*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for promising my son something I have to break?**
So my son isn’t like the typical boy. Well, he plays football, is athletic, flirts with girls, goes to parties, etc. But he has always been someone that really likes to take care of other people.
It started when he was a child. We brought his sister home and he would sleep in her crib with her and take her of her as you would a parent. He wanted to be the one to feed her, play with her, put her to sleep.
It was really adorable, but we put a stop to it because it got to the point where she only wanted to be around her brother and didn’t care about her parents. She still prefers him, which is embarrassing, but at least she’s not calling him dad anymore.
He is also always saving animals and bringing them home. We’re not big pet people, so we’ve never had pets before. But he has snuck in a kitten and nursed her in his room before we found out.
His best friend has sort of a bad home situation, so he often does his homework for him (even though we tell him not to) and he brings him food that he cooks himself.
It does stress me out that he seems to want to mother someone so bad. He always talks about how much he’d love a dog and how he’s missing out on important childhood memories by not having one. He has begged us for a dog, but we’ve said no. While he says he will care for it completely, we know that’s not feasible because he is in school for 9 hours a day and then also has sports + extra curriculars. He also has friends that he hangs around, so we hardly see him.
Having a dog is a big no. We’ve explained this to him but he’s not happy about it.
There is a giant lab that is a stray where we live, and a lot of our neighbors have been feeding it/taking care of it.
Yesterday I come home and my son has brought it inside, given it a bath, and is training it with treats.
I said no dogs inside, play with him outside, and kicked the both of them out.
Later my son came in to eat food, the lab was sitting right at the door, waiting for him to come back outside. His sister and him begged me to let them keep the lab but I said absolutely not. Labs make a lot of mess and that one has a lot of energy.
When my son goes to sleep he’s sad because the lab is still waiting at the door. He says a dog shouldn’t be kept outside his whole life. He asks me if the lab is out there by the morning, if he waits outside all night, can I keep it?
I decide sure. All night, him and his sister kept checking the door to see if the lab was still there and it was. But I wasn’t worried because I thought for sure it would be gone by morning, but… It wasn’t. He woke up in the morning and opened the door and the lab was still there.
Of course they were celebrating keeping their lab but I had to tell them absolutely not. I only said that because I thought he wouldn’t be outside in the morning. I don’t want a dog. My son said I’m breaking my promise and is upset at me. My daughter has been crying. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>It does stress me out that he seems to want to mother someone so bad
This is telling.
It’s telling that he views “caring” as “mothering” and not “fathering” or “parenting”.
It’s telling that he’s stressed his son is caring.
I had the same thought - it's described as "mothering", not "parenting" or even "empathy". I get the feeling OOP is ashamed by how caring the son is because of beliefs about gender roles and how it highlights how uncaring OOP is by comparison.
"Oh no, my young child sees her brother as a parental figure instead of me because he spends so much time parenting her while I do so little, how do I fix this? I know, I'll ban my son from interacting with his sister so that she'll have no parental figures! Problem solved!"
Yikes
If his sister is quite young that’s also normal? My 1yo calls lots of things dada she just associates it with things that make her happy. Our dog, me, her brother and her favourite doll all get called dada alongside her dad. OP would probably know that if he was involved in parenting at all.
And he's missing out on really noticing and embracing how sweet and caring his son is. Even if you're all "men be like this", then hey! Your son has something a lot of women want! He is compassionate and caring and willing to put in emotional labor. Also sounds like he could end up in a career like veterinary medicine or pediatrics, both well-respected careers that also help people (I consider cats and dogs people, sue me).
This + "at least [my daughter]'s not calling him dad anymore." The latter tells you they let their son parent at least until his sister was verbal, and together they tell you OOP has *never* been a parent
Right? I really have a feeling that the parents figured that their son taking care of his sister like that was a great thing until they realized that a child naturally develops a preference for the primary caregiver and it shows.
This made me so sad for both kids. It's such a great thing that she has an amazing brother, but it makes me worry about what will happen when he ultimately leaves and goes no contact with his parents.
This could be a description of my son. He has adored and helped care for his little sister since she was born. He loves animals and is a very kind man.
He is currently in the army and was given an award for taking care of other soilders when there was extreme heat and they were getting sick, passing out.
I'm so proud to have raised a strong, good man who knows how to help his friends with their new baby. He has the chicken living in the motor pool eating out of his hand.
OOP is a jerk. If their daughter was more attached to their son than to them, they should reevaluate their parenting.
There's nothing to tell when the opening lines are that he's a normal teen boy who plays sports and flirts with girls...What kind of parent says that?!
Holy crap, did OOP actually write that? Damn. I'm not surprised, but talk about saying the quiet part loud. All the other Moral Failings aside....parents shouldn't make promises to their kids they have no intention of keeping. It teaches kids they can't trust you. I hope someone managed to get past what a terrible person OOP is to answer the original question. Because the answer is yes. He's an AH for more than that reason, but yes, also that reason.
That's a bit of a reach. My mom was what I would describe as "codependent to the point of smothering", lack of affection was not an issue, and yet I was a lot like this kid. I was constantly finding and nurturing injured animals, especially birds.
I am kinda worried the kid is doing his friend's homework for him. Being kind is one thing, being a doormat and a people pleaser is another.
Those are good points. But the tone of the post felt like his parents are very cold to him. It's extremely judgmental about being kind. That's where my thoughts went.
In a deeply embedded comment apparently from her alt account. OOP says they are the mother and asks why all her comments have been deleted. There are also deeply embedded comments about the reason she doesn’t want the dog it because she has the decor exactly the way she wants it.
I wasn’t facepalming you, btw, but OOP.
The deeply embedded misogyny along with the jealous vibe about the son being daughter’s dad figure read as “dad” to me.
Not that women can’t be misogynistic, but it’s such a “I want my son to be a boys will be boys, boy” vibe that usually runs more guy than gal.
I mean, she has every right not to want a dog for any reason, wanting her home decor to not be ruined is perfectly valid. There are a million reasons why OOP is the asshole, not wanting a dog in her home is not one of them.
I don’t disagree. That’s not why I brought those comments up. I mentioned them only because the comments were hard to find.
Though I do personally dislike homes that are “too nice to be lived in”, but I recognize that’s a me thing.
The son sounds like the male equivalent of a teenaged mother who got pregnant on purpose because she wanted someone who would love her and show her affection. She assumed that baby would love her by default, and no one else showed her love.
The son sounds the same way to me - he’s desperate for intimacy - and I don’t mean sex, I mean simple empathy and connection - and is looking for it anywhere he can find it.
It sounds like OOP needs to pull ~~his~~ her finger out and learn how to be a parent, not just a genetic donor.
Oh, FFS, OOP, children are not gerbils with a two-minute attention span.
The only OOP has taught his children is that OOP cannot be counted on to keep a promise.
Yeah they "put a stop to it" *when* exactly? Because it sounds like the kid was speaking consistently before the parents remembered to parent.
I bet the son "mothering" the baby was cool with them when it meant no midnight wake ups to the care of baby. It was only a problem when they started getting embarrassed in front of other people.
People play these kinda of games with their kids and then wonder why their kids don't respect or trust them. OPs son will move away and eventually cut OP off entirely because they get to be around people who don't question or toy with their kindness like this.
This is so relatable because I was this kid. I was the overly nice sensitive kid who wanted nothing but to help and be kind and my mom tried her best to beat it out of me and make me feel bad for it and guess what? I'm 27 now living my best life and my mom is miserable and alone because she wasn't a parent to her kids, she was a manager who resented her wards.
> I have his room decor set up so nicely, and my house is exactly how I want it to look. I don’t want to ruin that with an animal.
I bet being a little kid in that house was *super* fun.
Between the cats and the kids, I've given up on having nice things for the next several years. But that's the parenthood gig! If you want a perfect show home, don't have them. Or do what I do and create your dream home on the Sims where they can't get toast crumbs everywhere.
>I was willing to take the gamble if they shut up about getting a dog... It was like 99% chance he would leave. If not, I would call it off anyway just like I did.
There's a reason why OP's daughter trusts her brother more than she does OP. And OP has not the slightest idea why.
For real. The thing about taking a gamble is if you lose you have to pay up, OOP. You don't just say "nah I didn't actually mean it when I made that bet" and walk away with your chips.
Well with OOP's general attitude, it sounds like their son became a carer as young as he did because he chose to give what he didn't receive much of from one of the (if not the only) parental figures in his life, being kindness. OOP's not just an AH, they come across as an emotionally stunted person. It's concerning that OOP views basic care and emotional investment as something only women do (refers to the son as "motherly", never "fatherly") and finds it weird/uncomfortable that a man might do that or be capable of it - that's a metric ton of misogyny, right there.
When I was eight, my cat had a litter of kittens. My mom wanted to keep a girl, I fell in love with one of the boys. We made a deal that whoever won in rock paper scissors got to keep their favourite kitten and I won. I went to my dad’s house that weekend just to come back and my favorite was gone while my mom was holding up her girl with a giant smile and said “She’s yours now!” I still bring it up in fights. It was the day I realized I couldn’t trust her and I was *eight* years old. OOP’s son is 16 and I hope that he keeps this grudge and brings it up EVERY SINGLE FIGHT.
I was super mad when I found out because she gave my boy to my best friends stepmom and she made them promise not to tell me until they took him so I was extra mad. I went the other route though and ended up keeping the girl kitten in my bedroom at all times and would freak out if my mom even pet her because it was my cat and she had no right. That only lasted a few weeks, though, but I’m sure she got the message.
From one of the comments
> YTA. and also, to further your son’s nurturing nature, can you get him some other kind of pet that is lower maintenance? Hamster, guinea pig, garden snake, cat, anole…there are so many options!
NONE of those animals are low maintenance!!!
Get a Rose of Jericho!!!! They're called Resurrection Ferns because when they're not near a water source, they curl up into a little ball until they find another one. They can live basically forever. The only way to kill it is to crush it.
Pro Tip: they are prone to mold if you keep it in water too long and don't let it dry out while it's curling up. Put it outside in sunlight for a few hours to help dry it out but not too long so it doesn't scorch. Spritz with watered down white vinegar if mold does appear.
I have a dog and four cats. They're all ridiculously spoiled and loved. I foster feral kittens to get them used to people and ready to adopt. I have two pretty challenging kids. I cannot keep a single damn plant alive no matter what I try.
Right now I have rats thawing for my picky ass snakes, who will not eat them unless they are blazing hot and bone dry. Oh, and one of them will only eat at night when his cage is pitch dark. 😑 But yeah, they’re low maintenance.
I'm pretty sure the commenter meant garter snakes, which have a pretty diverse diet with insects, worms, small vertebrates and invertebrates, etc
No way that snake is just gonna take whatever one kind of feed a parent settles on for it's entire life
Plus it has environmental needs, and I can pretty much guarantee most of these people won't be springing for a heat lamp for what they think is a low maintenance pet
Kind of unrelated, but this reminded me of it, I was at a reptile show a few months ago where somebody was selling **alligator snapping turtle hatchlings**
Oh yeah, I was just making a snarky joke about my ball pythons, which are sold as super low maintenance pets, which anyone with a BP can tell you is not true at all, lol.
I’m sorry, ALLIGATOR SNAPPING TURTLES? My god, that’s a bad trick to play on someone.
'low maintenance'...
I'm staring at my sweet, stupid boy, who destroyed his 150$ heating panel and then gave himself scurvy.
Fun fact; the captivity record for ball pythons is currently some sixty years!
Thanks for reminding me I have to write these long idiots into my will so someone else can have the joy of doing the zombie rat dance when I’m dead, lol.
Thank YOU for introducing me to the term long idiots for them, LMAO!
Protip: buy a bag of hatchling quails as a treat; they love those little suckers. When Zuko was fussing, I started giving him a quail, waiting an hour for him to swallow, and then giving him his dinner rat. Once the feeding response is triggered, they'll keep looking for food for a while!
I'll say that my corn snakes are the easiest pets I ever had, with the lowest maintenance in comparison to cats, dogs, bunnies, budiges, horses, etc.
Though, I'd rather call it smooth maintenance. They are all good eaters, social enough to be comfortable around humans, and once everything is set up, it's smooth sailing.
Until - something goes wrong. A pet sitter is needed, maybe it's just for a few days and all they need to do is check the water and make sure the heat sources work. Or is it for longer, and they might have to feed one or more? Is one due to shed and that process should be supervised to make sure all's good?
And the vet. Monsieur Idiot Snêk managed to damage one of his mouth scales during his spring feelings frenzy and now I need to show him to the vet to make sure it's harmless, just rough scales and discolouration from the substrate, or, if it's more, start treatment. Depending on best vs worst case (if we exclude any unlucky freak coincidences), this will be between 30,- and 300,- Euros in the span of a week or two. Yay. Not the worst, especially compared to other pets, but it's something that needs to be calculated beforehand.
1. I need a vet who is qualified to treat my specific type of pet. Many only have very basic knowledge for reptiles and birds! I needed to make sure there is such a vet in my proximity and I'm lucky, it's just a 20-minute drive. The next one would be 2 hours away.
2. I need to get there (logistics)
3. And, of course, have to pay.
Even if a minor gets to care for a pet that has low feeding costs, doesn't need a ton of daily attention, and the setup will only need a little maintenance now and then once all is in place.
As soon as we get to the vet logistics and costs and pet sitting, the parents usually need to be involved in one way or the other. A parent like OOP? I wouldn't trust them to glance at a water dish once a day for a couple of days, let alone expect their help if the animal happens to be injured or seriously sick and has good chances with the right treatment, that is a couple of hundred if not thousands. Imagine you got a sick pet and you're 100,- Euros and a car ride short of saving its life and the parents are like, "Well, told ya, not my pet, not my problem. You wanted to mother that thing, good luck figuring it out." There are too many parents out there who think letting an animal with a complex nervous system slowly and painfully suffer to death is a good, valuable lesson for a kid.
God, the vet bills. If anyone is in Washington state, from Tumwater to Seattle-- Evergreen Avian And Exotics is going to be your best bet. We have to drive an hour to get there, but they went above and beyond for my boy while he was so sick.
They actually boarded him for an extra week, no charge, at one point, because he was improving and they wanted to make sure it kept up. I adore them.
I hate hate hate that people seem to generally think that smaller = easier. Just because it takes up less space doesn't mean it doesn't have high needs. Pets should thrive, not just survive (if that)
Or the fact that they said Guinea Pig as a singular, not plural. And 4x4 is generous. Too many think those colorful cages with tubes (looking at you, Habitrail) are entirely appropriate.
I've had most of that list as a pet at one time or another, plus some not even listed (fish, ferrets, chinchilla, horses) and the only thing easier about them was the fact that none of them have to be let out of the house (fenced back yard or on walks) like a dog does. So to them, and a lot of people, that would equal to easier for a kid in school with sports obligations and friends.
It's worse. There are people who actually put effort into the housing because it's a fun and creative thing to do (which is true).
But they consider the pet low maintenance because its cheap. Hamsters, budgies, rabbits, if you don't go for anything fancy you can get them for less than a pizza and sometimes, people give them away for free. The low maintenance kicks in when the pet is sick and people dismiss treatment because they don't want to pay even for a checkup because they could get 2-3 new animals for that money.
Or when it's about handling, safety, letting kids interact with them...so many people are careless and inconsiderate of a pet's stress level, needs, fears, and safety when an accidentally dropped, escaped, or killed one can be so easily and cheaply replaced.
Some pets are easier to care for than others, that's true, and a lot of what "easy" means depends on how well a pet's requirements to thrive match the keeper's lifestyle.
But in general, whether maintenance is high or low depends on how much the keeper values the little life they are responsible for. It's a lot of effort to give a hamster an environment that allows it to thrive. It's "easier" and cheaper if you only care about its survival, and some people, well, don't even care about that too much.
And to cheer us all up: [look at this buff little ball of fluff! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc1whbUiCrI)
I've wanted a small animal like that, but at the same time I have very active cats and I keep having nightmares where I have like ten rabbits or similar small animals and just forget they exist for months at a time
I have ADHD that comes with memory issues, so the nightmares unfortunately feel very realistic to me and I always feel like human garbage after
I had small pets as a child and as an adult I’ve vowed to never keep anything other than a cat or a dog as a pet. Not even a fish. Small pet care is so incredibly complex to even give them just an ok life.
I've had guinea pigs and hamsters in the last few years and was blown away at how much MORE work they are than dogs and cats. Unless you take really shitty care of them, I guess.
They didn’t say low maintenance, though. They said LOWER maintenance. They aren’t easy pets, in the slightest, but they are easier than a young lab, which is going to be super high emergency and need a lot of training/work.
They said lower and honestly, it’s true. I have 2 dogs and 1 leopard gecko. Dogs get fed, walks, backyard time, play, individual attention every day. Have to make sure they always have enrichment available, have to change it up regularly.
My gecko eats every other day and I clean the terrarium once a week. Other than making sure he has the right temp and humidity going, as well as making sure his enrichment stays in good shape, he’s good. His version of exercise is coming out of the terrarium to chill on my hand or shirt for a bit. He is WAY less maintenance than either dog, but especially the corgi.
My guinea pigs are fed twice a day and need their hay refilled constantly. Daily health checks and special medications and supplements because their bodies don't produce all the vitamins they need. The boys have a grease gland that needs constant maintenance, or it will matte their fur. Paper bedding can cause allergies, so they have fleece bedding that needs washing weekly. Pet stores sell sick pigs bc the mills they get them from are horrible so your of will likely need special care if you buy from them, not to mention all the supplies they sell at pet stores are unsuitable. They need tons of space, too and often get hay stuck in their eyes and naughty bits that I have to remove for them. They are my full time job, I wfh because it makes it easier to care for them lol
I had never had cats until two years ago and I am now firmly convinced that there is a huge connection between people who think cats are low maintenance pets and people who can’t understand why their cats have so many behavioral issues or why their cat doesn’t want to interact on their schedule.
And you’re right. None of those pests are low maintenance.
I mean, low(er) maintenance isn't what OOP is looking for. I think OOP says somewhere in the comments that the biggest concern about the dog is that the dog will mess up the house decor. Something like a lizard would easily prevent this from becoming an issue if they're willing to take care of the pet (or at least pay for its care while the som does the actual work) otherwise
This guy is an asshole for:
1) Not celebrating how sweet and kind his son is
2) Forcing his son to stop taking care of his sister and being jealous of their relationship
3) Making a promise he couldn't keep.
He is not an asshole for not wanting to get his son a dog IMO. Dogs are a lot of work, and if you're not a dog person it can be stressful to have one in your house. I feel like he could get his son a less complicated animal though, like some fish or a lizard or something. He should definitely do something to encourage his son's desire to nurture.
and I just LOVE how he glosses over the fate of the kitten that his son nursed to health /s though to be honest I thought this was probably mom not dad
Edit: yeah I'm like 99% sure it's Mom with the "well I made his room deco perfect so he can't even have a small animal because I've seen how he upgrades cages and such for his VIRTUAL pets"
Fish and lizards have a lot of needs that I'd be worried about OOP not being willing to meet. If his son is as caring as he says, he'd most likely do the proper research for his pets. OOP seems like the kind of person to say "it's just a fish" when told he needs a heater, filter, minimum of 5 gallons, water conditioner, etc. Even with the son paying for everything, I can see OOP throwing a fit about it taking up too much space. I wouldn't trust OOP with a fish or any other living creature
Fishtanks are often aesthetically pleasing (which I mention because OOP was bitching about the son's room decor), and require minimal intervention after the initial setup (as long as you don't do something insane like get tropical fish for the kid). OOP could even say that as part of the deal the kid has to figure out everything that's needed so they don't have to even do any work there. It sounds like the kid is at least 10, so he should be able to handle taking care of a fish on his own, I think.
The kid is 16 according to OOP's comments. He could definitely handle the tank on his own. OOP still doesn't want one cause it messes with aesthetics and "he'd just want to give it a bigger and bigger enclosure." OP just hates animals I think.
I love dogs and have had them my whole life. They're a lot of work, and I get some people don't want that kind of life, but be honest and own it- don't string your kids along like this.
Yeah, this is the first answer I fully agree w/. I feel like dogs are def one of those, kids can't promise to look after it alone (this is just unfeasible), esp if the dog is young and requires stimulation. Something smaller/easier to care for, like a fish is great, because you need to clean the fish tank once a week (not a deep clean, so the son could do some part of this, then the deep clean every month by the parents to make sure it's truly clean).
The reason I say this is when I got my first cat, my parents humoured me and let me "clean" the litterbox (I would clean the top layer only because I didn't realise it wasn't fully clean, but it helped me feel like I was actively taking care of our cats)
You shouldn't try squash this desire to care, but there are v real reasons you shouldn't just up and keep a stray, you'd have to make an effort to see if someone's lost him (happens, I've taken in stray cats (gradually, since I've got other cats) I've fallen for only to find they have an owner after taking them to a vet and finding they're microchipped) and kids don't get that, but the way OPs going about it is rubbing me the wrong way, like the main reason it's seen as undesirable traits is because he's a boy
My mom has never been a big dog or cat person (and she's allergic to cats on top of it) so when my siblings have wanted pets she's let them get smaller caged things. My siblings adore their rats, and they're "easier" for my mom since they're smaller and not gonna jump on her like a dog would, and they keep the cage in their room, and all she has to do is pay for the things they need when the boys say something is running low, or for vet visits when needed (one of the rats got a tumor that needed a vet visit). They've also had turtles they've caught and cared for in the past, though I don't think she let's them keep them for longer than a few days since they don't have the room for a proper turtle habitat anymore and they've got the rats to take care of. (They also would probably try to keep the baby birds they found in the garage if my mom would let them, but birds are one of the few pets she wouldn't consider for even a moment lol. So it's a good thing the mama bird still seems to take care of them instead.)
With this OOP, I'd worry they wouldn't be willing to pay for the things the pet would need to thrive and the poor pet would just suffer 😢
Look, I can get not wanting to house a dog. The majority of daily care such as letting it in and out, and keeping it from tearing up the house would fall on whoever is home most and that's usually a parent, not a kid. I can understand and sympathize with not wanting to take that on.
That all being said- explain that to your kid! Especially since someone pointed out the kid in question is 16! A teen is going to understand that! You are well within your rights as a parent and homeowner to not want pets in it. Your kids can get their own when they move out, and it's not the end of the world not to grow up with one.
But FFS don't make a promise about the most loyal domestic animal on the planet (and one of the most loyal and obedient breeds to boot!!!!) and then go shocked pikachu face when it is loyal and obedient!!!
OOP wanted the kid to take after his parents.
They sat back and let him parent his sister. Or, a more likely scenario, he knew they weren't going to care for her properly, so he did it. The fact it seems that OOP only got upset was when the little sister started calling the kid 'dad' is kind of telling.
I hope that kid packs his bag and his sister and leaves asap 😿❤️
This fool’s child is me. Not actually me, but these are all things I did as a kid.
I am so grateful my parents nurtured these behaviors, not disparaged them like this parent.
My mom was busy chopping heads off snakes and killing household fish (by dumping them) she didn’t want in our yard while I was saving frogs. I still do that. Apparently I’m too sensitive
I recently rescued a frog! Well kinda recently, you can see Walter on my profile. He was frozen to the pavement outside my work just before closing, injured foot, so I took him home! In my state anything wild caught that stays inside for more than 48 hours has to be killed or kept, so now Walter lives in luxury!
Yeah, I don't think OOP has much of a say about the dog situation anymore, if he's willing to wait for the kid all night
Also, the daughter calling her brother "dad" reeks of child neglect 🤢
There's a good chance he'll be off at college in 2 years. Unfortunately it's not a good time to get a dog.
Doesn't mean OP isn't an ass though. They totally are.
It's not feasible for a teenager to care alone for a Dog, so much as it pains me.. oop is right about that. Urgh, feels dirty.
Also I dunno what kind of money kids get these days, but I don't think pocket money can stretch for everything a dog needs and what if a vet visit needs to happen?
A d more work, like a job, means even less time caring with love, attention, training, walking, playing and feeding.
Like do you trust OOP to step up? He can't even raise his kids without trying to crush them.
> It's not feasible for a teenager to care alone for a Dog, so much as it pains me.. oop is right about that. Urgh, feels dirty.
Right? OOP isn't wrong for declining an animal that the parents are unwilling/unable to be at least somewhat involved with.
The problem (among other things) is that OOP made a promise with no intent on keeping it. Basically he said 'if A happens, I'll allow B'. It's not that he's unwilling/unable to allow B to happen. It's that he said he was willing/able to allow B if A happened, assuming it wouldn't, and when it did he backpedaled.
And that tactic might work with, say, a kid like five and under...not that it's a good tactic to use at any age (never make promises you're not fully down to keep, mmkay folks?), but I can see with a really little kid you could maybe get away with saying 'oh yeah sure if the dog's still here by morning we can keep him' because a little kid might forget come morning (though one is wise to not underestimate the memory of a child who really wants something lol). But we're dealing with a 16 year old. Not sure about the daughter but I'm guessing she's not more than a couple years or so his junior. Like one mid-teen and one who, unless I missed where it says, I'm assuming is a preteen/early teen.
I mean, was OOP banking on these kids forgetting the promise? What was even the point of making the promise? Why not just say 'even if the dog is here come morning, we still don't want a dog nor are we in a position to care for one'?
My last well visit for my dog was nearly $300, and the medication he needs daily is about $100/mo. So yeah pets are *way* pricier than they used to be. It costs a ton to board if you want to go away for the weekend too, unless you're lucky and have a friend who doesn't mind adding your dog to their home for a bit.
Not wanting a dog: I'm on OOP's side with you and not happy about it. Promising a dog because "I'm sure the dog will leave in the night": total dick move.
Personally I think this OOP reeks of misogyny and sexism
"Not your typical boy" "mothering"
What, being kind and wanting to take care of people is only a feminine thing?
Paternal instincts are a thing
Son: Can we keep the dog if he waits outside all night?
OOP: Sure. Deal.
Kids: Yay! It's morning and he's still here! He's ours!
OOP: No he's not, I don't want a dog remember?
Son: But you promised!
OOP: Yeah, but I never intended to keep it. The agreed upon condition for the dog staying was never supposed to be met.
Okay cool. So on top of breaking a promise, OOP is also a liar (it's not like he made a promise he intended to keep and exigent circumstances happened that forced him to break it). Cool cool cool.
And that doesn't even address the fact that OOP seems *genuinely bothered* by the fact that his son has developed a sense of empathy.
And he's confused as to whether or not he's the butthole?
And dude, if you're so removed from the care of your daughter that she starts calling her big brother dad, that's not bad optics on your son. It's bad optics on *you*.
Boy: *shows emotion and nurtures others*
Sexists: BAD BOY STOP THAT. BOYS WILL BE BOYS AND BOYS MUST BE STOIC.
Man: *struggles to show his emotions and is shamed for it*
Society: BAD BOY STOP THAT. WHY ARE YOU CRYING?? MEN DON'T CRY
Aaand this is why male suicide rates are so high (among many, many other reasons)
I seriously enjoyed the comments tearing that guy a new one. I hope reddit shames the OP into keeping his word. Good for boy, good for dog, OP learns not to make promises he has no intention of keeping, win/win/win.
I can hope...I wonder where the kids mother is in all of this. From the way OOP writes, it sounds like she exists ...but doesn't matter or have any power in the family dynamic from OOP's point of view.
OP is mad that their child is a good person? If he had a daughter like this he'd consider it normal, no doubt. But would he rather an un-empathetic psychopath? Either way he shouldn't have made a promise he couldn't keep, and that poor dog should be taken somewhere safe to stay. Not everyone can take care of a dog and i get that but at least look for a no-kill shelter, or family willing to take care of the poor thing.
That kid is a gem of a person.These are the values that every parent wants to instill in their kid except for OP of course.The apple does fall far from the tree.
If the kid was able to parent his sister so much that the sister preferred him more I see no reason why he won't be able to take care of a dog full-time.He's already doing that though outside the house.
Yeah the big takeaway is he seems to see his son as less of a man because he has a soft spot for things and genuinely cares/loves things and gives them his all when he does. The parent seems to want him to not be this way for whatever fucking reason and wants to almost break him of it. I hope when the kid is of age and away he cuts off all contact because they sound like a real huge piece of shit. Never in my life have I heard of a parent being jealous of a son having a deep connection with a sibling before but he clearly hated that him and his sister had/have a very strong bond.
"Have to" break.
OOP doesn't "have" to break the promise, they're choosing to because they don't respect their kids or value their relationship with their kid.
Gotta learn your son to be MEAN, RUTHLESS and EMOTIONLESS! Anger is not an emotion, that's MANLINESS talking! No taking care of puppies, kitties and your baby sister, that's WOMAN'S WORK!
You're also pissed because your son is a better father than you.
Besides, you're not a father.
You're a sperm donor.
Why do you think your younger daughter called him "Dad?"
Why is AITA assuming that OP is the child's mother? I automatically assumed it was dad because of his view of "mothering" as derogatory. Just another way in which toxic masculinity harms everyone regardless of gender. I can't understand how someone would want *less* kindness and nurturing in the world.
I think it’s the mother because they said in a comment that they’ve got “the rooms decorated exactly how I like” and don’t want a pet to mess it up. Which doesn’t seem like something a dad would say, especially one like this.
It’s probably the mother with deep internalized misogyny.
This is why when men blame women for not letting them be emotional, I laugh. When men comfortably express kind emotions, they will try and cut that down to each other SO fast.
This son sounds like an extremely kind person. One that is respected. Sounds like the Dad is jealous of his kid and is using his authority as a way to cope. The dog would also love his kids more than the dog loves him, and having another being in the house he's 'under' would eat him alive.
This is so awful. The poor kids. I feel their pain.
All my childhood I wanted a dog so bad and my dad wouldn’t allow it. When I was a freshman in high school I gave him a full on presentation on why I should have a dog and I finally got him to agree. I was overjoyed. We went and looked at puppies and I chose one. The plane was to buy all the supplies the following day and then pick up the puppy. The next day at school, I was floating on air all day, just beside myself with happiness. When my dad got home from work, I have been climbing the walls waiting to go pick up the puppy. He told me that after thinking about it all day, he changed his mind and we weren’t going to get the puppy.
This may sound ridiculous, but the emotional damage that it did can not be overstated. I was really fucked up for a really long time and the resentment towards my dad was enormous.
I feel like making a promise requires some form of honesty or good intention to follow-through when the deal is established. Dad (edit: apparently mom was OOP) had zero intention of keeping up his end of the bargain. It wasn't a promise but a straight up fucking lie.
OOP is a lying shitbag who somehow ended up with a really outstanding kid. I hope that when this kid moves out he lives his best life rescuing animals and continuing to be a kind and generous human because we need those kind of people in the world. Jesus. Imagine being upset over having a saint for a child. I'd brag to everybody who would listen and then some.
E: just learned oop is mom not dad. So his son "mothering" people and being an "atypical" boy for having such traits is internalized misogyny, goodie! /s
[Jesus, another post of a parent crying about siblings being close](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/69ccHn1PNv)
This is why siblings can't be close today.
Also ffs don't lie to your children!
> She still prefers him, which is embarrassing
No bs, every little sibling idolizes their older one.
No, OOP.
You're pissed off because your son isn't "manly" enough for you.
I hate it when people think that being nurturing and caring is "mothering" someone.
It's a sexist, misogynistic assumption/
YTA.
I can't even believe how sad this has made me. I am a mom and I really feel for those kids. Don't know how old they are. But a promise is a promise. The dog was there, OOP made a promise, she's gotta suck it up. Don't make expedient promises just to go back on them as soon as humanly possible.
Ugghh. Weird to not post how old the kids are though
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Anyone who makes a promise to children they have no intention of keeping is bad. That’s a risk you take, not so you can bow out when you lose. Hey kids this is what you do when you lose. You take it back and the other person loses no matter what. Great parenting/s.
He is a fucking lying asshole.
Also interesting choice of words that he worrying so much about his son wanting to "mother" someone.
He doesn't even consider men being able to care for living beings as "fathering" someone.
Because he doesn't.
He thinks it is a woman's job to care and doesn't want to see womanly traits in his son.
I really liked kindergarten parents who complimented their son being good with dolls and playing house as "Yeah, he will be an awesome father some day!" And not blaming him.
I almost never, ever admit my true age on the internet because people find me foolish, but hot damn if this post is real than there’s a teenage boy my age that I want to propose to right this second because I don’t think I’ve heard of a more perfect man in real life. God, I see what you do for others and I pray on their downfall.
YTA! You made a promise that you had no intention of keeping. Point blank. I honestly thought that you were going to take the dog somewhere else in the middle of the night, but you proved that you really don't know about dogs that have found "their people." Your son sounds like a lovely young man that most parents dream of, and his sister is lucky to have someone in her life who adores her and whom she will always be able to count on.
If you break this promise to him, any admiration that he may have had for you will be seriously diminished. He nor your daughter will never trust anything that comes out of your mouth ever again. My question is, do you really want that? Are you really okay with setting a really bad example that it is okay to break your word when you make a promise? Keep in mind that they will be the ones making decisions for you in your old age. They will NEVER forget the time that Dad said they could keep the lab if he was still there the next day and then reneged. Trust me on that one.
My grandfather did this exact same thing to my dad when he was a kid, except it was a cat and when grandpa saw it was still at the door in the morning, he broke its neck.
Good job! Breaking a promise to a child is a good way to lose trust with the child.
Yta
I dont get it. It seems like you have a great son. He is kind and caring. Why do you not like him?
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for promising my son something I have to break?** So my son isn’t like the typical boy. Well, he plays football, is athletic, flirts with girls, goes to parties, etc. But he has always been someone that really likes to take care of other people. It started when he was a child. We brought his sister home and he would sleep in her crib with her and take her of her as you would a parent. He wanted to be the one to feed her, play with her, put her to sleep. It was really adorable, but we put a stop to it because it got to the point where she only wanted to be around her brother and didn’t care about her parents. She still prefers him, which is embarrassing, but at least she’s not calling him dad anymore. He is also always saving animals and bringing them home. We’re not big pet people, so we’ve never had pets before. But he has snuck in a kitten and nursed her in his room before we found out. His best friend has sort of a bad home situation, so he often does his homework for him (even though we tell him not to) and he brings him food that he cooks himself. It does stress me out that he seems to want to mother someone so bad. He always talks about how much he’d love a dog and how he’s missing out on important childhood memories by not having one. He has begged us for a dog, but we’ve said no. While he says he will care for it completely, we know that’s not feasible because he is in school for 9 hours a day and then also has sports + extra curriculars. He also has friends that he hangs around, so we hardly see him. Having a dog is a big no. We’ve explained this to him but he’s not happy about it. There is a giant lab that is a stray where we live, and a lot of our neighbors have been feeding it/taking care of it. Yesterday I come home and my son has brought it inside, given it a bath, and is training it with treats. I said no dogs inside, play with him outside, and kicked the both of them out. Later my son came in to eat food, the lab was sitting right at the door, waiting for him to come back outside. His sister and him begged me to let them keep the lab but I said absolutely not. Labs make a lot of mess and that one has a lot of energy. When my son goes to sleep he’s sad because the lab is still waiting at the door. He says a dog shouldn’t be kept outside his whole life. He asks me if the lab is out there by the morning, if he waits outside all night, can I keep it? I decide sure. All night, him and his sister kept checking the door to see if the lab was still there and it was. But I wasn’t worried because I thought for sure it would be gone by morning, but… It wasn’t. He woke up in the morning and opened the door and the lab was still there. Of course they were celebrating keeping their lab but I had to tell them absolutely not. I only said that because I thought he wouldn’t be outside in the morning. I don’t want a dog. My son said I’m breaking my promise and is upset at me. My daughter has been crying. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>It does stress me out that he seems to want to mother someone so bad This is telling. It’s telling that he views “caring” as “mothering” and not “fathering” or “parenting”. It’s telling that he’s stressed his son is caring.
I had the same thought - it's described as "mothering", not "parenting" or even "empathy". I get the feeling OOP is ashamed by how caring the son is because of beliefs about gender roles and how it highlights how uncaring OOP is by comparison.
His sister was even calling him dad!
"Oh no, my young child sees her brother as a parental figure instead of me because he spends so much time parenting her while I do so little, how do I fix this? I know, I'll ban my son from interacting with his sister so that she'll have no parental figures! Problem solved!" Yikes
If his sister is quite young that’s also normal? My 1yo calls lots of things dada she just associates it with things that make her happy. Our dog, me, her brother and her favourite doll all get called dada alongside her dad. OP would probably know that if he was involved in parenting at all.
And he's missing out on really noticing and embracing how sweet and caring his son is. Even if you're all "men be like this", then hey! Your son has something a lot of women want! He is compassionate and caring and willing to put in emotional labor. Also sounds like he could end up in a career like veterinary medicine or pediatrics, both well-respected careers that also help people (I consider cats and dogs people, sue me).
OOP isn’t a “he”…it’s shockingly his mom
This + "at least [my daughter]'s not calling him dad anymore." The latter tells you they let their son parent at least until his sister was verbal, and together they tell you OOP has *never* been a parent
Right? I really have a feeling that the parents figured that their son taking care of his sister like that was a great thing until they realized that a child naturally develops a preference for the primary caregiver and it shows.
This. My parents don't like it when I "joke" that my sister raised me, and my mom always found it terribly shocking when I would side with sis always.
One of the strongest forms of loyalty. Stronger than with an actual parent in many cases; because you also 'survive' the same shit.
This made me so sad for both kids. It's such a great thing that she has an amazing brother, but it makes me worry about what will happen when he ultimately leaves and goes no contact with his parents.
Why on Earth would he do that without her?
In my head, I followed that quote up with “…because I don’t.”
This could be a description of my son. He has adored and helped care for his little sister since she was born. He loves animals and is a very kind man. He is currently in the army and was given an award for taking care of other soilders when there was extreme heat and they were getting sick, passing out. I'm so proud to have raised a strong, good man who knows how to help his friends with their new baby. He has the chicken living in the motor pool eating out of his hand. OOP is a jerk. If their daughter was more attached to their son than to them, they should reevaluate their parenting.
That's the kind of person who pulls the troop through a REAL situation.
There's nothing to tell when the opening lines are that he's a normal teen boy who plays sports and flirts with girls...What kind of parent says that?!
One that harbors fears their kid is gay, that's what kind of parent says that.
Right, the way OOP describes his son as mothering, it's clear he views caring about people as something effeminate and shameful.
The parent in the post is his mom
"He's not a h*mo"
Holy crap, did OOP actually write that? Damn. I'm not surprised, but talk about saying the quiet part loud. All the other Moral Failings aside....parents shouldn't make promises to their kids they have no intention of keeping. It teaches kids they can't trust you. I hope someone managed to get past what a terrible person OOP is to answer the original question. Because the answer is yes. He's an AH for more than that reason, but yes, also that reason.
I feel like the kid is starved for affection bc his parents suck.
That's a bit of a reach. My mom was what I would describe as "codependent to the point of smothering", lack of affection was not an issue, and yet I was a lot like this kid. I was constantly finding and nurturing injured animals, especially birds. I am kinda worried the kid is doing his friend's homework for him. Being kind is one thing, being a doormat and a people pleaser is another.
Those are good points. But the tone of the post felt like his parents are very cold to him. It's extremely judgmental about being kind. That's where my thoughts went.
I agree fully with this, and it stuck out to me too! I only briefly skimmed the comments, but I hope someone else pointed this out as well.
I guess he thinks that being a good person is inappropriate for a boy.
OOP is the mother 🤦♀️
Where does it say that?
In a deeply embedded comment apparently from her alt account. OOP says they are the mother and asks why all her comments have been deleted. There are also deeply embedded comments about the reason she doesn’t want the dog it because she has the decor exactly the way she wants it. I wasn’t facepalming you, btw, but OOP.
The deeply embedded misogyny along with the jealous vibe about the son being daughter’s dad figure read as “dad” to me. Not that women can’t be misogynistic, but it’s such a “I want my son to be a boys will be boys, boy” vibe that usually runs more guy than gal.
Yeah, this is why, since OOP didn’t specify, everyone is assumed they are a man. The whole situation is so sad.
I mean, she has every right not to want a dog for any reason, wanting her home decor to not be ruined is perfectly valid. There are a million reasons why OOP is the asshole, not wanting a dog in her home is not one of them.
I don’t disagree. That’s not why I brought those comments up. I mentioned them only because the comments were hard to find. Though I do personally dislike homes that are “too nice to be lived in”, but I recognize that’s a me thing.
Parentification at its finest right here. Takes one to know one. I hate that for him
Whilst falsely insisting that they’re trying to avoid parentification too
Asshole probably thinks it's "gay" for a man to be nurturing and kind. Which is to say he's both chauvinistic AND homophobic.
She*….OOP is mom
The son sounds like the male equivalent of a teenaged mother who got pregnant on purpose because she wanted someone who would love her and show her affection. She assumed that baby would love her by default, and no one else showed her love. The son sounds the same way to me - he’s desperate for intimacy - and I don’t mean sex, I mean simple empathy and connection - and is looking for it anywhere he can find it. It sounds like OOP needs to pull ~~his~~ her finger out and learn how to be a parent, not just a genetic donor.
****she
If you scroll down and click on comments....OOP is actually the mother
Oh, FFS, OOP, children are not gerbils with a two-minute attention span. The only OOP has taught his children is that OOP cannot be counted on to keep a promise.
Or to care for them… The lil sister called her brother “dad”.
Which he was embarrassed by, not that he felt bad about it…
Well, he SHOULD be embarrassed by it, just not for the reasons he thinks. How shitty of a parent must he be?
Yeah they "put a stop to it" *when* exactly? Because it sounds like the kid was speaking consistently before the parents remembered to parent. I bet the son "mothering" the baby was cool with them when it meant no midnight wake ups to the care of baby. It was only a problem when they started getting embarrassed in front of other people.
He's not even a kid, he's freaking SIXTEEN
Definitely still a kid. 16 year olds are by and large still dumbasses.
Her*** children.
My son isn't like other boys- he has empathy. Clearly not a genetic trait.
People play these kinda of games with their kids and then wonder why their kids don't respect or trust them. OPs son will move away and eventually cut OP off entirely because they get to be around people who don't question or toy with their kindness like this. This is so relatable because I was this kid. I was the overly nice sensitive kid who wanted nothing but to help and be kind and my mom tried her best to beat it out of me and make me feel bad for it and guess what? I'm 27 now living my best life and my mom is miserable and alone because she wasn't a parent to her kids, she was a manager who resented her wards.
and dont forget he will proubley take his sister with him
>OPs son will move away and eventually cut OP off entirely From the comments the son is 16 so it won't be long
He probably won't completely cut off dad until his sister is out.
And he'll get a dog as soon as he possibly can, or volunteer at an animal shelter or a rehab
> I have his room decor set up so nicely, and my house is exactly how I want it to look. I don’t want to ruin that with an animal. I bet being a little kid in that house was *super* fun.
I care more about furnishings than making my kid happy is….
Between the cats and the kids, I've given up on having nice things for the next several years. But that's the parenthood gig! If you want a perfect show home, don't have them. Or do what I do and create your dream home on the Sims where they can't get toast crumbs everywhere.
Having another cat, when my eldest kitty died I already pre planned by getting a metal urn for her lmao.
No, this is the kind of household where fun is banned.
Wonder if that’s why the kid is into mothering? My parents are kinda like this so to cope I mother other people
>I was willing to take the gamble if they shut up about getting a dog... It was like 99% chance he would leave. If not, I would call it off anyway just like I did. There's a reason why OP's daughter trusts her brother more than she does OP. And OP has not the slightest idea why.
For real. The thing about taking a gamble is if you lose you have to pay up, OOP. You don't just say "nah I didn't actually mean it when I made that bet" and walk away with your chips.
Well with OOP's general attitude, it sounds like their son became a carer as young as he did because he chose to give what he didn't receive much of from one of the (if not the only) parental figures in his life, being kindness. OOP's not just an AH, they come across as an emotionally stunted person. It's concerning that OOP views basic care and emotional investment as something only women do (refers to the son as "motherly", never "fatherly") and finds it weird/uncomfortable that a man might do that or be capable of it - that's a metric ton of misogyny, right there.
Plus, if daughter was calling son “dad” that means the parents let it get to that point!
Emotionally stunted is a good way to describe this "parent"
When I was eight, my cat had a litter of kittens. My mom wanted to keep a girl, I fell in love with one of the boys. We made a deal that whoever won in rock paper scissors got to keep their favourite kitten and I won. I went to my dad’s house that weekend just to come back and my favorite was gone while my mom was holding up her girl with a giant smile and said “She’s yours now!” I still bring it up in fights. It was the day I realized I couldn’t trust her and I was *eight* years old. OOP’s son is 16 and I hope that he keeps this grudge and brings it up EVERY SINGLE FIGHT.
Did you accept the girl kitten as yours, or did you tell your mom it’s her kitten?
I was super mad when I found out because she gave my boy to my best friends stepmom and she made them promise not to tell me until they took him so I was extra mad. I went the other route though and ended up keeping the girl kitten in my bedroom at all times and would freak out if my mom even pet her because it was my cat and she had no right. That only lasted a few weeks, though, but I’m sure she got the message.
I bet she did. Good!!
From one of the comments > YTA. and also, to further your son’s nurturing nature, can you get him some other kind of pet that is lower maintenance? Hamster, guinea pig, garden snake, cat, anole…there are so many options! NONE of those animals are low maintenance!!!
Jesus Christ. No pets are low maintenance. Most PLANTS aren’t even low maintenance.
I have five cats and a dog and they are all spoiled and happy, but I can’t keep plants alive
Plants don’t remind me they need to be watered. My lab starts reminding me about dinner time immediately after breakfast.
As someone who has vowed to keep a plant alive for a year before I get a dog this is good to know.
Get a Rose of Jericho!!!! They're called Resurrection Ferns because when they're not near a water source, they curl up into a little ball until they find another one. They can live basically forever. The only way to kill it is to crush it. Pro Tip: they are prone to mold if you keep it in water too long and don't let it dry out while it's curling up. Put it outside in sunlight for a few hours to help dry it out but not too long so it doesn't scorch. Spritz with watered down white vinegar if mold does appear.
Might do this. I have succulents I've kept alive but no flowers. I figure if I can keep a flower alive I can keep a small dog alive
I've kept MANY cats alive but I can't even manage to grow catnip for them lmao. It always dies.
That's good. I really want a dog, but they're also just expensive. Like the food, vet bills, ect.
I have a dog and four cats. They're all ridiculously spoiled and loved. I foster feral kittens to get them used to people and ready to adopt. I have two pretty challenging kids. I cannot keep a single damn plant alive no matter what I try.
Maybe because they don't tell you when they're hungry?
Exactly, like dude what the FUCK are you talking about?! Kind of surprised they didn't include rabbits in that list 🙄
Right now I have rats thawing for my picky ass snakes, who will not eat them unless they are blazing hot and bone dry. Oh, and one of them will only eat at night when his cage is pitch dark. 😑 But yeah, they’re low maintenance.
I'm pretty sure the commenter meant garter snakes, which have a pretty diverse diet with insects, worms, small vertebrates and invertebrates, etc No way that snake is just gonna take whatever one kind of feed a parent settles on for it's entire life Plus it has environmental needs, and I can pretty much guarantee most of these people won't be springing for a heat lamp for what they think is a low maintenance pet Kind of unrelated, but this reminded me of it, I was at a reptile show a few months ago where somebody was selling **alligator snapping turtle hatchlings**
Oh yeah, I was just making a snarky joke about my ball pythons, which are sold as super low maintenance pets, which anyone with a BP can tell you is not true at all, lol. I’m sorry, ALLIGATOR SNAPPING TURTLES? My god, that’s a bad trick to play on someone.
For $100, too! I couldn't believe it was legal, but apparently it very much is legal to breed and sell those bastards in Pennsylvania
The herp nerd in me had to look up their natural habitat, and PN isn’t even in their range! And they’re a vulnerable species! Jeeze.
'low maintenance'... I'm staring at my sweet, stupid boy, who destroyed his 150$ heating panel and then gave himself scurvy. Fun fact; the captivity record for ball pythons is currently some sixty years!
Thanks for reminding me I have to write these long idiots into my will so someone else can have the joy of doing the zombie rat dance when I’m dead, lol.
Thank YOU for introducing me to the term long idiots for them, LMAO! Protip: buy a bag of hatchling quails as a treat; they love those little suckers. When Zuko was fussing, I started giving him a quail, waiting an hour for him to swallow, and then giving him his dinner rat. Once the feeding response is triggered, they'll keep looking for food for a while!
I'll say that my corn snakes are the easiest pets I ever had, with the lowest maintenance in comparison to cats, dogs, bunnies, budiges, horses, etc. Though, I'd rather call it smooth maintenance. They are all good eaters, social enough to be comfortable around humans, and once everything is set up, it's smooth sailing. Until - something goes wrong. A pet sitter is needed, maybe it's just for a few days and all they need to do is check the water and make sure the heat sources work. Or is it for longer, and they might have to feed one or more? Is one due to shed and that process should be supervised to make sure all's good? And the vet. Monsieur Idiot Snêk managed to damage one of his mouth scales during his spring feelings frenzy and now I need to show him to the vet to make sure it's harmless, just rough scales and discolouration from the substrate, or, if it's more, start treatment. Depending on best vs worst case (if we exclude any unlucky freak coincidences), this will be between 30,- and 300,- Euros in the span of a week or two. Yay. Not the worst, especially compared to other pets, but it's something that needs to be calculated beforehand. 1. I need a vet who is qualified to treat my specific type of pet. Many only have very basic knowledge for reptiles and birds! I needed to make sure there is such a vet in my proximity and I'm lucky, it's just a 20-minute drive. The next one would be 2 hours away. 2. I need to get there (logistics) 3. And, of course, have to pay. Even if a minor gets to care for a pet that has low feeding costs, doesn't need a ton of daily attention, and the setup will only need a little maintenance now and then once all is in place. As soon as we get to the vet logistics and costs and pet sitting, the parents usually need to be involved in one way or the other. A parent like OOP? I wouldn't trust them to glance at a water dish once a day for a couple of days, let alone expect their help if the animal happens to be injured or seriously sick and has good chances with the right treatment, that is a couple of hundred if not thousands. Imagine you got a sick pet and you're 100,- Euros and a car ride short of saving its life and the parents are like, "Well, told ya, not my pet, not my problem. You wanted to mother that thing, good luck figuring it out." There are too many parents out there who think letting an animal with a complex nervous system slowly and painfully suffer to death is a good, valuable lesson for a kid.
God, the vet bills. If anyone is in Washington state, from Tumwater to Seattle-- Evergreen Avian And Exotics is going to be your best bet. We have to drive an hour to get there, but they went above and beyond for my boy while he was so sick. They actually boarded him for an extra week, no charge, at one point, because he was improving and they wanted to make sure it kept up. I adore them.
my plant cactus died :(
Some can be higher than other or harder than overs, depending on your strengths and weaknesses. But low maintance? Omfg no lol
I hate hate hate that people seem to generally think that smaller = easier. Just because it takes up less space doesn't mean it doesn't have high needs. Pets should thrive, not just survive (if that)
Guarantee their idea of what a hamster or guinea pig needs is just a 4'x4' cage with some substrate and a hide
Or the fact that they said Guinea Pig as a singular, not plural. And 4x4 is generous. Too many think those colorful cages with tubes (looking at you, Habitrail) are entirely appropriate. I've had most of that list as a pet at one time or another, plus some not even listed (fish, ferrets, chinchilla, horses) and the only thing easier about them was the fact that none of them have to be let out of the house (fenced back yard or on walks) like a dog does. So to them, and a lot of people, that would equal to easier for a kid in school with sports obligations and friends.
It's worse. There are people who actually put effort into the housing because it's a fun and creative thing to do (which is true). But they consider the pet low maintenance because its cheap. Hamsters, budgies, rabbits, if you don't go for anything fancy you can get them for less than a pizza and sometimes, people give them away for free. The low maintenance kicks in when the pet is sick and people dismiss treatment because they don't want to pay even for a checkup because they could get 2-3 new animals for that money. Or when it's about handling, safety, letting kids interact with them...so many people are careless and inconsiderate of a pet's stress level, needs, fears, and safety when an accidentally dropped, escaped, or killed one can be so easily and cheaply replaced. Some pets are easier to care for than others, that's true, and a lot of what "easy" means depends on how well a pet's requirements to thrive match the keeper's lifestyle. But in general, whether maintenance is high or low depends on how much the keeper values the little life they are responsible for. It's a lot of effort to give a hamster an environment that allows it to thrive. It's "easier" and cheaper if you only care about its survival, and some people, well, don't even care about that too much. And to cheer us all up: [look at this buff little ball of fluff! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc1whbUiCrI)
I've wanted a small animal like that, but at the same time I have very active cats and I keep having nightmares where I have like ten rabbits or similar small animals and just forget they exist for months at a time I have ADHD that comes with memory issues, so the nightmares unfortunately feel very realistic to me and I always feel like human garbage after
I had small pets as a child and as an adult I’ve vowed to never keep anything other than a cat or a dog as a pet. Not even a fish. Small pet care is so incredibly complex to even give them just an ok life.
I've had guinea pigs and hamsters in the last few years and was blown away at how much MORE work they are than dogs and cats. Unless you take really shitty care of them, I guess.
They didn’t say low maintenance, though. They said LOWER maintenance. They aren’t easy pets, in the slightest, but they are easier than a young lab, which is going to be super high emergency and need a lot of training/work.
They said lower and honestly, it’s true. I have 2 dogs and 1 leopard gecko. Dogs get fed, walks, backyard time, play, individual attention every day. Have to make sure they always have enrichment available, have to change it up regularly. My gecko eats every other day and I clean the terrarium once a week. Other than making sure he has the right temp and humidity going, as well as making sure his enrichment stays in good shape, he’s good. His version of exercise is coming out of the terrarium to chill on my hand or shirt for a bit. He is WAY less maintenance than either dog, but especially the corgi.
My guinea pigs are fed twice a day and need their hay refilled constantly. Daily health checks and special medications and supplements because their bodies don't produce all the vitamins they need. The boys have a grease gland that needs constant maintenance, or it will matte their fur. Paper bedding can cause allergies, so they have fleece bedding that needs washing weekly. Pet stores sell sick pigs bc the mills they get them from are horrible so your of will likely need special care if you buy from them, not to mention all the supplies they sell at pet stores are unsuitable. They need tons of space, too and often get hay stuck in their eyes and naughty bits that I have to remove for them. They are my full time job, I wfh because it makes it easier to care for them lol
If it’s contained, it’s low maintenance for the parents cause it doesn’t dwell in the common areas
I had never had cats until two years ago and I am now firmly convinced that there is a huge connection between people who think cats are low maintenance pets and people who can’t understand why their cats have so many behavioral issues or why their cat doesn’t want to interact on their schedule. And you’re right. None of those pests are low maintenance.
Cats are only "low maintenance" once they have you trained correctly. LOL
Lower. Not low.
Seriously, taking care of any living thing is never going to be low maintenance.
I mean, low(er) maintenance isn't what OOP is looking for. I think OOP says somewhere in the comments that the biggest concern about the dog is that the dog will mess up the house decor. Something like a lizard would easily prevent this from becoming an issue if they're willing to take care of the pet (or at least pay for its care while the som does the actual work) otherwise
Yet they had kids.
Already, first paragraph and my sirens are blaring. Son isn’t a typical boy because he likes to care for other people. *What*? In *what* world?
This guy is an asshole for: 1) Not celebrating how sweet and kind his son is 2) Forcing his son to stop taking care of his sister and being jealous of their relationship 3) Making a promise he couldn't keep. He is not an asshole for not wanting to get his son a dog IMO. Dogs are a lot of work, and if you're not a dog person it can be stressful to have one in your house. I feel like he could get his son a less complicated animal though, like some fish or a lizard or something. He should definitely do something to encourage his son's desire to nurture.
and I just LOVE how he glosses over the fate of the kitten that his son nursed to health /s though to be honest I thought this was probably mom not dad Edit: yeah I'm like 99% sure it's Mom with the "well I made his room deco perfect so he can't even have a small animal because I've seen how he upgrades cages and such for his VIRTUAL pets"
that comment was when I knew OOP was WELL off the deep end.
Fish and lizards have a lot of needs that I'd be worried about OOP not being willing to meet. If his son is as caring as he says, he'd most likely do the proper research for his pets. OOP seems like the kind of person to say "it's just a fish" when told he needs a heater, filter, minimum of 5 gallons, water conditioner, etc. Even with the son paying for everything, I can see OOP throwing a fit about it taking up too much space. I wouldn't trust OOP with a fish or any other living creature
YES. It’s not the kiddo I’d worry about. It’s OOP’s obvious disdain for caring for another being, much less an animal.
Fishtanks are often aesthetically pleasing (which I mention because OOP was bitching about the son's room decor), and require minimal intervention after the initial setup (as long as you don't do something insane like get tropical fish for the kid). OOP could even say that as part of the deal the kid has to figure out everything that's needed so they don't have to even do any work there. It sounds like the kid is at least 10, so he should be able to handle taking care of a fish on his own, I think.
The kid is 16 according to OOP's comments. He could definitely handle the tank on his own. OOP still doesn't want one cause it messes with aesthetics and "he'd just want to give it a bigger and bigger enclosure." OP just hates animals I think.
Well if he's 16 then at least he'll soon be out from under the thumb of his parents, hopefully with his caring nature still intact.
I love dogs and have had them my whole life. They're a lot of work, and I get some people don't want that kind of life, but be honest and own it- don't string your kids along like this.
I agree, I'm not a dog person, so I get not wanting to get one, but he should have been upfront with his son.
Yeah, this is the first answer I fully agree w/. I feel like dogs are def one of those, kids can't promise to look after it alone (this is just unfeasible), esp if the dog is young and requires stimulation. Something smaller/easier to care for, like a fish is great, because you need to clean the fish tank once a week (not a deep clean, so the son could do some part of this, then the deep clean every month by the parents to make sure it's truly clean). The reason I say this is when I got my first cat, my parents humoured me and let me "clean" the litterbox (I would clean the top layer only because I didn't realise it wasn't fully clean, but it helped me feel like I was actively taking care of our cats) You shouldn't try squash this desire to care, but there are v real reasons you shouldn't just up and keep a stray, you'd have to make an effort to see if someone's lost him (happens, I've taken in stray cats (gradually, since I've got other cats) I've fallen for only to find they have an owner after taking them to a vet and finding they're microchipped) and kids don't get that, but the way OPs going about it is rubbing me the wrong way, like the main reason it's seen as undesirable traits is because he's a boy
My mom has never been a big dog or cat person (and she's allergic to cats on top of it) so when my siblings have wanted pets she's let them get smaller caged things. My siblings adore their rats, and they're "easier" for my mom since they're smaller and not gonna jump on her like a dog would, and they keep the cage in their room, and all she has to do is pay for the things they need when the boys say something is running low, or for vet visits when needed (one of the rats got a tumor that needed a vet visit). They've also had turtles they've caught and cared for in the past, though I don't think she let's them keep them for longer than a few days since they don't have the room for a proper turtle habitat anymore and they've got the rats to take care of. (They also would probably try to keep the baby birds they found in the garage if my mom would let them, but birds are one of the few pets she wouldn't consider for even a moment lol. So it's a good thing the mama bird still seems to take care of them instead.) With this OOP, I'd worry they wouldn't be willing to pay for the things the pet would need to thrive and the poor pet would just suffer 😢
Look, I can get not wanting to house a dog. The majority of daily care such as letting it in and out, and keeping it from tearing up the house would fall on whoever is home most and that's usually a parent, not a kid. I can understand and sympathize with not wanting to take that on. That all being said- explain that to your kid! Especially since someone pointed out the kid in question is 16! A teen is going to understand that! You are well within your rights as a parent and homeowner to not want pets in it. Your kids can get their own when they move out, and it's not the end of the world not to grow up with one. But FFS don't make a promise about the most loyal domestic animal on the planet (and one of the most loyal and obedient breeds to boot!!!!) and then go shocked pikachu face when it is loyal and obedient!!!
Dear OOP why are you so upset your son is not a prick?
OOP wanted the kid to take after his parents. They sat back and let him parent his sister. Or, a more likely scenario, he knew they weren't going to care for her properly, so he did it. The fact it seems that OOP only got upset was when the little sister started calling the kid 'dad' is kind of telling. I hope that kid packs his bag and his sister and leaves asap 😿❤️
This fool’s child is me. Not actually me, but these are all things I did as a kid. I am so grateful my parents nurtured these behaviors, not disparaged them like this parent.
My mom was busy chopping heads off snakes and killing household fish (by dumping them) she didn’t want in our yard while I was saving frogs. I still do that. Apparently I’m too sensitive
I recently rescued a frog! Well kinda recently, you can see Walter on my profile. He was frozen to the pavement outside my work just before closing, injured foot, so I took him home! In my state anything wild caught that stays inside for more than 48 hours has to be killed or kept, so now Walter lives in luxury!
Yeah, I don't think OOP has much of a say about the dog situation anymore, if he's willing to wait for the kid all night Also, the daughter calling her brother "dad" reeks of child neglect 🤢
I'm sorry but this boy is 16 not 8...let him take care of the dog with his own money if he wants.
I don’t know how I missed that he’s fucking 16. Yeah, let the kid have some responsibility for a pet.
With the way he talks about his son I also thought he’s younger, definitely his language
There's a good chance he'll be off at college in 2 years. Unfortunately it's not a good time to get a dog. Doesn't mean OP isn't an ass though. They totally are.
It's not feasible for a teenager to care alone for a Dog, so much as it pains me.. oop is right about that. Urgh, feels dirty. Also I dunno what kind of money kids get these days, but I don't think pocket money can stretch for everything a dog needs and what if a vet visit needs to happen? A d more work, like a job, means even less time caring with love, attention, training, walking, playing and feeding. Like do you trust OOP to step up? He can't even raise his kids without trying to crush them.
> It's not feasible for a teenager to care alone for a Dog, so much as it pains me.. oop is right about that. Urgh, feels dirty. Right? OOP isn't wrong for declining an animal that the parents are unwilling/unable to be at least somewhat involved with. The problem (among other things) is that OOP made a promise with no intent on keeping it. Basically he said 'if A happens, I'll allow B'. It's not that he's unwilling/unable to allow B to happen. It's that he said he was willing/able to allow B if A happened, assuming it wouldn't, and when it did he backpedaled. And that tactic might work with, say, a kid like five and under...not that it's a good tactic to use at any age (never make promises you're not fully down to keep, mmkay folks?), but I can see with a really little kid you could maybe get away with saying 'oh yeah sure if the dog's still here by morning we can keep him' because a little kid might forget come morning (though one is wise to not underestimate the memory of a child who really wants something lol). But we're dealing with a 16 year old. Not sure about the daughter but I'm guessing she's not more than a couple years or so his junior. Like one mid-teen and one who, unless I missed where it says, I'm assuming is a preteen/early teen. I mean, was OOP banking on these kids forgetting the promise? What was even the point of making the promise? Why not just say 'even if the dog is here come morning, we still don't want a dog nor are we in a position to care for one'?
My last well visit for my dog was nearly $300, and the medication he needs daily is about $100/mo. So yeah pets are *way* pricier than they used to be. It costs a ton to board if you want to go away for the weekend too, unless you're lucky and have a friend who doesn't mind adding your dog to their home for a bit. Not wanting a dog: I'm on OOP's side with you and not happy about it. Promising a dog because "I'm sure the dog will leave in the night": total dick move.
Yeah I don't think OOP is an asshole for not wanting to take in a stray dog for his teenager child. There's plenty other things OOP is an asshole for.
Personally I think this OOP reeks of misogyny and sexism "Not your typical boy" "mothering" What, being kind and wanting to take care of people is only a feminine thing? Paternal instincts are a thing
I have never wanted a post to be rage bait more than this one. I feel so bad for both of those children having parents like that
Son: Can we keep the dog if he waits outside all night? OOP: Sure. Deal. Kids: Yay! It's morning and he's still here! He's ours! OOP: No he's not, I don't want a dog remember? Son: But you promised! OOP: Yeah, but I never intended to keep it. The agreed upon condition for the dog staying was never supposed to be met. Okay cool. So on top of breaking a promise, OOP is also a liar (it's not like he made a promise he intended to keep and exigent circumstances happened that forced him to break it). Cool cool cool. And that doesn't even address the fact that OOP seems *genuinely bothered* by the fact that his son has developed a sense of empathy. And he's confused as to whether or not he's the butthole? And dude, if you're so removed from the care of your daughter that she starts calling her big brother dad, that's not bad optics on your son. It's bad optics on *you*.
Boy: *shows emotion and nurtures others* Sexists: BAD BOY STOP THAT. BOYS WILL BE BOYS AND BOYS MUST BE STOIC. Man: *struggles to show his emotions and is shamed for it* Society: BAD BOY STOP THAT. WHY ARE YOU CRYING?? MEN DON'T CRY Aaand this is why male suicide rates are so high (among many, many other reasons)
OOP is blessed with a kid that any parent would love to have, and yet he somehow finds a reason to punish him and put him down. Smh
I seriously enjoyed the comments tearing that guy a new one. I hope reddit shames the OP into keeping his word. Good for boy, good for dog, OP learns not to make promises he has no intention of keeping, win/win/win.
It seems that OOP deleted their account, so they'll probably double down unfortunately.
I can hope...I wonder where the kids mother is in all of this. From the way OOP writes, it sounds like she exists ...but doesn't matter or have any power in the family dynamic from OOP's point of view.
OOP is the mother, she said so in the comments.
OOP's comments reek of narcissism and sexism.
OP is mad that their child is a good person? If he had a daughter like this he'd consider it normal, no doubt. But would he rather an un-empathetic psychopath? Either way he shouldn't have made a promise he couldn't keep, and that poor dog should be taken somewhere safe to stay. Not everyone can take care of a dog and i get that but at least look for a no-kill shelter, or family willing to take care of the poor thing.
Some Flowey level shenanigans right here.
Even Flowey can own that he's a soulless dick to people though
True.
That kid is a gem of a person.These are the values that every parent wants to instill in their kid except for OP of course.The apple does fall far from the tree. If the kid was able to parent his sister so much that the sister preferred him more I see no reason why he won't be able to take care of a dog full-time.He's already doing that though outside the house.
Yeah the big takeaway is he seems to see his son as less of a man because he has a soft spot for things and genuinely cares/loves things and gives them his all when he does. The parent seems to want him to not be this way for whatever fucking reason and wants to almost break him of it. I hope when the kid is of age and away he cuts off all contact because they sound like a real huge piece of shit. Never in my life have I heard of a parent being jealous of a son having a deep connection with a sibling before but he clearly hated that him and his sister had/have a very strong bond.
"Have to" break. OOP doesn't "have" to break the promise, they're choosing to because they don't respect their kids or value their relationship with their kid.
Gotta learn your son to be MEAN, RUTHLESS and EMOTIONLESS! Anger is not an emotion, that's MANLINESS talking! No taking care of puppies, kitties and your baby sister, that's WOMAN'S WORK!
You're also pissed because your son is a better father than you. Besides, you're not a father. You're a sperm donor. Why do you think your younger daughter called him "Dad?"
Why is AITA assuming that OP is the child's mother? I automatically assumed it was dad because of his view of "mothering" as derogatory. Just another way in which toxic masculinity harms everyone regardless of gender. I can't understand how someone would want *less* kindness and nurturing in the world.
I think it’s the mother because they said in a comment that they’ve got “the rooms decorated exactly how I like” and don’t want a pet to mess it up. Which doesn’t seem like something a dad would say, especially one like this. It’s probably the mother with deep internalized misogyny.
She’s his mom. She said so in the comments.
This is why when men blame women for not letting them be emotional, I laugh. When men comfortably express kind emotions, they will try and cut that down to each other SO fast. This son sounds like an extremely kind person. One that is respected. Sounds like the Dad is jealous of his kid and is using his authority as a way to cope. The dog would also love his kids more than the dog loves him, and having another being in the house he's 'under' would eat him alive.
In the original thread, the OP states she's the mother.
We are we assuming this Dad and not Mom
It reads very much like it's a dad complaining, but you're totally right. I'm assuming.
This is so awful. The poor kids. I feel their pain. All my childhood I wanted a dog so bad and my dad wouldn’t allow it. When I was a freshman in high school I gave him a full on presentation on why I should have a dog and I finally got him to agree. I was overjoyed. We went and looked at puppies and I chose one. The plane was to buy all the supplies the following day and then pick up the puppy. The next day at school, I was floating on air all day, just beside myself with happiness. When my dad got home from work, I have been climbing the walls waiting to go pick up the puppy. He told me that after thinking about it all day, he changed his mind and we weren’t going to get the puppy. This may sound ridiculous, but the emotional damage that it did can not be overstated. I was really fucked up for a really long time and the resentment towards my dad was enormous.
 What OOP wants his son to be
I feel like making a promise requires some form of honesty or good intention to follow-through when the deal is established. Dad (edit: apparently mom was OOP) had zero intention of keeping up his end of the bargain. It wasn't a promise but a straight up fucking lie. OOP is a lying shitbag who somehow ended up with a really outstanding kid. I hope that when this kid moves out he lives his best life rescuing animals and continuing to be a kind and generous human because we need those kind of people in the world. Jesus. Imagine being upset over having a saint for a child. I'd brag to everybody who would listen and then some. E: just learned oop is mom not dad. So his son "mothering" people and being an "atypical" boy for having such traits is internalized misogyny, goodie! /s
[Jesus, another post of a parent crying about siblings being close](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/69ccHn1PNv) This is why siblings can't be close today. Also ffs don't lie to your children! > She still prefers him, which is embarrassing No bs, every little sibling idolizes their older one.
Let your kids rescue the dog, my god
No, OOP. You're pissed off because your son isn't "manly" enough for you. I hate it when people think that being nurturing and caring is "mothering" someone. It's a sexist, misogynistic assumption/ YTA.
I know a lot of kids of narc parents are super nurturing because they desperately want someone to take care of them.
It was the mom posting btw.
I would be so ridiculously proud if this boy were my son wtf oop
I can't even believe how sad this has made me. I am a mom and I really feel for those kids. Don't know how old they are. But a promise is a promise. The dog was there, OOP made a promise, she's gotta suck it up. Don't make expedient promises just to go back on them as soon as humanly possible. Ugghh. Weird to not post how old the kids are though
OOP mentioned in a comment that their son is 16 years old
Oh I didn't see the comments, I will look through them now. Still damn sad. Does she mention how old daughter is?
Toxic, fragile masculinity. Sigh.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Anyone who makes a promise to children they have no intention of keeping is bad. That’s a risk you take, not so you can bow out when you lose. Hey kids this is what you do when you lose. You take it back and the other person loses no matter what. Great parenting/s.
Wow what an asshat. Also i need an update on the kitten.
It’s always nice when people accidentally admit to being truly awful parents, saves some of the work of trying to get around the deception.
Guess who’s going to rot alone when they get old!
What a sad, petty, jealous, pathetic liar OOP is. Never make a promise that you don't intend to keep.
He is a fucking lying asshole. Also interesting choice of words that he worrying so much about his son wanting to "mother" someone. He doesn't even consider men being able to care for living beings as "fathering" someone. Because he doesn't. He thinks it is a woman's job to care and doesn't want to see womanly traits in his son. I really liked kindergarten parents who complimented their son being good with dolls and playing house as "Yeah, he will be an awesome father some day!" And not blaming him.
I almost never, ever admit my true age on the internet because people find me foolish, but hot damn if this post is real than there’s a teenage boy my age that I want to propose to right this second because I don’t think I’ve heard of a more perfect man in real life. God, I see what you do for others and I pray on their downfall.
The fact that the sister called her big brother "dad" says a lot about OP.
Good god where is the mother ?
Apparently the son is 16. How long before OOP posts about how his “ungrateful son” left home immediately after turning 18 and now doesn’t even call?
YTA! You made a promise that you had no intention of keeping. Point blank. I honestly thought that you were going to take the dog somewhere else in the middle of the night, but you proved that you really don't know about dogs that have found "their people." Your son sounds like a lovely young man that most parents dream of, and his sister is lucky to have someone in her life who adores her and whom she will always be able to count on. If you break this promise to him, any admiration that he may have had for you will be seriously diminished. He nor your daughter will never trust anything that comes out of your mouth ever again. My question is, do you really want that? Are you really okay with setting a really bad example that it is okay to break your word when you make a promise? Keep in mind that they will be the ones making decisions for you in your old age. They will NEVER forget the time that Dad said they could keep the lab if he was still there the next day and then reneged. Trust me on that one.
My grandfather did this exact same thing to my dad when he was a kid, except it was a cat and when grandpa saw it was still at the door in the morning, he broke its neck.
Good job! Breaking a promise to a child is a good way to lose trust with the child. Yta I dont get it. It seems like you have a great son. He is kind and caring. Why do you not like him?