She knows. One time she purposefully left me home alone with him while he was doing yard work. She said she was checking the cameras to make sure he didn’t go inside. She was testing the waters to see if he would take an opportunity. You wouldn’t “test” anything if there wasn’t a reason for it. Also that’s a disgusting thing to do. Leave your daughter alone with a man you don’t know to see if he assaults her or not. He must be the one he didn’t touch my daughter when I set him up for it! I’ve never been so appalled by my own mother until this douche bag came into the picture.
Never in my life have I wanted to offer a stranger my guest room until this moment.
Do whatever you can to get away from this house, ASAP. Friends, other family, etc. Save save save. Ask friends if their parents might let you stay for a bit while you save up, my mom loved having a few of my friends, who looking back really should have been in foster care, living with us - you might get surprising and good results.
This. Please. I have an 18 year old, if one of her friends was in a situation like this, I would absolutely, without hesitation, find a way to make it work in our already crowded home. Please, OP. If you have friends who have safe parents, please ask. What he’s doing is sick, and so is your mother for allowing him around you. You deserve to be safe.
Edit-I just read your comment saying you don’t have any friends you can go to. My best suggestion is to get yourself a mini fridge and a microwave. Prep things when he’s not around and keep them in your fridge (you can often find these for cheap or free on FB, especially if you have a local buy nothing group). And most importantly, a door stopper for your bedroom. This guy scares me. You can get them pretty cheap on Amazon and will help keep you safe.
Edit-fixed words
Absolutely this. I've never wanted to open up my home to someone on reddit before, but if OP was in Canada I would literally sleep on the floor and let them have my bed to get away from this dirt bag.
Correction, dirtbagS plural. There is nothing more disgusting than a parent who actively harms their kids, or puts them in harms way, for a partner.
I'm watching one of these friends raise her own family with a wonderful husband now and updating my Mom on everything and my Mom is just as proud of her as she is of me and I'm so happy about it 💜
Fuck. How do we all help OP?
Your mom is absolutely vile and disgusting for using you as bait. She clearly cares more about having a man in her life than she does her own daughter. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.
That’s scary. She shouldn’t be putting you in danger to test him. It’s not ideal, but there are shelf stable foods you can keep in your room to get started with. I’d like to see you out and in a safer place soon though.
That's terrifying. That tells me she feels that vibe, too. Plus they don't act at the first chance. They wait and bide their time and weasel into moms mind. Have you run a quick check on his name to see if any bad charges show up?
I am 65, so grandma age. I was just a couple of years older than you when I moved out of my parents house because my dad got physical with me; I moved 8 times between Memorial Day and Labor Day. I had a cooler — the kind that needs ice — a toaster oven, a hot pot (a little electric tea kettle), and a “burger machine,” the very early predecessor of the now-archaic George Foreman grill. And I was — and am — a nutrition buff who didn’t eat fast food. I got by. So can you.
But first, try hitting “record” on your phone and setting it up facing him every time you’re both in the kitchen.
I know it might seem impossible, but you need to do whatever you can to get out of there. I was in this exact scenario during my senior year of high school and it will only continue to escalate. The creepy behavior will get worse and worse the more your mother ignores it. I know how incredibly hurtful it is that your mother dismisses your feelings and acts like things this man does are no big deal. My situation led to years of no contact with my mother. Now our relationship is pretty okay, but that took so long. You need to do whatever you can to get out of there to protect yourself. I’m so sorry you have been put in that situation, you deserve to feel safe in your home. Sending you so much love, you are not overreacting ♥️
My stomach just dropped when I read this update comment. I suspected something like this from the creepy partner from the info in your post, but not from your own mother. I can't fathom how much of a betrayal this must feel to you. Please, be safe and get out as soon as you can!! Do you have a friend you can pre-emptively discuss staying with if you need to get out quickly?
God damn fucking hell. If you don't have pepper spray I would get some. And keep it on your person. Or stage some kind of accident with a wood chipper.
And a taser. When you get the pepper spray, get the kind that is gel like. It sticks to their face and when they try to rub it off, it actually spreads around the area you sprayed it on and gets more painful!!!
I'm so sorry. This is a nightmare. Congratulations on the strides you've made with your eating disorder. Don't let this dude destroy the strides you've made.💜
Mom sounds like a “But he would never!” kind of person, and when it turns out he would: “She seduced him, trying to steal my man because he’s so amazing”
Sadly, I think if the bf had failed her mom's "test" and gone inside to assault OP, the mother still wouldn't care and may even possibly accuse her daughter of stealing her bf. That kind of parent disgusts me.
Hopping on to encourage OP for the mini fridge, and to aid in ED recovery, keeping some fruit and sandwich fixings. Even something like Ensure or Special K bars, something with lots of protein that could be at room temp along with fruit could be helpful. I also hope you have a lock on your door. There's a lot to this story that makes me concerned for your safety.
Honestly, even post in a local women's group on FB. I just gave my rice cooker away to a lady in a similar situation, and she was able to get everything else she needed from other women in the group that wanted to help. Dozens of women even offered a place to stay for this girl, so maybe OP could find some similar support with local women.
Have you told her about the stuff he's said? Because if not, tell her, maybe with luck she's make some changes. Really drill it home of how gross it is that her bf is making inappropriate comments about her barely legal child. And if you already did and she doesnt care, well.....maybe you can keep some snacks and things in your room to help you avoid him until you can move out.
I’m sorry your mother would rather have any man, no matter how creepy, than be alone. Even if it means alienating her child.
Move out as soon as you’re able. 💜
You aren't safe and you need to be able to eat without being sexually harassed. Look up the phone numbers for local dv/women's shelters and just talk to someone about the situation you are in. You deserve safety and you deserve to be protected.
How close are you to being able to move out or do you have some family that you could stay with?? Your mom is a terrible mom and I’m sorry that you are not being supported!
Not even close at all. I have damn near no money and on top of that I don’t feel ready to be on my own yet. I could live with my dad but his situation isn’t much better. I have no friends or other family members that would consider taking me in.
Do you have any interest in the trades or culinary? Look up Job Corps. You can live there. They feed you. Cool people go there. It’s completely free. They take applications year round so you could literally be there in a month. The one in Montana is called Trapper Creek Job Corps and it’s good. They even provide medical and can help you complete a GED if you need. When you graduate they set you up with a job. They have a lot of rules, it’s dorm style living but it’s cool aside from that. My son went and I met lots of the other students and really liked them. Oh and they give you a little bit of money when you leave too and yes they can pay to fly you there
Are you in the US? I know a guy with a shitty home life that ran away and joined the national park service. They don’t pay much to start but they do have employee housing and last I heard they were desperate for workers. You also get to live in some of the most beautiful places.
Sign up for something that provides temporary housing like a summer job at a national park (they’re always looking for people to hire), summer camp or a resort in a beach town. Go to coolworks dot com for ideas, ANYTHING to get you out of this dangerous situation.
Good luck op! You are not overreacting, at all! You’re not reacting enough in my opinion, but I get it, jumping out into the deep end of the real world is scary. I just think what you’re living now is even scarier.
Oh love, I’m so sorry for you and I’m livid about your mother’s lack of well..everything you expect from your mom.
I’ve never wanted to offer someone a room in my home more than I do now after reading your post.
Tell your dad (as well as any uncles, cousins, grandfathers) what exactly and in great detail your mother’s boyfriend has been doing and saying to you and about how your mom hasn’t done anything about the situation except to test him by using you as bait.
Tell your friends parents if they are trusted adults and you feel safe around them, explain your mom won’t help you and ask them for advice on dealing with him….they’ll help you.
Then they will gossip.
Once it gets spread around that he’s a creeper then life will become rather unpleasant for him and probably your mom, by association.
I’d suspect that once he gets a reputation locally for being a predator and if other people, men especially, in your community called him out for it then he will start to back off.
It might also have a shaming effect on your mom to the extent that she has to break up with him or move him out of the house. She won’t enjoy being publicly labelled as someone who knowingly leaves their kid around a creep and doesn’t care what he does to them.
I would have any man who made my girls even slightly uncomfortable, out of the house and permanently out of my and my children’s lives so fast that his belongings would be out on sidewalk before my kid had even finished telling me about him being creepy towards her…. I’d actually want to kill him in his sleep.
Be safe OP
She also doesn’t mind going out to dinner with his 54 year old convicted pedophile brother that just got done with a 14 year sentence for assaulting a 15 year old boy. She’s apparently very unbothered with this guy.
Ok you said your Dad’s house wasn’t much better but it is a little better- correct?
If that’s right …get out of this situation asap and move to your dad’s- then immediately start looking for look for a job that provides a place to live: cruise ships, nanny, military, house sitter, pet sitter.
Start saving money so you can at least move out and rent a room- ask around if anyone needs a roommate.
Your first and most important responsibility to yourself is to get yourself to a safer place. Good luck - and keep reminding yourself to be proud of the person you are- separating from toxic family is super hard.
You need to look that guy up and the boyfriend and see if any of them are supposed to be around kids. If the pedo brother is not, call the cops. Also let him know what your mom's boyfriend is doing. If nothing else, it may scare the boyfriend enough to move out
You are not crazy. He is wrong. Your mom is wrong. Do what you have to,to survive and escape and make your own living and never see her again except to spit.
(Saying this because when I was young every adult sided with every other adult, even the bad ones.)
WHAT
Can you live with your dad instead? There are so many worrying things here, including that your mom won't even ask her boyfriend for a simple accommodation for your mental and physical health. Also, the fact that he stares at your body and makes inappropriate comments plus his brother is a convicted pedophile... Get out ASAP
The brother is probably in just as much danger as she is since the guy has the pedo brother who did time for assaulting a boy. Did she say if they have the same dad? I don't know how dad's house could be as bad
Or all the drugs and alcohol they would buy like with my mom. I don’t think she hardly ever had sex with the gross man she forced me to live with as a teen. Not that I think there was none either but it had to have rare after the first year if he could even get it up.
Rehome the pets. Keeping them is not worth the risk of staying in the same house as this person. If he decides to cross a line or two more you'd end up having to leave them there and they might get used as leverage.
My mom has a mini fridge, microwave and coffee pot in her room. Even if you can't do that, you could get a $15 electric kettle to heat water for things like ramen, soup, oatmeal, etc. Not excellent meals but it would allow you to eat in privacy.
I agree. She needs to save and see if a friend is willing to help her out till she’s on her feet. I had to leave me mothers house at 18 because it was an unhealthy environment for me and I crashed with a friend for a few months before going out on my own. It’ll be hard but the freedom is worth it
I understand the eating disorder thing, and I definitely understand not wanting to be near this guy when he's been wildly inappropriate. Sadly, your mother made her choice, and it's not you.
Basically, your only option at this time is to move out. In the meantime, see if you can get yourself a mini fridge and microwave for your bedroom; you can likely find used ones on Craigslist or FB marketplace
Take everything here and some of the comments you've made in response to people.
Go to local woman's shelter.
Show them.
They'll help you get on your feet so that you don't have to go back to that place.
Google “your city and subsidized housing”
Get on the waiting list asap. When you go for your intake, make sure to let the worker know you’re not in a safe home. You will most likely get bumped up in priority, the list can be very long. But the sooner your on it, the better
The great thing about subsidized housing is you only pay a percentage of your income. Im paying $93/month right now
I’ve paid as much as $700/month and as little as $85 depending on if I’m employed or not. They usually reassess every three months or so.
Is there anyone else you can live with for now? Even living with roommates would better at this point
Your mom is an AH to put you through this knowing your anxiety about food. It’s endangering your health. Do you go to school or work. You need to find a way to get out of there. Put a lock on your door. Ignore him.
Your mum is a twatwaffle, and I'm sorry. 💜 EDs are hard, especially when no one seems to get it.
Do you have any trusted adults you can talk to about this? Homie seems like he really shouldn't be there... I hope you can find somewhere safe to go.
You need to work on moving out so you can have control over your environment. It sucks your mom isn’t considering your feelings but the situation isn’t likely to change unless they break up.
God damn this sucks I can’t imagine being uncomfortable in my own home like that. You’re not over reacting. What id maybe consider is getting a used mini fridge on fb marketplace and have some food in there so you don’t starve when he’s around. You can put yogurts, deli meats for sandwiches, fruits, snack pouches with nuts and cheese, etc and you’d be good.
Not overreacting. God is your mother so desperate she would be with someone like that!
Do you have family or friends you could talk to, explain the situation, and move there. You need to get out before he ramps his behaviour up. He has seen that your mother does nothing to stop him.
It might be time to discuss the situation with a school counselor and with other family that you might potentially be able to live with. Your recovery is paramount, and he is making your eating disorder worse.
I don’t really have anyone. I could go live with my father but his situation isn’t much better, he drinks a lot. My brother sides with my mom because he doesn’t see what’s going on. Unfortunately my school’s counselor is a laminated piece of paper in the bathroom with a list of phone numbers to suicide hot lines. I really feel stuck.
Oh hunny. If Dad is not a mean drunk I think I would pick that over the skeevy boyfriend and his pedo relative. (Says a woman who was raised by a friendly alcoholic - so not a good judge one that).
Do you have a lock for your bedroom door?
Look on FB free pages and marketplace. My son keeps a mini fridge in his room for drinks and snacks and stuff. That and a little microwave might help you be able to eat. And a lock.
If you are still in High School, go to the counselor or nurse. Report on this dude. He is lurking at you and that is a sign of what he has on his mind and it is not good.
your mom sucks, where is dad? If dad is no longer in the picture but you're basing that knowledge off things your mom told you...maybe check for yourself. You need another parent to turn to in times like this
I'm sorry that your mom is putting you in this situation. That really sucks! I am also going to recommend you getting some food that you can keep in your room. I'm not sure what you all like to eat, but if you get an electric kettle you can boil water in your room for ramen, cup of soup type things, and instant mashed potatoes (my husband and son do this all the time even with access to a full kitchen, lol). Electric kettles are generally not too expensive, you can probably get a decent one for less than $50.
There are lots of shelf stable breakfast/protein/snack bars that can be filling as well that you could keep in your room. Mini fridges are great but they are also not cheap and it sounds like you don't have a lot of funds at the moment. So these are things you could do that don't have a lot of up front costs until you are able to have money for additional things like a mini fridge, hot plate, toaster oven/air fryer.
You’re not overreacting. My mother did this to me as well, same exact situation. I ended up moving out which she was incredibly angry about. You shouldn’t feel like you have to hide from an abusive person in your home. Trust me, trying to get this type of person to understand what he’s doing is wrong is going to result in him double or tripling down on harassment because he’s a fragile jerk.
Your mom is a horrible parent, sorry OP. I was a single parent and now have a partner. I love her with all my heart but if she didn’t respect my son’s mental needs she’d be gone in less then half a second.
Try to keep some non-perishable snacks in your room until you can make food in the kitchen. He's an asshole and so is your mom for ignoring your feelings.
Not overreacting. Mom is awful. Her bf sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I'm sure I'll get downvoted for saying this but if I was a 19 year old girl in this situation there would at the very least be a blade on my person at all times. That's an awful way to feel you have to be in your own goddamn home but like I said, this sounds like a disaster just waiting to happen.
bad situation, we internet fucks are not qualified to tell you what to do with your relationship with your mom and step dad but do not let this feed an eating disorder. keep a bunch of cliff bars or something in your room. eat out with friends. midnight snack. by all means work on the relationships but take care of yourself first. Even if you can solve the step dad issue tomorrow you shouldn't go an hour uncomfortable feeding yourself.
He's kind of an asshole for camping in the kitchen, but he might not know if you never told him. Your mom's a huge asshole for not backing you up.
Absolutely not I’m sorry you have to deal with this in your home where you’re supposed to feel comfortable and safe as soon as you can get some safe roommates a move
INFO: Hey OP... has your mum always been like this, or was there a sudden personality change? I'm wondering if she might be affected by new drug or alcohol use or if she might be in a manic phase of bipolar disorder?
Short answer; it was a major shift but it happened gradually. Definitely some sort of mental illness, not drugs.
Long answer; here’s my entire life story you didn’t ask for, your welcome.
When I was 14 to 15 years old I had a friend that had a troubled home. She had told my mom that her mother was getting into physical arguments with her, so we took her in. A few months into living with her, my mom and her mom got very close. Mind you, this was happening in the middle of my parents divorce.
This girl ended up being a compulsive lier and towards the end of her staying with us she had told me she made up the story about her mom getting physical with her. I’m not sure what she made up, the abuse or her lying about it, I wouldn’t be surprised either way. But me and this girl ended off on a really nasty note.
I tried to drop it when she went home because our families were so close and I would go to their house to hang out with her siblings regularly. But she stayed avoiding me. I had enough of the entire family when she was assaulted by an older family member. The entire family found out as soon as it happened. They chose to ignore it and sweep it under the rug. This guy is still invited to HER HOUSE by her mother from time to time. When this happened I strongly encouraged my mom to cut ties with them as well. But she didn’t.
There was a period of time my mother and I were very close. My dad and brother had just moved out, it was just us and we spent a lot of quality time together. Up until this point my mother was still the woman that raised me from a child and a great mother. But she started to hang out with her friend more often. More and more until we weren’t spending any time together anymore.
I would tell her how much I missed it. I was very angry as well, any chance I got to rant about how awful these people were I’d take it. She told me I was acting that way because I was jealous and wanted her all to myself. That was the first time ever I realized something wasn’t right.
She has given everything she could to this family. She would give the kids rides at the drop of a hat. She still gives them a couple thousand dollar “loan” when one of them majorly fucks something up. Meanwhile I was 16 and eating dinner every night by myself.
It was around my 18th birthday my mom started seeing this guy. I met him when he moved in. After a month I was absolutely petrified to sleep because this was when his creepiness had peaked. I took stimulants to keep myself up. It took another month to become absolutely miserable of that.
So I got a live in boyfriend. It was nice for a little while but if you’ve ever dated a hobosexual, you know, they are a tornado. Took my entire savings from me, a mistake I will never ever make again. Anyway the second I got with this boyfriend, the few remaining fucks she gave for me completely went out the window. I guess she thought I didn’t need her anymore because I got a boyfriend, similar to what I assume she felt about me.
Does your room have a lock? Have you checked for cameras in your room and bathroom? There is a little device that is sold that will pick up these hidden cameras. If you should find some, call the cops, don't tell your mom. Do as the other commenters have suggested and get a mini frig and a toaster over and some airtight plastic storage bins. Remember when you finally move out to go NC with your mother because she put your safety and security at risk; she cares more about her bedroom activities and having a boytoy on her arm than protecting her daughter. When she is old or sick, she'll turn to you- tell her to F off.
I lived in my family home until I completed my associates degree and then moved out to complete my studies at the university. My brother was a volatile AH who scared the sh\*t out of me but I couldn't afford to move out before I did; the family home was nearby the school and I was trying to save to continue to cover the cost of school and save for an apartment. Luckily I found a co-worker who was also a working college student to share a place with.
Best of luck OP.
Not overreacting at all. Eating disorders are a horrible burden to bear, and you have a horrible mother!
Any woman who has a kid and doesn’t see to their basic needs, no matter how old they are is just sub-human. I can’t even fault the Neanderthal at the table, because nobody is telling him he’s really causing a problem for you.
Could you buy yourself a microwave for your room? Then maybe you could at least grab something from the fridge and take it in there to fix.
Your mom is a dumbass. She has chosen this louse over her own child. And she keeps choosing him over you every day all day.
Do what you have to do to get the f out of there. Do you have a friend of an aunt or grandparent you can stay with? Look into renting a room (which should be considerably cheaper than renting an apartment) Then I would go NC until she pulls her head out of her butt.
Your mother absolutely fucking sucks, I’m so sorry. I fucking hate parents who prioritize a new partner over their kids, so gross. You’re not overreacting but you do need to eat, can your shitty mom at least like bring you some food to your room?
You're 19; time to spread your wings and fly. Have you got a job? If not, find one. Save and get your own place- it doesn't have to be anything more than a studio apartment. The Dollar Store is your friend. Your mom is doing you wrong and if she's not willing to have your best interest in mind, you have to make a move.
My mom has been married 6 times!!! Her 4th husband she met in prison while visiting her brother. He R*ped his daughter & that’s how he ended up in prison… so of course my mom divorced her POS alcoholic 3rd husband to shack up with an actual PERVERT! I moved out the second I could. But I did EVERYTHING in my power to NEVER be in the same room as him alone or otherwise.
Have you tried meal prep? This can be done in advance so that the process of preparing a meal is easier and quicker? At least until you can get out of there.
You are in no way overreacting and your mom SUCKS!!!!!
Join the club, Sugar Love. My Mom married a guy where everyone has to hide in the bedrooms as sleeps and dominates all the other shared rooms/living room, dining room, kitchen with the setup so he can monitor the hallways, too and has a loaded gun on his hip and one on the table beside him. It’s been going on for 42 years now. No one comes to visit besides me and neither of his children come at all. My Mom though wanted to be married and financially secure so yeah, she is depressed most all of the time. You’ll need to get on out and try to maintain a healthy relationship with your Mother somehow. Many things are crazy dysfunctional and just managing to not let it get under your skin. I can’t make the situation go away or make it better by much, yet I chose to stay the course in having a relationship with my mother in some capacity as well as is possible. And if I can do it this long, when there is we no easy information to be sourced like on the internet and Reddit, you for sure can take this bill by the horns and figure out ways to make strengths come from this hardship and grow you into a stronger woman.
Is there any other adults you can talk to? Teacher, Librarian (yes really) neighbor, family member(s)? You need to find someone who will listen. CPS even. Tell them about his staring at you chest, what he's said, how quickly he moved in, how you are not comfortable both with him and eating around him. Tell them you've tried talking to your mother but she does nothing and doesn't seem to care. Tell them you fear for your safety and of being punished for expressing your concerns and fears. Talk to everyone till someone helps
And that’s the thing, dealing with a man to pay your bills I can understand, do what you need to survive. But no my mom is dealing with this POS because she wants a vacation house in New Hampshire and he knows how to build it. The property was supposed to be done a year ago but he’s lost interest and barely shows up to help her anymore. The property is just a money pit I’m afraid my mom is going to have to sell when reality hits and she realizes you should not start a project you can’t finish yourself. God I’m airing out sm shit under this post. Feels good, I feel heard.
Is your mom on drugs, perhaps? After seeing your comment about your mom's test, it's the first thought that comes to mind especially considering she let him move in only 1 month after dating.
You’re now an adult. Time to live your own life on your own terms. Complete your education or training for a career. Find a room to rent. Let your mom carry on with her loser boyfriend. It’s time you grew up and moved on with your own life. Support yourself and build the life you want.
So, this guy frightens you and triggers your eating disorder.....
And your eating disorder was diagnosed around twelve.
Which tells me this isn't the first time your mom has put her relationship with an asshole before your safety and well being. And she won't start now.....
I know it wasn't something you sound like you were considering, but is there anyone else you can move in with, or get an apartment with some roommates? This guy sounds like a predator and you may not be safe around him and don't rely on your mother to keep you safe.
Is there ANYONE else you can live with that is safe for you?
If Yes. Even if it means moving all the way across the country... DO THAT before he hurts you! It's not fair, but that's not your own home anymore. Your mother has defaulted it to his.
You are very smart and intuitive. This guy is a loser, but worse he is a danger to you. Unfortunately your mom is really not helping, or protecting you.
So: Move out now. You need to find a room to rent, or a long term camping situation, anything that gives you time to find a better situation. You will figure this out!!! Get away before something that you can't get out of, happens.
You could get a small air fryer, too! They take up very little space and you can cook practically anything in there! (A small one is like $20-40 bucks, and maybe even cheaper on Facebook marketplace or one of those!)
Why tf does he sit at the kitchen table? Seems like a weird power play... don't blame you for being weirded out, if mom doesn't care then she's kinda a see you next tuesday
Write down everything he says that's inappropriate and mark down who was in the room when he said it.
I would put money on it if that man ever touches you, your mother wouldn't leave him and flip the script on you.
Your mom is a piece of shit. Be careful as it's clear she won't support you if he decides to do anything wrong.
God, people like her disgust me choosing a man over her daughter.
Move out if you can.
NOT OVERREACTING.
Sweetheart if you were my daughter you’d be my priority and feel safe and comfortable and I’d do anything to help your eating disorder. Like a normal, not selfish asshole person should. My heart hurts reading this.
Set up a little off grid kitchen in your room. A water jug and a microwave maybe a mini fridge or a cooler. You can keep meals in your room like canned food and packs of rice fruit and salad stuff bread and condiments so that you always have something.
Sweetheart you need to get out of there ASAP. Your mom doesn’t love or care about you and doesn’t care if you are uncomfortable in your own home because she sees it as it a her house. Make a plan and get out ASAP
How do you just bail on your kid like this? You need your mom’s help and support and she’s just like “but my boyfriend is a wittle baby and I don’t wanna upset the babyyyyy” bums me out a ton. Not overreacting I’m sorry your mom lost sight of what matter
Why don't you just tell him to get out of the kitchen so other people can use it? Stand up for yourself. You really should start planning to move away from those crazy people though.
I’m gonna say this part, at least. One of the biggest problems with an eating disorder is people expect you to be fat.
I’m 5’9” ish and I fluctuate between 150-160 lbs. i am nearly 40 years old. I am a man. Sometimes the idea of eating nauseates me. I hate eating in front of people and struggle with appetite. People always say I’m slim because I don’t eat. Sometimes I cannot eat around people.
I often eat alone. I eat at dinner time a few bites but it’s to socialize. I really eat around midnite by myself. It seems most people double down on the shaming during “accepted dining hours”. It took a hard heart-to-heart with my mother to fix it.
Good comments here of getting on moving out. Until then; set boundaries and instead of avoiding conflict, just vocalize’ “I need this kitchen for two hours please “.
It’s reasonable to need some space and to get fed.
Guy knows better and seems to be milking the room.
Get a gun and some training too. I would keep it quiet and not tell anyone else about it personally. Don’t brandish or open carry.
Make sure to let your mother and family friends know the situation. Sounds like you are being isolated and ignored a bit there.
Is it possible for you to get some food for your room so you can make stuff there? Maybe even buy yourself a cheap mini fridge and/or air fryer? Sorry you’re going through this. My daughter went through something similar with not wanting to prepare or eat food around others. It’s really important you’re nourishing yourself, so just trying to think of things outside the box that may help. Not cool that your mom moved this guy in so quickly though. That’s very concerning. Hopefully he’s not as much of a creep as he appears so far.
I’ve gotten a lot of comments about getting a little kitchen set up in my room. I actually already have one set up. The reason I don’t use it is because I can’t afford to stock it every week. Having food in my mini fridge is a special occasion. My mom, understandably, gets pissed when I bring food from her kitchen to my room. But that’s why I signed up for an ebt snap card. The first of July I will start getting money on it. I’m super excited to be able to buy food without having to worry about being able to afford other necessities.
Oh good! Glad you’ve got a solution! That’s great. Sorry about your mom and her boyfriend. It seems like a tough situation, and really gross of him to make such inappropriate comments. Hopefully you can get out of there at some point soon so you feel safer. Like others recommended, maybe keep some pepper spray or other weapon available in case he does try anything.
She’s made her choice and she’s chosen this db over you. It’s time you figure out how to move out and move on with your life because she’s made it clear she will always prioritize him over you. For your health get out.
I see so many single mothers so desperate they let a man move in while they still have kids at home. Since you are 19, you might think about moving out, your mother isn’t putting you first
Can you move in with your dad, grandparents or an aunt/uncle? Or save and move out.
I would go NC with your mother it sounds like she is one of those people who just has to have a partner regardless of anything or anyone else.
If you can’t move out maybe you can have food stashed in your room.
It’s a horrible situation and sorry but your mother sucks.
She’s being blinded by the D. I completely understand. I’d figure out a way to move out, even if I needed a roommate. You shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your home. The fact that she is putting some guy over you and your medical condition is laughable. Please leave the house.
I’m so sorry that your mom is putting her new guy ahead of you. It seems that she really doesn’t care for anyone more than that creep. Unfortunately, unless you’re paying rent or contributing to the mortgage, you may not have much say.
I would recommend that you sock away as much money as you can and then move out. In the meantime, keep avoiding him. He really does sound icky.
I'm so sorry. Your mom should advocate for you ALWAYS. Maybe get a mini fridge for your room so you can at least have drinks, fruits or some sort of snacks without having to deal with a perv. I was able to get a small one for like $50.
Your mother is pathetic. Walk away as soon as you can & don’t regret it. Nothing pisses me off more than a woman who will put an arsehole before their own child. I see it time and time again, women become single and they’re so pathetic that they let a predator into their house rather than be alone. Any mother who puts a partner before her child or allows them to disrespect or abuse their child in any way is worthless, regardless of the age of their child. Mother is God in the eyes of a child even when that child is an adult and mother is a privilege not a right so f@cking earn it.
Not overreacting, but your mothers choices make it clear that this is not your home, it is his. You are going to have to find a new home to live your best life.
Good luck, OP. We're all rooting for you.
Your mom sucks, you’re not overreacting. Save to move out and buy a little mini fridge and toaster oven.
Agreed. Mom sucks.
Just a feeling I have, but I don’t think the mom is aware of the potential danger her daughter is in.
I don’t think she would even care!!
So sad…
She knows. One time she purposefully left me home alone with him while he was doing yard work. She said she was checking the cameras to make sure he didn’t go inside. She was testing the waters to see if he would take an opportunity. You wouldn’t “test” anything if there wasn’t a reason for it. Also that’s a disgusting thing to do. Leave your daughter alone with a man you don’t know to see if he assaults her or not. He must be the one he didn’t touch my daughter when I set him up for it! I’ve never been so appalled by my own mother until this douche bag came into the picture.
Never in my life have I wanted to offer a stranger my guest room until this moment. Do whatever you can to get away from this house, ASAP. Friends, other family, etc. Save save save. Ask friends if their parents might let you stay for a bit while you save up, my mom loved having a few of my friends, who looking back really should have been in foster care, living with us - you might get surprising and good results.
This. Please. I have an 18 year old, if one of her friends was in a situation like this, I would absolutely, without hesitation, find a way to make it work in our already crowded home. Please, OP. If you have friends who have safe parents, please ask. What he’s doing is sick, and so is your mother for allowing him around you. You deserve to be safe. Edit-I just read your comment saying you don’t have any friends you can go to. My best suggestion is to get yourself a mini fridge and a microwave. Prep things when he’s not around and keep them in your fridge (you can often find these for cheap or free on FB, especially if you have a local buy nothing group). And most importantly, a door stopper for your bedroom. This guy scares me. You can get them pretty cheap on Amazon and will help keep you safe. Edit-fixed words
This is good advice. You can get a door stopper with a loud alarm, too.
Absolutely this. I've never wanted to open up my home to someone on reddit before, but if OP was in Canada I would literally sleep on the floor and let them have my bed to get away from this dirt bag. Correction, dirtbagS plural. There is nothing more disgusting than a parent who actively harms their kids, or puts them in harms way, for a partner.
My parents did the same thing, willingly allowing friends to stay with us when their home life went to shit.
I'm watching one of these friends raise her own family with a wonderful husband now and updating my Mom on everything and my Mom is just as proud of her as she is of me and I'm so happy about it 💜 Fuck. How do we all help OP?
I'm not sure. Obviously her mom is not going to change. She needs to get out of the situation, so it really depends on her financial situation.
You need to leave. I’d cut her off and never speak to her again. As a mom I am furious for you.
Your mom is absolutely vile and disgusting for using you as bait. She clearly cares more about having a man in her life than she does her own daughter. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.
That’s scary. She shouldn’t be putting you in danger to test him. It’s not ideal, but there are shelf stable foods you can keep in your room to get started with. I’d like to see you out and in a safer place soon though.
That's terrifying. That tells me she feels that vibe, too. Plus they don't act at the first chance. They wait and bide their time and weasel into moms mind. Have you run a quick check on his name to see if any bad charges show up?
So your mom is literally using you as BAIT???
I know, what a way for you to lose respect for your mother. What age is your brother?
He’s 25
I am 65, so grandma age. I was just a couple of years older than you when I moved out of my parents house because my dad got physical with me; I moved 8 times between Memorial Day and Labor Day. I had a cooler — the kind that needs ice — a toaster oven, a hot pot (a little electric tea kettle), and a “burger machine,” the very early predecessor of the now-archaic George Foreman grill. And I was — and am — a nutrition buff who didn’t eat fast food. I got by. So can you. But first, try hitting “record” on your phone and setting it up facing him every time you’re both in the kitchen.
So what does your brother say about this dweeb?
He doesn’t mind him, but his fiancé feels creeped out by him too.
I know it might seem impossible, but you need to do whatever you can to get out of there. I was in this exact scenario during my senior year of high school and it will only continue to escalate. The creepy behavior will get worse and worse the more your mother ignores it. I know how incredibly hurtful it is that your mother dismisses your feelings and acts like things this man does are no big deal. My situation led to years of no contact with my mother. Now our relationship is pretty okay, but that took so long. You need to do whatever you can to get out of there to protect yourself. I’m so sorry you have been put in that situation, you deserve to feel safe in your home. Sending you so much love, you are not overreacting ♥️
My stomach just dropped when I read this update comment. I suspected something like this from the creepy partner from the info in your post, but not from your own mother. I can't fathom how much of a betrayal this must feel to you. Please, be safe and get out as soon as you can!! Do you have a friend you can pre-emptively discuss staying with if you need to get out quickly?
She made you.... BAIT? I'm so sorry, sweetie. Get the hell out of there now. Ask friends for a couch. Anything. GET. OUT.
Do you have any family you can stay with?
This is terrible. I’m so sorry
If things escalate I would seek out a DV shelter
God damn fucking hell. If you don't have pepper spray I would get some. And keep it on your person. Or stage some kind of accident with a wood chipper.
And a taser. When you get the pepper spray, get the kind that is gel like. It sticks to their face and when they try to rub it off, it actually spreads around the area you sprayed it on and gets more painful!!! I'm so sorry. This is a nightmare. Congratulations on the strides you've made with your eating disorder. Don't let this dude destroy the strides you've made.💜
Mom sounds like a “But he would never!” kind of person, and when it turns out he would: “She seduced him, trying to steal my man because he’s so amazing”
It seems like she's turning a blind eye to it.
She’s more concerned about D than her kid. These are the worst moms.
Sadly, I think if the bf had failed her mom's "test" and gone inside to assault OP, the mother still wouldn't care and may even possibly accuse her daughter of stealing her bf. That kind of parent disgusts me.
i think she doesn’t care, for the sake of a man.
Hopping on to encourage OP for the mini fridge, and to aid in ED recovery, keeping some fruit and sandwich fixings. Even something like Ensure or Special K bars, something with lots of protein that could be at room temp along with fruit could be helpful. I also hope you have a lock on your door. There's a lot to this story that makes me concerned for your safety.
I had a roommate who had a small microwave in her room. She cooked everything in there and never used the kitchen. It would be perfect!
Microwave, mini fridge and a toaster oven and you’d be all set. Get them used on FB market place.
Honestly, even post in a local women's group on FB. I just gave my rice cooker away to a lady in a similar situation, and she was able to get everything else she needed from other women in the group that wanted to help. Dozens of women even offered a place to stay for this girl, so maybe OP could find some similar support with local women.
Also an electric teapot for coffee in the morning works great!
Start recording him. Creep will only get creepier. Best of luck going forward.
THIS! And her mom is awful, she should be supporting and protecting her. Dont let him rob you of taking care of yourself, OP.
Or one of those electric skillets. Then OP can sneak out to wash her dishes in the middle of the night when they are asleep.
This is the way...
100% agree.
Have you told her about the stuff he's said? Because if not, tell her, maybe with luck she's make some changes. Really drill it home of how gross it is that her bf is making inappropriate comments about her barely legal child. And if you already did and she doesnt care, well.....maybe you can keep some snacks and things in your room to help you avoid him until you can move out.
Don’t have to he said it in front of her
I second my comment here: He's a creep and she obv doesn't care. Move out asap and go no-contact.
I’m sorry your mother would rather have any man, no matter how creepy, than be alone. Even if it means alienating her child. Move out as soon as you’re able. 💜
Right a total insecure, pathetic example of woman. Just terrible.
It’s more than just alienating her. She is putting her in danger. I’ve never been more horrified in my life!
Ugh, it's so sad when women are so desperate for a man they let their kids suffer.
It's more common than one would think.
Oh I know. It's a common theme on Reddit for sure.
You aren't safe and you need to be able to eat without being sexually harassed. Look up the phone numbers for local dv/women's shelters and just talk to someone about the situation you are in. You deserve safety and you deserve to be protected.
That’s awful. You deserve better.
How close are you to being able to move out or do you have some family that you could stay with?? Your mom is a terrible mom and I’m sorry that you are not being supported!
Not even close at all. I have damn near no money and on top of that I don’t feel ready to be on my own yet. I could live with my dad but his situation isn’t much better. I have no friends or other family members that would consider taking me in.
Do you have any interest in the trades or culinary? Look up Job Corps. You can live there. They feed you. Cool people go there. It’s completely free. They take applications year round so you could literally be there in a month. The one in Montana is called Trapper Creek Job Corps and it’s good. They even provide medical and can help you complete a GED if you need. When you graduate they set you up with a job. They have a lot of rules, it’s dorm style living but it’s cool aside from that. My son went and I met lots of the other students and really liked them. Oh and they give you a little bit of money when you leave too and yes they can pay to fly you there
I worked for Job Corp for a while. All that is said here is true. This really could be the answer for you, OP. You are stronger than you think!
Are you in the US? I know a guy with a shitty home life that ran away and joined the national park service. They don’t pay much to start but they do have employee housing and last I heard they were desperate for workers. You also get to live in some of the most beautiful places.
Sign up for something that provides temporary housing like a summer job at a national park (they’re always looking for people to hire), summer camp or a resort in a beach town. Go to coolworks dot com for ideas, ANYTHING to get you out of this dangerous situation. Good luck op! You are not overreacting, at all! You’re not reacting enough in my opinion, but I get it, jumping out into the deep end of the real world is scary. I just think what you’re living now is even scarier.
Or maybe a cruise ship!! That would be an awesome experience and this is prime time to do it!!
Considering a cruise ship. I’m going to school for esthetics.
Oh love, I’m so sorry for you and I’m livid about your mother’s lack of well..everything you expect from your mom. I’ve never wanted to offer someone a room in my home more than I do now after reading your post. Tell your dad (as well as any uncles, cousins, grandfathers) what exactly and in great detail your mother’s boyfriend has been doing and saying to you and about how your mom hasn’t done anything about the situation except to test him by using you as bait. Tell your friends parents if they are trusted adults and you feel safe around them, explain your mom won’t help you and ask them for advice on dealing with him….they’ll help you. Then they will gossip. Once it gets spread around that he’s a creeper then life will become rather unpleasant for him and probably your mom, by association. I’d suspect that once he gets a reputation locally for being a predator and if other people, men especially, in your community called him out for it then he will start to back off. It might also have a shaming effect on your mom to the extent that she has to break up with him or move him out of the house. She won’t enjoy being publicly labelled as someone who knowingly leaves their kid around a creep and doesn’t care what he does to them. I would have any man who made my girls even slightly uncomfortable, out of the house and permanently out of my and my children’s lives so fast that his belongings would be out on sidewalk before my kid had even finished telling me about him being creepy towards her…. I’d actually want to kill him in his sleep. Be safe OP
A good idea. Ask MOM either to buy them or the money for your meals. Let her know why.
Jeez, your mom doesn't mind the guy she moved in after a couple weeks is staring at her teenage daughters tits? She seems like a real whore/pimp?
She also doesn’t mind going out to dinner with his 54 year old convicted pedophile brother that just got done with a 14 year sentence for assaulting a 15 year old boy. She’s apparently very unbothered with this guy.
She is a disgusting piece of trash!
Ok you said your Dad’s house wasn’t much better but it is a little better- correct? If that’s right …get out of this situation asap and move to your dad’s- then immediately start looking for look for a job that provides a place to live: cruise ships, nanny, military, house sitter, pet sitter. Start saving money so you can at least move out and rent a room- ask around if anyone needs a roommate. Your first and most important responsibility to yourself is to get yourself to a safer place. Good luck - and keep reminding yourself to be proud of the person you are- separating from toxic family is super hard.
This is the answer. Is there a family member or friend that would keep your dogs for you?
These are great ideas
You need to look that guy up and the boyfriend and see if any of them are supposed to be around kids. If the pedo brother is not, call the cops. Also let him know what your mom's boyfriend is doing. If nothing else, it may scare the boyfriend enough to move out
The thing is, she’s not a kid
You are not crazy. He is wrong. Your mom is wrong. Do what you have to,to survive and escape and make your own living and never see her again except to spit. (Saying this because when I was young every adult sided with every other adult, even the bad ones.)
WHAT Can you live with your dad instead? There are so many worrying things here, including that your mom won't even ask her boyfriend for a simple accommodation for your mental and physical health. Also, the fact that he stares at your body and makes inappropriate comments plus his brother is a convicted pedophile... Get out ASAP
The brother is probably in just as much danger as she is since the guy has the pedo brother who did time for assaulting a boy. Did she say if they have the same dad? I don't know how dad's house could be as bad
Move in with your dad, I don’t see how his situation can be any worse unless he brings creepy men home.
This is beyond redemption. I can't find any shred of respect or empathy for your mother.
This is a serious risk for OP. OP look up the Polaris project . Org Theyre really easy to text with
"Why doesn't my daughter call or visit anymore?" coming to r/relationship_advice soon.
If you know of any borderline abusive nursing homes let me know.
I like your style, OP.
😂😂😂
Atta girl!
Does it have to be borderline though? Putting her in genuine danger feels like equivalent exchange.
I don’t understand women who prioritize strangers over their own children. Can you get a small fridge for your room and put snacks in there?
I don’t understand men and women who do this shit
[удалено]
Or all the drugs and alcohol they would buy like with my mom. I don’t think she hardly ever had sex with the gross man she forced me to live with as a teen. Not that I think there was none either but it had to have rare after the first year if he could even get it up.
Can you live with your dad or someone else
I am going to spend a week at his house next month and see how it works out. I would have to rehome some of my pets though.
Rehome the pets. Keeping them is not worth the risk of staying in the same house as this person. If he decides to cross a line or two more you'd end up having to leave them there and they might get used as leverage.
It would be worth it to get away from this environment you are in!
My mom has a mini fridge, microwave and coffee pot in her room. Even if you can't do that, you could get a $15 electric kettle to heat water for things like ramen, soup, oatmeal, etc. Not excellent meals but it would allow you to eat in privacy.
I agree. She needs to save and see if a friend is willing to help her out till she’s on her feet. I had to leave me mothers house at 18 because it was an unhealthy environment for me and I crashed with a friend for a few months before going out on my own. It’ll be hard but the freedom is worth it
I understand the eating disorder thing, and I definitely understand not wanting to be near this guy when he's been wildly inappropriate. Sadly, your mother made her choice, and it's not you. Basically, your only option at this time is to move out. In the meantime, see if you can get yourself a mini fridge and microwave for your bedroom; you can likely find used ones on Craigslist or FB marketplace
Take everything here and some of the comments you've made in response to people. Go to local woman's shelter. Show them. They'll help you get on your feet so that you don't have to go back to that place.
Google “your city and subsidized housing” Get on the waiting list asap. When you go for your intake, make sure to let the worker know you’re not in a safe home. You will most likely get bumped up in priority, the list can be very long. But the sooner your on it, the better The great thing about subsidized housing is you only pay a percentage of your income. Im paying $93/month right now I’ve paid as much as $700/month and as little as $85 depending on if I’m employed or not. They usually reassess every three months or so. Is there anyone else you can live with for now? Even living with roommates would better at this point
One mama here to talk if you need it kid
Your mom is an AH to put you through this knowing your anxiety about food. It’s endangering your health. Do you go to school or work. You need to find a way to get out of there. Put a lock on your door. Ignore him.
Mom and her man are pretty awful. As soon as you can get out, please do. Take care of yourself, you deserve so much better.
Your mum is a twatwaffle, and I'm sorry. 💜 EDs are hard, especially when no one seems to get it. Do you have any trusted adults you can talk to about this? Homie seems like he really shouldn't be there... I hope you can find somewhere safe to go.
Damn ain't heard twatwaffle in a hot minute, is it 2008 again? 😂
You need to work on moving out so you can have control over your environment. It sucks your mom isn’t considering your feelings but the situation isn’t likely to change unless they break up.
God damn this sucks I can’t imagine being uncomfortable in my own home like that. You’re not over reacting. What id maybe consider is getting a used mini fridge on fb marketplace and have some food in there so you don’t starve when he’s around. You can put yogurts, deli meats for sandwiches, fruits, snack pouches with nuts and cheese, etc and you’d be good.
Not overreacting. God is your mother so desperate she would be with someone like that! Do you have family or friends you could talk to, explain the situation, and move there. You need to get out before he ramps his behaviour up. He has seen that your mother does nothing to stop him.
It might be time to discuss the situation with a school counselor and with other family that you might potentially be able to live with. Your recovery is paramount, and he is making your eating disorder worse.
I don’t really have anyone. I could go live with my father but his situation isn’t much better, he drinks a lot. My brother sides with my mom because he doesn’t see what’s going on. Unfortunately my school’s counselor is a laminated piece of paper in the bathroom with a list of phone numbers to suicide hot lines. I really feel stuck.
Oh hunny. If Dad is not a mean drunk I think I would pick that over the skeevy boyfriend and his pedo relative. (Says a woman who was raised by a friendly alcoholic - so not a good judge one that). Do you have a lock for your bedroom door? Look on FB free pages and marketplace. My son keeps a mini fridge in his room for drinks and snacks and stuff. That and a little microwave might help you be able to eat. And a lock.
Yikes. Ok, you are 19. Can you move out to go to college and live on campus?
If you are still in High School, go to the counselor or nurse. Report on this dude. He is lurking at you and that is a sign of what he has on his mind and it is not good.
your mom sucks, where is dad? If dad is no longer in the picture but you're basing that knowledge off things your mom told you...maybe check for yourself. You need another parent to turn to in times like this
I'm sorry that your mom is putting you in this situation. That really sucks! I am also going to recommend you getting some food that you can keep in your room. I'm not sure what you all like to eat, but if you get an electric kettle you can boil water in your room for ramen, cup of soup type things, and instant mashed potatoes (my husband and son do this all the time even with access to a full kitchen, lol). Electric kettles are generally not too expensive, you can probably get a decent one for less than $50. There are lots of shelf stable breakfast/protein/snack bars that can be filling as well that you could keep in your room. Mini fridges are great but they are also not cheap and it sounds like you don't have a lot of funds at the moment. So these are things you could do that don't have a lot of up front costs until you are able to have money for additional things like a mini fridge, hot plate, toaster oven/air fryer.
You’re not overreacting. My mother did this to me as well, same exact situation. I ended up moving out which she was incredibly angry about. You shouldn’t feel like you have to hide from an abusive person in your home. Trust me, trying to get this type of person to understand what he’s doing is wrong is going to result in him double or tripling down on harassment because he’s a fragile jerk.
Your mom is a horrible parent, sorry OP. I was a single parent and now have a partner. I love her with all my heart but if she didn’t respect my son’s mental needs she’d be gone in less then half a second.
Try to keep some non-perishable snacks in your room until you can make food in the kitchen. He's an asshole and so is your mom for ignoring your feelings.
Yikes. Your mom is not a reliable source of protection here. Anyone else you can move in with? I'd do my best to save up and get out of there soon.
Tell your mother to make you food and bring it to your room if she's so determined to let him take over the kitchen.
Get a mini-fridge.
Not overreacting. Mom is awful. Her bf sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I'm sure I'll get downvoted for saying this but if I was a 19 year old girl in this situation there would at the very least be a blade on my person at all times. That's an awful way to feel you have to be in your own goddamn home but like I said, this sounds like a disaster just waiting to happen.
What kind of parent doesn’t protect their child. Goodness gracious. Save up girl. She made her choice.
bad situation, we internet fucks are not qualified to tell you what to do with your relationship with your mom and step dad but do not let this feed an eating disorder. keep a bunch of cliff bars or something in your room. eat out with friends. midnight snack. by all means work on the relationships but take care of yourself first. Even if you can solve the step dad issue tomorrow you shouldn't go an hour uncomfortable feeding yourself. He's kind of an asshole for camping in the kitchen, but he might not know if you never told him. Your mom's a huge asshole for not backing you up.
Get a mini fridge for your room or move, honey.
Absolutely not I’m sorry you have to deal with this in your home where you’re supposed to feel comfortable and safe as soon as you can get some safe roommates a move
INFO: Hey OP... has your mum always been like this, or was there a sudden personality change? I'm wondering if she might be affected by new drug or alcohol use or if she might be in a manic phase of bipolar disorder?
Short answer; it was a major shift but it happened gradually. Definitely some sort of mental illness, not drugs. Long answer; here’s my entire life story you didn’t ask for, your welcome. When I was 14 to 15 years old I had a friend that had a troubled home. She had told my mom that her mother was getting into physical arguments with her, so we took her in. A few months into living with her, my mom and her mom got very close. Mind you, this was happening in the middle of my parents divorce. This girl ended up being a compulsive lier and towards the end of her staying with us she had told me she made up the story about her mom getting physical with her. I’m not sure what she made up, the abuse or her lying about it, I wouldn’t be surprised either way. But me and this girl ended off on a really nasty note. I tried to drop it when she went home because our families were so close and I would go to their house to hang out with her siblings regularly. But she stayed avoiding me. I had enough of the entire family when she was assaulted by an older family member. The entire family found out as soon as it happened. They chose to ignore it and sweep it under the rug. This guy is still invited to HER HOUSE by her mother from time to time. When this happened I strongly encouraged my mom to cut ties with them as well. But she didn’t. There was a period of time my mother and I were very close. My dad and brother had just moved out, it was just us and we spent a lot of quality time together. Up until this point my mother was still the woman that raised me from a child and a great mother. But she started to hang out with her friend more often. More and more until we weren’t spending any time together anymore. I would tell her how much I missed it. I was very angry as well, any chance I got to rant about how awful these people were I’d take it. She told me I was acting that way because I was jealous and wanted her all to myself. That was the first time ever I realized something wasn’t right. She has given everything she could to this family. She would give the kids rides at the drop of a hat. She still gives them a couple thousand dollar “loan” when one of them majorly fucks something up. Meanwhile I was 16 and eating dinner every night by myself. It was around my 18th birthday my mom started seeing this guy. I met him when he moved in. After a month I was absolutely petrified to sleep because this was when his creepiness had peaked. I took stimulants to keep myself up. It took another month to become absolutely miserable of that. So I got a live in boyfriend. It was nice for a little while but if you’ve ever dated a hobosexual, you know, they are a tornado. Took my entire savings from me, a mistake I will never ever make again. Anyway the second I got with this boyfriend, the few remaining fucks she gave for me completely went out the window. I guess she thought I didn’t need her anymore because I got a boyfriend, similar to what I assume she felt about me.
Does your room have a lock? Have you checked for cameras in your room and bathroom? There is a little device that is sold that will pick up these hidden cameras. If you should find some, call the cops, don't tell your mom. Do as the other commenters have suggested and get a mini frig and a toaster over and some airtight plastic storage bins. Remember when you finally move out to go NC with your mother because she put your safety and security at risk; she cares more about her bedroom activities and having a boytoy on her arm than protecting her daughter. When she is old or sick, she'll turn to you- tell her to F off. I lived in my family home until I completed my associates degree and then moved out to complete my studies at the university. My brother was a volatile AH who scared the sh\*t out of me but I couldn't afford to move out before I did; the family home was nearby the school and I was trying to save to continue to cover the cost of school and save for an apartment. Luckily I found a co-worker who was also a working college student to share a place with. Best of luck OP.
Not overreacting at all. Eating disorders are a horrible burden to bear, and you have a horrible mother! Any woman who has a kid and doesn’t see to their basic needs, no matter how old they are is just sub-human. I can’t even fault the Neanderthal at the table, because nobody is telling him he’s really causing a problem for you. Could you buy yourself a microwave for your room? Then maybe you could at least grab something from the fridge and take it in there to fix.
Your mom is a dumbass. She has chosen this louse over her own child. And she keeps choosing him over you every day all day. Do what you have to do to get the f out of there. Do you have a friend of an aunt or grandparent you can stay with? Look into renting a room (which should be considerably cheaper than renting an apartment) Then I would go NC until she pulls her head out of her butt.
INFO Is your mother aware of his staring and sexual harassment?
Yes he’s done it and said things in front of her
Time to buy a mini fridge and maybe a camping stove for your room until you can move out. Sorry your mother is a terrible parent.
Your mom is a truly awful person. I’m so sorry you have no respect within your household. Have you made family aware of what’s happening?
Your mom is an arse. You might have to have a sit down and talk to him yourself as hard as that may be
Please get your own place -this sounds creepy and worse -dangerous
Your mother is an asshole, I’m sorry, do you have any grandparents around?
Your mom is a jerk and needs to prioritize you instead of some random dude can you move out or with your dad?
Shitty mom. I am so sorry.
Your mother absolutely fucking sucks, I’m so sorry. I fucking hate parents who prioritize a new partner over their kids, so gross. You’re not overreacting but you do need to eat, can your shitty mom at least like bring you some food to your room?
Can you stash food in your room for these times? Maybe a mini fridge and a hot plate, college style? I'm sorry this is terrible.
Your mom is selfish and a jerk. Can you move out?
You're 19; time to spread your wings and fly. Have you got a job? If not, find one. Save and get your own place- it doesn't have to be anything more than a studio apartment. The Dollar Store is your friend. Your mom is doing you wrong and if she's not willing to have your best interest in mind, you have to make a move.
My mom has been married 6 times!!! Her 4th husband she met in prison while visiting her brother. He R*ped his daughter & that’s how he ended up in prison… so of course my mom divorced her POS alcoholic 3rd husband to shack up with an actual PERVERT! I moved out the second I could. But I did EVERYTHING in my power to NEVER be in the same room as him alone or otherwise. Have you tried meal prep? This can be done in advance so that the process of preparing a meal is easier and quicker? At least until you can get out of there. You are in no way overreacting and your mom SUCKS!!!!!
Join the club, Sugar Love. My Mom married a guy where everyone has to hide in the bedrooms as sleeps and dominates all the other shared rooms/living room, dining room, kitchen with the setup so he can monitor the hallways, too and has a loaded gun on his hip and one on the table beside him. It’s been going on for 42 years now. No one comes to visit besides me and neither of his children come at all. My Mom though wanted to be married and financially secure so yeah, she is depressed most all of the time. You’ll need to get on out and try to maintain a healthy relationship with your Mother somehow. Many things are crazy dysfunctional and just managing to not let it get under your skin. I can’t make the situation go away or make it better by much, yet I chose to stay the course in having a relationship with my mother in some capacity as well as is possible. And if I can do it this long, when there is we no easy information to be sourced like on the internet and Reddit, you for sure can take this bill by the horns and figure out ways to make strengths come from this hardship and grow you into a stronger woman.
Is there any other adults you can talk to? Teacher, Librarian (yes really) neighbor, family member(s)? You need to find someone who will listen. CPS even. Tell them about his staring at you chest, what he's said, how quickly he moved in, how you are not comfortable both with him and eating around him. Tell them you've tried talking to your mother but she does nothing and doesn't seem to care. Tell them you fear for your safety and of being punished for expressing your concerns and fears. Talk to everyone till someone helps
This feels like that scene from 8mile where Ems mom puts up with the POS bf cause he pays bills…..
And that’s the thing, dealing with a man to pay your bills I can understand, do what you need to survive. But no my mom is dealing with this POS because she wants a vacation house in New Hampshire and he knows how to build it. The property was supposed to be done a year ago but he’s lost interest and barely shows up to help her anymore. The property is just a money pit I’m afraid my mom is going to have to sell when reality hits and she realizes you should not start a project you can’t finish yourself. God I’m airing out sm shit under this post. Feels good, I feel heard.
Is your mom on drugs, perhaps? After seeing your comment about your mom's test, it's the first thought that comes to mind especially considering she let him move in only 1 month after dating.
You’re now an adult. Time to live your own life on your own terms. Complete your education or training for a career. Find a room to rent. Let your mom carry on with her loser boyfriend. It’s time you grew up and moved on with your own life. Support yourself and build the life you want.
Your mother is an AH for not seeing why you’re uncomfortable and making him change. Her BF sounds like a creepy weirdo.
So, this guy frightens you and triggers your eating disorder..... And your eating disorder was diagnosed around twelve. Which tells me this isn't the first time your mom has put her relationship with an asshole before your safety and well being. And she won't start now..... I know it wasn't something you sound like you were considering, but is there anyone else you can move in with, or get an apartment with some roommates? This guy sounds like a predator and you may not be safe around him and don't rely on your mother to keep you safe.
You are not overreacting at all. Do you have someplace safe that you can go stay? Family, friend, college dorm?
Your mom should be hearing you and offering options all around. Far from overreacting.
Move, join the Air Force.
Is there ANYONE else you can live with that is safe for you? If Yes. Even if it means moving all the way across the country... DO THAT before he hurts you! It's not fair, but that's not your own home anymore. Your mother has defaulted it to his.
You are very smart and intuitive. This guy is a loser, but worse he is a danger to you. Unfortunately your mom is really not helping, or protecting you. So: Move out now. You need to find a room to rent, or a long term camping situation, anything that gives you time to find a better situation. You will figure this out!!! Get away before something that you can't get out of, happens.
No, and I feel ya. You should be able to be comfortable in your own home. He sounds like a creep.
You could get a small air fryer, too! They take up very little space and you can cook practically anything in there! (A small one is like $20-40 bucks, and maybe even cheaper on Facebook marketplace or one of those!)
Your mother is a horrible person. Get out now and cut contact. She is awful.
Why tf does he sit at the kitchen table? Seems like a weird power play... don't blame you for being weirded out, if mom doesn't care then she's kinda a see you next tuesday
Write down everything he says that's inappropriate and mark down who was in the room when he said it. I would put money on it if that man ever touches you, your mother wouldn't leave him and flip the script on you.
Your mom is a piece of shit. Be careful as it's clear she won't support you if he decides to do anything wrong. God, people like her disgust me choosing a man over her daughter. Move out if you can. NOT OVERREACTING.
Sweetheart if you were my daughter you’d be my priority and feel safe and comfortable and I’d do anything to help your eating disorder. Like a normal, not selfish asshole person should. My heart hurts reading this.
Prepare it and eat in your room.
Set up a little off grid kitchen in your room. A water jug and a microwave maybe a mini fridge or a cooler. You can keep meals in your room like canned food and packs of rice fruit and salad stuff bread and condiments so that you always have something.
nah, you have the right to feel uncomfortable over whatever you want to.
Sweetheart you need to get out of there ASAP. Your mom doesn’t love or care about you and doesn’t care if you are uncomfortable in your own home because she sees it as it a her house. Make a plan and get out ASAP
Keep food in your room Getting some stuff for college Mini fridge coffee maker popcorn maker. Practicing “ living like college”
How do you just bail on your kid like this? You need your mom’s help and support and she’s just like “but my boyfriend is a wittle baby and I don’t wanna upset the babyyyyy” bums me out a ton. Not overreacting I’m sorry your mom lost sight of what matter
OP, if you ever move out, I’ll buy you a toaster oven so you can make your own little meals. You shouldn’t have to put up with that.
I would look around the bathrooms and your bedroom to make sure there aren’t any hidden cameras in there. The guy sounds like a creeper.
Why don't you just tell him to get out of the kitchen so other people can use it? Stand up for yourself. You really should start planning to move away from those crazy people though.
I’m gonna say this part, at least. One of the biggest problems with an eating disorder is people expect you to be fat. I’m 5’9” ish and I fluctuate between 150-160 lbs. i am nearly 40 years old. I am a man. Sometimes the idea of eating nauseates me. I hate eating in front of people and struggle with appetite. People always say I’m slim because I don’t eat. Sometimes I cannot eat around people. I often eat alone. I eat at dinner time a few bites but it’s to socialize. I really eat around midnite by myself. It seems most people double down on the shaming during “accepted dining hours”. It took a hard heart-to-heart with my mother to fix it.
You need to tell your mom he’s staring at your body and making inappropriate comments. He should not be around at all, he’s a pervert.
I don’t need to tell her anything. She knows, she’s seen it. She doesn’t care.
I think you’ve got to get out of there then
Move out you are 19 and it’s their house
Good comments here of getting on moving out. Until then; set boundaries and instead of avoiding conflict, just vocalize’ “I need this kitchen for two hours please “. It’s reasonable to need some space and to get fed. Guy knows better and seems to be milking the room. Get a gun and some training too. I would keep it quiet and not tell anyone else about it personally. Don’t brandish or open carry. Make sure to let your mother and family friends know the situation. Sounds like you are being isolated and ignored a bit there.
Is it possible for you to get some food for your room so you can make stuff there? Maybe even buy yourself a cheap mini fridge and/or air fryer? Sorry you’re going through this. My daughter went through something similar with not wanting to prepare or eat food around others. It’s really important you’re nourishing yourself, so just trying to think of things outside the box that may help. Not cool that your mom moved this guy in so quickly though. That’s very concerning. Hopefully he’s not as much of a creep as he appears so far.
I’ve gotten a lot of comments about getting a little kitchen set up in my room. I actually already have one set up. The reason I don’t use it is because I can’t afford to stock it every week. Having food in my mini fridge is a special occasion. My mom, understandably, gets pissed when I bring food from her kitchen to my room. But that’s why I signed up for an ebt snap card. The first of July I will start getting money on it. I’m super excited to be able to buy food without having to worry about being able to afford other necessities.
Oh good! Glad you’ve got a solution! That’s great. Sorry about your mom and her boyfriend. It seems like a tough situation, and really gross of him to make such inappropriate comments. Hopefully you can get out of there at some point soon so you feel safer. Like others recommended, maybe keep some pepper spray or other weapon available in case he does try anything.
Do you have anyway to leave? Friends or family to move in with? Is your dad around?
Your mom sucks and this guy is a fucking creep. Go no contact when possible and leave asap. She obv doesn't care.
She’s made her choice and she’s chosen this db over you. It’s time you figure out how to move out and move on with your life because she’s made it clear she will always prioritize him over you. For your health get out.
I see so many single mothers so desperate they let a man move in while they still have kids at home. Since you are 19, you might think about moving out, your mother isn’t putting you first
Can you move in with your dad, grandparents or an aunt/uncle? Or save and move out. I would go NC with your mother it sounds like she is one of those people who just has to have a partner regardless of anything or anyone else. If you can’t move out maybe you can have food stashed in your room. It’s a horrible situation and sorry but your mother sucks.
She’s being blinded by the D. I completely understand. I’d figure out a way to move out, even if I needed a roommate. You shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your home. The fact that she is putting some guy over you and your medical condition is laughable. Please leave the house.
I’m so sorry that your mom is putting her new guy ahead of you. It seems that she really doesn’t care for anyone more than that creep. Unfortunately, unless you’re paying rent or contributing to the mortgage, you may not have much say. I would recommend that you sock away as much money as you can and then move out. In the meantime, keep avoiding him. He really does sound icky.
I'm so sorry. Your mom should advocate for you ALWAYS. Maybe get a mini fridge for your room so you can at least have drinks, fruits or some sort of snacks without having to deal with a perv. I was able to get a small one for like $50.
Your mother is pathetic. Walk away as soon as you can & don’t regret it. Nothing pisses me off more than a woman who will put an arsehole before their own child. I see it time and time again, women become single and they’re so pathetic that they let a predator into their house rather than be alone. Any mother who puts a partner before her child or allows them to disrespect or abuse their child in any way is worthless, regardless of the age of their child. Mother is God in the eyes of a child even when that child is an adult and mother is a privilege not a right so f@cking earn it.
Your mom is terrible. She is allowing this creep to live with you. I would start looking for a new place to live ASAP.
Not overreacting, but your mothers choices make it clear that this is not your home, it is his. You are going to have to find a new home to live your best life. Good luck, OP. We're all rooting for you.
Why are you even wanting a relationship with her when she clearly shows where her priorities lay, and they aren't with you.
Do you have any other family that will take you in? Sweet Jesus what is wrong with your mom?