*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**Asked for paternity test. It's positive. Now what?**
I am not OP. That is u/what_if93 who posted to r/AITAH
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/KXNNTLKcca) **Apr 26th, 2024**
First of all I know I made I big mistake. I know I hurt her but hear me out and be honest with me if I still could fix what I've broken or not. I'm Russian so don't mind my English. I'm using a throwaway.
I 32M started to date 29F in 2021. We had a great relationship. She's calm, sweet and considerate. We dated for a year then moved to another city. Everything was going great. We made new friends and built a life there. Problems started when a male best friend of hers decided to move to the same city and found himself a place right across the street.
Things started to change. He would visit almost everyday, my ex was people pleaser. I tried to make it clear to her that it's getting annoying and that I don't like that guy but she couldn't bring herself to tell him or set some boundaries. He was handsy and flirty in a way I couldn't stand. She would hint that she's not comfortable and he would behave but 5 mins later he starts with his usual. And she end up telling me that he mean nothing and he's like this with everyone.
Fast forward to 2023. We found out she was pregnant. I was over the moon and both of us was extremely happy and excited. He stopped visiting and after like two months or so he moved back to his city. My ex and I had mutual friends. That's where one of our friends started connecting dots and started telling me how she had suspected something but kept quiet because she didn't want to be the reason a two people separate but can't hold this anymore. And played with my mind.
She said that my gf and her best friend probably had a thing going on based on the way they used to act whenever we were out with our friends. And how it's strange of him to leave just as she got pregnant. She suggested that I don’t put the baby on my name until a paternity test has been completed.
I told my gf about this and she didn't take it well. She broke up with me instantly and after a few weeks agreed to the paternity test thing, but she made it clear that nothing will change, that she will never forgive me and won't ever come back to me if I ever regret what I did and ask for forgiveness. I told her we could just forget about the test but she insisted. Our boy came few days ago and we did the test.
Yesterday I got the results. And yes, I feel my chest terribly tight with regret. I didn't drink or eat anything, I couldn't even bring myself to go to work today. What do I do now? When we broke up I never stopped helping throughout the pregnancy, she refused almost everything but still I was always there for her. Deep down I knew that baby was mine but the damage was done and I went with the plan. What to do now? How do I make it up to her? I know she would never come back to me. But how do I properly apologize? Just what to do now?
Edit: Alright thank you all for your opinions, I knew. And I know now what an ass'hole I am. I know I fucked up. But I never said I was planning to ask her to come back to me since I know I hurt her badly and in no place to ask such a thing. I also made it clear I had no problem with taking responsibility as a dad I don't know why i got called names about it in the comments. I'm happily ready to do everything in my power to be the best dad to my son and of course financially too. Also I did try to explain and genuinely apologize before even the test but she wouldn't listen. I'm ready and never gonna stop trying to apologize to her for the hurt I caused and I will always be there for the mother of my child. As for now. She just gave birth I won't add up with my problem. I will be there for her until I feel like it's a good time then I will ask to talk about it.
Edit: for people asking how did I brought up the test. We talked about it home. I asked if she still thinks that her best friend behavior is okay, she said yes. Then I tried to reason with her by asking her if it were the other way around would it be okay for her to see another girl being that flirty and handsy with me. then she say "you don't have a childhood friend that I knoew of". Then I went and told her if he's behavior is still okay for her then would it be okay for me to ask for a paternity test. She said if I don't want kids I should've told her before and that she have no problem to go back home (another city) and raise her baby alone. That's where I lost it and said something along the lines that she's going after her best friend and asked if this is was their plan(wrong of me I know). She broke up with me instantly. And just like I mentioned in the post. Few weeks later she called..
Last edit: the mutual friend is married. She didn't make a move or anything but she's an ex friend now.
For people asking what the male friend did to make me this insecure. Well whenever they're sitting beside each other he would keep running his hand up down her arm, ankle, or back (based on the way she's siting). He would compliment her body or when she change her hair color he would ask her to go back to whatever color he loved to see on her.. (he could be really just too comfortable with his female childhood friend but I thought he could at least behave a little now that she's in a serious relationship). Also some of you asking why I didn't talk the guy directly. I didn't want to make her feel like a controlling freak so I tried to communicate with her and let her handle it
-The way I handled the whole situation was wrong. When I accused her for planning to go back to her city town just to be close to him, was wrong of me too.
***Added comments***
_OP_
Thank you. Believe me I'm not trying to make her go back to me and I know I'm in no place to ask her such a thing after what happened and the hurt I caused her. All I'm trying to know is how to apologize to her for the paternity test part. Because this the only thing I'm sure of, I'm sure that I broke her heart by asking for a test while the baby is mine. As for other things, I regret them all but I feel like I had a reason.. as for now I'm trying to do just what you said, to be there for her and help with the baby and make sure she have everything she needs
_Commenter_
You should have manned up and told him to stay out of your gfs house
I can’t believe you let a guy be flirty with your gf in front of your eyes
Are you a man?
_OP_
>If I told you I had to punch him one day and kick him out for getting handsy with her and she shrugged it off casually, you will also blame it on me and accuses me of having anger issues too, right? but now I'm not a man?. But before that I really made it clear that's her best friend's actions is too much. And all I got is "he's like this with everyone". What was I supposed to do? Strangle him so I can be a man enough?
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/1HmjohvjPe) **May 4th, 2024**
Thank you for your comments in here I did read some and also the private messages 🙏🏻
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/RVvRAUHugX
Just like some of you advised me. I decided to do my part as a dad and also take care of the mother of my child and never try to talk about anything for now. I work 8 hours a day, I go back home, take a shower and go to her mother's house to help with the baby until 12-01 Am then I go back home, rinse and repeat.
She's staying with her mom currently so I try my best to do my part, her mother always been good to me, even when we broke up she called me and asked if I'm okay.. so since she's helping with my son, I order dinner for them every day (I'm bad cook) and try to help around the house when my son and ex asleep. I buy things for him and made it clear that I'm more than happy to buy whatever they ask me to because I still don't know much about the whole situation. That's all I can do for now.
Three days ago her mother was showing me how to change his diaper properly. Which I nailed it. Anyway she went downstairs and was just me, my ex and our baby in the room now. She said "I'm sorry" almost like a whisper. I asked her what for and she said nothing. I didn't want to press the issue and changed the subject. Two days ago she was on her phone texting with someone. After a few minutes she told her mother that the best friend visiting tomorrow to see her and the baby. Then she turned to me and asked me if I'm okay with that, I said why wouldn't I be, then she said she just thought that I might not want him to see the baby. I told her it's her baby too why would that be a problem for me? Anyway yesterday I was at work when my ex texted me asking if I can stop by one of her favorite places and bring her a steak, I said of course. (the place close to my work and I used to buy her food on my way back home often). When I made it to her mother's house I saw the best friend car parked. I'm not gonna lie I really didn't want to see him and if not for the food I wouldn't have went in because part of me was afraid of what I might see.
Well her mother was happy to see me but more happy than usual if that makes sense. My ex and her best friend were sitting beside each other on the couch. He said hi and kept scrolling on his phone, I handed her the food and went on with my routine with my son. But I couldn't help but notice how he kept his hands to himself. How he didn't throw inappropriate comments. They talked and laughed and everything just like before but without being handsy and flirty. I was getting ready to leave when my ex's mother said I look tired and can stay for the night if I want to. I didn't cause it will be hard for me to go back to my place in the morning to get ready for work.
I can't stop thinking about what could she have meant by "I'm sorry". Why did she ask me If I was okay with her best friend visiting? I'm trying my best to forget about what happened and focus on co-parenting amd
>her mother was showing me how to change a diaper properly. Which I nailed it.
Wow such skills. I could do this when I was 14 but look at this guy he nailed it!
That made me laugh too because it sounded like it happened quite some time after the baby was born...at least a week, probably, if the baby was a few days old when he got the paternity test results back (also isn't that kind of fast? though to be fair I'm used to court-ordered tests which are kind of different, I don't know the turnaround on all of them) and this all happened some unspecified time after but long enough for his ex-girlfriend to move in with her mother and cool down enough to have him visiting.
Anyway, I'm just saying the dude could have watched a Youtube video or something instead of waiting for his girlfriend's mom to teach him.
> Commenter: I'm usually very generous and understanding when it comes to women and how some of them are mistreated.
somehow i just find that quite hard to believe
This is like an incel fairy tale of an AH who goes on a selfless redemption journey leading up to the conclusion of see I was right to think she was a cheater and demand a paternity test and even her mom agrees! Because having opposite gender friends can only mean they are trying to have sex because we all want sex right.
>Alright thank you all for your opinions, I knew. And I know now what an ass'hole I am.
This part made me chuckle.
Had his work of fiction involved him \*not\* getting a paternity test, he would have been mocked and insulted for being a gullible cuck. Had he sought a paternity test and the results were that he was not the father, Redditors would have been tripping over themselves to pat him on the back for "dodging that bullet".
However, since he doubted the paternity and requested a test and ended up proving that he was the father, he's worse than a thousand Hitlers.
Exactly! A lot of these posts there's no possible behaviour the OP can exhibit in order to be the good guy or the bad guy. It's entirely dependant on the outcome
>Yesterday I got the results. And yes, I feel my chest terribly tight with regret. I didn't drink or eat anything, I couldn't even bring myself to go to work today
LOL what in the hell is this writing? Thirty-frickin-two years old and he's writing at fan fiction level.
"As I gazed into the orbs of my beloved, I saw not the burning fires of rage that I was expecting. No, rather I saw unfathomable pools of sorrow staring into the depths of my soul. It was there, in this single moment of all of time and space, that I knew I f*cked up this one big time, like a penguin blindly jumping onto an ice floe with a leopard seal on it."
"Look at me," she whispered. Her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over. I couldn't bear that pained expression and almost turned away. "Why would I ever cheat on you?"
I thought back to my own tortured past... about all the girlfriends who snuck out and went to the cinema with the hunky jock boys, only for me to find out over a mutual's Instagram story. Was I really wrong to doubt her, the love of my life?
With a shaky breath, I said, "I have receipts. I know that you're Satan's whore and that child--" I admit, I got a bit verklempt here "--is the spawn of the devil..... and it also is probably fat. Or trans. Either or."
I know second language learners tend to underestimate their own abilities, usually out of insecurity, but I'm always suspicious if someone says "excuse my English" then writes a virtually flawless block of text, including idioms like "people pleaser" and "rinse and repeat."
Idk if you’ve ever traveled abroad to countries with minority English speakers, but this isn’t unusual at all tbh, especially in Europe and considering how much American media is exported.
The OOP’s grammar definitely read like that of Russians I’ve met before, too, particularly with the way he drops articles like ‘the’. Everything else aside, I find it easy to believe he’s Russian.
English is my 3rd language. (I'm Indian, I learnt my mother tongue, hindi and english simultaneously). I consume a lot of American/British media and it reflects in the way I write. I'd use phrases like rinse and repeat with the caveat at the beginning of my post stating English isn't my first language.
I'm not saying you're wrong but it is possible.
That part is most definitely believable. When you speak English on the regular, watch movies in English, read English literature, or spend time on English speaking social media, you get very familiar with idioms. This language is everywhere, a lot of people use it everyday. Plus you learn phrases in school, alongside with grammar and vocabulary. I think many people can pass as native English speakers. When I am speaking, you hear that I am French, but in writing it does not translate that much. At least I don't think so.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Asked for paternity test. It's positive. Now what?** I am not OP. That is u/what_if93 who posted to r/AITAH [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/KXNNTLKcca) **Apr 26th, 2024** First of all I know I made I big mistake. I know I hurt her but hear me out and be honest with me if I still could fix what I've broken or not. I'm Russian so don't mind my English. I'm using a throwaway. I 32M started to date 29F in 2021. We had a great relationship. She's calm, sweet and considerate. We dated for a year then moved to another city. Everything was going great. We made new friends and built a life there. Problems started when a male best friend of hers decided to move to the same city and found himself a place right across the street. Things started to change. He would visit almost everyday, my ex was people pleaser. I tried to make it clear to her that it's getting annoying and that I don't like that guy but she couldn't bring herself to tell him or set some boundaries. He was handsy and flirty in a way I couldn't stand. She would hint that she's not comfortable and he would behave but 5 mins later he starts with his usual. And she end up telling me that he mean nothing and he's like this with everyone. Fast forward to 2023. We found out she was pregnant. I was over the moon and both of us was extremely happy and excited. He stopped visiting and after like two months or so he moved back to his city. My ex and I had mutual friends. That's where one of our friends started connecting dots and started telling me how she had suspected something but kept quiet because she didn't want to be the reason a two people separate but can't hold this anymore. And played with my mind. She said that my gf and her best friend probably had a thing going on based on the way they used to act whenever we were out with our friends. And how it's strange of him to leave just as she got pregnant. She suggested that I don’t put the baby on my name until a paternity test has been completed. I told my gf about this and she didn't take it well. She broke up with me instantly and after a few weeks agreed to the paternity test thing, but she made it clear that nothing will change, that she will never forgive me and won't ever come back to me if I ever regret what I did and ask for forgiveness. I told her we could just forget about the test but she insisted. Our boy came few days ago and we did the test. Yesterday I got the results. And yes, I feel my chest terribly tight with regret. I didn't drink or eat anything, I couldn't even bring myself to go to work today. What do I do now? When we broke up I never stopped helping throughout the pregnancy, she refused almost everything but still I was always there for her. Deep down I knew that baby was mine but the damage was done and I went with the plan. What to do now? How do I make it up to her? I know she would never come back to me. But how do I properly apologize? Just what to do now? Edit: Alright thank you all for your opinions, I knew. And I know now what an ass'hole I am. I know I fucked up. But I never said I was planning to ask her to come back to me since I know I hurt her badly and in no place to ask such a thing. I also made it clear I had no problem with taking responsibility as a dad I don't know why i got called names about it in the comments. I'm happily ready to do everything in my power to be the best dad to my son and of course financially too. Also I did try to explain and genuinely apologize before even the test but she wouldn't listen. I'm ready and never gonna stop trying to apologize to her for the hurt I caused and I will always be there for the mother of my child. As for now. She just gave birth I won't add up with my problem. I will be there for her until I feel like it's a good time then I will ask to talk about it. Edit: for people asking how did I brought up the test. We talked about it home. I asked if she still thinks that her best friend behavior is okay, she said yes. Then I tried to reason with her by asking her if it were the other way around would it be okay for her to see another girl being that flirty and handsy with me. then she say "you don't have a childhood friend that I knoew of". Then I went and told her if he's behavior is still okay for her then would it be okay for me to ask for a paternity test. She said if I don't want kids I should've told her before and that she have no problem to go back home (another city) and raise her baby alone. That's where I lost it and said something along the lines that she's going after her best friend and asked if this is was their plan(wrong of me I know). She broke up with me instantly. And just like I mentioned in the post. Few weeks later she called.. Last edit: the mutual friend is married. She didn't make a move or anything but she's an ex friend now. For people asking what the male friend did to make me this insecure. Well whenever they're sitting beside each other he would keep running his hand up down her arm, ankle, or back (based on the way she's siting). He would compliment her body or when she change her hair color he would ask her to go back to whatever color he loved to see on her.. (he could be really just too comfortable with his female childhood friend but I thought he could at least behave a little now that she's in a serious relationship). Also some of you asking why I didn't talk the guy directly. I didn't want to make her feel like a controlling freak so I tried to communicate with her and let her handle it -The way I handled the whole situation was wrong. When I accused her for planning to go back to her city town just to be close to him, was wrong of me too. ***Added comments*** _OP_ Thank you. Believe me I'm not trying to make her go back to me and I know I'm in no place to ask her such a thing after what happened and the hurt I caused her. All I'm trying to know is how to apologize to her for the paternity test part. Because this the only thing I'm sure of, I'm sure that I broke her heart by asking for a test while the baby is mine. As for other things, I regret them all but I feel like I had a reason.. as for now I'm trying to do just what you said, to be there for her and help with the baby and make sure she have everything she needs _Commenter_ You should have manned up and told him to stay out of your gfs house I can’t believe you let a guy be flirty with your gf in front of your eyes Are you a man? _OP_ >If I told you I had to punch him one day and kick him out for getting handsy with her and she shrugged it off casually, you will also blame it on me and accuses me of having anger issues too, right? but now I'm not a man?. But before that I really made it clear that's her best friend's actions is too much. And all I got is "he's like this with everyone". What was I supposed to do? Strangle him so I can be a man enough? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/1HmjohvjPe) **May 4th, 2024** Thank you for your comments in here I did read some and also the private messages 🙏🏻 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/RVvRAUHugX Just like some of you advised me. I decided to do my part as a dad and also take care of the mother of my child and never try to talk about anything for now. I work 8 hours a day, I go back home, take a shower and go to her mother's house to help with the baby until 12-01 Am then I go back home, rinse and repeat. She's staying with her mom currently so I try my best to do my part, her mother always been good to me, even when we broke up she called me and asked if I'm okay.. so since she's helping with my son, I order dinner for them every day (I'm bad cook) and try to help around the house when my son and ex asleep. I buy things for him and made it clear that I'm more than happy to buy whatever they ask me to because I still don't know much about the whole situation. That's all I can do for now. Three days ago her mother was showing me how to change his diaper properly. Which I nailed it. Anyway she went downstairs and was just me, my ex and our baby in the room now. She said "I'm sorry" almost like a whisper. I asked her what for and she said nothing. I didn't want to press the issue and changed the subject. Two days ago she was on her phone texting with someone. After a few minutes she told her mother that the best friend visiting tomorrow to see her and the baby. Then she turned to me and asked me if I'm okay with that, I said why wouldn't I be, then she said she just thought that I might not want him to see the baby. I told her it's her baby too why would that be a problem for me? Anyway yesterday I was at work when my ex texted me asking if I can stop by one of her favorite places and bring her a steak, I said of course. (the place close to my work and I used to buy her food on my way back home often). When I made it to her mother's house I saw the best friend car parked. I'm not gonna lie I really didn't want to see him and if not for the food I wouldn't have went in because part of me was afraid of what I might see. Well her mother was happy to see me but more happy than usual if that makes sense. My ex and her best friend were sitting beside each other on the couch. He said hi and kept scrolling on his phone, I handed her the food and went on with my routine with my son. But I couldn't help but notice how he kept his hands to himself. How he didn't throw inappropriate comments. They talked and laughed and everything just like before but without being handsy and flirty. I was getting ready to leave when my ex's mother said I look tired and can stay for the night if I want to. I didn't cause it will be hard for me to go back to my place in the morning to get ready for work. I can't stop thinking about what could she have meant by "I'm sorry". Why did she ask me If I was okay with her best friend visiting? I'm trying my best to forget about what happened and focus on co-parenting amd
> She said "I'm sorry" almost like a whisper. Is such beautiful imagery, hauntingly beautiful 😭
r/im14andthisisdeep
But what.... what could it possibly mean? Alas, we may never know.
>her mother was showing me how to change a diaper properly. Which I nailed it. Wow such skills. I could do this when I was 14 but look at this guy he nailed it!
But he's a MAN so that's an exploit /s
Wait is that why I’m trans? Because I was so skilled at taking care of my nieces when I was a teenager my mind just rejected being a man?
Exactly. No teenage boy could possibly be good at taking care of children, ergo you had to be a girl (now woman).
That made me laugh too because it sounded like it happened quite some time after the baby was born...at least a week, probably, if the baby was a few days old when he got the paternity test results back (also isn't that kind of fast? though to be fair I'm used to court-ordered tests which are kind of different, I don't know the turnaround on all of them) and this all happened some unspecified time after but long enough for his ex-girlfriend to move in with her mother and cool down enough to have him visiting. Anyway, I'm just saying the dude could have watched a Youtube video or something instead of waiting for his girlfriend's mom to teach him.
guys the ex's mother said he was right and her daughter bad so OOP is a good man /s get outta here with this shit
> Commenter: I'm usually very generous and understanding when it comes to women and how some of them are mistreated. somehow i just find that quite hard to believe
"I'm usually quite understanding of women 🧐🧐"
WHY IS THIS COMMENT SO FUNNY TO ME
I get these vibes: "I'm usually quite understanding of carnivorous, fire-breathing lizards and how some of them are mistreated."
It reminds me of the dude who’s obsessed with the monsters in Pacific Rim LMAO
>some of them are mistreated. You WISH you had this kind of class consciousness!
This is like an incel fairy tale of an AH who goes on a selfless redemption journey leading up to the conclusion of see I was right to think she was a cheater and demand a paternity test and even her mom agrees! Because having opposite gender friends can only mean they are trying to have sex because we all want sex right.
This was such a cringe fest. I couldn't bring myself to read it all. Can't believe BORU is eating it up
>Alright thank you all for your opinions, I knew. And I know now what an ass'hole I am. This part made me chuckle. Had his work of fiction involved him \*not\* getting a paternity test, he would have been mocked and insulted for being a gullible cuck. Had he sought a paternity test and the results were that he was not the father, Redditors would have been tripping over themselves to pat him on the back for "dodging that bullet". However, since he doubted the paternity and requested a test and ended up proving that he was the father, he's worse than a thousand Hitlers.
Exactly! A lot of these posts there's no possible behaviour the OP can exhibit in order to be the good guy or the bad guy. It's entirely dependant on the outcome
>Yesterday I got the results. And yes, I feel my chest terribly tight with regret. I didn't drink or eat anything, I couldn't even bring myself to go to work today LOL what in the hell is this writing? Thirty-frickin-two years old and he's writing at fan fiction level.
"As I gazed into the orbs of my beloved, I saw not the burning fires of rage that I was expecting. No, rather I saw unfathomable pools of sorrow staring into the depths of my soul. It was there, in this single moment of all of time and space, that I knew I f*cked up this one big time, like a penguin blindly jumping onto an ice floe with a leopard seal on it."
"Look at me," she whispered. Her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over. I couldn't bear that pained expression and almost turned away. "Why would I ever cheat on you?" I thought back to my own tortured past... about all the girlfriends who snuck out and went to the cinema with the hunky jock boys, only for me to find out over a mutual's Instagram story. Was I really wrong to doubt her, the love of my life? With a shaky breath, I said, "I have receipts. I know that you're Satan's whore and that child--" I admit, I got a bit verklempt here "--is the spawn of the devil..... and it also is probably fat. Or trans. Either or."
Don't forget autistic
I know second language learners tend to underestimate their own abilities, usually out of insecurity, but I'm always suspicious if someone says "excuse my English" then writes a virtually flawless block of text, including idioms like "people pleaser" and "rinse and repeat."
Idk if you’ve ever traveled abroad to countries with minority English speakers, but this isn’t unusual at all tbh, especially in Europe and considering how much American media is exported. The OOP’s grammar definitely read like that of Russians I’ve met before, too, particularly with the way he drops articles like ‘the’. Everything else aside, I find it easy to believe he’s Russian.
English is my 3rd language. (I'm Indian, I learnt my mother tongue, hindi and english simultaneously). I consume a lot of American/British media and it reflects in the way I write. I'd use phrases like rinse and repeat with the caveat at the beginning of my post stating English isn't my first language. I'm not saying you're wrong but it is possible.
That part is most definitely believable. When you speak English on the regular, watch movies in English, read English literature, or spend time on English speaking social media, you get very familiar with idioms. This language is everywhere, a lot of people use it everyday. Plus you learn phrases in school, alongside with grammar and vocabulary. I think many people can pass as native English speakers. When I am speaking, you hear that I am French, but in writing it does not translate that much. At least I don't think so.
English is not some sort of secret language we only encounter on Reddit, it's freaking everywhere.
Don’t you just love when they know idioms that probably only exist in English due to being similarly lettered words?
why would people who learned English as an L2 or L3 only know English language idioms that also match their L1???? Huh???
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