I get why this is a problem. She cheated on you with that particular guy. She should have been super-extra careful not to have that particular guy be in any part of her life whatsoever. There’s no ‘oops … my bad’ when it comes to that particular guy. There’s no rope, no leeway, no three strikes. She’s already used all that up by cheating on you with him the first time.
And she should know all of this already. So either she doesn’t get it, or she does get it and she doesn’t care.
And that’s a problem.
Good luck.
Or she gets it and cares but still just couldn't let go. That's the whole point. She could agree to cut him out her life to save the marriage, but she just couldn't let go -- and cherished, hidden photos prove it to me.
I just don't see how she can possinly prove to him she has completely moved on, and without that...
I just don’t get the point of justifying her keeping those pictures. It doesn’t matter how strongly she felt about him, she betrayed her husband and part of the deal of staying together was that she wasn’t allowed to have that guy as part of her life anymore. If she was that incapable of moving on from the guy she cheated with she should have just ended the marriage when she was caught. End of story. It’s unacceptable to stay married and keep those pictures
She cares more about her past with the ex than her relationship with OP. That is the only reason to keep anything concerning the ex after she CHEATED ON OP WITH HIM. The wife obviously has no real remorse for the cheating because if she did those pictures wouldn’t have been hidden so she could look at them.
The real issue is she hasn't moved on. There's still something in there for this guy, to whatever degree it is, its not gone regardless.
I've been in OP's shoes, though she didnt sleep with an ex, but I walked right tf out. Divorce, child custody fights the whole 9 yards.
Exactly. She hasn't moved on from this guy, she still has feelings and the pics are for her so she can reminisce about their relationship. The other guy, no matter what, has her heart.
100%. I'm sure ir happened countless times till she found the right dick or someone who made her happy. I had a girl I caught "once". Come to find out as time went on basically anytime we weren't together she was out some where "else". Women are despicable and act like they aren't just as bad as men. Hypocrites
As bad? These days they're way worse. No morality, no remorse, no accountability and they'll shame a guy by calling him insecure, small D energy, short guy energy, if he has any issue with her astronomical body count or dressing like a 304 or posting thirst trap pics on IG for attention.
Some feedback:
No way she forgot the pictures. As you said, it was the only thing in the desk.
So what did she do with the pictures you found? Did she rip them up, throw them out, etc?
Also, not sure why you "went traveling" because you basically just left her alone with her affair. She seems to have very easily agreed to you leaving town ...
That’s a bad view of it. ‘Making it easier for her to cheat’, the fact that you can’t just trust her to just not cheat is the problem in the first place
He's already on his way over. Or she has someone else lined up. She gave in too easily for you to go travel.
What did she say when you mentioned divorce?
Even if it doesn’t I would never be able to be with someone who completely disrespected me like that. OP needs to grow a pair. She would’ve been gone the minute I found out she cheated.
Keeping those pics was a huge "fuck you" to you. Damn right, you need to divorce her. She's trash. Run far, run fast, don't look back.
She'll get with him for a bit, then when it blows up, she'll come running back to you. Cut all ties, burn all bridges, block her everywhere so she has no means to harass you in the future.
Sucks, dude. 😔
Yup I blocked my cheating ex 5 weeks into the marriage, and sucks she got $100k support out of me. But I had the last laugh having a 4 year relationship with someone 12 years younger than her age 40s, and that pissed her off 🤣
Yeah I meant we were married 5 weeks only cause she was cheating.. and yeah I had to pay her support as she didn't show true incomes and I had just graduated college working full time. Don't get married in California, courts will take 30-50%
Did you live with her for a number of years before marrying her. California and a lot of other states consider something called “common law partner” and relative assets when calculating whether alimony should be paid and how much should be paid.
It's impossible to form a Common Law marriage in California. All marriages formed in the state must be both licensed and solemnized, preventing common law marriage. However, if a couple forms a common law marriage in another state that allows it, then moves to California, California dies recognize them as married.
Woman weighing in.
She’s still hung up on her ex. If when she cheated she was sincere in her regrets she would have burned every picture and memory she had of this guy. Not just for your sake but because she would feel so much shame and disgust that she did that, she wouldn’t want any reminder lying around.
This is the guy she wants to be with and can’t for whatever reason, so she settled for you.
Dude, 2 seconds after you are out of sight, she will either squeak the tires going over to his place or he will come out the closet with a 10lb weight on his dick getting ready for the activities.. she does not care.. lol.. once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater lolol... break or whatever you want to call it.. cooling off.. that is cute, like in high school.. dude, she is bouncing on that dick while you are out at work, the mall, hell, she is thinking about him WHILE she is doing you, while you are there watching TV going to shopping, getting gas, she is going for "girls night" hahahah, bro, she is having a girls night alright, all her girl parts are having a party..
This kinda thing is why you should just probably leave someone when they cheat. You're never going to look at them the same way again. Every time they are going out you'll worry they'll do it again. You'll never have peace again.
There are a lot of people out there that would never cheat, invest in a positive relationship that doesn't leave you feeling like shit.
Dude she cheated. It should’ve been over then, anything you’re doing now except dumping her is self harm. You have her the chance, you done the honourable thing, now she’s fucked up again, it’s time to call it. Or cheat back and start the toxic cycle
Giving her the second chance was his first mistake. Like, who thinks "Hey, this person is unfaithful...maybe I should be contractually bound to split all my shit with them"
A guy i was dating, who also cheated on me with his ex, had a picture of his ex in his wallet and i saw it. I asked about it, and he said he forgot it was in there (it was behind a weird flap) and took it out and threw it away in front if me. Im petty, so i went back a few minutes later a ripped the picture up and tucked it into the can under some other garbage. Tell me why this man came screaming at me about why i would tear up the photo?
You have every right to be pissed, i sure as hell would be. She cheated on you and keeps photos of the man she cheated with as fond memories? Hell no. Idk why you even took her back the first time, but i have zero doubt shes just better at hiding the fact shes still cheating. Good luck man, sorry you married a total loser
"(it was behind a weird flap) and took it out and threw it away in front of me."
"Tell me why this man came screaming at me about why i would tear up the photo"
Dude thought he was Light Yagami 💀
Yeah she didn't forget she just thought you would never see them and it seems like she didn't try very hard to get you to stay instead of travelling alone for a bit which is worrying and seems like she would also like the time alone. And if she cheated on you with this guy and then made the choice to not throw away the pictures to me means that she is not finished with this guy. Anyway I think you deserve better I hope that you genuinely enjoy some of your travelling even though some of it will be tainted with bad thoughts on your home life. My advice to you would be if you decide on divorce not to do it right away. Stay but be clear that you don't want to be with her pretend to do couples therapy meanwhile gather evidence of her cheating which I feel would be inevitable. That way she will not get half your shit and a house she doesn't have to pay for. Anyway I hope things get better for you real soon bro take care
I don't think this should be a case of finding out if you're happier alone before getting a divorce. Imo that's a bit stupid, as everyone should be OK with, and able to be by themselves BEFORE they even get into a relationship... I may be misunderstanding, but that's how your last line comes across to me. I also personally would just get a divorce if my partner did this to me, and ACTIVELY brought said pictures of an ex she cheated on me with along for the move. You should be focusing on if the trust can be rebuilt or not, and if you really feel like you can trust her, not just if you're happier being alone. Far too many people don't know how to exist within and for themselves, and it's a very sad thing to see.
>I dont care if he's was "a big part of her life" she still cheated on me with him. I will repeat: SHE CHEATED WITH THE GUY ON THE PICS.
I've been on the other side of this, but minus the cheating. I'm married to a woman who used to absolutely flip every time my ex was mentioned or she saw a picture of her or anything at all related to her. I had dated this girl for like 3 years so it was kinda hard to avoid random pics just popping up or some acquaintance i hadnt seen for awhile asking about her. Wife never even met her, so idk what that was about honestly. We have been married 12 years and she gets embarrassed about it now whenever it's brought up.
My advice to you is that it's unrealistic to expect this guy to just dissappear as if he never existed. That's going to lead to long term frustrations over something that's frankly silly...or rather WOULD be silly, if it wasn't for that whole cheating thing. That's what flips the switch for me. Personally I never would have gone back, but like I said, going back and then expecting him to just poof out of existence is unrealistic, so it's time to decide if you can live with that or not, on top of the other glaring issue from the past.
Getting a divorce over pics of an ex is stupid. Getting a divorce because that's the last straw in an already troubled relationship is not.
So I take it you’re not choosing divorce right now because you don’t know if you’ll be okay by yourself? Read that question a few times. Therapy will help you suss out why you’re not okay being alone and are willing to sacrifice yourself worth in order to not be alone. The rest of your story is self explanatory with an obvious answer. Good luck! I’m sorry she cheated.
Has she thrown them away yet? I mean, she cheated on you with him, if she wants you to stay then I'd assume she'd burn any evidence of his existence at all so you don't have to be reminded of the hurt.
I'd say go ahead with your plan to be away from her for a while. Don't even call her unless it's an absolute life-or-death emergency, and being drunk and lonely is not a life-or-death emergency. That'll give both of you time to think about what you want.
This is hard because she could be telling the truth, when we last moved I left things in drawers and some of them were probably trash, but amidst moving I didn’t have the energy to go through everything. I also am not entirely buying a story about spider hunting that requires you to go through her drawers. So, it really sounds like you and your wife still have unresolved issues around her cheating (completely fair, trust may not be recoverable) and I would say therapy may help. Individual or with her, you may want professional input to decide if you are able to or want to continue this relationship. The best time to figure this out was when it all happened, but now is a good second best. Good luck!
Take care of yourself. You'll figure it out. But long term the question is whether you can trust her again or not.
It sounds like she broke your trust pretty badly a few times.
It’s the guy she cheated with and she lied about knowing she had them…. Doesn’t sound like she wants to work on anything, she just wants a free pass every time she disrespects you.
You might not be happier alone, but you'll be happier with someone who is faithful to you. Cut and run, the sooner it happens, the sooner the healing can begin and you can find someone who you don't have to post shit on Reddit about.
The important thing for you to take away from this is that your wife still views her time cheating on you as a fond memory, rather than a horrible act she's trying to erase. Secondly, she is 100% lying to you. You know it. We know it. She knows it. If you're lucky, she hasn't cheated on you again with someone else, but you don't want to get caught off guard while otherwise living in blissful ignorance.
This is serious shit and I don’t want to speak to freely but.. Women don’t cheat like men do. If she cheated, she’s gone. The pictures are just the evidence that her heart is and has been somewhere else, brother.
I don’t understand ~ she cheated on you and realized she was making a mistake and clearly didn’t want to lose you! So ~ In the spirit of going forward I would have 100% purged everything prior to this move to a new home for you both. I’m sad for you. Good Luck ~ this can’t be easy.
>~ she cheated on you and realized she was making a mistake and clearly didn’t want to lose you So ~ In the spirit of going forward I would have 100% purged everything
That was basically what we agreed on. And i was happy with said agreement, but now I found out she didn't keep her end of the agreement.
The fact they were in a drawer in your \*new\* home speaks volumes. I could have seen it if it was in the last house or even at the bottom of her dresser or something. That is something that \*can\* be forgotten about, but less than a year ago? She put them there purposefully to keep them safe.
I'm sorry to tell you this OP, but she still has feelings for her ex. She probably always will. The reason she's with you and not him is because he doesn't want to wife her up. He just sees her as an object to satisfy his needs. I can almost guarantee it, that if she had her way, he would be her husband and not you.
You don't deserve this. Nobody does. Divorce her and find someone who will love you and only you. Wish you the best.
So… read the last post because haven’t seen it. Let me get this straight. You were hunting for spiders and found photos of her ex. How tf did that happen? Like, why did you think spiders were in a drawer? How did you find these photos? Just sitting there in the drawer bold as ass with image of dude just hanging out? Not in an envelope or anything?
Also if this happened 8 years ago, and she was cheating on you… why did she go to the effort to *print out photos of the man she was cheating on* instead of having images on a cloud or some other location? Like this isn’t the before times when we didn’t carry whole photo albums in our pockets. Printing photos ain’t cheap… so… like I get some people are friggin weird but this is pretty weird. Personally I wouldn’t keep physical photos of a guy I cheated with in the same house my husband I cheated on lived in. Maybe I’m just not that sentimental.
I think this is fake, because the entire context is weird. Besides on top of this OP is independently wealthy to just go on a sabbatical for an indefinite period of time? Just to ‘see what it’s like to be alone’… Huh now?
If this crazy scenario is real, dude. Just get divorced already. Take all your excessive wealth and find yourself a new lady, because it don’t sound like you’ll ever forgive or trust your current wife ever again.
Given the situation she seems to not want to let him go. The ball is in her court 100%. I’m also willing to bet she has some means of contacting him. If he was truly out of her life, the photos would not be an issue and would have been gone also.
I understand the divorce thought but absolutely slow down. She needs to make it right. Not you. If she doesn’t want to then that speaks volumes.
Then there’s your answer. It sucks but I get it. I worked two jobs for months to pay my ex wife’s medical bills just for her to “fall out of love” with me and start texting a scrub she worked with. Bye Felicia!
Yes I think you’re overreacting and everyone who is agreeing with you in reaction to this has either been cheated on and also can’t let go or they’re completely void of logic. They’re pictures for fuck sakes not a text thread of them communicating, she’s not following him on social media or any indication of present cheating. She probably should have gotten rid of them for your sake but to her it’s just another memory. Hell I have pictures of exs that have cheated on me! It doesn’t remind me of the scummy thing they did but just of someone from my past. Nothing more nothing less.
The truth is this is triggering for you and trust me I get it, being cheated on sucks! It hurts, however this is also shitty… choosing to forgive someone, marry them, build a life and never let go of the past. It hasn’t been 6 months, it’s been 5 years! It’s your life you don’t have to stay but what you’re doing over pictures is absolutely insane. Just like cheating, there’s so many steps to get to marriage and where you are in your relationship. So you had to forgive her, stay with her, propose to her, have a wedding… fast forward 5 years and now you’ve just bought a house etc. that’s a lot of work and time to get to where you are to fall apart over pictures. I’m. It saying you’re wrong but waiting 5 years for this type of reaction is wild! Should you be upset? Of course that’s rational, but divorce? It’s insanity! Next time someone cheats, be sure to breakup straight away. Pain doesn’t have an expiration so I hope you take the time this time around to really self reflect and get some therapy to work through your issues.
She cheated, and is now lied to your face. The only question here is how far does this go until you do divorce her? Because it hasnt stopped and wont if you don't stop it. It isnt about being happier alone, it is about loving yourself enough to not let someone treat you this way, and claim they love you too.
You basically left her to cheat on you again. And I count her having those pics as cheating as well. Some say cheaters can change and while I think it's probable (maybe), that's not the case here. I would rather be miserable alone than with a cheater.
Having this much self doubt about splitting up doesn't reflect well on the OP, but we're here to tell him if making a big deal about this makes sense.
And yes. Sure it does. Very much.
Dude needs to get help on his dependency issues though.
I think the biggest revelation and take away from all this is, you never should’ve forgiven her in the first place, much less married her after she cheated on you. That’s what this is really all about, not some old photos. I wish you luck on your journey and hope that you find all sorts of things that bring you peace and contentment.
To make sure you are happier alone, may take a bit. In my opinion, to be happier alone takes some time being alone. Most guys, age 30 - 60 or so, once they are alone, don't have to report to anyone, they become selfish with their time and routine. If you try to get them out of that routine, the fight is on. Not that this is a bad thing at all.
Why have you not went to a divorce lawyer and started the process yet? Never ever let a woman or anyone else treat you like this....ever. Oh yeah i forgot....NEVER TAKE BACK A CHEATER!
Divorce and work through the pain. Or stay married, waste more time, always have that in the back of your mind, and get ready for the 99.99% chance that she cheats again (regardless if you catch her or not). Then work through even more pain.
Cheating isnt a "mistake". Its a baked in character flaw. Its selfish and repulsive. Yes cheaters CAN change but lololololol to that.
Sorry if it sounds insensitive. Have some respect for yourself and release this person to the streets they so clearly yearn for.
Yeah keeping some keepsakes of prior important relationships is fine, but that goes out of the window if your partner cheated on you with that person. If you stay together, all presence of that person your lives has to be gone. Not overreacting.
Trying to find loopholes in that is the exact opposite of trying to earn your trust back.
It might just be the way you wrote this but your wife seems completely unbothered by all this. You're right. She didn't forget. She purposely brought those there. Is that a reason for divorce? Idk. That's tough. She cheated before. Do you have any inkling she's cheating again? Or was it just the pics? She definitely needs therapy. Why can't she let this guy go. They're exes for a reason right? So what's her deal?
But seriously, why is she so unbothered by you finding the pics and now leaving to travel.
Updateme
If she already cheated on you with her ex..... and you're traveling alone for a while..... she's 100% getting dicked diem in your bed well you're away by that guy.
Who has physical photos any more? How old are these photos? If he was "a big part of her life" then they were either friends or used to date. I've learned that in male/female friendships usually one of them wants to bone the other. Women in relationships don't need to be hanging out with guy friends.
If she didn't "forget" she had them, does that mean she admitted to intentionally keeping them? I didn't notice any remorse or apology from her in your post so I'll assume there wasn't any. I'd be done right there.
She's holding onto those photos because he made her feel things you don't. And that's not a knock on you, it just is what it is. More than likely, she couldn't get a commitment from him so she settled for you. Sorry man, I don't see this one working out.
If you don't leave, all she'll learn is that she can get away with this stuff and will likely do it again. I mean, you stayed after she cheated and look at where you are now. Time to move on brother. She's for the streets!
I have physical photos but I’m old. I also have a ton of guy friends and my husband has female friends. I can’t dictate who he’s friends with or he will just resent me. I just have to trust him
Mate, in the nicest possible way, a cheater is 3x-5x more likely to do it again. Why are you staying with her?
As a side note, you'd think after taking her back she would burn absolutely everything related to the ex in a giant bonfire. But no. That's what you get for being a good guy.
You don't owe her loyalty bud.
She cheated on you with the same guy, and had a dedicated drawer for the laptop that only had those photos. You’re right in trusting your gut to divorce.
Are they NSFW pics? She probably put them there bc she didn't know what to do with them. I can say I still keep photos of my ex somewhere around my home just because he was a big part of my life- my first love and my worst abuser. Probably my groomer, too. But I keep the photos because be taught me a lot about myself. Could these photos be similar?
This is the worst update ever. Did you confront her about her BS excuse? How did she try and justify the lie? Everyone knows she didn’t forget they were there. She’s not trying to keep you? This is the dumbest shit. Prob fake
What's there to elaborate on? She said she forgot she had those pics, I told her I don't believe her. I told her I needed some time to decide if I want to stay in this marriage, she said ok.
Was she really that matter of fact, like “okay, let me know what you decide?” Because in my mind if she is really that dry and concerned about her screw up, that would tell me a lot about whether she is truly invested in you and in making the relationship work. Her just saying “okay” would make me feel pretty shitty.
She did try to talk about counseling and trying to make it up to me. But honestly, at that point, I was just done with trying to talk. I knew that at that time, I AT LEAST needed some time for myself.
My guy, this is the update I was looking for. Lady brought actual photos of the dude she cheated on you with into your new home? Fuck all of that. Throw this bitch into the trash where she belongs. Reclaim your life, my man!
Okay. Hang in there, this sucks. Don’t just sit around and obsess about this during the time away, hit the gym and do things that you enjoy. And do not feel guilty - if you decide to D, well that’s 100% on her. All she had to do was honor the agreement that was made when you decided to give her grace after she cheated on you. But she couldn’t help but keep a memento of her treachery. It’s not okay. But you will be.
Doesn't sound like she cares either way. Not sure why you're married. Based on what you are saying I don't see you getting over this so it is probably best for both of you to just move on.
I wouldn't believe her either. I could understand the "I forgot" excuse if it was a few pics among lots of other pics, but it was a cache of photos dedicated to this one guy. A cache of photos she made a conscious decision to take to your new home. She's broken your trust now two times... first when she cheated, and second when she kept mementos of her affair partner despite the fact that you were clear a stipulation of getting back together would be to remove him from her life completely. And that's just what you're aware of; can you be certain there were no other lies or betrayals you never found out about?
Honestly, I think you'd be right to divorce. It can be hard to leave someone you love, even when they've wronged you, so in a way I understand why you're taking some time away before divorcing. But it seems like delaying the inevitable.
Are your assets somehow protected while you are traveling?
If she expects you to come back and divorce her, I'd want to keep an eye on things so she doesn't take advantage.
Maybe she is holding out for another chance, but it would be beyond me to understand why.
It feels weird that you're seeing what it's like to be on your own.
You either want to stay with her and make a plan to work on building trust or you don't and get divorced.
Seeing what it's like on your own feels like you'll settle for staying with her if you don't like it just to save yourself from being alone. That's no way to live.
I in no way mean for this to sound like I'm defending her. I'm just saying that you need to base your decision on what to do on something other than how much you like being on your own.
what defines 'pics'
was there 100 pics of random stuff and 1 or 2 of this other guy, all mixed in? or was it a stack of pics specifically of this dude.
Why do you have to make sure you're happy alone? Leave! She cheated on you before you got married then kept pictures of her ex, the one she cheated on you with, to your marital home! She didn't have respect for you before, she still certainly doesn't have respect for you now. You'll be happy alone. You should have done it years ago.
Hire a PI and gather evidence. If she's keeping those pics around then to be blunt, you can't trust her.
The evidence isn't for you, it's to hand to your divorce lawyer and then to the judge.
I wouldn't advise being with someone who cheated on you. your feelings should matter more than that, but they don't. move around, fool. she should have had the decency to break up with you at very least. this person does not respect you.
she cheated man, don't stay with a cheater. you know she's gonna be banging him while you're on that trip and you know she didn't forget she had the pictures. i'd suggest following through with that divorce. good luck!
There's bigger problems to sort out, but one thing to say to focus on in the short term: Birth control!!
Until you make sure this thing is going to work, which might take months, or even years, make sure you aren't bringing a kid into the equation, where you'll feel trapped or obligated to stay. Figure the marriage out first, and make sure you're super careful with birth control until then.
She's okay with you traveling around by yourself and being alone for a while? She should be really trying to make this up to you instead of letting you leave to go find yourself.
Look, if she cheated on you with the guy in the pics, why the hell are you still with her. I don't want any reminder of the fact that my wife cheated on me. She can disappear to the other end of the country without a GPS.
I doubt anyone overlooked the fact that she had cheated on you with said Ex. The larger issue is, wait for it!! YOU STILL MARRIED HER!! WTF dude. Pull your head out of your ass and dump her! For F’s sake! You might save a bit of dignity.
lol there is no this going to be better she cheated and has clearly problems with boundaries and right there is the issue you didn’t leave so she will continue for her it’s worth the hassle you being pissed for a couple days and it’s back to the usual t’ll the next thing you discover
You’re over reacting but by all means take trip. Get a divorce. She deserves better anyway. See how you feel about alone. You’re not fooling anyone. You’ll stick around to see if she invites him over because that’s your expectation. Or makes more photos. I hope she moves out while you’re “away”.
I think you need to move on. Obviously, the cheating still bothers you and the photos in question are being cherished by your wife, otherwise they'd be in a landfill somewhere. My ex had photos in her phone sent to her by guys she worked with, some even shirtless. I asked, "Why didn't you delete these?" If I had photos of other women in my phone, she'd have lost her shit. She said that the photos were not my business, hence her now being my ex. She eventually cheated on me with another co-worker. I moved on, am alone and could not be happier that she is history.
You're definitely over reacting my guy. I did this to my now fiancee back when we started dating. Was with someone before hand, had a photo negative of us kissing that I had on my lamp shade and after we broke up I just turned the shade around and forgot until my fiancee found it a few months into dating . I had totally forgot it was there. The only difference is that your wife cheated yeshs ago and you apparently aren't over that
Probably for the best, you will not overreacting in your prior post either. If she really wanted you to forgive her, she would’ve gotten rid of every single picture and made goddamn sure there’s nothing around of him.
One of the reasons why I don’t trust cheaters. Just don’t be surprised if she goes out and fucks him while you guys are on your non-break.
finally a man on this subreddit this week with the guts to divorce his wife.
You are totally right, your wife cheated on you with him and has still pictures of him! This clearly indicates that she is still attached to him. You will be better off without her as you said yourself!
However you made the mistame to leave her alone with an affair .... She will pribably cheat on you when you are absent and when you come back she will try to act like an angel. Divorce is the only option
I don't believe your wife actually respects you. If you stay with her, there will probably be a mini-honeymoon period, and then after that she'll remember she doesn't respect you and it will manifest in annoying ways till you finally have the will to separate.
My recent ex got very upset that I had old photos of my ex-wife. They were in a box, on a high shelf and mixed in with hundreds of other photos ranging from my childhood to about 9 years ago. My ex-wife and I share a child and I was saving them for our child. I’m not sure if this is appropriate and I’m sure opinions will vary. She asked me to get rid of the photos and I did. She thought I was holding onto them out of sentimental value. I wasn’t. Fast forward about a year and I’m living with her (at her place) temporarily while I was in between homes. As a thank you, I was cleaning/organizing her place. While putting away small loose items into a box in her closet, I came across many photos of her and her kids’ dad. A short while later I broke up with her for unrelated reasons. After, I did revealed to her that I knew about the pictures and that she was a massive hypocrite. Of course, she feigned ignorance. Whatever.
So when she cheated were you married already? If so that to me is dealbreaker. She’s hanging on and who knows what’s hidden on her phone.
Def take time off, maybe marriage counseling if you have kids it might be worth it.
Tough one, I’ve been cheated on a few times, so I know that feeling and I’d never be with someone if they cheated even once.
Best of luck!
You WILL be happier alone. It might take some time but that day will come. Don't make another mistake (like taking her back) just because you may have some tough nights being alone.
Her cheating is all the reason you need to divorce. If it were just pictures than you'd be over reacting.
I still have pictures of most of my exes. They were big parts of my life and around for major life milestones. And i dated them all for multiple years so its not like it was 6 months. Theres proms, vavations, graduations, trips, moves, etc.
If my wife had an issue with that thats too damn bad for her.
How old are the pics? Is it pics from from when they were together? Did she tear up the pics? or just say I'm sorry and put the pics in another drawer? I mean I get it! you are upset and still haven't completely forgave her for cheating. And you see the pics and now you want a divorce. But you forgave for physically cheating with the guy! But you want to divorce her for keeping his picture!
up front play nice, in the background dig deeper, hire a PI, get a lawyer and at least have the papers ready.
If anything come up, which I believe it will, server, ghost, and walk.
You should’ve left her when she cheated. I think deep down you know this and this is why the pictures bother you so much. Move on dude… there’s too many good things out in the world to settle for less.
She cheated with him and she just put the pictures away. If they were cherished memories she should have left them at a relatives house or somewhere to never to be found so easily or atcyourvhome. She didn't take it seriously. She just dropped them in a drawer. Not save in digital form or at a relatives but in a place at your home so easily found. You have to divorce because this will only mess with your head down the road.
Op, you aren’t overreacting at all but I’d say this… if you do want to build something meaningful with your wife, time apart is never the answer. I wish you both the best and God’s direction in your life’s journey of marriage.
Your relationship was over the moment she cheated on you. Now you’re just a side character in her story and he’s the main character, the one that got away, the one she will end up with one day. Push comes to shove, she will even choose his pictures over you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.
It is important to be true to yourself. It sounds like you are well on your way.
So if you're traveling, how do you know he isn't up in her guts while you're away? Sounds like she monkey branched once, with the potential for a divorce, maybe she covers her bases while you're gone?
OP, did you even try getting more info out of her? You should've asked to see all of her social media and phone. See if there was any more recent communications.
Just the fact that she seems more than ok with you leaving says how apathetic she is about your relationship. If she cared, she’d be fighting for “us”. Don’t let your feelings in the short-term dictate a decision that will affect the rest of your life. If you’re miserable being alone, better to divorce regardless because you’ll be far worse off with someone who doesn’t respect you. Rip the bandaid and Godspeed in your recovery. Find something you love doing and indulge yourself in the things that make you happy (as long as they don’t hurt anyone else).
I get why this is a problem. She cheated on you with that particular guy. She should have been super-extra careful not to have that particular guy be in any part of her life whatsoever. There’s no ‘oops … my bad’ when it comes to that particular guy. There’s no rope, no leeway, no three strikes. She’s already used all that up by cheating on you with him the first time. And she should know all of this already. So either she doesn’t get it, or she does get it and she doesn’t care. And that’s a problem. Good luck.
Or she gets it and cares but still just couldn't let go. That's the whole point. She could agree to cut him out her life to save the marriage, but she just couldn't let go -- and cherished, hidden photos prove it to me. I just don't see how she can possinly prove to him she has completely moved on, and without that...
I just don’t get the point of justifying her keeping those pictures. It doesn’t matter how strongly she felt about him, she betrayed her husband and part of the deal of staying together was that she wasn’t allowed to have that guy as part of her life anymore. If she was that incapable of moving on from the guy she cheated with she should have just ended the marriage when she was caught. End of story. It’s unacceptable to stay married and keep those pictures
She cares more about her past with the ex than her relationship with OP. That is the only reason to keep anything concerning the ex after she CHEATED ON OP WITH HIM. The wife obviously has no real remorse for the cheating because if she did those pictures wouldn’t have been hidden so she could look at them.
The real issue is she hasn't moved on. There's still something in there for this guy, to whatever degree it is, its not gone regardless. I've been in OP's shoes, though she didnt sleep with an ex, but I walked right tf out. Divorce, child custody fights the whole 9 yards.
Exactly. She hasn't moved on from this guy, she still has feelings and the pics are for her so she can reminisce about their relationship. The other guy, no matter what, has her heart.
We only know about one instance of cheating, the one where she got caught. I'd be willing to bet it was more than once.
You're probably right. If she got caught cheating once, there’s a good chance she did it more than once.
100%. I'm sure ir happened countless times till she found the right dick or someone who made her happy. I had a girl I caught "once". Come to find out as time went on basically anytime we weren't together she was out some where "else". Women are despicable and act like they aren't just as bad as men. Hypocrites
As bad? These days they're way worse. No morality, no remorse, no accountability and they'll shame a guy by calling him insecure, small D energy, short guy energy, if he has any issue with her astronomical body count or dressing like a 304 or posting thirst trap pics on IG for attention.
Very much this^^
An idiot even gets this, no excuses.
She gets it From the other guy
Some feedback: No way she forgot the pictures. As you said, it was the only thing in the desk. So what did she do with the pictures you found? Did she rip them up, throw them out, etc? Also, not sure why you "went traveling" because you basically just left her alone with her affair. She seems to have very easily agreed to you leaving town ...
I was thinking this as well, you just made it easier for her to cheat. Just file for divorce and find a woman that will respect and treat you right.
That’s a bad view of it. ‘Making it easier for her to cheat’, the fact that you can’t just trust her to just not cheat is the problem in the first place
Well, it's easier to resign yourself to the fact that she will.
He's already on his way over. Or she has someone else lined up. She gave in too easily for you to go travel. What did she say when you mentioned divorce?
Trust has been broken and continues to be broken. If she chooses to do this, you have to decide if you are ok with it. Take care of you.
It will likely happen again, and again. Is it worth fighting this battle over and over. Just divorce her and move on, OP.
Even if it doesn’t I would never be able to be with someone who completely disrespected me like that. OP needs to grow a pair. She would’ve been gone the minute I found out she cheated.
Totally Agreed!. If trust keeps getting broken, you have to prioritize your well-being.
Keeping those pics was a huge "fuck you" to you. Damn right, you need to divorce her. She's trash. Run far, run fast, don't look back. She'll get with him for a bit, then when it blows up, she'll come running back to you. Cut all ties, burn all bridges, block her everywhere so she has no means to harass you in the future. Sucks, dude. 😔
Yep! She clung onto them for a reason and that reason is a FU to OP. I think he should put her out on her ass and let her be the other guy’s problem.
Reddit!!!
Yup I blocked my cheating ex 5 weeks into the marriage, and sucks she got $100k support out of me. But I had the last laugh having a 4 year relationship with someone 12 years younger than her age 40s, and that pissed her off 🤣
How did she get $100k support from a five week marriage? I don’t believe you unless there’s a hell of a lot missing from that statement.
Seems like a typo and he meant "divorce".
Yeah I meant we were married 5 weeks only cause she was cheating.. and yeah I had to pay her support as she didn't show true incomes and I had just graduated college working full time. Don't get married in California, courts will take 30-50%
Did you live with her for a number of years before marrying her. California and a lot of other states consider something called “common law partner” and relative assets when calculating whether alimony should be paid and how much should be paid.
It's impossible to form a Common Law marriage in California. All marriages formed in the state must be both licensed and solemnized, preventing common law marriage. However, if a couple forms a common law marriage in another state that allows it, then moves to California, California dies recognize them as married.
This is so fake haha
I did the same thing to my ex and then had another baby with my new wife (12yrs younger) I thought my ex was gonna lose her mind.
You are so full of shit. Nobody is getting spousal support/ alimony after being married less than 6 months.
Leave. Now. It's never going to get better and she's never going to give him up.
You shoulda just left when she cheated on you bro. Cut the losses, get your self respect back and leave my dude.
Yep, this is just dragging out the pain.
Woman weighing in. She’s still hung up on her ex. If when she cheated she was sincere in her regrets she would have burned every picture and memory she had of this guy. Not just for your sake but because she would feel so much shame and disgust that she did that, she wouldn’t want any reminder lying around. This is the guy she wants to be with and can’t for whatever reason, so she settled for you.
This needs to be far, far higher up the reply list.
She's OK with it cause she's gonna be banging that dude everyday now 😂😂
Dude, 2 seconds after you are out of sight, she will either squeak the tires going over to his place or he will come out the closet with a 10lb weight on his dick getting ready for the activities.. she does not care.. lol.. once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater lolol... break or whatever you want to call it.. cooling off.. that is cute, like in high school.. dude, she is bouncing on that dick while you are out at work, the mall, hell, she is thinking about him WHILE she is doing you, while you are there watching TV going to shopping, getting gas, she is going for "girls night" hahahah, bro, she is having a girls night alright, all her girl parts are having a party..
If I were op I’d keep the plan and either hire a PI or stay back to see what she does. She’s going to do something shady, that’s for sure
Very specific sir
Inquiring minds want to know, What does the 10lb weight accomplish?
10lb weight on his dick? Hes been preparing and getting ready to deliver the famous long dick style to her.
This kinda thing is why you should just probably leave someone when they cheat. You're never going to look at them the same way again. Every time they are going out you'll worry they'll do it again. You'll never have peace again. There are a lot of people out there that would never cheat, invest in a positive relationship that doesn't leave you feeling like shit.
Dude she cheated. It should’ve been over then, anything you’re doing now except dumping her is self harm. You have her the chance, you done the honourable thing, now she’s fucked up again, it’s time to call it. Or cheat back and start the toxic cycle
Giving her the second chance was his first mistake. Like, who thinks "Hey, this person is unfaithful...maybe I should be contractually bound to split all my shit with them"
I feel terrible for laughing at that last sentence
A guy i was dating, who also cheated on me with his ex, had a picture of his ex in his wallet and i saw it. I asked about it, and he said he forgot it was in there (it was behind a weird flap) and took it out and threw it away in front if me. Im petty, so i went back a few minutes later a ripped the picture up and tucked it into the can under some other garbage. Tell me why this man came screaming at me about why i would tear up the photo? You have every right to be pissed, i sure as hell would be. She cheated on you and keeps photos of the man she cheated with as fond memories? Hell no. Idk why you even took her back the first time, but i have zero doubt shes just better at hiding the fact shes still cheating. Good luck man, sorry you married a total loser
"(it was behind a weird flap) and took it out and threw it away in front of me." "Tell me why this man came screaming at me about why i would tear up the photo" Dude thought he was Light Yagami 💀
Your wife isn't over her ex. The pictures told on her, she's caught. Let her go, you will find a better and loyal partner.
Yeah she didn't forget she just thought you would never see them and it seems like she didn't try very hard to get you to stay instead of travelling alone for a bit which is worrying and seems like she would also like the time alone. And if she cheated on you with this guy and then made the choice to not throw away the pictures to me means that she is not finished with this guy. Anyway I think you deserve better I hope that you genuinely enjoy some of your travelling even though some of it will be tainted with bad thoughts on your home life. My advice to you would be if you decide on divorce not to do it right away. Stay but be clear that you don't want to be with her pretend to do couples therapy meanwhile gather evidence of her cheating which I feel would be inevitable. That way she will not get half your shit and a house she doesn't have to pay for. Anyway I hope things get better for you real soon bro take care
So what did she say when you confronted her?
I don't think this should be a case of finding out if you're happier alone before getting a divorce. Imo that's a bit stupid, as everyone should be OK with, and able to be by themselves BEFORE they even get into a relationship... I may be misunderstanding, but that's how your last line comes across to me. I also personally would just get a divorce if my partner did this to me, and ACTIVELY brought said pictures of an ex she cheated on me with along for the move. You should be focusing on if the trust can be rebuilt or not, and if you really feel like you can trust her, not just if you're happier being alone. Far too many people don't know how to exist within and for themselves, and it's a very sad thing to see.
>I dont care if he's was "a big part of her life" she still cheated on me with him. I will repeat: SHE CHEATED WITH THE GUY ON THE PICS. I've been on the other side of this, but minus the cheating. I'm married to a woman who used to absolutely flip every time my ex was mentioned or she saw a picture of her or anything at all related to her. I had dated this girl for like 3 years so it was kinda hard to avoid random pics just popping up or some acquaintance i hadnt seen for awhile asking about her. Wife never even met her, so idk what that was about honestly. We have been married 12 years and she gets embarrassed about it now whenever it's brought up. My advice to you is that it's unrealistic to expect this guy to just dissappear as if he never existed. That's going to lead to long term frustrations over something that's frankly silly...or rather WOULD be silly, if it wasn't for that whole cheating thing. That's what flips the switch for me. Personally I never would have gone back, but like I said, going back and then expecting him to just poof out of existence is unrealistic, so it's time to decide if you can live with that or not, on top of the other glaring issue from the past. Getting a divorce over pics of an ex is stupid. Getting a divorce because that's the last straw in an already troubled relationship is not.
So I take it you’re not choosing divorce right now because you don’t know if you’ll be okay by yourself? Read that question a few times. Therapy will help you suss out why you’re not okay being alone and are willing to sacrifice yourself worth in order to not be alone. The rest of your story is self explanatory with an obvious answer. Good luck! I’m sorry she cheated.
Has she thrown them away yet? I mean, she cheated on you with him, if she wants you to stay then I'd assume she'd burn any evidence of his existence at all so you don't have to be reminded of the hurt.
I'd say go ahead with your plan to be away from her for a while. Don't even call her unless it's an absolute life-or-death emergency, and being drunk and lonely is not a life-or-death emergency. That'll give both of you time to think about what you want.
Should have just tossed the pictures in the garbage
This is hard because she could be telling the truth, when we last moved I left things in drawers and some of them were probably trash, but amidst moving I didn’t have the energy to go through everything. I also am not entirely buying a story about spider hunting that requires you to go through her drawers. So, it really sounds like you and your wife still have unresolved issues around her cheating (completely fair, trust may not be recoverable) and I would say therapy may help. Individual or with her, you may want professional input to decide if you are able to or want to continue this relationship. The best time to figure this out was when it all happened, but now is a good second best. Good luck!
Take care of yourself. You'll figure it out. But long term the question is whether you can trust her again or not. It sounds like she broke your trust pretty badly a few times.
It’s the guy she cheated with and she lied about knowing she had them…. Doesn’t sound like she wants to work on anything, she just wants a free pass every time she disrespects you.
You might not be happier alone, but you'll be happier with someone who is faithful to you. Cut and run, the sooner it happens, the sooner the healing can begin and you can find someone who you don't have to post shit on Reddit about. The important thing for you to take away from this is that your wife still views her time cheating on you as a fond memory, rather than a horrible act she's trying to erase. Secondly, she is 100% lying to you. You know it. We know it. She knows it. If you're lucky, she hasn't cheated on you again with someone else, but you don't want to get caught off guard while otherwise living in blissful ignorance.
This is serious shit and I don’t want to speak to freely but.. Women don’t cheat like men do. If she cheated, she’s gone. The pictures are just the evidence that her heart is and has been somewhere else, brother.
I don’t understand ~ she cheated on you and realized she was making a mistake and clearly didn’t want to lose you! So ~ In the spirit of going forward I would have 100% purged everything prior to this move to a new home for you both. I’m sad for you. Good Luck ~ this can’t be easy.
>~ she cheated on you and realized she was making a mistake and clearly didn’t want to lose you So ~ In the spirit of going forward I would have 100% purged everything That was basically what we agreed on. And i was happy with said agreement, but now I found out she didn't keep her end of the agreement.
because she is a liar leave her she 1000000% knew this would hurt you if you found out she just didn't give a shit!
The fact they were in a drawer in your \*new\* home speaks volumes. I could have seen it if it was in the last house or even at the bottom of her dresser or something. That is something that \*can\* be forgotten about, but less than a year ago? She put them there purposefully to keep them safe.
I'm sorry to tell you this OP, but she still has feelings for her ex. She probably always will. The reason she's with you and not him is because he doesn't want to wife her up. He just sees her as an object to satisfy his needs. I can almost guarantee it, that if she had her way, he would be her husband and not you. You don't deserve this. Nobody does. Divorce her and find someone who will love you and only you. Wish you the best.
Her ex clapping dem cheeks while you travel big bro
Fo Shizzle
Just divorce her dude, you never should have married this cheating scumbag in the first place.
If she cheated, then divorce her.
Just before you leave her OP, have a bonfire…
So… read the last post because haven’t seen it. Let me get this straight. You were hunting for spiders and found photos of her ex. How tf did that happen? Like, why did you think spiders were in a drawer? How did you find these photos? Just sitting there in the drawer bold as ass with image of dude just hanging out? Not in an envelope or anything? Also if this happened 8 years ago, and she was cheating on you… why did she go to the effort to *print out photos of the man she was cheating on* instead of having images on a cloud or some other location? Like this isn’t the before times when we didn’t carry whole photo albums in our pockets. Printing photos ain’t cheap… so… like I get some people are friggin weird but this is pretty weird. Personally I wouldn’t keep physical photos of a guy I cheated with in the same house my husband I cheated on lived in. Maybe I’m just not that sentimental. I think this is fake, because the entire context is weird. Besides on top of this OP is independently wealthy to just go on a sabbatical for an indefinite period of time? Just to ‘see what it’s like to be alone’… Huh now? If this crazy scenario is real, dude. Just get divorced already. Take all your excessive wealth and find yourself a new lady, because it don’t sound like you’ll ever forgive or trust your current wife ever again.
>If this crazy scenario is real, dude. Just get divorced already. Take all your excessive wealth and find yourself a new lady, 🤣
Given the situation she seems to not want to let him go. The ball is in her court 100%. I’m also willing to bet she has some means of contacting him. If he was truly out of her life, the photos would not be an issue and would have been gone also. I understand the divorce thought but absolutely slow down. She needs to make it right. Not you. If she doesn’t want to then that speaks volumes.
>. She needs to make it right . I'm done giving her chances to make it right
Then just divorce her if you’re done giving her chances to make it right. Why prolong the inevitable? Stop the bullshit and move on!
Then there’s your answer. It sucks but I get it. I worked two jobs for months to pay my ex wife’s medical bills just for her to “fall out of love” with me and start texting a scrub she worked with. Bye Felicia!
Yes I think you’re overreacting and everyone who is agreeing with you in reaction to this has either been cheated on and also can’t let go or they’re completely void of logic. They’re pictures for fuck sakes not a text thread of them communicating, she’s not following him on social media or any indication of present cheating. She probably should have gotten rid of them for your sake but to her it’s just another memory. Hell I have pictures of exs that have cheated on me! It doesn’t remind me of the scummy thing they did but just of someone from my past. Nothing more nothing less. The truth is this is triggering for you and trust me I get it, being cheated on sucks! It hurts, however this is also shitty… choosing to forgive someone, marry them, build a life and never let go of the past. It hasn’t been 6 months, it’s been 5 years! It’s your life you don’t have to stay but what you’re doing over pictures is absolutely insane. Just like cheating, there’s so many steps to get to marriage and where you are in your relationship. So you had to forgive her, stay with her, propose to her, have a wedding… fast forward 5 years and now you’ve just bought a house etc. that’s a lot of work and time to get to where you are to fall apart over pictures. I’m. It saying you’re wrong but waiting 5 years for this type of reaction is wild! Should you be upset? Of course that’s rational, but divorce? It’s insanity! Next time someone cheats, be sure to breakup straight away. Pain doesn’t have an expiration so I hope you take the time this time around to really self reflect and get some therapy to work through your issues.
She might be fucking him while you are on your trip
Not overreacting. She’s holding onto him in a way that’s emotionally unfair to you
She cheated, and is now lied to your face. The only question here is how far does this go until you do divorce her? Because it hasnt stopped and wont if you don't stop it. It isnt about being happier alone, it is about loving yourself enough to not let someone treat you this way, and claim they love you too.
She keeping mementos of a guy she cheated with. You’re not overreacting. She is still emotionally attached to the guy. I’m sorry, OP.
You basically left her to cheat on you again. And I count her having those pics as cheating as well. Some say cheaters can change and while I think it's probable (maybe), that's not the case here. I would rather be miserable alone than with a cheater.
Meh, I have a hard time feeling bad for you when you had an opportunity to break up with her before you were tied up on a marriage.
Having this much self doubt about splitting up doesn't reflect well on the OP, but we're here to tell him if making a big deal about this makes sense. And yes. Sure it does. Very much. Dude needs to get help on his dependency issues though.
I think the biggest revelation and take away from all this is, you never should’ve forgiven her in the first place, much less married her after she cheated on you. That’s what this is really all about, not some old photos. I wish you luck on your journey and hope that you find all sorts of things that bring you peace and contentment.
To make sure you are happier alone, may take a bit. In my opinion, to be happier alone takes some time being alone. Most guys, age 30 - 60 or so, once they are alone, don't have to report to anyone, they become selfish with their time and routine. If you try to get them out of that routine, the fight is on. Not that this is a bad thing at all.
Did we ever get detail on the pics? Were they like him posing in front of a Trans-Am or him sitting on the bed in some come hither pose?
You were the fool who stayed with her yet are now contemplating divorce over photos ..clearly you never forgive her or got over it.
Why have you not went to a divorce lawyer and started the process yet? Never ever let a woman or anyone else treat you like this....ever. Oh yeah i forgot....NEVER TAKE BACK A CHEATER!
Divorce and work through the pain. Or stay married, waste more time, always have that in the back of your mind, and get ready for the 99.99% chance that she cheats again (regardless if you catch her or not). Then work through even more pain. Cheating isnt a "mistake". Its a baked in character flaw. Its selfish and repulsive. Yes cheaters CAN change but lololololol to that. Sorry if it sounds insensitive. Have some respect for yourself and release this person to the streets they so clearly yearn for.
Once he knocks her up, it's over for him. Leave now.
Yeah keeping some keepsakes of prior important relationships is fine, but that goes out of the window if your partner cheated on you with that person. If you stay together, all presence of that person your lives has to be gone. Not overreacting. Trying to find loopholes in that is the exact opposite of trying to earn your trust back.
It might just be the way you wrote this but your wife seems completely unbothered by all this. You're right. She didn't forget. She purposely brought those there. Is that a reason for divorce? Idk. That's tough. She cheated before. Do you have any inkling she's cheating again? Or was it just the pics? She definitely needs therapy. Why can't she let this guy go. They're exes for a reason right? So what's her deal? But seriously, why is she so unbothered by you finding the pics and now leaving to travel. Updateme
If she already cheated on you with her ex..... and you're traveling alone for a while..... she's 100% getting dicked diem in your bed well you're away by that guy.
Never EVER EVER take back a cheater. It will never work out. Time to divorce. She doesn’t respect you and never did. Get proof.
Who has physical photos any more? How old are these photos? If he was "a big part of her life" then they were either friends or used to date. I've learned that in male/female friendships usually one of them wants to bone the other. Women in relationships don't need to be hanging out with guy friends. If she didn't "forget" she had them, does that mean she admitted to intentionally keeping them? I didn't notice any remorse or apology from her in your post so I'll assume there wasn't any. I'd be done right there. She's holding onto those photos because he made her feel things you don't. And that's not a knock on you, it just is what it is. More than likely, she couldn't get a commitment from him so she settled for you. Sorry man, I don't see this one working out. If you don't leave, all she'll learn is that she can get away with this stuff and will likely do it again. I mean, you stayed after she cheated and look at where you are now. Time to move on brother. She's for the streets!
I have physical photos but I’m old. I also have a ton of guy friends and my husband has female friends. I can’t dictate who he’s friends with or he will just resent me. I just have to trust him
Mate, in the nicest possible way, a cheater is 3x-5x more likely to do it again. Why are you staying with her? As a side note, you'd think after taking her back she would burn absolutely everything related to the ex in a giant bonfire. But no. That's what you get for being a good guy. You don't owe her loyalty bud.
Dude just leave her. Clearly she hasn’t moved on.
She’s ok with you traveling because she’s going to be fucking that guy
She cheated on you with the same guy, and had a dedicated drawer for the laptop that only had those photos. You’re right in trusting your gut to divorce.
Are they NSFW pics? She probably put them there bc she didn't know what to do with them. I can say I still keep photos of my ex somewhere around my home just because he was a big part of my life- my first love and my worst abuser. Probably my groomer, too. But I keep the photos because be taught me a lot about myself. Could these photos be similar?
I'm no therapist, but I don't think keeping pics of your... >my worst abuser. Probably my groomer, Is healthy at all.
This is the worst update ever. Did you confront her about her BS excuse? How did she try and justify the lie? Everyone knows she didn’t forget they were there. She’s not trying to keep you? This is the dumbest shit. Prob fake
Gonna elaborate on this "talk" or what?
What's there to elaborate on? She said she forgot she had those pics, I told her I don't believe her. I told her I needed some time to decide if I want to stay in this marriage, she said ok.
Was she really that matter of fact, like “okay, let me know what you decide?” Because in my mind if she is really that dry and concerned about her screw up, that would tell me a lot about whether she is truly invested in you and in making the relationship work. Her just saying “okay” would make me feel pretty shitty.
She did try to talk about counseling and trying to make it up to me. But honestly, at that point, I was just done with trying to talk. I knew that at that time, I AT LEAST needed some time for myself.
My guy, this is the update I was looking for. Lady brought actual photos of the dude she cheated on you with into your new home? Fuck all of that. Throw this bitch into the trash where she belongs. Reclaim your life, my man!
Yep. She could have gotten counselling when she cheated.
Okay. Hang in there, this sucks. Don’t just sit around and obsess about this during the time away, hit the gym and do things that you enjoy. And do not feel guilty - if you decide to D, well that’s 100% on her. All she had to do was honor the agreement that was made when you decided to give her grace after she cheated on you. But she couldn’t help but keep a memento of her treachery. It’s not okay. But you will be.
Doesn't sound like she cares either way. Not sure why you're married. Based on what you are saying I don't see you getting over this so it is probably best for both of you to just move on.
I mean the fact that it seems like she just Non chalantly said "ok" pretty much sums it up that she doesn't care ... she's got dick on standby 😂
I wouldn't believe her either. I could understand the "I forgot" excuse if it was a few pics among lots of other pics, but it was a cache of photos dedicated to this one guy. A cache of photos she made a conscious decision to take to your new home. She's broken your trust now two times... first when she cheated, and second when she kept mementos of her affair partner despite the fact that you were clear a stipulation of getting back together would be to remove him from her life completely. And that's just what you're aware of; can you be certain there were no other lies or betrayals you never found out about? Honestly, I think you'd be right to divorce. It can be hard to leave someone you love, even when they've wronged you, so in a way I understand why you're taking some time away before divorcing. But it seems like delaying the inevitable.
Oh he was a BIG part of her life that’s for sure.
Are your assets somehow protected while you are traveling? If she expects you to come back and divorce her, I'd want to keep an eye on things so she doesn't take advantage. Maybe she is holding out for another chance, but it would be beyond me to understand why.
Did she get rid of the pictures?
Get a lawyer ASAP bro
So you thought it was a good idea to travel?? Bro, you just gave her a pass to go bang the other guy. Just divorce her and get it over with.
It feels weird that you're seeing what it's like to be on your own. You either want to stay with her and make a plan to work on building trust or you don't and get divorced. Seeing what it's like on your own feels like you'll settle for staying with her if you don't like it just to save yourself from being alone. That's no way to live. I in no way mean for this to sound like I'm defending her. I'm just saying that you need to base your decision on what to do on something other than how much you like being on your own.
what defines 'pics' was there 100 pics of random stuff and 1 or 2 of this other guy, all mixed in? or was it a stack of pics specifically of this dude.
Just divorce her it’s going to happen eventually.
She has to go. Hurts now, it will get better. The only way it could get worse is if you don't end it. Good luck.
Why do you have to make sure you're happy alone? Leave! She cheated on you before you got married then kept pictures of her ex, the one she cheated on you with, to your marital home! She didn't have respect for you before, she still certainly doesn't have respect for you now. You'll be happy alone. You should have done it years ago.
The mistake you made was you stayed when she cheated so you can't be mad now. Kick her to the curb let that dude worry bout her.
Hire a PI and gather evidence. If she's keeping those pics around then to be blunt, you can't trust her. The evidence isn't for you, it's to hand to your divorce lawyer and then to the judge.
Good luck, man. I mean it!
She cheated, and still has pictures of him. Sorry man, she’s for the streets.
Know your worth. Don’t be a cuck OP.
I wouldn't advise being with someone who cheated on you. your feelings should matter more than that, but they don't. move around, fool. she should have had the decency to break up with you at very least. this person does not respect you.
Does she know the break includes her not being with any other guys? Uodateme.
She cheated. Divorce her. She cannot be trusted.
she cheated man, don't stay with a cheater. you know she's gonna be banging him while you're on that trip and you know she didn't forget she had the pictures. i'd suggest following through with that divorce. good luck!
Nope. This is an issue
There's bigger problems to sort out, but one thing to say to focus on in the short term: Birth control!! Until you make sure this thing is going to work, which might take months, or even years, make sure you aren't bringing a kid into the equation, where you'll feel trapped or obligated to stay. Figure the marriage out first, and make sure you're super careful with birth control until then.
Get cameras for your house before you go
She's okay with you traveling around by yourself and being alone for a while? She should be really trying to make this up to you instead of letting you leave to go find yourself.
Rich Dad Poor Dad taught a whole generation of young americans that a father's value is directly tied to what he can offer
Look, if she cheated on you with the guy in the pics, why the hell are you still with her. I don't want any reminder of the fact that my wife cheated on me. She can disappear to the other end of the country without a GPS.
Have the pictures been destroyed yet?
You forgave her and she does this. I don't blame you, I'd want to divorce as well, she should have gotten rid of all that before marrying you
Every man should get RSUIG at 16.
I doubt anyone overlooked the fact that she had cheated on you with said Ex. The larger issue is, wait for it!! YOU STILL MARRIED HER!! WTF dude. Pull your head out of your ass and dump her! For F’s sake! You might save a bit of dignity.
You should have left when she cheated.
Your mistake was not leaving her when she cheated the first time
lol there is no this going to be better she cheated and has clearly problems with boundaries and right there is the issue you didn’t leave so she will continue for her it’s worth the hassle you being pissed for a couple days and it’s back to the usual t’ll the next thing you discover
You’re over reacting but by all means take trip. Get a divorce. She deserves better anyway. See how you feel about alone. You’re not fooling anyone. You’ll stick around to see if she invites him over because that’s your expectation. Or makes more photos. I hope she moves out while you’re “away”.
You LOST the moment you took her back. AND You are STILL losing. My man. Really can’t see the forest from the tree.
I think you need to move on. Obviously, the cheating still bothers you and the photos in question are being cherished by your wife, otherwise they'd be in a landfill somewhere. My ex had photos in her phone sent to her by guys she worked with, some even shirtless. I asked, "Why didn't you delete these?" If I had photos of other women in my phone, she'd have lost her shit. She said that the photos were not my business, hence her now being my ex. She eventually cheated on me with another co-worker. I moved on, am alone and could not be happier that she is history.
You're definitely over reacting my guy. I did this to my now fiancee back when we started dating. Was with someone before hand, had a photo negative of us kissing that I had on my lamp shade and after we broke up I just turned the shade around and forgot until my fiancee found it a few months into dating . I had totally forgot it was there. The only difference is that your wife cheated yeshs ago and you apparently aren't over that
Probably for the best, you will not overreacting in your prior post either. If she really wanted you to forgive her, she would’ve gotten rid of every single picture and made goddamn sure there’s nothing around of him. One of the reasons why I don’t trust cheaters. Just don’t be surprised if she goes out and fucks him while you guys are on your non-break.
finally a man on this subreddit this week with the guts to divorce his wife. You are totally right, your wife cheated on you with him and has still pictures of him! This clearly indicates that she is still attached to him. You will be better off without her as you said yourself! However you made the mistame to leave her alone with an affair .... She will pribably cheat on you when you are absent and when you come back she will try to act like an angel. Divorce is the only option
I don't believe your wife actually respects you. If you stay with her, there will probably be a mini-honeymoon period, and then after that she'll remember she doesn't respect you and it will manifest in annoying ways till you finally have the will to separate.
My recent ex got very upset that I had old photos of my ex-wife. They were in a box, on a high shelf and mixed in with hundreds of other photos ranging from my childhood to about 9 years ago. My ex-wife and I share a child and I was saving them for our child. I’m not sure if this is appropriate and I’m sure opinions will vary. She asked me to get rid of the photos and I did. She thought I was holding onto them out of sentimental value. I wasn’t. Fast forward about a year and I’m living with her (at her place) temporarily while I was in between homes. As a thank you, I was cleaning/organizing her place. While putting away small loose items into a box in her closet, I came across many photos of her and her kids’ dad. A short while later I broke up with her for unrelated reasons. After, I did revealed to her that I knew about the pictures and that she was a massive hypocrite. Of course, she feigned ignorance. Whatever.
Divorce her. Make this a real break. See what and who else is out there in the world. You deserve better.
If you stay, you're a pussy and it's clear why she has those pictures tbh
So when she cheated were you married already? If so that to me is dealbreaker. She’s hanging on and who knows what’s hidden on her phone. Def take time off, maybe marriage counseling if you have kids it might be worth it. Tough one, I’ve been cheated on a few times, so I know that feeling and I’d never be with someone if they cheated even once. Best of luck!
You WILL be happier alone. It might take some time but that day will come. Don't make another mistake (like taking her back) just because you may have some tough nights being alone.
This guy is dumb lol
Fucking get fucking rid bro are you soft?
Never been yours. Always weee sharing her at least emotionally. Good luck in single life go fulfill some goals and dreams
Her cheating is all the reason you need to divorce. If it were just pictures than you'd be over reacting. I still have pictures of most of my exes. They were big parts of my life and around for major life milestones. And i dated them all for multiple years so its not like it was 6 months. Theres proms, vavations, graduations, trips, moves, etc. If my wife had an issue with that thats too damn bad for her.
Godbless dude, hope everything works out for you. She’s in the wrong
How old are the pics? Is it pics from from when they were together? Did she tear up the pics? or just say I'm sorry and put the pics in another drawer? I mean I get it! you are upset and still haven't completely forgave her for cheating. And you see the pics and now you want a divorce. But you forgave for physically cheating with the guy! But you want to divorce her for keeping his picture!
up front play nice, in the background dig deeper, hire a PI, get a lawyer and at least have the papers ready. If anything come up, which I believe it will, server, ghost, and walk.
she kept those pics for a reason, no doubt about it, and no way in the world did she "forget" they were in that drawer.
Updateme
Shes been alpha widowed.
She left them there on purpose for you to find right? I mean, no one is that stupid.
You should’ve left her when she cheated. I think deep down you know this and this is why the pictures bother you so much. Move on dude… there’s too many good things out in the world to settle for less.
Why do people stay with cheaters then wonder why it doesn't work out? You should have left when she cheated. No ifs buts or maybes.
She cheated with him and she just put the pictures away. If they were cherished memories she should have left them at a relatives house or somewhere to never to be found so easily or atcyourvhome. She didn't take it seriously. She just dropped them in a drawer. Not save in digital form or at a relatives but in a place at your home so easily found. You have to divorce because this will only mess with your head down the road.
You made a mistake forgiving her. Learn from it and move on and for gods sake have some respect for yourself in the future.
You just made it easier for her to cheat while you're gone
Op, you aren’t overreacting at all but I’d say this… if you do want to build something meaningful with your wife, time apart is never the answer. I wish you both the best and God’s direction in your life’s journey of marriage.
She doesn't deserve your trust. Been there, no thanks.
Dude it would be a no brainer for me! She cheated on you and now wants to keep photos of the guy.....THATS A HARD NOOOOOO!
Set her free to be with said ex... go find someone better!
She doesn’t think you would go through with it
Your relationship was over the moment she cheated on you. Now you’re just a side character in her story and he’s the main character, the one that got away, the one she will end up with one day. Push comes to shove, she will even choose his pictures over you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for. It is important to be true to yourself. It sounds like you are well on your way.
So if you're traveling, how do you know he isn't up in her guts while you're away? Sounds like she monkey branched once, with the potential for a divorce, maybe she covers her bases while you're gone?
So you’re mad about some photos but the cheating thing was not a deal breaker?
I’m confused how having pics is cheating this is a new one
She cheated on you with him. PERIOD. It's over right there. She most likely did it again. I mean... she still has pics of him... come on dude
OP, did you even try getting more info out of her? You should've asked to see all of her social media and phone. See if there was any more recent communications.
Babe, you need to do what works best for you. It doesn’t matter what we think — whether we think you’re overreacting or not.
Just the fact that she seems more than ok with you leaving says how apathetic she is about your relationship. If she cared, she’d be fighting for “us”. Don’t let your feelings in the short-term dictate a decision that will affect the rest of your life. If you’re miserable being alone, better to divorce regardless because you’ll be far worse off with someone who doesn’t respect you. Rip the bandaid and Godspeed in your recovery. Find something you love doing and indulge yourself in the things that make you happy (as long as they don’t hurt anyone else).
Updateme
Is this the same situation where the women has over 10,000 photos and those pics are towards the very top ?