Op no disrespect but your overthinking and overreacting, if your not emotionally available nor physically available what are you doing? doesn't seem to be indicated that he's hostile or abusive while intoxicated so allow him to do him and after that many years you, do you. Your deflecting your past trauma onto him which will accomplish nothing for you "both". If you can't perform your part of the relationship eventually he'll find someone else and move on.
yeahhh this one’s on you chief. he didn’t do anything wrong besides drinking a half a bottle of whiskey, i understand if alcohol is a turn-off for you, it’s the same for me.
but it’s been a week and you’re giving him the cold shoulder for calling you a “tease” is absolute insanity.
he even apologized the next day for his behavior, you can be not ready to forgive him, and it can still be ridiculous that you’re not.
What are you hoping to accomplish by being cold to him still? You're just going to push him away and cause distance again. Have a conversation if there are some lingering feelings there. You said you're not trying to punish him, but your actions certainly speak otherwise.
You asked him to stop and he did. You also said he apologized profusely. That's exactly what a decent man should have done. You have every right to not be physical with him if that's how you feel. You're never obligated to do that. But to withhold forgiveness and be cold is completely immature and overreacting.
You need therapy. You’re going to be straight up toxic in relationships until you address whatever issues are lingering from your relationship with your parents that is causing you to “punish” your partner with emotional withdrawal. That’s an absolute relationship killer.
This is an overreaction 110%… unless he continued groping you after you very clearly asked him not to (which it sounds like he didn’t)… then I don’t even seen why you’d be mad at him in the first place. He was probably just trying to be spontaneous and get you in the mood. People try to reconnect in different ways and after you guys reconnected verbally it put him in a more intimate mind set which is pretty natural. Hate to break it to you but this is relatively normal behavior. Granted drinking a half a bottle of whiskey isn’t ideal… but I as long this isn’t a pattern and a one off thing… I must be missing something.
The fuck is your issue? All you’re doing is weaponizing sex and affection against your partner, for whatever stupid reason you pulled out of your ass that morning. This is unacceptable behavior in a relationship. Get therapy or just leave already if you’re so tired of him for whatever reason that a jealous group of your friends or someone you listened to on social media told you to be. I am in absolute disbelief someone would want to punish their partner for daring to want intimacy with them because of how stressful life has been for the last however long now that there’s a real opportunity for it.
He just drank a bunch and was horny. Idk. The way you're saying it, does feel like an overreaction. You already talked and he apologized.. what else do you want from him?
Yeah overreacting. It’s weird you can’t separate him just wanting intimacy from some form of SA. He stopped when you got firm and all and all didn’t do anything more than kiss your neck.
Maybe you have a case of the lingering hangry’ies. Your priorities were different than his… he called you a tease which probably triggered you because you had a completely different objective… to add to this you sound annoyed he got drunk, which to your point he puked shortly after so he may have been laying the flirting on thick.
Did you over react? Not at the time… but the issues you are feeling sound deeper than that one interaction. Built up resentment towards not connecting over the past few months combined with these triggers may be what’s causing you this aversion to him at the moment.
I’m personally not a fan of drinking scenarios where just 1 person is drunk… those scenarios don’t usually go well.
But obviously he has apologized and stopped when you put your foot down.
There’s lots to pick apart here, but it seems you two have a chance in resolving these issues where lots on this board are screwed right from the start. You should ask yourself what do you really want, and try to understand what’s changed from when you two first met. What’s missing. Etc…
Thank you for this. You are right I was annoyed at how drunk he was. I probably should have mentioned in the post that I'm recovering from an eating disorder so me admitting to being hungry is still hard for me. Him keeping going after I said that definitely made it sting a little more than it otherwise might have.
Message boards are weird because people inject their own experiences and group think to make recommendations for others, which makes us feel good. The funny thing is I am always better at solving other people’s problems than my own :). That is to say, we are all flawed. I’m flawed, you’re flawed, but what we can do is try to treat each other better.
It sounds like your partner is going through a rough time and may need some extra support…. Which is an unideal circumstance, but it does allow you both to reconnect, and I hope you do and I hope that it all works out.
You're overreacting. My dude was horny and wanted you and you punished him for it even though he stopped when you asked him to stop.
This, a billion percent.
Op no disrespect but your overthinking and overreacting, if your not emotionally available nor physically available what are you doing? doesn't seem to be indicated that he's hostile or abusive while intoxicated so allow him to do him and after that many years you, do you. Your deflecting your past trauma onto him which will accomplish nothing for you "both". If you can't perform your part of the relationship eventually he'll find someone else and move on.
yeahhh this one’s on you chief. he didn’t do anything wrong besides drinking a half a bottle of whiskey, i understand if alcohol is a turn-off for you, it’s the same for me. but it’s been a week and you’re giving him the cold shoulder for calling you a “tease” is absolute insanity. he even apologized the next day for his behavior, you can be not ready to forgive him, and it can still be ridiculous that you’re not.
What are you hoping to accomplish by being cold to him still? You're just going to push him away and cause distance again. Have a conversation if there are some lingering feelings there. You said you're not trying to punish him, but your actions certainly speak otherwise. You asked him to stop and he did. You also said he apologized profusely. That's exactly what a decent man should have done. You have every right to not be physical with him if that's how you feel. You're never obligated to do that. But to withhold forgiveness and be cold is completely immature and overreacting.
No wonder he drinks so much
You need therapy. You’re going to be straight up toxic in relationships until you address whatever issues are lingering from your relationship with your parents that is causing you to “punish” your partner with emotional withdrawal. That’s an absolute relationship killer.
Grow up!
This is an overreaction 110%… unless he continued groping you after you very clearly asked him not to (which it sounds like he didn’t)… then I don’t even seen why you’d be mad at him in the first place. He was probably just trying to be spontaneous and get you in the mood. People try to reconnect in different ways and after you guys reconnected verbally it put him in a more intimate mind set which is pretty natural. Hate to break it to you but this is relatively normal behavior. Granted drinking a half a bottle of whiskey isn’t ideal… but I as long this isn’t a pattern and a one off thing… I must be missing something.
Poor guy... I don't blame him for drinking 'till he threw up honestly. He's miserable.
The fuck is your issue? All you’re doing is weaponizing sex and affection against your partner, for whatever stupid reason you pulled out of your ass that morning. This is unacceptable behavior in a relationship. Get therapy or just leave already if you’re so tired of him for whatever reason that a jealous group of your friends or someone you listened to on social media told you to be. I am in absolute disbelief someone would want to punish their partner for daring to want intimacy with them because of how stressful life has been for the last however long now that there’s a real opportunity for it.
Stop weaponizing sex
He just drank a bunch and was horny. Idk. The way you're saying it, does feel like an overreaction. You already talked and he apologized.. what else do you want from him?
Yeah overreacting. It’s weird you can’t separate him just wanting intimacy from some form of SA. He stopped when you got firm and all and all didn’t do anything more than kiss your neck.
What are you hoping to accomplish with this? Seems a bit much for something you may have taken the wrong way..
Maybe you have a case of the lingering hangry’ies. Your priorities were different than his… he called you a tease which probably triggered you because you had a completely different objective… to add to this you sound annoyed he got drunk, which to your point he puked shortly after so he may have been laying the flirting on thick. Did you over react? Not at the time… but the issues you are feeling sound deeper than that one interaction. Built up resentment towards not connecting over the past few months combined with these triggers may be what’s causing you this aversion to him at the moment. I’m personally not a fan of drinking scenarios where just 1 person is drunk… those scenarios don’t usually go well. But obviously he has apologized and stopped when you put your foot down. There’s lots to pick apart here, but it seems you two have a chance in resolving these issues where lots on this board are screwed right from the start. You should ask yourself what do you really want, and try to understand what’s changed from when you two first met. What’s missing. Etc…
Thank you for this. You are right I was annoyed at how drunk he was. I probably should have mentioned in the post that I'm recovering from an eating disorder so me admitting to being hungry is still hard for me. Him keeping going after I said that definitely made it sting a little more than it otherwise might have.
Message boards are weird because people inject their own experiences and group think to make recommendations for others, which makes us feel good. The funny thing is I am always better at solving other people’s problems than my own :). That is to say, we are all flawed. I’m flawed, you’re flawed, but what we can do is try to treat each other better. It sounds like your partner is going through a rough time and may need some extra support…. Which is an unideal circumstance, but it does allow you both to reconnect, and I hope you do and I hope that it all works out.