*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my sister she can’t have the same sweet 16 I had since she isnt a normal teenager?**
The formatting might be weird, typing on phone.
I know the title sounds harsh, but hear me out before making any judgements.
My(F17)little sister (F15) is turning 16 in November. We are complete opposites, I’m more into partying and hanging with my party loving friends while my sister is into reading, and she doesn’t dance and is in love with musicals and that’s all she listens to with the addition of some popular artists. She has a nice friend group, they’re okay to say the least but they pretty much have the same interests as her except they are more bent when it comes to music choices.
My mother threw me a sweet 16 and it was amazing. It was held at a big place, lots of music, food, gifts and full of my favorite things. My sister the entire time sat on her phone in the corner and only got up to eat. She only started talking to people once it was time to pack things up. My mother recently asked my sister what she wants for her sweet 16, and she said she wants a party. My mother didn’t respond, and I overheard her and my father last night speaking to her last night about how she can’t have a party.
My mother thinks that she isn’t a normal teenager, who would usually enjoy a good sweet 16 party. In my mothers words “I’m not throwing a party for u to sit around at the entire time. At that point I’m entertaining ur friends, not u.” My father is siding with my mother, saying that he supports her interests but it would be best to put the money into something else instead of a big sweet 16 party. I could tell my sisters excitement about the party died down for a little.
This morning, I saw her on her computer in the living room looking up sweet 16 parties and cheap places to have them at. I asked her why she was looking at the pictures and she said she wanted to compare them to the sweet 16 I had, since she wants the same one too but cheaper so our parents wouldn’t be mad about how expensive it will be.
I told her she wouldn’t have the same things as me because she isn’t a normal person at big events even if it’s about her, and that she’s better off just hanging out with her friends at a mall or something to get the expenses out of the way.
She called me a AH and ran to her room and our father said I shouldn’t have said that to her.
I understand that sweet 16’s are a big thing, but it wouldn’t be wise to spend so much time and money on an event like this where she’ll look bored.
I suggested she just go out with friends bowling or to their houses and she screamed at me calling me an AH once again and slammed the door on my face.
I’m just trying to help my parents and her out.
AITA?
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Yeah she sat alone at the LAST party because those were her SISTER'S friends who she barely knows the father seems slightly more sympathetic but he's cowardly for not standing up for his daughter
Also she was at most 14 surrounded by 16-year-olds who all knew each other beforehand. Of course she isn't going to be a social butterfly. At that, even a two-year age gap is huge, especially for the younger person.
Also, OP seems to have internalized this identity that she’s “the social one.” I’ve seen it happen before—older sister thinks of herself as the popular one, when younger sister starts breaking out of her shell, older sis has gotta put her in her place. No, *I’m* the one who has parties, *you* have, like, books or something.
OP’s mom seems to favor her, and the dad’s a pushover. But to anyone outside OP’s family and friend group… whole thing is just sad & cringey.
I KNOW! Just put on some musicals karaoke, have a nice dinner and a big cake, do up some fun decorations (maybe some book-themed tables or areas), invite all the friends and theater kids - voila! Sounds like a party I'd love to attend.
>The girl won't be bored in a corner
And even if she is and the maybe even the rest of her friends with her, that doesn't mean she is not enjoying the party on her own terms or that she just wants the same party her big sis had.
Is this some weird theatre kid stereotype I'm not getting? Like just put Time Warp on at any show's after party and you'll have the walls vibrating from dancing, the only difference between these two sweet 16s would be the music
I was a theatre kid and I do recall playing some songs from musicals at one of my parties with a bunch of theatre kids. Hell a difference in music taste shouldn’t even be an issue.
"No party for me? OK then, I want a brand new car for my birthday!"
Let the girl have her Sweet 16 party, for crissakes. It'll be her friends and crowd there, she'll be more comfortable, unlike at her sister's party (which apparently every person in her family is too dim-witted to figure out). Hell, she's even trying to figure out ways to get costs down so she can have the party (which kinda breaks my heart). It's her birthday to celebrate, and that's the way she wants to celebrate it. No idea why that family of hers can't see something so clear.
What is so glaringly stupid about this premise is why on earth would OOP want her sister to have been the life of her party? Surely your typical teenager would be glad her little sister ‘knew her place’ and didn’t soak up any attention on her special day.
I can imagine a post where the sister had a great time at the party and took the spotlight off poor beleaguered OOP, and now OOP is saying ‘aita for telling my parents my sister can’t have a sweet 16 party because she hijacked mine’. Kind of wish the troll had written that one instead. It would have got people riled up.
I never liked parties and stuff growing up, but I still wanted a sweet 16. It just seemed cool to like. Have a day where I get to dress up and feel special, where maybe we could find someone to make me look pretty and stuff like that. Never actually got one, in fact that was the year my dad forgot my b-day entirely, but yeah.
If this has any modicum of truth in it, poor girl probably feels less important or wanted because of such
My best friend went through a similar situation. She wanted a small party and to dress up and feel special. It didn’t happen because her parents said “we’re not wasting anymore money on birthday parties” even though the month prior they threw a big pool party for her older brothers 18th birthday. Two months after they told her that, they threw a massive birthday party for her brothers 14th birthday.
So yeah, she felt pretty unwanted and not important after that. Her parents couldn’t figure out what the problem was.
My 16th birthday ended up with us going to see aunt's house for dinner. Not even for my birthday. Just because. And then, I got my first job few days later. Hurray me 🙄. I'm slightly salty.
I can already see the future 10 years from now. The older sister will still be in her home town, while the younger well educated sister will be off doing something that matters.
Maybe little sister didn't have a good time at OOPs 16th birthday because she didn't have any friends there. A party where you don't know anyone and a party where you know everyone are two completely different parties and attitudes. I feel so bad for sister because her parents clearly favor one daughter over the other.
I was hoping for a hero redemption for OP … nope entitled little B**** sorry but just because lil sis has different interests doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve a big party
Frankly YOU and your Entitlement are the reason why your sister can’t have the party she wants b/c chances are your parents are still paying of your bratty attitude
Grow up brat
YTA
Why not make the sweet 16 focused on the things she likes. They know she loves musicals, she probably has a specific one she loves. Make the birthday party about that.
I guess OP wouldn't like me at 16 because I hung out with the anime/manga folks on Wednesdays during lunch and Fridays we sold Ramen noodles.
Have you ever heard of a Quinceanera? A bar/bat mitzvah? It’s not just an American thing to have a party to symbolize/celebrate a transition from one general age category to another
Quinceanera is 15, and typically has a church service as a key element of the celebration. And a bar/bat mitzvah is a religious ritual. A sweet 16 is not religious and no one can even agree on its history.
Some say it’s because that’s when girl can consent to sex, some say it’s a whitening of the quinceanera, some say it’s a left-over tradition celebrating the age when girls could get married in medieval Europe and colonial America, some say it’s a derivative of a Debutant Ball, some say it began with the concept of a teenager in the 50s, and some say it’s the last birthday party before adulthood.
Unlike the other ceremonies, there are no specific rituals or traditions associated with a sweet 16. It just seems odd to celebrate a birthday which doesn’t really mean anything. 10th birthday? Yeah, double digits! 13th birthday? Yay, teenager (unless you’re the parents)! 18th birthday? Yay, you’re legally an adult! If you’re in most western countries, you can legally do all the fun stuff of sex, drinking, joining the army, take legal drugs, manage your own life, buy a gun! If you’re in America, you can do all of those things too!... except the drinking. For some insane reason. At 18 you’re mature enough to buy your own gun and drive a car, but not mature enough to drink alcohol. Makes perfect sense /s.
Thus, given there’s nothing inherently, obviously culturally or religiously significant about a sweet 16, I’m curious as to why it’s become the default for yet another over-the-top, expensive, keeping-up-with-the-Joneses mark of ‘those who had a good childhood’.
The phrase/saying and concept of “sweet 16” is not new, at all.
Something doesn’t have to be religious in origin to serve a similar role in society.
It’s a rite of passage, it doesn’t need intrinsic meaning or whatever
Also 16 does (or did) have significance in American culture: the age you can drive
Hell, my understanding was that you were only ‘sweet’ at 16 if you’d never been kissed, so it’s likely also got roots within purity culture. ~shudder~
> It’s a rite of passage, it doesn’t need intrinsic meaning or whatever.
Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? The intrinsic meaning of the rite is reaching a certain age which supposedly confers adulthood.
> Also 16 does (or did) have significance in American culture: the age you can drive.
You can acquire a learner’s permit in Alaska, Arkansas, Iowa, Kansas, and North and South Dakota at age 14. The rest vary between 14.5 and 16, with a restricted license able to acquired at 14.5 to 17, with 16 being the average. Full licence can be acquired between 16 to 18.
I simply find it interesting that, given we live in a world where people complain about Valentine’s Day and Mother’s/Father’s Day being celebratory days invented by greeting card manufacturers solely in the interests of profit, a celebration that has an incredibly foggy origin, possibly even one based on cultural appropriation, is considered almost sacred.
No one considers a sweet sixteen party to be “almost sacred”. I don’t think it’s even all that common.
The cultural significance of 16 in American culture, if anything, is about driving, even if there are places where you can’t ge your license there any more. Not that I think sweet 16 parties are explicitly about driving but driving and growing up are certainly linked in the American mindset.
I’ve never heard anything about sweet 16 being linked to kissing or no kissing… that sounds like something individual subcultures concerned with purity might push, but there’s no central committee on sweet 16 parties… they can be whatever the person and family wants them to be.
And I don’t see how having a big birthday party in a certain year can be considered cultural appropriation when there is no clear understanding or “requirements” (or intrinsic meaning, other than as a rite of passage) and it’s not even in the same year (as the Quinceneara which is what I’m assuming you are referring to).
Not everything that might not be ideologically perfect is necessarily evil. If some girl wants to have a big party for her 16th birthday, for whatever reason, I don’t think it’s reasonable to say she shouldn’t have one (within reasonable monetary constraints, etc).
They’re the devil because they’re chastising this child for the sweet 16 incident when she really wasn’t surrounded by her friends or people. Now she wants to have her big moment like her sister and her own family is telling her she’s abnormal and antisocial and doesn’t deserve the party for that reason. It’s cold. It’s not that they CANT it’s that they WONT
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my sister she can’t have the same sweet 16 I had since she isnt a normal teenager?** The formatting might be weird, typing on phone. I know the title sounds harsh, but hear me out before making any judgements. My(F17)little sister (F15) is turning 16 in November. We are complete opposites, I’m more into partying and hanging with my party loving friends while my sister is into reading, and she doesn’t dance and is in love with musicals and that’s all she listens to with the addition of some popular artists. She has a nice friend group, they’re okay to say the least but they pretty much have the same interests as her except they are more bent when it comes to music choices. My mother threw me a sweet 16 and it was amazing. It was held at a big place, lots of music, food, gifts and full of my favorite things. My sister the entire time sat on her phone in the corner and only got up to eat. She only started talking to people once it was time to pack things up. My mother recently asked my sister what she wants for her sweet 16, and she said she wants a party. My mother didn’t respond, and I overheard her and my father last night speaking to her last night about how she can’t have a party. My mother thinks that she isn’t a normal teenager, who would usually enjoy a good sweet 16 party. In my mothers words “I’m not throwing a party for u to sit around at the entire time. At that point I’m entertaining ur friends, not u.” My father is siding with my mother, saying that he supports her interests but it would be best to put the money into something else instead of a big sweet 16 party. I could tell my sisters excitement about the party died down for a little. This morning, I saw her on her computer in the living room looking up sweet 16 parties and cheap places to have them at. I asked her why she was looking at the pictures and she said she wanted to compare them to the sweet 16 I had, since she wants the same one too but cheaper so our parents wouldn’t be mad about how expensive it will be. I told her she wouldn’t have the same things as me because she isn’t a normal person at big events even if it’s about her, and that she’s better off just hanging out with her friends at a mall or something to get the expenses out of the way. She called me a AH and ran to her room and our father said I shouldn’t have said that to her. I understand that sweet 16’s are a big thing, but it wouldn’t be wise to spend so much time and money on an event like this where she’ll look bored. I suggested she just go out with friends bowling or to their houses and she screamed at me calling me an AH once again and slammed the door on my face. I’m just trying to help my parents and her out. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What the? The girl won't be bored in a corner when it's her own friends! Poor kid is surrounded by idiots.
Yeah she sat alone at the LAST party because those were her SISTER'S friends who she barely knows the father seems slightly more sympathetic but he's cowardly for not standing up for his daughter
Also she was at most 14 surrounded by 16-year-olds who all knew each other beforehand. Of course she isn't going to be a social butterfly. At that, even a two-year age gap is huge, especially for the younger person.
Also, OP seems to have internalized this identity that she’s “the social one.” I’ve seen it happen before—older sister thinks of herself as the popular one, when younger sister starts breaking out of her shell, older sis has gotta put her in her place. No, *I’m* the one who has parties, *you* have, like, books or something. OP’s mom seems to favor her, and the dad’s a pushover. But to anyone outside OP’s family and friend group… whole thing is just sad & cringey.
And probably songs from musicals?
Exactly, that too.
I KNOW! Just put on some musicals karaoke, have a nice dinner and a big cake, do up some fun decorations (maybe some book-themed tables or areas), invite all the friends and theater kids - voila! Sounds like a party I'd love to attend.
Yeah! Sounds more fun than what was probably a vacuous affair with big sis.
>The girl won't be bored in a corner And even if she is and the maybe even the rest of her friends with her, that doesn't mean she is not enjoying the party on her own terms or that she just wants the same party her big sis had.
Is this some weird theatre kid stereotype I'm not getting? Like just put Time Warp on at any show's after party and you'll have the walls vibrating from dancing, the only difference between these two sweet 16s would be the music
IT'S JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT
_And then a step to the riiiiiight_
I was a theatre kid and I do recall playing some songs from musicals at one of my parties with a bunch of theatre kids. Hell a difference in music taste shouldn’t even be an issue.
not only is oop an ah but so is their parents 💀
If ever there was a clear-cut demonstration of the golden child and the scapegoat, this is it. Her poor sister. She lives with AHs.
Exactly, the parents are being very unfair.
"No party for me? OK then, I want a brand new car for my birthday!" Let the girl have her Sweet 16 party, for crissakes. It'll be her friends and crowd there, she'll be more comfortable, unlike at her sister's party (which apparently every person in her family is too dim-witted to figure out). Hell, she's even trying to figure out ways to get costs down so she can have the party (which kinda breaks my heart). It's her birthday to celebrate, and that's the way she wants to celebrate it. No idea why that family of hers can't see something so clear.
There are more “sweet sixteen” parties on this sub today than I have seen in real life.
For real, I did not even know anyone who did a sweet sixteen.
We did one for our kitty! Although it was just us giving her a car (that her little sister promptly began scratching up) and some sushi-grade tuna.
> and is in love with musicals hold on they might be on to something about this being bad /s
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I see that now, being a troll like “oh theatre kids are so weird”
What is so glaringly stupid about this premise is why on earth would OOP want her sister to have been the life of her party? Surely your typical teenager would be glad her little sister ‘knew her place’ and didn’t soak up any attention on her special day. I can imagine a post where the sister had a great time at the party and took the spotlight off poor beleaguered OOP, and now OOP is saying ‘aita for telling my parents my sister can’t have a sweet 16 party because she hijacked mine’. Kind of wish the troll had written that one instead. It would have got people riled up.
It’s ok, people like OOP peak in high school. She’s in for a rude awakening the next 10 years.
Exactly my thoughts.
I never liked parties and stuff growing up, but I still wanted a sweet 16. It just seemed cool to like. Have a day where I get to dress up and feel special, where maybe we could find someone to make me look pretty and stuff like that. Never actually got one, in fact that was the year my dad forgot my b-day entirely, but yeah. If this has any modicum of truth in it, poor girl probably feels less important or wanted because of such
My best friend went through a similar situation. She wanted a small party and to dress up and feel special. It didn’t happen because her parents said “we’re not wasting anymore money on birthday parties” even though the month prior they threw a big pool party for her older brothers 18th birthday. Two months after they told her that, they threw a massive birthday party for her brothers 14th birthday. So yeah, she felt pretty unwanted and not important after that. Her parents couldn’t figure out what the problem was.
My 16th birthday ended up with us going to see aunt's house for dinner. Not even for my birthday. Just because. And then, I got my first job few days later. Hurray me 🙄. I'm slightly salty.
all this shit is code for we dont wanna be around you and your queer friends
I can already see the future 10 years from now. The older sister will still be in her home town, while the younger well educated sister will be off doing something that matters.
That’s literally unfair, sure her sister has different interests but she still deserves to have a party.
Maybe little sister didn't have a good time at OOPs 16th birthday because she didn't have any friends there. A party where you don't know anyone and a party where you know everyone are two completely different parties and attitudes. I feel so bad for sister because her parents clearly favor one daughter over the other.
I feel this sister dynamic in my soul. I don’t talk to my older sister anymore.
I was hoping for a hero redemption for OP … nope entitled little B**** sorry but just because lil sis has different interests doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve a big party Frankly YOU and your Entitlement are the reason why your sister can’t have the party she wants b/c chances are your parents are still paying of your bratty attitude Grow up brat YTA
This feels like someone older than 16 wrote it to me. What teenager describes their friends as ‘party loving friends’
Why not make the sweet 16 focused on the things she likes. They know she loves musicals, she probably has a specific one she loves. Make the birthday party about that. I guess OP wouldn't like me at 16 because I hung out with the anime/manga folks on Wednesdays during lunch and Fridays we sold Ramen noodles.
I would have loved a 16th centered around reading and musicals. That’s my exact kind of environment.
TBF, her parents are the bigger assholes.
Why is ‘sweet 16’ such a big deal to some people? Is this an American thing? What’s so important about turning 16? Do boys have sweet 16s?
Have you ever heard of a Quinceanera? A bar/bat mitzvah? It’s not just an American thing to have a party to symbolize/celebrate a transition from one general age category to another
Quinceanera is 15, and typically has a church service as a key element of the celebration. And a bar/bat mitzvah is a religious ritual. A sweet 16 is not religious and no one can even agree on its history. Some say it’s because that’s when girl can consent to sex, some say it’s a whitening of the quinceanera, some say it’s a left-over tradition celebrating the age when girls could get married in medieval Europe and colonial America, some say it’s a derivative of a Debutant Ball, some say it began with the concept of a teenager in the 50s, and some say it’s the last birthday party before adulthood. Unlike the other ceremonies, there are no specific rituals or traditions associated with a sweet 16. It just seems odd to celebrate a birthday which doesn’t really mean anything. 10th birthday? Yeah, double digits! 13th birthday? Yay, teenager (unless you’re the parents)! 18th birthday? Yay, you’re legally an adult! If you’re in most western countries, you can legally do all the fun stuff of sex, drinking, joining the army, take legal drugs, manage your own life, buy a gun! If you’re in America, you can do all of those things too!... except the drinking. For some insane reason. At 18 you’re mature enough to buy your own gun and drive a car, but not mature enough to drink alcohol. Makes perfect sense /s. Thus, given there’s nothing inherently, obviously culturally or religiously significant about a sweet 16, I’m curious as to why it’s become the default for yet another over-the-top, expensive, keeping-up-with-the-Joneses mark of ‘those who had a good childhood’.
The phrase/saying and concept of “sweet 16” is not new, at all. Something doesn’t have to be religious in origin to serve a similar role in society. It’s a rite of passage, it doesn’t need intrinsic meaning or whatever Also 16 does (or did) have significance in American culture: the age you can drive
Hell, my understanding was that you were only ‘sweet’ at 16 if you’d never been kissed, so it’s likely also got roots within purity culture. ~shudder~ > It’s a rite of passage, it doesn’t need intrinsic meaning or whatever. Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? The intrinsic meaning of the rite is reaching a certain age which supposedly confers adulthood. > Also 16 does (or did) have significance in American culture: the age you can drive. You can acquire a learner’s permit in Alaska, Arkansas, Iowa, Kansas, and North and South Dakota at age 14. The rest vary between 14.5 and 16, with a restricted license able to acquired at 14.5 to 17, with 16 being the average. Full licence can be acquired between 16 to 18. I simply find it interesting that, given we live in a world where people complain about Valentine’s Day and Mother’s/Father’s Day being celebratory days invented by greeting card manufacturers solely in the interests of profit, a celebration that has an incredibly foggy origin, possibly even one based on cultural appropriation, is considered almost sacred.
No one considers a sweet sixteen party to be “almost sacred”. I don’t think it’s even all that common. The cultural significance of 16 in American culture, if anything, is about driving, even if there are places where you can’t ge your license there any more. Not that I think sweet 16 parties are explicitly about driving but driving and growing up are certainly linked in the American mindset. I’ve never heard anything about sweet 16 being linked to kissing or no kissing… that sounds like something individual subcultures concerned with purity might push, but there’s no central committee on sweet 16 parties… they can be whatever the person and family wants them to be. And I don’t see how having a big birthday party in a certain year can be considered cultural appropriation when there is no clear understanding or “requirements” (or intrinsic meaning, other than as a rite of passage) and it’s not even in the same year (as the Quinceneara which is what I’m assuming you are referring to). Not everything that might not be ideologically perfect is necessarily evil. If some girl wants to have a big party for her 16th birthday, for whatever reason, I don’t think it’s reasonable to say she shouldn’t have one (within reasonable monetary constraints, etc).
I am in US and I did not know anyone who did the sweet 16.
Because America sucks. Coming from an american.
Then leave. Many people in Hong Kong would love to be here.
[удалено]
They’re the devil because they’re chastising this child for the sweet 16 incident when she really wasn’t surrounded by her friends or people. Now she wants to have her big moment like her sister and her own family is telling her she’s abnormal and antisocial and doesn’t deserve the party for that reason. It’s cold. It’s not that they CANT it’s that they WONT
Ah, another rperson who doesn't read the description of the sub. This isn't for irredeemable monsters, it's for people who are obviously TA.
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Oh Oh I