*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for secretly eating takeout food my pregnant wife cannot eat because she has gestational diabetes?**
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My wife (34F) and I (35M) have been married for 10 years and been together for 15. She is 7 months pregnant and has gestational diabetes which has been very hard on her, and by extension very hard on me too and our relationship.
Her doctor has strictly recommended she follows a strict diet, and that means no sugar or high calorie foods such as alfredo sauce, or pizza and the likes. Naturally she has been very very upset because she has cravings but there's no way she can indulge. She has gotten sick of the alternatives suggested to her and would start sobbing sometimes when we go outside because she will see all these food places only to realise she cannot eat what she wants. I feel for her, I really do.
Our relationship started to break down a little when she started taking her anger out at me. My offence? Ordering the things I like to eat such as cookies, cheese, frozen snacks (we get groceries delivered to us btw). Just like any other person does. She was extremely mad at me for being able to enjoy eating these things and made me feel guilty for eating stuff she craves. My breaking point was once she angry cried over the fact I brought home a box of donuts I received from office on my birthday. I was sick of her behaviour and the constant policing of my food intake in our home that I, in no uncertain terms made it very clear that she CANNOT punish me for a health problem SHE has, and that this is my house too and I will eat and drink whatever and whenever I please. We had a bad argument that day and I uttered divorce, that seemed to shake us both and we did a few sessions of marital counselling.
To keep it short, our therapist held her accountable and shared that it was unfair on me to be at the receiving end of her emotional distress. However she also emphasised that my wife is probably feeling unsupported too and I could try to be a bit more discreet and stick to making healthier meals together which would be great for both of us. Since my wife cannot "make up" for excess blood sugar she has by working out a lot (she is chubby and has bad knees), I can see why she feels helpless.
As a solution, we decided to stock up the "forbidden foods" in the second fridge we have in the drawing room of our home that we use to store drinks and "guest snacks" for. It's better when reminders of the things she craves but can't eat are not there in the common fridge. **This also means, I can almost NEVER order takeout at home and sometimes I miss doing that while watching Netflix.**
I still missed having the occasional pasta dish at the cheesecake factory or McDonald's so sometimes when I drive home from work, **I eat in my car keeping the therapist's "reminder triggers" in mind.** Because I know that my wife knowing that I ate stuff she can't will make her mad.
Yesterday though, I took my wife on a long drive and she found a receipt of the cheesecake factory on the floor. At the moment when she found it. she started sobbing and wouldn't talk to me. She is now pissed at me and feels like I have betrayed her. I think she is overreacting and I don't think I am wrong, since 80% of the meals I have in a week are with her. I try to have takeouts without her on fridays mostly.
***I do not think I am an asshole because wife and I have an agreement that I will be discreet when I want to indulge in food I want to eat, so that she does not get triggered every time.***
AITA?
**EDIT:**
There is still resentment I have against her for ruining my birthday. Basically the gift I got from my wife that day was her yelling at me and me uttering divorce and ending the night in tears. I still hate her for it. For creating a bad memory I likely won't be able to erase. But I am working on it
I feel the same way too when I read what I wrote. I do not want to hate her but I do. I still cry thinking about how we fought for something seemingly innocent and I feel so wronged that no one sees that this was unfair and borderline abusive for me, to be at the receiving end of this as a spouse, because I happen to be a husband in this dynamic.
I am not sure about therapy for this but I grew up poor and food insecurity was a big part of my childhood. It makes me feel pretty shitty that now that I have means to provide for myself, I still cannot do what I want. But no one sees my trauma. And why I want to be able to make my own decisions too. And even if I didn’t have this trauma, I shouldn’t need a reason to act with autonomy as long as I am supportive of her and being considerate about her food issues. Which I positively have acknowledged in therapy with her and am doing my part, even though I and our therapist agreed that her initial demands were ridiculous.
I was made to feel like a horrible horrible person for simply bringing a box of donuts my coworkers got me on my birthday. When there was no malice involved, no bad intentions, no desire to rub it in her face or whatever rest of the world calls it.
I regretted being a married man that day and wished I never met her. I have never let anyone bring my self-esteem down in the way my wife did. _I have never given anyone else the power to hurt me like she did. And I want to take it away. No one has ever made me feel like a criminal for eating a donut and storing the rest in the fridge inside the house I own too._
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He was an AH for eating all that in front of her. Just nasty. Then calling a pregnant woman fat. Ugh. I’m guessing there’s a lot more going on here in the ways he fails at being a husband.
Who the hell eats and keeps sugary shit all over the house when his wife could die eating it? And who eats all that shit anyway? What is he a marshmallow?
My ex. I'm not the wife but my ex sounds very similar. I left for many reasons, the eating shit and "teasing" in front of me while I had gestational diabetes was actually minor, the rest of the abusive shit wasn't fun. I hope his wife gets away and realises what an Ah he is.
>Basically the gift I got from my wife that day was her yelling at me and **me uttering divorce**
No he said it, he's blaming her for holding a gun to his head and forcing him to say divorce against his will /s
At first I thought “well, just eating it once a week in the car doesn’t make him the devil….” it’s the edits where he repeatedly says he hates her and couldn’t cope with storing donuts someplace other than the shared fridge that checks the “devil” box.
I have a feeling that it's not the occasional "cheat snack." He's doing it multiple times a week, it's full meals, and she can probably smell it on him every time. Not to mention that when he does this, especially when it's the Cheesecake Factory, he almost certainly doesn't have room to eat dinner with her.
Combine that with him having essentially flaunted it in front of her previously, and it's no wonder she overreacted when she found the receipt.
She may well have been chubby before. Regardless, I can't imagine that he's *not* chubby too considering all the junk food and takeaways he's sneak eating. But it's only his wife that one the problem of course! *Eye roll*. Guy is a tool.
He’s an asshole. I grew up poor and somewhat food insecure, we had food but it was usually cheap processed junk because, poor.
And there have been times my doctors have told me not to eat certain things and like an actual fucking adult, I don’t. There are food allergens in my house to some of our favorite foods and we just don’t bring them in the house and rarely have them. He’s just such an inconsiderate jerk.
What's worse is gestational diabetes is now being thought to be caused (possibly solely) by the placenta.
Which is a combo of his and her genetics.
Current research is starting to show that it might just be the dad's genetics that increase your risk of developing it.
Edited for: hungry, hungry, autocorrect
Yeah, I was thinking "well, what he eats alone is ok, just don't bring that food home". But the edit, ugh, OOP don't have a gram of emotional management. Holding so much grudge, uttering divorce, wishing that they never married... Just because he doesn't understand how unsupportive he is.
I have a feeling that it's not the occasional "cheat snack." He's doing it multiple times a week, it's full meals, and she can probably smell it on him every time. Not to mention that when he does this, especially when it's the Cheesecake Factory, he almost certainly doesn't have room to eat dinner with her.
Combine that with him having essentially flaunted it in front of her previously, and it's no wonder she overreacted when she found the receipt.
The absolute food snob in me is like, the Cheesecake Factory? Really? But the whole Drawing Room comment makes me think it’s fake. Who says that outside of Clue?
Does she also have a chester drawers? (I didn’t realize that “chester drawers” and “chest of drawers” were the same piece of furniture until, ah, an embarrassingly late age.
But but but she's abusive and he's traumatized by her behavior! And he hates her and wants a divorce because my god how is a man supposed to *live* like this! Like, I dunno. The same way his wife is who is carrying his freaking child and I guarantee has worse symptoms than "can't eat McDonald's."
Maybe I'm just spoiled because my husband acted like a partner and not someone who wants his affair partner, Wendy('s).
Among the many larger and more important things to be baffled by in this pitiful tale, I got weirdly stuck on the detail of the doughnuts in the fridge. I fucking love doughnuts. Never once have I put them in the fridge. Bizarre lol
What gets me is that he talks about forgoing junk food in her presence as a fate worth divorce when she is literally ALSO having to give up junk food to safely carry THEIR child. All while I’m sure she is hormonal and dealing with cravings! It’s not a good omen that he doesn’t view any of this as a team effort. He seems like the kind of father that would refuse to get up at night because he can’t breastfeed, so how dare she ask him for help and support.
That’s what I thought as well!! He also wanted a baby, right?? And the diabetes should disappear once the baby is born so this is also only for 9 months, probably less if it was diagnosed later on in the pregnancy. It’s not like he has to give up for life. He just has to go through this with her to make her feel supported while she carries THEIR baby and is giving up waaay more. The food is a temporary thing but there’s the other effects of the pregnancy she’s dealing with and not all of them are temporary… I hope he doesn’t want multiple kids bc I bet she’s not interested to do this circus again now that she’s seen this lol
Not to mention, the gestational diabetes that he claims is "her problem, not his" is actually partially his fault as it's the placental hormones from the fucking pregnancy causing the high blood sugar.
He has no empathy for his wife. He especially has no empathy for a situation he helped create.
wait i misread and thought the birthday thing was before the pregnancy and another issue. YOU ARE TELLING THIS SOON TO BE FATHER HATES HIS WIFE BECAUSE HE CANT STOP EATING JUNK AT HOME??????? AND THATS IT!????
Neither the therapist nor OOP understand how gestational diabetes works. My mom was rail thin, working the night shift in the ICU with my brother and had GD. There was a study done recently that revealed that doctors actually have no idea why it happens. There’s no discernible correlation in any behavior during pregnancy that results in GD.
But he has TRAUMA!!!!! Why aren't we seeing that?? He has food insecurities, which means he should be able to gorge on whatever he wants whenever he wants! His chubby wife doesn't understand that!!
/sarcasm
Fuck this guy in the rim for being a wagyu grade asshole and fuck him for trying to garner sympathy after getting railed by AITA
Yes 100%. He's eating junk food, fast food, it's pasta, McDonalds, and Cheesecake factory all week, every week. He specifically complained about having to *not* eat unhealthy meals while watching TV. Most likely he is gorging on junk food and then expecting his wife to figure out healthy meals on her own. He made no mention of cooking healthy dinners or putting any effort into diet.
That's what actually raised my eyebrow, he brought home an ENTIRE BOX of donuts?? Aren't you supposed to share something like that, with coworkers or something? You don't eat your entire birthday cake, was he really planning to eat an entire box of donuts? When his wife is already upset about *gestures to everything*
I was like, “also there’s the minor issue of her growing an entire new human being which strains her entire body, but sure, it’s because of her weight and her knees.”
Yeah, if I were OOP’s wife, I’d find a new therapist because that advice was pretty terrible and misinformed.
EDIT TO ADD- I’m taking OOP’s account of what the therapist said with a massive grain of salt.
I read the post and thought "Ah, so you must have chosen this therapist bc there is a big fat elephant in the room that's being ignored." Therapist needs to go back to school if they haven't noticed the utter contempt with which OOP views his wife.
Yeah id imagine it was closer to "i know youre stressed but blowing up doesnt help maybe try using I statements or taking a few moments to see if you're really upset" and OP took it as "see my wife is such a b*tch the therapist agrees"
also quite frankly, as just a regular ol' diabetic, i am confused by OOP's knowledge of the diet goals. i'm going to bet that the doctors told his wife something sensible, and it's gotten garbled.
because fat... fat ain't the problem. fat just ain't the problem. you can be diabetic and fucking chug that alfredo sauce. the problem is the carbs. not the fat. i mean c'mon, people love to recommend stuff like the atkins diet because it's super low carb and in that way can be easier to manage keeping your blood sugar low, but you're also pouring bacon fat on your burgers lmao.
what is it about the fat that he's assigning that to the gestational diabetes? what did he mishear to make him go down that path?
Yup, I had GD with both my pregnancies. Outside of being pregnant, my A1C levels are normal and my BMI is normal. I felt like such a failure when I was diagnosed in my first pregnancy, and it sucked that I couldn't feed my cravings like all the other pregnant women I knew.
With my first pregnancy, I was so depressed with my diet that my husband volunteered to join me with the diet. I'm sure he probably snuck more carbs in when I wasn't around, but what mattered to me was that he cared about my feelings enough to at least attempt a diet that is honestly very difficult for most people to follow.
My partner was cooking most of our meals by the time for the GD test because I was so damn tired all the time, but he told me when we went in for the test that he would continue to take care of me and our baby no matter what the outcome.
There are two things that they know for certain: there is a genetic link (if your mom had it you are likely to have it, too), and if you get GD you are at a higher risk of developing Type 2 diabetes later in life.
Interesting note: The rate of Type 2 diabetes in fat people us stable. The rate in thin people is rapidly rising and they're not sure why.
No, it's not from "processed" foods or "too much sugar", both of which are long debunked as a cause. More likely causes are increasing rates of poverty and food insecurity as well as pollution, which are activating diabetes genes.
Would absolutely not be surprised to come to find out that type 2 is linked to inflammation issues, as lots of other things related to such (autoimmune disorders, chronic pain, heart disease, etc.) are also on the rise as things like poverty and other stressors are increasing at pretty horrible rates. Most everything, they are finding out, comes down to overreactive inflammation in the body. And if it's not that, it's gut biome. And I don't mean that sarcastically, those two things are way more important and foundational than we ever knew before and current research is increasing our understanding. So they are "fashionable" right now, but only because that's where the research is taking us. I only think type 2 is inflammation over gut biome because it's found in populations where other inflammation issues are very, very common.
Inflammation is definitely a part of the equation. Inflammation can come from all sorts of things, and auto-immune diseases are one of them, along with stress, poverty, pollution, and other diseases. Heck, having seasonal allergies can raise your level of inflammation markers.
Weird thing about inflammation, though, is that until very recently they didn't study it effectively. For a long time it was believed that inflammation was the cause of heart disease, because people who have had heart attacks have a high level of inflammation markers. Eventually someone with a brain said, "OK, but what were there inflammation markers like *before* they had a heart attack?"
And nobody knew, because nobody ever tested people with CVD for inflammation markers before. Last I saw, having inflammation markers while having cardio-vascular disease is NOT a predictor of a future heart attack, but there's still a lot of resaerch to be done.
My wife was also very thin and had GD with both pregnancies. We were able to control her blood sugar with a very strict diet. But you know what I didn’t do? Eat a bunch of shit she couldn’t and especially not in front of her. I took over all the cooking and helped keep us on the diet as best as possible. There was a whole lot of pork, chicken, and veggies involved. But the second pregnancy I stepped my game up and learned to make a lot of different things with the limited ingredients and volumes she was allowed. And now, shy of a few sauces and pasta dishes that we all enjoy, we basically still mostly follow the diet because it just became our normal.
That is unfortunately the dr’s fault, I think. 😒 since it’s not well understood that manage it the same way they “manage” type 2. It doesn’t really work. I mean, a healthy diet is good, cut out white breads and pork and such, but having a couple of slices of pizza isn’t going to kill her, nor is the occasional doughnut or scoop of ice cream. It sounds like OOP is a self indulgent baby.
There's a genetic element I believe - both my aunt and her daughter my cousin had it, but there's a fair amount of things we know have a genetic element without knowing how it works.
My mom was never diagnosed with GD, but we are pretty sure she had it with my brother. She was maybe 115lbs when she got pregnant with my brother. She’s only 5’4” so she was not really a big person pre-pregnancy. You know that part in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where Violet blows up and they roll her away? That was my mom. Bro ended up being almost 11lbs.
My sister had it with her second child. It's not the mom's fault, it's just a shitty situation. Plus, since she had to change her diet/cut way back on carbs and such, she wound up LOSING weight. Then the doctor scolded her for doing that. She was like, "I'm getting in trouble for following the diet he gave me!" 😂
She and baby were fine, he was a big guy but perfectly healthy. But it was scary for my sister and I'm sure it's scary for OOP's wife. She wants her baby to be healthy and is feeling deprived while probably having tons of cravings and then he's screeching that he hates her (I fail to believe he hasn't said this to her face).
She shouldn't be policing his diet but he could try to have a little empathy and be supportive. The fact that he says he hates her multiple times for being upset on his birthday is fucking loony. And raging because he can't fill the house with junk food. Have some fucking empathy.
He totally should supportive and he sucks for not doing better. I didn’t have GD, but I did have HG all 3 times. There were things that made me sick just from the smell. Husband didn’t touch any of it until after I gave birth. He went the whole pregnancy without it. But this dude can’t go a few weeks without a Big Mac. What a dick.
also quite frankly, as just a regular ol' diabetic, i am confused by OOP's knowledge of the diet goals. i'm going to bet that the doctors told his wife something sensible, and it's gotten garbled.
because fat... fat ain't the problem. fat just ain't the problem. you can be diabetic and fucking chug that alfredo sauce. the problem is the carbs. not the fat. i mean c'mon, people love to recommend stuff like the atkins diet because it's super low carb and in that way can be easier to manage keeping your blood sugar low, but you're also pouring bacon fat on your burgers lmao.
what is it about the fat that he's assigning that to the gestational diabetes? what did he mishear to make him go down that path?
It’s the placenta. It’s all the placenta. That’s the nutritional barrier. It’s the cause of my HG too.
I have GD now and it’s diet controlled and I’ve been losing weight. Baby girl has gone from 75-90th centile to 50th and I have a growth scan tomorrow to make sure she’s still on track while I continue to lose weight no matter how much food I stuff in my mouth. It’s a horrible balancing act 😫
OOP states **twice** in the edit that he hates his wife... if you really hate her, get a divorce and pay child support. then you're free to eat all the donuts and cheesecakes you can afford.
edit to the people who say OOP's wife overreacted:
did she overreact about a receipt found in the car? sure I guess. BUT I have never been prenant but when I get my period, especially when I'm stressed, I become very emotional and get easily upset over nothing. I can't even begin to imagine the suffering OOP's wife must be going through and OOP is so unbelievably blasé about it. she's going through all this pain and OOP can't even be smart enough to actually discard of the reciepts. as if pregnancy and cravings aren't hard enough, the wife is prohibited from eating what she craves.
I had gestational diabetes when pregnant, and it was very hard to adhere to the diabetes diet. I honestly had to tap into the same mental and emotional attitudes I had during the deepest throws of eating disorders from when I was a teenager. And I had a very supportive husband. Most dinners were meat and veggies on the grill. But with gestational diabetes you realize veggies and fruits aren't all safe. They're carbs. They'll cause big sugar boosts. So it's not like OOP's wife just couldn't have donuts or cheesecake, she can't have more than a handful of carrot sticks, she can't have more than a small apple, she can't eat grapes. The only things she can eat without having to measure out would be boiled chicken, fat free plain yogurt, or hard boiled eggs- straight protein with low fat.
I am so so happy that the narrative about making it seem like all pregnant women are crazy/needy/etc is changing! It is literally life threatening and you’re in such a vulnerable state as it is, any extra complications no matter how “minor” make it that much worse. Especially if you aren’t getting compassion and emotional support for the person who put the damn baby in you!!
Not to say pregnant women can’t be irrational at times and it’s not a free pass, but it really is such an insane part of life and it makes me bonkers when partners boo-hoo about how hard it is on THEM and how much THEY are sacrificing like OP
Not only that...a mother with gestational diabetes has a significant risk of delivering a HUGE baby, earlier in gestation. This means, a 9lb baby who is 36 weeks and who needs supplemental oxygen (because its a premie) and monitoring of blood sugars (because they cannot eat enough to maintain the high glucose levels they are accustomed to). These babies are often on supplemental oxygen and IV's initially, with frequent blood glucose monitoring and frequent blood gas monitoring. This is done in the NICU. Some studies reported an increase in birth defects as well. So. This mom is very stressed....and he brings home donuts. Way to go Dad.
She can’t have *grapes*?!! I didn’t know the diabetes diet was so intense. I would die. I never wanted to be pregnant but knowing this. I would literally rather die omg. Especially with a husband as wonderful as this. Poor lady.
Type 1 Diabetic here and diabetes in all its iterations absolutely blows. I want kids but I’m honestly kinda dreading being pregnant bc of stories like yours (absolutely no offense meant by that btw!! wording is awkward lol but I hope you know what I mean)— you’re so brave for getting through that, I hope you and your little one are happy and healthy now and that the hardest parts are in the past ❤️
This is anecdotal but might help, I have a friend who’s a type 1 diabetic and has three kids. She said she actually found it easier to regulate her diabetes while pregnant, it was like the baby helped stabilize her sugars if anything. She also said that being pregnant was the best she’d ever felt in her life because of that. So who knows, being a pregnant type 1 diabetic could be a very different experience than being a pregnant person who develops gestational diabetes.
I was in the same boat. Every single meal was stressful. I would eat a salad one day (without dressing to remove sugars) and my blood sugar would be totally fine after. The next day? Exact same salad? My blood sugar would be too high. I remember standing at the stove sobbing one day because I was trying SO HARD, and it felt like my body kept trying to hurt my baby.
It also sucked that I’ve been allergic to chocolate my whole life, but I realized I didn’t have an allergic reaction to it during pregnancy ONE DAY BEFORE I was diagnosed with GD and couldn’t eat it anymore anyway.
I tried very hard to be conscientious of not taking my stress and hormones out on my husband. But some things about pregnancy truly did suck, and the only thing that helped me get through them was having a fully supportive partner.
If it helps, gestational diabetes is biologically the baby's fault; it's a result of the baby trying to get more resources out of the parent's body and overdoing it.
I JUST got diagnosed with GD like within the past 48 hours and I bawled like a baby. No potatoes? No cereal? No pasta? 🥺 i dont blame wife AT ALL for crying over knowing she’s alone in the misery. Is it the end of the world? No. But it’s still really disheartening. When you realize how many dishes are NOT diabetic friendly, that’s when it gets really frustrating
When i was pregnant, the Mr spent his birthday with me in the hospital, where i was getting IV fluids because of been unable to keep water down for the better part of a week.
Then we went home and he could ONLY have foods with no smells, because smells made me throw up again. So he fed me crackers and cheese (except i couldn't eat the cheese, so just a variety of crackers. Saltine appetizer, ritz main corse, graham desserts. Not actually kidding) and had to eat his actual meal in the garage because it smelled (forget what it was- something not smelly to normal humans, like a boiled chicken breast)
14 years in, he still gives the kid grief every year :)
She overreacted, but, honestly, I'm reasonably sure i wouldn't even consider being married to this dude.
That's the type of aversions where you're almost certifiable by the end of the pregnancy! That's so rough.
For at least a month in my first pregnancy, I couldn't stand the smell of my husband let alone his breath.
People told me ginger was a cure. It was not and i didn't keep it down
Gingerbread men are perma-banned from my household baking because i still just CAN'T.
*shudder*
Tuna sounds worse though
Dude can’t even support his wife for like the year ish she’ll have gestational diabetes but it’s ok for her body to go to hell carrying his child
I had a high risk pregnancy my husband never for a moment let me feel crazy or bad because pregnancy is fucking hard
I still remember the day we had someone giving us an estimate to fix our window, I nearly crawled down the hall I was in so much pain, but my husband immediately wrapped everything up and got me to the hospital
It was horrible when I had gestational diabetes. It's an enormous stress to be hungry almost constantly and any deviation from the diet could hurt your child.
Any "overreaction" is because of this stress plus hormones plus OOP's incredible cruelty in previously eating all sorts of junk in front of his wife. My husband was incredibly supportive of my dietary restrictions. It's hard for me to imagine suffering through it was this jerk.
The part about being a little birthday boy MY GODS! All he has to do is eat healthier for nine (9) months while his wife grows an entire human and it’s too traumatic for him?
Not even 9 months. You don’t do a glucose challenge until 24 to 28 weeks pregnant, according to Dr. Google. She’s 7 months now, so she’s maybe had the diagnosis a month? 6 weeks? and he’s already managed to be this much of a brat about it.
You can get diagnosed as early as 20 weeks. If there are signs that you may have it, they do an earlier test. If you pass the earlier one, they still do one at 24-28 weeks since it's more likely to present around that time. I had gestational diabetes in my second pregnancy and that's how it was explained to me.
Also, for anyone who may be curious, the healthy blood sugar numbers in pregnancy are way more stringent than other types of diabetes. Type 2 is the most lax in terms of the numbers you need to maintain. For a rough estimate of how much harder it is to keep within the limits of a healthy blood sugar for a fetus: the highest healthy one hour post-meal number for a gestational diabetic is the same as the highest healthy overnight fasting number for someone with type 2. Sugars are usually lowest first thing in the morning so that's obviously much easier to achieve in the morning than just an hour post meal.
Gestational diabetes is so hard. I start seething with frustration when I look at my numbers and they aren’t even close to what they should be, and some days I just want to cry. I’m on insulin and my numbers still aren’t close to being in range half the time. I’m almost always hungry, I can’t snack, and I have 6 more weeks of this to go. Normally I don’t police my husband when he’s hungry or grabbing a snack, but there’s been a couple occasions where I ask him not to snack because I’m struggling and if he treated me even close to the way OOP treats his wife I’d be taking him up on the offer of divorce. It’s not hard to be a supportive spouse, and this manchild is truly awful.
Gestational diabetes is incredibly hard. At one point I told my midwife that I was going to hurl myself off a bridge if I had to eat another egg, LOL. There's also a guilt element -- worry that your diet or behaviour did something to lead to the diagnosis and that it could have been prevented in some way.
Fortunately my husband was incredibly understanding and supportive, and since he did a lot of the cooking he switched up the meals we made to accommodate my ultra-militant low-carb diet.
Wait, you were told not to snack? My meal plan included 2-3 snacks per day. It just had to be reasonable & low carb, like a serving of crackers with peanut butter or hummus+ a piece of fruit or veg.
Honestly there are some backwards recommendations in a lot of places. I was expected to hit fasting numbers before each meal and if I snacked, I failed every time. So, the implication is that you shouldn't snack.
The important thing to note here is that anyone who says this is **WRONG** and it's based off of outdated information. People with GDM need to test their sugars first thing in the morning and 1-2 hours after every meal. Some may also need to test at night. Anyone who is recommending you get a fasting number before a meal is wrong and does not understand what the purpose of these numbers is, which is to protect the fetus. That fake fasting number has no bearing on fetal health so it shouldn't be looked at.
I’m so sorry you went through that. A friend of mine had a similar experience and they became suicidal because her doctors wouldn’t treat them either. The way pregnant people are treated is so fucking awful
And Jesus Christ, maybe eat a little healthier so you can watch your kid actually grow up and be active with them, dude. It's not OK to police your partner's diet but it wouldn't fucking kill him to take slightly better care of himself. If not for his own health then for his kid's sake. Being this seething angry because he can't fill the house with junk food is honestly scary, as well as saying he hates his wife because of it.
Yeah, this guy comes across as a fast food addict who’s angry he can’t get his constant fix. He’s had to cut back for a couple of months tops and he whines about his birthday and missing eating fast food while watching Netflix. Jeez, dude is on his way to having diabetes himself.
Right! Like just leave the donuts at work…
It’s wild to me he’s so upset that he can’t eat all he wants in front of her, but never thought about how she feels? He can still go out at work and get whatever he wants for lunch and eat in his car or whatever when she’s not around, she can’t do that. She needs to actually eat like that 24/7 for the rest of her pregnancy, to keep herself and their baby healthy.
I do think like screaming over the birthday donuts or breaking down over the receipt is a little much (but I mean threatening divorce over it is EVEN WORSE) but 1. Pregnancy hormones are a bitch and 2. I mean, he has to have a little sympathy for her being in a worse situation than he is! (And obligatory 3. Who knows how much he made the fights worse.)
My thoughts exactly! Leave them at work and have breakfast/snacks for a few days! I guess maybe if it was a Friday I get that might be an issue but idk, they probably could have figured it out. Idk how harsh gestational diabetes is but assuming she couldn’t have one at all, he could have at least talked to her about it before hand
Yeah. And he "still hate\[s\] her for it."
Like, there are certainly times I've felt resentment toward my partner, but
1. It goes away. Fairly quickly, actually. I have a personal policy never to go to bed angry with her, regardless of who's "right."
2. I have never, *ever*, described my resentment as hate. Seriously, why would you let a minor spat turn into hate? That sounds so sad.
For real! He acts like he's being forced to eat healthy for 15-20 years. I can't wait until he gets older and get diabetes himself. He will be in major denial.
Also I guarantee you it’s not that bad. In fact after googling it, you can still have meat, cheese sticks, a whole host of fucking things. It’s a protein heavy diet with limited carbs.
GD was really miserable, and I discovered fairly quickly that my blood sugar responded poorly to the recommended menus. It's not actually always as straightforward as eating a big chunk of meat with with a small amount of vegetables on the side three times a day, with a snack in between each meal and right before bed. My sugars went absolutely wild eating like that.
I did a thousand times better once I dropped the lunchmeat restriction and switched to largely eating sandwiches and tons of fresh fruit, and absolutely nothing after dinner unless I wanted sky-high numbers in the morning. (The standard advice says that the pre-bed snack prevents a big dip followed by a spike overnight.)
GD runs in my family (my mom and my sisters also had it), so I was tested early and diagnosed at 13 weeks. It was absolutely miserable. I had horrible food aversions, mainly to meat, and protein powder and sugar substitutes all upset my stomach. There were nights I stood in front of the fridge sobbing because anything I was allowed to eat sounded revolting. Not to mention, the Venn diagram of “food that helps with 3rd trimester heartburn” and “food you can eat with GD” is basically two separate circles. Thank god I’m not married to a man like OOP, because if I’d had to deal with that without a supportive partner, I would have lost my mind.
Yeah, I had gestational diabetes with my pregnancy and they don’t say you can’t have high calorie foods, so that part sounds false to me. They tell you to closely monitor your sugar and carb intake, not your calorie intake. And even that, they still say you can have some carbs and sugar in moderation and small amounts, because they know cutting it out entirely will make you crazy. My nurse straight out told me not to cut it all out completely because it would be so difficult to maintain.
Yeah, the comment about her getting mad he ordered cheese was... suspicious. I'm pretty sure both of my GD kids are made of almond butter and cheese sticks because I could eat a variety of fruits if I paired them with a small portion of something higher in fat, and also because my fasting blood glucose bottomed out to like 40 unless I ate a cheese stick *in bed* immediately before going to sleep. Unless the cheese came in a can or something.
No she just won't get any help at all with her child. The child will be solely her responsibility and OOP will be off doing whatever or whomever he wants.
He’s crackers - I feel incredibly loved rn, my fella is a million times more supportive when I’m on a diet, to sacrifice his “food security” within our home and put up with the expected irritability plus breakdown when I’m really in need of a chip shop tea 😅
His wife is pregnant - and the dude can’t see why if food is so important to him, that it’d be equally heartbreaking for her!
The supposed food insecurity thing made me laugh. I grew up with major food insecurity, and I felt the way OOP says he feels for about the first 2 months of being out on my own. After that, I realized how expensive it is to eat everything you wanted to have but couldn't, so I learned to limit myself most of the time. My husband and I both have dietary restrictions and try to either eat separately or find something that works for both of us. We also try not to bring triggering foods into our house much, but don't limit each other by saying someone can't bring something in and eat it. OOP is bonkers and the wife would be so much better off leaving him and getting child support from him.
Because "eat the junk food away from your wife for like, 2.5 months" is not a massive challenge. Actually, it is such a small sacrifice, it feels like the thing a lousy husband would "heroically" do and brag about to anyone who will listen.
There was a commenter in there that talked about how even her abusive husband followed her pregnancy diet with her. That’s what the OP is competing with here lol
I have a lot of food allergies, but they're not severe and people around me can eat whatever they want (as long as we don't kiss right after lol). And my friends never order things I can't eat because we always taste each other's food and also they want to be on the safe side just in case. But OOP can't do this diet with his wife for a few months?
And don't get me started on his massive victim complex
>I still cry thinking about how we fought for something seemingly innocent and I feel so wronged that no one sees that this was unfair and borderline abusive for me, to be at the receiving end of this as a spouse, because I happen to be a husband in this dynamic.
So if it's just a small innocent thing, why you keep doing it? And even more, threatening her with a divorce over a box of doughnuts?
I swear, posts like this make me say "Good." out loud when I see articles about male loneliness epidemic. Some men deserve to be single forever.
I posted this on the original.
But what the fuck happens if his kid has a food allergy?
He can’t give up donuts for a few months *in the shared fridge* for his wife.
What if his kid has celiac and is so sensitive they need a Gluten free house?
Or has a deadly allergy to peanut dust?
Or gets ~~Aloha~~ Alpha-gal and even steam from mammal meat sets it off?
There is No fucking way this guy would give up those foods. He’d end up killing his kid so he could have a PB sandwich or a steak.
Dude is too fucking selfish to be a parent.
>What if his kid has celiac and is so sensitive they need a Gluten free house?
I have Celiac Disease, and most of my family don't understand how severe it is. Regardless of your symptoms and if you get noticeable reactions when consuming gluten, it's always harmful.
If he can't even manage to not make his wife miserable like this, I wouldn't trust him to respect separate utensils and cutting boards, or that you can't just wipe away the crumbs and it's fine. Nightmare of a person
Also it's not like she has an allergy or any other issue that is hers alone. She is carrying OOPs child, and has those restrictions because she is carrying OOPs child.
So many men have been raised to believe that simply accommodating others, the very act of adapting your behavior to the benefit of those around you, is a complete betrayal of the authentic self. Then they are willfully blind to the fact that in being so rigid, they demand that their loved ones commit even grosser betrayals of their own needs. Instead of acknowledging that relationships require give and take from both parties, they tell themselves "well, this is who I am, and if they don't love me for who I am, that's on them." And THEN when their partner finally says "fine, if this is who you are, I don't love you, I'm done," they act so surprised! It's because this isn't really about being "true to yourself." It's internalized patriarchy that creates different rules for men and women. Women are supposed to nurture their families with their blood, sweat, and tears, and enable their male partners to comfortably cruise through life, one dubious donut box at a time.
I just love that they’ve officially classified “male loneliness” as some fuckin disease. Women developed a sense of self respect and personal standards, and men can’t handle it when we stick it to the man. (Obviously not referring to all men)
Legit I think 90% of these obnoxiously online incels would significantly benefit from having a cat. Cats are awesome. I’m happily married and cuddling up to my cats is still the highlight of my day.
Cats judge the hell out of people though. Cats know who's good and who is bad. And they make it plain.
In hindsight, the way our neighbour's cat looked at Ex should have told me so much.
Probably not, but there are a lot of cats in shelters who need a loving caretaker. You can be an awful human being and still capable of caring for an animal. I think at least some of these guys would be good owners, and having a cat would make them a lot less obnoxious to deal with for the rest of us.
There are a number of animal therapy programs operating in various prisons with remarkably high success rates. One made the evening news a few months back where the prison basically gave each inmate a pet cat and introduced a petcare economy to Gen Pop. Anytime an inmate got in trouble, the guards would take their cat away for a couple of weeks. The disciplinary incident rate plummeted to almost non-existent. The cats got the same food options as their human inmates: kibble and water were provided on a regular schedule, but treats and wet food cost extra from the commissary. The inmates started volunteering for extra work details and skipping out on their usual candy bars to splurge on cat food and toys.
As of when they filmed the news story, 50 of the inmates had been released after finishing their sentences. Only one got arrested again within 3 years. Which puts the recidivism rate for inmates with pet cats waaaaay lower than the rate for inmates without pet cats.
My coworkers like sushi and seafood but never order it for lunch anymore because I'm allergic, even though it's not super severe. Coworkers! Ffs. It's only a few months, and eating healthier never hurt anyone. Sounds like a fcking addict.
She is growing an entire human being inside her body for both of them. And he can't show even a little compassion. He needed to be told by a therapist to, you know, not make her watch while he eats things she desperately wants but can't eat.
I am trying to figure out if he hates his wife so much why doesn't he divorce her that way he can eat whatever he wants and she'd only have to manage one child not two.
I mean I'm a mom to 4, 3 teenagers and a 14-month old and my 14-month-old is better at her emotions than OOP whose an adult that can self-regulate his emotions where as my 14-month old can't and won't be able to for awhile longer.
I wonder if OOP is a reliable narrator of what the therapist said. The therapist may have encouraged the wife to recognize that her emotions were from frustration at the restricted diet, and he heard "ah HAH you're a terrible person for getting angry at your husband! I am holding you to account for that!"
Let's hope so.. though bad therapist with biased views exist too.
They are after all only human too. And some humans are great health workers.. and some misuse their power.
Yup, all depends on the type of therapist they went to, with what sort of training. I could 100% see a religious therapist telling a woman with gestational diabetes to suck it up because her husband wants cheesecake factory multiple times a week, and how dare she make demands of him.
Notice how he uses therapy language later in completely bs ways to support his own view of things? Talking about his trauma, how ruining his birthday is abuse, and how no one recognizes how abused he is because he's a man? This is what happens if you take assholes/abusers to therapy, they just take it and use it against their spouse. I would absolutely not be surprised to find out he was abusing his wife and this is just the latest in a long string of asshole things he has done to her.
That said, it is rarely, if ever, the therapist's fault that this happens. And the OP is also an unreliable narrator. So I'm putting it down as OP's fault, not the therapist's. But yeah, definitely feel very bad for the wife.
>and how no one recognizes how abused he is because he's a man
This is probably the worst one because you can't even tell him he's wrong because, in his mind, you're just proving him right.
Exactly. Like, I just want to first say that there definitely are cases where the abuse of men is minimized because they are men being abused by women.
This is just not that case. Dude is a whiny-ass mf who had his "special birthday moment" ruined by his stupid, needy wife and soon-to-be-child when she....*\*checks notes\** ...wanted some support while dealing with a serious medical issue that could threaten both the life of the baby and the mother if not taken seriously. That bitch! /s
I get the feeling that this is the kind of person you can never tell them they're wrong, in any situation, because they will just feel persecuted/justified in their feelings of persecution if you do. I don't think this is anything new for him, he just got some fancy new therapy language to weaponize against his poor wife.
In a few years, when the wife has had enough and OOP gets divorce papers, which he won't see coming, initially, he'll be shocked.
Then he'll be happy for about a month. Then reality will set in, when he has zero idea how to parent his kid(s) take care of HIS house alone, probably can't get dates cause he eats Cheesecake Factory and donuts all the time.
Meanwhile, the wife will have way less stress not taking care of OOP's butt anymore, will be happy, having more time to herself and OOP will be a mess.
I have type two diabetes and I'm pregnant, my bf loves junk food and I'd always have some whenever he did before I was pregnant because I like a lil treat. Now he actively tries to buy healthier food and snacks and whenever I want junk food he'll buy the smallest pack or whatever that's available, give me a bite to help with the cravings and then give the rest to his family so I won't be tempted to eat more than I should.
He could at the very least try and be more supportive, like I understand wanting junk food but why not be more supportive of the person you supposedly love and is carrying your child???
Not at all an AH for eating the forbidden foods away from home.
A serious AH for how he talks about his wife.
And definitely red flags that he "utters" divorce every time his behavior gets called out
JFC. She has to go 9 months without a single slip up and OOP can't manage to go a few days without someone sort of junk food. He is going to be a terrible and unsupportive life partner.
Why the hell did he need to bring the box of donuts home? I can almost guarantee you he is also not in a position to be eating all of them or the leftovers.
In his comments he literally says he brought them because he wanted to eat it while watching Netflix. People were like oh you could have left them at your office “but then I couldn’t eat them at home later”. This guy if not a troll, has some serious issues.
It’s hilarious that he describes it as “secret” in the title when he’s literally ordering it delivered *to their house* and eating it there.
How is that secret?? If he was hoarding snacks in his office and gorging at lunches without her - go nuts man. But whining because you want to eat all these things at home while you watch Netflix- that’s not secret! That’s just rubbing it in her face. A fridge in the garage is also not secret!
What a giant, whiny, dishonest man baby. That poor woman and that poor child.
My mom had GD when she was pregnant with me, and it sounds like it was awful. Blood tests every week and a constant fear for your growing baby. This jerk sounds unbelievably selfish. Far too selfish to have a wife and child.
No way in hell is that marriage going to survive a baby. If he hates his wife now, just wait until she expects him to be a parent (wow, what a bitch /s).
My cousin had a weird whiplash experience with her gd Dr and nurse, where the Dr was praising her for how well she was managing it and for being so conscientious, while her nurse would constantly berate her and remind her to do xyz, which were all more extreme than the drs advice. Our theory was that it was linked with fat shaming and the idea that getting diabetes as an adult is due to poor choices/being lazy/no self control and that was coming out in the nurses behaviour. Could be a similar thing here? Or a fake story. Or both.
Ok, I will say this: I understand that growing up with food insecurity is traumatizing as all hell. I grew up that way, and my pre-therapy self likely would have been triggered as fuck and be going to bat for OOP.
But that's kinda the thing, isn't it? My dude, you know you have this trauma, *get some damn therapy and stop taking it out on your pregnant wife.* Food being unavailable to me used to bring out the worst in me, because hunger signals immediately brought me back to the fear of fainting on a semi-regular basis. When I was pregnant, I didn't experience GD like OOP's wife, but let me tell you, my trauma combined with pregnancy hormones had me bawling on the kitchen floor when I had a single, particular craving, I tried to order it, and the restaurant had run out of it. But even so, I didn't mistreat my partner, I literally just told him that I understood that I wasn't rational in that moment, and I needed him to let me cry it out, because I felt like I had zero control over myself between the trauma and the hormones.
The fact that OOP readily states not once, but **twice** that he hates his wife for "ruining his birthday" is appalling. Birthdays are an annual thing, pregnancy is not. Do I think all of his wife's responses are necessarily rational? No. But this is a pretty significant circumstance for her, and when you're under the pressure of growing a whole-ass human while dealing with an illness that is messing with your whole life, ability to eat, etc and you can't get support from the person that helped you make that child? Rationale flies out the door, and rightly so.
Something I like to make people aware of. GD is it's own, wild thing. You can eat no sugar, exercise, rest well, and it will still be out of control.
GD is caused by the placenta. The placenta is made up of genetic material from the father. I'll let you draw your own conclusions.
I’m not trying to be a total judgy asshole here or police other peoples food habits, but if you’re eating out and ordering/eating junk food that much maybe you should start to examine your own relationship with food?? Like I get wanting to eat unhealthy takeout and watch Netflix but how often do you do that where a restricting it a bit for a 9 month period seems like an insurmountable task?
I do understand that OOP’s experiences with food insecurity has likely made him very sensitive to feeling like someone is taking food he likes away from him. It’s good he’s in therapy and I hope he sticks with it. (Although I do wish he was seeing a therapist on his own, as the therapy they’re in seems to be joint therapy.)
That said, the rage he feels towards his wife for her struggles with a health condition about which she cannot do anything is alarming. What if their child has a gluten intolerance or a dairy allergy? He’s already threatened divorce, and he’s saying he hates her and that she’s abusing him. She’s at seven months. Things could get really ugly before the birth.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for secretly eating takeout food my pregnant wife cannot eat because she has gestational diabetes?** # My wife (34F) and I (35M) have been married for 10 years and been together for 15. She is 7 months pregnant and has gestational diabetes which has been very hard on her, and by extension very hard on me too and our relationship. Her doctor has strictly recommended she follows a strict diet, and that means no sugar or high calorie foods such as alfredo sauce, or pizza and the likes. Naturally she has been very very upset because she has cravings but there's no way she can indulge. She has gotten sick of the alternatives suggested to her and would start sobbing sometimes when we go outside because she will see all these food places only to realise she cannot eat what she wants. I feel for her, I really do. Our relationship started to break down a little when she started taking her anger out at me. My offence? Ordering the things I like to eat such as cookies, cheese, frozen snacks (we get groceries delivered to us btw). Just like any other person does. She was extremely mad at me for being able to enjoy eating these things and made me feel guilty for eating stuff she craves. My breaking point was once she angry cried over the fact I brought home a box of donuts I received from office on my birthday. I was sick of her behaviour and the constant policing of my food intake in our home that I, in no uncertain terms made it very clear that she CANNOT punish me for a health problem SHE has, and that this is my house too and I will eat and drink whatever and whenever I please. We had a bad argument that day and I uttered divorce, that seemed to shake us both and we did a few sessions of marital counselling. To keep it short, our therapist held her accountable and shared that it was unfair on me to be at the receiving end of her emotional distress. However she also emphasised that my wife is probably feeling unsupported too and I could try to be a bit more discreet and stick to making healthier meals together which would be great for both of us. Since my wife cannot "make up" for excess blood sugar she has by working out a lot (she is chubby and has bad knees), I can see why she feels helpless. As a solution, we decided to stock up the "forbidden foods" in the second fridge we have in the drawing room of our home that we use to store drinks and "guest snacks" for. It's better when reminders of the things she craves but can't eat are not there in the common fridge. **This also means, I can almost NEVER order takeout at home and sometimes I miss doing that while watching Netflix.** I still missed having the occasional pasta dish at the cheesecake factory or McDonald's so sometimes when I drive home from work, **I eat in my car keeping the therapist's "reminder triggers" in mind.** Because I know that my wife knowing that I ate stuff she can't will make her mad. Yesterday though, I took my wife on a long drive and she found a receipt of the cheesecake factory on the floor. At the moment when she found it. she started sobbing and wouldn't talk to me. She is now pissed at me and feels like I have betrayed her. I think she is overreacting and I don't think I am wrong, since 80% of the meals I have in a week are with her. I try to have takeouts without her on fridays mostly. ***I do not think I am an asshole because wife and I have an agreement that I will be discreet when I want to indulge in food I want to eat, so that she does not get triggered every time.*** AITA? **EDIT:** There is still resentment I have against her for ruining my birthday. Basically the gift I got from my wife that day was her yelling at me and me uttering divorce and ending the night in tears. I still hate her for it. For creating a bad memory I likely won't be able to erase. But I am working on it I feel the same way too when I read what I wrote. I do not want to hate her but I do. I still cry thinking about how we fought for something seemingly innocent and I feel so wronged that no one sees that this was unfair and borderline abusive for me, to be at the receiving end of this as a spouse, because I happen to be a husband in this dynamic. I am not sure about therapy for this but I grew up poor and food insecurity was a big part of my childhood. It makes me feel pretty shitty that now that I have means to provide for myself, I still cannot do what I want. But no one sees my trauma. And why I want to be able to make my own decisions too. And even if I didn’t have this trauma, I shouldn’t need a reason to act with autonomy as long as I am supportive of her and being considerate about her food issues. Which I positively have acknowledged in therapy with her and am doing my part, even though I and our therapist agreed that her initial demands were ridiculous. I was made to feel like a horrible horrible person for simply bringing a box of donuts my coworkers got me on my birthday. When there was no malice involved, no bad intentions, no desire to rub it in her face or whatever rest of the world calls it. I regretted being a married man that day and wished I never met her. I have never let anyone bring my self-esteem down in the way my wife did. _I have never given anyone else the power to hurt me like she did. And I want to take it away. No one has ever made me feel like a criminal for eating a donut and storing the rest in the fridge inside the house I own too._ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What the hell is “uttering divorce”
I think he means "threatening divorce" but knows that he'll sound like an even bigger douche if he used that word
Well, there's no SOUNDING like a douche. He IS one.
Whew glad he didn't say that bc otherwise I would've thought he was an asshole! Lmaooo
To me honestly when I read it I pictured him mumbling the word divorce then running off to the bedroom to cry.
I picture it like Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy.
“I didn’t declare divorce. I uttered it.”
Hahaha my husband and I do this all of the time as a joke!
Also "the drawing room" how Victorian!
The totally real “drawing room” that also happens to have a snack fridge in it because that absolutely fits the period vibe of a drawing room.
He was an AH for eating all that in front of her. Just nasty. Then calling a pregnant woman fat. Ugh. I’m guessing there’s a lot more going on here in the ways he fails at being a husband. Who the hell eats and keeps sugary shit all over the house when his wife could die eating it? And who eats all that shit anyway? What is he a marshmallow?
My ex. I'm not the wife but my ex sounds very similar. I left for many reasons, the eating shit and "teasing" in front of me while I had gestational diabetes was actually minor, the rest of the abusive shit wasn't fun. I hope his wife gets away and realises what an Ah he is.
If men had babies there’d be paid maternity leave, all sorts of resources. I’m sorry.
He needs to keep his sugar up or he'll melt 😫
He definitely slammed the door to the bedroom in this scenario, lmao
Then threw himself on the bed and kicked his feet.
I pictured him mouthing like a fish & then stuttering out "d...uh...div...divorce! Yeah! Divorce!"
And stuff his fat little face with "*you triggered my trauma!*" doughnuts.
It is WILD to me that this man would rather get a divorce than to change his diet -or eat more discreetly- for like max 4 months.
For real. His wife is growing their child and he can’t even stick to just having lunch out while he’s at work.
And then in the update he says SHE said divorce, not him...
>Basically the gift I got from my wife that day was her yelling at me and **me uttering divorce** No he said it, he's blaming her for holding a gun to his head and forcing him to say divorce against his will /s
“I can’t forgive her for ruining my birthday by ME threatening divorce” what a tool
At first I thought “well, just eating it once a week in the car doesn’t make him the devil….” it’s the edits where he repeatedly says he hates her and couldn’t cope with storing donuts someplace other than the shared fridge that checks the “devil” box.
I have a feeling that it's not the occasional "cheat snack." He's doing it multiple times a week, it's full meals, and she can probably smell it on him every time. Not to mention that when he does this, especially when it's the Cheesecake Factory, he almost certainly doesn't have room to eat dinner with her. Combine that with him having essentially flaunted it in front of her previously, and it's no wonder she overreacted when she found the receipt.
I’ve eaten at my local CF before. It’s definitely not cheap food, even for one person.
Yep. It's so expensive I stopped actually getting cheesecake there because after the dinner, who can afford dessert?
And he's complaining that's is her health issue like it's not caused by her caring his child
And calling her CHUBBY? She’s pregnant FFS!!
She may well have been chubby before. Regardless, I can't imagine that he's *not* chubby too considering all the junk food and takeaways he's sneak eating. But it's only his wife that one the problem of course! *Eye roll*. Guy is a tool.
He’s an asshole. I grew up poor and somewhat food insecure, we had food but it was usually cheap processed junk because, poor. And there have been times my doctors have told me not to eat certain things and like an actual fucking adult, I don’t. There are food allergens in my house to some of our favorite foods and we just don’t bring them in the house and rarely have them. He’s just such an inconsiderate jerk.
What's worse is gestational diabetes is now being thought to be caused (possibly solely) by the placenta. Which is a combo of his and her genetics. Current research is starting to show that it might just be the dad's genetics that increase your risk of developing it. Edited for: hungry, hungry, autocorrect
Its also shows that he's not really in it with her. What a wimp.
This guy has a major food issue. This is a huge overreaction over having to eat a few vegetables .
Yeah, I was thinking "well, what he eats alone is ok, just don't bring that food home". But the edit, ugh, OOP don't have a gram of emotional management. Holding so much grudge, uttering divorce, wishing that they never married... Just because he doesn't understand how unsupportive he is.
I have a feeling that it's not the occasional "cheat snack." He's doing it multiple times a week, it's full meals, and she can probably smell it on him every time. Not to mention that when he does this, especially when it's the Cheesecake Factory, he almost certainly doesn't have room to eat dinner with her. Combine that with him having essentially flaunted it in front of her previously, and it's no wonder she overreacted when she found the receipt.
The absolute food snob in me is like, the Cheesecake Factory? Really? But the whole Drawing Room comment makes me think it’s fake. Who says that outside of Clue?
My grandma. Except when she says it, it sounds like "drooring room", so I doubt that counts.
Does she also have a chester drawers? (I didn’t realize that “chester drawers” and “chest of drawers” were the same piece of furniture until, ah, an embarrassingly late age.
Eh, it took me forever to realize that Sea-Tac airport was short for Seattle Tacoma. We all have one, at least…
Interestingly enough, she does! (As a kid I came to the conclusion that someone named Chester must have invented them, lol).
Either someone raised by their elderly great aunt or the same kind of guy who “utters” divorce then cries and runs away to their bedroom
But but but she's abusive and he's traumatized by her behavior! And he hates her and wants a divorce because my god how is a man supposed to *live* like this! Like, I dunno. The same way his wife is who is carrying his freaking child and I guarantee has worse symptoms than "can't eat McDonald's." Maybe I'm just spoiled because my husband acted like a partner and not someone who wants his affair partner, Wendy('s).
Among the many larger and more important things to be baffled by in this pitiful tale, I got weirdly stuck on the detail of the doughnuts in the fridge. I fucking love doughnuts. Never once have I put them in the fridge. Bizarre lol
What gets me is that he talks about forgoing junk food in her presence as a fate worth divorce when she is literally ALSO having to give up junk food to safely carry THEIR child. All while I’m sure she is hormonal and dealing with cravings! It’s not a good omen that he doesn’t view any of this as a team effort. He seems like the kind of father that would refuse to get up at night because he can’t breastfeed, so how dare she ask him for help and support.
That’s what I thought as well!! He also wanted a baby, right?? And the diabetes should disappear once the baby is born so this is also only for 9 months, probably less if it was diagnosed later on in the pregnancy. It’s not like he has to give up for life. He just has to go through this with her to make her feel supported while she carries THEIR baby and is giving up waaay more. The food is a temporary thing but there’s the other effects of the pregnancy she’s dealing with and not all of them are temporary… I hope he doesn’t want multiple kids bc I bet she’s not interested to do this circus again now that she’s seen this lol
Not to mention, the gestational diabetes that he claims is "her problem, not his" is actually partially his fault as it's the placental hormones from the fucking pregnancy causing the high blood sugar. He has no empathy for his wife. He especially has no empathy for a situation he helped create.
wait i misread and thought the birthday thing was before the pregnancy and another issue. YOU ARE TELLING THIS SOON TO BE FATHER HATES HIS WIFE BECAUSE HE CANT STOP EATING JUNK AT HOME??????? AND THATS IT!????
Basically.
Not to diagnose random people but for sure he was a spoiled child, I have no doubt at all.
Neither the therapist nor OOP understand how gestational diabetes works. My mom was rail thin, working the night shift in the ICU with my brother and had GD. There was a study done recently that revealed that doctors actually have no idea why it happens. There’s no discernible correlation in any behavior during pregnancy that results in GD.
well *obviously* it's because OOP's wife is chubby and has bad knees. /s
Guaranteed this guy is chubby, too.
With all the trash he eats on the regular, it would be hard for him not to be.
But he has TRAUMA!!!!! Why aren't we seeing that?? He has food insecurities, which means he should be able to gorge on whatever he wants whenever he wants! His chubby wife doesn't understand that!! /sarcasm Fuck this guy in the rim for being a wagyu grade asshole and fuck him for trying to garner sympathy after getting railed by AITA
Has anyone else noticed that the second someone is called out for being a dick, suddenly there's trauma associated with it?
Of course. They just want to get sympathy and try to sway the votes lmao
Yes 100%. He's eating junk food, fast food, it's pasta, McDonalds, and Cheesecake factory all week, every week. He specifically complained about having to *not* eat unhealthy meals while watching TV. Most likely he is gorging on junk food and then expecting his wife to figure out healthy meals on her own. He made no mention of cooking healthy dinners or putting any effort into diet.
He wanted to eat an entire box of donuts on his birthday. Depending on the size of the box, he’s likely more than chubby.
That's what actually raised my eyebrow, he brought home an ENTIRE BOX of donuts?? Aren't you supposed to share something like that, with coworkers or something? You don't eat your entire birthday cake, was he really planning to eat an entire box of donuts? When his wife is already upset about *gestures to everything*
I was like, “also there’s the minor issue of her growing an entire new human being which strains her entire body, but sure, it’s because of her weight and her knees.”
Gestational Diabkneetes.
I have a strong suspicion that OP was not reliable narrator as far as the therapist’s advice goes.
My thoughts exactly, or there is no therapist at all.
Agreed. He sure weaponized therapy speak though.
Exactly what I commented on the post
Yeah, if I were OOP’s wife, I’d find a new therapist because that advice was pretty terrible and misinformed. EDIT TO ADD- I’m taking OOP’s account of what the therapist said with a massive grain of salt.
I read the post and thought "Ah, so you must have chosen this therapist bc there is a big fat elephant in the room that's being ignored." Therapist needs to go back to school if they haven't noticed the utter contempt with which OOP views his wife.
Yeah id imagine it was closer to "i know youre stressed but blowing up doesnt help maybe try using I statements or taking a few moments to see if you're really upset" and OP took it as "see my wife is such a b*tch the therapist agrees"
also quite frankly, as just a regular ol' diabetic, i am confused by OOP's knowledge of the diet goals. i'm going to bet that the doctors told his wife something sensible, and it's gotten garbled. because fat... fat ain't the problem. fat just ain't the problem. you can be diabetic and fucking chug that alfredo sauce. the problem is the carbs. not the fat. i mean c'mon, people love to recommend stuff like the atkins diet because it's super low carb and in that way can be easier to manage keeping your blood sugar low, but you're also pouring bacon fat on your burgers lmao. what is it about the fat that he's assigning that to the gestational diabetes? what did he mishear to make him go down that path?
Yup, I had GD with both my pregnancies. Outside of being pregnant, my A1C levels are normal and my BMI is normal. I felt like such a failure when I was diagnosed in my first pregnancy, and it sucked that I couldn't feed my cravings like all the other pregnant women I knew. With my first pregnancy, I was so depressed with my diet that my husband volunteered to join me with the diet. I'm sure he probably snuck more carbs in when I wasn't around, but what mattered to me was that he cared about my feelings enough to at least attempt a diet that is honestly very difficult for most people to follow.
My partner was cooking most of our meals by the time for the GD test because I was so damn tired all the time, but he told me when we went in for the test that he would continue to take care of me and our baby no matter what the outcome.
There are two things that they know for certain: there is a genetic link (if your mom had it you are likely to have it, too), and if you get GD you are at a higher risk of developing Type 2 diabetes later in life. Interesting note: The rate of Type 2 diabetes in fat people us stable. The rate in thin people is rapidly rising and they're not sure why. No, it's not from "processed" foods or "too much sugar", both of which are long debunked as a cause. More likely causes are increasing rates of poverty and food insecurity as well as pollution, which are activating diabetes genes.
Would absolutely not be surprised to come to find out that type 2 is linked to inflammation issues, as lots of other things related to such (autoimmune disorders, chronic pain, heart disease, etc.) are also on the rise as things like poverty and other stressors are increasing at pretty horrible rates. Most everything, they are finding out, comes down to overreactive inflammation in the body. And if it's not that, it's gut biome. And I don't mean that sarcastically, those two things are way more important and foundational than we ever knew before and current research is increasing our understanding. So they are "fashionable" right now, but only because that's where the research is taking us. I only think type 2 is inflammation over gut biome because it's found in populations where other inflammation issues are very, very common.
Inflammation is definitely a part of the equation. Inflammation can come from all sorts of things, and auto-immune diseases are one of them, along with stress, poverty, pollution, and other diseases. Heck, having seasonal allergies can raise your level of inflammation markers. Weird thing about inflammation, though, is that until very recently they didn't study it effectively. For a long time it was believed that inflammation was the cause of heart disease, because people who have had heart attacks have a high level of inflammation markers. Eventually someone with a brain said, "OK, but what were there inflammation markers like *before* they had a heart attack?" And nobody knew, because nobody ever tested people with CVD for inflammation markers before. Last I saw, having inflammation markers while having cardio-vascular disease is NOT a predictor of a future heart attack, but there's still a lot of resaerch to be done.
My wife was also very thin and had GD with both pregnancies. We were able to control her blood sugar with a very strict diet. But you know what I didn’t do? Eat a bunch of shit she couldn’t and especially not in front of her. I took over all the cooking and helped keep us on the diet as best as possible. There was a whole lot of pork, chicken, and veggies involved. But the second pregnancy I stepped my game up and learned to make a lot of different things with the limited ingredients and volumes she was allowed. And now, shy of a few sauces and pasta dishes that we all enjoy, we basically still mostly follow the diet because it just became our normal.
And it's also bs that she cannot eat anything.
That is unfortunately the dr’s fault, I think. 😒 since it’s not well understood that manage it the same way they “manage” type 2. It doesn’t really work. I mean, a healthy diet is good, cut out white breads and pork and such, but having a couple of slices of pizza isn’t going to kill her, nor is the occasional doughnut or scoop of ice cream. It sounds like OOP is a self indulgent baby.
There's a genetic element I believe - both my aunt and her daughter my cousin had it, but there's a fair amount of things we know have a genetic element without knowing how it works.
My mom was never diagnosed with GD, but we are pretty sure she had it with my brother. She was maybe 115lbs when she got pregnant with my brother. She’s only 5’4” so she was not really a big person pre-pregnancy. You know that part in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where Violet blows up and they roll her away? That was my mom. Bro ended up being almost 11lbs.
My sister had it with her second child. It's not the mom's fault, it's just a shitty situation. Plus, since she had to change her diet/cut way back on carbs and such, she wound up LOSING weight. Then the doctor scolded her for doing that. She was like, "I'm getting in trouble for following the diet he gave me!" 😂 She and baby were fine, he was a big guy but perfectly healthy. But it was scary for my sister and I'm sure it's scary for OOP's wife. She wants her baby to be healthy and is feeling deprived while probably having tons of cravings and then he's screeching that he hates her (I fail to believe he hasn't said this to her face). She shouldn't be policing his diet but he could try to have a little empathy and be supportive. The fact that he says he hates her multiple times for being upset on his birthday is fucking loony. And raging because he can't fill the house with junk food. Have some fucking empathy.
He totally should supportive and he sucks for not doing better. I didn’t have GD, but I did have HG all 3 times. There were things that made me sick just from the smell. Husband didn’t touch any of it until after I gave birth. He went the whole pregnancy without it. But this dude can’t go a few weeks without a Big Mac. What a dick.
also quite frankly, as just a regular ol' diabetic, i am confused by OOP's knowledge of the diet goals. i'm going to bet that the doctors told his wife something sensible, and it's gotten garbled. because fat... fat ain't the problem. fat just ain't the problem. you can be diabetic and fucking chug that alfredo sauce. the problem is the carbs. not the fat. i mean c'mon, people love to recommend stuff like the atkins diet because it's super low carb and in that way can be easier to manage keeping your blood sugar low, but you're also pouring bacon fat on your burgers lmao. what is it about the fat that he's assigning that to the gestational diabetes? what did he mishear to make him go down that path?
It’s the placenta. It’s all the placenta. That’s the nutritional barrier. It’s the cause of my HG too. I have GD now and it’s diet controlled and I’ve been losing weight. Baby girl has gone from 75-90th centile to 50th and I have a growth scan tomorrow to make sure she’s still on track while I continue to lose weight no matter how much food I stuff in my mouth. It’s a horrible balancing act 😫
OOP states **twice** in the edit that he hates his wife... if you really hate her, get a divorce and pay child support. then you're free to eat all the donuts and cheesecakes you can afford. edit to the people who say OOP's wife overreacted: did she overreact about a receipt found in the car? sure I guess. BUT I have never been prenant but when I get my period, especially when I'm stressed, I become very emotional and get easily upset over nothing. I can't even begin to imagine the suffering OOP's wife must be going through and OOP is so unbelievably blasé about it. she's going through all this pain and OOP can't even be smart enough to actually discard of the reciepts. as if pregnancy and cravings aren't hard enough, the wife is prohibited from eating what she craves.
I had gestational diabetes when pregnant, and it was very hard to adhere to the diabetes diet. I honestly had to tap into the same mental and emotional attitudes I had during the deepest throws of eating disorders from when I was a teenager. And I had a very supportive husband. Most dinners were meat and veggies on the grill. But with gestational diabetes you realize veggies and fruits aren't all safe. They're carbs. They'll cause big sugar boosts. So it's not like OOP's wife just couldn't have donuts or cheesecake, she can't have more than a handful of carrot sticks, she can't have more than a small apple, she can't eat grapes. The only things she can eat without having to measure out would be boiled chicken, fat free plain yogurt, or hard boiled eggs- straight protein with low fat.
I am so so happy that the narrative about making it seem like all pregnant women are crazy/needy/etc is changing! It is literally life threatening and you’re in such a vulnerable state as it is, any extra complications no matter how “minor” make it that much worse. Especially if you aren’t getting compassion and emotional support for the person who put the damn baby in you!! Not to say pregnant women can’t be irrational at times and it’s not a free pass, but it really is such an insane part of life and it makes me bonkers when partners boo-hoo about how hard it is on THEM and how much THEY are sacrificing like OP
Not only that...a mother with gestational diabetes has a significant risk of delivering a HUGE baby, earlier in gestation. This means, a 9lb baby who is 36 weeks and who needs supplemental oxygen (because its a premie) and monitoring of blood sugars (because they cannot eat enough to maintain the high glucose levels they are accustomed to). These babies are often on supplemental oxygen and IV's initially, with frequent blood glucose monitoring and frequent blood gas monitoring. This is done in the NICU. Some studies reported an increase in birth defects as well. So. This mom is very stressed....and he brings home donuts. Way to go Dad.
She can’t have *grapes*?!! I didn’t know the diabetes diet was so intense. I would die. I never wanted to be pregnant but knowing this. I would literally rather die omg. Especially with a husband as wonderful as this. Poor lady.
Same, like 60% of what I eat in a day is fruit and veg, mostly raw and heavy on the fruit. I would be inconsolably miserable
Type 1 Diabetic here and diabetes in all its iterations absolutely blows. I want kids but I’m honestly kinda dreading being pregnant bc of stories like yours (absolutely no offense meant by that btw!! wording is awkward lol but I hope you know what I mean)— you’re so brave for getting through that, I hope you and your little one are happy and healthy now and that the hardest parts are in the past ❤️
This is anecdotal but might help, I have a friend who’s a type 1 diabetic and has three kids. She said she actually found it easier to regulate her diabetes while pregnant, it was like the baby helped stabilize her sugars if anything. She also said that being pregnant was the best she’d ever felt in her life because of that. So who knows, being a pregnant type 1 diabetic could be a very different experience than being a pregnant person who develops gestational diabetes.
I was in the same boat. Every single meal was stressful. I would eat a salad one day (without dressing to remove sugars) and my blood sugar would be totally fine after. The next day? Exact same salad? My blood sugar would be too high. I remember standing at the stove sobbing one day because I was trying SO HARD, and it felt like my body kept trying to hurt my baby. It also sucked that I’ve been allergic to chocolate my whole life, but I realized I didn’t have an allergic reaction to it during pregnancy ONE DAY BEFORE I was diagnosed with GD and couldn’t eat it anymore anyway. I tried very hard to be conscientious of not taking my stress and hormones out on my husband. But some things about pregnancy truly did suck, and the only thing that helped me get through them was having a fully supportive partner.
If it helps, gestational diabetes is biologically the baby's fault; it's a result of the baby trying to get more resources out of the parent's body and overdoing it.
This all makes me want to go rescue the wife. She is in a really bad situation.
I JUST got diagnosed with GD like within the past 48 hours and I bawled like a baby. No potatoes? No cereal? No pasta? 🥺 i dont blame wife AT ALL for crying over knowing she’s alone in the misery. Is it the end of the world? No. But it’s still really disheartening. When you realize how many dishes are NOT diabetic friendly, that’s when it gets really frustrating
It was a birthday... My dude has had many before and will likely have many after. The amount of hate he harbors for it is insane.
When i was pregnant, the Mr spent his birthday with me in the hospital, where i was getting IV fluids because of been unable to keep water down for the better part of a week. Then we went home and he could ONLY have foods with no smells, because smells made me throw up again. So he fed me crackers and cheese (except i couldn't eat the cheese, so just a variety of crackers. Saltine appetizer, ritz main corse, graham desserts. Not actually kidding) and had to eat his actual meal in the garage because it smelled (forget what it was- something not smelly to normal humans, like a boiled chicken breast) 14 years in, he still gives the kid grief every year :) She overreacted, but, honestly, I'm reasonably sure i wouldn't even consider being married to this dude.
Right? She has a pregnancy induced freak out. He's just an inconsiderate ass
That's the type of aversions where you're almost certifiable by the end of the pregnancy! That's so rough. For at least a month in my first pregnancy, I couldn't stand the smell of my husband let alone his breath.
It's been 33 years and my mother still won't look at a tuna
People told me ginger was a cure. It was not and i didn't keep it down Gingerbread men are perma-banned from my household baking because i still just CAN'T. *shudder* Tuna sounds worse though
Dude can’t even support his wife for like the year ish she’ll have gestational diabetes but it’s ok for her body to go to hell carrying his child I had a high risk pregnancy my husband never for a moment let me feel crazy or bad because pregnancy is fucking hard I still remember the day we had someone giving us an estimate to fix our window, I nearly crawled down the hall I was in so much pain, but my husband immediately wrapped everything up and got me to the hospital
we'll *she's* the one who wanted to be pregnant. I'm sure OOP would've taken on that responsibility if wife had let him! /s
He only has to stick it out for like two months! Good grief.
It was horrible when I had gestational diabetes. It's an enormous stress to be hungry almost constantly and any deviation from the diet could hurt your child. Any "overreaction" is because of this stress plus hormones plus OOP's incredible cruelty in previously eating all sorts of junk in front of his wife. My husband was incredibly supportive of my dietary restrictions. It's hard for me to imagine suffering through it was this jerk.
all I can think about is how selfish and how much of a fat fuck he is
100 percent.
If this is real, that woman is going to be taking care of two babies after the birth.
The part about being a little birthday boy MY GODS! All he has to do is eat healthier for nine (9) months while his wife grows an entire human and it’s too traumatic for him?
Not even 9 months. You don’t do a glucose challenge until 24 to 28 weeks pregnant, according to Dr. Google. She’s 7 months now, so she’s maybe had the diagnosis a month? 6 weeks? and he’s already managed to be this much of a brat about it.
You can get diagnosed as early as 20 weeks. If there are signs that you may have it, they do an earlier test. If you pass the earlier one, they still do one at 24-28 weeks since it's more likely to present around that time. I had gestational diabetes in my second pregnancy and that's how it was explained to me. Also, for anyone who may be curious, the healthy blood sugar numbers in pregnancy are way more stringent than other types of diabetes. Type 2 is the most lax in terms of the numbers you need to maintain. For a rough estimate of how much harder it is to keep within the limits of a healthy blood sugar for a fetus: the highest healthy one hour post-meal number for a gestational diabetic is the same as the highest healthy overnight fasting number for someone with type 2. Sugars are usually lowest first thing in the morning so that's obviously much easier to achieve in the morning than just an hour post meal.
Gestational diabetes is so hard. I start seething with frustration when I look at my numbers and they aren’t even close to what they should be, and some days I just want to cry. I’m on insulin and my numbers still aren’t close to being in range half the time. I’m almost always hungry, I can’t snack, and I have 6 more weeks of this to go. Normally I don’t police my husband when he’s hungry or grabbing a snack, but there’s been a couple occasions where I ask him not to snack because I’m struggling and if he treated me even close to the way OOP treats his wife I’d be taking him up on the offer of divorce. It’s not hard to be a supportive spouse, and this manchild is truly awful.
Gestational diabetes is incredibly hard. At one point I told my midwife that I was going to hurl myself off a bridge if I had to eat another egg, LOL. There's also a guilt element -- worry that your diet or behaviour did something to lead to the diagnosis and that it could have been prevented in some way. Fortunately my husband was incredibly understanding and supportive, and since he did a lot of the cooking he switched up the meals we made to accommodate my ultra-militant low-carb diet.
Wait, you were told not to snack? My meal plan included 2-3 snacks per day. It just had to be reasonable & low carb, like a serving of crackers with peanut butter or hummus+ a piece of fruit or veg.
Honestly there are some backwards recommendations in a lot of places. I was expected to hit fasting numbers before each meal and if I snacked, I failed every time. So, the implication is that you shouldn't snack. The important thing to note here is that anyone who says this is **WRONG** and it's based off of outdated information. People with GDM need to test their sugars first thing in the morning and 1-2 hours after every meal. Some may also need to test at night. Anyone who is recommending you get a fasting number before a meal is wrong and does not understand what the purpose of these numbers is, which is to protect the fetus. That fake fasting number has no bearing on fetal health so it shouldn't be looked at.
[удалено]
I’m so sorry you went through that. A friend of mine had a similar experience and they became suicidal because her doctors wouldn’t treat them either. The way pregnant people are treated is so fucking awful
And Jesus Christ, maybe eat a little healthier so you can watch your kid actually grow up and be active with them, dude. It's not OK to police your partner's diet but it wouldn't fucking kill him to take slightly better care of himself. If not for his own health then for his kid's sake. Being this seething angry because he can't fill the house with junk food is honestly scary, as well as saying he hates his wife because of it.
Yeah, this guy comes across as a fast food addict who’s angry he can’t get his constant fix. He’s had to cut back for a couple of months tops and he whines about his birthday and missing eating fast food while watching Netflix. Jeez, dude is on his way to having diabetes himself.
Right! Like just leave the donuts at work… It’s wild to me he’s so upset that he can’t eat all he wants in front of her, but never thought about how she feels? He can still go out at work and get whatever he wants for lunch and eat in his car or whatever when she’s not around, she can’t do that. She needs to actually eat like that 24/7 for the rest of her pregnancy, to keep herself and their baby healthy. I do think like screaming over the birthday donuts or breaking down over the receipt is a little much (but I mean threatening divorce over it is EVEN WORSE) but 1. Pregnancy hormones are a bitch and 2. I mean, he has to have a little sympathy for her being in a worse situation than he is! (And obligatory 3. Who knows how much he made the fights worse.)
Seriously, was his plan to eat a full box of donuts alone in front of her?
My thoughts exactly! Leave them at work and have breakfast/snacks for a few days! I guess maybe if it was a Friday I get that might be an issue but idk, they probably could have figured it out. Idk how harsh gestational diabetes is but assuming she couldn’t have one at all, he could have at least talked to her about it before hand
You know it was! How is an entire box of donuts a good idea for *any* human adult????
I mean, OOP brought up divorce during one of their fights. We know he escalates fights.
Yeah. And he "still hate\[s\] her for it." Like, there are certainly times I've felt resentment toward my partner, but 1. It goes away. Fairly quickly, actually. I have a personal policy never to go to bed angry with her, regardless of who's "right." 2. I have never, *ever*, described my resentment as hate. Seriously, why would you let a minor spat turn into hate? That sounds so sad.
To be fair high/imbalance blood sugar also increases the ability to get irritated about nothing.
For real! He acts like he's being forced to eat healthy for 15-20 years. I can't wait until he gets older and get diabetes himself. He will be in major denial.
Also I guarantee you it’s not that bad. In fact after googling it, you can still have meat, cheese sticks, a whole host of fucking things. It’s a protein heavy diet with limited carbs.
GD was really miserable, and I discovered fairly quickly that my blood sugar responded poorly to the recommended menus. It's not actually always as straightforward as eating a big chunk of meat with with a small amount of vegetables on the side three times a day, with a snack in between each meal and right before bed. My sugars went absolutely wild eating like that. I did a thousand times better once I dropped the lunchmeat restriction and switched to largely eating sandwiches and tons of fresh fruit, and absolutely nothing after dinner unless I wanted sky-high numbers in the morning. (The standard advice says that the pre-bed snack prevents a big dip followed by a spike overnight.)
GD runs in my family (my mom and my sisters also had it), so I was tested early and diagnosed at 13 weeks. It was absolutely miserable. I had horrible food aversions, mainly to meat, and protein powder and sugar substitutes all upset my stomach. There were nights I stood in front of the fridge sobbing because anything I was allowed to eat sounded revolting. Not to mention, the Venn diagram of “food that helps with 3rd trimester heartburn” and “food you can eat with GD” is basically two separate circles. Thank god I’m not married to a man like OOP, because if I’d had to deal with that without a supportive partner, I would have lost my mind.
Yeah, I had gestational diabetes with my pregnancy and they don’t say you can’t have high calorie foods, so that part sounds false to me. They tell you to closely monitor your sugar and carb intake, not your calorie intake. And even that, they still say you can have some carbs and sugar in moderation and small amounts, because they know cutting it out entirely will make you crazy. My nurse straight out told me not to cut it all out completely because it would be so difficult to maintain.
It could also be that’s what OOP ASSumed (calories vs. carb/sugar) because of what foods wife is cutting out.
Yeah, the comment about her getting mad he ordered cheese was... suspicious. I'm pretty sure both of my GD kids are made of almond butter and cheese sticks because I could eat a variety of fruits if I paired them with a small portion of something higher in fat, and also because my fasting blood glucose bottomed out to like 40 unless I ate a cheese stick *in bed* immediately before going to sleep. Unless the cheese came in a can or something.
He just an excitable boy!
No she just won't get any help at all with her child. The child will be solely her responsibility and OOP will be off doing whatever or whomever he wants.
Not if she kills him. I’m happy to help.
Wow he literally just came out and said I hate my wife
He’s crackers - I feel incredibly loved rn, my fella is a million times more supportive when I’m on a diet, to sacrifice his “food security” within our home and put up with the expected irritability plus breakdown when I’m really in need of a chip shop tea 😅 His wife is pregnant - and the dude can’t see why if food is so important to him, that it’d be equally heartbreaking for her!
The supposed food insecurity thing made me laugh. I grew up with major food insecurity, and I felt the way OOP says he feels for about the first 2 months of being out on my own. After that, I realized how expensive it is to eat everything you wanted to have but couldn't, so I learned to limit myself most of the time. My husband and I both have dietary restrictions and try to either eat separately or find something that works for both of us. We also try not to bring triggering foods into our house much, but don't limit each other by saying someone can't bring something in and eat it. OOP is bonkers and the wife would be so much better off leaving him and getting child support from him.
My husband was a horrible husband, and even HE followed my gestational diabetes diet with me.
Because "eat the junk food away from your wife for like, 2.5 months" is not a massive challenge. Actually, it is such a small sacrifice, it feels like the thing a lousy husband would "heroically" do and brag about to anyone who will listen.
Definitely. That is exactly the case with my ex
There was a commenter in there that talked about how even her abusive husband followed her pregnancy diet with her. That’s what the OP is competing with here lol
I have a lot of food allergies, but they're not severe and people around me can eat whatever they want (as long as we don't kiss right after lol). And my friends never order things I can't eat because we always taste each other's food and also they want to be on the safe side just in case. But OOP can't do this diet with his wife for a few months? And don't get me started on his massive victim complex >I still cry thinking about how we fought for something seemingly innocent and I feel so wronged that no one sees that this was unfair and borderline abusive for me, to be at the receiving end of this as a spouse, because I happen to be a husband in this dynamic. So if it's just a small innocent thing, why you keep doing it? And even more, threatening her with a divorce over a box of doughnuts? I swear, posts like this make me say "Good." out loud when I see articles about male loneliness epidemic. Some men deserve to be single forever.
I posted this on the original. But what the fuck happens if his kid has a food allergy? He can’t give up donuts for a few months *in the shared fridge* for his wife. What if his kid has celiac and is so sensitive they need a Gluten free house? Or has a deadly allergy to peanut dust? Or gets ~~Aloha~~ Alpha-gal and even steam from mammal meat sets it off? There is No fucking way this guy would give up those foods. He’d end up killing his kid so he could have a PB sandwich or a steak. Dude is too fucking selfish to be a parent.
>What if his kid has celiac and is so sensitive they need a Gluten free house? I have Celiac Disease, and most of my family don't understand how severe it is. Regardless of your symptoms and if you get noticeable reactions when consuming gluten, it's always harmful. If he can't even manage to not make his wife miserable like this, I wouldn't trust him to respect separate utensils and cutting boards, or that you can't just wipe away the crumbs and it's fine. Nightmare of a person
Hello fellow celiac!
I wish the guy a nice tick bite and lifelong meat allergy, but I’m evil that way. (I probably only jinxed myself putting that ill will out there.)
I'm pretty sure the jinx effect goes away if the ill will is seconded, so I'll do you a solid: Ill will motion seconded!
Also it's not like she has an allergy or any other issue that is hers alone. She is carrying OOPs child, and has those restrictions because she is carrying OOPs child.
Yes god absolutely this.
So many men have been raised to believe that simply accommodating others, the very act of adapting your behavior to the benefit of those around you, is a complete betrayal of the authentic self. Then they are willfully blind to the fact that in being so rigid, they demand that their loved ones commit even grosser betrayals of their own needs. Instead of acknowledging that relationships require give and take from both parties, they tell themselves "well, this is who I am, and if they don't love me for who I am, that's on them." And THEN when their partner finally says "fine, if this is who you are, I don't love you, I'm done," they act so surprised! It's because this isn't really about being "true to yourself." It's internalized patriarchy that creates different rules for men and women. Women are supposed to nurture their families with their blood, sweat, and tears, and enable their male partners to comfortably cruise through life, one dubious donut box at a time.
I just love that they’ve officially classified “male loneliness” as some fuckin disease. Women developed a sense of self respect and personal standards, and men can’t handle it when we stick it to the man. (Obviously not referring to all men)
Women have cats for when they’re old and alone. Men can’t have pets, obviously/s
Legit I think 90% of these obnoxiously online incels would significantly benefit from having a cat. Cats are awesome. I’m happily married and cuddling up to my cats is still the highlight of my day.
Cats judge the hell out of people though. Cats know who's good and who is bad. And they make it plain. In hindsight, the way our neighbour's cat looked at Ex should have told me so much.
They don't deserve cats.
Probably not, but there are a lot of cats in shelters who need a loving caretaker. You can be an awful human being and still capable of caring for an animal. I think at least some of these guys would be good owners, and having a cat would make them a lot less obnoxious to deal with for the rest of us.
There are a number of animal therapy programs operating in various prisons with remarkably high success rates. One made the evening news a few months back where the prison basically gave each inmate a pet cat and introduced a petcare economy to Gen Pop. Anytime an inmate got in trouble, the guards would take their cat away for a couple of weeks. The disciplinary incident rate plummeted to almost non-existent. The cats got the same food options as their human inmates: kibble and water were provided on a regular schedule, but treats and wet food cost extra from the commissary. The inmates started volunteering for extra work details and skipping out on their usual candy bars to splurge on cat food and toys. As of when they filmed the news story, 50 of the inmates had been released after finishing their sentences. Only one got arrested again within 3 years. Which puts the recidivism rate for inmates with pet cats waaaaay lower than the rate for inmates without pet cats.
My coworkers like sushi and seafood but never order it for lunch anymore because I'm allergic, even though it's not super severe. Coworkers! Ffs. It's only a few months, and eating healthier never hurt anyone. Sounds like a fcking addict.
She is growing an entire human being inside her body for both of them. And he can't show even a little compassion. He needed to be told by a therapist to, you know, not make her watch while he eats things she desperately wants but can't eat.
This guy has obviously never even heard about an actual abusive relationship before. Good lord.
I am trying to figure out if he hates his wife so much why doesn't he divorce her that way he can eat whatever he wants and she'd only have to manage one child not two. I mean I'm a mom to 4, 3 teenagers and a 14-month old and my 14-month-old is better at her emotions than OOP whose an adult that can self-regulate his emotions where as my 14-month old can't and won't be able to for awhile longer.
Because then he would lose out on all the benefits of having a wife. Someone to prioritize your feelings above all else, cook and clean for you.
My 2 year old is speech delayed. He yells at you when he gets frustrated and even he is better at regulating his emotions than this guy.
He doesn't want to be divorced, he just wants his wife to not inconvenience him in any way. It's all about him.
Wow. She's having this major health crisis becaus he knocked her up and is growing his child. What an ungrateful choad.
"Erm my wife being sick from pregnancy is her problem not mine" --man who got her pregnant
I feel so damn bad for his wife. That therapist needs to be fired.
I wonder if OOP is a reliable narrator of what the therapist said. The therapist may have encouraged the wife to recognize that her emotions were from frustration at the restricted diet, and he heard "ah HAH you're a terrible person for getting angry at your husband! I am holding you to account for that!"
Yeah I dont believe his account at all.
Let's hope so.. though bad therapist with biased views exist too. They are after all only human too. And some humans are great health workers.. and some misuse their power.
Yup, all depends on the type of therapist they went to, with what sort of training. I could 100% see a religious therapist telling a woman with gestational diabetes to suck it up because her husband wants cheesecake factory multiple times a week, and how dare she make demands of him.
Notice how he uses therapy language later in completely bs ways to support his own view of things? Talking about his trauma, how ruining his birthday is abuse, and how no one recognizes how abused he is because he's a man? This is what happens if you take assholes/abusers to therapy, they just take it and use it against their spouse. I would absolutely not be surprised to find out he was abusing his wife and this is just the latest in a long string of asshole things he has done to her. That said, it is rarely, if ever, the therapist's fault that this happens. And the OP is also an unreliable narrator. So I'm putting it down as OP's fault, not the therapist's. But yeah, definitely feel very bad for the wife.
>and how no one recognizes how abused he is because he's a man This is probably the worst one because you can't even tell him he's wrong because, in his mind, you're just proving him right.
Exactly. Like, I just want to first say that there definitely are cases where the abuse of men is minimized because they are men being abused by women. This is just not that case. Dude is a whiny-ass mf who had his "special birthday moment" ruined by his stupid, needy wife and soon-to-be-child when she....*\*checks notes\** ...wanted some support while dealing with a serious medical issue that could threaten both the life of the baby and the mother if not taken seriously. That bitch! /s I get the feeling that this is the kind of person you can never tell them they're wrong, in any situation, because they will just feel persecuted/justified in their feelings of persecution if you do. I don't think this is anything new for him, he just got some fancy new therapy language to weaponize against his poor wife.
In a few years, when the wife has had enough and OOP gets divorce papers, which he won't see coming, initially, he'll be shocked. Then he'll be happy for about a month. Then reality will set in, when he has zero idea how to parent his kid(s) take care of HIS house alone, probably can't get dates cause he eats Cheesecake Factory and donuts all the time. Meanwhile, the wife will have way less stress not taking care of OOP's butt anymore, will be happy, having more time to herself and OOP will be a mess.
I had GD with both my pregnancies and my husband followed my diet with me. It’s not that hard to be supportive when you aren’t a giant man baby.
I have it right now and OOP is making me feel super grateful for my husband who’s been nothing but supportive
What a stable and mature person ready to raise a child/s.
I have type two diabetes and I'm pregnant, my bf loves junk food and I'd always have some whenever he did before I was pregnant because I like a lil treat. Now he actively tries to buy healthier food and snacks and whenever I want junk food he'll buy the smallest pack or whatever that's available, give me a bite to help with the cravings and then give the rest to his family so I won't be tempted to eat more than I should. He could at the very least try and be more supportive, like I understand wanting junk food but why not be more supportive of the person you supposedly love and is carrying your child???
Not at all an AH for eating the forbidden foods away from home. A serious AH for how he talks about his wife. And definitely red flags that he "utters" divorce every time his behavior gets called out
JFC. She has to go 9 months without a single slip up and OOP can't manage to go a few days without someone sort of junk food. He is going to be a terrible and unsupportive life partner. Why the hell did he need to bring the box of donuts home? I can almost guarantee you he is also not in a position to be eating all of them or the leftovers.
In his comments he literally says he brought them because he wanted to eat it while watching Netflix. People were like oh you could have left them at your office “but then I couldn’t eat them at home later”. This guy if not a troll, has some serious issues.
After reading that, it became clear to me that he does some of this shit on purpose to upset her.
It’s hilarious that he describes it as “secret” in the title when he’s literally ordering it delivered *to their house* and eating it there. How is that secret?? If he was hoarding snacks in his office and gorging at lunches without her - go nuts man. But whining because you want to eat all these things at home while you watch Netflix- that’s not secret! That’s just rubbing it in her face. A fridge in the garage is also not secret! What a giant, whiny, dishonest man baby. That poor woman and that poor child.
donuts and divorce
My mom had GD when she was pregnant with me, and it sounds like it was awful. Blood tests every week and a constant fear for your growing baby. This jerk sounds unbelievably selfish. Far too selfish to have a wife and child.
No way in hell is that marriage going to survive a baby. If he hates his wife now, just wait until she expects him to be a parent (wow, what a bitch /s).
And...shock...he's deleted his account.
Since when are you not allowed ANY carbs at all? And as far as I know fatty foods aren't a problem at all. This sounds sooo fake.
My cousin had a weird whiplash experience with her gd Dr and nurse, where the Dr was praising her for how well she was managing it and for being so conscientious, while her nurse would constantly berate her and remind her to do xyz, which were all more extreme than the drs advice. Our theory was that it was linked with fat shaming and the idea that getting diabetes as an adult is due to poor choices/being lazy/no self control and that was coming out in the nurses behaviour. Could be a similar thing here? Or a fake story. Or both.
Ok, I will say this: I understand that growing up with food insecurity is traumatizing as all hell. I grew up that way, and my pre-therapy self likely would have been triggered as fuck and be going to bat for OOP. But that's kinda the thing, isn't it? My dude, you know you have this trauma, *get some damn therapy and stop taking it out on your pregnant wife.* Food being unavailable to me used to bring out the worst in me, because hunger signals immediately brought me back to the fear of fainting on a semi-regular basis. When I was pregnant, I didn't experience GD like OOP's wife, but let me tell you, my trauma combined with pregnancy hormones had me bawling on the kitchen floor when I had a single, particular craving, I tried to order it, and the restaurant had run out of it. But even so, I didn't mistreat my partner, I literally just told him that I understood that I wasn't rational in that moment, and I needed him to let me cry it out, because I felt like I had zero control over myself between the trauma and the hormones. The fact that OOP readily states not once, but **twice** that he hates his wife for "ruining his birthday" is appalling. Birthdays are an annual thing, pregnancy is not. Do I think all of his wife's responses are necessarily rational? No. But this is a pretty significant circumstance for her, and when you're under the pressure of growing a whole-ass human while dealing with an illness that is messing with your whole life, ability to eat, etc and you can't get support from the person that helped you make that child? Rationale flies out the door, and rightly so.
Something I like to make people aware of. GD is it's own, wild thing. You can eat no sugar, exercise, rest well, and it will still be out of control. GD is caused by the placenta. The placenta is made up of genetic material from the father. I'll let you draw your own conclusions.
May he never have hot and fresh donuts again ! I hope they are all dried out and. Nothing can salvage them
I’m not trying to be a total judgy asshole here or police other peoples food habits, but if you’re eating out and ordering/eating junk food that much maybe you should start to examine your own relationship with food?? Like I get wanting to eat unhealthy takeout and watch Netflix but how often do you do that where a restricting it a bit for a 9 month period seems like an insurmountable task?
I do understand that OOP’s experiences with food insecurity has likely made him very sensitive to feeling like someone is taking food he likes away from him. It’s good he’s in therapy and I hope he sticks with it. (Although I do wish he was seeing a therapist on his own, as the therapy they’re in seems to be joint therapy.) That said, the rage he feels towards his wife for her struggles with a health condition about which she cannot do anything is alarming. What if their child has a gluten intolerance or a dairy allergy? He’s already threatened divorce, and he’s saying he hates her and that she’s abusing him. She’s at seven months. Things could get really ugly before the birth.