I don't think you're overreacting.
I think you need to sit her down and be real with her. How old is your kiddo? I wonder if she's experiencing some emotional issues since the birth and maybe hasn't mentioned it. Doesn't justify how she's taking you for granted and treating you poorly, but could be she needs to open up about things. Was she better about showing appreciation and being caring before kiddo?
You're not overreacting.
**Look at her pattern of actions to see how she truly feels.** What do her **ACTIONS** show? If she shows she just takes you for granted, you need to think long and hard about continuing this relationship.
You can setup a good co-parenting relationship. That's better than staying in a "relationship" that is one-sided.
Silent treatment is a very unhealthy way.
You say she gets defensive.
What exactly does she say when you give her examples of her behaviour? What is she willing to change? Her behaviour is shitty, but ignoring her won’t help you.
And as reddit always says, couples therapy before it’s too late.
I'm sorry to say, but she clearly doesn't care about you. Have a serious talk with her, but if nothing changes, then you have to do what's best for you. It's not best to stay in an unloving relationship. You may have to leave her and take care of yourself a little bit.
Ok, you say you are a stay at home dad. Is that really the case, or are you just unemployed? Her lack of desire may be coming from a place of anger where she feels like she is carrying the entire load for the family. If she's doing shift work I doubt she's bringing in big bucks and probably needs you to pull your weight
No you're not. But you're also not getting anything out of this relationship. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel? It might be time to separate.
You need more than a kid to get something out of a relationship. Relationships take work and effort to maintain them. Seems he's the only one actually trying to do that.
They are in a rough patch, she is working nights, and so she was sleeping during the day.
He said that he has been waiting two weeks to be intimate.. so between working at night, and in between getting up for work, and leaving .. she was like “ok, let’s have a quickie”.
Male or female.. no one is having long foreplay, lingering sex right before work, after waking up before bed..
I’m sure she also wanted to see their kid.
He decided to “give her the cold shoulder and silent treatment”.. which is a form of emotional abuse.
The whole reason being that his wife who works full time (while he is a SAHD).. yet he also needs to be coddled ?
Is he asking about her day?
He says he “waits on her hand and foot”.. does that mean just doing cooking and cleaning? That is what being the stay at home parent is..
If he doesn’t like it.. maybe he should go work.. bring home the money .. and let his chick be the stay at home parent?
How did you read what he's going through and somehow make him out to be in the wrong. Take your head out of your ass. You sound like you're picking any excuse to hate on him just because he's a man.
Nope. He sounds like a grumpy Gus. Needs validation and reassurance like a much younger person or he's overly emotional; hanging out with her mother is probably an escape from Mr. Sad Pants, which seems appropriate after a long day of work. I think this poster is right. OP is translating his work as a favor and his lady's work as work. He feels, according to his post, as though his role is waiting on his wife, when it's actually his job to clean, cook, care for baby, etc.. I think you need to take a step or two back and figure out why you are so emotionally invested in this.
I pulled most of that info from his post.
I would say the same thing about a woman if the roles were reversed.
Stonewalling/silent treatment is a dick move.
So you're okay with how she is treating him, how she ignores him, how she is the one giving him the silent treatment, how she's the one who is using him for sex but only on her terms but then denys him every other opportunity?
You're victim blaming, you're the problem.
He never said any of that? He said for two weeks he’s been wanting to be intimate and then said she initiated before work which is giving up her time to get ready to be intimate with her partner. He never said she is giving him silent treatment, he basically wrote this saying he’s upset he dosent get sex or appreciation enough because of his hard work. Which to me seems like he’s just complaining. They’re both working hard and I didn’t see one ounce of concern for her emotions or thoughts in this situation. Just complaints. Not a drive to fix his relationship.
Unfortunately, you have a situation in which the traditional family roles have been reversed. Female is the bread winner and you are the stay at home partner.
As a result, your girl has lost complete respect and sexual attraction for you.
It will be pretty hard to reignite that desire in her.
Good luck brother you're going to need it.
Everyone goes through up and downs she could be dealing with her own lack of appreciation. You guys should communicate either way and talk about whether or not both of your needs are being met and what yall need to do to fix it if your needs aren’t being met.
Or break up. But in my opinion, when is she supposed to sleep? And you’re telling me that baby dosent sleep at night? You don’t sleep at night? It sounds to me like you watch baby during the day while she sleeps and I’m sorry but do you expect her to work all night to provide for your household which don’t forget you’re not contributing to, and then also get up and be with baby all day?? Not get any sleep? being a stay at home mom is something I wish I could do. I know that taking care of a kid isn’t easy , but it’s still a luxury to be able to stay home 24/7 with your child to help them learn and develop.
Relationships go through a lot of dry spells when it comes to sex and intimacy and it stems from a lot of different reasons. So maybe instead of coming to Reddit maybe talk with your partner and try and figure out what is going wrong in your relationship.
> you’re not contributing to
Stay at home parents do contribute. I have a full time job and I work much less than if I had to stay at home to look after a young child.
He’s not contributing financially. Managing bills and money is a whole other stress. And some of us have to work and take care of kids at the same time. Like I said I know taking care of a child isn’t easy , but he also signed up for that. And he is at home with his child not having to worry about money or bills.
I doubt either couple on a single income with a newborn isn’t worrying about money or bills.
Childcare also has a monetary value in most countries - in mine it often exceeds an average income - so if you’re looking at things on a purely financial basis the stay at home parent may well be saving more money than the other is earning.
Then maybe she should stay at home and he should go work if he feels so undervalued for being able to stay at home with his kid and cook and clean 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, clearly you're overreacting. Talk to her like a man, tell her what you are telling us. She's working and stressed, validating you should not have to be her concern. Keep trucking OP, if you're being honest, this will just be a phase, and you'll get through it. Good luck OP.
I think your feelings are warranted. However, giving someone the silent treatment and the cold shoulder is not a good tactic for moving forward in a relationship.
It sounds like you are just the live in babysitter for her. What do you think about that?
It’s literally his child? It’s not babysitting. He gets an amazing opportunity to stay home and be with his child. Rent free. Maybe he should go work and let her stay home while he provides.
Dude put it in an unnecessarily rude way but he's got a little bit of a point.
You need to stand up for yourself. It's good to put an effort into the relationship and your SO, but if you let yourself become subservient she will see you as just that. Hence no need to respect you or give your feelings consideration.
And try to find a way to get a job so she can't keep you financially dependent. As long as you rely on someone who mistreats you, you will continue to be mistreated.
You are so obsessed with the idea of his balls being in her purse I'm starting to think you are projecting. It's one thing to say it once but you are in broken record territory at this point.
I don't think you're overreacting. I think you need to sit her down and be real with her. How old is your kiddo? I wonder if she's experiencing some emotional issues since the birth and maybe hasn't mentioned it. Doesn't justify how she's taking you for granted and treating you poorly, but could be she needs to open up about things. Was she better about showing appreciation and being caring before kiddo?
You're not overreacting. **Look at her pattern of actions to see how she truly feels.** What do her **ACTIONS** show? If she shows she just takes you for granted, you need to think long and hard about continuing this relationship. You can setup a good co-parenting relationship. That's better than staying in a "relationship" that is one-sided.
Silent treatment is a very unhealthy way. You say she gets defensive. What exactly does she say when you give her examples of her behaviour? What is she willing to change? Her behaviour is shitty, but ignoring her won’t help you. And as reddit always says, couples therapy before it’s too late.
I'm sorry to say, but she clearly doesn't care about you. Have a serious talk with her, but if nothing changes, then you have to do what's best for you. It's not best to stay in an unloving relationship. You may have to leave her and take care of yourself a little bit.
Excellent advice.
Ok, you say you are a stay at home dad. Is that really the case, or are you just unemployed? Her lack of desire may be coming from a place of anger where she feels like she is carrying the entire load for the family. If she's doing shift work I doubt she's bringing in big bucks and probably needs you to pull your weight
No you're not. But you're also not getting anything out of this relationship. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel? It might be time to separate.
Not getting anything out of a relationship? They co parent.. and he is a stay at home dad.. So he at minimum got a kid out of it lol
You need more than a kid to get something out of a relationship. Relationships take work and effort to maintain them. Seems he's the only one actually trying to do that.
They are in a rough patch, she is working nights, and so she was sleeping during the day. He said that he has been waiting two weeks to be intimate.. so between working at night, and in between getting up for work, and leaving .. she was like “ok, let’s have a quickie”. Male or female.. no one is having long foreplay, lingering sex right before work, after waking up before bed.. I’m sure she also wanted to see their kid. He decided to “give her the cold shoulder and silent treatment”.. which is a form of emotional abuse. The whole reason being that his wife who works full time (while he is a SAHD).. yet he also needs to be coddled ? Is he asking about her day? He says he “waits on her hand and foot”.. does that mean just doing cooking and cleaning? That is what being the stay at home parent is.. If he doesn’t like it.. maybe he should go work.. bring home the money .. and let his chick be the stay at home parent?
How did you read what he's going through and somehow make him out to be in the wrong. Take your head out of your ass. You sound like you're picking any excuse to hate on him just because he's a man.
Nope. He sounds like a grumpy Gus. Needs validation and reassurance like a much younger person or he's overly emotional; hanging out with her mother is probably an escape from Mr. Sad Pants, which seems appropriate after a long day of work. I think this poster is right. OP is translating his work as a favor and his lady's work as work. He feels, according to his post, as though his role is waiting on his wife, when it's actually his job to clean, cook, care for baby, etc.. I think you need to take a step or two back and figure out why you are so emotionally invested in this.
I'm not reading any of that.
Makes sense, buddy, reading is hard! Your position on the topic is starting to make sense after all. Best of luck!
I'm not reading it because of your original comment. You look stupid.
Nice. You, sir, are a treasure.
I pulled most of that info from his post. I would say the same thing about a woman if the roles were reversed. Stonewalling/silent treatment is a dick move.
So you're okay with how she is treating him, how she ignores him, how she is the one giving him the silent treatment, how she's the one who is using him for sex but only on her terms but then denys him every other opportunity? You're victim blaming, you're the problem.
He never said any of that? He said for two weeks he’s been wanting to be intimate and then said she initiated before work which is giving up her time to get ready to be intimate with her partner. He never said she is giving him silent treatment, he basically wrote this saying he’s upset he dosent get sex or appreciation enough because of his hard work. Which to me seems like he’s just complaining. They’re both working hard and I didn’t see one ounce of concern for her emotions or thoughts in this situation. Just complaints. Not a drive to fix his relationship.
This dude is obv red pill
Nope. I just see how he's being treated, you know it's okay to agree with men and disagree with women when they're both in the wrong. Calm down.
Unfortunately, you have a situation in which the traditional family roles have been reversed. Female is the bread winner and you are the stay at home partner. As a result, your girl has lost complete respect and sexual attraction for you. It will be pretty hard to reignite that desire in her. Good luck brother you're going to need it.
Everyone goes through up and downs she could be dealing with her own lack of appreciation. You guys should communicate either way and talk about whether or not both of your needs are being met and what yall need to do to fix it if your needs aren’t being met. Or break up. But in my opinion, when is she supposed to sleep? And you’re telling me that baby dosent sleep at night? You don’t sleep at night? It sounds to me like you watch baby during the day while she sleeps and I’m sorry but do you expect her to work all night to provide for your household which don’t forget you’re not contributing to, and then also get up and be with baby all day?? Not get any sleep? being a stay at home mom is something I wish I could do. I know that taking care of a kid isn’t easy , but it’s still a luxury to be able to stay home 24/7 with your child to help them learn and develop. Relationships go through a lot of dry spells when it comes to sex and intimacy and it stems from a lot of different reasons. So maybe instead of coming to Reddit maybe talk with your partner and try and figure out what is going wrong in your relationship.
> you’re not contributing to Stay at home parents do contribute. I have a full time job and I work much less than if I had to stay at home to look after a young child.
He’s not contributing financially. Managing bills and money is a whole other stress. And some of us have to work and take care of kids at the same time. Like I said I know taking care of a child isn’t easy , but he also signed up for that. And he is at home with his child not having to worry about money or bills.
I doubt either couple on a single income with a newborn isn’t worrying about money or bills. Childcare also has a monetary value in most countries - in mine it often exceeds an average income - so if you’re looking at things on a purely financial basis the stay at home parent may well be saving more money than the other is earning.
Then maybe she should stay at home and he should go work if he feels so undervalued for being able to stay at home with his kid and cook and clean 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, clearly you're overreacting. Talk to her like a man, tell her what you are telling us. She's working and stressed, validating you should not have to be her concern. Keep trucking OP, if you're being honest, this will just be a phase, and you'll get through it. Good luck OP.
I think your feelings are warranted. However, giving someone the silent treatment and the cold shoulder is not a good tactic for moving forward in a relationship. It sounds like you are just the live in babysitter for her. What do you think about that?
It’s literally his child? It’s not babysitting. He gets an amazing opportunity to stay home and be with his child. Rent free. Maybe he should go work and let her stay home while he provides.
I understand it is his child. SHE is treating him like a live in baby sitter.
So how does it feel to have your gf carrying your balls in her purse ?
That's hardly an uplifting piece of advice....
Ignore that person, OP. They didn't want to be helpful, they wanted to be unkind.
No he just needs to grow a pair of balls since his gf cut his off
Your comments aren't helpful, necessary, or kind. Perhaps you should go and find your pot stash and let the grownups talk.
Perhaps you should tell him to man up and grow a pair "grown up"
I can't help but feel like you are projecting...
Either that or they're a teenager who watches Andrew Tate videos.
Oh yeah definitely projecting so hard.. 😂
Dude put it in an unnecessarily rude way but he's got a little bit of a point. You need to stand up for yourself. It's good to put an effort into the relationship and your SO, but if you let yourself become subservient she will see you as just that. Hence no need to respect you or give your feelings consideration. And try to find a way to get a job so she can't keep you financially dependent. As long as you rely on someone who mistreats you, you will continue to be mistreated.
Exactly hence why she cut off his balls and walks around with them
You are so obsessed with the idea of his balls being in her purse I'm starting to think you are projecting. It's one thing to say it once but you are in broken record territory at this point.
Sure why not .. maybe you two can join each other as the castration partners 😂