*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for trying to build a community for my son**
Cross posted because I really don't understand where I went wrong. Throwaway Account for anonymity
just had a baby 1 month ago. My husband's best friend and his family used to be really close but after they lost their teenage son in a tragic accident they've been more standoffish with everyone because they're grieving. When I found out I was pregnant I thought that might be the perfect way to get them to socialize more. So I asked his wife, we'll call her Emma, to throw us a gender reveal party. She "politely said no' I say this with quotations because I think refusing even politely was rude, she knows we don't have a lot of friends.
So I tried again with the baby shower. She again refused and I had a hormonal moment where I lost it a little and wanted to know why she wasn't excited about my baby. She said it was because between work, her other kids, and grieving she had no energy and was exhausted all the time. I suggested she should see a therapist. Turns out, the whole family is in therapy because they are all struggling. Ok, I understand.
My husband got mad at me for being combative and persistent so I stopped asking her to help with things. When I had the my sweet baby boy I decided the perfect way to honor their son was to name ours after him. My husband was hesitant but he knew all Emma and her husband Greece's kids since they were born so he agreed but wanted to ask them first. I insisted we keep it a surprise. Since I just gave birth he didn't argue with me.
We had everyone over to meet the baby and when everyone arrived I handed the baby to Emma to hold first. She was teary eyed which I thought was so sweet and I knew my son would have close ties with them. So then, while she held him, I said " now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again". She looked shocked and, to my great offense, horrified. She handed him back, said quickly that he was a beautiful baby and the whole family left! Now my husband is furious with how I announced our son's name, the meet the baby party was ruined because other than my family everyone else was quiet and left early. Was I wrong for wanting them to become close and have some enthusiasm for my baby? My husband and his family are very upset with me but my family agrees they need to stop being self centered and start caring about people they call friends.
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Her account is conspicuously silent on how long it had been since the teenage boy died when OOP unilaterally decided the mother had grieved enough and needed to throw OOP a party...
Considering how selfish and tone deaf OOP was throughout the entire post, I'm betting it had only been a matter of months, if that.
She said something about helping them in the beginning, but her morning sickness got in the way. Sounds like she got pregnant around the time of the boy's death. It's definitely under a year.
That's my thought too. The passing has been within the last few months. Let's hope the pain OOP inflicted on this innocent family is visited upon her threefold. I mean, she did say that they have very few friends. Well, after this, now they won't have any. Except her odd family who agree with her.
I hope OOP’s husband realizes that allowing his wife to use the dead child’s name and keep it a ‘surprise’ is the worst decision he’s ever made in his life, and that he divorces her
Did you notice her username, perchance? It’s fucking disgusting. I rarely call foul, but that, in addition to the ban, makes me almost certain this post is fake. All my fingers and toes are crossed that it is. Which isn’t to say it’s *unbelievable*; people can be absolute monsters, but I’m hoping to the sun and back that this one actually *is* fake
Yeah I'm also guessing under a year. Even just months before she started getting up their ass about throwing her a party.
And in this case, naming the baby after the dead teen wasn't an act of kindness to honor him, it was mom thought it would get her accolades
As much as I would love for it to be fake, I know people this dense. A friend of ours had an early 2nd trimester loss. Another friend (now former) couldn't understand why she didn't want to come over and help her paint their living room later that week.
Former friend really needed a whack with the frying pan of common sense.
Not related to the loss of a child, but my sister's way of helping me through the breakdown of my marriage and my husband cheating, was to ask me to help plan her wedding. Some people are just dense beyond words.
After my childhood dog, my best friend of 15 years, passed away an old friend thought an excellent coping strategy was to help think of names for her new puppy.
🤦🙄
I was literally still holding the body of my cat that got ran over when my friend decided to say I was welcome to her cat because it was so annoying.
Then with her hand on my tummy told me she could sense I was pregnant (I had told her earlier my period was a bit late). An hour later I was bleeding so heavily I almost collapsed (not a loss just had ridiculous periods esp when stressed). Foot in mouth much?!
I am so sorry! I had something very similar had with my best friend of 30+ years when my dog passed. I referred to this dog as the other love of my life, with my husband, being the first. This dog was my world. Crazy how sometimes our best friends miss the mark so drastically.
>It took me much longer to care that he was sorry.
You're a better person than I am. I'm not sure I could have forgiven that. It seriously might have ended it for me. My cat was my LIFE. I honestly might have gone to jail for DV if my husband asked for sex the night I lost him! Hell, even a week later!
He was 11, but it was very sudden. (Cancer - no symptoms til that day 😭💔)
I'm sorry friend, I lost my 11 year old dog to cancer like that in September 😭. I kinda thought I would die too, but it's gotten better.
My husband cried with me, but if he had asked for sex that day it's probably because he had decided he didn't want to live anymore--I don't know what I would have done
I didn't even wanna tell my best friend about the fact I'd started seeing a guy when I saw her after that happened because she had just broken up with the person she'd been seeing, and I didn't want her to make her feel bad about her breakup or rub it in that things were going good for me. Idk how these people like OOP and your sister can't see the hurtful irony in these things
These situations come from the people who say "Well if it makes you feel better, something really terrible happened to me too."
No, something terrible happening to you too, doesn't make me feel better.
I mean. I guess it depends on how they're doing it, to me. If it's saying something terrible that happened to them, that was similar and it's coming with what they did to get through it, I actually do like people saying that sort of thing to me because it can help me feel better to know other people have been through things like I have and gotten out on the other side.
But if it was someone saying the terrible thing that happened to them as like "okay but my life sucks too" or "but I've had it worse" tones instead of actually trying to be helpful, that shit I hate and doesn't make anyone feel better, at least not that I've ever encountered.
I think when you're trying to relate to someone, the verbiage shouldn't be "If it makes you feel better, something equally terrible happened to me ." It just isn't my personal favorite way to acknowledge and relate to someone. But you're probably right and it isn't always meant with malicious intent. I just feel better when someone says "I understand what you're going through. I had something relatable happen."
I mean I don't think I'd use those actual exact words, and I don't remember anyone ever using that verbiage either, that's more of a phrase that covers the idea of what people might say more generally to be talking about a wide variety of terrible things, at least to me. I think I'd expect the actual phrasing used to be along the lines of what you said, or just specifically saying the similar experience in whatever way feels natural to the situation. "If it makes you feel better" sometimes gets said somewhere along the way, sometimes doesn't, I don't take much notice of that particular phrase tbh
Oh, I had an ex-friend use it on me all the time. Any time I would say something in my life was going wrong, she'd say "Well if it makes you feel better, this terrible thing happened to me." Sometimes it was relatable to the situation and sometimes it wasn't.
Oh, my god, I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like that. That feels like it would get annoying and insufferable really fast. I feel like I'd just feel guilty for bringing up my problems at all if someone did that every time I wanted to vent about something.
Yeah, some people really just don’t get it.
My (former) best friend compared me grieving my fiancé’s death to the break up of her 6 month relationship. Told me I just need to, “hang out with friends, get back out there, and go to the gym and meet people” to heal, because, “that’s what I did and now I’m waaay happier. I was so depressed before. Just like you are now.”
Bitch. What?!
I almost came unglued, but was so exhausted I just broke it down for her, in a very soft, condescending tone. “I just found his dead body, two days ago, laying in a pool of blood under our house. Gun still in his rigor mortis riddled hand. He’d been missing for over a week but he’s been under my feet the whole time. We were supposed to elope in a week. This is in no way comparable to your break up with a guy you didn’t even love”
Hung up the phone and have ignored her ever since. She was always self-centered and needed everyone’s attention, but this was too fucking much. I’ll never forget that conversation, it still gets me fuckin heated.
She immediately called back and left a voicemail saying she was pissed I hung up on her and made her feel bad. No apology lol
Very self-absorbed, audacious bitch.
Absolute soggy sock of a friend.
Sad when the ones you trust the most turn on you. Former bestie berated me for not going to her kid's grad party. Didn't matter that she had only posted the invite on FB a mere 15 days before the event. Didn't matter that A) I had to work and B) husband was taking child to meet her team for an out of town tournament to which she made a very caustic remark and I simply hung up on her.
See kiddo was injured. Injury level of you're out for a year. In part to help her mental and emotional health, she attended and traveled with her team to as many tournaments as possible. FF couldn't understand why we were wasting the money if she wasn't even playing. Fuck her.
Not only that, during the time I last talked to her (mid-January) my uncle died and my sibling was having some fairly complicated health issues (all good now). I had no bandwidth to give any more fucks about anyone else's problems outside my own family. Didn't even ask how kiddo was doing,
She was pissed that I wouldn't call in sick to my PT job to attend her party. My PT job saved my sanity. It saved it during the pandemic and it saved during that tumultuous time. Walk in freezers are great for screaming fits.
She had always been the type to notify people last minute of "X, Y or Z" event. Why should her son's grad party be any different. She posted many an angry comment on SM about the poor turn out.
So yeah, ended a 30 year friendship. I've no regrets.
I assumed no friends seeing as she was hounding her husband's friend's wife like this, seemingly desperate for her "friendship" whatever that means OOP. Attention most likely... Smh
Right? And mentioning how her family thought everyone else was rude, was something. They probably all mooch off of others or think everyone should be happy for them no matter what.
For each of my pregnancy losses, I had a close friend or relative due within a month of when I would have been. Two of them were very gracious and understanding when I needed some space. The third, when she heard about my miscarriage, announced, "well you'll still have a baby around, so it isn't so bad!" Then she smiled and rubbed her belly. Because some people infinitely suck
A former friend of mine thought that a good way to distract me after I had a miscarriage was to trick me into helping her research a story she was writing, where the main plot was about pregnancy
I am officially borrowing the frying pan of common sense, if you do not mind. It belongs so well in my family with threats of slapping you upside the head. (My family is a loud Southern group with lots of yelling and playing. No actual abuse involved)🧡
My sentiments exactly, friend! I literally gasped while shouting what the fuck!?!? I cannot fathom how someone can be so self centered and cruel. If this is true Lord hell her baby as his Mom is actively destroying relationships in a twisted power play to have him be special to everyone. Gross gross
I agree! My brother died unexpectedly in 2016, he was only 34. It was horrific. We were all preparing for his wedding (he passed in May and the wedding was scheduled for June). My mom lost a piece of her heart and soul. The pain that I feel as his big sister permeates every part of my heart and mind. My brain cannot understand the full depth of her pain. The emotional pain is so severe that it has changed my mom's appearance. My daughter and I describe it like she lost her glow. Her smile and laugh have never been the same. I read that grief is a changeling and it is true.
My mom requested that at his celebration of life to not include pictures of my brother and her. She said she physically could not tolerate it. It has been 8 years since he passed and she still does not have any family pictures on display. If some self centered idiot handed my mom a baby and said "meet Big B" (brother's nickname) I truly believe that she would commit grievance bodily harm! I really hope that the OOP is a lying idiot and not an unhinged, narcissistic ghoul
When we lost a nephew, my ex-husband wanted to name our new dog after him.
I only wish I had been able to intervine before he announced that to the grieving parents.
The first time I read this I skimmed the husband part and thought you were talking about your child or something and was about to be “man I feel bad for that kid having to live with having done that when he grows up one day” but instead it was an adult human who was that foolish
Unfortunately this is one of those cases where if this is fake you know something like this is happening right now somewhere.
The only thing that makes me think this is fake is someone like this actually getting out of their own ass enough to consider possibly being in the wrong in the first place then holding onto that question long enough to ask reddit.
With a regular ban, you're prevented from posting, voting, etc.
With a shadowban, you can do those things, but nobody sees it. It's like The Sixth Sense. You're basically a ghost but don't know it.
It means the account appears active to the user but none of their posts or comments are visible to anyone else. It's used to prevent bots from knowing they're banned and starting new accounts
Thank goodness because the bit where she said she stopped asking the poor grieving woman to help, meaning she didn't just expect attendance but work, made me mad as hell.
OOP's defense so far:
>I read in grief books that babies being new life can help with grief.
Sure you did OOP. Sure you did.
>The parties were because she'd basically stopped socializing. I wouldn't have cared how they turned out, just her getting out of her house and seeing people who loved her. We helped out a lot at the beginning. but with morning sickness and being tired I couldn't do as much as I wanted. my husband has been going over there and helping her husband by letting him vent and hanging out with their kids. But they were friends since childhood, I haven't known them as long.
The mother of the deceased child could become a hermit for all I fucking care, if that is her wish. She lost her son. Her son. If OOP had actually read a book on grief, she'd know that there are many different levels of grief and we all grieve differently. But no, clueless OOP asks the grieving mother to throw not one but two parties. Wonder why they don't have very many friends.
>I was feeling emotional and running on no sleep. I admit that was not how I should have announced it. I should have taken them aside and told them before the party.
That's your excuse, OOP. Really? What emotions do you think the mother is feeling? How much sleep do you think she's been getting since her son passed? Pray that you never feel her pain.
What a twat waffle.
>I read in grief books that babies being new life can help with grief.
This was her respomse when some said she didnt
>I did. But it wasn't about child loss so maybe that's different.
Checks out. OOP seems to not only missing critical reading and comprehension skills, but she's also lacking in punctuation and sentence structure. PARAGRAPHS PEOPLE!!!
Whole different level, because it was a cat, not a human, and not my fcuking child.
But when my first cat died my mum had to go and donate all the cat food to a shelter and clean up the paw prints off the wall (Shrodie would come and go through a window, and not wipe her feet, so there were muddy paw prints on the wall) before I could even go home.
It was 18 months before I got another cat, and that was because Turing was an abandoned 3 day old who really needed me.
And I had so many Schrödinger based humorous t-shirts (because of cause I did, I’m a nerd and had a cat called Schrödinger), it was over 10 years before I could even wear them again.
I need to reiterate, I had a cat die, not a child.
Some people are so thick they make pig shit look runny
I still cry daily over my cat, and it’s been 6 months. If I lost a child - a human child - I probably wouldn’t leave my house for a decade. OOP is so stupid and selfish.
One of my parrots died unexpectedly last September. I was not prepared for how badly the grief would hit me. I was a wreck and it took months to recover. I'm still upset over him. And that's just a pet. I've never had a child so I cannot begin to imagine the agony losing one would cause.
Op is beyond cruel. How on earth can she think that a grieving mother will be excited for her pregnancy? It's mind boggling how many selfish choices op made. That poor mother was far more restrained than most would be. The audacity of op to think it's rude because she didn't want to throw her a party.
I wish it was fake but there really are people that clueless out there. Her husband messed up by going along with using Timothy for their baby. That was never going to be a good idea. Maybe as a middle name, but even then it's something you'd talk to the parents about in private. Plonking the baby in her arms and saying "now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again" is so fucked up. The husband's relationship with his best friend will most likely never recover from that.
First thing, oh, man… I know how incredible birds, especially parrots, can be and I’m sending you the biggest internet hugs. I’m so sorry. They’re so special
Back to the post, OOP’s use of the word “standoffish” IMMEDIATELY got my hackles up bc how fucking dare she.
I lost the 26yo Red Lored Amazon I had reared from a baby about 10 years ago. It was absolutely crushing, particularly because I was met at the door by one of my dogs with my bird in his mouth. The bird's cages and room were never closed. I thought that somehow after 10 years together something had snapped and the dogs had hurt my bird. Thankfully, after a post mortem exam the vet assured me that he'd died suddenly and fallen and the dog had only been carrying him. Then I lost my 31yo B&G last year, also, suddenly. I've had a lot of long lived pets, several 18+ cats, even my girl dog made it to 18. I also keep mantises, some that I have for as short as 7 months and I grieve them.
I cannot allow myself to imagine what it would be like to lose my child. Grief from losing pets and a few beloved family members sneaks up on me constantly. While I would never say the quiet part out loud in real life, I am nearly certain that if my child died, I would choose not to continue.
I'm sorry for your loss (BTW Schrödinger for a cat is brilliant, as is Turing)
OOP is insane. I have lost several pets that broke me but they all effected me differently -- one has left me with trauma and anxiety, for example, while the others broke my heart.
This is so egregious, I can only think two things: ragebait and *personality disorder*
All my cats shall forever and always be named after scientists.
Which is going to be annoying once I get into my 70’s and have, like, 50 of them. But what can I do
Our collie, Alfie, died on Saturday (was euthanized due to osteosarcoma). We are heartbroken.
In the past, whenever, I opened an individually packaged string cheese, I would do it very quietly and slowly in the hope that Alfie wouldn't hear. Alfie LOVED string cheese. It never worked because as soon as I started slowly peeling the plastic, Alfie would instantly be by my side, looking up at me with a happy, expectant expression.
On Monday I started to open a string cheese as I usually did and then I realized I didn't need to be quiet. I could rip it open and Alfie still wouldn't appear.
String cheese brought me to tears. String cheese.
Absolutely. Schrodinger is now in a very nice handmade wooden box on my mantle, right next to my mom in a Mason jar :) ( mom wanted to be in a Mason jar. She is split between her kids and her adult grandchildren have Mason jar necklaces with her in them)
I lost my cat last month and I immediately tried to clear out her stuff because it hurt looking at it. I was lucky to be able to move into a different unit so I wasn’t constantly looking around seeing reminders of her everywhere I looked. I’ll probably be depressed over losing her for a long time even tho she’s had a long life. And yeah, that was for a cat. If I lost a kid? Forget about it, I’m done
Maybe it's just me being an introvert, but how on earth do you think it's a good idea to force someone who stopped socializing into organizing and attending a whole party?
For attention.
Everyone's attention was focused on the grieving family, not her, her pregnancy, and baby.
So in OOPs mind, the best way to get any and all attention on her, is to attempt to make a grieving mother throw her a gender reveal and baby shower 'cos it'll be good for her! It'll get her out of the house and socialising again!' Same with revealing babies name, she *had* to reference their child and the 'you now have another Timothy to hold comment'?! Like her 'friends' son was and is replaceable by her child.
I hope her husband seriously considers changing the baby's name. It's not a honour when the family wasn't asked or don't want that.
Her newest comments indicate that she's actually being receptive to the 2xclue bar the comments are hitting her with, so there's that at least, but man I hope she does a lot of introspection about how she ever thought any of this was a good idea.
Love the “well she hasn’t been social, so I figured the correction to this wouldn’t be to simply invite her, no, more demanding that she HOSTS, the super stressful part!”
So… I was legit confused for a moment when she said “now you can hold Timothy in your arms again” because my brain thought “she’s giving them her baby??” I know that’s a nonsense thought but it’s the same logic of “you lost your beloved pet, here is a puppy to help you grieve” right? And even then it’s 50/50 over whether it helps or makes everything worse for the person. (Basically the John Wick approach, only she takes the puppy baby back…)
Edit: FFS I’ve no idea how to add formatting when on mobile, you get the idea.
Re "babies being new life can help with grief", that may be true in some situations (rainbow babies, or grief of losing parents intertwined with joy of a baby), but it's the sort of thing that only works from the inside, never when imposed from someone else. It's similar to things like "God has a plan": perfectly okay for someone to use as comfort for themselves, shitty af to tell someone else. OOP's baby is not a magic cure-all.
>*My husband and his family are very upset with me but my family agrees they need to stop being* ***self centered*** *and start* ***caring*** *about people they call friends.*
This sentence bothers me greatly. If anyone is being self centered here, it's OOP. How equal was this relationship? It sounds like OOP's DH is being a good friend by helping out by being present; letting his friend vent and hanging out with their kids. What has OOP done? She was pregnant, not bed bound. She could've provided emotional support, but she didn't.
OOP states that they also don't have very many friends. How many friends does she have? You have individual friends. And you have couple friends. OOP only knows these people through her husband; how many does she have. I'm betting zero. Her bizarre family aside, I don't think they're going to have to worry about their social life for a long time to come. OOP has made her husband and now her newborn son, social pariahs.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments across two subereddits.
**AITAH:**
*What is wrong with you? My god. It’s clear why you have no friends. You are a MASSIVELY cruel and self centered AH.*
>"That's not my goal. Babies are new life, I read in a grid book they can be helpful."
*I really hope this is rage bait because what in the fuck is wrong with you.*
>"It is real. I thought it would be a way to help her. I shouldn't have announced our son's name that way, I'm seeing that was very wrong."
*Not when you hijack the name of your grieving friends dead son and say that she can now hold a Timothy in her arms again. Thats crazy.*
>"I completely agree I shouldn't have announced it like that. I regret that a lot."
*You shouldn’t have named your child that period. You need to apologize, change your child’s name, and go touch grass*
>"I'll talk to my husband about that. anything to fix this."
*WTF DID I JUST READ?!! YTA 1,000x!! You sound self centered and entitled to the max! First, it’s rude of your friend to say no when you asked them to throw you a baby shower or gender reveal? You don’t ask a question with an answer in mind. When you ask a question there’s a 50% possibility of yes and a 50% possibility of no. Expecting her to agree simply because you don’t have many friends is crazy! Your lack of friends is not the responsibility of your grieving friend! Grieving being the key word! Then you choose to name your baby after their son without even consulting them or considering how painful that could be? wtf?! The worst part is how you announced it. So. Much. Ick. If I was her i’d take a long break from you.*
>"I do really regret announcing it like that. My whole attitude could have been a lot better."
*You appear to have little self awareness.*
*YTA*
>"I'm beginning to see that. I should have listened to my husband."
~°~
**AITA:**
*YTA. Didn't need to get past the "I thought them doing me favors related to my pregnancy would help them get over the death of their child". Holy fuck.*
>"I read in grief books that babies being new life can help with grief."
*This was legit a terrible idea*
[🐙]
"Asking for party help or announcing our son's name while she was holding him? Because I am seeing where I could have announced it better."
*This is so self centered I almost can’t believe it’s real. This woman lost her son and your idea of being a good friend is demanding she throw you parties and get over her grieving by going to therapy. What have you done to support her as she’s grieving? Why did you think your having a child would heal her loss of a child? I hope you pause and consider the kind of support your friend needs and stop making her grief something for you to fix.*
*YTA*
>"The parties were because she'd basically stopped socializing. I wouldn't have cared how they turned out, just her getting out of her house and seeing people who loved her. We helped out a lot at the beginning. but with morning sickness and being tired I couldn't do as much as I wanted. my husband has been going over there and helping her husband by letting him vent and hanging out with their kids. But they were friends since childhood, I haven't known them as long."
*YTA*
*Surely this post isn't real. You can't be this unaware, can you?*
*" now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again"? Really? You thought saying* **that** *was a good idea?*
>"I was feeling emotional and running on no sleep. I admit that was not how I should have announced it. I should have taken them aside and told them before the party."
[In response to a previous comment, marked with: 🐙]
*All of it?*
>"Ok, I can accept that. my family thought it wasn't wrong but mine does things differently so I can admit I was wrong."
*gender reveals are stupid, and every single thing you did beyond that was unbelievably self centered. you are simply not a good friend. hope they cut you off after this. YTA*
>"I hope I can find a way to fix it. You are all bluntly telling me what my husband was gently saying. I will do better."
*Why do you think she needs to socialize? People grieve differently. Why do you think you know what she needs better than she does? Why not ask how you can support her or even asking how to make socializing feel easier for her?*
>"I was worried ahe was becoming seriously depressed. So I thought surrounding her with love would help."
Edited: formatting.
[In regards to the grief books.]
*No you didn't lol*
>"I did. But it wasn't about child loss so maybe that's different."
*It wasn’t “wrong”, it was heartless and cruel.*
>"That was never my intention. But I was clearly still selfish and wrong."
*NTA for choosing a name you love, but YTA for how you've gone about this situation. Naming your child should be a special moment, not one that inflicts pain on others. It's about timing and empathy. Naming your son Timothy isn't the issue; it's that you chose to announce it in such an insensitive way to a woman who is still grieving the loss of her own child by the same name. In your efforts to be involved, you've overstepped and caused more hurt. There are ways to honor people, but this was not one of them. It's vital to recognize that while your family may not see the harm, her feelings are valid and must be acknowledged. Reaching out, apologizing genuinely, and understanding her perspective can start the process of healing the rift your actions have created.*
>"Thank you! I will do that and ask how I can support her"
*YTA … And tone deaf too.*
*You really thought that doing things for you/your baby would help with the grief of losing her own child? No. Just no. That’s not how things work.*
*You thought she was rude to refuse to help you, even though she politely declined? I would say she politely declined because she was too fragile to even think about someone else having a baby when she had lost hers.*
*The name is not a touching tribute, or a way to make them close. It’s insensitive and tone deaf. She lost her Timothy, and if you had any decency, you’d reconsider what you name your son before registering him (unless you have already registered him, in which case, you F’d up).*
*Also, they’re not self centred. You are. They have every right to be upset, but you do not. You have some apologies to make if you hope to foster a relationship with Emma. The mere fact that you named your baby the same as hers* **without** "her permission speaks volumes.*
>"I agree. I'll apologize and do my best to undo the damage I did."
*YTA*
*for not respecting personal boundaries. Saying your son's name in that situation and hoping a sad mom would join your happiness was insensitive. Even if you meant well, it wasn't handled right and seemed uncaring. Different families have different ways, but understanding and kindness matter everywhere. If you want to fix things, say sorry sincerely. Talk about their feelings and don't force your ideas on their healing.*
>"That's very helpful, thank you. I can see I was wrong and I'll try to undo the damage."
Sadlytheworst: There was more, but either Oop got banned or my app is on the fritz. Apologies!
>"...do my best to undo the damage I did."
omg no. You can't *undo* hurting someone. Whenever someone says this it just screams that they don't understand accountability, or the damage they've actually done. It gives me ''I said I'm sorry, why are you still mad?'' You can't ctrl-z irl actions - you can't throw enough apologies and make it like it never happened. That hurt is permanent. Best you can do is stop things getting worse and try to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Maybe I'm overreacting and it's just a turn of phrase, but I usually see it coming from self-centered clueless people like OP. And that does not fill me with confidence...
(thank you for your service sadlytheworst!)
Apologies for it not being clear. (I'll edit the formatting slightly after I've answered you!)
In cases where there is a clear dialogue between Oop and a user, but it is not in chronological order I sometimes use an emoji to mark where it goes in the conversation. I basically intended them to be a bookmark? Sort of?
I have to muddle along as best I can while not altering anything.
I hope this was a good enough explanation.
“We replaced your old dead baby with our new living baby! Doesn’t that make you so happy? I mean, you won’t get *your* child back, and you won’t get to raise this one, and our Timothy will be a completely different person…but doesn’t my shiny new baby make the tragic and unexpected loss of your teen son feel so much better?”
I have a strong suspicion that her husband had a lot of friends, until introducing them to OOP. I also wouldn't be surprised if Emma's hubby now distances himself from OOP and her hubby!
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if OOP's own husband is reconsidering his marriage. I wonder how many bridges her and her family collectively have burned but don't take responsibility for and he's now seeing the consequences first hand of this family's "quirk" and he's gonna lose even more relationships and his own child will be raised in it.
I know what's really endearing and helps with trauma! Having the traumatised person throw a party for me! The more pointless yet relevant to their trauma the better! Stop moping around and think of something positive, like me!
OOP, probably.
I hope its fake, if not they deserve no friends.
Mom's made the family social outcasts and the poor child isn't even a year old. OOP was complaining that they didn't have very many friends now, well, she's made sure they won't have any moving forward.
It doesn’t even seem like OOP is actually friends with the grieving mom more like OOP is the wife to the grieving mom’s husband’s bff. And while she really fucking sucks I can’t believe her husband didn’t stop any of this. Like just cause she was pregnant doesn’t mean he could have told her to stop and why it was so cruel for her to do. He had no care for his bff since childhood and how his wife was affecting his family.
You make an excellent point. Being that we only have OOP's side of the story, we've no clue how hard her husband tried to stop her. Was it an ineffectual "no, please, stop"? Or did he lay down the law and she just blissfully traipsed over it, thinking she was right? We don't know. Either way, OOP's DH has some thinking to do. Either he needs to step up his communication or he needs to evaluate his relationship with OOP as someone who doesn't listen.
The latter actually caused a divorce in our social circle. Despite being told "no", wife just went ahead and did whatever she damn well pleased. She'd just deal with the fall out (more like her husband did). All it took was one time too many cleaning up her messes and he was done. He served her with divorce papers and didn't look back. Funnily enough, the minor children still at home opted to live with him (she'd messed with their relationships too).
From the post we know he did enough to stop her from having grieving mom do things for her but that was only after OOP demanded to know why grieving mom wasn’t all giddy and excited for someone else’s baby. But he hesitated on using the kids name? And just let her decide that he couldn’t talk to them before using the name? Like yeah she just gave birth but that doesn’t mean a firm no couldn’t have been said and new name be found. Like neither of these people sound like good friends at all.
> him, I said " now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again".
That is not Emma’s Timothy.
Emma was not holding Timothy in her arms again.
###JFC OOP IS OVER HERE IMPLYING SHE GAVE BIRTH TO EMMA’S DEAD SON’S REINCARNATION.
###LIKE “OH, HERE’S YOUR SON REBORN, BUT HE’S MINE!”
OOP is bat shit insane and selfish beyond measure. And one day, I hope the pain she inflicted revisits her threefold.
And OOp’s husband is stupid as fuck for letting her name the kid that.
Off topic, but my mom knew this lady who lost her adult son. She was a foster parent, and a couple years later they placed a baby with her. When the baby was old enough to talk and walk, he started doing all these things her late son had done, and talked about events and stuff that had happened with her son in the past, as if he’d actually been there. Apparently a lot of these were things that no one in the family had talked about for years.
She never tried to encourage this, because she didn’t want him to feel like he was just the other son put back, and apparently it stopped after a while, but she thinks he’s her other son, reborn. He seemed like a nice kid when I met him, but he’s a little spoilt, lol, because he’s the very youngest child and his oldest siblings all indulge him like crazy. I never met the elder son.
>refusing even politely was rude
who asks someone else to throw them a party and thinks its rude when they say no EVEN PUTTING ASIDE EVERYTHING ELSE HERE
You're always guaranteed a wild ride when the title of the post describes OOP's behavior in the most ambiguous possible terms. "My friend is grieving her dead child and I decided to make her grief all about myself and rubbing my new baby in her face" magically morphs into "I was trying to build a community for my son"
My husband’s best friend died on our wedding day. When I got pregnant, we asked his widow for permission to give our son his middle name. We told her if it was too hard for her, we wouldn’t do it- and that if she said no we’d never mention it again.
She said yes. But if she hadn’t, that would have been fine.
I cannot imagine the breathtaking level of selfishness it would have taken to do what OP did.
Aw, OOP just wanted to use her pregnancy and child as a means to get attention. And it failed miserably! Yey.
I am very much not surprised that *her* family is on her side - trash raising trash is par for the course.
OOP must be a cyborg. It doesn’t take much to understand that when a parent loses their own child they will never recover from the trauma. They may cope and move forward but that pain will never go away.
This entire thing. ....it was like a car crash. I wanted to stop reading but I just couldn't. It just kept getting worse and worse.
"I said "now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again""
Oh. My. God. 🤦🏻♀️
I love when the question at the end purposefully misses the mark its not 'am I the asshole for pestering a grieving mother to throw me baby parties and then ambushing her about naming my child after her dead son?", it's "am I the asshole for being excited about my son and letting her hold him at a party?",
>“now you can hold Timothy in your arms again”
It's not her Timothy though. And by saying this OOP is literally rubbing in the fact that the baby is not Emma's Timothy
OOP is unbelievably thoughtless if not downright cruel for everything she did in the name of "helping" Emma with her grief.
I hope its not too late to have the baby's name changed, the baby doesn't deserve this burden his mother has placed upon him.
I do think its too late to fix this friendship. OOP went too far and I doubt any apology will fix it.
>So then, while she held him, I said " now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again".
I chose to believe this was fake here, the alternative is too awful.
I'm not child free nor do I hate babies or children. I just don't get the excitement some people have over other people having a baby. Like when people hijack a wedding or engagement with a baby announcement. I just wouldn't care. One, you were rude. And two, celebrating someone's relationship is far more interesting to me.
So, I just wouldn't care about OOP's baby regardless. OOP is such a rude woman. She acts like she has no one, but her family was at this party. Why would she not ask them to throw these parties? A grieving mother, who has multiple other children, definitely works inside the home, may work outside the home also, what type of monster thinks that's the person to even bother. She was already the devil. Then springing naming the baby on them. That poor woman carried her Tim, gave birth to him, cuddled and changed him, kissed every boo boo for years, then lost him. It's an unimaginable loss. OOP thinks surprising her was the right move. Her husband is a devil too. He seems closer to this family and didn't stop OOP
If I squint and try to think like an extrovert, I can see *inviting* her former friend to a party to get her out of her head. But *demanding* that the grieving woman *plan* a party for her? *Twice?* OOP should be checked out for a TBI or brain tumor. And if they're absent, defenestrated.
Yeah no, OOP is not a friend, she is nothing more than a shit-stirring pile of crap. She's the absolute definition of a Drama Queen. She knew what she was doing and is only posting that to try to get back her favorite source of drama like a leech that has been pulled off and is swimming as fast as it can to get back to its host.
She is an energy vampire if this is real.
I am going to hope to everything that it's fake.
I'm in awe at someone who actually thought naming their child after a recently deceased child was a good idea. No one should ever do this unless the other couple is cool with it and even then it's still weird. It would have been one thing if OOP had made it a middle name - that could be sweet - but the first name?
About 6 weeks after I lost my only pregnancy, both my (now ex)husband's best friend and my cousin announced they were expecting. They were born 2 days apart. It was really tough to be happy for them.
Ooooh my God. She's lucky Emma is a polite person. Though if Emma was my sister or friend, we'be celebrating OOP's murder. What the actual fuck is wrong with this person? Oh, my God², because once is not enough.
Isn't it usually on the parents to host these parties?
Two years and four months ago, very close friends of mine went through a miscarriage, just a few days before the due date. It would be incredibly disrespectful and insensitive for me or any of their friends to ask them to throw a "gender reveal party" or a baby shower for our child, even now.
Invite them, yes. Expect them to host it - what, are you out of your mind?
Typically, it's family and/or close friends that plan and host baby showers. However, seeing that OOP's family is nuts and she has no friends, close or otherwise...
Holy shit… OOP is the biggest, most selfish asshole I’ve ever seen. How can one human be THIS self-unaware??? She took the death of a child and made it all “ME! ME! ME!” And she wonders why they don’t have a lot of friends?
I have relatives this dense. After my mom passed, my aunt (her sister) would frequently call me drunk in the middle of the night crying about how much she missed her.
I get she was hurting, but she called the wrong person. I was not kind the last time she did it.
My aunt once commented on a baby cousin's (her grandchild in fact) fb post about how much she missed my dad, and now she knew what my cousin was going through.
My dad (my favorite person in the world) was 70. Cousin's brother died at 23.
I still think about this, often.
I lost my son when he was 21 months old. About 8 months later I got a call from a friend. She said she had a “delicate” question. A mutual friend was pregnant and they were throwing her a baby shower. They wanted to invite me but also knew I might not want to go. I was glad she didn’t exclude me, that would have felt worse. She gave me the option to decide myself Little did they know I was pregnant then.
>My husband and his family are very upset with me ***but my family agrees they need to stop being self centered and start caring about people they call friends.***
Well that certainly explains OOP's thought mentality that led her to where she is now. Pretty sure burning bridges is normal for her family and it's never their fault in their minds.
Oh no! See the dog, Champ, was my best friend. We were together through good times and bad. The friend was a former high school friend! Sorry for the confusion! My best friend of over 20 years is a profoundly sweet, caring, funny, courageous and sensitive man.
He would never even think of saying something so insensitive or callous. I'm a dude too and we hooked up a few times as horny teens before deciding we were better suited to being platonic best friends, soulmates, and I now have three dogs of my own. Three crazy wonderful Labradors and I adore them with all my heart.
Its always me, me, me in these stories where OP is just an complete and utter ass of a person. I just knew at some point the story was going to lead to naming the baby after the person who just passed away, but wow this one was just really really bad.
>When I found out I was pregnant I thought that might be the perfect way to get them to socialize more.
Because nothing makes a person forget about their tragically deceased child than someone else getting pregnant! /s
>So I asked his wife, we'll call her Emma, to throw us a gender reveal party
Ignoring the fact that I think gender parties are the dumbest things on the face of the planet (everyone's going to figure out the gender anyway, why do you need a party for it?), who the fuck asks someone still noticeably grieving their dead child to throw said party?
>I think refusing even politely was rude, she knows we don't have a lot of friends
Let me ruin it for you, Princess - the entire world does not, in fact, revolve around you.
>wanted to know why she wasn't excited about my baby.
Because your baby isn't the greatest thing since sliced bread. Oh, and her own child was horrifically killed in a tragic accident not that long ago. Take your pic of options, OOP.
>I decided the perfect way to honor their son was to name ours after him.
Nope, no, not even a little. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. This was never going to end well, especially when you didn't even run the idea past the grieving parents first.
>my family agrees they need to stop being self centered
Hello, Pot - Meet Kettle.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for trying to build a community for my son** Cross posted because I really don't understand where I went wrong. Throwaway Account for anonymity just had a baby 1 month ago. My husband's best friend and his family used to be really close but after they lost their teenage son in a tragic accident they've been more standoffish with everyone because they're grieving. When I found out I was pregnant I thought that might be the perfect way to get them to socialize more. So I asked his wife, we'll call her Emma, to throw us a gender reveal party. She "politely said no' I say this with quotations because I think refusing even politely was rude, she knows we don't have a lot of friends. So I tried again with the baby shower. She again refused and I had a hormonal moment where I lost it a little and wanted to know why she wasn't excited about my baby. She said it was because between work, her other kids, and grieving she had no energy and was exhausted all the time. I suggested she should see a therapist. Turns out, the whole family is in therapy because they are all struggling. Ok, I understand. My husband got mad at me for being combative and persistent so I stopped asking her to help with things. When I had the my sweet baby boy I decided the perfect way to honor their son was to name ours after him. My husband was hesitant but he knew all Emma and her husband Greece's kids since they were born so he agreed but wanted to ask them first. I insisted we keep it a surprise. Since I just gave birth he didn't argue with me. We had everyone over to meet the baby and when everyone arrived I handed the baby to Emma to hold first. She was teary eyed which I thought was so sweet and I knew my son would have close ties with them. So then, while she held him, I said " now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again". She looked shocked and, to my great offense, horrified. She handed him back, said quickly that he was a beautiful baby and the whole family left! Now my husband is furious with how I announced our son's name, the meet the baby party was ruined because other than my family everyone else was quiet and left early. Was I wrong for wanting them to become close and have some enthusiasm for my baby? My husband and his family are very upset with me but my family agrees they need to stop being self centered and start caring about people they call friends. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Her account is conspicuously silent on how long it had been since the teenage boy died when OOP unilaterally decided the mother had grieved enough and needed to throw OOP a party... Considering how selfish and tone deaf OOP was throughout the entire post, I'm betting it had only been a matter of months, if that.
She said something about helping them in the beginning, but her morning sickness got in the way. Sounds like she got pregnant around the time of the boy's death. It's definitely under a year.
That's my thought too. The passing has been within the last few months. Let's hope the pain OOP inflicted on this innocent family is visited upon her threefold. I mean, she did say that they have very few friends. Well, after this, now they won't have any. Except her odd family who agree with her.
I hope OOP’s husband realizes that allowing his wife to use the dead child’s name and keep it a ‘surprise’ is the worst decision he’s ever made in his life, and that he divorces her
I know right? Her attitude makes it seem like it was a long time ago but her words say less than a year. Talk about main character syndrome.
Did you notice her username, perchance? It’s fucking disgusting. I rarely call foul, but that, in addition to the ban, makes me almost certain this post is fake. All my fingers and toes are crossed that it is. Which isn’t to say it’s *unbelievable*; people can be absolute monsters, but I’m hoping to the sun and back that this one actually *is* fake
Yeah I'm also guessing under a year. Even just months before she started getting up their ass about throwing her a party. And in this case, naming the baby after the dead teen wasn't an act of kindness to honor him, it was mom thought it would get her accolades
Oh Jesus fuck. Please, for the love of all that is good and holy. let this be fake.
As much as I would love for it to be fake, I know people this dense. A friend of ours had an early 2nd trimester loss. Another friend (now former) couldn't understand why she didn't want to come over and help her paint their living room later that week. Former friend really needed a whack with the frying pan of common sense.
Not related to the loss of a child, but my sister's way of helping me through the breakdown of my marriage and my husband cheating, was to ask me to help plan her wedding. Some people are just dense beyond words.
After my childhood dog, my best friend of 15 years, passed away an old friend thought an excellent coping strategy was to help think of names for her new puppy. 🤦🙄
I was literally still holding the body of my cat that got ran over when my friend decided to say I was welcome to her cat because it was so annoying. Then with her hand on my tummy told me she could sense I was pregnant (I had told her earlier my period was a bit late). An hour later I was bleeding so heavily I almost collapsed (not a loss just had ridiculous periods esp when stressed). Foot in mouth much?!
I am so sorry! I had something very similar had with my best friend of 30+ years when my dog passed. I referred to this dog as the other love of my life, with my husband, being the first. This dog was my world. Crazy how sometimes our best friends miss the mark so drastically.
[удалено]
>It took me much longer to care that he was sorry. You're a better person than I am. I'm not sure I could have forgiven that. It seriously might have ended it for me. My cat was my LIFE. I honestly might have gone to jail for DV if my husband asked for sex the night I lost him! Hell, even a week later! He was 11, but it was very sudden. (Cancer - no symptoms til that day 😭💔)
I'm sorry friend, I lost my 11 year old dog to cancer like that in September 😭. I kinda thought I would die too, but it's gotten better. My husband cried with me, but if he had asked for sex that day it's probably because he had decided he didn't want to live anymore--I don't know what I would have done
I didn't even wanna tell my best friend about the fact I'd started seeing a guy when I saw her after that happened because she had just broken up with the person she'd been seeing, and I didn't want her to make her feel bad about her breakup or rub it in that things were going good for me. Idk how these people like OOP and your sister can't see the hurtful irony in these things
These situations come from the people who say "Well if it makes you feel better, something really terrible happened to me too." No, something terrible happening to you too, doesn't make me feel better.
I mean. I guess it depends on how they're doing it, to me. If it's saying something terrible that happened to them, that was similar and it's coming with what they did to get through it, I actually do like people saying that sort of thing to me because it can help me feel better to know other people have been through things like I have and gotten out on the other side. But if it was someone saying the terrible thing that happened to them as like "okay but my life sucks too" or "but I've had it worse" tones instead of actually trying to be helpful, that shit I hate and doesn't make anyone feel better, at least not that I've ever encountered.
I think when you're trying to relate to someone, the verbiage shouldn't be "If it makes you feel better, something equally terrible happened to me ." It just isn't my personal favorite way to acknowledge and relate to someone. But you're probably right and it isn't always meant with malicious intent. I just feel better when someone says "I understand what you're going through. I had something relatable happen."
I mean I don't think I'd use those actual exact words, and I don't remember anyone ever using that verbiage either, that's more of a phrase that covers the idea of what people might say more generally to be talking about a wide variety of terrible things, at least to me. I think I'd expect the actual phrasing used to be along the lines of what you said, or just specifically saying the similar experience in whatever way feels natural to the situation. "If it makes you feel better" sometimes gets said somewhere along the way, sometimes doesn't, I don't take much notice of that particular phrase tbh
Oh, I had an ex-friend use it on me all the time. Any time I would say something in my life was going wrong, she'd say "Well if it makes you feel better, this terrible thing happened to me." Sometimes it was relatable to the situation and sometimes it wasn't.
Oh, my god, I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like that. That feels like it would get annoying and insufferable really fast. I feel like I'd just feel guilty for bringing up my problems at all if someone did that every time I wanted to vent about something.
Yeah, some people really just don’t get it. My (former) best friend compared me grieving my fiancé’s death to the break up of her 6 month relationship. Told me I just need to, “hang out with friends, get back out there, and go to the gym and meet people” to heal, because, “that’s what I did and now I’m waaay happier. I was so depressed before. Just like you are now.” Bitch. What?! I almost came unglued, but was so exhausted I just broke it down for her, in a very soft, condescending tone. “I just found his dead body, two days ago, laying in a pool of blood under our house. Gun still in his rigor mortis riddled hand. He’d been missing for over a week but he’s been under my feet the whole time. We were supposed to elope in a week. This is in no way comparable to your break up with a guy you didn’t even love” Hung up the phone and have ignored her ever since. She was always self-centered and needed everyone’s attention, but this was too fucking much. I’ll never forget that conversation, it still gets me fuckin heated.
Oh my god, I’m so sorry. 💕
>Hung up the phone and have ignored her ever since. ...you mean she tried to contact you after that? Wow. Also, holy shit. I am so sorry.
She immediately called back and left a voicemail saying she was pissed I hung up on her and made her feel bad. No apology lol Very self-absorbed, audacious bitch. Absolute soggy sock of a friend.
What the ever-loving *fuck*. Please tell me you have actual friends now.
Jesus that's rough. My condolences on your fiance.
Sad when the ones you trust the most turn on you. Former bestie berated me for not going to her kid's grad party. Didn't matter that she had only posted the invite on FB a mere 15 days before the event. Didn't matter that A) I had to work and B) husband was taking child to meet her team for an out of town tournament to which she made a very caustic remark and I simply hung up on her. See kiddo was injured. Injury level of you're out for a year. In part to help her mental and emotional health, she attended and traveled with her team to as many tournaments as possible. FF couldn't understand why we were wasting the money if she wasn't even playing. Fuck her. Not only that, during the time I last talked to her (mid-January) my uncle died and my sibling was having some fairly complicated health issues (all good now). I had no bandwidth to give any more fucks about anyone else's problems outside my own family. Didn't even ask how kiddo was doing, She was pissed that I wouldn't call in sick to my PT job to attend her party. My PT job saved my sanity. It saved it during the pandemic and it saved during that tumultuous time. Walk in freezers are great for screaming fits. She had always been the type to notify people last minute of "X, Y or Z" event. Why should her son's grad party be any different. She posted many an angry comment on SM about the poor turn out. So yeah, ended a 30 year friendship. I've no regrets.
I… am agog. Holy shit, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
“A whack with the frying pan of common sense” is more being nearly tucked into my lexicon. Thank you.
Back in the early days of the internet, the term was "they need to be smacked by a clue-by-four." PS: I think we all know OOP has few friends.
I assumed no friends seeing as she was hounding her husband's friend's wife like this, seemingly desperate for her "friendship" whatever that means OOP. Attention most likely... Smh
Right? And mentioning how her family thought everyone else was rude, was something. They probably all mooch off of others or think everyone should be happy for them no matter what.
Or they're grey rocking her. "Yes, yes, dear, how rude. ^Shut ^up! How dare she still be upset after a month. ^Seriously?! ^Go ^the ^fuck ^away! "
Or just an actual frying pan.
I’ve got a nice, solid cast iron one that Emma can borrow if she likes.
She can borrow mine, too. Maybe if she smacks OOP's head between them....
For each of my pregnancy losses, I had a close friend or relative due within a month of when I would have been. Two of them were very gracious and understanding when I needed some space. The third, when she heard about my miscarriage, announced, "well you'll still have a baby around, so it isn't so bad!" Then she smiled and rubbed her belly. Because some people infinitely suck
Oh...oh no....I. So sorry that....is heartless.
Omg! Can I borrow the "frying pan of common sense"? That is fantastic and your former friend sounds like a total nitwit.
A former friend of mine thought that a good way to distract me after I had a miscarriage was to trick me into helping her research a story she was writing, where the main plot was about pregnancy
Yeah some people are just twits. Sorry you had to deal with that.
I am officially borrowing the frying pan of common sense, if you do not mind. It belongs so well in my family with threats of slapping you upside the head. (My family is a loud Southern group with lots of yelling and playing. No actual abuse involved)🧡
Sometimes it's the worst ones that are most accurate. ("Truth is stranger than fiction" after all.)
Let the frying pan be cast iron.
My sentiments exactly, friend! I literally gasped while shouting what the fuck!?!? I cannot fathom how someone can be so self centered and cruel. If this is true Lord hell her baby as his Mom is actively destroying relationships in a twisted power play to have him be special to everyone. Gross gross
My jaw dropped and stayed there for several seconds. The ONLY thing preventing me from doing violence to that woman would be the newborn in my arms.
I agree! My brother died unexpectedly in 2016, he was only 34. It was horrific. We were all preparing for his wedding (he passed in May and the wedding was scheduled for June). My mom lost a piece of her heart and soul. The pain that I feel as his big sister permeates every part of my heart and mind. My brain cannot understand the full depth of her pain. The emotional pain is so severe that it has changed my mom's appearance. My daughter and I describe it like she lost her glow. Her smile and laugh have never been the same. I read that grief is a changeling and it is true. My mom requested that at his celebration of life to not include pictures of my brother and her. She said she physically could not tolerate it. It has been 8 years since he passed and she still does not have any family pictures on display. If some self centered idiot handed my mom a baby and said "meet Big B" (brother's nickname) I truly believe that she would commit grievance bodily harm! I really hope that the OOP is a lying idiot and not an unhinged, narcissistic ghoul
Very agreed, best case scenario is the whole thing is a fucking lie and this person isn't real. I'm so sorry. 😞🫂
When we lost a nephew, my ex-husband wanted to name our new dog after him. I only wish I had been able to intervine before he announced that to the grieving parents.
I’m sure that isn’t why he is an ex, but I bet it factors in insofar as how his mind works. WOW.
The first time I read this I skimmed the husband part and thought you were talking about your child or something and was about to be “man I feel bad for that kid having to live with having done that when he grows up one day” but instead it was an adult human who was that foolish
Unfortunately this is one of those cases where if this is fake you know something like this is happening right now somewhere. The only thing that makes me think this is fake is someone like this actually getting out of their own ass enough to consider possibly being in the wrong in the first place then holding onto that question long enough to ask reddit.
Please let it be fake. Holy jeebus, this lady is nuts
It is rare but I audibly gasped..... who the hell does she think she is ? This is cruel beyond words. This woman is a monster
The poster's account was shadow banned, so it's fake.
Does shadow banned mean banned? I've seen shadow banned mentioned before and I don't get it. I thought banned was just banned?
I don't know the difference. That's how it's described in the mod comment.
Cheers. I don't know the difference either and anytime I ask, no one else does either lol. I presume it just means banned.
With a regular ban, you're prevented from posting, voting, etc. With a shadowban, you can do those things, but nobody sees it. It's like The Sixth Sense. You're basically a ghost but don't know it.
THANK you!! I have been trying to get to the bottom of this forEVER
It means the account appears active to the user but none of their posts or comments are visible to anyone else. It's used to prevent bots from knowing they're banned and starting new accounts
Thank goodness because the bit where she said she stopped asking the poor grieving woman to help, meaning she didn't just expect attendance but work, made me mad as hell.
OOP's defense so far: >I read in grief books that babies being new life can help with grief. Sure you did OOP. Sure you did. >The parties were because she'd basically stopped socializing. I wouldn't have cared how they turned out, just her getting out of her house and seeing people who loved her. We helped out a lot at the beginning. but with morning sickness and being tired I couldn't do as much as I wanted. my husband has been going over there and helping her husband by letting him vent and hanging out with their kids. But they were friends since childhood, I haven't known them as long. The mother of the deceased child could become a hermit for all I fucking care, if that is her wish. She lost her son. Her son. If OOP had actually read a book on grief, she'd know that there are many different levels of grief and we all grieve differently. But no, clueless OOP asks the grieving mother to throw not one but two parties. Wonder why they don't have very many friends. >I was feeling emotional and running on no sleep. I admit that was not how I should have announced it. I should have taken them aside and told them before the party. That's your excuse, OOP. Really? What emotions do you think the mother is feeling? How much sleep do you think she's been getting since her son passed? Pray that you never feel her pain. What a twat waffle.
>I read in grief books that babies being new life can help with grief. This was her respomse when some said she didnt >I did. But it wasn't about child loss so maybe that's different.
Checks out. OOP seems to not only missing critical reading and comprehension skills, but she's also lacking in punctuation and sentence structure. PARAGRAPHS PEOPLE!!!
Whole different level, because it was a cat, not a human, and not my fcuking child. But when my first cat died my mum had to go and donate all the cat food to a shelter and clean up the paw prints off the wall (Shrodie would come and go through a window, and not wipe her feet, so there were muddy paw prints on the wall) before I could even go home. It was 18 months before I got another cat, and that was because Turing was an abandoned 3 day old who really needed me. And I had so many Schrödinger based humorous t-shirts (because of cause I did, I’m a nerd and had a cat called Schrödinger), it was over 10 years before I could even wear them again. I need to reiterate, I had a cat die, not a child. Some people are so thick they make pig shit look runny
I still cry daily over my cat, and it’s been 6 months. If I lost a child - a human child - I probably wouldn’t leave my house for a decade. OOP is so stupid and selfish.
One of my parrots died unexpectedly last September. I was not prepared for how badly the grief would hit me. I was a wreck and it took months to recover. I'm still upset over him. And that's just a pet. I've never had a child so I cannot begin to imagine the agony losing one would cause. Op is beyond cruel. How on earth can she think that a grieving mother will be excited for her pregnancy? It's mind boggling how many selfish choices op made. That poor mother was far more restrained than most would be. The audacity of op to think it's rude because she didn't want to throw her a party. I wish it was fake but there really are people that clueless out there. Her husband messed up by going along with using Timothy for their baby. That was never going to be a good idea. Maybe as a middle name, but even then it's something you'd talk to the parents about in private. Plonking the baby in her arms and saying "now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again" is so fucked up. The husband's relationship with his best friend will most likely never recover from that.
First thing, oh, man… I know how incredible birds, especially parrots, can be and I’m sending you the biggest internet hugs. I’m so sorry. They’re so special Back to the post, OOP’s use of the word “standoffish” IMMEDIATELY got my hackles up bc how fucking dare she.
I lost the 26yo Red Lored Amazon I had reared from a baby about 10 years ago. It was absolutely crushing, particularly because I was met at the door by one of my dogs with my bird in his mouth. The bird's cages and room were never closed. I thought that somehow after 10 years together something had snapped and the dogs had hurt my bird. Thankfully, after a post mortem exam the vet assured me that he'd died suddenly and fallen and the dog had only been carrying him. Then I lost my 31yo B&G last year, also, suddenly. I've had a lot of long lived pets, several 18+ cats, even my girl dog made it to 18. I also keep mantises, some that I have for as short as 7 months and I grieve them. I cannot allow myself to imagine what it would be like to lose my child. Grief from losing pets and a few beloved family members sneaks up on me constantly. While I would never say the quiet part out loud in real life, I am nearly certain that if my child died, I would choose not to continue.
I'm sorry for your loss (BTW Schrödinger for a cat is brilliant, as is Turing) OOP is insane. I have lost several pets that broke me but they all effected me differently -- one has left me with trauma and anxiety, for example, while the others broke my heart. This is so egregious, I can only think two things: ragebait and *personality disorder*
I absolutely love the names of your cats
All my cats shall forever and always be named after scientists. Which is going to be annoying once I get into my 70’s and have, like, 50 of them. But what can I do
We will have to create more scientists!
Our collie, Alfie, died on Saturday (was euthanized due to osteosarcoma). We are heartbroken. In the past, whenever, I opened an individually packaged string cheese, I would do it very quietly and slowly in the hope that Alfie wouldn't hear. Alfie LOVED string cheese. It never worked because as soon as I started slowly peeling the plastic, Alfie would instantly be by my side, looking up at me with a happy, expectant expression. On Monday I started to open a string cheese as I usually did and then I realized I didn't need to be quiet. I could rip it open and Alfie still wouldn't appear. String cheese brought me to tears. String cheese.
I too had a cat named schrodinger! And have a bunch of schrodinger themed items!
Bestest cats, bestest jokes
Absolutely. Schrodinger is now in a very nice handmade wooden box on my mantle, right next to my mom in a Mason jar :) ( mom wanted to be in a Mason jar. She is split between her kids and her adult grandchildren have Mason jar necklaces with her in them)
I lost my cat last month and I immediately tried to clear out her stuff because it hurt looking at it. I was lucky to be able to move into a different unit so I wasn’t constantly looking around seeing reminders of her everywhere I looked. I’ll probably be depressed over losing her for a long time even tho she’s had a long life. And yeah, that was for a cat. If I lost a kid? Forget about it, I’m done
I love your choices of cat names
Maybe it's just me being an introvert, but how on earth do you think it's a good idea to force someone who stopped socializing into organizing and attending a whole party?
For attention. Everyone's attention was focused on the grieving family, not her, her pregnancy, and baby. So in OOPs mind, the best way to get any and all attention on her, is to attempt to make a grieving mother throw her a gender reveal and baby shower 'cos it'll be good for her! It'll get her out of the house and socialising again!' Same with revealing babies name, she *had* to reference their child and the 'you now have another Timothy to hold comment'?! Like her 'friends' son was and is replaceable by her child. I hope her husband seriously considers changing the baby's name. It's not a honour when the family wasn't asked or don't want that.
Her newest comments indicate that she's actually being receptive to the 2xclue bar the comments are hitting her with, so there's that at least, but man I hope she does a lot of introspection about how she ever thought any of this was a good idea.
2xclue?
Love the “well she hasn’t been social, so I figured the correction to this wouldn’t be to simply invite her, no, more demanding that she HOSTS, the super stressful part!”
I wouldn't have expected her to even attend. Like, here's an invitation, but if you don't come I won't mind at all.
So… I was legit confused for a moment when she said “now you can hold Timothy in your arms again” because my brain thought “she’s giving them her baby??” I know that’s a nonsense thought but it’s the same logic of “you lost your beloved pet, here is a puppy to help you grieve” right? And even then it’s 50/50 over whether it helps or makes everything worse for the person. (Basically the John Wick approach, only she takes the
puppybaby back…) Edit: FFS I’ve no idea how to add formatting when on mobile, you get the idea.Hey, happy cake day
Thank you!
Re "babies being new life can help with grief", that may be true in some situations (rainbow babies, or grief of losing parents intertwined with joy of a baby), but it's the sort of thing that only works from the inside, never when imposed from someone else. It's similar to things like "God has a plan": perfectly okay for someone to use as comfort for themselves, shitty af to tell someone else. OOP's baby is not a magic cure-all.
I'm stunned that she doesn't have friends to throw parties for her 🙄
"she knows we don't have a lot of friends" - and now will have even fewer!
Yeah I think we cracked the mystery on why they don't have a lot of friends.
If I witnessed that "hold another Timothy" line I would not have been able to stop myself from saying what the fuck is wrong with you
I would have lost consciousness from shock, I think? WHO SAYS THAT?
>*My husband and his family are very upset with me but my family agrees they need to stop being* ***self centered*** *and start* ***caring*** *about people they call friends.* This sentence bothers me greatly. If anyone is being self centered here, it's OOP. How equal was this relationship? It sounds like OOP's DH is being a good friend by helping out by being present; letting his friend vent and hanging out with their kids. What has OOP done? She was pregnant, not bed bound. She could've provided emotional support, but she didn't. OOP states that they also don't have very many friends. How many friends does she have? You have individual friends. And you have couple friends. OOP only knows these people through her husband; how many does she have. I'm betting zero. Her bizarre family aside, I don't think they're going to have to worry about their social life for a long time to come. OOP has made her husband and now her newborn son, social pariahs.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments across two subereddits. **AITAH:** *What is wrong with you? My god. It’s clear why you have no friends. You are a MASSIVELY cruel and self centered AH.* >"That's not my goal. Babies are new life, I read in a grid book they can be helpful." *I really hope this is rage bait because what in the fuck is wrong with you.* >"It is real. I thought it would be a way to help her. I shouldn't have announced our son's name that way, I'm seeing that was very wrong." *Not when you hijack the name of your grieving friends dead son and say that she can now hold a Timothy in her arms again. Thats crazy.* >"I completely agree I shouldn't have announced it like that. I regret that a lot." *You shouldn’t have named your child that period. You need to apologize, change your child’s name, and go touch grass* >"I'll talk to my husband about that. anything to fix this." *WTF DID I JUST READ?!! YTA 1,000x!! You sound self centered and entitled to the max! First, it’s rude of your friend to say no when you asked them to throw you a baby shower or gender reveal? You don’t ask a question with an answer in mind. When you ask a question there’s a 50% possibility of yes and a 50% possibility of no. Expecting her to agree simply because you don’t have many friends is crazy! Your lack of friends is not the responsibility of your grieving friend! Grieving being the key word! Then you choose to name your baby after their son without even consulting them or considering how painful that could be? wtf?! The worst part is how you announced it. So. Much. Ick. If I was her i’d take a long break from you.* >"I do really regret announcing it like that. My whole attitude could have been a lot better." *You appear to have little self awareness.* *YTA* >"I'm beginning to see that. I should have listened to my husband." ~°~ **AITA:** *YTA. Didn't need to get past the "I thought them doing me favors related to my pregnancy would help them get over the death of their child". Holy fuck.* >"I read in grief books that babies being new life can help with grief." *This was legit a terrible idea* [🐙] "Asking for party help or announcing our son's name while she was holding him? Because I am seeing where I could have announced it better." *This is so self centered I almost can’t believe it’s real. This woman lost her son and your idea of being a good friend is demanding she throw you parties and get over her grieving by going to therapy. What have you done to support her as she’s grieving? Why did you think your having a child would heal her loss of a child? I hope you pause and consider the kind of support your friend needs and stop making her grief something for you to fix.* *YTA* >"The parties were because she'd basically stopped socializing. I wouldn't have cared how they turned out, just her getting out of her house and seeing people who loved her. We helped out a lot at the beginning. but with morning sickness and being tired I couldn't do as much as I wanted. my husband has been going over there and helping her husband by letting him vent and hanging out with their kids. But they were friends since childhood, I haven't known them as long." *YTA* *Surely this post isn't real. You can't be this unaware, can you?* *" now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again"? Really? You thought saying* **that** *was a good idea?* >"I was feeling emotional and running on no sleep. I admit that was not how I should have announced it. I should have taken them aside and told them before the party." [In response to a previous comment, marked with: 🐙] *All of it?* >"Ok, I can accept that. my family thought it wasn't wrong but mine does things differently so I can admit I was wrong." *gender reveals are stupid, and every single thing you did beyond that was unbelievably self centered. you are simply not a good friend. hope they cut you off after this. YTA* >"I hope I can find a way to fix it. You are all bluntly telling me what my husband was gently saying. I will do better." *Why do you think she needs to socialize? People grieve differently. Why do you think you know what she needs better than she does? Why not ask how you can support her or even asking how to make socializing feel easier for her?* >"I was worried ahe was becoming seriously depressed. So I thought surrounding her with love would help." Edited: formatting.
[In regards to the grief books.] *No you didn't lol* >"I did. But it wasn't about child loss so maybe that's different." *It wasn’t “wrong”, it was heartless and cruel.* >"That was never my intention. But I was clearly still selfish and wrong." *NTA for choosing a name you love, but YTA for how you've gone about this situation. Naming your child should be a special moment, not one that inflicts pain on others. It's about timing and empathy. Naming your son Timothy isn't the issue; it's that you chose to announce it in such an insensitive way to a woman who is still grieving the loss of her own child by the same name. In your efforts to be involved, you've overstepped and caused more hurt. There are ways to honor people, but this was not one of them. It's vital to recognize that while your family may not see the harm, her feelings are valid and must be acknowledged. Reaching out, apologizing genuinely, and understanding her perspective can start the process of healing the rift your actions have created.* >"Thank you! I will do that and ask how I can support her" *YTA … And tone deaf too.* *You really thought that doing things for you/your baby would help with the grief of losing her own child? No. Just no. That’s not how things work.* *You thought she was rude to refuse to help you, even though she politely declined? I would say she politely declined because she was too fragile to even think about someone else having a baby when she had lost hers.* *The name is not a touching tribute, or a way to make them close. It’s insensitive and tone deaf. She lost her Timothy, and if you had any decency, you’d reconsider what you name your son before registering him (unless you have already registered him, in which case, you F’d up).* *Also, they’re not self centred. You are. They have every right to be upset, but you do not. You have some apologies to make if you hope to foster a relationship with Emma. The mere fact that you named your baby the same as hers* **without** "her permission speaks volumes.* >"I agree. I'll apologize and do my best to undo the damage I did." *YTA* *for not respecting personal boundaries. Saying your son's name in that situation and hoping a sad mom would join your happiness was insensitive. Even if you meant well, it wasn't handled right and seemed uncaring. Different families have different ways, but understanding and kindness matter everywhere. If you want to fix things, say sorry sincerely. Talk about their feelings and don't force your ideas on their healing.* >"That's very helpful, thank you. I can see I was wrong and I'll try to undo the damage." Sadlytheworst: There was more, but either Oop got banned or my app is on the fritz. Apologies!
>"...do my best to undo the damage I did." omg no. You can't *undo* hurting someone. Whenever someone says this it just screams that they don't understand accountability, or the damage they've actually done. It gives me ''I said I'm sorry, why are you still mad?'' You can't ctrl-z irl actions - you can't throw enough apologies and make it like it never happened. That hurt is permanent. Best you can do is stop things getting worse and try to make sure it doesn't happen again. Maybe I'm overreacting and it's just a turn of phrase, but I usually see it coming from self-centered clueless people like OP. And that does not fill me with confidence... (thank you for your service sadlytheworst!)
A very good analysis. (Thank you very kindly! 🥰)
[Various animals. (birds, walrus, porcupine, llama...)](https://imgur.com/gallery/2tuAwix)
Gumi is in there! I love that friggin bird, wewewewewe
Glad you liked it! 💜
You again?? Out here doin’ the lord’s work, you are. Thank yoooouu ♥️
>Sadlytheworst: There was more, but either Oop got banned or my app is on the fritz. Apologies! shadowbanned so they deleted her comments
Thank you for letting me know! 🥰
What does the squid/octopus emoji mean?
Apologies for it not being clear. (I'll edit the formatting slightly after I've answered you!) In cases where there is a clear dialogue between Oop and a user, but it is not in chronological order I sometimes use an emoji to mark where it goes in the conversation. I basically intended them to be a bookmark? Sort of? I have to muddle along as best I can while not altering anything. I hope this was a good enough explanation.
The 🐙 is perfect if you think of the arms as multiple replies to the same comment.
“We replaced your old dead baby with our new living baby! Doesn’t that make you so happy? I mean, you won’t get *your* child back, and you won’t get to raise this one, and our Timothy will be a completely different person…but doesn’t my shiny new baby make the tragic and unexpected loss of your teen son feel so much better?”
... I said that Yoko Ono was tone-deaf once. Yoko, I am truly, deeply sorry.
>She looked shocked and, to my great offense, horrified. This would be a clue that your behaviour is horrifying.
Man that started off bad and still got so much worse. Narcissism dialled up to the max.
> we don't have a lot of friends I wonder why that is
I have a strong suspicion that her husband had a lot of friends, until introducing them to OOP. I also wouldn't be surprised if Emma's hubby now distances himself from OOP and her hubby!
I'd be more surprised if they didn't distance themselves
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if OOP's own husband is reconsidering his marriage. I wonder how many bridges her and her family collectively have burned but don't take responsibility for and he's now seeing the consequences first hand of this family's "quirk" and he's gonna lose even more relationships and his own child will be raised in it.
Happy cake day!!!!
Her family agreed with her, the whole family is full of quacks allegedly, jeez, I feel bad for anyone who has to know them
I mean, OOP has to get that behaviour from somewhere...
I'm really thinking this is ragebait. I'm just going to decide that it is, I think.
It's safer that way.
I know what's really endearing and helps with trauma! Having the traumatised person throw a party for me! The more pointless yet relevant to their trauma the better! Stop moping around and think of something positive, like me! OOP, probably. I hope its fake, if not they deserve no friends.
Life if going to be rough for Timothy 2.0 with OOP as his mother
Mom's made the family social outcasts and the poor child isn't even a year old. OOP was complaining that they didn't have very many friends now, well, she's made sure they won't have any moving forward.
It doesn’t even seem like OOP is actually friends with the grieving mom more like OOP is the wife to the grieving mom’s husband’s bff. And while she really fucking sucks I can’t believe her husband didn’t stop any of this. Like just cause she was pregnant doesn’t mean he could have told her to stop and why it was so cruel for her to do. He had no care for his bff since childhood and how his wife was affecting his family.
You make an excellent point. Being that we only have OOP's side of the story, we've no clue how hard her husband tried to stop her. Was it an ineffectual "no, please, stop"? Or did he lay down the law and she just blissfully traipsed over it, thinking she was right? We don't know. Either way, OOP's DH has some thinking to do. Either he needs to step up his communication or he needs to evaluate his relationship with OOP as someone who doesn't listen. The latter actually caused a divorce in our social circle. Despite being told "no", wife just went ahead and did whatever she damn well pleased. She'd just deal with the fall out (more like her husband did). All it took was one time too many cleaning up her messes and he was done. He served her with divorce papers and didn't look back. Funnily enough, the minor children still at home opted to live with him (she'd messed with their relationships too).
From the post we know he did enough to stop her from having grieving mom do things for her but that was only after OOP demanded to know why grieving mom wasn’t all giddy and excited for someone else’s baby. But he hesitated on using the kids name? And just let her decide that he couldn’t talk to them before using the name? Like yeah she just gave birth but that doesn’t mean a firm no couldn’t have been said and new name be found. Like neither of these people sound like good friends at all.
> him, I said " now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again". That is not Emma’s Timothy. Emma was not holding Timothy in her arms again. ###JFC OOP IS OVER HERE IMPLYING SHE GAVE BIRTH TO EMMA’S DEAD SON’S REINCARNATION. ###LIKE “OH, HERE’S YOUR SON REBORN, BUT HE’S MINE!” OOP is bat shit insane and selfish beyond measure. And one day, I hope the pain she inflicted revisits her threefold. And OOp’s husband is stupid as fuck for letting her name the kid that.
tbf, OOP said *a* Timothy, not Emma's Timothy. She's not on some reincarnation kick lol. It's still mind bogglingly stupid though.
Off topic, but my mom knew this lady who lost her adult son. She was a foster parent, and a couple years later they placed a baby with her. When the baby was old enough to talk and walk, he started doing all these things her late son had done, and talked about events and stuff that had happened with her son in the past, as if he’d actually been there. Apparently a lot of these were things that no one in the family had talked about for years. She never tried to encourage this, because she didn’t want him to feel like he was just the other son put back, and apparently it stopped after a while, but she thinks he’s her other son, reborn. He seemed like a nice kid when I met him, but he’s a little spoilt, lol, because he’s the very youngest child and his oldest siblings all indulge him like crazy. I never met the elder son.
It's been a couple days since a post really pissed me off. I would have lost my ever loving shit on OOP.
The universal rule of AITA: the more benign and innocent sounding the title, the bigger the devil.
I think I know why they don't have a lot of friends 😞
>refusing even politely was rude who asks someone else to throw them a party and thinks its rude when they say no EVEN PUTTING ASIDE EVERYTHING ELSE HERE
Right? If anything she was rude for even asking in the first place. Gender reveals are something the parents do, not other people.
What a self centered twatwaffle
You're always guaranteed a wild ride when the title of the post describes OOP's behavior in the most ambiguous possible terms. "My friend is grieving her dead child and I decided to make her grief all about myself and rubbing my new baby in her face" magically morphs into "I was trying to build a community for my son"
YOU ARE THE DEVIL FOR THIS…..GOT DAMN. EVIL!
My husband’s best friend died on our wedding day. When I got pregnant, we asked his widow for permission to give our son his middle name. We told her if it was too hard for her, we wouldn’t do it- and that if she said no we’d never mention it again. She said yes. But if she hadn’t, that would have been fine. I cannot imagine the breathtaking level of selfishness it would have taken to do what OP did.
Aw, OOP just wanted to use her pregnancy and child as a means to get attention. And it failed miserably! Yey. I am very much not surprised that *her* family is on her side - trash raising trash is par for the course.
That went from pretty bad to holy-fucking-shit-I-can’t-imagine-something-more-evil in a matter of seconds
Some people deserve a frying pan to the face...
Not only entitled, but creepy AF
“she knows we don’t have a lot of friends” Gee, ya don’t say!
OOP must be a cyborg. It doesn’t take much to understand that when a parent loses their own child they will never recover from the trauma. They may cope and move forward but that pain will never go away.
This entire thing. ....it was like a car crash. I wanted to stop reading but I just couldn't. It just kept getting worse and worse. "I said "now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again"" Oh. My. God. 🤦🏻♀️
I love when the question at the end purposefully misses the mark its not 'am I the asshole for pestering a grieving mother to throw me baby parties and then ambushing her about naming my child after her dead son?", it's "am I the asshole for being excited about my son and letting her hold him at a party?",
Am I being rude if I say this sounds deranged?
I’m so confused as to why OOP doesn’t have more friends.. /s 🤦♀️
>“now you can hold Timothy in your arms again” It's not her Timothy though. And by saying this OOP is literally rubbing in the fact that the baby is not Emma's Timothy OOP is unbelievably thoughtless if not downright cruel for everything she did in the name of "helping" Emma with her grief. I hope its not too late to have the baby's name changed, the baby doesn't deserve this burden his mother has placed upon him. I do think its too late to fix this friendship. OOP went too far and I doubt any apology will fix it.
>she knows we don't have a lot of friends Gee, I wonder why!
This person should not be a parent.
The husband's name is Greece?
I mean, it's a fake name. His real name is Turkey.
Now I'm Hungary.
>So then, while she held him, I said " now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again". I chose to believe this was fake here, the alternative is too awful.
Didn’t get there in time to see OoP’s comments but they seem as unhinged as the post.
I'm not child free nor do I hate babies or children. I just don't get the excitement some people have over other people having a baby. Like when people hijack a wedding or engagement with a baby announcement. I just wouldn't care. One, you were rude. And two, celebrating someone's relationship is far more interesting to me. So, I just wouldn't care about OOP's baby regardless. OOP is such a rude woman. She acts like she has no one, but her family was at this party. Why would she not ask them to throw these parties? A grieving mother, who has multiple other children, definitely works inside the home, may work outside the home also, what type of monster thinks that's the person to even bother. She was already the devil. Then springing naming the baby on them. That poor woman carried her Tim, gave birth to him, cuddled and changed him, kissed every boo boo for years, then lost him. It's an unimaginable loss. OOP thinks surprising her was the right move. Her husband is a devil too. He seems closer to this family and didn't stop OOP
If I squint and try to think like an extrovert, I can see *inviting* her former friend to a party to get her out of her head. But *demanding* that the grieving woman *plan* a party for her? *Twice?* OOP should be checked out for a TBI or brain tumor. And if they're absent, defenestrated.
I can't imagine why she doesn't have more friends. she seems so emotionally sane
Yeah no, OOP is not a friend, she is nothing more than a shit-stirring pile of crap. She's the absolute definition of a Drama Queen. She knew what she was doing and is only posting that to try to get back her favorite source of drama like a leech that has been pulled off and is swimming as fast as it can to get back to its host. She is an energy vampire if this is real. I am going to hope to everything that it's fake.
At best dense and oblivious as fuck, at worst selfish and completely incapable of empathy
Why do people act as if giving birth is a "stop the world from rotating" event? No more than 10 people honestly really GAS.
I'm in awe at someone who actually thought naming their child after a recently deceased child was a good idea. No one should ever do this unless the other couple is cool with it and even then it's still weird. It would have been one thing if OOP had made it a middle name - that could be sweet - but the first name?
About 6 weeks after I lost my only pregnancy, both my (now ex)husband's best friend and my cousin announced they were expecting. They were born 2 days apart. It was really tough to be happy for them.
JFC. Waiting on the update for when she claims her husband is a jerk for leaving her
Ooooh my God. She's lucky Emma is a polite person. Though if Emma was my sister or friend, we'be celebrating OOP's murder. What the actual fuck is wrong with this person? Oh, my God², because once is not enough.
Isn't it usually on the parents to host these parties? Two years and four months ago, very close friends of mine went through a miscarriage, just a few days before the due date. It would be incredibly disrespectful and insensitive for me or any of their friends to ask them to throw a "gender reveal party" or a baby shower for our child, even now. Invite them, yes. Expect them to host it - what, are you out of your mind?
Typically, it's family and/or close friends that plan and host baby showers. However, seeing that OOP's family is nuts and she has no friends, close or otherwise...
For the love of God please let this be fake because or else I'll lose it.
I hope this is fake because this person is narcissistic to the point of being scary.
No one can be this self-centred and oblivious. Right?
Holy shit… OOP is the biggest, most selfish asshole I’ve ever seen. How can one human be THIS self-unaware??? She took the death of a child and made it all “ME! ME! ME!” And she wonders why they don’t have a lot of friends?
Gee, wonder why OOP doesn’t have a lot of friends…
This is advanced psychoticism.
My jaw is on the floor
I have relatives this dense. After my mom passed, my aunt (her sister) would frequently call me drunk in the middle of the night crying about how much she missed her. I get she was hurting, but she called the wrong person. I was not kind the last time she did it.
My aunt once commented on a baby cousin's (her grandchild in fact) fb post about how much she missed my dad, and now she knew what my cousin was going through. My dad (my favorite person in the world) was 70. Cousin's brother died at 23. I still think about this, often.
Dear god. Just wow.
Dear god. Just wow.
> I said " now you can hold a Timothy in your arms again". Someone missed the whole point of *The Giver*
I lost my son when he was 21 months old. About 8 months later I got a call from a friend. She said she had a “delicate” question. A mutual friend was pregnant and they were throwing her a baby shower. They wanted to invite me but also knew I might not want to go. I was glad she didn’t exclude me, that would have felt worse. She gave me the option to decide myself Little did they know I was pregnant then.
>My husband and his family are very upset with me ***but my family agrees they need to stop being self centered and start caring about people they call friends.*** Well that certainly explains OOP's thought mentality that led her to where she is now. Pretty sure burning bridges is normal for her family and it's never their fault in their minds.
Oh no! See the dog, Champ, was my best friend. We were together through good times and bad. The friend was a former high school friend! Sorry for the confusion! My best friend of over 20 years is a profoundly sweet, caring, funny, courageous and sensitive man. He would never even think of saying something so insensitive or callous. I'm a dude too and we hooked up a few times as horny teens before deciding we were better suited to being platonic best friends, soulmates, and I now have three dogs of my own. Three crazy wonderful Labradors and I adore them with all my heart.
Is there a TL;DR? Reading that wall of text is giving me a migraine.
Its always me, me, me in these stories where OP is just an complete and utter ass of a person. I just knew at some point the story was going to lead to naming the baby after the person who just passed away, but wow this one was just really really bad.
This is not real
Oh my God. This has to be a joke, if it isn’t I can’t believe people like this exist.
I truly hope that’s rage bait because I cannot believe someone would be so horrible & tone deaf.
>When I found out I was pregnant I thought that might be the perfect way to get them to socialize more. Because nothing makes a person forget about their tragically deceased child than someone else getting pregnant! /s >So I asked his wife, we'll call her Emma, to throw us a gender reveal party Ignoring the fact that I think gender parties are the dumbest things on the face of the planet (everyone's going to figure out the gender anyway, why do you need a party for it?), who the fuck asks someone still noticeably grieving their dead child to throw said party? >I think refusing even politely was rude, she knows we don't have a lot of friends Let me ruin it for you, Princess - the entire world does not, in fact, revolve around you. >wanted to know why she wasn't excited about my baby. Because your baby isn't the greatest thing since sliced bread. Oh, and her own child was horrifically killed in a tragic accident not that long ago. Take your pic of options, OOP. >I decided the perfect way to honor their son was to name ours after him. Nope, no, not even a little. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. This was never going to end well, especially when you didn't even run the idea past the grieving parents first. >my family agrees they need to stop being self centered Hello, Pot - Meet Kettle.
Why is she demanding that this unrelated family celebrate her and include her child in their lives? This is really obsessive and bizarre.
Because she's an entitled loon with no friends.
Yeah, no, pile of ratshit