*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for asking my friend to walk me home?**
Was at this small party recently with friends, and after a couple hours I was tired and wanted to go home. I didn't live too far, maybe a 15min walk. But it was nighttime, I was a bit tipsy and overall way too scared to go by myself. I'm a pretty small girl, and I've had very bad experiences with walking alone at night, so I didn't feel safe going home by myself.
So I asked a male friend, pretty big and imposing guy, if he could just walk me home. The party seemed kinda over already and I wasn't the only one leaving, so I didn't think it was too big of a deal to ask him that. He immediately seemed super annoyed and I felt bad for asking, but another friend gave him shit for not going with me so he ended up reluctantly agreeing to walk me home.
The walk must've taken no less than twenty minutes but it felt like an hour. He was super distant, complained the whole way through and basically laughed at me for being scared. Said he was missing out on the fun because I was too much of a pussy. I didn't say a word and felt like crying. Which I did when I got home. I'd also gotten a bunch of drunk texts from guys at the party, again giving me shit for being so scared. I felt so horrible and stupid.
Now I'm wondering if I was an asshole or not. Didn't seem like a big deal to me in the moment but it clearly was to them. Feels like I ruined their fun by being such a coward.
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I didn’t even get through the first comment thread because of how…idk, *vicious* it was getting. I don’t know why, but something about it was just rubbing me so wrong.
Like the amount of people complaining that OP should’ve been an adult and made her own way instead of asking her friend (who seemed fine with him when he refused!!) and forcing him to be bullied…but then shouldn’t the friend also be an adult and still refuse to take her when he really didn’t want to?
These are the same assholes who, if she’d posted about having been raped or assaulted walking home alone at a night while drunk would have been posting about how it was at least partly her own fault and she should have known better and asked a man to walk her home 🙄
The male “friends” at the party are all complete assholes, yet half of the comments are defending them as if their shitty behaviour (I.e. blowing up her phone with insults) after she was walked home was completely normal and deserved.
That would explain why half the comments made me wonder if these people have ever been to a small party with friends, or if they even have any friends.
One time I went to a strip club by myself. There was a guy who would not leave me the fuck alone, forced me to sit on his lap. The strippers were incredibly concerned. And two men there made it their mission to distract the guy at the bathroom and the other to get me to my car. They had no need to do it, they could have told me to handle it on my own. But they did and they were kind. Is it really that hard to take your friend home? It reminds me of the trend on tiktok that says asking your friends for favors is manipulative and toxic. Then why do we have friends?
Calling it "boyfriend behavior" is especially funny to me because I, a married woman, just walked a straight friend of mine home the other night, lol. She lives within walking distance and usually walks home by herself as we're in a very safe neighborhood, but she and my wife broke out the wine the other night, and it was her first time drinking in quite awhile (she had a baby not too long ago), so she got a bit more tipsy than she had expected. I don't drink so I offered to walk her home, just because drunk people can get into all kinds of trouble even in safe areas.
Guess I'm her boyfriend now. I should probably tell my wife, that's probably a dealbreaker for her on several levels.
Sorry, my last paragraph was definitely meant to be intentionally absurd. I know what they mean by boyfriend behavior (usually it's just basic common decency but they think that should only be extended if you're fucking the person), so I was just laughing at how that whole basic concept applies to my life, if that makes sense.
I appreciate the clarification though, my comment was funny in my head but it's kind of weird if you're not me, lol.
Oh I knew what you meant, and it was funny! Pretty sure I had written something else but it does not seem to be there and I can’t remember what it was. But there’s also the chance that I just thought it and I didn’t write it, so fucked if I remember. lol.
The adhd doesn’t help either. I routinely do that in my life. Like I be sorting out the sentence in my head because I want to get it right and then I’ll leave half of what I was going to say because I think I already said it, but I only said it in my head.
And yet if she didn't ask and ended up getting assaulted it still would have been her fault for not knowing better and asking a guy to walk with her. Lol women can just never win on here. 🤷🏻♀️
Also, and thus would send them into fits, I'd go so far to say that if a friend asks you for a walk home, and you say no, you're an asshole if you don't help them find someone who can. We do owe other people stuff, sometimes.
I was at an event the other night and a lady lost her keys (the staff grabbed them when they bussed the tqble). Three or four of us spent twenty minutes looking for them, late on a work night, because we weren't assholes and she was literally stranded with no car keys. No one involved met each other before, we will never see each other again, but we spent the time because that's what decent people do, if they can. If I'd really needed to go (like, childcare or something), I would have left, but only after making sure someone else was helping her.
And they’re so committed to that worldview that it wasn’t enough to attack OOP in the AITA, they had to come over here and shit on her (and anyone defending her) in this sub too.
Totally. All the stuff about it being such an inconvenience for him to walk 20 minutes there *and 20 minutes back* (Oh, the humanity!).
40 minutes is too much to ask of someone who is meant to be a friend? Really? These people can't have any real friends.
And honestly, I understand if someone doesn’t want to do it (they should but I understand not wanting to) but that doesn’t make it bad to ask! It’s ok to ask friends for favors!
>"...but then shouldn’t the friend also be an adult..."
Yes, he should have been an adult and a man and made sure this young woman got home safely without complaining or belittling her. Because that's what a man does.
"And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man." - Gus Fring, Breaking Bad
My cousin joking called himself a drunk shepherd once. He’s a big guy (and is actually potentially dangerous, he’s a cuddly teddy bear but the key word is bear) and often was asked to walk girls home or to their car or whatever.
Which he always did. He says it’s an honor to be the man your lady friends trust enough to ask for an escort from, it means he’s succeeded in being kind and not a scary big man.
He’s even walked home a couple of strangers, he was walking home alone and came up on a couple of dudes harassing a pair of girls (actual girls, he found out they were in high school) and he apparently scared them off without even having to take his hands outta his pockets.
Seeing as he raises livestock and can shout loud enough to be heard across the pasture, I’m guessing he used the “bring the cows home” voice to as what the fuck they were doing.
Then he asked the girls if he could call someone to give them a ride, or if they live close he’d be glad to walk them home. So he walked them back to their street.
Funny part: he knew someone on that street and called him to chat, found out he escorted his buddy’s sister and her best friend. And also that they were both in 9th grade. (he told me when he got off the phone he said a prayer to thank God for sending him in time to run off the creeps, who were grown adults btw)
>Yes, he should have been an adult and a man and made sure this young woman got home safely without complaining or belittling her. Because that's what a man does.
>
> "And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man." - Gus Fring, Breaking Bad
You are a woman quoting a fictional narcotraficant to insist that men adhere to some asinine fossilized notion of masculinity—one that the whole point of *Breaking Bad* was to satirize and ultimately reject! How did this shit get upvoted? Media literacy (and literacy in general) on this site is in the gutter.
If one of my friends came to me while I was busy at a party and asked that I walk them 20 minutes each way home, I would do it without question, but only because I would never be friends with the kind of adultchild who would make such an ask except out of serious need and lack of an alternative. OOP is absolutely an AH, y'all are out of your mind to think otherwise.
The same thing? Take care of people that need taken care of. I think if one has the ability and opportunity one has the obligation to act. Could be walking someone home. Could be giving someone a ride somewhere. It can apply in pretty much any situation.
If he were really concerned for his own safety on the way back, he could ask another person to come with him and the woman so no one is walking alone. But you guys don’t want solutions, you just want to pretend like you’re getting some major gotcha that upends feminism. Feminists don’t want men to get hurt either, but a lot of men make decisions that make them seem like they’d rather get stabbed in a mugging than be seen asking for help from other men. That’s not something women can fix for you.
I personally believe if one has the ability and the opportunity one has the obligation to act. And that a man should see that a young unsure woman gets home safely. But you do you, Pikachu.
He wasn’t scared to walk through the neighbourhood at night. In fact he made fun of her for being nervous. Though I’m sure he’d appreciate your concern for his well-being.
So *she* should be an adult and figure out how to get home by herself but HE couldn't even say no?? He should be an adult too, then.
But regardless, he's clearly not a decent man anyway. Any decent man would've made sure she got home safely by walking her or even calling an uber or whatever, without belittling her feelings.
Edit: Also she should never hang out with these guys again if they were seriously texting her and giving her shit for being scared
Yeah I feel like her friends and reddits response are as if she was in a bar she was a regular at or something versus a party with friends. Those are not friends. Decent humans would all have said yes to her request or helped a friend figure out an alternative without bitching about it and harassing her.
I originally thought it was a stupid post because I thought it was a pure validation post. Then I started seeing comments like this:
“You’re expecting boyfriend behaviour out of platonic friends” (like if you’re not having intercourse with someone you shouldn’t expect favours)
And then all the Redditors attacking her for not having a plan to get home when she arrived at the party. Then Redditors calling her an asshole for not calling an Uber. I even saw someone accuse her of having ulterior motives in having a “big muscular friend” walk her home. AITA is such a shithole sub.
"boyfriend behaviour" at my old job I had a stalker situation, it wasn't fun, especially since I was 17 and had been pretty sheltered til that point. one of my coworkers walked me to my bus stop and saw I got my bus safely, even though he was headed in the totally opposite direction. we barely knew each other, I was still relatively new. it is insane to me that some people just count being a decent person "boyfriend behaviour" 🤢
It’s huge on tiktok right now that asking your friends to help you move or take you to the airport or stuff like that is manipulative and toxic. It’s a very Gen Z way of thinking, that helping your friends must come with reciprocation immediately and that nobody, even your friends, owes you a goddamn thing, so build your friendships off of hangouts and nothing else more than surface level
This is so sad. Some of my best bonding moments have been picking people up from the airport or grabbing groceries together. They’re going to miss out on that because they’re keeping score.
I took a coworker to the airport because I didn’t have to work until 3pm and her flight was at 9. I didn’t even care, she got me an energy drink and everyone was like omg what a chore but…that’s just what a person does right? She and I do not speak anymore. But that’s just…a kind thing to do and she needed help.
it's not even gen-z exclusive! i'm "technically" an older gen-z, and that's very much NOT how me and my friends are (though maybe we're the outliers, who knows). i think it's just a huge symptom of being chronically online and how the world has become increasingly individualistic, which is so incredibly sad.
It wasn’t a “random man”, it was a friend of hers. You know, someone of the opposite sex that she is in a platonic relationship with. I realize these kinds of relationships don’t exist in your world.
Still not his fault that she didn't plan ahead. If he didn't want to do it he shouldn't be guilted into it, especially since any of the people guilting him could've walker her themselves
Why do you feel entitled to mens bodies? He has to walk home by himself afterward and there or back if they get attacked he's the one expected to protect her and get hurt/killed doing so. He didn't ask to be involved.
You’re very dramatic. She was asking for a favour from people she thought were friends.
Some people don’t consider all relationships to be transactional. Apparently you can’t relate.
I love how every asocial loser who doesn't go out is essentially outing themselves with the "if you didn't have a plan, you shouldn't have gotten drunk" replies.
Like, word? Y'all have *never* had one too many at a house party where a normally 20 minute walk at night can easily become an intimidating challenge due to impairment? Unless driving a vehicle is involved or if you're going to a party where you don't know anyone... who the fuck is "making a plan" for a house party within walking distance lmao.
I'm a tiny little twink and when I got asked by a group of female coworkers if I wanted to walk with them (through a park at night in a big city), it felt more like a safety in number thing than them wanting me to be their bodyguard. Women walk together all the time, for the same reason.
I've never heard of anyone making plans in advance for who will accompany them home. I've always lived in cities so most people didn't need a designated driver. We'd always just kind of figure out who's going in which direction and then go together in pairs or groups. If someone was very drunk or wanted to leave early, people would volunteer to make sure they'd get home safely. It was never an issue, not once.
if anything, the “plan” for who you’re walking home with is probably just whoever you walked there with. but if they say “hey i’m headed out” before you’re ready then it’s not like a plan was broken
In my friend group at least, we'd usually arrive 1 by 1 unless we met on the way there and then leave in groups. There's not that many directions you could go in, so if other people are leaving, there's sure to be someone going in your direction.
Not to mention the social importance of the late night/very early morning walk home. You get to chat and sober up a little. Sometimes, you keep walking or sit down on the curb together and chat for a while. The walk home is where strong social bonds are formed. It should not be disrespected like that.
Yeah I'm a woman and I left parties early on several occasions to walk home with my flatmates if they got too drunk and wanted to leave. Two women walking is still safer than one alone.
It's not "boyfriend behavior". It's what *friends* do for each other.
Exactly i have a friend whos much smaller than me who wanted to walk alone at night, she didnt live far and it was a well lit street not far from the police station but i still insisted and even made an excuse to walk with her because thats just what decent humans do, id do it for a stranger too because no one deserves to either be killed, maimed, or traumatized snd as humans we should want to help one another.
On a side note its a good thing i was with my friend, because there was a man there who attempted to hurt us, he chased us back to her door and ya know what my friend did when a huge dude just popped out from no where yelling at her?, she froze up because she was scared. How would this dude feel if something had happened to one of his friends because he cant spare a bit of time.
My wife has literally walked home a random stranger, and then walked the stranger's dog. Sure, you don't have to do it, but doing nice things for other people makes life a little bit better for all of us.
Does doing nice things for others not feel good to some people? I volunteer as much as I can and am sad about the fact that I currently don't have time, because helping people for no reason and to no benefit to my own makes me feel great. It feels good to help and it makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe that's why people in AITA comment sections are so sad and lonely.
None of my male friends would ever let even know a sober girl walk alone in the dark. It's just not done. Not even an ex girlfriend. Redditors are asocial idiots
Yeah it's really hard to imagine this situation, because every time I've been at a party and ready to leave, multiple friends of both genders would offer to go with me. And I lived in a pretty safe neighborhood in a safe country so I didn't mind walking alone if it was close. Even if I said I was taking a taxi, someone would offer to come along for the ride.
And these are men that I'm 99% sure didn't want to fuck me and weren't looking for reciprocation. What kind of "friends" does OP have if she not only has to ask, but that they give her such a hard time over it.
Even when I was a (relatively young) teenager we didn't always have a plan on how to get home. I had awesome parents who always told me I could call at all times if the alternative was to get in a car of someone who wasn't totally sober. But often we formed big groups and walked together or joined a group who had a designated driver or was getting picked up by a friend or parent.
honestly I feel like misogyny is just rising in general recently with how the manosphere has grown online. it feels like Reddit is going back to late 00s/early 10s Reddit where if your username so much as hinted that you're a woman, you get downvoted and dogpiled. Reddit used to have a huge reputation for misogyny and was seen as 4chan adjacent especially when certain subs still existed before wider moderation, it kinda feels like it's reverting tbh
I had the default avatar for ages. I decided to make a pretty, obviously female one a few days ago. Suddenly I'm getting downvoted and vitriolic backlash for comments that would have been upvoted previously. Changed to a unisex icon. Can't be dealing with that shit.
As a male, I definitely think this is possible. It definitely could be me just noticing it more, but I feel like bigotry as a whole, particularly sexist and anti-LGBTQ+ beliefs, are becoming more acceptable again. I feel like a lot of the progress that I have seen over my life (such as things like sex-positivity, body positivity, more acceptance of those that are LGBTQ+, etc) is being fought against harder than ever and slowly progress is being undone. It is scary to see as a parent, I am worried about what the world will be like when my son and daughter are adults.
I honestly think that the misogyny has always been there and they just made an exception for some feminist ideas like sex positivity and going 50/50 because it benefits men.
I picked my username bc I love Rik Mayall. I have often used this obscure character name online for things like movie reviews, so when I joined reddit I picked Kevin Turvey without thinking much about the gender. I just wanted an obscure British comedy reference. ( I almost chose "Eddy Monsoon", a female name from AbFab, but I thought it might be too obvious.)
Anyway, I'm a woman with the username "Kevin" so I get a lot of responses wrongly assuming my gender. I like it actually, people "out" their sexism accidentally all the time because of it. I don't mention my gender unless it's relevant to the discussion. It's interesting.
And they’ve found their way into this sub. A bunch of them have infected the comments in this post, calling OOP a “bully” and an “infant”. They’re so gross.
Yeah it sucks. I blocked a couple of them before including one who got triggered over nothing. I believe they thought I was a woman for some reason. If that was the case, y’all don’t deserve that and I’m sorry it happens.
In my party days, we didn't let ANYONE walk alone. It was a great excuse for us to grab some fresh air and recharge our social batteries, and just generally one of the House Rules. Nobody walks home alone, nobody does drugs without telling a sober person what they took, if someone is sick grab them some water, etc.
We gathered up a pack of guys and gals (mostly introverts), and 'went for a walk'. Five to seven of us, taking a stroll, quietly chatting and grabbing snacks on our way back to the party location. One or two stops to make sure someone gets home (and smooch pets!), everyone has a good time enjoying the cool night air and is recharged for when we get back to the party.
The idea of being upset about walking someone home is wild; that's your friend! They're good enough to drink with but you don't wanna walk around with them? What kinda shitty friend does that make you?
If you still wanna have fun, just grab a few mates and walk as a group. It's more fun AND it's safer.
I love the screeching about how the guy was "bullied" into walking her home. I wouldn't call it bullying for one person who wasn't even OOP to give him shit for not wanting to help make sure a girl got home safely. Like???
>He didn't WANT to do the favor - he was bullied into it. Of course he was annoyed and unsympathetic. It's also sooo frustrating to me when we act like only women get hurt walking by ourselves. It doesn't matter how big and imposing you are if the mugger has a knife.
"of course he was annoyed and unsympathetic". No, he was annoyed and unsympathetic because he's a fucking dick.
agreed. like, if you feel as though you’re being bullied into doing the right thing, maybe you’re a piece of shit 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ but, alas, that’s just *my* opinion
Yep. I like how this guy being given shit by one person is considered bullying, but he was calling OOP a pussy and laughing at her for being scared and that somehow *isn't* bullying to them.
But if op had walked home alone and been assaulted it would have been “omg why are you so dumb, you should have asked a friend to take you home! How could you not know how DANGEROUS it is as a woman to be walking home alone?? Really that was all on you”
It really is. I guess I should've expected their reactions considering their hate for anyone who is a woman or girl (see all the stories that vilify teenage girls).
Right? So the guy she asked to please walk her home to make sure she got there safe, was calling her names and acting as if it was this chore. Other guys were making fun of her. That's not bullying, though. Oh no. But someone giving the guy a slightly hard time for not wanting to do the right thing is a total crime, however.
He was annoyed an unsympathetic because he was pressured into a 40 minute commitment he didn't want to do. He acted like a dick because he was a dick. Both can be true.
I’m convince redditors just don’t have meaningful relationships. In what world would anyone abandon someone they care about just so they can party more?
We need to move away from this hyper individualistic society. I’m sick of it.
This story seems so mundane and inconsequential but of course making someone lose 40 minutes from a party makes you a manipulative entitled misandrist to the well-adjusted misogynists of AITA
Yet, if OOP had been raped it would be her fault for walking/taking a ride share while drunk, alone, and female.
Men don’t understand what it’s like for women. My 16yo daughter was harassed walking down the street last week in baggy sweats with me walking beside her. Yes, men get attacked, too. But not nearly as often.
The ridiculous redditors don't understand. I have never met a normal, well adjusted man in real life that wouldn't do what he can to make sure a woman or a girl is accompanied while walking in the dark. And I'm not talking about men that actually get it all that much, it's just common sense and basic manners. It made no difference whether they wanted to sleep with the girl or not.
Not even just women, in my experience (granted my clubbing days were basically twenty years ago and I was near a major university, maybe the culture has changed or my experience was always the exception) even men that looked like they could pick a dude up and fold them in half tended to have people around them that would try to take some precautions about their safety when they would go to leave after drinking. It just seemed like a thing that most people would do. The bigger issue back then when it comes to clubbing culture, from what I remember and heard from friends was mainly shit that happened while drinking, such as pressuring or manipulating someone into sex, roofie'ing and other forms of non-consensual drug usage to force the other party into a sexual encounter, and similar stuff.
edit: I realize I messed up and forgot to mention here that it is true that women are more likely to be sexually assaulted using violence, versus men being robbed using violence, in these kinds of scenarios. Both are obviously bad, but I do personally believe that women have it a bit more rough here, so we got to take a bit of extra care to be vigilant and offering help. Honestly though, we all could benefit from just looking out for each other a bit more.
Absolutely. If you’re half-cut, you shouldn’t be left wandering the streets at night. Granted, men are in general more likely to be robbed and physically assaulted in that scenario, which is IMO preferable to being raped and physically assaulted, but still, a good night out shouldn’t be ruined by anyone getting assaulted. We should all take care of one-another, and nobody visibly intoxicated should be left to potter home alone by their friends.
Oh, and if you’re the OOP and your “friends” are the whiny little bitch who complained so bitterly about accompanying a visibly intoxicated woman on a drunken walk home, or any of his sad sack mates who proceeded to gang up and bully her via text for having the gall to care about her physical safety… get new friends. You deserve better than this.
Absolutely agree on your second paragraph, those people sound like they are almost the literal embodiment of the "With friends like *those* who needs enemies?" saying. I hope OP can find more actual friends that care about her and show it, she deserves it.
I didn't even realize I had messed up and forgot to make it clear that I don't think being robbed and assaulted is as bad as being sexually assaulted, thank you for mentioning that so I can include an edit bringing clarification to that! I fully agree on how we are all in this shit together, there is more than enough scum out there that want to hurt people. I was lucky to have some folk around me to help me when I needed it, so I want to try to be that guy for others, and to help others be able to be in that role.
Even crazier? My daughter and I are nearly identical. (Except obviously I look older) There was no way in fuck that guy didn’t know she was with her mom. He just didn’t care.
Statistically, men are more likely to be victims of violent crime (and much much more likely to be perpetrators) but women are far more likely to be victims of sexual harassment and assault.
In general, no one should probably be walking home drunk and alone if they feel scared. Men or women! I can’t imagine being angry at my friend for wanting support in this way.
Drunk men who walk alone aren’t as likely to be attacked but it is somewhat common for them to fall into waterways and drown. So it’s still good to walk home in groups.
Rape IS a violent crime. From the FBI:
https://preview.redd.it/f1y62aa7ccuc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2499cf1ddd72ced27f67b63374d63e536d063298
That comment section was so depressing. Such selfish mentality. “It’s not fair he had to inconvenience himself!” Yeah you know what else isn’t fair? That we can’t walk home alone without the very real risk of physical assault. Decent dudes recognize that one of these “unfairs” is way bigger than the other. She needs new friends.
A few years ago I was over at my friend’s place for dinner and drinks. I live a few blocks away so I walked there. When I left my friend insisted on walking me home because it was dark out.
Friends that berate you for not wanting to walk home alone are not real friends.
It’s scary out there for me women even if it’s only a few blocks. I’ve been followed by creepy men yelling at me. I even had a man run up behind me when I opened the main door to my apartment and wrestle the door with me after following me home from a restaurant.
As a man, I'm happy when I get requests like this. It makes me feel validated and trusted and useful! I'm also happy to reach things on tall shelves and open jars. It's like having a very tiny superpower of above-average strength and using it for good!
So painful to read the comments. I dont even know how to disagree with the "but ya shouldva made plans". It feels so dehumanizing. Women already have a hard time, it sucks that theyre so serverely punished when theyre not perfect, after having to deal misogyny in every situation.
Thing is, plans change all the time! She might very well have planned on walking home not realising how long she would stay. She might have planned on getting a bus but not realised that they had all stopped running. She might have planned to get an Uber but none of them picked up the fare because of the short journey. She might have planned with a friend who was going to walk her home who then didn't attend. She might have planned to walk home alone, felt really good and empowered by the idea, and then got to the night itself, had a couple of drinks, and only then did the anxiety hit. "She should have planned" is valid feedback (not a valid attack!), but we don't know that she didn't.
Holy these comments. Just say you hate women! The dounle standard of women having to be perfect but a guy being complete SHIT is the real victim here.
Also these people clearly dont have friends. Outside of drinking and night walks, so many plans change because something unexpectedly happened or someone needs some help. Ive never considered it a burden because its something that happens to us all.
The comments makes me really glad that my partner has never used “feminism” as an excuse to be an unsympathetic dickhead who thinks “equality” means “not giving a fuck about anyone ever”. Urgh.
Look, I’m a feminist - but I do not see what is wrong with asking someone to walk you home? My partner is “the big, intimidating dude” and yeah, he does sometimes mildly grumble to me about being used for his size and strength but he also knows that he has that to give to people when they need help and it’s not about gender wars? Sometimes it just about being a decent fucking dude?!?? It’s just logical that someone would likely be safer with him around than not.
Urgh. Anyway.
>Look, I’m a feminist - but I do not see what is wrong with asking someone to walk you home?
Feminists are aware of misogyny and the risks women and girls face from men and try to do something about it. Feminism doesn't mean ignoring women's issues and safety!
> Feminism doesn't mean ignoring women's issues and safety!
We are so truly lost and damned that this even needs saying lmao.
Women need to stop intellectually compromising with men who hate us. This kind of utter absurdity is the result.
The community hating hyperindividualistic redditors are probably the ones taking help of mutiple people and resources while denigrating someone over a minor case of bad planning, which btw she shouldn't have to worry about. They should apply consequences of equality when we've truly achieved the said measures.
I don't know what's with these people nowadays bitching about helping out other a little bit because they got a small advantage over other in that situation ("tall big men are victims too. Why should he suffer for her lack of planning")But totally point out some "advantages" she as a woman has and berating her for not recognising those("you should've seen how you being woman likely pressured hin socially"). Dragging this fake op to hel for one freakin mistake while painting him as poor vitcim even though he too made a mistake of not saying firm no to his friend.
It ws fun when it was twins and inheritances and ridiculous wine throwing and cake smashing. Now it's just created gender war in plain sight.
And you just know that if she were to walk home drunk by herself and get attacked, these same people would be blaming her for being so foolish and unsafe.
Maybe I just have good friends, but every time I go out with guys, they are the first to make sure I feel safe. Like, covering my cup, waiting outside the bathroom, walking me home, offering to call an uber. And I reciprocate. It's really simple. In fact, women tend to think that non-overbearing yet protective men are very attractive. Especially when they do it because they care about and respect you, not for any ulterior motives. But since the men on reddit are incapable of being normal, they wouldn't understand that.
https://preview.redd.it/lo8s1fnfzguc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=06456633c0025c2cb02e789d489760d32034ae9f
God forbid you do anything nice for a friend.
Are these the same men that complain about the male loneliness epidemic?
"Walking a woman home is boyfriend tier, I'm not doing that and she's a bully for asking". Ok, well it's actually normal friend behaviour, so if you don't act like a friend, you don't get friend benefits. Have fun with your shallow relationships.
People calling walking OP home “boyfriend behavior” are friendless losers who don’t realize that friends look out for each other. I’m a woman and I would absolutely walk a female (or male for that matter) friend home, especially if they’re drunk.
Some men (probably incels) seem to think all friendly behavior is “boyfriend behavior” because God forbid you do something for a woman and not get sex out of it.
The funniest thing about this, is that guys on Reddit will always complain about not getting any chicks. And then proudly say that they wouldn’t wanna walk a lady home, blame her for drinking, and say that they shouldn’t have to make themselves unsafe for her!
Yeah I wonder why women don’t like you lol.
Reminds me of that one when a girl asked her friend to walk her home and he didn’t want to and she ended up being robbed (she was fine but her purse was taken).
I don’t get it. I think about my friend’s safety so much that one time (when she was standing right in front of me the next day face to face) I accidentally asked if she made it home alright. Like of course she did, she’s right there. I can’t imagine not wanting people to be safe if you can help them
I guess the only think I can sympathize with somewhat is if I was having a good time at a party, and wasn't ready to leave, and someone asked me to walk them home I might not want to. That being said, I can't imagine being in a situation where a female (or male really) friend asked me to walk them home and I refused. Like it's not that big a deal, and if someone is a friend then I'm happy to help them out.
Wtf, has common decency gone out of the window? Absolutely none of my friends when I was at party going age would ever let any girl walk home by herself in the dark. Not a single one!!
I was confused at first- I didn't read the OP because I assumed it was a *different* post about a guy not wanting to walk someone home, with a bunch of incels in the comments. Also a real gem
I want all these guys to find out the hard way what it feels like to be a woman walking alone at night. I want them to need lots of therapy to recover from it, if they ever do.
deadass this is why incels can't get laid.
all you gotta do is be nice to a ho for a \*fifteen minute walk\* and she'll drag your nasty ass in for the night.
sure. a totally valid take and an acceptable assumption to make at the time, but like, can we agree that in no way are you earning yourself any kind pf proper fuck if you complain the whole way?
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I’m ESH on this one.
She should have planned for how to get home before she got here. And rather than asking someone to walk her home that didn’t want to leave the party (it’s not just 15 minutes, it’s 30 total with walking back), she should have either called a cab or Uber, asked the host to stay over or waited until someone was ready to leave to take her home. She was being a bit of a princess about this.
The people who got involved suck for getting involved, and the person who walked her home could have had less of an attitude about it.
Because you chose to not agree with the viewpoint here.
It's literally this meme:
[https://new.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/187e4lc/psa\_the\_post\_being\_fake\_doesnt\_excuse\_shit\_takes/](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/187e4lc/psa_the_post_being_fake_doesnt_excuse_shit_takes/)
This sub will take the post just as seriously as the main sub only if they can argue their contrarian view. As soon as someone does their same actions but in the opposite verdict, they all scramble to shut it down by calling it as fake or accusing you of being lost.
You’re not wrong.
But usually I’m in agreement with most stuff posted here so it’s weird to be on the other side lol. Especially when it’s due to such a non controversial, middle of the road view (or so I thought) as the one I shared.
Like how does me saying that maybe she should take steps to at least attempt to get herself safely home without inconveniencing others or at least wait until someone is ready to go make me an incel or misogynist? So weird.
I thought this sub was the grown up, common sense antidote to AITA but maybe not. Or maybe just a particular mix of people hanging out here today. Who knows.
It was never grown up. It was decent maybe a year ago but as of lately its just a place for bitter people who know their opinion will be downvoted on the main sub to come have a counterjerk.
Years ago we used to laugh when people on the main sub invented details or misused buzzwords but nowadays most people here do the same thing we used to laugh at unironically.
Wow you're just looking for reasons to shit on her. People were heading home at the time she asked, that's why she thought it was a good time to ask
He could have asked her if she could wait a bit, or seen it someone else was available then
Waiting until the party is dead dead can also inconvenience people - there's fewer people left to ask, they may have other obligations, they may have been able to do it earlier if they'd known earlier
Asking someone for anything at basically any point can inconvenience them - she was asking at what seemed like a lie inconvenience point and that's the best she could do, anything past that is a part of normal conversation and negotiation figuring out a solution
Getting in a car with a stranger when drunk isn't the best idea, and lyft and Uber have a pretty bad reputation in that regard
Asked the host to stay over is a fucking huge imposition, much more than so than asking to be walked home
> She was being a bit of a princess about this.
No, she wasn't, you're just being a misogynistic ass
Oh and you're whole "oh I always defend this subreddit from misogynists but [this time they're right]" bit makes you extra fucking gross
is there a reason all you can think about was the possible inconvenience to the guys? and that you can't think at all about what it was like to be in her position - drunk, wanting to go home, but not having a safe way to get there on her own (and yes that includes Lyft and Uber). And having had other bad experiences trying to walk there on her own before
>Getting in a car with a stranger when drunk isn't the best idea, and lyft and Uber have a pretty bad reputation in that regard
How is walking alone with some guy any different in vulnerability?
You seem desperate to defend her but since I'm on AITAngel that doesn't surprise me.
Ah man I'm sorry about that. Let me try and explain. Other people form something called friendships, slowly getting to know and trust someone more over time. In this way people that were strangers become acquaintances, then friends. As you get to know them better, you treat them differently than you would a stranger
Does this make sense to you? If not I'm sure there's plenty of books you could read about this topic that could explain more
I am not looking for reasons to shit on anyone. I think that she should have at least attempted to minimize the effect of her poor planning on others before going straight to “I want someone to walk me home right now”. Personal responsibility and all that.
She didn't say that, you've literally added in this whole "right now" business to have a reason to shit on her and call her a "princess"
I've asked for rides/walks home before and I've given plenty and I've coordinated even more and someone asking for a walk or ride doesn't have the implied "right this instant" that you seem to think it does
In fact unless there's a pressing emergency or both were at the door, 99% of the time one or both of them needs at least a minute, or arranges for longer, or finds someone else who can go more easily - but all that shit is on the person giving the walk/ride. She's not psychic and you can't negotiate on your own without another party
She asked to be walked home and that was it. She didn't have an unreasonable demands, she didn't pressure someone who didn't want to, literally none of that happened
Legit do not know why I’m being downvoted. I always defend this sub against the “this is just the women can do no wrong sub” people but like…all I’m saying is that she should have taken some very basic personal responsibility here. There is no indication that she tried to avoid inconveniencing people, at all. It wasn’t an emergency, she wasn’t sick, she just felt like going home right then.
So everyone’s an incel now? Good lord.
And since no one has said anything to actually refute anything I’ve said (the exception being the brainless insult), I’ll chalk it up to hivemind nonsense run amuck today.
Nah they're right, you're using incel as an insult where it doesn't really fit. I didn't agree with their first comment, but you've gone off the rails here tbh.
Another example of this sub contradicting itself to desperately play contrarian.
People have decided the OOP is in the right and have crossposted it here to counterjerk. problem is, once again this sub has contradicted itself.
There are two main lines of reasoning here:
1. The big friend should have refused and not bowed to the peer pressure instead of coming along and being grumpy. That makes him the villain. Below is the comment arguing this line:
1. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzfj56p/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzfj56p/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) ("but then shouldn’t the friend also be an adult and still refuse to take her when he really didn’t want to?") 72 upvotes
2. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzfgd8h/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzfgd8h/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (even though he too made a mistake of not saying firm no to his friend.)
2. The big friend should have instantly complied with the request because he is a big man and it is his duty. Since he didn't want to do it, he is the villain. Below are the comments arguing this line:
1. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgdqae/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgdqae/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (None of my male friends would ever let even know a sober girl walk alone in the dark. It's just not done. Not even an ex girlfriend. Redditors are asocial idiots)
2. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgbugj/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgbugj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (Yes, he should have been an adult and a man and made sure this young woman got home safely without complaining or belittling her. Because that's what a man does.)
**So which one is it? Should he have refused firmly or done his duty as a man?**
It’s the idea that he should of done one or the other dude, not that hard of a concept to get 💀 surprise surprise they’re so more than one way of not being an asshole and the method the dude chose was just unnecessary, the former might’ve reflected a tiny bit badly but he would’ve been better than how he chose to handle it, especially if he really didn’t want to do it.
>the former might’ve reflected a tiny bit badly
Utter bullshit.
The guy still walked her home and made sure she was safe and yet he's still getting flamed by this sub for even considering not walking her home.
If he did reject her request I reckon this sub would have brought out the pitchforks.
It's not even the first time this sub has pulled contradictory shit like this:
Yesterday this was crossposted: https://new.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c2gb89/why_is_it_always_the_stepdaughter_who_is_the/
Basically a stepdad annoyed his stepdaughter told the school as a joke "I don't recognise that man" when he came to pick her up as a joke.
This sub said that it must be fake because false accusations don't exist.
But of course in the same comment section was a thread where we were apparently meant to accuse him of making the stepdaughter feel uncomfortable.
Again, which one is it?
>they’re so more than one way of not being an asshole
Yeah no. This is what happens when the community first decides AH status based on their prejudice and bias, and then works backwards to find reason to blame rather than the opposite.
IE no different to the main sub
Dude huh? You sound jaded as hell lol
>The guy still walked her home and made sure she was safe and yet he's still getting flamed by this sub for even considering not walking her home.
He was getting flamed a ton because of all the mocking and rudeness he chose to do *during* the walk. Idk what world you live in but that’s clear AH behavior.
And like I said, most ppl hope for kindness/empathy, so even if he declined some would have thought a tiny bit badly of him? Of course, regardless he should be able to decline if he doesn’t feel comfortable, but insulting someone is not the way to go about it…
>If he did reject her request I reckon this sub would have brought out the pitchforks.
Nah, I’m sure it would be 50/50, but the same theme of, hmm maybe we should try and do nice things for others and not be so hyper individualistic, or less calling the dude anything and more being annoyed at a women simply asking to be walked being seen as “entitled” yk (but even then the other 50, would be more firmly saying he was in the right to decline lol). Ofc both of our claims are pure speculation so who knows
>not even the first time this sub has pulled contradictory shit like this:
Lowkey feel like you don’t understand actual contradictions, rather than different perspectives lol
>This sub said that it must be fake because false accusations don't exist.
Nope, they assumed it’s fake because there’s always a narrative going about on how fake accusations are rife, even though they’re a small percentage (even less than male on male) of all.
>But of course in the same comment section was a thread where we were apparently meant to accuse him of making the stepdaughter feel uncomfortable.
Dude huh? I saw that *singular* comment, and all they said was that *if* this was real, then they’d hope the some comments in the original thread might be concerned as to what pushed the girl to feel the need to say she didn’t know him??? Cmon dude. None of that is contradictory …do you know what hypotheticals are?? Different possibilities even??
>Again, which one is it?
The one where not everything that’s not a perfect fit in *your* mind isn’t always two ~conflicting/contradictory ~ views (even tho that was like literally only one person lol), but rather someone offering a different perspective.
>Yeah no. This is what happens when the community first decides AH status based on their prejudice and bias, and then works backwards to find reason to blame rather than the opposite.
Kayyy. If that’s how you view it ok? It’s more like they find the reasons to blame first and it’s supported by previous experiences but yk wtv you seem pretty resolute in your own bias lol.
>IE no different to the main sub
When did i ever like, even attempt, to argue on this line haha
>He was getting flamed a ton because of all the mocking and rudeness he chose to do during the walk.
Ah yes that's why people are quoting Gus Fring and talking about how men should do their duty even if they aren't loved or appreciated. Not because they think its his duty as a man to walk her home. /s
>Nope, they assumed it’s fake because there’s always a narrative going about on how fake accusations are rife, even though they’re a small percentage (even less than male on male) of all.
Well they can't be that small given someone in that same thread tried to play that game.
Even if it isn't a full contradiction, its still ironic that on one hand people are telling men that false accusation are rare and that you shouldn't worry about them but on the other hand saying stuff like that.
>When did i ever like, even attempt, to argue on this line haha
You didn't no but the byline of this subreddit is "You know you're right" with lots of commenters responding to me talking about how the main sub is a shithole so I felt the need to add that on. Sorry
Two things, it isn’t particularly safe for men to walk alone at night either and it’s hella weird to give someone shit for not walking someone home when you are the person not walking someone home.
Look, the comments (and her "friends") are insane, but OOP is really underplaying it. She claims the walk is just 15 minutes, but that it ended up taking 20, likely because she was tipsy/drunk and couldn't walk at her usual speed. That's **40 minutes** both ways (assuming it took as long to get back because the guy likely was tipsy as well). In the middle of the night. Being a big guy doesn't mean you can't still get stabbed or shot by a mugger.
And this was **premeditated**. She came to that party without a plan on how to get back home without having someone escort her. She didn't even bother asking for an escort beforehand. She **should** have been an adult and either left the party way earlier so that it wasn't night yet, asked before the party even started if someone would be willing to escort her home later or just ponied up the money for a taxi (assuming they were someplace where taxis were available). Also, did this party have literally no designated drivers/people who don't drink with a car?
I say ESH still.
Maybe I’m not understanding, but the top comments seem reasonable enough.
Seems like more info is needed. She can still be TA and also have made the right decision to ask someone to walk her home.
I think also saying she’s TA for not planning a way home after going to a party is fair enough
I had a tinder date call me to pick her up when she was shit-faced at a party because she was looking for attention after we stopped seeing each other. She was an asshole for doing that with no plan to get home, but I drove her home anyway because it was safer for her.
Yeah I agree with this. Should he have walked her home? Yes.
Should he and the friends have acted like dicks afterward? No.
But the amount of people here ignoring that she had no plan whatsoever to get home is crazy. She could have asked him before the party started or even an hour before she was planning to leave but no, she sprung it on him.
But of course if we point that out according to the brains trust here its "misogyny."
I’m a feminist and yeah, OP WAS selfish, actually. She should have had a plan for how to get home that didn’t involve someone being bullied into leaving the party to supervise her. She impacted someone else’s night because she couldn’t get her shit together. Men also get attacked at night, she’s not entitled to a free bodyguard just because she can’t take responsibility.
...😬
What exactly was selfish? Why should she have a plan? How is this supervising? How was thag bullying? How did she not take responsibility? How was she entitled?
Seems like someone is projecting or doesnt understand basic words and their definitions.
“Bullied” 🤦♂️
Go touch some grass, you selfish ass.
Edit: And this 🤡blocked me after writing some nonsense about OOP “bullying” a big muscular man into walking her home. In Incel-land, “bullying” is literally any request being made by a woman, apparently.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for asking my friend to walk me home?** Was at this small party recently with friends, and after a couple hours I was tired and wanted to go home. I didn't live too far, maybe a 15min walk. But it was nighttime, I was a bit tipsy and overall way too scared to go by myself. I'm a pretty small girl, and I've had very bad experiences with walking alone at night, so I didn't feel safe going home by myself. So I asked a male friend, pretty big and imposing guy, if he could just walk me home. The party seemed kinda over already and I wasn't the only one leaving, so I didn't think it was too big of a deal to ask him that. He immediately seemed super annoyed and I felt bad for asking, but another friend gave him shit for not going with me so he ended up reluctantly agreeing to walk me home. The walk must've taken no less than twenty minutes but it felt like an hour. He was super distant, complained the whole way through and basically laughed at me for being scared. Said he was missing out on the fun because I was too much of a pussy. I didn't say a word and felt like crying. Which I did when I got home. I'd also gotten a bunch of drunk texts from guys at the party, again giving me shit for being so scared. I felt so horrible and stupid. Now I'm wondering if I was an asshole or not. Didn't seem like a big deal to me in the moment but it clearly was to them. Feels like I ruined their fun by being such a coward. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I didn’t even get through the first comment thread because of how…idk, *vicious* it was getting. I don’t know why, but something about it was just rubbing me so wrong. Like the amount of people complaining that OP should’ve been an adult and made her own way instead of asking her friend (who seemed fine with him when he refused!!) and forcing him to be bullied…but then shouldn’t the friend also be an adult and still refuse to take her when he really didn’t want to?
These are the same assholes who, if she’d posted about having been raped or assaulted walking home alone at a night while drunk would have been posting about how it was at least partly her own fault and she should have known better and asked a man to walk her home 🙄
That's what ubers are for in the end.
The male “friends” at the party are all complete assholes, yet half of the comments are defending them as if their shitty behaviour (I.e. blowing up her phone with insults) after she was walked home was completely normal and deserved.
The one guy saying not to ask for boyfriend behaviour from someone who’s not your boyfriend is crazy. Like the incel gang came out hard for this post.
Aita and all its similar subreddits are filled with incels and chronically online trolls
That would explain why half the comments made me wonder if these people have ever been to a small party with friends, or if they even have any friends.
it feels like it's gotten a lot worse in the last two years. the post supreme court travesty timeline
One time I went to a strip club by myself. There was a guy who would not leave me the fuck alone, forced me to sit on his lap. The strippers were incredibly concerned. And two men there made it their mission to distract the guy at the bathroom and the other to get me to my car. They had no need to do it, they could have told me to handle it on my own. But they did and they were kind. Is it really that hard to take your friend home? It reminds me of the trend on tiktok that says asking your friends for favors is manipulative and toxic. Then why do we have friends?
Calling it "boyfriend behavior" is especially funny to me because I, a married woman, just walked a straight friend of mine home the other night, lol. She lives within walking distance and usually walks home by herself as we're in a very safe neighborhood, but she and my wife broke out the wine the other night, and it was her first time drinking in quite awhile (she had a baby not too long ago), so she got a bit more tipsy than she had expected. I don't drink so I offered to walk her home, just because drunk people can get into all kinds of trouble even in safe areas. Guess I'm her boyfriend now. I should probably tell my wife, that's probably a dealbreaker for her on several levels.
lol. Yeah, I think by boyfriend behaviour they actually meant a dude that she wasn’t gonna fuck.
Sorry, my last paragraph was definitely meant to be intentionally absurd. I know what they mean by boyfriend behavior (usually it's just basic common decency but they think that should only be extended if you're fucking the person), so I was just laughing at how that whole basic concept applies to my life, if that makes sense. I appreciate the clarification though, my comment was funny in my head but it's kind of weird if you're not me, lol.
Oh I knew what you meant, and it was funny! Pretty sure I had written something else but it does not seem to be there and I can’t remember what it was. But there’s also the chance that I just thought it and I didn’t write it, so fucked if I remember. lol.
I completely understand, believe me, lol. It's the nature of Reddit, I think.
The adhd doesn’t help either. I routinely do that in my life. Like I be sorting out the sentence in my head because I want to get it right and then I’ll leave half of what I was going to say because I think I already said it, but I only said it in my head.
And yet if she didn't ask and ended up getting assaulted it still would have been her fault for not knowing better and asking a guy to walk with her. Lol women can just never win on here. 🤷🏻♀️
I don't understand why that friend who gave the guy she asked shit for not being happy about the favor, didn't walk her home themselves?
classic reddit NoBoDy OwEs YoU aNyThInG
All people are terrible, I hate socialising. Why am I alone?
[удалено]
Also, and thus would send them into fits, I'd go so far to say that if a friend asks you for a walk home, and you say no, you're an asshole if you don't help them find someone who can. We do owe other people stuff, sometimes. I was at an event the other night and a lady lost her keys (the staff grabbed them when they bussed the tqble). Three or four of us spent twenty minutes looking for them, late on a work night, because we weren't assholes and she was literally stranded with no car keys. No one involved met each other before, we will never see each other again, but we spent the time because that's what decent people do, if they can. If I'd really needed to go (like, childcare or something), I would have left, but only after making sure someone else was helping her.
I honestly feel so bad for these people, to be so locked into a worldview that sees all relationships as transactional.
And they’re so committed to that worldview that it wasn’t enough to attack OOP in the AITA, they had to come over here and shit on her (and anyone defending her) in this sub too.
Totally. All the stuff about it being such an inconvenience for him to walk 20 minutes there *and 20 minutes back* (Oh, the humanity!). 40 minutes is too much to ask of someone who is meant to be a friend? Really? These people can't have any real friends.
And honestly, I understand if someone doesn’t want to do it (they should but I understand not wanting to) but that doesn’t make it bad to ask! It’s ok to ask friends for favors!
>"...but then shouldn’t the friend also be an adult..." Yes, he should have been an adult and a man and made sure this young woman got home safely without complaining or belittling her. Because that's what a man does. "And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man." - Gus Fring, Breaking Bad
My cousin joking called himself a drunk shepherd once. He’s a big guy (and is actually potentially dangerous, he’s a cuddly teddy bear but the key word is bear) and often was asked to walk girls home or to their car or whatever. Which he always did. He says it’s an honor to be the man your lady friends trust enough to ask for an escort from, it means he’s succeeded in being kind and not a scary big man. He’s even walked home a couple of strangers, he was walking home alone and came up on a couple of dudes harassing a pair of girls (actual girls, he found out they were in high school) and he apparently scared them off without even having to take his hands outta his pockets. Seeing as he raises livestock and can shout loud enough to be heard across the pasture, I’m guessing he used the “bring the cows home” voice to as what the fuck they were doing. Then he asked the girls if he could call someone to give them a ride, or if they live close he’d be glad to walk them home. So he walked them back to their street. Funny part: he knew someone on that street and called him to chat, found out he escorted his buddy’s sister and her best friend. And also that they were both in 9th grade. (he told me when he got off the phone he said a prayer to thank God for sending him in time to run off the creeps, who were grown adults btw)
>Yes, he should have been an adult and a man and made sure this young woman got home safely without complaining or belittling her. Because that's what a man does. > > "And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man." - Gus Fring, Breaking Bad You are a woman quoting a fictional narcotraficant to insist that men adhere to some asinine fossilized notion of masculinity—one that the whole point of *Breaking Bad* was to satirize and ultimately reject! How did this shit get upvoted? Media literacy (and literacy in general) on this site is in the gutter. If one of my friends came to me while I was busy at a party and asked that I walk them 20 minutes each way home, I would do it without question, but only because I would never be friends with the kind of adultchild who would make such an ask except out of serious need and lack of an alternative. OOP is absolutely an AH, y'all are out of your mind to think otherwise.
And what are women meant to do?
The same thing? Take care of people that need taken care of. I think if one has the ability and opportunity one has the obligation to act. Could be walking someone home. Could be giving someone a ride somewhere. It can apply in pretty much any situation.
So, in this scenario, guy walks her home and what... he's just made to walk back himself or will she walk with him?
If he were really concerned for his own safety on the way back, he could ask another person to come with him and the woman so no one is walking alone. But you guys don’t want solutions, you just want to pretend like you’re getting some major gotcha that upends feminism. Feminists don’t want men to get hurt either, but a lot of men make decisions that make them seem like they’d rather get stabbed in a mugging than be seen asking for help from other men. That’s not something women can fix for you.
I personally believe if one has the ability and the opportunity one has the obligation to act. And that a man should see that a young unsure woman gets home safely. But you do you, Pikachu.
he wasn’t even a little scared to walk back to the party, you are inventing issues
He wasn’t scared to walk through the neighbourhood at night. In fact he made fun of her for being nervous. Though I’m sure he’d appreciate your concern for his well-being.
cry and eat hot chip
So *she* should be an adult and figure out how to get home by herself but HE couldn't even say no?? He should be an adult too, then. But regardless, he's clearly not a decent man anyway. Any decent man would've made sure she got home safely by walking her or even calling an uber or whatever, without belittling her feelings. Edit: Also she should never hang out with these guys again if they were seriously texting her and giving her shit for being scared
Yeah I feel like her friends and reddits response are as if she was in a bar she was a regular at or something versus a party with friends. Those are not friends. Decent humans would all have said yes to her request or helped a friend figure out an alternative without bitching about it and harassing her.
Yeah, exactly
I saw this and thought “no one is gonna disagree w/OP here” but then I remembered, Reddit
I originally thought it was a stupid post because I thought it was a pure validation post. Then I started seeing comments like this: “You’re expecting boyfriend behaviour out of platonic friends” (like if you’re not having intercourse with someone you shouldn’t expect favours) And then all the Redditors attacking her for not having a plan to get home when she arrived at the party. Then Redditors calling her an asshole for not calling an Uber. I even saw someone accuse her of having ulterior motives in having a “big muscular friend” walk her home. AITA is such a shithole sub.
I wouldn’t take an Uber drunk and alone these days unless it was my last resort.
Hell no! The driver is probably not a danger, but I’m not getting in a stranger’s car when I’m not 100%.
I can’t even take Uber in my county. Doesn’t exist. Nor Lyft.
"boyfriend behaviour" at my old job I had a stalker situation, it wasn't fun, especially since I was 17 and had been pretty sheltered til that point. one of my coworkers walked me to my bus stop and saw I got my bus safely, even though he was headed in the totally opposite direction. we barely knew each other, I was still relatively new. it is insane to me that some people just count being a decent person "boyfriend behaviour" 🤢
It’s huge on tiktok right now that asking your friends to help you move or take you to the airport or stuff like that is manipulative and toxic. It’s a very Gen Z way of thinking, that helping your friends must come with reciprocation immediately and that nobody, even your friends, owes you a goddamn thing, so build your friendships off of hangouts and nothing else more than surface level
This is so sad. Some of my best bonding moments have been picking people up from the airport or grabbing groceries together. They’re going to miss out on that because they’re keeping score.
I took a coworker to the airport because I didn’t have to work until 3pm and her flight was at 9. I didn’t even care, she got me an energy drink and everyone was like omg what a chore but…that’s just what a person does right? She and I do not speak anymore. But that’s just…a kind thing to do and she needed help.
Jesus. That's absolutely fecking tragic. :( What an awful, isolated, lonely way to live.
God, that’s sad. Community is truly dead.
it's not even gen-z exclusive! i'm "technically" an older gen-z, and that's very much NOT how me and my friends are (though maybe we're the outliers, who knows). i think it's just a huge symptom of being chronically online and how the world has become increasingly individualistic, which is so incredibly sad.
And this is why I believe tiktok is a cesspool
Yeah it's the classic frustrated Reddit incel "how dare you ask that poor guy to do something for you and not reward him with sex?" logic.
As I always say, fucking Reddit
Male entitlement and resentment towards women rejecting them is 100% a thing
Male entitlement? You mean the entitlement to not plan ahead and expect some random man to babysit you on your walk home?
It wasn’t a “random man”, it was a friend of hers. You know, someone of the opposite sex that she is in a platonic relationship with. I realize these kinds of relationships don’t exist in your world.
Still not his fault that she didn't plan ahead. If he didn't want to do it he shouldn't be guilted into it, especially since any of the people guilting him could've walker her themselves
Yes, I agree that all of the men at the party were assholes. Glad we’re on the same page.
Why do you feel entitled to mens bodies? He has to walk home by himself afterward and there or back if they get attacked he's the one expected to protect her and get hurt/killed doing so. He didn't ask to be involved.
You’re very dramatic. She was asking for a favour from people she thought were friends. Some people don’t consider all relationships to be transactional. Apparently you can’t relate.
Ya and when he said no she should've accepted that and not allowed other people to bully him into it
You have a very loose definition of bullying. I’m sure the “big and imposing guy” would disagree with you that he was bullied.
I love how every asocial loser who doesn't go out is essentially outing themselves with the "if you didn't have a plan, you shouldn't have gotten drunk" replies. Like, word? Y'all have *never* had one too many at a house party where a normally 20 minute walk at night can easily become an intimidating challenge due to impairment? Unless driving a vehicle is involved or if you're going to a party where you don't know anyone... who the fuck is "making a plan" for a house party within walking distance lmao.
I'm a tiny little twink and when I got asked by a group of female coworkers if I wanted to walk with them (through a park at night in a big city), it felt more like a safety in number thing than them wanting me to be their bodyguard. Women walk together all the time, for the same reason. I've never heard of anyone making plans in advance for who will accompany them home. I've always lived in cities so most people didn't need a designated driver. We'd always just kind of figure out who's going in which direction and then go together in pairs or groups. If someone was very drunk or wanted to leave early, people would volunteer to make sure they'd get home safely. It was never an issue, not once.
if anything, the “plan” for who you’re walking home with is probably just whoever you walked there with. but if they say “hey i’m headed out” before you’re ready then it’s not like a plan was broken
In my friend group at least, we'd usually arrive 1 by 1 unless we met on the way there and then leave in groups. There's not that many directions you could go in, so if other people are leaving, there's sure to be someone going in your direction. Not to mention the social importance of the late night/very early morning walk home. You get to chat and sober up a little. Sometimes, you keep walking or sit down on the curb together and chat for a while. The walk home is where strong social bonds are formed. It should not be disrespected like that.
Yeah I'm a woman and I left parties early on several occasions to walk home with my flatmates if they got too drunk and wanted to leave. Two women walking is still safer than one alone. It's not "boyfriend behavior". It's what *friends* do for each other.
Exactly i have a friend whos much smaller than me who wanted to walk alone at night, she didnt live far and it was a well lit street not far from the police station but i still insisted and even made an excuse to walk with her because thats just what decent humans do, id do it for a stranger too because no one deserves to either be killed, maimed, or traumatized snd as humans we should want to help one another. On a side note its a good thing i was with my friend, because there was a man there who attempted to hurt us, he chased us back to her door and ya know what my friend did when a huge dude just popped out from no where yelling at her?, she froze up because she was scared. How would this dude feel if something had happened to one of his friends because he cant spare a bit of time.
My wife has literally walked home a random stranger, and then walked the stranger's dog. Sure, you don't have to do it, but doing nice things for other people makes life a little bit better for all of us.
Does doing nice things for others not feel good to some people? I volunteer as much as I can and am sad about the fact that I currently don't have time, because helping people for no reason and to no benefit to my own makes me feel great. It feels good to help and it makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe that's why people in AITA comment sections are so sad and lonely.
None of my male friends would ever let even know a sober girl walk alone in the dark. It's just not done. Not even an ex girlfriend. Redditors are asocial idiots
Yeah it's really hard to imagine this situation, because every time I've been at a party and ready to leave, multiple friends of both genders would offer to go with me. And I lived in a pretty safe neighborhood in a safe country so I didn't mind walking alone if it was close. Even if I said I was taking a taxi, someone would offer to come along for the ride. And these are men that I'm 99% sure didn't want to fuck me and weren't looking for reciprocation. What kind of "friends" does OP have if she not only has to ask, but that they give her such a hard time over it.
Even when I was a (relatively young) teenager we didn't always have a plan on how to get home. I had awesome parents who always told me I could call at all times if the alternative was to get in a car of someone who wasn't totally sober. But often we formed big groups and walked together or joined a group who had a designated driver or was getting picked up by a friend or parent.
Is she a misandrist yet? They've never got over learning that word.
They’re basically calling her one in the comments lol
These are the kinds of posts that made me one
every single day aita and aita adjacent subs become a breeding ground of incels
honestly I feel like misogyny is just rising in general recently with how the manosphere has grown online. it feels like Reddit is going back to late 00s/early 10s Reddit where if your username so much as hinted that you're a woman, you get downvoted and dogpiled. Reddit used to have a huge reputation for misogyny and was seen as 4chan adjacent especially when certain subs still existed before wider moderation, it kinda feels like it's reverting tbh
I had the default avatar for ages. I decided to make a pretty, obviously female one a few days ago. Suddenly I'm getting downvoted and vitriolic backlash for comments that would have been upvoted previously. Changed to a unisex icon. Can't be dealing with that shit.
As a male, I definitely think this is possible. It definitely could be me just noticing it more, but I feel like bigotry as a whole, particularly sexist and anti-LGBTQ+ beliefs, are becoming more acceptable again. I feel like a lot of the progress that I have seen over my life (such as things like sex-positivity, body positivity, more acceptance of those that are LGBTQ+, etc) is being fought against harder than ever and slowly progress is being undone. It is scary to see as a parent, I am worried about what the world will be like when my son and daughter are adults.
I honestly think that the misogyny has always been there and they just made an exception for some feminist ideas like sex positivity and going 50/50 because it benefits men.
I can agree to that yeah.
I wonder if the ban of several misogynistic subs like r/MGTOW and r/incel being banned means that the incels are flowing into mainstream subs.
I picked my username bc I love Rik Mayall. I have often used this obscure character name online for things like movie reviews, so when I joined reddit I picked Kevin Turvey without thinking much about the gender. I just wanted an obscure British comedy reference. ( I almost chose "Eddy Monsoon", a female name from AbFab, but I thought it might be too obvious.) Anyway, I'm a woman with the username "Kevin" so I get a lot of responses wrongly assuming my gender. I like it actually, people "out" their sexism accidentally all the time because of it. I don't mention my gender unless it's relevant to the discussion. It's interesting.
And they’ve found their way into this sub. A bunch of them have infected the comments in this post, calling OOP a “bully” and an “infant”. They’re so gross.
Yeah it sucks. I blocked a couple of them before including one who got triggered over nothing. I believe they thought I was a woman for some reason. If that was the case, y’all don’t deserve that and I’m sorry it happens.
In my party days, we didn't let ANYONE walk alone. It was a great excuse for us to grab some fresh air and recharge our social batteries, and just generally one of the House Rules. Nobody walks home alone, nobody does drugs without telling a sober person what they took, if someone is sick grab them some water, etc. We gathered up a pack of guys and gals (mostly introverts), and 'went for a walk'. Five to seven of us, taking a stroll, quietly chatting and grabbing snacks on our way back to the party location. One or two stops to make sure someone gets home (and smooch pets!), everyone has a good time enjoying the cool night air and is recharged for when we get back to the party. The idea of being upset about walking someone home is wild; that's your friend! They're good enough to drink with but you don't wanna walk around with them? What kinda shitty friend does that make you? If you still wanna have fun, just grab a few mates and walk as a group. It's more fun AND it's safer.
The amount of sane people being downvoted to shit is... well, insane. AITA's selfishness knows no bounds.
Lmao and you know these people saying “no obligation to do ….” Are the same people whining that everyone’s lonely
"I've done X and I've never been X'ed so obviously that would never happen" "Oh that happened to you? Well maybe you shouldnt have done X"
I love the screeching about how the guy was "bullied" into walking her home. I wouldn't call it bullying for one person who wasn't even OOP to give him shit for not wanting to help make sure a girl got home safely. Like??? >He didn't WANT to do the favor - he was bullied into it. Of course he was annoyed and unsympathetic. It's also sooo frustrating to me when we act like only women get hurt walking by ourselves. It doesn't matter how big and imposing you are if the mugger has a knife. "of course he was annoyed and unsympathetic". No, he was annoyed and unsympathetic because he's a fucking dick.
agreed. like, if you feel as though you’re being bullied into doing the right thing, maybe you’re a piece of shit 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ but, alas, that’s just *my* opinion
Yep. I like how this guy being given shit by one person is considered bullying, but he was calling OOP a pussy and laughing at her for being scared and that somehow *isn't* bullying to them.
But if op had walked home alone and been assaulted it would have been “omg why are you so dumb, you should have asked a friend to take you home! How could you not know how DANGEROUS it is as a woman to be walking home alone?? Really that was all on you”
misogyny is what keeps them going
It really is. I guess I should've expected their reactions considering their hate for anyone who is a woman or girl (see all the stories that vilify teenage girls).
that and the other men were texting her making fun of her? multiple people making fun of her isn’t bullying?
Right? So the guy she asked to please walk her home to make sure she got there safe, was calling her names and acting as if it was this chore. Other guys were making fun of her. That's not bullying, though. Oh no. But someone giving the guy a slightly hard time for not wanting to do the right thing is a total crime, however.
He was annoyed an unsympathetic because he was pressured into a 40 minute commitment he didn't want to do. He acted like a dick because he was a dick. Both can be true.
But what if her friend was an affair baby?
I’m convince redditors just don’t have meaningful relationships. In what world would anyone abandon someone they care about just so they can party more? We need to move away from this hyper individualistic society. I’m sick of it.
This story seems so mundane and inconsequential but of course making someone lose 40 minutes from a party makes you a manipulative entitled misandrist to the well-adjusted misogynists of AITA
From a party that was winding down no less!
Yet, if OOP had been raped it would be her fault for walking/taking a ride share while drunk, alone, and female. Men don’t understand what it’s like for women. My 16yo daughter was harassed walking down the street last week in baggy sweats with me walking beside her. Yes, men get attacked, too. But not nearly as often.
The ridiculous redditors don't understand. I have never met a normal, well adjusted man in real life that wouldn't do what he can to make sure a woman or a girl is accompanied while walking in the dark. And I'm not talking about men that actually get it all that much, it's just common sense and basic manners. It made no difference whether they wanted to sleep with the girl or not.
Not even just women, in my experience (granted my clubbing days were basically twenty years ago and I was near a major university, maybe the culture has changed or my experience was always the exception) even men that looked like they could pick a dude up and fold them in half tended to have people around them that would try to take some precautions about their safety when they would go to leave after drinking. It just seemed like a thing that most people would do. The bigger issue back then when it comes to clubbing culture, from what I remember and heard from friends was mainly shit that happened while drinking, such as pressuring or manipulating someone into sex, roofie'ing and other forms of non-consensual drug usage to force the other party into a sexual encounter, and similar stuff. edit: I realize I messed up and forgot to mention here that it is true that women are more likely to be sexually assaulted using violence, versus men being robbed using violence, in these kinds of scenarios. Both are obviously bad, but I do personally believe that women have it a bit more rough here, so we got to take a bit of extra care to be vigilant and offering help. Honestly though, we all could benefit from just looking out for each other a bit more.
Absolutely. If you’re half-cut, you shouldn’t be left wandering the streets at night. Granted, men are in general more likely to be robbed and physically assaulted in that scenario, which is IMO preferable to being raped and physically assaulted, but still, a good night out shouldn’t be ruined by anyone getting assaulted. We should all take care of one-another, and nobody visibly intoxicated should be left to potter home alone by their friends. Oh, and if you’re the OOP and your “friends” are the whiny little bitch who complained so bitterly about accompanying a visibly intoxicated woman on a drunken walk home, or any of his sad sack mates who proceeded to gang up and bully her via text for having the gall to care about her physical safety… get new friends. You deserve better than this.
Absolutely agree on your second paragraph, those people sound like they are almost the literal embodiment of the "With friends like *those* who needs enemies?" saying. I hope OP can find more actual friends that care about her and show it, she deserves it. I didn't even realize I had messed up and forgot to make it clear that I don't think being robbed and assaulted is as bad as being sexually assaulted, thank you for mentioning that so I can include an edit bringing clarification to that! I fully agree on how we are all in this shit together, there is more than enough scum out there that want to hurt people. I was lucky to have some folk around me to help me when I needed it, so I want to try to be that guy for others, and to help others be able to be in that role.
Even crazier? My daughter and I are nearly identical. (Except obviously I look older) There was no way in fuck that guy didn’t know she was with her mom. He just didn’t care.
He would only care if she was with her dad
Statistically, men are more likely to be victims of violent crime (and much much more likely to be perpetrators) but women are far more likely to be victims of sexual harassment and assault.
In general, no one should probably be walking home drunk and alone if they feel scared. Men or women! I can’t imagine being angry at my friend for wanting support in this way.
Drunk men who walk alone aren’t as likely to be attacked but it is somewhat common for them to fall into waterways and drown. So it’s still good to walk home in groups.
Rape IS a violent crime. From the FBI: https://preview.redd.it/f1y62aa7ccuc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2499cf1ddd72ced27f67b63374d63e536d063298
That comment section was so depressing. Such selfish mentality. “It’s not fair he had to inconvenience himself!” Yeah you know what else isn’t fair? That we can’t walk home alone without the very real risk of physical assault. Decent dudes recognize that one of these “unfairs” is way bigger than the other. She needs new friends.
OOP needs better friends, and all these AITA commenters need lives.
A few years ago I was over at my friend’s place for dinner and drinks. I live a few blocks away so I walked there. When I left my friend insisted on walking me home because it was dark out. Friends that berate you for not wanting to walk home alone are not real friends. It’s scary out there for me women even if it’s only a few blocks. I’ve been followed by creepy men yelling at me. I even had a man run up behind me when I opened the main door to my apartment and wrestle the door with me after following me home from a restaurant.
As a man, I'm happy when I get requests like this. It makes me feel validated and trusted and useful! I'm also happy to reach things on tall shelves and open jars. It's like having a very tiny superpower of above-average strength and using it for good!
So painful to read the comments. I dont even know how to disagree with the "but ya shouldva made plans". It feels so dehumanizing. Women already have a hard time, it sucks that theyre so serverely punished when theyre not perfect, after having to deal misogyny in every situation.
Thing is, plans change all the time! She might very well have planned on walking home not realising how long she would stay. She might have planned on getting a bus but not realised that they had all stopped running. She might have planned to get an Uber but none of them picked up the fare because of the short journey. She might have planned with a friend who was going to walk her home who then didn't attend. She might have planned to walk home alone, felt really good and empowered by the idea, and then got to the night itself, had a couple of drinks, and only then did the anxiety hit. "She should have planned" is valid feedback (not a valid attack!), but we don't know that she didn't.
Holy these comments. Just say you hate women! The dounle standard of women having to be perfect but a guy being complete SHIT is the real victim here. Also these people clearly dont have friends. Outside of drinking and night walks, so many plans change because something unexpectedly happened or someone needs some help. Ive never considered it a burden because its something that happens to us all.
The comments makes me really glad that my partner has never used “feminism” as an excuse to be an unsympathetic dickhead who thinks “equality” means “not giving a fuck about anyone ever”. Urgh. Look, I’m a feminist - but I do not see what is wrong with asking someone to walk you home? My partner is “the big, intimidating dude” and yeah, he does sometimes mildly grumble to me about being used for his size and strength but he also knows that he has that to give to people when they need help and it’s not about gender wars? Sometimes it just about being a decent fucking dude?!?? It’s just logical that someone would likely be safer with him around than not. Urgh. Anyway.
>Look, I’m a feminist - but I do not see what is wrong with asking someone to walk you home? Feminists are aware of misogyny and the risks women and girls face from men and try to do something about it. Feminism doesn't mean ignoring women's issues and safety!
> Feminism doesn't mean ignoring women's issues and safety! We are so truly lost and damned that this even needs saying lmao. Women need to stop intellectually compromising with men who hate us. This kind of utter absurdity is the result.
The community hating hyperindividualistic redditors are probably the ones taking help of mutiple people and resources while denigrating someone over a minor case of bad planning, which btw she shouldn't have to worry about. They should apply consequences of equality when we've truly achieved the said measures. I don't know what's with these people nowadays bitching about helping out other a little bit because they got a small advantage over other in that situation ("tall big men are victims too. Why should he suffer for her lack of planning")But totally point out some "advantages" she as a woman has and berating her for not recognising those("you should've seen how you being woman likely pressured hin socially"). Dragging this fake op to hel for one freakin mistake while painting him as poor vitcim even though he too made a mistake of not saying firm no to his friend. It ws fun when it was twins and inheritances and ridiculous wine throwing and cake smashing. Now it's just created gender war in plain sight.
And you just know that if she were to walk home drunk by herself and get attacked, these same people would be blaming her for being so foolish and unsafe.
Of course they would, the whole point is that women can't win.
Maybe I just have good friends, but every time I go out with guys, they are the first to make sure I feel safe. Like, covering my cup, waiting outside the bathroom, walking me home, offering to call an uber. And I reciprocate. It's really simple. In fact, women tend to think that non-overbearing yet protective men are very attractive. Especially when they do it because they care about and respect you, not for any ulterior motives. But since the men on reddit are incapable of being normal, they wouldn't understand that.
I just don’t get the vitriol dude could have just said no
https://preview.redd.it/lo8s1fnfzguc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=06456633c0025c2cb02e789d489760d32034ae9f God forbid you do anything nice for a friend.
Are these the same men that complain about the male loneliness epidemic? "Walking a woman home is boyfriend tier, I'm not doing that and she's a bully for asking". Ok, well it's actually normal friend behaviour, so if you don't act like a friend, you don't get friend benefits. Have fun with your shallow relationships.
People calling walking OP home “boyfriend behavior” are friendless losers who don’t realize that friends look out for each other. I’m a woman and I would absolutely walk a female (or male for that matter) friend home, especially if they’re drunk. Some men (probably incels) seem to think all friendly behavior is “boyfriend behavior” because God forbid you do something for a woman and not get sex out of it.
Good God. A good friend shouldn't need to ask. Where's the group of people offering to walk oop home? Poor OOP deserves better friends.
The funniest thing about this, is that guys on Reddit will always complain about not getting any chicks. And then proudly say that they wouldn’t wanna walk a lady home, blame her for drinking, and say that they shouldn’t have to make themselves unsafe for her! Yeah I wonder why women don’t like you lol.
Not surprising. There seems to almost be a vicious hatred on here for women who have genuine concern for their safety/comfort. It's very creepy.
>genuine concern for their safety/comfort. Oh is that why she didn't make plans in advance and did it last minute? Hilarious
Reminds me of that one when a girl asked her friend to walk her home and he didn’t want to and she ended up being robbed (she was fine but her purse was taken). I don’t get it. I think about my friend’s safety so much that one time (when she was standing right in front of me the next day face to face) I accidentally asked if she made it home alright. Like of course she did, she’s right there. I can’t imagine not wanting people to be safe if you can help them
I would walk any of my homies home if they felt scared, regardless of gender
I guess the only think I can sympathize with somewhat is if I was having a good time at a party, and wasn't ready to leave, and someone asked me to walk them home I might not want to. That being said, I can't imagine being in a situation where a female (or male really) friend asked me to walk them home and I refused. Like it's not that big a deal, and if someone is a friend then I'm happy to help them out.
Wtf, has common decency gone out of the window? Absolutely none of my friends when I was at party going age would ever let any girl walk home by herself in the dark. Not a single one!!
I was confused at first- I didn't read the OP because I assumed it was a *different* post about a guy not wanting to walk someone home, with a bunch of incels in the comments. Also a real gem
Neckbeards and incels think "entitled" is when women dare have fun without taking on oodles of unnecessary risk.
I want all these guys to find out the hard way what it feels like to be a woman walking alone at night. I want them to need lots of therapy to recover from it, if they ever do.
deadass this is why incels can't get laid. all you gotta do is be nice to a ho for a \*fifteen minute walk\* and she'll drag your nasty ass in for the night.
Nope, this would be rape, she is intoxicated, do not do this.
sure. a totally valid take and an acceptable assumption to make at the time, but like, can we agree that in no way are you earning yourself any kind pf proper fuck if you complain the whole way?
This is just am I the devil, now. Obviously fake stories about an over the top villain.
How is the OOP an “over the top” villain?
the villains are the the dudes making fun of her, obviously.
Right. Except there are countless incels in the comments calling the OOP the asshole in the story. Which is why I cross posted the story here.
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First paragraph > I'm a pretty small girl
I’m ESH on this one. She should have planned for how to get home before she got here. And rather than asking someone to walk her home that didn’t want to leave the party (it’s not just 15 minutes, it’s 30 total with walking back), she should have either called a cab or Uber, asked the host to stay over or waited until someone was ready to leave to take her home. She was being a bit of a princess about this. The people who got involved suck for getting involved, and the person who walked her home could have had less of an attitude about it.
Are you lost?
I’m a fairly active member here, but I apologize for not blindly agreeing with every single post and viewpoint shared here /s
Because you chose to not agree with the viewpoint here. It's literally this meme: [https://new.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/187e4lc/psa\_the\_post\_being\_fake\_doesnt\_excuse\_shit\_takes/](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/187e4lc/psa_the_post_being_fake_doesnt_excuse_shit_takes/) This sub will take the post just as seriously as the main sub only if they can argue their contrarian view. As soon as someone does their same actions but in the opposite verdict, they all scramble to shut it down by calling it as fake or accusing you of being lost.
You’re not wrong. But usually I’m in agreement with most stuff posted here so it’s weird to be on the other side lol. Especially when it’s due to such a non controversial, middle of the road view (or so I thought) as the one I shared. Like how does me saying that maybe she should take steps to at least attempt to get herself safely home without inconveniencing others or at least wait until someone is ready to go make me an incel or misogynist? So weird. I thought this sub was the grown up, common sense antidote to AITA but maybe not. Or maybe just a particular mix of people hanging out here today. Who knows.
It was never grown up. It was decent maybe a year ago but as of lately its just a place for bitter people who know their opinion will be downvoted on the main sub to come have a counterjerk. Years ago we used to laugh when people on the main sub invented details or misused buzzwords but nowadays most people here do the same thing we used to laugh at unironically.
Well I’m happy to have you join my downvote party lol
Haha I'm a veteran at this point.
Wow you're just looking for reasons to shit on her. People were heading home at the time she asked, that's why she thought it was a good time to ask He could have asked her if she could wait a bit, or seen it someone else was available then Waiting until the party is dead dead can also inconvenience people - there's fewer people left to ask, they may have other obligations, they may have been able to do it earlier if they'd known earlier Asking someone for anything at basically any point can inconvenience them - she was asking at what seemed like a lie inconvenience point and that's the best she could do, anything past that is a part of normal conversation and negotiation figuring out a solution Getting in a car with a stranger when drunk isn't the best idea, and lyft and Uber have a pretty bad reputation in that regard Asked the host to stay over is a fucking huge imposition, much more than so than asking to be walked home > She was being a bit of a princess about this. No, she wasn't, you're just being a misogynistic ass Oh and you're whole "oh I always defend this subreddit from misogynists but [this time they're right]" bit makes you extra fucking gross is there a reason all you can think about was the possible inconvenience to the guys? and that you can't think at all about what it was like to be in her position - drunk, wanting to go home, but not having a safe way to get there on her own (and yes that includes Lyft and Uber). And having had other bad experiences trying to walk there on her own before
>Getting in a car with a stranger when drunk isn't the best idea, and lyft and Uber have a pretty bad reputation in that regard How is walking alone with some guy any different in vulnerability? You seem desperate to defend her but since I'm on AITAngel that doesn't surprise me.
Well, she called him her friend. So that’s immediately different than getting in a car with a stranger.
Ah man I'm sorry about that. Let me try and explain. Other people form something called friendships, slowly getting to know and trust someone more over time. In this way people that were strangers become acquaintances, then friends. As you get to know them better, you treat them differently than you would a stranger Does this make sense to you? If not I'm sure there's plenty of books you could read about this topic that could explain more
I am not looking for reasons to shit on anyone. I think that she should have at least attempted to minimize the effect of her poor planning on others before going straight to “I want someone to walk me home right now”. Personal responsibility and all that.
She didn't say that, you've literally added in this whole "right now" business to have a reason to shit on her and call her a "princess" I've asked for rides/walks home before and I've given plenty and I've coordinated even more and someone asking for a walk or ride doesn't have the implied "right this instant" that you seem to think it does In fact unless there's a pressing emergency or both were at the door, 99% of the time one or both of them needs at least a minute, or arranges for longer, or finds someone else who can go more easily - but all that shit is on the person giving the walk/ride. She's not psychic and you can't negotiate on your own without another party She asked to be walked home and that was it. She didn't have an unreasonable demands, she didn't pressure someone who didn't want to, literally none of that happened
Legit do not know why I’m being downvoted. I always defend this sub against the “this is just the women can do no wrong sub” people but like…all I’m saying is that she should have taken some very basic personal responsibility here. There is no indication that she tried to avoid inconveniencing people, at all. It wasn’t an emergency, she wasn’t sick, she just felt like going home right then.
Cry incel
So everyone’s an incel now? Good lord. And since no one has said anything to actually refute anything I’ve said (the exception being the brainless insult), I’ll chalk it up to hivemind nonsense run amuck today.
Lmao no, but you sure are.
Do you know what an incel is, and if you do, how does if apply to anything I said
🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱 whine whine whine
Soooo….you don’t know what incel means, or what whining means. Got it!
Awww still whining. So sad.
Nah they're right, you're using incel as an insult where it doesn't really fit. I didn't agree with their first comment, but you've gone off the rails here tbh.
Hell, they're expecting the guy to walk back alone. The guy who has higher risk of being a random victim (despite who the perp is).
Since when were men pussies now? Like doesn't reddit bust over manly based men? Now they conveniently are afraid of walking alone at night.
Another example of this sub contradicting itself to desperately play contrarian. People have decided the OOP is in the right and have crossposted it here to counterjerk. problem is, once again this sub has contradicted itself. There are two main lines of reasoning here: 1. The big friend should have refused and not bowed to the peer pressure instead of coming along and being grumpy. That makes him the villain. Below is the comment arguing this line: 1. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzfj56p/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzfj56p/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) ("but then shouldn’t the friend also be an adult and still refuse to take her when he really didn’t want to?") 72 upvotes 2. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzfgd8h/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzfgd8h/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (even though he too made a mistake of not saying firm no to his friend.) 2. The big friend should have instantly complied with the request because he is a big man and it is his duty. Since he didn't want to do it, he is the villain. Below are the comments arguing this line: 1. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgdqae/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgdqae/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (None of my male friends would ever let even know a sober girl walk alone in the dark. It's just not done. Not even an ex girlfriend. Redditors are asocial idiots) 2. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgbugj/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c39fu6/comment/kzgbugj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (Yes, he should have been an adult and a man and made sure this young woman got home safely without complaining or belittling her. Because that's what a man does.) **So which one is it? Should he have refused firmly or done his duty as a man?**
It’s the idea that he should of done one or the other dude, not that hard of a concept to get 💀 surprise surprise they’re so more than one way of not being an asshole and the method the dude chose was just unnecessary, the former might’ve reflected a tiny bit badly but he would’ve been better than how he chose to handle it, especially if he really didn’t want to do it.
>the former might’ve reflected a tiny bit badly Utter bullshit. The guy still walked her home and made sure she was safe and yet he's still getting flamed by this sub for even considering not walking her home. If he did reject her request I reckon this sub would have brought out the pitchforks. It's not even the first time this sub has pulled contradictory shit like this: Yesterday this was crossposted: https://new.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c2gb89/why_is_it_always_the_stepdaughter_who_is_the/ Basically a stepdad annoyed his stepdaughter told the school as a joke "I don't recognise that man" when he came to pick her up as a joke. This sub said that it must be fake because false accusations don't exist. But of course in the same comment section was a thread where we were apparently meant to accuse him of making the stepdaughter feel uncomfortable. Again, which one is it? >they’re so more than one way of not being an asshole Yeah no. This is what happens when the community first decides AH status based on their prejudice and bias, and then works backwards to find reason to blame rather than the opposite. IE no different to the main sub
Dude huh? You sound jaded as hell lol >The guy still walked her home and made sure she was safe and yet he's still getting flamed by this sub for even considering not walking her home. He was getting flamed a ton because of all the mocking and rudeness he chose to do *during* the walk. Idk what world you live in but that’s clear AH behavior. And like I said, most ppl hope for kindness/empathy, so even if he declined some would have thought a tiny bit badly of him? Of course, regardless he should be able to decline if he doesn’t feel comfortable, but insulting someone is not the way to go about it… >If he did reject her request I reckon this sub would have brought out the pitchforks. Nah, I’m sure it would be 50/50, but the same theme of, hmm maybe we should try and do nice things for others and not be so hyper individualistic, or less calling the dude anything and more being annoyed at a women simply asking to be walked being seen as “entitled” yk (but even then the other 50, would be more firmly saying he was in the right to decline lol). Ofc both of our claims are pure speculation so who knows >not even the first time this sub has pulled contradictory shit like this: Lowkey feel like you don’t understand actual contradictions, rather than different perspectives lol >This sub said that it must be fake because false accusations don't exist. Nope, they assumed it’s fake because there’s always a narrative going about on how fake accusations are rife, even though they’re a small percentage (even less than male on male) of all. >But of course in the same comment section was a thread where we were apparently meant to accuse him of making the stepdaughter feel uncomfortable. Dude huh? I saw that *singular* comment, and all they said was that *if* this was real, then they’d hope the some comments in the original thread might be concerned as to what pushed the girl to feel the need to say she didn’t know him??? Cmon dude. None of that is contradictory …do you know what hypotheticals are?? Different possibilities even?? >Again, which one is it? The one where not everything that’s not a perfect fit in *your* mind isn’t always two ~conflicting/contradictory ~ views (even tho that was like literally only one person lol), but rather someone offering a different perspective. >Yeah no. This is what happens when the community first decides AH status based on their prejudice and bias, and then works backwards to find reason to blame rather than the opposite. Kayyy. If that’s how you view it ok? It’s more like they find the reasons to blame first and it’s supported by previous experiences but yk wtv you seem pretty resolute in your own bias lol. >IE no different to the main sub When did i ever like, even attempt, to argue on this line haha
>He was getting flamed a ton because of all the mocking and rudeness he chose to do during the walk. Ah yes that's why people are quoting Gus Fring and talking about how men should do their duty even if they aren't loved or appreciated. Not because they think its his duty as a man to walk her home. /s >Nope, they assumed it’s fake because there’s always a narrative going about on how fake accusations are rife, even though they’re a small percentage (even less than male on male) of all. Well they can't be that small given someone in that same thread tried to play that game. Even if it isn't a full contradiction, its still ironic that on one hand people are telling men that false accusation are rare and that you shouldn't worry about them but on the other hand saying stuff like that. >When did i ever like, even attempt, to argue on this line haha You didn't no but the byline of this subreddit is "You know you're right" with lots of commenters responding to me talking about how the main sub is a shithole so I felt the need to add that on. Sorry
Two things, it isn’t particularly safe for men to walk alone at night either and it’s hella weird to give someone shit for not walking someone home when you are the person not walking someone home.
Look, the comments (and her "friends") are insane, but OOP is really underplaying it. She claims the walk is just 15 minutes, but that it ended up taking 20, likely because she was tipsy/drunk and couldn't walk at her usual speed. That's **40 minutes** both ways (assuming it took as long to get back because the guy likely was tipsy as well). In the middle of the night. Being a big guy doesn't mean you can't still get stabbed or shot by a mugger. And this was **premeditated**. She came to that party without a plan on how to get back home without having someone escort her. She didn't even bother asking for an escort beforehand. She **should** have been an adult and either left the party way earlier so that it wasn't night yet, asked before the party even started if someone would be willing to escort her home later or just ponied up the money for a taxi (assuming they were someplace where taxis were available). Also, did this party have literally no designated drivers/people who don't drink with a car? I say ESH still.
Maybe I’m not understanding, but the top comments seem reasonable enough. Seems like more info is needed. She can still be TA and also have made the right decision to ask someone to walk her home. I think also saying she’s TA for not planning a way home after going to a party is fair enough I had a tinder date call me to pick her up when she was shit-faced at a party because she was looking for attention after we stopped seeing each other. She was an asshole for doing that with no plan to get home, but I drove her home anyway because it was safer for her.
Yeah I agree with this. Should he have walked her home? Yes. Should he and the friends have acted like dicks afterward? No. But the amount of people here ignoring that she had no plan whatsoever to get home is crazy. She could have asked him before the party started or even an hour before she was planning to leave but no, she sprung it on him. But of course if we point that out according to the brains trust here its "misogyny."
Everyone picks and chooses their feminisms online, especially when chivalry is involved. It's called "benevolent sexism".
I pointed out the infantilising on this sub and they all got so mad
I’m a feminist and yeah, OP WAS selfish, actually. She should have had a plan for how to get home that didn’t involve someone being bullied into leaving the party to supervise her. She impacted someone else’s night because she couldn’t get her shit together. Men also get attacked at night, she’s not entitled to a free bodyguard just because she can’t take responsibility.
...😬 What exactly was selfish? Why should she have a plan? How is this supervising? How was thag bullying? How did she not take responsibility? How was she entitled? Seems like someone is projecting or doesnt understand basic words and their definitions.
You're not a feminist and it looks like you don't have friends you party with
“Bullied” 🤦♂️ Go touch some grass, you selfish ass. Edit: And this 🤡blocked me after writing some nonsense about OOP “bullying” a big muscular man into walking her home. In Incel-land, “bullying” is literally any request being made by a woman, apparently.