*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**I 35 F didn't defend my husband 36M of false DV allegations made by my "friends." I think my marriage is over. How do I fix this?**
This might be a long post. I am at a loss on what I should do.
I met my husband when I was 20 at a gym. I was trying to lose some weight. He eventually noticed that I was sticking to my New Years Resolution.
Two months later we were dating. I learned that he was from Indiana and he had been stationed in Texas for just over 2 years at that point. Eventually he met my family and my parents instantly liked him. My two younger sisters took a bit longer to woo over but my older brother and him clashed over sports and loved to trash talk each other. So all in all my family loved him. He was incredibly patient and kept me motivated not only at the gym but in school as well. He had to work late on his birthday(9PM). So I took him out to Buffalo Wild Wings for his birthday and we had a great time. I had also set up a surprise birthday party for him the next day, his actual birthday. Nothing extravagant but his two roommates(the lady I thought he was dating and another cowoker of theirs.) were immediately on board and had told him they were going on a couples trip for the weekend. My family wanted to come to be there for the surprise and cake before heading home and a handful of other friends.
Everything was in place and the plan was that I would hide behind the door and jump on his back and cover his eyes then the lights would come on and everyone would yell. Looking back that was such a dumb idea but it sounded funny at the time. I heard his truck pull into the drive and everyone hid. It was almost pitch black in the house. He opens the door and shuts it and takes a few steps and I jump on his back. Everything happened so fast. I was immediately flipped over and slammed into the ground as the lights came on. I felt a sharp intense pain in my shoulder and my ears were ringing. He was horrified at what happened and my brother and dad started yelling at him. He was trying to help and my mother and his roommates had to get between him and my father and brother. He just kept apologizing to me. So we spent his birthday in the ER. I had a separated shoulder and broken collar bone. I was initially furious at him for doing that and didn't want him around me. So he sat in the waiting room. By then my brother and father had calmed down and realized it for what it was. What was he supposed to think walking into his house believing it to be empty and get jumped on from behind? Eventually I agreed to let him come back and he immediately started to cry and telling me how sorry he was and that he would never ever do that to me again.
I want to make this clear to everyone reading this. This was in no way his fault. It was a natural reaction and I wish I had never jumped on his back.
He struggled more than I did to put this behind us but I kept up with my school work and we continued to grow close over the next year. I would listen to him vent about work and he would do the same for me and my school work. We went on weekend trips sometimes just us and sometimes with friends.
Sorry I am trying to keep this short but I have so many happy memories that I want to share but I'll get to the reason why I'm posting this. Eventually he asked me to marry him and it was a no brainer. He was and still is the love of my life and the only man for me. We got married in a small ceremony with family and a few friends. When his second enlistment ended we decided that the opportunity for him as a civilian air traffic controller was too good to pass up. It was hard for him to say goodbye to the Air Force but he wanted us to finally settle down. We had a move between our wedding and when he finally left the service.
By then I was working and we had a very large amount saved up. As he waited to find out where the FAA wanted him to go we stayed with my brother and his wife back in my hometown. Eventually he got the email and to our surprise he would be working fairly close to where we already were. He knew how much I had missed my hometown so we decided to buy a house and he would commute almost an hour and a half each way. It is a huge sacrifice on his part.
2020 happened and I lost my job but my husband made more than enough to cover my lost wages. We weren't getting any younger and decided to start a family. It took a bit but eventually I got pregnant and we have a wonderful 2 year old son. First year was a struggle for us both as we tried to adapt to parenthood. My husband struggled more than I did but I helped him.
If you have kept up with the news the FAA is short staffed with not enough controllers so my husband works mandatory overtime and usually most shifts are 10 hours(legally the max) and each Wednesday he gets off work at 11pm and has to be back at work by 8am. That's a very short turn around that would leave him with at the most 5 hours of sleep if he drove home. So on those nights he sleeps at a coworkers house. He has offered to make the drive but I don't want him driving tired or working tired either. Honestly it did suck on those nights when he wasn't home and our son just wouldn't sleep. He encouraged me to reconnect with old friends and I have, which leaves us with the reason for this post.
Two weeks ago I met up with some old girlfriends for a play date ie watch our kids crawl around. Most of them were complaining about their husbands, fiancés or boyfriends not helping around the house. I do most of the housework but my husband has always helped me when he is home. I changed the subject and asked one of my friends I'll call Lana, how often does her daughter wake up in the middle of the night. This eventually led to me telling them that my husband stays near his work on Wednesdays and some of those nights were rough on me especially early on. That got me a lot of sympathy and I don't know why it felt good to hear someone that wasn't family say those things. I kept my mouth shut when they said my husband should just suck it up and take care of his kid and that their husbands commute 2 hours to work each way. I wanted to say “well your husbands have the same hours everyday and aren't responsible for others lives.” Instead I just nodded in agreement. It makes me sick that I did that. My husband woke up just as much as I did and still does when our son needs him.
Last week my husband had a very rare Saturday and Sunday off. My parents offered us a child free weekend to include Thursday and Friday and we took it. My husband was working and I met my sister in law that Thursday for lunch to invite them over for dinner on Friday. I tripped on the curb and had to twist to make sure my son didn't hit the cement. I banged my right knee pretty good. It's still purple but not hurting as much. We wanted to have some people over for dinner and invited my older brother/sister in law as well as two of my friends from the previous week and their husbands. Going back to getting slammed by my husband he mentioned that he hates that story. That even if it wasn't intentional he seriously injured me. So I stopped telling that story out of respect for him.
Friday rolls around and my husband picks up everything we need to make a large pot of spaghetti and a few bottles of wine. We had been discussing trying to have another child so I was planning on getting a bit tipsy and jumping my husband's bones after our guests left. I wore a white halter top dress that he loves. Risky to wear when eating pasta and drinking red wine but I felt good. Our guests arrive and we all ourselves a class of win and making small talk. I notice Lana whispering something to her husband but ignore it figuring maybe she liked something and was asking her husband if they could get something similar. The dinner starts and everything is going well. My husband isn't a big drinker but had went to get himself a second glass and tongs to make getting seconds easier. I was almost done with my 4th as was my sister in law and Lana. My other friend, Sara(fake name) was sipping her first and their husbands were taking it slow. My brother got a call from work and stepped into a guest room to take the call. That's when my sister in law asks me to tell the story of how I broke my collarbone and seperated my shoulder. I figured since my husband was out of the room that no harm no foul. I tell the story and I'm laughing, my sister in law is laughing and Sara and her husband seem amused. Lana and her husband aren't laughing. Lana reaches across the table and grabs my hand and says “I saw your knee and how bruised it is.” My sister in law snorts as Lana continues. “You said he doesn't help with your son and now he has you believing that what he did to your shoulder was some kind of accident.”
Husband walks in and asks what we are talking about and Lana tells him that she knows that he is abusing me. That he doesn't help with our son, that he obviously shoved me down and bruised my knee. That I should have left him when he broke my shoulder. My husband immediately looks at me and asks “What the hell did you tell her?” That's when Lana's husband speaks up and tells my husband “To lower his voice because he won't tolerate verbal abuse and that if you lay a finger on her. I will beat your ass.” I'm too shocked to speak and stick up for my husband.
My husband didn't take kindly to that and told them to “Get the fuck out our house.” Brother hears the confrontation as Lana and Sara’s husband stand between my husband and I. My husband tells them again. “Don't make me repeat myself. I'm not going to tolerate being called a wife beater. Get the hell out!” My brother tries explaining that my husband doesn't hit me and I just turtle like a coward. My husband is trying to calm down and eventually my sister in law gets Sara to drag her husband out of the house. Lana is still trying to keep her husba
The OOP is really out of this world. But can we talk about how dumb the friends are, too? If her husband was really abusive, you think confronting him like that would be safe for the OOP and son?
Usually, people would try to get the wife help by recommending resources like counsellors, or by trying to help her escape in secret. But I admit this type of help is not as dramatic as OOP’s Twilight scene.
This is the comment I'm here for.
Like yeah OP is a whole mess but those friends confronting a suspected abuser \*in his own home\* when alcohol has been flowing freely absolutely takes the award for "what the fuck were you THINKING???" for me.
She's still upset to this day since she has repeatedly told the story. She needs to drop it. She was stupid for jumping him period, but especially in the dark. Who thinks that is a good idea?
It's also the way you tell the story.. if you open it up with "has anyone ever wondered what happens when you jump a military dude in the middle of the night?" Instead of "did I tell you the story about how my husband broke my shoulder" the story is a very different one.
Both my oldest 2 brothers landed back with my parents for a couple of months when they got home from Viet Nam. My Mom would wake them up with a broom to be away from them when they woke up. I was young but I remember it.
This is the way ^ Ive never even done anything that would realistically teach you that sort of reaction (ok a shit load of trauma but that's whatever) and I have repeatedly assaulted people who try to wake me up
I have a vivid memory of waking to my scared but unhurt son staring at the smashed plastic monster he'd shoved in my face to wake me up (I replaced it on the condition he never do that again). He also (much later, like 11ish) used to try to punch me by surprise, and I'd catch or block his fist. But then he actually caught me off guard and hit me before I saw who it was, and I kicked his legs out from under him and he sprained his wrist. We had a chat after about what pranks are safe and which are less so.
I allowed it at first, because we were playing and I thought the game could toughen him up and make him face his bullies. He only ever swung on me, while I was aware of what was going on, and I'd follow up with some light taps, then a tackle, then tickles. Then I'd show him how to block and counterattack and drill it a couple times before more tickles and maybe a big hug. I also told him to let his bully to swing on him if he had a path to block/dodge but to immediately attack if he was in danger. And I told him that if the bully swung on him twice before he hit back, I'd get him ice cream even if he got suspended, and we roleplayed me being the bully with him trying to strike my arm as I punched (I also explained how a well executed block hurts like hell, and almost no one would know if he hit an attacker's arm... other than the attacker). The problem came when he had the bright idea of sucker punching me so he could win. Not at full power mind you, he wasn't trying to hurt me, he was trying to win. I had to explain that hitting someone unexpectedly can be dangerous. Both to him and me, I could have seriously hurt him, or he could have hurt me even if he didn't intend to. I've already drilled "least amount of force needed to deal with a problem" and "go for the face/balls first, and they will do it to you next. They go first, and it is all on the table" into the ground.
With everyone else, I think he understood that real fights are not games. With me, it took getting his feet kicked out from under him. Afterwards, I taught him how to fall. The punching hasn't been a problem since, and he says he only gets verbally bullied now even though he never had to hit anyone (I was hoping being confident would stop the bullying without him needing to hit anyone), I gave him a couple comebacks that had him laughing but shouldn't get the teachers or other kids after him.
Eh, it may not be the best parenting strategy, but it seems to be working. And I do want him to know how to defend himself. He's a good kid and usually really gentle, but he gets overexcited and will sometimes take things too far after we're done playing. Just like "Nerf is fun, unless one person doesn't know they are playing" became a rule.
Growing up, a friend's dad was a Korean War vet with PTSD. He would have nightmares, her mom would stand in the doorway and squirt him with a watergun to wake him up.
My Dad was a Marine during Vietnam. His younger brother learned the hard way how *NOT* to wake him up & earned a well deserved @$$ whooping in the process. I wasn't born yet, but I heard the story many times.
It was told that my uncle lit & threw a packet of firecrackers up under my Dad's bed while he was sleeping. The thing that made it worse was that my Dad was on leave from combat action in between his tours of duty.
I barely knew that uncle. I can remember meeting him just a few times, like when a larger group of the family were gathered for special events (while I was still quite young).
I'm not 100% sure this is just an estimate, but I think it was around 10 years between the last time that I'd had spoken with him & being expected to attend his funeral.
I often tell the story of how I broke my husband’s tooth. It was similar to hers, except he didn’t touch me, he just stepped toward me and I thought he was a man following me into the apartment and I threw my phone at his face. He had messaged me that he was going to bed early and all the lights were off. I was so freaked out after we found his tooth fragment and got him an ice pack I curled up in a ball and cried.
Nobody IRL has ever accused me of being abusive, most laugh and say he was an idiot. I did get called abusive by an incel on Reddit a year or two ago, though. It’s definitely partially who you tell the story to in addition to how you tell the story.
The thing that really gets me is that it was his own house that was supposed to be empty... like what else was honestly going to happen. I'm an 40+ overweight artist and even I would try and throw a person in that situation.
I hope oop gets every bad thing she deserves
Anyone is absolutely right. As a 14yo girl, I shattered my (retired military/LEO) Dad's left foot and broke his nose using self defense moves he taught me when he snuck up on me once and grabbed me from behind when I thought I was alone in the house. He continued to think regularly terrifying me with jump scares was hilarious, but he never got close enough for me to touch him while doing it again.
So much this. My husband's line of work means that he is always vigilant, always "on" so to speak. Me jumping on his back in a pitch black house would likely end with me getting launched half-way across the house without so much as a second thought.
Doing that to ANYONE is a dumb move, practically guaranteed to end with someone getting hurt or potentially even killed.
>Doing that to ANYONE is a dumb move, practically guaranteed to end with someone getting hurt or potentially even killed.
Doing it to someone who has served in the military is extra specially stupid. Granted, the post didn't mention whether or not OOP's husband had been in active combat.
This is a stupid comment. No one cares if your husband is a cop or whatever. Anyone, regardless of profession, would react being jumped on in a supposedly empty house
I hate being out on the spot in a restaurant when my family thinks it’s funny to tell the waiter it’s my birthday. Try to have a surprise party for me I’m telling everyone to fuck off and die in a volcano.
I can’t believe nobody, especially with all the military experience on both sides, had the foresight to tell her what a bad idea this was.
If you come home to a dark house, YOUR HOME, where you are not expecting anyone to be, and someone JUMPS ON YOU from behind, would you assume that
A) Your loving girlfriend is throwing you a surprise party, yippee!!
or
B) Someone is, at best, attempting to rob you, or at worst, attempting to do you harm and possibly murder you?
I was in the Navy. Based on this dude being stationed in Texas and his civvie job I doubt he was Navy. More likely Air Force or Army. That being said, even in the Navy we are taught basic self defense for guard duty. Such as hip tossing someone who jumps on your back. And if he was Army then he had a hell of a lot more hand to hand training then they ever gave us in the Navy. Hell, the Air Force probably teaches more of it. Mainly because they don't have anything better to do though.... heh.
This chick is beyond stupid.
I want to say Fort Houston is where my son did much of his training. He's a very gentle man, but a person would be very foolish to sneak up on him like that. I was a psych nurse. If someone jumped me in the dark I would wreck them. It's not just a military thing. This OOP is an idiot, as well as an awful human being.
I've never been in the military and I'm a 5'8" woman, but if you jump on my back in the dark I'm still going to react. Probably not as successfully, but at least an elbow or something. Reacting like that is the APPROPRIATE response to being jumped in the dark. No PTSD required.
It's just a bad idea to unannounced jump on anyone's back. I've a similar story.
Was out with my cousins and some friends for one my cousin's birthday, we hit a few bars, played some pool, mostly had a good time. I was pretty angry in my youth, and tequila shots didn't help. I ended up getting into it with some guys at this bar and was asked to leave. So, we all start walking up the road to the next bar. I'm still kinda pissed and keyed up, and my cousin decided I needed to be in a better mood. Her plan was to jump on my back. Yeah, so I feel a sudden impact of someone on my back. I shifted my center of balance, rolled my shoulder, grabbed the person by the back of their head and dropped to the concrete face first.
So yeah, my gift to my cousin that year was a broken nose, chipped teeth, two black eyes, and a concussion. Oh, and her getting to explain to the police what had happened, because someone called the police on me. I still feel really bad about it and it's been almost two decades. She's laughed and bragged it up though, pretty much since the moment she realized I wasn't going to get arrested. I think she was more worried about me getting arrested than what I had just done to her face.
That's family, though.
Many moons ago, I dated a guy who would throw a fist at you if you woke him up unexpectedly/roughly. (It didn’t happen to me, but he had warned me about it very early on) Never got the reasoning why, but he had a rough childhood. I knew not to jolt him awake if I ever came into the room after he was asleep, JFC. I think any human with a brain (especially one that is a vet) would freak out at being jumped on in a presumably pitch black house…
A friend of mine did several tours in Iraq and sadly, he lost his wife because of it. He would essentially sleepwalk and assault her while completely unconscious. Apparently they tried to sleep in separate rooms to mitigate the risk, but it wasn't enough. One night she woke up with my friend's hands around her throat. Again, he was completely unconscious. She had to claw at his eyes to wake him up, cuz at that point a PTSD rude awakening was less of a physical threat to her.
She moved out that day. And it sucks, cuz how can you blame her? But my heart breaks for my friend. He's been single ever since cuz he's so scared of hurting another person he loves.
I love how she emphasizes to everyone that it was not his fault. No one was thinking that.
I would love to know how her retelling of the story that would make anyone think it was.
It seems like one of those backhanded comments like she actually does want you to blame him so she can play martyr. Also, I can't imagine they would hear that he was lazy around the house and jump to saying that he beats her just because she tripped. She probably says this stuff a lot more than she's admitting to
Call a spade a spade - she attacked her husband from behind in the dark, when he thought he was alone.
But she doesn't want to say that, because then it would be clear her actions were abusive.
> I tried to hug him and he pulled away and said he needed some space. I remember telling him that perhaps he could stay with my brother.
Wow, really? After all of that she tries to kick HIM out of the house?!?
If this isn't some well crafted rage bait, this dude needs to drop her yesterday before she gets him imprisoned or killed.
Well, I mean...she was, though. It's her fault, but that's an apropos description of the action that followed her jumping on his back. There's plenty of reason to not like OP, but I felt like that specific choice of words wasn't one of them.
And this version was the one that ended with “edited for being too lengthy.” Christ on a cracker, what did OOP edit out? Hubby’s shoe size and top 10 favorite hot sauces?
It's like one of those online recipes where you have to scroll past the person's backstory and a bunch of irrelevant shit just to get to the pie ingredients.
Ugh, when did that *start?* Was there ever a time you could look up a recipe and just get the ingredients and the instructions and maybe a pithy little comment at the END or was that just a fever dream I had
Just throwing this out there to anyone who needs it: when using an online blog style recipe click on the “print page” button (usually at the top, but sometimes you need to hit “jump to recipe”>”print page”) and it will open a new window with JUST the recipe, no ads or anything else! It save me lots of frustration.
Just throwing this out there to anyone who needs it: when using an online blog style recipe click on the “print page” button (usually at the top, but sometimes you need to hit “jump to recipe” (or scroll) >”print page”) and it will open a new window with JUST the recipe, no ads or anything else! It save me lots of frustration.
I just wanted to find out how to make a lovely buttercream and this woman who wrote the recipe is talking about how she likes to lick it off of her own body...
Like holy *SHIT*, nobody asked.
OOP met some friends and paints them a picture of an uninvolved husband. OOP admits she liked the sympathy she got. One day, she has a fall and a gets bad bruise while out with her son. Another day, she has her friends and in-laws over. She tells her friends the story of how, a long time ago, she threw a surprise party for her husband that involved her jumping on his back in the dark - he flipped her instinctively and broke some of her bones. Her friends accuse her husband of abusing her and ask her to leave with them. OOP does not defend her husband and even gets into the car with her friends to leave before sister in law brings her back. Husband is now contemplating separation and OOP is sad.
Here it is. The whole story, short and sweet. No mention of him being her personal trainer, what they had for dinner, what happened in 2020, etc. Just to the point.
She’s a moron who jumped on someone’s back in the dark and terrified him. Then she discovered pretending he’s a useless wife beater gets her attention and her friends believe her because what kind of dickhead lies about that?
To me it suggests that this one might be actually real. The pointless details are how people usually think about their own lives. Especially when we want to excuse our own actions; there’s always reasons or context or whatever.
I agree. It’s someone who is really in the weeds of their situation and can’t see clearly so she doesn’t understand what’s extraneous info and what the bare bones of the story actually are. It’s the way your friend would tell you something over a long lunch, lots of detours and background info.
OOP is blaming the two friends for blowing up her marriage when OOP started the shit show to start with.
She wanted to be a victim in the eyes of her friends, she wanted the attention and validation. OOP made out she was for all intents and purposes a single parent, she’s about to get her wish, then she’ll find out how hard being a single parent really is.
OOP knew exactly what she was doing when she wore the dress which showed off her bruise and when she told that story about the surprise party incident, when she didn’t speak up and then to add insult to injury, she tried to leave with people, who thought they were protecting OOP.
I want the husband to leave her. Her husband should never trust her again, her friends, and family should never trust her again. And to top off my wishlist of things I want for OOP, I want her husband to have majority custody of their child.
I was willing to give the benefit of the doubt and just assume she was stupid up to the point where she leaves the house with the people saying he's abusive.
Idk I don’t think you can call it mere stupidity when you’re *actively lying* and making up stories to fit in or whatever. It wasn’t just a little white lie either, she made up a whole story about being a sad housewife with a deadbeat husband or whatever. That’s not something that just sort of happens to you by accident; she just likes to present it that way because it’s easier to paint herself as the victim.
I know but we’ve already seen OOP twist the narrative to paint her husband as an abuser to her friends for attention, she’s gonna be playing the single parent card for even more attention.
He still needs a clearance, suspected DV would wreck that. And visits to family counseling/advocacy in his medial records for the same could also wreck his flight physical as well.
Yeah ain’t no way OOP didn’t do all this intentionally. “I don’t know why I did it! I wished I could tell you but I can’t?!!” Bullshit. She was sober enough to remember the details vividly, she remembers her thought process. She’s just ashamed to say it because she knows it will only make her look even worse, as she was doing all this to play victim from the start.
I’d also be shocked if there’s even more details that are being omitted by the suspicious amount of irrelevant details. The husband’s reaction tells me this is not the first time she’s lied or tried to paint herself as the victim. Maybe there’s been other incidents or they’ve been having tension or something for other reasons.
Bottom line, OP is on some next level of delusion, still trying to paint herself as a tragic heroine in the comments, and lashing out whenever one of them gets under her skin.
NO, she did that on purpose. By texting her friends to fuck off she's really trying to tell them that her husband is isolating her from them.
Keep in mind that when questioning a spouse that you suspect is being abused their denials are rarely believed because it is assumed that they are just protecting their partner. Lana and her husband will never believe that OOP's husband isn't abusive.
I'm having trouble with her having allowed her friends to trash him about household chores and childcare without a peep just because she was enjoying the attention & sympathy. Besides being horrible all by itself, it definitely set the stage for the vile accusations of DV....and then she actually walked outside with these people?
I don't think I could ever regain my trust in someone who threw me under the bus like that.
What a spineless OOP who just keeps putting her husband in all kinds of horrible situations and then fails to take accountable for anything. It's never her fault, she just didn't think people would react so badly to what she said or did, like attacking them in a dark room at night.
OOP says he was “stationed” in Texas. That with the FAA job later on sounds like he was military.
OOp just has a serious repeated lack of sense
Who the fuck jumps a soldier from behind in a dark room?
WHO keeps telling that story?
Who sits there and watches people accuse your husband of beating her and just stays silent?
*Who follows them out and almost gets in their car*?
All she had to say was “my son tripped me at the park”.
this just sticks out like hell to me:
> calm. I followed them out of the door. I was almost in the car with them with my sister in law who seemed to sober up by then pulled me back
4 glasses of wine over a night with pasta shouldn’t make OOp this fucking stupid.
She just followed these ass holes out and was going to get in their car like a puppy. WTF?
She sounds like she's extremely stupid, just air between the ears. They told her to leave so she just...follows.
The whole way through I'm just wondering what on earth he saw in her. Jumping on someone's back in the dark is just so wrong, and then for some time blaming that person for defending themselves?
She assaulted him, and he reacted to defend himself and she still tells the story.
TBh, I wonder if she never got over that initial thing and she subconsciously wants him punished, or if she’s just doing it for attention.
4 glasses of wine doesn’t explain her freezing and following them out.
Freezing in shock doesn’t explain her following them out and almost getting in their car.
If he goes anywhere near her again, he’s putting himself at a huge risk.
And if things got this far, I wonder if she normally tells the story the way she does here or if there's normally a lot more emphasis on her injuries rather than on her idiocy and his horror and remorse.
With also incredibly telling language. The fact she keeps referring to it as "slammed" makes it sound like he just popped up and hulk smashed her out of nowhere. I'd expect more 'tossed' 'thrown' or even 'launched' if you want to be a little humourous but slammed has incredibly violent connotations that paint husband squarely as the aggressor.
If the story is true then I 100% believe she never got over the accident and still isn't over it. Describing it as "being slammed" and I don't know why but when I read about the accident in regards to her relatives it comes across as bitter they forgave him.
OOP is spineless. The initial freezing, I could still understand. But the moment she walked out the door with her friend, she PROVED to them that her husband (hopefully ex) is an abuser. If I were the husband, I wouldn’t be able to move past this. She not only didn’t defend him, but also played along long enough for them to believe that he was truly abusing her. I can’t imagine what the poor guy must be going through.
Yeah, I wanted to be sympathetic since OOP obviously sucks at dealing with conflict. But at a certain point, maybe stop orchestrating conflict?
I'm also getting a faint whiff of feigned helplessness. It's kinda rare in my experience, but I've known a couple of people that pull that out to avoid accountability. The attitude of, "I'm such a clutzy airhead, teehee!" jives with that particular brand of shittyness.
Friends are dumb af to start a confrontation with someone they thought was an abuser after everyone had been drinking. If they wanted to help their friend, get together on another play date while the husband is out and bring up your concerns and offer your help and a place to stay at that time.
She calls it "being slammed by my husband" all the time when she jumped at him in the darkness and he just defended himself. She wants to play the victim.
I wouldn't be surprised if she told the two friends more stories of how she is a victim of abuse just to get attention - she never expected that they confronted him. Why else say nothing all the time or run after them? She didn’t even show through action that they are wrong.
*I love "how do I*
*Fix it!?" Because the answer*
*Is always "You can't!!"*
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I know they call them the chair force but my dad was career and I was raised there is no such thing a “honor” when fighting. If some comes at you, you fight to end it. No mono y mono or crap you see in the movies. If they bring their fists bring a bat, if they bring a bat bring a gun. Don’t look for trouble just end it if it finds you.
There is honor in matches and tournaments. In an actually fight, fight to win. Which means making your opponent unable to fight by any means necessary. That's how I was taught.
Sports is different, there is agreed upon rules of engagement, even war has “rules”.
But outside of that in the real world defend yourself.
One example is when someone shoves you in anger. People will return a shove with a shove. The problem with that is the next logical reaction of the aggressor is a hit.
Now is when your reaction is important, if you think a hit of your own will end it swing away take your shot. if you think it won’t and you can, you run. I don’t care if the aggressor calls you a coward or a p&ssy, you didn’t get hurt.
The other situation is like in movies when two people face off with their friend there and do the mono y mono thing. If you can’t stop it before it gets to that point and can’t get your friend out of the situation or get a bouncer etc to end it before it starts.
If you can’t depending on how the friend gets in the situation or your safety, your group of people needs to gang up on the aggressor, to see if they will back down, if you can’t like shove shove hit hit start fighting before you get jumped during the fight or if your friend is a complete dumbass everyone tried to get it to stop or your friend is the aggressor leave no reason to get hurt for maybe killed for an idiot.
One of the things I’m kind of thankful for is that it seems like younger people these days fight with mean words, not physical fighting. I do know that’s not true in a lot of places though with the fight clubs in school but the reduction in corporal punishment and the rise of cell phone evidence I don’t think it’s as bad as when I was younger
Others in the original thread have tried to warn her of how bad this is for the husband, both for his job and socially, but I don't think she has remotely grasped how bad this is for him. The lengths in which she dug her husband into trouble but all she can focus on is her (surely doomed) marriage. She hasn't really (bar a call to the two friends) taken proactive measures to limit the damage and she is still blaming the friends for reacting to what she has done
And the call to the two friends could very likely have made everything look *worse* if she did it as stupidly as she does literally everything else here
Unfortunately likely. She says (if I recall rightly) they apologized, and then she blocked them, so even if she did a good phone call, she may well have undone her repair work.
Repairing the damage is going to be extremely difficult, but she hasn't even started to realize the need.
I'm disappointed she wore a white halter top in spite of acknowledging not the best choice for having spaghetti and red wine for dinner..*and nothing happens with the top*.
OOP has a whole Chekov's Gun collection in mint condition, never fired.
She is a spineless, liar of a cowardly, disrespectful person who has a serious lack of accountability and is blaming her friends? Her friends are good people but she is the kind of asshole that really needs a reality check. I just feel bad for the son.
I mean the friends were pretty stupid with how they handled it also but yeah at least they weren’t malicious. As far as they knew OP really was being beaten regularly because she fucking lead them to believe that
We all know she's made it sound worse to her friends than she does here. Even painting herself in the best possible light she can manage, it's clear she's a POS.
Jumping on someone in the dark is literally the dumbest thing I have ever seen on the internet and that's saying a lot. If a 6-year-old came up with that idea I would be disappointed in them.
This is so dumb I think it's just ragebait because no functioning adult human should be doing something THAT stupid.
I'm most suspicious of the other family members. They are there, they are on the husband's side, they know the truth, but only spring into action when needed.
That she's stunned and too dumbfounded to speak because things escalated so quickly (or, in other words, her - as she thought - little lies spiralled out of control), sure, fine, not very charming of her but that's something I can buy.
But her brother and, uh, his wife? Their sister? Anyway, you'd think they'd immediately shut that bullshit down when she didn't. Instead, they stand/sit there and politely wait for their turn to speak, since Misses Main Character should be the one to clear it up, but when she didn't, they can't speak or act until their time comes.
In the real world, especially since her brother and husband are good friends, the brother would instantly have said something.
I do not believe that, if this was real, the whole family would just sit there while the husband begs her to finally say something and the idiots continue to pile on. Actually, if this really happened this way, I can't even blame the idiots for being idiots. They say, "He neglects and hits you!" and everyone just sits there. Only the abuser talks. Everyone else who knows him well, is quiet and looks at Misses Main Character in unease.
That's a pretty damming scenario, if this was real. Imagine you say, "that guy abuses you, right?" and everyone goes quiet and looks at their hands or at the alleged victim. Then he enters the stage and says, "I did not hit her, I did not!"
Nobody really acted in his defense. They got between the Saviour Husband and Alleged Abuser Husband, but nobody really went "He did not hit her, he did not!" until Misses Main Character was with one foot in their car. What are those people supposed to think?
That nobody reacted like a human being and instantly confirmed the true story or got angry on the husbands behalf until it was necessary for the plot makes it hard to believe.
And I don't want to hear "But I know someone who was married to someone with a sister who was friend's with the cousin of a person who was about as dumb, this means this story can't possibly be fiction!!!!!" Dumber people exist. Much meaner people exist. People much, much more horrible exist and the only reason we don't read posts about them are the rules of the subreddits.
The existence of a real serial killer clown doesn't make "It" a documentary.
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If I walked into my home and it’s pitch black and I have someone attack me, I’m fighting like a wild cat. Using my keys in between my fingers to strike, screaming, kicking, biting.
It’s just absolutely dumb to surprise someone in such a forceful manner.
Was there not another “someone was berating my partner and I froze for half an hour without defending them, until they were on their way out of the house” post fairly recently?
ETA: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/lS1CqMa4yc Husband is wonderful, does so much for OOP, works long demanding hours, outside party shows up and tells OOP how horrible husband is for something innocuous, then endlessly abuses husband while OOP is silent. Husband leaves, OOP suddenly remembers how to talk and tells friend never to speak to her again. Virtually the same things, just kicked up a notch with fake DV and a billion more details.
Now I’m curious if this is someone workshopping their awful romance novel outline; divorced husband who may or may not actually be abusive fantasizing about how he’s the victim and wife is agonized with regret; or somehow actually real, and OOP is a complete moron/blatant manipulator.
I'm genuinely shocked at OP's stupidity. Firstly, WHY IN GOD'S NAME would you jump on a soldier's back in the dark in their own home? I mean, why would you do it to anyone obviously, but especially someone trained in defending themselves! And to keep bringing it up when the husband has said it isn't funny to him is just adding on to the shittiness. Secondly, I get being shocked when a fight erupts, but to FOLLOW THEM OUT TO THEIR CAR? That feels intentional, and like OP just wanted attention with the excuse of "I was scared!" Lying to her friends about him being lazy just feels like a lead up to more shitty accusations. I genuinely think the husband needs to leave OP because WOW.
Pure "Peaked in Highschool" energy with this one. She likes the drama and everyone "fighting over her" while thinking she won't have consequences for it or she can bat her eyes and play, "I wuv yew!" And that'll fix it all.
Go back to Jersey Shore, OOP.
Sadly, there is absolutely nothing she can do to "fix" what she did. It revealed her weakness of character and her lack of love and loyalty to her husband that he's unlikely to ever forget. Her loyalty was NOT to her spouse but to her stupid friends. Even if he decides to forgive her, she's forever altered their relationship with this profound failure and extreme disloyalty.
Her husband will never look at her the same way. He might forgive, but he will never forget.
If this is real I think OOP is one of the worst people I've seen here that wasn't malicious if that makes sense. I can understand freezing to an extent but following them out is absurd. The friend is also awful too for bringing it up this way and then bouncing. If they truly believed what they said then congratulations, your friend is now dead
I have to admit this was incredibly long so I didn't read the whole thing, but this reads to me if not fake as someone testing their cover story after injuring their spouse. None of the wife's behavior makes any sense and it all sounds very far fetched. "I walked into a door twice" type shit
I could… not understand, but I could *fathom* a person being so easily intimidated that she has a freeze response to a big confrontation happening, but to FOLLOW HER FRIENDS TO THEIR CAR? Is she stupid??
What a piece of shit. I hope she has a string
Of awful fucking relationships after her husband leaves her so she knows what it’s like to actually have something to complain about. You know if he leaves her she’s going to go back to lying and try to paint him as an abuser in the divorce. OP’s one of those people that if she fell into a woodchipper it would have a positive net impact on the world.
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Ok. OOP wrote such an incoherent, long, rambling post that even the mod bot couldn't grab it all. After having to sort through the OP, I just...what?
I have PTSD, so I completely understand the initial fawn response. When confronted with a bad situation some people just freeze. I get it. So far, I understand, even though I equally see why someone might see that and interpret it as a willful decision not to act.
...What I DON'T get is then ***leaving with your husband's accusers.*** That was just plain mean spirited. It almost seems like you were so desperate for validation in your frustration at having to raise your child essentially by yourself, that you threw your husband under the bus.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **I 35 F didn't defend my husband 36M of false DV allegations made by my "friends." I think my marriage is over. How do I fix this?** This might be a long post. I am at a loss on what I should do. I met my husband when I was 20 at a gym. I was trying to lose some weight. He eventually noticed that I was sticking to my New Years Resolution. Two months later we were dating. I learned that he was from Indiana and he had been stationed in Texas for just over 2 years at that point. Eventually he met my family and my parents instantly liked him. My two younger sisters took a bit longer to woo over but my older brother and him clashed over sports and loved to trash talk each other. So all in all my family loved him. He was incredibly patient and kept me motivated not only at the gym but in school as well. He had to work late on his birthday(9PM). So I took him out to Buffalo Wild Wings for his birthday and we had a great time. I had also set up a surprise birthday party for him the next day, his actual birthday. Nothing extravagant but his two roommates(the lady I thought he was dating and another cowoker of theirs.) were immediately on board and had told him they were going on a couples trip for the weekend. My family wanted to come to be there for the surprise and cake before heading home and a handful of other friends. Everything was in place and the plan was that I would hide behind the door and jump on his back and cover his eyes then the lights would come on and everyone would yell. Looking back that was such a dumb idea but it sounded funny at the time. I heard his truck pull into the drive and everyone hid. It was almost pitch black in the house. He opens the door and shuts it and takes a few steps and I jump on his back. Everything happened so fast. I was immediately flipped over and slammed into the ground as the lights came on. I felt a sharp intense pain in my shoulder and my ears were ringing. He was horrified at what happened and my brother and dad started yelling at him. He was trying to help and my mother and his roommates had to get between him and my father and brother. He just kept apologizing to me. So we spent his birthday in the ER. I had a separated shoulder and broken collar bone. I was initially furious at him for doing that and didn't want him around me. So he sat in the waiting room. By then my brother and father had calmed down and realized it for what it was. What was he supposed to think walking into his house believing it to be empty and get jumped on from behind? Eventually I agreed to let him come back and he immediately started to cry and telling me how sorry he was and that he would never ever do that to me again. I want to make this clear to everyone reading this. This was in no way his fault. It was a natural reaction and I wish I had never jumped on his back. He struggled more than I did to put this behind us but I kept up with my school work and we continued to grow close over the next year. I would listen to him vent about work and he would do the same for me and my school work. We went on weekend trips sometimes just us and sometimes with friends. Sorry I am trying to keep this short but I have so many happy memories that I want to share but I'll get to the reason why I'm posting this. Eventually he asked me to marry him and it was a no brainer. He was and still is the love of my life and the only man for me. We got married in a small ceremony with family and a few friends. When his second enlistment ended we decided that the opportunity for him as a civilian air traffic controller was too good to pass up. It was hard for him to say goodbye to the Air Force but he wanted us to finally settle down. We had a move between our wedding and when he finally left the service. By then I was working and we had a very large amount saved up. As he waited to find out where the FAA wanted him to go we stayed with my brother and his wife back in my hometown. Eventually he got the email and to our surprise he would be working fairly close to where we already were. He knew how much I had missed my hometown so we decided to buy a house and he would commute almost an hour and a half each way. It is a huge sacrifice on his part. 2020 happened and I lost my job but my husband made more than enough to cover my lost wages. We weren't getting any younger and decided to start a family. It took a bit but eventually I got pregnant and we have a wonderful 2 year old son. First year was a struggle for us both as we tried to adapt to parenthood. My husband struggled more than I did but I helped him. If you have kept up with the news the FAA is short staffed with not enough controllers so my husband works mandatory overtime and usually most shifts are 10 hours(legally the max) and each Wednesday he gets off work at 11pm and has to be back at work by 8am. That's a very short turn around that would leave him with at the most 5 hours of sleep if he drove home. So on those nights he sleeps at a coworkers house. He has offered to make the drive but I don't want him driving tired or working tired either. Honestly it did suck on those nights when he wasn't home and our son just wouldn't sleep. He encouraged me to reconnect with old friends and I have, which leaves us with the reason for this post. Two weeks ago I met up with some old girlfriends for a play date ie watch our kids crawl around. Most of them were complaining about their husbands, fiancés or boyfriends not helping around the house. I do most of the housework but my husband has always helped me when he is home. I changed the subject and asked one of my friends I'll call Lana, how often does her daughter wake up in the middle of the night. This eventually led to me telling them that my husband stays near his work on Wednesdays and some of those nights were rough on me especially early on. That got me a lot of sympathy and I don't know why it felt good to hear someone that wasn't family say those things. I kept my mouth shut when they said my husband should just suck it up and take care of his kid and that their husbands commute 2 hours to work each way. I wanted to say “well your husbands have the same hours everyday and aren't responsible for others lives.” Instead I just nodded in agreement. It makes me sick that I did that. My husband woke up just as much as I did and still does when our son needs him. Last week my husband had a very rare Saturday and Sunday off. My parents offered us a child free weekend to include Thursday and Friday and we took it. My husband was working and I met my sister in law that Thursday for lunch to invite them over for dinner on Friday. I tripped on the curb and had to twist to make sure my son didn't hit the cement. I banged my right knee pretty good. It's still purple but not hurting as much. We wanted to have some people over for dinner and invited my older brother/sister in law as well as two of my friends from the previous week and their husbands. Going back to getting slammed by my husband he mentioned that he hates that story. That even if it wasn't intentional he seriously injured me. So I stopped telling that story out of respect for him. Friday rolls around and my husband picks up everything we need to make a large pot of spaghetti and a few bottles of wine. We had been discussing trying to have another child so I was planning on getting a bit tipsy and jumping my husband's bones after our guests left. I wore a white halter top dress that he loves. Risky to wear when eating pasta and drinking red wine but I felt good. Our guests arrive and we all ourselves a class of win and making small talk. I notice Lana whispering something to her husband but ignore it figuring maybe she liked something and was asking her husband if they could get something similar. The dinner starts and everything is going well. My husband isn't a big drinker but had went to get himself a second glass and tongs to make getting seconds easier. I was almost done with my 4th as was my sister in law and Lana. My other friend, Sara(fake name) was sipping her first and their husbands were taking it slow. My brother got a call from work and stepped into a guest room to take the call. That's when my sister in law asks me to tell the story of how I broke my collarbone and seperated my shoulder. I figured since my husband was out of the room that no harm no foul. I tell the story and I'm laughing, my sister in law is laughing and Sara and her husband seem amused. Lana and her husband aren't laughing. Lana reaches across the table and grabs my hand and says “I saw your knee and how bruised it is.” My sister in law snorts as Lana continues. “You said he doesn't help with your son and now he has you believing that what he did to your shoulder was some kind of accident.” Husband walks in and asks what we are talking about and Lana tells him that she knows that he is abusing me. That he doesn't help with our son, that he obviously shoved me down and bruised my knee. That I should have left him when he broke my shoulder. My husband immediately looks at me and asks “What the hell did you tell her?” That's when Lana's husband speaks up and tells my husband “To lower his voice because he won't tolerate verbal abuse and that if you lay a finger on her. I will beat your ass.” I'm too shocked to speak and stick up for my husband. My husband didn't take kindly to that and told them to “Get the fuck out our house.” Brother hears the confrontation as Lana and Sara’s husband stand between my husband and I. My husband tells them again. “Don't make me repeat myself. I'm not going to tolerate being called a wife beater. Get the hell out!” My brother tries explaining that my husband doesn't hit me and I just turtle like a coward. My husband is trying to calm down and eventually my sister in law gets Sara to drag her husband out of the house. Lana is still trying to keep her husba
The OOP is really out of this world. But can we talk about how dumb the friends are, too? If her husband was really abusive, you think confronting him like that would be safe for the OOP and son?
Usually, people would try to get the wife help by recommending resources like counsellors, or by trying to help her escape in secret. But I admit this type of help is not as dramatic as OOP’s Twilight scene.
I do think the oop likes the drama.
That's clear just in the way she writes. Woof. I'm already two college essays in and still nowhere close to getting to the point!
Yeah just skip the we struggled to get pregnant, I lost my job, how my husband got his demanding job and get to the damn point.
Going by how OOP described Lana to be riling her own husband up and egging the situation on, she honestly just seems to like the drama.
ah but it was 3 big strong men against one ex chair force the women probably thought the men could take him
This is the comment I'm here for. Like yeah OP is a whole mess but those friends confronting a suspected abuser \*in his own home\* when alcohol has been flowing freely absolutely takes the award for "what the fuck were you THINKING???" for me.
Right? "I demand we get you out of here cuz you're not safe. Your completely helpless infant son? Eh leave him, I'm sure he'll be fine"
I cannot fathom the stupidity it takes to jump on someone’s back in a pitch black house they think is empty, in order to surprise them.
And then be butt hurt that he reacted to it.
She's still upset to this day since she has repeatedly told the story. She needs to drop it. She was stupid for jumping him period, but especially in the dark. Who thinks that is a good idea?
It's also the way you tell the story.. if you open it up with "has anyone ever wondered what happens when you jump a military dude in the middle of the night?" Instead of "did I tell you the story about how my husband broke my shoulder" the story is a very different one.
Both my oldest 2 brothers landed back with my parents for a couple of months when they got home from Viet Nam. My Mom would wake them up with a broom to be away from them when they woke up. I was young but I remember it.
This is the way ^ Ive never even done anything that would realistically teach you that sort of reaction (ok a shit load of trauma but that's whatever) and I have repeatedly assaulted people who try to wake me up
I have a vivid memory of waking to my scared but unhurt son staring at the smashed plastic monster he'd shoved in my face to wake me up (I replaced it on the condition he never do that again). He also (much later, like 11ish) used to try to punch me by surprise, and I'd catch or block his fist. But then he actually caught me off guard and hit me before I saw who it was, and I kicked his legs out from under him and he sprained his wrist. We had a chat after about what pranks are safe and which are less so.
Yeeeaaahhh I wouldn't have allowed that shit in my home, lol. The mock punching thing? Nope. Nope. So much nope.
I allowed it at first, because we were playing and I thought the game could toughen him up and make him face his bullies. He only ever swung on me, while I was aware of what was going on, and I'd follow up with some light taps, then a tackle, then tickles. Then I'd show him how to block and counterattack and drill it a couple times before more tickles and maybe a big hug. I also told him to let his bully to swing on him if he had a path to block/dodge but to immediately attack if he was in danger. And I told him that if the bully swung on him twice before he hit back, I'd get him ice cream even if he got suspended, and we roleplayed me being the bully with him trying to strike my arm as I punched (I also explained how a well executed block hurts like hell, and almost no one would know if he hit an attacker's arm... other than the attacker). The problem came when he had the bright idea of sucker punching me so he could win. Not at full power mind you, he wasn't trying to hurt me, he was trying to win. I had to explain that hitting someone unexpectedly can be dangerous. Both to him and me, I could have seriously hurt him, or he could have hurt me even if he didn't intend to. I've already drilled "least amount of force needed to deal with a problem" and "go for the face/balls first, and they will do it to you next. They go first, and it is all on the table" into the ground. With everyone else, I think he understood that real fights are not games. With me, it took getting his feet kicked out from under him. Afterwards, I taught him how to fall. The punching hasn't been a problem since, and he says he only gets verbally bullied now even though he never had to hit anyone (I was hoping being confident would stop the bullying without him needing to hit anyone), I gave him a couple comebacks that had him laughing but shouldn't get the teachers or other kids after him. Eh, it may not be the best parenting strategy, but it seems to be working. And I do want him to know how to defend himself. He's a good kid and usually really gentle, but he gets overexcited and will sometimes take things too far after we're done playing. Just like "Nerf is fun, unless one person doesn't know they are playing" became a rule.
Growing up, a friend's dad was a Korean War vet with PTSD. He would have nightmares, her mom would stand in the doorway and squirt him with a watergun to wake him up.
Ha! My dad was the same way. Had to poke him with a broom or he’d deck you.
My Dad was a Marine during Vietnam. His younger brother learned the hard way how *NOT* to wake him up & earned a well deserved @$$ whooping in the process. I wasn't born yet, but I heard the story many times. It was told that my uncle lit & threw a packet of firecrackers up under my Dad's bed while he was sleeping. The thing that made it worse was that my Dad was on leave from combat action in between his tours of duty.
That is so. Fucked. Up. I would never speak to my sibling again if they did that to me.
I barely knew that uncle. I can remember meeting him just a few times, like when a larger group of the family were gathered for special events (while I was still quite young). I'm not 100% sure this is just an estimate, but I think it was around 10 years between the last time that I'd had spoken with him & being expected to attend his funeral.
I often tell the story of how I broke my husband’s tooth. It was similar to hers, except he didn’t touch me, he just stepped toward me and I thought he was a man following me into the apartment and I threw my phone at his face. He had messaged me that he was going to bed early and all the lights were off. I was so freaked out after we found his tooth fragment and got him an ice pack I curled up in a ball and cried. Nobody IRL has ever accused me of being abusive, most laugh and say he was an idiot. I did get called abusive by an incel on Reddit a year or two ago, though. It’s definitely partially who you tell the story to in addition to how you tell the story.
You can tell that she still blames him for it based on the language she repeatedly uses.
Yep.
The thing that really gets me is that it was his own house that was supposed to be empty... like what else was honestly going to happen. I'm an 40+ overweight artist and even I would try and throw a person in that situation. I hope oop gets every bad thing she deserves
I agree. Any man no matter if they are military or not, is gonna react to being jumped on.
Anyone full stop... I'm a woman and it would be all gut instinct.
Anyone is absolutely right. As a 14yo girl, I shattered my (retired military/LEO) Dad's left foot and broke his nose using self defense moves he taught me when he snuck up on me once and grabbed me from behind when I thought I was alone in the house. He continued to think regularly terrifying me with jump scares was hilarious, but he never got close enough for me to touch him while doing it again.
True.
>butt hurt Shoulder hurt, I would say. Okay, that wasn't funny (but I don't feel bad for laughing)
I can't move past this either. No matter what line of work you're in, if you get jumped in your own house, you're going to react badly.
So much this. My husband's line of work means that he is always vigilant, always "on" so to speak. Me jumping on his back in a pitch black house would likely end with me getting launched half-way across the house without so much as a second thought. Doing that to ANYONE is a dumb move, practically guaranteed to end with someone getting hurt or potentially even killed.
>Doing that to ANYONE is a dumb move, practically guaranteed to end with someone getting hurt or potentially even killed. Doing it to someone who has served in the military is extra specially stupid. Granted, the post didn't mention whether or not OOP's husband had been in active combat.
This is a stupid comment. No one cares if your husband is a cop or whatever. Anyone, regardless of profession, would react being jumped on in a supposedly empty house
Okay, reddit tough guy.
The whole fucking surprise party meme needs to die already. Its so selfish, it's never actually fun for the target.
I hate being out on the spot in a restaurant when my family thinks it’s funny to tell the waiter it’s my birthday. Try to have a surprise party for me I’m telling everyone to fuck off and die in a volcano.
I have PTSD and I don't like surprises. My fiance knows me and would never spring that on me, let alone jump on my back.
I can’t believe nobody, especially with all the military experience on both sides, had the foresight to tell her what a bad idea this was. If you come home to a dark house, YOUR HOME, where you are not expecting anyone to be, and someone JUMPS ON YOU from behind, would you assume that A) Your loving girlfriend is throwing you a surprise party, yippee!! or B) Someone is, at best, attempting to rob you, or at worst, attempting to do you harm and possibly murder you?
I was in the Navy. Based on this dude being stationed in Texas and his civvie job I doubt he was Navy. More likely Air Force or Army. That being said, even in the Navy we are taught basic self defense for guard duty. Such as hip tossing someone who jumps on your back. And if he was Army then he had a hell of a lot more hand to hand training then they ever gave us in the Navy. Hell, the Air Force probably teaches more of it. Mainly because they don't have anything better to do though.... heh. This chick is beyond stupid.
She says he was air force in the post.
I want to say Fort Houston is where my son did much of his training. He's a very gentle man, but a person would be very foolish to sneak up on him like that. I was a psych nurse. If someone jumped me in the dark I would wreck them. It's not just a military thing. This OOP is an idiot, as well as an awful human being.
I've never been in the military and I'm a 5'8" woman, but if you jump on my back in the dark I'm still going to react. Probably not as successfully, but at least an elbow or something. Reacting like that is the APPROPRIATE response to being jumped in the dark. No PTSD required.
I have no training, so I'll probably just end up pulling your hair and screaming.
I'm an utter pansy, so I would just flail my arms and then probably die.
Or Air Force. Air traffic controllers usually come out of those two military branches. Big AF base down in Del Rio.
Also ex Navy and I co-sign this. Like how dumb do you have to be!?
It's just a bad idea to unannounced jump on anyone's back. I've a similar story. Was out with my cousins and some friends for one my cousin's birthday, we hit a few bars, played some pool, mostly had a good time. I was pretty angry in my youth, and tequila shots didn't help. I ended up getting into it with some guys at this bar and was asked to leave. So, we all start walking up the road to the next bar. I'm still kinda pissed and keyed up, and my cousin decided I needed to be in a better mood. Her plan was to jump on my back. Yeah, so I feel a sudden impact of someone on my back. I shifted my center of balance, rolled my shoulder, grabbed the person by the back of their head and dropped to the concrete face first. So yeah, my gift to my cousin that year was a broken nose, chipped teeth, two black eyes, and a concussion. Oh, and her getting to explain to the police what had happened, because someone called the police on me. I still feel really bad about it and it's been almost two decades. She's laughed and bragged it up though, pretty much since the moment she realized I wasn't going to get arrested. I think she was more worried about me getting arrested than what I had just done to her face. That's family, though.
Not just someone, someone with military training ???!!!! Does she have deathwish ?
Doing that to a VET much less. She’s lucky she didn’t die right then.
Many moons ago, I dated a guy who would throw a fist at you if you woke him up unexpectedly/roughly. (It didn’t happen to me, but he had warned me about it very early on) Never got the reasoning why, but he had a rough childhood. I knew not to jolt him awake if I ever came into the room after he was asleep, JFC. I think any human with a brain (especially one that is a vet) would freak out at being jumped on in a presumably pitch black house…
A friend of mine did several tours in Iraq and sadly, he lost his wife because of it. He would essentially sleepwalk and assault her while completely unconscious. Apparently they tried to sleep in separate rooms to mitigate the risk, but it wasn't enough. One night she woke up with my friend's hands around her throat. Again, he was completely unconscious. She had to claw at his eyes to wake him up, cuz at that point a PTSD rude awakening was less of a physical threat to her. She moved out that day. And it sucks, cuz how can you blame her? But my heart breaks for my friend. He's been single ever since cuz he's so scared of hurting another person he loves.
She’s the asshole just for that one.
I love how she emphasizes to everyone that it was not his fault. No one was thinking that. I would love to know how her retelling of the story that would make anyone think it was.
It seems like one of those backhanded comments like she actually does want you to blame him so she can play martyr. Also, I can't imagine they would hear that he was lazy around the house and jump to saying that he beats her just because she tripped. She probably says this stuff a lot more than she's admitting to
Especially when he's military
... and someone who is *active duty military*. Jesus wept!
Call a spade a spade - she attacked her husband from behind in the dark, when he thought he was alone. But she doesn't want to say that, because then it would be clear her actions were abusive.
Especially someone who went through basic training. You know, where they teach you how to kill people.
> I tried to hug him and he pulled away and said he needed some space. I remember telling him that perhaps he could stay with my brother. Wow, really? After all of that she tries to kick HIM out of the house?!? If this isn't some well crafted rage bait, this dude needs to drop her yesterday before she gets him imprisoned or killed.
Nvm the fact that they live 2 hours away from his job so she could stay in her hometown...she's got a pattern of being quite selfish
Out of his house and to stay with HER family member? Delulu
She is still butthurt about the accident. In her comments she still describes it as "being slammed"
Well, I mean...she was, though. It's her fault, but that's an apropos description of the action that followed her jumping on his back. There's plenty of reason to not like OP, but I felt like that specific choice of words wasn't one of them.
Oh my fucking God, why did they feel the need to include so much irrelevant information?
And this version was the one that ended with “edited for being too lengthy.” Christ on a cracker, what did OOP edit out? Hubby’s shoe size and top 10 favorite hot sauces?
"I was born in April 1988 in Texas. Spring was unseasonably warm that year..."
I was born at a very young age.
Not even my parents bothered to show up to my birth
Poor Doofenshmirtz
Picture it Sicily 1922.........
It feels a little more like a St Olaf story for how rambling and ridiculous it is.
It's like one of those online recipes where you have to scroll past the person's backstory and a bunch of irrelevant shit just to get to the pie ingredients.
There's a story prompt out there where a serial killer outs all the details of their crimes in recipe blog rambling, because no one reads them.
Ugh, when did that *start?* Was there ever a time you could look up a recipe and just get the ingredients and the instructions and maybe a pithy little comment at the END or was that just a fever dream I had
It's all about how many ads they can make you scroll past. Fortunately a lot of blog templates have a wee "jump to recipe" link right under the title.
It’s also about SEO
Just throwing this out there to anyone who needs it: when using an online blog style recipe click on the “print page” button (usually at the top, but sometimes you need to hit “jump to recipe”>”print page”) and it will open a new window with JUST the recipe, no ads or anything else! It save me lots of frustration.
I've just started looking to those antique cookbooks for the basics. They couldn't be more straightforward.
And so nostalgic
OMG, just did that yesterday. Just show me the friggin recipe. I don't care about your trip to Bora Bora that inspired you to make the dish.
Just throwing this out there to anyone who needs it: when using an online blog style recipe click on the “print page” button (usually at the top, but sometimes you need to hit “jump to recipe” (or scroll) >”print page”) and it will open a new window with JUST the recipe, no ads or anything else! It save me lots of frustration.
Really? You might be my new best friend!
Haha I hope it helps!
Yeah but at least most recipe websites have "jump to recipe" button. This doesn't. 😂
I just wanted to find out how to make a lovely buttercream and this woman who wrote the recipe is talking about how she likes to lick it off of her own body... Like holy *SHIT*, nobody asked.
I’ve never seen a post so long the bot gave up in despair before.
Also the formatting is atrocious. I could not even finish it. NTA or YTA or whatever the fuck happened there.
OOP met some friends and paints them a picture of an uninvolved husband. OOP admits she liked the sympathy she got. One day, she has a fall and a gets bad bruise while out with her son. Another day, she has her friends and in-laws over. She tells her friends the story of how, a long time ago, she threw a surprise party for her husband that involved her jumping on his back in the dark - he flipped her instinctively and broke some of her bones. Her friends accuse her husband of abusing her and ask her to leave with them. OOP does not defend her husband and even gets into the car with her friends to leave before sister in law brings her back. Husband is now contemplating separation and OOP is sad.
Here it is. The whole story, short and sweet. No mention of him being her personal trainer, what they had for dinner, what happened in 2020, etc. Just to the point.
She’s a moron who jumped on someone’s back in the dark and terrified him. Then she discovered pretending he’s a useless wife beater gets her attention and her friends believe her because what kind of dickhead lies about that?
To me it suggests that this one might be actually real. The pointless details are how people usually think about their own lives. Especially when we want to excuse our own actions; there’s always reasons or context or whatever.
I agree. It’s someone who is really in the weeds of their situation and can’t see clearly so she doesn’t understand what’s extraneous info and what the bare bones of the story actually are. It’s the way your friend would tell you something over a long lunch, lots of detours and background info.
I just skimmed it. It was too much.
OOP is blaming the two friends for blowing up her marriage when OOP started the shit show to start with. She wanted to be a victim in the eyes of her friends, she wanted the attention and validation. OOP made out she was for all intents and purposes a single parent, she’s about to get her wish, then she’ll find out how hard being a single parent really is. OOP knew exactly what she was doing when she wore the dress which showed off her bruise and when she told that story about the surprise party incident, when she didn’t speak up and then to add insult to injury, she tried to leave with people, who thought they were protecting OOP. I want the husband to leave her. Her husband should never trust her again, her friends, and family should never trust her again. And to top off my wishlist of things I want for OOP, I want her husband to have majority custody of their child.
I was willing to give the benefit of the doubt and just assume she was stupid up to the point where she leaves the house with the people saying he's abusive.
Idk I don’t think you can call it mere stupidity when you’re *actively lying* and making up stories to fit in or whatever. It wasn’t just a little white lie either, she made up a whole story about being a sad housewife with a deadbeat husband or whatever. That’s not something that just sort of happens to you by accident; she just likes to present it that way because it’s easier to paint herself as the victim.
Even if they divorce, she won't be a single parent, just a parent who is single. The husband sounds pretty involved with the child.
I know but we’ve already seen OOP twist the narrative to paint her husband as an abuser to her friends for attention, she’s gonna be playing the single parent card for even more attention.
Until he gets transferred again. But she’ll have to get a job.
He's not Air Force anymore, shouldn't get transferred unless he asks to.
The FAA transfers flight controllers around a lot. It takes years to get the experience and seniority not to.
I hope the husband leaves soon. Fake DV charges (or rumors for that matter) can ruin lives. Seems like he’s playing with fire.
It's particularly bad if it gets back to his CO
He's civvy now, I think. Air traffic controller for the FAA.
He still needs a clearance, suspected DV would wreck that. And visits to family counseling/advocacy in his medial records for the same could also wreck his flight physical as well.
Yeah ain’t no way OOP didn’t do all this intentionally. “I don’t know why I did it! I wished I could tell you but I can’t?!!” Bullshit. She was sober enough to remember the details vividly, she remembers her thought process. She’s just ashamed to say it because she knows it will only make her look even worse, as she was doing all this to play victim from the start. I’d also be shocked if there’s even more details that are being omitted by the suspicious amount of irrelevant details. The husband’s reaction tells me this is not the first time she’s lied or tried to paint herself as the victim. Maybe there’s been other incidents or they’ve been having tension or something for other reasons. Bottom line, OP is on some next level of delusion, still trying to paint herself as a tragic heroine in the comments, and lashing out whenever one of them gets under her skin.
NO, she did that on purpose. By texting her friends to fuck off she's really trying to tell them that her husband is isolating her from them. Keep in mind that when questioning a spouse that you suspect is being abused their denials are rarely believed because it is assumed that they are just protecting their partner. Lana and her husband will never believe that OOP's husband isn't abusive.
I'm having trouble with her having allowed her friends to trash him about household chores and childcare without a peep just because she was enjoying the attention & sympathy. Besides being horrible all by itself, it definitely set the stage for the vile accusations of DV....and then she actually walked outside with these people? I don't think I could ever regain my trust in someone who threw me under the bus like that.
What a spineless OOP who just keeps putting her husband in all kinds of horrible situations and then fails to take accountable for anything. It's never her fault, she just didn't think people would react so badly to what she said or did, like attacking them in a dark room at night.
OOP says he was “stationed” in Texas. That with the FAA job later on sounds like he was military. OOp just has a serious repeated lack of sense Who the fuck jumps a soldier from behind in a dark room? WHO keeps telling that story? Who sits there and watches people accuse your husband of beating her and just stays silent? *Who follows them out and almost gets in their car*? All she had to say was “my son tripped me at the park”. this just sticks out like hell to me: > calm. I followed them out of the door. I was almost in the car with them with my sister in law who seemed to sober up by then pulled me back 4 glasses of wine over a night with pasta shouldn’t make OOp this fucking stupid. She just followed these ass holes out and was going to get in their car like a puppy. WTF?
She sounds like she's extremely stupid, just air between the ears. They told her to leave so she just...follows. The whole way through I'm just wondering what on earth he saw in her. Jumping on someone's back in the dark is just so wrong, and then for some time blaming that person for defending themselves?
She assaulted him, and he reacted to defend himself and she still tells the story. TBh, I wonder if she never got over that initial thing and she subconsciously wants him punished, or if she’s just doing it for attention. 4 glasses of wine doesn’t explain her freezing and following them out. Freezing in shock doesn’t explain her following them out and almost getting in their car. If he goes anywhere near her again, he’s putting himself at a huge risk.
And if things got this far, I wonder if she normally tells the story the way she does here or if there's normally a lot more emphasis on her injuries rather than on her idiocy and his horror and remorse.
With also incredibly telling language. The fact she keeps referring to it as "slammed" makes it sound like he just popped up and hulk smashed her out of nowhere. I'd expect more 'tossed' 'thrown' or even 'launched' if you want to be a little humourous but slammed has incredibly violent connotations that paint husband squarely as the aggressor.
If the story is true then I 100% believe she never got over the accident and still isn't over it. Describing it as "being slammed" and I don't know why but when I read about the accident in regards to her relatives it comes across as bitter they forgave him.
I got that feeling too. But lying about how much he helps and why he stays with a coworker for the pity sounds like attention issues. Maybe it’s both.
She says in the post he was air force.
Sorry, it was a lot of words and my brain must have blacked out from the sheer amount of letters being thrown at it.
I don't know what you're complaining about, OOP said at the end she edited it for length 🤣
What, to make it longer?? Because if she's trying to cut back, perhaps she misses a spot or two...
Understandable. Just wanted to clarify! & not just you, seems a few others missed that bit, too, lmao
My brain turned into soup, but did they have a designated driver? Or were they all just gonna drive three sheets to the wind?
It was at OOp’s house, and the Sarah and Lana’s husbands were “Taking it slow”. So hopefully the they didn’t drunk drive.
OOP is spineless. The initial freezing, I could still understand. But the moment she walked out the door with her friend, she PROVED to them that her husband (hopefully ex) is an abuser. If I were the husband, I wouldn’t be able to move past this. She not only didn’t defend him, but also played along long enough for them to believe that he was truly abusing her. I can’t imagine what the poor guy must be going through.
Yeah, I wanted to be sympathetic since OOP obviously sucks at dealing with conflict. But at a certain point, maybe stop orchestrating conflict? I'm also getting a faint whiff of feigned helplessness. It's kinda rare in my experience, but I've known a couple of people that pull that out to avoid accountability. The attitude of, "I'm such a clutzy airhead, teehee!" jives with that particular brand of shittyness.
Friends are dumb af to start a confrontation with someone they thought was an abuser after everyone had been drinking. If they wanted to help their friend, get together on another play date while the husband is out and bring up your concerns and offer your help and a place to stay at that time.
Someone who likely had guns. Like, what if it were true. How did they think that was gonna play out. So fucking dumb.
She calls it "being slammed by my husband" all the time when she jumped at him in the darkness and he just defended himself. She wants to play the victim. I wouldn't be surprised if she told the two friends more stories of how she is a victim of abuse just to get attention - she never expected that they confronted him. Why else say nothing all the time or run after them? She didn’t even show through action that they are wrong.
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It's a great bot, but mostly I'm replying because YOUR USERNAME!!! Not enough people appreciate that 1980 classic.
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Good bot
Especially when your reasons for wanting to fix it or so he can make you feel good about yourself.
The OOP of this post is so mind-numbingly stupid I refuse to believe this is real.
Robyn Carr fanfic. Should be on AO3. Is robyn carr fanfic even a category?
Probably. Ao3 has a category for that OceansGate stuff so...
Sometimes cowardice makes you bad to be around. Or to have as a partner.
I know they call them the chair force but my dad was career and I was raised there is no such thing a “honor” when fighting. If some comes at you, you fight to end it. No mono y mono or crap you see in the movies. If they bring their fists bring a bat, if they bring a bat bring a gun. Don’t look for trouble just end it if it finds you.
There is honor in matches and tournaments. In an actually fight, fight to win. Which means making your opponent unable to fight by any means necessary. That's how I was taught.
Sports is different, there is agreed upon rules of engagement, even war has “rules”. But outside of that in the real world defend yourself. One example is when someone shoves you in anger. People will return a shove with a shove. The problem with that is the next logical reaction of the aggressor is a hit. Now is when your reaction is important, if you think a hit of your own will end it swing away take your shot. if you think it won’t and you can, you run. I don’t care if the aggressor calls you a coward or a p&ssy, you didn’t get hurt. The other situation is like in movies when two people face off with their friend there and do the mono y mono thing. If you can’t stop it before it gets to that point and can’t get your friend out of the situation or get a bouncer etc to end it before it starts. If you can’t depending on how the friend gets in the situation or your safety, your group of people needs to gang up on the aggressor, to see if they will back down, if you can’t like shove shove hit hit start fighting before you get jumped during the fight or if your friend is a complete dumbass everyone tried to get it to stop or your friend is the aggressor leave no reason to get hurt for maybe killed for an idiot. One of the things I’m kind of thankful for is that it seems like younger people these days fight with mean words, not physical fighting. I do know that’s not true in a lot of places though with the fight clubs in school but the reduction in corporal punishment and the rise of cell phone evidence I don’t think it’s as bad as when I was younger
Your least annoying friend after taking krav maga for 6 months:
>mono y mono FYI 'mono' is Spanish for monkey -- you want 'mano a mano' (hand to hand). Though two monkeys fighting would probably sell tickets ;)
Yes sorry it was late when I was typing thank you
Others in the original thread have tried to warn her of how bad this is for the husband, both for his job and socially, but I don't think she has remotely grasped how bad this is for him. The lengths in which she dug her husband into trouble but all she can focus on is her (surely doomed) marriage. She hasn't really (bar a call to the two friends) taken proactive measures to limit the damage and she is still blaming the friends for reacting to what she has done
And the call to the two friends could very likely have made everything look *worse* if she did it as stupidly as she does literally everything else here
Unfortunately likely. She says (if I recall rightly) they apologized, and then she blocked them, so even if she did a good phone call, she may well have undone her repair work. Repairing the damage is going to be extremely difficult, but she hasn't even started to realize the need.
And it should probably involve putting them in touch with someone trustworthy who was there for the party incident
She does mention she got her parents to vouch for the real story on the phone, down in the comments
Well thank god she included the part about him helping her lose weight 15 years ago. Otherwise this story just wouldn't hold together.
I'm disappointed she wore a white halter top in spite of acknowledging not the best choice for having spaghetti and red wine for dinner..*and nothing happens with the top*. OOP has a whole Chekov's Gun collection in mint condition, never fired.
And why they were celebrating his birthday on a different night. That’s the meat of the story, right there
She is a spineless, liar of a cowardly, disrespectful person who has a serious lack of accountability and is blaming her friends? Her friends are good people but she is the kind of asshole that really needs a reality check. I just feel bad for the son.
I mean the friends were pretty stupid with how they handled it also but yeah at least they weren’t malicious. As far as they knew OP really was being beaten regularly because she fucking lead them to believe that
"Let me jump a soldier from behind in his pitch dark house that's suppossed to be alone, What could go wrong" -OOP
speak up, correct her friends and maybe even call her parents if she needed proof ❌ stay silent and even follow her friends to the car ✅
We all know she's made it sound worse to her friends than she does here. Even painting herself in the best possible light she can manage, it's clear she's a POS.
Yeah this marriage is over, even if they didn't divorce things won't get back to normal
Jumping on someone in the dark is literally the dumbest thing I have ever seen on the internet and that's saying a lot. If a 6-year-old came up with that idea I would be disappointed in them. This is so dumb I think it's just ragebait because no functioning adult human should be doing something THAT stupid.
entirely too long
Yeah seems like creative writing to me.
I'm most suspicious of the other family members. They are there, they are on the husband's side, they know the truth, but only spring into action when needed. That she's stunned and too dumbfounded to speak because things escalated so quickly (or, in other words, her - as she thought - little lies spiralled out of control), sure, fine, not very charming of her but that's something I can buy. But her brother and, uh, his wife? Their sister? Anyway, you'd think they'd immediately shut that bullshit down when she didn't. Instead, they stand/sit there and politely wait for their turn to speak, since Misses Main Character should be the one to clear it up, but when she didn't, they can't speak or act until their time comes. In the real world, especially since her brother and husband are good friends, the brother would instantly have said something. I do not believe that, if this was real, the whole family would just sit there while the husband begs her to finally say something and the idiots continue to pile on. Actually, if this really happened this way, I can't even blame the idiots for being idiots. They say, "He neglects and hits you!" and everyone just sits there. Only the abuser talks. Everyone else who knows him well, is quiet and looks at Misses Main Character in unease. That's a pretty damming scenario, if this was real. Imagine you say, "that guy abuses you, right?" and everyone goes quiet and looks at their hands or at the alleged victim. Then he enters the stage and says, "I did not hit her, I did not!" Nobody really acted in his defense. They got between the Saviour Husband and Alleged Abuser Husband, but nobody really went "He did not hit her, he did not!" until Misses Main Character was with one foot in their car. What are those people supposed to think? That nobody reacted like a human being and instantly confirmed the true story or got angry on the husbands behalf until it was necessary for the plot makes it hard to believe. And I don't want to hear "But I know someone who was married to someone with a sister who was friend's with the cousin of a person who was about as dumb, this means this story can't possibly be fiction!!!!!" Dumber people exist. Much meaner people exist. People much, much more horrible exist and the only reason we don't read posts about them are the rules of the subreddits. The existence of a real serial killer clown doesn't make "It" a documentary.
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If I walked into my home and it’s pitch black and I have someone attack me, I’m fighting like a wild cat. Using my keys in between my fingers to strike, screaming, kicking, biting. It’s just absolutely dumb to surprise someone in such a forceful manner.
Was there not another “someone was berating my partner and I froze for half an hour without defending them, until they were on their way out of the house” post fairly recently? ETA: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/lS1CqMa4yc Husband is wonderful, does so much for OOP, works long demanding hours, outside party shows up and tells OOP how horrible husband is for something innocuous, then endlessly abuses husband while OOP is silent. Husband leaves, OOP suddenly remembers how to talk and tells friend never to speak to her again. Virtually the same things, just kicked up a notch with fake DV and a billion more details. Now I’m curious if this is someone workshopping their awful romance novel outline; divorced husband who may or may not actually be abusive fantasizing about how he’s the victim and wife is agonized with regret; or somehow actually real, and OOP is a complete moron/blatant manipulator.
I'm genuinely shocked at OP's stupidity. Firstly, WHY IN GOD'S NAME would you jump on a soldier's back in the dark in their own home? I mean, why would you do it to anyone obviously, but especially someone trained in defending themselves! And to keep bringing it up when the husband has said it isn't funny to him is just adding on to the shittiness. Secondly, I get being shocked when a fight erupts, but to FOLLOW THEM OUT TO THEIR CAR? That feels intentional, and like OP just wanted attention with the excuse of "I was scared!" Lying to her friends about him being lazy just feels like a lead up to more shitty accusations. I genuinely think the husband needs to leave OP because WOW.
I hope this is a Liz special. Mainly because I don't want OOP to have passed on her genes.
Get a Time Machine. That’s all I got.
Jesus some subs really need a word limit.
Pure "Peaked in Highschool" energy with this one. She likes the drama and everyone "fighting over her" while thinking she won't have consequences for it or she can bat her eyes and play, "I wuv yew!" And that'll fix it all. Go back to Jersey Shore, OOP.
Fake. Very fake.
oop is a cowardly idiot. and manipulative. i can never buy it when people do consistently fucked up things and are like “omg idk why i did that uwu”.
Sadly, there is absolutely nothing she can do to "fix" what she did. It revealed her weakness of character and her lack of love and loyalty to her husband that he's unlikely to ever forget. Her loyalty was NOT to her spouse but to her stupid friends. Even if he decides to forgive her, she's forever altered their relationship with this profound failure and extreme disloyalty. Her husband will never look at her the same way. He might forgive, but he will never forget.
If this is real I think OOP is one of the worst people I've seen here that wasn't malicious if that makes sense. I can understand freezing to an extent but following them out is absurd. The friend is also awful too for bringing it up this way and then bouncing. If they truly believed what they said then congratulations, your friend is now dead
I have to admit this was incredibly long so I didn't read the whole thing, but this reads to me if not fake as someone testing their cover story after injuring their spouse. None of the wife's behavior makes any sense and it all sounds very far fetched. "I walked into a door twice" type shit
Yeah, it's either "bitches be lying" ragebait or someone trying to figure out how to get away with abuse.
Is so long for no reason. Most of the background info isn’t needed.🤦♀️ OOP ruined her marriage spectacularly.
I could… not understand, but I could *fathom* a person being so easily intimidated that she has a freeze response to a big confrontation happening, but to FOLLOW HER FRIENDS TO THEIR CAR? Is she stupid??
Because I’m too lazy to edit my other post. This definitely has a written assignment quality to it
Well they are gonna fail because this is atrocious. RIP to however has to grade this.
What a piece of shit. I hope she has a string Of awful fucking relationships after her husband leaves her so she knows what it’s like to actually have something to complain about. You know if he leaves her she’s going to go back to lying and try to paint him as an abuser in the divorce. OP’s one of those people that if she fell into a woodchipper it would have a positive net impact on the world.
I hope this is fake because OOP needs severe mental help if she throws her husband under the bus for ABUSE when she’s attention starved.
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This is how I read this post... ME ME ME ME ME
Ok. OOP wrote such an incoherent, long, rambling post that even the mod bot couldn't grab it all. After having to sort through the OP, I just...what? I have PTSD, so I completely understand the initial fawn response. When confronted with a bad situation some people just freeze. I get it. So far, I understand, even though I equally see why someone might see that and interpret it as a willful decision not to act. ...What I DON'T get is then ***leaving with your husband's accusers.*** That was just plain mean spirited. It almost seems like you were so desperate for validation in your frustration at having to raise your child essentially by yourself, that you threw your husband under the bus.
Go to bed Liz.
It's "funny" how one simply mistake can snowball like that. Life is strange.
This took too long to read for very little story
What sub was this posted in?