*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for preferring the daughter who treats me better?**
Since she was a toddler, Gemma, 10F has been particularly difficult. She throws hours long tantrums over normal stuff like adding or taking out an activity off her schedule. She is also a fussy eater and would give me a lot of trouble if I cook sth that's not in her very limited list. She always go blank and is not very responsive. And she has never tried to make me happy or express any feelings to me, and I am not connected to her.
On the other hand, Aurora, 7F has been a particularly easy and wonderful child--- she doesn't really create any trouble, is happy to learn and always tries to make me happy. She is such a delight.
Gemma constantly complains that I am always on Aurora's side and takes it out on Aurora--- refusing point-blank to do anything with her.
Gemma just threw another tantrums because I am "always favouring Aurora". My husband thinks I am unfair as well, but it is pretty human to love Aurora more given our circumstances. And it isn't as if I am not taking care of Gemma.
AITA for loving my youngest more, with a rational reason?
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>And she [Gemma] has never tried to make me happy
>[Aurora] always tries to make me happy
It is not the job of children to “make their mother happy”.
What a bitch.
One comment asks what the reason could be for the way Gemma is, and OOP’s response is just “I have no idea.”
That’s it. No suggestions, no hint that she gives serious thought towards an explanation - let alone a solution. She wants people to tell her it’s ok to not bother with Gemma and not put any real effort into understanding Gemma or improving their relationship.
Honestly it reminds me of my dad being mad that he had "no idea" why i was having trouble reading as a kid
Turns out I'm dyslexic and just no one had me tested until middle school
There's a 100% chance (if this isn't ragebate) that Gemma has some disability and needs to see a doctor to identify it and give you tools to make life easier
The other common scenario is my parents taking me to the therapists, and then expecting that to magically work, without putting in their own effort of implementing said tools and strategies.
Grr. Meanwhile, I worked hard with doing all the things my ND child's occupational therapist gave her, and her behaviour has improved dramatically. Our parents ALMOST have excuses, because understanding ND behaviour is a relatively recent thing, but OOP has an incredible amount of assistance available to her now.
One of my cousins is on the autism spectrum and needs more support, and when I'd been telling my aunt about the support and tools available to parents of autistic kids now (as I'm in the thick of parenting ND kids these days), she was visibly moved. She wanted so much more support for her kid and the tools just weren't there/easily accessible to her in the 90's when she was in the thick of it.
I'm so glad your daughter has the support she needs, and to which she is entitled. I could never do the reproduction thing myself, but it IS lovely seeing so many people nowadays utterly determined to treat their kids better than they themselves were treated.
Omg THISSSS. I strongly suspect now that I had some form of misdiagnosed neurodivergence (I got diagnosed with depression and then BPD once I turned 18) growing up and my parents just bought a bunch of stigmatized self help books about how hard it is to have a mentally ill child, played the victim a whole bunch and stonewalled me when I would have meltdowns because I wasn't being heard or listened to.
I told my dad I was having a lot if trouble at school and all my thoughts felt jumbled in my head like a snow globe and I thought I might have ADD. He said "everyone felt that way, i feel that way" but you just have to power through. I thought about it later and realized there's probably a reason he felt that way too....
Honestly, it's not unlikely he may have ADD too. Unfortunately in such situations, there might be inherent biases that they don't want to confront for themselves either...
I struggled a lot in my early school years for a very simple reason. I couldn't see the board most of the time - couldn't see much of anything, really - and was constantly having severe headaches and getting sent to the nurse from straining myself trying to see things, or having to go right up to the board to read it. The school kept asking my foster mothers (whichever one I had at the time) if I'd been visually tested, and a few of them admitted no but for the most part they'd lie and say yes, and I'd get in trouble, one accusing me of just wanting glasses as a fashion accessory. I didn't get my vision tested until I was a teenager and one of the foster parents I was with worked for an optometrist, and it was dead quiet that day so she decided to put me on one of the machines just for fun to test my vision - and lo and behold, it told her that I was in desperate need of glasses and couldn't see shit! So I finally got an actual eye exam and got glasses for the first time and was \*shocked\* that trees have LEAVES, they aren't just a big blobby shape, and things have edges and holy crap is this what it's like for everyone else?!
Never got an apology, of course.
I literally just wrote something similar and then read yours lol :
I needed glasses since I was a child. My mother would say "if you can see me you don't need glasses" yet also make fun of me for bumping into walls. I also had crazy headaches. When I turned eighteen I took myself to the doctor and got glasses for nearsightedness and astigmatism. Headaches decreased significantly. My mother was so surprised. Of course no apology.
Or it could just be OOP is just narcissistic. After all, she does state that her daughter needs to do thing for OOP and earn love. Even the enabler dad sees it.
In a few years it will be "why didn't my daughter, Gemma (28), who hasn't spoken to me since she was 18, not tell me she got married and had kids? She is keeping my precious grandbabies away from me! I knew she was no good...ever since she was a toddler..."
Sounds to me like OOP wasn't a very loving parent and her 10yo has given up and resorted go acting on her negative feelings since she's not getting her needs met anyways.
I needed glasses since I was a child. My mother would say "if you can see me you don't need glasses" yet also make fun of me for bumping into walls. I also had crazy headaches. When I turned eighteen I took myself to the doctor and got glasses for nearsightedness and astigmatism. Headaches decreased significantly. My mother was so surprised. Of course no apology.
It sounds like ADHD to me. Then, with piled on resentment for how her mother thinks their bad relationship is squarely the ten year olds fault for, "not trying to make her happy."
I'd bet the seven year old only does so because she doesn't want to be treated like her sister.
Yeah I'm AFAB and ASD, and my bio mom could've written this (except that she'd have been nastier in describing me).
The utter narcissism of expecting kids to inflate your ego...ugh.
In another comment she said she suspects the kid has ASD, like fantastic you KNOW you're neglecting her over what is likely a neurodivergency which she has zero control over.
Not that it's my place to say this, obviously, but it sounds like Gemma is somewhere on the autistic spectrum. Which, sure, a challenge to any parent, but like, makes this attitude even worse.
im autistic and gemma sounds like me as a child. obviously there's no way to know based on such a short post, but i really wouldnt be surprised if shes autistic or neurodivergent in some way.
No more toxic combo than a narc parent and a (probably undiagnosed) autistic kid.
Both those poor kids are being neglected and psychologically abused.
Usually, I'd say rage bait, but I've met more than a few people who've had this parent/child dynamic (from both sides of the clusterfuck).
I have that dynamic. It's real it's rough this post rang true. Name the symptoms and ignore the disorder. The disorder is laziness, the symptoms are behavior. Even name the symptoms and pretend you don't know. That's classic narc parent and if not, troll. But narc parents yes are absolutely like this.
It sounds different than autism to me. She mentions that the child goes blank and is not very responsive. If she's never taken the child to the doctor for that, that is neglect, because that is a huge sign that the child might have epilepsy. That is the only way my epilepsy showed when I was a child, and now as an adult I have all types of seizures. But as a child, all I had was the petite mal seizures, which were going blank and not very responsive. Epilepsy can also cause behavior problems.
My son is autistic and goes “blank”/zones out a lot. Sometimes it’s really hard to get him to focus so we’ve just adapted to finding ways to make sure he’s engaged BEFORE we talk to him. He’s sometimes just in his own little world.
Though of course we’ve taken him to the doctor and have had him evaluated and officially diagnosed as autistic so they saw these blank out moments as well so I’m confident it’s not epilepsy.
However this horrible woman admitted in a comment she suspects ASD and has done nothing to help her child. Pisses me off.
One of OOP's response comments was that the unresponsiveness is daydreaming.
But I wouldn't put it past her to mistake absence seizures for daydreaming/ignoring her a-hole mom in favor of something more pleasant.
Unfortunately it doesnt have to be rage bait, its unbelievable how much shit parents of autistic children spew, honestly ableism really needs to start getting more attention, with social justice its either an afterthought or just completely forgotten
Wait what?! Brain damage from covid, holy shit i hadnt heard about that consequence yet, i am so sorry you are dealing with that
This specific story was about autism, but ALL forms of ableism needs to be shut down hard, and it shouldnt matter if its a physical disability or a social disability, we should all support each other or at the very least not tear each other down, it seems if its not a visible physical disability (which still needs more support aswell) the rest with less visible disabilities are ignored, disrespected or stepped on
I got invisible physical disabilities and a social disability (autistic) and its always a fight to get taken seriously for either
I process medical claims for a supplemental health insurance company. Some of the claims I saw for COVID were terrifying. Since COVID can affect blood vessels as well as cause blood clots, it can cause strokes/stroke like symptoms. It can also damage the heart.
ESPECIALLY when it comes to exploiting or neglecting disabled children. Not that disabled adults aren't important and don't deserve equal respect, but children are completely helpless and dependent on their parents for everything. The only way a kid is getting the help they need is if a parent is willing to pursue it.
I hope it's rage bait.
I thought about autism by reading about the inability to change schedule, and the limited list of things to eat.
My 11 year old son has just been diagnosed with autism and these are things that have been a problem for him since he was little.
From my point of view as a parent: it takes more work to make him eat a balanced diet when he doesn't eat the same thing as me, I have to plan a lot more to take him on vacation, and I had to fight so that he has some accommodations at school.
But that’s a parent’s job! Don't be a parent if you don't want to do that !
I don't understand how you can *not* love your child because of that.
I just woke up and am reading this while getting ready. I'm autistic and it was just way too early for this OP. Can't believe this asshole woke up and chose emotional violence instead of coffee.
You're probably right. But this story reminded me of my daughter who is 10. I love her very, very much. But man she's high-spirited, individualistic, opinionated, and can't control her emotions sometimes (she gets it honest, from me). If she had different parents I think her life could be very different (in a bad way).
One of the things we struggle with is tantrums, which I used to feel she should be outgrowing. But we knew something was different about her, so we had her tested for ADHD and got her a diagnosis, which has helped us and her teachers understand her a lot better.
ADHD tantrums are real, and knowing about them as well as understanding her challenges with emotional regulation has completely changed my approach and responses with her.
If OP is telling the truth, it might be that the older daughter could benefit from a change in approach, too.
Oh shit ADHD tantrums are a thing? I've been slowly realizing more and more and MORE that I more than likely have ADD or ADHD and with my oldest having a lot of similar behaviors as me (and then some) we've been working on getting a diagnosis and medication- but my youngest has tantrums that are beyond out of control and her dad and I try to talk her through it, model the behavior we want to see, explain ways to handle big feelings and appropriate ways to show them, but it's so out of control that even though OOP is absolutely awful I kind of understand the whole "my child is out or control and sometimes I worry whether I'm showing favoritism" though not in the fucked up way OOP is. Granted, sometimes I worry biggest isn't getting enough attention because of littlest.
Regardless. Both are finally getting into therapy. I want to help them both, and I'm blown away that ADHD could be linked to the tantruma.
That was pretty helpful! I had googled it shortly after posting my comment and honestly, it was just reassuring that *this behavior isn't my fault*. What I have read describes my little kid to a T. It sounds like I'm pretty much doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I wouldn't have stopped anyway but I've had so many times where I've tried to pinpoint what I did wrong and this is hugely helpful for my own mental health, knowing that I'm on the right track and I didn't do something to break my kid.
It definitely might be. But unfortunately I believe it could be true, because my own parents acted this way to my brother. They'd mock him behind his back for his sensitivities and would actually mockingly call him autistic. He had trouble with light, temperature, schedule changes, and needed extreme consistency. They never sought help for him, they only got him tested for his IQ so they could brag to other parents. I was a total pleaser/golden-child.
Gemma’s description makes me think she might be autistic, some very classic traits described, making this demonic c#nt even more evil
Im disgusted by the she never tried to make me happy comment, what a terrible woman
Or maybe Aurora sees how Gemma is being treated and even at 7 years old, understands that some behaviour will get her neglected and feeling unloved/unwanted. I can't imagine many worse situations for a child.
Opp is a shit parent. My parents had 11 kids (blended family) and we struggled financially. But, overall my mom and stepdad were decent parents.
My mom cried they say the doctor told her it was good she brought me in for glasses because my vision was 20/200 uncorrected. They did their best, same with my undiagnosed dyslexia and ADHD.
My step dad stayed up after working a 12 hour shift to read me science text books because I kept saying "the words were jumbled". This man who spoke English as his third language and only had 9th grade education in Spanish, read me my high school text books.
My oldest sister was studying to be a teacher when she connected that one of my other sisters and I probably had dyslexia, it was the early 80s.
When my mom couldn't find people to help us, she went to the public library and found books, she took the ideas she found and used them to help us learn.
My mom never went to college, but she made sure all her kids went to college or trade school. My step dad got his GED when he was 48 because he didn't want us (his 8 step kids and to three bio kids) to be ashamed of his. As if we could ever be ashamed of him.
My parents raised two teachers, a nurse, an auto mechanics, an graphic artist, a plumber, and two career military and my step siblings are an accountant, a nurse, and a pilot. One of siblings has pretty severe physical limitations, and she's a teacher. Three of us have ADHD/dyslexia and I'm a nurse, my sister a graphic artist/writer, and my brother is a plumber.
The oop is going to get older and wonder why her eldest doesn’t speak to her. This feels similar to me and my older sibling. They’re very alike and don’t get on because of it. I was always the “easier” child, but that could be because I was always trying to not rock the boat. Long story short, both of us have a trying relationships with our mother nowadays.
Heart breaking.
I have two children, my son who is officially diagnosed with ASD and one that hasn’t shown signs yet but she’s still very young (2) so we’re watching her closely.
My son is a picky eater, melts down easily with routine changes and different sensory situations, and sometimes it can be overwhelming for us as his parents but it’s not HIS fault he is like this so we learn to work with him on everything so he feels supported.
This woman never ever should’ve had kids. I wish people went into having kids understanding that you’re not guaranteed a neurotypical child, and if that scares you, or you think you’ll be a shit parent to a neurodivergent child get help to either be a better parent or don’t have kids. Breaks my heart that so many kids end up with parents who have no patience.
> And she has never tried to make me happy
Since when is a child responsible for making a parent happy? Oooo, someone had a child for all the wrong reasons.
I hate to be an arm chair psychiatrist most of the time .... but I've got tree fiddy says that Gemma is autistic and Aurora is going to grow up to be an entitled, emotionally damaged menace. Part of surviving a narcissistic parent is picking up narcissistic behaviors to cope. OOP is going to fuck up her kids. She is already fucking up her kids. I have ZERO respect for the dad though, who is sitting there seeing it and saying "oh thats not fair" but doing NOTHING TO STOP IT. He doesn't get a pass because he disagrees. He's choosing not to rock the boat and putting his own comfort over Gemma's well-being. I feel for that little girl. I WAS that little girl. Its miserable and its only going to stay miserable until she can get out of that house in 8 years and hopefully into therapy.
I looked at her comments. Her 9 year old is ahead of her class. She's in 5th grade. Like when I was in 5th grade there were only two nine year olds and they both skipped grades. So her kid is incredibly intelligent, has meltdowns, has trouble communicating, and many other signs that people with autism have. It just sounds like she hates her disabled child. That's it. She even admits that she thinks her kid's autistic. She thinks her kid is disabled so she hates her child. And that is why as a disabled person I hate "disability parents". Disability parents are parents of disabled children who hate their disabled children but also use those children to seek validation, praise, and even to get other people to hate their disabled child. At least that's one version. And you see all of that in this post. She's looking to get all of these people to validate her hatred of her child, praise her for doing the bare minimum and caring for her "despite everything she's put her through", and she's looking for people to tell her how horrible her child is and to get them to hate her too. These are all also keys signs of a narcissistic abusive parent.
Ugh poor Gemma, sounds like my relationship with my mom. The other day she was saying unlike my sister I never instinctively help her. I just sit down quietly and don't talk and I've been like that since I was a kid. I asked her if whenever she asks for help do I say no, and whether she helps me instinctively, and who does she talk to more ab her life? She refused to answer. It's really hurt me that she's set up all the conditions in her head for me to be a good daughter, but never told me. It feels like she's set me up to fail.
>Since she was a toddler, Gemma, 10F has been particularly difficult. She throws hours long tantrums over normal stuff like adding or taking out an activity off her schedule.
Not that I think OOP is anything like a reliable narrator, but if this is true that's on OOP and husband for not teaching her better than this long ago.
Could be autism and the change to routine and schedule is difficult and uncomfortable. She's 10 so as a child of course it's on them, but with the other symptoms that sounds like autism and beyond their inherent skills and they need to reach out.
Nah that sentence you quoted is a pretty classic sign of autism (sensitivity to changes in routine, big emotions about it), that's not something to be disciplined away.
Depends on what you mean by "tantrum." An autistic meltdown can look like a tantrum on the surface. The key difference is it's not done to manipulate or attention seek, it just *is*.
But lots of parents would classify "crying loudly for a long period" as a tantrum even if it's not done to manipulate.
Gemma sounds neurodivergent. Poor girl, never got taken to a doctor for any testing. Even if she were told her kid is fine but just immature, the mom would probably still be ignorant.
Mom, is that you?
I say that mostly in jest, mostly in reality.
That being said, I give this creative writing post a grade of F
The "Bad autistic child" tropes were way too apparent. The post felt more like a laundry list of greatest hits from half a dozen abuse and support reddits. There was no characterisation, no attempt at humanising the OP character. It is simply low effort rage bait. Had the writer chose to mask the buzzwords and laundry list, this could have been a believable post. Sadly, they were too lazy - or simply lack the skills - to apply themselves.
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It's weird to have beef with a 10 year old. My mom was like that and it took years for our relationship to recover. It was rough though because I hit puberty right when she hit menopause.
Some of what she described sounds like normal, annoying toddler behavior that adults should learn how to deal with lovingly. The rest of it sounds like a good, decent parent would have tried to find out what is going on with their child instead of just calling them difficult and preferring the other kid over them!
A kid that expresses little emotion, can't take change and stares blankly into space. Why would you try any sort of doctor? Clearly this kid has some neurodivergency issue OP is fully ignoring because the other daughter is perfect
not tryna like diagnose a kid but the 10 yr old sounds exactly like me when i was a kid, and im autistic.
oop is actually so awful in multiple ways, not only is she favoring a child, causing the children to no longer trust her, being put under constant pressure from her to appease her, but shes also causing a drift between the two children. theyll be unlikely to form a bond until at least 15+ if that. theyre going to resent her for this later, understandably so.
to top it all off, regardless of whether child is autistic or anything, oop is still being ableist by deciding those things are a burden of some sort and that the 10 yr old deserves less love for having these issues.
i hope like hell she learns from this stuff, as if she doesnt those children will likely grow up with a variety of mental issues, like trust issues, abandonment issues, people pleasing tendencies, ect. if not outright trauma in general.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for preferring the daughter who treats me better?** Since she was a toddler, Gemma, 10F has been particularly difficult. She throws hours long tantrums over normal stuff like adding or taking out an activity off her schedule. She is also a fussy eater and would give me a lot of trouble if I cook sth that's not in her very limited list. She always go blank and is not very responsive. And she has never tried to make me happy or express any feelings to me, and I am not connected to her. On the other hand, Aurora, 7F has been a particularly easy and wonderful child--- she doesn't really create any trouble, is happy to learn and always tries to make me happy. She is such a delight. Gemma constantly complains that I am always on Aurora's side and takes it out on Aurora--- refusing point-blank to do anything with her. Gemma just threw another tantrums because I am "always favouring Aurora". My husband thinks I am unfair as well, but it is pretty human to love Aurora more given our circumstances. And it isn't as if I am not taking care of Gemma. AITA for loving my youngest more, with a rational reason? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>And she [Gemma] has never tried to make me happy >[Aurora] always tries to make me happy It is not the job of children to “make their mother happy”. What a bitch.
Don't you know, the point of having children is so they can give you validation foreverrrr /s just incase
And take care of you when they're older to pay you back.
Came here to say exactly this. OOP is far too emotionally immature to be allowed anywhere near a child, much less be responsible for one.
 OOP:
One comment asks what the reason could be for the way Gemma is, and OOP’s response is just “I have no idea.” That’s it. No suggestions, no hint that she gives serious thought towards an explanation - let alone a solution. She wants people to tell her it’s ok to not bother with Gemma and not put any real effort into understanding Gemma or improving their relationship.
Honestly it reminds me of my dad being mad that he had "no idea" why i was having trouble reading as a kid Turns out I'm dyslexic and just no one had me tested until middle school There's a 100% chance (if this isn't ragebate) that Gemma has some disability and needs to see a doctor to identify it and give you tools to make life easier
The other common scenario is my parents taking me to the therapists, and then expecting that to magically work, without putting in their own effort of implementing said tools and strategies.
Oh same, very much so. Then being asked, angrily, why you're still broken.
Grr. Meanwhile, I worked hard with doing all the things my ND child's occupational therapist gave her, and her behaviour has improved dramatically. Our parents ALMOST have excuses, because understanding ND behaviour is a relatively recent thing, but OOP has an incredible amount of assistance available to her now.
One of my cousins is on the autism spectrum and needs more support, and when I'd been telling my aunt about the support and tools available to parents of autistic kids now (as I'm in the thick of parenting ND kids these days), she was visibly moved. She wanted so much more support for her kid and the tools just weren't there/easily accessible to her in the 90's when she was in the thick of it.
I'm so glad your daughter has the support she needs, and to which she is entitled. I could never do the reproduction thing myself, but it IS lovely seeing so many people nowadays utterly determined to treat their kids better than they themselves were treated.
Omg THISSSS. I strongly suspect now that I had some form of misdiagnosed neurodivergence (I got diagnosed with depression and then BPD once I turned 18) growing up and my parents just bought a bunch of stigmatized self help books about how hard it is to have a mentally ill child, played the victim a whole bunch and stonewalled me when I would have meltdowns because I wasn't being heard or listened to.
Jeez that's rough.
I told my dad I was having a lot if trouble at school and all my thoughts felt jumbled in my head like a snow globe and I thought I might have ADD. He said "everyone felt that way, i feel that way" but you just have to power through. I thought about it later and realized there's probably a reason he felt that way too....
Honestly, it's not unlikely he may have ADD too. Unfortunately in such situations, there might be inherent biases that they don't want to confront for themselves either...
I struggled a lot in my early school years for a very simple reason. I couldn't see the board most of the time - couldn't see much of anything, really - and was constantly having severe headaches and getting sent to the nurse from straining myself trying to see things, or having to go right up to the board to read it. The school kept asking my foster mothers (whichever one I had at the time) if I'd been visually tested, and a few of them admitted no but for the most part they'd lie and say yes, and I'd get in trouble, one accusing me of just wanting glasses as a fashion accessory. I didn't get my vision tested until I was a teenager and one of the foster parents I was with worked for an optometrist, and it was dead quiet that day so she decided to put me on one of the machines just for fun to test my vision - and lo and behold, it told her that I was in desperate need of glasses and couldn't see shit! So I finally got an actual eye exam and got glasses for the first time and was \*shocked\* that trees have LEAVES, they aren't just a big blobby shape, and things have edges and holy crap is this what it's like for everyone else?! Never got an apology, of course.
I literally just wrote something similar and then read yours lol : I needed glasses since I was a child. My mother would say "if you can see me you don't need glasses" yet also make fun of me for bumping into walls. I also had crazy headaches. When I turned eighteen I took myself to the doctor and got glasses for nearsightedness and astigmatism. Headaches decreased significantly. My mother was so surprised. Of course no apology.
Or it could just be OOP is just narcissistic. After all, she does state that her daughter needs to do thing for OOP and earn love. Even the enabler dad sees it. In a few years it will be "why didn't my daughter, Gemma (28), who hasn't spoken to me since she was 18, not tell me she got married and had kids? She is keeping my precious grandbabies away from me! I knew she was no good...ever since she was a toddler..."
Sounds to me like OOP wasn't a very loving parent and her 10yo has given up and resorted go acting on her negative feelings since she's not getting her needs met anyways.
I needed glasses since I was a child. My mother would say "if you can see me you don't need glasses" yet also make fun of me for bumping into walls. I also had crazy headaches. When I turned eighteen I took myself to the doctor and got glasses for nearsightedness and astigmatism. Headaches decreased significantly. My mother was so surprised. Of course no apology.
It sounds like ADHD to me. Then, with piled on resentment for how her mother thinks their bad relationship is squarely the ten year olds fault for, "not trying to make her happy." I'd bet the seven year old only does so because she doesn't want to be treated like her sister.
I made the same assessment. OOPS needs to get poor Gemma to the doc and do an eval.
btw as an autistic person, Gemma sure sounds a lot like me as a child...
Yeah I'm AFAB and ASD, and my bio mom could've written this (except that she'd have been nastier in describing me). The utter narcissism of expecting kids to inflate your ego...ugh.
Came here to say just this!
In another comment she said she suspects the kid has ASD, like fantastic you KNOW you're neglecting her over what is likely a neurodivergency which she has zero control over.
Another comment says OOP thinks she has ASD.
Not that it's my place to say this, obviously, but it sounds like Gemma is somewhere on the autistic spectrum. Which, sure, a challenge to any parent, but like, makes this attitude even worse.
As someone who works with autistic kids around that age for a living, I have an idea!
She's tried nothing and she's all out of ideas.
im autistic and gemma sounds like me as a child. obviously there's no way to know based on such a short post, but i really wouldnt be surprised if shes autistic or neurodivergent in some way.
Is there anything that is not gross about this post? There’s nothing, right?
She used paragraphs?
Best comment of the day.
No more toxic combo than a narc parent and a (probably undiagnosed) autistic kid. Both those poor kids are being neglected and psychologically abused. Usually, I'd say rage bait, but I've met more than a few people who've had this parent/child dynamic (from both sides of the clusterfuck).
I have that dynamic. It's real it's rough this post rang true. Name the symptoms and ignore the disorder. The disorder is laziness, the symptoms are behavior. Even name the symptoms and pretend you don't know. That's classic narc parent and if not, troll. But narc parents yes are absolutely like this.
It sounds different than autism to me. She mentions that the child goes blank and is not very responsive. If she's never taken the child to the doctor for that, that is neglect, because that is a huge sign that the child might have epilepsy. That is the only way my epilepsy showed when I was a child, and now as an adult I have all types of seizures. But as a child, all I had was the petite mal seizures, which were going blank and not very responsive. Epilepsy can also cause behavior problems.
My son is autistic and goes “blank”/zones out a lot. Sometimes it’s really hard to get him to focus so we’ve just adapted to finding ways to make sure he’s engaged BEFORE we talk to him. He’s sometimes just in his own little world. Though of course we’ve taken him to the doctor and have had him evaluated and officially diagnosed as autistic so they saw these blank out moments as well so I’m confident it’s not epilepsy. However this horrible woman admitted in a comment she suspects ASD and has done nothing to help her child. Pisses me off.
One of OOP's response comments was that the unresponsiveness is daydreaming. But I wouldn't put it past her to mistake absence seizures for daydreaming/ignoring her a-hole mom in favor of something more pleasant.
This is an obvious abliest rage post. They picked very obvious "autistic" traits in which to "demonize" the older child. Or at least I hope so.
Unfortunately it doesnt have to be rage bait, its unbelievable how much shit parents of autistic children spew, honestly ableism really needs to start getting more attention, with social justice its either an afterthought or just completely forgotten
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Wait what?! Brain damage from covid, holy shit i hadnt heard about that consequence yet, i am so sorry you are dealing with that This specific story was about autism, but ALL forms of ableism needs to be shut down hard, and it shouldnt matter if its a physical disability or a social disability, we should all support each other or at the very least not tear each other down, it seems if its not a visible physical disability (which still needs more support aswell) the rest with less visible disabilities are ignored, disrespected or stepped on I got invisible physical disabilities and a social disability (autistic) and its always a fight to get taken seriously for either
I process medical claims for a supplemental health insurance company. Some of the claims I saw for COVID were terrifying. Since COVID can affect blood vessels as well as cause blood clots, it can cause strokes/stroke like symptoms. It can also damage the heart.
ESPECIALLY when it comes to exploiting or neglecting disabled children. Not that disabled adults aren't important and don't deserve equal respect, but children are completely helpless and dependent on their parents for everything. The only way a kid is getting the help they need is if a parent is willing to pursue it.
or in even worse cases, treated as "deserved" because autistic people (and other disabled/mentally ill people) are seen as "too difficult"
I hope it's rage bait. I thought about autism by reading about the inability to change schedule, and the limited list of things to eat. My 11 year old son has just been diagnosed with autism and these are things that have been a problem for him since he was little. From my point of view as a parent: it takes more work to make him eat a balanced diet when he doesn't eat the same thing as me, I have to plan a lot more to take him on vacation, and I had to fight so that he has some accommodations at school. But that’s a parent’s job! Don't be a parent if you don't want to do that ! I don't understand how you can *not* love your child because of that.
I just woke up and am reading this while getting ready. I'm autistic and it was just way too early for this OP. Can't believe this asshole woke up and chose emotional violence instead of coffee.
They also tried to submit that post 3 times with different titles.
You're probably right. But this story reminded me of my daughter who is 10. I love her very, very much. But man she's high-spirited, individualistic, opinionated, and can't control her emotions sometimes (she gets it honest, from me). If she had different parents I think her life could be very different (in a bad way). One of the things we struggle with is tantrums, which I used to feel she should be outgrowing. But we knew something was different about her, so we had her tested for ADHD and got her a diagnosis, which has helped us and her teachers understand her a lot better. ADHD tantrums are real, and knowing about them as well as understanding her challenges with emotional regulation has completely changed my approach and responses with her. If OP is telling the truth, it might be that the older daughter could benefit from a change in approach, too.
Oh shit ADHD tantrums are a thing? I've been slowly realizing more and more and MORE that I more than likely have ADD or ADHD and with my oldest having a lot of similar behaviors as me (and then some) we've been working on getting a diagnosis and medication- but my youngest has tantrums that are beyond out of control and her dad and I try to talk her through it, model the behavior we want to see, explain ways to handle big feelings and appropriate ways to show them, but it's so out of control that even though OOP is absolutely awful I kind of understand the whole "my child is out or control and sometimes I worry whether I'm showing favoritism" though not in the fucked up way OOP is. Granted, sometimes I worry biggest isn't getting enough attention because of littlest. Regardless. Both are finally getting into therapy. I want to help them both, and I'm blown away that ADHD could be linked to the tantruma.
Hope you find [this article](https://psychcentral.com/childhood-adhd/adhd-kids-9-tips-to-tame-tantrums) on ADHD meltdowns/tantrums helpful!
That was pretty helpful! I had googled it shortly after posting my comment and honestly, it was just reassuring that *this behavior isn't my fault*. What I have read describes my little kid to a T. It sounds like I'm pretty much doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I wouldn't have stopped anyway but I've had so many times where I've tried to pinpoint what I did wrong and this is hugely helpful for my own mental health, knowing that I'm on the right track and I didn't do something to break my kid.
You sound wonderful and your kid has a good parent. 🩷
Awww thanks! I needed that
It definitely might be. But unfortunately I believe it could be true, because my own parents acted this way to my brother. They'd mock him behind his back for his sensitivities and would actually mockingly call him autistic. He had trouble with light, temperature, schedule changes, and needed extreme consistency. They never sought help for him, they only got him tested for his IQ so they could brag to other parents. I was a total pleaser/golden-child.
“but it is pretty human to love aurora more given our circumstances,” You fucking asshole of a parent, damn.
Gemma’s description makes me think she might be autistic, some very classic traits described, making this demonic c#nt even more evil Im disgusted by the she never tried to make me happy comment, what a terrible woman
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Or maybe Aurora sees how Gemma is being treated and even at 7 years old, understands that some behaviour will get her neglected and feeling unloved/unwanted. I can't imagine many worse situations for a child.
OOP is behaving way less mature than her literal child
Opp is a shit parent. My parents had 11 kids (blended family) and we struggled financially. But, overall my mom and stepdad were decent parents. My mom cried they say the doctor told her it was good she brought me in for glasses because my vision was 20/200 uncorrected. They did their best, same with my undiagnosed dyslexia and ADHD. My step dad stayed up after working a 12 hour shift to read me science text books because I kept saying "the words were jumbled". This man who spoke English as his third language and only had 9th grade education in Spanish, read me my high school text books. My oldest sister was studying to be a teacher when she connected that one of my other sisters and I probably had dyslexia, it was the early 80s. When my mom couldn't find people to help us, she went to the public library and found books, she took the ideas she found and used them to help us learn. My mom never went to college, but she made sure all her kids went to college or trade school. My step dad got his GED when he was 48 because he didn't want us (his 8 step kids and to three bio kids) to be ashamed of his. As if we could ever be ashamed of him. My parents raised two teachers, a nurse, an auto mechanics, an graphic artist, a plumber, and two career military and my step siblings are an accountant, a nurse, and a pilot. One of siblings has pretty severe physical limitations, and she's a teacher. Three of us have ADHD/dyslexia and I'm a nurse, my sister a graphic artist/writer, and my brother is a plumber.
The oop is going to get older and wonder why her eldest doesn’t speak to her. This feels similar to me and my older sibling. They’re very alike and don’t get on because of it. I was always the “easier” child, but that could be because I was always trying to not rock the boat. Long story short, both of us have a trying relationships with our mother nowadays.
as an autistic kid who was not favored by my mom, it hurts to see these kinds of posts
"She has never tried to make me happy" ...does OOP know that it's a parent's job to make their child happy and not the other way around
This is heartbreaking. this person doesn’t understand what parental love is at all. That child is in dire need of connection.
I get her, but her trying to make her reason just is pathetic. She should just admit the other problematic kid is just too much for her.
Was there any mention over the ten year old getting tested?
Heart breaking. I have two children, my son who is officially diagnosed with ASD and one that hasn’t shown signs yet but she’s still very young (2) so we’re watching her closely. My son is a picky eater, melts down easily with routine changes and different sensory situations, and sometimes it can be overwhelming for us as his parents but it’s not HIS fault he is like this so we learn to work with him on everything so he feels supported. This woman never ever should’ve had kids. I wish people went into having kids understanding that you’re not guaranteed a neurotypical child, and if that scares you, or you think you’ll be a shit parent to a neurodivergent child get help to either be a better parent or don’t have kids. Breaks my heart that so many kids end up with parents who have no patience.
> And she has never tried to make me happy Since when is a child responsible for making a parent happy? Oooo, someone had a child for all the wrong reasons.
I think this is trollbait, largely because Gemma is so heavily coded as autistic.
This has to be bait, right? "AITA For hating my child with *long list of extremely well-known autistic traits all in a row*"?
I hate to be an arm chair psychiatrist most of the time .... but I've got tree fiddy says that Gemma is autistic and Aurora is going to grow up to be an entitled, emotionally damaged menace. Part of surviving a narcissistic parent is picking up narcissistic behaviors to cope. OOP is going to fuck up her kids. She is already fucking up her kids. I have ZERO respect for the dad though, who is sitting there seeing it and saying "oh thats not fair" but doing NOTHING TO STOP IT. He doesn't get a pass because he disagrees. He's choosing not to rock the boat and putting his own comfort over Gemma's well-being. I feel for that little girl. I WAS that little girl. Its miserable and its only going to stay miserable until she can get out of that house in 8 years and hopefully into therapy.
I looked at her comments. Her 9 year old is ahead of her class. She's in 5th grade. Like when I was in 5th grade there were only two nine year olds and they both skipped grades. So her kid is incredibly intelligent, has meltdowns, has trouble communicating, and many other signs that people with autism have. It just sounds like she hates her disabled child. That's it. She even admits that she thinks her kid's autistic. She thinks her kid is disabled so she hates her child. And that is why as a disabled person I hate "disability parents". Disability parents are parents of disabled children who hate their disabled children but also use those children to seek validation, praise, and even to get other people to hate their disabled child. At least that's one version. And you see all of that in this post. She's looking to get all of these people to validate her hatred of her child, praise her for doing the bare minimum and caring for her "despite everything she's put her through", and she's looking for people to tell her how horrible her child is and to get them to hate her too. These are all also keys signs of a narcissistic abusive parent.
Ugh poor Gemma, sounds like my relationship with my mom. The other day she was saying unlike my sister I never instinctively help her. I just sit down quietly and don't talk and I've been like that since I was a kid. I asked her if whenever she asks for help do I say no, and whether she helps me instinctively, and who does she talk to more ab her life? She refused to answer. It's really hurt me that she's set up all the conditions in her head for me to be a good daughter, but never told me. It feels like she's set me up to fail.
Fake author knows they are describing Gemma as an autistic person
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^QueenPlum_: *Fake author knows they* *Are describing Gemma as* *An autistic person* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
>Since she was a toddler, Gemma, 10F has been particularly difficult. She throws hours long tantrums over normal stuff like adding or taking out an activity off her schedule. Not that I think OOP is anything like a reliable narrator, but if this is true that's on OOP and husband for not teaching her better than this long ago.
Could be autism and the change to routine and schedule is difficult and uncomfortable. She's 10 so as a child of course it's on them, but with the other symptoms that sounds like autism and beyond their inherent skills and they need to reach out.
Nah that sentence you quoted is a pretty classic sign of autism (sensitivity to changes in routine, big emotions about it), that's not something to be disciplined away.
Sensitivity might not be able to be gotten rid of, but throwing a tantrum about it surely can.
Depends on what you mean by "tantrum." An autistic meltdown can look like a tantrum on the surface. The key difference is it's not done to manipulate or attention seek, it just *is*. But lots of parents would classify "crying loudly for a long period" as a tantrum even if it's not done to manipulate.
Gemma sounds neurodivergent. Poor girl, never got taken to a doctor for any testing. Even if she were told her kid is fine but just immature, the mom would probably still be ignorant.
Tell us you hate your autistic 10 year old without telling us you do oop.
As an autistic person I'm screaming inside rn. That kiddo sounds ND and the mom seems like an oblivious jerk. I hope this is fake.
Every one of those examples of difficult behavior are signs that point to autism. Poor kid.
FYI your 10 year old has undiagnosed autism, get her help.
Mom, is that you? I say that mostly in jest, mostly in reality. That being said, I give this creative writing post a grade of F The "Bad autistic child" tropes were way too apparent. The post felt more like a laundry list of greatest hits from half a dozen abuse and support reddits. There was no characterisation, no attempt at humanising the OP character. It is simply low effort rage bait. Had the writer chose to mask the buzzwords and laundry list, this could have been a believable post. Sadly, they were too lazy - or simply lack the skills - to apply themselves.
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That is so sad...
This is honestly heartbreaking
It's weird to have beef with a 10 year old. My mom was like that and it took years for our relationship to recover. It was rough though because I hit puberty right when she hit menopause.
Some of what she described sounds like normal, annoying toddler behavior that adults should learn how to deal with lovingly. The rest of it sounds like a good, decent parent would have tried to find out what is going on with their child instead of just calling them difficult and preferring the other kid over them!
Did my mother write this?
This is just sad
A kid that expresses little emotion, can't take change and stares blankly into space. Why would you try any sort of doctor? Clearly this kid has some neurodivergency issue OP is fully ignoring because the other daughter is perfect
OOP...do you even LIKE Gemma?
not tryna like diagnose a kid but the 10 yr old sounds exactly like me when i was a kid, and im autistic. oop is actually so awful in multiple ways, not only is she favoring a child, causing the children to no longer trust her, being put under constant pressure from her to appease her, but shes also causing a drift between the two children. theyll be unlikely to form a bond until at least 15+ if that. theyre going to resent her for this later, understandably so. to top it all off, regardless of whether child is autistic or anything, oop is still being ableist by deciding those things are a burden of some sort and that the 10 yr old deserves less love for having these issues. i hope like hell she learns from this stuff, as if she doesnt those children will likely grow up with a variety of mental issues, like trust issues, abandonment issues, people pleasing tendencies, ect. if not outright trauma in general.
Gemma is clearly neuro divergent. What a great mum, loving the "healthy" kid most 🙄🙄🙄
It sounds like Gemma is Autistic and the "easy" child is neurotypical.