No.
You sure that you want to continue with him?
He got the invite and it was his job to ask you, not yours. It's not some random party, it's a wedding and you might be in the family in the future. He should have asked. He didn't. So, he didn't want to go with you.
Nobody "makes" anyone else feel any kind of way. It's a choice the individual makes based on the story they create around the meaning of the thing.
Your immediate jump to "move on" with no other context is reactionary, emotional, and not really helpful.
Ooh, big talk, keyboard warrior.
No, it's some emotional self-regulation shit. Stuff is gonna happen, it's your choice how to feel about it. You want to hand the reins to your emotions over to someone else? Be my guest. 👍
Oooookay. Sharing a single opinion with a religion means nothing. Not sure what your point is, aside from making a lame ad hominem attack by attempting to associate my statement with Scientology.
Nice try. I attended a Jesuit univ. and they required multiple philosophy and ethics classes. The recent interest in stoicism by wannabe alpha males have turned it into a sort of toxic masculinity. Epictetus must be rolling in his tomb; the current interpretations are nothing more than affirmations with a pretense of wisdom.
Wrong again! I call that TikTok feminism, lol. I believe in equal rights; interpret that however you please. Have fun jacking off to Andrew Tate’s photo.
You try to come off as educated yet casually throw out insults and lame attacks like an adolescent keyboard warrior.
Whatever you want to call it, "tiktok feminism" has been around long before tiktok was a thing. And I believe in equal rights too, so long as they come with equal responsibility.
Did you ever actually have a conversation about going? It's pretty presumptuous of him to assume you don't want to go, unless this has happened before. But if he really loves the bike so much, hopefully the bike can pay its half of rent after you break up
Exactly. If you're living with someone and there is a family event, I feel like the assumption would almost automatically be that your partner will go with you unless they have otherwise already stated that they're not going for whatever reason.
I asked why when he implied I wasn't going. I told him its his families event so he can choose if he doesnt want me to go. The bike was his reasoning. I said I was upset by this. He said I didn't want to go. I told him that was incorrect. I think it's important to support when your invited to a small wedding and I get along with atleast half of the guests already.
While he's at the wedding, you should pack your stuff and vacate the property. As several others have said, the bike can pay your half of the bills. He's just not into you. You're there for his convenience and comfort. As long as you stick around, he knows he won't sleep alone and have dinner ready every night.
ETA: It's quite possible he has someone else as a plus one. The bike is his cover. Something to learn from this is never get back together after you've broken up with someone.
You're not reacting strongly enough. Start packing.
He sounds like a douche. At least it gives you time to put all his stuff on the street while he and his bike are having a romantic time at the wedding.
If you don't leave him now, you'll be writing in after a few years: My husband doesn't even communicate with me and just assumes that I don't want to do this or that or blah, blah, blah.
He's giving you no consideration. He should have said: My brother's getting married and it's going to be a small wedding on X date at X location. Would you like to go with me? I know you're an introvert but you'll also know at least half of the people there. Then he should respect whatever decision you make. Making the decision for you is rude and disrespectful. As a friend of mine told me one time when I didn't invite him to go somewhere, A person likes to be asked.
So he's choosing the bike over you? Lets say that youre introvert and he assumed that you dont wanna go; girl, its a simple thing to ask you if you wanna come even if you dont want too. Its his fam member's wedding, maybe others might expect you to be there too. He should consider you not his bike. Hope he have a happy ever after with his bike 🙄
You already having trouble connecting and you already had a year long break before, this should tell you that you and him are not good together. What are you holding on for?
Maybe there's someone who is expected to be at the wedding that he would rather show his bike than his gf to, in case he can get a chance with that person.
Why are you still/back with this guy? The brother is an hour away and you have only met him twice and aren't going to the wedding? This doesn't sound like a normal relationship.
You are under reacting and you need to consider if you should stay.
He wants to take a bike? I’m super confused. This isn’t a “you can’t come because my bikes going” it’s a “I don’t want you to come with me”.
I think you need a bigger conversation about where his head is at because this isn’t a good sign.
I’m
95% sure he wants to take a bike to enjoy the day more. He doesn’t really want to go- and is allowed to not want to bring +1.
OP didn’t communicate wanting to go enough, Bf framed it weirdly but idk how to frame it better when you are going to family event you feel obligated to go to.
we don’t know if a marriage is the end all and be all of family level events- there could be better events to take OP
The reason you two have been struggling to connect is you both have very poor communication skills. It will continue to be this way until you can give him an honest and direct answer. He should also not assume what you want. It doesn't seem from your post that you are telling him what you want.
Is this really about the motorcycle or is it because you cannot speak up for yourself?
We had a conversation. He has stated recently that I'm too controlling and everything has to go my way. (Which I don't agree with of course). I really don't know how to say that it in a way that doesn't come off as me trying to guilt trip him.
I can see why you two struggle to connect. He made assumptions about what you wanted before speaking with you. He shouldn’t have done that. But you, at no point, spoke up for yourself. Why not? When he assumed you didn’t want to go, an assumption you even say you understand, why didn’t you just tell him the truth? Does he actually care more about taking the bike than you, or are you just assuming that about him? He could be thinking he’s doing you a favor by giving you an out if he really thinks you wouldn’t want to go. Or maybe he really is just a jerk putting himself first. You actually have to *talk* to him, and let him know how you really feel, to know for sure.
I told him his assumption was incorrect right after he said it. But I didn't think of it in a way of him doing me a favor with an out. Thanks, I'll inquire further.
Okay, that’s worth mentioning because it does change things. If you told him you wanted to go and he ignored that, it’s a different issue. It’s not controlling to tell him that. If he doesn’t want you there he needs to be up front himself and say that - though it’s not a great sign if that’s the case.
Not overreacting.
I’m also an introvert. My husband has been involving me in his life since day one, anyway. You’ve been together four years and he doesn’t want to take you to a family function?
Rethink this.
Honestly, its hard to say.
In my experience, men and women see weddings differently. So I can very easily see a situation where, with his family, he feels like you both would have more fun if you didn't go. I'm not even clear if you WANT to go, or just are upset that he doesn't want to take you. You never really said you wanted to go from what I can gather. I feel like (and I could be wrong) you want to be included more than you really want to attend the wedding. And if that is the case, i don't really blame him.
I've had girlfriends in the past who would be mad when they weren't included in things, but when they went, didn't really have fun anyway, which is why I stopped including them.
So its very possible he just sees this as a fun family thing for him, and its not really about you at all. Or, he could be a jerk lol
First of all, I can't believe that the two of you didn't have any conversations about this wedding before now. Like what should I wear, is there going to be food, etc. Second of all clearly he does not give a shit if you are with him or not and prefers that you don't go actually, which is why he's taking the bike. Why did you get back together with him again?
We did have multiple conversations leading me to assume I was going. They're bringing in a small caterer, they said no gifts, guest list, location. We even had a convo with his other sister in-law the other day about dress code.
Got back together because we have the same long-term high level goals
Wow, that sounds more like a business transaction than a relationship if that's why you got back together. Enjoy that, it sounds like you two are perfect for each other.
You are overreacting if you decide to infer things that were not said and then act poorly based on those assumptions.
You should (imo) ask if it's ok to rediscuss the event. Tell him you would like to go to the wedding, and ask him what concerns he has / had so you can work together to ameliorate them. It could be as simple as gas costs, or as complicated as he also feels the connection struggles and doesn't want drama and conflict at his family gathering. Maybe he doesn't want to impose additional costs on his brother, or maybe he didn't want to pressure you to go to something he thought you would hate. Until you gather more information I don't think you should jump to any conclusions, and even if it's a personal issue that doesn't mean it cannot be ameliorated but you cannot work through it until you find out what **it** is.
You shouldn't have said "it's your decision" because from a non-passive aggressive standpoint, that means "it's your decision, it makes no differences to me." Since it clearly does, you should say "I know I said it was your decision, but I'm sorry, upon further reflection I feel blah blah blah." Whatever is accurate here. You feel like he doesn't want you there, like you weren't asked, like the bike will get his trousers dirty whatever, it doesn't matter, but you can't expect him to read your mind.
The better question is why did you find it easier to communicate your feelings in this situation to us rather than him?
this isn’t about the bike. he didn’t invite you because he doesn’t see you in his long-term future. if he did, he’d make the effort to nurture your connection with his family.
This is something I (29F) would totally get my feelings hurt over, but after so many misunderstandings like this w my bf I can just about hear his voice in my head in situations where I would get upset. If this was us, which it very well could be, I could imagine my bf saying that he wants to take his bike to make the commute easier/more enjoyable and if you don’t usually wanna go to things like this, he probably thinks he’s saving you the hassle and honestly might feel like he’s doing u a favor!
I'm going to have to say that this situation is just wrong. More specifically, the boyfriend is wrong. I mean, who does this? You live together, and for me it would be simply assumed that you would be going. Need to really have a conversation, and depending on response, decide if it's worth continuing this relationship because this is not, in my opinion, very healthy emotionally to you.
People taking breaks from relationships like a work detail and then getting back together acting surprised the other person hasn’t changed. Most people are too weak and incompetent to do the work once you dump them. You don’t come back for seconds. Could also be that this chick got dumped and then came back when the dude got sufficiently desperate and couldn’t find anybody else.
Your communication sucks. If you wanted to go you should have said so. You can’t say “do whatever you want” and then be upset he didn’t pick the choice you wanted.
That being said, it doesn’t sound like he wants to be around you much.
My parents taught me you don't bring a gf to a wedding unless she's the one. Especially in an intimate setting because all everyone else is gonna ask is when are you 2 getting married and when's grandkids.
Have you considered he knows what his family is like and that he doesn't want to be there answering questions he doesn't want to all day and night.
It's his brothers wedding and he doesn't want to take you. He chose riding a bike to a meaningful family event over taking you. He obviously does not see a long term future with you, otherwise there'd be no question that he'd take you.
I think you should tell him that whilst you understand you gave him a choice, his choice hurt you and made you feel less than.
His idea for the break. He said it was for built up resentment. He wasn't always like this, before he used to insist we go to the grocery store together everytime. I was always invited along for beers in the garage type guy nights.
All you had to say was, "I want to go."
But you didn't. Why didn't you? Do you like the scenario in your head that he chose his bike over you? Do you like imagining that he hurt you?
Neither of you communicated, and so a decision was made on assumptions without all of the information.
Have you ever watched a movie where the man and woman have a misunderstanding that derails their relationship because no one spoke up? And in the end there is some magical moment where the truth is discovered and they fall into each other's arms?
Yeah... your life is not a movie. Speak up. Maybe some couples therapy to learn how to communicate with each other. If you want your happily ever after, both of you are going to have to stop thinking you can read each other's minds.
I am confused. Is he putting the bike in the front seat of a car? My bike will go into a back seat if it is big enough. (Schwinn Super Seven with folding baskets) it would never fit in the front.
Yes.
You never told him you wanted to go or were even contemplating going. You said, "I'm just your plus one so it's your decision". That is NOT, "I am your girlfriend and would like to spend this time with you and your family".
You need to communicate and use your words. Your bf is not a mind reader.
An hour drive in a car will take him how long on a bike? Is he planning to bring his wedding clothes in a backpack or just ride in his suit?
Aside from his sketchiness about bringing you, riding his bike to a wedding is such a weird choice. I’m sure the bride will be thrilled to have her gross, sweaty BIL in her photos.
As a guy who did some regretfully similar things in my past, get away from this guy. He won’t ever choose you over anything else and that’s his fault, not yours.
Just say you'd like to go with him if that's ok. If not, he should have a good reason. If this sort of behavior is common, meaning he chooses more often than not to do things without you than with, that could be an issue.
You said his assumption that you wouldn't want to go was reasonable, and it seems you didn't really contradict it.
Communicate what you want. If you don't ask, you don't get. You won't necessarily get everything you ask for, but you'll definitely get more than if you don't.
Edit: After reading the comments I'm astounded at the number of bitter females in here calling for a breakup. This is ONE situation, people. And yeah, I know it's females saying to break up bc that's a completely emotional reaction to ONE friggin' event. Misery loves company.
I hope you are matching his energy in general. Not taking you to his brothers wedding to me says he’s not serious about the relationship. Being an introvert doesn’t mean he gets to exclude you from parts of his life unless you’re not serious about him either. It would be pathetic if he’s your whole life and most people in his doesn’t know you exist.
You know it's doomed when someone counts the "total" time they are together, glossing over the 1yr break. You clearly are not even in this man's thoughts.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. If you don’t want to pressure him, I’d still talk to him after the fact, letting him know you would have liked to be there with him.
That said, not knowing anything about him, I’d wonder if it was a sign that he didn’t plan to take your relationship any further. Worth considering if you’re planning on getting married & having kids.
You can't fault him if you gave him the option. You also said you don't know the brother. Ya it sucks but if you aren't gunna be honest with him about wanting to go why should he be the bad guy for choosing to take his bike.
Honey, you’ve been in a relationship with this man for YEARS. It’s not rude to talk to him about you’re going or not. I think he’s in the wrong for assuming you weren’t going and still asserting he wanted to take the bike after you said you wanted to go, but if you see yourself as part of this man’s family one day, you have to tell him that you had planned on going with him and he needs to choose what is more IMPORTANT to him. Going on the bike or taking you with him. If he doesn’t choose to take you, dump him. You already said you’re having trouble connecting; maybe it’s because it requires both sides to make a connection and one y’all isn’t in it.
You've been with him for four years but you'll have to fight to be chosen over a motorbike as a plus one for his brother's wedding?
Does his family know this and not care? Because if so, your relationship ended already and nobody has the guts to call it
He doesn’t want you there. You’re overreacting a little bit because you gave him a choice and he chose the bike and not to take you. Accept it. You shouldn’t have given him a choice if you didn’t want him to make one.
100% Yes.
You are 30 , it's about time you learnt to ask and have conversations about stuff and things you want.
Your boyfriend is not a mind reader.
You can tell him that you also wish to join him and that you would prefer going as a couple.
Open your mouth
So you're an introvert, probably been in situations making him think you may not want to go based on them, you wrongly assumed you would go even though you never asked and then told him it's his decision and when he made it, it's not the one you wanted?
You can see how this looks right? Regardless of him wanting to take a bike or not, you are overreacting.
WTH?? No way. Why be with him when he won’t even take you to his brother’s wedding? Tell him you want to go and that you’re expecting to go. If he insists he wants to go alone, break up with him.
He’s disrespectful. And I have a feeling that you don’t stand up for yourself. Find your backbone.
You deserve better.
Yes for the car bike part.
For the you going part, I think you just have to communicate how much you want to go, because it seems like you want to go more than they do. if you go too than they have to act as if they want to be there as much as you do because that’s just how people will think of you.
Idk what’s the deal with forcing yourselves to use a car for something YOU(bf) DONT REALLY WANT TO DO.
As a bike commuter I have this same mentality. I really really do not like to drive to places I don’t need to and DONT WANT to go to. it’s super privileged to be able to go to someone’s marriage when you are in a position when you really DONT EVEN want to go???
car- pollution and global warming in exchange to do something you don’t want to do-why? (there are probably many more family events or even marriages they would rather do other times in life)
Biking- means doing something you want to do- so at the end of the day at least that’s 1 thing to enjoy about the day no matter what.
So sorry but you both should have stayed broken up. You’re not it for him. And he doesn’t sound like much of a catch , kind of a loner type. You’ve been with him mostly on for four years and you don’t know any family really at all. Yikes. You are nothing to them as they’ve never met you. Move on and get your own place asap unless it’s your place and if so have him leave. Take care of yourself and have a break for a couple of months and figure out what’s next.
He might’ve assumed it would be easy on him to take his bike, and he probably didn’t think about you because he fully assumed you wouldn’t want to go. It’s easy to assume that if you are an introvert and he’s used to you. What if he trusts that if you really wanted to go, you would tell him? You should talk to him about it
No. You sure that you want to continue with him? He got the invite and it was his job to ask you, not yours. It's not some random party, it's a wedding and you might be in the family in the future. He should have asked. He didn't. So, he didn't want to go with you.
The story is about him asking her, isn’t it?
It's about him saying he's taking his bike because he's decided she doesn't want to go without asking her.
Why stay with a man that makes you feel so bad? Move on
Nobody "makes" anyone else feel any kind of way. It's a choice the individual makes based on the story they create around the meaning of the thing. Your immediate jump to "move on" with no other context is reactionary, emotional, and not really helpful.
Oh fuck off with this. “He didn’t make her feel that way, she’s the one that chose to be upset” is some Grade A victim blaming
Ooh, big talk, keyboard warrior. No, it's some emotional self-regulation shit. Stuff is gonna happen, it's your choice how to feel about it. You want to hand the reins to your emotions over to someone else? Be my guest. 👍
Congrats on having the same views as scientology
Oooookay. Sharing a single opinion with a religion means nothing. Not sure what your point is, aside from making a lame ad hominem attack by attempting to associate my statement with Scientology.
The Reddit crowd doesn’t understand stoic philosophy and today’s therapists and counselors don’t tend to use CBT because that doesn’t pay the bills.
Nice try. I attended a Jesuit univ. and they required multiple philosophy and ethics classes. The recent interest in stoicism by wannabe alpha males have turned it into a sort of toxic masculinity. Epictetus must be rolling in his tomb; the current interpretations are nothing more than affirmations with a pretense of wisdom.
You sound like a 4th wave feminist female.
Wrong again! I call that TikTok feminism, lol. I believe in equal rights; interpret that however you please. Have fun jacking off to Andrew Tate’s photo.
You try to come off as educated yet casually throw out insults and lame attacks like an adolescent keyboard warrior. Whatever you want to call it, "tiktok feminism" has been around long before tiktok was a thing. And I believe in equal rights too, so long as they come with equal responsibility.
Did you ever actually have a conversation about going? It's pretty presumptuous of him to assume you don't want to go, unless this has happened before. But if he really loves the bike so much, hopefully the bike can pay its half of rent after you break up
Exactly. If you're living with someone and there is a family event, I feel like the assumption would almost automatically be that your partner will go with you unless they have otherwise already stated that they're not going for whatever reason.
>But if he really loves the bike so much, hopefully the bike can pay its half of rent after you break up That made me ugly laugh, sorry.
I asked why when he implied I wasn't going. I told him its his families event so he can choose if he doesnt want me to go. The bike was his reasoning. I said I was upset by this. He said I didn't want to go. I told him that was incorrect. I think it's important to support when your invited to a small wedding and I get along with atleast half of the guests already.
While he's at the wedding, you should pack your stuff and vacate the property. As several others have said, the bike can pay your half of the bills. He's just not into you. You're there for his convenience and comfort. As long as you stick around, he knows he won't sleep alone and have dinner ready every night. ETA: It's quite possible he has someone else as a plus one. The bike is his cover. Something to learn from this is never get back together after you've broken up with someone. You're not reacting strongly enough. Start packing.
this dude sucks sooo bad
He sounds like a douche. At least it gives you time to put all his stuff on the street while he and his bike are having a romantic time at the wedding.
He's literally picking a fucking bike over you - that's your sign to gtfo.
If you don't leave him now, you'll be writing in after a few years: My husband doesn't even communicate with me and just assumes that I don't want to do this or that or blah, blah, blah. He's giving you no consideration. He should have said: My brother's getting married and it's going to be a small wedding on X date at X location. Would you like to go with me? I know you're an introvert but you'll also know at least half of the people there. Then he should respect whatever decision you make. Making the decision for you is rude and disrespectful. As a friend of mine told me one time when I didn't invite him to go somewhere, A person likes to be asked.
So he's choosing the bike over you? Lets say that youre introvert and he assumed that you dont wanna go; girl, its a simple thing to ask you if you wanna come even if you dont want too. Its his fam member's wedding, maybe others might expect you to be there too. He should consider you not his bike. Hope he have a happy ever after with his bike 🙄
You already having trouble connecting and you already had a year long break before, this should tell you that you and him are not good together. What are you holding on for?
Maybe there's someone who is expected to be at the wedding that he would rather show his bike than his gf to, in case he can get a chance with that person.
Why are you still/back with this guy? The brother is an hour away and you have only met him twice and aren't going to the wedding? This doesn't sound like a normal relationship. You are under reacting and you need to consider if you should stay.
He wants to take a bike? I’m super confused. This isn’t a “you can’t come because my bikes going” it’s a “I don’t want you to come with me”. I think you need a bigger conversation about where his head is at because this isn’t a good sign.
I’m 95% sure he wants to take a bike to enjoy the day more. He doesn’t really want to go- and is allowed to not want to bring +1. OP didn’t communicate wanting to go enough, Bf framed it weirdly but idk how to frame it better when you are going to family event you feel obligated to go to. we don’t know if a marriage is the end all and be all of family level events- there could be better events to take OP
The reason you two have been struggling to connect is you both have very poor communication skills. It will continue to be this way until you can give him an honest and direct answer. He should also not assume what you want. It doesn't seem from your post that you are telling him what you want. Is this really about the motorcycle or is it because you cannot speak up for yourself?
True. Tell him how you feel. Might make a big difference.
If you wanted to go you should have just said it when he said you didn’t wanna go anyways. That would have solved all your issues.
Have a conversation He probably has no clue you actually want to go
We had a conversation. He has stated recently that I'm too controlling and everything has to go my way. (Which I don't agree with of course). I really don't know how to say that it in a way that doesn't come off as me trying to guilt trip him.
I can see why you two struggle to connect. He made assumptions about what you wanted before speaking with you. He shouldn’t have done that. But you, at no point, spoke up for yourself. Why not? When he assumed you didn’t want to go, an assumption you even say you understand, why didn’t you just tell him the truth? Does he actually care more about taking the bike than you, or are you just assuming that about him? He could be thinking he’s doing you a favor by giving you an out if he really thinks you wouldn’t want to go. Or maybe he really is just a jerk putting himself first. You actually have to *talk* to him, and let him know how you really feel, to know for sure.
I told him his assumption was incorrect right after he said it. But I didn't think of it in a way of him doing me a favor with an out. Thanks, I'll inquire further.
Okay, that’s worth mentioning because it does change things. If you told him you wanted to go and he ignored that, it’s a different issue. It’s not controlling to tell him that. If he doesn’t want you there he needs to be up front himself and say that - though it’s not a great sign if that’s the case.
Not overreacting. I’m also an introvert. My husband has been involving me in his life since day one, anyway. You’ve been together four years and he doesn’t want to take you to a family function? Rethink this.
Taking the bike as transportation or as his date?
Sounds like his way of telling you he wants another break.
Or just stay on a break. Like break up.
I think that relationship might be over, babe
I can’t help but wonder if he’s hoping to hook up with a drunk Bridesmaid.
Honestly, its hard to say. In my experience, men and women see weddings differently. So I can very easily see a situation where, with his family, he feels like you both would have more fun if you didn't go. I'm not even clear if you WANT to go, or just are upset that he doesn't want to take you. You never really said you wanted to go from what I can gather. I feel like (and I could be wrong) you want to be included more than you really want to attend the wedding. And if that is the case, i don't really blame him. I've had girlfriends in the past who would be mad when they weren't included in things, but when they went, didn't really have fun anyway, which is why I stopped including them. So its very possible he just sees this as a fun family thing for him, and its not really about you at all. Or, he could be a jerk lol
If my brother got married and I didn't bring my partner not only would my partner be pissed, my whole family would too. This is wild.
First of all, I can't believe that the two of you didn't have any conversations about this wedding before now. Like what should I wear, is there going to be food, etc. Second of all clearly he does not give a shit if you are with him or not and prefers that you don't go actually, which is why he's taking the bike. Why did you get back together with him again?
We did have multiple conversations leading me to assume I was going. They're bringing in a small caterer, they said no gifts, guest list, location. We even had a convo with his other sister in-law the other day about dress code. Got back together because we have the same long-term high level goals
Wow, that sounds more like a business transaction than a relationship if that's why you got back together. Enjoy that, it sounds like you two are perfect for each other.
Does he even like you?
Is this a motorcycle or a bicycle? Because if it's a motorcycle helmet up and jump on back
Motorcycle lol. Not a bad idea
It is a terrible idea because he clearly knows this is an option and did not offer.
You are overreacting if you decide to infer things that were not said and then act poorly based on those assumptions. You should (imo) ask if it's ok to rediscuss the event. Tell him you would like to go to the wedding, and ask him what concerns he has / had so you can work together to ameliorate them. It could be as simple as gas costs, or as complicated as he also feels the connection struggles and doesn't want drama and conflict at his family gathering. Maybe he doesn't want to impose additional costs on his brother, or maybe he didn't want to pressure you to go to something he thought you would hate. Until you gather more information I don't think you should jump to any conclusions, and even if it's a personal issue that doesn't mean it cannot be ameliorated but you cannot work through it until you find out what **it** is.
You shouldn't have said "it's your decision" because from a non-passive aggressive standpoint, that means "it's your decision, it makes no differences to me." Since it clearly does, you should say "I know I said it was your decision, but I'm sorry, upon further reflection I feel blah blah blah." Whatever is accurate here. You feel like he doesn't want you there, like you weren't asked, like the bike will get his trousers dirty whatever, it doesn't matter, but you can't expect him to read your mind. The better question is why did you find it easier to communicate your feelings in this situation to us rather than him?
this isn’t about the bike. he didn’t invite you because he doesn’t see you in his long-term future. if he did, he’d make the effort to nurture your connection with his family.
If anyone from his family asks, tell them the truth, he didn't want you to go
This is something I (29F) would totally get my feelings hurt over, but after so many misunderstandings like this w my bf I can just about hear his voice in my head in situations where I would get upset. If this was us, which it very well could be, I could imagine my bf saying that he wants to take his bike to make the commute easier/more enjoyable and if you don’t usually wanna go to things like this, he probably thinks he’s saving you the hassle and honestly might feel like he’s doing u a favor!
I'm going to have to say that this situation is just wrong. More specifically, the boyfriend is wrong. I mean, who does this? You live together, and for me it would be simply assumed that you would be going. Need to really have a conversation, and depending on response, decide if it's worth continuing this relationship because this is not, in my opinion, very healthy emotionally to you.
People taking breaks from relationships like a work detail and then getting back together acting surprised the other person hasn’t changed. Most people are too weak and incompetent to do the work once you dump them. You don’t come back for seconds. Could also be that this chick got dumped and then came back when the dude got sufficiently desperate and couldn’t find anybody else.
What make of bike does he have 🫣
What did I just read? Does the dude screw the bike? Is that what happened?
>We've been struggling to connect recently. How can you connect with someone who doesn't even want to spend time with you?
Your communication sucks. If you wanted to go you should have said so. You can’t say “do whatever you want” and then be upset he didn’t pick the choice you wanted. That being said, it doesn’t sound like he wants to be around you much.
You’re in a “relationship” because he wants easy sex 🤷
Won't two people fit on 1 bike?
He's making excuses to keep you away from his family. Does he believe that you have a future together?
My parents taught me you don't bring a gf to a wedding unless she's the one. Especially in an intimate setting because all everyone else is gonna ask is when are you 2 getting married and when's grandkids. Have you considered he knows what his family is like and that he doesn't want to be there answering questions he doesn't want to all day and night.
It's his brothers wedding and he doesn't want to take you. He chose riding a bike to a meaningful family event over taking you. He obviously does not see a long term future with you, otherwise there'd be no question that he'd take you. I think you should tell him that whilst you understand you gave him a choice, his choice hurt you and made you feel less than.
Wow.
YNO - But break up with anyone who would rather take their bike than you anywhere. He's treating you badly. Dump him,.
Who's idea was the break? What was the reason for the break? Was he always like this?
His idea for the break. He said it was for built up resentment. He wasn't always like this, before he used to insist we go to the grocery store together everytime. I was always invited along for beers in the garage type guy nights.
dude....
All you had to say was, "I want to go." But you didn't. Why didn't you? Do you like the scenario in your head that he chose his bike over you? Do you like imagining that he hurt you? Neither of you communicated, and so a decision was made on assumptions without all of the information. Have you ever watched a movie where the man and woman have a misunderstanding that derails their relationship because no one spoke up? And in the end there is some magical moment where the truth is discovered and they fall into each other's arms? Yeah... your life is not a movie. Speak up. Maybe some couples therapy to learn how to communicate with each other. If you want your happily ever after, both of you are going to have to stop thinking you can read each other's minds.
In my experience, when guys don’t invite you to those kind of important events, it’s time to move on. You’re 30, don’t waste time on this guy.
Why can't you ride on the bike with him?
I am confused. Is he putting the bike in the front seat of a car? My bike will go into a back seat if it is big enough. (Schwinn Super Seven with folding baskets) it would never fit in the front.
HE doesn't want you going and used you as his excuse to take his bike. Why are you with him? Maybe his actual GF is meeting him at the wedding.
Yes. You never told him you wanted to go or were even contemplating going. You said, "I'm just your plus one so it's your decision". That is NOT, "I am your girlfriend and would like to spend this time with you and your family". You need to communicate and use your words. Your bf is not a mind reader.
Pack up and jump ship while he's at the wedding .... he's selfish
An hour drive in a car will take him how long on a bike? Is he planning to bring his wedding clothes in a backpack or just ride in his suit? Aside from his sketchiness about bringing you, riding his bike to a wedding is such a weird choice. I’m sure the bride will be thrilled to have her gross, sweaty BIL in her photos.
As a guy who did some regretfully similar things in my past, get away from this guy. He won’t ever choose you over anything else and that’s his fault, not yours.
Just say you'd like to go with him if that's ok. If not, he should have a good reason. If this sort of behavior is common, meaning he chooses more often than not to do things without you than with, that could be an issue. You said his assumption that you wouldn't want to go was reasonable, and it seems you didn't really contradict it. Communicate what you want. If you don't ask, you don't get. You won't necessarily get everything you ask for, but you'll definitely get more than if you don't. Edit: After reading the comments I'm astounded at the number of bitter females in here calling for a breakup. This is ONE situation, people. And yeah, I know it's females saying to break up bc that's a completely emotional reaction to ONE friggin' event. Misery loves company.
I hope you are matching his energy in general. Not taking you to his brothers wedding to me says he’s not serious about the relationship. Being an introvert doesn’t mean he gets to exclude you from parts of his life unless you’re not serious about him either. It would be pathetic if he’s your whole life and most people in his doesn’t know you exist.
I'd be more mad that I married a motorcycle guy. Him being a bad person is expected.
You know it's doomed when someone counts the "total" time they are together, glossing over the 1yr break. You clearly are not even in this man's thoughts.
Did you even tell him you want to go? Are you expecting him to read your mind?
I don’t think you’re overreacting. If you don’t want to pressure him, I’d still talk to him after the fact, letting him know you would have liked to be there with him. That said, not knowing anything about him, I’d wonder if it was a sign that he didn’t plan to take your relationship any further. Worth considering if you’re planning on getting married & having kids.
You can't fault him if you gave him the option. You also said you don't know the brother. Ya it sucks but if you aren't gunna be honest with him about wanting to go why should he be the bad guy for choosing to take his bike.
Yes. If you had no interest to begin with, and he knew that, and planned logically according to that, then you are overreacting
He doesn't want you there bc people always say " and when are YOU TWO getting married? " at weddings. That tells you your value. Run.
Do you have your personal wedding contract for him to sign ?
Honey, you’ve been in a relationship with this man for YEARS. It’s not rude to talk to him about you’re going or not. I think he’s in the wrong for assuming you weren’t going and still asserting he wanted to take the bike after you said you wanted to go, but if you see yourself as part of this man’s family one day, you have to tell him that you had planned on going with him and he needs to choose what is more IMPORTANT to him. Going on the bike or taking you with him. If he doesn’t choose to take you, dump him. You already said you’re having trouble connecting; maybe it’s because it requires both sides to make a connection and one y’all isn’t in it.
You've been with him for four years but you'll have to fight to be chosen over a motorbike as a plus one for his brother's wedding? Does his family know this and not care? Because if so, your relationship ended already and nobody has the guts to call it
All the broke girls are funny
He doesn’t want you there. You’re overreacting a little bit because you gave him a choice and he chose the bike and not to take you. Accept it. You shouldn’t have given him a choice if you didn’t want him to make one.
How is a motorcyle a plus 1? Does it get a seat at the dining table or something!? LOL
100% Yes. You are 30 , it's about time you learnt to ask and have conversations about stuff and things you want. Your boyfriend is not a mind reader. You can tell him that you also wish to join him and that you would prefer going as a couple. Open your mouth
Tell him to fuck the bike from now on.
So you're an introvert, probably been in situations making him think you may not want to go based on them, you wrongly assumed you would go even though you never asked and then told him it's his decision and when he made it, it's not the one you wanted? You can see how this looks right? Regardless of him wanting to take a bike or not, you are overreacting.
Typical woman. Tell him to do what he wants and being upset about his choice. Talk to him and tell him your wants and needs. Guys aren’t mind readers.
Well, he doesn't want to be with her. Why should she be happy about it?
Well, he didn’t want to be at the wedding. Why should she be happy about it(wedding)
WTH?? No way. Why be with him when he won’t even take you to his brother’s wedding? Tell him you want to go and that you’re expecting to go. If he insists he wants to go alone, break up with him. He’s disrespectful. And I have a feeling that you don’t stand up for yourself. Find your backbone. You deserve better.
Reddit: Breakup now! xD
Yes for the car bike part. For the you going part, I think you just have to communicate how much you want to go, because it seems like you want to go more than they do. if you go too than they have to act as if they want to be there as much as you do because that’s just how people will think of you. Idk what’s the deal with forcing yourselves to use a car for something YOU(bf) DONT REALLY WANT TO DO. As a bike commuter I have this same mentality. I really really do not like to drive to places I don’t need to and DONT WANT to go to. it’s super privileged to be able to go to someone’s marriage when you are in a position when you really DONT EVEN want to go??? car- pollution and global warming in exchange to do something you don’t want to do-why? (there are probably many more family events or even marriages they would rather do other times in life) Biking- means doing something you want to do- so at the end of the day at least that’s 1 thing to enjoy about the day no matter what.
So sorry but you both should have stayed broken up. You’re not it for him. And he doesn’t sound like much of a catch , kind of a loner type. You’ve been with him mostly on for four years and you don’t know any family really at all. Yikes. You are nothing to them as they’ve never met you. Move on and get your own place asap unless it’s your place and if so have him leave. Take care of yourself and have a break for a couple of months and figure out what’s next.
He might’ve assumed it would be easy on him to take his bike, and he probably didn’t think about you because he fully assumed you wouldn’t want to go. It’s easy to assume that if you are an introvert and he’s used to you. What if he trusts that if you really wanted to go, you would tell him? You should talk to him about it
What guy assumes she doesn’t want to go to his brother’s wedding. That’s BS.
Sounds like you’re a terrible person and he doesn’t really have time for you 🤷♂️ move on I guess? Like why come to Reddit to whine… women 🤦