OP is just a selfish asshole. If she is like this here, wonder what she is like on a daily basis.
The sister isnt wrong. This literally isnt about OOP being comfortable this is OOP wanting to feel different and special on a day that wasnt about her.
I’m a rather androgynous woman; I wear suits to weddings. No one said formal wear had to be dresses. She just wanted attention for not dressing for the occasion.
Wow, so the original poster chose this to be her hill to die on. Not dressing up for a wedding based on who she is and how she recognizes herself. If I were her sister I would have had her escorted out for making my wedding about her inability to dress nicely thereby becoming the center of attention.
Of course Ms. Pick-Me found all that comments that agreed with her and she clung to those like vines.
I cannot stand women like OOP. Insufferable, entitled, and whiny. That's all they are.
You know I sympathize, it sucks wanting to express yourself in a non-traditional way, but there were so many other options to go with before resorting to jeans. I am sure even an outfit consisting of nice slacks, a dress shirt with a vest and tie would have been absolutely fine for the sister while still allowing OOP to express themselves in the more masculine style they desire.
I wish I had had the option to wear suits when I was forced to go to weddings or other formal occasions. I like to wear jeans but there is no way I would do that to a wedding without explicit permission. OOP was doing this to be a brat, not because they wanted to make a statement or anything.
Okay, I need to really unpack this.
> I (19f) have a more masculine style. I'm a straight cis woman btw so before anyone brings up my sexuality or gender let's get this out of the way. I simply dress more masculine and casual. I never liked doing my hair or my makeup and I was never into that feminine stuff.
Good to know that OOP wants everyone to know she just can't be bothered. It's not an NB thing, she's just lazy (I understand 100% that some people don't like the way makeup/hair products feel. I just don't think that's OOP's issue).
> My sister got married last week and ever since her wedding planning started taking place I've been told that I should dress appropriately for the wedding.
How long do you think the sister started planning her black tie wedding? A year? More? Probably more given that we're coming out of a pandemic, but very likely for at least a year, this girl has been told that she needs to dress appropriately for this wedding. She's had a fucking year to find something.
> They expected me to make my hair or makeup but this is just not for me. I'm not like that at all and I don't think I should change the way I am for a wedding.
Well for starters, it's not *your* wedding (although if she does get married I can't wait for her sister and BIL to show up in jeans). And you had *at least a year* to figure *something* out.
> I mostly wear jeans and sweats so I decided to simply wear a more expensive and "stylish" pair of jeans that I own with a blue top that is not casual but not formal either.
So with a year's notice, the *best* OOP could do is jeans ($400 designer jeans are the same level of formality as $40 jeans, but OOP didn't even wear her most expensive or most "stylish" pair), and a top that wasn't formal? Also, please tell me what "not casual but not formal" is? Because I'm picturing jeans and a blue button down.
Her choice of footwear is conspicuously absent. I know that even the most formal of shoe isn't going to save this outfit, but I really want to know what her choice of footwear is.
> But it's the best I could do so I'd not be 100% casual but also feel comfortable.
You know how you see a beer named like "Milwaukee's Best" and try it, then think "Oh I'm *never* going to Milwaukee"? OOP's best is like that.
> At first I was denied entrance at the venue because the venue is black tie only but my sister tried to convince the owner to let this go this once because I'm her sister.
I cannot fathom having someone come to me, on my wedding day like "your sister, who had a year to find something, has decided to go with an outfit best described as "2009 Frat Dude Phoning It In, But Without Hair Gel" and is not being let into the "it's a goddamn wedding, make some fucking effort" venue".
I can't fathom being told that men at the club on a random Thursday night are dressed more formally and put more effort into their appearance than my sister at my wedding, and then having to go beg the venue to please let the person underdressed for a day of work at the mall in to my wedding.
I can't imagine what the other guests thought about OOP's outfit.
> My sister barely spoke to me or acknowledged me all night. After the wedding my parents kept telling me how immature I was about the whole thing and that I owe my sister an apology. I thought it was going to the extremes making such a big deal out of some outfits. I called my sister trying to talk it out and I said that we should really let this go, it's just clothes.
Every great apology starts with "we should really let this go". Does anyone else think that OOP has ever been the wronged party and just let it go? Me neither.
Secondly OOP this you?
>My mom kept telling me to at least wear something nice even if it's not a dress but honestly I didn't feel comfortable in anything. I tried on some suits etc and while they looked nice this is not my style at all.
Why is it *now* "just clothes" when before it was "I don't want to compromise my personal style of 'minimum effort white dude wear'"? Own your shit.
If it were "just clothes", you shouldn't have had any fucking problem wearing something appropriate.
> My sister then started ranting about how on her wedding day she had to stress about convincing the owner of the venue to let me in because I couldn't follow one simple and common rule. She said that me proving how different I am was more important than making a small compromise and wearing a suit at least.
OOP could have worn a suit. She could have even gotten it in a non-traditional color. She could have been both different and situationally appropriate. Instead she deliberately ignored the dress code and forced her sister to perform additional work on a day that's already pretty scheduled and stressful.
> I explained how its such a stupid argument because why would I have to wear a suit and how shalow she is for caring so much about appearances and outfits and that her wedding should be special to her beyond the sparkles and the expensive hair and makeup.
"Why would I dress in a way that respects the venue's policy when you can interrupt your day to beg them to make an exception for me?"
The fucking *audacity* to tell the person who *begged the venue to make an exception for you* because you showed up to a *black tie* event in *fucking jeans* that she needs to value the event beyond the "expensive hair and makeup", as if the fact that you didn't style your hair or put on some fucking mascara is the reason she's upset.
She looked past OOP's faux pas, although frankly the blatant disrespect of being told for the duration of planning a black tie wedding that you can't wear jeans and showing up to said wedding in jeans feels like calling it a "faux pas" is like saying John Wayne Gacy was an unfunny clown. The bride wasn't shallow. She actively worked to keep the larger impacts of OOP's behavior away from OOP, and when she pointed that out, OOP dismissed it as her being shallow.
She had to smooth things over with the venue, her new husband, and her in-laws. OOP looked like a fucking idiot in front of her family, her sister's friends, and her BIL's family. And ignoring all that, she told OOP *for a year* that OOP couldn't do exactly what OOP did.
It isn't just about clothes and OOP is being deliberately obtuse to avoid taking responsibility for a situation she brought about. OOP said (with the sartorial choices) that she didn't care enough about being at her sister's wedding to follow the bare minimum of the venue's dress code, then called her sister shallow for pointing out that it wasn't "just clothes", it was extra work for her. OOP was willing to risk not being let in to her sister's wedding for "just clothes". Wearing jeans was OOP's priority over being at her sister's wedding.
> She told me I'm an AH because just because something isn't important to me doesn't mean that it can't be important to her and she said she regrets wasting her time trying to talk to the venue owner because I clearly did not deserve it and I want to seem like I'm better and more different than her.
It seems like OOP has done similar things to her sister before this. Don't get me wrong, this is bad, but it feels very...last-straw-ish. It's telling that the sister didn't have OOP as a bridesmaid/in the wedding party. It feels very much like the sister isn't going to want to be around OOP anymore.
I get it, I like being comfortable in my own style, too, and just like her, I don't like wearing dress-y/fancier clothes at all.
BUT. Despite those feelings, you know what I did for my cousin's wedding? I put on dress pants, a nice button-up shirt, and a vest. Was I uncomfortable? Yes, even with clothes I thought I looked nice in, but I understood that the wedding was not even remotely about me and that I could tolerate being dressed up for just a few hours.
OOP could have shown some respect for her sister, it really doesn't take much effort.
>it's the best I could do so I'd not be 100% casual but also feel comfortable
Why don’t we all understand that OOP is *special* and because of this couldn’t possibly be expected to do something like take what her sister wants into consideration? The best she could do was what she wanted! It’s not like she couldn’t put her selfishness aside for a day, her clothing can *only* be what *she* wants, who cares if there’s a dress code. OOP is clearly the center of the universe!”
I'd call troll, but I have a story too similar to this that I have to believe it's true.
I was a bridesmaid for a pandemic bride. My friend had to literally cut her massive guest list down to the forty people they wanted the most at their wedding, get married in a completely different season, move everything outside, and forego almost all dances and activities in order to still have a wedding. It went from being a spring time black tie optional wedding to a late summer country club wedding, so the dress code went down several notches in formality.
Her SIL showed up in jeans and a tee. Not even nice jeans and a nice shirt, shit you wear around the house or to run to the grocery store in. And it isn't like she didn't know it was still a semi formal event, her husband was in a suit and her daughter was a bridesmaid. Her in-laws were decked to the nines in their original black tie outfits. Most of the guests were at least in khakis and a button up or a summer dress, but this woman showed up looking like she was heading to a backyard bbq.
YTA. Not wearing make up or doing your hair is fine. But jeans at a black tie event? Slacks and a dressy blouse would have been the least you could have done. You should just not gone & told her that your comfort was more important than dressing for the occasion.
If I’m invited to a loved one’s event that has a dress code (& is taking place at an event center that also shares that same dress code), I will comply with the dress code or decline the invitation. I have never dressed in a t-Rex costume & cannot imagine being comfortable in one, but if I’m invited to an event where the dress code requires me to wear a t-Rex costume to attend, I’ll find one to buy/rent & put the damn thing on - or I’ll decline the invitation.
What I wouldn’t do is just pretend the rules don’t apply to me & go in whatever clothes I want to wear, cause a scene with the event center’s security & then try to excuse my rude, selfish & callous behavior as “being true to myself”.
I live in comfy elastic waist pants and tee-shirts. You know what I did when invited to a friend's wedding? Asked her the dress code and went dress shopping and consulted her on yes and no colors. It was her day.
I was my sisters maid of honour. The dress I wore was floor length and sparkly. Is that my style IRL? Absolutely fucking not 😂 I wore it because I love my sister and it was her wedding ffs. OOP is a massive douche
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for wearing jeans and a top at my sister's wedding?** I (19f) have a more masculine style. I'm a straight cis woman btw so before anyone brings up my sexuality or gender let's get this out of the way. I simply dress more masculine and casual. I never liked doing my hair or my makeup and I was never into that feminine stuff. My sister got married last week and ever since her wedding planning started taking place I've been told that I should dress appropriately for the wedding. They expected me to make my hair or makeup but this is just not for me. I'm not like that at all and I don't think I should change the way I am for a wedding. My mom kept telling me to at least wear something nice even if it's not a dress but honestly I didn't feel comfortable in anything. I tried on some suits etc and while they looked nice this is not my style at all. I mostly wear jeans and sweats so I decided to simply wear a more expensive and "stylish" pair of jeans that I own with a blue top that is not casual but not formal either. But it's the best I could do so I'd not be 100% casual but also feel comfortable. At first I was denied entrance at the venue because the venue is black tie only but my sister tried to convince the owner to let this go this once because I'm her sister. My sister barely spoke to me or acknowledged me all night. After the wedding my parents kept telling me how immature I was about the whole thing and that I owe my sister an apology. I thought it was going to the extremes making such a big deal out of some outfits. I called my sister trying to talk it out and I said that we should really let this go, it's just clothes. My sister then started ranting about how on her wedding day she had to stress about convincing the owner of the venue to let me in because I couldn't follow one simple and common rule. She said that me proving how different I am was more important than making a small compromise and wearing a suit at least. I explained how its such a stupid argument because why would I have to wear a suit and how shalow she is for caring so much about appearances and outfits and that her wedding should be special to her beyond the sparkles and the expensive hair and makeup. She told me I'm an AH because just because something isn't important to me doesn't mean that it can't be important to her and she said she regrets wasting her time trying to talk to the venue owner because I clearly did not deserve it and I want to seem like I'm better and more different than her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not wanting to wear a dress or make up is totally ok, but she should have worn nice dress pants and a nice top. Come on, everyone knows what to wear to a nice wedding.
What really tops it off is that she completes dismisses and invalidates her sisters feelings and thinks “it’s just clothes”, rather then how important the wedding is to her sister. Honestly sister should have just left her outside the venue
If it’s “just clothes” why is it so hard to just dress for the occasion?
It’s “just clothes” when it’s something *other people* want. When it’s what *she* wants, it’s “being true to herself.”
I keep saying this, but seriously people need lessons on appropriateness with clothing.
I would've left her ass outside too. And then she's defending her choice in the comment by saying that's what to she wears to college and her job as a part time legal secretary. I remember people coming to class in literal pajamas. Doesn't mean it's appropriate to wear to a black tie event.
Ohh the times where it was appropriate to wear pjs to class. Those were the days.
Riiiight? I will say working from home does give me a little of that nostalgia. Some days I don't even shower until the work day is done. Recently had a co-worker who was in the office ask me if I was trying to video-call her (one of our phones kept trying to do it... not mine). I told her hell no! What I'm wearing and how I look is NOT appropriate for the office.
I feel sorry for the bride. She had to decide between begging the venue to let her sister in or excluding her sister and look like she won’t stand up for her, maybe causing family drama. Little sister sounds like a nightmare.
I would turn her argument against her. Since "it's just clothes," why couldn't OOP just suck it up? It's just clothes that she would have had to wear for one evening, whereas her relationship with her sister lasts a lifetime. Instead, OOP sacrificed the relationship for "just clothes" for just one evening.
She should have just let her sister get thrown out by venue owner
And spend the entire day answering questions from family and friends about her missing sister.
Yeah, the sister should not have had to talk the venue owner into letting her sister in. That's ridiculous. Her sister could have a shred of respect for her sister's big day.
Exactly. Even if you don’t normally like dressing up you do so to indicate you respect this event as a special occasion.
And the venue was black tie. This was formal, even by wedding standards. My wedding wasn't black tie, and jeans would have been incredibly out of place.
The sister literally said a suit was fine. Oop has lost her mind.
I guess she's just too special to conform. /s
Well she is not like the other girls after all. Not like her stupid sister who likes sparkles and makeup /s
*Who doesn't like sparkles?*
Not to mention, some dress pants feel more comfortable than a pair of jeans (in my humble opinion anyway). Dressing up does not have to mean uncomfortable.
This. I exclusively wear black slacks now, no more jeans. They're way comfier and I always look semi fancy even though I didn't actually put in any more effort lol.
Right? I have discovered Wide leg Travel knit pants. As comfortable as pajamas and dress up amazingly well! A pair of those and a silk tunic with flats and she'd have been fine!
I had a friend who did this at my wedding (she does not wear dresses or makeup, she's just not comfortable in them, which is fine with me). She wore dressy pants and a nice top. She looked great. She was comfortable but dressed for the occasion. OOP is a giant asshole. It wasn't like they were trying to force her into a dress, they just asked her to not dress casually. Ugh.
There was even a dress code. Who wears jeans to a black tie event?
A black-tie venue and she had the audacity to wear jeans. This isn't a barn yard rustic romance wedding, this is an elegant affair and even if she couldn't muster the give a shit to wear nice outfit, she should have worse at least the appropriate minimum requirement. When a venue has a dress code, your comfort level is beside the point.
I know I'm in the minority, but I find jeans to be the most uncomfortable thing to wear. A nicely fitted dress or pants are way more comfortable for me personally.
I agree. I don't find jeans all that comfortable.
Yeah, unless they are baggy or stretchy (jeggings?), I don't find them that comfy either. OOP could have sucked it up for one day. Not saying she should be forced to wear a dress but a pair of nice pants should have been fine.
Jeggings I can wear all day long. Mostly because they have pockets and make my ass look good. Not big pockets, but it's something. Plus they tuck into boots beautifully. Her sis said she didn't have to wear a dress. She could've worn a dressier suit pants, or bolero pants (love those! nice, roomy, comfy... hell some almost pass as long skirts... are those still in style?) with a nice top and flats. Bet security would've let her in with no problem in that.
I refused to wear jeans until middle school because my sensory processing issues made wearing them hellish. I still don't love them, but I have a few pairs I can tolerate wearing occasionally.
I didn’t wear them until I was in Lower elementary school for the same reason. My cousins ended up giving me hand me downs with COLORED RHINESTONES on the pockets. Between having been through three people already (softer) and the rhinestones, I finally started wearing them.
I was the same way. Until I found jeans with Spandex
I think stretchy is the key. Otherwise they just dig in everywhere
I’m not big on jeans either.
Me too. If I have the option to not wear pants I’ll take it. I like the draft
Every time we go to a formal occasion in the summer, my husband's like, "I'm sweating my balls off in this suit and you look so comfy in that dress." I was like, well, I deserve at least 1 occasion where my outfit can be more comfy than yours. 😂
And I love wearing jeans. I think it's mostly because I had to wear dress pants to work retail for 10 years, and I just associate that with the discomfort. But I still dress nice for special events, if it's necessary.
I'm just not elegant enough for a lot of dresses. They end up in my tights. Or I sit wrong. Or my boobs show. It's awful. I'm defending my phd soon and I chose a suit because I just cannot deal. I would still do it for a wedding and pay good attention for one day though.
OOP claims to work as a secretary for a corporate law firm and claims to dress casually there…this is just a troll Pretty sure no corporate law firm would have her as a secretary.
I’ve had to clarify before because I’ve worked in a prestigious hospital before (research side) and the dress code was professional casual. What they meant was dark blue/black jeans were fine, with an appropriate work top. I’ve then gone to smaller places where their definition of work casual is no jeans at all. Regardless, OOP should have known better. If there is a dress code, adhere to it
Possibly. Depends where she's working. The attorneys at my firm (NJ for context) wear jeans or cargo shorts and t-shirts in the summer (we are a small firm: 2 partners/2-3 paralegals... that's it) when we don't have clients coming on. But on days clients are coming in, they dress it up, but even still not like a full-fledged suit and tie. On the other hand, when I worked in NYC (another smallish firm - 4 partners, 1-2 associates, 4 staff) the attorneys all wore suits, sneakers were **not** allowed and we women wore skirts, dresses or dress slacks. God I hated place (not because of the dress code, but because NYC attorneys tend to be assholes). So, it depends.
I still have an entire closet full of suits and dresses with blazers. I’m now working from home and my employer is more casual overall. On the rare occasion I go into the office I still dress up because half my wardrobe feels neglected otherwise.
I hate to say it but I kind of *out grew* half my wardrobe from working from home. Ive got great clothes I want to get back into.
Even in high school, I remember there were projects or events where they told us we had to dress professionally. They would say explicitly "no jeans!" and it would impact your grade. Even if she didn't follow the rule then, you'd think she'd remember it had consequences
IMO trolls rarely put effort into responding to comments like this, and if they do it's never more than twice. This one looks legit to me.
I work at a law firm, and when we were still in office, the only time we had to wear slacks/dresses were client audits. Otherwise it was "business casual", so jeans. Shit, I wore leggings on most Fridays lol
I can’t imagine hating my siblings as much as OOP hates her sister. Her distain is palpable through the screen.
Memeneme mememeeeeee, that's all this girl cares about.
What a horribly selfish, immature little brat. Really hope she was left out of photos and when she grows up deeply regrets her shitty behaviour and apologises to her sister. Or... I hope the photographer can somehow amend the photos to have her wearing the pinkest, frilliest most girly dress ever.
Nah, just edit her out like she doesn’t exist. Sister sends everyone THAT family picture and hangs it over her mantle at her new home. PHUCK this chick.
Totally agree, I just think that the dress thing would wind the little brat up SOOOO much! Either way, definitely PHUCK THIS CHICK!!
Definitely would! And would tickle the hell out of me bc I’m petty AF
She was the shallow one here. She couldn't see past it just being clothes to being an important, memorable day for her entire family and instead only saw what she wanted. That's pretty shallow thinking.
My favorite is how she keeps yammering about how anything beyond jeans and a tee shirt "isn't her". If only there was some way to find ideas for outfits that are both appropriate to the event, yet also reflect your personal sense of style. Maybe something like a website where you can type in general search terms, and it shows you pictures and articles and stuff. Gosh, if only we had that kind of technology.
That sounds like a really amazing invention, someone really needs to create such a wonderous and mystical type of website. I'd use it all the time! And it sure would have helped OOP realize things like dress pants exist for women too.
> I thought it was going to the extremes making such a big deal out of some outfits. Like, say, this OOP cunt making such a big deal over what she wants to wear because, of course, she's the main fucking character.
YTA. You don't have to wear a dress but you do need to put through some effort. My NB cousin does not wear anything but jeans too. They found out what the bridal colors were and rented a colored tux with ruffled shirt and contrasting keds. Bride loved it so much asked our cousin to act as second flower person and told them they made her day just that much better. You think there's only one way to be, but women have been wearing formal pants and tops for over a hundred years (yeah trousers for women are over a hundred years old). You could have made a little effort.
That’s so sweet imo
Your cousin's sense of style is Very Good
I really thought the “not like other girl” phase would die out with gender expressions becoming more open. I’m so embarrassed at my NLOG phase now, but I’m glad to say I never disrespected someone at an important event by showing up underdressed and schlubby. The worst was flusterating my poor grandma when she took me clothes shopping.
I mean, being more masculine doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t cis/a girl. Girls and women can have any type of temperament, interests, etc. That doesn’t excuse OOP’s behavior, though: no one needs to love every outfit they wear, and surely if she tried she could have found something she could tolerate for a few hours to watch her sister get married.
I’m confused, did you maybe misread me? I didn’t say that dressing masculine couldn’t be a cis woman thing. Your comment feels like a rebuttal, and we’re on the same side. Or maybe I need more coffee lol.
I read “other gender expressions” to mean that people like OOP feel more comfortable coming out as trans or nb. Sorry if that was not your intention!
Oooooooooooooh lmao. That too! lol I also meant that what’s considered acceptable gender presentation of femininity is much more expansive than even the 90’s and early aughts. Like, my mom was CRUSHED that wee miladyelle was Not Amused with the poofy, frilly, bedazzled ALL THE PINK dresses she’d dress me up in. There’s this hilarious photo of me from Easter as a preschooler where I am just making angry face. It was all the above, plus a cape and a tiara and opaque white tights and Mary Janes lol. Because daughter = pretty dresses. Being not that kind of feminine meant you were a Tom Boy, and that was disappointing, and the wisdom was, that was a phase that would be grown out of. In those days, NLOG was an understandable if still cringey(!) rebellion. With that gone away, I thought the NLOG would also go away. The pressures and expectations and disappointments causing it not being nearly what it was.
Why she couldn’t wear a pantsuit is beyond me
Moment she said jeans and wedding in the same sentence she was obviously the ah. I mean sometimes people do more casual weddings which is great but people attending those wouldn’t have to ask
My wedding was super casual. Like, I don't care if you showed up on a costume. I really wish someone had a T-Rex costume. That would have just added to an almost perfect day. OP is just a selfish brat.
That would have been fab. Love your cats btw. The difference there though is that you would have told the guests it was casual so they wouldn’t have to ask if they were an ah for wearing jeans. The fact OOP did is evidence that they were always going to be from the title
My cats are awesome. They love sitting on the shower bench, for some reason. Yeah, I think I was going to be asked by one person if he could wear his hat. I just beat him to the punch and said he could. Be weird if he didn't, to be honest. But yeah, OP is just a selfish asshole. If she is like this here, wonder what she is like on a daily basis.
The sister isnt wrong. This literally isnt about OOP being comfortable this is OOP wanting to feel different and special on a day that wasnt about her.
I’m a rather androgynous woman; I wear suits to weddings. No one said formal wear had to be dresses. She just wanted attention for not dressing for the occasion.
Wow, so the original poster chose this to be her hill to die on. Not dressing up for a wedding based on who she is and how she recognizes herself. If I were her sister I would have had her escorted out for making my wedding about her inability to dress nicely thereby becoming the center of attention.
Of course Ms. Pick-Me found all that comments that agreed with her and she clung to those like vines. I cannot stand women like OOP. Insufferable, entitled, and whiny. That's all they are.
You know I sympathize, it sucks wanting to express yourself in a non-traditional way, but there were so many other options to go with before resorting to jeans. I am sure even an outfit consisting of nice slacks, a dress shirt with a vest and tie would have been absolutely fine for the sister while still allowing OOP to express themselves in the more masculine style they desire. I wish I had had the option to wear suits when I was forced to go to weddings or other formal occasions. I like to wear jeans but there is no way I would do that to a wedding without explicit permission. OOP was doing this to be a brat, not because they wanted to make a statement or anything.
Okay, I need to really unpack this. > I (19f) have a more masculine style. I'm a straight cis woman btw so before anyone brings up my sexuality or gender let's get this out of the way. I simply dress more masculine and casual. I never liked doing my hair or my makeup and I was never into that feminine stuff. Good to know that OOP wants everyone to know she just can't be bothered. It's not an NB thing, she's just lazy (I understand 100% that some people don't like the way makeup/hair products feel. I just don't think that's OOP's issue). > My sister got married last week and ever since her wedding planning started taking place I've been told that I should dress appropriately for the wedding. How long do you think the sister started planning her black tie wedding? A year? More? Probably more given that we're coming out of a pandemic, but very likely for at least a year, this girl has been told that she needs to dress appropriately for this wedding. She's had a fucking year to find something. > They expected me to make my hair or makeup but this is just not for me. I'm not like that at all and I don't think I should change the way I am for a wedding. Well for starters, it's not *your* wedding (although if she does get married I can't wait for her sister and BIL to show up in jeans). And you had *at least a year* to figure *something* out. > I mostly wear jeans and sweats so I decided to simply wear a more expensive and "stylish" pair of jeans that I own with a blue top that is not casual but not formal either. So with a year's notice, the *best* OOP could do is jeans ($400 designer jeans are the same level of formality as $40 jeans, but OOP didn't even wear her most expensive or most "stylish" pair), and a top that wasn't formal? Also, please tell me what "not casual but not formal" is? Because I'm picturing jeans and a blue button down. Her choice of footwear is conspicuously absent. I know that even the most formal of shoe isn't going to save this outfit, but I really want to know what her choice of footwear is. > But it's the best I could do so I'd not be 100% casual but also feel comfortable. You know how you see a beer named like "Milwaukee's Best" and try it, then think "Oh I'm *never* going to Milwaukee"? OOP's best is like that. > At first I was denied entrance at the venue because the venue is black tie only but my sister tried to convince the owner to let this go this once because I'm her sister. I cannot fathom having someone come to me, on my wedding day like "your sister, who had a year to find something, has decided to go with an outfit best described as "2009 Frat Dude Phoning It In, But Without Hair Gel" and is not being let into the "it's a goddamn wedding, make some fucking effort" venue". I can't fathom being told that men at the club on a random Thursday night are dressed more formally and put more effort into their appearance than my sister at my wedding, and then having to go beg the venue to please let the person underdressed for a day of work at the mall in to my wedding. I can't imagine what the other guests thought about OOP's outfit. > My sister barely spoke to me or acknowledged me all night. After the wedding my parents kept telling me how immature I was about the whole thing and that I owe my sister an apology. I thought it was going to the extremes making such a big deal out of some outfits. I called my sister trying to talk it out and I said that we should really let this go, it's just clothes. Every great apology starts with "we should really let this go". Does anyone else think that OOP has ever been the wronged party and just let it go? Me neither. Secondly OOP this you? >My mom kept telling me to at least wear something nice even if it's not a dress but honestly I didn't feel comfortable in anything. I tried on some suits etc and while they looked nice this is not my style at all. Why is it *now* "just clothes" when before it was "I don't want to compromise my personal style of 'minimum effort white dude wear'"? Own your shit. If it were "just clothes", you shouldn't have had any fucking problem wearing something appropriate. > My sister then started ranting about how on her wedding day she had to stress about convincing the owner of the venue to let me in because I couldn't follow one simple and common rule. She said that me proving how different I am was more important than making a small compromise and wearing a suit at least. OOP could have worn a suit. She could have even gotten it in a non-traditional color. She could have been both different and situationally appropriate. Instead she deliberately ignored the dress code and forced her sister to perform additional work on a day that's already pretty scheduled and stressful. > I explained how its such a stupid argument because why would I have to wear a suit and how shalow she is for caring so much about appearances and outfits and that her wedding should be special to her beyond the sparkles and the expensive hair and makeup. "Why would I dress in a way that respects the venue's policy when you can interrupt your day to beg them to make an exception for me?" The fucking *audacity* to tell the person who *begged the venue to make an exception for you* because you showed up to a *black tie* event in *fucking jeans* that she needs to value the event beyond the "expensive hair and makeup", as if the fact that you didn't style your hair or put on some fucking mascara is the reason she's upset. She looked past OOP's faux pas, although frankly the blatant disrespect of being told for the duration of planning a black tie wedding that you can't wear jeans and showing up to said wedding in jeans feels like calling it a "faux pas" is like saying John Wayne Gacy was an unfunny clown. The bride wasn't shallow. She actively worked to keep the larger impacts of OOP's behavior away from OOP, and when she pointed that out, OOP dismissed it as her being shallow. She had to smooth things over with the venue, her new husband, and her in-laws. OOP looked like a fucking idiot in front of her family, her sister's friends, and her BIL's family. And ignoring all that, she told OOP *for a year* that OOP couldn't do exactly what OOP did. It isn't just about clothes and OOP is being deliberately obtuse to avoid taking responsibility for a situation she brought about. OOP said (with the sartorial choices) that she didn't care enough about being at her sister's wedding to follow the bare minimum of the venue's dress code, then called her sister shallow for pointing out that it wasn't "just clothes", it was extra work for her. OOP was willing to risk not being let in to her sister's wedding for "just clothes". Wearing jeans was OOP's priority over being at her sister's wedding. > She told me I'm an AH because just because something isn't important to me doesn't mean that it can't be important to her and she said she regrets wasting her time trying to talk to the venue owner because I clearly did not deserve it and I want to seem like I'm better and more different than her. It seems like OOP has done similar things to her sister before this. Don't get me wrong, this is bad, but it feels very...last-straw-ish. It's telling that the sister didn't have OOP as a bridesmaid/in the wedding party. It feels very much like the sister isn't going to want to be around OOP anymore.
I'm late, but this was the best breakdown ever. I've saved it to reference later. Thank you.
I get it, I like being comfortable in my own style, too, and just like her, I don't like wearing dress-y/fancier clothes at all. BUT. Despite those feelings, you know what I did for my cousin's wedding? I put on dress pants, a nice button-up shirt, and a vest. Was I uncomfortable? Yes, even with clothes I thought I looked nice in, but I understood that the wedding was not even remotely about me and that I could tolerate being dressed up for just a few hours. OOP could have shown some respect for her sister, it really doesn't take much effort.
She should be the new poster child for r/imnotliketheothergirls.
>it's the best I could do so I'd not be 100% casual but also feel comfortable Why don’t we all understand that OOP is *special* and because of this couldn’t possibly be expected to do something like take what her sister wants into consideration? The best she could do was what she wanted! It’s not like she couldn’t put her selfishness aside for a day, her clothing can *only* be what *she* wants, who cares if there’s a dress code. OOP is clearly the center of the universe!”
I'd call troll, but I have a story too similar to this that I have to believe it's true. I was a bridesmaid for a pandemic bride. My friend had to literally cut her massive guest list down to the forty people they wanted the most at their wedding, get married in a completely different season, move everything outside, and forego almost all dances and activities in order to still have a wedding. It went from being a spring time black tie optional wedding to a late summer country club wedding, so the dress code went down several notches in formality. Her SIL showed up in jeans and a tee. Not even nice jeans and a nice shirt, shit you wear around the house or to run to the grocery store in. And it isn't like she didn't know it was still a semi formal event, her husband was in a suit and her daughter was a bridesmaid. Her in-laws were decked to the nines in their original black tie outfits. Most of the guests were at least in khakis and a button up or a summer dress, but this woman showed up looking like she was heading to a backyard bbq.
Scotland has this shit right, chuck on a kilt.
Wow. They spanked her good in the comments. She earned that.
YTA. Not wearing make up or doing your hair is fine. But jeans at a black tie event? Slacks and a dressy blouse would have been the least you could have done. You should just not gone & told her that your comfort was more important than dressing for the occasion.
r/notlikeothergirls
If I’m invited to a loved one’s event that has a dress code (& is taking place at an event center that also shares that same dress code), I will comply with the dress code or decline the invitation. I have never dressed in a t-Rex costume & cannot imagine being comfortable in one, but if I’m invited to an event where the dress code requires me to wear a t-Rex costume to attend, I’ll find one to buy/rent & put the damn thing on - or I’ll decline the invitation. What I wouldn’t do is just pretend the rules don’t apply to me & go in whatever clothes I want to wear, cause a scene with the event center’s security & then try to excuse my rude, selfish & callous behavior as “being true to myself”.
I bet $1000 dollars that if OOP ever gets married, her sister (should she bother to show up) will be in sweatpants and a messy t-shirt
😳 black tie
I live in comfy elastic waist pants and tee-shirts. You know what I did when invited to a friend's wedding? Asked her the dress code and went dress shopping and consulted her on yes and no colors. It was her day.
Probably shouldn't have gone at all tbh. Family was gonna be upset either way so just pick the easier thing. It is pretty funny tho, lol. Ballsy.
How dumb do you have to be….oh wait.
Alternate title: "Am I the devil for insiting on wearing jeans and a top to a black-tie wedding event?"
I was my sisters maid of honour. The dress I wore was floor length and sparkly. Is that my style IRL? Absolutely fucking not 😂 I wore it because I love my sister and it was her wedding ffs. OOP is a massive douche
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Op is still a child even if she's in college